Re-Parenting - Part 92 - Fake Logic Used in Conflict, Part 2

[@llkellenba]

Compliance seems to be the #1 goal in difficult dysfunctional family dynamics. From as early as I can remember non compliance is what I was most faulted for-started with asking questions…which has never been okay-and still is not.

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

I feel this to be true as well. Then you start to fear for your life if any conflict arises because it is your responsibility to change, or step back and become a chameleon to other people's needs and regulate their emotions. The birth of a people pleaser who was never taught or allowed to have healthy boundaries. Conflict or simple disagreement = great danger. You are a person who fits in everywhere at the expense of yourself. I started my healing journey at 50 years of age. It is a lot of sorrow and lost pieces of yourself to integrate but it is worth it. ❤

[@llkellenba]

@@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl well said. The latest cultural political dysregulation amplified everything and was the last straw in my ability to engage at all. Not easy and painful to give up and recognize need to end the cycle. Better late to come around to learn and accept being yourself, than to never Be.

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

You got me thinking… To demand compliance from a child growing up doesn't that set up the human being to accept coercive control as an adult because that it just feels like home, familiar so you seek out these types of relationships as an adult? Does demanding compliance = coercive control? 🤔 “Shut up! I don't care what you need, feel or want! You are here to please me. “ 🤷‍♀️

[@llkellenba]

@@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirlyes it does model hierarchy, control and compliance is “normal”. Anything else threatens all of that. Cults, religious or otherwise also rely on this system/indoctrination. I ran into all of these situations as I sought to make connections and fit into society. I found myself entangled in situations that were damned if I do damned if I don’t so many times. I walked or ran away from oppressive situations eventually, but there was always a cost. Recognizing the capacity of myself and others and counting the costs before committing myself would have been beneficial.

[@nmc1859]

Yep same here till narc mother wrote a one sentence letter - telling me to go away unless I comply with the dysfunction

[@rubberbiscuit99]

I remember how I felt when I took Intro to Logic in college. Finally I could name all the nonsense that my parent habitually used. It was very powerful to see the principles explained in writing, with examples.

[@jeankipper6954]

The narcs in my life, parents and husband, used: -Bully, physically or verbally dominate -Subtly change the subject, drag in "facts" -Whine, nag, snivel, pester until you just give in And so much more.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

I'm homeless, living in a shelter with two sociopaths. One is covert, the other one is overt. The covert one manipulated me last night into listening to his story. He gets support from enablers and taught him how to evade my tactic of bringing the discussion back to him. Though it worked to fend him off last night, it still left him with the last word. Should have said a "wow" after he finished but I just took my bottle with water and headed up to my bed. So I understand how you must have felt with the two narcs you had in your life.

[@TheLeagueOfSteve]

Used to date someone who, when I successfully argued my defence, would say "ah, but it's not about THAT. It's about THIS."

[@PedroFilms]

Tim, your interview with Theo was powerful and insightful. I look forward to you giving more interviews and higher quality video/audio production about the important content you provide. The interview format (vs monologue/just you) is powerful because it allows the viewer to relate through the interviewee's experiences/questions.

[@AmirKarkouti]

Another great video. Thank you so much for these videos

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

This reminded me of when I got my first employment when I was 20 years of age. The boss told me “How nice with new fresh blood to start working here! Just tell us if you want to change anything that we can do better around here.” I had worked there for a while and found that a certain routine they did could be done much better and more efficiently. I told my boss and proposed to her a better solution with a smile. I got, “We have always done this way there is nothing wrong with that!”😂 I remember this to this day even though I'm in my 50s now 😂 I ended up starting my own business that I run to this day❤

[@jupo9928]

Thank you for this work

[@cynthiameyers7529]

This a very helpful video. I wish someone had taught me this stuff when I was younger.

[@nmc1859]

Wow. All this time.. a name for what my husband does during EVERY difference of opinion. Red Harring. Thank you very much for all the helpful info and examples

[@jupo9928]

Thanks

[@ChrisOgunlowo]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@animalliberationCLBB]

Thank you extremely from Germany ❤

[@Pathway-xh2qx]

Tim, I just started listening to you, When I saw you show and tell the brain - frontal cortex Needs to work, but trauma and ADHD people are Unable to act because Vital circulation signals must connect to cortex from back of brain. It is sad to be with a man, we're 64 & 72, where the dad was absolute out of control & always beat on his two sons but not the daughter. Age 13 of my man friend, the mother divorced that severely brain damaged husband/ dad. 😢😮

[@truthministry7462]

Powerful

[@tashawaters89]

Thanks! I didn't know that about red herrings. Please bring back the Bible stories!

[@Datb2]

Cult style thinking

[@Ganeden_Y]

Your example of the fox is a paralogism. All cats are mortal, Socrates is mortal, therefore Socrates is a cat.

[@lottytaylor572]

Thought this was about conflict 🤷‍♀️

[@christkid8522]

I have a question Because in some level all of us have characteristics of a narcissistic person. Maybe in some ways there something internal in me that is manipulating me (self sabotage) maybe ?! And that is a mask or a role or something that wants to make me thing that try’s to hold me safe from the real world (pain for me ) and so is always feeding me with emotions thoughts and self criticism to keep me away from living authentic. And the other thing is please make a video so we can understand and separate the part of us that feels that is being manipulated (taking the victim approach) vs when people really are trying to manipulate us Because there are times when I feel that my own mother is trying to hold me back and other times when I feel I just use this as an excuse Because is hard for most of us to believe that people that they say they love us and want the best of us to treat us like we are not worthy

[@sumayahzadran7587]

What is the purpose of this video? I would prefer you giving alternative solutions to each issue you are addressing. If they say, then prove me wrong. What to do in this case then? How to deal with that?

[@JenE3377]

So much content. So little value. Could be condensed onto a postage stamp.

[@CornflowerBlues5]

Great idea. This man deserves to be immortalised with his own official postage stamp.

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

I will pray for you (I'm not even religious) and send you a lot of love because you seem to lack that in your life❤️

[@lottytaylor572]

@@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirlvery narcissistic comment ! Seek therapy

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

@@lottytaylor572 funny you 🤣

[@Alphacentauri819]

Spoken by someone who had deep, deep shame and therefore thinks that dismissing and devaluing will somehow mitigate that shame. This is all subconscious, of course. If you were truly aligned with love, including loving yourself in a healthy way, that’s the lens you would view things in. You would see the value in what this man presents. Also, you aren’t the sole decider of what is valuable or not. Consider that