r/AmITheA**Hole For Telling My Roommate It's Not My Fault Her Parents Had So Many Kids?

[@cheesedemon88]

So many men that has had short hair all their lives, really underestimate how much work it takes to keep long thick hair and how long it takes to “just grow it out again”

[@WobblesandBean]

^ THIIIIIS. Long hair is a _commitment._

[@SuperSpecies]

*have had

[@cheesedemon88]

@@SuperSpecies glad I could help you with you grammar correction boner, hope it was satisfying

[@xientau9028]

@cheesedemon88 ← So. much. THIS! I started growing my hair in highschool. It took me YEARS before the length reached my shoulder blades. No Flippin' 'ruddy way in the infernal nethers would I cut it off just to satisfy a new stepmother. If that's what she demands for my attendance, then they can have the wedding without me. Period. Final answer, No Takebacks, mr. Trebek..

[@propio2957]

While I completely agree with the statement, I feel like someone should mention the fact that the process can vary widely across different people. For some, it is really easy to grow long healthy hair (I am lucky enough to have fallen into this category: I shaved my hair completely almost 3 years ago and now it's well past my shoulder blades) while for others, it can take 10 years just to get down to their chin (I have a friend like this).

[@owl7072]

Story 3: OP is doing nothing but compromising. They agreed on just going to a courthouse, Op added the compromise of that plus a party. OP has been very upfront about what they want and she AGREED to it! Now suddenly she's springing this idea on them and is going all or nothing on it. Op IS compromising, _she_ isn't. If SHE wants a massive wedding after several discussions where they agreed to have a small party, then SHE can pay for it.

[@blacbamboo284]

THANK YOU. Nearly lost my marbles when Markee said they BOTH didn't compromise.

[@trish7048]

I was just about to say this. OP made multiple attempts at compromise. He basically gave her some options and she's refusing all of them. 1: Small courthouse thing like they'd previously agreed. 2: small party for much cheaper. 3: she pays for the wedding. This is how marriage works. You can't just have it your way. If you can't compromise, should you really be getting married? OP is NTA

[@carlrood4457]

This. I don't see where Markee thought neither was compromising.

[@carlrood4457]

@@trish7048 I'd say the "she pays for the wedding" option kind of defeats the point. That still means 60k or more they can't put towards a house or retirement.

[@trish7048]

@@carlrood4457 Even so, it would be the price for the wedding she wants. If she doesn't want to do that, she can go with another option.

[@IanFox-k7h]

Infant death calls are the hardest. I'll admit I cried transporting to the morgue.

[@tgbedini]

I've dealt with paramedics and ambulance workers, and they have one of the toughest jobs around, emotionally draining, and stressful as split second decisions can save a life. I couldn't do it, but I'm so grateful for those who do. Insulting their work is amazing to me. And, you know, many of us are going to be their "last call" sometime down the road.. A little empathy seems appropriate.

[@wmdkitty]

Sure, but that doesn't invalidate somebody else's bad day at work.

[@IanFox-k7h]

@@wmdkitty didn't say it was, just agreeing it's hard

[@tamsel814]

Story 1: the roommate is an ah for demanding so much of op. I'm regards to OP I'm confused. Has OP ever said no to this roommate? I kinda missed any mention of that in the story.

[@mimiNana-yi4cy]

the roommate needs to see counselling to come to terms with the neglect she suffered during her upbringing. It is not OP's fault and not her responsibility to make "reparations".

[@jgw5491]

I agree with both of you. OP needs to cease catering to the roommate at all, and the roommate does need therapy. OP doesn't deserve to be her roommate's punching bag and should tell her that clearly. Tell her that she sympathizes, but that she isn't responsible for her situation; her parents are, and that she is now an adult making her own future which can be a good one once she sorts out her feelings.

[@rolandhansen812]

Agree with all three - However, Since AH Roommate IS quite poor It would be nice if OP could help with some free tutoring if she can fit it into her schedule. But personally I wouldn't even do that unless roommate stops with her entitled attitude and shows a little gratitude for what OP does do to help her.

[@californiapoppy983]

That story sounded waaaaaay to one sided and unrealistic and like it was missing so much I just ended up not trusting a word of it 😂 wouldn’t be surprised to see a picture of them and find that the ‘ roommate’ is a happy dime and the OP is a miserable heavy faced 2 with a mean side eye.

[@jgw5491]

@@californiapoppy983 So why assume there was a roommate at all? Perhaps it was just an idle, creative writing exercise by a bore retiree.🧓

[@Ospyro3em]

Stories like the final one worry me and OP is definitely NOT the AH. Dad's new lady is a monster and reminds me of a story recently where a young teenage girl's dad got a new GF after her mum died and she made him stop all old traditions, and cater to her. He was spineless and refused to listen to the OP when she tried to tell him how nasty she was being. It eventually ended with OP leaving to live with her grandparents and her father practically brainwashed into not caring and not wanting her back. It was a sad story and I can see this one going the same way if OP's dad doesn't grow a spine quickly

[@debc6260]

That sadly is a common AITA theme. Older dad, younger wife, forgotten/mistreated kids. It seems like if the step parents are closer in age to the spouse, there's a better chance of a good outcome. When it's a big age gap, the kids are forgotten.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I remember that story! I hope that OP is doing well, and that her father eventually drowns in shame and regret.

[@legendaryscarletlunala7927]

I'm curious about the you mentioned. Do you have a link?

[@groofromtheup5719]

the power of the V. it is a power often misused.

[@yurilookingforhisvictor7674]

*STORY 3:* OP did compromise though Markee. He offered to have the wedding party at a 3rd of the price, which would still be 20k or more. That's a lot of money.

[@groofromtheup5719]

quite a bit more than mine was, 20 years in 3 months, even accounting for inflation.

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

Exactly this, I usually like Markee's judgments, but this was way off

[@Keiji555]

Story 3: I'll say NTA. He made his stance clear, and he said he didn't want a big wedding earlier in the relationship; it's a similar discussion about children. You don't tell a childfree person that a while in you want a kid... She wants a wedding and he doesn't. He said so early on. The saying "Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm." She wants to have a big day on his dime. If she's not willing to dish out, then he should run. It tells a lot about what kind of partner she is.

[@darkshadow5581]

Plus, he offered compromises, both a smaller wedding and a big one but she pays. He's being alot more considerate than I would be. If me and my partner agreed to something this big early and them they tried to villanize me I'd be breaking up.

[@robertx8020]

@@darkshadow5581 Well TBH OP explained why a 'small ' wedding isn't an option. So it's not ' a small wedding ' or 'a big one' but 'no wedding ' or a 'big one' And I feel OP is right ..she isn't the one for you if she wants what her sister wants just because ... What nexts? Her sister buys a expensive house and she 'needs' one too?"

[@judyjohnson9610]

@@darkshadow5581 Yup, it's a taste of things to come.

[@darkshadow5581]

@@robertx8020 yes you are correct. I was using wedding as an overarching term of celebrating marriage, but it's clear from the edit that OP's compromise doesn't fit either's idea of a wedding so I was wrong there. Still, as you agree, OP definitely needs to break up with them. Changing an agreed upon plan for your relationship so quickly like that because of another person is at the very least very worrying.

[@robertx8020]

@@darkshadow5581 I agree :)

[@camwyn256]

Story 1: I'm reminded of Cartman from South Park. "You're having another kid? God damn, poor people suck.'

[@tigerlilydaley1134]

That last story, op says she got her hair and looks from her mum. I reckon the new wife doesn't want reminding of the first wife.

[@SeinenNinja]

That is what I thought as well. Resentment of OP's mom.

[@grimlin2020]

For story 3 I don't understand how having a party for around $20,000 isn't a compromise

[@sfsin3380]

because by the sounds of it the families are big and the $20,000 OP's talking about would only cover a bare bones garden party not any type of Wedding. re watch OP description no ceremony, no dress, a bouquet but no other flowers nothing the differentiates a Wedding from a regular party. Also it's easy for OP to say it doesn't matter to him but there are extended family members who still haven't forgiven my parents for not have a "proper" Wedding (apparently the bride's father is dying of cancer and we rushing so he can be there isn't a good enough reason for some people) if that kind of thing matters to her it matters to her.

[@sherylmassie9502]

Usually Indian weddings are multi day affairs. With a lot of required ceremonies and invitations to all the extended family and often usually family’s business associates. A lot of compromise on size if you are in that particular tradition

[@GoCoyote]

reg story 4: If my fiance ever treated ANY CHILD with such disrespect, and was so insecure as to ever treat my children as a threat over looks, we would immediately no longer be in a relationship. She is a set up for major emotional abuse. Being a stepparent takes careful and loving consideration of everyone's feelings and relationships, especially if a child has lost a parent. I know a step mom who made sure to celebrate her stepchild's culture and mothers memory, and paid for her and the stepchild to travel to her mothers home country so that she could stay in touch with her mothers family. That is love and consideration, which is what all children need.

[@tomsautocadstudio6446]

Sadly the dad is just a simp at this point

[@katiewhitman978]

Story 4: NTA NTA NTA!! Don’t cut your hair. It sounds like your future stepmom is jealous and wants to cut your mom out of your dad’s life. If you can, try to record her saying that she wants you to cut your hair and you saying that you won’t cut it or if it’s over text keep the texts! I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to cut it while you were asleep.

[@vampire9545]

NTA for wedding one. They agreed to no ceremony beforehand and she changed HER mind, SHE'S not compromising. It is a 1 day party, he suggested an alternative. And if she wants it so bad she should fiance most of it because they already agreed beforehand to no wedding just a court marriage.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 3: OP is NTA and he definitely is NOT with the right person for him. SHE wants the pageantry without a care for money and OP sounds like he's frugal and doesn't care about pageantry. The wedding planning stage is where BOTH peeps lose their masks and show their true colors. OP sounds like he doesn't give two fucks for traditional niceties if they cost money and the fiancee is all about that shit. OP says they both make $100K per year. Odds are that once their salaries become family funds, the new bride will assume she can live a lavish lifestyle on OP's dime. This is NOT looking good for OP, he should just run and find a woman who has the same frugal mindset as him.

[@bob8mybobbob]

Story 3 - they both agreed to a courthouse wedding. Then the fiancée changed her mind and OP said they could split the cost of a money conscious option or she could pay for a more extravagant option. I agree that if they can’t decide on an option they both like that raises serious questions about their compatibility, but based on the information in the post the fiancée is the one who changed her mind and then shot down the alternative options OP gave.

[@mothertrucker936]

S1: NTA you just gave it right back. Make your boundaries VERY clear and tell her that you will no longer tolerate her sob stories. If life is so unhappy then she’s doing something about it with her education but she needs to talk to a professional and to stop whining to you. Never discuss finances with her and get a kick on your room for privacy. You don’t owe her anything. Maybe get some therapy for yourself or ask to change roommates as she’s affecting you and constantly bringing you down or accusing you for her childhood

[@brandi5126]

Story 3: NTA. Op was very upfront with his fiancé about his views in weddings and what his ideal wedding was. They even talked about a court house wedding, She did NOT disclose (according to op) that she wanted a big wedding until it came time to plan it which absolutely makes her an ahole. Op did try to compromise, albeit they aren’t the best but he is trying to come up with something where as she isn’t compromising at all.

[@nickyb.5170]

No. People are allowed to change their minds. From this point they need to compromise. Nobody is an ahole

[@username-unavailable]

Also if they can easily afford it and it would make her happy... Yeah he's the asshole. They obviously have different priorities and want to remember different aspects of this life changing event I want to renew my vows on my 5th anniversary because having all my friends and family together to party while I look FABULOUS was one of the best parts-- the week alone with my husband was amazing and I'd do it in a heart beat but they both bring much value and happiness to my life. I will wear my wedding dress again.

[@nickyb.5170]

​@@username-unavailable Yup. This. It's 'not just a party'. It's a big deal for a lot of people. It marks a big life changing event and a lifelong commitment... plus the start of a new family and the BINDING of an old family (his family becomes her family, etc). These two could easily compromise by pushing back the date and taking the time to save if required and then as they plan making concessions to keep the cost as low as possible. There's no reason she should have to give up this event if it's something that matters to her and him treating her like she's unreasonable for wanting this is ridiculous. People. Change. Their. Minds. It is not unreasonable or assholery to change your mind. Sometimes we don't know what we want until that thing is actually a real possibility. That is human. That is normal. How we handle these changes of mind defines whether we are mature or not, compatible or not. I hope this couple figured it out because a wedding is not a thing you can 'do over', if you get it wrong.

[@tgbedini]

Huh. I'm with you on this, Brandi. I guess there are a lot of people who are either rich themselves, or just love spending other people's money. 80k for a one day party, that's just fine with them? And, they had an agreement, she goes bridezilla, and there are people defending her? He offered several options, she demanded her way, and still people think that's ok for her? "she gets to change her mind." Well, so does he. He can choose to marry someone else. As a further thought; Is this how she is going to behave when they marry? She agrees to a household budget, plan, etc. Then she changes her mind, and he has to do exactly what she wants, and she won't compromise? If this is how the marriage starts, it won't be long before they talk about how it ended.

[@nickyb.5170]

@@tgbedini 80k is nothing to some people. I'm presuming if she wants 80k it's within their reach. I would hate to be in a relationship where changing my mind means immediate dissolution of the relationship. You guys are rigid. We are hearing only his side of the story and based on what he's saying I just don't see how she is an asshole. I do know it's popular right now to sneer at weddings and people who want weddings but it's a big deal and if they can't work through this then I absolutely agree they should part but I just don't see assholery in this. I just see humans being human.

[@darkshadow5581]

Story 3 Easy NTA. OP was willing to compromise. They both agreed to no wedding before now. Now she wants a wedding, so OP offers a smaller wedding and she says no. Now he says she can have it if she pays for it and she still says no. What is OP doing wrong?

[@CocoCece08]

Tell the brat either she pay for the wedding SHE wants or there won't be one. That's all OP has to do.

[@wmdkitty]

He's not paying, that's what he's doing wrong. It's his wedding, too, he needs to pay half the costs.

[@Just_a_Lore]

@@wmdkitty thats some twisted logic. Its a wedding he didnt want had not agreed too and now is being forced into. Put this in another context. If a group of people where holding a surpise birthday party for someone the group agrees to a plan then one of them last minute goes "oh btw i ordered tens of thousands worth of catering, entertainmemt, and canceled the ball room to rent space in a luxery restort, you are paying for this right?" We would all collectively agree that person has lost their god damned mind.

[@CocoCece08]

@@wmdkitty So if someone gave you a party that you didn't want and told you to pay it, you would. Wow. Tell me you're not this dense.

[@darkshadow5581]

@@wmdkitty but they agreed no wedding when they got together. If you got with someone and you both promised you don't want kids and are kidless, only to find out shortly before you marry them they have a kid, and that kid is gonna spend alot more time at your place, you would be 100% right in breaking up. Not only that, but you would in no way have any responsibility to the kid because, "well, their your step-kid now" that's not how that works

[@notafish7206]

Idk what I'd do without these videos I listen to them literally every single day, idk if I'd be able to sleep without them‼️ I have a routine of listening to these every night and every time I nap, even when I shower. (and when I'm bored not paying attention in classes) 😸

[@axepagode33626]

Story three: "I'm starting to wonder if I am with them right person." - I think this says it all. NAH. There are literally millions of people who have an inexpensive wedding. They are frugal with their money and don't want to have an $80k party. It sounds like you two are no longer on the same page. Don't go forward until you are.

[@darkshadow5581]

Difference is OP was upfront and fiancee agreed at the start. Now after she agreed she wants to change the rules and that's not cool. If a two child-feee adults got together and agreed no children then one tried to have one later, and they refuse to take no for an answer or even compromise they are the AH.

[@CocoCece08]

The one who changed their mind (fiancee) needs to pay for it.

[@danrossell6375]

Why do I think she is trying to outdo her sister? How much did sis's wedding cost? ESH. One can do a good wedding for 10 - 15 K put the rest of her extravagant fantasy toward a down payment on a house.

[@micaldomlancer1494]

@@danrossell6375 What did he do that made him an asshole? When she started demanding an expensive wedding he offered to have a party dedicated to celebrating their marriage. When she refused he said that she could pay for the entire wedding herself. They initially agreed on no wedding but when she started demanding one he tries to compromise but she refuses to listen.

[@DFriendVideos]

Markee: I'd like to say that I really like listening to Markee's comments on the various stories lately. He shows a lot of empathy and insight these days. Thanks.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

Unfortunately the story 3 insight was very bad

[@sfsin3380]

Story One: NTA roommate is pulling what i like to call "carding" (it's where an AH learned they could get away what ever they want by pulling a "Card". The "Card" can be really anything in my experience but the end way it works is the same it moves sympathy from the victim to the "Carder" by framing the victim as being the worse of the two. Break someone else stuff and they yell "Card" How can you be so cruel as to yell at someone who's "Card". It works too so adults telling me many you have to be more understanding when my bully made my life hell because she had her card and I was apparently harassing her if i didn't just take her BS) Odds are she learned young that pulling the "I have a big family" card got her what she wanted. Teacher letting her get away late work, acting out or bulling because "it so hard having such a big family"

[@nyxx5357]

My mom spent less than $3,000 on her wedding, and it was beautiful. There were plenty of guests, too. I don't get why some people feel the need to spend tens of thousands of dollars on ONE DAY that they'll be too tired/stressed/busy/etc to enjoy. If you're going to blow money like that, at least spend it on the honeymoon, where you'll get to relax.

[@HackiePuffs]

Story 2: NTA. This fiancée got what she had coming. Reading this was so satisfying. I hope she thinks twice before ever being an entitled judgmental jerk again after this incident.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: Honestly? ✨Let her cry and suffer✨ She went off on someone for NO reason, and kept acting like her holier than thou "woe is me, someone gave me attitude" story is more important. I get that having someone give you attitude sucks, I can get wanting to be alone, but you can NOT look someone in the eyes while they're crying and start berating them and saying that they don't matter as much as you do. Maybe if she actually waited and asked what happened, she'd know why OP was upset but she was selfish and started hurling insults for no reason. You don't get to attack someone and then throw a pity party for yourself cause you had to face the immediate consequences of that action. ✨Let her suffer✨

[@ashh4929]

Dude 100% like everyone is entitled to have a bad day for whatever reason at what ever job but this girl was a straight up bitch about it before and after. It doesn't exactly sound like that is a new character trait for her, so if she has the audacity to cry about it she should apologize directly to OP. Let the snowflake humble her damn self.

[@carolinem.5044]

She was being total b*tch but she couldn't have known how OP'ds day went. The fiance got back home after having what was personally considers to be bad-day only to find an unexpected visitor while she might as well just want to eat, shower and sleep. This is an ESH, Op could have had a drop the mic moment without the "you don't know what a bad day!" part and the "you still think that you had a good day?" part. The issue with those parts is that while there are different levels of "bad day"/suffering, just because someone's suffering is worse than yours, does not mean that your suffering/bad day isn't bad. It's just not as bad as theirs. Then this story could have just been the fiance being a massive AH and the OP being NTA. Adding something about how her having a bad day does not give her a right to treat people horribly would have also been good.

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

@@carolinem.5044 She couldn't have known OP was having a bad day also? Except maybe that her fiancé told her when she came in and immediately wanted to compare, and started attacking OP and their job

[@srkh8966]

Story #4: This trending expectation that bridesmaids need to cut/color/ grow out/etc their hair for the bridezillas’ “vision” is 1000% sh*t. AND, OP isn’t even in the entourage, and she still has to follow insane expectations?? I feel sorry for the dad, too. No doubt he was very depressed and vulnerable when he met Alice, and is clinging to whatever “happiness” that relationship brings. However, Alice seems to be a total “Vicky” (Parent Trap reference lol) and will eventually make the father as miserable as she’s making OP. Btw, her age has nothing to do with it. My dad (with 3 kids) married my mom when she was 22 and he was 37, then had me and my 2 younger brothers. She always treated all of us the same, and my older siblings are still close to her. She and my father held hands every day until he died 8 yrs ago.

[@jadev8679]

Story one NTA, roommate needs to understand that while her parents should have done better, the rest of the world owes her nothing.

[@lemarch57]

Story 1: Friend’s fiancé needed perspective on what truly constitutes a bad day. Hard lesson, but will make her think twice before passing on her angst to others.

[@frankhooper7871]

In story 3, I don't anything wrong with OP wanting his fiancée to pay for the wedding as she's the one who want it when he really doesn't. Also, it sounded like he and his fiancée had decided on a low-key, simple marriage ceremony up until the point of her sister's wedding. It's one of those situations that's difficult to resolve when two people have fundamentally different views on marriage.

[@shanittathompson2039]

Right! He did all the compromising and she still shot him down...THEN SHE CAN PAY FOR IT!!!

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 2: OP is NTA and I applaud him from not bottling that trauma inside. MORE medical and other first responders need to "lash out" and discuss with others what they are going through daily. The fiancee must have not known what OP did for a living because ANYBODY understands that ER and EMT jobs are NOT pretty. You go to the ER and EMT because you are sick or dying. Those working in that area are going to see some shit. IMHO, the fiancee might have had some emotional issues so she was all about her own stuff and unfairly took it out on OP. IMHO, maybe she needed that perspective to understand that all pain and suffering is relative. You might be having a bad day, but someone else will be having worse.

[@jgw5491]

Since she knew there was a lot of waiting involved in the job, of course she knew. Fiancee is immature and it sounds like this incident bumped up her self knowledge a notch. This was a relatively benign lesson. Imagine her on the way home from her "worst day ever" and BEING in a horrible accident with life-threatening injuries and having her life in the hands of paramedics. Suddenly going home safely to vent to her fiance would look pretty good.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

@@jgw5491 IKR? BTW, ER staff doesn't sit around and wait. Either they are booked or they are sleeping as most are interns stuck on 24hr shifts meaning they get to use the bunkbeds in the hospital set up for them to "nap" before needed.

[@jgw5491]

@@cjandauntieyaya1446 Thanks for the correction.

[@alana.dyer.author]

@@cjandauntieyaya1446 my friend is training to be an er nurse, apparently those bunks are comfortable and she basically lives at the hospital right now.

[@groofromtheup5719]

story 4; "it will take me longer to regrow my hair than it took you to find a new wife."

[@meldawn21]

for story 2. I am the spouse of a firefighter/ems worker. while i sometimes complain about work and dealing with certain people, i would NEVER compare that to the things he's seen and had to do. that's completely stupid. you don't know how a paramedics day has been going, and to think they do nothing all the time is just ignorant. that fiance needed a reality check

[@carlrood4457]

What do you mean they're not making compromises. He did offer a compromise and she rejected it flat out.

[@whatsinaname4971]

Story 2: NTA My husband is a cop, and he's had some real crap go down on shift before. Just because he has some days that aren't so busy doesn't mean he doesn't have really bad days. If someone tried to tell him he does nothing at work or something like that, I'd be pissed and probably say a lot worse

[@VergilTheLegendaryDarkSlayer]

Story 3 NTA If she wants to throw away 70k+ for one day after knowing her potential husband doesn't want a wedding from day 1 just shows she thinks money grows on trees

[@sailorathena17]

4th story: mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the most selfish AHoles of all survey says…Dad and his witch of a fiancé!

[@ashh4929]

Y'all know in a couple months we will be getting a post saying "my step mother is forcing me into therapy because I don't see her as family, so there must be something wrong with *me* "

[@G14-Classified]

Story 2 OP needs Critical Stress Management /Debriefing (CISM) (CISD) I remember my first infant death it is not easy to deal with. He is also NTA she needed to be brought down a few rungs. Sometimes reality sucks but I agree with what Op said

[@northeastoperations]

Story 3: Why is everyone saying OP is the asshole? 1. He was upfront from the beginning that he saw weddings as a waste of money. 2. His stance on this didn't suddenly change 3. He DID try to go half way and suggest a compromise. 4. OPs problem is with the absurd cost, not the wedding itself. When he suggested she pay for it it was in essence a compromise. If I was always dreaming of having something, I would save up for it myself. Not spring it on my fiance last minute with a bunch of guilt trips if they don't want to pay for something only I want.

[@niamhnir]

I know a few big families 8-15 kids and none had this type of entitlement.

[@victorchozen4205]

Yup. I never even know how many siblings people have and shouldn't be brought up often anyways. " oh you have 10 siblings ? Cool" Never gets mentioned again

[@CameoAmalthea]

Story 2: honestly you can have a big white wedding for 10,000 dollars. I did, and it was as beautiful as my cousins 100k wedding. 70 guests at an all inclusive wedding place, a friend made me a dress a designer myself and my cousin brewed us some beer as a gift.

[@Mimino55-y5k]

S1: the one thing that roommate mastered growing up with do many siblings is the art of manipulating people. OP was not mentally equipped to withstand that level of entitlement. 😂

[@sianchild]

Story 2 - so many people make assumptions that they have things so much harder than anyone else around them. I once went into a group I was in and said "Please let me know if I seem snappy today; I've had an awful day so am feeling rubbish and don't want to accidentally be rude" and was berated by a woman older than me because I apparently couldn't begin to understand what a hard day was as I wasn't a parent. She was incredibly ignorant.

[@franl155]

She wants the wedding, he doesn't. So she should pay for it.

[@carolinenagel7085]

Four Yorkshire Men is by far my favorite Monty Python sketch!

[@yamairad1]

Story 3. An 80k wedding for a couple that makes 200k is not affordable. The 200k is before taxes (because nobody ever thinks about taxes). After taxes we are closer to 150k you'd be paying more than a year of salary for one person. 150k - 80k = 70k for living expenses. This is enough for most people but they, very likely, have higher expenses and are spending most of their income on their lifestyle.

[@RealengoPrimordialDemon]

3rd story, OP run, run and don't stop, she has more red flags than a Chinese Communist parade. Run!!!!

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story Four: Markee getting snarkee in his commentary... I love it! 🤣

[@olly2027]

Where if the wife wants a big wedding then she needs to pay for it.

[@personman8734]

Story 3- what the hell markee ,this is your worst take in a while. He already tried to compromise multiple times even after making it clear from the jump that he didn’t want a big wedding. When she refused to budge then and only then is when he said he wasn’t going to pay for it. He never signed up for a big wedding and shouldn’t be the one paying the price for the wedding he never wanted. NTA

[@romonaelrod7870]

The story where the future stepmother wants the girl to cut her hair. Girl get a good lock on your bedroom door and lock it when you sleep. Keep your hair and skin care products in your locked room. Only bring them to the bathroom when you need to use them. If you do attend the wedding look your best. Don't cut your hair. Don't let this woman bully you, she will keep bullying you if you give in.

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

Apparently, "compromising" looks like one person completely caving into the other person and giving them everything they ask for? OP tried to compromise with a smaller wedding, but the fiance refused. She is the one refusing to compromise on anything

[@phoenixsky6124]

2- does she feel bad enough to apologize? NTA. I hope she recognizes her ignorance.

[@samuraiemperor9388]

3:30 the funniest thing ever

[@raywhittaker4813]

Story2: I’ve had this happen to me so many times. I have an extremely painful condition called ankylosing spondylitis, which is an inflammatory form of arthritis of the lower back and pelvis. This disease has ruined my life. I’m on 7 pills a day just for this disease alone. I take a total of 16 pills a day due to other health issues like high blood pressure, acid reflux, severe allergies, crippling anxiety, ticks caused by my main medication (which is an injection I get once a month) and insomnia. Mind you I’m only 21 and was determined to be physically disabled in mid January of this year (2022) because my condition makes it extremely difficult for me to do simple things like go upstairs, getting out of bed and walking any distance that takes me longer than 20 minutes to walk. I often cry myself to sleep at night because of how bad my pain from this condition is. This is pure and absolute hell. People all the time try to say things like “well you’re only 21 and I have a bad knee (or whatever is causing them pain) so it can’t be worse than me” like I’m sorry but this is literal ARTHRITIS. This shit never goes away and will only get worse the older I get. It’s also an autoimmune disease which means it causes my immune system to be significantly weaker than the average person and considering the world we live in nowadays, it’s extremely scary for me because even though I’m vaccinated, Covid could easily cause me to be hospitalized or even die since my immune system isn’t strong enough to fight it off. I live every day scared that my mother will bring home something or even Covid and give it to me. Your little knee injury will more than likely heal while I will never be the same again, I’ll always be in pain. I’ll always envy those better off health wise than me. I will always dream of the days before my disease started effecting me. We are not nearly the same and never will be. Be thankful you’re not in the position I am because if you’re complaining about a knee injury, I’d hate to see your reaction to living with ankylosing spondylitis

[@GIChiyo]

Story 3: See, this is why I 100% sided with Chandler on Friends when Monica was wanting to blow all the money he saved on a wedding. I agree with him it's just a party, and weddings were originally created to flaunt one's wealth in poor times (even the white dress was to signify they were wealthy enough to keep white clothes clean, not purity). Also, Monica was saying HER wedding and not THEIR wedding, I am getting similar vibes here. And guess what causes the most divorces? Kids and money problems like, oh I don't know, wasting all your money on a big party? Edit to add rating: ESH, you should not try to force others to pay as a 'middle ground', stop beating around the bush and either help pay for the party or reevaluate if you want to stay in a relationship were this is how 'compromises' are goin to go for the duration of the marriage...

[@queencatherineofaragon938]

What? No. You have no idea what you’re talking about. Don’t base life on a tv show. “Blow all the money HE saved,” 1st of all, this situation is not a carbon copy of a comedy show, not all the money is OP’s and he’s made it clear they can afford it, he just doesn’t want to. Once again you have no idea what you’re talking about. Weddings/receptions, in general, were just a way to introduce the couple as now joint to family and society. It was not a way to flex. Literally even the poorest people still celebrated their marriages. And wedding dresses became white because Queen Victoria made it a popular color. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_dress#Color_of_wedding_dresses www.thespruce.com/what-is-a-wedding-reception-3489725

[@adrianmcbride1666]

@@queencatherineofaragon938 yeah, but regardless it is still something he wants no part of (but did offer to split on a less expensive party) that she insists on. It is the fiance's wedding here and not the op's in anything but name (wether partly or jointly. She has already shown an unwillingness to compromise at all, do you expect that if he caves in to her initial request that she will not continue on that pattern.

[@shammydammy2610]

NTA. She's using her background as her main tool to manipulate you into giving her what she wants.

[@debc6260]

Great. Now I want to fall down the Monty Python rabbit hole. Now I have the Holy Grail killer rabbit in my head.

[@HidanKitten32]

Story two; NTA. I can imagine either telling someone that myself or being told if I was acting as selfish as that woman. It's hard to hear for many, many reasons, but also reality slapping you in the face. it makes you stop and think. People have their rights in thinking and feeling as though they had a bad day, but they can't criticize others when the same is sad. What that woman said about OP essenationally being a lazy good for nothing at his job was horrible, and, if that was me who was being so disrespectful, I'm sure not only would I get similar words but be 'shunned' for a while so I could think about what I said

[@dancingkitty11]

2nd story with the paramedic. 1st of all there is nothing that prepares you for pediatric cases I was an EMT know what I'm talking about. thankfully we never had any pediatric fatalities. I'm also a new parent and has a new parent I couldn't imagine what they're going through for that fiance to come in and be so callous and so cold and think her little retail problems we're just the worst thing in the world yes yes hope he did the right thing by laying into her. I'm glad it bothered her days later it should have.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 4: OP is NTA and she's being shut out of her dad's life by the fiancee. She's young enough to want to make a family using OP's father but first she needs to estrange the daughter from him. So she makes unreasonable demands and makes OP's father choose between the two. OP's father is too lonely and so much into sexy times with a younger woman that he's not going to side with OP. OP is almost an adult so in his mind she doesn't need him to champion for him. OP needs to find a way to have family therapist time with her father to explain to him how the fiancee is manipulating him.

[@joechino9022]

Isnt it bride pay for the wedding in western tradition? She wants a wedding, she wants traditional wedding then she should pay for it. OP is not an AH.

[@kristy1653]

I think you are confused. It’s not traditional for the BRIDE to pay for the wedding in western culture, it’s more traditional for the bride’s PARENTS to pay for it. But that tradition is sort of dying out, and also, many parents just can’t afford it these days.

[@Princetonian4eva]

Also, he says their Indian so what does western traditions have anything to do with them?

[@princessmarlena1359]

That roommate from the first story is an entitled “taker”. As my grandma (dad’s side) used to say, “There are two kinds of people; ‘Givers’ and ‘Takers’. The ‘Taker’ will bleed the ‘Giver’ dry if they’re not stopped.”

[@wickedgreen1784]

I love the Princess Bride! Thanks for doing the voices Markee :) [3:00]

[@eponymoususer8923]

Story 1. These comments are THE BEST!!! NTA . I think the roommate is lying about the crappy childhood. The first of 9 siblings living in poverty rarely comes out this entitled. If she’s telling the truth, this could be narcissism, a mental disorder that tries to compensate for deeply threatening invisibility in early childhood. Please be aware of her reaction to your new boundaries, and try to keep every interaction on record for a while. People like this tend to be vindictive when they retaliate, and smear campaigns or physical danger are real possibilities.

[@tamsel814]

Story 3: nah, this is a good example about how not to compromise. Op and his fiancee should sit down a figure out what aspects of a wedding are important (or disliked) to each of them. I don't know about the bride to be but OP at does not understand why his bride to be wants this wedding or what she finds most important about this event. Its hard to effectively compromise of you don't understand the wants (or needs) of the others.

[@addicted2mako]

Story Two: NTA It’s perfectly fine if someone has a bad day at work and complains about it; some people have a lower tolerance of stressors than others. It’s a whole new thing if they weaponize it against someone they think has it easier than them. The GF antagonized the OP at an emotionally vulnerable moment, and OP wasn’t in the wrong for returning fire

[@groofromtheup5719]

story 3; She is the one that wants the big wedding. He was clear up-front that he didn't want a big wedding. She is the one to change her mind about it. Why shouldn't she be the one to pay? He suggested $25k. That was a compromise and a reasonable one.

[@adrianmcbride1666]

Also he offered a middle-ground. She is hard set on the full thing.

[@sherylmassie9502]

I don’t think a lot of these comments are from people who have seen what an Indian wedding entails - They are usually multi day affairs. In the US weddings can be huge or small but if the families expect a full Indian wedding there’s not gonna be a lot of compromise between big wedding or no wedding

[@adrianmcbride1666]

@@sherylmassie9502 thanks to a previous story, I did kinda pick up on that. What he was suggesting was still having a party, but one that is cheaper. If the getting together with said family and friends is important, then why is a party that is not a very expensive wedding not acceptable where your partner has been very open with you from the beginning about his ire for the cost of weddings.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@sherylmassie9502 do you realize how poor most of India is?I guarantee you that most Indians get married for drastically less than $80k. Not every aspect of a multiday affair needs to be the best of the best. It can 100% be done completely for much less.

[@Acehigh-Jenkins]

Markee knows the Four Yorkshiremen sketch! U are a ledge!

[@StormyPeak]

I grew up in Extreme Poverty...and the poor student...is the A-hole. She doesn't deserve a free ride because she grew up poor and her room-mate has money. She has the mental and physical ability to improve her own life...and if that means she has to go out and get a part time job...that's her life. Yes, it does suck that life is not fair to some and they have to work harder to get though life. But over all, she is by far more fortunate than say some young woman in a 3rd world country, who's dying in a war torn area, where there is drought and also holding onto her starving dying baby. There is poor...and then there is poor...that one can Never escape from. She should feel fortunate that she's not stuck and can get out of poverty...On Her Own.

[@victorvaldez8869]

Story One: NTA, while OP's roommate did have a bad upbringing, OP's point is still valid: "how was any of that MY FAULT?" The roommate needs therapy & to address these feelings with her parents not OP, because nobody in the rest of the world will give her any accommodations for having come from a large family, say at work, or in classes. Story Two: By the title I thought OP was going to be the AH for trying to gatekeep having a bad day, but the details were a "Reverse Uno" card. He's NTA, but he might want to check up on his friend's GF to give a "no hard feelings," because she was the one trying to gatekeep having a bad day & learned just how BAD a bad day can be. Story Three: I agree ESH. You hit it right societal pressure both from the family & how society tells girls from the time they can walk that the big Disney Princess wedding is the highlight of any woman's WHOLE LIFE. That's why we see so many bridezilla stories, they've been told by society that this perfect day is something they should be waiting for and will be the epic moment in their life. Story Four: A big NTA for the story, & it's probably be best to be willing to not go to the wedding. The comments that the demand is about control seem spot on, & it's a bigger red flag than the biggest one in Beijing.

[@295Phoenix]

Story 1: How could this be anything but NTA?

[@toyairy7612]

last story: op needs to tell every adult who loves her what this woman is asking, all of it. she also needs to tell people at her school church and any other adults who have a part of her care (coaches, girlscout leaders, i don't know) this is abuse. plain and simple the woman is going to be horrible until OP moves out unless someone pulls the reigns in and lets her know children get boundaries too and they MUST be respected. i bet all her grandparents will do whatever they can to put a stop to this woman's insanity,.

[@aprilgosa5779]

wear the heels leave their hair and make up and tell Stopmonster to deal with it LOL

[@tentenstories]

Story 4 : OP should have told the fiancée to buy her a short wig if she's so dead set on seeing her with short hair at the wedding. You want her to have short hair ? Then pay for the dang wig cause cutting her hair is not a viable solution. I feel like her dad told her to do it just cause he doesn't know it would take about 10 years to go back to lower back hair length. Not sure I would call him and AH. The fiancée, though, 200% AH.

[@VergilTheLegendaryDarkSlayer]

Story 1 NTA She sounds extremely entitled, I wouldn't be surprised if she says "my parents never let me drive their car, so give me yours" next

[@denelva]

Wedding story: I've heard soooo many wedding stories now and had to compare these insane sums of money to the average wedding cost in my country. So, uhm, the average cost here is less than 7k. Only the top 10% puts more than 12-13k. I just cannot fathom how anyone would think of putting 60-80k for a wedding. It's such a waste and clearly doesn't make the marriage better or last longer. And no, I don't live in a poor country by any means. OP is right and NTA.

[@Damaaskrose]

Markee. Story 3, OP has said all along that he doesn't want a wedding, and it would appear that she agreed with him. His idea (did he talk to his fiancee?) was a court (registry office) wedding with a couple of witnesses. Now she has changed her mind. He has no idea when this happened because, as far as he was concerned, they were still on the same page. He has offered a compromise for $10,000, but she has dug her heels in and wants the full monty, so he's told her to pay for it. I think that is fair... she wants it - she pays for it. He has been against it all along, why should he pay? TBH, I think if she is going to keep on like this, she's not the one.

[@crichtonbruce4329]

Last Story... It's an absurd fantasy, but reading OP's last edit I suddenly wished that I could read an update 10 or so years from now. Did OP become a surgeon? Was the wedding a disaster? etc. etc. Oh well, I'll never know.

[@groofromtheup5719]

story 2; the fiancée is incredibly self centered. She is crying not out of empathy so much directly, but because she was forced to realize how much worse it can get and that she is far from the center of the Universe.

[@alicewilloughby4318]

Story 1 - Of course OP is NTA! The roommate's parents may owe her for her childhood - the rest of the world does not! Story 2 - 6:16 - What is with this woman? She sounds like a nightmare!

[@micaldomlancer1494]

In story 3 did everyone miss the mention of a dedicated party to celebrate the marriage that OP suggested? That is an attempt at compromise that was made, even if you think it's a poor one it is an attempt. It was only after that attempt was shot down did OP say that his fiance should pay for everything.

[@carlrood4457]

The thing about "bad days" is that, cliché as it is, everything is relative. We judge things from our own frame of reference and experience. We know in our heads there are people out there going through far worse than we are (war, famine, etc.) but we don't really have an emotional connection to that. Even for OP, this was the first time he experienced a day like this and it was raw. I'd bet 99 times out of 100, he'd have been, "OK, let me get out of your hair." , even if she was just being rude. This was that 100th time. No one is really an asshole. They were just acting from their emotional frame of reference and even for OP, that was in the midst of a major change when his friend's GF came home. For her, he smacked her with reality and is now experiencing a bit of dissonance between what she previously thought was a "bad day" and a new reality. If she normally considers herself a good and caring person, it could be doubly upsetting to realize how she's overblown her own life. There's a theory, called Dunbar's Number, and the gist of it is that we're not really built to really care about more than a few hundred people at most. Think of the "a million is a statistic" saying.

[@sarahmotilal5088]

Any kind of party that is huge and costly is just the hosts showing off, especially if there are more important and logical things to spend the money on

[@lorisreality8681]

I got no money from parents for a wedding. She should be glad that guy was willing to pay for a small wedding. I paid for my own for about $1,200, no joke. That was for a wedding for about 40 guests and my dress that I found on sale for $299 at a bridal shop in 2005.

[@PopsieLouisiana59]

The EMT needs the mental health. Look at it like this: I have done all I can do and did my very, very best. Then do a Prince and, "LetItGo". Get the therapy.

[@Ospyro3em]

That title alone tells me this is gonna be good 🍿😎

[@Keiji555]

Story 2: NTA. I guess the fiancee learned about what a bad day was, what truly went in the life of OP, and the heavy weight of such a scenario, and it put things in perspective. It may have traumatized her, and yes, I understand that one thing can mess up an entire day. But the way she treated OP was wrong, and I have a feeling she'll be far more empathic with OP, next time he is over crying over a similar situation. Guess she put herself in his shoes, and it messed with her.

[@v2micca]

Everyone wants to drag the Fiance in this story, and while she was in the wrong I think everyone is letting the Friend off easy. The fact is fiance did have a bad day. I know when I have a rough day at work, home is my sanctuary where I can unwind, relax and de-stress. If I got home after a bad day at work and found that instead of getting to mellow out, my SO had brought some heavy drama into the house to deal with, in a moment of frustration I might not deal with it quite as gracefully either. The friend could have given his fiance a quick heads up text before she got home and it would have gone a long way.

[@robertx8020]

@@v2micca so her BF should be a mindreader and somehow know she would have a bad day? Should he have kicked his friend out because his gf was about to get home? She could have been more polite! Now matter how she felt and there was no reason to talk down to OP!

[@DivaViews]

There was absolutely no reason to go off on OP. If she was so salty after her day, she could have stomped off to her room or idk, asked what was going on before dropping her basket of crazy in the middle of the room like that! OP's friend lives there too and has a right to comfort his friend where he lives, just like I'm positive she would do for one of her friends.

[@robertx8020]

@@DivaViews I hope you are right about that GF but she seems to lack empathy so idk if she would support her friends

[@carolinem.5044]

Story 4: NTA, looks like we got an evil step mother or maybe sugar baby (who knows)

[@jingerjar1365]

Well seeing how she's using you she deserves it. To expect repreations. Not happening. Pick your bedroom door etc

[@roycrossland9401]

as for story #1: Are you responsible for her problems? NO! Are you responsible to fix her problems? NO! Are you responsible to compensate, make up for, pamper, accommodate, or whatever because she supposedly had a harder life than you? NO! This is her problem and her mess to deal with. Nobody said life was easy or fair. If she is complaining about how life is mistreating her now and how she is not getting everything she wants now. Wait till she enters the real world and needs to work for a living. Her employers are not going to want to hear her complain about how her parents had a big family and she had to share clothes, had no privacy, and deserves this and that, etc. Although I do admit I think you were rather harsh and rude. I do believe you could have made your point in a better way.

[@youarehere594]

On the last one, if I had relatives to go to I'd go to the wedding with short hair...a wig. Then take it off after the wedding and say, you just told me you wanted me to go short for the wedding so I thought I'd make a compromise. Also, if Alice gets too out of hand, OP tell Alice that such a thing as CPS exists and you're taking note of all of the stuff she does and will flat out call them if she keeps it up. Also inform Alice that if she tries anything, OP can and will record her doing so. Its too bad that Florida is a two consent state for recording, I don't know if warning Alice ahead of the time will count as consent, but if OP tells Alice any time that Alice gets too nasty that she's recording the conversation...even if she's not...then Alice might back down. As well, if OP can get her hands on a security camera without either parent noticing, finding a good place that Alice wouldn't see it unless she *really* looks for it, then turns on said camera before OP leaves the house to do anything, then she can see if Alice does anything to any of her products. OP also mentioned that she inherited money from her mom, OP should get in touch to whoever is handling her money and make sure that it's protected from her father accessing it so that her father and Alice can't strip the fund bare. At some point, OP should inform Alice that OP has to put up with Alice and Alice has to put up with OP for 3 years and then Alice will never hear from OP again and to just grit her teeth and live with it. If Alice goes to OP's father about OP's threat to record Alice, then OP should tell her father that since he's not protecting her or even believing in her, that OP has to take matters into her own hands. If dad gets cut out when OP leaves, fine, he deserves it. Although I suspect that by that time Alice would've provided OP's father with a new family and made it so that he never even notices when OP leaves. OP, if you're reading this at all, I wish you well and leave the best life you can possibly leave.

[@9999plato]

I would refuse to cut my hair. Alice is a petty very small jealous woman and trouble for OP. Become a thorn in your fathers side for bringing this fool into your lives.

[@guilded0n3]

Story 1 is both issues at once. She was totally being entitled but that was in part due to her traumatic upbringing.

[@michaelmorris8302]

Is there alot of monkeys in a circus I haven't been to one in over 20 years I only remember 1 maybe 2

[@Visionarydave444]

Markee, you are the best. 🤘😎🤘👍

[@axepagode33626]

Bridezilla haircut story: The 28 year old strong independent modern woman is having a meltdown because she believes the 15 year old Ninth Grader is trying to upstage her and is disrespecting her by choosing not to cut off her long beautiful hair. How much do you want to bet the Bridezilla is upset that the daughter looks too much like the mother. She is afraid that dad will take one look at his daughter all made up and see someone who looks just like the woman he married 20 years ago. It won't be just dad. Other family members and friends will see it to. My Two Cents. OP if your future step mother can't handle OP growing up to look like her mom, then that marriage is in trouble all ready.

[@oceanpuddle6439]

The last OP is so mature I thought she was 19, not 15

[@surrealistgirlx]

Thanks for Monty Python! Love it!!!!

[@jingerjar1365]

You were perfect being how she thinks you play all day. 1st story

[@damien678]

20k for a wedding is still way too much imo

[@axepagode33626]

Story two: Marker's take is perfect. I hope she learns something.

[@nyxx5357]

Hi, I'm Pen, and this is my friend, Marker. Lol.