Relationship Rupture and Repair Pattern of Destruction and Restoration BPD NPD

[@nameunknown7]

My ex wBPD left me recently in a very harsh way. Not aggressively but just like basically dissappeared. I love her and miss her and your videos have helped me to understand her BPD better which has helped me feel better about everything. I'm heartbroken for her and anyone else who has to live with this disorder.

[@laurenjeangreenbean6301]

Its really nice to know that there are partners out there who can see/learn but mostly empathize. So glad to have read this, thx for sharing, best of luck to you and yours

[@wread1982]

She’s with someone else probably:(

[@willdevenport6980]

@@wread1982 Surely, but one can take solace that every one of her relationships will eventually fail from the negative pressure that BPD places on a relationship. I recommend this channel: m.kzbin.info/door/Z6IsqekoaZrK8MeA6OYElA

[@TeacherMom80]

@@wread1982 How is suggesting such a thing helpful or kind? He's gone through enough. How would you feel if that were you? 😕 My goodness.

[@plaguedoctor1492]

I feel like doing this sometimes, I feel like im not deserving of my partner and im tired of unintentionally hurting him

[@SBPlayit]

Please do one on self sabotage! Thank you for all the time you put into these videos for us!

[@KatJ3st]

Search his videos, it's there

[@Just_Me71]

I have bawled through the entire video. You are the only person who I have ever seen who has been able to almost completely articulate me. I'm very glad, crushed, and scared. I'm 51 and it has been a horrible existence.

[@Ben-pd2bx]

Have you been able to obtain therapy, and if so has it helped you?

[@Just_Me71]

@@Ben-pd2bx I don't think I want therapy at this time. It is not I who needs to change that much. My bf needs to stop yelling at, scolding, blaming, and shaming me. Mostly because my memory is broken due to CPTSD, and a toxic bf. I know he won't change. I just wonder how much more I can bare.

[@Ben-pd2bx]

@@Just_Me71 I misunderstood. I thought you were perhaps saying you had BPD, but are you saying you have CPTSD and he has BPD? Either way, I am so sorry you're suffering. I hope things will improve, and I definitely still encourage you to reach out for support if you can, even if that doesn't mean therapy.

[@Just_Me71]

@@Ben-pd2bx I'm sorry. Yes, I have BPD, CPTSD, dysthymia, and general anxiety disorder. He is just an asshole. I'm sorry. I'm just a mess. Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate you.

[@Ben-pd2bx]

@@Just_Me71 You're welcome. As you've said, you don't want therapy at this time, so I won't push the point, other than to hopefully plant a seed in case that one day changes. Something I highly recommend to anyone with CPTSD is therapy in conjunction with MDMA. It absolutely changed my life, and it did so surprisingly quickly. Feel free to google it if you're unfamiliar, and to look up Psychedelic Path (if you're in the States) who provide services nationwide. No pressure though! :)

[@chinhphan4787]

Constantly walking on eggshells shells. Minor things you say gets twisted and sometimes even nothing that you do gets turned into something big. I remember asking my ex, "Hey want to hang out this weekend?" She replied with, "Hang out!? Wtf do you mean hang out? Like friends? We're just friends now or something!? I'm your GF not your fucking friend!" I had took a lot of time and effort to plan out a trip to go mining for crystals and gems because she absolutely loves them just to be devalued for nothing. My time is very valuable to me. That is one of my boundaries. If someone does not value my time I leave point blank. My boundary is not good for someone with BDP. But I am also sort of codependent most humans with empathy want to fix the things they love. I really had to find that balance between loving her or loving myself. It's that call that each person has to make for themselves.

[@KatJ3st]

Until they develop insight and a mindset to heal and grow, do not get involved.

[@pennybunny]

You're my go to source for everything BPD related. I was diagnosed in 2015 and along with medication and therapy, I'm finally in control of my life. I love your content. Thank You

[@Alex-kk8is]

Does it take 5 years of therapy to change? Daaaayum I was hoping 1or 2 years 😭 it’s so expensive

[@abhijeetaanand2334]

How can I work on myself. Could you please suggest some things which would work? I have BPD and I came to know yesterday. Any help would be appreciated. Thankyou.

[@janetombers6893]

You cover many disorders , & give hope to what i have observed in a past close relationship whom i consideredike a sister. My background is in psychology & the sciences. You describe the adaptive behaviors well. I like your educational seminars. I read in depths about many of these ruptures having occurred in so- called close relatiomships. Thanks, appreciate your helping us comprehend these views. Janey

[@lightworkersawakening2515]

I am not familiar with any kind of medication that has helped bpd, if you don't mind sharing what were you prescribed?

[@Edward.Rippett.]

Do you have any advice for me? I'm gonna be a father in 8 weeks, and I. Jus now learning about my bpd. Please, anything helps.. I love my boy so much and I need to become the father he deserves

[@KlaireJHZ]

I've learned so much about myself from Dr. Fox... Thank you so so much... I've changed so much and actually got help after started watching your videos and realised I'm not a bad person that drives everyone away, I just needed help.

[@Blue-tz9tm]

I’m glad you’re doing something to change and help yourself my wife refuses help and it makes me feel sorry for her cause she’ll never know happy without helping herself and her bpd can get out of hand at times

[@confettihunterminus1]

@@Blue-tz9tm My significant other is insistent on coping by herself and not accepting the help of others and it hurts because sometimes she has it under control and other times we have horrible ruptures that are painful for both of us to deal with.

[@Blue-tz9tm]

@@confettihunterminus1 I totally know the pain we as their partners go thru a lot not only is our partners suffering silently we suffer as well from the emotions but we have to stay strong for them when they need it my wife told me she’s glad she’s with me since I know what she’s going thru emotionally stay strong maybe one day she’ll realize the need for help as I hope my wife does as well

[@anaviana2641]

Part of learning is failed relationships and its a very hard pill to swollow BUT what's even harder is so many year's of trying to do good by your partner, commiting your life to a person who in return for your efforts, has caused the trauma, devastation and mess in your life which you will end up picking when they are dobe with you. Thats so much harder to tolerate than saying "get out of here for ever". Thank you Dr. Fox for your helpful videos. Lets face it, not many people know about conflict resolution, not many people are safe and trustworthy for a person to turn to for help on BPD. So glad we do have choices and sound soluutions for our BPD and we can break free to heal.

[@amynaddra7230]

Your BPD WORKBOOK has been the best therapy I’ve done. I did 3 years of talk therapy and 8 months of EMDR. THANK YOU!!!’

[@etienneroy802]

Ho well... im just going to buy it this week ;) i wanna give it a try dr fox is amazing but their is no french version ill have to keep improve my engllish XD

[@colnohman5255]

Have amazing Admiration and Appreciation for anyone with Bpd who tries to work on themselves!

[@evadebruijn]

@@colnohman5255 That is such a sweet thing to say, thank you, I needed to read this 🤗

[@marryjane1684]

Exactly where the work book !!!!

[@twistedalicemcgee]

How do I get one imma look it up

[@rkim7361]

When you said "sell out", I felt that. I often use this technique as a fall back pattern especially when the other person is so incredibly worked up. After everything I have said and done to those I love, it's difficult to believe I am not always the problem.

[@cecivizz]

i literally started crying because everything you described, i have been doing and i'm FINALLY seeing why these behaviors are bad and unhealthy. I honestly feel like i can finally overcome this. I also have your workbook and it helps a lot. Just thank you for these videos!

[@HearnDaddyFresh]

How did you know it was not ok?

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

@@HearnDaddyFresh agreed! I wouldn't say it is "bad". It is A survival strategy. Nothing more nothing less. It hurts though.

[@roriefriz9068]

U got this, wish u all the best in overcoming it!!!

[@dib4152]

CECIVIZZ I feel exactly the same and the comments from the partners of BPD people as well finally got through to me. My brain will always tell me my relationship is fragile but now I have a real counterargument to that.

[@bryanmccaffrey4385]

I did this for decades. I finally saw it play out live in my last relationship. It took three years of being alcohol free to fully see it. I can't unsee it now. It's mine to change. This helps a lot. Thank you.

[@DrDanielFox]

It's inspiring to hear that you've gained such clarity from your experiences. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change, and I'm glad this video could help you on your journey.

[@Synerco]

My last partner had BPD. We ended after she resorted to extreme violence when I refused to let her put me on a pain plan. She kept insisting on shaming me for things I did a long time ago and had already made up for, so I insisted on leaving her presence until she came to a less sadistic mood. So she followed me and rapidly increased the intensity of her physical violence. She expressed contrition for her violence for a few minutes after her violence turned sexual, but then went right back to blaming me for her actions. Her takeaway from this video would be reinforcement in her sense of blamelessness. "Dr. Fox is right! Why should I sometimes blame myself for my actions when my ex caused them?! He's the abusive one! He abused me by letting me feel responsible for my own actions!" Of course, that's not what you intend, but it's a conclusion a lot of borderline people will reach. My borderline ex would indeed often overact to her minor mistakes, but she would NEVER take responsibility for her violence and bad faith. I'm a lot more worried about borderline people being too easy on themselves than too hard. Yes, the whole "I'll redeem myself through self-harm" thing is awful, but the "I'm entitled to revenge against those who think I have agency" thing is far more common and far worse.

[@MyValki]

This is not about helping you, not even primarily about helping the patient. It is about limiting damage to society.

[@Synerco]

​@@MyValki If you care about limiting damage to society, then my comment inspires in you two concerns: 1) People with BPD may tend to experience this video as my ex would. 2) Consequently, these people would become more disposed to committing the kinds of abuses I experienced to other members of society.

[@MyValki]

@@Synerco I experienced a violent discard myself. She in fact got advice like this. Had she got it much sooner it would have been earlier and less violent.

[@Anti-Parables]

The problem here is the generalizations. Most people with BPD do not act this way. I know you do not realize it, but this is stigmatizing. I am very sorry to hear about your experience, though. I hope you can heal and recover.

[@KatJ3st]

Acceptance and commitment. Until they can get their head around radical acceptance. No blaming, no resentments, no living life looking back over their shoulder. It's the part of DBT they'll fight because their brain can't see how. It's not forgiveness of those that have traumatized them. It's accepting it happened. And moving forward with direction. But some just get stuck at that point. But FFS, it's obvious if they can get out of their flaming emotional mind for enough time to process the options. Switch it up and keep moving forward, or stay stuck in misery.

[@melinaburkhardt421]

Yeah, best part of the weekend, feels like home, my safe place on KZbin, hoping for hearts and wisdom to be spread in this caring community ♥️.

[@melinaburkhardt421]

@@PolishPocahontass ♥️

[@MonanoPP]

My ex girl friend of 2.5 years, split and discarded me in November. Her birthday was on the 6th of this month, I did not say anything as I was and am still doing NC and did not want to cause any more problems so my question is, instead of waiting for her to hoover back, how do I reach out to her to talk? Keep in mind that I think she’s pretty unaware of what BPD is. What’s my first move? I’ve been looking for advice from women with BPD who’s split their partners etc. Please help!

[@brandywebb5723]

You are so underrated on KZbin. I wish some therapists would watch you instead of believing misinformation in the medical field.

[@KatJ3st]

Totally

[@RaysDad]

It is so very difficult to admit errors but still remain positive and feel self-respect.

[@ArabellaCox-wv9xo]

It's keeping it in proportion. For me, one error wipes out everything positive about me when someone 'calls me out'. I can't bare criticism for this reason I think.

[@TimCools_WithALongO]

It's such an awful shame that I am only watching this for the first time now, 3 long weeks after it would've absolutely helped me save a nice partnership I was having.

[@colnohman5255]

So..its like you're literally Teaching Someone how to use their mind? ..I like it.

[@LazeeUnicorn]

You make me feel so valid and understood. I wish all therapists were like you.

[@hexlee74]

Needed this. Covert narcissist with BPD traits diagnosis here

[@hushpuppy7694]

I refer to my BPD as a internal furnace in my mental palace. It's on overdrive to the point it's sensitive to the touch. And unfortunately most of my rooms are in flames. I'm aware I blocked those doors with many layers, but I'm at a point in life where the smoke is coming out and suffocating me in other parts of my mental palace where I was once okay. Understanding about BPD and what tools I need to open the doors and put the flames out, has helped me so much. Knowing it will be a slow process, but as Golda Meir once said " You'll never find a better sparring partner than adversity."

[@jamienoco]

I'm actually in this self-recrimination cycle right now, so I'm glad I watched this to learn to refocus my energy on the value of the relationship and that it's okay to repair it (and that having to repair a rupture with an apology doesn't mean that I also have to self-recriminate or fight/flight/self-sabotage). Great video! Would love a video on self-sabotage, too!

[@j0hnnybutt713]

This was just what I needed. I watched this yesterday and you singlehandedly helped me come out of a 2 day episode after an argument with my partner. Thank you so much Dr Fox, words cannot describe how much I appreciate what you do for people like myself.

[@happylindsay4475]

Another great video- thank you Dr. Fox. You are a very gifted therapist- your tone is so warm and encouraging and non -judgemental. You never intellectualize this disorder- which sounds so dehumanizing when broken down like that and super presumptive- I find your approach so humane and positive. Thank you for your work.

[@melindashuey3774]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge of BPD I'm going through a rupture and my first thought was to cut but instead I refocused my energy came to you too and your video was the first to pop up.. your video has guided me and redirected me. I'm very grateful for your time and your big heart for ppl who have BPD.. God bless you 💜

[@froggo7215]

This couldn't be more ontime for me. You are an amazing human being.

[@maaypinaay]

It's very difficult to be with a partner with BPD who sees the relationship as fragile, as if it can break right away, as if there is nothing to fix and make up for. The whole relationship with her feels like a wave breaking dams, the same dams you've tried to mend every time

[@lauralynnmcculloch1186]

That's a really good description 👌 👏

[@ignatiushazzard]

I've spent years trying to explain to my bpd girlfriend how her behaviors (even just language) have made the relationship feel like it's hanging by a thread the entire time - even during the ups

[@chinhphan4787]

Constantly walking on eggshells shells. Minor things you say gets twisted and sometimes even nothing that you do gets turned into something big. I remember asking my ex, "Hey want to hang out this weekend?" She replied with, "Hang out!? Wtf do you mean hang out? Like friends? We're just friends now or something!? I'm your GF not your fucking friend!" I had took a lot of time and effort to plan out a trip to go mining for crystals and gems because she absolutely loves them just to be devalued for nothing. My time is very valuable to me. That is one of my boundaries. If someone does not value my time I leave point blank. My boundary is not good for someone with BDP. But I am also sort of codependent most humans with empathy want to fix the things they love. I really had to find that balance between loving her or loving myself. It's that call that each person has to make for themselves.

[@AltruisticWarrior]

Man... 16 years with this exact thing! My wife wants a divorce and honestly, I'm tired of fighting for all the wrong reasons. I have learned many lessons and have grown a lot to be a better person and partner in the future. I'm not 100% blameless but owned my mistakes and changed, anything to make things work. But her? Still has hangups about the smallest transgressions from 14 years prior. 🥲

[@AltruisticWarrior]

​@chinhphan4787 dude... yes. Even things that are legitimately nothing to fight about for 99% of people. Just asking if they remembered the milk at the grocery store turns into an hours or days long devolving fight because you insinuated that they were stupid. Even my STBXW put blame on me for her trying to overdose on medications or cheating. Anytime I would politely try to work through anything she had a legitimate part in... my fault and I'm attacking her. That fragile sense of self. It's like setting off a landmine from walking a mile away from it. The smallest breeze... anything. Its been an exhausting 16 years. I attribute my very minor ASD to part of staying together so long in tandem with my rather bad childhood abuse and deceased father. I never learned healthy boundaries and had a high tolerance to pain so to speak.

[@mireilleclement6385]

Wow, I wish you were my doctor. You are so good and never judge. There is no doctor like you around my area which is Ottawa. Even doctors here are so judgmental.

[@3491da]

I appreciate that this is the only video I could find about REPAIRING the relationship with BPD. So many videos on handling the break up.

[@JD.yahthatsme]

Gosh my wife left with our 9 month old when her aunt arrived the moment the travel ban was lifted. They were supposed to spend some time away. What I didn’t know was that her mom funded an attorney and she filed for dissolution and rather then discuss it she pushed therapy which she never did attend. Instead she used my getting therapy as a way to build a stronger case for custody and by the time I got notified thirty days later, she had already gotten the courts to award her full custody. She had no intention of co-parenting and it became very obvious by her actions as she ended up moving back to her mothers in the uk with our girl who will be two in Feb. it’s been a very difficult year, mom doesn’t even send me a photo of my baby , zero nothing , it’s beyond belief and unimaginable. Gosh. Very sad.

[@ryana411]

I'll have to come back for this video... my kid has a horse lesson... thank you as always Dr.Fox!

[@bbymatchalatte]

I’ve been looking more into bpd and I’m pretty sure I have it but I don’t currently have access for a proper diagnosis. Watching these videos help me look at my relationships in a different light. Hopefully watching these and assuming I have bpd isn’t too harmful if I don’t actually have it. In the mean time thank you for this!

[@cryptoooooohgaga7184]

If u freak out when your loved ones don't reply fast enough on text, you have BPD.

[@anmdavis]

I'm ready to make changes, thank you for the direction and making me feel like I can really succeed.

[@Leahv103]

Thank you SOOO much for these videos. You give those of us with BPD hope and you have really helped me with awareness. I still have a long ways to go but you have helped me so much. You describe my parents in a lot of these videos, especially this one. I never noticed the pattern before with them but my husband did- They have me go through a series of steps to be forgiven and they will not let it go until I feel bad enough. (my husband always said that they guilt trip me, took me a long time to see it but I do now. I suppose it's why I have BPD) The bad part, is they aren't even aware that they do this and if I was to bring this up to them they would say "we don't do that. We love you and wouldn't do that to you." :\ It's so hard but this video makes so much sense. Thank you.

[@ancoraimparo17]

It’s amazing to hear so much truth about yourself and your behaviors.

[@tommy171998]

This was a life saver for me today. Had a week of turmoil, over some words I had with a friend. This video reminded me how to pull back and see its my illness that can pull me back in to the negative self talk. Thank yo so much, Nikki

[@MisheL5202]

wow thank you for all your hard work! no one told me this before, second-guessing is the reason why I can't fall asleep for hours, and I always thought that I deserved it - I thought I had to spend endless hours figuring how I should've acted and I don't deserve being chill

[@rociolumieredelune]

Thank you dr fox I’m still working with your bpd book and is being more helpful than therapy that I had done in the past, I just wish in México would be someone as enlighten as you in the bpd. Thank you sincerely for all the tools you kindly give us

[@mandylouadkins]

This channel teaches me so much ab myself 😍🥰

[@caseymiller8973]

me too, especially since im in a country known for ignoring mental health issues. this man is truly a treasure

[@mandylouadkins]

@@caseymiller8973 what country are u in?

[@caseymiller8973]

@@mandylouadkins im in egypt

[@MonanoPP]

My ex girl friend of 2.5 years, split and discarded me in November. Her birthday was on the 6th of this month, I did not say anything as I was and am still doing NC and did not want to cause any more problems so my question is, instead of waiting for her to hoover back, how do I reach out to her to talk? Keep in mind that I think she’s pretty unaware of what BPD is. What’s my first move? I’ve been looking for advice from women with BPD who’s split their partners etc. Please help!

[@miss_8thwonder]

*That spinning top picture as a tool worked best for me!* 🎉 Thank you, doctor

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm glad the spinning top picture technique helped you!

[@miss_8thwonder]

@@DrDanielFox Yes, yes, Well done! 👍🏻❤️👏🏻 can you please pin me where the picture's video stamp is, I have been searching for It for an hour!

[@claudiacossio1]

I love Dr Fox, he always see the positive and hope in any BPD epusode.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you!

[@KeiaraEats]

You are saving lives. Thank you. 🙏🏾

[@katariina7697]

I caused a big rupture in a friendship but then after i tried to fix it my friend kept punishing me for it and well, basically never forgave me. What bothers me still is the way i took so much of the blame and she insisted she had done nothing wrong, which was not true, even just the punishing thing was cruel of her. This video helped in seeing that maybe in the end i'm better off without her (i had noticed her tendency to be unforgiving and avoiding responsibility before, just not to this extent). Thanks again for your videos, just ordered your workbook. Lots of love to everyone suffering from bpd, you're good people!

[@casket8530]

The damage you did probably far outweighed what she did. For instance, with my BPD ex, I was struggling and said I needed a little space to focus as she needed to see me EVERYDAY and I was becoming overwhelmed. Not long after, she began cheating, drinking heavy/partying with new friends and then she accused me of cheating and dropped me in the most coldhearted way possible and left me for another man, no closure or nothing. One of the most painful experiences of my life. 10 months later she is begging to talk and asking for forgiveness. but the amount of damage she inflicted far outweighed whatever I did that just can not be forgiven. During the rupture, pwBPD often go for the kill and that cannot be forgiven.

[@MonanoPP]

@@casket8530 I can relate to this

[@MonanoPP]

Would you take her back tho? or after 10 months, 11 now since you last posted, are you talking to her?

[@casket8530]

@@MonanoPP I've have dozens of texts apologizing and begging to talk, I just never replied to any of them. She's seems shocked that I haven't responded. She's completely blocked on everything as of now. However, I do keep tabs on her just in case she tries to do a smear campaign (Her fucked up friends have done it to other men). She talks shit about me online (Never saying my name though) so I know she's going through constant idealizing and devaluation of me, It's like it never ends. Right now, I am split completely black, but this has happened before, in a month or so I'll be white again. It's very robotic, even her texts, almost like she's writing from a script. She'd text me every week, on the same day and same timeframe. That was every tuesday or saturday around 7pm. But she's cycling through so many guys and that really grosses and freaks me out. I've done so much research on this so Im genuinely repulsed by her in every way. She also unarchived pictures of us on her instagram page and still keeps our pictures up, I think that is so strange. Knowing what I know and seeing how this all is playing out for her is really eye opening. I feel like such an idiot for dating her honestly. I just act like it never happened, I'm embarrassed I was fooled by her. We will never talk again in this life.

[@ALGARIC]

@@casket8530Hii. Is she still stalking you?

[@fallon7616]

Getting ready for my weekly Fox fix! 💯❤

[@aprylsaurusrexx]

I love your channel so much! Thank you so much for being a voice for bpd and helping us to realize and change our behaviors. I wish I found you years ago in the worst of my bpd.

[@tremonishamontanezbrown1549]

Self Sabatoge is such a important topic i want a video on this!

[@issofsar]

I've just learned more about my BPD in this video than I have in 4 years of therapy. Thank you Dr. Fox.

[@incrediblylucid4914]

This channel has done more for me than I have words for. Thank you so much.

[@AnaMa1793]

Dr Fox I just bought your book and it is perfect. I do not have words to thank you for all the support and knowledge. Wish you happiness, abundance and health

[@lnamohmed]

I really appreciate your efforts Dr Fox. Thank you so much ❤

[@TL-ch1xd]

Dr Daniel Fox. My gratitude towards you is huge. Thank you 🙏😊. I’m amazed about your care for everyone suffering and struggling with these issues - those close to someone with these tendencies and the one’s who have them. Just found your Workbook as an ebook in my country ✊🙂 and my sibling just received the book you recommended for family members. Wishing you a good day. ☀️

[@denisebury580]

This could not have come at a better time. Thank you

[@Ageingrockchick]

After discovering your videos I'm discovering my son has BPD. He is on the autism spectrum and has been telling me he has this but when we went to see a psychologist she dismissed this. I'm realising she was wrong!! Thank you. I've just bought your workbook to help us

[@briannawaldorf8485]

If he is under 18 that is probably why. Most doctors are hesitant to diagnose a Personality Disorder while the child is still developing. He would be considered having “bpd traits” but not full diagnosis until an adult.

[@Alm0st999]

This blows my mind

[@julielongthorp5848]

Myself and my male friend have not spoken since December 2021.we had a disagreement and he blamed me i could never do enough he just took and took until i realised all i wanted was respect. I was used poorly and he just wanted to play me like a game.i tried my best but it was never good enough. Even when i bought him shirts then told me it was the wrong size even when they weren't .so decided to go another direction and to take care of my health and mind. I wish him well. Thankyou xx

[@Jamie-gw9gu]

My BF wbpd just left me in a really crushing way. It seems he split on me and ended things. The part that hurts the most was we were in a really good place. Then he had to move. I think the implosion of all our structure caused a spiral, then the splitting and some disassociating. I miss him terribly and feel like I could lay down die. This disorder is a fate worse than death. 😢 Dr. Fox has helped me understand that it wasn't all my fault.

[@allie9204]

Thank you is.all I can say . Thank you

[@cristinamozoceanu1934]

Doctor Fox, You really are the answer to al my wishes I put out there in the universe, when I realised what I fighting against, and that was myself, my maladaptive behaiour. Your work is so helpfull. I have no words to thank you enough. You are making miracles happen. Thank You!

[@ursuricata1]

Thank you so much for your videos, I'm writing you from México City and after a while looking for help around the youtube I found you. All what you said is so accurate with the way I feel and I appreciate all the exercises that you keep sharing to work with ourselves. You are awesome!

[@brynnleapierce5600]

Essentially it is a natural occurrence that “we fall back to old programming by default”‼️ I am in the process of “working through my Co-Dependency issues” that causes emotional triggers, a result of being an adult child of an alcoholic & living in a chronic stress home which created all of my corrupt programming! I’m both an emotional & compassionate Empath that adds to the dynamic & over the years have attracted ppl with high Narcissistic traits & unsuccessful relationships.

[@DrDanielFox]

Insight is a powerful thing. I wish you well.

[@brynnleapierce5600]

@@DrDanielFox Thank you Dr. Fox, I am grateful for all the valuable insight & that you offer your time, experience & highly trained knowledge to all of us. Gratitude ♥️

[@ALGARIC]

How you doing now?

[@gibletmcniblet]

I agree that if we can heal through our wounds, we totally become better people ❤

[@DrDanielFox]

I hate gree with what you’re saying, I would encourage you too instead of thinking of the word, better, think of more adaptive, I think this is a word that inspires people, and also builds insight. Thank you for your feedback.

[@clairecarter1452]

Thank you so much for this. Cannot love this enough.

[@Totyi]

Yes please do one about self sabotage! 💕

[@Banana42699]

You’re amazing.

[@merrym7174]

I don't deserve an installment pain plan. Clever description .

[@fallon7616]

This makes so much sense to me. Feel just like you said. 😣

[@thevansickelherps]

Thanks so much for this. Going to rewatch this with my husband. Your videos have been so instrumental in our learning about my BPD together and how to progress positively.

[@mayatbee4223]

I am not diagnosed with bpd but why is this so helpful ?

[@r.t.wyskida473]

Unfortunately, describes my behavior exactly. I really appreciate how informative your videos are! They really have been helping me better understand why I do what I do!

[@tashaadolph677]

I can't wait for your book to arrive. You are helping me so much. I've been this way for years but just recently realised my way of thinking is off.... you have made me realise so much about myself. Thank-you

[@lisacurnow1453]

Thankyou! 🙂🙏 You changed my life! It's as if you know me personally. I appreciate you so much!

[@destinyxrose]

Please do a video focusing on self sabotage and BPD .. I am so bad about doing that and I would love to hear more of your thoughts on this.

[@daisyfigueroa8960]

Awesome explanation! Love your videos

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m glad you like them and find them useful. I wish you all the best and be well.

[@saranalen2741]

11:35 "come ooon that's crazy no way!" that made me so happy

[@rolijain3985]

Great video ! Thank you for making it clear how to repair in time before going too low.

[@Dstergurl09]

My fp and bf of 11 years went to a bar after work without telling me in july and it brought up old things and I'm driving us both insane with hypermonitoring, pushing and pulling, intense rage followed by tons of affection from me trying to make up for it. Didn't realize I had bpd until Dec. Assessment said cptsd for now but it doesn't click for me like bpd. Im so lost

[@ArabellaCox-wv9xo]

CPTSD is the cause of BPD. BPD will soon be reclassified to Adverse Childhood Experience Disorder because the School of Psychiatry realises that BPD is caused by trauma in childhood. So you can say, like I do; I have CPTSD & BPD.

[@GuerthysGrowlers]

Needed this

[@davidthomspson9771]

Excellent video.Thank you

[@anthonytheninja1099]

Always insightful thank you i learn off every video

[@mercedcobos8619]

he is so correct thank you dr. fox i wish and pray that she will seek treatment im not sure how much more i can take

[@firegirljen]

There are some ruptures though that are not repairable. This is probably been the hardest for me to except. But, you make a lot of great points about how other people keep kicking you down. Just because I did one bad thing doesn’t mean I’m one bad person.

[@casket8530]

Just because you did one bad thing doesn't mean people should put up with your abuse. There is therapy to help identify when you are splitting and you are correct, some ruptures are not repairable and the connection is lost forever. Until you get into serious therapy unfortunately you will continue to rupture every connection. Best of luck.

[@ArabellaCox-wv9xo]

@casket8530 you again! Where does your bitterness come from mate? Was it an ex? If so, why are you here watching videos about their disorder? Move on!

[@timweedon2785]

​@@ArabellaCox-wv9xo you're abusive to that other person. You sound like a sociopath

[@etienneroy802]

Incrimiting partern until you feel low enought to put back on... Wow you have put word on something i couldnt at all ty.

[@dib4152]

In the middle of spinning. thank you, Dr. and all the commenters. Life changing information for me. I never understood how it looks from my partners point of view. They are probably walking on egg shells around me and that's not a relationship, that's exhausting. I hope it's not too late to fix this.

[@marymccormack2317]

Thanks 4 that. Great advice. 👍💯

[@DGAirbrushing]

I just bought the workbook for a loved one! I hope it works!!!

[@alouise3557]

This is great advice, except that my partner of the last 2 years punishes me still for splitting on him a number of times. He broke it off with me so many times, gaslighting, raging, stonewalling and punishing. I believe he's NPD (I was diagnosed CPTSD, possible BPD.) I don't want to be tortured anymore. Yesterday I wanted to "delete" myself. If feels like torture when he punishes me. Yet, I've hurt him so bad. I don't want to live without him. I love him so much and I don't trust my own reality anymore. I feel like he's my twin... we have so much pain. Thanks for all you do Doc.

[@entropy2298]

My girlfriend just left me and these videos are really helping i kept asking what i did wrong until i took the deep dive and i finally realize that i should have done it so much sooner cuz now i feel like I’ve been doing so many things wrong

[@abolisher]

Has she tried coming back into your life ?

[@dahliafiend]

I just get left behind. My ex is now married actually just blocked me the other day. She doesn’t want to communicate with me anymore because I am still in love with her. I tried so hard to change and work on myself but she punished my BPD tendencies by breaking my heart after three years. I had to move out within a month and have been alone ever since. I wanted to marry her and would have done anything but she just didn’t love me anymore because I made her so unhappy apparently. So whether I punish myself or not it doesn’t matter anymore. My life is punishment. She’s married to some rich older man now and sometimes I even see them around town while I eat alone, go to the store alone, etc etc. it’s gotten to the point now where I just don’t care about my life anymore. I try to but most days I can’t.

[@TeacherMom80]

Im sorry about youre going through. Try to focus on you -- on doing things that make you healthy, happy & strong. Surround yourself with people who want the best dor you! Listen to Jordan B. Petersons book 12 Rules for Life on Audible. It helped me thru my darkest times thus far. God bless. You're worth it! 💖🙏🏼🕊️

[@briannawaldorf8485]

I hope you’re feeling better now ❤️ please try to find a community or social circle if you can it will make the pain of losing her much less intense because you will be less isolated even just platonically. You deserve better and someone who loves you

[@chilloften]

You are so excellent at this. TFS. I adore your material.

[@casket8530]

The issue is that the rupture is so damaging to the non, to not hold the pwBPD accountable for their actions when they attempt to repair is absolute insanity. They do the most egregious things during the rupture, i mean EGREGIOUS. Lives have been destroyed, people have died. To the victims reading this, when they come back, make sure you let them know everything they've done and get your closure before they shutdown and let them run off again because they can't handle accountability. Then move on for good.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[@renacleerican7824]

It really depends on where the person suffering with bpd is on the way of remission. Thank you very much for the generalization and stigmatization. It is so helpful.

[@casket8530]

@@renacleerican7824 Im speaking to the victims who have had this happen to them. My ex tried this multiple times, thankfully i never responded. Splitting is a core symptom of bpd, so you cant say its a generalization. It WILL happen when dating someone with the disorder.

[@renacleerican7824]

@@casket8530 Here is a channel for helping people with bpd. Most of us are trying to heal. So your type of vilifying comment is clearly harmful and inappropriate. No it Will not always happen, a lot of us are learning, fighting, improving. Your little personal experience is not the rule.

[@casket8530]

@@renacleerican7824 Everyone is trying to heal. Should they take splitting out of the DSM if not all pwBPD do it? No because every pwBPD experiences splitting, its a core conponent of the disorder. Some people manage it better but doesnt change the fact it still happens.

[@mvfplanet]

Thank you for the balanced explanation

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re very welcome and I’m glad that you found it helpful.

[@undreiscool]

I think I had dated someone with undiagnosed BPD or mental illness I didn't understand them at the time I thought she was purposely being hurtful. Relationship was a emotional roller coaster

[@janept9639]

Thanks for a very informative, helpful video and it would be great if you could do another on self sabotage - I do it all the time and it's so destructive.

[@8thhousealchemist600]

Example, yesterday I take change to a Coinstar and start thinking the Cashier thinks I'm a drug addicted so I felt slighted and want to defend myself from and/or harm the Cashier. So exhausting.

[@judusmasamune9523]

True the little voice is also anger against someone too

[@Sandy--hq5ws]

I hear your wise words and it sounds easier than it's done. My mind is making me crazy right now and I'm sick of it. It's the middle of the night here right now...I wish I could sleep and never wake up again!!! 😑😢

[@melinaburkhardt421]

@ Sandy Schröder It is my usual sleeping pattern to lie awake in the "wolf's hour" and become a prey to my negative BPD thoughts. Don't let it win, soon daylight will conquer the dark and maybe you can take a nap in the daytime. You are not alone.

[@Sandy--hq5ws]

@@melinaburkhardt421I know that this feeling eventually will become less, but when you are in the middle of it, it feels like hell 😔 Thank u for your kind words and knowing that we're not alone helps a bit in this struggle. Bless U 🕯🙇‍♀️

[@amuroray100]

Don’t give up. Things will get better♥️

[@Sandy--hq5ws]

@@amuroray100 ❤

[@gnatASMR]

I wish I would have seen this video 5 months ago. I’m glad I found it now though. Thank you!

[@sarita8245]

Your videos always come up at JUST the right time

[@judusmasamune9523]

I want to grow beyond it yes made me cry a bit helping break this cycle

[@DrDanielFox]

It's amazing to hear that the video resonated with you on a deeper level.

[@judusmasamune9523]

You always are spot on

[@malachaipulido4528]

Wow. Most informative.