RiffTrax: Girls Are Better Than Ever (Full FREE Short)

Considered about the state of girls in your local municipality? Worry not - because GIRLS ARE BETTER THAN EVER! Enjoy this free short from RiffTrax!
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[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

This really had the same vibe as "drugs are like that." It was incomprehensible and yet you felt you were being talked down to. Like being "Um actually"-ed by someone who couldn't graduate from high school

[@j.r.cilliangreen4083]

Drugs are like that too

[@teedup8995]

@@j.r.cilliangreen4083 Like what?

[@j.r.cilliangreen4083]

@@teedup8995 like girls!

[@HylianFox3]

The narrator manages to be almost as annoying as Anita Bryant. That's an accomplishment.

[@j.r.cilliangreen4083]

@@HylianFox3 Phyllis Schaffley’s Motivational Quotes

[@HyruleSwordsman94]

“Why don’t we kill the narrator?” Yes ladies, you greatly outnumber him! TAKE YOUR VENGEANCE!

[@ZaGorudan]

Girls, aren't you tired of feeling this nonspecific way? Drugs are like that, too.

[@gusrubio489]

6:45 "Making a toddler throw up" Immediately followed by "I'M ESCAPING THE PATRIARCHY!" Actual out-loud laughter over here!

[@UrsahSolar]

My sister were watching this and she said, "Just escape the narrator, I think he's Joe Biden."

[@finmiles965]

The Ladies of Rifftrax just somehow exude this weirdly comfortable and charming aura of chaos

[@mindlessgonzo]

Well, one of the ladies, Mary Jo, was Pearl Forrester in the last part of the original MST3K run on Syfy, so she is a pro chaotic neutral.

[@finmiles965]

@@mindlessgonzo haha good point! I actually got thrown for a loop one time when KZbin auto played a rifftrax with her immediately after a MST3K episode, I looked up and didn’t see the usual silhouettes/set!

[@my_tube9405]

@@finmiles965 Bridget Jones is married to Micheal Nelson. They met on the show. She was a writer and played some characters as well. So both ladies are long time writers and actors on the original and this. More importantly, she is also from Minnesota.

[@sachertorte1000]

@@mindlessgonzo Pearl is chaotic evil.

[@DigDug513]

It's that Minnesota passive aggressive type of chaos and I have loved it for 30 years😂

[@Eisenwulf666]

This short is the epitome of "How do you do fellow kids" and patronising, wow. Great job from the Riff ladies.

[@graemesmith6721]

OTOH, all the girls do is complain about how adults are always telling them what to do, because of course, being teenagers, they already know it all and nobody can tell them anything.

[@haleymist09]

The Dairy Council proudly displays slathering butter on toast while saying "a healthy diet." (I like butter but that's a LOT of butter lol)

[@planescaped]

Not to mention a giant ass glass of cow-juice filled to the brim. O_o I mean, milk has it's place, but it's not the miracle food they used to think it was.

[@abitofabitofabit4404]

Butter is like that.

[@princesstamika]

@@abitofabitofabit4404 they just wouldn't understand.

[@kimifw58]

Fancy foods like fruit make your teeth go grey!

[@MoonGalleon22]

I love that this girl's like "I run up and down several flights of stairs a day and then dance the night away" - the kind of exercise that multiple governments are now practically begging everyone to do more of - and the narrator's like "how dare you deprive yourself of physical movement, you wouldn't even treat a dog like this."

[@somecallmeTim-wi6pr]

I don't think you know what the fuck you're talking about.

[@MrBlueSkyof1607]

Yeah, you wouldn't treat a dog like that... except for the fact that you actually SHOULD.

[@GrizDrummer25]

"you just disapprove on general principle" "Anything we like, you don't" Wrong. That got me 😂

[@graemesmith6721]

Well, this was made in the early 1970s, when phrases like "generation gap" and "Don't trust anyone over 30" were popular. Teenagers resented that adults had all the money and power and were always trying to tell them what to do, even as they lived off their parents. It also didn't help that the Vietnam War was dragging on endlessly.

[@jonathankleinow2073]

I had to pause it and take a moment to collect myself after the narrator implied that young women need to complete with toddlers for male attention. So much wrong with that, my brain refuses to process it.

[@lookbovine]

4:56

[@KairuHakubi]

oh get over yourself. nobody likes a 2022 attitude. it's a freakin joke. and it's a lot healthier than literally anything anyone says or thinks these days.

[@anthonyeldridge4358]

It DOES threaten the very pillars of sanity if you think about it.

[@UlshaRS]

"Education: The systematic development and cultivation of natural powers." Well screw that I want supernatural powers!

[@JamaicanCastle]

You need to go to the Xavier School for the Gifted then.

[@richmcgee434]

@@JamaicanCastle I suppose Hogwarts might also do.

[@garnet229]

😕I agree with Adamant Forge.. screw cultivating natural powers, we tried that. On to Supernatural powers!

[@larrymantic2635]

@@richmcgee434 trans students won’t like that place

[@richmcgee434]

@@larrymantic2635 Rowling is a shitty human being, but she and her idiocy are not diegetic to the setting. Hogwarts itself seems like it might be okay. Quidditch isn't the kind of game that's going to care about trans athletes, their bathroom policy seems pretty unconcerned about who's using which room, and there's enough access to transformation magic that most students have probably spent some time getting firsthand experience of what both gender and body dysmorphia feel like. For that matter, the entire "wizarding world" should be well past trans discrimination. Magic is so much faster, easier and cheaper than anything medical science can offer that anyone should be able to choose their identity with ease, and it really shouldn't be grounds for comment. If the place wasn't written by the aforementioned shitty human being we'd likely have seen that addressed in print already. As-is, there's plenty of fanfic on the subject.

[@georgewilson7432]

The new models of girls have improved a lot these years thanks to the new technologies introduced in the industry.

[@ProjectFlashlight612]

The automatic woman of legend is now a reality, thanks to the onwards march of science and high quality milk products

[@lookbovine]

Progress through progressiveness!

[@emilyfarfadet9131]

I think "the Chicken of Tomorrow" was less objectifying and disrespectful to actual Chickens than this short.

[@johnnyg9804]

😆

[@michaelrickels7386]

If these girls really try, they can become the chickens of tomorrow.

[@TomMSTie1138]

Hen: "That's what you think, big boy."

[@kd4pba]

To all the chickens who gave their lives in the great chicken war.

[@lordscrewtape2897]

At least that was beneficial to the poultry industry....not to mention the automotive industry...

[@ZERO_O7X]

"I'm escaping the patriarchy!" 😂 @6:53

[@Brother_Webb]

'tell me if im wrong...' both: "You're wrong." love them so much

[@GrimmShadowsII]

Ah yet another wonderful short where you feel like you know less then before you watched it.

[@Rolld20]

Male narrator: Of course you girls don't come close to the standards of us real people, but if you continue to do as we say, you can be better than you were. Life goals! You're welcome!

[@richmcgee434]

Great racial representation, too.

[@alexandraw.4012]

😆I love the Rifftrax ladies 💜

[@Telcontar86]

"Every day your competition is getting younger, and every day you're getting older?" *Shows a teenage boy chasing a toddler* (who I certainly hope is a younger sibling or cousin) To quote Bill from Dinosaurus... What the **** 1960's?!?!?!

[@richmcgee434]

I'm guessing the scriptwriter had heard the term "Sexual Revolution" but wasn't real clear on what it actually was.

[@davidolson7168]

What this short should have been: "Here's how to live healthier and why you should." What this short was: "Here's how to live healthier and why you should but you'll still always be ugly."

[@HylianFox3]

"and not a man."

[@vlo4829]

@@HylianFox3 The short didn't compare women to men though. It didn't make men look "better". It actually took a sweet scene of a boy playing with a toddler and made it dirty and sexual for no reason...

[@dantesinporno]

"Why not consider sluting it up to compensate for the insecurities we've intentionally inflamed?"

[@AI-mg3hy]

There's actually some pretty good cinematography in this which makes the creepiness that much creepier. Like they made a real effort this time.

[@malykoth]

I legitimately have no idea what that short was trying to accomplish. I mean, was it supposed to somehow be...empowering? If so, then how?

[@DJMaul1031]

I think the idea was that in order to build women up, you must first utterly destroy them.

[@TooLateForIeago]

It was the 1960's. Mean-spirited shaming might have BEEN the point!

[@planescaped]

I'm just surprised the narrator didn't refer to anyone as "toots" But I think the idea was supposed to be a "see girls can do stuff too!" empowerment short, while also I guess shaming girls for focusing on their looks... while also encouraging them to doll up for the guys? Man that short was swerving all over the road. XD

[@jimhernandez7712]

@@planescaped I just kept thinking "drugs are like that to?"

[@non-exist-ent]

I honestly believe that men were afraid that household automation would mean women would have nothing to do and they would all gain weight. And so a public service film was born. It has nothing to do with building up women and everything to do with keeping men happy. But, I’m sure their hearts were in the right place :/

[@MerkinMuffly]

1:37 So no one's going to mention the ghost from Ring attending classes?

[@Chunkboi]

Samara Morgan has to do something with the other six days.

[@hempev]

Why did I get an Animal House "You're All Worthless And Weak!" vibe from this guy?

[@weekendmom]

Thanks for posting a video riffed by Bridget and Mary Jo.❤️

[@mynameisstilljafo4063]

"not particularly beautiful" Whoa! Shots fired! 😂😂😂

[@josephcecil1917]

Bridget's slow seething at this short was amazing.

[@jamesremington8056]

I'm still amazed this isn't a parody or something. It blows my mind that they showed this stuff to kids.

[@batoutofmel4959]

That tennis bit reminds me of the scene from Bridesmaids. "GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, CAROL!"

[@ontxtteredwxngs]

now i gotta go rewatch that movie

[@stevenpetarra3351]

*Sees 10 seconds left in allotted runtime* "Oh shit I've completely forgotten what this was about. Just cut back to the first shot and have the narrator say the title again"

[@tskmaster3837]

All throughout the short, I was wonder "What's the Dairy connection?" and I'm still wondering. "Good diet plus exercise, topped with some fattening cheese and butter."

[@graemesmith6721]

Except that cheese and butter aren't what make people fat. It's all the freaking SUGAR they eat and drink.

[@Nobody_Special310]

Girls: now with 8 percent more girl!

[@jmaxxtv9912]

3:12 That "Uuuuuuugh!" had me laughing so hard that I had to roll it back multiple times! 😂 Great job B&M! 👍

[@l.a.gothro3999]

I *think* the the title of the film that's on the marquee @6:32 is for "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?", as George Segal's last name is shown, and the first name of Sandy Dennis appears as well. I'm guessing it would've been considered an "Adults Only" film when this short was made; WAoVW? was released in 1966, and this was released in 1967.

[@favoritemustard3542]

Not Rated. But yes, very much adult themed... just not the "fun" kind. 1 or 2 disappointed patrons left those theaters.

[@BlazingOwnager]

It warms my heart that nearly the entire /true/ MST3k crew is still out there making amazing riffs.

[@fireriffs]

So.... aside from being incredibly condescending, 99% of what the narrator said isn't really girl specific. The title also has nothing to do with the content. In what ways are girls better than ever? Great commentary from Bridget and Mary Jo.

[@RobotoSan]

This was a bit like walking into a glass wall. Expected to pass through a bit about girls being better at sports, only to be smacked in the face by the narrator immediately putting down the first woman on screen.

[@kbbrown8154]

Then, all the other women on screen. He didn't leave them out either.

[@RobotoSan]

@@kbbrown8154 True, but after that first shock it was much easier to see the rest coming.

[@HylianFox3]

Mansplaining: The Movie Also, wtf is up with "The competition is getting younger" over the shot of a teenager chasing after a topless two year old? I feel incredibly dirty after that...

[@MrBlueSkyof1607]

Who doesn't?

[@RandomEntry13013]

Sir, that is a toddler. Please leave the beach. 🤨

[@logann7942]

I hope one day, I’m lucky enough to share my life with a woman as hilarious and lovely as Mary Jo and/or Bridget ❤️

[@tomservo56954]

It was around this time the "Miss Castaway" episode of GILLIGAN'S ISLAND first aired...where the Professor told Mary Ann "Beauty is the result of the inner glow of good health"

[@HungryForTastyFoodAndComicArt]

Every MJ & Bridget adventure after they've been absent is like a perfect swim in a sparkling pool, followed by a perfect BBQ meal, as a reward for traveling 6 hours by greyhound-bus to get there.

[@DJMaul1031]

Mansplaining: The Early Years

[@Arthurian_Rabbit]

Nah, for that we need to watch the 1500 BCE vrsn. This one is late in the series.

[@matthewkoch6937]

This was incredibly condescending, confusing, and irritating. No wonder the girls' voiceovers are so negative. Also, what was up with the guy at the beach and the pack of laughing idiots at the tennis court? Was their bizarre behavior just given a free pass?

[@vlo4829]

Um, the narrator insinuated that the guy who was innocently playing with a child was a pedophile, so he clearly doesn't think very highly of the boys either.

[@angelauzonyi2474]

SO SO FUNNY! LOVE THE GALS OF RIFFTRAX. THANKS FOR THE VIDEO.

[@HanMasho]

That woman at 1:35 looks like she's about to burn down the entire auditorium with her mind.

[@radiofriendly]

Somewhere in time there was a story board treatment of this. It's actually an impressive film.

[@meltz911]

I love MJ and B!

[@planescaped]

The most baffling part of this is that the script was apparently written by a woman. O_o Unless Selma Weisenborn is 60's dude's pen name.

[@Eisenwulf666]

Who,old Selma "steal your girl" Weisenborn ? The Weisemeister? Big hunk of a man, with a full beard. Used to play football in highschool

[@Janet-ks2od]

I thought of Selma, Patty's sister, from the Simpsons!

[@floraposteschild4184]

It might well be, especially in that era.

[@Sairin13]

Think of the kind of batsh@t crazy conservative women that exist now. I have no trouble believing this was written by some sixties version of the same.

[@AROBASPARK]

"Glows with Vitality". She drinks Gelfling Essence?

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

"HmmHhmmmm..."

[@syntaxerror9994]

As a man even I am offended by this movie. Wow.

[@somecallmeTim-wi6pr]

$50 says you're not a man.

[@celestialnull]

@@somecallmeTim-wi6pr He's already more of a man than you if you see him standing against the gross gender politics this narratorator is spewing as weak. Grow up, little boy.

[@jordanbridges]

​@@celestialnullhe's no man... He's a late 80s model Toyota ranger

[@Gunwitch666]

Bridget & Mary Joe!

[@theboombody]

I wonder if this short with its unlikeable narrator made even ONE girl think, "You know, I wasn't planning on taking steps to be healthier, but the narrator of this film made a lot of really good points!"

[@hoomanm6807]

Hell, I'm not even a girl and I'm tempted to become a coach potato just to spite the narrator.

[@princesstamika]

I wish "kill the narrator" were real. "eat but don't get fat." balanced diet = a lot of milk.

[@cyansays13]

Dairy council supported it. Thus milk.

[@BenVarkentine]

"Mansplaining: The Motion Picture."

[@jamesduncan6729]

"Every day, competition is getting younger..." HOLY... I'm sure he didn't mean it the way I think he means it... right? 😱😱

[@TheLichruler]

100% it was meant that way. The narrator was essentially saying men will want toddlers... ALL ABOARD THE CRINGE TRAIN! Destination: Disgustopia Population: Everyone who watched this video.

[@launchpending]

All men live by the standards of DiCaprio, I guess? Just tell us to eat some cheese, not get osteoporosis and be done with it all...

[@floraposteschild4184]

Actually yes he did -- in that joking but not really way. Not literally toddlers, but in the words of a popular song of the era: "thank heaven for little girls , for little girls get bigger every day".

[@TheLichruler]

@@floraposteschild4184 It's still SUPER cringy...

[@floraposteschild4184]

@@TheLichruler Absolutely!

[@mikerohlfs2836]

For all respectful men everywhere.... I'm sorry....I can't believe this was real...

[@DSmicklas]

This short is wild. My favorite riffs from recent memory

[@darlenereed4975]

Sisters are doin' it for themselves!

[@frijolero6048]

I think the girls in this short are actually quite fun actors. They're kinda cool. 😀

[@strawbarry7834]

I hate that this movie exists, but I love we've advanced far enough to laugh at it. (although, sadly, I think these warped views still exist, they're just hidden better.)

[@bobbob465]

(watches whole thing) ... (cue The Big Lebowski) ... "What in God's holy name are you blathering about?!?"

[@tattooeddragon]

Ladies, welcome to a new and wonderful age! In this modern era you are free to be healthy as long as you’re not too pretty and respect the notion that you will be nothing more than a baby machine! A very healthy and slightly homely baby machine.

[@graemesmith6721]

I think the idea they were trying to get across was that if girls eat well and exercise when they're teens, they'll avoid the health problems associated with obesity later in life and live happier lives. Not exactly a revolutionary message.

[@TheLichruler]

5:38 You said it girl, and I hope you meant it too!

[@luisostasuc8135]

So, Im getting the feeling that this is supposed to shame girls and women into a spiral of doing whatever they're told even when society greatly contradicts itself in what is acceptable and what isn't. Things haven't changed that much, it seems

[@weakanklesfornamjoon]

Only this 60s short being massively and unapologetically blatant about it.

[@diannemose244]

5:39 narcoleptic and everything 😂

[@TechnicalJimActual]

Photography: Frank M. Miller. _[Starts hearing "Pizzicato Playtime."]_

[@ZAPPED916]

🎼Some girls are better than others🎶

[@jacksongibbs8998]

For instance, Bridget and Mary Jo are the best.

[@MichaelB-jw5po]

It seems like if the filmmakers wanted to make a short teaching young women the importance of staying active and healthy as they get older, they could have done it in a much less creepy and misogynistic way.

[@Janet-ks2od]

I agree, it would almost be impossible to have done it moreso.

[@ClayLoomis1958]

They got themselves a close-up lens, and by god, they're going to use it!

[@unadin4583]

I have never seen a more disorienting health video. It was like trying to read with a strobe light in my face.

[@NC-jy3wg]

This short..... WOW! But the riffs were fantastic! Well off to hang my male head in shame. 😂😂

[@mikerohlfs2836]

I can't believe the makers of this actually allowed the African American women to talk.

[@DJMaul1031]

Equal opportunity misogyny

[@richmcgee434]

Woman, singular. She got one line. One. Then we don't see another African American for the rest of the film. And still better representation than other ethnicities got. United States of Caucasia going on here.

[@Smacgregor88]

8:00 I swear I head this music in another PSA before, beside a Gumby episode with Grubee.

[@codafett]

Love me some Rifftrax

[@vlo4829]

So the point was to warn girls against becoming too passive and complacent in their lives, but what a weird way to do it. It was also odd that they targeted girls, because nothing they said was very particular to them. I wonder if this was one of those films where the girls and boys were separated and the girls watched this video and the boys watched another video that they didn't Riff "Boys Are Worse Than Ever" or something?

[@bjnowak]

Ladies! The weirdness of shorts fits you way better than movies. The quirky and fast pace changes you girls crushed.

[@darkestjuggalo420]

I was hoping the ladies were going to be riffing this one. I was not disappointed. Rifftrax is better than ever!

[@JamaicanCastle]

Try the new 1954 model year Girls, just in the showroom today!

[@rustybooker]

More Bridget and Mary Jo, please

[@ajs3994]

Cheese flavored girls Girls are better than ever

[@Merylstreep1949]

It took several tries for the producers of The Bob Newhart Show to settle upon the premise we know and love today. Version 1.0 didn't even have Bob or Emily yet....they did however have the location. The original premise revolved around 3 Playboy bunnies from the original late 60s club in Chicago.

[@shuttittuppitt9355]

Now THAT'S a show that I would love to see!

[@SkolneyVikings]

Girls! Now More Than Ever!

[@robertdiotalevi285]

I just love the NASA helmet head hairdos!

[@MrBlueSkyof1607]

"Madonna, you are NOT wearing that to church!" Papa Don't Preach, indeed.

[@chillydawgg4354]

Wow this short really taught me that...um...uh...

[@richmcgee434]

That you hate condescending sexist shorts?

[@racheledwards2352]

Mary Jo and Bridget should do the film The Visit

[@andyjay729]

I wonder if the Lifetime Sports Foundation was originally called the Lifetime Sports Directory until about 1967 or so.

[@operablogger]

I'm confused. The opening credits mentioned Chicago, but WXYZ is a Detroit TV (and radio) station.

[@tomservo56954]

Maybe they thought it was generic

[@Listentotheread]

Hilarious! My goodness they didn't think much of women then, did they?

[@AJ17_]

They still don't now.

[@Arthurian_Rabbit]

Then?

[@taags]

And everyone was happier. Now women are just on onlyfans and shows everything.

[@scottmatheson3346]

@@taags no one was happier. the era was so wrought with nervous tension as to make even the current era look sane.

[@Janet-ks2od]

@@taags I assure you, not "everyone" was happier.

[@TheRogueWolf]

"Every day, competition is getting younger...." Ceeeeeripes. And this was "a more innocent time in our nation's history"?

[@ProjectFlashlight612]

Girls: now in high definition!

[@BlueLiminality]

Girls: Now available in 1080p!

[@datelineyesterday5395]

You have done it again ladies great job!

[@Ammeeeeeeer]

The whole thing STARTS with "....not particularly beautiful" wow!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@kevinwatts661]

My God, thank you. Your riffs are on-point.

[@BenVarkentine]

7:04 I swear this piece of music shows up in an MST3K film. Hellcats, I think.

[@kerridwynntheacegoblin6465]

Watching this while shotgunning Fruit by the Foots

[@brianbommarito3376]

11:47 The President’s Council on Physical Fitness is biased in its answer here, is wrong, always has been wrong. Just because you’re a little chubby doesn’t mean that you’re uneducated. Such an opinion shows just how uneducated the so-called educated people are. This short would be offensive to most viewers today. It deserved to be riffed even worse than what it got.

[@KnightsofTuveHall]

What the hell did I just watch? Thank you Bridget and Mary Jo for making make laugh through this incomprehensible garbage.

[@algomaone121]

2:00 Those are “Pulli Sticks”! I have not seen those since gym class around 1976!

[@matthewszalkowski4719]

So that is where the dog from manos ran away to

[@michaeldunwood5907]

this movie brought to you by the bowling council.