“My entire paycheck goes to daycare. Should I stay home?”

[@ramitsethi]

00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@anaespada9838]

My situation is so different that I am not sure all this applies to me... Buying a house (including all expenses) is less expensive than rent, with one salary only and no margin to invest or save, unless I compromise my rich life today at 46 years old. That includes important choices like a good gym with a spa instead of a cheap one + massages and other self-love expenses, and a small studio in the city instead of a car. Must I still sacrifice my top now priority (physical and mental health) to be able to travel or even dream about investing in a fund or bye a second house as a retirement plan? I know I need to increase my income and that has not been easy... I will find a way... and I am learning a lot with you!! Thank you so much!

[@kingsofbattlegaming1540]

@ramitsethi I believe the moderators should reevaluate these comments. Many of them are demeaning and overly critical, particularly towards Carlos. I've even noticed a few suggesting the wife should leave her husband, which is outrageous. It's truly disappointing to see this kind of behavior from the community. I’m unclear why anyone would expose themselves to such criticism, especially when you specifically request that comments remain non-judgmental towards the guests. I tried scrolling through, but I could hardly find more than a handful of positive remarks.

[@rachels5245]

Saying that “he pays the bills” when she covers all of the daycare, grocery, and childcare costs is extremely inaccurate and devalues the work that she’s doing.

[@rashmitambe]

She's probably doing most of the unpaid housework and childcare as well, which is worth about $300K a year.

[@dorahmulinge3800]

With the way groceries and childcare are expensive,, this is unfair

[@AlexisDouFlo]

When some men say "pay the bills" they literally mean the *bills*... like electricity and water, maybe rent and school fees. But those are not even close to being the biggest expenses. Men being known as "providers" is the biggest gaslight in history.

[@Capycorg]

​@@AlexisDouFlo Fucking seriously!

[@JF-vw9lv]

they can always switch

[@akbarnaqvi4737]

Feels like their stated dynamic (Carlos being rational and Amanda being emotional) is entirely gender based stereotypes they've internalized. It's the exact opposite. Carlos has a history of making impulsive purchases, while Amanda is super analytical and excellent with numbers.

[@MomGetsMoney]

Yes! It is not “emotional” to want a house that is safe and comfortable for the children, it is fully rational. Meanwhile, he fettered away their money on a failed business to meet his emotional need to feel like an entrepreneur getting ahead

[@Idasophie-bg2si]

Totally agree ! Just because he is not showing his emotions doesn‘t mean that he is “logical“. And just because she is showing her emotions doens‘t mean she is “emotional“ so “not logical“.

[@e.o.5241]

Exactly.

[@michaelarguello9959]

💯 Good observation

[@effiepatricia3610]

Totally agree. But he likes to appear logical, because in many cultures logic is considered superior.

[@elaynegiahoover436]

I need to go hug my spouse, because he cooks and does laundry and is more involved in home-care than I am; and he has never once called my desire for financial security "being emotional.".

[@MNP208]

I absolutely HATE to do yardwork, gardening, etc. We have negotiated that I do most of the indoor chores and he does all of the outdoor chores. 🤣

[@okaygworl]

Yes! I love my man so bad! The only needs that I pay for is my food (we’re both on a weight loss journey) & getting myself out debt. He covers everything else, but I am going to start helping with the electricity bill because it’s ASTRONOMICAL here in FL. He also got me as an authorized user on his credit card to help with my credit ❤

[@StevenEdwardsAudio]

@@okaygworlwhy aren’t you paying for more?

[@mithicash1444]

Is he more involved because he wants to or because he needs to, when you are not doing your part.

[@christinewallace9251]

What a beautiful couple. I wish them well.

[@madeleinedacey8489]

They say she is the more emotional one, but then give examples that seems extremely practical. Picking a house based on whether it is actually a good and safe place for the family to live is rational. The difference is in priorities. It seems like he is the one making the emotional decision to rush into buying a house and she is making the practical decision to continue renting because it makes financial sense in their situation with the current interest rates. He is the one who has made the irrational decision to go into debt for nice cars. Also continues to prioritize luxuries (cars, shoes, etc.) which I would class as an emotional rather than rational decision.

[@uchewb3]

They categorize their actions through gendered expectations, so just calling the man the more logical one based on … that he’s the man

[@lofi-gurl]

Yes, this! This idea that men are more logical than women is just absolute bs. Men and women are both plenty logical and emotional. Men just like to claim the former, more valued one as the one that they use when it’s them making the decision when that’s certainly not always the case

[@Someone-ji6ni]

Yeah, there's nothing logical about not thinking about how YOUR children that you're responsible for will fit into the neighbourhood or be comfortable in the house. He's purely thinking about what he values in this scenario, which isn't logical.

[@olympicbody5161]

He clearly states a hypothetical when discussing the realities of buying a home. I feel for him, given the expectations and requirements for raising a family, it's just not logical to buy. Had he been a single man, then it's a different story. How do so many people miss the details and run off on mindless rants?

[@TheThinkingBar]

And when he "challenged her" with the savings, she delivered. A lot of undermining the other party and focusing on the details that make them not be in the same page.

[@gaurinawathe6856]

Amanda is amazing. She should stand up for herself, demand the respect she deserves and make things fair. She shouldn't pay for childcare on her own. She should not feel pressured to earn more while she is clearly more invested in running her household. The husband should understand that he can't have his cake and eat it too. If you want a traditional relationship, then be the provider!

[@msdanielle430]

Amen

[@ClarisNdoroRealEstate]

Agree

[@CarlitoswayDR]

Me and my wife ran into similar issues years ago, I make triple her income but then I realized she takes care of much more than me (home matters, kids) and I only do yard work and home small fixes. We closed all bank accounts and open a new joint one with all money and is considered 50/50 owned. So now we pay all bills, portion to retirement, savings, projects, food, entertainment, and now she has more freedom to buy her needs. Usually she needs more stuff than me, I’m more humble frugal lifestyle. So that way we finally accomplished the happy wife happy life.

[@abrilrivera1065]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@reynayanez5948]

That last part !!!!!!!!!

[@jasminl8742]

This guy acts like he’s the head of the household when in reality he’s not. He has a smugness to him. Gives off the energy of someone that thinks he knows better. Give your wife the credit she deserves. Please humble yourself.

[@msdanielle430]

Ditto

[@sct4040]

Machismo

[@CarrieV9]

100 percent

[@Beginnerreadsthebible]

Military

[@ST-rj8iu]

OMG. Thank you! He acts like she lives the soft life, and she is clueless to hardship.

[@aas55]

The husband talks about how financially inclined he is, yet he’s run multiple businesses in the ground and now wants to start another one. What?

[@joannat1898]

Yeah, I think she’s way more rational and responsible.

[@Playingwithproxies]

He’s a super debit getter 😂 very positive for economy just maybe not his personal economy 😂

[@jdp486]

I'm surprised Ramit didn't mention his tendency to join make-it-rich-quick schemes.

[@samanthagaboo5610]

He start talking way too much in the beginning so I knew this was going to be a doozey based on the intro clips.

[@TonyCox1351]

@@reaccionaprI think you’ve got that statistic a little off. Maybe most _succesful_ business owners fail at previous attempts, but that’s different from saying most failing business owners go on to be a success

[@alyssarivera2166]

Not him saying “she’s never had debt” so he doesn’t think she’s good with money.. 😒 that takes discipline, living within your means, he needs to learn to be more like her

[@hitva]

Preach!!!

[@tedtalksrock]

I know right?!? 😂 He’s delusional!

[@OHoneyPot]

This‼️‼️‼️

[@luciasss457]

Absolutely!

[@Capycorg]

She has 94% of income to fixed costs and he has 43%. And he makes more than her. This is COMPLETELY unfair. Unbelievable.

[@4thand133]

Who cares, they are married and it's all their combined money anyway. They should just combine finances and stop trying to keep track separately as if they aren't a married couple with kids.

[@ST-rj8iu]

@@4thand133 don't you get it? He doesn't want that, hence why she is at work. If he didn't care, she would have been at home for 2 more years before the kid enters public school.

[@Elizabeth-mf3dn]

He’s using her to retire early

[@katelynbendinsky5080]

@@Elizabeth-mf3dn Yes and when you actually add expenses up, she is literally paying more of the bills than he is

[@potato1084]

That’s horrendous. Reminds me of my mum unfortunately. She was a part time worker when we were kids and often went into overdraft at the end of the month because of how many bills she had to pay. My dad earned more and paid some bills but it wasn’t a fair split. It should be split by income.

[@annevaldez7653]

She is emotional because she’s overwhelmed and tired, not because she’s just emotional. She carries a lot of responsibilities. If he allows her to stay home, raise the kids, manage the money I think she will be empowered, happy and less emotional. She’ll feel supported by her husband as the provider too and he will keep the role of a leader in the family (which I think he needs for his ego)

[@rachelking7002]

Agree 💯👍🏻👍🏻

[@magalimasson9472]

Yes and it's heartbreaking to want to be with your children and not be. No one can replace a caring parent. No one will ever care for and know your children as much as you.

[@CafeLu]

Maybe, but he is too irresponsible to handle the finances. She will end up on so much debt! And then it will be harder for her to getting back into the work world

[@believe1043]

I agree 100%.

[@sarasofiaisabella]

yes, yes and yes!

[@littlerunner4505]

Yeah, so she is paying groceries and childcare. WTF, that makes no sense. She is basically covering nearly as much as him when you add those two items together, but her income is much lower. Also, he seems like what Ramit calls a "believer" - opening businesses, casino, expensive cars. That the business will be the fast ticket to wealth or something. She is much more grounded in reality. He also made this weird statement that she is comfortable/nonchalant about money because she has never had to dig herself out of debt. I would argue the opposite. She never got into debt because she isn't nonchalant about money. She knew what debt meant in her early 20s, she understands how to budget. You don't need to get burned with car repossessions and student loans to understand money and building wealth.

[@Playingwithproxies]

He’s trying to find a magic pill to suddenly be wealthy she actually smart enough to get there.

[@syburd]

❤❤❤❤ this

[@syburd]

Guarantee I bet she has a better credit score than him

[@lisajane4330]

💯 she sounds like a very level headed person who budgets well.

[@mo1482]

"She never got into debt because she isn't nonchalant about money." YESSSS!

[@motivation1019]

She's so smart and mature. Being emotional is not a negative thing. People with higher EQ are normally smarter and wise.

[@rebeltheharem7028]

Indeed. I wish I had high EQ. Dealing with people is much easier when you have high EQ.

[@peanutButterJe11y]

💯. I'm like, how is she younger *and* the more mature one 😩

[@BigDogRoy]

You’re girl is right and she is smarter than you are. Get off your high horse. She is not comfortable or happy bro. She is raising kids on her own. You better learn to appreciate, respect your women and make time for your family.

[@GTC7702]

This is why more and more women don't want kids anymore.

[@rebeltheharem7028]

Yeah, he's got to spend more of his money on the kid and respect his wife more. This is going to lead to a dysfunctional relationship down the road if the dude doesn't change.

[@Gpchv25]

I think you misread the situation - she *wants* to be a stay at home mom and actually that is the pain point - not that he doesn't respect her (?)

[@BigDogRoy]

@@Gpchv25 Nope, he thinks he is smarter and better with money than she is. He failed value her and what she brings to the table. That’s why he makes dumb ass condiciones, like $x amount in savings before getting a place together. He also keeps bank accounts separate, which shows distrust in his partner. And distrust in a relationship is disrespectful in my opinion.

[@BigDogRoy]

@@Gpchv25 Additionally, it’s not that she wants to be a stay at home mom because she is lazy. The situation is that she is a good mom who knows she is the best qualified person to raise her kid and she is willing to sacrifice material things, in order to nurture her child. At least that’s what my wife and I agreed on when we decided for her to stay home with the kids. My wife loved having a career and would probably be making more money than me by now. however career took a backseat when kids came in the picture. I struggly believe raising your kids is priceless, and is the best investment anyone can make.

[@lcn706]

The kids are NOT solely mom’s responsibility. They are joint effort. She didn’t make them by herself! This kind of thinking is infuriating.

[@rebeltheharem7028]

My dad was basically like that and blames my mom for me turning out the way I am. And I'm always like, wow, maybe you should have taken more interest in me as a kid. Even the times when he was home, he didn't really try. That being said, I don't hate him (I know he wasn't a bad dad, but I don't know what a good one is either), but I do hate the way he acts toward my mom when talking about that stuff. If I had to be honest, this couple reminds me of my parents... a lot, to an uncanny level. But my dad is just a bit less machismo than him. A bit.

[@Pitacrumbs]

The title dude….. all my paycheck spent in child care , should I leave my job!? Yes stupid!, why would you have children to pay someone to raise them for you !? I don’t get it. Fucking dumb…

[@adam7349]

They both said they are fine with it up untill recently. I think the wife was not being honest with herself and her husband as far as what she wants. Even if daycare is more than her paycheck it is still worth it in the end to stay at your job. Daycare is not forever and once her kids do start going to school it will be 100 times harder for her to find a job and once she does find one they are going to start her off at minimum wage since she has been out of the work force for so long. Some people are actually completly fine with the wife taking care of the kids and the husband being the provider. Some people like it the other way around. I think our culture has been shifting that both parents need to work and both parents need to divide the responsbility evenly.

[@brittneylamar9864]

​@adam7349 Not really true. I know women who came back from raising kids a few years making as much or more. It's not that serious. Womem are not men. Birth can be hard on your body and you can have complications for years. It's ok to stop raise you baby and rest.

[@tracyaf6084]

@@adam7349if she’s a teacher, she could always go part time while the kids are young too.

[@mrs.bdaycare5530]

I was a preschool teacher make very little. So I opened up a home daycare. The best decision I ever made!! I make three times more then I did as a teacher. Good luck to her

[@janefinance]

This poor mom took on the blame for everything, and always doing everything to prove herself to her husband…who is holding back and letting her spend almost all her paycheck while he hangs onto half of his paycheck. And he still has the audacity to continue to say he is scared he can’t retire early and get his rich life because of her. They don't even have a pre-nup so his behavior is unnecessary. He can hoard all the money he wants but when she finally wakes up and is fed up with his BS, she can walk away with half of everything he has been haording from her and demand child support. He has been having it so good trying to pat himself on the back while she lives a lesser life and takes on all the emotional toll. This was such a one sided dynamic. I wish her the best.

[@lindsay3995]

Gosh. I should have seen this coming w/ him using the phrase "power couple." This man seems to want his wife to constantly prove herself to him or meet specific conditions. Openly admitting you didn't want to move in with your girlfriend, so so you set an arbitrary savings goal for her to "earn" it? Watching these convos happen so casually and be laughed about is such a bummer and if it were my friend, I'd be worried. She's got a stable job, covers the agreed upon life costs she's responsible for, stays within a budget plan consistently, and hopes to own a home one day & he has temporary work and aspires to side businesses. One of them lives a life that screams "I like stability AND to enjoy my money & life," but it isn't him. Not sure why she's looked down on as unsophisticated. I don't understand where this current mindset comes from in so many men, but I suspect lower-quality podcasts are to blame.

[@jenlollygag6815]

So true

[@blikewat3r]

The arbitrary savings goal was a red flag esp since they had already lived together. It was a power play. Unfortunately she didn’t recognize it. I don’t see any care in his face when she gets emotional about looking after their children either. He seems completely checked out. Poor girl.

[@TheSharmam]

i felt an undercurrent of slowly building a resentment towards him , it was disguised in many comments from her like- should I have gotten a prenup, postnup is a thing too and constantly laughing when the 10k goal was brought up ... she is slowly realising she is better then him,

[@emilyduitsman7233]

he's the one with the repossessed car, debt, etc but makes HER prove she can save 15k? PLSSSS.

[@mithicash1444]

Don't women want men to constantly prove themselves too? This is not one-sided, in fact men generally have to prove themselves much more.

[@medaliztrelles5391]

Is he for real?? He wants her to keep working so that his portion of bills remains low -_-. The time she wants with THEIR kids is precious. He needs to get it together and appreciate the queen he has!

[@lisajane4330]

💯 she's talking a few years that's nothing in the grand scheme of things & it's for the well-being of both their children.

[@marz8084]

I wished I would have stayed home with my babies. All I did was work. I wish I would have put my foot down with my ex and say no! I’m staying with my babies

[@lesliea.7174]

Exactly a walking 🚶🏽‍♂️🚩 1. The $15k she had to save in order to live together 2. Separate banks 3. The rollex 4. The expensive cars FOR WHO!! They have children and should drive accordingly a family car. He is just looking 👀 for other women. He thinks he’s better and hotter than her. He’s not he’s disgusting a hard pass. NO.

[@Dominique20]

@@lesliea.7174 he would only have to take on the groceries bc the daycare bill would be gone...he has other plans

[@FunInTheSun808]

Plain and simple, he wants her to work because he’s working. Not exactly sure he sees the value in a stay at home mom. Wonder if he is a little jealous of his wife. It’s clear that she is an amazing Mother and provider. At 29 she really had it all!

[@AlyssaWolverton]

Thank you for running the numbers on her staying home!! She clearly wanted to be home and it is possible.

[@PmknThgts]

I wanted to cry with her. I am fortunate to have been able to stay home with my child. I am homeschooling as well. Seeing her so emotional and almost afraid to admit that she wants to stay home made me so sad for her. Her husband is being selfish. He can afford for her to stay home. She will never get those years back and will live with that guilt forever.

[@DrEdithUbuntuChan]

Her tears are beautiful medicine for all of us, especially us mamas. She is so intelligently in touch with her emotions but also so mature, rational and level headed too. ❤

[@DevanConrad]

Ignoring risks is not logical, considering risks is not just emotional

[@mo1482]

Oh, I love this!

[@tamaraterherst6794]

She is such a beautiful person. I wanted to believe in his love for her but the more this went on the worse it got. I don’t think she will be staying home long if she does at all. He thinks he is better than her. She had to remind him to include her and the girls in his rich life. It’s his world, she’s just in it. And it’s so heart breaking because this is the reality for so many women who want to serve their families 😭

[@Trix897]

This has definitely been a factor as to why I don’t bother with romantic relationships anymore. I’m not anyone’s option, but the pool I have to choose from is nothing but people who want options. I’ll keep enjoying my peaceful solo life if that’s all that’s available…

[@mr.courtney5703]

She’s trying to be a good wife and mother. He’s trying to live like a baller. Unequally yoked.

[@e.o.5241]

I was trying to think of the best way to say this… but you did…unequally yoked. Mm hmm

[@feliciawilliams5720]

Yep

[@PmknThgts]

Too often couples are unequally yoked. It makes the relationship a struggle.

[@FIREownyourtime]

She is the smarter one. He thinks he is good with money. He tries to do so many things but forgot about the important stuff, that is to pay yourself first and automate your retirement investing.

[@michellegreen1072]

30:56 He gave her a challenge to save $15,000 thinking she wouldn’t be able to do it and still believes she’s “complacent with money”. He’s playing a dangerous game and eventually will lose out.

[@swithheld9905]

yeah, i heard that and saw red flags all over the play. he had to step up since she met his ultimatum. very unfair of him to do that to her but i guess it showed him how special she was and it worked out for them.

[@CambieSweets]

Yeah, it was a test 😬 She said it herself that he didn't think she could do it. I'm glad they don't seem to have animosity in their marriage but that would have definitely given me pause.

[@jenlollygag6815]

@@CambieSweets Me too fr

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@user-nz7dd3sg5c They were living with the parents because Carlos didn't step up as the man/head of household. Why didn't Carlos at least secure base housing for his wife & children when he was on deployment?

[@CambieSweets]

@@jeromehenry4484Yeah, that was an option and he’s definitely still learning some things. Maybe they didn’t take that route because they needed help as new parents so they stayed with family.

[@michkula]

I just want to hug Amanda. She seems so sweet and genuinely loves being a mom and wants to be there for her kids as long as she can. We should all be so lucky to have a mom like that. I wish her the best 💜

[@paulaooook]

Carlos can do some more reflection about his past as the deep seated ideas about his own complacent (car repos) and nonchalant (status purchases) financial behaviors. Took out a loan for massage therapy school without realizing it, is very nonchalant. Don’t take all that out on Amanda. The trouble is that he wants to get out of this impulses with more get rich quick schemes. That’s super emotional. Not logical.

[@jenlollygag6815]

Yes, he is projecting

[@Liklian-p8s]

Say it louder!! 🎉

[@normalgirlcvco]

Hate he told her nonchalant when he is the one buying sneakers for fun on the daily basis

[@joycef8443]

Amanda is one smart cookie and way more pragmatic than Carlos realizes. Such a sweet couple.

[@swithheld9905]

she's awesome!

[@kamolikadas6267]

she's smart and kind but he's taking advantage of her. Hard to watch.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Carlos is responsible for sinking their financial ship even though his salary is higher.

[@tomaszp2027]

Yeah, she's one bright bulb. But I don't agree with the other responses here. Carlos is a bit lost, but they're fine. And they can easily afford for her not to work for a few years while still investing 20-25%.

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@tomaszp2027 100% agree Amanda can stay home a few years & they live/invest on his salary alone. But there is a snag, Carlos has no concept of delayed gratification. Start-up businesses typically do not turn a profit for first 5 years, sometimes longer, and typically work 60 - 80 hours per week. Would Carlos be willing to cut down his time at the gym to dedicate more time to start-up? Really think Amanda should be commander of household budget & investing; she isn't complacent & emotional, she's knowledgeable & level-headed.

[@kayriciawager8778]

This was more infuriating than most of the couples we see - and some are really wild. He really sat there and basically said he's good and comfortable and wouldn't change a thing in his perfect world while his wife is desperately hurting. Wowowow! We re-did the CSP, solved every problem, and he STILL would rather keep things the same. Very sad. I'll echo what others have said, this was the best in person interview yet. I think that's mostly due to these participants really being willing to open up and be emotional instead of putting that in person wall up. Kudos to them for sharing and being vulnerable.

[@vividneon]

He doesn’t want to give up his clothes and shoes. It makes me wonder why he even married and had children. Perhaps societal pressure to have kids? But she had to ASK HIM for them to even be CONSIDERED in his rich life. Insane and sad

[@acilirp]

So, why can't he cook? The main issue I see it's not the money but the fact that she's expected to work, maintain a house, and pay for child care. All he keeps talking about is his retirement, his shoes, and his toys. When is he a husband other than money????

[@rebvanwinkelstein2578]

They have no combined vision. He just cares about himself 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@mikaelaziegler9782]

He doesn’t even mention much about the kids. And he’s telling himself a story about not being able to provide her being a SAHM. He could absolutely make more, do more in the house and she could be the SAHM and maybe tutor or be a sub for a little extra money when it fits the schedule. Could she tutor Tuesday/Thursday nights while he comes home from work and feeds the kids and does bath time? They can def make it work, he just cares more about himself and his toys.

[@rebvanwinkelstein2578]

And that made me so angry. She has so much on her plate​@@mikaelaziegler9782

[@4thand133]

If I'm not mistaken she said he was working 8am to 8pm every day. So he might just work long hours. My question is, why can't she cook if she works? She's a teacher, they get home at 3pm.

[@rebekahyoungers831]

@@4thand133 I think he was working 8 am - 8 pm when she was staying home, and her teaching has allowed him to cut back. In any case, my kids' school gets out at 3:20 pm, then teachers have a tutorial session that goes til 3:50 pm. Most teachers probably stay after that for grading/curriculum prep. Depending on how close she lives to the school she is probably getting home closer to 5 or 6 pm. It also sounds like she is doing most of the parenting, running the kids around to their activities, grocery shopping, etc. so she doesn't just have this vast expanse of time to be cooking throughout the afternoon/evening.

[@saraho3606]

Honestly this dude is bringing her down. She’s smart and savvy and he spends with expensive taste, not as financially savvy as he thinks he is, the ego.

[@FancyBag.store24]

Right! I clicked off on this several times because of the awful vibe I get from him. Scared for her. Protect yourself Amanda

[@Daveyjonesvi]

I think this guy encapsulates the American relationship with money. He doesn’t like that she wants to be safe and comfortable and always wants to move onto the next thing to make more money. I think we as a people need to be more “complacent” with money and be happy with what you have. It’s sounds exhausting always wanting to chase the bag

[@michellegreen1072]

He said he wanted security too.

[@yandirn2478]

I feel like he’s punishing her for his past mistakes.

[@lovefelix1566]

Yes!I thought so too…

[@topseekrit]

Based on his past financial habits, he doesn't trust himself to be the sole provider, which is why he doesn't want her to stay at home. He immediately starts thinking of another business idea or something to overcompensate, when it's not really necessary. He has to trust that he can hold down the fort for 2 years especially now that they ran the numbers to prove it. After those 2 years are up, they can adjust to that richer life they both want.

[@Jai_BestLife]

I say this with as much love and patience I can muster, he is giving heavy "contradictory Bozo Behavior", and I'm seriously concerned about their future. Something seems very off with them, but I hope better for them. *EDIT - He seems inauthentic in many of the statements he makes around their relationship and life. That is why I prefer the Zoom/WebEx sessions!

[@milikoshki]

wait so she felt pressured to get back to work and pulled in way too many directions, and then on their CSP she is paying more bills per month than him but making ~50% of his salary, and he's just saving and investing his excess??? I HOPE that's going into joint accounts. And then her "guilt free spending" includes babysitting and kids' clothing? Bruh...

[@lovefelix1566]

SMH. Sad 😞

[@amanda.c.ice.]

He seems SOOO impulsive to me that is crazy he thinks he’s the “logical” one when in fact SHE is the logical one. She seems very level headed and smart when it comes to saving and putting her family first. I hope he takes a hard look in the mirror and realizes the story he’s been telling himself for so long may not be true.

[@Theoriesntherapy]

Delulu

[@msdanielle430]

My impression is that he's coerced her into a position she doesn't want to be in with work, even though she tried telling him it wouldn't make a difference. She's not "emotional" about the finances at all, she's been in mourning over her life and can't hold it in when they talk about it. I hope they get to a place where her dreams are appreciated and supported too because she is deserving. He painted a negative picture of her.

[@udchen1211]

As a working mom i share every sentiment she had. Family time is definitely at the top of the list when it comes to our rich life. We just want to be able to afford to spend more time with the family and cook those simple meals for the family. Balancing career goals and giving everything to your family is a struggle we will be having forever.

[@carmenjansma1396]

If she spending so much money on childcare alone, why not just stay at home with the kids? Or do a work from home job.

[@udchen1211]

@@carmenjansma1396that’s what they were trying to figure out as well. Unfortunately not everyone can have a wfh career.

[@prisivett]

A work from home job isn’t as flexible and easy either. You are working and if your child needs you, you are constantly in mental limbo.

[@jessicarogers9420]

Yes, this 🙌

[@sarabera325]

​@carmenjansma1396 Going back to work is worth it in the long run IMHO (eg contribution to retirement, increased earning and promotion potential over the years).

[@rebvanwinkelstein2578]

She pays half of the bills as a mom of two young kids and he tells her she could do more? What a yerk. Run girl.

[@PmknThgts]

Run?? that is the weak mentality that leads to divorce and traumatized children. What she needs to do is step her foot down and be a stay at home mom because he knows that is what she wanted and he can afford it. He needs to stop being materialistic and let hi wife have those precious years at home with their children.

[@Bueller.Bueller.Bueller.]

​@@PmknThgtseither way, he is going to make her life hell and keep pushing her to work and do what he wants, she is going to eventually break. She cried thru the whole video. She can stay and the children seeing their mom unhappy and parents arguing is worst.

[@Bueller.Bueller.Bueller.]

​@@PmknThgtshopefully this helps him see a few years of letting her stay home is worth the longterm family benefit

[@anneshirley95]

@@PmknThgtswhile I agree, he does not see the value that she brings into the relationship. He might divorce her or make her feel like a burden. He already makes her feel like she isn't good enough. :/ I feel bad for her and the kids. It's so hard when you want to stay home and your spouse doesn't want that.

[@springcao]

Wow she seems like a wonderful wife 👏

[@suzanneemerson2625]

Too bad she chose the wrong man. He doesn’t appreciate her nearly enough. He needs to be careful. There are lots of men looking for a woman like that who would treat her like a queen.

[@syburd]

Why is he chasing Maseratis and Rolex’s? 😂 bro grow up and act your wage. Who are you trying to impress? ? Humble yourself and take care of your family. 😮

[@teresariordan3397]

I totally agree.

[@mwehpakonne]

Did I miss something? He said he likes those things, but doesn't buy them.

[@Gioli565]

Amen!

[@jonasking3670]

@@mwehpakonnehe had 2 cars repoed.

[@PmknThgts]

I can tell he is easily affected by social media..."power couple" ?? cringe.

[@raychelmcbride8965]

When she said he was deployed it all made sense. That military mindset impacts every part of your life.

[@debbielockhart7762]

Yep, he was giving off strong military vibes to me. It suddenly made sense when she said that.

[@Childfreedollar]

care to elaborate more on this minset? since i have not met anyone from the military before

[@michellegreen1072]

20:46 I just know he’s at work saying “he pays all of the bills”. 😂😂😂

[@joycef8443]

Hopefully he is able to share his experiences of mess ups as well. Younger folks could learn from him.

[@rayneboone9696]

How do you know this? This something you experienced?

[@Playingwithproxies]

Being proud that you pay all the bills is pretty stupid tho tbh. Pay all the bills and save money afterwards or pay all the bills live a rich life and save money. Just saying you pay the bills isn’t anything to brag about. You could just say you breathe air.

[@UdoADHD]

😂😂😂

[@UdoADHD]

@@rayneboone9696he said ON THIS SHOW 😂

[@AS-kf1ol]

Carlos is lying. He feels behind in life. He wants a different life but hes saving face. I would NOT expect any changes without him throwing hissy fits and constantly putting her down or making her feel like shes just not ambitious enough.

[@user-uq2ti7tj6k]

Amanda should run the finances. He's clearly not good at it. He seems like a nice enough guy, but he also seems to be another guy who isn't good with finances and is taken in by "hustle" culture. Instead of investing and saving and taking the slow boring path to wealth, he's going to build wealthy by being more clever than everyone else! Something, something passive income, bad investments, debt, whatever. It's always the same with these guys, terrible financial past, but still think they're going to outsmart the rest of us suckers who are just setting and forgetting our investments. Amanda is smart, practical, capable of setting financial goals and meeting them - give her the money and let her start investing it. I also don't think she should stay home. Because SAH parents get screwed most of the time. It's not just income vs daycare cost. She's missing out on building her pension, her retirement, her social security. She's missing out on seniority, training, experience, etc. If she works as a teacher she can have all the breaks with her kids and she'll ultimately have more time with them than most parents. My mom worked in education and that was the case for us.

[@spatty2589]

He is not reliable with finances.... That's the main reason to not stopping work. He doesn't even want to give up spending on "shoes" for the family.

[@Angieamster]

I agree, Amanda should manage the finances. And join child care expenses, so she can feel better about her earnings.

[@jenniferclark857]

Parents can stay home but you can miss major steps up the salary ladder during your prime earning years, as well as career opportunity costs when you do. You also become completely reliant on your partner for money. If the marriage fails, you can be left in a tough spot. It's not just the daycare cost.

[@latimer442]

If someone's reason for not staying home in a situation like this is "in case the marriage fails", there are deeper issues already afoot. I get where this sentiment comes from, but marriage needs a strong foundation of trust.

[@lucaspm98]

On the other side, you’re missing important child development steps which one could easily argue is more important. You shouldn’t be in a marriage if being reliant on your partner is an issue. That’s the whole point of marriage, that you can fully rely on someone. You could argue you should wait a little to make sure the marriage sticks, but once you have children you already need each other whether you want to be or not.

[@LL-pq5uo]

THIS!

[@firegoddess4722]

@@latimer442 Marriages end in divorce or death. Either way the remaining partner has to survive and care for the children. It’s called being responsible.

[@LL-pq5uo]

​@@lucaspm98 -- regarding child development steps, my daughter was 3 months old when she started daycare and she THRIVED being around her peers and other adults on a nearly daily basis. She's always been very social and has loved being around friends; she's in second grade now and she definitely would not have had the same opportunities to grow the way she has, had she not started in that daycare environment in a school setting early. Also, the time spent with her after work and on weekends was always solid quality time because I wasn't stressed out from being home with her 24/7 as she also would have been completely bored with me, being the social butterfly that she is 🤣

[@11227denis]

There is a lot of B.S. thats comes out of some couples mouths on this show, but this guy showed his cards at the end. He said “as a man I wanna give her that rich life” and when Ramit shows him in excel he can do it, it “sure…if that’s what you want”. Maaaaaannnn…this boy wants that extra cash to catch up on past errors. That was disappointing

[@FunInTheSun808]

In one way he is so loving and supportive in another way he is emotional pushing her away.

[@katelyndefreitas2810]

He clearly got burned by an ex and never got therapy so he’s taking out his insecurities on her.

[@angelagrace6674]

Him framing her thinking about the emotions, physical, and educational safety of their daughter and family as “emotional” is killing me. Sin, that is her being logical and you being dense. Your responsibility is to your family so taking their needs into consideration when making decisions is the “logical” step.

[@SB-dx4wi]

I hate this. "Traditional gender roles" but they won't combine finances and she's paying the childcare. I'm so tired of seeing this trend in personal finance content. He thinks he's financing the family because he's paying the "important" bills and it's bullshit. How would she even be secure if she quit her job with this setup? Also, related to the childcare question - can we stop acting like the only thing women should consider when stepping away from the workforce is current earnings? Does she have potential to earn more in the future? Would taking time out of the workforce impact that? Can he cover retirement savings for two people and life insurance to replace his income? Is his income secure or is he going to unilaterally decide to pivot into a business endeavor one day? Ladies, protect yourself! I would like to see her get a higher paying job, but that means he might be forced to participate at home and that "gender roles" bullshit wouldn't fly.

[@lizziethelemon]

Shocking. I'm really surprised that women do not really understand the real-life practical implications of gender roles. On top, this guy also wants a modern power couple lol... I think the power dynamics are off, just the way she described herself as being emotional and him as logical, humans use both. No one is purely one or the other. I think he blames her a lot *off-screen* and she is now repeating it back to herself as she agrees with him.

[@SB-dx4wi]

@@lizziethelemon right?! I think she’s better with money than he is. No debt compared to his issues with repossessions and bad credit. And she’s content but he “likes nice things”. She’s way smarter than she gives herself credit for, I hope that’s not a result of his influence

[@SB-dx4wi]

@Juann-ci5vh she’s never had debt, not even before they were married. She saved 15k before moving in with him and pays for all of the children’s expenses. She *is* participating, Carlos is contradicting himself

[@SB-dx4wi]

@@user-nz7dd3sg5c he is not. He literally called her complacent and said he thinks she could be doing more

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@lizziethelemon It's like Carlos is projecting HIS past failures with finances (before he even met her) onto Amanda. He shouldn't have even asked her to marry when he knew they could not afford to live on their own, not with parents (and yet they still have $15K each; make it make sense!).

[@LinzyLinz7]

It is very blatant that he does not want her to be a stay-at-home home. He should be honest with her about that. Which is unfortunate, hopefully they can find a middle ground.

[@Koko.Loco.]

I was thinking the same thing. He values her opinion, except when she would make the argument that her not working wouldn’t impact the finances.

[@shauntelcampos3212]

I agree. The term “power couple” makes me think he values her when she makes money.

[@4thand133]

I dunno I'm not sure she wants to be one. She said she loves teaching and that when she was home with the kids it drove her crazy. It's ok for a mother to want a career also, but I think she feels guilty about it.

[@PmknThgts]

@@4thand133 She never said it drove her crazy to be at home with her kids. She mentioned the stress of working impacting her energy to do the things she did when she was not working. She gets emotional every time she admits that she wants to stay home because she knows it is not what her husband wants. She prioritizes family while he prioritizes materials and money. If he can afford it why not let her have the 2 remaining years home with their children?? She wont ever get that time back.They can begin to save once the children go to school and she can work again. He sounds like he is going through a mid life crisis.

[@yorda1038]

@@4thand133she was crying about having to work & miss time with her kids. If it wasn’t clear to you from the videos, she desperately wants to be a stay home mom. That’s why she was crying.

[@suganyathayaparan8466]

@ramit sethi , I am 37 and wish I come across you in my life much earlier ! The impact you have made in my finances are immense. Thank you for your knowledge

[@VBoo459]

"We fall into our gender roles pretty well", meanwhile complains that his wife is complacent and not involved with finances lmao. What a joke...isn't her gender role to only take care of the home? so why is he even trying to get her involved in finances and getting her to pay for a thing. Her gender role is NOT to pay for groceries nor clothing, that's HIS JOB. Its crazy how some men want gender roles so bad until they get nervous and anxious about finances and feel the need to share the expenses despite the woman taking so much emotional and 'invisible' labour. 2 partners with great communication taking care of the home TOGETHER, taking care of the children TOGETHER and taking care of finances TOGETHER always succeeds and reduced stress within the home. Its not about splitting 50/50 (I don't believe in that either) but its about being transparent and seeing where help is needed regularly and being open to help the other IRRESPECTIVE of gender roles. That's what makes a successful marriage. I'm glad they both are seeing that now.

[@Playingwithproxies]

It’s called invisible labor because it doesn’t exist. Emotional labor isn’t anything 😂

[@latimer442]

In a traditional gender role, the woman is the 'household manager', which includes being able to run the household budget. If their money is in one pot, they can decide on the parameters together, but it would become part of her job to manage how she spends it on the day-to-day expenses. But that's from my experience/knowledge, it's hard to pin down what is 'traditional'.

[@luisvargas2192]

Yeah she should deff be staying home

[@AIRBORNE916]

you talk about invisible labor, then ignore the man’s “invisible labor. “ that whole term is dumb

[@JF-vw9lv]

@@AIRBORNE916 are you suprised? i bet she belives in gender roles when it comes to asking and paying for first dates, but then wants them tossed out when it doesn't benefit her.

[@elaynegiahoover436]

HIs clothing allowance is just for him, but she spreads an equal amount across three people?

[@elaynegiahoover436]

Honestly his $200/month for fancy sneakers should be part of his Guilt Free spending. A shoe-collecting Hobby is not a fixed cost.

[@katelynbendinsky5080]

@@elaynegiahoover436 Even if he cut it down to every 3 months, it would be a lot more reasonable.

[@BillionaireForever]

And who needs a new pair of shoes each month??? Usually I try to have two pairs for each season since I live somewhere with all 4 seasons. That’s 8 pairs, why would you need more than 12 pairs unless you’re an athlete or model???

[@silverfresh]

She has pilates

[@beachandtea]

53:04- (Carlos) "How do I afford my bills...how do I afford daycare?..... You don't. She is the one paying for daycare. The narrative he is telling himself of being financially responsible while she is the one paying for groceries and daycare is really really concerning.

[@PmknThgts]

I caught that too. He makes more he should be paying more. OR just let her stay home with the kids which is what she really wants.

[@SuperDB215]

They are such a sweet couple. I commend them for being vulnerable during this process. If they continue working together like this they have a bright future. I really hope he learns from this experience. His fears are undermining the true value she holds for their family. He has scars from the financial situation that previous relationship left him in. He needs to get over that. He has a good woman, who deserves to feel safe and comfortable in their marriage.

[@lizzy6212]

💯

[@michellegreen1072]

She can stay at home. He can contribute to her spousal IRA. She can be a substitute teacher. Deployments are hard for the solider and family back home. They are not in a bad spot. They just need to work together more, financially.

[@debbielockhart7762]

I don't think he is in the military anymore. I got the impression he has moved kn to more of an office job with the government.

[@freeagent_girl23]

Ramit, thank you for representing the minority community of all financial backgrounds and not just middle age white couples who are scared to spend their money when they are worth over a million dollars.

[@katelyndefreitas2810]

Love the variety I’d also like to see young single or single parents. Or even older folks (though he has done some)

[@debbielockhart7762]

He has featured plenty of non-white middle aged rich people who are just as tight fisted with their money. My partner is Punjabi (I'm white), and believe me his family are tight fisted with their money (most of them are multi-millionaires).

[@JDmix123]

All you see is race, it’s sad how the left has pushed a culture of race seeing psychopaths.

[@Sun.n.Flowers]

I would be interested in hearing more how you manage the finances with the cultural differences.. why are millionaires so against spending money?

[@Sun.n.Flowers]

​@@debbielockhart7762 Also, was it hard adjusting to his culture and vice versa?

[@Cholulasmom]

He’s got some major red flags, he wants cars and sneakers and she just wants to make her family a home. He’s gotta be more emotional and she’s gotta get herself a postnup 😂

[@lisajane4330]

I know where are his priorities? Grow up.

[@karlgreen2709]

Nothing wrong with wanting nice stuff. He just need to increase his income to afford what and provide for her.

[@spf_500]

Yep ​@@karlgreen2709

[@patmanrick]

​@@lisajane4330such a bizarre comment. He literally described his rich life as being keeping things as they are with more mini breaks to spend time together as a family. Cars and sneakers didn't feature until she pushed him on it. He clearly has his priorities straight at this point in his life

[@ST-rj8iu]

@@karlgreen2709 He can't. If he could, he would. If everyone could make 200k a year, they would.

[@torontoshows]

Amanda’s face when he mentioned “cosigned a BMW in a previous relationship” 😂😂

[@stevesjp]

Monthly shoe purchases should be under guilt free spending, not fixed costs.

[@debbielockhart7762]

I can thi k of absolutely NO reason to buy a new pair of $200 runners every month. He's ridiculous. (I have been a runner for 36 years - and I have never felt the need to replace my shoes that often).

[@ChannelTurbides-yb8gt]

It almost seems like this man only likes this woman to the extent that he can add money to his pockets. She's basically doing it all on her own.

[@rebvanwinkelstein2578]

If you listen to the moments when he describes his visions and goals he just describes things for himself 🙈

[@Am-kinda5501]

Her entire paycheck doesn’t go to daycare, though. She said in addition to daycare she also pays for things for the kids (clothes) groceries, and investments. Another thing to consider is that daycare is just temporary. It sucks for a few years but then that payment is gone and your fixed costs change dramatically.

[@lisa39978]

The time with kids while they’re young is also temporary. You only get to spend that much time with them, then they’re gone and you can go back to work.

[@4thand133]

Unless you prefer to work and have more spending money, which is perfectly valid also. This whole "you'll never get that time with your kids back" is so overdone and just makes mothers who also want a career feel guilty and lesser than.

[@RB-gq2zy]

Not necessarily. I was running numbers as I considered re-entering the workforce. We have two children just as this couple do and the cost for before and after school care, summer care, multiple breaks throughout the school year, and staff days is roughly $30k a year for both kids.

[@pearly4253]

@@4thand133 The most important period in child development is the first four years or so. If you don't get the job done right during that time (and day cares are hit or miss for that -- although so are some parents) you'll be spending a lot more time, money and grief later.

[@sdl2320]

Wow, completely UNFAIR that she contributes 94% of her income for fixed costs and he’s only contributing 43% of his income. 😳

[@elaynegiahoover436]

@@user-nz7dd3sg5c Why should she work harder and earn more? He'll just decide he's now allowed to buy $400 worth of sneakers per month while she continues to raise his kids on her income alone.

[@kiesh82]

@@user-nz7dd3sg5c the man called himself “head of household” and said they live by gender roles. So yeah in that case he should be paying ALL of the bills and she should be paying little to none. Men love being traditional til it’s time to pay the piper.

[@CambieSweets]

@@user-nz7dd3sg5cThose are his children as well so he should contribute to their well-being. It’s not fair that her entire paycheck goes towards taking care of the children. He would have had to pay for housing and bills whether he is married with children or not. That’s the bare minimum.

[@TheSharmam]

unfair and shockingly prevalent.

[@cynthiasalcido8661]

@@user-nz7dd3sg5c awww men the new princesses of our generation 😂😂😂😂😂 y’all are a f joke 🤡

[@emmadear3276]

Ugh, im pregnant at the moment and have a 2 year old, seeing her cry about wanting to stay home guts my soul 💕 theres a lot of hope for this couple, they have some really healthy communication happening here 🌷

[@BlackWombmenAncestralHealing]

I think this is one of the most influential episode's that I've seen thus far. I couldn't stop crying because I can somewhat empathize with what she was expressing and realized some things that I've been through as a stay at home mom right now. Can't wait to watch this again with my husband.❤🙏🏾

[@swithheld9905]

oh i absolutely love these two, especially Amanda. I'm only 30 mins in and am already impressed by how eloquent she is. I haven't even seen the numbers but it's funny - only a few minutes into these podcasts and I can usually tell which couples are gonna make it and which just don't have the right stuff.

[@Karen-ff4os]

It seems like her insecurities coupled with some "gaslighting" from the husband has her thinking she is the problem. Imo, his statements are ego centered because he is the one with the debt issues and uses the warped reasoning that because he made a series of bad investments/decisions and had the urgency to get out of them (i.e. he needs to make money fast) that SHE needs to make more money. What?? She has a history of making great financial decisions and he doesn't. It's not about how much you make but how much you keep! His wife is very financially literate/responsible and focused on her children WTH is this man complaining about?😮

[@lovefelix1566]

Thank you 🙏🏾

[@PmknThgts]

I think he is looking where the grass appears greener. He is too easily influenced by social media. He feels an invisible pressure to be living a lavish life. Who is he trying to impress?? His wife is not asking for more... she simply wants to be home with the children. Mid life crisis maybe??

[@shafikabrahams9786]

She seems so level headed and he seems so conceited and egocentric. gives emotional abuse vibes.

[@sue1703]

I stayed home with my 3 children when they were little. It wasn't easy but my husband and I made it work. My grown kids thank me for staying home with them. I think it's a lot more difficult now a days with everything so expensive. You have to do what is best for u and your partner and family.

[@sipperkhan9784]

Oh so true. I do too to save expenses and to let my kids grow up so they are ready to go to school.

[@BenDonahower]

It's great that these folks have an keen awareness of each other. There is no one that will take better care of your kids than the parent. And, I can tell you from personal experience, having your spouse at home can really help your own income. It gives you the flexibility to say yes to work that you can't when there are logistics to address with driving kids and adults places in addition to the overall support.

[@mwehpakonne]

Bt wouldn't making any career moves be even more risky without the additional income? Espeically someone who aims to be an entrepreneur?

[@anjalianthony1656]

He seems so smug! He’s the one that has had past financial failures and still hasn’t learnt anything as he just wants to start another “get rich quick” business. She is the one who is sensible and better at finances. She is also the one who takes care for the kids and manages the household. He needs to step up and also appreciate her! If i was her, i would put away some safety net money because one of his schemes will probably land them in a total mess.

[@dlicious5677]

I broke down in tears because I absolutely can relate with her so much!!

[@sbeautiful6133]

What I love about this show is that it really makes you think about life in a more serious and responsible way. Especially when you’re still young and you feel invisible and carefree not realising that time is going to fly by.

[@LORDJesusisLove]

This in person session is much better than the first ones. Keep improving

[@KNRS927]

Interesting couple. Amanda seems very calm, collected, and rational. She just doesn't want to rush into any decision unless the numbers make sense, and wants to focus on building wealth with the family. Carlos seems like he wants to make decisions based on how others see him as he went into debt for nice cars and is seemingly rushing to buy a house. I feel they can easily be a power couple (if they aren't one), it's just a matter of aligning their priorities together, and maybe defining what "power couple" means in the context of their rich life. Carlos has made steps involving Amanda in finances and they appear to love each other, it's just a matter of aligning priorities and being on the same page for what their rich life entails.

[@alexisballard1459]

What the hell kind of relationship goal is “become a power couple” ??? This guy clearly has had no true model for healthy happy relationships, has nothing to do with any sort of ‘power’ lol

[@lizziethelemon]

lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@josephbrown9685]

That’s Hollywood terminology. He wants to pretend like he’s living the big money and fame lifestyle. So silly. Besides, Hollywood is not a good place to get family values.

[@vulpixelful]

It's a fantasy where you imagine the whole "community" is looking up to you both while you show off flashy displays of wealth. Using financial resources as a surrogate for true intimacy. AKA "watched too much TV". People who aspire to this usually didn't have an example of a healthy relationship growing up or have a deep insecurity.

[@Playingwithproxies]

The power couple is both of them being high earners. He wants to retire in the next 5 years and he wants to live off his wife’s high income while he stays at home and does nothing.

[@Nunya4567]

I was expecting Ramit to ask for clarification on what was meant by the term "power couple."

[@DianeRuth]

This made me kind of mad. She tried to explain why she shouldn't work and he just won't believe it even with numbers in front of him, to the end he still wants her working.

[@CherieMonique5]

He’s all logic and she’s all emotion but he’s emotionally tied to her still working despite it not making a financial difference and he’s also very emotionally tied to wanting to start his own business. His face when she said they could retire just investing aggressively rather than starting a business was like 🙃😑. He was not into that idea at all even though it’s numbers and makes sense. Btw. I did not appreciate that she was described as complacent and not good with money simply because she did not have to struggle with money. She probably did, she just had discipline and responsibility in spending while he did not.

[@kca888]

15:00 when they started talking about splitting household bills and how they are broken down, I remembered the title and I got an eerie feeling about "traditional household roles" and the idea that Amanda could be at home without financial freedom or an exit plan. I'll come back at the end to see how this works out.

[@kca888]

29:00 stipulations to move in; I don't think I'm wrong.

[@kca888]

55:00 hearing his story, I'm changing a bit on my understanding of their relationship. I think that he is working through the financial mistakes he made and centering those as a way to make sure his family now doesn't face similar circumstances down the line.

[@michellegreen1072]

@@kca888But still spending $200 per month on shoes, which could go into her Spousal IRA.

[@jaynez9027]

For people who say it’s not worth it at ALL to pay for daycare if one salary just covers it.. on top of it potentially really halting career progression/retirement etc.. it’s not free to keep your kids home 😅. Passes to museums and the aquarium, art supplies, snacks that school provided. Don’t get me wrong daycare is SO expensive and it doesn’t really matter that they provide $3 of food a day but I just mean it’s not a total wash like it’s absolutely free. Gas money driving them around more, occasional lunches out because I know myself I would need to just get out of the house sometimes with a change of scenery.

[@jaynez9027]

Also I’m an example of where I was just hardly covering daycare for 1.5 years but my salary nearly doubled since so money wise it was smart (I know that’s somewhat luck but also because I didn’t leave my job)

[@olympicbody5161]

Some ppl also fail to realize the mental health of adult interactions and relationships. Staying at home with kids 24/7 is NOT easy

[@CambieSweets]

@@olympicbody5161 You both brought up excellent points! It's not free staying home with children and it's mentally taxing to be around children 24/7.

[@nicomyth]

So she should substitute teach once in a while (part time) to keep in her field. He can buy half as many shoes and they can use some of the "saved" shoe money to get family passes for the year (aquarium, zoo, children's museum etc). He is being somewhat selfish to not allow her to stay home for 3yrs and raise their kiddos. Time once spent, can never be made up for later. I don't understand his reasoning because the money is there.

[@TheSharmam]

great perspective. i send my kid to day care but on weekends i am running around in activities, taking them out and its way more expensive.

[@michellegreen1072]

So you gotta tell him to look at place that is also safe for his wife and his children? WTF?

[@normalgirlcvco]

But he is the logical one???

[@wendybetka8566]

Why do these couples look at their finances as if they're roommates? It's so counterproductive and doesn't foster being a team. Also, raising children is a calling and should be revered and encouraged.

[@destinyschild5768]

Couples like this don’t actually trust each other and that’s why they behave like roommates

[@mrs.stocky2445]

I was a teacher. My husband works in tech and when our son was born we made the decision for me to stay home. We do not regret the decision to eliminate my income because it would not have even covered daycare. Now we homeschool our son so I won’t be returning to the workforce until he is in his teens. We made the decision to have less and not go on vacations that involve more than a few hours drive. Maybe once every five years we will fly somewhere, but we do our best to live simply and keep expenses low. I cook every meal at home, we rarely eat out, like once a month rare. I keep a sourdough starter and bake our bread, buy eggs from my friend who has chickens, and do the rest of my shopping at Aldi. I am basically his home chef lol. We avoid debt at all costs and do our best to save when we can. We will never be high on the hog, and once my son is grown I will work outside the home full time again and shovel as much away as possible. I won’t go back to the classroom, but we have a plan. But she is missing something she will never get back. It is not too late to quit her job, they will hire her back no problem when the youngest goes to school.

[@kimchasteen209]

My heart was aching for her! She wants so badly to be a stay-at-home Mom and seemed afraid to say it. And unless this segment was cut & re-arranged, it sounded like even after she expressed her rich life, he didn't listen to her😢

[@pejpm]

We are just outside of New York City, so it’s an expensive area. When our twins arrived, we realized that the cost of full-time daycare would be about the same as my wife’s salary. It was a hard decision to make because these things aren’t just pure numbers. There is an emotional element to it, and our jobs can be wrapped up in our identity. We were fortunate in that we would be comfortable just on my income and she made the decision to stay home with the kids and yes, there are days where she wishes she could still be working and there are times where she feels like she is judged for it by other moms, but on the whole, it’s been an amazing decision. Our kids are five and she’s been able to be there the whole time. also I think the employment market is different to how it used to be. I think most employers are open to the idea of someone having taken time off to raise kids, but then returning to the workforce.

[@alexisrickets2749]

Sir do I have a bridge to sell you 😂

[@LL-pq5uo]

I don't know of any stay-at-home mom who has had an easy time finding another job when trying to return to the workforce. On the contrary, I have a friend who is making much less than she could have because she's been out of the workforce for so long; and another friend who looked into it and just completely gave up because there are no opportunities out there for her, so she decided to continue to stay at home with her child.

[@Someone-ji6ni]

I think it's easier to get back into the workforce but it's still pretty hard. The only problem with being a single-income household is that it's very risky. Because eventually kids won't need daycare but if something would ever interrupt your income, then the family would likely struggle. I wish things were less costly and more liveable on a single person's income in the past, but now it's a big risk to take unless you're making like north of half a million a year.

[@pejpm]

@@LL-pq5uo it’s really dependent on personal circumstance and career. I know a few moms who chose to go back, and it wasn’t a big deal. My point is that employers these days are much more open to resume gaps.

[@pejpm]

@@Someone-ji6ni yeah, agreed. We’re lucky, my wife made about $70k a year but in the context of our household income that wasn’t a big deal to give up as 80% of our household income is down to me so we’d be screwed either way if I lost my job!

[@MNP208]

Hmmm, if she is working and paying most of her check toward childcare, he sure as heck better be doing half the cooking, half the cleaning, half the bathing and running the kids around to Drs appts, picking them up from school, etc. If he doesn’t want traditional gender roles then he needs to step up! Also, once the millionaires in NYC see this video they are gonna want to hire her to nanny their kids. If you can afford to live in NYC, you can pay a nanny $100,000/year!

[@rashmitambe]

He needs to be doing half the housework and childcare even if she is the stay at home wife. Why should she work round the clock while he only works 8 hours a day?

[@MNP208]

@@rashmitambe Although a lot of work was involved with being home with my children, there was also a great deal of enjoyable play. I didn't consider it all "work". He should definitely be helping with some of these things, but it isn't going to be 50/50. I would expect the same from a stay-at-home dad.

[@bellgomez5634]

I’m very blessed to have an amazing husband who helps me with child care expenses and helps with chores around the house . We’re a team and we work as a team and I’m very grateful for him .

[@LifeSoDevine]

He was 30 going after a 22 year old. Tells me all i need to know about his mindset

[@rashmitambe]

Nailed it.

[@iamjenniferx]

It’s highly questionable when there is an age gap. I wonder how old was the ex who didn’t pay for the car?

[@TheKennychan1]

I was thinking it...

[@swalker9856]

i had to scroll so far to find this comment! exactly the first thing i thought. he thought because she was young, he can just take advantage of her.

[@aangitano]

Absolutely! All the problems can be traced to this one fact. Smh- when I saw the age gap I was not surprised with want I read in the rest of the comments

[@blurrydog1]

The dichotomy of logic and emotion is not accurate to apply to this couple. Both of them are equally logical and emotional. She explains her thought processes and decision making so well and LOGICALLY. He wants to grind and hustle to afford luxury goods and vehicles that make him FEEL rich and expensive. They need to step out of this mindset of logic/emotion and approach things differently.

[@thetuningroom]

I’m sorry….nobody addressing the pair of new shoes per month on average? Sneakers are ~$70-$150…what kind of premium sneakers is he buying? And that many? Does he have a closet strictly for shoes?

[@calcustom5026]

@14:50 it is wild to me that a married couple would have entirely separate finances. My wife and I dump all of our money into the same account, and then only after all expenses, savings, and investments are accounted for do we disburse guilt free money to our own separate accounts. A partnership requires visibility. Keeping finances separate almost always leads to a larger burden being placed on one side. That burden causes stress that will permeate throughout other aspects of the relationship. Something else they aren't considering about the question of her working vs staying home to care for the child - she works at a school. They only have to worry about the daycare question for a couple of years until the child goes to school. So, even if they lose all of her salary to daycare now, it still provides them with retirement contributions, healthcare, annual pay increases, job security, socialization, etc., that would be lost if she stayed home.

[@johnlittle8267]

Nike collectable shoes are not a fixed cost lol

[@lisajane4330]

Loved this, what a beautiful couple. With daycare its not just financial costs either, who is actually looking after the kids? that takes alot of trust, I'm talking under 3yrs of age especially. That wasnt something me or my partner felt comfortable doing, so chose to have one income until our youngest starts school. Its been tight, no luxury's like paid holidays, date nights etc but we knew our kids had one parent always with them in those really early years when they need their parents. I really hope she goes back to a stay at home Mum until their youngest starts school, she won't get those years back & won't regret it, hopefully he'll love his wife & kids enough to do that.

[@jdp486]

Damn it, stop calling moms "wizards" and "magicians". Moms work exceedingly hard, and maybe the reason you think stuff magically happens is because you haven't been paying attention.

[@debbielockhart7762]

Those terms are not insulting in any way. If so.ejne called me a wizard I'd know they are in awe of me. Stop looking for reasons to be offended.

[@FA-11]

Why is her check going to daycare? It should be combine household income%.

[@lucaspm98]

She makes less. If they only look at it combined they wouldn’t be able to make a logical decision about each career versus eliminating that cost.

[@FA-11]

Dont agree. A career is personal not a joint thing. You can support eachother but thats it. If they separate or worse the one that made all the income dies, there is a huge problem and a lot of set backs. And why not both work less and have less daycare and see you childeren more? Thats why have kids I hope.

[@olympicbody5161]

I think ppl (you) are getting hung up on her 93% spent. If she is spending 93% on daycare, who covers the clothes, food, her pilates membership, the new car, gas, guilt free spending, vacations, dates etc?

[@lucaspm98]

@@FA-11 why not? Because cutting an equal number hours from his working (if even possible) equals more income lost. They can choose that, but it’s obviously a crucial input to making an informed decision. You can have a term life insurance policy to fully cover loss of income from death. If you are thinking about separation, that is a personal or relationship issue not a career one. Relying on each is a core tenet of marriage. Regardless, you’re already heavily dependent on each other once you’ve got to the point of having kids.

[@FA-11]

@@lucaspm98 I think spending time with kids you put on this earth is a crucial input... Does life insurance cover the income of the partner forever? And saying that relying on each other is a core tenet of marriage is BS how many times have we heard stories of cheating/went out to buy milk and never come back. Your way of thinking is waaay too irrational , emotional and isnt future proof. Your way of thinking puts women in proverty.

[@ericaaa718]

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your journey. I wish this couple/ family the best in life.

[@jazinc]

Thank you so much to this couple for being so honest.

[@PurpleNGold824]

How are they making 200k and only have 80k net worth. Let alone they can’t afford a home on 200k.

[@AS-kf1ol]

Nyc?

[@FunInTheSun808]

Taxes in NYC/New Jersey are super high and the cost of living as well.