Stop obsessing over our children's happiness | Abigail Shrier | The Reason Interview

[@agatamars]

This woman is amazing. So much wisdom, brilliance, knowledge and common sense.

[@sirbrad2336]

Abigal is both smart and beautiful. It's a rare combination.

[@fsrsaa]

And pleasant. Agree. Amazing woman. Lucky man whomever he is.

[@lugnutlarry1764]

Agree 100 percent, my kids happiness was down the list to things like health, safety, a grounded perception of life, education, and basic life skills. My Gen Z kids are both doing great. Both moved out at 18, 6 and 7 years ago.

[@Sandy-of6gq]

I don't necessarily agree with everything she says and I'm not a fan of anecdotes as evidence but I think her overall argument of not being automatically fawning over therapy for everyone and everything is very valid.

[@MollyOKami]

I have pet mice, animals known for being "nervous wrecks," and I have some of the most bold & happy mice out there because I force them to play & explore away from the safety of their cage. By being weaned into taking chances, they've become quite bold, which gives them a feeling of power over their environment & excites them to explore even further. Granted, I still have to limit where they go to a point, but they're always excited to have a new area exposed to them or even meet new people & animals because they know that I'm keeping an eye on them but not stopping them from trying new things that may make them happy. We need to do this with kids.

[@The_Infinite_Squirrel]

Another great interview. I'll check out the book and discuss it with my therapist next week.

[@francisjo3]

Good one!

[@cafeadicto]

😂

[@MasterPuppets206]

Great conversation. As an adult, my inner child needed to hear this too.

[@meganwilliams4588]

My sister had memories “uncovered” from being SA’d as a child when she was 21. We know it didn’t happen due to multiple witnesses present at the time she was claiming. She is deeply hurt that none of her family believes her. We know it didn’t happen but in her mind it did. She is truly traumatized by it! She goes to a therapist every week to this very day to manage her trauma.

[@contrablue43766]

I thought I was depressed for years and it turn out i had a electrolyte deficiency. Thankfully my doctor didnt put me on SSRI's and my therapist told me that i didnt really need long term therapy.

[@gaystrangeraly7528]

You don't give insulin to non diabetics. You shouldn't give every kid therapy.

[@markhouseholder]

Nick is a great interviewer….

[@52Shinebox]

Incredible job by Nick. I watched a bit of Rogan's interview with her and Nick's prep and insights offer so much more to the viewer. You can tell she enjoys it too.

[@TWillige]

It's like Carl and Darryl said about Alexandria. We're weak from lack of adversity. We've grown up in an entitled world that has made generation after generation weaker and weaker.

[@melissawohlgemut2630]

Good interview. I appreciate giving a bit of push back on equivocating war experiences with modern "trauma"

[@DanOpallo]

this is an incredibly helpful conversation. thank you both.

[@DannyBoy443]

She isn't 100% right about the adults in therapy. Some adults need more guidance in knowing what IS and IS NOT healthy or worth even talking about or working on.

[@linuxguy1199]

I think the issues we're seeing today are more to do with opportunistic job security, you mess up the kids, the more therapy they'll need. Same reason dentists recommend fluoride treatments to children who have little to no dental issues, despite it being widely ineffective (due to the fluoride added into water, milk, etc) and very expensive.

[@juancuelloespinosa]

18:20 i've totally noticed this with baby cousins of mine

[@rampartranger7749]

I have 2 kids in my relatives (I’m not their parent, but see them every day, know them very well. They’ve had to deal with a number of problems including an on-going very nasty relationship between their now-divorced parents and resulting economic stress.. Yet they are constantly upbeat, excited about life, excellent students, readers, cheerful singers, well-liked by the “good kids” at school. So bizarrely wonderful to see. Though I do tell them, “ I’m praying for you and God loves you a lot.”

[@GettingSchwiftyy]

I never even considered the idea that therapy might even cause a significant amount of built-in harm. But maybe I had had it, but the memory was removed. 🤔🤔🤔

[@theymightbeuptown882]

Happiness is largely an adult pursuit. Assimilation and the adoption of values are what K-12s mostly find themselves preoccupied with. It's there that they need the most support. Of course, happy parents and a mostly pleasant, nurturing home base will go a long way in forming what happiness looks like for them when they come of age.

[@kmeisenbach1]

Great show! Thank you.

[@charlesovenstone2558]

no one can speak for an entire generation.

[@JasonFrith]

Nonsense. She is speaking to observable and measurable trends within a cohort.

[@TWillige]

Of course not. Every person is different in their experience, but some things are observable by anyone who is paying attention.

[@fsrsaa]

How did I never realize what a babe Mrs. Shrier is? 😂 Seriously though she has a Great mind.

[@hanagloriaedelblum5693]

Becoming your own loving and disciplined parent may be the hardest challenge to overcome in today's permissive world.

[@IAmInterested-cc4hr]

Her book applies personal responsibility and our society prefers to see responsibility as external. If you don't like a foreign war sit down and cry to make an institution do something instead of joiningnthe foreign legion. Also, if you are medicating and applauding your child for overcoming their adhd "as well as they can" despite them being an abject failure you don't want to read something that says actually lots of people who werent diagnosed are out there with the same problems and outperforming your kid without the special treatment at school.

[@fritzpieper6098]

Best video this year!

[@porgguy4962]

Abigail Shrier is very attractive.

[@micahkilpatrick9924]

I'm going to contrive a deep history of trauma to explain away my fat belly. It's not my strict diet of Mountain Dew and pizza that's making me fat. My body is keeping the score. Trauma.

[@PenSwordGuy]

In this interview as well as others I've seen, Shrier is long on concepts and anecdotes, but short on facts and figures. She stokes her readers fears that SEL is everywhere, but never explains how she has arrived at that conclusion. She seems to equate any attempts at SEL, no matter how limited, with therapy, which is inaccurate. Most attempts at SEL by schools that I have seen in the Midwest would not be categorized as therapy. They are attempts to give kids a few tools to help them manage emotions and impulses. Nick is correct to question whether this is something that teachers should be engaged in, particularly without proper training. But Shrier strongly implies that these efforts are causing widespread harm, for which she cites scant evidence. Do some of these efforts by some schools go too far? Sure, and this is true of other educational fads as well. Are most kids traumatized throughout their childhood? No. But do a lot of kids periodically go through difficult times when dealing with divorce, death, disappointment, etc.? Yes. Some attempt to give kids tools to help understand and regulate their behavior is hardly sinister, even though it may not be as effective as some hope. And Shrier's assertion that parents are surrendering their authority to experts also seems to fall short. They're surrendering their authority because they're self-absorbed and hypocritical. They're too caught up in their own pursuits to talk to their children and too busy pursuing their own brand of "fun" to be solid role models. They want their children to like them but don't want to do the hard work of guiding them. News flash: this is not a new development.

[@robert5897]

May god bless Nick Gillespie!!!

[@killingjoke90]

👌

[@tsb7911]

When did young people become so weak?

[@grawakendream8980]

she sounds like someone out of touch with the concerns of young people of today, seeing them as threatening, and having developed an entire discourse on why their feelings & concerns don't have a lot of validity, and are contributing to the downfall of society. leans fascistic, if i didn't know better

[@ChoveChuva-mn1ks]

Imagine thinking your elders who think your spoiled are fascists

[@grawakendream8980]

@@ChoveChuva-mn1ks that's your own rigid view i'd say. things are more complex than that

[@charlesovenstone2558]

she makes some valid points but her thesis is riddled with holes/ it snot truth its like most things opinion.

[@grawakendream8980]

she's completely off-base in her thinking because i have a hunc that her underlying mindset is to excuse ineffective support methods which range from negligence to abuse.

[@tsb7911]

You sound weak.

[@grawakendream8980]

@@tsb7911 you sound like you should work on your social skills

[@tsb7911]

@@grawakendream8980 Perhaps you are correct and I misread your post. So why exactly is she off base?

[@grawakendream8980]

@@tsb7911 she's putting the burden of behavioral change entirely on the person seeking support, and excusing what may be a support system that's inadequate. also, i don't see weak as an issue. weakness is only derided in a fascistic mindset. humanity is weak. our bodies and psyches are weak. the experience of life itself is an expression of weakness. that's my take anyway

[@tsb7911]

@@grawakendream8980 """"she's putting the burden of behavioral change entirely on the person seeking support, ...." As opposed to what? Handing your life over to a therapist that may have questionable motives? Of course, we are "weak" in the sense that we are all ultimately vulnerable. What I meant by weak" is someone who feels victimized but makes no attempt at personal improvement. Someone can be the antithesis of a fascist and still believe relative weakness is not an attribute.

[@Edit-nk6nb]

Oh jesus christ, not Abigail Shrier...! Unsubscribed for even suggesting her bile is legitimate.

[@markkavanagh7377]

Book an appointment with your therapist.

[@francisjo3]

What will we ever do without you?! Please come back!! No? Guess I'll just have to cry myself to sleep.

[@adalette]

Don’t you think someone can be wrong, even bigoted, in some areas, but still have important things to say in others? This interview isn’t even about trans issues, Shrier’s take on which I’m presuming to be the bile you’re referring to. (I’d agree, btw: Irreversible Damage was horrendous piece of moral-panic-mongering.)

[@Saeronor]

@@adalette If Hitler ever said "Breathing is good", he would be killing people even today.

[@xwarrior760]

@@adalette Probably like 80% of the subscriberbase agrees with Abigail on trans issues.

[@PlasmaBurns]

why am I sub'd to this channel? Did you guys buy this account and change the name? All you put out is kosher propaganda. im out.

[@nvytebhygtvbvtyebr]

What?

[@adalette]

@@nvytebhygtvbvtyebrthe interviewee is jewish and op is antisemitic

[@Nemerson74]

What?

[@hanagloriaedelblum5693]

What?