I ABANDONED A Baby! |

[@natalieschweitzer6102]

My fiancé and I are getting married on our friend's birthday (our dating anniversary and her birthday are the same day). Before we started looking at venues, we asked her how she'd feel about it, and she gave the green light. If our friend wasn't okay with it, we would have chosen a different date. OP expressed that he wasn't okay with sharing his birthday BEFORE she booked a venue. There was time to pick a different date.

[@tyraxtyra]

His birthday has been on June 1st for 20 years yet she decided to pick that date to have a wedding on and his 21st birthday at that? She is weird and I wouldn’t go either tbh

[@faceofvision]

Why are you acting as if she planned to get married specifically when he turned 21 lol. Coincidences happen and making a big deal of the 21st birthday just feeds into unhealthy alcohol culture and breeds people like the op from the dry wedding story.

[@kloe.404]

While birthdays don’t mean much after your 30s a 21st birthday is a big deal to a lot of people. Just because you don’t see it as important doesn’t mean you should expect the person celebrating to share your view. You could’ve picked any other day

[@kloe.404]

As a 20 year old I’d skip a wedding to celebrate my 21st, especially if it was someone that obviously didn’t think about my attendance while planning.

[@arduousPopsicle]

Exactly!! It was huge to me

[@rapunzelsempai]

I spent my 21st birthday at a funeral for my grandma. She died on my uncles birthday, we had the service on my other uncles birthday the day after, and the burial on mine the next day. There are worse places to be on your birthday than a wedding. That being said, the sister had three months worth of dates to pick from, so she should have planned ahead. A death is unplanned, a birthday comes every year. And I hope she wasn't self centered enough to not know her brothers birthday.

[@AlvarodeAlmeidaSantos]

But there's also the fact that forever from then on she wouldn't go to his birthday because it will be her wedding aniversary. So it's not only for the birthday, but for what will happen forever from then on.

[@ariannewingard1660]

The mother's day story was just Father's day part 1, He failed at making sure his wife felt special at all - He didn't watch his own kids, he didn't do the message , he didn't set up his wife with more people she can talk to, his gift screamed "I pick this up at a ross after work" ,they need marriage counseling asap otherwise the build in resentment will just lead to a divorce .

[@shayg2373]

I think the problem with having your wedding on a siblings bday is that the day of the wedding is fine, but now every single year after you share the date with an anniversary and family has to choose if they have parties for anniversaries or birthday party etc. It was shitty to make his bday about her

[@danesinthedaisies]

Is it a common thing for family to throw anniversary parties for the couple every year? For me it’s always been a private celebration between the couple with the exception of major anniversaries (for example, my husband and his siblings gathered to celebrate their parents 50th anniversary).

[@shayg2373]

@danesinthedaisies it's different for different people. Myself and hubs only celebrate together but I have an aunt and uncle that have a party every year for their anniversary and a few other people have them every year or 2. And while missing one birthday wouldn't be a big deal, from hear on out, if they ever wanna celebrate their anniversary he'll have to miss his bday bc of it which isn't fair

[@redbunny22]

That's weird nobody cares about other peoples anniversary.

[@hcf4kd1992]

​@@redbunny22totally agree. The only anniversary parties I've been to are 50th for my grandparents, which is actually cause for a party.

[@shayg2373]

@@redbunny22 I agree lol but people do it nonetheless.

[@throwbackpoet8598]

I’ve been in that situation where older women tried to force me into accepting a possible scenario of giving birth and I love how OP responded. It’s so invalidating and insulting to experience.

[@divinecrime]

Her response was perfect and 100% validated why it’s important that women have options, so babies don’t get abandoned on church doorsteps.

[@charleejo9386]

The birthday and wedding one is messy. If he drinks and parties and has a good time in honor of turning 21 or anything like that, he’s taking the attention off of her. What if he gets sick? What if he’s a mean drunk? It’s too many variables to have on her special day and furthermore every birthday he has she will take precedent. I get it may not be a big deal for 1 day, but this will be a celebration that they will have for life which he will have to play second fiddle to if he wants her at his birthdays. He will always be the one making accommodations for her. And that’s the biggest problem.

[@atsooba]

Exactly ! Now his birthday became their anniversary date, it's so inconsiderate. The sister is acting like the kids are out of school for only one day. I would still attend, but I would take it personally as it really does set an unecessery precedent.

[@jessicabautista6209]

I believe that after the wedding his birthday will be the important thing to celebrate, anniversaries are not a big deal unless they have reached decades milestones. But like, really, celebrating birthdays as you get older is NOT at all a big deal. You can always celebrate before and after or both. Like, yeah, ok, I get that being 21 is a milestone and it’s representative. But you are reaaaaaaaaaaally going to miss your close family’s wedding forever (no pictures of you supporting your family and no good memories at the event all) because you want to get extra wasted a specific day? Like, commoooooon. I HAVE NEVER heard anyone saying “my birthday celebration sucked because it was a different day than my birthday, everything else was great” what makes a birthday celebration is your loved ones and the experience.

[@funnyfoxbird]

I don’t even know if I feel like the anniversary will overshadow his birthday, but there’s no way that I want to be super drunk in front of my grandmother on my 21st birthday

[@kitkatcombat]

The anniversary of the wedding will always overshadow his birthday and will likely be forgotten as the years go on. Their sibling relationship is now going to crumble. Cheers everyone 🎉

[@Taewills]

Not at all. Anniversaries are for that couple specifically- no one else will celebrate it lol. So everyone else could easily be celebrating OP’s birthday. Also scheduling conflicts happen- that’s adulting. It’s unreasonable to expect everyone to drop everything & leave the day/weekend open for OP. No biggie. I think those of us who have large families where there’s an event every weekend for months or a birthday that lands close to a holiday we understand this 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@kaitlynmorgan4613]

@@Taewills yeah but if the family celebrates anniversaries together before the couple goes home, ops birthday is gonna come second. and if not, op wont be able to see his sister on his birthday since she'll be celebrating her anniversary and then its one person from the family (2 if we include the fiance) missing

[@seshthecat]

​@@Taewills every single year instead of wishing me a happy birthday my cousin reminds me that I was her flower girl at her wedding on my 8th birthday. It sucks and makes me feel like my day means nothing. So yeah people do exactly what you say they don't.

[@Taewills]

@@kaitlynmorgan4613 having birthdays to oneself every year without celebrating anyone or anything else is a luxury. Again, it’s a part of life. Sometimes ppl have class / work/ a holiday on their birthday…. So?? Celebrate it the weekend before or after. OP and the sis will have to work it out. It’s not the end of the world or even a cause of resentment. OP will have a hard time adjusting to adult life by being so inflexible.

[@Taewills]

@@seshthecat geez welp my birthday is combined with my Mother’s Day acknowledgement- my own mother is still alive and sandwiched between 6 other family members birthdays, my sister’s anniversary and any graduations (we had 4 this yr). I suggest you find some other joy to cling to instead of that one detail. It’s merely life’s slight inconveniences. I’m not trying to be negative but ur birthday might be overshadowed by someone’s soccer game, SAT’s, senior trip etc. My point was the entire fam/world doesn’t prioritize anniversaries above birthdays. Anniversaries (unless it’s parents or grandparents 25/50 yr etc) only matter to the couple. Either the rest of the family prioritizes you or they don’t.

[@FamilyApproved]

My family is huge and so we steal everyone's "days". Weddings on birthdays, new birthdays on anniversary, birthdays on other birthdays, etc. There are literally 3 birthdays on January 20th. We don't care and make jokes. HOWEVER, a 21st birthday is a big milestone. That's mean and very intentional. She didn't even ask if OP would mind. There's no way there isn't another day. Heck, she could do the day after and so the wedding will be cheaper since there's always Sunday deals.

[@hcf4kd1992]

I wish John were here for story 1. This OP better get to HR and report her coworkers before one of them reports her, because unfortunately in companies with poor boundaries (!!!) and bad HR, they err on the side of the person who makes the report.

[@docfrancis5882]

The 4th story isn’t all that complicated to me. The brother even said beforehand in advance that he would most likely not be coming and the sister acted so shocked as if it was the first time she was hearing this information. He should be allowed to go celebrate the DATE OF HIS BIRTH and not have to overshadow it or be forced to be in a place where he’s not having the ability to do what he wants. The same thing happened with me. My mom’s birthday landed on my cousin’s wedding and I felt really guilty being at my friend’s wedding and not watching my mom open the gifts we got her. It’s messy, but I think the sister wasn’t thinking about her brother’s feelings.

[@nandica2801]

Just label the buttons...lol

[@inayah115]

Boosting this comment, lmao

[@kaitlynmorgan4613]

ikr i keep thinking about this 😭😭

[@Swiftsdragons]

Yeah, he should get a label maker and use that on the buttons and various other random household items.

[@hcf4kd1992]

I enjoy the chaos

[@lunaas1029]

I think about this every episode 😂

[@Pepperjack1986]

I remember my cousin's 11th birthday was the same day as my sister's wedding, and he was super salty that he didn't get his own birthday party. He spent the ceremony and part of the reception sulking. But he got a big surprise! My sister and her husband gave him a big birthday shout-out on the mic, and even gave some of their gift money to him on the spot. A lot of the other guests started approaching him and his parents with cash and checks (this was 1999, long before Venmo and Cashapp, lol). I'll never forget him sitting at the table gloatingly fanning out all the cash he'd gotten at the end of the night, which must have been at least $250, and that's not even counting the checks. I was 12 at the time and was jealous af, lol, mostly because my birthday is usually the day before or after Thanksgiving and gets forgotten most of the time. I'd felt smug that he was going to experience a forgotten or overshadowed birthday for once, and was crushed when he ended up with the spotlight and lots of gifts yet again. I guess what I'm trying to say is family is crazy.

[@beepboop8374]

As a millennial child of a boomer parent who definitely regretted having kids but will never admit it… envy and jealous rage is 100% why she pushes the idea of having kids onto other people 😂 she had 4 kids and hates us all. Will never admit it. But always argue with everyone that they should have kids, will want kids, etc.

[@redbunny22]

1:You just admitted it. 2: people with kids who are miserable want everyone to be as miserable as them.

[@imdone9967]

@@redbunny22I think they meant the mom won’t admit it

[@hcf4kd1992]

​@@redbunny22Not everyone with kids is miserable. And if they are, it really isn't because of their kids (usually); it's probably because of late stage capitalism. 😊

[@redbunny22]

@@hcf4kd1992 I was just saying the ones that are miserable have try to spread it. Mystery loves company.

[@xpeachypie4133]

@@hcf4kd1992no my mom actually did not like me 💀 i was not a perfect child (and an accident) that she could dress up and be her mini me. as a commie, late stage capitalism aint the problem here. Can be a factor, but it’s more people following social norms and traditions, not them thinking of birthing a kid to be a cog in the machine. Older generations especially just had kids because it was what everyone else did.

[@kaitlynmorgan4613]

even if the first op hated kids and didnt wish harm on them (because you can dislike them while hoping kids get treated well), it truly is ridiculous that those women asked sooo many questions just for a "gotcha" moment. op clearly doesnt want kids and they forced her into telling them an "unfavorable" answer. and their mom saying they were the ahole for not changing the subject? i dont think those women wouldve let it go until that last question. *they* are the ones who kept asking and some people who dont want to be parents may feel that even if they did, they wouldnt be good parents and therefore having no kids is selfless

[@liabowden8526]

The *Audacity* to say *OP* was the one stealing the nanny! Her kids are attached to Isabelle already and SIL thinks it's her right to just snatch her away?! I'm glad Isabelle gave OP the chance to match SIL's offer. Can't believe the husband is siding with his thieving sister. SIL's a snake. Watch your back OP, this won't be the last underhanded move she makes.

[@lina9535]

Calling SIL a snake is an insult to snakes. She's a roach.

[@UrMexicanMom54]

The birthday wedding story reminds me of my brother-in-law and former sister-in-law making the decision to marry on July 7, 2007. When she told me that they picked that day because it would be easier for my brother-in-law to remember their anniversary 07/07/07. I pointed out that their wedding day was 5 days before our 10th anniversary. The wedding was out of state and my daughter was to be flower girl and my husband was the best man. I was five months pregnant with our second child and we had plans to do a nice anniversary vacation because it would probably be awhile before we'd be able to travel. I hoped she would get the hint and change the wedding date, but she did not. Money was very tight for us so the money we would have used for our anniversary was spent on traveling and hotel accommodations, etc. Flash forward to a couple of years later and I find out my SIL was pissed because my BIL forgot their anniversary. A few short years later, they ended up going through a horrible divorce. And he has to travel back and forth several times a year to see their son because his toxic ex-wife won't make the trip to take their son to see my BIL. Am I still salty about being denied a 10th anniversary vacation for a marriage that ended up on the rocks? Yes, I am. But on the bright side, my husband and I will have been married 27 years and we have two beautiful kids. We are stronger than ever. I think karma worked out in our favor.

[@JAvantGartist]

“Surely you wouldn’t say stupid shit in front of coworkers” says the man with Ogtha merch

[@RedditOnWiki]

Checkmate

[@monicaherrera2224]

Dry wedding story - the only thing I agree with op on is that having all the information beforehand would have been ideal, mostly because I’d like to know the expectations and etiquette for drinking beforehand or bringing your own alcohol inside. I’d hate to accidentally upset someone, but if the guest don’t know there’s a good chance they’d drink beforehand, and who knows if being around drunk people is enough to trigger the bride or her family. That being said, what a tacky asshole! At most if would have been acceptable to say “I would have appreciated knowing there’d be no alcohol beforehand to be able to plan accordingly”, but demanding being reimbursed? What an idiot

[@KRAKENKRYPTED]

I share my birthday with three family members - my dad, uncle, and cousin. It's awful because we were forced to compromise on birthday dinner year after year due to family pressure. We were all born in different generations and have drastically different tastes. So, do I think it's crazy to schedule an anniversary for an immediate family members birthday? 100%. This isn't a one time event. They will celebrate their anniversary ANNUALLY. Also, asking him to forgo a rite of passage in the United States is inconsiderate. Going out to the bar with your friends on your 21st is something everyone should get to experience. You shouldn't be stuck celebrating with your sister's friends. She had an entire year to pick a different venue. She's the asshole.

[@JCNiinja]

The fact that they put the wedding on his birthday gives me the vibes that their anniversary every year is going to come first to his birthday every year afterwards. Which definitely sucks. I personally wouldn’t want a close family member to get married on my birthday.

[@WitchOracle]

The SIL in the nanny story is wild! I feel like in her shoes I would have asked OP if my daughter could come over once a week and would offer to contribute to costs, assuming the nanny was okay with a nanny-share situation.

[@kikidoyle4105]

You only turn 21 once. That’s a big day for US kids, I would be heartbroken. There’s how many days in a year? They should’ve changed the date. I feel op!

[@kokushiibou]

story 4: i grew up not celebrating my birthday (or anyone else’s in my family) at all, so hearing others talk about birthdays like a personal official holiday has been a shock that im still trying to get used to. i can see myself unintentionally creating a situation like op’s sister. that being said, i think i would backtrack and try to reschedule once i understood how important the birthday was, considering it’s an immediate family member.

[@smol1549]

The anniversary is going to overshadow his birthday. Any time he wants his sister to be with him on his birthday she’s not going to be because that’s her anniversary now. Choosing that day as her wedding day was going to drive a big wedge between them either way, I’d say nta. 45:54

[@JordanA71009]

He's an adult lol he's not gonna want to hang out with his sister on his birthday whose 5 years older and married

[@ghoullovinbutch]

As someone who didn’t want kids even before I found out I can’t have them for multiple converging reasons, this is a conversation/series of questions to reasonably take right to HR. I get to give people the uncomfortable factual answer (can’t have them) and even if you are capable, you definitely have my blessing to play that card, it’s not insensitive to say you can’t have kids because it’s none of their business *why* you can’t. Not wanting to have kids is its own reason why you can’t.

[@hann6643]

People will ask and ask and tell you over and over how much you want kids and then when you are honest they get offended and are horrified. Not everyone likes or wants kids

[@happybunnyntx]

My cousin got married on my birthday. They like to say we're like siblings since we're so close but then got married on my birthday of all days. On a saturday at the courthouse with just very close family. I tried to play it off like it was fine because this cousin likes to do things to get a rise out of people. They intentionally do things to upset others like insisting on calling one of my moms dogs by a different name that sounds nothing like her actual name which bothers my mom. They get a little upset if I plan a birthday event the day of but I ignore it since theyre the one who could have picked any weekend that month but chose my birthday.

[@SweetPea_G]

I’m 44yo, had my first child at 19, and while I love them to bits I also realize that I should NOT have reproduced. Not only did I pass on physical ailments, but I also passed on some of the generational emotional trauma. I was way too young & seeking the unconditional love that was never given to me as a child. I came to realize that ALL love has conditions, bc even my own child went no-contact almost 4 years ago. Just like I did with my parents 9yrs ago.

[@beachwitch89]

Sean: "i would hope that people wouldn't just be saying stupid stuff in front of their coworkers...."....*remembers ogtha*

[@Resabuka]

I have to disagree. The wedding/ birthday story - he is definitely not the AH. He only turns 21 once. She knew it was his birthday and he told her he wouldn't come. She's known for his birthday date for 20 years. Why should he compromise? Your 21st is usually a big deal, and he probably has his own plans🙄. NOT THE AH. Maybe I'm just petty. And no, he can't joke about it on her wedding day she'll be upset about it. Let's be real!

[@wilburhinojosa9297]

for the venmo story if someone requested money after my wedding i would respond by sending them a number for AA

[@Airbzyt709]

😂

[@outerspaceproduction]

Random question: Does the Nanny have an Umbrella and make up words? Cuz she sounds like a certain someone lmao

[@Rach.elen28]

On the not wanting kids one, I feel like in the discussion you guys had you slightly missed if someone literally just does not want kids. I'm a 33 year old woman who doesn't want kids, and the amount of judgement I get for that when I know my own mind from older and younger people is ridiculous. I feel like my generation is really one of the first where women can really say that they don't want kids and can stick to that, before social pressure and expectations, being forced into having to marry. I think a lot of people struggle with understanding the fact that there is that choice there and women are taking it

[@lina9535]

Same, I'm 30, and part of why I don't want kids is because I have a phobia of childbirth. Plus, I have ASD (high function, most of the time you can't even tell I have it), and at 20-21 I got very sensitive to certain loud noises. The worst one? Children screaming and crying. It sets me into a full anxiety/panic mode. I had someone say once that I was "selfish" for not wanting kids. My response to that was "it's my uterus and I decide what I want to do with it".

[@vellathewench]

I've always wanted kids. But you know what? I can totally see how and why people wouldn't. Some people really can't see what it might be like when someone doesn't share their world views. It's weird. Also, none of anyone's business. They're not even family or close friends (not that it's their business either). Get a damn grip.

[@C-B-E]

I'm almost 22 and I had my daughter at 19. While I love her, and I'm proud to be a mother. I never wanted children, and I do regret having her, especially in this world. I don't hate being a mom, but I do wish I could've talked myself into the abortion. Roe v. Wade was overturned shortly after I passed 12 weeks (which is the latest you could've gotten an abortion in my state at that point) I was always told I'd change my mind and that it'd be different if it happened to me, I can confidently say that I don't enjoy this life, I never wanted it, and I can fully understand why people don't want children. I hate when I'm asked if I'll have another because people get pretty pissed when you them you didn't want your already existing child. I love her, and I'm doing my damn best to raise her better than I was.

[@meemowchan]

I attended a friend's wedding on my birthday in 2022. I was happy to dress up and have fancy dinner and drinks on my birthday. Her wedding was huge and held at a 5 star Fairmont hotel. One of the best birthdays I ever had. Now, I'll never forget her anniversary and greet her every year 😂❤

[@helslastangel]

Yeah I'm with the brother. Who wants to celebrate their birthday at a wedding? Weddings are boring and you're only 21 once. The reason was stupid - summer break isn't one week like spring break is. It's a couple of months. No mention of venue booking issues, just simply "oh screw your birthday come to my wedding." And i get some people have amazingggggg families whatever who are great to hang out with, and it wouldn’t be a big deal to blend the birthday and the wedding. But some people don't and it would just anywhere from blah to stressful. And the brother's response sounds like it's leans towards the latter.

[@faceofvision]

You're 21 only once just like you're 22 only once and just like the sister's wedding hopefully will actually happen only once. Making such a big deal from turning 21 is what leads to the "dry wedding" type of guys lol

[@helslastangel]

@faceofvision nobody said anything about getting shitfaced, this is about someone wanting to celebrate their birthday without being forced to have to absorbed into someone else's big day UNNECESSARILY. As I said, some people don't have nice families so it's not a matter of "just" combining both celebrations for one big hurrah.

[@faceofvision]

@@helslastangel if it's not about alcohol then why "you're 21 only once" is so important? The only big think that happens on that birthday is being able to legally drink, that's all.

[@Chynal1186]

The anniversary and the birthday are always going to be on the same day from here on out, so that person is always going to be worried about their anniversary. They're not going to be celebrating their siblings' birthday, so that is a problem.

[@faceofvision]

They weren't going to celebrate the 21st birthday together either. Not all family members have to celebrate birthdays together, especially as adults.

[@JordanA71009]

They're adults. Are they expected to still be celebrating their siblings birthday on the day of? I didn't even do that religiously as a kid so I don't see what the big deal is

[@talynhastime9343]

You should never have a wedding on the same day as a family member/very close friend’s birthday, just to be safe.

[@allthingschelle4304]

Old Guy = Dave Ramsey! lol

[@hcf4kd1992]

And as a finance professional, I doubt he's a financial analyst. There are actual licenses required to be able to call yourself that. He wouldn't be able to get them based on the unhinged things he says.

[@ericaoiticica7522]

I got married on my mother-in-law's birthday WITH HER PERMISSION! It was the only day that worked for everyone to be present (family in several different cities) and it happened to be her birthday. We spent so many days trying to find a date that would work that even my husband didn't notice at first... When we noticed the coincidence I told her we could change de date but my mother-in-law said there was no need to change it and that she was actually very happy that we would get married on her birthday . Everything worked out well in the end!

[@elaexplorer]

For the venmo story, I can't even imagine why OP didn't ask. Like there's dry weddings, open bar, cash bar, BYOB, and combinations of cash and paid bar (like first 2 drinks are free and then cash for anything beyond 2). Usually, it's on the RSVP card, or among the location details. How did they not go, "hey, what's the alcohol sitch" before going?

[@PhantomShark4]

My grandma got married to her third husband on my 1 year wedding anniversary so I’m biased, but I think it’s pretty shitty.

[@CampbellFamily2024]

The dry wedding that guy was the BIGGEST AH!!!Who even thinks like that? HOWEVER, I don’t even drink and know good wedding etiquette deems you let your guests know if it is a dry wedding on the information card and site. Super tacky on the bride and groom too.

[@SuperJust4girls]

I've never been to a dry wedding but also wouldn't be bothered at all.

[@redbunny22]

In this case he's an AH and AH stands for Alco-Holic.

[@autumn557]

If she could make the wedding June 1st she could have easily made it June 8th.

[@DominicanMerida]

Naa cause you had 365 days and you choose your siblings birthday? Especially knowing that 21 is a special birthday…. Fuck that

[@LeahMarie0810]

The sister putting her wedding on her siblings birthday is disrespectful. They could’ve switch it to the next week if the kids being out of school was a problem. He told her since he first found out the date that he wouldn’t be going and if it was that important for him to be there she would’ve changed it. She’s selfish in that aspect. 100% not the asshole

[@Annik_Tenacious_Felis]

First story NTA , the coworkes took it too far by keep pushing scenarios to force her to keep a child , she'd dismiss one snd thry came back tenfold . Once she said "i dont want kids" just accept it , and move on .

[@misernia1]

My cousin got married on my birthday @15 years ago and has never acknowledged the fact that I was my birthday.

[@IconRocket]

With the bday story i don't think op wrong . Everybody is different on bday some people dont care and its people who go all put for their bday. Op was honest on hey im not coming . I definitely understand if this is sister and bil place they want to get married and have a waitlist. But just because of school you have all summer

[@jessicabautista6209]

The dry wedding story. I think EVERYONE SUCKS. Alcohol is definitely an expected default and not telling your guests is NOT OK. I agree that the guy sending a venmo the next day is also an ah. That is not a good way of communicating. But yeah, I see it more of an AH move not to tell guests. I, personally, was about to fly 12+ hours and spend thousands of dollars to attend (without my knowledge) a dry wedding with ONLY christian music. Thank god some other things came up and I said no. But yeah, is not about having fun with or without alcohol for me, is just about being clear and setting expectations. If you are not going to have the defaults on a wedding: food, dancing music, alcohol and seats… you need to communicate it for your guests to plan and consider everything accordingly. For example, me and my partner don’t own a car, so, knowing that we will go to a wedding means that we need to rent a car and a hotel room. If the wedding is dry, why would I spend money on renting a room if we can drive back?

[@nikolpencheva7453]

My uncle got married on my birthday. We had a husband, wife and birthday girl dance

[@luzelenaroli6787]

I would be so petty. I'd go out and celebrate my birthday right at midnight, then get to the wedding and continue my celebration on the wedding's dime. It's probably not a huge deal to share the date with the wedding but OP stated from the beginning he wouldnt be attending if they did the wedding on his birthday. I would expect my sibling to care enough to really try and change the date. Im immediate family, I'd be so crushed and not care to drunkenly ruin a wedding that could end up in divorce (according to statistics) 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@adrian_k9195]

I don't drink and events/weddings with alcohol are one of the most uncomfortable things I can think of doing, because being surrounded by people who can't hold a conversation, won't respect boundaries, stand too close or are just straight up inappropriate makes my stomach ache days or literal weeks before. But I'd still do it for my friends or family❤️But yes, I might leave early pretty much every time but of course I'd stay for all the "important" stuff!

[@lina9535]

For a lot of women, especially those born before 1980, having kids was what was expected of them. If they didn't have kids then they "weren't a real woman". For other women, having kids is like their whole identity, so they kind of take it as a personal insult when other women don't want to have kids. Both of those views are so sexist, archaic and really sad. It really doesn't have much to do with them not understanding the financial situation of today. Some do actually resent having kids, because they were "forced" to have them.

[@InspirationalJapaneseMap-vu6vy]

Oh my the story 1 is my story... i mean so accurate... i resign from my previous job & work in other country & guess what my co worker now is also the same where i came from...i'm annoyed that i stop talking to them unless it is for work. Why people are sooooo small minded of the desicion of others...just like her...i don't hate kids...i just don't want to have on my own. Hope one day people will take time to understand other.

[@skylerwise1769]

Just because you got spoiled on your bday doesn’t mean everyone has the chance to get a memorable bday

[@vcutler4735]

With the wedding on birthday thing we need to normalize it being okay to not go to a wedding even if it's close family. Like if the couple won't even ask or try to plan around certain people's schedules then they have to accept that some folks will have to decline attending. And this was an easy one, you would know it is a sibling's birthday already so if they actually were good people they would have not put it on that date since apparently their only limiter was during summer break. And 21st summer birthday can be a huge milestone if someone is in college since it is kind of the last one before your college friends split ways on top of in the US being a huge cultural milestone. If a birthday is just a day then so is a wedding, tbh. Send a text day of wishing then well but go do something super fun like a weekend trip to Vegas or something. Celebrate you like they are celebrating themselves.

[@celiasaunders4924]

My sister got married the day before my 21st ( on the other side of the country). I spent my birthday with family but did stuff with my friends when I got back home. I think they will regret not going to wedding.

[@funnyfoxbird]

Sure, why would a 21 year old want to be drunk in front of granny?

[@jasmindisney8787]

We actually did get married on a day that was one of our best friends burthday and a cousin. No one really cared, and the friend reminds my husband every year that our anniversary is coming.

[@pepepopo_lmao]

Love the intro!

[@rebeccah3091]

Birthdays mean way too much for some people . I literally couldn't care if my sister got married on my birthday.

[@TheRealTezzandra]

In Sweden we have fathers day and mothers day BUT nobody I know celebrate it. You maybe give a gift card or some flowers to them on that day but often it is just a text message saying happy mothers/fathers day. I cannot speak for all swedes but none in my family and no friends or coworkers makes the day into a special day like you guys over there do.

[@leah3801]

Story 5: OP is definitely NTA. But if sister is so upset about it, why doesn't she talk to OP and the Isabelle to see if she'd be willing to watch her daughter along with your three (of course for extra pay) and then drop her daughter off at your house where Isabelle can watch all of them

[@TheKeeperOfTheQuill]

Birthdays are a big deal in my family. I share a birthday with my dad and I love it, so I wouldn't say that having to share a special day is a problem in my opinion BUT if someone close to me knowingly planned a life changing event on my birthday without a really, really solid reason I'd be pretty hurt. Especially if it was my 21st. I can understand this guy's pettiness. We're missing the sister's side, but I get why he's frustrated.

[@HonorWillow]

Story 4: it's an immediate family member. It was disrespectful to do that. Also, maybe I'm projecting, but a common reason for caring about your birthday more is that you didn't get enough attention and support as you grew up and the fact that the sister did in this in the first place with so much warning that it would be a problem and the parents are on her side.. I'm smelling golden child. It's also the 21st! Like that's a big deal for most people!

[@arduousPopsicle]

I think they should move the date of the wedding. It’s very inconsiderate. Personally my birthday is a huge deal to me. So he’s not an asshole. I want to celebrate ON my birthday

[@Ashley-o7i]

Story 1 triggered me. There’s something about middle aged women that they just can’t seem to keep their opinions about children to themselves. I had a woman tell me I have to hurry up and have kids before I turn 35 and “it’s too late.” Like ma’am, if you hit menopause at 35 you should have seen a doctor because that’s not normal 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@dinoboy83]

I don’t think anyone is the asshole for the wedding story. He is allowed to be hurt and not go, and she is allowed to have her wedding on any day. Alternatively she is allowed to be hurt by him not attending, but I cannot say I blame him. As someone who didn’t get a lot of positive attention as a child, birthdays are important to me. I don’t demand a lot but I will personally celebrate on my day with whoever would like to, and I’d be a tad hurt if my sibling got married on my birthday. It’s just a complex bummer.

[@o34harding]

My cousin got married on my 13th birthday and I had fun but I’m still on the OP’s side cuz I grew up not even celebrating my birthday plus maybe he won’t have to worry about anniversaries for too long cuz my cousin got divorced like not even a year later lol!

[@FluffyLlama]

The wedding could've been done on any other day of the year, his Birthday is a set day and it's his 21st (if they are american, could be a big deal). They should've planned the wedding a week later

[@kimwa0]

ik this is episode is a little older but i fully disagee with the birthday / wedding overlay story.. it's not like she didn't know his birthday, its the same date every single year. he told her every time she asked that he wouldn't be going. i can understand being upset but with the convos they had what did she expect?? you don't get to turn 21 again and clearly this guy does like to celebrate the day.

[@DisloyalGaming]

The wedding bday one I would only be ok with it if it lined up with an anniversary or something sentimental to them. I'm an introvert so I usually just take a day home wife watches the kid and I play a single player game I've been meaning to try or want to finish. I'd rather not be out socializing but would do anything for my siblings. I also do not drink or at least I do not ever get drunk. And while I disagree with some here saying it over shadows lots don't do anniversary parties but if your parents favor one over the other or your sibling is a bit self centered i could definetly see people being mad their social feed is full of your bday and not focused on them. But if my birthday was purposely picked I'd be upset. Again sentimental reasons or on the off chance one of then had the kinda money to get a super exclusive venue and it's one of like 3 days that year to get it and it's just what works for the most people that's fine. But that is a big no for me when it's simple especially when he has already said no and she kept pushing if she cared that much that he was there and you could do something else you should do so.

[@marieisivy]

I'm one of those people who don't really understand the brother not going to his sister's wedding. Albeit I'm an only child, but if say my best friend's wedding fell on my birthday I would still be happy to be there for her regardless. Plus, it makes the date easier to remember so I could greet them every year. I've read that the 21st birthday for Americans is a big thing because of drinking age. If this milestone is so important for the brother, a compromise could've been made. He could go to the ceremony first and leave before the reception. Or maybe he could've asked for a gift in return for sacrificing his day. Here in our country 18 is that milestone age. I foregone a big celebration with friends on the actual date and waited until Christmas to get my celebration, which was a holiday to Japan. Not that hard to move it on a different date as a sacrifice, especially if you get to exchange that with an extravagant celebration. Would've made a good bargaining chip for a sweet deal from sister. Anyway, I think these siblings aren't that close to begin with if they couldn't even find it in themselves to talk it out and at least arrive on a compromise. Not much love to go around in their family I guess.

[@randomtology]

Nah I got 3 siblings and I'm American, but I fully agree with you. I understand being annoyed that your sister's wedding is on your birthday, I do, but going so far as to actually refuse to go to the wedding is definitely taking it too far. It doesn't sound like it was scheduled that day out of spite, just more it was the day that worked for the most people. Understandable, considering June is very much in the middle of wedding season. OP is also way overestimating how much sharing a birthday with their sibling's wedding anniversary will matter in the future. I'm close to my siblings and their partners, but the amount their wedding anniversaries affect me is pretty much zero. And in reverse, birthdays between adult siblings tend to be sending a present to them and maybe a phone call - that's it. Is the 21st birthday a big deal in the US? Sure. But truth be told LOTS of people reschedule that celebration for a different day for much lesser reasons. I had to wait until the weekend for myself since I worked on my birthday. It wasn't a big deal. Overall, i understand the OP feels righteous right now about this, but I can't help but feel that if they actually skip the wedding? It's going to be decision they deeply regret years down the line.

[@redbunny22]

It's the principle. If your that close they should know your birthday and take it into consideration. If they where your best friend they would be planning to celebrate your birthday with you.

[@faceofvision]

​@@redbunny22 was the brother planning to celebrate his birthday with his sister? Why would she be planning it? Idk where you get that alleged closeness from.

[@ebonyscherr7685]

Everyone sucks in the wedding birthday story

[@willexes]

For the birthday one i think ESH but mostly OP is the AH. OP is only mad about the wedding bc he wants to party, not because he has to share his birthday with his sister's wedding. I think if he were to say "Hey I'm not comfortable sharing my b-day with you because it makes me feel looked over" then id say firmly NTA but that's not what this is about and not why he's not going to the wedding, he just wants to party and I think not going to your sisters wedding bc you wanna party with the boys is a shit reason.

[@lindsayhaight5942]

For the birthday and wedding one I would say the sister is more at fault bc one not only is it her brother’s birthday and she could have changed it a while ago but she also expects him to go on his 21st of all birthdays!? Like I am not a huge celebrator for my birthdays either but even my 21st was really important to me because it’s one of those milestone birthdays. And like many of the other wikimaniacs here said, she will basically be hijacking his birthday from now on so I really don’t see how he is in the wrong for wanting to celebrate a milestone birthday on his actual birthday instead of go to his sister’s wedding.

[@imanivega2175]

The wedding on their 21st birthday is just foul, and now for birthday plans going on they will not be able to attend due to their own anniversary-so I think Sean calling op an ah is really ignorant.

[@jessicabautista6209]

I don’t think is ignorant. Birthday and wedding anniversaries are celebrations that can be moved to any other day easily and without any consequences. Weddings, on the other hand are not. My family and partners family live in completely different continents, completely different time zones, different cultures, different holidays, etc. If the day that we deem fitting for everyone, that has the venue available lands on your birthday, I’m sorry, I’m not having a second thought. I’m expecting you to consider me more important for a day, your birthday is every year. I feel that the people that are SO angry about celebrating their birthday ON the specific day (is not about not saying happy birthday and maybe a tad bit more special dinner on the day itself, and getting to really celebrate it before or afterwards) and cannot imagine doing it any other day have too big of an ego to realise that the world doesn’t revolve around them…. Or their loved ones don’t make them feel loved the rest of the year that they really need to feel the attention that specific day.

[@MochiTheAxolotl69]

Birthday story. Assuming the OP has given a fair representation of the sisters view, which I’d be inclined to believe he has as he has been upfront the whole way though. The only reason for that date is the husbands family flying in. So do the aeroplanes not fly the day before or after the birthdate? It’s not like he’s a distant relative and she didn’t know his birthday, so she knew she was planning it for that day. The summer is weeks long, and planes fly daily, I highly doubt the venue was booked for every day except that one. Also, it’s his 21, so not only is it a milestone, but because of the milestone he CAN’T just celebrate it the day before as he would be underage, and not wanting to celebrate on a Sunday he and hoss friends most likely have college or work the next day.

[@faceofvision]

The "not wanting to celebrate it on a Sunday" argument is kinda silly, how many people are lucky enough to have their 21st birthday perfectly on a Saturday? It's not a big deal to move it to next Friday/Saturday.

[@blm_jjokkomi]

I think its okay to have your wedding on someone's birthday as long as you invite their friends and have a little moment for them when you give them a gift and a bit of attention

[@JordanA71009]

Really? It's just a birthday that can be celebrated at any point. There's literally no need to call out the birthday boy at your wedding. That's so silly

[@hcf4kd1992]

Birthdays are so not special. I work on my birthday if it's a work day. Celebrate when I have time. Weddings are theoretically once in a lifetime parties. Brother is a damn weenie

[@vellathewench]

And yet I don't think weddings are special. We all have our own thoughts, feelings and opinions on what we enjoy. He's not a weenie. She was selfish. There was no reason she had to make his day about her.

[@skaterchic5050]

The wedding/birthday story: What if they get divorced? Now OP has to deal with that fact. He has to hope that his sister won't take it out on him. Also, she completely picked his birthday on purpose. If she didn't why not just pick the following weekend?

[@faceofvision]

How is sisters possible divorce even connected to the brother?? 😭 You're just making stuff up, come on. Plus remember that the brother could purposefully omit some details or just not know the details of her plans 🙄

[@skaterchic5050]

@@faceofvision lol

[@faceofvision]

@@skaterchic5050 what's so funny? You saying that the brother would have to deal with his sister's divorce and that she would take it out on him? Conclusions you made purely by pulling them out of your ass

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

I do not understand grown adults that make such a big deal about their birthday date. When I turned 21, it was a few days before the end of Winter break from college so I simply went to a restaurant with my parents and ordered a margarita, very low key. Then I had a proper celebration back at school with my friends about 2 weeks later. I think I have maybe once celebrated my birthday on the actual date. All the people on Reddit encouraging OP to blow up his relationships with his family are wild. It’s a good reminder that Reddit is great if you need encouragement to leave a toxic relationship, set important boundaries or something big, but terrible if you need well-reasoned advice.

[@jessicabautista6209]

Thank you!

[@melboyer2291]

I also had an Applebee's margarita on my 21st. I think birthdays are important, that people deserve to have a little day to celebrate themselves and their lives and their future, but I also feel like you can do that within like a 2 week before/after range of there are obstacles on the day of.

[@kiya1809]

Birthday v wedding, honestly his sister sucks. She’s known his bday his whole life. What she did was very entitled. If what info we have is right, she actively put him in a trash position, then got upset that he didn’t cave. Granted, I’ve had toxic family members who would and have done similar, lower ranking, things to me. So for me, I get not going. Like you guys said by the end, she did it to herself.

[@JordanA71009]

The wedding on a birthday story sounds like a spoiled little sibling who is upset they're not getting enough attention. Its petty, selfish and immature. He could celebrate his birthday at any point. I didn't consider ANYONE's birthdays when oicking my wedding date except to avoid the birthday of my LATE brother in law. I dont see any reason to push a wedding just to avoid a living person's birthday. Especially when needing to rent a venue and other services for the event.

[@bxbydrxgxn]

21st is ALWAYS more important than a wedding. Weddings are literally just a waste of money to prove love based on religious reasons, if you wanna get married great but not everyone has those values. Some people dont find weddings meaningful so there shouldnt be a huge expectation to HIM birthday is ore important. I care abput birthdays than wedding and great im celebrating my bday with a bunch of 30 - 80 yr olds, or 0-15 yr olds. None of his friends. No one he actively wants there. The wedding is for HER she doesnt get to demand things, he is not obligated to go. Sorry, sean, but i'd say MORE people care about b-days than wedding, thats just a guess but i still believe it.

[@jessicabautista6209]

I believe the complete opposite. Why would people care more about a celebration that repeats every year (and can be celebrated any other day) more than a “once a lifetime” event? If your best friend cannot be there for your birthday for “whatever reason” you can understand and move along to the next year. If your best friend cannot be at your wedding, there needs to be a really important reason, because if not probably your relationship is over.

[@faceofvision]

21 is more important why exactly? Just because you can drink officially now? As if most people didn't drink before turning 21 😂 Making a big deal of it is a sure way towards alcoholism