Roe v. Wade Cold Open - SNL

After Justice Samuel Alito's leaked draft opinion to overturn Roe v. Wade, a flashback to 13th century England shows the exact moment three men (Benedict Cumberbatch, Andrew Dismukes, James Austin Johnson) vote to outlaw abortion.
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#SNL #BenedictCumberbatch #ArcadeFire #SNL47

[@waltonsimons12]

For those who don't already know, the opening part of this sketch isn't made up. Alito actually did quote from a 1200s-era document.

[@AnnieWarbux]

whaaaat? omg!!!😡😡

[@soonerintheblueoasis1937]

He SHOULD be fucking embarrassed. But, he and the 4 other justices, vial the Federalists society and other conservative fascist societies, have had Roe in their cross hairs for decades. They NEED Babies. They NEED supply of CHEAP LABOR. Hence, abortion will be absolutely banned in the states with the LEAST AMOUNT OF EDUCATION. The ignorant are literally voting to subjugate their own damn descendants. Amazing, uh?

[@Hobodeluxe960]

from a source that believed in witches and not in rape in the case of a spouse.

[@waltonsimons12]

@@Hobodeluxe960 Yep. THAT'S how far back the Republicans want to take us. If you are a woman, or if you care about a woman, you are now at war with the Republican Party. And it is a just cause.

[@elinamonian4342]

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ I just can’t!!

[@lifevest1]

“Shouldn’t we make exceptions in the case of incest and rape?” “But those are the only types of sex!” BRUHHH ☠️☠️☠️

[@bryanjackson8917]

Overturning Roe v. Wade is just the start, and Republicans will also want to go after our other rights to privacy, such as the right to practice birth control. In fact, it may eventually get so bad that the only form of birth control available will be that men have to look at pictures of justice Thomas's wife, at which point they will lose all desire to have sex.

[@lifevest1]

@@bryanjackson8917 I always hear “if you can’t support kids, keep it in your pants.” That’s like telling an addict to quit cold turkey. It’s in our genetic code to reproduce, we can’t control it. Heaven forbid we take away advancements in medical science that allow safe sex while preventing unwanted pregnancy. Maybe pro-lifers are jealous of all the sex pro-choicers get….?

[@danstotland6386]

GONE are the good old days!. Sigh.

[@cheftodaydjtomorrow410]

Damn

[@andyfriederichsen]

As if the people who hate personal responsibility would actually be willing to limit it to just those things instead of having it be allowed for casual sex.

[@iainjames03]

"What about the fact that no-one can read or write and everyone's dying of plague?" Sounds about right...

[@donaldstevens7596]

No one can read or write because liberal democrats keep lowering the standards because THEY think minorities cant compete with white children in schools,the democrats are actually the biggest racists in this country but yeah maga,conservatives bad whatever

[@ronaldorivers236]

That's why they are starting to ban books.

[@jennh2096]

That sounds like 2022 to be honest

[@kathen58]

@@ronaldorivers236 That's not new, though. It's just come to the foreground...again.

[@donaldstevens7596]

Weird how the part about people not being able to read and write is because of idiot liberals lowering standards in schools because THEY think minority children cant compete on a level playing field,but strangely enough Asian and Indian kids (for a few examples) perform better than most and are very successful in our society!

[@kirasoul]

Thank you Chris for representing the Moors for that short line yet accurate line. “You ever get the feeling this just not going to be your century”😂

[@WelcometoDeathrowbishes118]

EXACTLY!!! This was Excellent & A very Accurate production about the details & history of that period, they did GREAT!!!

[@jackdavidgreen3687]

Most underrated line from the whole skit

[@youtubecommentsonly2860]

And historically accurate... let's hope history does not repeat itself

[@kuahmelallah]

Wouldn't the Moors have been just fine in the 13th Century? I thought their being overthrown was in the late 15th Century.

[@ribbitgoesthedoglastnamehe4681]

@@kuahmelallah Well, they were doing kinda great in the 13th century and build the Alhambra palace in the 14th. 15th didnt go so well, but thats just facts you know, not really that important. 😛

[@canamus1768]

"i was outside watching the sheriff throw left-handed children into the river..." 😂😂😂

[@tallbeauty]

I yelled! 😂😂🤣🤣🤣

[@houseofdny]

So, so good

[@Primalxbeast]

I had a left-handed friend with Catholic parents and they never let him use his left hand. Good luck reading his handwriting. So that nonsense is still around. He was also gay which he obviously had to hide from his parents. Isn't religion great?

[@canamus1768]

@@Primalxbeast i went to (catholic) high school,(talking 40 years ago 🙄) with a left-handed guy who, though he was never subjected to attempts to change his dominant hand, still got some ribbing from classmates and teachers for being so. he had the last laugh though, as he turned out to be the best pitcher on the school baseball team.

[@gaylemc2692]

Left-handed people are in their right mind.

[@reckoner1913]

As someone in England it feels like American conservatives literally never stop talking about independence, the tea party, the constitution and generally how terrible England was in the past. But when you need one of our 800 year old abortion laws...

[@markg.7865]

Tea party=MAGA cult=QAnon=GOP.

[@PabloSanLuca]

Well when the life of a child is at stake, you use whatever you can

[@karennorris7880]

LOL

[@awalker8371]

Wow 🤩 so right 🥴😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@NiaLaLa_V]

Our conservatives are actually pretty chill. I am a vegan and satanist and I am able to be friends with a lot of rightwing people. It's the alt-right who are the problem and they really are a different crowd. My family is in that crowd, I avoid them at all costs, even my mom.

[@patrickkiplimo4927]

"when you are done with 20 years of maternity, you can leave" 😂😂😂

[@Josuperhero]

“You’re a witch and we’re going to set you on fire.” “Alright. Wouldn’t be the first time.” I felt that.

[@marquisgt]

Umm, you've been set on fire?! Did you go to the police?

[@witchypoorose5196]

I appreciate that they included that plague mask bit: "my body, my choice", to point out the GLARING hypocrisy.

[@palavergirl7450]

Part when i nearly lost my food laughing at dinner. Love this episode.

[@Dawn737]

I was actually impressed they managed to get that line in, and it certainly made me laugh!

[@gracebellamy586]

@@---nu4ed The white man's hypocrisy.

[@danluttrell]

That hypocrisy seems to cut both ways.

[@Gangari_the_Wanderer]

YOu DO realize that pro-lifers only brought up the "my body, my choice" to point out YOUR hypocrisy, right? It was intended to be ironic. All the pro-aborts chanting "my body my choice" suddenly wanted to force vaccines on people. Now THAT is hypocrisy. Also,--and for the LAST time--it ISNT THE WOMANS BODY, ITS THE BABY'S BODY.

[@AngelaGreco]

Left-handedness being an issue was on point too 😂 My own grandfather was forced to Learn to be right-handed because left-handedness was thought to make you susceptible to demonic influence.

[@dr.greatliving8550]

And throwing them into the river was so not demonic.

[@MrAlucard1964]

Lefty here.!

[@annbickel4290]

Yes! My left-handed dad was hit in school until he learned to write with his right hand. Can you imagine doing that to first graders! Awful!

[@donnazasgoat2274]

There's a reason for that left-handed bs. Left is sinestre which also means sinister. So lefties are automatically "sinister" to the unenlightened.

[@larstofastrud1788]

Are any of the judges left-handed by any chance?

[@dskay211]

The look of a Monty Python spoof, a Depp/Heard trial reference, plagues & illiteracy as well as burning witches…I think we’ve covered pop culture for the last 2 months in one perfectly done SNL skit. Well done…very well done🙇‍♀️

[@carultch]

At least in the Monty Python sketch, the idiot witch burners figured out a way to test a woman for being a witch, that didn't involve killing an innocent woman who wasn't a witch. Even if it was a complete misunderstanding of what makes things float.

[@mizzysparrots4874]

Dr. Strange clearly went to the wrong universe

[@MikeLinPA]

Yeah, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and postulate that any universe with humans in it might just be the wrong universe. (We got issues...)

[@pretends2know]

We’re in the wrong universe.

[@scrubbydee1993]

Lmfao that's all I see him as all these clips DOCTOR STRANGE lookin ass!!

[@mizzysparrots4874]

@@scrubbydee1993 yeah me too. Hes inna few Netflix movies too and I'm like... dr strange be looking weird as a normal dude 😄 I just seen the new dr strange movie. It was good!

[@alexschuster1618]

I want to be Dr. Stranged out of this one.

[@DedicatedSlaya]

"Since I'm almost at the child bearing age of 12...", The Audience's Reaction was Priceless!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@fordhamdonnington2738]

The negative comments for this video are in the newest first categories. Click the button at the top right then select newest first.

[@MaximilianvonPinneberg]

Isn’t that standard in Alabama?

[@DedicatedSlaya]

@@MaximilianvonPinneberg Alabama Needs Jesus!!! 🤣👍🇺🇲

[@nyccheckin]

" Ever get the feeling this is not going to be your century?" Hilarious skit.

[@givenscommunications6307]

In more ways than one!

[@cfboucher]

I had that same feeling early in the morning on November 9, 2016.

[@SheepDogNumber6]

He should say that every history sketch.

[@smiller2044]

@@SheepDogNumber6 💯

[@petiteetoile8376]

Apparently we still have to worry about that in the 21st too...

[@randomoverpopulatedworldid3286]

The quickening refers to a time when most women knew they COULD NO LONGER take certain herbs in order to miscarry a child. It is the time when the baby begins to move and can be felt by the woman. FYI self induced abortion has been around since forever and WILL ALWAYS BE AROUND no matter what law is passed and what consequences people face. FYI.

[@isaiahsamuels9827]

"murder will always be around no matter what law is passed and what consequences people face" agreed.

[@jellybean6778]

And the recipe for the herb mixture is preserved in the bible!

[@mikewilliams6025]

But now the taxpayer doesn't necessarily have to foot the bill for your misdeeds and society doesn't have to approve.

[@jellybean6778]

@@mikewilliams6025 "your misdeeds"? like failing to shoot the rapist in the genitals before he can impregnate her? yep, that's her fault, alright. serious misdeeds

[@beccac.4923]

"misdeeds"? Taxpayers don't have to "foot the bill"? Federal tax funds were not used for abortions...also you know it costs taxpayers more to raise children than to terminate certain pregnancies right?

[@davidmarek535]

I can’t stop cracking up at James Austin Johnson’s delivery of “But those are the only kinds of sex!” I had to replay it a million times!

[@pasodoble4721]

Pretty accurate for a certain gender.

[@Mali-D1]

Gees, something not right with you.

[@Dsrgreyy]

Love how they highlight the other stupid laws of 1235 that aren’t continued for obvious reasons. The mask joke highlighting the hypocrisy was gold. And the ogre/woman in 30s joke was hilarious

[@applegaming2345]

If Roe v Wade is overturned then the states will get to set restrictions it is not banning abortion nation wide

[@fordhamdonnington2738]

People, all the comments against this sketch are in the newest first section. KZbin is scrubbing all the negative and putting the up votes on top

[@Dsrgreyy]

@@fordhamdonnington2738 ok

[@Zothimus]

Why would you have a negative comment about this comedy sketch? I mean, the United States isn't going backwards is it??

[@Zothimus]

The mask joke is spot on reference to covid lol!! Too good!

[@pegah_di]

"Oh, my God. An ogre." "No. Just a woman in her thirties." _ Relatable.

[@doodooswaggy3825]

That's when most of you broads hit the wall, honey.

[@benzaiten933]

as and ogr- I mean woman in my thirties this hits hard.

[@laurenfrancisco6129]

Yeah as a woman who just turned 30 I felt attacked hahahhaha

[@harleenschenk4469]

I feel attacked by this lol.

[@MsZephyra]

I was looking for this!

[@pjdebenedetti3214]

As soon as heard Justice Alito state “Women don’t have the right…”. I nearly punched my phone. I would like to know how men would feel if they were told they don’t have a right to have a vasectomy because it kills off healthy sperm that has a right to become half of a healthy zygote.

[@Don-bi6zc]

You have the right to do what you want to your own life and body. You don't have the right to destroy a life of an individual living inside you just because you don't want to take on the responsibility of caring for another human being. If some one wants a hysterectomy or vasectomy, that's their choice to prevent not to kill a life.

[@Don-bi6zc]

@@melindaunknown113 well, that tells me all I need to know about your sex life. God bless you, good one though.

[@sum12024]

@@Don-bi6zc It doesn't matter whether it's "murder" or not. My body, my choice, period. And the majority of Americans believe that abortion should be legal. This is not an invitation to debate. I have spoken.

[@Don-bi6zc]

@@sum12024 but that's the point, it's not your body once it's a living life that shares half it's DNA (follow the science) with the father. If all you can do is hide behind a catchphrase to justify your actions, I truly feel sorry for you. That phrase originated with women who wanted to keep their babies, not be forced into abortion, that was the rights the first feminist were fighting for. Most people who agree with it justify it out of selfish needs. If someone wants a tubal ligation to prevent that's up to them, that's their body. The babies, in any form, that's the baby's body. Don't you think they should have a choice. The only ones who agree with abortion, are already born. God bless you and have a good day.

[@sum12024]

@@Don-bi6zc Don't tell me "God bless," you hypocrite. My body, my choice, PERIOD. My body does not belong to the government. This is not rocket science. You poor religious brainwashed fool.

[@bethh.6455]

Shout out to SNL for showing how freaking stupid Alito's little draft was. The same man he quoted also had women burned for being "witches". That's the level the GOP thinks with: 13th century mindset.

[@pariahmouse7794]

They'll be trotting the stakes out right after they make contraception illegal... This is some (truly, apparently) medieval sh*t, and I am scared... Scared, of the GOP. Holy Christ, is all I can say...

[@irantcusiloveyou4453]

This gives the immortal technique song internally bleeding new dimension of real , ''the things I've seen in this world will make you choke by surprise like an aborted fetus in a jar that opened its eyes''.

[@iainjames03]

Apart from anything else he's a hypocrite - since the *_other_* thing people believed in those days was that the unborn's 'life' began at the quickening, when it first begins to move in the mother's womb - usually not before about 17 weeks into pregnancy.

[@BTDubbz]

Don’t insult the 13th century like that…

[@MrFernanrc]

both parties are starting wars, and using up our social security right now, so probably both parties where burning witches too back then. Both parties go to lunch and laugh at us, they did the same back then.

[@Jumbaride]

"And. We trust the Catholic church with all our money AND our children." The reaction of the audience speaks to the cutting truth of that line.

[@ked1224]

And what makes it next level is 4 of the 5 justices supporting this disaster are catholic - Alito himself, Coney-Barrett, Thomas, and Kavanaugh. And the fifth, Gorsuch, was raised catholic.

[@cfoskeeter]

@@ked1224 So, it's a disaster when a bad decision is removed. A disaster is when it makes it "harder" to kill innocent babies. Not to worry, this decision does not prevent people from continuing to kill innocent babies, so, disaster averted.

[@Ninnjette-]

@@ked1224 So? Do we need to approve their religion, before they’re nominated?

[@Hoffinator]

@@Ninnjette- I think you're missing the point

[@mlh5434]

@@ked1224 This seems like a pretty ad-hominem attack. Are you suggesting that if they weren't Catholic, they'd magically find a fundamental right to abortion somewhere in the Constitution? They're making a textualist argument, not a Catholic one. If pro-choice advocates believe women have a right to an abortion, they should resort to the legislative process like we do with all other matters not spelled out in the Constitution.

[@rosequartz4102]

"We know the sun is the moon (when it's happy.)" That killed me😂

[@janenorton6014]

I kind of like that, actually, (Yes I know it's not factual but a happy moon makes me happy)

[@samuraikyokkan]

You're too easily amused. They gave it away when they said "punish the mother" the mother is a mother why? A yes, only when there's a child involved ho hum.

[@emjayay]

Yes, before telescopes and the concept of science no one had any idea what the sun, moon, and stars were. Or that there were planets and the earth was one of them. For example, obviously the many people who wrote everything in the Bible. And most of Genesis and elsewhere in the Old Testament were versions of stories passed around the Middle East by oral tradition for hundreds if not thousands of years.

[@rosequartz4102]

@@samuraikyokkan So sorry to offend. I didn't write the cold open, I just thought it was a cute line. Jesus Christ.

[@rosequartz4102]

@@janenorton6014 I like that thought too. I think the full moon is the happy moon, unless there's a lunar eclipse during which, as we all know from science, a dragon eats the moon then spits it out. 🙂🌙

[@b.b.halpern8301]

"...because she'll need to be punished. She'll be so HAPPY about her crime!" That hit me hard.

[@OfficialCDJ]

This was brilliantly written, painfully prescient and also can we give the director a high five? These shots are actually framed to avoid ‘cue card stare-off’ which has bugged me a bunch in recent years.

[@paintedshoebox3619]

YES

[@GoofballLtG]

One of the reasons I don’t like SNL anymore is precisely that. These are supposed to be professionals who are good at learning their lines to perform naturally. But here they look like Amateur middle schoolers who just got their scripts five minutes ago, so they rely on that cue card instead. It gets annoying. But I do still appreciate the occasional well done sketch like this one.

[@GoofballLtG]

@ManYoureAStrangeAnimal have you watched Studio C? They do fantastic work without cue cards.

[@daffyf6829]

Really? Because I definitely noticed the cue card reading

[@saanasalonen8684]

"and then after about 50 years after the progress they are like mabye we should undo the progress..." *they nailed it with this line*

[@caddrafter48]

Killing babies is progress?

[@taylorb7191]

Because all progress is good progress? Returning it to the state level is the right thing to do

[@pjhey947]

@@taylorb7191 NO it is NOT! This will only hurt the poor. The rich will JUST GO TO an ABORTION STATE!

[@jazzyg5831]

Weak, frustrated white men who are desperate. It's all about power and control. We need to get as many young ppl out to the poles. You do realize that nearly 70% of the ppl in this country think that abortion is between a woman, her partner, her doctor, and perhaps her spiritual director.

[@Tangarisu]

Progress up a mountain is great, untill you blindly go off a cliff

[@iamloveandpeace]

“We found THE haircut” I love comedy so much because it can raise awareness about issues that matter in our society. Thank you for this skit given the recent development on RoeVWade.

[@naturallycurlyhair4413]

On what basis do women NEED abortion?

[@lizthom9434]

@@naturallycurlyhair4413 Need is a relative term. It could relate to survival of the mother or the well-being of the potential child if it is allowed to mature. The foster system is a mess and many women can't afford to raise a child, medically or financially.

[@naturallycurlyhair4413]

@@lizthom9434 Your argument with children having a less than ideal life you could use that reasoning to euthanize all children in foster care as well. You’re also forgetting that this would be a very young baby, there’s hundreds of people on waiting lists for babies. A 13 year old kid may be stuck in foster care, but a 3 month old is not. And in terms of the woman being in trouble health wise. Do you think a doctor should perform a quadruple bypass and someone if they don’t need it? ‘Cause at the moment abortion is purely used for nothing more than a cosmetic surgery which ends up making light of women who actually almost died and wanted to have a child. And after all that is said and done the woman chose to have sex and therefore got pregnant.

[@marybell3013]

@@naturallycurlyhair4413 Against abortion? Then don’t have one

[@naturallycurlyhair4413]

@@marybell3013 Wasn’t planning on it, but none the less I don’t want other people murdering innocent human life. Riddle me this. If there was someone who was abusing an 8 week old puppy, but you didn’t have a puppy, could you still be in the moral right to call the police or animal control?

[@FoundingYouTuber]

This bit has the most (spot-on hilarious) one-liners ever delivered in an SNL skit. The writers should get a big bonus on this one.

[@chrisdeep8417]

Glad you find human death so amusing. It takes all the misgivings of the medieval age and applies them with bias to the topic of whether we should turn a blind eye to the culling of unborn human children.

[@Julia-lk8jn]

"we go now to that profound moment of moral clarity, almost 1000 years ago, which laid such a clear foundation for what our laws should be in 2022". Yep. *Make America 13th Century England Again.*

[@eldritchteletubby9319]

"You ever get the feeling that this ain't gonna be your century?" ...yeah.

[@EPrimeify]

When it hasn’t been your day Your week, your month Or even your century

[@minhtran1960]

We need to Vote, make sacrifice and go vote .

[@KarTheMagnificent]

Constantly.

[@aisosaihama]

Moors gunna be moors 🤷🏿‍♂️🤣

[@Gangari_the_Wanderer]

It's going to be mine. B/

[@shaec3405]

It would be funny... If he also didn't LITERALLY SAY that we needed more "DOMESTIC SUPPLY OF INFANTS" ... FOR RICH PEOPLE TO ADOPT. LITERALLY IN THE SUPREME COURT WRITING OF JUSTICE ALITO.

[@dorothyyoung8231]

That comes right after the modest proposal to breed human children for rich people to eat …

[@nspector]

Oh my God, I wasn't sure if you were serious or not, so I looked it up. That is f**king chilling.

[@heartsing6459]

literally the plot of the handmaids tale

[@hks2377]

WHAT?!

[@soonerintheblueoasis1937]

@@heartsing6459 - Maybe people like the author of Handsmaid's tale are time travelers. I mean, her book is becoming prophecy fulfilled.

[@mzabs1871]

Normally I find these funny and while I still do, it makes me incredibly sad as well. The ending - women have the right to keep fighting - it just depressing. I can't believe we are in 2022.

[@kathen58]

Really. We're 8 centuries on. I can't believe we still have to fight for the basic right of bodily autonomy.

[@kaivickers166]

Different century, same shit.

[@shaarangvaze8623]

@@kathen58 But god tho :(

[@clivewilliams4859]

Obama said he would write it into law. Guess what he did instead?

[@kaivickers166]

@@conantheagrarian - Believe that assholes like you are doing your best to ensure we have no rights but those you allow us? We don’t have to worry about belief, we live this everyday.

[@sidneyabbott5991]

The nuns used to smack me with a ruler if I used my left hand to write. That was in the late 60s.

[@marquisgt]

Image the slap you'd get for killing a baby...😂

[@genesisknab462]

this is all so funny and spot-on but “AHH! THE PROPHESY!!” has me in TEARS

[@alejandramartinez6581]

SAME HAHAH

[@cerveza2297]

Same! Fuck it.

[@BinTtown]

It's not spot on. It's wrong and idiotic. Abortion is not guaranteed by the constitution. Don't like the abortion laws in your state? Move. It's not up to the Fed to decide unless congress passes a law that is then signed by the president or the veto overturned by congress.

[@donaldstevens7596]

I had to subscribe because you're freaking Beautiful🌹

[@kathen58]

And so it came to pass, in The Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Sixteen, that the half ass, half childe became the [would-be] king over the Land of the Free and the Home of the Braves...

[@hg82met]

"I was outside watching the sheriff throw left-handed children into the river"

[@marybell3013]

My father was born left handed, when he attended Catholic school and they made him switch to only using his right hand for writing. They said that the left hand is “of the devil”

[@marcosc7375]

@@marybell3013 omg I can’t believe it yet at the same it’s sad but true.

[@jpkuremi]

@@marcosc7375 I believe it. My aunt is very very religious, and I remember when we were kids, she tried to force my left handed cousin to be right handed

[@marcosc7375]

@@jpkuremi old beliefs. It’s sad we somehow seem to be going back to those days. Getting rid of books now the abortion and limiting voting rights. Trying times for no reason.

[@MrAlucard1964]

As a Lefty I find that F-ing 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@ricklawrence7215]

"But those are the only kinds of sex" Oof. Historically accurate, but oof.

[@milansvancara]

Not just historically - ♫ Sweeet hoooome Aaaaalabaaama tududududududududu ♫

[@carollipton4584]

"I was just outside watching the sheriff throw left-handed children into the river". I now have to find out if this was actually a law.

[@DES-vc7gu]

Did you find out?

[@breynolds5894]

Yes. Left hand children were thought to be open to demonic possession up until very recently, like 1980s kind of recently.

[@briengakaplan-b1550]

“Yeah something fair and reasonable like those laws!“ Haha love how they used actual laws that were on the books back then to make their point.

[@DavidWHill-kt1gy]

they are fair its the murder of a child

[@kellyjostad4900]

@@DavidWHill-kt1gy are you freaking serious?! How dare you! You’re a joke.

[@walterkersting6238]

As if a law that wasn’t made by some Bimbo from ASU couldn’t have merit...

[@zbagz01]

@@DavidWHill-kt1gy Sure, lets have hundreds of thousands of unwanted babies - and then look at each other in shock when these kids turn into hoodlums and shoot up schools. What is the point of bringing an unwanted child into the world? What is the point of making a child carry another child because she was raped? This is just about sex. A fetus is merely a potential human being. The idea that a woman would want to have sex for reasons that have nothing to do with procreation is difficult for many people to accept.

[@clairebearsharksunglasses4753]

@@DavidWHill-kt1gy nice joke bro

[@SniffyPoo]

this was on point. trying to, as Alito does, ascertain some sort of divine wisdom from ancient ignorance is incredibly stupid

[@winsomemartinez]

Always trying to one up the ghost of Scalia...

[@cmd6939]

Same goes for religion in general

[@jasonblackwell5456]

Ancient ignorance. Have you seen the movie Idiocracy?

[@mistercohaagen]

@@jasonblackwell5456 Yep. It's what happens to capitalism after a certain point. Welcome to CostCo... I love you.

[@jasonblackwell5456]

@@mistercohaagen It happens to every "ism" no matter where you shop. I love you too.

[@alessandrajackson3768]

“She’ll be so happy about her crime” is such an under rated line!

[@tigerlily8117]

Fun fact: Alito did choose to quote a dude that held witch burnings. Two of them. I'm so glad that at any moment now I'm going to wake up and this will all be a horrible booze and wings induced nightmare and I will still have say over my own uterus!..... Right??

[@jalexb915]

At least you can wake up. Abrtd babies can’t

[@seraseely6570]

@@jalexb915 Sucks to be them, then.

[@LoriAW3791]

"Throwing left handed children into the river" 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 People we're & are freakin crazy...

[@suzandouglass5241]

my dad was beaten and held back from school for 3 years because he couldn't write with his right hand. Told he was stupid. So at 17 he ran away from home and joined the Navy during WW2. He later went on to be a Flight Test Engineer.

[@LoriAW3791]

@@suzandouglass5241 Just think of where he could've gone if they'd just let him write with his left hand.?

[@nspector]

@@suzandouglass5241 Oh, man. He suffered so much. :'( I'm so sorry. I'm glad he got away and somehow had the self-possession to do what it took to become a Flight Test Engineer. Amazing.

[@andrewodell4021]

There's too much tolerance shown to left handed people these days. Frankly they could use a good smiting.

[@LoriAW3791]

@@andrewodell4021 😆😆😆

[@BBradshawProductions]

Having the plague and not wearing a mask joke is gold.

[@mammothpeashooter1053]

Their plague masks didn't actually work back then though.

[@johnarcarese172]

It illustrates Republican hypocrisy.

[@scottf5791]

@@johnarcarese172 Divisive much? The hypocrisy spreads across all lines, borders, labels and categories, teams or parties. Human stupidity isn’t defined within a specific box you put people in. It is equally represented.

[@johnarcarese172]

@@Stevie-J What a stupid response. Just because you make something up and post it on KZbin doesn’t make it true.

[@JayMorgan]

@@scottf5791 no, wrong. Mask-wearing was a completely partisan issue, with almost the entire Republican party campaigning against them at one time or another, despite the overwhelming evidence they could help save lives. You're being disingenuous. This particular stupidity was entirely one sided. Republicans sure did go all in on ivermectin though. 🙄 The 12th century equivalent of bleeding someone to let the bad spirits out.

[@sareneve1626]

hit the nail on the head. in fact, gave the nail a concussion. pure gold. liquid gold, because i'm crying.

[@nanaprn7809]

I love having Benedict on with the SNL crazies!! Well done.

[@emmagrace9746]

“we found thee haircut, we know the moon is the sun when it’s happy” lmaooooo

[@Kjleed13]

Living in a time with flat earthers, tyrants, and religious fanatics. I owe the middle ages an apology

[@RandallHeath1121]

^^ Spot on. Right-wing crazies shouting Freedom Freedom, while literally celebrating taking freedom, liberty, privacy, and personal choice away. Can't make this kind of hypocrisy up, folks.

[@LB-lx2tf]

🤣🤣🤣

[@williamgullett8071]

Yeah because you wouldn't want those people to interfere with drug sellers, strip joints, glory holes, and other liberal pursuits

[@glentor3]

But enough about the democrats……

[@eventhisidistaken]

You know that flat earthers are faking it, right?

[@brandonschrockor]

This was a masterclass of a sketch, well done.

[@GreatDayEveryone]

Allito basing his opinion on that of a witch hunter. Everything is fine here 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@katicabogar24]

Oh when the cast has the guts to go all in, they go all in. This is remarkably on point

[@doodooswaggy3825]

Listen, sugar. I'm glad you liked the TV show. But it's time to make me dinner. I want a pork chop AND fried chicken. We're making a fourth baby tonight.

[@fordhamdonnington2738]

God is real.

[@williamgullett8071]

What else are they gonna do? Nobody else is hiring them

[@katy3901]

Tbh, I didn't really rate this skit. A bit bland.

[@doodooswaggy3825]

@@katy3901 Yer mum's cookin is a bit bland, Katherine!

[@laalaa99stl]

"We'll always have the choice to keep fighting." Amen to that, Kate. Amen to that!

[@TheDarkness1]

Unless you are Amber Heard. Fighting through lies and cries is just a victim where mental illness thrives.

[@excalibur2024guy]

Actually it's two choices. The first is to fight. And the second is to vote blue. If you don't follow through on both, you're just wasting your time.

[@joycetaylor8057]

How do you fight the Supreme Court...supposedly, they don't care about public opinion..but obviously they are now a political body...don't see how we can win this crime against women and the war on her independence and freedom....sickening

[@SherrifOfNottingham]

@@excalibur2024guy that mentality is why a pro abortion democrat is the president right now.

[@UkeCan1]

And, as the sketch points out immediately after, they have the power to silence or kill us for trying. It's not gonna be an easy fight.

[@jarrodsteers8991]

"You're a witch, and we are going to set you on fire!" "Alright, wouldn't be the first time." ...what? Hold on a moment.

[@andrewmark2783]

Cumberbatch has great comic timing!

[@ColonelCactus89]

Why is Kate’s Scottish accent better than like, every other non-Scottish person’s Scottish accent I’ve ever heard?

[@irenemax3574]

Kate has practised her Scottish accent. She tried to get a Scottish character onto SNL, but Lorne continually rejected her. She probably kept polishing the accent in hopes of changing his mind.

[@ellynmacgregor8210]

@@irenemax3574 , Um, couldn't it also be because she's of at least partial Scots descent? Her mother's maiden name was Campbell, and the name "McKinnon" is also Scottish.

[@maryjohenretty-jornales9013]

The practice is probably what made the difference, unless she heard family members with that accent all around her while she was growing up.

[@77Creation]

Practice. Lots of practice.

[@user-wz4zw6fq2y]

because she's a genius and she's hardworking

[@jessetorres8738]

Saturday Night Live needs to do a sketch with the cast as every member of The U.S. Supreme Court: Colin as John Roberts. Kenan as Clarence Thomas. Pete as Stephen Breyer. Alex as Samuel Alito. Melissa as Sonia Sotomayor. Aidy as Elena Kagan. Mikey as Neil Gorsuch. Andrew as Brett Kavanaugh. Chloe as Amy Coney Barrett. Ego as Ketanji Brown Jackson. And Kate as the Ghost of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

[@jaimejohnesee]

Great idea and casting choices! 💙

[@jackiebanks5040]

Yesssss!!!!! Boost up this comment people!

[@imaginempress3408]

Yes please.

[@nspector]

Hahaha YES

[@ssym2]

I agree!

[@ericfenske4210]

the writing of this is absolutely brilliant

[@MorganFrancophile]

Just goes to show that even idiots who don’t understood the concept of time can become presidents and Supreme Court justices.

[@time2livelife]

because other idiots elected them

[@marquisgt]

I may be an idiot, but at least I don't think child murder is ok! 👍

[@furdaki]

We all know saying "just kidding" kills the sperm. Alito probably more than anyone.

[@ThestuffthatSaralikes]

And/or jumping up and down… right? RIGHT?!

[@InHisService333]

Breaking News: Supreme Court Clerk Reveals All in Secret Exclusive OWNN kzbin.info/www/bejne/h3nTdnqNoLZsoLc O

[@furdaki]

@@ThestuffthatSaralikes whilst gyrating

[@777jones]

A woman has "ways" to shut it down, too.

[@condorX2]

If the pro life crowd cared half as much about children who have been born then maybe there wouldn’t be so many abused children. What is to happen to these kids whose parents never wanted them but were forced to have them? -Avery Woman ‘melted’ to couch; autopsy showed she was eating it, parents out on bond kzbin.info/www/bejne/oZm8o2qCpNRgndU 😜

[@e.g.4483]

"No, just a woman in her 30s." LMAO Yeah, that's way too old for most Republican congressmen. And too educated as well lol

[@clothilde1623]

Creepy vampire Matt Gaetz would probably vomit at the mere thought 😂

[@cc1k435]

@@clothilde1623 Looks at 21 year olds like they've got one foot in the grave...😵

[@65TossTrap]

You are so funny. Ha ha nah

[@muralmarshall5044]

They like em at the ripe childbearing age of 12 🥰

[@redash22]

they're not fighting for 12 year olds to be able to get married for nothing! they want them young, uneducated, and popping out 5 kids by the time they're 20. girls should only live and breath to be impregnated by men; no matter if they're as ancient as Mitch McConnell

[@Snailsgale]

Ok setting aside how horrible the potential bans on abortion will be, this sketch was absolutely hilarious. I mean it was filled to the brim of really funny jokes.

[@marquisgt]

Yes, I can't imagine how horrible it will be to not be allowed to slaughter babies! 🙄

[@1972danhall]

It is scary how true this has become.

[@Briguy1027]

Wow, this sketch was dripping with so much irony I was choking on it. Great job!

[@jooleebilly]

I almost got irony poisoning watching it! Kudos to all!

[@batgurrl]

This is why we need SNL - right for the jugular and spot on: Kate: we’ve always had the choice to keep fighting. Kudos to the haircut joke.

[@UkeCan1]

Except, as the sketch illustrates, we don't have it for long, if those in power choose to silence or kill us for it.

[@formerastronaut]

unfortunately the people who make these decisions for us just don't care, and they seem immune to ridicule.

[@doodooswaggy3825]

Calm down, jiggle jugs. We men will take care of you now.

[@anitabaath2426]

What a bunch of losers. So its ok to murder infants? Yall are sick

[@garywhitt98]

I’m against killing in all its forms. SNL is apparently not.

[@user-fj6kk1vo8n]

This was a brilliant work of reductio ad absurdum. Good job writers 😌

[@studiosandi]

The writers in this managed to fit in so many of the crazy ass things going on right now.

[@frazzyblue1384]

This is now my favourite snl sketch. People may think they were just joking about all the other laws and turtles holding up the earth but its actually what they thought at the time which makes this even funnier 😂

[@InHisService333]

Breaking News: Supreme Court Clerk Reveals All in Secret Exclusive OWNN kzbin.info/www/bejne/h3nTdnqNoLZsoLc .

[@saltynutsman1]

Saying this is your favorite SNL sketch, tells me all I need to know about you. Wish all life was this easy.

[@thepinkonesoterrify623]

@@saltynutsman1 cry about it

[@TheSundayShooter]

The 15th Amendment was ratified in 1870, should 19th Century laws really be the basis of 21st Century policy?

[@InHisService333]

@@TheSundayShooter Breaking News: Supreme Court Clerk Reveals All in Secret Exclusive OWNN kzbin.info/www/bejne/h3nTdnqNoLZsoLc

[@nancymorrison9978]

I get all my news from comedians and comedy so I can laugh hysterically while I'm slowly dying inside.

[@joshuaciresoli2927]

I totally get it as I do the same. A close friend of mine watches "the news" and always winds up annoyed or pissed off, as did I. Laughter, even if it is with mixed emotions is always better than being triggered to anger. Quite frankly, it hurts to see a theocracy beginning to form. I feel for y'all (women).

[@whyythestupidithurts5564]

You probably could seek help for free if in any other country but you know freedom.

[@emilyrandall9968]

Yeah I heard years ago that the truth hurts however today I'm laughing because it's so true Hello from NJ and I'm pro choice

[@joshuaciresoli2927]

@@whyythestupidithurts5564 For reals, man. I don't hold out hope for America anymore. It is just seeing history repeat itself stateside that draws that out.

[@beberivera7011]

Same Nancy Morrison. Same. 😔

[@Amaradeia]

"Moors gonna be Moors." Lmao

[@Juliett-A]

It's always refreshing when they take an idea and spin it into something clever and original. It's more work than just repeating the insane things that conservatives say and do, but it is appreciated.

[@pauljones2759]

Supreme Court: You have no rights unless it can be be traced back to 13th Century. Queen Elizabeth II: I'll have my colonies back then, thank you.

[@joermnyc]

I’m sure she won’t… but Charles… “Hippity hoppity this is now my property.” (Try saying this in Charle’s voice.)

[@dietotaku]

at this point i actually wish she would

[@jennyharrell5938]

funny thing is that in midieval times, abortion before 16-24 weeks was legal.

[@janenorton6014]

@@dietotaku at least we'd get universal healthcare

[@kbanghart]

Fun fact: a lot of Americans don't even know there were colonies, let alone from England.

[@justmekelc]

Lol “maybe we should undo the progress” describes the government perfectly

[@LittleBunnyKungFoo]

Undo the 'progress' that has killed 63 million people since 1973, with black babies being the most represented? Genocide is not 'progress.' The world mourned when 3,000 people died in 2001 at the WTC. We decry the number of deaths in wars. We scream about how Covid was killing people en masse....but we ignore the killings that eclipse all of those combined. It's easy, though, because those being killed don't have a voice. They're easy to ignore. We have a history of treating those with no voice as expendable - rightfully we ended slavery....but we switched to killing them in the womb instead.

[@timothyball3144]

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

[@Vlasko60]

Describes the Republican party perfectly.

[@juneahernauthor]

Truth be spoken - oops - not in this country.

[@Ryooken]

@@timothyball3144 Congress! I love that joke!

[@EcclesiastesLiker-py5ts]

Every human life has value, It's fundamentally wrong to kill innocent people and abortion does just that.

[@tanya292]

Exactly the mothers life has more value.

[@Rebecca-oh5yh]

Anybody here on or after June 24, 2022?

[@kellymm7630]

As a Scottish person . Kate did a good job on the accent . James McAvoy must of helped her 🤣👆

[@thomasrosebrough9062]

True. But also it's must *have*

[@mysteryachiever]

… She also went on a trip to Scotland to investigate her roots. Look for the Seth Myers video: Kate McKinnon, wee midges . It’s hysterical 😭

[@quokka_11]

@@thomasrosebrough9062 Give it up. Usage will slip inexorably toward "of" as an acceptable option, and there's little difference in terms of the clarity of what is being said. Or did you find it confusing?

[@cheftodaydjtomorrow410]

@@mysteryachiever were they in Scotland?

[@geoffreyselvage1673]

The Seth "Ya Burnt" Meyers reference is priceless.

[@akumakorgar]

Then the witch trial, "Sorry witches, YA BURNT"

[@lurklingX]

THAT'S where that's from, it was bugging me 😂

[@spthibault]

I was like... yessss.

[@ammaleslie509]

Ya burnt existed as a phrase long before Seth Meyers.

[@geoffreyselvage1673]

@@ammaleslie509 Congrats on noticing that. When you learn to master conversational context, reply again.. LOL😆

[@katieowen4483]

This is hilarious and terrifying all at the same time!🥴😂

[@aneru9396]

I remembered how funny that opening crawl was, so i came back to rewatch it. That opening crawl is sooo goood!

[@adios-bitchachos]

When he said "my body, my choice" regarding masks, it was so depressingly accurate. The hypocrisy is real

[@SB-jt1ur]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@johnlombard777]

I chose to risk my own life. I chose to end the hope of life for someone else. Nope. Sorry. Not a good comparison.

[@clothilde1623]

@@johnlombard777 You didn’t just choose to risk your own life; you wilfully endangered the lives of others, especially those more vulnerable than you, and used your right to body autonomy to justify your (highly selfish) choice. And yet you are willing to deny that same autonomy to millions of women, even if their lives are in danger. It is rank hypocrisy.

[@johnlombard777]

@@clothilde1623 Nope. Don't see it. By not getting vaccinated, you are almost completely risking your own life. Because (1) The people who ARE vaccinated will be resistant to the virus you might carry. And (2) Let's face it, everyone will be exposed to CoVid eventually. And (3) Also, vaccinated people can still transmit CoVid. The HUGE difference is: If I chose not to be vaccinated, I MIGHT be harming others, but probably not that much. But if a woman aborts a child, she is 100% not ever giving it a chance. (Typical of pro-choicers, you emphasize the rights of the woman without ever mentioning the rights of the child.)

[@adios-bitchachos]

@@johnlombard777 see this just shows your own selfishness. The masks aren't for YOU, they're for the people around you. You could've been walking around asymptomatic but breathing covid all over people's kids, immunocompromised people, or people who live with kids/immunocompromised people and THEY did not choose any of that. It's not all about YOU. And before you say, "well they can just stay home" you know damn good and well that isn't feasible for everyone. People have to venture out to get food, visit the doctor, etc

[@magnolia8626]

No joke! An unmarried woman in her 30s back then was considered a spinster/ogre.

[@joeysn7hvn]

And she usually inherited her property and home from dad, who died - So ergo (ergot wheat) She would beeeee aaa WITCH , yes a vvitch ,

[@davidmurray5399]

The post-natal mortality was around 50% back in the time the sketch portrays, which is why so many women back then were happy if they could get admitted into a religious order and be relatively safe in a nunnery from continuous pregnancy.

[@Oromie9]

As she should be

[@SinoLegionaire]

“Well that’s not right either.” - Hank Hill.

[@maryvallettakeith6146]

And still is in cults like Mormonism (former Mormon here).

[@Kritiker313]

This is a brilliant skit and hilarious! Keep it up SNL.

[@cameronmonaghan6883]

2:57 love the delivery of that line

[@earthrunner1]

this was sooo good.. They nailed the insanity of what is going on perfectly

[@Brett33]

Well, liberalism is a mental disorder, so they play insane without really trying.

[@lad4944]

Yes. Shows the insanity of the left.

[@water_burger4181]

You think that states having the right instead of a blanket law is “insanity”?

[@do9138]

@@water_burger4181 50 little fiefdoms. We fought a war about that, and the UNITED States won.

[@honeybeed]

@@water_burger4181 yes

[@bawsnitti]

SNL went straight for the juggler right away with this one Wasted no time firing back Salute

[@emmittfarts4815]

JUGGLER

[@TheDarkness1]

@@emmittfarts4815 Lol, friggen clowns

[@exod4]

The court juggler?

[@Igaveyoumyfakename]

We would have also accepted "jugular." SMH.

[@TheDarkness1]

@@Igaveyoumyfakename You're so vein!

[@funny3272]

Well this didn't end well. It came true. Oh...Live From New York...it's Saturday Night!!!! Got to get that out before parodies get banned too. Good Night and Good Luck.

[@patrickstoute4085]

I ❤️ ed the Scottish accent in the end.. call me crazy,but it was great in my pov

[@benvoliothefirst]

This is gonna be one of those, "laughing to keep from crying" episodes, isn't it?

[@braxtonbobo4004]

God Benedict is such a great actor

[@nspector]

@Brandon Smythe No, he's a great actor, not a god.

[@katsu9776]

@Brandon Smythe he’s not calling him a god.. it’s an expression

[@QuesoCookies]

Mere Mortal Benedict isn't too shabby, either

[@doodooswaggy3825]

Bendydick Cuminherass

[@jonstone9741]

@Brandon Smythe You should have included an emoji for the sarcasm-impaired.

[@tahseendavid]

Benedict should get an Oscar for that performance alone.

[@Tina-qp7py]

Well, this sketch was bitingly appropriate!

[@briengakaplan-b1550]

“But shouldn’t we make exceptions in cases of rape or incest?” “But those are the only kinds of sex!!!” 😂😂😭 SNL owes me a new keyboard I just spat coffee over this one.

[@emilymader5206]

That was fucking hilarious

[@aldersmoke1]

Well that was really clever and and it sounded like half the audience didn't get most of it. Kinda explains the reason the sketch even exists when you think about it. For those of us who still can.

[@_FBI_69_]

Nah, these folks think they’re deep. Whack.

[@jonny-b4954]

@Jesus is coming. Read the Gospel. 18 You who are slaves must submit to your masters with all respect.[a] Do what they tell you-not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel. 19 For God is pleased when, conscious of his will, you patiently endure unjust treatment. 20 Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you. Bible Gateway passage: 1 Peter 2:18-20

[@larbur9342]

@Jesus is coming. Read the Gospel. May her breasts satisfy you always. Proverbs 5:19

[@TheSaxon.]

You're so very intelligent. Give yourself a pat on the back. Oh wait, you already have. The irony.

[@aldersmoke1]

@@TheSaxon. Of you misusing the word "irony"?

[@SuperSuperballZ]

Legendary. One of my favorite sketches of all time.

[@lorettascott5477]

This totally reminds me ponty Python 😆 🤣 😂

[@stephenderry9488]

As a noble from 13th century England, I can confirm their accents were on point.

[@rgwak]

republicans: "We see no problem with forcing women to bear children, even if against their will." The Taliban: "THANK YOU!" republicans: 😳😬

[@eldritchteletubby9319]

Maybe the terrorist we were fighting was inside us all along.

[@johndow7689]

That's not the issue and not all Democrats are down with killing fetuses. It's about enabling states the right to choose on this matter via voting.

[@lyraserpentine894]

@@johndow7689 WAT. It's about citizens having medical privacy and bodily autonomy, which violates the religious beliefs of christianst trying to steal our democracy and turn into a gross theocracy (because they hate and fear women and the power we have). Pay attention!

[@eldritchteletubby9319]

@@johndow7689 except they won't actually have that choice. Their politicians will decide, and due to gerrymandering and blackmail, the people don't even have that much say over who their politicians are. And yes, blackmail is a big issue. Most of Kentucky hates Mitch McConnell, but he brings a lot of money to their state, so they keep voting him in. He's holding the economic welfare of the entire state hostage so that people who don't like him keep voting for him.

[@jefflebowski8470]

Republicans are down with making sure women’s uteruses and sex lives are owned by them. Once you give up your rights you become a slave.

[@SuperpopeGaming]

College professors should show this skit as a perfect example of the logical fallacy of "chronological snobbery". Ideas aren't false because they're old, nor are ideas true because they are new. You have to actually engage with the argument to know the difference.

[@sharptakes1662]

glad to see some sanity here

[@jhor729]

You missed the part where rape, murder, sex-segregated and race-segregated oppression were the issues and chronology itself was not

[@ErH-sl2nh]

The argument is not that old laws are bad but rather that being old doesn't make a law NOT RIDICULOUS

[@ErH-sl2nh]

The sketch is in fact an argument against the logical fallacy, Appeal to Tradition.

[@borntogazeintonightskies]

"the sun is the moon when it's happy" 🤯🤯🤯

[@jkim1316]

“Throw left-handed children into the river.” Oh, I love that particular zinger!

[@doodooswaggy3825]

gimme a left hand-j

[@maxmustermann1206]

And today, Democrats want to "throw" children with Down's Syndrome "into the river."

[@whyythestupidithurts5564]

Mean if they are going to base 2022 law off then , need to adopt other laws to introduce balance . Mean if republicans want it grown children and a river over a clump of cells that's dark but hey as they wish for their feel feels .

[@lindabb7064]

A 13th-century English law applied retroactively on Native American soil? That colonialism on another level. Those European immigrants completely lost it.

[@lindabb7064]

@ff eater It's ok to think abortion is wrong, just don't force other people to think. that and apply it to yourself. Referring to a time when humanity outside Europe was considered as animals, European women were slightly better, the earth was flat and the sun turned around earth is maybe not the best argument. You cannot cherry-pick what was wrong then and now according to your beliefs. You can just state them without explanation because this is what it is, a belief and you have the right to have one.

[@samwisegamgee6532]

Those were good times when overruling Roe Vs Wade was still a fiction.😥

[@amandagreen1974]

Damn I'm left handed. I thought I was ok since I just had a hysterectomy. 🤣🤣🤣