How Covert Narcissists Sabotage Their Own Lives

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How Covert Narcissists Sabotage Their Own Lives//Most people think of narcissists as confident, successful people. But what happens when a narcissist's false persona starts to crumble? In this video, Rebecca Zung explores the dark side of narcissism and how covert narcissists sabotage their own lives.
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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The commentary and opinions are for informational purposes only and not for
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• How Covert Narcissists...
• How Covert Narcissists...

[@sunnyday3539]

It’s so true, they are absolutely obsessed with impressing strangers but will treat their own family members, who love them, like trash.

[@macseagle5968]

I just away from a family narc and she treated stray dogs better than me. But she damn sure loved my time and money.

[@george1871]

Accurate 🫡

[@martinbasten192]

Yes. Narcissists tend to constantly look for people outside their relationships (family, friends, husband/wife) to try and find anybody who feels bad for them, as a way to feel loved, when that isn't love, at all. It's as though they know what they do/say will end up destroying their relationship with someone. Yet they still do/say it anyway, because they will always have a backup person who cares about them, when they realize their trash talking isn't going to keep them there.

[@macseagle5968]

@@martinbasten192 My narc has no back up and now she's going insane ever since I ditched her. I'm not wanting karma ... but karma is a bitch.

[@annbritanilsson]

Truth

[@scorpiolove674]

Biggest red flag to discover a covert : they ratchet up your sympathy/ guilt for " not helping THEM enough" even though they do ZERO for you and you have been BEYOND generous with your love, time and money.

[@fberki]

You are so spot on.

[@MonicaGunderson]

RIIIIIGHT!!!!! I had a narcissist neighbor, luckily they moved away.... I have a painful autoimmune disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis and also have Fibromyalgia. I enjoy gardening, and my yard looks really nice. Well, my neighbor got her panties in a twist because I didn't "help" her with her yard .... My yard is mainly succulents and the rest of the yard is river rocks and palm trees. Very easy to take care of, although when the autumn leaves fall, that can be work... Her yard was nice, but neglected. Never once in my ten years of living here has this neighbor asked me if I needed help in the yard, nor would I expect her to..... Though if she was nicer to me, I may have helped her on my good days (aka when my pain levels are low). 🤷‍♀️

[@huynhh.1822]

Yes!! Give guilt trip card…. “ thanksss , thanks a lot “ …narcs play nasty and double standards, rules don’t apply to them 😡

[@shanecuster7006]

Absolutely! I am overcoming my chronic fatigue but I do my best to help her here around the house. Yet as mentioned by Rebecca, my so called missus gets angry for not jumping up on my feet to help her haul things inside.

[@pratibhag9936]

So true, and absolutely zero value for what you have done for them

[@KVille65]

What's sucks is that we find this information and help after the damage is done. The aftermath of their actions is the worst....so painful and destructive.

[@howyduinyall7653]

Aye to that, make this information compulsory in schools etc

[@marycampeau9378]

@@howyduinyall7653 yes it definitely should be. luckily younger generations have the internet exposer of the subject

[@ND-or5so]

For sure!

[@ArielASMR]

So true. You don't see the person is a narcissist until the damage is done. You might see red flags but get blindsided by them.

[@kiddytube3915]

It’s one of those fatalist things where the outcome was always inevitable. Even knowing or finding this information wouldn’t change a single damn thing. It was still going to play out with lots of collateral damage. Yourself, the kids, them, grandparents, cousins, brothers sisters. Finding the info early could help mitigate and prepare yourself.

[@Red-Iceberg]

Getting away from the narc in my life was the best decision I ever made in my life.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@lilajtblue]

July 18, 2016- I left my ex husband narcissist 7yrs ago. He bragged everyday when someone was there to listen to him. I quit believing when he hit me and broke me down. But I bounced back with advocate of Domestic violence. Best thing I ever done & don't date either. I'm happier than I ever been. 😊

[@wandaritter5704]

MAY God bless you for your strength

[@trkstatrksta8410]

Oh yes!!😍😍

[@1GR8LMFT]

🎉🎉🎉🎉AMEN🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@nezlover]

Narcs truly are already living in their own hell. Under their false self they are self-loathing and miserable.

[@myblueskye777]

And that is no excuse for what they say and do - they know the difference between right and wrong.

[@lucybraun8969]

No sympathy whatsoever after what I have been put through.

[@MJ87808]

It is always said they are living in their own hell. but are they really? Or are they just so out of touch it doesn’t even occur in their mind?

[@myblueskye777]

@@MJ87808 They believe the lies they tell themselves and others. This way they think they don't have to hold themselves accountable.

[@abumahdi7927]

I have a friend she one

[@mommaboombam3764]

Let them dig their own grave and don't look back. Move on with your life and stay strong. They sow their own seeds so don't give them any water.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@tonnieverse4038]

Wow Mom ..thoses are truly words of wisdom!

[@sabianstringer2112]

Unfortunately True...Even the One's You Love You Have to Let Go of Them Emotionally and Physically in Order to Move On With Your Own Life.....

[@anneyoung2310]

"They underestimate you. They overestimate themselves. Allow their ego to be their downfall. As long as you give them rope they will hang themselves." How we hope this is true-reaping and sowing manifest.

[@sarahpigott4444]

They will destroy their own lives and anyone else in their path who they blame.

[@jodizellmer994]

That is the truth.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@georgiafrancis9059]

Let them destroy their own life first, and, please Dearest Lord in Heaven, let me be a witness to her emploding. That would be the best thing ever.

[@loneyhearts]

I have been around narcissistic people all my life. I walked away because of their toxic attitudes. I keep moving on and look to better times ahead.

[@Akkordeondirigent]

Wish you the best for that. Although I'm now financially far better of than in my former profession and am well liked in my new I still have to deal with depressions because what was done to me and others I couldn't protect. Their toxicity ruins everything.

[@carolbeukes4810]

@@Akkordeondirigent it's hell.. 33 years.. unfortunately it's a story that no one is out there to help.. with the trauma.. But moving on is the only escape.. starting over at 53 with nothing. It hurts deep.

[@Akkordeondirigent]

@@carolbeukes4810 I share this experience.

[@whoKnew1621]

They say just cut them off, but what if you just run into more. It's like zombies everywhere 😂

[@Akkordeondirigent]

@@whoKnew1621 Exactly what happened to me all the time. My whole life people said to me that I couldn't reach my goal. I kept going, was successful - and brought down by people who said that I wasn't enough. It can break you.

[@terrywade3696]

“Never interrupt the enemy when they’re making a mistake!” 3/7/23 - Now that I think about it, I think Peter O’Toole said it in “The Lion In Winter” when he played King Henry II, Plantagenet.

[@pcar7584]

Yeah. Good one.

[@nathanh2725]

Just don't play the game at all

[@lauradelregno99]

Wall away and you'll see them self destruct

[@kimberlyadams1300]

Love this! Will remember it. Best advice I've gotten in 2022.

[@terrywade3696]

@@kimberlyadams1300 Thanks. I don’t remember who the quote came from but it’s great advice I try to follow!

[@stardustsparkles22]

I'm so GRATEFUL for so many things. I refused to be a victim. I thrive anyways.Despite being villianized, and bullied, and shit on. I'm still grateful, and thankful and I still dance,smile , and laugh.

[@jennifercooper3547]

Also because you’re nothing like them , let this be the biggest victory. 🙏

[@Nolimits93amg]

God got you in his hands keep going u not alone🙏🏾❤

[@funkmanchu]

Dance On! 👍

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@stardustsparkles22]

@@RebeccaZungEsq thank you! Much appreciated.. 💛. Still hanging in there.

[@marlenebrennan12]

I’m moving on… what is painful for me is that others don’t know or see the narcissism they’ve seen the false self that was presented and I look like the angry bad guy!

[@amberlight558]

Right?!? I’ve been dealing with the same thing. I’m sorry this has been painful for you...

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@christopherbrubaker2070]

This is a chance for us to dive into ourselves like never before. Realize just how much value, or lack there, of that they give to your life. All of them. It’s so difficult to be on your own completely, but I feel the inner strength growing. I don’t know how that will benefit me yet, but I have a feeling it’s good. I no longer have to be co-dependent on anyone if I don’t want to. I have things I’ve wanted to do my whole life, and that’s what I will fight for now. I will see my dreams come true without the hinderance from others. I don’t feel guilty.

[@jarozemjar379]

The same here. Stay strong

[@mattlillywhite-hh9je]

I hear you on that. I have other parents at my kids sports that no longer talk to me because they’ve been told I’m abusive and that’s why we separated. She called the police on me and told them I was abusing (verbally) her just as soon as she’d finished an angry outburst, finger pointing while telling me I’m a nasty person, and then yelling F#%k you F#%k off. I stayed in my seat and communicated calmly, I even remember apologising for swearing during the incident. Talk about projection. Apparently my children are scared of me and they run and hide from me but just 5 days after the angry outburst from her and a day before I moved out she agrees to 50/50 care of our boys 😂 so much for caring about them! Classic absence of empathy. Meanwhile, I have them with me tonight and they are happily tucked up in bed following a nice dinner out stories and lots of cuddles. Shit I’m a bad parent! Haha😂

[@alexwiseman9078]

I felt sorry for this person for 50+ years. Then I got sick. Boy, did I get kicked in the face by the emotional abuse.

[@jeffunderwood6235]

I got cancer and my wife of 18 years started right away looking for someone else then I had a major heart attack and boy did she pick up the pace LOL. I honestly believe the lord had me go through this to get me out. I'm strong as an ox now

[@cymbolichuman433]

Somebody said to me: "Did you realize that you married somebody stupider than you?"

[@priyanesan3299]

Same here. My entire life for 50+ years felt sorry for my malignant covert Mom. I never lived my life. It is all her agenda , plans, fulfilling her desires…..

[@assplundah]

Yep, 4 days after having a cancerous kidney removed I was home in bed recovering & she told me I was being “poor-me”, lazy & that just lying in bed wouldn’t help me get better & that I should get up & take her out for lunch! The complete lack of empathy astounded me!

[@Ellie-rp8bh]

@@assplundah ya time to take her out permanently

[@MonicaGunderson]

I have experienced the tantrum after telling a toxic person I no longer wanted to be their friend anymore because they told me they would no longer respect my boundaries, and I was tired of all the emotional, verbal, and gaslighting. They went into a rage, told me they unfriended me first. Ok, whatever. Lol..... The very next day, they were acting like nothing was wrong, and they are "Ok" with me...... Nope. Did not reply. If they see me as the "bad person", that is on them. Not My problem. These boots are from walking away from toxic people and situations.

[@lucybraun8969]

I have witnessed that so often!! Being treated like crap by that narcissist. And then he flips around as though he never said or did what he did. I chalk it up to gaslighting. Trying to make you feel like you are going nuts. But I remember every last thing that creep has done to me. Haven't had any contact at all, other than what was absolutely necessary.

[@pcar7584]

It never ends.

[@tonnieverse4038]

Yes...its all ok now...i forgive you for saying you have had enough... let's act like nothing has happened...AGAIN...yep when it's time to walk...KEEP on walking...

[@jillshinault9442]

That acting like nothing was wrong the next day... that was my experience every day that followed one of my husband's outbursts. And it drove my two daughters up the wall as well. They couldn't understand how he could be so hateful and irrational at night, then act like he was a happy, loving husband/father the next day. We left him a year ago and still, he doesn't understand why they don't want to talk to him. As my 16-year-old put it, "He'll never understand the damage he did to us. Because of that, we can never move past it together, so I'm moving on without him."

[@patriciaque197]

I follow the same creed - life's too short 😊

[@Mac-sb6dr]

This is all true. Especially that they are genuinely shocked when you leave them.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@bertholdtimmermann5305]

They are all so good actors. It was never real. I had to remind myself...they flip the blame back to you . The crocodile tears are squeezed out just to throw you off....They have to win at any cost. Stay strong and remember that always. Good luck ❤

[@grantaugustyniak6667]

The saddest part of them is when they get old & they see that everyone around them has moved on in their own lives & they’re still stuck in a particular time period. They look around & see that they absolutely have nothing - no family, friends, money, etc and that others have successfully secured their future. I’ve seen it in many of my friends as time went on. They would rather live as a victim- then come clean about their poor judgement & take responsibility for anything in their life. That my friend is SAD .

[@ghilly_one1720]

You have described my younger sister. With the added bonus that she blames me for how her life turned out. So I shut down that BS to her face. I interact with her only if needed and minimally at that. My other sibs tell me she regularly complains to them about me. I’m happy to be free of her aura.

[@mariewheeler6522]

OMG THIS IS THE TRUTH!!

[@marycogen6751]

@@mariewheeler6522 .

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@thecustodian1023]

I'm in a legal battle with mine and its bizarre to see how every time they make a false claim and get called out and proven wrong on it they just rearrange their narrative and go at it again, as if none of their claims are being documented let alone are all going to be used against them in court later as proof this whole shyte show is just a huge narcissistic bullying and extortion attempt gone wrong.

[@melodeestone]

Exactly!!!

[@myblueskye777]

They truly believe they will get away with things because they have gotten away with things for so long one way or another. They want to be able to continue to weasel their way out of responsibility, honesty, and accountability.

[@thecustodian1023]

@@myblueskye777 That's pretty much what I see too. They have bullied their way through everything all their lives and now that someone close has stood up to them they don't know what to make of it other than to throw everything they have at me no matter the losses they will take on for it.

[@pcar7584]

It's a sport to them.

[@jessgraves83]

I'm going through an ongoing divorce (26 months now) and this is exactly what I'm going through. One thing my attorney and I picked up early on was that if ex was accusing me of something, he was the one doing it.

[@katychamberlain982]

I am moving on! I so relate to this. I used to ask him why he sabotaged all the time. With lying or deceit or secrets something would always come to the light and then he’s the victim. Apologizing and hoovering. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. The emotional abuse is unbelievable.

[@brookescott9598]

Stay strong. The guilt trips will be trying. They will not change if truly diagnosed narcs. With weekly therapy forever a marriage might work. Might....for others reading this: Be careful about how much time you are willing to lose and attention you are willing to devote to someone who simply needs a supply. Any supply will do. Listen carefully. Does your partner compromise, date nights with you, like you, respect you, trust you, and love you or want to control you? God bless you. May he bless us all in our brokenness💙

[@user-vv3po2wk2b]

"They have to be the victim" really resonates its really quite shocking in the middle of stabbing you in the back they r crying about how hurt they are. And that they would rather have outside sources than family is so damn true.

[@hibbertsh]

I have moved on 😊

[@stardustsparkles22]

Even a paralyzed person has enough self respect not to seek PITY.

[@marymelville7738]

I can’t thank you enough for the help you have given me in understanding the way I’ve been demeaned and demoralised by close family members many years of my life. Due to your advice over the last three years, I was able to listen to this video retrospectively and realise that no contact whatsoever has given me both strength and peace without regret.

[@wendyhannan2454]

No contact is so very powerful. I had a friend for over 50 years, it was an, on and off friendship. I didn’t realise she was a narcissist, once I realised , the friendship fall apart.

[@amandakropen3273]

@@wendyhannan2454 I had to end a friendship like that. The controlling got to be too much!

[@wendyhannan2454]

@@amandakropen3273 Its disappointing Amanda,however when you start to feel bad about your self in their company, it’s time to bow out. And we can do it gracefully 😉

[@lilajtblue]

Good for you, I know it took strength bc my abuser said I would not get anything. Well that was a lie. I got more than half. I haven't seen him in 5yrs, yay! Poor 4th wife, she'll wake up. I don't wish anyone to live with him. He's evil as they come.

[@lilajtblue]

I didn't want sympathy, I wasn't a victim, I'm a survivor, he's the looser. It's awesome to make my own decisions, I thank God everyday 🙏 I'm celebrating happiness .🎉

[@elizabethandrews4199]

My covert narcissist ex seems to have much better control of his emotions. I rarely ever in 20 years saw him lose it. I’m the one who has the passionate honest transparent outburst of emotion when something unjust is done.

[@kennethlapointesongwriter3330]

Unfortunately a true narc doesn't really have genuine emotions or feelings. You probably mistook that as having 'better control of his emotions'. They can imitate/pretend emotions and feelings of course. Many times the only visible rage or upset or emotional person in sight is the victim of the narc. The victims end up shattered, not the narc.

[@pcar7584]

That's what gives them joy...your pain. Don't give it to them.

[@nathanh2725]

@@kennethlapointesongwriter3330 they defiantly have emotions, they have envy, jealously, anger, sadness all negatives.

[@orchider143]

This is it here! Recently I felt as if I was loosing my mind. I just can’t figure out why the recurring distance and unkindness. At first I feel it but he denies it and does little things to prove he is not pulling away still I feel the absence. He just keeps a foot in the door so to speak but treats me like crap. He is a quiet one though. No discussion, no conversation. I am left to wonder what went wrong. Drives me crazy. I don’t want to do this anymore. There has not been one year in over 30 years without this happening. This time around he told me after 7 months of withdrawal that I did nothing wrong and he does not know why he treats me so poorly. Still he has made no attempts to apologize or reconcile. Of course not. I usually do that.

[@orlyfrank1419]

same

[@RandolphTheWhite1]

I live with a narcissist and he was shocked when I stopped talking to him. Just a awful condition, or whatever it is. Definitely agree with you that they think kindness and empathy are a weakness.

[@lizg6662]

I moving on,with God on our side we win!🙏💙💙

[@PacificNorthwestExtremeVideos]

I agree, they are THE WORST! Like an enemy that pretends to be a friend.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!

[@jesterb0mb89bruh6]

Although there are times I've asked myself if I've sabotaged my life, there's been many times that I believed I was the frog in the pot as you put it lol for years I struggled internally but normally I kept to myself about things, and in that same light tried to be nice/uplifting to others...we are our worst critic ironically, but thank you for helping clear some of the garbage with your wisdom, I respect you alot for giving information to help others

[@howyduinyall7653]

Well put!

[@yathome5596]

I am moving on. My sister I feel sorry for her, self victimizing has become her MO. My sister has everything a person could want and still the world holds no joy. She releases her rage of lack of self worth onto those who love her the most.

[@cymbolichuman433]

Believe me I know how all that whining gets old.

[@whoKnew1621]

My sister was the same. She would say, "I got all this money and things are going good, but why am I not happy?" Such a shame smh.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@tonnieverse4038]

@@whoKnew1621 happy are those conscious of their spiritual need...Matt 5:3

[@stephanietorba5427]

Great video!!! Death by 1000 cuts is real! Thanks for saying that. That’s how they get people sucked in. We say to ourselves. Hummm. Did he mean that? Is he socially inept? He didn’t mean that bc that was so mean. He has no reason to be mean to me. They are excessively insecure and jealous but have learned how to dole it out to where they can get away with it for awhile. They can’t help themselves.

[@karrynlipsett5187]

I was with a covert narcissist for a couple of yrs. The 1st covid isolation gave me that little bit of time to research his behaviours - & there were many. That's when I was card & out. It hurt but staying would have hurt even more. I was lost, & a mere shadow of my former self.....

[@annbritanilsson]

Number 6 is where the flying monkeys come in. Once the story has been established about how difficult you are, always carefully based on a truth or a true situation but they run with it and you can never atone for whatever it was that you displayed or something you said in distress and frustration.

[@tuliemiles1921]

I suspect my sister-in-law of being one of these, she brings havoc in other people's lives but she's the victim

[@oluwafunbiakinola0104]

My ex-, his evil sister, mum and dad are all narcissists.. Now haven crashed his second marriage, they again accuse the stupid janitor who fell for his tricks (acting like a single Dad)..she used voodoo too..now she is stuck with 3 miserable daughter .gets cheated on, hit, abused and debased (left her paid job in her country to join him here Now i just look at him with zero affect as we co-parent our teen son.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@tuliemiles1921]

My husband and I took the very sage advice of going zero contact. Things improved so much we both know it was the correct move.

[@lovestolaugh]

I'VE MOVED ON! Over a month ago now. And it's been wonderful!

[@emmafrancey8065]

both my parents and now brother are narcissists... so naturally all my first boyfriends were narcissists... one day i decided NO MORE - and was amazed to find this kind amazing guy... who of course turned out to be a covert narc.... now finally 18 years later I am almost free of all of them ( 2 kids with the covert... ) the covert was actually the most HELLISH of them all

[@AGenerationJones]

My Mom was a histrionic narc - the drama queen, so of course I wanted the calm, cool and controlled guy, who turned out to be a covert. Same coin, just 2 sides. The covert is by far more dangerous and destructive.

[@karenbrummond8507]

Same. 😢

[@eveder1]

I’ve tried to move on- 8yrs later, she’s still dragging me through court. It’s truly a sickness.

[@paulaw3264]

Oh, my goodness, you are completely spot on. Dealing with this behavior in an ex and a narcissistic sister. It's through videos like this That I have come to understand this crazy behavior. Thank you so much for your video and advice.

[@rosemaryfiney6071]

Wow. This is my ex to the T. I also find that they sabotage themselves by doing nothing when you are negotiating. Totally agree you can change the way your brain is. I am in the process of releasing the trauma in my body which changes the way your brain operates. Thank you for all what you do for people

[@willytompkins8115]

Where did you learn that?

[@gloriahorvath3778]

How?

[@rosemaryfiney6071]

Are you asking how I release my trauma.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@728spridle]

I've moved on! Amended my divorce paperwork today, from barely taking anything, to making him give me half of everything. He was always a victim. I even asked him, don't you get tired of being a victim?? He rolled his eyes. Whatever. I'm stronger then him. I will prevail.

[@pratibhag9936]

Do the narcs not care that they are destroying their own life along with destroying the life of their victim? This question was running in my mind for the past few days and I got the answer through your video. Thank you so much ❤️

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@nicholastracy4915]

I let my kindness be a huge weakness and get exploited as an unknowingly willing victim by two different bad people in my life; however, after realizing that I had some codependent issues and had come under the influence of people skilled in subtle manipulation, and played power games, I have been able to change myself in a not-toxic way where i'm still a decent, giving human being, but not with everyone and not right away.

[@nokneedtono8163]

I moveD on! Thank you for all the clarity 🙏 May God bless you for all the good💕

[@octavianapanait1918]

Mother Theresa was a kind person in the first sight but after the door was closed I understood that she was a person who really knew "what she wants"..

[@neroli521]

Rebecca, it's been ramping up...then there's you!!!! The sun comes out. I get more grit

[@kimberlyadams1300]

This is actually quite comforting to me. Their infuriating behavior and trigger attempts have a pretty serious downside. The flip side of destruction is self-destruction! I am definitely moving on! Merry Christmas, Rebecca. Peace, Love, and Light to you and yours.

[@sharonjohnston2351]

I have been through narcissistic abuse as a child then when my mom passed away I have since moved and found myself for the second time and it's the same covert narcissist 🙏🏻

[@cinaannie7338]

Huh? Are you saying that you are a covert narcissist?

[@demarcosmanica1187]

Yes they will never change.

[@sarahfagan3243]

I'm in the exact same boat! My mother was diagnosed with BPD, but it's always been very obvious to anyone who spent any length of time with her that she is highly narcissistic. She was physically and extremely emotionally/mentally abusive to me as a child. My degree is in Psychology and I've spent most of my life studying mental illness, and because of the personal injury inflicted by my mother, I never thought I'd encounter another like her. Wrong. Almost a decade after I cut her off, I was in a serious relationship with a man who exhibits the same traits that she did and I'm still in disbelief as to how the wool was pulled over my eyes so easily. I should have known better!

[@tonnieverse4038]

@@sarahfagan3243 Charm can be deceitful...the Bible

[@redefinedliving5974]

Same with a friend lol

[@Susan-io8jr]

I'm moving on!! Thanks so much for everything, Rebecca! Listening to you has been so helpful.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@wildfeather]

After reviewing a number of your videos I see your heart and "get" what you are about in reaching out to enlighten others. God speed, and may your devoted efforts provide wisdom and savvy to the sincere and vulnerable. Thank you, Ms. Zung! ... ... The biggest take away for me on this video seemed to coin it like no other expert in this field I have yet heard: ... "...They need to be the victim. And, that deeply sabotages their own lives. That's how empty they feel. Instead of actually having a genuine, loving, whole, complete relationship that's filled with joy and light and peace and really experiencing the wholeness of what life has to offer they're down in this low level vibration of sadness and guilt and bad feelings. It's just horrible. They do everything they can to get sympathy from other people, and making poor choices, and talking bad about others, and their line are just always this woah is me. And, that's total self sabotage. Who wants to live in that space. That's the worst way that covert narcissists can sabotage their own lives." Thanks again for sharing these words.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@pranitapeper8491]

Am moving on! This is so helpful amazing I have to say it takes a year or so to head your brain back when you been with a NARS for 20 years, it has taken me long time. Thankful to you Rebecca and Dr. Ramani

[@maussie9942]

Narcissists are EVERYWHERE. Only finding out now what these people are about. I’ve been a narcissist magnet in the past but now I get the hell out if its looking suspicious. My most recent experience was a “friend” who was bossy and non caring uninterested in my stuff. Blocked her and she tried another platform blocked that and everything else she was on. Next thing I’m getting a text from her granddaughter, they are relentless. It’s over now thank goodness

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Louder! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com

[@breathinggreen2790]

Hang on. Indulge me for a moment. So you have basically given her the silent treatment because she Didn't give YOU enough attention. She wasn't interested in YOU enough. Did you tell her how.you felt? I would say no because that would require effort on your part to name her negative behaviours and say how they affected you. You decide its best to block her and go no contact because again YOUR the victim, right? I mean doing that is nothing like abandoning someone when your finished with them.😑 Do you know what we don't like in others is just a mirror of what we don't like in ourselves? I am going to put it to you that you are the Narcissist. I know you will hate this and I could be way off and I hope I am but your comment absolutely reeks of someone who is not emotionally mature and that in its essence is narcissism .

[@stacym444]

"I'M MOVING ON!" Thank YOU for sharing this with us all! Much Respect & Gratitude, with a whole lotta LOVE & LIGHT! 🙏✌️💚🕊️💫

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Stay strong! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com

[@cleovintora59]

When I meet someone that's not that " exciting" and dose t make me anxious now I'm excited because I know most likely they are not a narcissist.

[@stephanieschulze179]

My ex narc did his self in when practicing law & lost his license to practice any more. His behavior was horrible & blamed others & of course it was not his fault - ever. Glad I got out before it happened!!! He never thought I would leave - but I did!!! I moved on!

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@anthonygiachinta3056]

Over a decade of crazy ! Mine smokes weed every day all during the day and drinks alcohol .the combination of her narcissism fueled by marijuana and alcohol it’s like hell on earth . It’s been 30 days now blocked . I hope I can do this .. I have to say I feel my energy coming back because these people are true soul suckers…

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - icanslay.com

[@l.c838]

There is also a genetic component to Narcissism. It’s not just due to a bad childhood.

[@Janeintheok]

Someone I know, didn't exhibit narcissistic behavior until a couple of traumatic things happened to him. It's complex for sure.

[@carriered4715]

The Narcissist in my Life, is one of my adult daughters, and she had exactly the same upbringing as all her siblings. She didn't seem anything other than a sweet little girl, when she was growing up, but then after being at College for a few years, she became like a Demon. It's too much to try and say here, but she's a Full Blown Narcissist, with All that entails. She's Completely destroyed me, so much so that I barely recognize myself anymore. I'm only now beginning to recover, after she's given me the Silent Treatment for about a year now, and I'm starting to enjoy the Peace, after all the tears and heartbreak, All Mine, incidentally. I'm Moving On. ❤

[@redefinedliving5974]

@@Janeintheok maybe you didnt know that person enough

[@redefinedliving5974]

Definitely!

[@kimberlyfloyd1009]

I'm moving on! IT feels good... I realize I just can't go down with the sinking ship!!!!!

[@user-sg7qk7ed1v]

I did confront her twice the last two weekends ago and I called her out and told her all the ugly things she had done to me and she just stayed quiet so I got up to leave and then she asked me what I was doing I didn't answer and left she called and called I blocked her I'm done never again will I give her and opportunity again and thank you I have never been so happy I feel way better and again thank you for waking me up

[@amberinthemist7912]

My sister sabotaged her own life so other people would take care of her. We both worked for our overt narc parents (the worst mistake of my life). She was bad at her job on purpose and then trapped me with guilt into staying. Cost me 10 years of no retirement contributions and being severely underpaid. I should have left at 18 and never looked back.

[@user-vv3po2wk2b]

I see that a lot especially with Narc Mothers and their grown up kids instead of building up their confidence to make it on their own they put them down 'Oh you wont pass the driving license" 'If your gonna move bk in it has to be long term and and any extra money u hv has to come my way...my way or no way......dont go anwhere this week end might need you IF something comes up..."boo hoo dont talk to your auntie she hurt me you ex cant do this or that with MY Grandchildren...never ending control over others or flying monkeys.

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you for great advice and your invaluable help and assistance on my healing journey. God bless you Rebecca. ❤

[@kimberlye5260]

You are right. My covert narc self sabotaged his entire life. He is always the victim and it is always someone else. He holds grudges and his ego won’t allow him to help work through problems in the relationship.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Stay strong! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com

[@lozziepoppy]

This one. He did this with his Masters, then blamed me for him underachieving.

[@rickt6124]

12 Years of Living with this woman I am moving on thank you

[@Wwilltzx99]

I’m moving on!! They don’t think people can truly live them because they don’t truly love themselves. They don’t really think no one could love them!!!

[@jacquelinejones4230]

Dating online and I keep meeting people who are users. I have gotten rid of all my online accounts. I just blocked the last person I will ever talk to again. I have moved on.

[@azhackster]

Thank you for all your hard work and informative information. You are helping me so much personally.. and I'm able to pass on your great channel to my Clients. 🙏

[@jonathansalazar3967]

With positive support (family, friends, prayers, and the good Lord). I’m moving on!

[@gracevh2677]

I am moving forward. It’s been 3 months and finally had him served after running away like a 2 year old. ✌🏽🙌👏

[@lucybraun8969]

My covert narcissist mom sabotaged her own life by naming my malignant narcissist brother as trustee over her estate. As the water was getting warmer and warmer all around her, he turned up the heat, phonying up evidence to get her declared incompetent so he could get control over her money. When that didn't work, he hastened her death by getting her addicted to higher and higher levels of sugar while he had sole control over her diet. Yes, people, narcissists are capable of going that far! Don't underestimate their resources. And don't fail to stay far ahead of them. As slick as she was with setting up required signatures on the Power Of Attorney over her finances, Mom overestimated herself. In the end, after she was gone, the malignant narcissist reimbursed himself from her estate money he was never authorized to spend in the first place. That's embezzlement, so now, to avoid embezzlement charges, he's holding ransom the inheritances of heirs by requiring they approve the final accounting, or else they get disinherited by the in terrorum clause he bullied out of mom. Mom playing the victim & succumbing to the malignant narcissist's bullying tied my hands to help her. It was gut wrenching to watch it play out.

[@tanyatanya891]

😢

[@lucybraun8969]

@@tanyatanya891 I try to keep looking forward, instead of back, and to remain thankful, despite what has been dealt me.

[@jeanchampion671]

You need a good estate attorney

[@lucybraun8969]

@@jeanchampion671 Wrong. The trust instrument has a disinherit clause. Any action against the trustee in how he administers the estate, and I get disinherited. I already looked into it. Estate litigation lawyers want a $2,500 retainer just to dole out advice, and even then, they accept no liability if the advice they give causes me to get disinherited. I worked as a paralegal for over 25 years in California, and even for an estate planning law firm here in Missouri where I live. I did my due diligence long ago. An embezzlement conviction & an order of restitution is the only route for going after him without getting disinherited. The thing I will face before all that comes together is a deadline for approving his accounting, lest he declare my failure to approve it an interference with his administration of the estate. My only recourse seems to be to go to the state bar over the attorney's lengthy delay in providing an accounting, & taking the embezzlement matter to the police as soon as I get the final accounting. Until I get the accounting, I'm at a stalemate. Meanwhile, he owes me at least $80k!

[@Chaoscard12]

I watched my narc ex sabotage his own career over and over and then find a way to blame me. And yes, he tried to sabotage my life also. I went to the lengths of simply pretending I wanted the opposite of whatever I wanted because if he knew what I really wanted, he would make sure and ruin it--sad but necessary until I'd had enough and was ready to leave.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Stay strong! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com

[@RickDanner]

they dont care they dont feel failure or feelingsin general and until they die they will never admit to any wrong doing

[@cooldudicus7668]

I just ordered the book. It is going to be cool. I have been dealing with narcs for about a year or so. It is getting exhausting. I have 3 volumes of books documenting their actions. I learned a long time ago that there are people far smarter than I will ever be. Some of them are nice enough to write books to help others. I cannot wait for the info I need to move on with my life. Thanks for this video.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - icanslay.com

[@Chev-pu5yo]

Dealing with a wife that is like that. 25 years is long enough. Enough abuse.

[@christopherbrubaker2070]

Good for you! Yes get out, get away, she’s not worth all that if she continues to devalue you. If she can live and support her own drama, let her do it. I wasted 29 years of my life that I can’t get back.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Louder! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com

[@user-lm2vs1sl3v]

She thinks I’m weak because I’m a nice person. She has to be in conflict with everyone.

[@eyekantbeme]

I got so lucky she made me move on. So glad i never looked back. Then I started dating another lady with NPD. That relationship ended muchh faster than the other one.

[@jojochavez6175]

I’m moving on, great information now I know in the end toxic people will get their just desserts from all their lies and tactics and they lose everything including family and relationships the best thing is we will have better days ahead mine days are getting better and better after getting out of my crazy ex girlfriend and her crazy family

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@CurlyHostile]

I’m so here for this topic ❤

[@joannesawyer8817]

The Frog in boiling pot of water. This is where I am at. I can not go home because my grown children and soon to be ex LIED on a restraining order. I attacked him and my our grown child. (I have severe carpel tunnel and sciatica. ) He lied on the divorce documents also. I was arrested , no place to live, my he isolated me from family . I owe two lawyers and my family . I get up daily with GRADITUDE. Thank you, Rebeca for your free training.

[@roscioocasio4385]

Thank you for this video Counselor Zung. I have already dealt with several of them. And I have already moved forward. Blessings! 🙏🙏🙏❤💐

[@Pedsonc01]

In 1963, our mother was misdiagnosed as "neurotic" by our family physician. Our doctor treated her with the new wonderdrug, Valium. Meanwhile our childhood (sister and I) was littered with mom's passive aggressive insinuations and physically violent actions. The years went by and by the time I was in my second-year of medical school, and our class had finished studying axis I and II personality disorders (DSM-III). It was then I realized that our mother was psychotic. She was torturing us, her children, to illustrate to the world how physically and emotionally abused she is. Our father was a U.S. Air Force Senior Officer, and her didn't allow his emotions or those of other people, to wedge in between his sense of duty, honor and the country he loved. Our father died in 1979, and was being eulogized by his friends, family and members of the United State Air Force, with whom he had served. Our mother stood up and told everyone the cold-hard-truth about our father (that was a real Betty Davis moment). No one was shocked or dismayed by her behavior. Our mom, a three-pack-a-day smoker, died of bilateral, non-small cell pulmonary carcinoma two-years after our dad passed away. Mom was far too ill and malnourished to raise the roof about her self-inflicted malady. At the end of her life, in a vented mask on 3.0 liters/min of Oxygen, she died crying. Here is the moral of the story: don't trust your PCP to diagnose abnormal behaviors exhibited by your family members.

[@cymbolichuman433]

I hope your life is filled with what you want it filled with.

[@CampfireFiction1010]

You’ve had a very interesting childhood. It would be a very interesting movie.

[@guyangelo9875]

Even more of a mindscrew is when she labels ME as the narcissist.

[@lordacton9128]

Good job Rebecca Zung. You would be a narcissists worst nightmare in court. But here on the video i feel like i am on your team, and your presentation helps a lot. Thanks for revealing this mysterious subject.

[@sweetpotatopie3401]

I left and he couldn’t believe it. I took all the money with me.

[@sharonjohnston2351]

I will be moving on this situation financially struggling but that situation will work out and I will be out of here 🙏🏻

[@sallyjaynes2433]

Understand that one ($$)....wish the positive!

[@eastside907ak9]

That's all you can do you'll get it

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@lesterstone8595]

I am moving on 😐 up to the East side to a deluxe apartment in the sky- y y! I've finally got a piece of the pie! 🥧

[@poisonclarinet]

Love it!!

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@SuperChangetheworld]

when the narc goes into their rage...just step back and observe...they will literally fall in the hole they dug for you.

[@brendalhunt9720]

I say to them oh, you must be having a bad day

[@mariohenriquemarcondespere5031]

I'm moving on...after learning so much...and becoming shocked about how they work...I won't take a step back, I will move on.

[@davisneves]

it feels SO GOOD to walk away 💥

[@mellie5899]

To me there's a vast difference between someone who actually has been a victim of narcissistic abuse and someone who just wants to play the victim even when they are being the abuser. I wish you could do a video on that difference.

[@aguynamedkevin8469]

Very good point. I think the very idea of one's partner being a narcissist lends itself very well to narcissists themselves. I've seen people comment on videos like this and say things like, "My brother, sister, mother, father, uncle, the family dog were all narcissists and I got away from them. In my mind, it's more likely that the person commenting was the narcissist and left because of refusal to see things for what they really were. The silent treatment can be a two way street also.

[@mellie5899]

@@aguynamedkevin8469 That's often true. The one accusing everyone else of being a narcissist is one themselves. But, it's also true that kind, empathic people are born into really toxic families all the time. It would be interesting to get more info on how to spot the difference.

[@nikkipoon1695]

I’m moving on! Thank you, Rebecca

[@AequitasP.]

This is presented so accurately, that it is impressive.

[@COINsimp2024]

I can normally spot a narcissist, but I recently had a covert live with me. I could not figure out what exactly what wrong with him. Way too emotional and over nothing, was rarely aggressive but had a few outbursts. It was very interesting to see. I simply told him I would not deal with that behavior in my home, and he left. Instead of giving 30 days notice, he snuck out moving his stuff at like 5am every day for a few weeks. Very strange but I chalked it up to him being embarrassed by his own behavior. The first thing I noticed is he was eating my food when he thought I wasn't looking and I told him to stop doing it right away.

[@debbielockhart800]

I am just now learning some of these behaviors and I still find myself getting "sucked in to " thier maneuvers to get thier way. He wants to Control the narrative, and paint me as the mean selfish one when I have given and given and given some more. I am trying to set boundaries.

[@jannaolsen3557]

I moved in Oct 2020. Not easy but heartbreaking. I am free. No more gaslighting, lies and BS. Thank God.

[@DHW256]

You so nail it! Our mother preferred the company of drunks at a random bar, over the company of most of her own children and grandchildren. Asking her to do something with us was met with a solid "No" or "IT'S MY TIME!!". Every effort to love her, to ingratiate ourselves to her, was met with backbiting and outright lies that made us look bad to her audiences. And when we finally walked away, honoring "her time" by giving her the opportunity to reach out, she responded with, "THEY'VE ABANDONED ME! THEY HATE ME!" It was insane dealing with her.

[@sallyjaynes2433]

*Covert coverage was bested by you 💯‼️. The cerebral cortex (frontal) is a good 👍 describe in that effect (plus affects Dementia). Blessings of real feels from this particular video 🙏🙌

[@Sonofgod384]

Yes and they suck all smiles but rotten to there core sighs and runs away

[@mollysilverman6803]

Miss Rebecca, you are saving me, woman. It’s tough but you give me strength. I am 12 months 8 days sober. He hates it. And hates I have a job. He’s wrenching up his crap. 😊 But I got this. ❤👍🏻💯😊

[@kendrawharton9159]

Thank you from the top of my heart. Just what i needed to hear especially from someone who has lived through this horrible nightmare. ❤

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Stay strong! 💪 Join me in my free webinar - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop

[@TaraSocial]

I think I developed a lot of narcissistic traits and behaviors when I was younger, as a result of the narcissistic abuse I went thru. I feel really terrible, because I see aspects of myself as the narcissist but also aspects of myself as the one who was abused. It was like a light turned on when I realized other people have emotions and feelings the same way I had, and it hurts me to this day to know i was an uncaring friend and partner. I feel like I’m in a awful spot because I feel victimized but more than that I feel bad for acting like a narcissist to those I loved. But then I cycle back to the cause of my narcissistic behavior, and it’s a cycle that can take up my entire day.

[@breathinggreen2790]

I am the same. You must face the fact you are a narcissist. Being a victim is your egos way of saying, don't worry it's not your fault, look at what they did to you, I'm allowed to be like this because of my childhood/ parents. It's a blame game that doesn't bring about true and lasting change. We can only fix what we truly own. You have been lucky to become self aware and awaken to what you are. I really hope you can stay awake and help yourself to emotionally mature. And To feel safe out in the world with an open heart.❤ May peace be with you my friend.😌

[@ninastar5833]

Sorry to hear that. You know so many people go through trauma as children. One thing that I recently learned was from a Tarotist - feel it to heal it, which means to sit with the pain but not go into it, to feel it so that you can discover it, what that pain is. It reminded me of paintings often called as the Sacred Heart of Jesus. The origins of narcisssism is being unheard, unseen, or uncared for, that is why there is this compulsion to constantly seek to experience it. So what I found is a good way to bring that obsession in ourself to a conclusion is for us to be the one to face it and give it the attention it needs, listen to what it is saying, feel into that unrequited feeling of what ever it is, and allow the pearls of wisdom to come out. Then you can move on. You do that for each one of those feelings. I'm proud of you for seeing it and acknowledging it in yourself, well done. You just didn't know how to bring it to conclusion and move on. I also recommend praying for help and guidance to face it so that you can make it through to the other side. Best wishes lovely Tara.

[@Plans4YouJer2911]

Proud of you for recognizing and striving to improve yourself and hopefully make reconciliation with those you have hurt Am doing that myself Googled about men Found article of 22 possible traits Am glad to see that only 5 caught my eye Was even more glad that the details for each of those revealed I had moved forward greatly from my past Had a business friend tell me a couple of years ago that we all have a little bit of narcissistic within us He learned that at a seminar However we need to control it Not it take over us Blessings to You on Your Journey 😊

[@visiochannel2]

There is a possibility that narcissism is created in early childhood out of somekind of emotional neglect by the caregivers or other social enviroment . The way to survive in that kind of situation is that a narcissist has to create on internal part of him self that neglects it self ( and otherś ) This is the only way they can feel somekind of power over the situation as the internilised neglector is something they actually can control , unlike outside factors ( creating the abnormal obsession with them self ) . But not only is this internilised neglector their own abuser , but also the one that hides the abuse or denises that it has ever happened ( as this is a part of negtful behaviour or how situations where actual negtful situations happen denie is a factor " gaslight" ) . This creates in a covert narcissist this kind of jekyl and mr hide persona. A deep shamefull experience that did not get resolved in the moment can also leed to covert narcissism , with the same kind of internalised behaviors .

[@cyndigooch1162]

visiochannel2 This is a good explanation and I've found that many highly narcissistic individuals were physically and/or sexually abused, or endured psychological abuse, or neglect as children, which is heartbreaking! I'm aware that a lot of people at the other end of the spectrum were abused in those ways as well, including me, so it's interesting how children develop different coping mechanisms. Of course, it's not an excuse to abuse people as adults though and they can be extremely dangerous, hence why it's best not to have any contact, IF possible, unless they are willing to do their healing work, which isn't common. ❤

[@visiochannel2]

@@cyndigooch1162 Got to remember that the neglect of some sort can be a root cause ,but in the long run narsissist people also form them self to be what they are with their own decisions long after the abuse they self exprerienced by their own will . So itś an explanation but should not be used as an excuse of predatory behaviour. By the victims .

[@kathiejl1]

@@cyndigooch1162 absolutely heartbreaking! It’s why I stayed for so long. Wanting to be the one that understood him and what he’d gone through but he just couldn’t seem to stop himself from finding fault in me and pointing the finger and raging at me.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@kprokrchk]

They lash out viciously and I used to turn the other cheek. Now that I know how horribly toxic they are and how to recognize them that is NO LONGER HAPPENING!

[@user-lm2vs1sl3v]

She threatens me all the time with rages ‘I will scream until you do it’

[@conniedada2302]

I have been married to a covert narcissist for 14 years. So many times he has sabotaged his own life. Ridiculous. I have wasted so much of my time, love, effort and energy rescuing his ass. Cleaning up his messes. No more. Screw that!