Ruby Franke's Daughter Reveals All In New Book

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Please Note: While I really appreciate people sending me their books, poetry, and other writing, I do get sent hundreds of pieces of writing, both physically and digitally, every week and I simply don’t have time to read and review every single one, I’m sorry! On top of this, I find it really hard to be objective with people who are my fans so I prefer not to give feedback anymore to people who watch my videos. Thank you all for understanding!

[@mybirdsofparadise]

I can relate to why Shari is protecting her father. In my own story, my mom was always the villain when it came to physically punishing me, and my father was a bystander. He would say things like, ‘You don’t want Mom to get mad at us,’ bundling himself into being a victim as well. As a child, this is exactly how I saw him. When I grew up, I still defended him for the longest time-until I realized that he was my father and he had a say. He just chose to preoccupy himself with other things. Nowadays, I’ve somewhat rebuilt my relationship with her, but I don’t have any relationship with him. He is still as absent as he was all those years.

[@vintagearisen]

@@mybirdsofparadise I had a similar dynamic in my family. My father was perfectly comfortable to let my mom be "crazy" so he could come in and be the voice of reason. I think he got off on feeling superior to her because, I mean, look at the way she's acting! Isn't it great that you have a rational, intelligent, stable dad to save the day? But he didn't push her to get therapy or medication for her clear mental health issues, and when she eventually did get therapy and start to become less toxic, it became clear how manipulative and toxic he actually was. He no longer had his "crazy" wife to hide behind. So similarly to you, I have a bit of a relationship with my mother, built on physical distance and caution, and almost no relationship with him.

[@arianamitchell7050]

absolutely! not gonna hate on the kids for wanting a relationship with a parent after your other parental relationship was shattered before your eyes

[@SweetTG80124]

I mean I feel like the victim would know more than someone looking outside. Maybe the dad wasn't at as much fault. I mean just cause one parent is guilty of something that doesn't automatically mean both.

[@hellomello258]

My godkid defended their stepdad for two years after leaving their abusive home to live with my friends at 13. Now they're working through some complicated stuff, but they still view their (angry, vitriolic, sometimes physically abusive) dad as a good guy who got driven to extremes by their mom who they view as the only abuser of them and their younger sister (aside from some of the mom's boyfriends).

[@technicallyrickylol]

similar dynamic in my family. i'm 15, waiting to get out.

[@Randomstuffs261]

Ironic that Ruby has more rights in Prison than her own children did when living with her

[@peggypasson8794]

I want the parole board to keep in mind these kids got a life sentence .they will never be the same they will need a lot of help . prayers for these beautiful children ❤

[@cminmd0041]

And UTAH is about to make parents even MORE untouchable! Shari/neighbors/family all tried to get CPS to intervene and stop the abuse but “paternal rights” are ludicrously extreme!

[@Char10tti3]

​@@cminmd0041didn't know that but I've been watching Alyssa Grenfel's LDS videos and while she's not from Utah she knows the LDS culture and is following the church and laws they influence too.

[@ashley_huff92]

Shari is still so young. I reckon she’s got about 5-10 years before she hits a wall about her father. My therapist constantly has to remind me that the reason why I was always lenient about my own dad’s actions was because we literally need to designate a “safe” parent in order to survive. It’s psychological torment to realize that both your parents are culpable. It essentially orphans you and it’s very difficult to grapple with that. I think as a 21-year old she’s just not ready to face that yet.

[@lingodelfo5415]

The good (?) thing is that at that point we will probably get Part 2 of the book. Writing it all out must have been a whole other level of processing things, and just dealing with ALL of it would have been probably just impossible for one person. In some way I even feel petty, that now she can monitise off of the adults, just like the adults had monetised of her, and I love it (as much as one can "love" this story)

[@sandy_carpetsthesecond5013]

Yup, definitely torture. I'm currently 22/23 and I've been forced to grapple with it. The only way I've been able to process the situation at all is by reflecting inwards and basically making myself the safe space- Which is probably the healthiest outcome someone could hope for in a situation like ours, even if it's incredibly isolating.

[@ashley_huff92]

@sandy_carpetsthesecond5013 and your brain just kinda does it automatically, at least it did for me. It takes a lot of work and grieving to unravel everything and make your own inner adult the safe parent. Kudos to you for figuring it out in your early 20s!!

[@vladimirazubcekova7727]

interesting how when men do abusive stuff women are blamed for not protecting their kids but when women do abusive stuff men are defended for doing nothing

[@delusionaldollhouse]

my mother was obsessed with this story and didn’t even know ruby was MARRIED because of how little people talked about kevin and his willing complacency

[@fawnieee]

The double standards between the genders are crazy.

[@simona_sigmund1001]

PREACH

[@azieldaly2965]

Not really a good bcomparisson.

[@Resilient_Sage88]

I've mentioned it before, but I feel like Ruby and Kevin would have been just fine being child free because they clearly only care about themselves and each other, but not the six lives they were responsible for. If it hadn't been practically a mandate by the LDS to have as many kids as possible, there'd probably just be a couple self-obsessed yuppies doing their thing. Also sincerely hope a cell mate is parroting Ruby's words at her "You don't GET privacy. You don't get to sneak, you don't get to hide."

[@js66613]

Yep, some people shouldn't have kids, and these two are a prime example.

[@plaguedoctormills]

I understand her. Back when I was in a similar situation, my dad was like a saint in my eyes. I’d have defended him at any cost. I clung to him to keep me sane and feeling loved when I felt like my mother despised me, and I despised her. It actually caused a lot of strain in our relationship once I was out of the abusive situation and was forced to stop idealizing him.

[@LilDinoGuy]

Yeah, my parents were both abusive but at least my mom felt like she actually liked me as a person. I have definitely always viewed her in a much more positive light than my father, but it has taken some time to process, for instance, that the numerous spankings I got from her were abuse. It’s very easy to latch onto the safer parent and put them on a pedestal.

[@tegantalks9612]

If you want to know more about the man Shari mentions who got Jodi’s license suspended, his name is Adam Paul Steed and his story is heartbreaking. He was a victim of child sexual abuse and help blow open the Boy Scouts of America sexual assault case and because of this, he felt that he had a target painted on his back by the Mormon church. If you’ve got 5 hours I highly recommend listening to his interview with Mormon Stories podcast; him and Jessi Hildebrandt, Jodi’s niece, both did really good interviews with Mormon Stories podcast that give really good context on not only Jodi, but also all the religious stuff.

[@DaveJohnsonSCG]

Second this, a good but heartbreaking episode.

[@cerin59]

Yes, very good. Thanks for mentioning

[@jennahart84]

I came to recommend this as well, especially for people who are upset about Kevin's role. Jodi forced him out of the house and basically threatened that she would report him for CSA if he dared to try to take back his family. Which is Jodi's MO, as discussed by Adam Paul Steed. Jodi is a monster who preys on families and men are a huge part of that. Absolutely horrific.

[@amberproctor3996]

What's the episode called?

[@tegantalks9612]

@@amberproctor3996 just search Mormon Stories Podcast- Adam Paul Steed

[@aliceb.1481]

1:22:30 I once met a kindergarden teacher who told me (an intern at a kindergarten) I shouldn't comfort the 2 year olds when they cry about missing their parents because "that's just what they want" and I was "getting manipulated by their fake tears". I got in trouble for telling her that sounded wrong.

[@angienicolehernandez104]

I grew up being told that "if you coddle kids, they'll grow up weak" (bad translation but you get the point) and it breaks my heart to discover that it is a very, very widespread belief. It's so heartless.

[@christalcavanaugh]

“That’s giving them what they want!” Yes. They want love and attention and food and water and a safe, warm place to sleep. Oh wait… no they NEED those things to survive. Unfortunately a lot of people who work with children abuse them in my experience because they can get away with it

[@Butterfly-ql4pg]

Last year, I volunteered at a family friend's daycare to make some money while I was between jobs, and they had this really dumb rule that the kids weren't allowed to play with sticks. Like, I could understand it if the kids had picked the sticks from a bush in the garden or were using the sticks to hurt each other, but most of the time it's not that big of a deal when kids play with things they find on the ground. Not to mention the only toys the kids had to play with outside were some blocks that they had to put away at a certain hour, so of course they were inevitably going to get bored and look for other things to play with

[@meepmeep749]

Honestly I think it's more of a balancing act when it comes to comforting children. There are children who would cry all day if you try to comfort them but it's because they want to be comforted all day. You can tell if a child is in distress or just upset by how they cry. Sometimes children just cry because it's a new situation, but they will never learn how to self regulate their emotions if they are always saved from them. That doesn't mean you shouldn't comfort them though, just be mindful how you go about it because when you over indulge their crying you teach them they can't do anything by themselves, but not acknowledging their feelings at all is also bad. Acknowledge their feelings and provide support when they are upset but don't rob your child of opportunities to grow through MILD discomfort.

[@introusas]

How can someone be allowed to work in childcare with such a complete lack of knowledge of child development. What a freak.

[@vintagearisen]

I always say if you have one abusive parent and one parent who allows the other to be abusive, you have two abusive parents. EDIT: I say this more in terms of when you have a "good cop/bad cop" dynamic with parents, not when one spouse is a victim of severe domestic abuse/control, which I acknowledge is extremely complex. But in a lot of households (my childhood household included), there can often be this dynamic where one parent is blatantly cruel/unstable/abusive, and the other is the "ally parent." The good cop parent who refuses to protect the children and allows the abusive parent to continue with their abuse is also abusive and selfish. My own father was like this. He was perfectly comfortable to allow my mother's absolutely wild behavior so that he could be the good guy, the voice of reason, the "kind" parent. Ultimately when my mom got therapy and started to be less toxic, it was like a switch flipped, and the roles reversed. His toxicity became glaringly apparent once there was no longer a bad cop to hide behind.

[@mikalcarruthers]

This is why I'm questioning Kevin on why the hell is he asking for custody of his kids when he left them there with Ruby knowing that's she's more unhinged and not protected them while he was in the home. He does not deserve custody

[@moustik31]

This.

[@gamachibi]

I understand what you're getting at and am in no way trying to defend franke's husband but I just wanna say that i think it's better to be careful with generalizations like this. Unfortunately many women are in situations where they are economically dependent and isolated by their abusive partners that they have children with and little to no resources to leave the situation. We need to support organizations that help people leave abusive households!!

[@vintagearisen]

@@gamachibi I agree, my original comment did not acknowledge that sometimes situations are more complex.

[@gamachibi]

@@vintagearisen thanks for hearing my point and the edit you added to your comment! i definitely agree with you when it comes to situations like you mentioned in the edit- i had a similar experience growing up so thank you for sharing and i’m very sorry you had to go through that :( i recently got in contact with more women in these terrible situations with no way out so i wanted to say something because that situation is already so difficult and some mothers quickly blame themselves for something they have so little control over…

[@trudelulu]

Chad has been defending Kevin via his Snapchat stories so it's not just Shari that views Kevin that way. Chad has said that he can't wait for their documentary to come out because he's sick of how the public is viewing Kevin. 56:00 I don't think she's going hard on Chad in that passage you read. She's writing in the point of view of Ruby. It's a satirical view of how Ruby viewed Chad's regular teenage behavior as "manipulative". She also doesn't call Chad a monster. She calls Jodi a monster. If anything, the passage you read tells me that Shari completely understood and empathizes with Chad's behavior.

[@MiraBoo]

Agreed.

[@IllumiToddy]

I’m not a fan of Kevin, I think he co-signed a lot of what happened in the vlogs. Chad especially seemed like a scapegoat child for Ruby. But I think Kevin leaving giving Chad an escape from Ruby is great.

[@sunnyandthechlo]

Yeah I saw that passage the same way, like she was stepping into Ruby’s pov and how Ruby saw Chad.

[@saraht3196]

kevin is/was a professor at byu. shari is going to byu currently. it's not the whole reason why, but i have a theory that wanting to keep her spot at byu is part of why of her depiction of kevin is so favorable and is definitely why she doesn't criticize mormonism itself. she's clearly still in it and it will take time for her to heal and potentially for her "shelf" to eventually break. i hope her and all of the children find healing.

[@LongSeanSilver]

And BYU is notorious for using random “honor codes” applied specifically to harm women who bring up negative issues they faced at BYU. Like vindictively ignoring actual horrifying actions that have happened on their campus, even when the woman follow proper channels. Believe me, living in Utah in my whole live, any positives you hear about BYU are completely fabricated or covering for their negative actions. If she wants to graduate at BYU, I think she had to choose the path she did.

[@fairyoforbit]

i can’t get over how kevin tried to get shari charged with bulgary for going into her childhood home and getting her stuff. i know kevin is in therapy and he’s probably been convinced that shari had a right to enter that house, but i can’t get over how he did that to his own daughter.

[@hannahm1223]

I don’t think Shari is upset that her family lost their channel at all, or has harsh feelings towards Chad. To me, those passages were full of sarcasm, like she was speaking through Ruby’s view point more than her own.

[@ennamae3287]

i agree, i think a lot of the book is shari exposing how ruby ran the family and how ruby felt. the audiobook has a sarcastic tone and i feel like she explains very well at the end of the book that she isnt actually sharing much of her or her siblings' perspective, she is clearing the record about ruby's actions and attitudes. i dont agree with the interpretation that she dislikes or blames chad as much as it sounds. im sure she has some lingering feelings and i dont blame her for wanting to whitewash the remaining parent she has but i think hearing her own voice via the audiobook is a necessity if we're going to be psychoanalytic here. i do think rachel missed that facet of sharis voice and read it more in her own voice*

[@hayleym1012]

I have noticed that Rachel can occasionally struggle with reading sarcasm until it gets into overtly snarky territory. I would think this is one of those instances. I still enjoyed listening to her perspective as she read through the book!

[@ennamae3287]

@hayleym1012 honestly i really think the sarcasm is hard to read if you dont listen to sharis voice itself. the book is written one way but it fully comes to life in her voice. its the same way i would never recommend someone analyzing "im glad my mom died" to pass up the audiobook. you're missing the voice

[@lemsip207]

There is the part where they visited a Disney park and Chad kicks off there. I don't blame Chad at all as what was otherwise fun outing was ruined for him by the children being expected to perform for their mother's sponsors of the blog. No wonder he went back alone and enjoyed it much more then. I get where he was coming from as I have had concerts and other social events ruined by someone tagging along who clearly hated the music or were in disagreement with the ethos of the social event so they could tell other people how I coerced them into attending. I found I enjoyed seeing the same bands much more alone than with a tag along. Then there were family events such as weddings that I hated as I was expected to conform to being the quiet little girl they wanted me to be and listen to boring conversations but not speak. So I instead I found a corner to hide in and read a book. Now I won't attend a wedding reception unless I know I can walk out of there at any time and walk home or catch a bus home.

[@louhortonsculpture]

It makes sense to me that she would write from the point of view of Ruby in almost a default way. That’s how Ruby ran the household. Kids were always monitoring her mood and adjusting to that.

[@mikalcarruthers]

Shari is a brave and strong person. To be going through all the terrible stuff that she's gone through to where no one, except a couple, protected her, i don't blame her for not trusting people. Not even her family protected her. I just hope Shari is healing, even though it's gonna be hard, and she's thriving knowing that she's helping a lot of victims by sharing her story

[@momomomo__]

Another comment, because its a separate topic, but I think listening to the audiobook is the best way to consume this book. She reads it herself, so the tone is clear. The passages about Chad's behaviour don't sound resentful, they sound sarcastic and painful, honestly. Same thing for her describing the downfall of the channel. In the audiobook, you can tell she's talking from her mother's point of view. Ruby's point of view of Chad was that he was a terror, but time and time again, Shari shows in the book that all she felt was empathy and protectiveness. She talks about how heartbreaking it was to see his spirit being broken and how awful it was to see him play it off as if it was fine. Specially after the wilderness camp, there's a passage about how he made a small witty remark and she saw a glimpse of her brother back. I think hearing her words in her voice makes this book far more insightful and heartbreaking. Hearing her voice break talking about the punishments towards Chad shows how she doesn't resent him at all. When hearing her sarcastic tone describing how the internet communities picked their videos apart, she sounds vindicated, not upset. I truly ask people to listen to the audiobook.

[@Bebe-kk9mc]

Hey Rachel i hope youre keeping well with these traumatic and dark topics. Im so glad that Shari has finally managed to speak out and I hope this book helps her heal

[@sweetstacks3631]

From what I understand, Kevin, Chad, and Shari are in therapy (I imagine probably separately and together), and Shari and Chad have forgiven him. We shouldn't absolve Kevin of all responsibility, but I do think that's important to note.

[@barbh1]

Are they church approved therapists?

[@christalcavanaugh]

Forgiveness does not absolve crimes.

[@lenagalaxies]

While I do think giving people like them forgiveness is an extremely strong thing to do, I also feel sad that they did so quickly. In the prison interview the first thing Kevin asks when he finds out what Ruby did to their kids is if she'll going to jail because he loves her. He doesn't even ask about his kids.

[@colleens.279]

It doesn’t absolve Kevin at all, so he has a lot to answer for. But they (Shari and Chad) are allowed to decide if they forgive him and how they want to move forward. I do wish all of them peace, clarity and compassion.

[@sweetstacks3631]

@ Yes, I agree. The Franke kids have also had their every decision scrutinized by the whole internet, so I think it's just respectful to stop passing judgment on their choices. Just like how Shari doesn't share her younger siblings' names, even though so many people know them, we honestly just need to let all of this be, especially since she's no longer going to share anything about her life.

[@bruisedkneecap]

always glad to see Kyra come and comfort you especially during these tough topics (even if she sits right in front of your notes haha)

[@morganozanne]

I listened to the audiobook (it’s free if you have spotify premium) which Shari reads herself and I STRONGLY recommend. Her voice gives so much more meaning and context. She’s quite heavy on the sarcasm, critiquing the thought processes she heard around her.

[@TheLeafcuter]

How??? Wheres the audiobook on Spotify, i cant seem to find it

[@sophdog2564]

I guess I had a much different perception of Kevin in this book. You say she's treating him like an innocent victim but I didn't think so. A few things that probably color this perspective is that I was raised within the same culture as Shari (not just the religion but also the state) and I listened to the audiobook, which is read by Shari and might convey a tone that isn't shared by the book. I think Shari calling both her mother and father by their first names puts them on similar levels of distance. Yes she's rekindling things with Kevin now, but I felt like she portrayed him less as an innocent party and more like a man who was too absent and weak willed to protect his children from his wife. I think that's pretty harsh, albeit deserved, portrayal. Especially considering that one of his two gender roles assigned by the church is to protect his family. Saying things like "he was the supporting actor" is a pretty significant put down in such a strongly patriarchal religion. That he didn't have or express a say in how the kids were being raised is a failing and I felt like that was pretty clear. He's supposed to be the head of the household. (Edit: according to doctrine NOT what i actually believe) I had my mom listen to it after me because I thought she would really connect with it. She didn't know as much about 8 passengers as me because I'd been following it for years while she just learned about it right at the end. She still walked away with the impression that Kevin wasn't a great father, even though she understood why Shari wanted to rekindle things.

[@lacurievalley8970]

Ooh I got that same perspective! You put my thoughts and feelings on this into words perfectly.

[@sophdog2564]

@@lacurievalley8970 glad I'm not the only one! All the top comments seemed to be in agreement with Rachel's perspective on it (which is a fine reading but I just had a much different one lol)

[@larissabrglum3856]

That's the impression I got as well. Maybe she did go a bit easy on him, but she didn't absolve him of responsibility, either.

[@mariammosashvili4150]

I was leaning more towards this content, until the Chad stuff. That I just couldn't get behind. Not only did he stay idle, he even supported the unfair punishments with his whole chest. Yes, he might be a wet wipe of a person, but my goodness, there was absolutely no reason to double down on the Chad thing. I don't trust him, I think Sheri will grow to understand that he wasn't the martyr she thinks he is.

[@sophdog2564]

@mariammosashvili4150 I think you misunderstood my comment. I'm saying that Shari was not portraying him as martyr in this book, but as a kind of pathetic guy without enough of a backbone to stick up for his kids.

[@kaylamd8570]

I don’t know anyone hears the passage of Shari describing Chad and thinks she’s villanize Chad. She’s very clearly calling out the overreaction of her parents.

[@trudelulu]

yeah, i'm really confused on her takeaway there. and shari calls jodi a monster. not chad.

[@vintagearisen]

I finally realized the word that's missing in Shari's vocabulary: ENABLER. Her father enabled and participated in the toxic behavior. He might also have been a victim but he enabled so much abuse against his children by going along with Ruby's nastiness, and I think what we're seeing here is a young woman in denial about her father's role in her misery.

[@frankensteinlives]

Shari may, one day, appreciate this as a snapshot of this moment in her emotional journey. I hope, one day, she's in a place where she can see that she deserved better from BOTH of her parents.

[@maggierozmanith6542]

Snapshot in emotional journey, so nicely put!

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

Thank you for pointing out that her Dad is given a very charitable light in the book, and that's probably not the whole truth. I have an NPD mother and did the same when I was her age; part of the healing is first getting away from the more overtly unhealthy parent and holding up the less unhealthy parent as a savior/good guy, and then over time and distance, realizing that enabling is not ok either and both parents need to be detached from. I'm sure she'll get there, but it took me decades.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

@@silversmoke6 Yeah, agree. We all heal at our own pace, and frankly Shari is a LOT farther along the path than I was at her age, and she also went through more.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

@ Thank you. Hope you have a great day 🙂

[@moustik31]

I relate to that. When you have a overtly abusive parent, it's easy to overlook the 2nd parent's shortcomings. Also, I remember him calling the cops on her for "stealing" a laptop, iirc. And that happened after Ruby was arrested. 🤨

[@daenerys02]

1:42:05 the whole thing about "end of days" and preparing for it is a direct teaching of the mormon church. Not really extreme or fringe inside that religion. Another reason why critiquing and understandingd LDS teachings cannot be left out of telling this story

[@drewgoin8849]

I feel like this element of the LDS doctrine is glossed over in many videos and shows that are critical of the religion.

[@daenerys02]

@@drewgoin8849 tbh I only know about it bc I devour any Jordan and McKay video, but I do find it weird that it seems to be such an integral part of the doctrin and is not really talked about

[@lingodelfo5415]

I learned about it from Alyssa Grenfell's videos, she mentiones it a couple of times, like absolute hoarder houses with cans of food expired years ago for this reason

[@momomomo__]

I think she went easy on Kevin, but I'd also like to point out that both her and Chad have talked about going to therapy with him and forgiving him. I think they know Kevin fucked up and have chosen to forgive him. If it's the choice they made, we should respect them. We only have a the little window Ruby and Shari created into their family life. Ruby wanted Kevin to sound on board with the "parenting", and that's what comes across in the videos. Shari has forgiven her father and wants people to try and see his kinder side. The truth of Kevin's behaviour is somewhere in the middle of those two ends of the spectrum. We'll never truly know what happened (this isn't me distrusting Shari's story, it's just acknowledging that there's always narrator bias). Unless the kids choose to further talk about this or come out to denounce this pro Kevin stance, I think we should just let them be. Reactions to abuse are different for everyone, so I'm choosing to let Shari process what happened her own way. She doesn't have to cut out an abuser to hold them accountable. If what she's doing works for her, then who are we to say it's wrong?

[@floraposteschild4184]

At the time of the raid, the two middle children were at the home of Jodi Hildebrandt's business partner -- cleaning her house for her. I remember hearing at the time, they defended their mother's treatment of them. I hope they're safe and getting the help they need now.

[@Furball891]

When one parent is very visibly abusive, it's very easy to see the other parent whose mentality is "don't rock the boat" as the good guy. But in reality they are enabling the abuse and in many cases enforcing the abusive rules in order to "not rock the boat". They seem like the more reasonable one compared to the abuser, but trying to make everything go smoothly FOR the abuser is also abusive. This was the most visible in how the dad was completely on board with sending the brother to the wilderness camp; the brother was rocking the boat, and sending him away would calm the abuser again.

[@laurieandrade125]

I read an interview with Shari and she says that she deliberately name Kevin and Ruby rather than mum and dad. She says that she’s rebuilding her relationship with her dad but she does have a lot of trauma with him that she’s still working through. I am curious to see how he’s going to come across in the new docuseries. I imagine he’ll be ashamed but will he be ashamed of letting the Jodi situation get as bad as it or will he be ashamed of the fact that he let Ruby get as bad as it got and that he went along with her instead of standing up for their kids. As for Mormonism. I don’t know if you saw the Mormon stories coverage of this book. One of the hosts said that for them Mormonism was like a broken shelf. They’d kept putting their doubts on the shelf and one day it just broke all at once. They also said their faith was the last thing to go after they dealt with a load of trauma. I do think there is a chance that Shari’s shelf will break and if it does I hope she has a support system around her that can help her. Ngl I’m a little concerned that Shari’s already engaged but I do wish her all the best.

[@lemsip207]

Other forms of fundamentalist Christianity are like that too. Ex Christians have said that each instance of abuse or strict rule is like putting something on the back shelf of your mind and then one day it gets overloaded and crashes. Fundamentalist Christianity includes Calvinism but worse Calvinists never mention they are Calvinists. That's whats so insidious about it. Someone woke me up to Calvinism in the 90s. Wesleyans and Lutherans are upfront about that.

[@larissabrglum3856]

There were a few things she said in the book that hint at deconstruction, so I'm hopeful

[@laurieandrade125]

@@larissabrglum3856 it wouldn’t surprise me if she did deconstruct but I’m not exactly holding my breath for it. It looks like she’s going to marry a Mormon guy at such a young age. I do believe that Mormonism was a place where she did find genuine support and help when she needed it but yeah she does critique it in the book. So I don’t know maybe she’ll deconstruct or maybe she’ll do all she can to prop up the broken shelf but at the end of the day that’s up to her.

[@angienicolehernandez104]

Shari is so brave, I hope she and her siblings keeps healing. You pointed out very important points Rachel, I wonder why Kevin and other male halfs of abusive parents (the Stauffers come to mind) seem to get out of these situations in a positive light.

[@lassoroot]

I wonder if it's the "Oh he's such a good dad" for doing normal bare minimum parenting effect? Like we as a society find it so much more shocking and reprehensible when mothers and women mistreat children as opposed to fathers and men (which shouldn't be the case!)

[@weliveinasociety]

I can't imagine what that poor girl had to have gone through... I hope all of the kids are doing better now, and are slowly healing

[@lemsip207]

This reminds me of Jordan Turpin who escaped the house just before dawn with a mobie phone to call the police. She was 17. She has an elder sister or 27 and several siblings. These are religious families who have too many children when they can't cope with two children.

[@HypatiaMuse]

I grew up in evangelical Christianity- thankfully my parents weren't horrible people, but I can completely relate to her account about being terrified about 'demons' and negative supernatural forces. I used to have terrible anxiety as a child about these things, many sleepless nights.

[@kiwi-se4ld]

Regarding Shari's portrayal of her father, while I think Shari is definitely a bit lenient on him, I can also understand her. I grew up with a very similar home life to Shari. My mother ruled the house with an iron fist, and the whole reason she married my father is because he let her do whatever she wanted. She knew he was a pushover, and so she changed him into the man she wanted and he never really got a say in anything. Women like Ruby seek out men they know will bow to their will, and while I don't dismiss my father of all wrongdoing, my father is also a victim of my mother. She made him give up everything, made him work a job that he hated and that took a toll on his body just so she could play "stay at home mom" with a nice house, nice cars, and the perfect family. He was punished if he did anything she disliked. She genuinely has made my father believe that he cannot leave her, and so I understand Shari's portrayal of her father. He was probably the only person in her life that felt safe, even if he couldn't stand up to Ruby. I don't think this is something that someone who has not lived this life can really understand.

[@WolfGoddess77]

Once the younger children grow up, I'll be very interested to see what they have to say about this absolute nightmare. I have a feeling that this particular case is going to live in infamy for a _very_ long time.

[@emilybastong3896]

Video essays like yours about child abuse and similar topics allowed me to start deconstructing in the first place. While I feel like there is a fine line between sensationalizing these stories and analyzing them respectfully, I still find it incredibly important to talk about it, because I guarantee you there's at least one person watching this video going "wait that sounds kind of similar to what I went through" On another note while I applaud Shari for being this brave to put herself in the public eye again by publishing this book and revealing so much about herself, I completely agree with your assessment that she should have waited until she had healed from it better. The way she protected her dad and tore down her brother in the sane breath just felt very icky to me. Like yes, he was probably the scapegoat of the family and so blaming him is second nature, but I don't feel like he deserved any of it. I'd love to hear more about his point of view. Also there was one thing that bugged me about that book that you didn't really seem to have caught on to but by basically outing Josie (how can I already not properly remember the name anymore?!) as a lesbian and then depicting her vision as "getting rid of the sperm donors" and her being jealous of all the husbands because "she was surrounded by women she couldn't have"... Like don't get me wrong, she's an awful person, but also this entire section of the book just really rubbed me the wrong way

[@MiraBoo]

Jodi was “outed” by her own relative before this book was ever published, and Jodi was openly hostile to married men.

[@emilybastong3896]

@MiraBoo I didn't know she had been outed before the book. Again, I'm aware that she is an awful person and I in no way, shape or form want to defend her, quite the opposite actually. It's just that the "man-hating lesbian" is such a harmful stereotype and I felt like the descriptions were playing into that a bit too much for my taste.

[@MiraBoo]

@@emilybastong3896 I do agree that the stereotype is awful. However, I suspect that Jodi’s strong, rigid, and repressive religiosity and her tendency to be incredibly vindictive are the reasons she, unfortunately, embodies such a stereotype.

[@frankensteinlives]

"Mom tax" is supposed to be when your mom grabs a Hershey's from your trick or treat bag, is that not the case?

[@Ashbrash1998]

I do wonder if psychologically in the background....Sherri assigns more to her mom because of the culture she was raised in. Women are responsible for the children and men do the bare minimum parenting for double the points. So Ruby was raising the kids, and Kevin was just there, which lifts any responisbility as a father to stop Ruby and not be abusive by being a bystander with Ruby. You don't get raised through years of misogyny and not have echoes of it when you get out. And Ruby being the evil parent compared to the good parent makes anyone look like a saint.

[@larissabrglum3856]

Hell, even your common non-aggravated child ab*ser would look good compared to Ruby

[@Quoxz]

1:22:00 - Babies cry because that's literally their one and only course of action? And they're entitled to that because they didn't ask to be born? The bare minimum they should be entitled to should be enough care, support, and sustenance to get them into independence.

[@spiceupyourafterlife]

I appreciate that you point out Shari not really addressing her father's part in the abuse/neglect or the harm that the church has caused because, to me, it points out how much she still has yet to process.

[@starrynight5138]

I loved her book and so glad she told her story. I can understand why she forgives her dad (though she is still pretty young and her feelings may change as time passes, who knows) but as an outsider looking in, it’s hard not to be infuriated by him. Especially how he spoke about his kids in his police interviews (i.e. calls them selfish, barely reacts to hearing about their conditions) vs. Ruby and Jodi (“honest”, “respectable” lol please). I hope now that he’s out of the cult and their brainwashing, he does some serious self-work and owns up to role in all of this, for the sake of his children.

[@zoeywanzi6546]

When you have an overwhelmingly abusive parent, you're gonna see the one not directly abusing in a better or even good light coa they basically turn into the only parent you know loves you, no matter their flaws. Kinda like how some people would support their murderous child who killed their other child cos they are now the only child they have.

[@DrowningInChocolate]

You are making sense! You keep wondering if you’re making sense-and you are! You’re speaking clearly and eloquently, don’t convince yourself otherwise :)

[@lizcollinson2692]

I understand your thoughts about her waiting to unpack more detail and challenge others who abused her and enabled abuse. But another idea might be for her to write another book in 3, 5 or 10 years. If she wanted too. This would give massive detailed information about her healing and changing ideas with time.

[@inanimatecarbongod]

I didn't think this story could still shock me but then that bit (which I hadn't heard before) about babies being "responsible" for their actions and "manipulative" did. Are they seriously arguing newborn babies should get up and make themselves something when they need a feed? Also, completely with you on Kevin, who has never been a good guy throughout any of this.

[@Furball891]

Oh damn lady you are a mindreader AND a lifesaver! I swear I saw some people talk about this book yesrterday in my recommended, but the videos were like 10 minutes and I was like "sigh. I wish someone like Rachel Oates would deep dive into this". And then I see this as I'm looking for something to listen to at the gym this morning! You just made my whole weekend! ❤

[@Darkernorakeln]

The "Kyra the baby" break was great for my mental health, she's lovely

[@Prinnacleofchaos]

Didn’t her father also try to get her arrested? But she’s still defending him… it’s so sad

[@mariaaasthenia1879]

thank you for the video and for speaking up about such a difficult topic. And thanks to Kyra for helping us get through all this horror! Her appearances always bring smile to my face. It especially sweet to see with how much adoration you two look at each other with. And the way Kyra comes to you to check in on how you are doing ??? my heart!

[@alenayushkevich8159]

i think the abuse she went through makes her brain trying to downplay what her father did just so she can have anyone left in the family and honestly i get it

[@larissabrglum3856]

It's a little bit frustrating to read but extremely understandable

[@DavidMiller-d9w]

The fact that nobody talks about the forbidden book called The Gilded Nexus of Prosperity speaks volumes about how people are stuck in a trance

[@DoIReallyHaveTo]

Found your comment interesting. Can you elaborate more on what you said? I don't know about it either. Thank you.

[@LongSeanSilver]

I believe it’s a scam unless it’s in the video at some point, just started watching it. It’s a book with “hidden truths” and I’m guessing you won’t be able to understand those until you buy another 2-3 books. My grandmother was scammed out of 100ish dollars with a similar scam, and what’s worse is the books aren’t even fun or even bad. Just boring slop. Anyway, if she mentions this book in the video, ignore this comment lmao

[@alewiina]

I mean, I can see some of the stuff with Kevin being true, especially with the scenes where Ruby is going in and on and Kevin is just sitting there. I used to get screamed at by my mom for hours while my Dad just sat there and did nothing. Sometimes he’d show me some kindness when mom was on a warpath, though I’m still not entirely sure if it was because he cared or because he wanted me on his “side”, but either way in comparison it made him look way better and more caring than my mom. I am in my 30s now and see it far more clearly now (my dad did not lift a finger to protect me from my mom’s angry rants, and he often did yell at me/threaten me on other occasions but at the I could see myself defending him and thinking he was the reasonable parent even when he wasn’t. Plus you have to remember she’s still traumatized, even if she wasn’t beaten like the younger ones. She’s only a few years out from this f*cked up family and her thinking is probably still warped in some ways, even if she seems very level-headed about it all.

[@luciadreaming9]

While I appreciate this video and agree with most of your commentary, I think your questioning the memory of victims is out of line. Trauma can impact our memory but it is not our job as outside spectators to determine if that is the case with situations we aren’t involved in. An objective third party is needed, but it should be the psychologists and other professionals more intimately involved with the case. That said, I think spreading awareness is good and I respect you a lot for the time and effort you’ve put into properly discussing this. Thank you, sending love and peace your way❤

[@mashpojayde-o]

I wasn’t sure if you would, but I’m so truly grateful you have made a video on this. I always appreciate your thoughtful analysis, and criticisms with respect for nuance. I don’t believe online commentators talked about all of this for its salaciousness (although maybe in small part), but calling out these family vloggers and exploitation is so important in order to perpetuate necessary change! Thank you Rachel, I understand this would not have been an easy video to make, and I truly appreciate your thoughts and insights :)

[@jackiearnolds]

I understand why Shari can't let go of her father's image. She is the oldest, she didn't have anyone else to rely on, and, from what she portrays, grew up with a father who was simultaneously neglectful and dismissive and loving and caring. From what I remember seeing, her youger siblings at least had a big sister in her. I hope they can understand each other, not blame themselves for what happened, and find in each other the loving and caring family they deserved from the start. Shari seems to be a good person at heart, and I hope her siblings can be like her as adults, and that their experiences didn't take away their faith in humanity. I feel like we will be seeing many books like this, although hopefully less extreme in the amount of trauma.

[@gemstoned66]

Different thing completely but I recently saw that the child actor that played beck on victorious is releasing a poem book. Maybe that’s something interesting as well :)

[@april4524]

YESS IM SO EXCITED FOR THAT POETRY BOOK!!

[@becquerelian]

The fact that this has all been taking place in the town where I grew up makes me feel such a bizarre connection to this case. I took art classes in the neighborhood where Jodi's house is. Those children were transported to the hospital where I used to get my yearly checkups. And Shari is one month younger than me. As an eldest child myself, I can't even imagine the agony she must have been in watching all this happen to her younger siblings and not being able to do anything about it. So many horrible things happening behind the scenes, right under our noses. Mormon culture loves the facade of perfection, but it's so unbelievably broken out there

[@lemsip207]

I saw a programme on TV about it. The town where Jodi lived looked ugly and her house especially. It is single storey and huge with many of the rooms not having external windows. There is a Mormon church near me and I went inside during a local Christmas festival as it was open to the public with free refreshments and a display.

[@larissabrglum3856]

​@@lemsip207 I've seen pictures of the inside of the house and it has such a cold, creepy liminal space vibe

[@lemsip207]

@larissabrglum3856 Some of the rooms looked like a furniture store to me.

[@josie8997]

1:03:30 yes, he DID have agency in this situation and her entire point is that he didn't use it! That is not excusing his behaviour. That is describing how his willfull passivity enabled his wifes active cruelty.

[@WinterSprite-w8t]

Shari is so brave for coming forward with this story. I hope nothing but the absolute best for her and the rest of the kids. The road to healing and recovery will be a long one, but at least the abusers are finally caught and people are learning about the horrors they've done to not just the kids but marriages and other families out there. Talking about true crime, no matter the degree of the crime, doesn't romanticize or sensationalize when it's for the intention of educating, so people can be aware of the signs and seek help early to prevent things from happening, or at least from getting too bad. We need to talk about big issues like this. It can save lives down the line.

[@mareee22]

It's hard to wrap ones mind around just how disconnected from reality these two abusers are. The section where they talked about the psychology of infants and children is the farthest thing from being rooted in fact and is just so fundamentally lacking in basic empathy it's scary.

[@tinyfig9708]

Despite you feeling stressed and unwell, you look absolutely beautiful Rachel. I'm glad you have Kyra to support you with grumbles and kisses. Hope you're feeling better and had a good cry. I can understand this topic is really heavy to cover, as it is to listen to. Sending you and Kyra lots of love xx

[@aimeepearl693]

Stockpiling for the apocalypse is a VERY Mormon thing.

[@espifreak]

Whatever justice we may call for in the case of Kevin is not really Shari's job, as the victim, to provide us. I think there are some monetary reasons why she needed to write this book, some narrative reclaiming, but I do think speaking negatively of her father right now could mean losing her siblings to the foster system forever. I genuinely don't know what is best--there was a quiverful family who imprisoned their 10+ children in their house, and when they were arrested, many of those kids went on to be abused in foster care. It's possible that Shari's goal is to keep her family together. That being said, I think Shari is desperate for parental affection and she's taking what she can get. I'm not going to begrudge her that.

[@pennyraehawkins9788]

56:54 Maybe I’m mishearing, and I’m welcome to be corrected, but I don’t think she called Chad a monster? The word “monster” was applied to Jodi, not Chad.

[@bunnikz]

this was my first video of yours and it was pretty good!! props to you. also, your dog absolutely stole my heart

[@BluegrassQueen]

My mom used to be lds. Her brother used to be physical with her as a child. I'm not saying they are all @busive, but it is very normalized in the church. I heard a lot of horror stories. It's up there with scientology.

[@LioSans]

Honestly Kyra and your interactions with her made watching the video easier. 😅

[@det7742]

I, too, hold Kevin as party to the abuse. Relationships are complicated, though, and Shari is clearly working to keep him in her life... her forgiveness straining backwards to highlight valued moments. (I notice, however, that in the book she calls him "Kevin" instead of "Dad.") I personally hope that they can repair their relationship, as she so badly wants. If he's not a danger to anyone anymore, and he has done his own work, then leave Shari to her decisions. The rest of us can hold him accountable. And good on Rachel for doing so.

[@Julija_Popovic]

I had a late-stage stillbirth in december. The fact that that monster (or for that matter anyone) could be able to inflict that much pain and torture to children, let alone their children is horrifying. I cannot fathom what would drive someone to even think about doing that. I'm glad they managed to escape that absolute demon

[@larissabrglum3856]

I can't imagine even spanking a child

[@hospitable_ghost]

Anyone who's read "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" understands why she's framing her dad the way she is. He's the passive parent going along with Ruby, the stronger personality. People tend to choose partners with a similar level of emotional maturity as themselves. I hope she continues to heal. It'll be painful when she realizes her dad stood back and was complicit in her abuse.

[@aimeepearl693]

Oh Rachel, what a nuanced and objective review you did here. I appreciate you, your candor, and your compassion so, so much.

[@tamarakreutz1509]

I actually felt that both Kevin and Mormonism were treated with nuance. I did not feel as if Kevin was given a free pass, and he was portrayed as weak and pathetic in many parts of the book-someone who knew the right thing but would just cave to whatever Ruby wsnted. It is notable that Shari does not call him "Dad" in her narration. She also says towards the end of the book that she can't forget Kevin's part in what she and her siblings suffered, but she is working to forgive him and rebuild a relationship. One difference between Kevin and Ruby is that Kevin recognizes his part and is working to make ammends. At least according to Shari, it seems like he is trying to become a better person and restore his relationship with his children, whether that is fully possible or not. Regarding the Mormon church, I did feel like Shari was able to critique the ways Mormonism was harmful to her, including how it's take on purity culture both set her up to be groomed and then also failed to protect her when she opened up about the abuse she was suffering at the hands of the middle aged man (can't remember his name off the top of my head). She was also critical about mormonism's stance on gender norms/roles, the pressure to have more kids than one can handle, and the ways Mormonism influenced and protected Jodi (including the ways the law couldn't easily take action against Ruby and Jodi based on free-range parenting laws Utah Mormons had pushed through. However, in other ways, the church has been a protecrive force for Shari. Many if not all of the people who have helped and supported her are Mormon (including the couple that took her in, whom she now refers to as Mom and Dad), and the church also set her up with what seemes to be a reputable therapist. Anyway I'm not a fan of either Kevin or the Morman church, but I can definitely see why they are not villified to the extent that either Ruby or Jodi were. I think her relationship with Ruby and Jodi is purely antsgonistic, while her relationship with both Kevin and the church is more complex.

[@SpyderQueen1988]

I agree with your assessment, she very much painted him as a wet blanket, and the fact that she calls him Kevin rather than Dad shows to me at least, she is not letting completely off the hook.

[@mynaemismoos]

Apologies that this comment is not much about the topic at hand, but your dog just loves you so much and seeing that helped lift some of the weight of this heavy subject. What a wonderful pup she is. ❤

[@TangentialTif]

The middle daughters were living in the family home alone and monitored by Pam. They also had to go clean Pam’s house and that’s where they were when DCFS picked them up. No one was at the actual house when they broke down the door.

[@supercrazylegs1]

Ruby and Kevin are such terrible people. Terrorizing their kids, filming it, making money off of their kids, and downright abusing them and calling it "strict parenting" and normalizing abuse, and doing it all even before Jodie Hildebrand came on the scene.

[@marlyd]

Yesterday I was looking for your video on this because I was so sure you'd already released that, guess I was wrong but super excited to see it now ❤

[@fionamclary7631]

I have the book on hold at the library rn so I've been hoping for coverage from you in the meantime!

[@Annickicki]

Not gonna lie, while the topics are always interesting, I'm actually here for the puppy interludes.

[@owlgirl1998]

The painting Kevin in a good light is sus to me because he tried to GET SHERI ARRESTED for collecting some stuff from the house for her siblings after the arrest. When she had police permission! The police let her in! Dude sucks.

[@owlgirl1998]

​@@silversmoke6 Sheri can forgive him. I'm under no such obligation.

[@Lemmelly]

I'd give Shari some grace for not being able to call out her dad for being complicit, or for her religion or understanding those bigger power structures. She's like 22.

[@kate4781]

As several people have said, as someone who grew up in an abusive household, Shari's view of her father makes sense. Your brain tried to deem one parent "safe" as a survival mechanism. From personal experience, it can cause a lot of issues between siblings when your designated "safe" parent is different and heavily affects your perceptions of the same events.

[@ka8544]

This is so incredibly well done, Rachel.

[@maryinsanfrancisco]

Healing takes time and this is where Shari is now. This story comes from her point of view at a certain point in time. Furthing healing and further work may evolve her point of view. It is good to keep in mind the author's biases and limitations. I think Shari's perceptions should be accepted, not as objective fact, but as her facts, her truth.

[@RainE136]

I was waiting for this!

[@chickpea734]

Theres an interview documentary coming out soon with Shari Chad and Kevin, i hope in it kevin takes accountability

[@SpyderQueen1988]

I've waited until now to watch this as I'd just the book when you posted, I've just finished and my first port of call was to come and watch this review.

[@valerie767]

I share your sentiments about Kevin completely. I understand that he and Shari have some shared trauma from Ruby and Jody’s abuse, but Kevin isn’t a child. He isn’t an idiot. He wasn’t ignorant to Ruby’s mindset. I think he absolutely knew those kids were being abused and he could have and should have done something about it.

[@asphaltsally]

She's such a good writer!

[@flintfoster8010]

Exmormon here: I'm fucked up by this religion... So much chronic guilt and shame, self hatred, perfectionism, severe anxiety and ocd tendencies and paranoia.

[@larissabrglum3856]

The anxiety Shari developed in childhood sounded so similar to Jennette McCurdy's OCD

[@brigitterolens]

Really enjoy and appreciate your videos!! Thank you for covering the stories you cover ❤

[@nikitatavernitilitvynova]

Alyssa Grenfell over here on KZbin has done plenty of videos about the Lds church and purity culture from an ex-mormon perspective. It could give some of you some insight on these aspects aswell as the prespective of someone who was deep in that belief.

[@feliciasjoberg9886]

Video idea: Doormat mom's book

[@ReemadreeMonzur]

oh my godddddd not doormat mom lmao

[@RachelOates]

I’ve already got half a script on it 🫢

[@ladylazulisystem6766]

@@RachelOates we r so excited!!! its been rly cathartic watching ppl we respect just completely destroy the "estranged parent" movement forming

[@feliciasjoberg9886]

@@RachelOates YAY! 🤩

[@Ulaclarewrites]

Oh her brother Chad, I do think the language she’s using there is language she used when she was younger. I don’t get the sense she is blaming him but reflecting on what she was told of him. But I I also get the sense she’s afraid to share what she really feels too because Kevin is directly involved and she will have to deconstruct her relationship with her father to really dive into that. We have to remember too golden children who are forced to play a role hold resentment for those who don’t. Shari was trying so hard to keep the peace and Chad was ruining her chances to cope with the agonies of their childhood because he was coping in another way. As an older sister whose siblings joke with one that they are the “disappointment.” It sounds mean but is something we laugh about now, even naming our sibling group chat that. This I think is a combo of things happening at once.

[@fletcherwalter2333]

I understand Kevin is not innocent but from what I hear he is doing his best to go to therapy with Sherri and Chad and as much as we all have opinions on this at the end of the day it’s her survivors story so she should get to tell it the way she sees it. What she thinks of her father ag the end of the day is entirely her perspective and we have no right to judge her perspective. No hate at all I did really enjoyed the video!

[@andrewshear2927]

This was tough to hear. Very glad that both ladies are in jail.

[@kenmagoesblep]

I completely agree with your criticism of how Kevin is being portrayed, but I can't blame Shari for that at this point of her healing journey. She's still young and its hard to see the harm he has done when her mother has done so much more obvious damage. I feel for Shari, and I hope she'll come to recognize her father's role into it whenever she's ready for it; and same for the church.

[@lilylonden1180]

10:56 twiddling kyra’s ears is so cute

[@laurenevans8600]

I always love when Kyra is on screen in Rachel’s videos

[@LaDomiiT.O]

Kyra really help me get through this heavy read

[@protox07]

Have a happy new year Rachel Oates

[@TheSeptemberSapphire]

I don’t think Shari or Chad have the benefit of introspection and distance from their childhood to understand what Kevin did was just as bad as Ruby. Maybe in a few years and interaction with normal parent-child relationships, they can see what they can’t now. Kevin is just using the tenuous “I was the better parent” of the two to hold onto them to bolster his image.

[@shbondful]

This poor woman has definitely not had time to fully process everything and come to fully reasonable terms with it, but I do think that getting it all out there, smashing up any remaining vestiges of the image of the perfect Franke children and their perfect family that anyone might have held onto from the Eight Passengers days, might well do a lot to help her start doing so. I also read something about how Lifetime had started working on a movie about Ruby and Jodi without any consultation with the family, and that documentaries are also forthcoming already - I could see wanting to put her own version of the story on the record before it spirals even further out of the control of the people who lived it, especially given what Shari wrote about having depression and possibly a form of OCD on top of all the trauma she’s dealing with from just…living that life. I do think it would be really interesting and potentially valuable, though, if she also wrote another book a few years down the line, reflecting on where she is then vs where she was now, if she’s in a safe headspace to do it then. We all hear in the abstract about how it’s okay to feel differently later than you do right now and how it’s not necessarily a linear process, but I don’t feel like we see as many first-hand accounts, written in different time periods by the same person, about what the experience was really like. Each experience is different, of course, but seeing *someone’s* specific example can be really helpful for a lot of people. Plus, I think she probably did write a fair bit (not all, but a fair bit) of the text, and if so, she’s a good writer with a lot of potential to become a better writer. On a note of conflict you mentioned, though - on one hand, there is a need to have respectful conversations around difficult topics and people’s stories have a lot of potential to help other people, but on the other hand, the public isn’t entitled to anyone’s story. If she manages to vanish into an anonymous life as just Shari and doesn’t ever want to come out of it and be Shari Franke of Eight Passengers again once she does, then I can’t really blame her for that, either. Her every experience has been treated as a commodity since she was a child, and I imagine there’s only so much, varying from person to person but ultimately probably finite for everyone, of oneself one can give even if you *haven’t* pretty much hated the process from day one. (Not, of course, saying that Rachel was saying anyone’s entitled to anyone else’s story - I’m just sort of…thinking out loud. I found this book extremely difficult to ‘sum up’ for the reading journal, and this is a much better review than I could ever produce. I did have one minor difference in interpretation of an incident, though - I felt the story of how Kevin and Ruby got together was more terrifying, in what it said about both of them, than romanticized. To the extent there was a ‘fairy tale’ aspect, I just saw Ruby as something like Lily Weatherwax from Discworld, Granny Weatherwax’s evil sister - a woman so clench-jawed determined to force the world around her to operate like a fairy tale that she’d take over a government and start executing people for showing any emotions or having any physical features that didn’t fit with her stereotypes about what someone in their social role ‘should’ always feel or look like, and who ultimately gets so estranged from reality that she can no longer distinguish herself from all of her reflections in a mirror maze. This is, however, all a matter of subjective interpretation of a piece of text, not that either of us is necessarily completely right or completely wrong. On which note, got the poetry book earlier this week, looking forward to reading it!)