3 Major Mistakes Divorced Men Must Avoid to Heal and Move On

[@AdrianRif]

My ex-wife left me during Covid free 30 yrs. I was blamed for everything, also had late diagnosis Autism. I wasn’t perfect husband but I did my best and did love my wife, I haven’t killed anyone or myself. I’m now beginning to understand who I am now so I do feel reborn but with a lot of sadness looking back on the person I was and how I was abused and scapegoated by everybody, including those I trusted.

[@AdrianRif]

Typo. I meant after 30 yrs of what I thought was a sound marriage.

[@RP-zu6ti]

@@AdrianRif Same here, 20 yrs, and she blamed me for everything wrong

[@BillAllan1]

"You can heal without her. You can move forward without her." -- Thank you for this reminder, Rachael. Huge takeaway.

[@marguskiis7711]

You will hate her all your life.

[@Jer29_11]

What is sad is that it goes both ways. Men are not the only ones to have these thoughts or feelings after their spouse of almost 25 years just decides it is over and cheats on them. It has been 9 years and I am still struggling. I wish everyone watching this video the healing and peace they seek.

[@urbanart7325]

My wife told me that she can't give me intimacy or even look good for me. I asked for divorce after 20 years of sexless marriage. I mentioned divorce several times and it's happening. I also lost my desire for her.to be honest ith myself

[@urbanart7325]

I don't blame my wife for seeking a lawyer. I threw the D card too many times she finally picked up the Divorce card and said that I can't take my words back. She wants to take her agency back and to stop feeling insecure in our marriage. I can't blame her

[@urbanart7325]

Exactly. I am seeing a therapist to find out who I am and my dark side

[@donkhron5590]

I wish you well

[@J.F611]

Ummm. Sexless not by choice for 20 years..who wouldn't have a dark side ​@urbanart7325

[@dawsonwarren5853]

"I feel insecure in the marriage, so I am going to destroy the marriage." That's a contradictory absurdity you have accepted. You have been emotionally abused, my friend. Lawyer up and fight, or she will tear you to shreds. Only communicate with her by email or through the lawyer. Don't be manipulated through the children if you have them. Expect that she will not be going easy on you. Expect the law to be on her side even if she lies. Good luck.

[@dalord63]

If you are really hungry and you see some food on a bear trap, reach over and grab the food and nothing happens it seems normal to keep trying to snatch some food off the bear trap. The important thing to learn is when the bear trap finally closes and you lose your arm, don't keep putting your other arm in the bear trap. If statistics show that 45% of the time the bear trap will close and you will lose your arm but you do it anyway? If you lose your arm, the fault is on you, not the person that set the trap.

[@JohnT1050]

Had a bad day but your video has really helped. "all driven by positive intentions". so very well said. This is a very good video and explains much of what goes on with many a man.. It's a shame that our life got turned upside down for reasons we cannot fully understand. Someday, I hope you can address a huge difficulty in understanding how a person we loved and cared for so many years could do to us something we could never had done to them.

[@kentr.1391]

Right, it's very harmful to men dealing with women that can't control their own behavior,actions, and emotional stability, because a man is just looking for a good mother of his children, it's not all about her and the guy just wants to be a good father and husband to his family, but the women are too childish and another thing, why don't women have goals or dreams? rather than some sexual fantasy with a complete stranger

[@antonvandenheever4410]

This vid clarified a lot of what I was not aware of, learned a lot, much appreciated!

[@petrzunt932]

thank you

[@bobsmockus]

Needed this today. Thank you.

[@اكلاتعالمية-ت1س]

I’m the wife and I needed this. This is really helpful, it’s weird that it prefers only one gender. This should be neutral.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Thank you for sharing your perspective! I’m so glad you found this helpful. If you’re looking for more tools and support to move forward with clarity and resilience, I invite you to join my free masterclass. It’s open to everyone and provides actionable strategies for healing and rebuilding after divorce. You can register here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/optin1671910386839 Your input means a lot-it helps shape content that supports everyone on this journey. 💙

[@kentr.1391]

So blame the man for playing by the rules, and say she became bored with him , because of some mythical emotions that are usually wrong, and blames her betrayal on the guy ,by the way quit calling it cheating,its not a game, the proper term is betrayal

[@dawsonwarren5853]

Feelings can be wrong. In the same way logic can be flawed, feelings can be flawed. I gave myself alcohol poisoning on gin as a teenager. Now I don't like gin. It does not mean gin is bad, it means my associations are biased. Like that feelings can be wrong. Get them off this pedestal where feelings rule everything. If a woman cannot explain her feelings, or refuses to examine them, she is too childish and whimsical to be acceptable as a wife. Don't marry this woman. She will justify cheating and lying and betrayal by her present mood. Also, astrology is a power tripping kind of gossiping...

[@woodchipwedgie]

I think this video has a lot of the puzzle pieces but doesn't have all of them fitting together. Yes, most men set mental parameters around what behaviors are "divorce-worthy" or not. Outside of these parameters, men do tend to be more thick-skinned and stoic so to as to avoid making a mountain out of a moe-hill. Survival of a relationship is based on not allowing the alarm bells to go off over every bump in the road. When men try to pass off this culture of de-escalation via "let's not make a big deal out of this..." the wife often doesn't feel validated (listened to). The women ruminate on this over and over until they mentally can't breathe, and opening up in their minds, a mental well being fight for their existence argument. This is all self-inflicted amplification of typical bump in the road conflict, yet they can amplify non-divorce worthy issues or even collecively with other women, push the boundaries of "good times and bad, sickness and health, all the days of my life" to say that not listening to them the way they want you to as literally doing physical harm to them (abuse). They take the term "abuse" and try to argue that there is "mental abuse" which can be argued if the wife doesn't get her way in anything and everything she wants. Women argue that if they don't get whatever they want, or they think that another man can make them feel happier or more romantic that they can flush their wedding vow down the toilet, and their fellow women encourage them to do it. Women are told by men to calm down and keep things in perspective and not hit the eject button over everyday issues, and the woman feels hurt because the man did not want to go on her emotional drama trip. What does the wife then do? She seeks validation through friends and family, searching for and fishing for a response. Today, women are cultured to feel like victims, politically, because it gets them to vote in a monolithic block. Women love the "Drama Triangle" where there is a victim, a villian and a hero. One woman cries on the shoulder of another who validate whatever their issue is and they make the man out to be the villan. Society used to see marriage as sacred and to interfere in a marriage or cause damage to it was seen as un-Christian. Today, women are taught to act like a victiized herd so that they will vote as a monolitic block and to get their social and biological need of fitting in, need to buy the narrative that men are out to get them, take their money, grab the in the pussy, block their abortions, etc. Women are so open to trashing men, vilifying men, blaming men for their unhappiness, their lack of achievement, etc. Now, men are asked to not only consider the wife's illogical / emotional constructs, but to go into the fun-house of mirrors and distortions to find their wives who have lost it. Now we are told that you can't find your wife in her Alice in Wonderland world with your rational mind; we are being told to ignore reality, ignore rationality because these faculties do no good in understanding women and we are supposed to just accept this. Women are not only encouraged to disregard logic, responsibility and commitment, but men are expected to disregard logic, responsiblity and commitment as well and accept that this is the new way forward even if it destroys families, futures of children, etc. Don't buy this, crazy women aren't right, even if today's women don't advocate for marriage and the future of their children and are encouraged to put their imagined happiness above all their responsibilities, we men do not have to buy this. Call a spade a spade; if women are crazy, selfish and allow their emotions to distort reality and avoid their responsibilities, they are wrong. I remember hearing that therapists, maybe 20-25 years ago saying "one's perception is their reality" and that everyone had to view the world the way that that particular person percieved it. This is b.s. This is the b.s. that those who want to play the victim aggressively play. They choose whatever words or behavior are their trigger words and they tell you what you are allowed to say or do and you have to follow their rules. We do not have to submit to this. I would be careful when a coach is telling you to disregard your rational thinking in order to understand women; maybe that crazy woman needs help and you need to focus on the mental health of the children involved because she is clearly acting like a selfish child. We as a society should not be validating or encouraging women to be selfish, making mountains out of Moe-hills, playing the victim, etc. Women initiate almost 80 percent of divorces and they should be embarrassed and ashamed of that. Men should not have to validate this shameful statistic and accept this and listen to people telling the to disregard logic and rationality and responsibility.

[@soundjunkiea22]

Wow…well said! Thanks for making me feel better. My ex-wife fit this mold to a “t”. Especially the way they seek support from their women friends to file gor divorce. My ex REFUSED to even have a dialogue with me. So after 26 years, I have no clue when things took the turn down the divorce road. Their were signs though…more going out with her divorced friends, not coming home till late nights and sex that was robotic.

[@anoushiravannarvani5857]

Pretty smart woman ...articulat and on top of her subject ...like

[@dawsonwarren5853]

No. She excuses the bad behaviour of the woman. She does not address what a man experiences in society. She gives terrible advice which will throw you back into the same soul-destroying situation.

[@SquadJuiced]

Where do I find me a woman like Rachel Sloan?

[@dawsonwarren5853]

At a feminist rally.

[@RalphOberholtzer]

Dream on

[@dawsonwarren5853]

@@RalphOberholtzer In her video Rachael makes it clear that the onus is on the man to create a good relationship. However, a good relationship requires cooperation and mutual respect. So she is advocating for a certain form of female supremacy, or at least a clandestine acceptance of such. Feminism is founded upon female empowerment based on a cunning reframing of the truth. Female oppression is a fallacy which can be countered with statistical and historical facts. To extend on this theme in a way that I hope you will not disregard out of hand, feminism, because it only frames relations in terms of power, is a branch of neo-marxism. It is dangerous to society. Mao. Pol Pot. Stalin. Ideologies matter. Love Armies are armies nonetheless.

[@ChrisPuckett]

Getting remarried, Not Dating and staying a slob are the 3 biggest mistakes men make after divorce

[@carlmarch9591]

💯💯💯💯💯

[@dale116dot7]

Better to not date. Why bother? It’ll just be the same damned drama again. A lifetime of loneliness hurts less than the pain of being stomped on by the one you thought loved you.

[@ChrisPuckett]

@@dale116dot7 get stronger bro

[@soundjunkiea22]

26 years since the divorce. Still asking why!!!! Don’t be me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@marguskiis7711]

Women have no logic.

[@RalphOberholtzer]

Best way to get over one is get over another

[@thefunkybeat79]

So, you're saying I am as a man conditioned by society in a way that prevents me from recognizing when things start to go bad in a relationship, and she's going to have baggage of some kind that she might not even be conscious of that could put her in fight-or-flight for bad reasons while being nasty to me and by the time she communicates these things to me that I might never be able to figure out, she's already decided it's over and will act like an entirely different and cold person to me in the process. I'm terrified because almost everything you've been saying describes my divorce this year and what you're saying just makes relationships and women sound like time bombs that can go off without a reason I notice or understand at any time and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know why I would ever try that again. That sounds horrible. That sounds like the worst kind of hell.

[@dawsonwarren5853]

Absolutely. no-one is responsible for your happiness. That is in your own head. A woman who tasks you with this chore and places it above the value of being devoted to her family is a childish parasite of a person. Rachael asks "why did this happen?" Governmental feminist programmes have taken accountability off of women. Feminism is not about equality, it is about power. It has convinced them to remain childish, shitty parodies of men. Social media gives women a lot of egotistical attention. Dating apps appeal to female hypergamy, but it is only cheap sexual attention, and not relationship attention. Women get cash and prizes for destroying their family...

[@lplp1546]

1. In marriages today, women are the weak link in the relationship. One of the many reasons, are if she doesn’t think she’s the center of attention 24/7. She will go behind your back in secrecy and file for divorce, and Meanwhile, the husband is working 60 hours a week to provide for his wife and family. Don’t get married it’s not worth the risk. Save yourself from being the next victim in the civil courts system. Never take counseling advice from woman. Date them, pump and dump only.

[@AfricanGorilla]

Never again will I ever look at women like innocent victims of society. How can u help a lady who was eating from a food bank when you met her; give her money often; help her back on her feet; get her a job; buy her a car, teach her to drive, marry her; have a child with her & once she feels secure enough, she changes & tells u she is unhappy, stabs you in the back with an unexpected divorce, take your child, hire a lawyer to take half your networth. I've worked hard all my life & never did anyone wrong. I pay my taxes & was always taught that the Christian way of life is to help the less fortunate. I did & she ruined my life completely. At 47, how can I start over again? I ŵill never trust any woman again & NEVER help any woman with anything ever again. Not worth the risk!

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. It sounds like you’ve been through an incredibly painful and difficult experience. If you’re open to it, Rachael offers a free Masterclass that may help you navigate some of these intense emotions. It walks you through strategies for calming overwhelming feelings and quieting intrusive thoughts, and might help you start to reclaim a sense of peace and control. You can access the Masterclass here: Masterclass Link Rachael’s Better Beyond Divorce program also offers support and tools that have helped many men like you heal and move forward. If you’re interested in learning more, the Masterclass will give you all the details. Thanks for sharing your story, and we’re here to support you on your journey to healing. Rachael’s BBD Team

[@rhettfreeman8186]

Thats alot of gum flapping for monkey branching

[@enjinman]

Sum this up QUICK men please UNDERSTAND THIS WORD HYPERGAMY too much blah blah going on here you are welcome.