Restoring Your Boundaries after Narcissistic Intrusions

[@smoozerish]

I remember the regular bedroom shakedowns my narcissist mother did almost on a weekly basis. I could keep nothing private or even keep a diary knowing she would intrude in everything. I was the prisoner, and she was the jailer with all the power. Horrible childhood. I wouldn't wish on anyone else.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@kobra4422 and Smoozerish. That’s totally rotten. And yet again it’s mothers being horrid and abusive.

[@chrysoulacaragonne1497]

My mother forced me to search the house for things she'd misplaced. If I found them, it was because I had taken it, if I refused to search it was because I took it!

[@chrysoulacaragonne1497]

The force was coupled with the fact that she tried to kill me and almost succeeded.

[@chrysoulacaragonne1497]

Even better is a world where your neighbor respects your property rights without a physical fence!

[@chrysoulacaragonne1497]

Good neighbors respect your property rights. My neighbors have violated my unfenced front yard many times, multiple people over 12 years and even calling code compliance to do their dirty work. It all got started with my nextdoor neighbor Ms. Paula who came to me privately one day to "apologize" for "thinking" that I murdered my mother-in-law to get her house, that her best friend's mother died of the same thing my mother-in-law died from. What Paula didn't apologize for was spreading the rumor and failed to set the record straight that she had been mistaken TO OTHERS SHE'D ALREADY POISONED and left me alone to move on with the valuable heirloom gift I gave her. Thanks Paula! The neighbors definitely let me know about what they thought about me! I gave her a hope chest! And, in the traditional manner! After a lifetime of surviving people (men and women) like Paula, all I can say is I know I deserve a comfortable death! I didn't even want her to feel grateful to me for it, so I told her Gd told me to give it to her and walked away.

[@rosemaryhaddon595]

I recall many years ago pleading with my mother to stop interfering in my life. She looked at me in total bewilderment and denied ever behaving that way. I now realise how incredibly entitled she was and nothing I said or did would get her to stop violating my boundaries or micro managing my life. These people are brain damaged.

[@cory99998]

Yeah. I know my parent and they feel so entitled to my life that any boundary set is just me "going through something". They will die with the beliefs they have, I know this because it feels so fundamental to their behavior Ive experienced my entire life.

[@curiouscomplex290]

😂😂😂 brain damage is accurate but deliciously mean.

[@marymcfadden6631]

Thank you for putting these subtle concepts into words. This is so validating. So many decades later I'm finally figuring out why I'm so triggered by intrusions when I'm doing anything. Mom didn't allow many boundaries in our home. She always had to show the "right" way to do everything, and we had to show our appreciation for it!

[@ElyJane]

My Mum told me how I should boil an egg when I was 46!!!! It made me so angry that she was hovering over me at the stove We had a massive argument about how I can do things by myself I ended up having a major anxiety attack My Mum then says I am the one who needs help! When I boil an egg around other people I don’t have an anxiety attack!!!!!

[@katec9893]

Me too, I get v triggered by boundary violations and intrusions. My mother still tries to be in charge in situations and control things in my life, I'll be 40 soon. It's like being treated like a child forever and it feels absolutely horrific.

[@markartist8646]

Your book is the final piece allowing me to decode what happened over 50 years ago. Therapy in my 30's did not have this piece of understanding of how I was trapped in the abuse but did the wisest thing possible to survive. This is a monumental piece to my healing! THANK YOU!!!

[@sssttt2211]

Narcissist doesn't something which they think is favour to you, but actually is intrusion and then expect you to be grateful to them.

[@JeanMarcSaintLaurent]

Wow. I was listening for another reason - but surprisingly found out why I had the habit of asking questions at work I already knew the answers too. It does make me a bit angry toward my parents’ narcissistic behavior.

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

I noticed just last night! Someone asked to borrow one of the 15 lb weights I was going to use at the gym, and she never gave it back, so I just used 10 lb weights and didn't get as good of a workout. Because her needs seemed more important than mine. I should have asked for it back.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Lena- very impressed with your weights 💪 well done you. And now with the high quality psych education provided by Dr Jay and a supportive community here- you have learned something, this awareness can be a growing moment-for next time…

[@bunnyvelour2820]

YES, the intrusions are a huge part of daily life with a narcissistic person! My childhood had this going on as well, with my mother usually being intrusive and interrupting. I tend to schedule my various activities, chores, interests, etc. for when I think I’ll be interrupted the least. And there are many things I would do but choose not to because I don’t want the aggravation of dealing with someone else’s agenda butting in all the time.

[@jamesszumiloski4986]

This cycle follows us,,,whatever demon was present coming against us as young souls just jumps bodies and finds another host to try to exploit our energy!!,,they want our power!!Us feeling bad makes them feel good!!!,,energetic vampirism

[@4Beats4Me]

I still hear my parents' voices whenever I am deeply involved in a project. I still struggle for some sort of completion

[@urbanlee1349]

I found this right on time at a point where I am really trying to reinforce boundaries even in my mind and it is hard sometime because of the ingrained reaction of fear of being wrong. This is very helpful though because I want to feel safe within myself and I can see that this is the only way how although it feels scary at times. The people that made me feel bad about my boundaries are/were insecure disturbed people. It had nothing to do with me at all. I was right and am right when I know am.

[@cosmopolitan794]

I think it can be helpful to know that even "safe" people might be grumpy or not-so-warm right after a boundary is set. The difference is, they respect it and the relationship continues to be healthy afterwards.

[@joellenklemek138]

I wouldn’t no. At age 55 I have yet to ever say “no” to anyone

[@JessAnonymous]

​@joellenklemek138 time to practice bby! Respect yourself enough to say NOOOOOO to people or things you want to say no to. Sometimes you really just don't want to. So Issa No

[@taniabluebell3099]

While I didn’t experience Ed’s with homework I had similar experiences with my mom. Usually when she asked me to help her with something and she would provide incomplete or rushed instructions. She expected me and my siblings to follow her instructions and when we failed to meet her standards she berated us and would become hostile. Often she yelled for hours as me or my siblings removed ourselves and hid in some part of the house.

[@dominique7269]

My mother (and her boyfriend, too) would always NEED to be in the bathroom somehow the moment I was taking a shower. They would just walk in on me. Because they needed to put laundry back or get stuff or idk, it was weird. I was already a teenager and wasn’t allowed to lock the door… but it wasn’t because I could drown in the bathtub.. it was just domineering behaviour to demonstrate I did not have any right to privacy and boundaries. Disgusting behaviour.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Dominique- gross- abusive and horrible that you have had that experience. I don’t know if it’s totally against the rules but where came up for me was - fxxk them, a pair of total creepy, sneaky abusive axxpoles. Big exhale here… you take care of you.

[@amberinthemist7912]

My mother felt I needed even less privacy in the bathroom especially as I got to my teen years because I might touch myself which was a great sin in her religion. It was insane.

[@MA__]

Gross and abusive! I'm so sorry you had to grow up like that ugh

[@justChrisjones]

My son in law would be getting ready shaving and dad would always come in to poop.

[@kobra4422]

I was mad for a week bc I've realized it's root of my emotional/nervous system problems. I finally feel understood bc nobody talks about this. I have huge trouble focus. If I do something I loose track of thought. I am sure I don't have organic ADHD bc my focus and memory was great up to 12yo. My mum was and is very dominating to me. She never allowed me to grow up independent woman. I've spent my teens using PC bc it was the only thing she didn't interfere. I wanted to learn to cook, renovate things at home but even washing dishes made her interrupting. I was afraid to touch anything at home. I can't imagine doing ANYTHING without unsolicited advices and yelling. If I do something requiring focus suddenly I loose track of thought and feel "out of my body" bc I expect interruption. I am afraid of getting in relationships bc I don't want to give my power to someone and abandon myself but my nervous system does it unwillingly. I am MAD that she rarely helped me with actual problems but spent years on micromanaging dumb shit like cleaning. I feel overpowered and don't know who I am around people. I've learned when she does it it's better to ignore bc If I remind her I am adult, it's a beginning of drama. The "advices" and micromanaging didn't help. It caused performance anxiety that makes it hard to get by. It's more annoying that she's a teacher and is very aware most kids are much more carefree and loud than me. How didn't she realize I don't act normal bc of her behavior? :/ I need to rewatch the video cause it hit the home again ☹

[@Emile-philia]

Hey. I recognise myself in your descriptions. For a long time I would flinch in conversations to the point of not being able to function normally. My mother did that to me too. Going no contact with my family of origin was what worked for me. Everyday away from them allows me to heal back to base line.

[@annastone5624]

Wow so sorry.. but you describe it so very very well..really.. Esp micromanaging dumb shit and not helping with actual problems!!! I so identify. What a horrible trick to play.

[@lizafield9002]

The self knowledge & wisdom in what you wrote are light-years beyond many people's. Your comments showed me that i too had never before understood why losing myself in work or carefree joy was so unsustainable: I'd learned early on to expect the family to object, correct, reject, ridicule or punish, for losing hypervigilance & being free. Thank you!, so helpful!

[@kobra4422]

@@marietjieluyt7619 I understand totally! Fear of being controlled is huge for me. Freedom and partnership is everything since I was deprived from it. It'd be nice if she said: "lets bake a cake together!" and gently guided me. It never happened. If I tried get out of the prison by doing things I wanted to do, she immediately put me to my place by yelling and criticism. Early I gave up need for independence and learning new things bc nervous system was destroyed from constant interruptions.

[@GypsySparkle]

Wow, sounds so much like me !! Mine would micro manage cleaning, say she'd do it herself because everyone was terrible at it except her and then play the martyr that no one wanted to help. I have nervousness issues, flight or flight adrenal stuff going on and worry about men or people trying to assert power or even speak in a brusk tone with me.. Taking alot to undo her years of crap. Sorry you guys had to experience the same x

[@ernarc23]

You said something that hit home for me, Jay: "The scapegoated child begins to associate intrusion with connection." YES. That may explain how the narcissistic parent and early attachments and definitions of love (as total selflessness and powerlessness) set one up for repetition compulsions and unhealthy/codependent paradigms of love -- in other words, for 'loving' narcissists later on in life, one-way giving, and one-way communications.

[@moirabijker]

Thank you, Jay...all your content is so informative and very helpful for me to understand all the reasons I sometimes still find myself in these types of situations. It's excruciating when I allow other people's needs to take priority over mine, excluding my children, of course. I see how I retraumatize myself by looking for others' approval or when I fear their anger or disappointment with me. All of it a sick remnant of growing up in a severely dysfunctional family. I have cut off all ties with these abusive people and I am finally getting clarity on who I really am. I continue to practice setting boundaries and I am improving my self-esteem. Thank you again for your amazing work.

[@DNTCreativeMedia]

This is like mind reading. It's exactly what happened in my home growing up. Crazy how accurate this is.

[@jacquelinefroehle3583]

Great video and thank you. Narcissist challenge our boundaries so I blocked the whole toxic group. At first I didn't feel completely comfortable in doing that. As time went by...I love the peace and joy not being around them. And ot left room in my life where good honest people came into my life 😊

[@privateprivate8366]

I watched because I thought it was about intrusive, narcissistic neighbors, of which I have one. All of what is said here is true, according to my experience, with my own narcissistic mother. But, I discovered the beginnings of something very similar, with a narcissistic neighbor, who seemed to decide, for her own convenience, that she could play a mother role in my life, for me to be her free caregiver. This despite me not knowing her and her being only 6 years my senior. I think a lot of people have these types of neighbors, whether it’s a perceived mother/daughter scenario or not. Neighbors who refuse to recognize boundaries, like they’re a bear that’s gained entry, into your living space. Neighbors who think they own you and make decisions for you. Neighbors who open your mail, because they think they should have the right to. Neighbors who become angry, when they’re told no. There can be such entitlement there, that you’d think they are your parent and, if they’re at all older than you, they don’t have much difficulty convincing other neighbors, that you should, indeed, act as their child and tend to their every need. They will prevent you from the legal enjoyment of the property, with their vigilant ever-presence, feeling entitled to let you know they’re watching you, because they may have infantilized you, at least in their mind, but their belief can be so so strong, that you have to have pretty strong boundaries to put up a firewall against it. They’re not to be antagonized or played with, because your “disobedience” is a very real insult to them, for which they might want retribution. As my narcissistic neighbor may soon be evicted, as I suspected might happen, she filed a complaint against me, about something minor, not realizing that her infraction was bigger. But, I expected this stress response from her. Because, in her mind, it is not her family who refused to care for her, that is the problem. It is me who refused to care for her, that is Issue No. 1. For her, I am the disobedient and disrespectful daughter (unless she is mostly looking at race difference), that needs to be taught a lesson.

[@FaithfulandTrue777]

Thank you so much Jay this clarifies so much. It also explains the behaviour of an older toxic colleague who is trying to dominate and treat me like a bad child! I've now set boundaries and every interaction is invalidated or set up to throw me down. 🎶 Ain't nothin gonna breaka my Stride, aint nothin gonna hold me down oh no, I got to keep on moving 🎶

[@clairepurcell7577]

omg this is so real-- how sick this dynamic is: the intrusions were the only way my parents were happy with me. I remember feeling so so young that i was in a lose-lose situation and sort of gave up on myself having any needs met in life or being able to please my family in any meaningful way.

[@juneelle370]

All of these layers of understanding are so helpful ☀️ internal illumination and felt validation too ~ thank you 🌻

[@klfannbbb]

Your last line really hit me, about seeing a boundary as a gift. I have never heard anyone put it like that, and I think something clicked for me. Thanks for another great video!

[@bbjoyce-je1vx]

Thank you so much for your encouraging videos. I am so glad and relieved to know what happens in these kinds of families. In a family of six kids, I was chosen to cook, clean, take care of my siblings. My mother criticized me whenever someone complimented me for any reason. I was 11 yrs old cooking and cleaning. My sister became jealous and envious. She copied my hairstyles, dress and mannerisms. She and mom were inseparable. They teamed up and bullied me daily for years. Eventually they turned the family against me. Dad used to help me. Then he joined them. I am finally no contact and I took that step after watching your videos about the scapegoat kid in the dysfunctional family. Thank you very much because I am much happier now

[@Elliemae555]

This is an exact replica of my life. I ended up marrying a narcissist and have been rejected by my kids and grandkids now as a result of my husbands influence and lies he spread about me. I’m on my own now and am🙏🏻 for the emotional healing and health issues that I have been experiencing

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Hello - yet to get to fully listen here. But so far it’s OMG yes! I’m especially posting to say Dr Jay Reid’s book arrived today- to the other side of the world. A very quick flick through and I can see a very nice layout, including print size, font and decent print paper. This makes such a difference. Thanks Dr. Jay Reid.

[@steffi5945]

I am reading the kindle version and it is great.

[@denisel780]

I agree! It is such a great and well written book. Got my copy yesterday and as I am reading through it, it feels like he was a fly on the wall in my family home. He gets this from having lived it himself, and shares his wisdom in such a deep and relatable way. I am so grateful for his work. Have already had some aha moments and feel like I am finally on the threshold of freedom from the mental and emotional prison being raised like this causes! HIGHLY recommend his new book!

[@AtomicSonicHalos]

F-ing AMAZING!!! Succinct, clear, insightful! You heal with words!!! Wow! Thank you!

[@jamielawrence4749]

My dad would just talk constantly about all his feelings and experiences and family trauma etc. It was a nonstop parade of "TMI" and I felt like I had to take care of him all the time. I feel terrified that I will get trapped in that with others, or, if I want to share how I feel, I automatically cap myself after talking for like 1 minute because I feel trained to feel like I'm going to either be like my dad or that my feelings and experiences inherently aren't as interesting to the listener as their own life. It's so hard to know when someone is just excited and sharing themselves with me (which I love) and when they are self involved or narcissistic. It gets easier to know, over time, but I can exhaust myself "being there" for people who might actually be running over my emotional boundaries. I don't want to be a "bad friend" (or "bad daughter")...

[@rinahgberg312]

Sometimes I can feel a bit of a suffocating feeling that lingers in the air after setting a boundary and I end up tightening my stomach area and numbing out my own feelings in order to "take care" of other people's need's even though I both have said no and I am not with them at that time.

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

Thanks Dr, always appreciated

[@annastone5624]

Thanks so much Jay

[@makaylahollywood3677]

Boundery's trampled on by siblings, ganging up, scapegoating. The cult. Once again- alone, while. Raised five younger siblings, parent the parents, grew up fast. By twenty-one walked away from toxic surroundings. Severe the traps, manipulation, gaslighting busy-bodies that suffocated me. Felt disloyal at first. It took a few times- trust to allow myself to feel good, to feel peace. This was my right. This was my life.

[@franciscoguevara9727]

Im so grateful i found safe enough support and someone to believe me and my story as a survivor, sit with me as long as i needed over the course of weeks, and listen to my story believe me and model the tools of gentleness and healthy boundaries to me ............. With time i started applying both of them and following through with my boudnaries, to stay true to my inner child , and the nudges he gives me, when things feel off. Compliance is a good way to survive a narcisistic upbringing , but it isnt a good way to live, i need gentleness on my self and healthy boundaries to keep my inner child and true self safe. Healthy boundaries show me who is safe enough and who can help me meet my needs. Toxic people get terribly offended when we put up boundaries but thats completely their shit. Depending on the degree, toxic people want to be able to get away with microagressions, with projections, and shit that isnt ours. This isnt ' healthy for me to stuff, its healthier for me to use my voice, to honor my inner children , and keep a healthy boundary , speak my truth speak up and then disengage. And get my needs met in healthy workeable relationships. its healthy for me to be the voice of that inner child, we're worth it. Along with gentleness , By being the voice of my inner child , i find my safe enough other people. Were worth it. I also try to be nurturing to my inner child and trueself, spending time with my inner child, and working on that conneciton with my self, and inner children, watching a movie or kicking a soccer ball around, things that i really love doing, and giving myself permission to do it , permission to play and have fun. permission to do something fun. Permission to follow my curiousity today and explore some. Permission to relax, and just wathc a tv show and enjoy myself like that. Were worth it.! With gentlenesshumorlove and respect were worth it. Godspeed! were worth it!

[@christibyerly4298]

I just finished reading your book yesterday. I took it in small chunks because it was like reading a script of a play whose lines I had memorized. Very uncanny. I never would have used the word "narcissist" in relation to my mom, but every page of the book applied to growing up under her parenting. It was really, really helpful in supporting me in my recent, very painful decision to walk away from at least two family members, to believe my own experiences and feelings, and to choose to be treated kindly. It also helped me believe and know the fact that I have always been a loving, kind, strong person.

[@cory99998]

Did it feel like toxic love? Can I ask what that experience was like? My parent doesnt fit the overtly abusive archetype but everything checks out for narcissism. So confusing for them to love bomb and make it feel like they need me and then I just feel anxiety and dread and guilt.

[@tnt01]

​@@cory99998it sounds like they are covert narcs.

[@charlesp.8555]

If your needs dont matter, violating them isnt disrespectful.

[@kathleenb6375]

My husband used to put his foot in the door when I went to the bathroom. He would pick the lock when I was in the bath. Two of many.

[@lisaperez8276]

This is so challenging to navigate. If you’re experiencing this, I’m so sorry and sending lots of love.

[@mosim9691]

I have ordered your book "Growing Up as the Scapegoat to a Narcissistic Parent: A Guide to Healing." Really excited & cannot wait to get it!

[@martaso643]

I feel like my personality is 100% a mix of all of what you describe in all of your videos... who am I besides a global response to narcisistic abuse?

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Dear Marta Só- you are you - just being you, just by breathing and your heart pumping you are of intrinsic value and worth.

[@steffi5945]

You are you, and just by making this post on this vid you have shared something of yourself that makes me feel like there are people out there who I can relate to , so thank you

[@me-jt5qc]

"A global response to narcissistic abuse" is a very good description of how I have felt about myself. I had no concept of actually being a human being. I think the concept of pathological projective identification (PPPI) which Jay has written about explains what happens. I grew up believing I was just a response to others' projections. As Jay always puts it, we need to break the narcissists [insane] rules about who we are.

[@rachelmaxwell5953]

Thank you Jay! ❤

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you for This extremely informative and helpful video.

[@thegamerfrominside]

Wearing headphones like when gaming or listening to music is the most annoying excuse for the narcissist to blow up on you or will learn over a short period of time to intentionally call your name to come out or claim they did if they come in to your room and you don't have them on but if you do they yell at you for not coming out to see what they want at the time and are just using it as an excuse to not come out when they call you. It freaking sucks because try playing any game and be immersed with the fact you have almost no respect or privacy regarding your room. My work schedule is perfect since im a night owl so we rarely see each other except when eating or saying GOODBYE when we leave for work. But i learned not to tell him my scheduled vacation days or weeks for the year because he deliberately set it up so he would be home the same dates. We know we don't like hanging around each other but never again will i make that mistake again. Hos vacation was sucking the life out of me by constantly freaking calling my name in the living room for bs reasons or tasks he usually doesn't mind doing himself when im gaming the majority of the time. One day i had enough of it so i told him the next time you flip out on me especially when im trying to enjoy myself when im off work like this week that i will i install s lock on my door no matter what you think of it. I will not tolerate his crap especially on my vacation because its so paranoying trying to enjoy my favorite hobby when i have him in the back of my mind when Thinking someone said ny dam name and coming out to see if he called me to have him get annoyed by it and say he didn't call my name. God it sucks so i advise any music lovers to stand your ground and be assertive if you can muster it and take no back sass from them by laying what your doing and why and if they other than ok then start blasting that crap when you do listen to music. If they want you to not play your music loudly then i want a lock on my door otherwise your being unreasonable and im getting a lock on my door and if you don't have a legit reason I'm gonna make you regret coming into ny room yelling at stne for obviously not hearing you. My one thing is gaming and i won't let him ruin it

[@d.nakamura9579]

Great video. Sure to resonate with children of narcissistic parents.

[@jamesszumiloski4986]

You are punished for setting boundaries,,,this cycle follows you,,,it does not mean not to set boundaries,,,it means most will get angry when you set boundaries,,,this is why self validation is the only way to recover long-term from narc abuse cycle

[@nillarohr9872]

" staying warm" appeals to me ...must buy your books and read more! Im now free in a real physical sence but not in a psychological and emotional.

[@pianoplayer2692]

I cannot tell you how much your videos have helped. Thank you so very much!

[@antiprismatic]

Another wallopingly good video!!!! Seemingly benign subject for those who have been so deeply abused in this way!!!! However this opens up so much new territory for well being to unfold. I always knew there was something wrong with most of my family interactions. Constant intrusiveness. Literally unending grandparents, parents, brother and sister. I had my time to myself but if ever they needed to vent degrade or feel superior... i was there.

[@jennylynn82173]

Jay, I got your book a few days ago! It is absolutely awesome! Left an Amazon review for the first time ever! Thank you more than words can convey! Admitting that I need such a book has been a deeply difficult thing for me to accept and process … your wisdom and guidance is such a blessing…🌻

[@stanleydrive740]

Thank you, very dear Jay, so much. All you said is so right on target! I am so deeply grateful! You save lives! 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

[@betinansi201]

Thanks for this great informative video

[@desertrose3641]

Thank You, Doctor So much! You've helped me a lot!!! I had no Idea why I felt my whole life, the way I did! 😩 Actually, I thought those were my personality traits; at the end, I descovered I've developed a severe form of Social anxiety & Social phobia, - which I have to deal with now ...... ! 😩 God bless Your work, And save You & Protect You Always! ☺️ And keep You smiling & happy, of course!!! ☺️❣️🤗

[@izawaniek2568]

Some narcisists feel entitled to act as If parents - narcisistic of course- towards other adults whom they perceive as inferior and subordinate as it they were their children -scapegoated children of course, and they do not refrain from acts of vandalism on the scapegoat’s child property because they claim to be perfect gardeners.

[@Ram-uj8ls]

When staying in the same house I cannot schedule anything. A short break from my activities, consisting for example in leaving my bedroom for a quick snack or a tea in the kitchen, is enough for him to start an endless conversation about his business or engage me in some task and get offended if I reply I have scant time to get involved in something other than my business. As a result of being interrupted frequently or of capitulating and doing small favors that could be delayed, I become exhausted and once back to my bedroom I lay on my bed instead of going on with my present duty.

[@hannerstavik7777]

Thank you! To me, there is an even deeper silence in this: how to set boundaries if you don’t have any feeling of being a Self? How to set boundaries if you have never grown a sense of Self, that all in you had to be thrown into the needs of the parent?

[@slightlysarcastic3098]

This example with Ed and his father's intrusive advice sounds so much like me and my father. I use my GPS to drive and he's so vehemently against it. The disgust on his face. I think my father is jealous of my car ownership. He makes me so unsettled in my own car.

[@carlorizzo827]

Thank you 👍👍👍You well describe the anatomy of boundary destruction. I'm gonna keep tryin'. But i got severe battle fatigue, the intrusions pierced deep under the skin. Oh, i was told i was loved. What a setup, i'm unable to pairbond. Bad case of "tactile defensive" here. Feels intractable. But i'm gonna keep tryin'. Nuthin better to do

[@mackthisarrowhearth295]

Ok, beside topic, but where did you get that awesome waterfall wall thingy *:)

[@annewoods3528]

I just had an experience of setting boundary with a narcissistic boss. I credit it to the progress I have made in recovery from narcissistic abuse. (Well, admittedly, that I am able to retire also helped.) The guy is so clueless about his narcissism. I can even hear it in the way he talked about his kids. Resources like his are very helpful to survivors of narc abuse. How about the kids who are currently under the thumbs of these tyrants?

[@ximeacabal6803]

My dad expected my brother and I to drop anything we where doing to go greet him when he arrived home. He was always correcting everything I did, when I didn't followed how he wanted he would hit me and ask me why I couldn't get something so simple. When I stared to set a boundary as a 15 year old (after therapy that I seek by myself) he went nuts, I was an ungrateful child that didn't even know how to wipe my ass to be contradicting the master.

[@CurtisMoe]

Great video Jay

[@clairewillow6475]

They do this to the golden child too sometimes

[@lilaccilla]

How would you react to someone who told you this as a child , "Abraham Lincoln may have been ugly on the outside , but he was a beautiful man on the inside " "But , Cilla you are the opposite , you may be pretty on the outside but you are ugly on the inside . " And that was just one of the things my mother said to me in a private lecture , one of many intrusive behaviours she practiced on me . These lectures were long and meant to hurt my spirit and keep me in line , and she would stare at you . Many times it was more subtle , another time she would say that the mole on my wrist was "the mark of Cain and that I was the work of the devil !" . WoW , huh ?! She was obviously nuts , I thought . I was not religious and luckily my dad said that was it ok not to go to church if we kids did not want to . He finally left her for a woman who was like himself non religious. She mellowed out with age finally . And we came to enjoy each other . But that is not always the case with many .

[@lilaccilla]

Yes ! so superior . yet if you try to turn it on them , they can not take the same treatment , and never recognize it as something they practice .

[@lilaccilla]

Do you come across scapegoats who years later develop an auto immune disease ?

[@worldsyoursent.1635]

🙏🙏🙏

[@dark7angel456]

I find that narcissistic parents breed narcissistic kids and over time their kids become intrusive too.

[@ssing7113]

I don’t think my dad was a narc but had tendencies. I’m totally codependent though I remember doing everything with and for my dad as I wanted that approval. When I was 15 I started work and remember saving my first money to want to buy him a new stove 😂 Later got into a relationship with I believe a Bpd and I did everything for her. Made all the money. While she was verbally. Emotionally. physically abusive. Codependency work is great but you have to pair it with childhood wounding and then it really clicks together

[@kmwilkerson04]

How would you tie this to the “reward system” that has been in place within Special Ed throughout schools and daycares in US (especially in CA)? Has this system trained parents to be narcissistic towards their children?

[@nancybartley4610]

Please explain more. Retired teacher here who is very suspicious of our entire educational system, not just Sp. Ed. I am in CA, too. It is a very involved topic.

[@FlatStella1]

Oh yea,always

[@Shimmerin]

DEAD ON!

[@kimberlygabaldon3260]

Uggh! Yep.