Recognizing Our Toxic Traits: “I Can be Very Passive Aggressive”

Often times we blame other people in our lives for our downfalls when we really should be looking inward. We reveal which toxic traits we may identify with.
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#ToxicTraits #PassiveAggressive #LookingInward

[@mariamshah338]

My toxic trait is that I tend to avoid problems instead of face them head on. I’m working on dealing with life as it is.

[@plazadechula]

Me too. My avoidance has manifested now in avoiding the people I used to enjoy spending time with. Working on it :/

[@2sense110]

You should avoid problems. You should only confront the problems you can't avoid or should not avoid

[@mariamshah338]

@@2sense110 I meant that I avoid problems that aren’t going to go away unless I solve them.

[@mariamshah338]

@@plazadechula same. we’ll get there someday

[@tamikasmith4219]

Me too I shut completely down.

[@panny2917]

My toxic trait is that I easily get defensive. Whenever I feel wronged or like my words are being disregarded, I start to get impatient and I start to gain a rude tone, which I always feel horrible about after the fact. I'm learning to be more patient and to take my time before responding to people so I can find the best words possible to describe what I'm truly feeling.

[@jennbrooms8058]

I'm just like that 😭😭

[@tishataray]

Me too

[@jjlovesgreentea]

This is me 😭😭😭

[@kizie2196]

Same

[@sylviaharriet]

It's okay 😌 at least you're aware of it and willing to work on it 😊

[@CandyCoated96]

I am good at the silent treatment. I hate that about me, and I know it's toxic...but it is how I deal with anger, frustration and uneasiness. This definitely makes people mad.

[@roxjnie9028]

@A C it is toxic, it’s a form of emotional manipulation. the silent treatment is different from a freeze response.

[@-.-9436]

I used to always talk back and argue but now i just stay quiet but i know i shouldn’t lol

[@briannarobinson1107]

Grow up.

[@A22DNAL]

It's a powerful one, too LOL

[@Culimocumar101]

Same to you,

[@elizabethwilliams5714]

I love what Jeanie said about asking what happened in last relationship’s. I asked my husband why him and his ex split? I kinda already had an idea just from what I had to deal with. Every time he would say oh she didn’t do this or she didn’t do that etc etc….he never admitted his part in it. I’ll be honest that my toxic trait is I want to be petty when someone hurts me. I want to hurt them as much as they did me and I just wanna get petty. Yeah I’m working on it. Lol

[@Noliving]

I wonder how Jeannie would react if any of the guys she was dating said they had never been in a relationship.

[@stacyr4768]

I’m vindictive as well

[@lilyzemengist8091]

Relatable

[@A22DNAL]

That is one that can def do more damage than good! Whew!

[@deannailer4297]

R u a Taurus lol

[@inspirationalempressoflove220]

Jeanie has really come a looong way in her growth from the early days on the show back when Tamar was still on here and the version of herself she's become now....she has transitioned beautifully in process of growth. 👍🥰

[@elleestchouxxxxxxxxe]

I love this kind of conversation

[@lk5393]

Me too!!

[@MARIARODRIGUEZ-xb5cb]

Yes!!!!!

[@UjumpoUnravels]

Me too🙂

[@jennymarie4073]

My toxic trait is I have a hard time setting boundaries with people in my life.

[@christeec1918]

I'm going to miss The Real! I hope you ladies find a way to work together again!

[@A22DNAL]

At first...I was like "nah, I ain't got no toxic trait!" Then it hit me. I can be VERY dismissive! And I mean, it comes naturally!😂

[@apolloangel4754]

Yes anger is a secondary emotion !

[@alexisking8495]

Yes 👏🏽

[@elevatedbyelle]

nah sometimes i can feel anger if i’ve been abused or violated.

[@apolloangel4754]

@@elevatedbyelle exactly it’s secondary… so you feel abused/violated and that makes you angry. There’s always a root to anger

[@kingdomheartscomments8742]

Actually it's a primary emotion. In psychology, the five primary emotions are anger, joy, sadness, disgust and fear (like in the movie inside out), but yes, anger is often a reaction to underlying issues/feelings.

[@TiffanyRayneOfficial]

I don't know if it's a toxic trait, it could be I guess, but I tend to let things build up and build up with me without expressing what is wrong or bothering me about the person/people or the current situation I may be dealing with, then when everything comes to a head I explode on everybody. But the reason I suppress a lot of my feelings is because I'm largely misunderstood. And no matter what I do to let my feelings be known, I get misunderstood. Folks just won't/don't get it. So it causes a lot of frustration for me.

[@ML-ni1tk]

Hi Tiffany, I feel you. Its frustrating and isolating to feel misunderstood, especially by those closest to you.I can't say I have the antidote to immediately solve your problem but I hope my words are helpful and encouraging to you. You are not alone, darling. God is always there for you. If you feel those around you misunderstand you, know that at the very least God is there. He understands and is willing to listen.I pray that you overcome this challenging time swiftly and those around you get to see and embrace your light and vice versa

[@sstrugglinginthe]

Girl same! People misunderstand or assume they know me better then I know myself and I get annoyed

[@mikori120489]

Me tooo I am like that. I can explain the best way I can and people either never believe what I am saying (depends on situation) or take my word another way which frustrates me and this always make me feel dumb. Because of that I get mad inside and don’t say nothing but will still think about it later. If the same person continues on acting like that and makes me feels ways I don’t want too and on top this person acts like he or she is giving me advise on how to speak, think etc.. this is when I explode and will stay in my corner because I am tired. Instead of people listening and understanding they already jump to conclusion and annoyed you more and don’t realize their behavior.

[@TiffanyRayneOfficial]

Thank you guys, I truly appreciate the encouraging words.

[@victoriamciver9900]

I am the same too girl don't feel bad!💖

[@Msladyrae92]

That’s the first thing I thought of when A was talking , a lot of ppl replace anger with embarrassment or hurt. Name the feeling. It’s a great exercise for children as well.

[@adimfavourmaris4578]

You'll lose good people so please do something about it

[@Msladyrae92]

@@adimfavourmaris4578 Not me , I def have been on the receiving end of it though. Displaced anger is no joke.

[@chelseacarrington1110]

My toxic traits are the fact that I can be a bit controlling at times and also I don't communicate in a healthy way. I hate confrontation so I avoid any issues that later bubble up into anger and then it starts an argument because I've been holding back for so long. I also need to let people have their space when we're arguing, I always want to "fix" the problem when it happens even though looking back I didn't have all of my thoughts together as well so having conversations at the moment was useless.

[@colourqueen22]

Oh my God are you me????? 😮

[@Killerdolce1]

Shall we start a support group for people like us?

[@viviangonzalez2520]

Omg this is my Man! He will Not let me have my space he wants to fix it right then and there, and I feel a Ball in my throat literally because I feel trapped and I can’t process anything ! I am left defeated, and then I get this ugly cry because I feel that he don’t listen to what I gotta say, he just want to keep the peace fast and fix it…. And I am left drowning in my emotions and suffocated.

[@CharCharJars]

I can relate for sure. My friend tells me to just wait because sometimes. I may not be completely ready emotionally, but I’m in a rush to make it right because it feels like it’s eating me up inside. Being mindful to pray first and give it a little time, without it being forever, because I don’t like feeling bitter either 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@pontshopriscilla]

My toxic traits are being controlling, easily irritated and very impatient.

[@yunidiar]

I learned anger is a secondary emotion. Sometimes it’s hurt or anxiety, that makes me overwhelmed and ppl or I just label it anger

[@HernameisSAFFA]

My good sis Jeannie got the heel game under lock and key.

[@dcheng9]

Wow…I was so helped by Adrienne’s comment on anger. I didn’t realize I mask so many of my real feelings by expressing them as anger when it’s actually not the root of how I’m really feeling after a person does or says something. I will try to use this to try to communicate better with my loved ones and those around me.

[@jasonchristopher5316]

Masking the real emotion with anger is the one for me. It usually happens when I feel powerless in a situation that concerns or worries me and I know how worse the situation can get.

[@Claudia-yc8xk]

I love this topic ... I'm too emotionally driven at times, sometimes I need to sit back, think and process before I react. Also the silent treatment was a toxic trait of mine in my last relationship but now that I've discovered the reasons why I reacted that way it makes sense, sometimes when we are with someone that displays certain behaviours we then start to develop toxic traits.

[@sabrina.natalie]

I have a couple of toxic traits. One - I overthink constantly. I make up scenarios in my mind that haven’t even occurred, which lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Two - when I’m an argument, especially when I’m angry and overwhelmed, I tend to allow my emotions to govern how I respond to situations, which lead to hurtful words, shame and regret, and hurt feelings. I’m definitely aware of those traits, and I’m working to overcome them. It’s easier said than done at times, but I will master it.

[@matthewdavidlandberg91588]

I currently struggle with anger, especially towards my brother & sister in law as well as my parents. But there's a good reason for it. My sister in law is immature and my treats like I'm lazy which I'm not even though I don't have an job (Just over broke) which I'm not. I'm not broke.

[@jrlibra6019]

Acknowledgment is key i always say "When you know better you do better, when you do better you get better.

[@ncz7]

💗

[@nellyluscious]

My toxic trait is that I tend to bottle up my emotions when I should be letting them out! I try to spare feelings and have respect, when really, I could be vicious! But I just rather not say than say. This cn be bad and good.

[@josephlovely7759]

Who ever embarassed , bilittled or rejected Adrienne, hurt her deeply. She is a pleaser, pick-me girl because of that

[@susanjordan11]

Where did you get that from? She’s happily married and Israel treats her great! Usually pick-me’s are women who say whatever to appease men even when it’s to their detriment. Seeking male approval etc.

[@sadcatsam]

I think Lenny ! She always mentions Lenny on the lowkey

[@josephlovely7759]

@@susanjordan11 Adrienne is always on men's side. She would also tone down to make other women like her. Yes, Israel is great with her but she's still insecure

[@Max-ec2dj]

I don’t really think so tho, i love psychology and very in to different attachment styles and personally i think she yes might be a pleaser (i think so because i can relate) and the thing she said about feeling humiliated or rejected i can relate to as well! It has something to do with trauma from childhood and not feeling good enough so you try to please and very unconfortable with confrontation. You can also grow up where you might have gotten criticised a lot for things and therefor might have harsh reaction to any type of feeling like you are rejected. But i would also say that it’s normal for people with a fearful avoidant attachment (the mix between being anxious and avoidant in relationstips) you might react bad when feeling rejected also. Oh and people who have this might fear relationships or that they don’t deserve love or that their partner will betray them och something, but in my opinion adrienne has gotten soo good in her relationstip with Israel and has learned to love her self and also has a more secure attachment style now. But i can be wrong tho this is just my thought

[@yunidiar]

I think it was a lot of situations that got her in that space but I think she’s owning it beautifully now In her thirties. And Garcelle brings that out of the girls. Everyone wanted to stay safe and cute for tv but Garcelle is unapologeticly her rubs off in a good way on them

[@sofiabutterflies1635]

Mine is anger and control.. it's hard for me to get angry but when I do I blow up and that sucks for everyone else. As for controlling I like things done a certain way, a certain time and if u can't do it get out of my way I'll do it myself. and I feel better when Im in control of my environment.

[@AishaDiane]

I loved this conversation.

[@tih6317]

~ "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." ~

[@jeffrivera3612]

Mine is I am my own worst enemy. I am not kind to myself; I don’t speak kindly of myself and I let others try to dictate how I should be, which makes me want to people please. Hate that about me ..

[@BriaBarrows]

This 🙏🏾

[@A.Shawnee]

My toxic trait is that I dislike people. But, I love that about myself lmao.

[@andreac.5596]

Haha, that's funny

[@erikverikv3107]

You can tell nobody wanted to go first 😂 and Garcelle didn’t actually share one 🫣

[@salfra4476]

And when loni said one about her the other 2 ladies were like yeah that's us 2 lol I was watching this like they don't want to really admit their toxic traits and that in itself is a toxic trait lol

[@ll9212]

@erikverikv Because Adrian's very long winded! Always!!!😄

[@krissentiacharlery8154]

I’m going to miss these ladies soooo much

[@Msladyrae92]

It’s a red flag to me when a gentleman suitor is blaming everything on his ex. Yes she could have been the devil but you chose her so what does that say about you and what you felt you deserved. Self awareness is important especially when you’re looking to be different in a new relationship

[@naturalbeauty4892]

My toxic trait was always trying to help ppl heal and tryna come up with the answers. Like having a savior complex. At first its cool and you're there for them but then they get crazy attached and they weigh you down lol. N you soon realize I'm not qualified for this. Let broken ppl be. Don't involve yourself. Its not your job. N good Lord don't date them (with their ups and crazy downs)🤦🏾‍♀️theyre not fit for a healthy relationship

[@naturalbeauty4892]

@@Yohevedshalom I think the helping i wanted to do was more for me than it was about them. I think its kinda to feel like I got all the answers and you don't. Its my guess. All I know is its bad

[@BriaBarrows]

Yup! I had to learn this

[@aubriellemorgan]

I think I can be way too demanding of people re my expectations and dropping people like hot potatoes when they don’t do what I think they should.

[@naturalbeauty4892]

So honest of you. Thats deep introspection

[@preciousnunique]

Loni's eyelash is hanging on for dear life

[@cherrysIushie]

Asking yourself “what changed my mood?” to get down to the specifics is SUCH a good idea. Ugh they’re always speaking facts. I’m gonna miss this show

[@kosmiccandie]

Know it all. My mom always said I was not smart. So I research the hell out of stuff that I am interested in. I am judgemental because I want to surround myself with people who want to keep going and improving.

[@lizzieaftertaylor939]

Adrienne and Jeanni are more of what Loni is reading than they know. I don't think Adrienne sees herself, or Jeanni they are women who are very judgemental, have issues if you don't agree, are very phony etc. If anyone only sees the negative that you do or did are the problem but, refuses to see themselves. Many relationships don't work out because of that very reason. Many people believe they're perfect when in fact there is no such thing. Everyone has flaws but, it takes a person who knows themselves to own them. I confront issues head-on, speak up and own my mistakes. My husband says very few people have those traits. One thing I've learned in life is, that many people are phony, sneaky, and insecure most are not sincere at all. I never tell people anything I don't want repeated because they will repeat it.

[@nicoleyoshihara4011]

Very important to be self aware and work on becoming better 💯

[@yvetteaguirre444]

When Jeanie said “when I was in my 30’s” I went 😳😳😳 I forgot she’s in her 40’s! 😍

[@maolor1603]

Wow I love what Adrienne said! So true! We use anger as a cover

[@tahsia1]

Gosh I’m gonna miss this show! Learnt so much from this.

[@MsLBN]

The topics the ladies have been covering this season is so relevant and nessary but it works because the ladies are real and honest about how it worked in their real life experiences. Big mistake to cancel the show when they're finally hitting the mark that is not met on other shows by women of color, that have matured and are coming into their own like the viewers are doing as well.

[@kathleenweinberg6442]

I think adult should stop and think and figure out their own choices they made and separate their faults

[@taysimpson2571]

Yessss I can totally relate with Adrienne about rejection and embarrassed shield with anger 💯😪💯

[@TheGodswork123]

My toxic trait is, overthinking all the time, being too self-conscious and not being able to be in the moment completely

[@realliferealtalkwitheyram5543]

Powerful discussion…it’s important to have a retrospective analysis of ourselves…. And what’s more … to work on them

[@yogaqueen1527]

This show actually got better after cancellation was announced

[@OfficiallyBabyK]

My toxic traits that I am struggling with are I can be manipulative but to myself and I can be negative about myself and I am learning how to communicate my feelings and thoughts so I won’t stress myself out cuz that feeling does not feel good at all… like Adrienne I also deal really hard with rejection and feeling like I am not good enough for anything or anyone and I just realized that I can be jealous especially when it comes to relationships

[@notyayo]

I can say I think I know what my toxic traits are but I wonder what those around me would say, because they SEE it.

[@rmjerome1182]

Jeannie is such a Cap lol

[@charlesjravery6655]

That just puts out aknot that you are shamed be invoices needed😎🥶

[@rowena8691]

This is powerful❤

[@missey7553]

Loni I love you but please remove those bear claws on you eyelids.

[@LiveLoveLaugh-MG]

My toxic trait is that I get extremely impatient and it leads me to get major anxiety and I tend to flip out. I feel Adrienne cus I get the same way. If I feel rejected or ashamed I lash out but digging deep like this makes me see why I act the way I di

[@rolonda21]

Yalls toxic traits are talking over each other 😂

[@CharCharJars]

YAAAASSSSSS 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 YA’LL CAME ALL THE WAY THROUGH ON THIS ONE!!! *Was just talking about getting upset when people ignore me(don’t respond to me) & the real issue behind it is, I feel disrespected.🤯 Going to work on this starting today☺️ Look for the root & begin pulling it up

[@maddieperks4427]

Im not going to lie i am judgmental but only when they do something that goes against my beliefs and morals. Like if someone i knew were to stay in a relationship with a man that is cheating on them i would totally judge just because it’s against what i believe in. If someone does something that’s different from my opinion i start judging. Im also very passive aggressive but only when i stated my opinion and someone disagrees with me thats where i get defensive about my opinion. I guess im just stubborn or really passionate about my beliefs or opinions on things.

[@yellaymb]

in another video adrienne said “it takes ALOOOT for me to get angry” and now she’s admitting to having anger issues smh 🤦🏽‍♀️ 🙄🙄🙄

[@BriaBarrows]

I can identify them and I’m working on it

[@TheAlreadytaken24]

I am not sure if this was toxic but definitely giving someone more chances than needed when I told them about my boundaries and what i would and would not accept..Also shutting down when i feel hurt or betrayed and just not answering my phone because i feel too vulnerable.. and last but not least.. i was seeing someone and i wasn't ready to be with that person and we started getting serious but i was selective in who i told.. which is realized i should have never done that regardless of my reasons.. i just wasn't ready for the reaction from one of my friends.. but i should have made the one i loved feel 100% secure....I'm working on things 😊

[@BriaBarrows]

They would probably be more honest behind the scenes

[@limmy3064]

Nobody wants to come home from work and be controlled by a partner.

[@CarloGonzalezTV]

“What just changed my mood?” *exactly*

[@MEGIDIOT]

I remember a job interview I had with my previous employer (a bank). They asked the infamous “what is your weakness?” question and after a long awkward silence of me trying to figure it out, I said I couldn’t tell them/didn’t know. It was awkward, but I got the job.

[@aidasa3791]

Is Jeannie pregnant again or what’s going on. On her ig she has such a flat tummy… photoshop? Surgery or

[@moumuooo.o2283]

they finished filming the rest of the show… So these shows are quite old.

[@Tam974eva]

u can still have a post partum belly. fat doesnt go away that soon bc ur stomach stretches when pregnant.

[@aidasa3791]

@@Tam974eva that's what I am saying though, she came to instagram with a very flat stomach. I was actually surprised. but now here she has a tummy but people are saying it's an old clip?

[@zulikashanaz]

I love these kind of topics!!!

[@yellaymb]

i’m suppose to believe jenne and garcelle legs are the same shade? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 okay. heavy on the tanning all of a sudden are we??

[@Tracey122872]

Its amazing how they all insist they uave none of these traits and if they do admit it they rationalize why it is ok for that behaviour

[@awade2436]

Mine is saying no to my partner I always feel like I have to say yes or I feel bad about it

[@marcellacollins4697]

Why she allways talkin first then want everybody else to go first

[@SleepyArcticBirds-ft4lb]

My toxic trait is not speaking up for myself and settling.

[@javga9656]

Jinie why u want to ask ur ex why they broke up like don't be toxic

[@hoodlutalo3708]

White women in the work place being passive agressive with me. ........ this is why I'm going to into entrepreneurship

[@casandraalverez5245]

I always want my bf to know why I'm mad without telling him why

[@thoughthub8900]

jeannie is blaming her ex for her own toxic behavior

[@meaganbianca2978]

Ladies are living to be able to share such “negative” personal information about themselves that others can try taking advantage of. They focus though on the people they are helping.

[@user-ef5id9km3p]

I feel like Garcelle didn't really own up to a toxic trait. She kind of alluded to when something 'changes her mood'. Did she mean she's moody, bad tempered? I didn't get her one. I don't think she's good at admitting when she's wrong. Case in point, this video, and on RHOBH. I find her very passive aggressive on that show. She'll admit some things, but always glosses it over with some excuse, or by shifting the blame or playing the victim.

[@mobrown7594]

Mine is over analytical and can be distant, Jeanie yours it controlling ohh Freddie lol , negative and anger, Lonnie is manipulative she always tries to manipulate a situation just cause she feels she can’t change it and also self centered, Adrian passive aggressive and sometimes does not speak up, Garcelle is petty at times and messy at times side bar nit picky. From my observations of y’all this is what I got

[@DEMETRIUSblaze]

My toxic Traits top 5 Judgemental Over thinker Control freak mildly Loner Don't take no mess respectfully blunt

[@BexandAiden1111]

Mine would be being self critical. A person could literally punch me in the face and I’d be like “sorry my face hit your fist” I’m working on this through therapy.

[@loveafrica97]

Yes, I have a dark humour and passive aggressive

[@shanerob681]

A few years ago I probably would have agreed with Jeannie that it’s a red flag if someone says their last relationship ended because of things the other person did. However, experience has shown me that when a relationship breaks down, there is not always 50/50 blame/wrongdoing. Also, there are a lot of people who will not disclose all of the details of why their last relationship ended. Some are dishonest and some have been burned and are cautious about who they share their vulnerabilities with.

[@victoriairias7703]

i have non... but my toxic trait is not communicating my real feelings.... i keep them to my self.... but with my sisters i used to not control my emotions because she is colerica y yo melancolica flematica, so she had a stonger temper .... so it was hard to deal with her, so it made me have a strong temper towards her . ... and i am dry in my responses .... but now not anymore.

[@charlesjravery6655]

Tried to tell you something even not place

[@707tich]

I think Im Controlling, judgmental but I think it’s really Critical of others (I say it all in my head) not because Im Frighten to tell them straight up I just no better. And lastly anger not to harm or angry for stupid things but when I’m gonna blow I will blow 🙈 but I do apologise.

[@peterlovington8952]

My toxic trait is that if we have a conversation we will always end talking about me and my issues. I don't listen to people. Where ever I go I always end up fighting with people. I am very judgmental. I see the bad in everything and everyone

[@seraiahjames]

My toxic trait: judgmental for sure or using discernment to condemn people in my heart without actually getting to know them . But not to name names: only two of the ladies were Real in this clip!

[@preciousjahi8524]

I’m not ashamed to say this but my toxic trait is I throw rocks and hide my hands and I’m very controlling

[@meileevaj]

My toxic trait is not dealing with conflict.. I hate dealing with people… I either agree just to have them be quiet or I walk away…

[@noreenperez8666]

Attractive to bad boys? Who does that? Not me🙄

[@Tam974eva]

we dont choose bad boys they choose us. but its up to us to leave them.

[@hannahwalmer1124]

Loni laughing at her having anger issues was concerning and now I fear for James just a smidge more.

[@marcywhitesell497]

Are u really not going to be on the air anymore

[@ra4207]

Oh great topic! Speak more about this! A you made me really think 🤔

[@juneblogger22]

He knows he cant go that far he dont have social skills he's a computer.

[@TFernandx]

I take things personally

[@fauxange5105]

I don't know about anyone else it's owning whatever traits I need to work on which is "anger" however I don't hide it to project. I don't tend to avoid talking about touchy subjects and that's one of my strengths. In introspect I would say not having expectation of how people should act prevents negative feelings when It's addressed in a healthy way.

[@Donimo90]

I have toxic traits!!! I just don't know how to begin to be better.

[@Sarah-zg2iq]

Same here, rejections and being embarrassed.

[@UjumpoUnravels]

Why do they want to end this show. Gosh . Bad decision