Recognising Financial Abuse

[@DarrenFMagee]

Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you might like me to cover in future videos.

[@korab.23]

I'm starving for co-parenting content. I watch him guilt trip and manipulate our son. Worse now that I don't fall for it and he turns it on our children.

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

Signs that one has a sadistic conscience/superego.

[@debscornercanada]

Hi there: How and where and at what point in a targets life (Coverts) and how they look for vulnerable people or people in vulnerable situations (ADHD/On the spectrum/Womens shelters)...this one struck when target was going to that provinve for a very ill relative and was being left alone alot in her marriage. Also thypically they hook 99% of "targets" online ..(dating apps, using a shared history (popular)

[@DarrenFMagee]

@@korab.23 I made a video on co parenting and one on parental alienation if they’re helpful?

[@brassgal5039]

How about a topic on the types of emotions and responses that narcissistic abuse elicit in their victim. In my case, I personally experienced, confusion, sadness-anxiety, hurt, then finally, anger (not to be confused with rage). Outwardly, Iwas also more insecure and irritable with the world in general….Of these things I experienced, I am most interested in anger and ‘hot’ reactions to narcissistic abuse, and where these comes from/ how to spot them/ how to understand them. When I broke off with my Ex, he tried to shame me for being fed-up and angry with his shenanigans and manipulations. Anger really helped me cut through the confusion, and get me away from the source of pain (him).

[@jilross4892]

The issue is that folks who are abused that way have no trust to talk to anybody. Its to big of a risk that people will not understand or be abusive as well.

[@Cathychanneltoday]

We tried to tell everyone and no one believed us.

[@LifeChangePlans]

Yes, I was asked questions by neighbours in the community while out socialising in a bar. When I told them what the ex was doing is emotional and psychological abuse they had a lot of opinions which were not at all helpful. Including just move on. They have no idea how much trauma and grief, fear and uncertainty a person can experience when they realise that the person they loved never really loved them but was using and abusing them. You do not see it while you are in the relationship you feel at times that their behaviour is wrong but you do not see bad behaviour as abuse. You make excuses they are depressed, in pain, have too much work, are stressed. You never saw yourself as a victim and now all of a sudden you are.

[@marciloni12]

Any type of abuse can or will be replicated by predators. They look for "weak" or "wounded" people. Even within the professional, medical or authority communities.

[@sofiaisabella3317]

Well said all of the above, glad I’m not alone

[@christymckee8133]

​@@marciloni12thats not exactly true. They also seek out confident independant people and people who have qualities they feel they are lacking. Just so they can rob them of all that.

[@shanerob681]

I wish more legal systems across the world recognised the seriousness of coercive control. My soon to be ex husband (vulnerable narcissist) has been unnecessarily dragging out our divorce and making the process more expensive than it needs to be. I think a big part of it is because I left him.

[@lauraJa777]

Same here. Separated from him in January 2021, after 26 years of marriage. I too, left him. He too, is dragging it out. He thrives on chaos... nothing could ever "just" go smoothly. So...... here we are.

[@OzyMandias13]

-You feel that legal systems across the world don’t do enough for people like you, -You state your husband is a vulnerable narcissist. -You allege you’re a victim of coercive control -You state your belief that he’s out to get you because you left him. You convinced me. He should be much more eager to get out of that relationship.

[@theresaflint5855]

I am going through the same thing….he had me use my 401k to pay off bills when I decided to leave my 14 year job to do my second job as a seamstress, even though he had much more in his. I left him after 18 years, 16 of marriage, filed for divorce May 2021 and I’m almost 62 and have nothing. He has all our assets and wants to pay me $20,000 and have me walk away. Now is dragging on divorce.

[@Butterfly-if1qs]

i had the same experience. this allowed him time to increase his tactics.

[@cadencejane75]

Same here.

[@nancyclay6208]

Almost every request I ever made was denied. I was restricted from buying clothes to the point that I only bought from secondhand stores -- yet criticized for not knowing how to dress as nice as the ladies at church. All this while he was getting hair transplants, buying golf clubs, new suits, expensive cowboy boots... Finally he told me that we owed the same amount on our home that we'd bought it for 25 years before -- on a 30-year loan. I investigated this at our loan company and discovered he had used our home as collateral on a lot of mysterious loans. Come to find out he had a girlfriend. He was taking her shopping for clothes at fancy stores where I wasn't allowed to go. He bought her kids birthday presents. He bought her a car and groceries. All while telling me that we could not afford to keep taking my daughter, a severe asthmatic, to her asthma specialist. If somebody is keeping you poor like that you might want to check on their extracurricular activities.

[@PoM-MoM]

Omg. This is horrible. So what was or is the outcome for you? Also, was the house mortgage in both of your name's and he took out loans against property that you both have legal obligations to pay the loan back? If you're on mortgage, Did you check to see if he signed (digitally online or in pen ink), If so, isn't that fraud... and bank frraud? Stay safe!

[@kathyarvin8155]

How do you check for his activities? Where do you start?

[@PoM-MoM]

@@kathyarvin8155 One day cleaned out both of the cars top to bottom, wrote down mileages, kept gas receipts Checked bank, atm to home loans balances to paper ledger bank amounts for discrepancies Cell phone accounts online website searchable records of call #'s & # of texts Random weird 'cloud storage' apps on phones or work laptop or tech devices

[@imnoel8214]

Thank you Dr. Magee. Financial abuse is a horrible thing to do to someone, and sadly it appears to be very common with narcissists. I'd like to learn more about spying on survivors by narcissists and their flying monkeys after leaving a relationship, and how survivors can protect themselves.

[@nakeeshatower3214]

I feel like i finally found what im going through. I know its not gonna be easy But... Let the healing begin, im done living this way

[@mapleleaf902]

I took him off all my credit cards to avoid him ruining me, after he cheated with a female neighbor. They were attempting to drive me out of our house; their game didn't work.

[@angelwilliams0330]

I had a long term relationship with my narcissistic ex boyfriend for 13 yrs. & I wasn’t even aware that such a thing even existed. My discovery of there being a word for this toxic behavior gave me the confirmation I needed to slowly gain the courage & strenth I needed mentally to accept the situation for wut it truely was and take the necessary actions I needed to take in order to reclaim my power & MY LIFE! I appreciate people such as u so much for sharing ur knowledge & helping educate others who find themselves experiencing these unhealthy relationships & helping us understand but more importantly giving back hope to all of us who felt trapped & defeated & hopeless! It’s hard enough to try to bounce back & start your life over again but when it’s from a narcissistic abusive relationship such as I suffered it affects every state of being & can compare to being reborn bcuz how deeply your affected on every level in every way… I’m now another version of my former self the old me is dead & gone & I’m going to miss the innocent me but I appreciate this stronger me that’s emerged & am excited to continue evolving into my best version of me ever!❤🙏🏻🤙🏻✌🏻

[@js6546]

After marriage and 3 children, I asked if we could have a joint account. Ex narc refused, stating that a linked credit card was access enough. Huge red flag. I could spend what I wanted on the credit card, but was never allowed to discuss our finances. I insisted on a joint account but it made no difference to the dynamic. Thank you Darren for discussing this type of abuse.

[@m0L3ify]

I suggested the same thing to my ex but he also refused. It's good he did. One of his financial fraud tactics was to get a bank account, overdraw it by several hundred dollars, then abandon it. Once I got a full time job, he quit his (claimed he was fired without notice,) and didn't work for 2 years even though I didn't make enough to cover basic expenses. He said I owed him that time off. I did not, nor did I agree to it. Eventually once he got a job again at the end of our relationship, he was living off a debit card from a check cashing place and lying about his income so he could stash it all away while I struggled to keep paying rent and all the bills. I didn't find out until he left and I was cleaning up his stuff and found his pay stubs. When he left, he had plenty to live off of for awhile. He'd been making as much as I did! But I had nothing because I was desperately trying to keep a roof over our heads. Rent was most of my income. The craziest part was that he'd use that strategy to fuel his narrative that his exes were financially abusive, claiming he had to stash money away to escape when the reality was he was the one committing the financial abuse by refusing to help out and keeping us hungry and on the brink of eviction. If we'd had any joint accounts, I'd have been in even worse trouble when he left because I'd have been left holding the bag for all his debt. Thank god we never married!

[@ponytail911]

After inheriting property from a late Uncle’s estate, my siblings tried to get me to sign over my part of a 270 acre property to my only son (5 years later, I have never even seen the property), threatened conservatorship over me because I am crazy, negotiated to buy me out of a home and never sent the paperwork, and eventually stopped all communication with me. These people are a CPA, an Attorney and a CFO! Look forward to seeing these financial abusers in court!

[@thezwerdz8560]

In my father's case, he always kept me financially ignorant and dependant on him for loans etc, he said "I don't want you to worry about money like I always had to" then tricked me into borrowing money from him "because it'll be an interest free loan" and adding on to one of his houses under the guise that the house and property would be mine. Then 8 years, later after I paid the loan off, and while I was living upstate with my oldest son while he was hospitalized for months after a nearly fatal car accident, he sent us an eviction notice. It's embarrassing, but I was 45 years old, with no credit, and didn't even know where to begin to get a credit score. I figured it out though. It took me over a year to build a credit score and buy a new house. He sold the house I added on to, put the money in the bank and put a cousin on my mother's side as a POD on the account for spite, and then died 7 years later. He broke my heart and tried to break me financially. He was evidently a covert narcissist because I never saw any of it coming.

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you. Financial abuse is devastating and nasty, and when combined with playing the protector and /or the victim card is absolutely sickening! Evil is abusive to the core. It will drive people to the ground. Once you have experienced its lethal influence upon you, you want to stay away as far as possible.

[@shariwidlund5320]

This is my husband to a T and why I haven’t left yet. He is very vindictive and would make sure I don’t get a dime by racking up legal fees. He has a huge amount of credit card debt (thankfully we have separate credit cards) and always berates me for not paying enough of the bills (he earns 30k more than I do). He keeps us house poor with no room for savings. Wish I could get out.

[@theresaflint5855]

Find an attorney that understands financial abuse and do your research …start putting money away for yourself through someone else you trust. I wish I did that

[@lrx54]

You do need a plan. If only for your sanity. Squirrel away assets. You are right about joint assets, they will be gone with his debt. If you can get away with No debt to you, consider it to be a big win 👍

[@JayneFielding]

My husband has every trait of a narcissist. It's as though they wrote "the book" about him. After 34 years of marriage I finally saw the light and we separated - on paper as we are still living in the same hiuse still. It's torture and it does get worse before it gets better but you have to do it for your own sanity and preservation. You will be OK, in fact, you will be better than OK.

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

My father did this to my mother. Got all sorts of nice things for himself then got angry at my mother for buying necessities, even though she was working three jobs and could still barely afford these things... and I suppose this was his justification for it? I don't know, he also used us as pawns against her... it didn't work. Also, I cut off from my father before he got too many hooks of obligation in me. Little did he know, I lack empathy! HA!

[@theresaflint5855]

My hopefully soon to be ex would gamble, go out drinking every weekend, buy snowmobiles and other toys, built a big garage so he could have a man cave, have the best phone and I would get a cheaper one with less features, would message me minutes after I went to grocery store to question what I was spending 120 dollars on…watching me all the time, cameras in our house and around our house claiming because of his toys and all his sports memorabilia collections. Anything in our house that I wanted fixed or changed for more efficiency was never done. Everything he wanted was his priority. My job pay went to joint acct to pay bills and when my job finally gave us the option to get a 401k he didn’t like that I had some of my pay going into it. (I worked for a non profit agency) he didn’t like that I put some in a separate savings for me, he didn’t like when my grandchildren were born and I wanted to spend lots of time with them because it took away his party plans for the weekend (which was almost every weekend, as he is a weekend binge drinking alcoholic) we don’t have kids together thank goodness! I have been in therapy for over 20 years which is a big part of my growth and helped me finally think enough of myself to leave. Lessons were necessary but boy is it a struggle at times.

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

@@theresaflint5855 Well then, that is quite the list of offenses! I'm going to see if I can get into therapy myself. Lots of duplicity, plotting, fake smiles, dual-monarchy games, and tension in my households. It used to be worse but the confusion screwed things up badly. Hopefully I'll get my ducks in as neat a row as yours and both of us will get to live more functional lives in the pursuit of our goals.

[@theresaflint5855]

@@AlastorTheNPDemon yes! Best wishes to you!

[@sylvanaalbertsaade011]

Thank you for shedding light on a subject rarely discussed & taken seriously.

[@charlotte361]

Wow! This is what exactly what my narc husband do to me. Preventing me to work outside the house. Control all expenses around the house. If we go out for grocery shopping he always mention get what we only need. I can’t get out of my falling marriage because I don’t know anybody here in the US. I’m originally from the Philippines. I just now learning about narcissistic behavior.

[@rocky1raquel]

He reduced his child support obligation every year like clockwork, claiming financial hardship (fathered another child and had to pay for them, too, when she left him) but he made $125k. Then when I couldn’t find a new place to rent (bc rents had tripled yet my alimony didn’t) I ended up homeless and the kids went to live w/him full time. He screwed me in court and tricked me about the paperwork. Then he withheld my alimony to pay for child support, which is illegal but I couldn’t afford a lawyer then or now. Now I have a child support debt, a tax debt (from receiving alimony), and have a mentally incapacitated diagnosis. Fortunately, not disabled; I can heal and am working on it. I can’t work and am homeless still, 7 years later, which puts a strain on my everyday life. Why can’t we prosecute narcissists for being heartless? Why aren’t they punished for mistreating others? Why don’t our court systems address the underlying prob… oh wait. I almost forgot our “Justice”systems are broken, too. And no, there was no assistance for me back then… HUD housing had a two year waiting list, not that I want(ed) to live in an apartment anyway, and now it’s 6 years?

[@lrx54]

Thank you for this video. Thirty years ago this happened to me. It was devastating, and kept me in the marriage for years. There was no where to go with a half million dollars of debt. I still remember the hopelessness and helplessness during that time. I did get away eventually. I will show this video to a friend, for support (I hope). Hopefully people will get educated.

[@myjourneytotruth]

Thank you for validating what I've slowly come to the awareness of since 2020, everyone in my family has financially abused & used me one way or another. It's been going on my whole life where as a kid I was deprived much of necessities like clothing, school supplies, shoes, toys, medication because I was told we were the poorest of the poor & I need to be grateful for everything I have & not ask for anything. As an adult ive been threatened & manipulated in ways that they've made thousands of dollars by using my helpful nature & automatic family trust factor to fill their pockets while I paid for all the bills meanwhile they went out behind my back & labeled me as a freeloader surviving off of them. The most concerning part is everyone outside the inner family circle believes the lies they spew 😞

[@brianreed8271]

I don't think you can be emotionally abused by someone and not be financially abused at the same time. I'm pretty sure it goes hand in hand.

[@LifeChangePlans]

I think you are correct.

[@KizetteandTotoro]

These individuals are completely deranged and so evil. To live in appalling squalor (In an old, falling apart house that was never cleaned or mantained, without a working shower), not even being able to buy my own underwear or a pair or trainers to replace my old, full of holes ones...while he buys a luxury car, eats out with his colleagues, gets drunk every day and refuses to give me money for food or pay for my little dog's food.This, after a lifetime of working full time and living on my own without ever depending on anyone. (envy eats him alive- I can see now how offended he was by an indepent, completely capable woman)He is constantly sabotaging any effort I make to work and make money. I can see he is terrifyed of my financial independence because he knows that as soon as I can, I am going to leave him -He just wanted a servant..Awful …I can’t wait to get out of here. (I dragged me to the other side of the world under false pretences. Had we remained in the UK, he would be in jail by now. )

[@jos2701]

Thank you for posting this video. Financial abuse is real, and not many view it as a real thing. My ex owes me so much money ($30k), and I know I won't see it again. He controlled the bank accounts and wouldn't give me access to any of it. I had to ask for gas money, or for anything for the kids. His response was always "Let me look into it." I learned that was his way of saying no. He dragged out our divorce for three years and I had a huge legal debt. Now, he flies all over the world vacationing (2 weeks in Italy) with his girlfriend and still cries poverty when I try to collect his half for the uninsured medical bills.

[@rareresource]

Keep up the good work, Darren. Financial abuse is the worst thing that could happen to anyone.

[@HydroDiver]

Beware of any friends and family members who try to make you feel obligated to cosign any kind of loan with them. They'll try put the asset in their name and the debt in your name. Such evil bastards.

[@lovelyweather8794]

Happened to me. They borrowed money from me saying they were in dire straits and how I could save them from ruin. I felt sad and didn't want them to be ruined and paid the money so everyone can be happy. But they had other ideas and zero regard for the timely help that was given by me to save them. They were saved, but they took the property and secretly sold it to another party without my knowledge. That time I didn't know what it was, and just blamed myself for being stupid and dumb.

[@HydroDiver]

@@lovelyweather8794 I'm sorry that happened to you. They're such horrible con artists. They use familial bonds and loyalty to scam people close to them. They took advantage of your decency. That doesn't make you stupid or dumb at all. That makes them terrible people. Time reveals everything and they will eventually expose themselves.

[@kdferg2830]

I appreciate your discussion of this topic. My MIL has covertly abused me in a number of ways, including financially, for the length of my relationship/marriage to her son. First, she tried to convince my husband to get a prenuptial agreement with me, prior to our marriage, which I refused to go along with. Then, as we were planning our wedding, she did not like some of the choices I was making for the reception and, in some sort of bid for control, decided to send my then fiance a check to go toward our wedding, saying that he should have more say in the planning, which he already had plenty of say in, as we jointly planned it (and he refused to cash the check). A few years ago, my in-laws informed us that they had set up a bloodline trust for her grown children, so in the event that something were to happen to my husband, all of the money he is to inherit will go to his brother and never to me, which is fine because she gets to decide where their money goes after they are gone. I did find this rather hurtful and like something I didn't need to know about prior to their passing, as it feels like it created even more issues in our marriage, along with all the other ways she has found to be passive aggressive and abusive toward me. She then tried gifting us a larger sum of money without first discussing it with us, but we didn't feel comfortable taking it (we felt there were going to be strings attached in some way) and told her it was a very nice gesture but we had to decline this gift and wouldn't be cashing the check. She refused to take no for an answer and sent a cashier's check, which we did not cash, and just let expire. In her latest bid for control, she set up a financial account for my child, without my knowledge or consent, and named only my husband as the custodian, so that I have no say in what goes on with that account. The type of account she chose has created a giant mess for us and has forced us to set up a trust for our child, so that it doesn't cause her financial issues in the future, such as getting financial aid for school and other related things. Some of these examples may seem like nice gestures but unfortunately, in this case, it's been repeated attempts to divide our marriage and to minimize/dismiss/leave me out of important decisions. Bids for CONTROL. All this to say that abuse can come in many forms, and may even be concealed as a gift, or in some act of generosity.

[@korab.23]

We would make a written budget (sometimes). Every single time, he'd spend his money right away and sometimes a bit more. And I'd wait to spend mine because at the end of the pay period we would need that money for food or a bill.

[@brassgal5039]

So, Financial Abuse is a strategy used to establish coercive control… You mentioned it lightly, but IMO I feel that there is an “on-ramp” to coercive control (setting the tone, offering to take over certain responsibilities, insisting that they need to ‘taking care of you’(when not a desired dynamic), sabotaging behaviours, limiting financial options (mention of debt-abuse for e.g.), etc.), which slowly builds the confining cage of dependence desired by the narcissist. I think that I got lucky, and got out of this dynamic before it was too late.

[@m0L3ify]

You're right, it starts as little things here and there. A cell phone account here, a utility bill or car payment there. By the time you realize you're in their quicksand, you're already buried in massive financial trouble and too poor to dig your way out, all the while sinking deeper and deeper while they refuse to work, have you working multiple jobs to stay afloat, and drain household resources like there's no tomorrow. Mine eroded my good money sense and slowly converted me to his way of thinking - that it's hopeless and everyone's out to get us. I was too afraid to answer the phone or check the mail box because of all the creditors trying to contact me. I used to be really on top of my finances but now lived in constant fear. I'm lucky that I had a friend who helped me recover once I finally got out. I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own. I'm extremely secure in my finances now and never take being able to pay bills for granted. I've settled old debts and pay things on time. I'm not rich by any means, but I budget to the penny like I used to in the old days and I'm finally free and secure! My credit score is back up in the green again, too. Life is good. I'll never let anyone manipulate me like that ever again!! 🙂

[@LifeChangePlans]

Thank goodness you got away in time. I was too trusting. It was to late. I became trapped.

[@brassgal5039]

@@LifeChangePlans I’m sorry to hear this! I hope that you are out of it now. Take care. ❤️

[@LifeChangePlans]

@@brassgal5039 I didn't get out of it yet. Its post separation he left me kn his property in Spain. 2 weeks after he left I was told he would go to court to evict me. Covid meant no evictions. I have been trying. But it been extremely difficult. The Civil Court hearing is next week.

[@brassgal5039]

@@LifeChangePlans I’m sending you strength… my thoughts are with you.

[@LisaCulton]

Thank you for addressing this.

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you for great examples of financial abussev-spot on! Control is the aim! Terrible as everything else the abusers do! Thank you for a very informative and supportive video!

[@nuthinbutluv4u142]

I came into some money prior to marrying. I found a house for sale I could afford but he insisted "we already have a house." HIS house in HIS name only. I then wanted to go to college and he said there was no point because HIS employer would reimburse if HE went but no one would reimburse me so HE should go to school. He a write the spendthrift to fill the empty hole in his soul and it was quite scary being the spouse co-responsible for these debts he racked up. I was young, naive, and under duress at the time but...don't do this.

[@lucymichelle641]

I resonate well with this video. I was made financially dependent, isolated, prevented to get a job, asked to leave a job when I was working, mobbed and pushed out of jobs. The attacks are relentless and continue after leaving. I need help.

[@rocky1raquel]

Dr Magee left some links in the description box above with links to help in the UK.

[@derek5168]

It's a cruel and vicious crime that will crush the victims soul

[@lrx54]

We were a half million dollars in debt created by Him. How could I divorce then. Not just penniless, but owing a quarter million dollars after a divorce. Thank you for this video. If only I had this information back in the 1980s. I couldn’t find anyone who understood. Today, I am financially well off by myself. It was very hard. He died a year ago, penniless, after his house was repossessed , he had his law license revoked and was addicted to street drugs.

[@samssams4708]

Glad you survived! Glad your at peace from that living nightmare

[@whynot4]

Thank you. This is an important topic.

[@anikalee9012]

Thanks you so much. The conten you give on this channel is direct and clear. It's really helpful.

[@zigzaglychee7324]

The legal fees and the refusal to pay child support are INCREDIBLY common. And most people probably wouldn't even think of it as abuse, but it for sure is. My dad spent more on legal fees fighting against child support than he ever would've paid. It wasn't about the money I think, and he wasn't thinking about his children. He was thinking about how to stress my mother as much as possible and put her in the most precarious position. He also used to belittle her jobs and say that she contributed nothing financially. When they met SHE was the one working full time and earning more. She quit to look after her children because childcare here is so expensive. And then picked up as many as three part time jobs that could fit around childcare at one point. But he would still accuse her of being lazy.

[@brianreed8271]

I have a seasonal side job. I make some pretty good coin in a short time every November. I just had to get used to my ex being in a really bad mood every November. It never made sense to me, why she would be upset about me making money. I bought almost nothing for myself. It was always cash, I guess she was just worried that that was money she could not control.

[@MinnieMouse-hb3bc]

The financial abuse in my r'ship took the form of....when we would go out to places that he suggested or 'took' me too, at the end of the night he would suggest that due to my good job I should pay the bill. When/ If I said no I would be shouted down abused and told how his ex girlfriend had enough respect for herself to pay her own way... Side note I always pay my own way and often did alot for him, but it was never ever ever enough... Not as much as his ex would do, because she 'truly' loved and cared about him(found out later she was one of the people he was cheating with) He would rag on my job and claim the only reason I was an engineer was to flirt with men. He would suggest I take up a new line of work and would give details of college courses I needed to take to change careers. After a few years he would try to get me to pay his phone bills-bills run up cheating and sexting with other women ...but never gave cent, that was just a step too far. No man should ever ask a woman to pay his bills or vice versa

[@alexbaird2670]

My covert narc MIL, narc brother and narc mother are ALL extremely financially abusive.

[@victoriat.similien4973]

Someone I know went trough this amongst other thing... He made her pay every single bill in the house under the guise of him making less than her; once she paid everything she wouldn't even have money to put fuel in her car. Afterwards, he would leave her about $10 day to buy stuff to cook. She got out finally and is healing and rebuilding her life with her children

[@samsibbens8164]

What about the opposite - the abuser purpusely not working and making someone feel guilty if they don't help them financially?

[@phoenixrising4768]

I was given the use of an apartment saying it is for me.. because they wanted me around; then later when everything went downhill, they asked me to pay a rent for the 8 years I used the apartment which ran to thousands. If they would have told me earlier I wouldn't have opted. Do I need to pay for it at all. I mean it's family. Should I fight?

[@annmarielyn1869]

Can relate, Family, ex-boyfriend, flying monkeys hardcore used to sit on their butts at work joking about how I'd lose my house and be homeless one day. Literally I hate them more than anything on this earth. They go to each job and smear campaign, stalk, manipulate others, and the systems are designed to punish the victims imho.

[@sharonmonathcohen3642]

The scars are hard to heal

[@truthteller1973]

My ex and my mother and sister all are great at this one sick self . They want your money really 😔. They all are blocked three years yesss and glad they are gone.

[@christymckee8133]

...supposedly works all the time and takes my money for bills then dont pay those bills. All this is another chapter in the book im going to have to write one day.

[@andreawannop8670]

My situation....financially supporting my new husband for 3 years. In the 3 Rd year he told me that he had a job under minimum wage and for 6 months contributed the tiniest amount of income (not enough to even cover the food he ate every month). I found out that in that time, in fact his income had been 10 times the amount he had told me. We are divorced now.

[@NoMoreHeroesAnymore1334]

Deleted my novel to give you the TLDR: This is a HUGE thing with narc parents and minor kids and it ruined me and my brother AND kept my mom prisoner: And best of all--it's normal and legal and nobody even cares. The fact that minors "can't own money" is disgusting and designed to enable abuse, period, IMO. My narc "owner" worked at a bank and used that. I'll stop typing here because you'll just get yet another novel. This needs to be like TREASON ILLEGAL when you are in any position of power over anyone else. Period.

[@NoMoreHeroesAnymore1334]

Hey, kids of narcs: You can do this, f them forever, I believe in you. Also, in a single word: BITCOIN

[@jasha5847]

Thank you, Very helpful.

[@makeshiftmasquerade]

Dr. Magee, or anyone, can I get your advice on something? I am not sure if this is financial abuse, but my parents essentially bought me a car “out of necessity” without my consent, and paid for more than half of it. Then they took almost all of the money I made working at a job that destroyed my mental health to pay the rest off. They didn’t leave me with nothing, thankfully, but I still feel like it left me with less than 100$ to my name and that makes me scared. They pay for almost everything in my life, including meds I need to function to begin with. For some reason whenever I get close to becoming my own person, something gets in the way, and I never have enough to handle anything myself. I am autistic, which makes the adjustments to independence even harder for me. It felt like I was being punished for not being able to just deal that first job I got by my parents suddenly demanding I keep working there until I had enough to pay them back. I had to go put massive amounts of money into the car loan at the bank just yesterday, and the teller congratulated me for how much I was putting in to pay off this debt, which stung a bit…as it was literally almost all the money I had. My mom said once it is paid off, the car will be put in my name and I will have to cover everything for it. When I bring up the concern that this debt in their name is being paid off with all my remaining funds and I will have no money to really help my transition to cover those costs, my mom says it isn’t anything to worry about because “you’re going to start working again right away, right?” I was hoping for more time to just rest and get myself back into a better mental state, but the pressure was on the moment I left that stressful job and got home… The first thing my mom said to me when I got in the door was “The countdown begins”, to “make sure I know” and I don’t cause any “drama”. The timer of 2 months ticking down before my mom would “make me get a job even if I didn’t like it” caused me so much anxiety. She seems to think me knowing my limitations is me being picky about job positions, and says if I were more “desperate” I could find something faster. I guess she was right about that last part… I managed to find another job within five days of leaving my last one by begging my psychiatrist for help, and this employer seems like she understands my family situation all to well due to her connection to my doctor. I start working tomorrow, and I am nervous since I am stretched so thin. I wanted more time to just recuperate but I can’t afford it. I am not sure where my parents will end on demanding I help pay off things or suddenly start paying for my own medication now. I saved up so much money and now it is all gone for that car. Maybe it is a smart move, but I feel like my entire progress towards independence has been erased… I’m reset to square 1. It feels awful.

[@LifeChangePlans]

Perhaps you need to speak to a professional. A Dr. A therapist or someone you can trust. Explain your circumstances ask for help.

[@pamm8333]

In highschool, My moM would do this abuse. She required the bank to need BOTH our signatures to cash my work checks so she could black mail me into behaving certain ways. Additionally My mom would create drama prior to my work and school events in order to shame me and make me late or get in trouble w my boss. She knew i was highly Conscientious and could exact maximal abuse by causing me to fail/shame me in these ways, and watch as i scrambled to put another school project together because she had trashed my originals. When i left home my mom kept my ssn card and birth certificate in a safe. See i was born overseas to an american citizen(my dad) mom is korean. and it was extremely difficult to obtain another. She laughed as i begged for my credentials to work and go to college. Pointing her bony cigerette holding fingers … “didnt i tell you pammy? Now you needa your mama insndee?” “Whatchu do now. Whose smart now” she would cackle. “One you will needa your mama and you know what im gonna do? SPIT in you face” and then she would blow a lungfull of cigerette smoke into my sickened face

[@LifeChangePlans]

Would that be the sadistic personality type? In a relationship you never think you are being abused. When you believe that your partners behaviour is trying to protect you. Or that gifts are his kind and generous personality. Or that their decision to pay an allowance and then throw it back in your face when you never asked for their money.

[@Utaker935]

What about scrutinising every transaction and essentially forbidding me to spend. I earn 1.5 times the amount my partner does and I virtually never question anything my partner spends. My partner has locked me out of $50K worth of savings. The excuse is that I am not good with money. I never touched a cent of savings. I did however go a little crazy with money when I was briefly free. Now that is used to make me feel terrible about spending.

[@TheFireFoxTribe]

Interesting, Thank you. Help would be nice

[@liz636]

My story a bit different.. my partner was more than happy for me to work as they obviously had NO predilection OR pride to be in gainful employment... As you've stated in other vids bout covert narcs that all came down to their anxiety and being the victim of circumstances...poor me.. the WHOLE world is against me being successful altho I'm actually brighter than most 🙄🙄🙄 YIP.. that's wot drew me to them.. their intellect and many other REAL bona-fide attributes and talents BUT it was all A BIG mind Fkn lie ... Nah Nah Nah..YIP I was the cash cow and altho they at times accused me of " seeing " some1 in work environment they still NEVER wanted me to give up work because they felt more powerful and socially superior within "their" network of friends/acquaintances ( plebs ) his thots not mine .. Look at me guys...I dont earn money but I'M doin brill coz my partner is a professional person n "I'M" livin in a kinda prime local residential location... WELL they aint now.... AND yes they tryin SOOOOO hard to stop me moving 4ward but they WONT succeed.. They might put obstacles in my way but I'm just gona bat em right out the park 🏏🎾🏏🎾🏏.. Luv n blessins to ALL trying to navigate the fall-out from narc madness ❤❤❤❤❤

[@andrewrees8749]

My mum is in a nursing home with Dementia, my sister wanted to sell my mum's house to her daughter , for a greatly reduced price, so I would loose out financially, I said no, her family hardly speak to me now, all because I don't have children .

[@LifeChangePlans]

Hello Darren I have been following your videos for a few months. You have some great content. Could you do some content on how a person might want to seek revenge or punish the person they were in a relationship with. Wanting to destroy someone and leave that person emotionally, psychologically and financially devastated.

[@TerryAlexander]

Thank You

[@andrewrees8749]

My wx G.F inherited a family home, she didn't even offer for us to go out for dinner ,after the sale

[@nickyhayden1687]

Bro you'll have 100k subs in less than a year from now , i'll bet you dollars to donuts. Keep up the good work.

[@sannajohanna5579]

Somehow the list of abusing reminds me of banks: their business idea is: ”Give us your money and pay for it. We also control how and when you can use your money and at anytime, we can close your account…” Then, people kindly and free willingly give their hard estned money to the bank every month. Or every time they get their salary or other invome. And that narcissist bank controls everything.

[@gypsylee73]

This is an interesting one because my ex-narc (I left 20 years ago and he's back in my life since our daughter got pregnant) is obsessed with money but that's one thing he was quite fair with with me.

[@michellechilberry9277]

So true 🙏🏿

[@kaystephens2672]

My adopted mother paid me 10 cents when I cut the grass. Not a good way to teach a child the value of their worth. And hid food in her room. Been gone 10 years. Sometimes the trauma bond is so bad it takes years to realize how cruel and sick they truly were. Its a tough thing to see. Reading the Mask of Sanity now. These people just make no sense.

[@esme6346]

OK, a HUGE amount of these outlined apply, thank you. I try to say no, he doesn't fit that profile so I'm not making the wrong judgement. My father IS this person. He kept my mother in financial chains and did it to me til I afforded solicitors to fight for my inheritance. I've won 125k, enough to get away. He owes me 6 years working for him gratis & 29k he put in writing he'll give and now rescinds. I have HARD evidence of financial misappropriation of my mum's personal account pre her demise without POA. I have more hard facts. Q: Can I put to him I want 50k he owes me more, or its one phone call to fraud squad & 1 to his main services supply for 40+ years fraud? I'm moving far away & telling no one bar 3 independant folk where.

[@raschelelliott7667]

I’m not like in the uk. Any suggestions for america ?

[@Historybuffhere]

I like that subscriber count! 😉

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

👍👍👍

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

The LOVE of money is the root of all evil, Jesus loved the leper & the lame, not the loot!

[@juliebrickley2562]

Sometimes, they do it with well intentions , or doing this for their "own good".

[@whotelakecity2001]

Hi Darren, thanks for incredible content. I really like the video without you wearing glasses. Glasses feel like barrier. Also, it would be great if there was a source of light in front of you as the light above creates shadows on your face. Thanks

[@derek5168]

No one is indebted to nobody there has to be laws to stop this type of behaviour

[@gflem]

This is so true

[@benjamincaddle2018]

If in the event of a death and the executive doesn't carry out the wishes of the deceased because they took advantage of vague instructions is that financial abuse?

[@sandyhowell9633]

So how do you find out who they are and what to do about it?

[@shannonluck5066]

How about the abuser purposely remaining underemployed. Keeping the victim trapped by poverty... 😮

[@LifeChangePlans]

It does not end after the termination of the relationship. The ex promised support with a letter telling me he would pay what he termed “gifts” but those gifts were dependent on me behaving as he requests, which was respect him, respect his property, and not get in the way of selling the home. Then he abandoned me in the property we were meant to share. My name not being on the deeds. It was two weeks later while he was in the home of his new lover that he sent me his email telling me I would be evicted and I will leave with nothing. That was October 2020. I have been through some huge grief and trauma from this experience I wrote my story and I self published from necessity. The Spanish Civil Court hearing is June 10th.

[@kroelie8139]

My parents in law would me paying their mortgage,

[@maryw3989]

He thought he had me until I threatened to expose him for who he really is to everyone with actual proof that would destroy him. What he didn't understand about me because he didn't want to know anything about me because I was nothing more than a source of supply to him, his mission was to use me for what he wanted to use me for and devalue me, leading up to the discard... Oops he didn't know that I'm the Queen of keeping records I have pictures and videos and documents that go back many years I can prove everything with undeniable evidence that will destroy him. Turns out that even a narcissist cares about their reputation when It's on the line.

[@leanita7549]

💯

[@thrivingnow7395]

The ex-narc spent literally tens of thousands on several occasions and I had to use my credit rating to take out loans in my name and spend years paying off those loans for what was just a few weeks of his gambling addiction. That left me working six- or seven-day weeks for years. He simply repeated that behaviour and got other "supplies" to pay for it later on. When I challenged him, I was met with violence. Additionally, when he had lost his employment during early lockdown, he spent literally thousands on "false banknotes" believing it would make him rich. I left, obviously, but this kind of delusion destroys lives. The lives of everyone the narc is connected to. Get out and stay out (GOSO). No contact is the only solution.

[@crystalhuffman3968]

#unitedstatesofamericaundergod #GodblessAmerica #InGodWeTrust #ROYALSALUTE #republicans #GOP #ptkfamily #Americans #republic

[@Sooz3112]

💔 x

[@mfar3016]

This is my ex, to a T!

[@joynkindness]

Known many narcissists. M

[@salvationchristrevelation.8166]

LET THE WICKEDNESS OF THE WICKED COME TO AN END!THE WORD OF GOD IS CLEAR ON THE FATE OF THOSE WHO ARE BEING WICKED TO US!MAY THEY REPENT QUICKLY, OR ELSE FACE THE SEVERE JUDGEMENT OF JEHOVAH GOD!THEY STEAL FROM US THEY STEAL FROM THE WIDOW AND THE ORPHAN!

[@weareallbeingwatched4602]

Are we talking about the mainstream industrial economy, here? Josef Stalin... Hitler...

[@gregwindell7702]

BRAD WINDELL AQUATIC AND WET LAND NURSERY COLORADO FT LUPTON

[@gregwindell7702]

Poster child

[@colours01]

This sounds a little familiar, however I have been complicit. We’ve learned to live lean, no credit cards. I’m happy to walk. Away from everything financial. I can be happy in any situation. Due to issues with an elderly mother, I left my work. While I am actually grateful, lately my husband has returned to comments like, “ we’re a team”, I need u to know I see it as. Our money, not just mine,as I’m the income earner.” I think he enjoys being the income earner( classic male role).like when I was pregnant, and he said in his generosity “ I’d prefer you to stay at home until he goes to school”, wtf. So after two years of listening to how hard he worked and how grateful I should be, I found work, organised child care,and picked up new skills.( after renovating the house, being siocial secretary with his family and friends re birthdays etc/ not to mention letting go of a huge opportunity in my work in a bank and arranging staff rates for the housing loan,) so now after many years, not working again, I’m loving it.it is taking a bit of discapline to ensure I’m taking advantage of my time.I’m actually exercising for the sake of exercising for the first time ever.I have my worst scenario out, and can. And will walk away if necessary

[@then35t18]

What my Narcissistic older brother did to me when we rented together was get me to quit my job by blaring movies right outside my room at night, every night, getting me to stay up late, mixing me drinks etc etc. This made me more dependent to him and was the beginning of my financial abuse.

[@joynkindness]

My brother, too. M