Rethinking Family

[@Andrewism]

Stay tuned for my 50K special Discord stream🙏🏽 discord.gg/EdQGwce6GV

[@amellirizarry9503]

damn i really needed this video😭 it’s been a rough time living with my parents lately, and you really helped me articulate a lot of why it felt so wrong Thanks for that and greetings from the DR🇩🇴✊

[@ioselene9232]

Hello Andrew, I didn't finish the video yet, but I think there is a mistake in the text at 7:55 . It says that our expanded understanding of health, thankfully, increased infant mortality. I suppose it should say the contrary, but thankfully it seems a very minor error and hopefully very recognizable to an attentive audience. I'll report any other thing that I find, if you would like it of course! I just want to add that I love your channel and your content, you are always bringing some more hope and desire to act for change in our lives! Much Love

[@bengrunewald4183]

Your silence on veganism speaks volumes.

[@ryanrichey3245]

I'd like to add that in the very early stages of life and during pregnancy the child is absolutely not an independent being with an identity. The way that Erich Fromm, a psychologist would put it is that the mother and child are the same being until the child hits a stage of maturity where they want to separate from the mother. If the child does not start to separate from the mother he equates it to incest. Not incest in the sexual meaning because a child does not think like an adult, they do not wish to have sex with their mother. Instead it is in the sense that the child wishes to go back to the state of bliss when they and the mother were one. Children especially young ones need the bliss of being one with their mother in early life because without it they can never develop independence and learn how to properly function as a human. However the role of mother can be occupied by any number of things the question is, does that thing lead to sane human beings.

[@philipm3173]

More Emma Goldman :)

[@AnarchoPurp]

It’s very impressive that you managed to say “Marx and Luigi” in such a serious voice

[@scottylilacleona9193]

That part was a fucking drive by of a hit

[@surprisedlobsta8543]

The caption under it too

[@omegahaxors9-11]

Oh boy! I can't wait to bash the patriarchy!

[@zainmudassir2964]

Marxist-Luigist

[@undeadblizzard]

Learn something new, Mario and Luigi were woke.

[@boneladders]

as a queer person who grew up in a highly dysfunctional lower middle-class nuclear family, i've been running away from that model my entire life and its really comforting to see so much pushback against it now. growing up the way i did has shaped my worldview and my sense of selfhood in tremendous ways, and i feel a lot less alienated knowing that there's a movement of others who understand. you're doing fantastic work, thank you so much for your videos and the time and effort you put into them.

[@johnmaris1582]

2 parents household doesn't guarantee good parenting. However, 2 parents household do statistically have better parenting compared of single parent household. I still don't think promoting nuclear family is somehow more harmful.

[@boneladders]

@@johnmaris1582 yeah thats kinda the point. 1 or 2 parents alone puts too much stress on the parents, and risks exposing the kid to inescapable abuse if one or both parents turn out to be abusive. children having immediate, live-in access to a broader communal support network of adults and peers makes for a healthier environment, and takes strain off parents. as for promoting the nuclear family, if you look at history the promotion of the nuclear family has primarily been through devaluing other forms of family. if individuals choose the nuclear family because it works for them, that's fine. what isn't fine is shaming other forms of family or structuring society in a way that forces it on people as the only viable option.

[@kathybramley5609]

There but for the grace? I'm a bit stuck on the horns and a bit rich with it, as a late dxd autistic bi nonbinary afab married at 20, failing uni, having waited within a Christian settings as a kind of bargain with God for stability (bierasure from all communities & compcishet also didn't help, came out as maybe lesbian as a tween), and now having significant caring responsibilities for my young adult children with my husband, but struggling with this arrangement, and barely knowing who I am. And family at a distance, with limited capacity to step in and anxiety about that anyway. We own our house (or small mortgage left) from legacy of his IT job but our parents are mixed-class origins - one parent in each set first generation at university in a working class family. I failed uni. Then failed working on checkouts after 3yrs - a lot related to ND, also with trying to volunteer in an Oxfam shop and do an environmental FE course (similar topic to my degree) and failing at that related to ND. . And I got ill before having my children then when losing my job though that fell to the next kind of job of normal, had a series of big life events and stressors & had & struggle depression deepen to really bad postnatal depression and have struggled right through and not worked. Felt the pressure but not always been able to do the woman thing of just carrying it all, confusing mix of capacity, gender role stress & dysphoria. My kids have had various challenging behaviour issues, similar dx to me or mooted, part genetic/epigenetic inheritence and part environment probably. Part in higher care need case a neonatal illness. We have been fairly isolated bar a few key people and wider support networks of liberal church and left leaning arts & community life where we chose to settle. I say liberal but it was fairly mixed theological perspectives and I haven't been there much since I came out again . My husband's IT jobs were toxic not very supportive (king wench dichotomy in toxic gender division means even make dominated "support" roles get treated badly), even in university where they had decent benefits so he buried himself there until he couldn't. We survive on income support, tax credit & carers allowance. And we're surviving without fancy tastes and a pre-existing tendency to wear stuff til it falls apart or really doesn't fit. And that's not the half of it. But ahhh. I can't even clearly know if I'd leave, in theory I could just run from all of it and really be equality but also a monster to all, though I think I would in a less destructive way but can't guarantee it wouldn't be that destructive. And our teens need freedom & social life. They're supported but it's all precarity itself it feels like. And hard work. No CV to entice a village. Except by many standards & perspectives also pretty priveleged.

[@kathybramley5609]

White UK.

[@hobbedgoblin10]

@@boneladders if that aint the truth,, dude after my dad died ALL OF THE PRESSURE was on my mom. i seriously needed more support during that time but i only had her bc again, the parent thing.

[@utilitymaxxing]

Absolutely. And coming at this from an urban planning perspective too, homes that function as gardening co-ops are a lot more sustainable just in the long run. Maintaining a solarpunk home can be a difficult task for a nuclear family, but is much easier when many individuals contribute towards maintaining the landscape. By building our homes around human connection, we will also make them more environmentally friendly, give individuals like children and the elderly more opportunities to get out. This also relates to urban sprawl and having car-centric developments where it is difficult to visit your neighbors or anyone due to the layout of homes. Being able to walk to a friend's house, or a local park, or a grocery store or local concerts, seeing people regularly, that is just healthier on so many levels? And being in close proximity to others and structures around them help build up a larger support system. If there are no nice meeting grounds for you and your neighbors, you are less likely to build those connections. This is why we need to build accessible parks, make group activities like walking and biking easier, so that the way our cities are designed encourage human connection and living with the environment. So much of this stuff is structural! North American cities are notoriously awful, Canada and the United States were both built around cars after genociding all the native populations, and consequentially have some of the most messed up layouts imaginable! We are building cities that try to defy nature, that try to kill the plants we need to survive. And our homes are not even built for the environments they live in - regional architecture is a lost art in the United States. We can make homes more disaster proof in climate friendly ways if only we broke away from McMansions! But so many zoning laws require McMansions. My home city's zoning laws have almost all the residential areas requiring massive lawns and parking spots. This creates even more distance from neighbors and majorly discourages travel by anything but car! And city politicians claim that we need to "maintain the character" of neighborhoods but we all know that's just code for keeping neighborhoods rich and white! We have no affordable housing because zoning laws don't allow for things like row houses or mixed use developments that are more environmentally efficient, affordable, and conducive to communities! This is of course the fault of capitalism, of racism, this prioritization of endless growth over sustainable living. The nuclear family is roaming, searching for new opportunities - but that's not what people need! When living in one place, people put more effort into their living spaces because their children and generations after will live there. We need to focus not on gathering resources, but sustainably generating resources for the future! God I should write an essay on this. This is poorly worded off the cuff KZbin comment section stuff. I have a lot more to say. Please talk to me about this please. Cool resources on this topic: - Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam - Not Just Bikes - City Beautiful - Alan Fisher - Strong Towns

[@RoyChamorro666]

I never knew ruff was a leftist

[@Andre-qo5ek]

"give individuals like children and the elderly more opportunities to get out." ** isn't this counter to the very idea of community? sure in a free community people COULD leave, but wouldn't the idea to be to keep the community strong through generational connection(?) not a , transient space, a depot for vagabonds?

[@hcxpl1]

​@@Andre-qo5ek I might be wrong but I think they meant "get out" in a more literal sense of getting out of their houses and spend some time outside, in nature an all of that.

[@hcxpl1]

I would really love to discuss this, as you asked, only problem is: I don't think I have anything to add, you've said it all. What I do think would be interesting, though, is to hear if you have any opinions on how an individual (or a small group of individuals) could try and make their neighborhood more livable, or, in my case which is people that don't even have a home yet, what kind of initiatives one could take to live in a more livable community without having to move to another country or something of the kind. (PS not from the US, Brazilian here)

[@Andre-qo5ek]

@@hcxpl1 ah, good point. thank you for pointing out my gap in perspective . I heard get out and and thought escape. it make sense that that get out could mean be free to play outside in a secure and protected environment. i feel my position still stands. to secure a safe space for kids to be free range what level of security would be needed? community surveillance, community policing, keeping an eye on "outsiders". i know a common answer is that the communities would simply have the best interest of the kids in mind ... maybe its just me, but that's in no way a reassuring guarantee.

[@ForeignManinaForeignLand]

Man truly out here just challenging ppl dem whole world view - AND MI LOVE IT

[@blackbox8490]

It is so nice to see someone speak about how child abuse is a systemic issue caused by ageism and geronotcrasy as you call it.

[@navilluscire2567]

Alot of kids I've "worked" with (basically just looked after some whenever their parents or guardians were busy, nothing "official" like a job) including some of my younger cousins I tried to be as "non-condescending" as possible with them. Like if they ask legitimate questions about things I'll try to answer to the best of my abilities and if I don't know I'll be upfront with them, I think it's important to let them know that older people or "grownups" don't always know everything or can indeed be questioned at all. Heck at times I've even deferred to some of them when it was obvious they knew more about something than I did. I think this helps break down some of those expectations they are raised with that they must always give authority over to someone else by virtue of just being older than them instead of based on skill of know how. (if it's something they physical can't do yet or atleast not as well as an older, more mature and experienced person could do then that's when yes an adult or even an older child or teen should step in)

[@annaalessandrini9965]

I think that the collective way of seeking competition over sensibility, collectivity and empathy, suffering of other as “inevitable” had led to a really ugly circle of justifying ones abusive parents methods and the trauma of the adult as inevitable or even right. There are a lot of problem with the “personal responsability” shit that inforce generational trauma and foster a vendictive additude toward others. You can see that all around us, abuse child who grew up and abuse their children because “i was brought up like this and look, i’m fine”, employee who were treat really badly who now abuse the little power they have on new ones, white cis feminist who have conquest some rights who want to exclude other, etc.. there’s research that show this kind of behavior are common when someone oppressed gain a little bit of space in the upper place of the hierarchy they tend to sustain it and enforce it, even if it’s not beneficial for them. The power of fear is still so deep that the risk of loosing that new insignificant privilege isn’t worth it.

[@MickeyMouse-lm6zj]

maybe to violent families it is

[@Andrewism]

Watch the outro to the end by the way ;)

[@ashtimbog]

it was highly radical

[@DavidLindes]

12:54 - "Some people don't even mind if a boot is on their neck, as long as they get to put a boot on other people's necks." - dang... yup. :'(

[@navilluscire2567]

It is how you get alot of people to accept more and more authoritarian regimes or even straight up fascism. As long as there's someone else below them on the "social ladder" to ""fuck up"" with virtual impunity they'll feel less motivated to try and challenge the status quo, even when they are abused themselves by their so called 'superiors'. *It is a chain of abuse, a toxic self perpetuating cycle.*

[@Megacooltommydee]

That is the precipice of a potent observation from LBJ in the 1960's regarding the politics of the American South. "If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you."

[@DavidLindes]

@@Megacooltommydee word. I've heard that quote, and... sigh.

[@codemonster8443]

I live in India, have lived here all my life. I grew up in a big house with 20 close family members. It was by grandparents, thier two sons and daughters in laws, 6 children and another family who rented two of our rooms. It was I think the best place to grow up. We all had meals together, my best friends were my cousins and children from our pay guests. That was until 4 years ago when my elder uncle saved up enough money to move out with his family. Then grandfather passed away and my father is mostly out of city working. All our new paying guests are college students who don't have time to spend with anyone other than their close friend group and their studies. I am now, by all accounts, in a nuclear Family. And it sucks :(

[@alphaomega1089]

Start your own family! And, welcome to the real world! We're not related! Your parents started one and you loved it! That should tell you to copy it! No need to feel sad! Adulthood!

[@Rahul_G.G.]

@@alphaomega1089 In India you don't start your family your parents do, LOL

[@Duragizer8775]

As someone who grew up in a dysfunctional nuclear family, I've long wanted family of my own - a loving family based in mutual respect, divorced from the sexism and ableism I knew growing up. I want to prove I can be a better father and partner than my father was. But at 34 years old, with social anxiety disorder and no friends or connections in the real world, I'm close to giving up on that dream.

[@Robstafarian]

Though I would hesitate to call my family dysfunctional, I could have written this in almost exactly the same words (I am 37).

[@FeyPax]

I’d say try not to worry too much about it and life will find a way. I’m in the same boat as you as in wanting to redefine family. I want to have kids and luckily have a long term boyfriend who wants to do the same. I have often thought about giving up but I also realized that my dream is the only thing keeping me here and I think it is important to show that we can lead change. After all we need to foster the next generation

[@adelaova9868]

@@FeyPax I used to have the same dream until I realized (over and over again) how dysfunctional this world is from too many points of view (from climate change to wars, corruption, and inequality). Now I want to adopt children to save my own from the disillusion they would inevitably have.

[@bbymaati]

I’m 27 and I’m close to giving up too :/ seems like a fantasy, getting further and further away from me. I don’t think I’ll have the chance to make great people. I’ve done so much to learn from my mothers mistakes in parenting. Addressing my trauma. But it’a useless.

[@adelaova9868]

@@bbymaati I once heard someone saying this: "The most important thing in life is establishing heartfelt communication with people". I will try to follow that advice and let myself be surprised by the outcome. If it leads to marriage and having a family, great. If not, great because I will have the people I care about around me. In case you're wondering, the wise man is Thom Yorke :)

[@gking407]

“Privacy can also be a prison” man what an understatement. Great video thank you

[@alexgroot2508]

Here in the Netherlands there's a massive housing shortage (we got some 300.000 homes less than we need) so prices are completely insane even by global standards. One solution that's been used her is that groups of people, friends, families, combinations of the two, pool resources and build one larger compound with shared utilities and then 'rent' that from themselves. I hope that trend continues, some friends of mine and my direct kin- sister and mother specifically- have expressed that they'd like that. I feel like it would be a good way to resolve some of the atomization we're all experiencing. Great video, as always.

[@unixtreme]

A similar thing is done in Spain, although rare, people build their own apartment blocks as part of a cooperative, where the goal is not profit but building good quality apartments. They are much cheaper to build since there aren't so many middle men trying to rip you off, and you can completely customize the apartment, even decide where you want non-structural walls and such.

[@navilluscire2567]

It would certainly cut down on alot of waste made in the production of housing with nuclear family structures in mind instead of more extensive communities.

[@constantinethecataphract5949]

Ban immigrants, Ban rich people from owning too much property, build more houses. Problem solved.

[@absolutelycitron1580]

The little "miss you granny" part has got me all crying remembering my own childhood and grandma. How dare you make me cry this early in the morning saint Andrew

[@extremepostyo5242]

The idea of ppl being perceived as lesser for not fitting into and producing their own nuclear families is another situation where ppl with disabilities may be disadvantaged.

[@MegaLowShellCastle]

This video has me on my “transform dead malls into community housing” shit lol loved it though! So insightful, and grounded

[@fionafiona1146]

Malls have big issues with light acces and structural limits to Utilletys ... Getting something to improve might include all prebuilds thought

[@navilluscire2567]

@@fionafiona1146 Yeah, malls aren't really designed to be living spaces, atleast not ideal ones. Though I've been thinking that with some modifications and maybe tearing down some walls many old malls would make for some interesting public spaces without mindless consumerism.

[@mscottjohnson3424]

The family, as a social structure, reflects the material conditions of a society. When conservatives claim they want a return to the "traditional family" I say I agree, but the nuclear family is in no way traditional. It's a relatively modern product of the atomization of Liberalism and Capitalism that puts each person and family in competition with others. When people and nuclear families are isolated, they usually won't organize since they don't see the needs of their neighbor as serving their own. Conservatives love to blame black poverty in America on the "breakdown of the family", meaning the nuclear family. But poor black families in the US are far more traditional than nuclear families, consisting of wide connections between aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and more extended relatives.

[@zinjanthropus322]

Particularly the decline of the black father subsidised by the state. Any group would be destroyed by this. Extended families are good but the children don't get the same level of focus and attention when either one of their primary caretakers is missing or relegating their responsibilities, especially if it's the father.

[@JohnHarlienIII]

@@zinjanthropus322 this is a conservative talking point, the data shows that black men are just as involved in their children's lives as much as white fathers, they may be married at lower numbers but they are still involved in the raising and caring of their children. if anything has a direct effect on the lack of black men in families it would be our racist incarceration and justice system.

[@zinjanthropus322]

@@JohnHarlienIII There's a large difference between having your father see you once or twice a week and send some money, and having him live with you on a daily basis in a constant active role in partnership with your mother throughout your childhood. Those two environments are not even remotely comparable. You're also phrasing it like this somehow only affects black families yet the same results can be seen regardless of race.

[@oxtheunlikelycontemplator2682]

The family model you describe is pretty typical in the South regardless of race.

[@ss4bardock777]

@@zinjanthropus322 I think it's because conservative talking points would often have a double standard when it comes to the "breakdown of the family". White families in financial need would also receive "subsidies" from the state, but when Black families in financial need receive those same "subsidies" from the state, it's suddenly welfare or it's "the decline of the black father" as you described. White families won't often get the this kind of criticism from conservatives, but conservatives will use Black fathers as a "talking point" to criticize Black families needing "subsidies" from the state despite the financial need being similar for both families. Just my two cents.

[@Rebecca-oz1uu]

I love how you don't just offer critique but also provide alternatives and solutions, it gives me hope and makes me feel more positive that we can change things

[@Tolkien5045]

33:30 this just reminds me of when I told my coworker that I was gay, and our work culture was very accepting of it, and she was like "That's really great!! I'm not gay, but my brother was, or is I guess. My parents found out and kicked him out though... But he's doing well now!" I still have whiplash over that

[@navilluscire2567]

We might have workplaces that are more accepting of the spectrum of human sexuality now. (depends sadly..) But now we need more family structures that are accepting of the spectrum of human sexuality.

[@postplays]

They don't care how you identify as long as you're a useful worker. it's amazing to me that you don't realize that. They put up a front of "acceptance" to keep you loyal and pacified. Your coworkers don't care. They never will. As long as you're being useful you'll be accepted. This is human behavior in a nutshell throughout history. It isn't about "toxic white cis males" or whatever buzz phrase you want to attribute, this is all basic human behavior. Do something against the grain and see how accepting they are. Being gay now a days isn't going against the grain now a days. The moment you step out of line with current social norms, your gayness won't matter.

[@tibiademon9157]

"thankfully, infant mortality rates have increased dramatically" Andrew, this is your first time letting us in on your plans for a babyless utopia

[@thomaswhite3059]

Imagine, *humans.* Couldn't be me, dawg. -Not Existing Guy

[@Andrewism]

Man I'm not gonna hear the end of this am I 😭

[@kathybramley5609]

@@Andrewism Some people have the possibility of intolerance and seizing upon vulnerability or mistakes as a means of dominance drummed into them way too deeply, when if the boot was on the other foot they'd argue not seeing context or what they actually meant as deficit when there's really redundancy and a lot of brain power working to help us understand each other that should make the intended meaning obvious! Conflict driven society. I think it's clear you're not Bill Gates though his existence and machinations doesn't help! ☺️

[@arempy5836]

Thanosism

[@postplays]

Infant mortality has increased dramatically. what was the reason cited? Those terrible white cis males or capitalism? God?

[@person-yu8cu]

I am a single male in my mid 30's. I live in a rural wilderness. Don't know anybody in my community. My health... not great to say the least. It's extremely hard to live here if you don't have a wife and kids to help out. But family life is not for me. I would love a community that takes care of each other.

[@MiadasSchaf]

This is so good!!! I absolutely love Khadija's face too, you're a talented artist! Also didn't expect the Noah Samson outro! It was wonderful 😍😍

[@harpersmith1400]

I hope that I can one day find that outro in isolation : 3

[@Wexdarn]

That last bit about forming kinships with others really got me thinking about how a lot of my best relationships all started out from circumstances and a single act of kindest from one another and thinking how it gets rarer as adults to have that kind of interaction even if we so crave and would benefit from the community we could make by just doing little things for strangers we meet

[@randomtinypotatocried]

I created a (chosen) family after years of abuse and being disowned for my trans identify by my blood family. My chosen family has been more healthy and loving. I honestly wish I had that love growing up as a kid.

[@GayestWinston]

I'm so happy for you that you've found a loving family♥️

[@navilluscire2567]

Hell the very idea that being closely, genetically related to someone is somehow deserving of more special consideration over any actual affection and care between people is just nonsense to me. (now after years of deconstruction)

[@jordannewman177]

@@navilluscire2567no, it’s really not. Blood relation is the most important factor in a family bond and a persons life.

[@solsystem1342]

​@@jordannewman177 Bet, not a lot of people feel more connection to a birth parent than their caregivers (if they are different people)

[@constantinethecataphract5949]

Family is based on blood relation so at best you just have groups of friends, at worst you have a group of yes men all circle jerking your opinions.

[@loverdeadly6128]

Many of my peers who have children have had to collectivize child rearing because of economic stress. I think it's really empowering to learn that there's no "rules" to this.

[@Mr.Goodkat]

How did the economic stress result in that? and can you explain what you mean exactly please?

[@solsystem1342]

​@@Mr.Goodkat People don't have time to raise their kids alone or with one other person. Not when working 40+ hours each.

[@postplays]

You're very observant. But these should be mutual agreements and not forced through policy and government. What's worrying is the totalitarianistic system that's being suggested. The ideals of the 1950s nuclear family was seen as a cultural phenomena; the will of generation of the Great Depression era. This neo-liberlism movement is an astroturf movement that seems very artificial. Your family is a cooperative unit and its mutual. They had the freedom to decide how they wanted their family to function. What worries me is that many people want to strip that freedom away from the people who want to have classic nuclear families.

[@AlannaStarcrossed]

@@postplays the only people taking action to get rid of nuclear families are the capital class who make it economically unviable

[@h4rrish4wk97]

Can someone also talk about the inherent unfair battle and expectation a lot of modern societies can place upon parents who don't agree with gerontocracy to conform with it to avoid losing their children and/or repercussions from the state on themselves? Like I don't agree with bedtimes, homework, many of the ways the modern school system is set up, nor trying to force my will upon my son. But if I don't enforce a bedtime I'm reported to social services as he falls asleep in school or looks tired/rundown because he's required to be awake during school hours (I'm not capable of homeschooling), and if I don't send him to school as he demands frequently as I can't provide him adequate homeschooling I'd also be immediately reported to social services and lose my custody of him - especially as we're both classed as "vulnerable" by the government. This isn't fair on the parents - but also being berated as "not real anarchists" for NOT standing up to this system because they can't is equally unfair and something that's been happening more and more on social media that I've seen within the past little while (not saying it's actually been happening more - just that I've seen it more).

[@h4rrish4wk97]

And yes - I'm aware this has probably already been covered to a degree - but I'm sleep deprived (not least due to child) and not able to think straight entirely.

[@connorm9176]

Yeah a whole lot of things are based around gerontocracy almost unconsciously, it's fucked. It is especially hard to fight against it as an individual. You do what you need to do to survive, don't let the "I'm a better anarchist than you" folks get you down. Something to look into perhaps is some kind of group homeschooling with a few like-minded friends or neighbors where you can contribute what you are able to. It is much easier to fight these systems as a group than alone, but it is still not an easy task.

[@croneyr]

Why dont you move and live off the grid. Lots of ways to arrange life so you dont enforce a bedtime etc.

[@h4rrish4wk97]

@@croneyr Right - because that's completely viable for wheelchair using disabled people or just people who don't have a lot of money to start with - lemme go jus' refit my wheelchair to be an ATV /s - and if you think that level of sarcasm is unfair - I already said I wasn't capable of homeschooling - that should have given you a clue that I couldn't jus' rearrange my life to be off grid.

[@peolt]

A sad truth of our society is that many groups of people who may disagree with how it's run are forced to participate in it and its systems like gerontocracy and capitalism, so you shouldn't feel bad just because you are forced to participate in it too. In cases like this, I think its best to do whatever you are capable of to go against these systems of oppression whether it's something as simple as showing content like this to people you know like your child. People like anarchists who fight against systems of oppression should not be gatekeeping the movement based on the inability of oppressed people to fight their own oppression. Also, I believe an important part of achieving children's liberation is giving them the freedom to make important decisions that affect them, so if your child demands to be sent to school I believe it would be liberating for him to have his decision respected even if there are many problems with the schooling system.

[@SilvrRazorFeather]

Even before I was radicalized I always wondered why we didn't live in family communities instead of the idolized nuclear family. It just always made more sense to me.

[@matthewclark9522]

Jesus was raised in a compound of extended family, perhaps adopted relatives.....just like frontier families in the US used to be. Wonder how that got ignored and the modern version came about? Anyway, the first century artisan Jews of the Middle East were not picket fence suburban people, not ever.

[@navilluscire2567]

Especially now, a nuclear family structure is more financially precarious and basically requires ALOT of state subsidies in order to be viable. (like what happened for 'white' nuclear families in the 50s and 60s) But now more yhan ever is the perfect time to restructure our social groupings into more flexible webs of support and more robust safety nets through a strong sense of community, built on egalitarian ideas. (i.e. free associations) Heck more and more young people including myself can only dream of having our own place or house. Yet I never saw much of the appeal of wanting to move away from my family (atleast those I still talk to) and other loved ones just to be considered a ""normal"" or ""successful"" member of society. (why would I want to be isolated like that?)

[@krinkrin5982]

@@navilluscire2567 We need to normalize and destigmatize people living with their family into adulthood. This in my opinion is a massive blow to family as well. Especially in the current market it is very hard if not outright impossible to get a house of your own. People shouldn't have to put themselves in a massive debt as soon as the parents are no longer legally required to care for them.

[@constantinethecataphract5949]

Because your Children are your children why would you let sb who has no blood relation with you raise them lmao.

[@krinkrin5982]

@@constantinethecataphract5949 *cough* school *cough*

[@Afkmuds]

I came from a lower class family. Growing up during my younger years was much more toxic. Fighting, SOs and among me and the fam. My trauma is one of losing sight of reality. As shixoprenia, bipolar disorder, and passive-agressiveness. It was more subtle. I got hit sometimes but what really fucked me up was watching my mom lose her mind. In turn I began losing mine. I left and began with living with a friend at 17. I don't know why he was the first one I asked. I then moved to my other friends house. Then left to LA to find some answers for myself. I lived another life for about 2 months. Now I live with another friend. A mattress on the floor. I have an interview later today. I'm sober again. I'm doing everything I can to change family cycles. It's showing me that I'm going to make more mistakes than the average person and I'm having to learn to live without a family to rely on. My mother tries to talk to me. Makes sense. But I'm finding it easier to live without contact to her. She will be 'lucid' one day and for a bit. Then out of nowhere the episodes shed have would show what was really going on in her head. I say all of this because Family structures don't matter. It's about the company you keep around you that make you happy. Keep those who listen close. If your family is not good for you. Forget blood.

[@matthewclark9522]

You write too well to be deranged....you sound like many normal people going through stages of growth. Please don't let perfect people in books or fakey real ones bother you. Be kind to your Mother but don't invest too much....she is your Mother and needs that.

[@Afkmuds]

@@matthewclark9522 thank you, I was feeling a little apathetic that night and looking back at the pst like it was a movie that shows a set future. It’s not.

[@AleshaM30]

Good luck. Many of us have familial attachments better kept at arm's length, or farther. I hope your interview went well, and you find a continuing path of healing.

[@CheeseLoversUnited]

Ayyy. As nurse who works in a locked psychiatric unit for children in mental health crisis this video hit me hard. Cried a few times. I'm a queer woman from a family of white immigrants, that grew up in a community of mostly immigrants of colour. I've always thought that this gave me a uniquely broad view on family, and how the act of immigration can transform and fracture one's relationship to family and how strange it is to be queer within the 2 dissonant cultures of your family, and everyone else Nothing could have prepared me for the things I've seen as someone who deals with a wide variety of families in crisis. It's one thing to examine this theoretically. So many of the families I've worked with flashed through my mind at different points of the video. Seeing the break down of stability in person, the pain, suffering and permanent debility it can inflict... Times like this I think I can't be doing this job too much longer. Ach, but I'd miss the kids.

[@Robstafarian]

🫂

[@kimwarburton8490]

you have to look out for yourself first. fill your own cup n give what spills over to others. this is typically a hard lesson for 'carer'-types, we tend to self-sacrifice our own needs n then burn out. you know ur situation best, if this is a temporary fatigue or longterm, but consider another career thats related but less impactful but equally meaningful. Perhaps community socialwork (not that i know much n maybe just as stressful)

[@postplays]

Can you speak on the trauma that children have to deal with even in these bigger communities? Or perhaps its a case that's harder to pinpoint? When a child only has their small family, its easier to point at the source of a psychological problem. A dad, a mom, uncles, aunts, siblings; a relatively small group of people. I could only imagine in those bigger communities that it would be more difficult to catch potential abuse. I think there's a bit of a bias because of of this. I'm interested in hearing more. I was raised by a single mother, so its easy to point at the source of the trauma in my life. After my father died, she had random men in and out of my home, which didn't help with molding my views on what family life should be. Those gaps were filled in by the depiction of the nuclear family in sitcoms like the simpsons and Family Matters. Those shows made me realize that what I was going through was actually abnormal and dangerous. My point of saying all of this is to demonstrate that it isn't the nuclear family that's the problem, this is all just generic human behavior that's being acted out. It doesn't matter if you're raised in a classic two parent household with a white picket fence, or a bigger community; there's always going to be abuse and trauma, and blaming one over the other is missing the point and not getting to the root cause. The issues in dysfunction families isn't the cause, but the reason of DEEPER issues with individuals. You're not recognizing the bias of the classic nuclear family having dysfunction: or course its going to. Those families are the most common.

[@deathwilldie7741]

You have such a clear, organized, and concise writing style. I really appreciate your content, I've learned so much from it. Thank you!

[@ajk2203]

As someone in a poly relationship the nuclear family actively prevents me from marriage to all my partners, this makes marriage an act done out of utilitarian and logistic desicion. For example I have the best healthcare so I am marrying my partner that needs my insurance the most. Because the state refuses to acknowledge polygamy I'm forced to marry just one despite my want to marry all of my partners

[@hithere2477]

Interesting (also “poly” is short for Polynesian not polyamorous /gen)

[@monster-enthusiast]

@@hithere2477 an abriviation of two words that start with the same letters can both exist

[@isaacparker7634]

@@hithere2477 it's short for both, often dep depending on context

[@LogicGated]

I'm glad I grew up in the Caribbean with an extended family, it just reinforced the idea that the nuclear family isn't necessarily the ideal after all.

[@helenlittle7761]

Great video! I’m already seeing different family and cohabitation structures among friends my age (26) simply because it’s much more affordable to cohabitate and pool resources in a city environment, and it really helps support those of us who are new to the city or have immigration obstacles. I have a core friend group that often functions as an extended family unit: we cook for each other and share clothes, books, furniture, house plant propagations, subscription accounts, mental health therapy tips, and knowledge resources like how to sign up for a COVID vaccine, register to vote, or choose the best birth control for your lifestyle. We hang out and goof off like a typical friend group, but it’s this extra layer of practical resource sharing that makes it different from other friend groups I’ve had in the past. It would be really interesting to learn about other non-nuclear family structures and delve deeper into what environmental factors give rise to different structures!

[@kid-ava]

that sounds really nice

[@hughjaneous4209]

"Marx and Lugi" caught me so off guard holy shit - stole the air from my lungs

[@specialsauce.]

7:50 never thought I'd say this but yeah, reject modernity, embrace tradition 🤩

[@fionafiona1146]

Solarpunk is cute too

[@blackflagsnroses6013]

Ironically Anarchism seeks a family institution founded on more traditionalist concepts, rather than the modernist nuclear family. This being due to the nuclear family being a product of capitalism, whereas more fluid traditional familiar institutions were based in communal child-rearing. You’ll always have the personal and direct parent-children familiar social relations; but supplement that with community child rearing, where all children are protected and guided by all adults in a specific community could produce more liberating social relations. Progress would be implementing anarchist ideals to our conceptions of family, in the context of the modern world

[@Andre-qo5ek]

the nuclear family being the product of capitalism... im not sure what you personally mean by that. i would say that the nuclear family is based on post-war and cold war nationalist posturing in the form of american christian fundamentalism, post-war middle class capitalist ,and rapid technological growth. as for "whereas more fluid traditional familiar institutions were based in communal child-rearing." ... why do you think all those kids were born? its nice to think kids were born free and raised collectively for the sake of life... but where is the evidence for that? it would seem kids are raised in the trades of their foreparents. taking up the needs of the community. perhaps not to "produce for capitalism" but certainly to produce for their community. the distinction is mildly different at that point. if anything the nuclear family is not a great model for capitalism. capitalism wants grunts that are grateful for the crumbs they get. capitalism want parents that put their 13 kids in work houses (farm, blacksmith, cobbler, soldier, {insert trade here}). the nuclear family reduces the family to 2.5 kids and a dog, focusing more attention and funding to the education and well being to the fewer kids. it was all to throw shade at how "prosperous" america was post-war. workhouse orphans = smaller percentage of "success" but more chances at it (low risk disposable) nuclear family = higher percentage of "success" but fewer chances at it. (high risk investment) extended family is fantastic for the generational experience that it often come with. but this nostalgia of the pre-industrial pre-colonial pre-empire past is so regressive. it is time to build anew not rummage for days past. there is very little difference of the right reaching back to "the golden years" and the left reaching back to agrarian pre-"white"ness.

[@Andre-qo5ek]

".You’ll always have the personal and direct parent-children familiar social relations; but supplement that with community child rearing, where all children are protected and guided by all adults in a specific community could produce more liberating social relations." im confused as to why this is held up on some kind of pedestal. this is what cults do. these systems do not have some inherent built in protection for children or moral compass to the collectives good. why does no one ever address the possible dangers with this? do the dangers out way the potential benefits? i would generally say no. but this is becasue of the lens we look at this from. its generally a person in a bad family situation looking at a progressive liberating community. what about the very real situation of a good family situation stuck in a community of regressive christian fundamentalist's? certainly communal rearing of children would not be preferred.

[@blackflagsnroses6013]

@@Andre-qo5ek the nuclear family and suburbia are ties to post-WW2 capitalism thriving, and planning for middle income families. Yes this is also tied to Christian fundamentals and even right libertarian ideals of modernity

[@blackflagsnroses6013]

@@Andre-qo5ek you’re arguing nothing. I may not have conveyed right but what I was referring to was the development of anarchist principles to family. This includes youth liberation, and how to raise free thinking and autonomous individuals. Family is important so it is necessary to applicants Anarchist ideals whether communism, communalism, or individualism to what family looks like in anarchist society. For example anarchists aren’t big on legally sanctioned marriages, only voluntary relations, that itself fundamentally changes the ideal of family in an anarchist setting. Monotonous relations would likely be less appealing. So the familial relations of children would also fundamentally change. Anarchism is social experimentation so each community varies.

[@krunkle5136]

We'd still need little rituals and a shared culture of how to behave. This emerges naturally as people live in a close knit community, and dies when people live in the burbs and keep an arms length from neighbors.

[@criticalthinkingconcubus]

There’s this idea that people who don’t want their own kids hate kids in general, but that’s note true. I volunteer at my local animal shelter 3-5 days a week for 4 hours, but I have no desire to have my own cat or dog. I don’t hate cats or dogs. I’m just a very private person, who’s a neat freak, doesn’t like loud noises, and doesn’t like to put in the extra time and energy to provide 24/7 attention to others. I still love going to the animal shelter to clean out litter boxes and poop piles. I also love donating food, cat litter, toys, and blankets regularly because I want those animals temporary living spaces to be as clean and comfortable as possible. Even though I don’t want my own pet, I get that same amount of satisfaction taking care of other animals by volunteering. That’s how it is for childless people who work in child care. Having your own kid is a monumental responsibility that requires a lot of time, energy, and money that a lot of people don’t have. That doesn’t diminished the importance of childcare. Daycare workers, nannies, baby sitters, primary school teachers, or people in big brother/big sister programs are providing children with the external care that their “real parents” can’t offer to them. People who don’t want to or can’t have their own kids get the same satisfaction from care for other people’s kids, or kids who don’t have parents. The bonus is they get paid for their labor unlike housewives/husbands. Not to mention, the idea that childless people hate kids also implies that people with kids of their own love all kids. My own mother proves that isn’t true. She loves me now and doesn’t regret being a mom, but she Of course you’re going to view your own kid differently from the rest. Just like a racist parents will view their daughter’s black boyfriend different than other black people. They’ll just be “one of the good ones.” The idea of the nuclear family also discriminates people who chose to adopt. In nuclear families, blood relation is everything. The most common saying when discussing families is, “blood is thicker than water.” So when a couple decides to adopt a kid, it’s seen as a last resort or a lesser option. The fact that most people only adopt if they’re infertile or can’t get a surrogate proves that fact even more. That idea of adopted children being inferior to biological children is what leads to adopted children being abused by their adoptive parents or ignored in favor of their adoptive parents biological children. Also how non-white adopted children from foreign counties are commodified and treated like a spectacle by white American/English/South African parents. They’re seen as being saved from gangs, sex trafficking, and poverty. That mindset also lead to the child being abused by the parents because if the child misbehaves the parents will go, “Is this how you repay me for saving you?!” When I tell people that I plan on adopting the first thing they ask is “what’s wrong with you? Are you infertile? Do you have ovarian cancer or endometriosis? Did you get a hysterectomy? Is your birth canal too narrow?” No, no, no, and no. I’m a perfectly healthy woman who just doesn’t feel the need to give birth. I’m also aware of all the abandoned children left to rot in underfunded orphanages or deal with the nightmare bureaucracy of the foster care system. Abandoned/surrendered children deserved safe and loving home just as much as biological children. Other argument are: “you just haven’t met Mr. Right.” First of all, I don’t believe in a “Mr. RIght.” The idea that there’s only one person out there that you’ll marry is unrealistic and what leads to windowed/divorced people to suffer from loneliness. Second, it takes a lot more that one person to change someone’s fundamental beliefs. Third, my “Mr. Right” will either be a single father or a child free man who wants to adopt. “But what if your future husband wants his own kids?” Then he’s not the one for me. “But child-birth is such an incredible and magical experience for a married couple. You don’t want to miss out on it.” If missing out on a “magical experience” means an abound child can have a loving family, then so be it. Also, that still discriminates against adopted children by implying that taking a child from an orphanage into their new home isn’t also a magical experience. My favorite argument is, “but you don’t know what you’re gonna get if you adopt.” Ask any CEO/lawyer/doctor parent who has a child who’s a freelance artist or KZbinr if they got what they expected. Ask any religious parent who has an atheist kids if they got what they expected. Ask any homophobic parent who has a gay kids if they got what they expected. Ask any able-bodied/neruotypical parent who as a disabled kids if they got what they expected. Ask any racist parent who has a kid who married outside their race if they got what they expected. Kids are not an extension of you, nor should they be used to live vicariously through. They’re independent free-thinking human beings who will be whatever they want to be. If you dismiss adoption become of that uncertainty, then you don’t want to be a parent. You want complete control over another human being, and that’s called slavery. Children aren’t slaves.

[@matusjansta]

7:59 evil saint andrew be like: ...thankfully infant mortality rates have increased... (I know it's a typo, it's still hillarious, yes I'll see myself out)

[@wandervoltz]

This is such an important piece of work, thank you so much, Andrewism. I'm headed to the Patreon now. I really want to send this video to my family...but I fear they'd reject it. Maybe I should do it anyway....

[@haydenhudleston3738]

The little "miss you granny" got me in the feels. I bet she's proud of you

[@rotosushi]

This video is lighting up my imagination of the future. I want to live in a Green, Open, Free, and Caring World! I have had my share of difficulties growing up in a 'nuclear family', having divorced parents highlights a lot of the economic and emotional issues with that model that you pointed out. Thank you for making all the points I wanted to make, way more eloquently than I can. :)

[@Fran-xmlo]

I'm in love with your brain. I can't stop telling ppl about your content. Thank you.

[@adoxartist1258]

Thank you. I've thought some of these things on my own since I was a kid. Got in big trouble for voicing those thoughts too. Didn't change my mind at all but I did learn to guard my tongue around immediate and extended family. Family. That word has always made me ill. It's so loaded for me. I appreciate all your hard work producing these really excellent videos. Sharing on all my socials. 💛

[@richardbuckharris189]

"The most vital right is the right to love and be loved." ~ Emma Goldman

[@LexyBackyard]

Love is nothing to do with rights, laws, religions or systems. It transcends all of that.

[@richardbuckharris189]

@@LexyBackyard Because it transcends all it is therefore the most vital right to all people!

[@kamakozy13]

I love how much art you use in this video

[@dentescare]

I also considered the matriarchal Andean society as an example of maintaining the social roots while including Spanish machismo. as an Afro-Andean descendant, i was always fascinated by the figure of strong women in my family, the man worked and all but the one that held the structure, the hierarchy was the mothers, the sisters the grandmas. And for me, i know it might be a biased perspective but i've preferred women bosses, it's like they feel more aware of the problems and confront situations more effectively. I think that's also why female leaders here have such bad acceptance: the citizens already connect those traits to motherhood, to the matriarch in the family and might fell like this or that female leader is acting like the mother of the group. Idk if i was even clear, i hope i was at least understandable

[@Andre-qo5ek]

i have been confused as to how patriarchy is bad but matriarchy is good(?). shouldn't all gender/sex based hierarchy be bad? gender/sex is such an arbitrary criteria is most situations. especially when we start stereotyping gender roles to personal traits like "motherly". could you rephrase this gendered position in non-gendered terms?

[@dentescare]

@@Andre-qo5ek i've never said it was better or worse, just that as i grew in a household with this mixture of hierarchical pattern, i recognised my biased upbringing and how ppl in my country might have experience the same cultural framework. Also, sorry, i don't know how to explain it without falling into genre convention, even worst, genre studies in andean culture are few and far between. Pardon, I'm a cultural mess

[@kerycktotebag8164]

women understand oppression more because they're more oppressed. in a matriarchy, they'd be the privileged ones and would act accordingly. men would make the better bosses in that situation bc "boss" is an oppressive role they'd be ambivalent about as the oppressed gender. it's relative.

[@dentescare]

@@kerycktotebag8164 i think my words are kinda confusing, so my experience is getting mixed with my faded intent to explain my country. My country is no longer a matriarchy, as a the Spanish colonialism mixed with the Incan regime made a syncretic patriarchy that is maintained to current times. The Inca empire had a very genderified society: the woman ruled the house and family and man, the politics. An example of this overall separation, the Inca royal families, the panacas, had a strong influence in the election of the next Incan Emperor. These had the matriarchal figure as their head bc, as the inca had so many wifes, the royal families were more easily recognised by the mother. Duality tends to have some consideration in that social construct, women and men not as one over the other but as equals and separated. Perhaps in this ancient society, it was like a two parallel hierarchies. I understand your idea of opressed and opressors, however I'm not entirely sure if those of concepts could be apply to non-occidental societies (idk, I'm not versed in social studies) Perhaps in current state, we could consider that women also take part in maintaining the syncretic patriarchy but for sure, i was only trying to decipher my own condition, maybe this is more from my afro ascendence that my andean one. How knows.

[@dentescare]

@Lite-Wing Gift there's not any datation (in topology) that incas had a origin myth, sorry, but the ayar myth is just a Spanish colonial interpretation. Even worst the prominence of Pachamama until current times provides enough evidence of the at least dual nature of inca culture. You can see how nuwa, the chinese goddess of human creation was changed or even tried to erase in subsequent patriarchal chinese civilizations to forget their start as a matriarchal society, whilst the Inca mythology changed wiraqucha into pachacamac, added catequil, akon, and other deities from conquered civilizations but maintained pachamama without any change. Also, most of custom are related to earth, given back what pachamama gave us like "el pago a la tierra".

[@kyramonnix1520]

Reminds me of why I liked living in a housing co-op so much, and am so lonely living where I am now. There's an awesome potential for the future for family and community. Thank you for sharing this dose of optimism.

[@kerycktotebag8164]

being aromantic helped me break any, well, romanticization of the nuclear family, i think

[@diddles3383]

Yooo same hat, I'm aro too :D I was hoping to find another aro in the comments here

[@nerium.nerium]

I feel so robbed of what the human experience should be. Thank you for making these videos.

[@kid-ava]

SAME. couldn't put it better myself

[@BluetheRaccoon]

Edited to add: I will be researching the social structure of the Mbuti and learn how to apply many of these social concepts to my own family. When you described the safety and security of home and family, and the comfort that comes in belonging to people and obligation to them, I started crying. I've been trying to build my own family my entire life, and while it's just the three of us now it's the foundation for the strong leadership I've been cultivating most of my life. My birth family was incredibly fractured and steeped in untreated mental illness and addiction. So often in life I've broken down and cried "I just want to go home." because I've never had one. Thank you for sharing this topic with so many, that we may all take a look at our lives and better decide where we're going.

[@resilientfarmsanddesignstu1702]

I prefer a return to the extended family or something similar to it, without the patriarchy and no strict requirements for kin. I'm in my 60s now and come from a family with multiple kids and the extended family model with grandparents, aunts and uncles, older cousins and distantly or unrelated "aunties" serving in a parenting role was very beneficial for everyone.This model allowed my parents who both worked to be economically productive and get things done. It exposed the children to lots of caring people with different personalities, different interests and abilities and different parenting styles. Very beneficial for children. In my grandparents day. The grandparents, parents and children all lived either in a large multiple story house or in a farm property with multiple small houses and shared outbuildings. I had both. Also very effective for all concerned.

[@moonk990]

I grew up in such arrangement, born in the year 2001 by the way. I hated it. It wasn't at all beneficial for me. Grandparents were always complaining having to take care of their grandkids (this wasn't only my grandparents, a lot of my cousins' situation was the same) other families had their own kids to take care of and they were irritated having us around.. the whole thing sucked.

[@resilientfarmsanddesignstu1702]

@ It sounds like your biological parents dumped their kids onto the grandparents to raise - hence the complaining and the resentment. That’s not the arrangement that I am recommending. My parents were responsible parents and raised us when they were available to do so. When they were not, or could not, we were raised by others relatives. My parents reciprocated and helped to raise their siblings and even their cousin’s kids as well when needed and available. Thus we were not always with the grandparents, sometimes with them, sometimes with aunts and uncles and sometimes with cousins. Likewise for their families. And we were not just playing games on our cellphones and eating their food while we were staying at our relatives houses either, we were helping out with chores that needed doing. Reciprocal Mutualism. This is what I mean by an extended family model.

[@user-tc5qc4ql8m]

[found family genre intensifies]

[@arempy5836]

"Same Sex couples are insufficient in raising children. A child needs both a Father and a Mother to in his or her life." "Okay, well my kids are going to be raised by 4 Fathers and 3 Mothers. That should be more than sufficient for them!" "Ew no"

[@jordanthompson5696]

Thank you for all of your efforts. Your videos have become some of the most refreshing and hopeful content I consume on the internet and have reinvigorated my book reading desires. You’ve simultaneously helped me find new comfort and relief in a hopeful future while also reminding me of the many privileges I take for granted. I appreciate your creations!

[@keltzar1]

It's taken me a long time to realize that the broken structure of the nuclear family has been so detrimental to me. I've been in graduate school for 6 years, and over the past 3 it has gotten much worse. I've lost connection with my parents as they grow increasingly conservative, and due to the stupid churn of the housing market I lost the housemates I had gotten to know over 4 years. I've really just, needed a sense of connection with others so much, but at times it has felt like I basically just need to "learn to get by on my own." I want so much to be able to build more connections with those in my community, and I'm hoping that I am able to. Thank you for your message.

[@garyoakham9723]

You’re a liberal we get it. You voted for Biden and now live in this liberal utopia of high crime and rich people. You voted for all of this. Now live with it This is all your fault. Mind pushing the delete button

[@Chakravarti2911]

I love this video and I've been thinking and reading about this too lately. I have some doubts though: 1. Not all parents will raise others' kids like their own. 2. As the community expands with time, we'll have to divide tasks and elect someone for handling stuff like finance but the person may become corrupt. 3. As you said, in some communities, stuff like kitchen is shared but some people may steal from it. I've seen these problems happen irl and I want families to evolve but I have no idea how to solve these problems.

[@cleonawallace376]

This topic makes me very emotional...I long to be part of a wider group family, but we just don't have anyone. My parents and sister are extreme right wing tory/brexit people - they live in the UK and we live in Italy, but they've also never seemed very keen to act as grandparents to my children, my husband's parents were great but have passed away, my closest friends are scattered around the world. Living in a country where neither of us were born, I have great friends in our village and local area, but none who really feel like family. I even put a shout out in the solarpunk fb group to see if anyone wanted to move to our area, so we may find more likeminded souls to form an extended family with. But speaking as someone without it, I can certainly agree how vital it is. It gets quite tiring raising children totally alone.

[@kazmine6831]

I have used youtube to educate myself my whole life, and I've learned a lot from it, in ways that changed my life but I have never come across something so mind blowing, I did not not that there were different family structures, I didn't know anything that the video mentions. It changed my perspective of everything so much, I am in very deep thought right now lol Seriously great video

[@averageyoutubeuser67]

I adore all the time and effort that you put into your videos. I truly do love the content that you create ; I feel like your videos are transformative. The wealth of knowledge that you present as well as the tranquil style that you present it creates something wonderful. Thank you so much.

[@monsieurfrancoise]

The feeling of hope it gives me to think about a society where we get to live this freely is heartbreaking

[@Comradeden]

Hi hello great video!! As an Israeli I was so pleased and surprised to see you mention the kibbutzim (which is the plural for kibbutz but no worries). Here most leftists kind of romanticize them so it's incredibly refreshing to see you point out the problem with them (even if that was in the form of two lines of text appearing for like a second lol). they're basically a form of left-washed Zionism and occupation, not to mention being historically racist to jews of color, only accepting Ashkenazi (white) jews. They really hit the slay button with the communal child raising tho

[@acuddle]

I love the "monogamy is dead, find hella partners" in the song near the end ! I always prefigure (extended?) polycules, or "Light Webs" to be the thing that will destroy hierarchy (and a lot of walls inside buildings 😋) as it'd spur out a sense of worldwide kinship once they'll spread out to a critical mass. I also like the idea of friendships as strong as "love" relationships, something I usually call _moiraility_ (a Homestuck reference), since those would be an important thing in Light Webs, especially given that some of us are ace (or children!) !

[@jeffersonclippership2588]

It's called the nuclear family because it's prone to meltdowns

[@JordanSullivanadventures]

Great vid. Also I am consistently blown away by the breadth and quality of the Black visual art you introduce us to!!

[@tajol2017]

Rethinking Family is something I've longed for especially since I became a father in a nuclear family myself. As a psychologist working in research and therapy it is constantly shocking how narrow minded research that only investigates a mother-infant dyad is absolutely blind to the fact that this concept is not based on some kind of natural law. Instead it is reinforced by this kind of dyad research and, of course, capitalism, under which research of low-quality and high quantity wins the race and mother-infant dyads are most accessible. The ability of infants to form a large number of bonds to other people is simply erased because it is almost never investigated. There is no mother I know that does not feel guilty for failing to live up to the standards of motherhood our society holds them to. It seems that constant guilt and worry have even become virtues of a good mother making the suffering some kind of badge of honor a good mother has to acquire. I think to overcome this it is not only necessary to acknowledge the positive aspects of the current system but especially make people who have to perform the role of the mother feel more seen in their struggle to perform an impossible role. Its important to to offer alternatives to mother-persons not as a way out because they are *not enough* but instead offer alternatives in the light of showing that they *are* enough and do not have to fulfill the impossible role. No one should by themselves have to try to be a village and no one should have to feel less than because they can't.

[@krunkle5136]

I agree mostly except for the guilt part. It's ugly, but someone feeling guilty or worried about how they're doing is much better than someone being pompous and self assured that they must be doing a good job. Some humility is important in order to be reflective and able to improve their technique.

[@tajol2017]

I do not want to demonize guilt. Its part of our repertoire of emotions and it can be helpful. However, I do not think that any emotion is helpful as a constant companion. There is a huge difference between not being open to questioning your own beliefs and changing your own behaviour and being pompous. Its okay to be mostly self assured and to trust yourself. True self assuredness is open to being questioned and open to being wrong and to changing your mind. Pompous self assuredness is not. Guilt and worry can actually close you off from changing as well so while it might be the lesser of two evils its not the way to health. And I do not think we should model constant guilt for our children.

[@fionafiona1146]

I certainly have friends I think more integral to starting a Family than my current boyfriend (who is certainly into practicing and Earning more money than he spends) but think building a village is best accomplished by practicing. We babysit my baby cousins (the ones 5 and older actually get focused enough for my boyfriends current range of nerdy activities) and could reasonably expect some of these children to participate similarly to me, my older cousins and our ancestors alternating care half a generation apart.

[@anonharingenamn]

This video makes me want to bake a loaf of bread for my neighbors. But I live in Sweden, and they'd probably think I was weird af.

[@aquemini9213]

what a thorough and wonderful video. thank you for this!

[@bloodandempire]

I'm a white woman in a liberal state and I live in constant, inescapable poverty with my children. There is no affordable housing and all housing is structured for nuclear family units 😭

[@imveganbtw111]

Hello st Andrew, I'm relatively new to your channel since I heard your interview on it could happen here. So many of your philosophical viewpoints and your critical analyses of culture speak to me and I find myself in agreement and I love your videos. I am making my way through all your videos but I've noticed you reference many different social justice struggles but haven't seen any discussion of speciesism or animal rights. I really want to encourage you to explore the intersection between human and non-human rights, especially under the lens of our current socioeconomic paradigms. I completely agree and I love what you have to say about striving to improve and build a better system, and the eloquent way you put forth your ideas. Right now, in the present moment, the very least any person who cares about systemic change and social justice can do (and who has the privilege to work towards it) is to be vegan. I believe it's an inherent direction for an individual to go considering everything you bring up about the environment, nature, and all the other considerations towards caring for others. This is part of our power, to recognize the sentience of non-human animals and make every effort to stop exploiting and abusing them for our sensory pleasure. I have so much more I would love to say but the format is limiting. Just consider it from the position of hierarchy and empathetic nonviolence

[@Layla-fr7mf]

Children are seen as the soul property of their parents”. This is true and when you breach the contract of what your family said you should do or be from personal, career and love choices then the transactional love from them is taken away and you are deprived until you step back into line of their control. Some families even use cultures to support this authoritarianism as if their narcissism is a norm because culture supports it and standing against that means that you will not only lose your siblings or family members but be outcasted and isolated as “other”. This type of dysfunctional “love” is explained by Teal Swan in “Cut the invisible strings”. This extends to why most people in society have a dysfunctional idea of love and bonding. It starts from family. Breaking away from that prison is worth your mental health and well-being in every way and I speak from experience of that.

[@navilluscire2567]

I always find it surreal how many parents will *""disown""* their own children *as if they were mere property to them.* That very term itself makes it abundantly clear that these aren't relationships built on mutual love or affection but strictly conditional and authoritarian.

[@elywananda]

This is a phenomenal video. Becoming a father has fully convinced me of the irrationality of the nuclear family! In every aspect of parenting I can think of, the nuclear family model makes things much harder and less enjoyable.

[@Goofy8907]

11:15 - 13:00 is such a good explanation of how the system functions and why it can function as such

[@genk9798]

I'm obsessed with the "semi-ironic outro song" by Noah Samson. Is there a link to it? I'd love to have it in my playlist

[@TheRenaSystem]

Didn't get a notification for this one so I'm a week late but great stuff as always! Your content is simultaneously hyper informative and relatable/resonant with myself and clear a ton of others so yeah, keep it up! Also minor note but it blows my mind you barely have 50k subs, you deserve 10 times more at least Edit: also thanks for captioning your vids, it's super helpful

[@kwelikaley]

Me: 😐 Saint Andrewism: Miss you, granny. Me: 🥺 Me: *hears Kadija’s voice* 😭

[@TheMissannamakeup]

I'm a big fan of your works greetings from France, happy that there are the subtitles in french now btw :)

[@TheKorbi]

You managed to drastically improve my perspective of this aspect of life, which I view as really big and important. But it didn't feel like a difficult, exhausting, big change in my mind - instead it felt like a sip of banana juice. Cheers buddy Edit: I also enjoyed the art.

[@danieneit6830]

While the content of this video is great and thought-provoking... there are simply not enough people talking about this outro song. I can't stop hearing it in my brain, I love it.

[@ktr0000n]

I really liked this video, especially the examples in Part 3. Also thanks for always including the book list, makes it easy to add them to my to-read list! :)

[@zacwulf6987]

This is what I have been saying, and so many others see the truth of this. In particular the lack of community in the modern western society is destructive to human development. Thank you for your most badass analysis

[@jackcullen5085]

Excited for this one :)

[@jackcullen5085]

Oop first?

[@Freshpickedrainbows]

It's taken a long time to adjust, including therapy and addiction recovery, but being in meetings where I can share the things I'm most afraid of , and that I hate about myself, and feel supported, really drives home the need for a large group of people to hold the trauma we acrue in this society. This video really affirms some feelings I've had for a long time. I love that you talk about mind reading, or telempathy. I have kids and feel so lucky to live with multiple generations of friends and relatives. Really appreciate your work.

[@whatreallyisart5898]

I think family is one of the not-so-talked-about things that will have to radically change from what the western hegemony imposes, love that you're talking about this. I also love how you always present ideas with various examples of real working solutions and things we can do right now. another great video!

[@aganib4506]

I do love the idea that it takes a village to raise a child. It truly disgusts me of how some families here in the US view each other as competition rather than people to talk and bond with. If they try to bond, its pretty much a shallow transactional relationship, and that these dynamics need to end. Families are to have each other backs, not st*bbing them. Other than that, I love your channel Andrew! You and other anarchist creators have shown me a better system to achieve communism or even a moneyless society over a stringently dogmatic philosophy cloaked in red--IYKYK. Also, I do love the community space and neighborhood, yet I am a complete introvert. Would there be a space for hermits like myself in this society?

[@goldenfluidart]

Love this. I'm so happy to hear the mention of co-housing. I moved to a co-housing ecovillage community 5years ago and will never go back to mainstream suburban living. All communities are different and it's important to find one you fit in. We are still set up as nuclear family units but the community is multigenerational so our daughter has plenty of 'surrogate' grandparents, peers, aunts and uncles. It's not perfect but it's certainly a step towards the world I want to live in. NVC is a fundamental tool we use as well

[@modern_eel]

A youtube comment is hardly a place for this idea, but maybe it will expand the vision of possibilities. I want to co-parent. Instead of dating for sex or romantic love, i'd love to date someone specifically to parent. Being committed to a several adults who participate in bringing up 1 or 2 kids sounds amazing.

[@laurellee1435]

An interesting part of the solidifying of gender roles in rigid working roles is how it typically developed alongside property ownership and specifically farming. The need to run and keep hold of a specific property and pass it down, and keep others out, has all played a part. Of course there are other aspects throughout history but I find this one quite potent Esp as some modern African indiginous movements with a more egalitarian nature have cited farming as a threat to their current state. You mentioned agriculture loosely. I'm quite interested to know what else you think on the subject. Of course there are ways to get around patriarchy with agriculture when done consciously, but it seems to have had an impact on many cultures regardless of their previous values

[@carsonpearce5980]

Hey Andrew! I’m a pretty new viewer on your channel, but I’ve been really enjoying your stuff. I recently read an article about the influence of Sun Tzu on the Viet Cong, and thereby other modern revolutions, and was thinking that might be something you would like to explore. Anyway, have a nice day, and I’m excited to see this video!

[@aprilk141]

Thanks for the reminder, I have been meaning to read Sun Tzu!

[@carsonpearce5980]

@@aprilk141 I found “The Art of War” very thought provoking, and discovered that some of the wisdom was applicable outside of the realm of combat, a realm which I don’t ever plan on inhabiting. Additionally it is an easy and quick read (at least the translation I have). I highly recommend it.

[@Andrewism]

I'd actually considered making a video on it, to subvert its current sigma grindset associations. Perhaps i still shall.

[@SpiritualParallels]

Thank you so much for this video. I am queer and was raised in a very toxic household. My parents never slept in the same bed and were basically roommates that hated each other, despite still being together to this day. This video gave me some huge insight and hope for my/our future. Thanks again

[@darrenparis8314]

This got me thinking that all the houses are built for nuclear families. It is taken for granted. Otherwise, there would be more apartments and tenements.

[@turtle4llama]

As a Roma, I think people over value individuality. All that individuality got you was more work. Extended families are like diversified stocks.

[@KevlarNinja]

20:11 you won't believe how happy I was to see you use an image of the Nuclear Family here. Love me my comics deepcuts.

[@gwyn2151]

10:02 this was actually disproven in later years. Many studies have been done recently that show women doing just as much hunting as men if not more. The best hunters were actually considered to be the grandmother's and older experienced women of the tribe. Women also made almost all the hunting tools and tracked their pray through cave paintings.

[@specialsauce.]

You videos are very helpful and informative! I secretly subscribed my parents to your channel in an effort to radicalize them....

[@Fran-xmlo]

This is so sweet. Love you!

[@iamnohere]

I: How is it going with your parents? Has the stealth move helped? /genuinely curious

[@bodievan_betuw]

Haha. So good. Although this would probably kill my parents...so I'll not follow your play

[@BlastedRodent]

As I’m entering my 30s, discovering the extent to which the nuclear family monopolizes all social activity in our society has been striking. Once you exit the school system and its immediate aftermath, life becomes strictly divided into work time and family time, with very little left over for any other kinds of connections. No matter how social you were in youth, if you are for any reason unable to form a nuclear family, you are reduced to a work drone and an occassional guest in other peoples’ nuclear families. Meanwhile those in nuclear families are expected to devote their total social energy to it, with little to no other interactions. It can’t be healthy.

[@myuziksohl]

Rewatched today. Fucking where can i download the outtro it lives rentfree in my head

[@shmackydoo]

This is such an important video, thank you for making it. I will be revisiting and sharing this one often. Peace and Love

[@BeautifulEarthJa]

Loving the long form content

[@JMoore-vo7ii]

48 minutes, already know this bouta go crazy. Appreciate ya work

[@mop3y405]

Typo at 7:47. States that "thankfully, infant mortality has increased".

[@despa7726]

Just to point out, you said "the rise of private property and capitalism in the last few centuries", but private property is around 4000 years old, arising with larger agriculture, creating the mode of production of ancient slavery.