“He hid $77k in CC debt…but can’t tell me what he bought”

[@ramitsethi]

00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@heatherrees1]

Thank you for having people over 40 on your show!

[@gracesimplified3860]

I really have admiration for Ramit’s ability to appear non judgmental, respectful, and ability to dissect and analyze the emotions and motives behind his guests actions and words. 👏🏼

[@jecht86]

He has the aside's with the viewers to rant, not infornt of the guests. I think it works well.

[@FloatingWeeds2]

I agree. I think it's a huge value add in this forum to have him actually act like a therapist. He is a highly skilled practitioner with a deep knowledge base. I'm a multi millionaire in my mid 30s and I'm still learning things (especially gaining perspective on how I can scale up my spending now based on vision)

[@laurenstylish]

The visual of her doing the recording with boxes behind her felt symbolic

[@Hendo496]

Facts

[@lizziethelemon]

Lol but the boxes have a company name on them (not a moving company) she is probably at her workplace.

[@lowlowseesee]

my first thought lol

[@gigimunguia5136]

Manifesting her next move 😂

[@freeagent_girl23]

omg yes! Sis is ready to move out!

[@isabelreyes6387]

You got one person that is not responsible with money being left in charge of covering all their FIXED expenses and the person that is very financially literate only looking after the FUN stuff? Makes zero sense

[@user-uq2ti7tj6k]

It sounds like he was very financially responsible before meeting her. It seems like trying to give her a lifestyle that lives up to her ex has made him make bad choices. She's manipulative.

[@michellegreen1072]

@@user-uq2ti7tj6kNobody made him ask her to be his wife.

[@HoustonTom]

He definitely isn’t as financially responsible but they set him up for failure by giving him $0 left over.

[@LiamCrossleySound]

100%

[@ST-rj8iu]

@@user-uq2ti7tj6k well he needs to say no. it is his choice to hide things.

[@Gioli565]

People are more honest in this format than in person. PLEASE MORE OF THIS FORMAT. We also get more than New Yorkers in this format, which is good. The diversity is needed.

[@ILovePlants33]

I watch every episode and that never occurred to me-i think you're right! I wonder if ramit feels like in person he gets more honesty though? We don't know what all got cut from the show for time purposes

[@andyndanaemcburney122]

All of his episodes have been in this format until the last couple of months. Just go back in his archives.

[@Gioli565]

@@andyndanaemcburney122 I’ve watched them all. I prefer this format.

[@daniellefaith47]

My opinion changed so much once we started getting into the numbers. Financial infidelity made it seem cut and dry at the beginning, but as the video goes on, her laughing at his siblings current situation and rolling her eyes when he talks about staying in Michigan... the breakdown of the csp showing he has no spending money with the current set up... i feel more sympathy for him now for feeling pressure to spend money he doesn't have to keep up with her expectations. They really need to adjust the division of expenses so he can address his debt and, more importantly, not slip back into it!

[@lizziethelemon]

Yes, adjusting my opinion too. I think she says a lot of things passively which impact his self-esteem and decisions.

[@cognitive-botanical-therapy]

She was also quick to volunteer a lot of private info about his experience growing up. I thought that was odd. 😮

[@lizziethelemon]

@@cognitive-botanical-therapy agreed! awful.

[@mrs.quills7061]

Literally this she complains about debt but wants to live in a more expensive area then get a job and help support the income.

[@mrs.quills7061]

@@cognitive-botanical-therapyand the way she spoke throughout was weird like a parent gossiping about their child.

[@Jeremy_Cook]

Thank you Ramit! While watching this episode, my GF and I paused and reconsidered the way we split our fixed costs. We decided to change from a 50/50 split on our fixed housing costs. Instead, we will contribute a proportional amount of our incomes starting next month when our lease renews. Thanks again!

[@larrymartinez8365]

Your family has separate bank accounts? If so, why?

[@Jeremy_Cook]

@@larrymartinez8365 because we are still dating at this time. We plan on joining accounts right after we get married.

[@debbielockhart7762]

​@@larrymartinez8365Probably because it is wise to do so.

[@williamsullivan8544]

@@larrymartinez8365didn’t see that anywhere in his comment. Also, my wife and I have separate checking accounts, separate savings accounts and a shared savings account. Do you have a problem with that? If so, why?

[@M_SC]

Feminists invented the proportional income for paying costs thing. And it’s right whichever gender makes more.

[@JamieRedlands]

I really feel for him. Deep down he is a giving person. He feels he is going at it alone.

[@Tiffany-lo6hc]

I hate to think in these terms but OOF how emasculating. She comes in so superior and betrayed about this massive debt but frequently tells him how she "downgraded" and how unhappy she is, while also not paying towards any of the real expenses...what are her fixed costs if not paying mortgage and food??!

[@vulpixelful]

Yes, even as a woman I would feel as belittled as Jim probably feels

[@MC12140726]

Exactly I felt like she was very manipulative to get her way! The first guy probably ran while he still had his pants.

[@jenniferb8145]

Exactly! I can’t imagine sharing a life with someone who is constantly comparing me to their ex and making clear how much they miss their old life and what their ex was able to provide for them. It’s obvious she has one foot out the door especially when she talks about a post nup in the follow up.

[@dataman16]

Her fixed costs were her business expenses, her car, the insurance and $500 of subscriptions...

[@ad2094]

Maybe we don't need the term emasculating. There is belittling. Anyone can be belittled.

[@tritiism]

Her hesitance when asked if she would consider helping him pay the debt and her enthusiasm when the topic changed to selling his stuff says it all. The wife doesn't care at all about the well-being of the husband. She was just looking for someone to take care of her and thought she found one. And I think he is bankrupting himself to please her because he thinks she is out of his league. Unless they change these dynamics and aim to build a real partnership they will both end up very hurt and disappointed.

[@ILovePlants33]

Her enthusiasm about selling things that are important to him and then selling everything was appalling. Ramits "look at his face" was a key point to her selfishness.

[@El-wf2zx]

If you look at the CSP, she is currently saving around 5 k a month by making jim pay for everything. Not a coincidence that’s the same amount she would have gotten from alimony. In her head she is owed that money and feels justified in squirreling that amount away. She starts dipping into that amount, it will kill her ego.

[@Gioli565]

Amen

[@Mimi-fe2gm]

Agree completely. She should have just moved in and not gotten married; saved her lifetime alimony. He’s a caring guy I kind of hope he finds someone who lives a more simple life, and can truly appreciate him for who he is. He’s a handsome strapping guy he’ll have no problem finding that. Agree completely she thought she was going from one rich provider to another, and he really loves her and thinks she’s out of his league. This episode made me sad.

[@BlahDeDah7]

The fact that she does not realize what that property means to him is all I need to know. He’s happy there. She’s not. I don’t think he’ll ever be able to make her happy.

[@MoncheriRous]

Yeah! I would hate for Jim to sell all of his hard earn things for a woman that does not have the same values! She loves the city, he loves the country! They are not good together..

[@JohnDoe-jq1br]

She does not realize what having the property means to her. That said, they could look for some property in northern California.

[@Gioli565]

@@JohnDoe-jq1brhe has a 12 year old daughter they can’t move

[@JohnDoe-jq1br]

@@Gioli565 That's odd, I was able to move when my daughter was 12, I also moved when my son was 12. Please explain what that has to do with anything?

[@joiecf]

​@JohnDoe-jq1br it's a custody issue. He can't take her out of state to live as her mother shares custody. And if he moved without her, he'd be giving up custody and possibly even losing visitation. Could also mean big changes to child support payments.

[@JulieCWilson]

I think there is a lot of unprocessed grief on Dana’s end. Not just for loved ones lost, but grief for an old life that clearly ended in unexpected and disappointing ways. A lot of times I think “money” is just an outlet to redirect the hurts we are too afraid to confront. Another heartbreaking thing to hear was how much Jim likes to work outside on his farm. It would be a shame for him to have to give that up.

[@venoshinisevalimgam3495]

It’s not his debt! It’s their debt!! He’d taken on so much of their fixed expenses without her even asking about his financial position. It’s crazy that she was playing victim at the beginning. I feel bad for the guy that he entered into a relationship where she hung the ideals of her past relationship on the current relationship making him feel like he could never measure up!

[@tenzindechen6491]

I believe she is afraid that if she helps him, he would rack up more cc bills. At the end , They need therapy

[@mccraeday5809]

@@tenzindechen6491 again its their debt, she is just as complicite in it going as high as it did because she has barely any fixed expenses compared to him. She wants the cake, cherry on top, whipped cream and the pie too!

[@ILovePlants33]

Exactly. He had zero fun money to buy gifts, himself alpaca socks, etc because he was paying all fixed costs while her whole salary is fun money. Debt is for sure partly her fault. I wonder what ramits thoughts were on this one?

Never have I so quickly gone from: "What a sweet understanding lady" to "oh this poor man" He will never feel adequate. She gave up alimony and she will never let him live that down. The guy never smiled once. I worry for his wellbeing. And here she is ready to sell everything that brings him any amount of joy.

[@1michellej925]

I agree without 100%!

[@johnnypham2850]

He ended his marriage and she is a victim

[@mrs.quills7061]

Same same. The way he talks and the crack in his voice about how she’s not happy in that area broke my heart. She’s destroying him.

[@JohnDoe-jq1br]

I agree with a lot of your thinking. Both of them politely ganged up on on the poor guy. They want to take the things that makes him fell that he is living the rich life. His collectables, and going out working the fields. He enjoys those things. He is giving up up everything that he enjoys, and for what? A one sided relationship. He is in debt because he is pulling all of the weight.

[@shaunagingras482]

OMG yes!! I was so on her side initially, having someone hide debt is horrible. And then she really spoke… wow! Only halfway through but I believe this poor man, who is clearly trying his hardest and so scared to tell her about his struggles, is the one who downgraded. She moved so he could provide for her as best he could, he has what seems like a crappy wife.

[@CambieSweets]

This was a sad one to watch. Not condoning financial infidelity but I was appalled by the way she speaks about her ex husband in front of Jimmy. Wondering what he’s making now?! How painfully insulting that must’ve been for Jimmy.

[@IMBLESSED-oe6dl]

Shw likes ex so much she should go back to him. I bet she misses him not n $$

[@Gioli565]

@@IMBLESSED-oe6dlyep she would let him cheat on her forever if she could keep her lifestyle in CA

[@drrush3421]

Time stamp?

[@Bynming]

The woman doesn't pay for the mortgage and she was so eager to get him to sell all the stuff he's passionate about. And to be fair it seems like it's the right financial move for him to sell it. But I don't believe she truly cares about him. She might like him in some way, but she doesn't care about him and she'll casually disregard his feelings and hurt him for the rest of their life together.

[@yuliyab3629]

It's coming from a place of hurt and betrayal. If we're giving him grace for putting them in so much debt, we should be able to give her grace for lashing out at a very stressful time.

[@braq5975]

I like that when she stated she pays for “all of the insurance” it highlighted onscreen that he pays almost the same monthly amount towards insurance

[@rogerssampaio652]

This one was tough, they are on the verge of splitting. Ramit really has a touch for this kind of dynamics.

[@Jada_RE]

Right. U really have to walk on eggshells/be careful w what u say in such unstable dynamics. I'd run the other way, so kudos to Ramit

[@feliciawilliams5720]

Yeah & only 5 years in too. Hopefully they figure it out

[@brianlowy1976]

My favorite part of listening to this podcast is observing how Ramit handles their relationship interplay. It’s easy to give normal basic advice but Ramit’s a star when he elegantly calls out people on their behavior and provides novel solutions.

[@feliciawilliams5720]

@@brianlowy1976 he must have a minor in psychology as he pinpoints the issue very perceptibly 🤔

[@Lynnys1]

So all of her ideas about how to raise money to pay the credit card debt is to sell his stuff. The debt is theirs as they are married. Where is her contribution? It sounds like a lot of the debt was incurred to keep her happy. Ultimately the mistake was to get married. If they hadn’t she would have her high salary, her alimony and no responsibility for his debt. He married someone who he can’t keep up with and who gets to keep her money while he struggles. Definitely not a partnership.

[@twinleighton]

This!!

[@Gioli565]

💯 spot on

[@lize2957]

Are you kidding me? Did he not run up the credit cards behind her back? I may be missing something ...

[@Danfinitely]

Talking to your current husband about your exes finances and boasting about not having to work and regretting your new life is sad.

[@satyanveshi1939]

Then why did she leave him at the first place

[@eileenwatt8283]

I'm wondering if she left her ex husband to be with the new husband and not knowing his spending habits. Why would she not asked for part of the 401k. ? That wasn't smart..

[@eileenwatt8283]

​@@satyanveshi1939possible she met this one and decided the grass would be greener.

[@mrs.quills7061]

Right like what more does she expect him to give?

[@Riversedgegarden]

@@satyanveshi1939the c left her

[@kavitabpatel]

This episode gave me whiplash, at first I was SHOCKED that Jim repeatedly racked up CC debit in secret, but as things unfold, we see that he’s paying for everything even though he’s now making less money all while Dana laments about not having her past life in California. Dana can’t accept the fact that her whole lifestyle has changed and refuses to have an equitable relationship with Jim. If she was raised with such healthy financial literacy and knowing that Jim was not, why wouldn’t she, in partnership with Jim, teach him what she knows and build a plan together?!?

[@samk.970]

On point 👉

[@MissGirl1450]

I had my comment all ready to go five minutes in judging him. That comment completely changed knowing he's paying for their entire lifestyle. Glad I didn't post.

[@Capycorg]

Seriously... Her behavior is extremely problematic

[@dinagarcia9143]

The fact that she boasts that she had a better life before is hard, I'm sure, for him to hear. But the fact that she thinks about her ex's income and outloud for him to hear left me shook. The no regards for his feelings tells me she's leaving and him hiding money issues is him trying to keep her content. Super sad.

[@dinagarcia9143]

OMG that ending, a postnup!!! Still thinking about herself. I get protecting her future, but what future if whats hers is hers and his is there's.

[@deblynn6809]

I agree. This one is heartbreaking. 💔 😢 The whole point of being married is to help each other. Both people have to care about the other person’s feelings to have a successful relationship.

[@nastajab9026]

Facts

[@ILovePlants33]

Yeah the update was really hard. I would love a 6 month update- are they still together, more importantly is she helping with the bills.

[@josemarcastillo1793]

They were so open and vulnerable in this conversation. The openness and silent moments drew me in. Ramit, you are so good at what you do. Thank you for creating such great content

[@dawnkoplitz1825]

I think Jim’s rich life is living on a farm, raising animals/crops, and his collectables. To me it felt like he wasn’t allowed to have that as his rich life. As for Dana, she also contributed to the debt by not helping pay her fair share of their expenses. Unless she was paying for half of the vacations, dinners out, holidays, gifts, and daily expenses, she contributed to that $77,000.

[@johnnypham2850]

She is his Wife. A Wife is not responsible for taking care of her husband unless she has agreed to that at the outset. This guy is abusive and she has the right to be upset.

[@Gioli565]

@@johnnypham2850a wife should be a partner and both should work together. She doesn’t care about him. She cares about herself. She’s not the victim you seem to have bought into based on her portraying victim in everything

[@jennyd013]

THIS it’s his rich life and I was so disappointed it got missed. Maybe you have to grow up in that life to understand it.

[@Capycorg]

​@@johnnypham2850I'm a woman and what you're saying is insane. She makes more money than he does and still makes him pay for everything.

[@ILovePlants33]

​@@johnnypham2850he is abusive?? She verbalizes to her husband that she shouldn't have given up alimony (Aka shouldn't have married this new guy) and wonders how much her ex makes. Not forgiving that he hid debt but I can 100% see why he did.

[@alexandradarbyshire7433]

Calling your current husband a downgrade compared to your ex is diabolical 😂😂😂😂.

[@dataman16]

shes still stuck on that relationship ' I loved my life and its so unfair [that its over] '

[@krizak4421]

@@dataman16 Stuck on her highest setting.

[@af2585]

a perfect choice of words- yikes

[@Sindibad007]

Yikes

[@karenclark8374]

What happened to “for better or for worse”

[@_melts]

This was sad on both ends, they've both contributed to the position they're in today.

[@janefinance]

Jimmy, don’t sell your property and family legacy. This lady doesn’t care about you. She will always look down on you and compare you to her ex. You guys don’t want the same thing and you need to accept that. Stop going into debt and paying for the bulk of your relationship when she is not willing to do the same. Instead of offering to help you when she sees how unfair the current situation is, she is more worried about a post-nup to continue to keep her money just for herself. She does not want to be on the same team as you. You need to wake up to the reality of this situation before selling everything and losing more only to see her leave you eventually anyway.

[@DizZy-_x]

Poor dude is going into serious debt trying to provide a lifestyle for this woman that “she used to have”. How about helping him with that 130k a year salary. Dudes ready to sell everything that makes him happy to keep this going.

[@glevando]

He should consider using the most powerful word in the dictionary more often; the word "NO"

[@timothy900]

It was really difficult to see how visibly happy she was to talk about selling all the things that made him happy, right up to the land. It was the happiest her voice was during the entire show and I found it alarming.

[@DamianBadalamenti]

​@@timothy900She's not concerned with his happiness, she just cares about herself.

[@benbockting7511]

Hi, your favorite Ca Loan officer. I am from a farm background originally(Missouri) where my family produces cattle,hay and row crops. I would keep the hay equipment since that is expensive to replace or you can hire out the hay harvesting(also the harvest could be part of his rich life if he enjoys it). I would sell the steers since they are not a producing animal. In addition I would put any extra land into production rather than selling would be my preferred move, since most of the time farming is a family legacy and keeping the land in production is the goal. Generally keeping the farm has a lot of emotional ties to it that people not from a rural background don't understand. I am glad this emotion is addressed

[@californiadreamer2580]

Totally agree, or a 5 year lease to another farmer. He will not be able to afford replace his older equipment, which is also likely to be much easier to maintain or repair than more modern models.

[@HappyitHappened]

My fear is that he’ll do all these things to please her and she’s just going to leave him anyway. Keep your stuff, Jimmy and know your worth.

[@RJB-eipi]

No wonder he’s in debt, he’s subsidising her lifestyle and expenses - and she massively out earns him. To begin with I thought it was him but now I think she should clear the debt, cut up the cards and share the bills more appropriately, and sell all the excess stuff

[@nastajab9026]

Sad

[@RJB-eipi]

@@nastajab9026 indeed, it’s always sad when one partner knowingly takes financial advantage of their spouse. Glad it became clear in the end.

[@denisecampbell9563]

They don’t need to sell their property. The biggest issue is that they don’t want to combine their incomes. If they combined their incomes, paid out expenses, lived on a budget for a year and take their surplus money and bang out the debt, they could be debt free in a year. Save cash for hobbies (farming etc), and set up a travel fund if they like to travel. Dana’s behaviour is based on her childhood. She never had planted roots (always moving around), so it’s nothing to her to just sell everything and travel. It’s unrealistic.

[@spencer34716]

Wow. She is tough to take. Kudos to him for hanging in with her because the first time my spouse compared me to their former with regret, I would have been sitting in front of a divorce attorney. She needs to go back to Cali.

[@m0kn33marc]

As her man, I would've told her, "keep getting that $5000 a month baby...we don't need to get married".

[@AIRBORNE916]

That’s no way to be a proper man.

[@eclipse.5295]

As a woman I would just live nearby and NEVER get married again!

[@m0kn33marc]

@AIRBORNE916 Opinions are like buttholes. Everybody's got one. But you know what everyone doesn't have? $5000 a month.

[@m0kn33marc]

@eclipse.5295 I feel you sis!

[@Siavhia]

I don’t understand why they got married. I understand her reluctance to be all in after a 30 year marriage, so why get married? At this stage of life be long term partners instead and even live in different places if that is what each prefers. I would never get remarried in similar circumstances.

[@emmadear3276]

If I've learned one thing in my 33 years, it's dont give up the land!! It's precious and not getting cheaper! This poor man, it's obviously his love and passion, I hope he hangs onto it....

[@elenakalliste]

The most shocking thing to me was that they were only married for 5 years. That level of disagreement about finances so early in a marriage when you already had so much life experience going in, that’s enough to just cut your losses and leave. But I also expected their assets to be much more dire than they were, the problem isn’t math it’s total lack of alignment. She definitely looks down on him, and he lies to her about money and corrects her about insignificant things. I truly don’t think they should stay together, they both seem so unhappy.

[@tinogonzales2919]

Right. They don’t seem happy. He entered into the union portraying a life style he really was not. He’s romanticized a lifestyle beyond his means.. He’s too old to be so careless with credit card debt. He should know better. Sounds like nothing but trouble.

[@mrs.quills7061]

They both need therapy in my eyes. I felt so bad for the husband and I worry about his self esteem from this.

[@Sortofwriter]

His debt is from paying HER living expenses, not from gambling or porn. I was totally on his side by the end and I don’t get what these two are doing together. It’s weird.

[@applejellybean]

I could hear the emotion in his voice that he isn't showing on his face. I really feel for this guy and hope he finds his happiness.

[@Th3Think3r]

Sadly I am not sure they will be able to get on the same page. I can appreciate Dana's difficultly with her transition away from a more comfortable life and Jim's struggle with trying to be the provider he wants to be. This is another great lesson for the audience to make sure they start to have conversations about their rich life early in their relationships prior to commitment.

[@ozzyaararon]

She made it seem like she had helped him pay off debt before but then said that they "tapped a loan from HIS 401k". I'm not sure she's helped him at all, what part did she play? Is that right? Her major expense seems to be all about her own business. He grew his dependent count through marriage basically is what it seems like.

[@marinacarranza3904]

I would take the homemade bread and homemade butter over the Doritos and twinkies! Thank you, mom, for the homemade meals!

[@thetruthfultutor]

My thoughts exactly

[@agusal4487]

100%

[@ZekeValk]

I would've liked to have heard the back story on how these two met. Sounds like a social media reconnection that brought her back to a place she lived for a few years growing up. It sounds like she she should've put more thought into whether she could be happy there. City mouse (west coast) moves to the country (Midwest) and gave up her nice spousal support plus a lot more. A lot of questions, but I could relate to Jim trying to stay connected to his family's heritage of farming and getting their hands dirty. It was a passing moment in the video where he said something like "our hands are all we have" - I know that came from his dad or his grandpa.

[@ILovePlants33]

I wondered too- how did they reconnect and how long until they chose to remarry. I'm guessing quickly.

[@abrareads]

This is partly why there is a higher divorce rate in second marriages, you do not deal with your baggage from the first one before jumping into a second one. It is very hard to be successful in marriage when everything is "I", "me", "his", "hers', instead of we and our.

[@Gioli565]

💯 all she talks about is herself

[@jennifyliving5511]

I was totally upset with the guy at first for financial infidelity but as I continued watching I just disliked this woman more and more. It doesn’t seem like she’s over her ex and their life together, she constantly belittles him and is passive aggressive and the eye rolling!! He seems like such a nice guy trying hard to do his best and she’s just so delusional. I hate being harsh but OMG! She doesn’t think she should have to contribute to the living costs while knowing her partner is drowning? She’s sunbathing watching him drown and has not a single ounce of concern or compassion for him. Where’s the team work?! This marriage is doomed if she keeps being a single woman living off a husband. In the last like 8 mins I think I hated her. And he keeps making excuses for her… this is just really sad. He seems so broken down and beaten by her.

[@HD-mv2qh]

He should have told her. $75k is a lot of CC debt. Especially with nothing to show for it. She has every right to be angry. I was pissed off for her. Financial infidelity is up there with cheating because the person isn't being honest. I watch the rest of the show and I understand why people don't like her. A lot of this is on her. She should never have gotten married again. Especially since she was getting alimony. That's like a pension. They could have just been BF and GF.

[@funginimp]

Yeah when you get to the end you realize how much of a textbook relationship dynamic it is. We've all heard of this. Guy is being taken advantage of but can't see it / will sacrifice anything debt wise to keep up the illusion.

[@jennifyliving5511]

@@funginimp yeah… but I’d say they plain aren’t compatible. Down to where they want to live and the type of life they each want. It’s like the whole dating process of assessing values and future goals was completely missed.

[@HD-mv2qh]

@@jennifyliving5511 I totally agree. It was like they didn't date.

[@Capycorg]

​@@jennifyliving5511well said. I really feel bad for him... Seems like they got married on a whim

[@lindsay3995]

I don't understand why they're selling things he likes instead of just dipping into her "fun money" for essentials? Having stuff you love equals "fun" no? Make yourself comfortable and happy at home & maybe you don't feel the need to sell everything off just to vacation every two months.

[@sylviamurray7467]

BOTTOM LINE: HE DESERVES BETTER! HER SENSE OF ENTITLELMENT IS ASTOUNDING!

[@jaynebirkholz1596]

What is Dana giving up to make this work??? Why is he giving up everything he loves? Poor fellow.

[@gregr1154]

The stuff that he’s selling he can only sell once - she makes the same amount every month or two and then again the month after that and again the month after that.....

[@kelseygreene8807]

Cringy. She shouldn't be married because of how selfish she is. He is accumulating assets and trying to make her happy and she never can be happy. 😢

[@samk.970]

💯 % she said self-serving...and definitely she's. Zero care for his guy. She will just bring more unhappiness.

[@sandunikamullegama1167]

Why do married couples keep splitting bills? One pays mortgage, and the other pays another. I respect that people can choose what's comfortable for them but never understood that concept. For me, at least, once you are married, you are a TEAM. It's WE, not YOU and I.

[@lemondrop7305]

Because people have different habits and doing what you said isn’t always conducive to protecting yourself and your finances. Sometimes couples do it to protect each other. There’s no point be on a team with a gambling addict for instance

[@RyChOr2005]

It also just makes everything so much easier and you can actually set and achieve goals together. Incredibly rewarding.

[@tofucube0]

​@@lemondrop7305But if you married the gambling addict then you are a team legally.

[@dragoncity4887]

For a second marriage later in life, I get keeping it semi-separate. For estate purposes, and if you recently had a complicated split from a prior spouse, you might want to keep mine and yours. But you need a plan for mortgage, bills, travels, etc.

[@michellegreen1072]

Splitting is ok but it needs to be proportional to income. If one partner makes 60% of the income, then he/she pays 60% of the joint expenses. But it’s typically uneven and causes problems.

[@candecarro]

LOVE LOVE the Claritan Ramit’s dad’s dog story- that’s a riot.

[@judyfabion8849]

That was a horrible story. Every child should have a dog to have comfort and learn responsibility. Telling your children a lie is not good.

[@Nunya4567]

@@judyfabion8849 children can learn responsibility in other ways. A dog isn't necessary for that.

[@michellegreen1072]

51:01 This episode is packed with so many lessons. Great job.

[@jasminelozano9575]

I live in the Midwest after living in Dallas and Houston. I will say there is a different mentality here in the Midwest. I’ve noticed people here value having land, boats, rental properties. There isn’t the need to show your wealth. In the south, you show your wealth with material things: your house, cars, going on trips. I feel more for him. Yes he was wrong in hiding his situation from her but she is demanding a life from him that he isn’t able to provide.

[@Ouiyoginamaste]

This podcast makes me so grateful to be single 😂🙌

[@Michael-ds6sp]

Lol, good one

[@mrs.quills7061]

This was a heartbreaking episode, at first I was thinking he had a gambling problem, but it seems he has a wife problem. Nothing will ever be enough or ever make her happy and I wonder if that’s what resulted in the end of her previous marriage. My heart broke for this man, especially when his voice cracked about how she doesn’t like where they live or his sighs. They both need therapy and help.

[@DamianBadalamenti]

She's broken this poor man.

[@ChristyMurphyWriter]

@@DamianBadalamentiI agree. I’m worried she’s going to have him sell everything, and she’ll never contribute more to the bills, and then leave him for “financial infidelity” when he goes into more debt to make her happy.

[@aetoxnan]

Everybody is complaining about Jim here, but I also have to say, that he is trying to provide as much as he can and that´s the reason he is overspending...she doesn´t realise it at all. That´s why she wasn´t even thinking about paying the half of the mortgage or the groceries -> those nearly 1,500$ would have helped him a lot in the past. Over 5 years of splitting mortgage and groceries would have been 90k for Jim. That´s about the amount he has in CC debt right now. Both are in their own small bubble and they are not really listening to each other. The saddest follow up I have ever heard here - nothing will change in my opinion. Just sell everything, pay off the debt together asap, split the expenses 50/50 and start your relationship again on an equal level without looking to much in the past.

[@lemondrop7305]

Well if Jim is committed to being dishonest it’s not worth it for them to start all over lol

[@Gioli565]

Agreed!

[@vulpixelful]

"Just sell everything" would make it worse for Jim. It's not really fair that the convo briefly talked about how she should contribute more, then a lot of emphasis on selling assets _he_ wanted and worked hard to get. Buying new land acreage and setting it up to produce what you want is a whole process. The problem is that since he racked up the debt, it's only _his_ assets that are being treated as disposable. That's not right.

[@glevando]

@@vulpixelful If she had such a great life in California, why the divorce? Who initiated it? I don't think she's as pure and blameless as she makes herself out to be.

[@TheSharmam]

unfortunately, its difficult to reset relationships. cause the free loader party just revolt and make your life miserable in other ways and make you regret the "equality" you want to create.

[@sbeautiful6133]

Heavy episode. Ramit is so good at this. Love this format!

[@sara7mk]

Dana should contribute more to their fixed expenses, their breakdown is awful. I'd be embarrassed over this disparity if I were Dana.

[@LilaBudgets]

After listening to the whole thing, I feel for him. He paid all of his student loans off himself, he was always good with paying off debt until... Now, in the past 5 years, it seems like he is just trying to keep up with her. I don’t think 77k is impossible to pay off. I’ve paid off 70k of student loans, car loan, home down payment, and wedding expenses in 5 years. If they love each other enough to compromise and live on less, they can make it work.

[@ILovePlants33]

It's hard to pay off if you're spending more than you make each month because you have a wife who won't pay for anything...

[@abrareads]

She talks about how much she misses her past life and wonders how much her ex husband makes now....no wonder he has reacted poorly to that. I did not realize there was going to be such a switch from the beginning of the discussion to the middle.

[@glevando]

And why did she divorce #1. She's no angel. You can tell listening to her.

[@TheRonnieBlueEyes]

They should probably go their separate ways. First half I thought he was 100% the problem. Her bringing up the nice lifestyle she gave up to marry him, vocalizing that she wonders how much her ex is making, how much better things were where she used to live…

[@jonm.678]

At first I was critical of Jimmy, and he deserves criticism. But by the end, I think Dana is a big part of the problem too. She wants the same lifestyle she had with her clearly wealthy ex husband but with Jimmy. But Jimmy doesn’t make nearly as much. She’s a princess. $90k a year is a great salary, and she makes even more! They just need to sell some crap and hunker down and they’d be fine

[@Anonymus-xr5ee]

We do not know how much she is actually making, as the provided numbers do not make sense. How can her gross and net income be the same?

[@dantouneto]

Jimmy said he used to pay her taxes until very recently ... Maybe that's that

[@rebvanwinkelstein2578]

That s insane when she outearns him 🙈​@@dantouneto

[@Chocolateismybestie]

And she had $3,700/month listed as business expenses in her expenses. She isn’t making $130k….more like $80k pre-tax

[@The-Financial-Hooper]

These are nothing short of brilliant and fascinating. Keep up the great work, Ramit

[@vulpixelful]

I'm from their area and love it so I'm biased. But everyone's talking about Jim, and I agree he should have been more honest. But the way she talks down about the midwest and other body language seems like she's missing out on his statements that portray his lack of self esteem coming into the relationship. He said "I will never make that much money" when talking about her ex, and I feel like that was glossed over a bit. This probably hurt his pride a lot, to know that she was forfeiting her alimony when she married him, and he probably spent a lot to please this California lady. I think she could have done a better job reassuring him that he was enough, but I don't think she was fully self-aware of how she was coming across, and probably was signaling her dissatisfaction on the daily. A lot of people can adjust if they really try. We got woods, we got dunes, we have tulip blooms to check out in Holland MI. And so many farmer's markets 😂 Go on hikes, go kayaking, and enjoy the lower taxes 😊 But I don't think she was ready to accept her new life. Edit: She wants to live near water, and Michigan is literally a peninsula surrounded by lakes 😂 And the Carolinas are beautiful too, there are modern cities on or near the coast. She doesn't really want to compromise, from what we see here.

Also born and raised in MI. I'll always stay. We like to travel to other places, but this is definitely home. And SO much to do if you like water!!!

[@brianlowy1976]

You described what I was thinking. Also, I don’t think it’s in his nature to sell and move away from this lifestyle. And rent after owning for a lifetime? I don’t think so. If it wasn’t for the animals and maintenance, I would suggest living half the year in MI and the Oct -April in Cali.

[@Capycorg]

So agree on the lake. I'm a native Midwesterner who has spent quite a bit of time living on both coasts and while I love the ocean... People are too attached. Totally unreasonable of her to not give beautiful Lake Michigan a fair shake!

[@Allybaba55]

They really just have different values all together. He likes his farm life in Michigan and she hates it. I'm confused why they even got married. And the fact she isn't contributing financially like at all is concerning. I hope he doesn't sell all his assets and they come up with another plan. Cause she's gonna divorce him no matter what.

[@sarahculbertson1541]

I’m 15 minutes in, so may update this as I get further, but from tone alone she has SO MUCH contempt and he’s so defeated. This doesn’t seem to me like a man who is regularly overspending, and the majority of the things he mentions he spent on were for others (being the “provider” as Ramit pointed out). For me, the red flag of hers came when she didn’t question anything that was spent on them - house upgrades, vacations, car stuff - only when he spent on himself or more disturbingly when he spent on medicine for his mother. Maybe I’m missing some context of her relationship with Jim’s family, but of all the things to react to, helping a sick parent feels off. There is for sure financial betrayal here, but she’s coming in hot for this being information first discussed two months ago; I think her past betrayals are being triggered and she’s only coming from a place of self-protection (and wanting a third party to agree to validate her), not sure how open she really is to finding a resolution together 😞

[@Capycorg]

Almost at the end and you're totally right.

[@marykaitlynclark-joseph4192]

You are spot on, and that was very perceptive for only being 15 minutes in.

[@DrRoseD]

Jim married his high school crush and I think he thinks he married out of his league, so he wants to do anything to please/appease her. That's awful. She holds him in contempt. I think he actually did really well given his upbringing, and he seems like a kind and giving person. I think Dana is projecting her own significant self-worth issues onto Jim and is manipulating him to "pay" for her ex's infidelity and divorce. She needs individual therapy, and frankly they both do. It's such a losing situation for Jim - she will never respect him and I doubt she loves him. Jim look defeated and like he's about to have a heart attack. I hope he saves himself and files for divorce. Dana is incredibly toxic and entitled. As a PS, if someone told me I needed to sell my collectibles I would file yesterday. I never racked up 77k worth of debt in my life, but he only did so because she's a shameless moocher. These antique signs are a hot commodity now, they will not go down in price because they are so sought after, and he loves them - there was no reason to sell them.

[@lealovestechbooo]

comparing him to her ex is nasty work. thats so disrespectful

[@lisawaters7786]

Seriously disliked her entitlement. Felt sorry for him. 😂Why in the world would she remarry? So many bad decisions. . . And agree that the ex is the only winner in this situation.

[@mrs.quills7061]

Yeah at first I thought it was a him problem, but then as this went on the things she said reeked of entitlement then she’d back paddle. I love beautiful things… but I don’t need them 😅

[@michellegreen1072]

4:22 He wants to argue and correct dates and be heard but can’t tell his wife what he spent the money on, 3 times. 😢😢😢

[@dingding6066]

He spending 97% of his income on fixed costs. How else but credit card debt could he afford to pay for her tires, fix her ac, go on trips etc. She is the delusional one.

[@obesia1873]

Without watching the video, my guess is that its on hookers and hotel rooms

[@droid2D2C3P0]

​​​​​@@dingding6066wow.. he literally says he bought cattle that failed, clothes for himself when she doesn't shop, gifts for others, tires for HIMSELF, medicine for HIS mom and he lied about being reimbursed for it, reduced income because HE was on disability, he admits to continuing to live the same lifestyle after taking a pay cut, HE pays for other people's meals while out, he admits that it's not her fault, and when she needed things that are not frivolous like fixing her car HE LIED TO HER about being able to afford it. Not only did you miss all the money HE wasted for HIM but you also missed the entire point of her complaints which is that he LIED TO HER, he HID THE DEBT FROM HER. Are you brain dead or do you just hate women!? Because those are the only two explanations for the utterly ignorant and idiotic take you just made.

[@lizziethelemon]

@@dingding6066 I definitely would not believe the thing about fixed costs costing that much. Receipts and bank statements tell a better story.

[@KiingM]

Most people who mess up get defensive in that manner. But watch the whole episode, it’s always a lot more complex than we initially think

[@EndoExcision]

Really honest of Ramit to say he got stuck with them. Nice work on this one.

[@jenniferb8145]

Everyone in this comment section is talking about how bad they feel for this woman and I agree he definitely should not have hidden the debt and been dishonest with her. But nobody seems to be discussing how difficult it must be for him that she is constantly comparing him to her old life and her ex-husband’s income and the life he provided for her. Sounds to me like she got into a relationship without knowing all the details and regrets it. It’s not fair to put that on him. And she had to have known that her current husband cannot provide the same life as her ex. and she still married him.

[@dingding6066]

All I see is negative comments about this man (even from financial people) but the CSP shows him spending 97% on fixed costs. Let's cereal, where do you think he would get money to spend on gifts, vacations, eating out etc. He has no money left after his basic expense but still, want to be a man (provider). You are enjoying the experience that you know he can't afford and then complaining that he is using credit to do it.

[@joycef8443]

It took me until the halfway point to realize Dana is the deluded one…Jimmy does not earn enough to support her in the lifestyle she once had and misses so much. I feel sorry for Jimmy.

[@vulpixelful]

The more recent comments have pointed out Jim's predicament, to my relief

[@Capycorg]

Lol @ Ramit saying "I already know you don't like the Carolinas" he is so perceptive!

[@josephmarinucci9073]

The Carolinas are a wonderful place to live, work, and play. Not much was said about why anybody would have an objection. Perhaps somebody could enlighten me?

[@Kzn4576-i3c]

Californians look down on other states...

[@katherinesmith235]

He's going to end up with no land and no wife

[@nosiphiweradebe3846]

True that ​@@katherinesmith235

[@mmp495]

Ughhh, the alimoney comment made me cringe. She needs to let her past go and never say those things again.

[@cxxw-t6i]

she's 58 and still brags about her grandpa...that's how you know..

[@cynthialuc1]

I am not sure why she is with him. She seems miserable! She doesn't like where they live, why did she move there? She is upset that her ex is making more money. She is also upset she gave up her alimony. He keeps trying to buy her love, but that doesn't work in the end. I was shocked at how much they bring in every month.

[@Gioli565]

💯 this can’t last

[@jennyd013]

And the way she dismisses it as not a good income!

[@Capycorg]

Seems to me like a seriously high income for rural Michigan

[@cliffordl.4022]

Why give up alimony for life? Can't you just date, cohabitate? It seems foolish.

[@CH-bi8tl]

Completely foolish 😂

[@YourRichAuntie]

Why she gave up $60,000 a year in alimony to move half way across the country to a state she doesn't want to live in with a man that earns a fraction of what she needs to sustain her lifestyle. Nothing really makes sense here or sets them up for a successful marriage. If you're going to work a "hobby job" where your husband pays all significant bills while your income is used for whatever, just say that then -

[@1st-qt9ce]

If a postnuptial is drafted. I hope he has independent legal counsel review it before signing . Considering: -1/2 the debt is hers and -1/2 of the money she has accumulated is his.

[@Gioli565]

Amen 👏🏻

[@oshaneb3176]

She’s the problem. The longer I listened i realized dude is being taken for a ride. He needs to let her go

[@cornellcornell1]

He wanted to be a provider. Men chose to be in traditional relationships but then want to play the victim when they can’t afford it.

[@cornellcornell1]

@@xcel007 you sound like an incel

[@kr59137]

This was by far one of the most uncomfortable episodes to watch. The CSP split absolutely made me cringe. I really feel for his child(ren?) still living with them.

[@julianankomo465]

Well said Ramit, "In your own relationship, assumptions are dangerous." Not wanting to believe the worst in the other person is what perpetuates problems. Rather, have upfront discussions even when you want to 'think' you know the answer.

[@taniacopeland4335]

His kids live with him for a reason why is there an assumption that they're going to get up and leave as soon as they can. Or when can they move out one if them is definitely around 12. She knew she married a farmer at heart why change him now. As she spoke he just had a look of devastation. Very sad

[@samk.970]

She didn't think through and now she wants to change him..but not herselfishness.

[@anjalianthony1656]

Both of them have issues! He’s overspending like crazy and getting into massive debt just to provide for her. And she acts all lah-dee-dah expecting him to cover all their living expenses, holidays, etc. Where is her contributions to their financial life?

[@lemondrop7305]

He wanted to provide for her though. Not only that he refused to tell her where it all went 3 times. She should be able to trust her partner.

[@mspro9032]

He literally said she didn't have to work. Obviously that would indicate that he is making enough money. Idk why men lie sometimes and say they can provide when they can't . That is a betrayal

[@WildForIndie]

i don’t understand how most of you are more pro wife. i see him paying almost all of the bills, along with extras all the time. how would she not question where he’s getting all this money from until he’s 80,000 in debt? she needs to get her head out of the sand.

[@EWall1498]

Seems like she married a wealthy guy first and then lived with a free $5000/month stipend after the divorce. This is probably the first time she hasn’t had her lifestyle paid for in advance, so is probably the first time she’s had to grapple with what her lifestyle actually costs.

[@Capycorg]

Is anyone on here pro Dana? I haven't seen many of those comments....

[@chelsea2690]

It sounds like Dana is willing to leave if Jim isn't granting her every wish - Jim has been put in a tough position and Dana hasn't even thought to offer to pay for more expenses as her income grew. Sounds like she's been spoiled and can't bare to live more simply... I hope they can come up with a shared vision that excludes comparison to her past lavish lifestyle.

[@Daveyjonesvi]

I’ve not known a more incompatible couple

[@Sam-uj6pt]

I'm sorry but she definitely threw him under the bus. Belittling him for being in debt but talking about how much $ her ex husband makes and how successful he is and yet doesn't have a problem having her current husband paying for everything

[@glevando]

Yes, marrying her was his first mistake. Unfortunately, his life is about to become even more financially dire once she files for divorce. Heck, he'll even end up paying her attorney bills I bet and get socked for alimony (which is absurd in this day and age).

[@joycef8443]

I was saddened when I heard the update. Poor Jimmy, trying so hard to please Dana and hang on to what he has. I wouldn’t sell the property….

[@kelmike060404]

I know he'll never be able to get ahead her

[@gstar876]

The man can't afford her! Plain and simple. All his money is going towards supporting her, so it's unfair to judge him getting into debt to keep it up and indicating she's scared and can't trust him. Then help out with the lifestyle, take some pressure off him.

[@fdsjkl543678]

I love that his example of recognizing he was poor was homemade bread and butter vs Doritos in the 70s and it’s the exact opposite now. Funny to think about haha

[@IrisP989]

At $225K a year they should have more money in savings.

[@candecarro]

The acreage is productive. He could lease the land to someone else. Or sell the equipment or the land.

[@paddingtonbear760]

Let me get this straight, she’s not all in on the marriage, she lives in a house but refuses to pay anything on the mortgage, and her only solution is to sell everything he loves? How many more minutes will this marriage last?

[@azendussame39]

One other quick note - the husband is paying MORE than 100% of what he earns, while the wife is not even scratching her monthly cash flow. So instead of the wife stepping in and mutually take care of the expenses - now this guy has to sell all his assets. Sounds like another divorce in the making. If they are making $200k a year and the husband is pulling in $70k….where is that $130k going….both of them made a financial mistake of getting married. Live a life that BOTH is all in on and do NOT sell off all your stuff for this wife. By selling all your cash flow engines - this is not the solution to be.

[@rebeccaogrady2995]

Agree - I think Ramit is way off on this one.

[@zoraster3749]

Because he signed on to be “the provider” and she signed on to not having to pay anything. That’s why she gave up her lifetime alimony because she thought she would get to keep 100% of what she made. That she is mentioning how much her ex husband makes to the new husband is a dead giveaway that she is having buyers remorse. From his perspective, he was the down and out kid from the poor family and this woman represented a high school dream girl that was out of his league. Getting her was a manifestation of having “made it” and he was willing to pay anything to get her (I’ll pay for everything).

[@Anonymus-xr5ee]

It is possible that her income is heavily overstated. Dana claims that her gross and net income is the same. This does not make sense, particularly once we are talking about 130k. Additionally, we have the business expenses as fixed costs, even though the business expenses should be subtracted from your earnings. A lot of small business owners treat revenue as income, and this seems to happen here.

[@mequelle]

@@Anonymus-xr5ee her gross and net income are the same because he mentioned he was also paying her business taxes - insane!

[@Gioli565]

Agreed! She’s selfish

[@dquan731]

I personally can’t relate to this couple. My wife and I are very transparent our spending and basically consult each other whenever we have any expenses more than $1K. It’s mind boggling that you would get married without having all the financial talks and spending philosophy. I’m sorry to say, people don’t change that much. He will not change his spending ways. I completely agree with Ramit. Why do couples split expenses? They should sit down, create a budget for the family and both contribute a % of their income to it. Otherwise, it could be very unfair.

[@llChrisTjll]

This was a tough one. Looking at the split of the bills & relationship, the secret debt isn't very secret. He spends all of his money on their lifestyle. When something goes wrong, he foots the bill. when he wants something or tries to make money, he foots the bill. How was he supposed to NOT be in debt? That doesn't make how it feels, the emotional infidelity behind it, any better. But I think they're both living in their own worlds, in their own heads, in a fantasy. Only communication will clear that fog & keep this cycle from repeating. They need to be communicating about money. The need to split the expenses fairly. And when something breaks, they need to work together to solve the money puzzle to solve it. I agree with selling off the stuff - that's just the painful price of not communicating & building up debt behind someone's back. Jim is on the right track in his follow-up. Go out, find some stuff, sell it, pay down the debt, go back out & dig around to find stuff to sell. Dana is also on the right track in her follow-up. They need to talk about money & their rich life...and it sounds like, if she wants this relationship, she may need to rebuild her Rich Life based on where she is.

[@SarahWilson-i3w]

Dana needs to let go of her past life and commit herself to saving her marriage and her finances with her CURRENT husband. YIKES! I can't imagine putting the weight of everything on my husband like this and to be so unwilling to contribute. I realize she was sold a bill of goods that included not contributing, but it's time to get your head out of the sand and acknowledge what your current situation is and make a decision to fix it or move on.

[@Mama2CDHsurvivor]

1:07:13 when this episode started out, I thought he was irresponsible with money and she was responsible. I thought he was being deceitful. Then we find out that they have split finances and unfairly divided expenses. She’s living in that house rent free? But could easily afford to pay towards housing? No wonder he’s in debt. And why? Because he wants to “provide” and she thinks he should be “providing?” With an $18,000 a month income, all they need to do is combine income, redo their budget, cut out just a few things for a little while and they should be back on track. I hope Ramit does that for them because it’s just ridiculous that the husband is paying for every last thing.

[@kendramcdow7821]

Ramit, much respect! Thank you so much for highlighting social mobility and poverty in the US without the judgement and shame that is usually attached to the US working poor. As we individually increase our financial literacy, learn the "rules of the game" and grow our wealth its so important to keep in mind the structural and often unseen forces (discrimantory, anti-poor, racist practices codified as policies) that produce disparate generational outcomes on wealth building, even for people trying their hardest to "pull themselves up by the bootstraps". There is a reason the US among high income countries has the lowest social mobility and largest, most aggressive wealth gap.

[@doubleservings2890]

Both my parents were horrible with money and it had the opposite effect on me so much so that I became the ultimate saver. No matter what my salary was/is I ALWAYS put money away even if it was only $5 a week. I understood it didn't matter the amount I was saving it was about not stopping the saving and only touching the funds in case of emergency. Because of this I have financial freedom to do things I enjoy without debt or worry.

[@candecarro]

Such a great couple- Jim’s talk about being poor struck me as he said he knew he was poor as the other kids were eating twinkies, etc., and he was eating homemade bread and homemade butter… I spend a lot of time with my 9-yr-old grandson in the summers and I feed him homemade bread, homemade yogurt, homemade spaghetti, homemade ice cream, pickles, sauerkraut (some of these things I’m just learning at 76). Because that’s the way I’m trying to live. But it’s purposeful. Not because I’m poor. Maybe his parents were purposeful in their simple homemade farm, self-sufficient life. Maybe some of that was his parents’ rich life. Can he look at his childhood from a different perspective?

[@hypefine]

Some of us pay extra for “homemade”. There’s nothing poor about making artisan crafted food stuffs made by loving hands. His perspective makes me 😞. There’s nothing more tasty and healthy than homemade. Poor is a feeling and a belief. Twinkies? Diabetic toxic treats proves wealth? Really? No.

[@joycef8443]

We now live the same as you. I am 75.

[@vulpixelful]

By the end of the summer, your grandson got to eat the sweets he was probably craving again. It's obviously different when it's a season vs year round as a child.

[@candecarro]

@@vulpixelful You’re right about the sweets - I’m only with him, typically, for one meal a day. I have no say over the food he eats at home, though his mom and dad are very vigilant about eating mostly real whole foods. Except ice cream. Twinkies? I used to love them!!! In the 1950s my mom always included a single twinkie in my lunch. What a treat!

[@Noellep]

I too am someone whose spouse ran up significant debt without my knowledge (not as big and nothing ridiculous was purchased) and i understand how angry that can make you feel, but the way Dana has contributed to this terrible situation and yet fully blames him is really awful.

[@DamianBadalamenti]

She's awful.