Returning To A Home That Doesn't Exist

That old house, those rotting memories, burned easier than I'd have thought.| Watch the Patreon exclusive companion: www.patreon.com/posts/quinn-a...
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Quotes By:
sippasoda: / discord
Sapphronn: / @sapphronn
Boneless Skeleton: / @bonelessskeleton256
Laney Shur: shurdelaney...
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is a Beautiful Tragedy About Growing Up by Renan Fontes: goombastomp.com/legend-of-zel...
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis
A Game With Heart, Gone Home Is A Bold Step In Storytelling by Steve Mullis: www.npr.org/sections/alltechc...
Home is not a Place by Mimi Mwyia: kalaharireview.com/home-is-no...
When You Realize "Home" Doesn't Exist by Colleen Gaffey: www.theodysseyonline.com/when...
Media Used: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Star Wars: A New Hope, The Spongebob Squarepants Movie, Kingdom Hearts, Doogal, Barbie, Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio, The Evil Within II, Wolfenstein: The New Colossus, Unpacking, Gone Home, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Undertale, Deltarune, Majora's Mask, Link's Awakening, Breath of the Wild, Prince Caspian, Swollen to Bursting Until I Am Disappearing On Purpose, Before Your Eyes, OMORI, Anatomy, Night In The Woods, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Music Used in Order: Claire De Lune (Debussy), Hit The Road! Instrumental by sippasoda, Staff Roll (Ocarina of Time), Forest Temple (Ocarina of Time), Mipha's Theme (Breath of the Wild), Title Theme (Ocarina of Time), Fragments (Florence), Drifting (Florence), Antiquated Resthouse (Yume 2kki), The House Part 2 (Gone Home), It's Raining Somewhere Else (Undertale), Home (Undertale), An Ending (Undertale), Dialtone (Deltarune), Beginning (Deltarune), You Can Always Come Home (Deltarune), Sad Past (Inazuma Eleven), Stay Here (Before Your Eyes), Alpha (Minecraft), Home (Undertale), Unforgettable Memories (Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask), Quiet and Falling (Celeste), Stay Here (Before Your Eyes), Hit The Road! Instrumental by sippasoda
Thumbnail Credit: ‪@hotcyder‬
Description Credit: The Well, The Crane Wives
Business email (send sponsorship offers, brand deals, fanmail, fanart, etc): [e-mail]

[@_Iscream]

A really good game that deals with this EXACT THING is Night in the Woods, where the main character, Mae, returns home after leaving college, only to find that everything’s changed, while she’s stayed the same.

[@Quimbles]

i love night in the woods!! sadly i finished my playthrough after recording this lol

[@Kagomai15]

Ah, shoot, that reminds me! My friend and i quit playing about two thirds in 😅 We should get back to that... But unfortunately we don't live in the same town anymore. We now hang out in vc on discord every two weeks, except it's actually been about once a month because my life is so busy 😢 There's a huge back catalogue of games and anime we wanna experience together and it gets longer every time we hang out lol

[@defenestrationstation8051]

the end of the video made me think immediately of mae’s quote from the end of the game, the whole thing of “i want it to hurt, because that means it meant something”

[@lilacocto9103]

It's honestly sad how tragic the life of the Hero of Time was, in his own way he's basically a victim of destiny and circumstance. His whole life and worldview gets torn down when his father figure dies and he's forced to save a kingdom he knows nothing about, he's always too late to stop the great evil plaguing Hyrule, both as a child and an adult. And after he's done proving himself to be a Hero of a land who will hear of his heroics, he's sent back in time to a land who knows nothing about what he's accomplished and now it's impossible for him to fit in again, with his fairy once again being gone.

[@XSilver_WaterX]

Blame it on the Trio Goddesses who have the personalities and iq's of college undergrads. The Tri-Force was supposed to be RET-CONNED after Ocerina, Zelda no longer had a pre-built plan!

[@Jurgan6]

The original Fallout is similar- you save the world from the Master, then go home to your vault and the Overseer tells you that you’ve changed too much from your adventure and you no longer belong there.

[@bluefacestan1826]

There is a word in the welsh language that describes this perfectly hireath a deep spiritual longing for a home that doesn’t exist anymore

[@rianquack]

first half of video was like wow this is some really neat analysis second half of the video is wow i am fucking sobbing what the fuck

[@itsjflash]

Military veteran here. I cried my eyes out watching this. I relate so much to your experience with your online friends, it's truly a one of a kind experience and indeed, it feels like home. So, so happy for you, that you got to experience that. Genuinely, it warmed my heart. If I may share some personal experiences for a moment... Almost a decade ago, I had to drop out of college, and move somewhere entirely different due to jobs available, and financial circumstances. No degree, tons of debt, and so on. I had to act fast. It hurt to leave my childhood home that I'd loved in forever - I left my family, my friends, and place behind, seemingly for good. Eventually, years later, with nowhere else to go and nothing to lose, I joined the military, so I could have at least a chance to go back to college some day, and pay off my student loans. I served for 6 years, traveled a lot, and there was so much struggle, and suffering, but I made it. Now I'm out, as I decided the military lifestyle just isn't for me, and I'm living my life... and I find myself melancholic, because I'm returning home. You see, last winter, I visited my hometown again on leave, to see my parents and their new house, and saw some of my old friends, and let me just tell you... I got a lot of those same feelings, the type of feelings that you put into words in this video, this feeling of emptiness. Their house is new, they create a good vibe, but it's just not the same. Home has changed, my friends and family have changed, and I have changed too. The pictures they have dotted across the house are reminders of a simpler time, but a time that will never, ever come to pass again. Things won't ever be the same, and just like you described, the romanticized version of my hometown in my head does not match the cold, bittersweet reality that's there right now. It's so weird to come back to, and the entire area just feels like a liminal space, and a graveyard of memories. Realizing this, I wept. It was so hard to explain what I was feeling to my friends back home, and to my parents, because they just don't understand, I suppose. I'm returning back there because, fortunately, my parents are letting me stay there with them while I finish my degree to pursue my dreams (it's really the only financially viable thing I can do, and I count my blessings to even have that option). I'm trying to go back with a mindset of "things will be better, but they're gonna be different." And, eventually, I hope to make a home for myself somewhere else entirely, because home is, indeed, not there anymore. Thanks for making this video, and thank you for so eloquently putting into words what I had trouble describing. Almost nobody I know can relate, so it's really awesome to stumble upon a channel, and a creator, that does. I feel seen. Again, thank you.

[@bananajoe9951]

Military guy here. I've been in for 14, Air Force. I also dropped out of college, accrued some debt and decided to join the Air Force. I have my own place now, two kids and happily married. The military was the best decision I made, but I understand it's not a life for everyone. I'm sorry you had a rough life, but I'm glad you got back on your feet and joined. I want to share my experience with you too, as it's similar, and I'm glad you shared your story too. We have to make a new home for ourselves at times, it's part of growing up even if we don't want to. The first time I felt like my home wasn't the same I was pretty sad about it. My parents renovated the house, changed almost every bedroom in some way. It felt like a replica, it felt like my memories were lying to me. It's not my house so I'm not mad about the changes, but I am still sad. Every time I would visit back home, a new store would be here, a new restaurant there, yet I clearly remember what was there before I left. It felt like the world had left me behind in a weird way. I talked with my mom about it, and she brought up how she was born at the Air Force base I was stationed at. She told me that neighborhood she grew up in was on the other side of the airfield. I knew from driving that road to work, it was just demolished buildings and grass fields. The next time she came to visit we went to the perimeter of the base where she remembers her house was. The trees are still there, the manhole covers and drain pipes are still there rusted over, but everything else is gone. You can tell it was a neighborhood at one point. My mom was pretty upset, and she admitted not talking about it because she didn't want to acknowledge it was gone. She wanted to imagine she could still go home even though she's 67. "This.. this is eerie and unsettling, like my memories aren't real. There is nothing left to see, no families to invite us in. It's as if it never existed at all..."

[@itsjflash]

@@bananajoe9951 Thank you for your response and for sharing

[@bananajoe9951]

@@itsjflash You too, I hope you are doing well.

[@itsjflash]

@@bananajoe9951 I am. Happiest I've ever been really

[@megadeathx]

When I joined, shortly after high school because I had no better options for a positive future, my mom and sister had an issue with one of my sister's delinquent boyfriends and they had to move across town. I literally never went home. I always sympathise with other veterans who were shocked to see the world differently after having seen the world outside of their childhood. I often describe my time oversees as "if you've seen one big city then you've seen them all, they just speak different languages." But that's just a short hand way of saying, 'the world is a really big place, despite how small the human experience feels.'

[@aeriszona]

Having been forced to move out to another country at 13 years old, this video is incredibly touching to me. Thank you for making such a great essay!

[@theeggatyourfrontdoor2092]

Man, I practically started crying the moment you started reading out that excerpt from Colleen Gaffey’s article. After moving countries, I came back ‘home’ for a visit, only to realize that it wasn’t the place I remembered. The people weren’t the ones I remembered either. Everyone changed, and I felt left behind, feeling like what had been a lifetime there for me was only a small event that occurred in my friends’ lives. It also helped me realized that I also changed. I knew that I had to learn to let go of these memories and move on, but I still long for a home that isn’t there anymore.

[@crstph]

there is such a sleepover energy to meetups with friends you dont live near-i feel like the missing each other makes everyone so committed to enjoying the moments together that it ends up making you miss them more; and a beautiful cycle continues. FUCK i miss my friends! this got me so excited for my next trip to see them

[@N3Selina]

you may be related to your birth family - but if they don't cut it, you can find a new family. one that *truly* accepts you~

[@caleb1rshelton]

I spent nearly ten years in the military. Every time I went home few years my hometown was a little different. Till the last time my hometown was completely unrecognisable. My old haunts are all gone. All business has moved from the center of town out to the highway. I can honestly say the place where I grew up no longer exists. I played tLoZ OoT and MM for the first time when I was a small child, but as an adult those two N64 games resonate with me now more than ever.

[@TheBest-uv4it]

You know, there are people who love the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" to excuse people not being around as much or having to leave for a prolonged amount of time. But what they seem to forget, that the mantra of "Out of sight, out of mind" may just as easily apply. Who is to say that the people of your old community/home may even welcome you back openly? Maybe some (or most) of them will change drastically from the people you once knew and were fond of/liked you. Maybe they won't even recognize you at all. Or maybe the place you once called home changed so much it's unrecognizable and does no longer feel like home? Time is the biggest changer of everything. Make the most of the time you can spend with the people you care about and the place you call home.

[@Gentou]

This hits the nail on the head for me. I'm disowned for being trans, and have no real ties to where I am. It's also been far too long to go back to where I moved from many years ago. It's hard, being left without roots to return to. But. I wouldn't trade it. Though I have new challenges and sorrows to face, I'll gladly take them over the caged life I had before. My life is mine now, even if finances still bind my choices. Every day I feel more and more comfortable in my own skin. Even if I don't have a home to go back to, I can make a new one. One that's mine.

[@AdamKyles]

I think, even if your childhood was happy, you still can't really go home after you've lived independently. The experience changes you. You don't really want to go home, you want to go back to your childhood, but you can't. So, even if you're in the same house, with the same people, you're not the same, and your relationship with your family isn't the same. People grow up the most when they're away from home. Actually, on the rare occasions when, as an adult, I've had dinner with a family that includes children, it felt more like being home than going back to my parents' house, which was where I grew up. I can return to what I think of as "A family dinner" with other families, but not with my parents, even though we're technically a family who are eating together. Has anyone else found that? Don't misunderstand me: I know I'm lucky to my parents and sister are still alive, and our nice people.

[@Mareliini]

As I've grown older I've been thinking of this memory of place a lot.. Both my childhood home and my grandparents home are places dear to me and I cannot physically access them ever again. They have been sold, and in the progress changed so fundamentally that the "place" in my memories doesn't exist anymore. It's aching to only have pictures, would maybe be better to not have those. To not be reminded of what has been lost. I had moved away from home a long time before these things happened, so in a sense it was a peaceful loss. I can only imagine what kind of absense lives in a heart of someone who has lost a home without a warning.

[@resident-evil-jerma5389]

i have a feeling you’re going to be one of my new favourite youtubers. this video has touched me a bit admittedly. i’m an 18 year old in an abusive household. i turn 19 in 4 months, i haven’t made much progress towards leaving. but when i do, i know there’s nothing to go back to. i was isolated my whole life, i had no friends in real life for years. i met one of my best friends last year, i hid him from my family for nearly half a decade. a week after my 18th birthday my parents drove me to see him. i felt safe with him, and whenever i wasn’t with him, my mother would act as she did at home. i have a house here in michigan but my home is that air bnb in boise, where i’d paint myself blue and pack my makeup so i could paint him blue and we could pretend to be drag siblings. or where i’d eat pokémon fruit snacks and dry birthday cake and sob knowing i’d have to go back. knowing i’d be completely isolated once more. only interacting with my abusers. i’m sure i’ll go back. but i don’t know when. i just finally know there’s someone i belong, where no one will hurt me. home

[@Quimbles]

I'm so glad i resonated with you, thank you so much for sharing your story!! i love your username lol

[@resident-evil-jerma5389]

@@Quimbles thanks lol :)

[@coltonc7832]

I genuinely wish you the best for your life once you leave.

[@elektrikhd]

Be patient with yourself, and remember you are good enough. I lived with emotional abuse at home in high school and college, and while it still has an impact, I've survived and almost 20 years later, I'm still going. And there is joy in proving them wrong, whether or not they know.

[@SecretKeeperForever9]

Just remember resources do exist to help people in your situation. You do not need to go back to abusive people even if they are family. There are places to go.

[@purple-kara]

As someone who lost their home to war and had to leave the city they grow up in, i felt everything that was said in this video. I visited my city after 8 years when the war ended. I thought I'm gonna be happy to visit the memories of my childhood that i had there.only to realize that they don't exist anymore. Everything had changed or got destroyed to the point it's not recognizable anymore. That day i had to realize that those memories,my home and everything else doesn't exist anymore.they live only in my head and i had lost the only physical proof of them. I never went back there again.. And since that day , I don't know what's home anymore..

[@SophieSquid]

Oh hell yeah, congrats on winnin the algorithm, at least for me. Gotta respect small creators. I really like how engaging your voice is in this, genuinely makes this such a nice listen/watch.

[@rhael42]

I don't think they're gonna stay small for much longer after this one.

[@ashleyp.eveerson3377]

okay wow, yeah that final part was ROUGH. Beautiful video essay, so well edited and such a soothing voice. The way you encapsulated such a difficult and complex feeling is just outstanding. All the while wrapped in the familiarity of comfort media only to then bring it home with the home videos.... just fucking fantastic. You manage to say something extremely original using the video games and movies I grew up with and though I already knew all about. PLEASE KEEP IT UP, YOU ARE EXTREMELY TALENTED.

[@user-uh1rk6cn7x]

I had a home,before my grandfather and my dad passed away...now my grandma has it,but gave it to my aunt that hates us for no good reason,eventhough we were together and were a family that was sticking together...but now everything I had in there's gone...even the memories of a better times of my life when we truely were a family...

[@RubUOutC]

I’m getting on for 40. Good job that pays well, and allows me to freely travel the world. I have found and said goodbye to many “homes” - none of which are my hometown. Those homes remain memories that you can go back to in your mind whenever you like. Of course it’s a bittersweet feeling, but that’s one of the most beautiful parts of life. Maybe one day I’ll find that one home that lasts, but sometimes it feels like the search itself is my home, and those on the same path my, while fleeting, family - and I’ve come to accept that that’s okay! Thanks for the vid. It’s rare I watch something like this through to the end these days. I hope you find the home you need someday, but don’t get so hung up on the idea that you miss the adventure on the way!

[@amethystz8603]

I'm in my mid twenties and haven't felt I have found/had a home for quite some time. I feel so lost and that contributes to a lot of the pain I feel. Thank you for this exploration of home and nostalgia, gives a lot to think about ❤

[@christopheralbano3570]

There's a scene in "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" where Lucy is talking with Aslan, and asking him about a beautiful story she had gotten to glimpse at earlier, but she couldn't quite remember the words anymore. She asked him to tell it to her, and Aslan promised that some day he would forever and ever. Elsewhere in some of his more philosophical writings C.S. Lewis describes the same sensation as joy, those glorious moments where something really-real tangibly forces itself front-and-center into your awareness. I think that is what you experienced with your friends. It's an echo of the world we all long for, and I'm glad you had that time. I'm also glad your family are trying to not turn their backs on you, and I hope that they can come to understand that you as a person are more important than whatever taboos and insecurities your sexual preferences press on. The reason that you can't go home is because joy (in Lewis' sense) is fleeting--those moments and memories are promises of another world where no good thing is ever forgotten or destroyed. One of the only things we can take with us if we make the pilgrimage to that world are the relationships we build along the way.

[@moriceros3076]

Because of how often i moved to different places over the course of my life, (usually only staying in once place for ~3 months) i never thought of any one place as my *home* - home was always where i wasn't. It was 'the ant house and the one in Caroline/Ellenwood etc, always added onto the pile once i was gone. Its a feeling that ever only arises upon reflection; a nervously resolute 'thats where i was meant to be,' that hangs from the windows and doors. But there never will be a home for me to return to, because if i did the *home* -or feeling, rather, - would cease. Even now, living in a place longer than any other i cant help but feel like a squatter in someone elses house. Ready to pack up and leave when i hear cars pull into the driveway.

[@privateer2584]

I loved Gone Home... But I didn't enjoy playing it because I thought the entire time I was playing it that it was a horror game and was waiting for a jump scare or something bad to happen. 3 hours of constantly building tension. Then I get to the end and realize it's a nice love story... I went back and played it a few years later and it was great. Great video by the way!

[@pizzalover346]

As a college student who intends to meet her friend in Jersey who she’s known since the freshman year of high school- your story reached me. I can only hope- only dream- only IMAGINE that we are on the same or similar path. That when I see them it will be as fun as it was for you and that I will get to have the joy and memories to hold on to. That they will be home to me. You’re story reached me, and you made me enjoy the stories of the games mentioned so much more than I did before. Thank you. Thank you so much for making something so full of heart and meaning. Here’s to you 🍻 and here’s to me clicking that supscribe button in the name of seeing more content like this

[@smittywarbenyaegermamjenso173]

This video started playing while i was packing up to go back to my college dorm after spring break. Now im hugging my dog and ugly crying. 10/10 amazing video

[@myfavoritejacket404]

you worded everything so perfectly I cried at the understanding of feeling welcomed back in deltarune

[@KitCabaret]

I don't know where to even begin.. everything about this video is just beautiful. The editing, the soothing narration, the absolute poetry in how you were able to describe the feelings these games explored, feelings that are often so hard to put into words. Not to mention the second half of it had me sobbing - I had literally just come home from a two-week vacation staying with the love of my life, and finding myself in an empty house, without her beside me, has been so hard. This made me feel seen in a way I didn't want to admit I needed, and I hope you can find a home closer to your friends soon, just as I hope to make a home with her. One other thing: if you, like me, were disappointed as a kid that the Narnia series never delved into the effects of being ripped away from a world and back to your old life, then I highly recommend the books "The Light Between Worlds" and "The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making". The first one, while not perfect, is built around that core premise and explores it in a very real and gut-wrenching way. The latter I'm biased towards (it is one of my singular favorite works of fiction) and it admittedly takes longer to get there, but I PROMISE you that reveal is worth waiting for.

[@elizathegamer413]

About a year ago I visited my partner that I was dating online for the first time. My experience was so similar. Even though I was only there for a few days, I felt more home than anywhere else before. And I had that same sense of “what now “. And, every time I visit I get that a little too. It’s amazing this experience that’s never been possible before, the ability to so deeply know and love someone without being able to be around them. Thanks for this video :)

[@user-ew6je1jk4q]

thank you youtube algorithm for this absolute gem :))

[@colindonovan]

You did something special with this one

[@MRorizs2]

What a beautiful video. I love how you weaved the stories from the games with your own life experiences, making it even more human, more personal. I can relate with your sentiment of leaving your home... in 2020, I was forced to move with my family from the place where I grew up and lived for over 30 years to a much smaller placer, in a worse neighborhood. That place where I lived, I knew every milimiter of it. I knew its scents, its nooks and cranies, and it felt like even the people in the streets, I knew them all, even though they were all different people everyday. We made so, so many memories in that place, and we are probably never going back to it. Much like your parents' house after the renewal, my old house was purchased by someone who tore it all down and made it a new place. Everything that reminded us of where our home was doesn't exist anymore. Maybe just the flooring, cause they liked it. To get to the new place, we had to get rid of a lot of things, which also added to the feeling of losing our home. To be honest, the only thing that makes me feel home is my family, and we do the best we can to keep this feeling. But it's been 4 years, and we're still homesick and feeling like we're just spending some time in the new place.

[@marymay8855]

never comment but GOD this video hit me so hard. truly a beautiful essay on that feeling of losing your home, your safe space. the final montage almost made me cry and hearing you speak so beautifully about your friends and the time you spent with them is just god amazing. can't express it enough. as someone about to graduate from secondary school and sit my final exams your message about friends feeling like home really hit me in the gut lol. i feel like im about to go through that transition myself and i too am going to have to leave a home that i won't be able to return to. thank you so much for making this video

[@ElJorro]

The media that speaks to me about this subject is the movie: The Sandlot. These boys have an incredible summer filled with great adventures and in the end we learn they drifted apart. They grew up and built lives of their own and some were never seen again. Even if the Sandlot is still there, the old team is not coming back. It's bittersweet to say the least but as you grow up, you realize that is the stuff of life. Things are never meant to be forever. We change we grow and we write our own stories. And you also realized that this is a good thing. We should never allow ourselves to be confined to one place. For we will cut ourselves from new experiences and new people to share our stories with. We all have a story and we learn to be grateful that we got to share with people as they come and go. We all contribute a line in the saga.

[@QueenCloveroftheice]

I can relate to having your childhood home never quite feeling safe for you. My mom was horrible to me as a child, and now that she’s passed away and my dad’s moved all the furniture around and even thrown some out, home doesn’t exist the way it was in even my happy memories anymore.

[@alexandragabitto2573]

This was such a thoughtful and compassionate video. I feel like I was also drawn to a lot of media about inhabiting liminal spaces like Yume Nikki and June Jordan’s “Our Own Where” (as in “our own somewhere”.) One of my favorite novels of all time is Brett Eaton Ellis’ incredibly graphic, violent first book “Less Than Zero”. A lot of it is about leaving to attend college for the first time, then going back home for a visit after a year in an attempt to find solace in old comforts, only to realize you’re a complete stranger to everyone now. I usually work on trying to find a home within myself nowadays, the whole “wherever you go, there you are” thing. I think you captured the painful longing of coming to terms with so well!

[@mister13eyond]

oh this video made me CRY cry. thank you, this was spectacularly written, incredibly sweet and evocative!

[@peefstar4908]

I just watched the video- it was really good, I really liked how the message at the end was hopeful yet bittersweet. There's a few stories I'd like to mention that revolve around or relate to the feeling of losing a homeplace. First one would be from the story of Tír Na nÓg (The Land Of Youth). A famous warrior Oisín falls in love with a woman called Niamh and moves away from his home to live with her in Tír na nÓg. After 3 years he wants to visit his family so he sets off to return home. When he returns though, the castle he worked at was now a ruin covered in foliage, his house was a rubble of rocks and his village has grown to the point that he hardly recognises it. He goes to a priest (if I recall correctly) and learns that for every year he was in Tír Na nÓg, a hundred years passed in our time. The story ends with him dying (because of magical stuff that makes sense in the story but it wasn't relevant to add for this) in the ruins of the castle. Another one is on my to read list so I'm just summarising from its wikipedia page, it's the story of Urashima Tarou. Tarou saves a small turtle and the next day a large turtle thanks him saying that he's the emperor of the sea and the small turtle was his daughter, so as a token of appreciation, he brings Tarou to a palace underwater. Tarou stays there for 3 days and wants to return since his mom is old and needs assistance, he is given a box by the sea emperor's daughter and then is brought back home. when he returns he learns that 3 hundreds years has passed, strucken with grief he opens the box he was gifted and rapidly ages and dies. One more that loosely plays with the idea of a loss of a homeplace would maybe be Dancing at Lughnasa, the play takes places during the harvest festival and its themes are literally and metaphorically 'reaping what you sow' and 'a transitional period/coming to an end'. by the end of the story the family is aware that they won't be living together by next Lughnasa and that it's okay. ( if there's anymore stories similar to this, please recommend them :) ) Anyway, sorry for the long comment, I really like exploring the themes of leaving home and a loss of a homeplace. I find the concept to be both tragic and comforting. Have a wonderful day!

[@naominerd4075]

That was genuinely beautiful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on what truly makes a home. I'm so happy your video found me. If I may take a moment to share my own thoughts, I made the best decision of my life 4 years ago when I moved out of my parents' house and across the country to my current home. I wanted to leave for a long time for various reasons, but to keep it simple and relevant, it wasn't my home anymore. My childhood home was stagnant, the home there was my memories of it. Of a happy family, hosting Thanksgivings with extended family, Christmas with my siblings and their kids, simpler times when everything was reliable and made sense to me. As time went on, we all drew apart. We'd see each other in short visits now and then, and holidays were spent more quietly. All that was left for me was stagnant memories. You can't live off memories alone. I had to go. Just like you, I had friends online I'd gotten so close to over the years. I moved to live with my boyfriend, after he had already visited me in my hometown, and I'd visited him here. I've visited my first home again since, and it's nice to visit and see family, but it's so good to come back to the home I've chosen. One of my other online friends has also moved nearby, and she's making a life and home for herself here too. I hope another of our friends will do the same soon. While there is something sad to be said for a place you once called home no longer being that for you, there's empowerment in being able to find somewhere new, somewhere safe and welcoming, and to be able to say to yourself, "This is my home now." I hope you'll be back home with your friends before you know it. The wait is so worth it, I promise you that.

[@Quimbles]

Your story is beautiful, thank you for sharing!

[@JohnDoe-wt2zz]

Hey, you really laid a lot of yourself out in this video, sharing a lot of personal struggles and innermost feelings. I'd never have the guts to do that. What you spoke about really got me reflecting, it was pretty deep and resulted in a very enjoyable, authentic feeling video. It's leaving me speechless in trying to communicate what I want to say about it, and the way I feel after watching it. Wholeheartedly, I hope you find what you're looking for out there.

[@ConquistadoraDeLaEstrella]

this was utterly fantastic as a dive into the realisation that home isn't always 'home'. I've had that sense of "I'll never get this thing again" multiple times, and it sometimes gets a bit weird with both the thrill and exhileration attached to the sense that nothing can ever be truly repeated.

[@spacey1398]

I love this video so much. I come from a home where I feel very loved and am now living out of state for college. You perfectly described the sort of fear and anxiety that comes with that kind of love, the fear that someday that will be gone. You never know when you might lose someone you love and its terrifying. But then I think how wonderful it is to love something so much that you begin to miss it even before its gone.

[@p4ry4h]

Wonderful comment. Hold onto that feeling of home. Only gravitate to those that remind you of it. You might feel a thrill when someone tries to take you off course- but always always always hold tight to hime every night through a physical objject or calling a loved one. You don't have to try and fit in right away. Yap to people about your home any chance you get. When asked, when you miss it, when someone brings up an area around it. and be proud. There will be many people, from everywhere. Be accepting, and open to learn new things. Just never lose sight. Good luck out there ❕

[@alanhorton7300]

I looked up a house my family used to live in on Google Street View. It had been completely replaced by an ugly two-story office building. The whole area that had been the side lawn was now the employee parking lot, and it was such a tiny, cramped parking lot, compared to the expansive lawn it had once been. The Street View had taken the picture on an overcast day, and the place seemed so ugly and gray and desolate.

[@poodn4559]

"We are home" - Sam Winchester, on 4 wheels and an engine

[@phantomaxl1207]

This video made very good use of that title. I guess I've never though long and deep about how lonely OoT Link's existence gets: growing up as the different kid, failing to save the Deku Tree, and still being sent out on a quest to save the land. I've recently been reflecting on how little connection I have had to suburban city I grew up and went to school in. Outside of my house, nothing there feels like home.

[@12DAMDO]

one of my Wattpad stories has a similar theme.. basically the main character was born on a boat that crashed, stranding him in a foreign country, so he goes on a journey back home to his family (people he never met), and he basically has to learn what it even means to be "home" and also what the meaning of "who am i" even is.. maybe even the meaning of life, but that's open for interpretation..

[@madisongregerson343]

Wow. Just wow. What a wonderfully and beautifully written video. I didn’t realize how deeply I resonated with the way that you wrote about your return to home until tears were forming in the corners of my eyes. My own childhood bedroom is now the guest room, when I went to college I took everything with me as that was the expectation. I am lucky that my parents love me and I love them, but this really hit close to home if you can get what I am saying. Great video. Stunning work.

[@mbe102]

As someone who grew up without a home, a game that espouses the opposite of this feeling, for me, was Legend of Mana. Ironic, too, that the theme song for 'Home' is "Places of Soul". This video is great though, it speaks to something that I've felt for a long time, and have always sought ways, consciously or not, to stop feeling. Pokemon games are another one. A home, a mom. A home town to come back too; to remember where it all started from. Its not a feeling I'd wish people to have to share with me, but, its heartening, in a way to have this video suggested to me... out of the blue. Very VERY well done. And very happily a new subscriber. Can't wait to see what else you've done, and watch what you're working on in the future!

[@xx-that-one-person-xx6315]

I’m surprised you didn’t talk about OMORI. That game is the definition of returning to a place that doesn’t want you.

[@ellos21]

Amazing video. 10/10. Hands down, honestly the best thing I’ve gotten out of KZbin in my entire life. The music was perfect, I knew it was getting deep when the ch 5 Celeste song came on. The videography was outstanding, I felt like I was right there with you and your friends laughing. And also, 30 minutes?! It felt like a movie and yet felt way too short. Thanks for making this.

[@agentepsilon5014]

The way you can string your thoughts together so eloquently is awe inspiring. I hope to see more videos from you in the future.

[@itsjoshuamiles]

you are my new favourite youtuber. obsessed with your content

[@ampersand2672]

Oh wow your video made me cry in a good way. Growing up is such a journey. We may not be able to go home but we are able to build our own homes. My childhood home doesn’t feel the same, but the home I have made with my wife is the home I need and always wanted.

[@ChodePolice]

I moved across the country when I was 10 and shortly after that my dad decided to sell my childhood home. I’m 22 now and over the years I’ve struggled so much to establish a home. My parents are divorced and I don’t live with either of them. I have 3 brothers who live in different parts of the world. I can’t remember the last time we were all together. But that’s just how life is.

[@VirtualMementos]

This video really resonated with me. As someone who recently got back from meeting my closest online friend and being with them for like... 2 weeks I crave that home feeling again. I wanna go back to staying up late and watching Bluey for hours on end and beating Bloodborne with them cheering me on. It was fun. Deltarune and Undertale hit me the hardest when thinking of home.

[@crispymelon2114]

I got halfway through this video, thinking this was a huge channel. You seriously deserve hundreds of thousands of subscribers but you at least gained one today. Keep up the amazing work! For me, I personally love the hobbits, returning home in the lord of the rings book. Only to the Shire has been taken over and the hobbits enslaved. I understand why you didn’t happen in the movie, but in the books it’s so impactful for them to return home from their journey only to realize even their home wasn’t safe.

[@Doomsword0]

My thought as you discussed this topic was the beginning and end of Lord of the Rings. Seeing the hobbits in the Shire happy and at home. But then they go on their journey, it changed their lives in many ways. They came home to the Shire afterwards and in some ways they fell back into old habits, but in many ways you can tell the ways they feel separate from it, it isn't the same, they can't go back to the life they once had. To your personal story, I had a similar experience. Traveled abroad to meet a friend I had previously only known online and spent two weeks there, we still hang out online most weeks but coming home and being that far from the place that felt right, that felt like the real home was a strange feeling that I couldn't quite put words to

[@thelasttellurian]

I cried. But not because I could relate - it's because I never felt that same feeling of belonging in my life. You showed me something that I was missing my entire life and didn't know. In that sense - you are a bit lucky.

[@itstimefortoast]

Came to this video thinking "ahh I'm going to get some insights and see things in a way I didn't think of before" and didn't realize the absolute voyage I was about to go on (which I greatly appreciate) thank you for making this video

[@nepsyasudra3262]

As someone who's had to move a dozen times in my life, yeah.. i miss some of my old homes but they're no longer mine.

[@qiuzhang97]

I’ve spent my whole life moving from and within countries. Don’t think I’ve lived in a single place for more than five years. While I’ve kept in touch (enough) with people that passed by me, I’ve always felt just that - they’re passing figures. I’ve gotten so used to roaming that I don’t know how to “settle down” because I’ve never learned how to rest. This video hit a little different. Thank you.

[@zawuz2681]

My girlfriend and I recently moved to jersey. I came out to my parents as a trans girl before we left and our relationship has been rocky ever since (well I don't even talk to my dad now). But we've been so happy being able to live as ourselves here. While watching this my gf said to me "home is where my beautiful girlfriend is" and I could not stop the tears. I look forward to a fellow lesbian making their way to jersey.

[@user-iu2hi7wp4x]

Wow i almost cried. That's rare. You made an amazing video. I have very different experiences but the core feeling is really familiar. Your words and choices were extremely powerful. Thank you!

[@TehDanxorz]

...Hm. You know I just really like the "you can't go home again" trope and story premise so I clicked on your video. But you know, I'm glad I did. I'm sticking around. Show me what you can do Quimbles. I'll hop on for the whole ride, wherever you decide to go.

[@Ryxbar]

This was absolutely beautiful, and I resonate with a lot of it. Thanks for making this, hope you're ready for it to blow up lol

[@bluetimesskyrii]

I remember having this interesting conversation with a guy on a train, about how our hearts know where our definition of home is - in my case, it’s actually kind of nowhere haha. I do live under a secure house, but does my heart truly feel at home here? Maybe this is what immigrating halfway across the globe does to a person because even now, over a decade since my family moved, I’ve always felt disconnected from both my birth country and the current country we reside in. I moved out too young to adopt a bunch of my birth country’s traditions yet too old to feel fully integrated with the culture I’m now surrounded by. Even now I’m wondering where my home truly could be, logistical planning aside.

[@ThePaeGuy]

This was an incredibly powerful piece to watch. Thank you for reminding me to look for home; cuz its been real hard since I moved away from some of my best friends, even tho we still talk almost every day. Thanks for this, truly. Hope you can go home soon, and in the mean time, find joy in chilling online

[@Pumpkinshire]

I’m writing a novel About a lighthouse keeper Who protects his Baytown from Bigfoot and Mothman with the magic lighthouse keeping them away. He can’t leave home for more than a couple of hours without finding someone to take care of the light. But I’m trying to incorporate this stage of the Monomyth just the same. I figure he can leave home without leaving the house.

[@jalunderscore8618]

Wow that almost made me cry.

[@Quimbles]

thank you bestieeee love your work

[@jalunderscore8618]

@@Quimblesseeing everyone exchange their stories in the comments is so sweet I’m so happy this video popped off

[@JFTSwiertz]

A note on Link in Majora's mask, the end of the game has link give everything he has to playing children, only to get an evil mask of himself as a tall, wrathful god, chosen by the gods. Its how his legend goes, he's remembered for everything but his green tunic. Everything but his home. Also i bought Gone Home on the switch because it was on sale for like $2, i expected a horror game, and was happily disappointed.

[@Gloomdrake]

I don’t think that’s true. In the timeline he dies in, he doesn’t have a legend in Hyrule. He was sent back in time, to before the tragedy. Only he knows what happened. But he has descendants, and he was buried in the armor of a knight, so after leaving Termina we can assume that he DID end up finding a place to belong, and built a new home

[@karlnykwest4199]

Fantastic video! You perfectly articulated the strange feeling of a goodbye that you know will not be forever, but still hits just as hard.

[@terrarialove69420]

these words have trodden many tears, this is the first video ive watched from you and its absolutely beautiful

[@theadmiral4625]

“We’re born alone. We live alone. We die alone. Only through our love and friendships can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.” Orson Welles

[@kappanova1302]

Oh goodness, how do I keep stumbling on videoessays as concisely argued and deeply personal as this one? Home, to me, seems to have more in common with people than places. My best friend moved away about a year ago now. And though we're able to see each other every few months, I've noticed that a chapter of my life that was hanging out with him regularly and cherishing every moment, despite the fact that we were both miserable in just floating along in life, has come to a close. And I'm realizing that I wasn't ready for that, still am not. That I will have to get through this, and it will hurt, but that it's okay to have growing pains. Thank you for making this video, I'd love to hear what else you will have to say

[@nintendofan10039]

Being someone who has moved all over Canada, I don't think that I will ever think of my hometown as home again. I've changed a lot, and so, too, has my hometown. Even though I know my current city may not be the best, for now, it is home. I try to make the most of whatever life has given me.

[@JasenWilson]

Thank you for this video, it summed up all of these thoughts that have been swirling in my head for the past few months so well, it's so interesting to see how different people cope with this feeling. I've started on a dollhouse that will represent my childhood home and the memories stored there, and as I've been going through the process I've realized that I can't capture the house at once moment in time, because that feeling of home is scattered throughout the many years I lived there, your video has helped me realize that it's not necessarily a bad thing

[@sammckean3174]

This is exactly what I needed, thank you genuinely. You are the best content creator on here.

[@mikek7660]

No matter how hard you try, how desperately you want it, or what you do, you can never ever go back.

[@narufan987]

Holy fuck what a great video, and really just a very emotional experience that a lot of us can relate to

[@bisexualweeb2782]

This was such an incredible, emotional video. I'm so glad I saw it

[@ryanadolfi4007]

This was very intimate, and I'm grateful to you for sharing your story. Loneliness has been something I've struggled with for quite some time (around the time I'd say since my family moved down the east coast). I thought for some time that I might've made that family with the friends I had here, but over the past couple years we've all grown very distant. I don't hear from them anymore. What I appreciate about your video, however, is that inherent sense of hope that one day this'll change. It's a good reminder for me to keep pushing forward, and maybe I'll find that feeling again. Hope you're doing well, and thanks again for this. You and your friends are good people.

[@ingridgg]

This video was perfect, I was feeling down lately, and I couldn't figure out why, and watching this made me realize what was happening to me. I also miss a home I can't return to and I miss my friends which i can't meet irl, thank you for this video, you worded everything so perfectly, and put examples I deeply relate to, this is one of my favourite videos ever.

[@arouric636]

Can't say I remember the last time that a video essay actually made me cry, this was a really great watch! I wish you the best of luck with your studies and returning to where you feel your best :D

[@smallameangel]

Absolutely brilliant narration and accompanying video. You hit that perfect chord with me, as someone who’s lived similar- if not albeit different- things. I hope you get back home really soon…

[@k1lljoy505]

Bro how did I get this absolute banger of a video on my recommended? This is great and there's so much heart and deserves to be seen by far more people

[@Leaf._the_foliage_man]

First of all, OUGH WAS THIS VIDEO GOOD Second of all, I think deltarune is an even better example then you described. After undertale, deltarune at first feels like you're returning to a familiar place with familiar people, you're quickly swept away into something ENTIRELY different. As described by Toby himself, the first time you enter the closet dark world is meant to be a jarring change, new characters. New battle mechanics, a new story, etc. Though, while this world isn't what you expected, you slowly grow familiar with it and, while different, it still feels like home. So, when you reenter the light world, you're primed for more of that classic undertale experience. And, slowly but surely, you realize that, while similar, this world is even less familiar than the dark world. As you explore these real, down to earth characters, you get this sense that this world doesn't seem like it's meant for you. Now, if I kept going I'd be here for another 4 paragraphs cannonballing directly into the insane theory crafting zone, so I think I'll end it here, as this basically explains my main point. Again though, INCREDIBLE video. 10/10.

[@SophieSquid]

god, this started as an innocent enough little analysis of various media and turned into me sobbing for like 10 minutes straight, I was not ready.... fr tho, as someone who has also been incredibly lucky to have met up with a few online friends I totally get it. it's funny, I literally just met up with one of my online friends for the second time today. We hadn't had a chance to meet up for a while, about 3 years in fact, and while that's a long time, we managed to finally meet up again, and hopefully will again going forward. and having little keepsakes is nice to hold close, not only to remind you that they care, but simply that they were there. that you shared the same space and were able to exchange something that you can then hold on to forever. A piece of them being with you forever. it's a wonderful thing to have. But yeah, the story of you and your friends as well as the feeling of home, often being this intangible thing you cannot directly return to, just really touched me. Honestly I could ramble on and on about various ways in which I relate, but I think really all of us have that feeling about something. even if it's not our physical home that feels out of reach, maybe it's a place you used to hang out with childhood friends you can't go to anymore for one reason or another, there's always gonna be something in our pasts I feel that as much as we'd all love to go back just one last time, it isn't always possible. but that doesn't mean we can't look to the future to create new homes for ourselves. to create new memories and make new connections and find that sense of belonging. just... man I'm all emotional now. absolutely fantastic video.

[@amyr4242]

Looking at moving out of my childhood home and back to the city where my friends are rn, and this video perfectly encapsulated how I'm feeling about the whole thing to the point where it made me cry. Thank you so, so much for sharing this.

[@kiki_drew]

Wow, this video moved me to tears. I always realize how much I want to hold on to my loved ones and how much of a home they feel like to me. God, I want more time. More time.

[@Hazard1515]

What a great video. Everything from the writing to the narration. Keep it up!

[@lineriderrulz]

Absolutely did not expect this video to hit so hard, I wept 😭 Last year I travelled from the UK to CA, USA alone to visit the best person I've ever known and maybe my boyfriend, having only ever flown a hop to Germany alone before. The memory of meeting him is something I'll hold onto until my dying breaths. We went to a couple furcons together and the whole time we had together was almost magical and dreamlike. It was a huge step and stressful, but your video made me realise how lucky I was to experience that, that he actually showed up to pick me up from the airport, that he and his roommate took such good care of me, that I had the resources and strength of will to make it all happen. The most difficult part of it wasn't the jetlag, wasn't being unable to sleep, wasn't having to work while in those conditions, wasn't that I had to go back to that tedious drudgery of a job, but it was knowing the night before that it all had to end, I had to go back to being many miles and hours apart no matter what, and I just laid with him and cried quietly for a while.

[@CaffeineAndMylanta]

This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. As someone who struggles with sentimentality and a sense of loss when thinking for the past,this really resonated with me. I hope you get back to Jersey soon. I’m sure you will.

[@devinco1]

I started thinking about people who don’t have community, and people you’ve highlighted as never having the home they thought they did and it broke my heart.

[@Leafaetea]

i just discovered your video from the algorithm. i really enjoyed it, i thought i was going to listen to a nice analysis in the bg since that's what i usually do when im alone. but this was very comforting. its nice to know that other people are going through something similar to me, it makes the world less unknown knowing that we all feel similar things no matter how isolating we may feel. i hope you get to see your friends soon. i hope i get to see mine, too. i want to be able to fly out to see them again. flying out felt much better than them visiting me, because i want to escape out there and see the sights. thank you for this video quimbles. i hope you can live closer to your friends too.

[@RPG_Hacker]

This video was incredibly touching, and I'm glad you've found a place you can consider home and that makes you feel like you truely belong there! The little speech about the very special week you shared with your friends almost made me tear up. I don't think my disconnect to my surroundings in life has ever been quite as strong as yours, but I've definitely felt it. I don't hate my family by any means, but we do live in vastly different worlds, and I never quite considered my parent's house "home". Ever since I moved away, I've felt so much more comfortable. I can also absolutely relate to your feeling of meeting online friends in real life for the first time being an absolutely life changing event. I've experienced that exact thing just last year. I hadn't even known these folks for very long. Literally just stumbled into their group by chance that same year, but meeting them at a convention absolutely changed my world view and turned me into a different person entirely. I had actually been very scared of going to conventions for most of my life and only did so for the first time then, but ever since that experience, I've been trying to leave my comfort zone more often and go to conventions (and other fun places) when there's even just a chance it could give me something new. I suppose I'm striving to make even more experiences like that life-changing one. To tie all of this back to the topic of the video: I guess I realized you can find places (and experiences) that feel like home all over the world, and you can have as many as you want. You aren't limited to just a single place you call home. So I'm just getting out there and trying to find as many homes for myself as I can! 🙂

[@stonetoad9668]

dude i cried like twice during this 😭😭 incredible work, i hope moving goes well and you can be with your friends many more times in the future :]

[@mintyyukime]

So happy I saw this video and found your channel!!! Cried thinking about what I call home and stuff cause of u lmao, Your videos are awesome and deserve WAY more attention, so here’s hoping you keep getting it!!

[@-chippedstars-2889]

ty so much for bringing up Narnia in this, it was my favorite series as a kid (The Horse And His Boy was my favorite, its the only one that takes place entirely within Narnia) and I always remember being so sad/angry about Susan forgetting, but she didn't have a choice.

[@tjzambonischwartz]

This hit me hard. I've been going through major l life upheavals the last three months and I was sobbing all the way through this.

[@drumface9536]

Jacob Geller vibes with this one, fantastic video