Real Problem Unedited

[@rachelmine2931]

It’s wild to me that anyone would critique the process you guys sometimes have to go through to get compliance. The fact that you spent that time reasoning with, talking to, and otherwise interacting with Abbie to get her to go to bed, instead of yelling or getting frustrated like I think a lot of people would want to, is admirable. I have a lot of respect for how you guys handle things. Your patience is incredible.

[@dominique1116]

took the words right out of my mouth!!! the way they parent is amazing..i think

[@shaddowsdieout]

Way more patience than I have had recently. That's for sure

[@Raven-pr6vd]

But okay for you to critique ''a lot of people'' of yelling and getting frustrated? Do you know these '' a lot of people' or just assuming? Think one more time, before you write next time.

[@rachelmine2931]

@@Raven-pr6vd 😂 not totally sure what your comment means or even what you’re criticizing me for. All I know is that I’m a parent of a neuro-typical child and the stress of every day life is frustrating enough, let alone the stuff that Cilla and Asa have going on, on top of having a child (and that child having the unique challenges of being not neuro-typical). So I’m applauding their patience and their wonderful parenting example, as I know a lot of people would find the daily grind difficult. And I’m sure that Cilla and Asa sometimes find it difficult, too, but their attitudes are worth praise, in my opinion.

[@krystalmcguffie8881]

@@rachelmine2931 I completely agree with you! They are prime examples and I hate to see anyone judge them in a negative way. No one should downplay their experience and expertise of their personal situations or ideas with Abby. More people should take notes instead of criticizing them.

[@Gardendreamsforme]

I found when dealing with my kids, grands, and greats a calm and firm voice, like you’re doing, has always worked. Getting mad, sounding mad shows them you’re losing control and out of control and they will mimic your behavior. Be the example. Great job Priscilla and Asa! Great job

[@alicia-qc7kg]

Every family is different!!!!! I can’t say this enough!!! I’m a brand new mom to a one year old. It seems to also be a thing for moms. “Don’t co-sleep”, “only feed this many times!” ,”no you can’t let them do that”. We aren’t asking for your advice! What works for your kid may not work for mine. What worked with your oldest child, may not work with your youngest. We are all different. Different personalities, different dynamics. Just keep doing you! Do what works best for your family. You guys are awesome and so inspiring. Keep up the amazing videos because I love watching them!!💗

[@brendamelendez2592]

HI Asa and Cilla, I worked the field of Human Service in the Department of Developmental Services and I was often assigned as a 1:1 to those with Autism. Many days I had to stand back and wait him/her out until they processed the question or request given. Some days I came home battered and bruised but I went back because in my heart I know it's a behavior and not the individual themselves. We also implemented planned ignore, if the situation was safe we did exactly that. We also had only the 1:1 speaking at a time therefore the individual had the chance to filter the question or request. It wasn't always a perfect time and the plan didn't always work but in the end we felt we did our best at trying. and tomorrow is a new day. You guys are doing a great service to Abbey she is a very lucky lady to have such a wonderful family who all love her unconditionally. Brenda

[@bridgetmcdaniel4004]

That was a masterpiece in patience! I am so impressed by both of you! You know your child, and know the strategies that will escalate or deescalate the "stand-off". Ultimately the distractions you employed helped ease Abbie's tight grip on her mission to stay up. Beautiful work, all done so lovingly.❤❤

[@ashleylopez1864]

Not to mention the channel is literally called “Fathering Autism”, it would be fair to assume this is specifically from your perspective… y’all are doing great!

[@elleck3542]

Watching these vlogs has really made me believe that the real rock stars are special needs parents. I can't fathom the patience that is required each day,. ❤

[@zoe4858]

Yeah, definitely not the actual special needs kids of course

[@tracymathews1839]

I have so much respect for you & Priscilla taking care of Abbie

[@abbeypollan9540]

Thank you for showing how y'all handle her defiance. My two year old son is really aggressive when told no and I'm getting ideas from your vlogs, old and new. Thank you so much.

[@Iras-._489]

That was some stellar parenting. You guys are on point for what your child needs and doesn't need. I'm surprised how some people don't see how patient you are with Ab, how you work as a team to help her the best you can. Honestly beautiful.

[@tamarakahl8847]

You two do a great job being parents of Abby. I see how challenging she is. I do see how much you love her. I love watching your family and learning about Abby.

[@Sabrina-jm4dc]

You hit the nail on the head Asa...No one would even question it if it were Pricilla vlogging. I love FATHERING autism. I love your family...and mom guilt is a real thing, so I am always elated to see you address this each time. Having the support of our husbands even if the entire world is against us is all the support we need.

[@dmc414141]

So patient. Kudos to you two for having the patience of a saint. Teenagehood is another ballgame, no matter what challenges each child faces.

[@lolablueskies8269]

So many people are quick to say be firm or discipline. I found that doing exactly what you said about staying calm is always the best. I learnt with my adhd son when he was refusing direction was to use a monotone voice otherwise like you say you feed the chaos. I love your family

[@kellyazad4226]

What's amazing is how many times you have to explain your involvement with Abbie. So many of us A typicals would of loved to spend that much time with our dads.

[@amykoch7805]

I love your honesty and transparency. You both are such patient and loving parents. We all get frustrated and upset with our kids and I love that you showed the whole clip❤️

[@felicitycarter8120]

You guys are such wonderful parents. You both have the patience of a saint. Be proud of yourselves. I think your both amazing, just look at how lovely your children are and how far you’ve come.

[@samsal420]

That’s why this vlog is called “Fathering Autism”! Y’all are a fantastic family! I enjoy getting to take a peek in to your lives! Thank you!❤️

[@graciewilken1985]

Im an RA in college and I do something of the same sort with my residents! It was so interesting to see you work with abbie on compliance. Talking w residents about really hard topics is super difficult so I talk to them about super irrelevant stuff and slowly work into the harder topics and talking like that helps so much. It was such a blessing seeing how you do this with abbie. I cant imagine how much strength it takes to not cave in or get angry, I know it mustve taken a while to get to this point now but its so helpful and can be applied to so many things in other people’s lives. Thank you for sharing!

[@WithLoveAshley]

You guys are truly amazing, patient, persistent, loving parents and so much more! Perhaps she can have a task to do that she is required to carry upstairs at bedtime. She seems to respond well to picking up the pillows and such. I’m not expert on autism or behavioral challenges beyond early childhood education. I think you are doing everything to your best ability and it is paying off! Much love!

[@ZoodyT]

Been watching for almost 4 years and this interaction was so interesting/new to see😊

[@blaw_0147]

If there was an award for patience, y'all take the cake ❤ love this family!!

[@nancyschaeffer569]

There are some people who would not be this patient. It seems she knows what she is doings. Love your patience.

[@andreathompson8292]

ASA you did great she finally gave in don’t beat yourselves down about it. She needs to learn and she knows how to get around you. I love watching your family.

[@jilldelaere]

You guys are awesome parents. You have taught me so much on how to deal with people with disabilities.

[@donnettema1]

I think people forget you control what parts of the day are shared with us.Fathering Autism is just that. The Father's point of view in raising their daughter. Thanks for sharing your family with us.

[@Sabrina-jm4dc]

Most patient humans in the world.

[@Queenpezz]

This has been my absolute FAVOURITE video by far. Sharing your techniques/ struggles is incredibly helpful / supportive and reassuring to everyone watching. Either from a place of learning and understanding the challenges that come with raising a child on the spectrum or from the perspective of a parent / grandparent both raising and/or supporting twins on the spectrum. You guys are incredible. I can’t thank you enough for sharing a window to your life. Watching you struggle between raising Abbie with dignity and respect while acknowledging that her thoughts count/ matter. Bravo … 💞❤️💞 Much love and praise 💕❤️💕

[@heathersdailylife9263]

Commendable effort on the staying calm front, I would have struggled to do so, even knowing it would make things worse. You two are doing such a great job with her and I just wanted to acknowledge how exhausting this would be some days. That you remain dedicated to improving her life and recognise when you need your own time out/away is testament to how much you care and love her.

[@sherrykomorek2318]

Thank you for sharing you family with me. No one should comment negatively on how you and Priscilla are handling things. They have not walked a mile in your shoes,how dare they past judgement or give unsolicited a d ice they are just unhappy with their lives so they have to comment on yours. She is your daughter you both are doing a great job with it all. Love your channel and love your family. I found your channel in 2018 when I had cancer and your family has been there with me every night since. Helped me threw some dark times. Iam cancer free now. ❤️🌹🌸🌻🌷🌺🌼

[@deuteronomy6.5]

I applaud you for showing us the whole video. Thank you so much. Many parents struggle with this same issue in different variations and seeing you go about it in such a respectful and patient way is so reassuring. Thank you, and great job guys. 💖

[@jocelynmoore9432]

It's wonderful to see the parenting from the father's viewpoint, especially with this subject matter. Great job!! New to the Vlog and love the content.

[@carriebowlen3785]

Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your Lifes!. I love you so much!! YOU ARE SO AMAZING!! Thanks for helping spread love and awareness to Autism!!

[@Mandy-ll9il]

I just started watching and I think you both do a GREAT job with her. She reminds me of my niece and nephew. They both have autism. My daughter had it when she was younger. She still suffers a mild form of Autism. Keep up the hard work.

[@ellykaye6633]

You guys are amazing! So patient and sweet to your girl. Thank you for being great examples of how to nurture a teen with differences.

[@cameojennifer1177]

You guys as a solid family is incredible... Your all there for each other and are so close its beautiful to see... no wonder your kids are raised to be wonderful kids... they take after their parents. well done to you all.

[@paigeschmidt4041]

You guys did awesome, I’m taking tips for my actions with my autistic step son who is very similar to Abby. We always react physically to get him where we need but this was the perfect example of stand off.

[@patriciabruce4284]

Not that it matters at all, but I thought you handled it very well. No raising of the voice,and no physically making her comply. Really can’t ask for much more.💕

[@rebeccagibbon6875]

Your approach guys is phenomenal! Such great psychology and communication with Abby!.... Another thing that might help is start turning off the lights to "shut down" things for the night

[@songofjoy164]

Something funny got stuck in Abbie’s brain & just didn’t want to let go! You guys do so well with showing life with a teenager, who happens to be dealing with the impact of multiple issues, in a way that maintains her dignity & privacy. I really appreciate that you explain so carefully how & why you choose the methods to suit the occasion. Love watching you all interact.

[@brandicosens6315]

You guys have amazing patience. That was handled so awesome! I do not have kiddos on the spectrum but 3 under 5 and that inspired me to be more co conscious in my parenting! Thank you!

[@navywifels08]

Y'all have so much patience. You guys are doing a great job parenting! ❤️ I wish I had the energy to clean after my kids are in bed lol.

[@meganwoodmancy9006]

Her laugh tho! I was dying! I know it’s not funny for her to be defiant in the moment but her laugh is contagious!! I commend u for keeping a straight face and staying patient!

[@lisag3347]

As I am watching and hoping that my own special needs daughter will sleep very soon, I can't agree enough with everything you've said in this vlog. Also, I love the unedited version!

[@mariposavioleta9007]

To all those who just criticizing them, I'd like to see you do a better job in the exact same situation with Abbie! Asa & Cilla I think you're doing a great job all things considered! It's not easy being in your shoes or Abbie's and you approach it with love & compassion not just get angry like I've seen from some. Hugs to you all

[@MARIMARI-sv8cq]

You both are extraordinary parents …..i admire your positive attitude toward your child despite sometimes challenging behaviour.

[@kitkatms1]

This honestly was soooo cool to see and very inspiring in the sense of giving visual advice for some people to use when in difficult situations like this with their own kids. Specifically for myself, this, as well as other videos of yours, have really helped me to work with my 3 year old son who has a speech delay. He does get very defiant and doesn’t have all of the necessary words to communicate his wants and needs so he just yells and hits. You guys have really helped me to be better about keeping my cool because like you raising my voice or anything like that just escalated the situation. So thank you for sharing this and I hope you’ll share more clips like that in the future!

[@tinagriffin5310]

Loved that you showed the tough stuff too. You have great patience. I am sure it can be frustrating too.

[@lindaraterink6451]

That is a heck of a lot of patience.. I salute you.

[@jennifermurdock945]

I’m impressed with the positive compliance. I wouldn’t have had that kind of patience. I love how you got her to turn and walk! That was a smart trick. One of my girls has ADHD and she would push every boundary to see who would win. She always thought she won and that game stopped when she was 12. She dug in her heels and it was her being stubborn just because. I really don’t remember what I did because I had a less than one year old; mom brain. This was a true master lesson on positive compliance and keeping calm and firm. Yay mom and dad!

[@sweetberry9816]

This is amazing parenting in my eyes, shows how much a little patience can go a long way with kids. I feel like I can personally learn a lot of things from you guys. Keep it up, family looks beautiful! 😊

[@talib1779]

I don't have any kids and I've always been scared to be one (not to say that my parents are horrible), you guys are a wonderful role model for future parents. You guys parent with patience, reasoning, and love. It truly baffles me how people critic you negatively and say hurtful things. All I see is love!!!!

[@faithhopelove560]

*** Please answer***. Just curious. What would happen if you told Abby to go to bed and then walked away and turn off the lights for like 10 minutes? DO you think she would give up and follow? By leaving the room, she would get no attention at all for her behavior. When she refused to get up, she then had both of you on either side of her sitting on the couch with your undivided attention. Please know I mean no hate AT ALL here. I just wondered what may happen. The ABA therapist can also answer as I would love to hear their opinion as well.

[@deuteronomy6.5]

This was my first thought as well! Although it may be different for every child

[@bonniegeen]

I'm curious as well. I wotk in a home environment with adults with various levels of intellectual, cognitive and neurological disability... 3 people with autism. Each is so individual, we use many of the techniques I see used with Abby with one person and they usually work well... other times we have to withdraw or withhold the attention reinforcement. For the other two folks, this makes no difference. One responds to the routine only and has many periods of being stuck. Another we have not figured out completely yet and absolutely nothing has consistently worked. But, as I've seen commented... loud, aggressive demands and physical intervention NEVER help but only escalate behaviors and we only use if it's a safety or health issue.

[@meridethzmijewski7362]

I think she would just sit there 😄😄

[@christybryan9306]

Like a typical teenager she is trying to persuade you into that extra 5 min. I know what works this time may not work next time. That’s what keeps us parents on our toes. No matter the child. I was wondering the same thing? Just giving my children the idea that everyone was going to bed and lights were off for the night moved them in the direction needed. Maybe even have her turn lights off in the house until she gets to her room? Just a thought. Maybe you have used it and she has your number…I know most tricks have an expiration date with most kids.

[@shaddowsdieout]

If she is anything like my son, she would just turn the tv back on and go on her merry way

[@tuesday586]

I had issues putting my non autistic children to sleep and never used force to get them to comply Also my kids listen to dad more often And he is soft spoken ......wonder why people assume they know better than the parents every child responds differently

[@aleciapeppers5]

Great job guys! Sometimes you just don’t know what to do as a parent and you have to come up with things on the spot. You got her off the couch and up to bed. No yelling, no screaming and no physical force. I’d say that’s a win.

[@pamlabarr7043]

I'm actually glad you showed that because alot of people just don't understand the real life struggles at times thank you .

[@kellyvigliotti8465]

I’m so proud of you guys. I don’t know how you do it. I think you’re wonderful parents to Abby.

[@JoeysWorld-ps8tq]

I was yelled at, intimidated, forced, screamed and hollered at, hit, and threatened, and it turned me into a very violent and destructive, angry child growing up. Even after I was diagnosed with autism in my early 40's, and I was still living at home, no one was patient with me.

[@nadineg1519]

Im SO sorry you went through that🌹

[@JoeysWorld-ps8tq]

@@nadineg1519 Thanks

[@katiekawaii]

I'm so, so sorry. I really hope you know that you didn't deserve any of that and none of it was your fault. Children internalize that kind of thing and often think that if they were different then their parents would have treated them differently, but that's never true. There is nothing a child can do to _make_ a parent do that; it _all_ comes from inside the parent. You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and patience. 🫶

[@JoeysWorld-ps8tq]

Thanks@@katiekawaii

[@dandeliondreamer3365]

I think you guys are so patient and so smart about the way you handle Abby’s particular challenges. I have 2 autistic nephews and have worked with severely autistic children in a residential setting before and I know how it can wear on you after many hours and day after day of challenging behavior I don’t think I’ve ever seen parents so patient and smart about their reactions to their children, great job! 👏

[@pagen486]

Thank you for showing this to us. It can be a struggle and an annoyance but you handled it so well and showed others how to deal with issues like this as well.

[@LadyKej]

That was brilliant! Great job to both of you, and I love how you team up so well together.

[@carmenmarialinne2650]

I am always so amazed at the amount of real detailed effort and work is done every day in your home. I have a relative living in a group home near Gainesville, FL. She lived with my cousin (her mother) until my cousin became very ill. My cousin knew that the only future for her daughter's long term care would be to make her a ward of the State of Florida so she would be cared for the rest of her life. The transition was completed before my cousin's health failed and she passed away. I always though how very brave my cousin was. She raised her daughter for as long as she could (into her 20's) and directed the transition . Now the daughter is in her mid 40's and has long settled into the group home environment. She is visited during the year by other relatives that live farther away. Life is not easy - but real miracles occur because of so many kind and diligent parents and their wisdom and bravery and also because of the many many people who work in daily living situations to continue care long after the parents can no longer continue.

[@kaitlanlawrence6013]

You both do so much I love y’all’s videos and I get excited every time y’all upload

[@letsbereal906]

You guys have patience of saints. I love the smiles you guys had when you finally won the standoff! I love this whole family entirely too much. Thank you for sharing.🤍

[@domidarling945]

great use of behavior momentum! That was awesome job sticking with it!

[@jamparker969]

Thanks for showing all that. You were so patient and loving!

[@laurenlanders9546]

You are both great parents ❤

[@jaytotheell]

from 10 to 18, was exhausting and tiring to watch and i feel for you both!!! brings me right back to my babysitting days!!

[@LoriWolfeRealtor]

You guys are awesome parents. Thank you for sharing ❤️🙏😊

[@mariaelliott706]

That’s so tough. I pray for easier days.

[@danisuter3989]

It call Farther A. Does it. It how you look at the world with your child. With Abby. I love it. ❤️ thank you

[@theresaelliott7878]

You both are doing the best job you can and that's all we can do as parents. Keep doing an awsome job! Goodnight Addy sweet dreams.

[@krystal4857]

I love this video! Great parenting! Abbie is blessed to have you two as parents!!! As you are blessed to have her as a daughter! 🥰

[@essentialcommenter2182]

I love your family. I learn something new every time I watch this. The yes pattern idea, I love that yall have done all these things and know what you need to use to get Abby to do her routine. Most kids you can communicate and get an understanding and can even compromise or help the reach long term goals. But long term goals for Abby are just helping her learn a routine that allows her to be independent. Imagine they took this advice on here and the backlash that would inssue. It would make me mad and all who watch this and we would have learned nothing. Love this channel please ignore these people.

[@Olivialily115]

We’re always proud of you all. It can’t be easy, but you did it!

[@dianabarrick4663]

I work as a bus monitor for autistic kids.. I so enjoy your channel, you have taught me so much!! Thank you for tonight’s video, again I learned something!

[@thisthatandtheother2226]

great Job!! I think you did great dealing with this situation and so many others! Y'all are great parents and people!!

[@dorisirving2270]

It’s all about team work and you both do an excellent job at it. 🇨🇦

[@jennifergoethals3600]

That must be so trying. Very impressed by how you both handled it.

[@veronicamccreedy237]

Full of admiration for you both.i was a carer for my husband for 30 years.different circumstances but I found that instead of confronting I kinda worked my wY around situations to achieve the goal.sadly he passed away in November last and I am utterly lost

[@pamgraham4689]

GREAT Job! Not sure I could do it that well but you did it with Patience.

[@laurennicole8822]

It was nice to see that everything doesn’t go right the 1st time but ya’ll calmly worked through it. I have to tell you though, ya’ll have the patience of a saint! 🙏🏻 I gotta work on my remaining calm & being patient skills. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@jasondowd4490]

Forget the haters its nice and refreshing to see the dads point of way

[@xPhyllx]

Thank you for the unedited video. As someone who wants kids it is so nice to see other ways of doing things ❤

[@deidreschmidt8670]

I like watching how you talk with Abbie and convey what she needs to do. I think alot of us can use these ideas with our own kids

[@JakeBoer]

Asa and Priscilla you both are incredible patient parents. I admire you both.

[@booplemyshnoople341]

Ok but a pregnant Asa would be kinda hilarious haha, i vote nesting.

[@wickedfairies3111]

you guys rock! such a great team effort all the way around

[@janaleonard4702]

Oh Asa, thank you for sharing your thoughts about comment about types of parenting and methods. It’s different for each child Spectrum or not but bigger and different for kids with Special needs. Oh man it can be such a experience . I really liked seeing different techniques you tried.

[@kellythelen8446]

She has seemed so much more defiant. Do you feel like this is just a season or this is teenage testing boundaries

[@jeanbeaudreault2458]

You guys are amazing parents ❤️

[@doxin_lover1278]

I really like how you got her off the couch, it worked to get her up and to help to finish fixing the couch too

[@hl3818]

Maass Family Team work is the best, They know what they're doing, Abbie took while but she did it .. .🙂🥰🙂🥰🙂🥰.

[@b777traveler]

Wall looks great

[@alyssaedwards3985]

Dang you all are gonna have a busy month! Have so much fun!

[@melissasisson9237]

You are both very patient parents. It was very clever of you to think of the pillows to get her to stand up. Big high five to you both for the way you handled getting her to bed. 💙💙

[@taffy1400]

I agree the louder you get the more out of control the situation gets, you handled it very well.

[@patmoreno5370]

You guys are unbelievably amazing!

[@lizourricariet1226]

Abbie's excited noises when she was going down the stairs reminds me of one of the kiddos that I used to have on my roaster as a swim instructor who would make similar excited noises when she was in the water.

[@kristiphillips7783]

I also understand the question BUT at the same time the channel is called "FatheringAutism". It is more or less your view on how everyday life is with sweet Abbie. From the title I expect you to be in it more. I am not trying to be sarcastic or disrespect anyone but never really thought anything of it. Priscilla is in it just as much I feel and never once doubted she wasn't a HUGE part of Abbie's care. I guess everyone looks at things different. I have always been a "read between the lines" person. You both including your village do such a wonderful job with Abbie. She is a sweet young lady and I have so much enjoyed watching her grow in so many ways. She is happy and that is because of you all and the doors that have been opened to her. That is what really matters. Bless you!!