Rebuilding Trust After Addiction |Family Recovery Resources

Having an addicted spouse can cause betrayal trauma, but it is possible to rebuild trust. This video will explain how both individuals can rebuild trust in the relationship.
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[@christinefountain9506]

Thank you for validating the parents journey and pain with loss of trust with manipulation, lies and mistrust. It seems like the focus is about the addict or recovered loved one.

[@graceteague]

I'm so glad to hear you speaking about how the 'standard' response involves omissions and manipulation from the family, as well; it never sat right with me to hear "well just lie or don't tell him then"- how can I expect the truth and vulnerability if I'm not being honest or authentic myself?

[@gailmartindale]

I agree that the addicts recovery effects everyone so it does effect more than just the addict. I don't want to try to micromanage my son's recovery, but when he is living in my house and not actively participating in his own recovery I know where that leads, so while waiting and watching, I just know what is coming next... that is why "staying in my own lane" is so hard.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's incredibly hard!

[@clawedbychristy6708]

Well said! Sooooooy true it is extremely hard

[@daphnerivera6067]

So grateful for this education . I’m filling this year successfully letting go with love

[@janicepauley429]

Very insightful. Thank you. I like the bit about being extra authentic and if they say they are going somewhere then make sure to go. But if they stop off somewhere else then be transparent and tell your partner.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Janice! Glad you liked it 😊

[@Flybynight76]

I'm working on this right now. I hurt the most important person in my life with the betrayal of addiction. He still loves me. Now it's up to me to rebuild the trust. All or nothing.

[@whitstone8784]

Thank you for what you do! you're so right and my family was involved in the recovery as well and I have got to start my channel as many others have

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wonderful!

[@Bingis.vr26]

This is by far the best video you have ever posted🙌🏻

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! Thanks Missy! 😁😁😁😁🥰🥰😍😍🤩

[@user-vf3fg1gl7pMsSandy]

Hi Amber, Excellent topic and Excellent video! Everyone has to Recover, so true! Re-Trust has to start somewhere. Trust in my perspective is the most important word with the most important meaning in everything in life! One can never turn back from this. One can never.. "" Make it all up!!"" One has to start in the now and move on from that moment. The issue that I see and feel is that the addict/dry addict who is in refusal/denial.. Is one Cannot rebuild Trust nor anything in the now when the addict/dry addict as you say and I agree just keeps lying and lying forever and ever. The addict/dry addict has to become as I put it..""Real and Genuine "" in all aspects! When the addict/dry addict refuses/denies to be Real and Genuine in my perspective there is nothing one can do in the now. In turn of this the only thing one can do on your side of the street is.. let go of the idea of rebuilding trust or anything at all and move on. I also agree with you..the sloppy..I am sorry's..is totally useless. The addict/dry addict takes absolutely No Responsibility at all for their own actions and behavior..none..zero. The addict/dry addict has to recognize and take full responsibility for their side of the street and then totally.."" Get Real and Genuine..and Prove it!"" That is my take on the rebuild the trust issues. I would love your perspective on my perspective. Thank you Amber..you are the best.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

"get Real and Genuine..and prove it!" Love it! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

[@user-vf3fg1gl7pMsSandy]

@@PutTheShovelDown The only way to be..thank you Amber!💞👍👍🖖

[@raquelrios9]

I appreciate your videos. As a family member of an alcoholic, I find your videos so helpful. Thank you.

[@lauriewilson1669]

How do you help an addict understand that recovery is more than abstinence?

[@Nohumanis-ILLEGAL]

Is there a video that covers this? I really need help

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Everyone, This is a LIVE video I did closed FB group this past summer. One of the members asked to be able to share it, so I uploaded it here for sharability!

[@Theelizabethedit8]

This video is AMAZING! Thank you so much for posting this. This means everything to me! Thank you thank you!!

[@mariahdinovo6372]

At the end of the video towards 27:00 you speak on trusting yourself. What about when they swear they were drinking but your gut says they were. And there’s zero evidence other than them acting weird or off. And sometimes they’re honest. P.s. we just booked some coaching sessions - looking forward to it!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Mariah! I like to say that...If a story doesn't line up, it means it's either not true or it's missing some really important details! I'm so glad you booked some coaching sessions 😃

[@antwjuandavis5267]

Hey I'm in early recovery I'm actually sober 8months now but yes i am trying to build my trust back with my family

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Very impressive!

[@antwjuandavis5267]

@@PutTheShovelDown thank you so much and i really appreciate that

[@skeeza76]

You have been very helpful with the situations in my life. Thank you!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Happy to help!

[@skeeza76]

I actually just HAD to let my alcoholic go. I'm very sad, but I i know it was needed. You have helped me realize I'm not crazy and that my actions and reactions are normal, especially considering I've never dated an alcoholic. Hes at the point his health is in danger, and I can't help him. It's heartbreaking. Thank you again!

[@susansandman9736]

I tried to have my husband listen to this video with me. He recently relapsed. And he listened for about 2 mins and immediately became irritated and mad. He kept saying that he won’t be called an addict. Is there a better approach to use? It’s like the first time he hear “addict” he was done and made me turn it off and said “I’m not going to listen to this bs and be called an addict”

[@spark4945]

Too bad you didn’t see her ADHD video first kzbin.infowSP6p_3Ag8k?si=Ajc1vsVW65wt5__f

[@orangebubblemindset]

Greatest video!

[@amzaustin452]

This was such a great video, thank you!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome!

[@jennytaylor2751]

My addicted spouse always throws up in my face his “honesty”. He’s a master at gaslighting and giving half truth and when I don’t believe him or doubt his honesty he’ll say “see that’s what I get for trying to tell you the truth... your gonna believe what you want so why be honest”. Makes me feel trapped cause to him it’s always my fault he says I make him lie to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@MichelleLyn84]

Unfortunately from my experience you gotta let go a little bit as awfully hard as that is and let them hit rock bottom on their own and that’s usually when they realize what they’re doing to themselves.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're right Jenny. It does feel like a trap!

[@endramitchellgordon9829]

Amen Amber you good girl so right

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😀😀👋🏻

[@alexcharney6412]

My biggest problem is knowing that me and our two special needs children depend on him and not having any way out. I'm soooo in over my head so I eat shit.I'm just not one of those strong driven women that will take my kids to a homeless shelter. It's weird cause you think if you feel so over and tired, it'd give you the drive to leave... but it's almost like the opposite for me...😔🙏

[@PutTheShovelDown]

The chaos can be so exhausting that it's hard to figure a way out! I know that you're growing stronger because you're watching these videos educating yourself.

[@danroth636]

Thank you.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're welcome!

[@kyliebreacher67]

How do you rebuild trust not just for the addiction but for the verbal & emotional abuse that your partner inflicted on you & children..im at a cross road of decision whether to risk it & try again or walk away because the effects forgiving again has on the children

[@lionwaxman2782]

How do i share this info with my former partner for her to acknowledge how her hiding her use and gaslighting and lying to me has hurt me if shes still in denial that her use is even a problem? When she says to me still how cocaine is healing for her and its not a big deal and i need to stop overreacting and apologize for judging her and she wants me to just trust her in her process? How am i supposed to trust her ever again after all the broken trust?

[@brettcordes3602]

I have heard that an addict/alcoholic should prepare themselves that regaining trust can take the same amount of time that they were active in their disease. 3 years active in addiction…up to 3 years to regain trust.

[@agvillatoro]

Is there a second part of this video? I want to get the rapid relationship program can you help me with a link maybe a cupon? thanks for the amazing work Amber

[@PutTheShovelDown]

sure thing. Here's the link: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/consultations Use this code to get 20$ off: RAPIDREPAIR

[@cherieorenstein5216]

How many years do we keep dealing and patient with our family member. How long do we suffer. How long is long enough

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Here's a video that might help answer that question, Cherie: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eqTZn62hmruEjpY

[@liberty8463]

When I told my wife I won't continue enabling her drinking after 18 years, she went mad, got arrested and filed for divorce. She has ever said sorry. Good at manipulation and lies

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow, that's drastic! Were you able to hold that firm boundary?

[@liberty8463]

@@PutTheShovelDown Yes put in boundaries after 18 years to buying alcohol. Over the years she became aggressive physical and verbally. She would not seek support. A very selfish person. Only showed love when she was getting her way. She blames me for the beak up, won't accept any responsibility. She has put her own children into this dramatic mess. 7 year old, 19, and 18. It's very sad.

[@liberty8463]

@@PutTheShovelDown She was removed by police. Therefore is not able to live at the family home. Richard from uk .

[@yadii416]

My question is how do we hold them accountable when, for example, they come home clearly after using.. Do we call them out on it (which always leads to an argument) or do we just go about our day and pretend it never happened.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Ness, here's a video I did a while back about How to Confront Someone About Their Addiction: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y2TNZ3t3nbSXZ9k

[@yadii416]

Thank you !! I’m so close to running away 😩

[@teresachitwood6876]

I betrayed my partners trust by lieing about my sobriety under frustration I broke up with them.but I didn’t mean it now that I’m telling the truth and im clean she thinks I’m always lieing. I get it but should I move on or be patient . She gives mixed messages

[@karilancaster1816]

What do you do if they continue to lie? They also make excuses to get extra Suboxone and say that it's the "smart" thing to do incase they have an issue getting their prescription filled and keeps them from doing heroine etc...

[@PETSSouthAfrica]

My partner (who is in early recovery) says hes just not sure if too much trust has been broken and if he can ever rebuild it and he’s not sure if he’s willing anymore to stick around and try. That he’s tired of the same conversations and him feeling like he has to answer to a parol officer. Even though I never question him about anything only when I find evidence of his using

[@PutTheShovelDown]

HI Nicole, it's definitely going to take a lot of work for both of you, but it can definitely be done! I have a short online course for people in recovery who are trying to build trust with their loved ones. It might be a good fit if he's willing. Here's a link to learn more: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/rapid-relationship-repair-864c835a-0a39-4481-a02c-be9e43334558

[@laurieriek6444]

Agree

[@shellbell1139]

Do you work with people , I need help to save my relationship with my partner I have trust issues , he is nearly a year off heroin, but he keeps saying he is going to use crack coz we fall out , he has drank most days since he got off the gear x it’s a very complicated situation I love him dearly tho but we need help

[@shellbell1139]

I’ve been a addict clean 13 years so I should understand hun better but we both have said & done things to hurt each other never cheated , he did lapse on crack few times, he lost his mum 4 months ago , his mental health isn’t good neither is mine I’ve had 3 deaths too , I feel like I’m going to lose him as I don’t feel he is enjoying being clean off drugs , I want me to be enough but I don’t think I am enough

[@_DivineTruth_is_Home_]

this is a great give, thank you~ you inspire thru your kindness and desire to truly be effective and guide people thru the storms; thank you* you are on the front lines of creating this world into a better place :)...i watched 20130224 interview with jesus - living in truth S1 - you tube; recently and the depth of understanding i was given in terms of the mind and the role of the mind and the science of the soul and emotional wounds and then i watched S2 lol they have different shirts on as they began filming on a different day as when they went for a break they ended up chatting and did not turn on the camera :)...and this gave a horizon filled with depth of further understanding that i feel you will be greatly inspired with and those of your viewers too. As you give from the heart and its felt from each video i watch...very powerful in ways of removing doubt and giving true effective ways of sailing thru a storm.

[@donaldr2784]

Why do your spouse think rehab is a vacation?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Some places are pretty nice and you don't have to deal with everyday life while in treatment. You get to totally focus on yourself.

[@donaldr2784]

My spouse is looking for friends and relationships in rehab...I just don't get it. I do support her, but I don't support the behavior.

[@JoeConnector]

I’m having a hard time with the patience part ...

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Patience isn't be best virtue either 🤐

[@antwjuandavis5267]

Not like my mom or anything but my wife and kids

[@endramitchellgordon9829]

Don’t freak out

[@allisonb.8492]

First!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! You're on it, Allison😁😮🤩

[@cindyminchuk7536]

I moved out as I was told his treatment was his and he had nothing to prove to me, which maybe that is correct idk. You talk about a roller coaster ride if they are I. Relapse what if they say they are clean and doing awesome, but at the same time saying its my fault, or Thai persons fault then a few minutes later they have nothing to live for a d can't go on without you etc. If you don't reply that talk continues but if you reply they miss you and want you to come home, will go to marriage counseling but not in different homes. Is that the same type of Rollercoaster ride you are talking about, because I'm loss🤷🤷🤷

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's possible they could be dealing with an attachment issue: Here's a video I made on that topic a while back: kzbin.info/www/bejne/embGd6JppdiJg5I

[@JohnBrown722so]

Im going with no.