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Where's Rebecca Bunch?
Starring Rachel Bloom, Michael McMillian, Burl Moseley, Esther Povitsky, Gina Gallego, Gabrielle Ruiz, Vella Lovell, David Hull, Erick Lopez, Pete Gardner, Donna Lynne Champlin, Scott Michael Foster, Danny Jolles
Written by Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, Jack Dolmen
Tim + Jim:
A SCANDAL HAS ROCKED OUR VILLAGE OF WEST COVINA!
Maya + Mrs. Hernandez:
WEST COVINA!
Tim + Jim:
A WOMAN’S LIFE WAS RUINED AND NOW NO ONE’S SEEN HER.
Maya + Mrs. Hernandez:
NO ONE’S SEEN HER.
Valencia + Heather:
THE TOWN IS ALL A TWITTER ‘CAUSE THE WHOLE TOWN IS ON TWITTER --
White Josh + Hector:
POSING A QUESTION THAT’S NEVER ENDING IN THE FORM OF A HASHTAG THAT’S BEEN TRENDING:
Valencia + Heather + Hector + WhiJo:
WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
Tim + Jim + Maya + Mrs. H:
IS SHE OUT TO BRUNCH? NO?
THEN WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
Valencia + Heather + Hector + WhiJo:
SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN INSECURE BUT NOW SHE’S BEEN REJECTED BY JOSH CHAN
SO WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
Tim + Jim + Maya + Mrs. H:
BUT ALSO WHERE’S A WOMAN’S PRIDE WITHOUT HER MAN?
(MAN MAN MAN)
Darryl:
THERE’S GOSSIP GOING ON FROM RIVERSIDE TO ENCINO.
Paula:
ENCINO.
Nathaniel:
OF THE JEWISH CHICK WHO GOT DUMPED BY THE RIPPED FILIPINO.
George:
FILIPINO!
Paula:
THINK OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL CHINA ON HER REGISTRY --
Darryl:
NOW IT WILL NEVER BE ON HER SHELF.
Nathaniel:
I WONDER HOW SHE’S FEELING SINCE JOSH SENT HER REELING…
George:
IF I WERE HER I’D KILL MESELF!
Nathaniel:
You’re fired again, George.
George:
Oh, son of a --
All:
WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
Heather:
I HAVE A HUNCH!
All:
YEAH?
Heather:
NO, I JUST LIKED THE RHYME.
All:
WE’VE BEEN ASKING THE SAME QUESTION SINCE THIS TALE OF WOE BEGAN.
Jim:
Hashtag where’s Rebecca Bunch?
Townsfolk:
NO!
WHERE’S A WOMAN’S PRIDE WITHOUT HER MAN?
(MAN MAN MAN)
Rebecca:
WHO AM I NOW?
WHAT WILL I BE?
MY REASON FOR LIVING
HAS ABANDONED ME.
I CAN’T STAY HERE FOREVER
BUT I ALSO CAN’T BEAR
GOING BACK TO MY LIFE
FACING PITY AND STARES.
I SAID “JOSH CHAN MUST BE DESTROYED”
THEN I RAN AWAY LIKE SOME SCARED LITTLE BOY
I WANT REVENGE FOR MY BROKEN HEART
BUT I’M SO DEVASTATED I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START.
MY DEFENSES ARE DOWN AFTER
HIS SNEAK ATTACK
DO I LET HIM WIN OR DO I FIGHT BACK?
FIGHT BACK
FIGHT BACK
FIGHT BACK!
Townsfolk:
WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
Rebecca:
I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO…
Townsfolk:
WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
WHERE’S REBECCA BUNCH?
IS SHE OUT TO BRUNCH?
Rebecca:
I HAVE TO TRANSFORM…
Townsfolk:
WE’RE SO FRENETIC.
Rebecca:
FROM A VICTIM…
Townsfolk:
SHE’S PATHETIC.
Rebecca:
TO A WOMAN SCORNED --
A WOMAN SCORNED
Townsfolk:
A SCANDAL HAS ROCKED OUR VILLAGE OF WEST COVINA
(WEST COVINA)
A WOMAN’S LIFE WAS RUINED AND NOW NO ONE’S SEEN HER.
(NO ONE’S SEEN HER)
IS SHE STILL PAYING RENT?
Townsfolk:
DOES SHE HAVE A PLAN?
AND WHERE’S A WOMAN’S PRIDE
A WOMAN’S PRIDE
A WOMAN’S PRIDE
WITHOUT HER MAN
MAN
MAN OH MAN OH MAN