r/AmITheA**Hole - "You're too Broke to be Sexist"

[@Uggnog]

"My husband doesn't like kids" THEN WHY DID YOU HAVE KIDS

[@AJst6tz]

He was probably stuck in a traditional marriage, or he was pressured into it by society or his parents. It's really sad... maybe they thought kids would fix the marriage. Not an excuse, but an explanation. I feel horrible for both of them, and the kids...

[@rendratvandonkereschrijver2912]

think she said his is terrible with kids, so she probably doesn't trust him to look after them

[@ayannafit2441]

The inheritance thing, yup in my country biological are still owed a portion of the assets and if you dont want to give anything anything you have to explicitly say you disown them but not sure how the two rules would work together

[@vellathewench]

@@ayannafit2441 I would assume there has to be a specific reason to disown the child. Maybe there are rules?

[@ayannafit2441]

@@vellathewench did some searching (and translating) and there's a thing called "succession reserve". Getting this from notaries' website: According to the New Civil Code, the inheritance reserve is the part of the assets of the inheritance to which the reserved heirs are entitled by law, even against the will of the deceased, manifested by liberalities or disinheritance . The reserved heirs are the descendants (children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren), the surviving spouse and the parents of the deceased . Ah, there doesn't need to be a reason for disowning someone. At least not that i could find

[@Dragongamz1]

The Too Broke to be Sexist story: Yeah OP is NTA. These days, both parents being at work is more likely than you think, and the traditional roles dont work as well as it used to be unless you got the job to be the sole provider. Also, it is rude to dictate how things should be run as a guest in someone else's home

[@Trevin_Taylor]

Adults who can’t stand up to their parents ruin marriages.

[@LilFeralGangrel]

They're not traditional, during the early parts of the 20th century roughly 43% of factory workers were women. The idea that women should be homemakers only ever existed in white middle class families after the 1940s. The same could not happen for working class families and of course families of colour.

[@Dragongamz1]

@@LilFeralGangrel Fair enough

[@arualblues_zero]

Also, the dude told her she was a lousy wife and mother *in front of their kids*???

[@arcticpossi_schw1siantuntija42]

There's unconditionally never an acceptable time to be sexist, but that doesn't change the verdict, the OP was NTA

[@_ksm0922]

I used to have an ex that believed that women should be home and raising children but he also said that he wouldn't be 'used for his finances by a woman who didn't want to work'. When I asked him to clarify, he did indeed say that he still believed the woman should also be working on top of doing housework, cooking, raising the kids, etc. Told him that he should stick just to men then cause no sane woman would go for that lmao

[@seshthecat]

My very gay brother still thinks a womans place is at home pregnant raising kids.

[@LoremIpsum-dp1li]

It's just like that one Tinder(?) convo in one of Cliccy's r/Faceplam videos. The problem with men who want a "traditional wife" is that they refuse to be a "traditional husband".

[@_ksm0922]

@@LoremIpsum-dp1li that’s how my ex was. Didn’t want to be a traditional husband but expected a traditional wife. Like sir please pick a lane

[@MuffinHunterX]

It's wild that so many people on both sides of this can't comprehend what fair division of labor is.

[@Shaytan.666]

@@seshthecat you're brother has nothing to say about women's roles and maybe he should start then (Nothing against you btw) Anyways these trad men just want free labor don't while they chase after another "high value" woman who they won't let do any heavy lifting or get dirty

[@brinks2469]

The disabled person who can’t drive makes me think of how car dependent America is and why having good infrastructure can make all the difference

[@eyesofthecervino3366]

Same.

[@tealkerberus748]

Same, but also if one of their disabilities is reduced muscle mass, public transport probably still isn't going to be a good option for them long term, and as they're vision impaired it carries extra safety risks even while they're young and about as fit as they're ever going to be. I'm gobsmacked that the parents aren't more accepting of their own kid's basic safety needs.

[@haileywood8705]

My stepmother was a right leg amputee and they set her up with a hand system so she could drive her car, it was very cool and awesome to see accessibility improvements the thing that sucks is if it wasn’t for the VA (she lost her leg in the military) it wasn’t something she could have afforded on her own. And that’s also not something that they can let everyone do.

[@nowitchisanisland]

This. As many times as I've tried over the years, I'm not able to drive (medical reasons), and it screws with everything in my life. I really want to live in a country where I can function without being dependent on a skill that I can't develop.

[@ArchmageIlmryn]

@@tealkerberus748 To be fair, having good public transport is the kind of thing that also tends to make public transit a lot more safe as well. Not saying that the concern is invalid, but worries about safety on public transit in parts of the world where it's not regarded as a desperation measure for the poor are often close to nonexistent.

[@LMBillingsley]

The lego one is so much worse because it sounds like the parents didnt ask if they could let the nephew play with a lego set. I bet if they had asked, he would have handed over a less valuable, unsealed set. Those parents deserve to pay every cent of that $300.

[@PrototypeSpaceMonkey]

The correct reply to "You're being childish, it's just a toy" is "You're being childish, it's just $300" Also, the "just a toy" thing always bugs me. Just the other day this boomer neighbor of mine came by to ask for a favor (he turned on the flashlight on his phone and didn't know how to turn it off again, I swear to God! 😆) while I was fixing this Arrma Nero I just bought (a rather rare, discontinued RC car) and he was like "Hur, Hur, aren't you a little old to be playing with toys?" Like, my brother in Christ. You're a taxidermist. You spend all your free time shoving cotton up dead animals and putting them around your house in creepy poses. You have no right to criticize anyone's hobby.

[@sundalosketch4769]

Fr, for all those parents knew, that unsealed box could've been a future birthday gift to a whole different child OP was planning for (like an friend's child they aren't aware of.) Then to bring it home with them afterwards is even worse. All without even notifying anything.

[@vlennoxx]

I kinda think hes the AH. Like, you have 2 boxes, sure it was expensive af and both of them have already been used, but like, it was a collection, he must have had many more in that case which shouldnt rly matter. Also if he was gonna be that petty over a lego set maybe warn them to not interfere with it. Also he knew the nephew needed to play, maybe give him another toy u have? And its not like his parents responded that badly, at least they ended up actually paying for that lego set. If I was his dad he aint gonna see those 300 dollars come out of me for a lego set (at least if it was something a little less childish?)

[@codebracker]

​​@@vlennoxxso if you have 2 300 dolar banknotes on your desk and they take one of them, that's fine cause you still have the other one? Also what do you mean "he needed to play", the parents didn't have to bring him if he wasn't gonna help

[@AxionZetaOne]

​@@vlennoxx stealing is stealing. They took his property and gave it to someone else without permission. End of story.

[@scoop3447]

First story; "You should've told him you'd be home sooner"!? Wtf? The issue isn't that the guy was caught, the issue is that he was doing it!

[@kempolar9768]

Yeah that was pure gaslighting right there, he knew he was being sneaky and as such he knew he was in the wrong.

[@André-b3w]

I think the first guy explained himself badly, I think he meant it in a "straight guy imagine how angry you would be if a guy had gay sex on your bed" put yourself in his shoe kind of deal. Likely expecting his straight roommate would probably freak out about sex on HIS bed, but even more at GAY sex on his bed, y'know. This means his straight roommate is a hypocrite for trying to defend himself given how he'd react if the roles were flipped. Especially if the straight dude has had a history of finding stranger men's fluids (even something minor like sweat or saliva), extra icky for "being gay". IF he ever shown "alpha male"/toxic masculine/"No bc that would be gay" shit like this around his gay roommate the response is warranted

[@IronicNameOrWhatever]

​@@André-b3wI don't know, it seems still somehow weird to me to point the gender out, I'd be equally disgusted if it was a man woman or any other gendered person uninvited naked in my bed. I mean all of them are capable of leaving their bodily fluids in there so what's the difference? It reminds me of Leonardo Da Vinci who was disgusted by female bodies and never performed a vivisection on corpses of women. It just sounds somewhat misogynistic or even childish that is all.

[@juliaboskamp9666]

OP need some new friends like that is gross to blame him for finding out his "friend" used his bed for the devil's tango like if the roles were reversed Alex wouldn't be happy

[@SingingSealRiana]

Totaly agree!!! As if the owner if the bed inconvinienced the invading guy who violated his space and trust by using his bed ... Not knowing about it dies not make it any more ok

[@Tacom4ster]

"Your too broke to be sexist" is a great comeback, I'm using that

[@pancakes8670]

Unironically true too for a lot of guys. Most dudes you see screaming about how they want a Traditonal Marraige don't make nearly enough money to be able to support it/are too lazy to be the breadwinners. You want a tradwife? Then you better be a tradhusband. I think most of them don't actually want the Trad lifestyle, but are instead looking for a second mother who'll cook and clean and make money for them.

[@TheDopekitty]

I know! I love it

[@juliaboskamp9666]

Yeah there are now more men that want a "tradwife" without being a trad-husband, like not Jeff you don't look for a woman that wants to be in a traditional marriage you just want to replacement mommy that you can also do the nasty with

[@juliaboskamp9666]

Yeah most of those men that are "traditional" just want a replacement mommy who will also do devil's tango with them

[@orionalbeniz9945]

Just in case you didn't know, it's "You're" :)

[@RonanDahlman-ci1ql]

First one’s a bit weird. Why exactly would you have sex on somebody else’s bed, even though you already have a bed set aside for you?

[@RuthBhmand]

He tells the chicks that the apartment is his and the main bedroom is his🤷🏻‍♀️ And yes, kick him out.

[@esmee6308]

Chances are, the guest room looks like a guest room and the guy wants to pretend he owns the place. Is it a good reason, no, but I can see people think that way.

[@thatonearoace]

Theories: 1. OP’s room might be cleaner and Alex didn’t feel like cleaning his own room and was potentially embarrassed about it 2. Alex doesn’t want to clean up afterwards 3. Alex has a thing for either: 3a. Being walked in on (or having a risk of it) 3b. Being intimate where he shouldn’t be 4. Alex is just a weirdo. Who knows 🤷

[@pancakes8670]

Likely answer imo is that the Roommate was too embarrassed to admit he doesn't own the place and convinced the girl it was his bedroom. Guys will do weird sh*t to try and impress women, like lying about whether or not they own the room.

[@elaexplorer]

Yeah, it's incredibly disrespectful.

[@thunderflare59]

"Stop making such a big fuss over a toy." I will when you stop stealing toys.

[@eyesofthecervino3366]

Also, "Stop making such a big fuss over the replacement cost of the toy."

[@grenade8572]

"Stop making suh a big fuss over a toy". So, robbing a toy store is ok? :D

[@karowolkenschaufler7659]

this whole thing makes me worried that people are giving "boundaries" a new, bad meaning. boundaries are important. people equating setting boundaries with being selfish and uncompassionate... destroyes boundaries as a thing to set in order not to be taken advantage of and burn out. this ain't good.

[@QuentinPlant]

For me it seems like there might perhaps be psychological problems with the young woman.

[@sarahr8311]

Agreed. Boundaries aren't a cheat code for telling other people what they can and can't do in common spaces without them getting any input into the situation. If she doesn't want other people touching her clothes, that's fine. After this happened a conversation about why she was upset, why they needed to do laundry that day, and how to keep the situation from coming up again would be reasonable. Her deciding she can tie up the laundry facilities for the entire day whenever she wants to is not reasonable.

[@TheBre1491]

Yeah, I’m the same way about my stuff and boundaries(my dad would come into my room growing up and take/move things on purpose to cure something I wasn’t bothered about until he did it!). But if I was going to be gone all day and the other person folded my laundry for me, I’d be thankful, not an entitled brat. If she has that much of a problem with people touching her stuff, then she needs to get it done and put away the second it’s dry. I’d be upset if they went into my room and took my clothes or whatever, but the parents didn’t do that in this case. Daughter is going to have to deal with people touching her stuff if she ever lives in an apartment and has to use shared laundry machines. If your stuff is done, people will take it out. Wet, dry, whatever. And they will not move it to the dryer or fold it. 🤣 you either accept it, or go get/switch your laundry as soon as possible. Don’t be gone all day.

[@GayToBeHere]

I agree. I had someone told me their friend broke their boundaries and was toxic for it, but they never wanted to tell what their boundaries were to anyone

[@diogamest3545]

​@@QuentinPlantFor me, whenever someone moves my stuff, I have zero idea where it could go because I have a "system" to my chaos, so to speak. Basically, I know where everything is in my mess of a room and I don't even know how. If someone else - SPECIFICALLY SOMEONE ELSE - were to clean it up, though, while others may be thankful, I'd probably be panicking, wondering where everything went because I wasn't the one to do it. That said, it feels like she's got undiagnosed ADHD, at least in my opinion.

[@sup9441]

7:23 In the words of someone wise: If you want stay-at-home wifey privilleges, you need to give me stay-at-home wifey money.

[@juliaboskamp9666]

A guy made a tiktok about this he played that "traditional" (he isn't married but still has kids with the woman he is with) man that wanted his gf to do all the housework and take care of the kids, and the girlfriend will say i won't do that unless you make enough for me to stay home and do all the stuff you mom did (his caractersaid his mom did it that way when he was young), were his caracter but babe in this economie we both need to work

[@aliceh5289]

​@@juliaboskamp9666 Not sure I'm reading this right, but at least to the very last part - if this economy means we both have to work for a wage, then this economy also means we both have to contribute to household chores and "women's work". Nobody with a job has the abundance of time that "women's work" requires.

[@rac1equalsbestgame853]

@@juliaboskamp9666I have see a parody short of that in this site and it's hilarious

[@conspiracypanda1200]

​@@AIHumanEqualityHmmmm idk bout that. I live in Australia and have family in Great Britain (can't speak for Canada) and I'd say it's all pretty abyssmal. In a modeen partnership with our current (and honestly quite globally intertwined) economies we all have to work regardless of our gender in order to stay afloat. The housing and rent crisis in Australia is particularly horrific, and for Brits it's only a few degrees better. Everyone in every western country is struggling to some degree, so splitting the work and chores 50/50 is the most logical and loving way for partners to live together successfully. Anything less is disrespectful and causes severe imbalance and work overload for one partner over the other.

[@xladycaosx]

@@AIHumanEqualityIt’s not just America. I’m from somewhat rural Italy and even there for most people with regular jobs you need two people working just to make ends meet, let alone raise a family. I currently live in Japan and here it’s a bit more possible to have a family on one income (mostly cos the taxes are structured to help with that), but even here the man must have a pretty good salary if you want kids. Most women at my workplace who have kids are from dual income families, especially if they want more than one kid.

[@Misstborn]

the "golddigger" story- that's insane. I mean as a kid of a divorce late in my adolescence, I get not feeling like your parent's new partner is a parent but the way the daughter was treating op was just mean. It's like op is only family when it's convenient or for negative emotions targeted at her.

[@WarpigA23]

A 28-year-old was EXPECTING more than $10,000 from her father and stepmother? And she IS the stepmother, whether the ungrateful brat likes it or not.

[@Misstborn]

Yeah- I mean if you don't have a parental relationship with them that's perfectly fine. But then don't expect a parental relationship when it's useful! And seriously... 10k is a _lot_ of money, I get that weddings are expensive but that's not your parents' responsibility.

[@sarahr8311]

Seriously. My dad's dated several people since I was grown, and I haven't had much of a relationship with any of them. Friendly sure, but not particularly intimate. But I don't then expect them to fork over large amounts of money for my big life events.

[@victoriaskully]

Agree with you. Literally who complains about getting ten grand. Like seriously.

[@eirinym]

If you want an expensive wedding, pay for an expensive wedding. I seriously don't understand why anyone would think or expect anyone to pay for it when it's not their wedding. If someone generously offers to help and gives the amount they can give, you feeling entitled enough to say it's not enough, complain and ask for more... if I had offered at that point I would say, ah I see, you don't think it's enough. Well, in that case I guess you can find someone else to help. I apparently can't give enough, sorry.

[@Kattlarv]

I was honestly surprised the wife even ordered food for the useless inlaws and husband. Would just have told MIL to get off her lazy butt after the food arrived.

[@WarpigA23]

I agree! It's also absurd to expect the last person to get home to cook supper.

[@MirandolinaAmaldin]

​@@WarpigA23Obviously she should just split herself into two people so she can be home before him and get this stuff done. 😂

[@xladycaosx]

I would have only fed my kids. If the MIL is such a proper woman, she can feed herself and her son.

[@AJst6tz]

​@@xladycaosx YES

[@morganablackwater2017]

I would order food only for myself and told the kids to ask they father why he thinks they don't have to eat. Men do those things cause they KNOW woman will feed everyone.

[@john_michael97]

The thing about the legos wasn’t that it was originally a 300 dollar set, but that it was a set that was retired so it was 300 dollars on the aftermarket. The father didn’t realize that the value of many Lego sets go way up once they are retired, which is why OP was keeping sealed sets to sell or trade.

[@Carebearfanatic]

One time my niece took a valuable Barbie I had I made a fuss about it I get blamed for being “upset over a Barbie “ it goes for $70 out of box and more in box that Lego story just makes me angry

[@john_michael97]

@@Carebearfanatic I have several reasonably expensive Lego sets ranging back to the 70’s, I would be (rightly) pissed if someone just gave them away, not to mention some have sentimental value far beyond their actual monetary cost.

[@simsgirlgem]

I got upset at my older sister for breaking a rare sailor Saturn figure a friend got me for my birthday I still have it because I value the gifts I am given but my friend got me a new one but I told my sister I expected a visa gift card for the amount of the figure to send my friend because she shouldn’t have had to buy me a new figure my sister was shocked that a tiny chibi figure cost so much she apologized when I asked her to imagine my friend spending money she doesn’t get a lot of on disability because she loves her friends dearly though I have put a thirty dollar limit on gifts since then

[@klikkolee]

In the US, people can absolutely be 100% disinherited, though it's conventional to give them an inheritance of $1 so they can't claim to have been forgotten.

[@UnicornsPoopRainbows]

I call it a legal middle finger 😂

[@clockside]

That's actually a really bad idea legally. Giving someone even just a dollar gives them better grounds to contest the will. What's actually recommended is to state the names and relationships of anyone you're "disinheriting" and say that you are intentionally not leaving them anything. That way they can't argue they were forgotten but they also can't claim they deserve more than a dollar due to their legally-recognized relationship with you. (Family and Inheritance laws are messy that way.)

[@wartgin]

Yes, if you die intestate (without a will if I remember the correct phrase) in the US, each state has a particular formula that is used to divide the estate based on how many people and their relationships to the deceased (which usually is very different from how people typically want to distribute their money). That is why wills are very important but you can absolutely disinherit someone using a will.

[@mintyflores7378]

I swear this sub reddit is either "aita for asking for extra ketchup at McDonald's?" or "atia for drowning my daughter's(3) puppy in bleach?"

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

aita for making a post on aita?

[@alex_blue5802]

Usually "aita for standing up to a bully." Sometimes i get it, getting angry and lashing out can feel bad. But i wish people would be a little more confident in their own sense of morality.

[@KingOfThePond..]

Fr, they’re either a full on psychopath or just really insecure I go on this sub just to hear of spicy family drama that I shouldn’t care about

[@elizakarnopp8921]

Don't forget the third genre, "aita for being mentally and emotionally abused?"

[@rinryu55]

@@elizakarnopp8921 This one can be legit, though. When you're in the middle of that kind of situation, especially if there has been a lot of gaslighting and isolating, you a) don't have anyone close that you trust that you can go to, and b) you legitimately don't know whether you're in the wrong. Those situations are a mind-f*kk.

[@TheHitsubasa]

That’s so gross to have the naughties in someone else’s bed

[@BahamutEx]

Unless its the bed of (one of)the person(s) you're doing it with ofc.

[@Susirajantakaa]

@@BahamutEx Then they are not doing it in "someone else's bed". Duh.

[@BahamutEx]

@@Susirajantakaa everyone but me is "someone else"

[@osheridan]

​@@BahamutEx bro just take the L

[@-The_preppy_TOHfan-]

​​@@osheridan you take the L lol is your (WOULD BE) partner someone else?

[@André-b3w]

If she's the main breadwinner then how can she clean the house? In Classical Marriages the man is the SOLE provider so that the woman can be a housewife. He isn't. She is right.

[@morganablackwater2017]

Actually in this set up he should be a housemaker

[@ShadoeLandman]

That classic marriage thing was really only accurate for maybe two generations. In rural times, most people worked at home, both male and female, both did an element of providing for the family by doing farm/ranch chores. Children also helped. Unfortunately, women often did work that was just as strenuous but worked longer hours. They’d be doing laundry with a washboard or manual wringer washer, canning, cooking, baking, and cleaning. But the man would be raising/growing food, cleaning equipment and barns, etc. Then suddenly there were people able to make a living off one job at a factory or office, and the second person, generally the woman, took care of home tasks. It’s crazy that men think making a woman do that plus bring home income should be a norm. That’s never how it actually worked except where men were treating women as slaves or servants.

[@hmnhntr]

​@@morganablackwater2017Was thinking the same thing. If she's making the money, he should be raising the kids and making the home. Strange how tradition is often bent when its in the favor of the ones who supposedly care about it so much, isn't it? Almost like it doesn't really matter outside of being a convenient way to avoid defending your ideas and behavior

[@ryannevanwesten8927]

​@ShadoeLandman YES! I live in a rural area, and literally every generation of women in my family has worked, either on the farm or in the family store. The store was purchased after my great grandfather had a heart attack in 1958, and my great grandmother solely ran it.

[@historianKelly]

Re: Husband is too broke to be sexist. I'm a historian. I feel the need to set the record straight on "traditionalism." What modern people call "traditional" gender roles are VERY RECENT social constructs. When I say "very recent," I mean these ideas came about in Western society in about the last 160 years. While that may sound like a long time ago, it's not like it's Biblical times, which were 2000+ years ago, which is what these "traditionalists" think they are referring to. Up until the time of the Industrial Revolution, households could not afford for a wife to do nothing towards the household economy, not even wealthy households, which were extremely small numbers of any population anyhow. In hunter/gatherer societies, women hunted small game, plus helped make netting for hunting, as well as gathered food, which is A JOB. They often did this right alongside the men of their clan (I'm using that term because the concept is the same in all of these societies). In agrarian societies, women worked in the fields, tended to the animals, worked in grain storage, and more - about the only job they MAYBE didn't do (sometimes did, though) was the ploughing. Again, they worked right alongside the men in their family, and if the man died or became too injured to keep going, guess who took over his work? You didn't look outside the family. The women took over. In fact, archeologists are finding more & more evidence that women held positions of power & might in societies & cultures we had previously thought -- because of our own paternalism -- were male-only, rewriting the history of some entire nations. For instance, the Vikings were thought to be a male-dominated warrior society, UNTIL graves of female bodies surrounded by warrior chief's belongings started to be found. Advances in technology show how these women used their muscles (it's fascinating bone science), had been injured in war, etc. So all these "traditionalists" crack me up. They're just misogynists - even the women. They bought into this fabricated "religious" b.s. meant to disempower an entire gender. Think about this: you are an all-powerful Creator. You create life. You create two genders, but then you WANT one of them to be inferior??? Does this sound like something that 1) an omnipotent Creator would do, or 2) silly-a**ed humans, fond of creating hierarchies because they're a bit pathetic, would scheme up as a power play? Seriously? As an independent woman, I do not understand how these women marry these weak men. When I was younger, men would be attracted to my strength for one of 2 reasons: 1) to try to "conquer" or vanquish me & thus somehow gain my power? I really don't know how that was supposed to work, or 2) because they were passive and wanted me to boss them. I'm not into power dynamics. I told all of them to kiss my behind. If someone can't be my equal partner, then I'm fine being alone. I'm good company. And now that I've found Click, I have even better entertainment. My dad was a lot of terrible things, but he did give me some great advice at times. He told me, "when you marry, you marry into a family. If his family is unbearable while you're dating, ask yourself, do I want to be related to them? If the answer is No, then he is not for you. It's not his fault, but that's the truth." It was excellent advice.

[@Susirajantakaa]

"Think about this: you are an all-powerful Creator. You create life. You create two genders, but then you WANT one of them to be inferior?" According to the Bible, this is exactly what Christian god wanted. As far as I know, there are similiar traits in islam. That's why I can't understand religious people, especially women. Though they tend to cherrypick bits they like from the religious texts and ignore the rest. Sometimes even making up shit and claiming it being the God's will.

[@LibraryofAcousticMagic3240]

as someone who's aro even more so. Get on my nerves? Disrespect me regularly? Complain behind my back instead of talking it out? Depend on me all the time or look after me like I was a child? Nope, I will toss you out. I don't need to share my life with sb like that. And before anyone tells me bs. I already know SEVERAL people that meet these criteria and am friends with them. They exist.

[@Robin93k]

Vikings not being male-only is still news in the US? Damn I already learned that decades ago in Europe...

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

Thank you for this history lesson! This was very interesting! Also, that sounds like a great standard for relationships. I'm kind of similar. I broke up with my last boyfriend because he was too passive and expected me to do everything. I'm not about being "in charge" of a relationship, I want an equal, loving partner and I'm perfectly happy to wait until I find that.

[@carmelr5504]

Louder for the people in the back 👏👏 Thank you for the history!

[@Nerobyrne]

It's really disgusting how the same people who constantly preach about men needing to provide for their whole family are also the ones resisting things like raising minimum wage or reducing the rich-poor divide.

[@grmpEqweer]

IIRC, according to an article I read: in order for one wage-earner in the USA to provide a traditional middle-class lifestyle for a SAHM and kids, it takes a roughly 130k income. ...This according to an article I read. Of course, that will vary, usually due to housing costs. The median wage is (again IIRC) 41K.

[@scottydog6713]

​@@grmpEqweer crazy how polyamory is the only way to support a middle-class traditional household lifestyle LMAO always room for a third i suppose

[@jman12g73]

It’s not babysitting if it’s the person’s own kid. He can’t even be a parent to his own kid is more what it sounds like to me. For the story about the friend begging for childcare

[@airacummins5076]

If i was the sole breadwinner and had a baby, but the babies dad wouldnt parent them while i go to work, they would be out on their a*s, heck, if the dad worked different hours theyd still have to take care of THERE OWN child while _I_ wasnt there

[@jman12g73]

100000% though

[@nyxstarbright2590]

Exactly it is another case of weaponized incompetence, meaning he is a father not a dad. A dad wants to take responsibility and spend time with HIS children.

[@tealkerberus748]

I know "mother's new boyfriend left at home alone to mind the baby" is a huge red flag so she shouldn't do that. But if she's going to be supporting an adult at home on her sole-breadwinner salary, she could kick out the deadbeat husband and find an unemployed daycare worker, maybe someone who's had covid pretty badly and needs a couple of years before they go back to full time work, and have them live with her for free board and lodging in exchange for looking after her kid. Rent's expensive these days, so it shouldn't be hard to find someone willing and also suitably certified so she feels safe leaving her kid with them. Board and lodging isn't like being paid a real wage, but for someone who can't afford rent on their own income it can be an absolute lifeline!

[@iami5124]

She should leave the lazy man and use the money she is using to feed him to pay daycare

[@brinagotsued]

38:46 is giving "I'd rather your child die than be slightly inconvenienced for an hour, but you still have to be my friend“. Absolutely delusional!

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

Insulting to the deluded.

[@alexcarboniart2091]

She certainly taught the neighbour a lesson: that she's not to be trusted with anything and will let you literally die if helping out would slightly inconvenience her 😵

[@bunkerengel6725]

Absolutely. Hell i really don't like kids around me more than 5minutes and even i would do it for a neighbour i don't even know well. Not at my home tho but outside or at their place or i would go to the hospital with her, watch the 5yo and support her in that situation. Especially when i know that someone is already on the way to look after the kid. The reaction of the girlfriend is infuriating and thoughtless. Blaming him for not siding and correcting her mistake too.

[@lfleia]

I don't know that I could even stay with someone who wouldn't help out when a child literally isn't breathing. I had that happen when my child was sick at a little over a month old, and I just don't know that I could be with someone who wouldn't even watch another child during something like that. She wasn't asking her to be a doctor and save her kid or anything.

[@dragonfliesnh4204]

Right? Not only that, the friend never asked for help with the kids during the entire 3 years they have known each other. It sounded like she could have spared a little time, wasn't busy and doesn't hate the kids. The grandmother was on her way and would have picked up the kid in less than an hour. I don't understand why someone would refuse unless they had a legitimate excuse. Yes, she isn't REQUIRED to help and it was in her right to say no, but it was a crappy thing to do.

[@simonederobert1612]

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING upsets me more than an older maternal family member telling her son, who is the male family member/husband of his own family, that the female family member/wife has all of the responsibility of the upkeep and running of the family household. This MAY have been valid when the world was largely rural and the husband was, with his mule, "out working on the back 40", which left the household the "back 40" of the wife with 'maybe' assistance from their toddler. That, dear readers, stopped being the norm when the world became town/city dwellers/urbanized, and there was no longer any need to even have a mule because there was no ploughing to be done in a city job, and women began having a job outside of the home as well. To then STIFF HER with all of the household upkeep is just WRONG. Obviously, the MOM has not kept up with the last 50 years of history.

[@CanyonALynn]

Exactly. One, to keep to "traditional" roles, the MIL should keep quiet. Two, if she feels the need to act like the head of a house that even isn't her own, then she should be the one in the kitchen and cleaning the house. She should take her own advice.

[@jonny_piratefox]

And the "women stay at home" thing is also a relatively "new" thing iirc Like in the middle ages you could not afford that one person of the Household didn't work. Women just worked like their men, either helping on the field, selling the stuff made at the market or helped otherwise with the work. Tho it's just what i remember and i didn't fact check before writing so take it with a grain of salt.

[@kaelin_cherise]

​@jonny_piratefox it's not "new" in that it has only emerged recently , it's that the archetype was perpetrated by historical examples that came from even in those times privileged families (read: middle class) It came back (stateswise) in the 50s and since that time seems to be the epitome of the American Dream, older generations want the new generations to return to that. (As if making women stay at home will suddenly fix all the systemic issues, or recreate a middle class bracket) But the recent trend of internalized misogyny from women saying women should return to being "homemakers," and crying that feminism was the worst thing that ever happened to them- now that's new.

[@nekk-ra7080]

​@@jonny_piratefoxNo, you're correct. Poor women have always had to work, and people forget the middle class was not a thing until recent history.

[@rac1equalsbestgame853]

@@jonny_piratefoxYou're correct actually. The woman not having to work has existed for a long time; if rich/her husband is rich. Even in the agricultural era, the woman also did field work, be it support or direct field work, or at least sell the products of the field. Even in the hunter gatherer era, anthropologist research has found that hunter-gatherers women also did hunt and gather alongside the men.

[@thou_dog]

With the one dad who was described as "not good with children", my immediate concern would be digging in to why not. Is he too disorganized in his life to be able to keep track of and address a child's needs? Does he have a disability (including neuro/psychiatric) that prevent him from doing so? In these cases maybe he could be a carer if he had some additional support (which is NOT the OP's responsibility, but shared between him and his spouse). Alternately, is the dad simply not interested in/resentful of caring for the kid, or acts like he'd harm the kid? Then the dad needs to be kicked to the curb because he's not just useless, he's a menace.

[@Susirajantakaa]

I would also add: Did the father want a child in the first place? If not, I would understand the lack of interest looking after the kid. It is not the kid's fault, but it is not fair to expect someone to take a responsibility of a kid they didn't agree to have. Or is he one of those controlling men, who think having a child with a woman will tie the woman to them forever? Then the kid is just a tool of control and he is an ass.

[@ek5635]

Honestly yeah... maybe it's just my biais from growing up with a dad like that but my mind immediately went to substance abuse.... it was a total taboo in my family and my mom never told anyone about it, not even her closest friends. It can be very difficult to open up about those kinds of things because people will usually judge you for "letting that happen" under your roof and for not leaving immediately or kicking him out... easier to say that dad isn't good with kids

[@vellathewench]

@@Susirajantakaa I have to disagree. If a man didn't want to have the responsibility of a child then they don't have sex or make sure it's safe. It's on BOTH of the people who make the child, not just the one who is forced to carry it. And if it was an "accident" then tough. That's life. It's not fair and you are responsible for the actions you take and the consequences to those actions.

[@StrayVagabond]

Too broke to be sexist: would not have let them eat the take out I bought. MIL can cook for her own husband and child.

[@juliaboskamp9666]

That story about the roommate using OP's bed for doing the devil's tango is just gross no matter the gender or sexuality. I'm asexual and have seen a lot of stories on the internet of fellow asexuals that discover that friends or family use their bed for devil's tango (and don't clean up after doing something so discussing). And when they ask why the jerk will just laugh and say it's normal for adult people to have devil's tango, and later they will hear those friends or family tried to cure the person's asexuality by showing it's normal or something (as a asexual that would probably make me more repulsed by it)

[@anthonynguyen451]

Hello fellow ace person here. Wtf type of family and friends does that. Wish ya better luck.

[@Linnzy]

Fellow Ace here. Would be equally disgusted!

[@André-b3w]

I think the first guy explained himself badly, I think he meant it in a "straight guy imagine how angry you would be if a guy had gay sex on your bed" put yourself in his shoe kind of deal. Likely expecting his straight roommate would probably freak out about sex on HIS bed, but even more at GAY sex on his bed, y'know. This means his straight roommate is a hypocrite for trying to defend himself given how he'd react if the roles were flipped. Especially if the straight dude has had a history of finding stranger men's fluids (even something minor like sweat or saliva), extra icky for "being gay". IF he ever shown "alpha male"/toxic masculine/"No bc that would be gay" shit like this around his gay roommate the response is warranted

[@Misstborn]

​@@André-b3wit really sounded like the op was grossed out by the fact that it was a woman... which is kinda weird like the problem isn't the gender of the people it's what they were doing.

[@Misstborn]

Another ace here! I'm fairly sex positive so I understand the appeal and I can confidently say that no matter who you are, having sex on somebody else's bed is absolutely disgusting and a _massive_ invasion of privacy! there's so much wrong with that and I honestly don't even want you think about it

[@gummitheguppy5901]

the story abt the parents in law is actually so wild. Tbh i would've done alot more than what that woman did and she has an incredible amount of patience for not kicking the parents out the first time they said she should be a "proper woman".

[@xlsfd]

Here in Germany, we also have the law that if someone is disinherited, they still get half of what the law says they would get. Marriage partner usually gets 50%, with the other 50% distributed equally among the couple's children, so if you were to disinherit your marriage partner, they'd still get 25%.

[@CanonSkyrissian]

yep, it's the same here in finland, and I also don't think you can disinherit your kids for just any reason. like the kid has to commit some sort of heinous crime against the parent to be disinherited (e.g. attempted murder)

[@ericburton5163]

Interesting. If you are the surviving spouse do you have to leave all of your inheritance to your children? Could you leave some to a niece or nephew or charity? Would you have to "disinherit" your children to allow you to distribute any money to other people/organizations?

[@fiyahquacker2835]

​@@ericburton5163I feel like it's probably best to go with the $1 in whatever currency rule.

[@qtluna7917]

You can (in Germany) disinherit yourself though, e.g. by getting adopted by the new spouse of your divorced parent. (because this exchanges exactly one parent with a different one) Not really applicable to this story, but many countries do have weird quirks in family and divorce law.

[@xlsfd]

@@ericburton5163 Well, that goes into the specifics of inheritance law, and my comment up there is what I still remember from my social studies textbooks, but I'd say if you are the surviving spouse and have two children, the legal minimum of what they would receive after your death is 25% of your assets each.

[@Jilatannies]

With the first one, I'm really curious about how his three friends thought it was an overreaction? That's absolutely disgusting, personally I hate the smell of another person on my pillow/bed, imagine all their bodily fluids too, I could never accept it it's disgusting and no one should ever use a person's bed like that without consent

[@marieporter9488]

Do you think dog or cat fur would prevent others from using a bed? I'm genuinely asking because a lot of the comments are saying things about people purposely doing the deed in an asexual person's bed to "convert" them by proving that it's good. I've been considering roommates, and now that I heard that story I want to take precautions. Would the scent or fur of an animal deter intruders from using my bed?

[@strawberryfox8819]

​@@marieporter9488Probably not. I'd say to invest in a good lock. If all fails, pretend to have lice or bed bugs. People will avoid your bed like the plague.

[@seireidoragon]

@@marieporter9488 The pet fur thing only really works on specific people. Like my sister does not like dogs and so whenever she visits our parents, the first thing she always does after arriving home is wash her sheets and blankets. My parents will do that but then let the dog in who jumps up on the bed so she will refuse to even sit on it until they're clean. This is a very specific case though as it's a mix of her trauma and germaphobia (side note: she doesn't mind cat fur). So unless you specifically know that person would be bugged by it, I'd say it wouldn't work.

[@tjrune3432]

Lord help me, if my partner said I should be more dutiful in my marriage after having popped out, raised kids with, and kept house for them while working, they deserve most any retort that follows. Emotions are emotions, you stab at them, people respond. As for the Cookout story, this is a perfectly viable way to deal with ingrates spoiling what is supposed to be a happy event. The statement "when they heard about what happened" tells me the entire thing was relatively private, quiet, and otherwise unproblematic. Last thing you want bringing you down is someone who wants to look down on everyone around them.

[@poseidons_child.]

I’m sorry but P O P P E D O U T

[@tjrune3432]

@@poseidons_child. Alternatively, birthed

[@claratalbot7613]

Nah, the wife has every right to call her husband out for allowing their in-laws to come into their house & try to force them to change the way they live meanwhile whenever they visit the in-laws they have to respect their house rules. If people want a traditional marriage or not, it should be based on what they choose & if they can afford it. Not one that is forced upon them because of "traditions" or any other kind of nonsense. Also, expecting someone to come home from work & do the housework on top of little or zero help from their spouse is not okay. A person should not be basically getting punished because of the arrangement they made with their spouse/spouses by doing 100% of the work or the majority of it. Nor should they have to give up what they want to do to "follow traditions" that force them into unhappy situations. Not everyone wants or can afford to have a "traditional marriage" just as not everyone wants to get married or have kids. I would have kicked my in-laws out & not allowed them to come over until they learned to respect the way my future wife & I decided to live our lives. If they ask why I would either respond with A) Because you don't respect nor follow our house rules or B) Until your learn to respect our house rules we can't let you be a bad influences around our kids

[@IronicNameOrWhatever]

It also baffles me how she was self-aware enough to think saying what she said in front of the children might have put him down or embarrassed him in the eyes of their children and harm his authority but doesn't doesn't blame him for doing exactly that to her. He literally just told their children that she is a "not good enough" mother and should do better, that does impact how children see their parent. Remember, never belittle our partner in general but especially in front of your children, like wtf?

[@claratalbot7613]

@elenakopylova2684 Exactly. It's bad enough that she's being treated poorly by her mother-in-law, but then it gets worse when her husband doesn't have the spine to stand up against his mom to defend his wife & worse when ends up siding with his mom to belittle her about not being a "traditional" homemaker despite him being just fine with the arrangement until his mom overstepped her bounties. Like if an arrangement needs to be adjusted, you discuss that with your partner in private & respectfully. You don't public shame them & berate them, especially in front of the children, because they're going to pick up that's it's okay to do that to people to get what they want. She should have kicked both her mother-in-law & husband out of the house & spent the night with kids. Maybe even have a discussion with the husband away from his mother-in-law about what they're going to do next & if they need to reconsider the marriage because if he's going to be a doormat for his mom & allow her to bully his wife then he's not going to a good husband nor a good father

[@stampandscrap7494]

It would be divorce for me if my husband said that in front of the kids.

[@Gormathius]

These days, 'tradition' really is just another word for 'dogma' by people who don't want to admit they're being dogmatic. Occasionally it'll have an innocent meaning like how christmas is a tradition, or the "we always visit this one diner just off the highway every time we go to this theme part" kind of stuff, but most of the time when people talk about tradition these days it's just dogma.

[@claratalbot7613]

@Gormathius Exactly. It depends on the context of what they're talking about. Any time it's used in the context of marriage, children, roles, dressing, toys, etc, it's about instilling a dogmatic belief into someone. Although a Dogma or Dogmatic belief itself is neutral, it depends on if it's being forced (intentionally or not) or spoken about in a kind of open-ended way/neutral way. For example: Teaching a child from an early age that marriage & having kids is important & that it should be a goal for them in their life vs teaching them that that marriage &/or having kids is something that some people do & some don't but letting them know that those things will be up to them when they get older. One thing I will also note is for innocent traditions that can get nasty depending on how important they take said tradition. If say that diner was closed that day or had been shut down so the family going to the theme park has to go somewhere else would they just simply start a new tradition somewhere else or would they do something silly like not go to the theme park or would they drive who knows how many miles to find that specfic diner that was open. It's all about context & how important the tradition is treated

[@zenith5844]

👏🏼 disability is not a moral failing 👏🏼 so glad we said this

[@zefiro6829]

Whenever I hear stories about using another person's bed for naughties without permission, I feel bitter all over again about what my friend had to deal with in college. Her dormmate invited someone over and used her bed because she hadn't cleaned hers up (presumably from her previous hookup). My friend was so appalled, she chose to pack all her things and stay with her parents. It gets worse, too. You shouldn't use _anybody's_ bed without permission, but the fact that my friend is on the asexual spectrum only added insult to injury.

[@Romanticoutlaw]

what I'm getting from the comments is that this isn't an uncommon problem for asexuals, which is honestly upsetting as hell

[@Trash_Panda63]

@@Romanticoutlaw yeah, apparently it's to shove in their face that "sex is normal"? Like wtf!? That's so disgusting and a MASSIVE invasion of privacy no matter the person's sexuality. Not to mention the fact that not all ace people are averse to sex, and even if they are, that point is stupid and immature. I'm a cis-het woman and I would be APPALLD if I found out someone was f*cking in my bed. Would probably burn the sheets.

[@runicspyder]

It infuriates me. I am so glad I know now so awareness can be spread. I feel so bad for aro/ace people ​@Romanticoutlaw

[@-_Nifi_-]

Honestly didn’t think it could get worse, the fact they’re ace-spec did make it worse. That dorm mate is a b_tch

[@strawberryfox8819]

This is why I could never share my room with anyone. That entire concept feels so weird to me as well (not asexuality, but the concept of having two strangers share a room).

[@Misstborn]

The story about the medical emergency- The neighbor is setting their own boundaries of "if you'll refuse to help in any way during a medical emergency, then I don't want to be friends with you." It's a wild thing to say no to unless you are also in a very very important situation. And yeah, it's her prerogative to say no, but she should expect the neighbor not to like her anymore and accept that as the consequences of her boundaries.

[@Cosmoskitten1]

The first story about the roommate using the bed is just...no. I used to work graveyard shift (8PM to 8AM) my brother and his friend used my room as their hangout because I owned a gaming system. I didn't mind that especially since they were polite enough to vacate when I wanted to use my own room. His friend wanted to date me. I said no. I am asexual (not that I need to justify my reasons to say no to someone)! As revenge the friend had relations with a girl in my bed while I was at work. I found out much later when I had to deal with a lice issue. The girl had lice! (And I have never seen/met her, so I assume it was a one-night stand.) Brother's friend was no longer welcome in my home.

[@QuentinPlant]

Ouch. That's horrible.

[@onerva0001]

OMG that is disgusting!

[@justalostlocal]

Something about ppl wanting to spite us acespecs with invading our privacy in the worst ways. It's sexual harassment bc they assume they can A) get revenge, b) change us (???). Like bro, I would be disgusting no matter what sexuality I have. It's so insidious.

[@-_Nifi_-]

yyyucky. This a common problem among ace people? I’ve seen two comments (this one included) where something like this happened to an ace person

[@crazydragy4233]

​@@-_Nifi_- Acephobia is real. And let's be honest this sort of treatment hasn't been exclusively to ace folk, there's really nothing new or original in homophobia

[@aspergianstoryteller6204]

Asking your friend to babysit when both parents are working is one thing, but when you have an unemployed parent at home? Why even have a child with them? Why marry and start a family with someone who won't parent their own children? What a useless husband and father.

[@Susirajantakaa]

Why to have a child with useless man? I dunno, because she wants to have a child and it really doesn't matter who the sperm donor is as long as she gets the child? If the guy is not keen to look after his own kid, sounds like he hasn't been that thrilled to have a child in the first place. So many women just want to have kids and so many men just go along without ever thinking any further. Has he been a good partner untill they got the child? Is it a sudden change? Or has he been useless before and she is dumb enough to think he would change when the child is in the picture? Did he want to have a child? Or is it something he just went along with because she wanted? Did she got herself pregnant against his will? Or did he want to have a child thinking it is a good way to control her and tie her into him forever?

[@tomlxyz]

6:59 it's quite ironic that the husband, a man, pulled up the tradition card that got brought up by his mom, a woman

[@tomlxyz]

Honestly though, weirdly enough in my personal experience it's more often been the older female relative who tells their male relative that their young male relative should make his wife act more traditional. Maybe it's a sort of projection or a "you can't have it better than i" mentality

[@IronicNameOrWhatever]

​@@tomlxyzI suppose its out of jealousy, "I was nothing but a servant to my family my whole life, how come you get to decide what you want to do with your life and I couldn't?!"

[@eyesofthecervino3366]

​@@tomlxyz I'm pretty sure it goes the other way, too: often when a guy gets teased or bullied for not being "conventionally masculine" enough it's by other men. What's with that?

[@tomlxyz]

@@eyesofthecervino3366 honestly I've never seen that happen, in my experience it was always a women who enforced it

[@oakley9395]

The "Refusing to let my in-laws stay us again?" story is crazy to me. Especially since I'm currently staying with my brother and his fiance for the summer and they have a 5/mo baby. It's not that hard to watch the baby for a couple minutes while they do dishes or just have some time and it's really not hard to be quiet while the baby is asleep. Their selfishness is crazy.

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

Baby Deserve.

[@LadyWildlower]

On the too broke to be sexist story; what, he thinks she's too uppity for how he was raised.. when he's implying that she should be so worthless that how SHE was raised shouldn't even be considered? That she is so worthless that her husband and in-laws should be allowed to dictate how she lives with no consideration of her or her own family? Like, the entire premise of that statement, and the thought process that leads anyone to think it's even slightly okay, is fucked up and in her position frankly I'd hardly blame her for demanding a divorce on the spot. To hell with "you said it in front of the kids," he's the one basically telling those kids to their face that their mother is or should be worthless.

[@jammies721]

For the teen laundry story; it is good to set boundaries, but not if they encroach on the boundaries of those around you. She should have a set rule that if her clothes are in the way, her parents can put them in a basket in her room for her to deal with later. 'Never touch this thing' cant be a hard rule in community spaces. That or tell her she can only do her laundry at the end of the day when she is home from work if everyone else is done with theirs.

[@audreydoyle5268]

Or they can get over themselves and buy a clothes rack. You know, for rainy days and build up. Communal space does not mean personal property becomes communal. The space WAS used communally. 10 hours isn't that long for laundry. There is no way unless they live in the most arid area in the world that her clothes would be bone dry in an hour. How did they know her clothes were dry in that time? General rule: do not touch other people's stuff, even if it impedes your schedule by a couple hours, but only when it's genuinely life or death. If she did her laundry at the end of the day, it would have had to stay on overnight, staying damp for longer, probably not dried till she needed to leave for work. I'm sure you've done it plenty of times. Put a load on, got ready for work, hung it out, went to work, came home, took it off. Heck, even I did that, with a similar living situation, and at no point did my mother tell me to take my washing off the line except for when it was about to rain. And never took it off for me. Only with me if she asked. If it rained or the whole outside line was occupied, she hung out clothes on clothes racks (we call them clotheshorses). Also, how would an entire hamper of one person's clothes take up enough line space, but 5 loads could be hung out? Even if by the 3rd, they took the first off. I call bull that her clothes were fully dry. Just a nothing burger made over a simple problem which could be solved with a $20 purchase.

[@JayB.0628]

I have the same issue as OP, the idea of somebody touching my clothes, especially my underwear makes me extremely uncomfortable. What I did was I bought myself a little fold-out clothes rack for like $20, and used that instead so that my family can use the regular clothes line. Or I take my clothes to a laundromat (not sure if they have this in the US), and I use the washing machines and dryers there.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

​@@audreydoyle5268if it's such a non-issue then the daughter can do that rather than encroaching and taking over the laundry area while having an unreasonable boundary for the household.

[@sketchiscribblr8285]

@@audreydoyle5268 friend, is it perpetually cloudy, humid, and cold, with absolutely no wind where you live? how is _10 hours_ not "that long" for laundry? we used to dry denim, linens, and heavy quilts/blankets out on the line because our dryer couldnt handle them, and even those rarely took more than ~6 hours unless there was like no sun and muggy weather. also dont just abandon a task all afternoon and leave it strewn to hell and back in peoples way. _She_ can get over herself and get a clothes rack for _her_ space if she wants to just set it and forget it.

[@rolfs2165]

"Don't touch my clothes" kinda makes sense in a college dorm (as long as you don't keep the washing machine occupied all day). I feel like she had some bad experiences in that regard, even if she tells the parents that everything is alright. But she appears to have forgotten that her parents had already been touching her clothes _for 18 years_ before she moved out to college. When I had moved out for uni, I wouldn't have wanted some rando at the laundromat touch my laundry, just like I wouldn't have touched theirs. But same as Click, I was always happy to come home for the weekend and have my mum do my laundry.

[@alostkoi]

That first stroy reminds me of my cousin using my house as a motel, for some reason his girlfriend had a nose bleed and they left all my mom's sheets covered in blood.... Without any explanation....

[@tanyastacy-haws993]

Dude, my dog caught her nail on the sheet at a hotel and I told them before I was even done checking out! It was only a couple drops, but you should always say something if there’s a possibility of stains! And not saying anything to a friend in that case is just nuts, I would be asking where the stain remover is and wash it myself.

[@christinamann3640]

OMG I hope it was a nosebleed 🤢

[@ferretqueen2908]

Wtf I would be mortified if I bled all over someone's sheets, I'd immediately ask where the washing machine is or paying for new sheets

[@stephiegirl7651]

That one commenter for the person who couldnt drive bc of disability. I love them. We need a class that teaches exactly what they stated. Just bc someone has a disability doesnt mean they are bad or immoral. Honestly it knocks me down a few pegs when I tell someone about things I've been working on and they make similar comments. We all have hard things to deal with in life. Some are visible. Some are not. Some can be fixed with a band-aid while others may take many many years to figure out and navigate. We truly need to learn how to love and support each other. Those closest to us and those who may be on the other side of the planet.

[@SingingSealRiana]

Like literally how could be a physical incapability ever be a moral failing? You plain cant stand on a leg ulyou aint got. Pressuring sonwinw unsafe foe driving to drive caude they inconvinience you endangers not judt them, but also everyone else on the streets. It is plain foebidden to have a drivers licence if you ar3 to visiually impaired or on certain meds. Would that father prefere his kid dead or in jail?! There is nothing disrespectful about stating the very trye fact, tgat having a disabled kid does come with limitations

[@stampandscrap7494]

As a 59 year old who is awaiting a diagnosis for ADHD and Autism. My daughter and grandson are both diagnosed. The amount of awful comments I have had when telling people is astounding.

[@AJst6tz]

​@stampandscrap7494 Shut up, you're not 59! You look fabulous ❤

[@stephiegirl7651]

@@stampandscrap7494 I am so sorry you had to go through that. It is never okay for people to talk down to anyone when it is something like that. Having an opinion is fine, but it doesn't mean it is right or that you need to share it. I hope in the future you dont have to deal with people like that. I do always remind myself that they don't live my life so I will not let their words change how I do so. It is hard and it is something I still to this day have to repeat to myself. Know that you have me that is happy to support you and wishes you to always be in the best of health

[@stampandscrap7494]

@@AJst6tz I don't look that good anymore lol that was about 6 years ago. Been ill a lot

[@thatradfailure5197]

Girlfriend Refusing To Emergency Babysit Story: Hi! I hate kids! I'm not good with kids! I've babysat before for a little kid and it simply cemented in my head that I don't want children. I still would have absolutely babysat that kid for the mom. It's a life or death emergency. You have to set your boundaries aside for emergencies sometimes. It's not them being violated, either, it's them being set to the side for one special time

[@QuentinPlant]

Same here - was never comfortable with small children and therefore have no real experience with them. But these things are called an "emergency" because you have to get out of your normal routine and help.

[@Cthultystka]

Same. Lottie had the gall to call herself friend but a friend is someone you can rely on and she clearly showed herself not to be one.

[@bellajonson6765]

I love kids but am also child free due to my lifestyle not being a supportive environment for that sort of thing and I also have to agree here, if you care about someone you're gonna at least try to be there for them when they need you right? Even if you don't like kids you care about their parent so it's natural ( in my opinion anyways) to help out in an emergency

[@nanidafaq7626]

she was even offered pay, and still refused to watch the kid for an hour

[@kokkolintu3528]

Same! And especially when the neighbour's mom was gonna arrive soon anyway.

[@sorinsilverheart3200]

Last story: Lady THAT IS YOUR KID. I don't care how burthurt you are over getting divorced or your ex getting primary custody. You can't go around promising things like that and then GHOSTING your own child on her birthday no less. Unreal.

[@DarkRose342]

I was about to fall asleep. But I guess I’ll sleep in an hour instead.

[@cryochick9044]

The video is practically over for you now Nini

[@vidarmartinsen2813]

I usually listen to click while deifting off to sleep

[@persooniemand8346]

Yep same here

[@CHERRY_YAKGUA]

Or fall asleep to this

[@vixithespiderling]

second lady is actually my hero now 😭🙏🙏 it’s also DEFINITELY why i would rather gut myself than marry someone who believes in that “traditional” lifestyle. i’d also be a terrible housewife so you gotta do things too because otherwise our house will be absolute chaos. but yeah, i refuse to marry anyone with the idea that i should be a housewife. especially if it’s a guy?? like stfu, spend time with your kids, do the dishes, & your laundry before telling me what to do 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

[@Fabian46544]

Great attitude. I wish more people would see it that way. This way we would probably have fewer buttholes that drag others down with their *success. *Success: Getting a partner even though or precisely because you are a piece of sh*t.

[@theuncalledfor]

I think it's pretty nasty to judge people by the personality/beliefs/actions of their parents. If they share the same properties, sure, but just because someone is from a traditional family doesn't necessarily mean they believe in that stuff.

[@vixithespiderling]

@@theuncalledfor oh, i didn’t mean it like that! i’m talking about if they believe in the traditional beliefs, i wouldn’t go out with them. most of the time traditional beliefs come from people who grew up around places where that traditional belief is super common, which is why i used that example. didn’t mean to come off like i was judging everybody from those families, i’m just saying that personally, i wouldn’t date somebody IF they had those beliefs, not just if they come from a traditional family. i used bad phrasing, sorry!

[@theuncalledfor]

@@vixithespiderling See, now THAT is perfectly reasonable.

[@vixithespiderling]

@@theuncalledfor ty for lmk that what i said can come off the wrong way. i appreciate it! :D

[@Fawkesbelladonna]

42:32 I am incredibly bad with children, but if a neighbor was desperate enough that they had to drop a child off at my house for an emergency. I would figure it out. When I was little my brother had a medical emergency and my mother had to drop us with our neighbors because my grandmother was unavailable.

[@akinmytua4680]

Same. Tell me the kid’s allergies and get to the ER

[@AnnoyingSquib]

Same here. I like kids, but I'm not in a position any time soon to have any of my own. Even if I didn't know my neighbor well, if they pounded on my door in hysterics because they need to take their sick infant to the hospital, you bet I'm babysitting their children until help arrives. Will it be inconvenient? Yes. Will I suddenly have to childproof everything? Also yes. But this is an emergency situation and to ignore it is completely tone deaf.

[@eirinym]

Saying the neighbour was snobby and entitled in that situation is bizarre. It sounded like a life or death situation and she just needed an hour... I'm afraid I couldn't agree with that assessment Lotta had. As Click said, the situation really matters. And it didn't sound like she ever asked, she was in a panic and pleading for help.

[@nyneeveanya8861]

One thing not addressed about the baby sitting is the friend cannot afford childcare so not only is she asking a single mom of two to start taking on a third child she also doesn’t want to pay for it.

[@rebella8898]

In America, if there is no will, then the heirs get an equal share. If there is a will, you can give whatever you want to whoever you want.

[@swaggfox1195]

Adding info to the $300 Lego set. The discontinued set in question was originally $70, a reasonable price and the father had the right idea of the price if it were still a new set. Nowadays, it does actually go for $300, OPENED. Resellers are insane.

[@nerdygraves]

Aww, Click... I live in America... We don't have any of the great laws you mentioned

[@poseidons_child.]

Top Ten Reasons Why I’m Fleeing The Country 1)

[@nerdygraves]

@@poseidons_child. Same. I can't yet, but same. Scandinavia here I come 🤞

[@MullingInk]

@@poseidons_child.I looked into it, but many countries with healthcare for citizens won’t allow people with disabilities to immigrate, because we’re “a drain on the system.”

[@marvelpovs2412]

The driving one hit close to home for me. I’m not allowed to drive. I live in the middle of the woods with the nearest store being a dollar general 15 minutes by car away. Need to go to a doctor or grocery store?30 minutes away. No Ubers or buses out near me. I have to rely on my parents. I’m 26 and I honestly feel like a failure that I can’t drive and have to ask my mom.

[@IronicNameOrWhatever]

There is really nothing about your disability that makes you a failure. It wasn't your choice to have said disability so don't listen to assholes who try to convince you that it's your fault. It sucks having a disability or a disorder that prevents you from living your live like any other "healthy" human but it shouldn't strip you frome your rights as a human being since that's what you are. You should not feel guilty for things outside of your control. You deserve all the same rights and possibilities other people have, disabled or not. I'm sorry if I worded it weird or funny, English is not my native language so I apologise in advance for any mistakes that might be in my comment, I see it as practice to improve so feel free to correct me if I'm being too silly in my comment or somehow unintentionally insulted you, that is definitely not what im going for, just trying to contribute to the conversation 😅

[@susannairisastarte5192]

I had a phobia and was truly afraid to drive . Finally learned at 23. But if the car breaks down, I take the bus or Lyft/Uber. I think the country you live in makes a difference as well. The US is designed for automobiles. Sad, since others forms of transportation would be very useful.

[@Shaytan.666]

I have social anxiety and I'm a highly anxious person but don't know where to get help and my family is pressuring me getting my drivers license 🙃

[@IronicNameOrWhatever]

@@Shaytan.666 Hey, just an anxious fella wanting to help. Where do you live and how old are you? From my experience its always the best to contact a professional, if you think you have a mental disorder it's best to find a psychiatrist, it's the only person at this point who can help you find out what the problem is, diagnose it and eventually prescribe your medication or/and therapy. If you have the possibility it wouldn't hurt to ask your doctor to get you in a psychiatric hospital (is that what it's called in englisch, i hope so😅) It would definitely be more efficient to have professionals to observe your behaviour and symptoms to diagnose you correctly plus choose the right medication that won't have unexpected effect on you or no effect at all, that's what I went through and I don't regret it one bit.

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

Hope your parents least are nice about it. You're disabled, that's not something you can turn off.

[@tiffanyd269]

12:57 its bold as hell for someone saying 10k isnt enough for a wedding and demanding more to call another person a gold digger.

[@lynnalu]

As a mother of 3 children that have various disabilities, the disabled OP is absolutely right: her parents decided to bring her into this world, and now they have to take care of her. Whatever she cannot do for herself, they will need to assist her. The goal, of course, is at least some modicum of independence, but that goal may be beyond some people. Assistance resources, care professionals, family and friends can all be utilized to provide a net of support for the disabled person, but as a parent, I will 100% be at the heart of that support net until the day I die. Her parents' should be ashamed of themselves and their selfish, unhelpful attitudes!!! How are they not embarrassed???

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

21:21 100%, disability is nothing to be ashamed of. If dad wants OP to be independant so much then least he could do is look into actually sensible and viable options instead of suggesting that OP GO AGAINST THEIR DOCTOR'S ORDERS.

[@kimikicchi2816]

This. As soon as I heard Click start reading out that post, I recognized it immediately. I read it when it was first posted. I'm disabled and unable to drive too, and I thought the post might have some good ideas for me to try. The comment section was HORRENDOUS. Absolute cesspool. Lots of people calling her lazy and good-for-nothing, gossiping that she was probably lying about her doctor telling not to drive, saying things like "I'd love to hear what the doctor ACTUALLY said". There were people telling her that no one should bother caring about her situation because "clearly she doesn't care about her own future" if she hasn't figured out how to live 100% independently with major disabilities at 22 years old. Lots of stuff like "my cousin's hairdresser's sister in law has one of your disorders, and SHE works full time, so clearly you're just not trying hard enough". Can't say I'm super proud how much I let it get to me, but I was in tears by the time I clicked away from that post. I don't think people realize how still in 2024, ablism is way out of control, and if you're disabled you frequently get people saying stuff like that.

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

@@kimikicchi2816 Horrifying, legitimately so. We need walkable dense cities. No more sprawl outs.

[@osheridan]

People are all so absolutely wonderful to disabled people until we're too disabled for them, or disabled in a way they don't like. When I first watched Death Note I was so smiley during the scenes when very autistic-coded characters asked for help and weren't judged, cause teen me was never exposed to that before.

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

@@osheridan Too much hate makes people's lives worse...

[@Sillymodezeenith]

I heard that the couple would contribute 10k towards the wedding and was delighted, 10 thousand dollars is a MASSIVE sum, and despite weddings being expensive, that’s an extremely generous amount for them to offer expecting nothing in return. The daughters reaction was SHOCKING. I feel bad asking my parents for 5k to help cover my surgery, much less being angry over 10k with no strings attached.

[@stickywiggit]

I fought my dad trying to keep costs down for my wedding because he was ready to spend himself into debtors prison. I understand he was excited but my entire life he's always barely stayed above water financially and after almost 10 years of drowning he had finally managed to start saving. Blowing all that on one day was absolutely not acceptable so every time he snuck in one more thing behind my back (ARGH!), I cut the guest list back, switched table linens - anything to keep the cost under $15,000. We ended up spending more than that because I was trying to graduate college, move, and plan a wedding so I didn't have the energy to sleep with one eye open. I love you dad, but godfuckingdamnit you made protecting you from you so hard!

[@poohbear4515]

Makes me wonder why the lady on S2 even married a guy that has no spine, nor balls to stand up to his overly misogynistic parents. Love truly is blind, and deaf if she refused to see how awful his family is considering they’re still living in the stone ages. Telling OP in a demanding way to make supper as a wife should was over the line which I’m surprised OP didn’t both verbally backhand her before leaving with the kids.

[@jojo-pk]

The whole story before sounded like he wasn't like that usually.

[@Shaytan.666]

Society and patriarchy shames women for having standards and doesn't want them to get men on their level because they don't want women having power instead they want control over women but of course it's acceptable that men can have high standards and get a women who's way above them I think there is a study about women choosing men who aren't compatible with them and choose men who are lower but men always choose women who are way above them

[@Susirajantakaa]

It can be easier to steer away of the influence of parents when you are not in their presence all the time. But it might be more difficult when they are around 24/7. If you have been raised in a household with strict and controlling parents with certain values, it can be very difficult to step out of it and especially go against them face to face. One might even need a hefty amount of therapy to be able to do so.

[@ImpudentInfidel]

The "Useless Man" one sounds more like the friend is desperate not leave the dad alone with the kid than him actually being useless to me. BIG red flag.

[@kempolar9768]

If that's the case, there are still SIGNIFICANTLY better ways to do it. Including just leaving him as he already doesn't bring ANYTHING. He would be out of the picture meaning they actually have more money and nothing else has changed. Going after her friend for that is still just weird and dumb regardless.

[@ImpudentInfidel]

@@kempolar9768 no argument there.

[@UnicornsPoopRainbows]

I wonder if it post partum anxiety might have something to do with it. My husband was pretty neglectful with our oldest so when our second was born, it fueled a lot of my PPA. I would definitely have rather left my infant with the primary care giver of a thriving infant over my husband. I'm not trying to diss my husband, he is just absolutely terrible with young kids and is a lot better once they can communicate verbally. Could my husband learn if left to sink or swim? I'm sure he could but I'd rather not have those circumstances. I would ask my friend to babysit, offer to reciprocate on my days off, and pay. If they said no, then it is a no and I wouldn't push it. Taking care of infants is difficult with the easiest baby, nightmarish with a difficult baby.

[@j.d.l._666]

32:02 it's always baffeling me! Like, if it was a 1000 bucks necklace or jewel NO ONE would argue the worth of it! But because it's a "toy" it's not worth anything or what?! People that are so ignorant make me real angry!! Like, there are you Yu-Gi-Oh!-cards that are worth TWO MILLION DOLLARS! So DON'T tell me "toys" are worthless!!

[@lilharm]

6:51 bro is being more “trad husband” by… letting someone else decide how he is allowed to live in his own home? idk about others but when I think “traditional husband” I think of a man who is the head of the house and decides things, not letting others dictate how he’s allowed to live I especially don’t imagine a spineless coward

[@kempolar9768]

And something also tells me that that mother doesn't act as a trad wife in her own home, making things even more hypocritical.

[@lilharm]

@@kempolar9768especially since she seems to be the one telling the man of the house what to do

[@briannaobrien4419]

I became disabled later in life and I have the hardest time asking for help with things I used to be able to do. The inverse can happen when someone is disabled from a very young age due to the way we're raised. This is "learned helplessness", which also isn't a moral failing and definitely not what I think that one post was talking about. I think its just an important topic. Cuz I grew up being able and ALLOWED (key word) to do things I can't do now. Kids with disabilities are often treated like they can do less than they're actually capable of. So adults tend to just do things for them because "its just easier" but this results in disabled kids growing up into less independent adults than they really are. And it can be a hard cycle to get out of because having a medically complex child is extremely difficult and most parents are going to worry about them until they(the parent) die. And its not usually done maliciously, I'd argue most of the time its out of love. Its just super unhelpful and does more harm than good. For both the parents and the kids! Encourage independence in your kiddos, able-bodied or disabled! And check in on your hyper independent friend, they probably need help 😅

[@QuentinPlant]

Disability comes in a wide variety and it's especially bad when it's not clearly visible. I'm very short-sighted - if I have to ask for help in a store because I can't read the prices etc, I doesn't mind if ppl react strangely, they couldn't know it. But with family, it's devastating when they ask me to fetch them something and I have to ask them to specify and describe it. ("The tin of ground pepper, what colour is it?" - "But it's clearly labelled" - "Well, I could take each of the tins with spices out of the cupboard so that I'm able to read it...")

[@Werevampiwolf]

​@QuentinPlant same. I can only come to the conclusion that my parents did not care enough about me to bother remembering. They always told me that "you'd remember if you cared". And I'm talking things like not remembering that I have a food allergy. I've been managing my own food allergy since I was two years old, and they just tease me for being "picky"

[@briannaobrien4419]

@@Werevampiwolf you and @QuentinPlant deserve medals. That's just fucked up on so many levels. I'm sorry your families are like this.

[@MissCaraMint]

Oh Yeah. Learning to ask for help is a real thing. So is learned helplessness. I have seen both.

[@Sillylilgooberdoinsillylilstuf]

For the inconvenient boundry. I HATE other people touching my clothes. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. But i also have five family members. So what i ask is that if you need to move my clothes either a) just get me to do it if im home but b) get an empty laundry basket and just dump the dry clothes on my bed. Dont fold them, dont put them in a laundry basket with other peoples clothes, just dump them on my bed. Easy

[@audreydoyle5268]

Someone gets it. Also, how likely do you think it is that her clothes were even fully dry? I think they just wanted to use the whole line and couldn't cause her laundry would have stopped them from hanging one load

[@Sillylilgooberdoinsillylilstuf]

@audreydoyle5268 i mean, i live in a very hot area, and in the summer clothes could EASILY dry in an hour. However, i dont think that the parents are necessarily in the wrong, i just think the girls problem is valid. The family just needs to have a discussion about something where the girl isnt hogging the laundry, but her problems also arent invalidated.

[@tanyastacy-haws993]

Yeah, if she’s not comfortable she needs to help come up with a compromise. Ask them to put it in her basket and don’t fold I would be reasonable. Or she could get a separate clothes rack, they fold up really small and you can even take it apart when moving. That’s what I have for my baby blanket because I don’t want it to get ripped in the dryer. If I am putting my blanket in the washer before leaving the house I will set the rack up and ask my roommate to hang it up for me to I’m not hogging the washer, and I’m usually gone at most 2 hours.

[@wahlflower3517]

I grew up in a family of six. I really only got angry if they tried washing or drying my clothes because the guys would all clothes the same. Delicate lace. Cheap jeans. Expensive top. All treated with the same wash and dry cycle, no separating.

[@Sillylilgooberdoinsillylilstuf]

@@wahlflower3517 i honestly dont take care of my clothes either that well, ill wash lace in the same wash with a towel, but i just dont like other people doing it for me, and HATE it when ppl fold my clothes or lump my clothes in with other people clothes

[@bellajonson6765]

The OP who doesnt drive... i am in a similar situation and the amount of people who once ive told them it is UNSAFE for me and everyone else for me to be operating a motor vehilcle respond with "so? Learn anyways" is REALLY concerning

[@happytofu5]

Same. I've driven for some time and I saw that I am not a safe driver. Why should I continue to endanger myself and others?!

[@Avrysatos]

Oh Lotta taught her a lesson all right. Lotta taught her neighbor she can't be relied upon in a real emergency.

[@sleepingkirby]

For the second story, it's basically "You make less? You're a gold digger. You make more? You're stuck up." So, basically, there was no way they weren't going to be mad at OP. Which tells me, they had already made up their mind before they said anything and/or the thing they said had nothing to do with OP and everything to do with, "Why didn't you give me money?" Also, who the f**k gets 10k and go "That's not enough!"

[@maranathaschraag5757]

so - the wife doesn't get home until 830, orders take out, and then serves her and the kids. THE KIDS. that means that this coward husband and karen mil let the children go hungry to try and put op "in her place". she should divorce and leave, taking the kids with her. and yes, she absolutely should have said it in front of the kids. they need to know that this is unacceptable.

[@airacummins5076]

18:30 is 6:30 but your point still stands

[@VDeku]

@@airacummins5076it says 830 which is 8:30 without the “:”

[@Zebulization]

Lol traumatise the children rather than work through a problem with a partner. Everyone does stupid things. Once I had calmed down, I would use it as a teachable moment. "Honey, your parents manipulated you into neglecting our children to make me feel guilty for having a job. They used their own grandchildren for leverage. Honey, children are not tools. Never allow this to happen again." But no, just throw the partner away and do without. Everyone should be a master parent by the second child. No one can be manipulated by someone else with twenty plus years of parenting experience. It's not like his parents know exactly which buttons to press to manipulate their son. The man just needs education, he should start to see the pattern of manipulation.

[@lethfuil]

Divorce!? Because he lost his spine in front of his parents? Oh for fricks sake. They have three kids together and work very well together normally (shared chores and all). For YEARS. And you suggest divorce over one problem? Wow. I hope you're not in a serious relationship. Just tear him a new one, talk it out, explain why he frickt up majorly, go to couples therapy if anything else fails, but just throw away a long term partnership with your spouse and co-parent, because they acted dumb? That's really concerning, cold and honestly a bit disgusting.

[@Milbyte11]

​@@lethfuilfr people on the internet that never had a relationship are the quickest to suggest a break up/divorce even when communication would solve 90% of these situations lmao

[@Drave_Jr.]

42:53 Click, you also missed the comments of that post. Lotta just wanted to watch TV when she was 'busy.'

[@ThatGreenNugget]

Wth that's messed up

[@cijmo]

I've never been able to drive (epilepsy) so I have taken the bus/walked a lot in my adult life. When I was about 25 I had to pick up this NEW thing (VCR) in an area that didn't have bus service so my dad took me to get it. I couldn't get it working so the store said to bring it back for exchange, so I called my dad again. BIG production that he should have to do this twice in one day so I said "I won't ask you for a ride again" - he said "Good!" I missed weddings in non-bussable areas, family occasions etc. I did get to many, too because other family members offered but sometimes they had full cars too. Every time my dad would ask "why weren't you there?" I said "I couldn't get there."

[@repulseiv]

For the laundry story, I kinda relate to the girl. I feel really uncomfortable with my clothes mixing with everyone else's or it being handled by other family members. It just makes me feel icky for some reason, and I have to wash it twice. That being said, I wouldn't put my stuff in the wash and leave for hours. It's just really inconsiderate to other's and their time.

[@fangchick93]

I shouldn't drive unmedicated due to my multiple mental health issues, and my medication has a "no operating heavy machinery" label, and cars are heavy machinery. I also have multiple physical health issues, but I'm able to be somewhat self sufficient. I'm on disability and either walk to the store when my health allows it, use public transportation or delivery services. Or if money is tight, I ask for health from friends. But I live in BC Canada, where disability is very helpful. Not being able to drive doesn't mean you can't be self sufficient. Though I have been a little less, since I had a major abdominal surgery (ovarian cyst took on cancer cells and became massive) a few months back and am now on chemo, but a friend has been awesome with help and my province has a free volunteer cancer transportation service when she isn't available. I feel bad when I need to ask for help and am always telling her how grateful for her help.

[@yourlocalennard5446]

I’m physically disabled and blind (I have text to speech settings on my phone, that’s how I navigate and comment) I’ll never be able to drive either, I feel for that person

[@Robin93k]

Honestly if you live in a similar situation as that person. Leave the USA. Even THE Car Country Germany, where cars are considered more than just vehicles, has WAY better public transport and is built to never require you to drive a car! The USA simply hates disabled people and won't become disability friendly in your life time.

[@andeeharry]

3:22 Your bed and room is a private sanctuary,a personal space, nobody is allowed to be in there unless invited. Using someone else's bed is quite extreme for many things. What Alex did just violates any type of trusted code. He could have used his own room.

[@IronicNameOrWhatever]

Exactly, who knows what diseases this woman/man (to me sex doesn't really matter, since we all have bodily fluids to spill) could have had? It's outright dangerous tbh especially if it was a one night stand. Just don't be naked in someone's bed uninvited and especially don't invite someone into bed that's not yours, geese.

[@WarpigA23]

​@@IronicNameOrWhateverGeese? I missed the bestiality part of the story... 😁

[@IronicNameOrWhatever]

@@WarpigA23 sorry, englisch is not my native language, so I often make mistakes that sound silly to people who, u know, actually possess the ability to speak proper englisch 😅 Still hope you had a good laugh out of it, it's funny if no-one is hurt right?😁

[@strawberryfox8819]

​@@IronicNameOrWhateverHey dude, are you german/deutsch? Cause you said englisch, which is how we spell 'english' in Germany 👀

[@IronicNameOrWhatever]

@@strawberryfox8819 Oops, busted😅 Yeah I live in Germany but I myself am not german.

[@v3ru586]

Sexist story: I have some family members on my dad's side who believe that men who can't afford for their wifes to not work are failures. My dad would at least ignore them. The most annoying one insisted on him getting some staff, he got a washing machine and named it after her. OP isn't the ahole, husband should have ignored his family. If not more.

[@ronanmates7812]

Note: the lego set in question would have been originally around $70 but when sets are discontinued the resell price sky-rockets

[@stevedavis5704]

My brother not only really enjoys doing the cooking but I have seen my sister in law destroy a pan while trying to boil water. It works best for him to cook. Last time I was looking at Lego sets in Walmart the cheapest set was $94. In the toy store I have seen some for two or three hundred dollars and this is not collectible sets.

[@WarpigA23]

Was this the day before Christmas, with the shelves nearly bare? Yes, there are Lego sets that are several hundred dollars, but there are many, many more that are $10, $20, $30.

[@Iamaperson-f3r]

28:29 No. Toys are irreplaceable, I don't even need to read the rest of it to know that no, you are not the ass hole

[@jojo-pk]

"Too broke to be that sexist" is hilarious and I'll definitely steal it. OP is NTA by a long shot but husband and in-laws are.

[@twinkletoes136]

I call absolute BS on Lotta being "kind and conscientious of other people". If your neighbor, who you claim is your friend, shows up at your doorstep because their INFANT has a medical emergency, the first words out of your mouth should be, "what can I do to help?". Saying 'no' to watching her other child just until the mom arrives is wild. Hell, she even offered to pay. I am absolutely flabbergasted that Lotta has the gall to say they are friends. My man, you need to dump her a** and run. If this is how she treats her friends, imagine what'll happen when you have a medical emergency and she's busy. Guess you're being an entitled snob for thinking she might stop what she's doing and drive you to the hospital. After all, you're just having trouble breathing. You still have two working arms and legs, you can drive yourself!

[@UnicornsPoopRainbows]

This. A 5yo isn't even that difficult for an hour. I have a 6 and 4yo and my 4 yo would be a bit challenging. 5 is an easy age, snacks and TV for an hour. If I had a 'friend' and they refused to watch my 5yo for an hour under the same circumstances, it would be clear I had one less friend than I thought. I definitely wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a person who made such a boundary either. It reminds me of the person who dumped their SO when the SO got cancer. They beat the cancer and the dumper wanted to get back together. Um, no.

[@Renni_Jay]

The fact this is worded like that makes me think something else *must* be going on honestly, like what was Lotta doing at the time? OP tells us she was busy but the fact he doesn't say *what* she was doing almost makes it seem like he's leaving that detail out on purpose if it was a good enough reason. Like if she's working at home at the time, she might not be able to handle a five year old, especially if there's stuff in their apartments a five year old shouldn't get their hands on or cooking or doing anything else that she can't stop doing at the moment to watch a five year old.

[@Varvuska]

@@Renni_Jay THIS. Honestly bothers me that no one questioned if she really was just too busy to handle that just then and OP not giving any context about it is definitely weird.

[@Renni_Jay]

@@Varvuska Right? It's way too suspicious we haven't gotten any details and honestly? I've looked after five year olds, if you aren't ready and haven't had time to get your house ready for five year olds, it's hard, especially if you need to do *anything else!* And the last thing you want when you have to take one kid to the emergency room is to get a call from the person you left your other kid with that your oldest got into something they shouldn't have and got hurt. You really can't just leave a five year old in front of the TV and ignore them, that's not how it works!

[@Jacqueline_Thijsen]

​@Renni_Jay I'm aware there are some employers that won't accept one hour of no activity in a WFH situation, those are the bad ones. Everyone else would be understanding and the bad ones can be lied to so they think the wifi went out for an hour. Cooking? Can be stopped for an hour in almost every case and the boyfriend told dinner is late because of the medical emergency. I honestly can't think of a single situation where angry looks from coworkers or a hungry partner is so much more important than helping someone you consider a friend in this situation. Home not child friendly? Put everything that can't be safely left right away somewhere it will be safe and do the babysitting in the apartment of the friend. Even when you get overwhelmed in the moment and say no because you don't immediately realize these things can be arranged, you then feel extremely embarrassed the second you realize what you could have done to handle it. This lady wants just the benefits and not the duties of an actual friendship and doesn't even want to put in the work required to fix the relationship. ETA: I'm autistic, have ADHD and get easily overwhelmed. I can still handle hanging out with a five year old for an hour. I have in fact done so at times with several neighborhood kids. An emergency is also generally not a situation where you are told to adhere to parenting rules. Lost your cool and yelled at kid (never happened to me but could have) will in all likelihood result in an apology from the people asking the favor for having had to put you in a situation you weren't ready for. I think the busy thing wasn't mentioned in an attempt to withhold another point to criticize the GF over when he wanted to concentrate on her refusal to do this favor and his refusal to fix the results for her when he rightfully doubted there was anything he could do.

[@fanficYAOIyNOYAOI]

The laundry story remembers me the wisdom phrase "Your rights end when someone else's begin". Your boundaries should been respect but you also should respect other people decisions

[@AspiringToFailure]

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity atm, but its ruining my life... It's impossible to put down!

[@M0on_the_g0on]

@@IndigoWatercress uh I already read it I’m gonna die 😭

[@ducksdog9996]

@@IndigoWatercress I am taking that!

[@anyamusume253]

@@AIHumanEqualityDon’t worry man, you can come to my party. We can just angrily correct each other for two hours with snacks. 😀

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

@@AIHumanEqualitytechnically you couldn’t put it *down* per se, but you could certainly put it UP. Basically you could stop whenever you want, just don’t expect to get it back if you’re outside.

[@headphonesaxolotl]

@@AIHumanEquality ACKSHUALLY, true antigravity would just be a disintegration since all of the atoms would instead repel each other. You are never invited to parties. I am asked to leave. We are not the same. (this whole reply is a joke)

[@Don_t_You_Ask]

Mother in law: *Visits them* MIL: "YOU THERE IN THE CORNER, COOK SOME FOOD FOR ME!!!"

[@mayzydayz611]

The post from the woman who can't drive or work due to disability hit me a bit, it's my reality and I'm trying to retrain myself to not view stuff like never being able to drive or live independantly as a failure. It's a fact of life for many people, but unfortunately society bases so much of a person's worth on how much they can 'contribute'. My parents have gotten far better with not putting me down for it, but they were like the poster's parents a few years ago. It's kinda like they were grieving the 'independance' they had imagined for me as a kid.

[@audreydoyle5268]

Honestly, nothing's freer than not having to worry about a car. I've travelled more than 1000 miles around my country without a car, and lived fairly independently before hiring my support worker. Glad to hear you and yours have and may hopefully continue to make progress into deconstructing ableism

[@runicspyder]

I most likely cannot drive either. I have given up getting a liscence due to my health. Especially after one of my best friends died in a car accident last year (after possibly having a seizure behind the wheel). You are not a failure and you are awesome!!!

[@bbo7002]

Re: mourning independence I really feel that, I'm disabled and it's extremely unlikely that I'll ever have the kind of independence my parents probably expected for me. My mom is great and rly supportive, said I'd always have a home with her no matter what, but she's such an independent person who's worked rly hard to claw her way out of poverty with racism sexism and classism against her. So it's hard not to feel like kind of a failure u know? Idk what kind of kid she imagined she would have, but it probably wasn't me 😅 I know it's not my fault but I just feel kinda regretful or guilty anyway. Idk sometimes I just wish that I could've been different instead. Maybe done something special to help my mom out and repay her for everything she's done for me, make up for all the times she had to go without bc of her family's situation or had to miss school events for work. so that she can feel taken care of, the way she's always taken care of me like uno reverse! lol 😅 Haha sorry for the ramble, op's trouble with their dad not understanding that it's not safe for op to drive against doctor's advice just reminded me that I can't drive either and it made me all maudlin. But who knows how things will turn out? Driving isn't the only skill in the world, what matters is finding creative solutions to help u live ur best life, regardless of whether other folks would consider it a life "worth living". ☺️ Good luck out there fam 👍

[@ErutaniaRose]

20:15 Wild how people would rather blame a disabled person than a car centric society that makes walkability near impossible so buses and cars are almost the only way to get around.

[@eliskaneugebauer5338]

That's the story that surprised me the most. Or the main reply at least. Like, asking if she expects her father to drive her forever and suggesting OP is a burden because she's not independent enough??? How's that her fault she's disabled?? Asking if she has a plan to be more independent? What the actual frick... I am from a very walkable and pretty accessible European city but my god did it enrage me. OP's father is a bloody ahole, people, stop pretending he's not, thank you very much. Take care of your disabled child because the infrastructure in your country is so shit she can't be properly independent... It's. Not. Her. Fault. And she should not be expected to endanger herself or others just to fit in and "being less of a burden on her parents"

[@aidanbblp4308]

To add some more context on the specific Lego set in the story: They're most likely talking about set 75274 TIE Fighter Pilot Helmet. It actually isn't a large set, it only has 724 pieces, and the boxes for the helmet line tend to be pretty small. It was actually only $70 retail. Key word: WAS. The set has been retired since the end of 2021, and is now going for $200+ used at minimum, and up to $300 new on eBay (about the same on Bricklink, if slightly less). That probably explains why the father "made a fool of himself" at the Lego store, he probably went in their angerly asking for a set that hasn't been on shelves for years.

[@szarmywarmy]

Honestly my heart was so warmed hearing about the guy who worked hard to change the values taught by his family for his wife... So sweet. And then it got shattered when his family gaslit him into going back 💔

[@Finckelstein]

That's not gaslighting. It's very clear he always was on his parent's side. He simply didn't have the balls to tell his wife what he wants. The fact he basically called her "not a proper wife" and a bad mother would've been the end of the relationship for me. This guy deserves to live in his mother's basement.

[@verenabecker2724]

​@@Finckelstein I dunno, I can see how it would take a lot of time and work for him to slowly rid himself of these values that have been ingrained since childhood, how that would be made easier by having a progressive partner but then more difficult when he was once again around the people who brought him up. Don't get me wrong, his behavior pissed me off too, but I don't think it's as black and white as you're describing it. People are complex. I do think this was him backsliding from actual progress (not that that makes it a whole lot better).

[@akari8228]

I can also see it as a situation where his mother potentially forced him to do this, since the story said he was standing next to her with his head down. The only thing I would see wrong with that would be that he didn’t fight back, if he was truly working to change his values.

[@Finckelstein]

@@verenabecker2724 I see where you are coming from, but honestly, we're not talking about a teenager here. His deconstruction of his misogynistic upbringing should've been completed before he had a child with this woman. Let alone multiple. We're most likely talking about people in their 30's. How much more time is she supposed to give him? While this is, as you say, not black and white, I'd say it's a very, very dark and a very, very light shade of grey. The fact that he called her a bad wife and mother in front of her kids is a 100% deal breaker for me.

[@TheGeekyRedMage]

@@Finckelstein "While this is, as you say, not black and white, I'd say it's a very, very dark and a very, very light shade of grey." People need to stop using the "black and white" phrase when describing complex human behaviours, cause you might as well have just said "it's a black and white situation" with as description like this. The point of the matter is that both "the husband is trying to make progress by unlearning his bigoted upbringing" and "he still holds a lot of sexist beliefs that he needs to unlearn" can be correct at the same time. People in reality are not like fictional characters with just a list of traits and a backstory after all. Of course, the big thing to keep in mind is that we're just outsiders reading this story and know practically nothing about this person, so to us, he does just seem like a sexist asshole. So for you to think the way you do about the husband is honestly pretty normal and probably the most common viewpoint of the husband regarding this story. Regardless, we're just faceless strangers that are reading this story, so it's impossible to tell how deeply rooted his issues are. I say the most we can see from this is that the husband clearly still has a lot to unlearn and that his parents being in his life is harmful for the family clearly.

[@andriusbruzas9211]

16:10 Happened with my brother, he wanted to live with my dad as he would be absent and have no rules. Could not even be bothered to sign up my brother for school at the begining of the year. Mom talked with a lawyer and he told her that going though courts would take years and suggested other methods. Even to this day my mom refers to this event as the kidnapping. Went to my grandmothers (where my dad lived) and basically forcefully took my brother home.

[@poseidons_child.]

I love your mother

[@QuentinPlant]

So your father went back to his mom and she thought it was okay to neglect her grandson's schooling? Well, perhaps how she brought up her son might have been one thing that lead to the divorce...

[@andriusbruzas9211]

@@QuentinPlant basically, and dad only wanted my brother and I to choose him, so he would not need to pay alimony.

[@thecraziestcrayon]

I'm partially blind and live in a small, spread out town with no public transit. I will unfortunately never be able to drive due to my field vision loss. I dream of moving to a big city with public transit or that's a bit more walkable. Luckily my parents are super understanding and want to help me gain a little more independence.

[@theythemgae9025]

Too broke to be sexist. The fact she still ordered food for everyone shows restraint and a level of respect. I'd have just ordered food for me and the kids and made it clear (like get kid meals and one adult sized burger or something similar). I'd have kicked out the in laws, there's no way I'd let my kids see me be so badly disrespected and risk them thinking its acceptable to talk to a woman like that. I would have given the ultimatum of "if you don't stop being disrespectful to me I will have to ask you to leave. This is your one and only warning, I'd hate for you to have ti find a hotel at this hour but that choice is yours." Then go through with it if they winge.

[@LordBison98]

"Are you going to be dependant on your father all the time?" what kind of a heartless a-hole would say that to a severely disabled person.

[@borysadwent8121]

31:05 as a lego hobbist, the set wasn't big, the tie fighter pilot collectible helmet set was retired some tome ago and went up in price, it was $70 initially but the price went up because of some exclusive parts

[@maygoodcometous1]

Driving post: because of my eyesight, I should not drive. Basically, I have a lot of trouble with depth perception. I wear glasses, etc .. but everyone seems to believe that I am' just afraid to drive. Well, yes, I am, but if I can't see the distance between cars, etc. do you REALLY want me to do the experiment of driving?

[@SmolHeliolisk]

Ah same here. I severely lack depth perception (amoung a bunch of other disabilities) and my father will keep grilling me on not getting a license. My brother in christ the doctor has FORBID me from getting one and I agree with him! Not only depth perception but I have "fog" monents that can last hours and I never know what I do during them. Ah yes but put me behind the wheel of a 3+ tonne death machine 🙃

[@maygoodcometous1]

@@SmolHeliolisk my father, a DOCTOR (though, not an opthalmologist, to be fair) was at me for YEARS about getting a license. He has stopped the badgering, thank God, but I am not sure he really "believes" me, even now.

[@AspiringToFailure]

I read that guy who invented the "knock-knock" joke won an award the other day. It was a no-bell prize!

[@KittyOfChess]

Fun fact, that guy was actually Shakespeare. He also had one of the first yo momma jokes under his belt.

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

@@AIHumanEqualitythanks mate!

[@friendlyneigborhoodbean]

GANDHI VS MLK?!?!?! ​@@AIHumanEquality

[@Taiga_kai]

22:24 My sister has OCD and hate it when people wash their clothes and stuff because she does it the same way every time. She washes it on a specific setting and dries it on specific setting and if someone messes with it she has to restart the entire thing so if it something like that then it's kinda reasonable but she shouldn't have started it before she left

[@rendratvandonkereschrijver2912]

given this behavior started after her first year of college suggest its a defense mechanism from dealing with freshmen dorm washrooms

[@Taiga_kai]

@@rendratvandonkereschrijver2912 I can imagine the amount of times her clothes were taken out of the dryer and then never seen again

[@cellytron]

I love how people like to skip past entire decades of human existence and act like we went from the 1950s to now, with no changes in the middle. I’m 39 and both my parents worked for my entire childhood, until I was about 20 and my mother had to retire for health reasons. This was the 80s, 90s and early 00s. It was this way with everyone I knew and completely normal. I didn’t know a single “stay at home mom” Assuming the guy’s parents are boomers or old gen x, they themselves would have experienced this. Talk about hypocrisy. The last time it was the norm for one partner to stay at home 24/7 was when the boomers were children.

[@Harvey_930]

I have nothing wrong with considering being a stay at home mom, but if your gonna suggest it you better be making 6 figures, especially if you expect 2+ kids, you better be LOADED.

[@anzaia2164]

"Too broke to be sexist" My theory on why the husband seems so spineless, is that he hasn't fully deconstructed those views he's been raised with, and still feels like his worth as a person and husband depends on his "providing" monetarily. That's why he cried, his wife telling him that he can't provide with just his income is, to him, a direct attack on his worth and masculinity. He wants the wife to play "her role" at home, so he can feel like he fulfills his own role.

[@christianhohenstein1422]

That thing with the emergency. I would definitely feel overwhelmed taking care of a kids whose sibling is literally dying and the coward part would like to run away from this responsibility, but I wouldn't even turn my back on a complete stranger much less on a neighbour and friend. I would even offer to take care of the kid even longer so the grandma is free to support heir daughter (in law) no matter how unkomfortable. Even if it is a little inconvenience for me, for them it means the world

[@svenimeier1172]

The story with the neighbour: I hate small kids. But in a sitch like that even I would be like "OFC I'LL WATCH YOUR KID" like wtf how heartless

[@The_real_Arovor]

Lotta‘s real name is probably Karen. Seriously, her behaviour are some gigantic red flags. I would run away as long as I still can. That’s not going to end well.

[@AJst6tz]

I don't know... I'm 19, I hate kids too, of all ages. I'm not experienced with them at all, I don't know the first thing about looking after them, even for 10 minutes. I don't know what they want or need. I'm also a very easily distracted person, a very selfish person, I don't want anything to happen to the kid I'm supposed to be taking care of. Imagine if that woman dumped her kid on me, took the infant to the hospital, meanwhile the kid I'm looking after needs the hospital too because I wasn't fit to look after it. I don't want that responsibility. I don't want that guilt. However, I think I'd feel equally as guilty if the infant died because of me, because I refused to watch her kid. But then again, couldn't she ask someone else? Edit: I also have anger issues and I am not a patient person. I don't want someone to thrust a child into my care and it turns out I yelled at them or mistreated them, or traumatised them.

[@okmeowokmeow]

Yeah, I really don't like these types of reactions. Especially if you are calling the person you refuse to help your friend. People are supposed to help each other, we are supposed to be a community. Just give the kid an iPad and put a cartoon on, jfc.

[@Ottermamapoeia]

"It's not on you to manage their relationship." EXACTLY! If she wants a relationship with her kids, she has to put in at least the bare minimum of effort.

[@dgaller06]

This comment is about the last story. What was so important to the ex wife that she'd forget her own daughter's birthday? Like way to show what your priorities are.

[@Andreas_42]

I would forget my own birthday date if it wouldn't be asked for regulary. But my childs birthday? That date is burned into my brain, with some vivid memories of the birth.

[@tealkerberus748]

That's got to be deeper issues. He said she didn't adapt well after the divorce - I'd be looking for either substance abuse or serious mental health issues. And he didn't actually say why they divorced, so it's not out of the question that she's got a bunch of trauma-related stuff going on from whatever he did to her before and during the divorce, either. Men abusing their wife until she has major cPTSD symptoms and then using the evidence of those symptoms to get custody of the kids is a very old story, particularly when he's obviously got a lot more money than her and it's cheaper to get a new wife to look after the kids than to pay child support. I'm only extrapolating from similar situations I've seen up close and I might be completely wrong, but I wouldn't assume she's a bad mother just on her ex's say so.

[@rendratvandonkereschrijver2912]

@@tealkerberus748 I also would assume the divorce was cause he was an abusive husband. My parents divorced not because my dad abused my mother but mire that she felt like he wasn't being supportive of her anymore, and they started have major difference opinions about life style.