r/AmITheA--Hole My Mom Doesn't Know Where Babies Come From

[@chuuu4610]

You can be sex positive without sexually harassing someone else. In fact, that’s what it’s supposed to be - respect.

[@sandracox4341]

Exactly, being positive about my sexuality doesn't mean pushing my sexuality on people who are not comfortable with it.

[@magiv4205]

I thought being sex positive meant accepting all types of sexuality and sexual expression as everyone has the right to do with their own body as they please, as long as it's not infringing on anyone's rights in turn. This woman is not sex positive, she's a disgusting creep.

[@rachelthompson7487]

I think this is my first time learning what that term means.

[@AzureKyle]

Exactly, she's just an exhibitionist, like her parents.

[@anitacrumbly]

Exactly I came to the comments to say this. I'm in the bdsm community so super sex positive its all about consent and I wouldn't make people watch without their consent never that's not how consent works

[@rowerewolf]

Story 3: Angie isn't "sex positive"; Angie is an exhibitionist. She is deriving pleasure from the reactions of others to her antics, particularly uncomfortable reactions. In addition, she's one of those "tolerant" people who is extremely intolerant of anyone different from her. (I wrote this before hearing rslash's verdict. Great minds think alike!)

[@dx1450]

I said the same thing right before r/slash did... she's not sex-positive, she's an exhibitionist. Which is probably also why she enjoys talking about her sex life in graphic detail. Making people uncomfortable is all part of her kink.

[@Iso20227]

“Great minds think alike”. Indeed they do, my friend. indeed they do.

[@sushizombie123]

Yeah no. She’s being very disrespectful. As someone who is very sex positive and has been in the “not so vanilla” scene (clubs, performances, relationships), she’s being extremely toxic and not everyone is sexual (asexuality is a thing hello 🙄). It seriously pisses me off. She’s an exhibitionist, whatever fine. But she KNOWS how Zara feels and continues to make her uncomfortable and shame her for not being as sexual?? Angie needs to learn and follow the 3 rules of the kink community: Safe, Sane, Consensual. Nobody else in the car consented to this shit. If she was really sex positive, she would respect Zara’s comfort. She’s just as bad as those who slut shame lol. Edit: lol I wrote the same thing as the commenter 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@stormywolfhowls]

Yeah as much as I want less shelter on the topic but I'm sex repulsed asexual So I feel her...

[@Pyranut]

Not just that but realizing the mom essentially said “if she wants to be a part of this family she has to let us stomp all over her boundaries, even while she’s grieving”

[@triforceofcourage100]

Gonna be honest in story three sounds like they taught their kids about sex but didn’t bother teaching about *Boundaries.* The parents also clearly have to the same toxic mindset that the sister if they’re calling wife a conservative prude for setting extremely reasonable boundaries.

[@luke_at_my_art]

It felt like the reason why the parents are "sex positive" was because they just have a massive sex drive and didn't care enough to parent properly They could of taught OP and Angie about sexual topics appropriately, and yeah, like you said, boundaries must of never been discussed

[@triforceofcourage100]

@@luke_at_my_art my thoughts exactly

[@dx1450]

I believe that I'm sex positive, but I don't want people making out in my back seat or getting it on right in front of me. You can be sex positive and still not want to watch people you know have sex in front of you.

[@crescentmoon5859]

@@luke_at_my_art the parents and Agie just sound like they enjoy exhibitionism but call it sex positiveness. As OP has stated they learned things less than age appropriate from there parents describing there dirty talk to there kids and telling there KIDS about there kinks.

[@dimsufferer9951]

What the Angie and Bill did wasn’t being “sex positive”, it was Sexual Harrassment. *On the way to her brother’s wake*

[@mondenkindqueen]

Story 3: I’m asexual and yes, sex topics makes me uncomfortable. I’m not a prude, I’m not conservative, it’s just a personal boundary. I don’t care what others do, I just don’t want to be involved physically or verbally.

[@kirrastar]

Yo ace gaanng! 🙌

[@diamondkivi4721]

Im beginning to feel like im asexual aswell, i have no interest in sex whatsoever.

[@katashworth41]

As someone who is realising that they’re probably ace (but not sex repulsed) I still cringe at a lot of PDA.

[@egg2566]

@@katashworth41same dude! Ace gaaaaaannngg

[@forlorn9134]

@@diamondkivi4721 Well are you a master debater? If you are, then I believe it's a different issue such as social anxiety, (I know from experience). My understanding of it is asexuals have no sex drive. And mind you, asexuality is by no means extensively researched so what we know is very limited.

[@swingstylez]

"a daughter is just for giving away" Yikes! She's a self hating woman.

[@kervinsantos5808]

Bet you she would be crying to her son. Begging to see her granddaughter

[@paul-georgjordan2650]

@@kervinsantos5808 Yeah, and threaten legal action if not given. Reason: I´m the granny.

[@Blue2x2x]

By the sounds of things, I think it's the cultural situation since she (the mother) said that "[a boy to] carry on the family name" and "a daughter is just for giving away". So in some places, the husband takes the wife's last name is unheard of, or "dishonourable" to the family. Unlike places that taking the wife's last name is common or even combined.

[@dx1450]

@@Blue2x2x The stupid thing is that she said that OP needed to have a boy to carry on the family name, but the MIL's other kids have boys who will carry on the family name.

[@kervinsantos5808]

@@paul-georgjordan2650 I would reply and get evidence of her saying the girls would be given away.

[@EP05]

I can’t stop looking at the title of the video & I’m like, “Bruh, how does a mother not know where babies come from?! Didn’t she give birth to one??”

[@pulacascar179]

I thought it was clickbait Edit: it is

[@EpicNoob99]

Adopted maybe? Typing before I got to the story Edit: yeah kinda is clickbait

[@Sweetie_Bunbutt]

Honestly was confused too but as soon as I heard the title of the last story I realized that it was basically clickbait.

[@EP05]

@@Sweetie_Bunbutt me too

[@DragonEmperorMycen]

Reminded of a similar story only in that one shit really escalated and resulted in the couple divorcing. Really recommend for Rslash to read it!

[@TeacherinTraining39]

3rd story: That's not *grieving;* that is *disrespectful.* Everyone I've ever met who claims to be "sex-positive" uses it as a shield against criticism after they hijack a topic and make everyone uncomfortable.

[@NicholeParker]

Personally, I would say I’m sex positive. However, due to religious trauma I can be uncomfortable with a lot of the topics involved. It’s because of the discomfort that I’m sex positive, because just like the one comment said sex positivity is all about respecting peoples boundaries and individual needs and consent without shame or expectations. So I agree completely that those two were just being disrespectful

[@etcetera1995]

Yeah, every sex positive person *I've* met has always put consent first, not sex first. You don't know sex positive people, you know assholes.

[@TeacherinTraining39]

@@etcetera1995 Hence my use of: A. The phrase "claims to be" and B. Quotation marks around the phrase "sex-positive." Also, there is a big difference between being unashamed of sex and making it everyone's problem. My mother's entire side of my family claims to be "sex-positive," but refuses to respect the boundaries of someone who doesn't want every conversation he has to revolve around what is going on in other people's bedrooms (assuming they even keep said activities out of the common areas of the house).

[@lasagnalovingcat5335]

I can't help but wonder, what was their "encore performance" going to be? Doing it on the brother's forever box in front of everybody while telling people to "loosen up"?

[@condorboss3339]

@@lasagnalovingcat5335 You have to admit it would make for a memorable funeral.

[@suitov]

Yo, if the sister were really sex-positive and educated about kink, she'd know to respect someone's consent and hard limits. I'm sex-positive AND a massive prude - the two things can coexist. I love that you're getting some; I just can't personally hear about it.

[@gman1515]

Exactly. The opposite of sex positive isn't prude, it's sex offender. And the opposite of prude is exhibitionist. I think both of those describe the sister pretty well Edit: fixed a typo

[@ifuckedurmom]

Totally agree, I'm a kinky mf and know my way around stuff most ppl don't know about but like I don't push that shit on ppl who either don't want to know or if the situation ain't right. And even if I was grieving through sex, I'd have driven in separately or found different time and place. Respecting others boundaries shouldn't be so hard.

[@DeidresStuff]

I had a woman mock my lube. I wish I was joking. I hate people who gatekeep sex.

[@serpentinious7745]

2nd story: There's actually a lot of stories like this on r/. Some people have this idealized view of what a family should be (always together, always supportive, always happy, etc). The problem is when they become so deadset on their vision that they try force it on everyone around them. They demand that any betrayal be forgiven so that the family stays together. If members are already estranged then they try to trick both parties into meetings thinking that will resolve a lifetime's worth of bad blood. The strangest thing in these stories is that they always seem to put it to the one who was hurt to forgive, but never try to get the ones who did the hurting to make amends. They don't seem to care about the well-being of anyone involved as long as it looks like a normal happy family from the outside.

[@badkitty4922]

And here I was going to say OP's a bi**h. You were far more eloquent than my basic knee jerk reaction.😉

[@serpentinious7745]

@Bad Kitty thanks. I still wouldn't give such people too much sympathy though since they seem to do a lot more harm than good when they get like this

[@survivedandthriving]

Thank you - this is one of the best summaries/explanation of this dynamic that I have ever seen. Truly words of wisdom.

[@TeasyLove]

i have seen entire families like this, even to the point where the majority of extended family members are actual karens! the origin is the parent shaming the child of being vulnerable (which is innate), where the child protects (shutting down) the heart from attack in order to receive love/appreciation/acknowledgement from the parent. this behavior always stems from a cycle of (draconian) violence involving severe corporal punishment, instilling a perpetual fear of it happening again. nowadays it seems that most of these families can be found in positions of power and authority.

[@MusicalBloodDrop]

I'm so glad that commenter mentioned it because I was about to say the same thing: sex positivity doesn't just mean being supportive of people being open about and having sex, it means being respectful of all kinds of SSC sex, including not wanting to! Having sex and not having sex are morally equal and valid and respecting one over the other is gross

[@justinpflieger3380]

For story two, I think the reason she is so against it is that OP's father is dead so she is jealous that SIL isn't taking that opportunity. When talking about the Father OP starts with "her father is alive" then talks about speaking terms and being at the wedding. In my opinion most people would just say "they are speaking now and he's going to be at the wedding anyway"

[@cassieosbourne7666]

I was thinking the same

[@Pup_Love.]

I thought the same right away

[@Masenken]

Nah, I thought she was just a straight up b***h. Her dad being dead is irrelevant. It still affects her on no way, shape, or form and she needs to get over herself.

[@Spectre0799]

This one is also very likely

[@cassieosbourne7666]

@@Masenken doesn’t excuse it, still 100% not her place, just might be a reason for her to feel it’s a big deal

[@livw2180]

I used to volunteer on a suicide helpline. We used to get a bunch of callers who would get off sexually when telling us details about their sex lives or sexual fantasies . I mean that very literally; they would pretend to suicidal about the fact they were into a kinky type of sex and then explain it in great detail while pleasuring themselves. We had rules that we could not be the one to end a call in that sort of situation - we had to ask them to stop and hope that they would. I had about a 85% success rate with telling a caller that "I do NOT consent to being part of this sexual act, please stop immediately." If that a person taking up valauble time on a hotline can tell that forcing a person to be part of your sex life is a violation, then someone who is "sex positive" should see that too

[@thefckigaveflewawaywithu6904]

That is so disturbing, omfg. Like that would make me suicidal if someone verbally r*ped me like that, especially if it was a common occurrence.

[@Dekubud]

Thank you for having volunteered for such an important cause! It's disgusting you had to endure this type of abuse. Your supervisors should have been a lot more proactive about protecting you.

[@dx1450]

Eww... if I believed in Hell I'd believe there's a very special section just for those people. Seriously, calling people who can't hang up on you so you can make sex talk while you pleasure yourself and also tying up a valuable resource for actual suicidal people is the ultimate low.

[@Luka-xe4gf]

Dude that's fucked.. I mean taking up time that could go to helping someone in actual danger ? For their own sexual pleasure ?? Messed up as hell..

[@livw2180]

While I appreciate everyone being so supportive, I feel that I should add some clarifying details. We did have supervisors who we could call to take over if/when we reached our personal boundary. If the supervisor had a very masculine voice, that would usually get the caller to instantly hang up 😂And I do understand everyone who finds this behaviour disgusting. But I did (and still do) have some compassion for this type of caller. Touching youself while all alone at 3am to the sound of the voice of a random stranger is not the action of a happy person living a brilliant life. We had a number of calls that started that way but ended with the person opening up and explaining what lead then to call.

[@vengeance4927]

Story 2: OP doesn't have a horse in the race she's a part of, she broke in with an untrained animal to cause a ruckus while claiming she's right.

[@Spectre0799]

Yeah, I think she wants her kid to be the first person her husband walks down the aisle.

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

Pretty much

[@sophietremblay3795]

Yeah op’s just a freaking doofus jalouse woman

[@sophietremblay3795]

Story 3 nta they are freaking doofus it’s super inappropriate to do that when someone is uncomfortable with innercourse I would have thrown them out of the car she is grieving her brother dumb bword 0/5 op 3/5 sister and boyfriend

[@mydaddusty]

@@Spectre0799 my take on the story is that ops dad passed away before she could get married so I think she’s jealous that the sister has the opportunity to be walked down the aisle by her dad but isn’t taking it. Still wrong and still TA but slightly more understandable

[@summercollins6271]

Just got married last year. Not on speaking terms with my dad. My brother walked me down the aisle. He was excited and happy to do it. His wife was happy about it too. He’ll be walking my sister when she gets married as well. No one should have a say in who walks you down the aisle, especially if they don’t know your relationship and trauma involved in it.

[@Dsac1441]

That second story. The phrase "they spend almost all week together" stood out to me. It kind of read like a complaint to me. I think she's just jealous of the time the spend together in general and the father aspect is just an excuse for her.

[@BeeWhistler]

Glad someone else noticed that. It’s not her business to decide what her SIL wants at her wedding but I feel like everyone demonizing her here is being unfair. We don’t know whether her husband really does spend most of his time with his sister, which would be a very valid complaint, or whether his wife just sees it that way.

[@JG-wd8tb]

Shes worried theyre keeping it in the family

[@Kintsugi23]

I always get grossed out whenever people talk about women needing to "give their man a son." My ex husband has a daughter from a past relationship, and people used to "joke" with me about how I had to give him a son, or implied he'd love me more than his ex if we had a little boy. For all his faults, my ex was not Henry VIII.

[@RenAsterion]

Oh, I love that last line. 8D

[@Shyhearted]

That’s good considering as the second wife you’ll be beheaded.

[@zombiechicken7114]

And as op pointed out its the male contribution that determines the baby's gender. His mum is an idiot and is toxic about her own gender.

[@dx1450]

The stupid thing was the mother said that the OP needed to give her husband a son to "carry on the family name" when all her other children had sons. I think the family name will be fine...

[@cathylanders6377]

Yeah

[@silverflight01]

Story 3: They're just looking for excuses to be horny in the car, and OP is not having it. Heck, Zara literally had boundaries set and even that was violated. Those two need to chill out

[@mostar1219]

Sounds like a couple that needs to go to a sex addiction therapist

[@RiveroftheWither]

Those two are definitely exhibitionists who don't respect the consent aspect of the kink, which is following the law of public decency and not forcing unwanted participation. I only know because I have some exhibitionist friends who have told me. Like with most kinks, most of the community is respectful but once in awhile you get a weirdo that think not being allowed to bang in front of unwilling participants is kink shaming.

[@abicat4229]

Story 3: people like Angie irritate the hell out of me! I'm okay with talking about sex, but I'm uncomfortable with all the nitty gritty details of it. I've been called a prude because of it. OP is 100% justified and it's great he stood up for his wife. It'd not like he ditched them on the side of the road.

[@25Erix]

People act like being a "prude" is a bad thing. And there's a whole layer of asexuality that is practically defined by being a "prude". I'm a grey ace. Was on the fence about it since I got the Talk. Got pushed over the edge onto the side that wants nothing to do with it at all for reasons that, shocker, have nothing to do with religion. I'm basically "If you like it, fine. But don't shame me because I have a bit of a negative complex about the whole deal,". And to preempt, no, there's nothing about this negative complex to "fix". That would require some massive rewrites of past history.

[@ArcanineEspeon]

*Not uncomfortable* with all the nitty gritty details of sex? I think you misworded that...

[@Digitalfairy]

@@25Erix IKR? I'm a demisexual with trust issues and people still think I'm a freak

[@abicat4229]

@@ArcanineEspeon how did I misword that?

[@abicat4229]

@@Digitalfairy you're not freak. I feel you on the trust issues though

[@moonlightshadowpony]

I do wanna give the op of the fourth story a bit of a benefit of the doubt because it sounds to me like there might have been other options. No one jumps straight to "I'm going to basically abandon and ignore a child" without some context. To me it kinda sounds like there might have been other options, like OP suggests calling another family member, indicating that there are indeed other family members who could take the responsiblity of this child away from OP and her husband, but her husband jumped straight to "oh I must take care of this child" Plus it sounds like OP is a stay at home wife and is in charge of all the household chores while the husband works, so this changes to "my husband basically told me that I have to take care of this child even though there are other options" so she compromises and says "fine, you want the child to stay with us even though there's so many other options for them? then that you're job. I didn't volenteer to be a free babysitter" Plus Chemotherapy takes around 3-6 months so this is a relatively fresh issue, the "family issues" she was discussing with her mother was probably her explaining the situation to her mother. So it could also be chalked up to "My husband demanded I be a free babysitter even though there were plenty of other options, I told him I wasn't okay with that and he promised I wouldn't have to do anything, only to break his promise less than 2 weeks after the fact" Maybe in OP's mind this is the logical conclusion based on the facts she presented and she figures everyone would be able to extrapolate based on that info, only for her to come off as cold and uncaring because she's super frustrated at the situation. Or maybe she's a cold, uncaring person.

[@reubenmanzo2054]

Story 4 reminds me of something my dad told me: a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

[@RealCoolstriker64]

I hate that line. It’s toxic as hell, especially considering the circumstances. How do you *PLAN* getting cancer??? How do you plan for the worst possible situation happening? That line is just an excuse for lazy selfish people to justify being lazy and selfish.

[@reubenmanzo2054]

@@RealCoolstriker64 It's more about how the husband didn't plan how he was going look after the nephew and just imposed the responsibility onto the wife without consulting her first.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@reubenmanzo2054 After he'd already agreed that _he_ would be the one responsible for them.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@RealCoolstriker64 "How do you PLAN getting cancer??? How do you plan for the worst possible situation happening?" It's called forethought. Literally everyone knows that getting cancer or some other emergency can and does happen. You _should_ be asking what kind of parent doesn't plan accordingly to ensure that their dependents are taken care of in such an event. If you have anyone relying on you, it's foolish, irresponsible and negligent to act as if nothing bad will ever happen to you. Even if leaving them with the brother had been their plan and the brother agreed to it, _he_ was the asshole for failing to even notify his wife of this. And then he was doubly the asshole for agreeing that they'd be his responsibility, and then trying to foist the job off on his wife.

[@melodyharpole8272]

Just come out and admit that you're a narcissist. You don't treat partners this way. Their children and any nieces/ nephews /minor siblings that they have that have to be taken in an emergency, are part of the relationship. If you can't handle that. You need to stay out of relationships and be by yourself. Because you're too selfish to date anyone.

[@vintagecameragirl]

So the s*x positive story hits a little different for me. I'm a survivor of childhood s*xual abuse, and so as a child I flipped from not being wanted to be touch at all, and being overly sexualised. Its taken some time to come to terms to what happened to me. Part of that healing was joing and attending kink events. I still flip from being overly sexual to be so timid about touch that it burns. If someone called me frigid because I don't want them making out in my car esp on a day like that would send me back so much with my recovery. Not everyone has had the same experiences as you.

[@imati7319]

sex*

[@Spectre0799]

Story 2: I think OP wants her own daughter to be the first person her husband walks down the aisle and selfishly thinks it will take away from that experience if he has already done it for his sister.

[@Sloanexhd]

That’s what I was thinking.

[@TheWackyWorkbench]

I was confused until I read this. Now it makes sense.

[@PoldaranOfDalaran]

My initial feeling about it too

[@Dark-Fenrir_65]

That sounds dumb as fuck but I know people like that.

[@sandracox4341]

Still a dumb reason to be mad.

[@silverflight01]

Last Story: You have no control over the gender of your child, which is 50-50. The fact that the mom has an issue with OP's child being a girl really says something about her. Just because everyone else had a son first doesn't mean that OP having a daughter first makes her the odd one out or lesser Edit: So not exactly 50-50, but it's close

[@VergilTheLegendaryDarkSlayer]

I think people can choose which gender they want, but it's really expensive to do The natural way is 50/50

[@princessbeaniewiggle]

@@Harudodo they're talking about IVF. Some IVF clinics allow you to choose the gender of your baby, but that's expensive.

[@animefan8591]

Plus like rslash said father determines gender each gives a chromosome and woman gives x by default while man gives either x or y, y it's xy so male x it's xx for female things learned in biology class

[@triforceofcourage100]

I misheard the husbands name as Kim rather than cam so at first I thought it was asian traditional values thing family names can be a ver important thing to them for some stupid reason.

[@moonflower8525]

If anything, it's also the male's chromosome that controls the gender. Female can only produce more females. Male's can produce both. MIL should be mad at her son. However, the son also cannot control which chromosome he passes on. Sorry I'd the female and male made you uncomfortable, I am purely talking about AFAB nad AMAB. I do believe that sex can be changed through surgery, and Trans people do exist :)

[@JordanWeberMusic]

The last story: the wife literally has no say. A female only donates an X chromosome, the husband donates an X or a Y. How does the mom not know this? Haha

[@dergotzvonberlichingen4880]

Well, the decision is made in the womens body.

[@JordanWeberMusic]

@@dergotzvonberlichingen4880 Sperm carry either an X or a Y, not both, so a woman can't influence which is to be carried by the sperm. And even if you view it as the women's side, an egg cannot choose the x sperm over the y sperm. So, again, a woman does not make the decision, it is still up to the male sex cell carrying a Y to create a boy. Even if you are saying that because males make both X and Y and that only the one that gets fertilized is accepted, that is a random chance. A male creates a 1:1 ratio of X and Y sex cells.

[@dergotzvonberlichingen4880]

@@JordanWeberMusic the decision is made, when the sperm and the egg fuse. This happens in the female. Neither male nor female can influence this.

[@JordanWeberMusic]

@@dergotzvonberlichingen4880 Exactly. But the story is about how the mom thought that her daughter could make the conscious decision of having a boy or girl. So I wrote my comment implying if she did have some power, she would have to manipulate the males sex cells because manipulating her own would do nothing.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "Her dad is alive and they're on speaking terms" they were also, most likely, on speaking terms when _he stole her car and wrecked it._ If he wanted to be the one to walk her down the aisle then _maybe he should have been a better father_ because I highly doubt that the car incident was the only thing he's done.

[@everyonesfavoritegin]

They treat it like it's the father's role no matter what but not a sentimental part of an old tradition of giving away the daughter to another family and it's been altered to mean the man/ someone special to walk you down

[@Zelfire85]

For story 2 i can think of a mix of factors. One OPs father might not be alive and was unable to walk her down the aisle. Two when people have good families they have a hard time wrapping their head around the dynamics of a bad one and try and push thier family dynamic.

[@pich1rilo965]

Third Story: I'm convinced Angie did that on purpose to kind of make the "point" that Zara is "too prudish".

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

U too? I was thinking just that

[@pich1rilo965]

@@xKCAZxLEADER Yeah, like if she was trying to prove that silly little idea of hers by creating "evidence". Not really thinking about people's boundaries.

[@TJDious]

Agreed

[@ScooterBond1970]

So very this

[@mostar1219]

Angie did that on purpose so she could push buttons again. let's be real

[@juliaboskamp9666]

she sounds like a person you constantly have to carry a water gun to cool her down

[@pich1rilo965]

Agreed.

[@hunnykun101]

And her lame and disgusting answer 'We're grieving'...? How is grieving equal horny? Especially when its someone else's family's wake

[@mostar1219]

@@hunnykun101 Maybe the assholes get turned on from not reading a room

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

While getting her own buttons pushed.

[@ZombieSazza]

Story 2 screams of “why don’t you just get over your trauma, you’re so dramatic”. I HATE when folk ignore trauma and tell folk to “get over it”. I’ve cPTSD & PTSD from severe child abuse, and on occasion folk will tell me “get over it” or “just forgive them”. My biological family literally trigger my PTSD, I can’t be near them, yet somehow strangers feel like they’re able to dictate how I live with my trauma when it doesn’t affect them.

[@ashlee7859]

Story 4: NTA the husband didn’t even ask and unless she wanted to take care of the nephew, the childcare is a chore. She set clear boundaries and the husband thought “nah her mother instincts will kick in”. Not how that works. Just cuz he’s family doesn’t mean she has an obligation to watch him.

[@yarraidalg]

third story: sex-positivity means also respecting the other side there is nothing positive about pushing your horny on others

[@laughableInflection]

Its positively rude lol

[@juliaboskamp9666]

Angie sounds like a person who calls asexuals people sick and wants to "fix" them

[@Stefisgarden]

This! So much this! Sex positivity is good because, yeah, sex isn't something shameful to be hidden and never talked about, but it's primarily about RESPECT. Respect for people who want to have as much or as little sex as they want, as vanilla or as kinky, as long as all parties are consenting. I am asexual, but I'm sex positive in that I support everyone's choices to have whatever kind of sex they want, but I don't want to hear about it, much less participate!

[@champslim]

@@juliaboskamp9666 yep!!!

[@nicolelawrence7722]

Last story - I had a similar conversation with my son's paternal grandmother. She didn't know sex determination came from men, and then got mad at me because I did. I'm sorry I paid attention in school and you didn't.

[@Eternalnight198]

I really don't know why people feel the need to point out that the sex determination comes from the father. That is totally a moot point. Yes, the sperm that comes from the father determines the gender, but it is not something the father can control in any way either. If the child was conceived in the natural way, there's absolutely nothing either parent can do to decide the gender or even affect the likelihood at all.

[@RRW359]

It comes from Men in a biological sence but since it's involuntary I don't think it's fair to say that the "determination comes from men". Also I'm not saying people should or that the mother would have approved but according to how things work in the US the woman is the only person who can decide wheather or not their first baby is Male or Female after it's been determined what gender the fetus is.

[@montamagic541]

​@@Eternalnight198 I believe the reason why people point it out is because it's still pretty common to blame the mother for not birthing a baby with a penis. I doubt anyone is implying that men have any more control over the gender than women do. People who are smart enough to know gender is a coin toss already know men can't pick either.

[@ZombieMinion1992]

@@Eternalnight198 it is more a thing people say to shit on sexist assholes who say it is on the woman. It is more reasonable when you have a shitty person trying to convince a husband to divorce his wife for “not baring a son”.

[@kristy1653]

@@Eternalnight198 People point it out because they are sick of others complaining that the woman ‘didn’t give the man a son’. There are tons of people who don’t have a basic understanding of this, particularly the older generations, since sex education wasn’t taught in a lot of schools back in grandma’s day.

[@lsaas1623]

Story 2: This feels like a odd kind of jealousy directed at SIL for having a close bond and doesn’t matter that they are siblings. Also, my mum and both her sisters walked down the aisle with one of their brothers because they wanted to do so with the male family member they were closest to.

[@heavenma8184]

Honestly, for story 4. If my S.O. made a huge life changing plan like accepting a child without asking me. I would be pissed, child care isn't easy. I would know I have worked as a childcare worker and I grew up as an only child. My mom had to bend over backwards to get me to school, Sports, and tutor. She would ask her coworkers and friends to drive me sometimes. Plus there is the fact that I know the husband is trying to be positive about his brother is going to get better, but with cancer that is never a guarantee plus majority of people have to go through years of chemo and recovery. Depending on the situation, the child could end up becoming a full adult before that happens. It's not as easy as oh my family needs help let me drop my whole life to help them. What if this puts a strain on the family, what if OP is upset cause she wasn't given enough time to prepare to raise a kid. It is a huge learning curve with kids. They aren't the best at sharing their feelings or expressing it correctly, as a parent you have to teach them. Plus if the kid is old enough to understand what is going on. He probably should have someone that can be there for him emotionally as well, like a parent/adult. Most people are barely able to emotional control and understand their own. Parents since they raise the child, they get their own understanding of the child that let's them in on when things are wrong. My stepdad can never tell when something is wrong with me, but my mom 1 second of looking at me and she knows. If OP had to take this kid in with her husband, they probably don't even know that the kid is not okay emotionally and needs them. A lot of kids emotionally shut down to trauma as a way to protect themselves. This kid would be way better off with someone that is already experienced as parents like maybe his grandparents? Or what about his mom? That way if those two still need help every once in the while they can ask for help and if OPs husband wants/can to help he can. Though there is a huge communication problem in this relationship and it can cause so many problems mentally for the kid. Kid is school age that much you can gander. If the kid is in elementary school though, one of the things parents are encouraged to do with kids is ask them about their day and listen to the stories they tell. Why, it helps their brain process what happenned through the day, and grow to accept new info the next day. It can also prevent nightmares since it's not all being processed while they sleep. Plus OP did set a boundary and he agreed. He has every right to ask anyway, just as it is her right to deny due to her boundary he agreed too. It's a two way street. Sure OP is probably a bit of a butthole for leaving the kid there, but most schools or nearby the school have daycare or aftercare. Also adults are outside during pickup and dont leave until the kids are picked up in most cases so he is with an adult. Just sign him up for daycare most of them provide transportation after school as well! I say overall though no one is a butthole. It's just a bunch of understandings that could be easily fixed with a bit of communication. (Voluntelling and yelling is not communication)

[@PrettyVulgar92]

I agree but I also think that everybody kind of sucks here except for the nephew obviously and the brother who has cancer

[@celerispaghetti7495]

I totally agree with you. OP never agreed to be stuck with a kid on her hands. Only thing I would say makes her the butthole is because she refused to help on the very first time. I would've helped and then would've had a conversation about boundaries to make sure it stayed an exception. But like you said, a kid can be a lot of work and its not like he's there just for a week

[@cm7721]

Dam thats a massive wall of text

[@DefyReality-ll2cg]

@@PrettyVulgar92 Everyone but The OP is the asshole. The brother for dumping his kid off on his brother and wife, the nephew for invading his uncle and aunts home when his aunt never wanted him there and the husband for taking in his nephew without his wife's approval.

[@elliecore]

Was looking for this comment, totally agree

[@lydiaa9594]

Story 4: the wife is pissed because her husband volunteered her time to take care of the nephew without consulting her

[@j_castle9893]

I agree. What was the wife supposed to do. Was she supposed to say I'm so happy your decide to take the kid, I will drop everything in my life to help you. This isnt the 1900s the female have there only voice and opinion. And the wife made it clear from the first day, she didnt want to become a child's babysitter.

[@RealCoolstriker64]

… You say “volunteer” like HE had a choice. His brother is DYING OF CANCER. Have a heart.

[@RealCoolstriker64]

@@j_castle9893yes. Yes she WAS supposed to do that. She literally promised to do that during her marriage vows.

[@j_castle9893]

@@RealCoolstriker64 where does the marriage vows says she is supposed to take care of the kid?? can you provide a link. Communication is key in a relationship, he should have talked his wife before agreeing.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@RealCoolstriker64 Where in the typical marriage vows does it say that if she's voluntold to play mommy to somebody else's kids, she has to oblige? Especially when her husband already agreed they'd be solely his responsibility.

[@etherealaesthetical]

Second OP can’t possibly realize that someone may not like their father and that her husband has a family outside of her or their kids if they have any The sister in the third story needs to understand that while sex shouldn’t be stigmatized, it is still something personal. Her and her husband can be open with it, while others can choose to keep their personal life private and there’s nothing wrong with that. And a silent car where people are mourning is not the place to be open about it

[@unvoicedapollo3318]

Story 2: I recently went to the wedding of my gf's uncle. Because the uncle is gay, his mother disapproved of the marriage and so his sister walked him down the aisle. Regardless of whether or not the parent is present, the history and current relationship is what needs consideration. Most importantly, what the person getting married wants. YTA.

[@DeadDancers]

There is no such thing as ‘protected sex positivity’ in *someone else’s car*. Unless you know they’d cheer you on (and even then that would probably distract the driver so maybe don’t) then just don’t do it. There’s nothing wrong with being horny. There’s everything wrong about not being respectful of others because of it.

[@Azuliiee]

2nd story: she may be upset about him walking his sister down the aisle because she wants him to walk any possible future daughters down the aisle, and for her it may be a 'first' sort of deal, as in, she doesn't want her partner walking his sister down the aisle first, because then any possible daughter would be the second time he's walked someone down the aisle. That's just my theory though.

[@diartgerxhaliu]

Exactly what I first thought

[@rachelno9229]

Story 4 needs more information . Child rearing is an extremely difficult task and there should be openness to taking that on. What if OP wants to be child free? Also we don’t know what the nephews needs are. From personal experience my parents brought in a family member who needed help in our lives. I wish they had consulted us because it really traumatized my sister and I badly. This family member was abusive and suffered from mental illness which neither my sister or I were equipped to handle. Wish there was a conversation had prior to bringing them in.

[@gamingfrompixelone3070]

Yeah I desperately want kids but that dose not mean I will take on someone any kid without warning I would have got the kid and had the fight after but still not cool

[@C0rvidC0rpse]

there’s a difference between bringing in a family member and that family member abusing others and bringing in a child with a dying parent. The kids 12, and all OP’s husband asked was that she pick him up ONCE because he couldn’t

[@MCbeccy89]

Maybe, but in the end. His brother has fuckin cancer dude. There's a huge chance the husband didn't even get a chance to react and no one else could take the kid. So he had no choice but to take it and ask his wife about it later. I doubt he'd plan on having the kid forever, and that's a time to think about later when things happen. Marriage shouldn't be just about how the wife feels. Both sides need to take on responsibility. The husband is probably feeling really traumatized by his brother's condition and there's nothing he can do to help make it "better". To "fix" the situation besides sitting there and hoping the doctors can help. What is important now is that his fuckin wife is actually there for them. But she's not, she can't be selfless for even just a month or so. Your story and her story are 100% not the same and I'm sorry. The couple is taking in *a child who is losing his father* not an adult/person with a mental illness who is going to abuse children. Like sorry, but how the hell do you even think that's comparable? At the end of the day, this wife was incredibly selfish and petty for no reason, along with being a complete asshole to not just take in a normal [and seemingly unproblematic] child.

[@MCbeccy89]

@@C0rvidC0rpse Exactly, him and his wife need therapy or he needs to divorce her. If she can't be there for him on this one thing, who knows what else is happening in their relationship / anything that happens in the future. I would not trust her with stuff.

[@chiagochilagorom2206]

@@MCbeccy89 And I won't trust the husband too, seriously whether family by marriage or not, give some respect and talk to the person you bound your life to before bringing someone in before a proper discussion. i won't say the wife was right in her treatment only that she should have been given more respect on this

[@Nyax50Lopez]

The picking up nephew story is what I disagree. What if she isn't mentally stable to take care of the nephew? I highly dislike of taking care of kids because again I have depression and anxiety which is a downside and sort of dangerous mix to take care of a kid.

[@RedrumZombies]

👆

[@purplezaddyra1814]

It also doesn't sound like the husband actually opened any discussion with her beforehand, and just sprung it on her and put all of the childcare responsibilities on her without her input, consideration, or consent.

[@orangemain]

@@purplezaddyra1814understandable but so far he’s been doing majority of childcare like he promised. This was one emergency and it was important for his job. She isn’t even willing to babysit for a couple hours if it would affect his job. How many times will this happen before her husband has the threat of being fired? The whole workplace can’t revolve around him but he’s expected to be there. She’s gotta pitch in occasionally for at least a couple hours. Cmon

[@ajjamsen694]

Thank you! I was surprised with RSlash's take on that story cause normally he'd take that into account but nope. If something happened to the kid because OP wasn't mentally capable, what then? I.have no doubt everyone would be coming down on OP even worse because "she should have "made her boundaries clear" or something

[@skywalkerjohn8965]

​@@purplezaddyra1814 Op literally said he doesn't consult her with this, just went and did it before telling her.

[@screamer8590]

Story 4: She didn’t want kids and the husband did not talk to her about this and threw child responsibility on her, I mean what you expect? She could’ve picked up the kid maybe this once but she’s not a monster for setting boundaries.

[@amandaarcher7919]

Besides this is a gateway for further expectations, soon the husband will be wanting her to play Mommy and shove all the responsibilities onto her. She did well nipping that nonsense in the bud

[@locusxe1411]

She’s an ahole for not picking him up and not understanding her husbands side. The nephews father is literally dying and they obviously have no other family nearby.

[@khrishp]

There is a significant difference between being in a romantic relationship with someone and being married. There's a formalization of an understanding that you will take care of each other beyond what you may have agreed to beforehand when dating. I think it's a perfectly acceptable for her to set boundaries and not want to be as involved but to extend that to not helping her husband with anything ever in regards to the child shows that she thinks very little about her responsibility to her own relationship with her husband. The story sounds more like the wife in this situation thinks that their own priorities are more important than her partners, which is a bigger issue than not caring about the nephew. The wife even told the husband that he should call his family to get some help which is quite telling seeing that it looks like that is exactly what he did but she didn't even consider herself family. Major issues here

[@Masenken]

His brother might die and the child might become an orphan and all she cares about is herself. If she's so Gung ho about not having kids that she can't help her husband out when he could very well lose his brother soon, then she's a complete b***h. Full stop. This has nothing to do with raising a child and everything to do with helping her husband who's trying to help his brother. It's very likely he doesn't want children either, but to basically babysit for a while until the danger clears is not even remotely close to raising a child. With an attitude like that he doesn't need her. She's made it very clear when the chips are down, she won't be there. Fuck her

[@EdBurke37]

@@locusxe1411 it's story four, chapter five. The fourth chapter of the video is further discussion of the third story

[@sdfghjasdfghjk8175]

Op is worried about the image of a "non traditional wedding where the father doesn't walk the daughter down the isle" That's all I can think of, that she's very "religious" or was raised in some kind of closed minded fashion. She's one of those who needs everyone in their life to "recognize that their actions are a statement about OP." I went through this with too many people after coming out as trans.

[@lahlybird895]

Or her dad's dead and she never got to have him walk her down the aisle

[@martletkay]

100% thought the same thing immediately: religious and that's all there is to it. OP must be one of these people who value the idea of the father literally 'giving' the daughter to another man, as in transferal of property. Very trad, very religious is my guess

[@melinoel616]

Story 4: I respectfully and vehemently disagree with Rslash here. The husband is TA for charging headfirst into caring for his nephew without discussing this with his wife. Blood or not, some people just do not have the physical, mental, or emotional capacity to care for a child. Forcing such people to care for a child without their consent will very likely to stew resentment, which might traumatize the child as much as if the kid was abandoned. Marriage is a partnership, especially when dealing with large investments like housing, finances (if some are joint), and especially childcare; the participants MUST negotiate and work together. Childcare is so difficult and taxing that far fewer people are competent enough to be parents - regardless of the household being nuclear, single, or generational - than our families and society teach us. Because of this, married couples MUST be on the same page before committing to children, or else the likelihood of the child's upbring being good or stable will plummet. OP's husband did not respect her enough to ask for her thoughts on taking in family, and he did not respect the boundaries she set after telling him she is not on board with a choice she had no say in whatsoever. That is NOT how marriage and partnership is supposed to work. While OP could have been there to help the one time, I bet that if she did, the husband would continue to use her to bail him out of his terrible time management skills. The husband needs to learn how to plan ahead and prepare for emergencies. If the meeting was scheduled in advance, there is no reason for the husband to call his wife the day of the meeting to help out. Dude should have looked into aftercare at the school, hiring a babysitter, calling other relatives or a friend, etc. I won't go so far as to call this grounds for divorce, but if OP's husband is willing to bring in huge responsiblities that require two to tango without communicating with his wife, then that's not a mutual partnership - the point of marriage. I'd hate to know what other things the "husband" will happily do against the knowledge or consent of his "wife". tl;dr: OP is NTA, her husband is TA, and her nephew is NTA.

[@andromachke]

4th story: rslash talks about boundaries often on this channel. OP set a clear boundary with husband after not being asked before being forced into a possible life changing situation. NTA.

[@thetruth1816]

1000% facts ...

[@cultmecca]

nah shes the asshole 1000%. My brother is dying of cancer and needs help looking after his nephew is something not negotiable. The way that conversation is going to go is: "This is going to happen. My brother is sick, my nephew is scared. Its happening. Its not negotiable. If that's a problem for you then maybe we shouldn't be married anymore." Asking her to pick him up from school because he has a work emergency is a very very fucking small ask. Especially when she could have dropped him off at home and gone to lunch anyways. He's 12 not 5 he can take care of himself. Also since she can go to lunch in the middle of the day she probably doesn't work, meaning her husband having to bail on work like that could jeopardize his job and her lifestyle. Not only is she a heartless bitch she's a stupid bitch too. She talks about her brother's family like they aren't her family. Regardless of how she feels about how her husband handled this, the fact of the matter is that she is taking it out on a scared kid that might lose his fucking dad. She doesn't have any empathy. She is the asshole

[@thetruth1816]

@@cultmecca your very emotional here. Go to bed and then rethinking what your saying.. not her kid not her problem..

[@cultmecca]

@@thetruth1816 I don't need to rethink what I'm saying. She's his wife, not his roommate. Partners support each other especially during a crisis. If she doesn't want to be apart of his family then she shouldn't be married to him

[@thetruth1816]

@@cultmecca he shouldn't make deals he can't keep.. yeah it sucks his brother has cancer but as she stated she's not: 1) fit to take care of a child 2) set the boundaries time and time again .. Also if he was her partner/ husband why didn't he get her opinion on taken the kid in.. Also what if the kid hates op and makes up stuff ( abuse) to frame op if she denies him something.. then everyone is gonna get on op for " taken in poison " .. Also what's to tell you the kid is a easy to take care of ?? Again go to sleep and rethink everything you wrote because your take is terrible..

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

First Story, YTA: That is a sketchy thing to want honestly. Honestly, OP is making it seem like OP is doing things that are not good. The hypocrisy is strong with this one Second Story, YTA: Here is the thing OP: it’s Beth’s wedding, she isn’t obligated to follow the norms of weddings. I don’t understand what the problem is. I think OP is jealous of her SIL Third Story, NTA: Angie is outright just inconsiderate to everyone around her. It isn’t being conservative, its basic respect. Now what Angie did in a form of “grieving” is even more disrespectful. They started making out after coming from a wake?! Fourth Story, YTA: OP is being cold, uncaring, and unfeeling. OP couldn’t do this favor for her husband? I feel bad for OP’s husband because his wife is just a heartless person. Sure, I agree he should’ve let her know first but still Fifth Story, NTA: Honestly, OP’s MIL is an idiot. I’m pretty sure a woman nor a man can choose the gender of their child when they try to have a kid. OP’s husband should be mad at her, she literally insulted OP, OP’s husband, and their kid in one statement

[@NicoUnken]

If I were the OP's neighbor in that instance, I would have honestly beefed up security even more. Suddenly, OP seems sketchy as hell and I've heard of some seriously CRAZY stories with dangerous stalkers or entitled/angry people.

[@savagebear4374]

If the landlord is ok then there shouldn't be an issue. I would want one if I could afford it. It's not a matter of privacy, it's a matter of security. Just my opinion though.

[@sophietremblay3795]

@@NicoUnken I agree I would be like uh I don’t care leave me alone

[@GiordanDiodato]

I disagree with Story 4. Husband didn't consult OP and said the kid would be HIS responsibility. I'd say it's closer to ESH

[@pandunito3257]

For the last one I kind of get OP's husband because it's hard for a lot of people to be mad enough at their families especially their mothers to start belittling them or just fully argue despite knowing how wrong that family member is

[@TonySamedi]

The Nephew story. I am also someone who doesn't want kids, and would be hella pissed if my SO suddenly decided they're taking in a kid with no warning. I'd still pick up the kid if they had an emergency or unforseen circumstance where they couldn't do it. You can be pissed with the spouse for unilaterally deciding to take in a kid, without putting the literal child in danger.

[@abryn6864]

But would you say that someone other than the wife is the butthole if they refused to pick up the kid?

[@MrJerichoPumpkin]

@@abryn6864 if the reason why is "I'm having lunch with mom then doing sh*t all day" yes, a major one a that.

[@jinxgirl5]

2nd story: I can think of a couple reasons. First could just be that she's a prude for tradition and is being generous with someone else's boundaries for the sake of that tradition. Second could be that, for some reason or another, her own father couldn't walk her down the aisle so she's projecting her own issues onto SIL. And third is just a sub-series of reasons attached to the first, like feeling like having the father there but not filling the role would cause gossip, or that it might be brought up in the future somehow if he has a daughter to walk down the aisle or something. Basically just a stickler for tradition and cares too much what others might think. Def YTA in this situation, maybe not for bringing it up but for sticking to her guns over it.

[@frostaminimations1785]

For the story with the nephew. I'm pretty damn sure that the op doesn't want kids and wants nothing to do with kids and just doesn't like kids at all. And someone who doesn't like nor want anything to do with kids suddenly gets a kid sprung into her life without her prior knowledge or consent is just asking for her to be even colder towards kids.

[@j_castle9893]

Finally someone who has the same mindset. Just because the husband was selfish and didnt talk to his wife. That mean that the wife is supposed to act like his mother. Marriage is a partnership the husband cant be the only one in charge.

[@masoncombs7799]

@@j_castle9893 never asked her to become his mother. Just to pick up the kid one time

[@elleon3354]

@@masoncombs7799 But you know it wouldn't stop at one time. The husband has already shown he doesn't give a flying f*ck about his wife's needs or wants by taking in this kid without even talking to her once. It will absolutely not stop at one "favor" and the wife knows it.

[@masoncombs7799]

@@elleon3354 why the quotes around "favor" that's all it was. Pick up a kid for me isn't at all a big ask. I don't blame him for not telling her if this is the way she responds to things, refusing to do one simple thing. If she doesn't want to live with the kid, she can leave. There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting family first, especially for your dying brother.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@masoncombs7799 Why should OP leave *her* house? If her husband feels this strongly about taking care of his nephew, *he* can move out.

[@MsTemptation]

S5: NTA. The husband chose to take in his nephew without consulting op because he wanted to look like a hero to his family. He expected op to help out and she has the right to not want her husband to volunteer her services for his family. Op made it very clear that she wouldn’t be responsible for taking care of his nephew. So R/slash and anyone else who disagrees with op’s decision can volunteer themselves if it pleases them.

[@GeorgeVCohea-dw7ou]

This seems like a total double standard for Rslash. I would not say that the uncle is being a Karen or anything remotely like that, but this almost certainly would not have been his last attempt to skirt his responsibility and push it onto his wife at the last minute; had she kowtowed and been a pushover to his manipulation. I suspect, he was pushing and testing her boundaries after he realised that he most probably bit off more than he could chew.

[@RacheyGW]

I completely agree. I think RSlash was unfair. I wouldn't bring my nephew home and then just f off and go shopping, leaving my partner home alone with my nephew and expect him to look after him.

[@melinabromsoe7908]

Completely agree. I don't think R/slash would say the same if the situation was a brother that adopted a child and forced his sister to pick him up at school. If he can't manage, then don't commit! A child is a great responsibility, he can help his brother in other ways or even hire a sitter. I think OP's husband got mad because she didn't comply with this little task so his plan of making her fully take care of his nephew probably is not going to work.

[@j.j.juggernaut9709]

No. OP was certainly the AH. If she cannot assisst her OWN husband in a time of need, and decides to act like a grumbly stranger, she has no place being in a relationship. I don't understand why you people always assume ill will of men in a relationship, thinking he was trying to test her or pushed her boudaries on purpose, when in reality life just happens sometimes and you can't always be prepared.

[@GeorgeVCohea-dw7ou]

@@j.j.juggernaut9709 Nah, he is by showing a lack of consideration to his nephew and a lack of respect to his wife. Also, most schools won't simply allow just anyone to willy-nilly pick up a student. One must be on a pre-approved list, and it might have caused a ruckus had OP actually gone. The uncle is clearly still learning how the real world is for a legal guardian and is not experienced enough to get someone even less experienced and unwilling involved in handling such a complicated task.

[@JudeDragon158]

Story three sounds... creepy on the parents side. And this is from someone who knows waaaay too much about how much my dad appreciated my moms bar hopping leather pants. When there’s no boundaries in kink between consenting adults and the kids their raising it gives me a pit in my stomach. Not because I’m sex negative- I’m far too much my father’s son for that but that’s what leads to the sister’s frankly unhealthy ideas around sex and kink.

[@pastelrave7432]

I agree

[@sadlad335]

Hate to dig on RSlash, but story 4 is a bad take. Op's husband, while yes, doing something good for his brother with cancer, made a huge choice without talking to op about it. Already a breach of trust RSlash would normally call out. And when op set boundaries about how willing they were to be a part of this, because op is NOT comfortable with the delicate nature of caring for a child, the husband agreed to those boundaries. And then, the husband made an immature mistake, and forgot to take care of his nephew that he so gladly decided to house, and expected to once again be able to last-minute throw the responsibility for this child on op. I mean. Sure, it was a brunch with op's mom, but the fact that husband had no plans to accommodate for the meeting is really irresponsible. If it was a surprise meeting, then sure, he has an excuse, but given husband's track record already, i have a hard time believing that. I feel for that child, he's in a bad spot, and I think RSlash is so upset with op because his parent instincts are kicking in, but not every human is wired to be super child-driven, and that does not make op the asshole here

[@misslaylafortune9276]

I was thinking the same thing. I think the whole situation is a mess because OP was put in a situation she wasn't comfortable with, and she probably knew when he said "I'd be the one taking care of him" that it was inevitably going to become her responsibility too. While I like these videos, RSlash can absolutely be biased when it comes to situations involving children, cheating, or a handful of other situations he has a personal stake in.

[@ethanmacleod1721]

Sure? Picking up a child is completely different to the greater realm of child care, it’s basically just driving. OP in the story isn’t even willing to perform basic acts of decency to help out.

[@qiralyncassette]

It's honestly just called being a decent person, I'm child free and if I was able to, I'd help out when I could because it's being a decent person.

[@GeorgeVCohea-dw7ou]

@@ethanmacleod1721 There is no way that it stops with a one time pick up from school! The uncle had already proven himself a liar and cannot continue to be trusted on matters of the nephew regarding OP.

[@tamarrasmith8336]

@@GeorgeVCohea-dw7ou this is what I was thinking too. If she set the hard no even for something like a brunch with her mom, which let's be real, she was probably going to be talking about the situation with the nephew, he wont be likely to pull this stunt again.

[@365ral]

Story 3: The asexual community has entered the chat.

[@1Scimetar]

With kicked sister out of car story, OP and his wife sound like the only two members of that family that aren't sex OBSESSED.

[@RedrumZombies]

"OBSESSED" Yup

[@KarmaTube5]

@@RedrumZombies must have SEX

[@JakePlaner]

Story 4: I think you got a little wrapped up in the childcare aspect. I think that ignoring a decision that big is something you would scorn in a lot of other cases Rslash.

[@cm7721]

Rslash dusnt care if its a child case

[@agentmaryland1239]

Yeah he gets super biased if a child is involved. Bonus bias points if it's because the biological or legal guardian is sick and dying. It sucks for the nephew, but you can't ignore how OP feels about all of this. His take on this story completely invalidated OP's feelings on a matter she was not consulted in. That's as bad as the proclaimed 'giving the child a cold shoulder, how *dare* you not unconditionally love a child you do not know and was thrust into your lap against your own will!' bs I keep seeing everyone spout.

[@dumbdragon13]

Right? Rslash bro, take a step back and think about the clear boundaries that OP set in place. The husband broke those boundaries like the Koolaid man through a wall. And you are of the opinion “don’t care, take care of that kid that someone forced on you”

[@MADwlØv]

I completely agree. I can empathize with both OP and her husband. With the husband, he was in a bind and asked for a seemingly small favor of his wife. OP, on the other hand, was essentially cornered into parenthood and expected to get with the program. Sure, asking OP to pick up the child is one thing but that one small favor can balloon into full blown parenthood (of which OP is strongly against). It’s completely understandable that OP is miffed about her husband’s audacity to take in a child, nephew or not, without her consent. IMO, she made her boundaries perfectly clear and her husband decided to test them out. In other words, he messed around and found out 😂 Oh! And let’s not forget that hubby magically was able to leave work and pick up his nephew. Slick move there 😉

[@fatguSV]

Rslash is biased in this case as a parent, it's hard for someone like that to see the point of someone who isn't or more likely in this case doesn't want to be one. Agreed with this boundaries were broken and the husband deserves a bigger butthole score. Rslash is one of the first people to spout back you wife up she is your family now.... Well you don't make these decisions unilaterally ever if you treat your wife as your number one priority.

[@DisneyFanatic2364]

That sex-positive story makes me mad, cuz I'm a sex-repulsed asexual, and also not big on big public displays of affection either, though that latter part might be cuz my parents were pretty chill with each other rather than touchy. I have no problem with adults engaging in consensual sex, but wish there was more respect for people who aren't as comfortable with it as others. People should be allowed to set their own boundaries.

[@DisneyFanatic2364]

Also, who the heck full on makes out in the backseat of someone else's car? While DRIVING?! Modesty aside, that just sounds dangerous as it could distract the driver.

[@darko-man8549]

Story 3: that is not sex-positivity that is non-consensual horny.

[@MelodyofDarkness0001]

Like Momokun blaming her predatory tendencies on her adhd

[@thetruth1816]

Story 4 : Rslash exposes himself as a hypocrite.. " set boundaries and stick to them" .. " how dare you not let go of your boundaries for this 1 time" which op husband will 1000% do the " remeber that one time you did a favor can you do me another favor " " and another " " and another ".. opening up a whole can of worms op didn't ask for..

[@mhorrighan]

exactly

[@qiralyncassette]

Eh this is slightly different though... Boundaries are one thing but picking up a kid from school? That's not a lot to ask and honestly I would just call it being a decent person.

[@RedrumZombies]

You mean 5th? There are 6 total. 4th is the Sex story.

[@cm7721]

@@RedrumZombies those are just mère segment u need to count the storys to get the number of stories witch sucks but hey what can you do

[@cm7721]

@@qiralyncassette no not the case op is right 1 favor and then another until she is taking care of the child full time

[@bridi0821]

4th story: R/slash what? Not only was OP literally on the way to talk with her MOTHER about FAMILY ISSUES, but her husband brought their nephew in WITHOUT TALKING TO HER! Why should OP be expected to bend over backwards for a choice she wasn’t involved in? Why is OP’s husband allowed to completely disrespect his wife?

[@lukascrood]

Preach!

[@andromachke]

i don't disagree with rslash often, but i definitely did on this story.

[@lllinai]

What? No? She’s being mean to a child with a sick father. She married her husband, so his family is also hers. There are not many details on who else might be able to take care of the kid if she’s so against it, but come on. Rslash is right, she’s heartless.

[@adamb89]

No she's not heartless, she's enforcing boundaries. Her husband straight up lied to her. That's where it ends--he's TA, she's in the clear. She was the victim of a bait and switch. You can't play the "but we're faaaaamilllyyy" card to get out of lying.

[@terramarini6880]

@@lllinai She should have done it the once, then ripped her hubby a new one when he got home and told him to get his emergency plan together cause that was the one and only time the boundary would be crossed and disrupt her plans.

[@dracko158]

OP: "I DoN'T cArE aBoUt oThErS!!" Also OP: **Gets incredibly worked up over the neighbor having a video doorbell** OP is definitely doing something illegal if he gets worked up over something so minor.

[@Dan-et2gj]

Nah. People just don’t want cameras up against their front door. And in some states it will actually be considered an invasion of privacy. In Oregon you’re allowed privacy in areas that can’t be seen by the public, so an apartment complex’s hallway would be considered a violation :) stop being s boot licker to the cameras and allow humans to have some privacy

[@seshthecat]

So you don't think someone has the right to not have a camera pointed at their door.

[@cm7721]

Op definitely is dealing drugs there are some cases were this applies but from the text and what he said it is just like drug dealer talk agresif n sh

[@imati7319]

@@Dan-et2gj nah the op is definietly the AH in the situation like bruh its not that big of a deal + *why you even want it removed r you doing some weird stuff?* like the guy said (and basically everyone is saying) YTA no reason for the person to remove the ring doorbell ffs

[@wmdkitty]

@@seshthecat Well, he has the right to not want it, but he doesn't have the right to control other people. And his paranoia is concerning, at the very least.

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 1: you might be right, because at most all that doorbell's going to see is OP going in and out of his house, so what is he afraid of?

[@sugarfrosted2005]

Guilt by association? Also rationalizing "well what do you have to hide" is how we got the patriot act. Not to mention Amazon is using that data and police don't require a search warrant.

[@cm7721]

Getting his druk cartel found out

[@KarmaTube5]

Probably cause they’re a Karen and when they snap, they don’t want to get caught

[@gonun69]

I kinda understand OP, I also wouldn't like it if my neighbour had a camera pointed at my door. I have nothing to hide, but it's nobody's business to record who goes throug my door and when. But I guess that's a cultural thing, it seems like privacy is much more valued here. Our privacy laws are pretty strict and the camera OP described would almost certainly be illegal in my country unless OP and all other people living in the building give their permission.

[@akl2k7]

@@cm7721 Or his random hook-ups coming over and ending up on camera. TBH, I can understand wanting some privacy, though a good compromise would have been to have the neighbor angle the camera so the most it showed of people walking by or into OP's apartment was below the neck.

[@yat282]

In the story with the nephew, I completely disagree with Rslash. The husband can't just agree to take in a child without asking his wife, and she's only sticking to the agreement that her and the husband made. It was wrong for the husband to even ask his wife to pick up the nephew, because they already agreed that wouldn't happen.

[@skywalkerjohn8965]

Yeah, and the husband makes it like Op is the only one who can pick him up.

[@Skippalenikfanclub]

You are wrong.. buy I respect your bad take. Lol

[@mousepotato6047]

For the nephew story, tbh i side with the wife. I grew up being forced to take care of my siblings kids (since birth and i took care of 5 at once for a long time) for 10 years, STARTING from when i was 10 yrs old myself and had no life. I refuse to have kids or take care of them anymore. Idc how busy i am. Its not her fault or the kids fault, it sucks sometimes. If i clearly say i want no part and you still see me as an option thats a personal problem. Idc how cruel it may sound but through my own personal experience i didnt deserve to be forced into that much responsibility with no choice.

[@suspishfishy]

I'm WHEEZING at the fifth story. The wife was like yea I don't wanna pick up the kid and rslash immediately was like no you're a horrible person and I hope your husband knows you're a piece of trash and I'm like hmm you totally can't tell that rslash feels a certain way about children issues

[@BunchyPanther42]

He’s right tho. The husband is doing his best to help his DYING brother and his nephew and Op is mad about it and doing her best to be petty

[@tacobelle6680]

I know right! Good ol dabs is biased now. While the wife is a bit cold, she has a right to be upset. Her husband said he would be solely his responsibility and is now facing the consequences of his unilateral decision. Taking in a child is a huge responsibility. The wife could definitely lighten up, surely, but to flat out call her a horrible person the way r slash did is kinda wrong.

[@mikayla1450]

Op didn’t consent to 24/7 babysitting duties, then after pointing that out was told she wouldn’t have to help past cooking an extra portion and cleaning after all 3, and then the husband immediately tries to get op to relent on a very clear boundary. If it was an emergency, maybe she could’ve told her mom to wait, but it also says the mom wanted to discuss family issues, which could be very important. The husband clearly was able to leave work (it doesn’t say if he was penalized or not, which changes things a bit) so he might just be frustrated and feeling like op is punishing him out of pettiness, but she’s literally doing exactly what she told him she would. and yeah it’s a horrible situation to be in but the husband knew op preferred to be (currently) childfree and still forced a guardianship role on op without even a warning. I know rslash is just trying to be empathetic bc someone has a kid and also has cancer, but it’s also unclear if there’s literally anyone else in their lives or the brother’s life that could’ve possibly been a better fit. The kid might even have a close friend who goes to the same school who has a parent that would be willing to look after them for a month or two (with compensation for groceries and such) or they could call the school and have the kid go home on the bus with a friend and would be picked up on the husbands way home if the other parent allows. There are so so so many options, i was so confused by his agression over it 😂

[@cermit2379]

Yeah they’re not the butthole for not wanting to be a parent to someone’s else’s kid especially when they weren’t consulted. Any other time Dabney would’ve said that they’re not the butthole because they did exactly what they agreed to, but because it includes kids now he’s going to say they’re the butthole? Nope. NTA. You don’t force parenting on someone who doesn’t want kids or the responsibility of an extra person when they don’t want it. Unfortunate situation, but not her problem. It’s like saying you don’t want any pets and your partner goes out and gets a puppy. You agree to help clean up after it because you don’t want a messy house, but then he gets mad when you aren’t the one to take them to all their vet appointments when you didn’t want the dog in the first place.

[@RedrumZombies]

@@BunchyPanther42 no...

[@savagebear4374]

First story: If the landlord is ok then there shouldn't be an issue. I would want one if I could afford it. It's not a matter of privacy, it's a matter of security. Last story: OP's MIL's string of grandsons was just coincidence. There is no way (that I know of) to control the gender outcome of a newborn.

[@insu_na]

there is, by fertilizing many eggs artificially and discarding the zygotes that are not of the desired sex. It's super super expensive and really dang pointless, but it's possible

[@julienat]

P

[@savagebear4374]

@@insu_na Did not know this.

[@madgevanness4011]

Or test and terminate.

[@takemeaway285]

When I was expecting my first child my MIL was certain I would have a boy because her first was a boy, her mom had a boy first, so did both her sisters, and her brother's wife. What I didn't mention was that going back 3 generations on both sides of my family everyone had a girl first. Come the day of the birth, and what d'ya know, it's a girl! In the hospital waiting room the next day my mom and MIL are both waiting to visit their first grandchild and MIL says to my mom "it's such a shame, but she I suppose she could have a boy next time"!! My mom was furious, as was I when I found out. All through my second pregnancy I referred to the baby as "she" just to annoy MIL but she got her way, it was a boy. My kids are in their thirties now, have a child each (both girls 😂) and I'm still not over it!

[@christakriel3632]

Before scans and all was common, it was a guessing game about what the gender of the baby would be. My mum was sure I (her first) would be a boy. She even bought a blue baby bath. When she was told she had a girl she said:"is not(brother's name). I was born by emergency c-section and she was just coming to. I'm 59 to give a time line.

[@DarthAxolotl]

Im going to play devils advocate for story 4. The husband didn't consult op, op then set 1 very basic boundary, the husband needs to look after the nephew as it was his choice to take him in. The husband ignored that then got annoyed when op did exactly what op said they would.

[@Ikajo]

Come on, it was doing a simple favour for a kid whose in a sucky situation. A preteen who doesn't need that much care anyway.

[@charlizesalisbury9913]

@@Ikajo No. One favour turns into 100. That's a sales tactic too. You get them to do a small thing first so that when you ask for a bigger thing, they feel obligated cause they already did something. If you aren't committed to step through the doorway, don’t put your foot in the door. She was right not to do even that "simple favour". She cooks and cleans for a child who she didn't even want in the house but allowed the kid to stay anyways cause she is compassionate. At the same time, it's not her business. The way she's talking about the nephew makes me feel like she hasn't spent much time with him prior to this whole arrangement so she obviously feels uncomfortable.

[@Sosodefkid]

@@charlizesalisbury9913 bruh they’re married that’s her nephew too….

[@thetruth1816]

@@Ikajo give me a trillion dollars.. I'm stuck In a terrible situation!!

[@Quell1964]

@@Sosodefkid doesn't change the fact that one minute she had plans next she's expected to care for a child. Its not like he said 'honey you know my brother is sick so I'm thinking of helping out by taking care of my nephew. What do you think?' Because let's be honest, who do you actually think would have the brunt of that childcare? Compassion or not if I have to rearrange my life for a kid I'd like some notice. Won't you?

[@weeb8731]

Second story: only other possibility I can think of is maybe OP's father wasn't able to walk her down the aisle? She didn't mention anything about that but maybe her father passed away early on and wasn't able to do it, so she is feeling jealous to someone who has the chance to do it but isn't taking it

[@TheMysteryman19]

Angie and her bf in third story need to be punished for their behavior no ifs ands or buts

[@Hehehehhehehehhhhehehe]

I would really like to see more stories where its a case of YTA, I think its interesting to see people try to make themselfs in the right when they are total assholes lol

[@agentmaryland1239]

The reason there probably aren't as many YTA stories, is because they're poorly written and rSlash has a hard time discerning what is going on. Just as well, a lot of times people genuinely aren't the asshole but are being gaslit into believing it's all their fault because the actual assholes don't believe they are wrong.

[@sabersz]

@@agentmaryland1239 or people who know they're the asshole still have enough brain capacity to understand that, and don't post it on reddit for people to decide on. Those are the situations that we don't even get to see

[@wandrinyew]

Hubby agreed to take on all responsibility for the nephew, then welched. He did not consult you prior to making a unilateral decision. You blew this one, OP's husband YTA.

[@chippy2023]

Yeah I agree. If I was in that situation, I can bet my High School diploma that my Mother will "have a few words" with them if they tried to pull a stunt like this on me just like they did with OP.

[@maieen2665]

*First OP:* Is OP involved in criminal activity, or is she (?) just being a Karen? Or _both_ ? Either way, OP is TA. Looks like we’re getting an extra spicy rSlash this morning, lol! *Second OP:* Why is OP telling her SIL who should walk her down the aisle in _the SIL’s wedding?_. If SIL wants her brother to walk her down the aisle instead of her father, then that’s her choice. OP is TA. *Third OP:* There’s a noticeable delay between the scrolling text and rSlash’s narration. Onto the story. Backgrounds aside, OP’s sister and BIL were being disrespectful to OP and his (?) wife in OP’s car. _On their way to a funeral, no less!_ I know people grieve in different ways, but come on! OP is NTA. His sister and BIL can “grieve” in the café. *Fourth OP:* OP’s husband should’ve discussed his plan with OP beforehand, but assuming there aren’t any other close relatives OP’s nephew could’ve stayed with, I don’t blame OP’s husband for taking him in. On one hand I think OP could’ve picked up her nephew this one time. On the other hand, she and her husband had an agreement. I don’t have a score for this story. I don’t want call OP TA because she and her husband had a deal. I don’t want to call her husband TA because he’s looking after his brother’s son. I also don’t want to say NAH because they both could’ve handled things differently. Yeah, I’m stumped on this one. I’m sure someone will offer insight in a friendly manner. 😛 *Fifth OP:* OP’s MIL is spouting nonsense, and OP had to put her in check. OP is NTA.

[@jamescoleman7858]

Honestly, I'm ESH for the 4th story. The husband needed to consult OP before taking in a kid, but lunch with mom seems like a thing that could've been moved in order to pick up the kid.

[@grottymink7784]

@DarkCoreX except the husband. When his mother started spouting her outdated worldview he stuck up for his wife, when his wife insulted his mother he waited until they were in private before confronting her. Both his wife and mother-in-law were in the wrong here. Honestly, it sounds like he handled it in the best possible way other than the silent treatment after the argument.

[@sugarfrosted2005]

Or get this: maybe he just doesn't want to get spied upon.

[@wmdkitty]

@@sugarfrosted2005 Or he's running a meth lab and doesn't want to get caught.

[@gonun69]

@@wmdkitty There are many legitimate reasons why you don't want a camera pointed at your door. Maybe OP is secretly homosexual and lives in some backwards town and therefore doesn't want his neighbours to know? Just because someone wants privacy doesn't mean they are breaking the law.

[@ArtyMcKenzie]

How is she cold and unfeeling for doing EXACTLY what she said she was going to do? She said "no, I did not consent to childcare and I am continuing to not consent to childcare" then followed through. It's nice if she does but she doesn't have to. Her husband should have made further accommodations because he KNEW that's how his wife felt about it. And what a dick move to begin with. Frankly, it reminds me of that one story where the guy had to take in his sibling but the fiance was just not interested and wanted to pass the sibling off to the uncle (except the he had already given the child a choice to stay with them) and in that story, both were well within their rights and those rights were at an impasse. Same here. OP is within her rights to say "I dont want to do that" but the husband is NOT within his rights just force another person on her in her home as well and additional responsibilities for that person. NTA from me but also, they need to go have a conversation about that shit because either the brother is going to get better and this will not be forgotten or the brother isn't going to get better and this kid has to go somewhere (and perhaps a divorce if they can't work on managing expectations). Also, sir. How the fuck do you not know a meeting is going to be 2h long? You fucking knew, you were just expecting to be able to cast that work onto your wife, you asshole. ETA: dude, didn't you just talk about consent too? She didn't consent but she should do it anyway? Consent is for everything, not just sex or things related to sex.

[@kninenights]

Right! She set a boundary and kept it, the husband is way out of line

[@Aloghee]

I completely agree with everything you said and I could not have said it better. Although the situation sucks with the nephews dad having cancer, it’s not her responsibility to take care of the nephew. The husband took on the responsibility and she set a clear boundary at the very beginning saying that she would not be taking care of him or doing anything of the sort, but when the time came he still tried to force it on her then tried to make her feel guilty about following through with what she said she would do.

[@NinjaTyler]

Sometimes meetings just fucking randomly spring up, happens in various fields all the time. And he didn't ask her to take care of the kid, just if she could pick him up from school, not a big request, and again this isn't a stranger this is her nephew who's dad is fighting for his life. She's being a total Ahole about this not giving an ounce of sympathy all because her husband acted from his heart and not his brain in a moment of need. But she didn't want to be a mature adult and talk it out and instead played this childish game of treating her nephew like it's some strangers dog and not someone she knows.

[@adri9974]

​@@NinjaTylershe did talk about and she quite clearly said she didn't want to do it

[@NinjaTyler]

@@adri9974 yeah and it was an emergency, marriage involves sacrifice and again, he wasn't asking her to take care of him literally just drive one time. Like she shows zero compassion and shows she's a horrible person for choosing to not help her husband one time. It's no different from asking to drive a friend somewhere. If he had asked her to drive his brother home I bet she'd have done it so why is a kid any different? The answer is it isn't

[@nathanwilliams9158]

Story 4: I dunno, it sounds to me like the husband didn’t respect his wife enough to even bring it up in conversation before taking in his nephew. Possibly because he knew she wouldn’t be on board. If I were in that scenario, as strongly as I felt, my first move would be to talk with my wife. After all that, OP didn’t say know but set a clear boundary, which the husband agreed to. Then the husband tried to get OP to push her boundary and she didn’t budge. Then the husband yelled at her. Sorry rslash I’m with OP on this one for the most part. Realistically it sounds like the marriage doesn’t have strong communication to begin with which sucks for the nephew, but this situation could have been avoided with a proper alignment talk before agreeing to take the kid in.

[@Starmadien2019]

I can see your point, but what bothers me is the way she treats the kid just for existing near her. She shows no empathy for a 12 year old who already presumably lost his mom and is now facing losing his dad. I grew up with a parent and guardians who treated me like an inconvenience and a burden and it really fucked me up. She needs to discuss this privately and not be petty enough to take it out on the kid. Also it was an emergency situation and as annoying as that is making sure the kid gets home safe and sound is way more important than lunch with your mother that you have like every week. Shit drop the kid off at home and go back to hanging with your mom. She needs to grow up a little and not be petty to a literal child.

[@anamazing2297]

@@Starmadien2019 I agree. No child should be punished for a lack of communication between their guardians! Especially when they may loose a parent in the midst of the extra conflict. This is when compassion comes into play. The kid isn't a puppy adopted on a whim. They are there due to a family emergency, and probably doesn't want to be there any more than the aunt does. Yet they deserve a safe place during a very stressful, and vulnerable time so early in life.

[@nathanwilliams9158]

I think where we disagree is that to me this was not an emergency. This was a work meeting. The husband has to plan around his work if he agrees that his nephew is his responsibility. Work will have meetings, they should be expected. He wasn’t injured and on the way to the hospital, his car didn’t break down, it’s just work. If he doesn’t have the type of job where he can set hard stop times for meetings, then he needs to make arrangements for what happens in this eventuality because it will happen again. He didn’t plan for this for the same reason he didn’t consult his wife before taking in the nephew in the first place. He doesn’t respect her time or see what she has going on as important.

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

Story 4: r/slash and others: you need to take care of your family and be engaged even if it doesn't really involve you *OP is literally meeting with her mother to discuss problems on her side of the family and cooking and cleaning for a kid and adjusting her living situation for the kid* So what you mean is if there is a kid op should be bending backwards for that side of the family, because her mother and her childless side of the family with their own issues doesn't matter? Also must have been an important meeting if op's husband could just leave within an hour. Also they really have no family who can just pick up a kid?

[@Janjones7735]

And single people do have kids. He needs to figure it out just like they would.

[@PlaguedMelody]

EXACTLY it's so hypocritical because R/slash labelled a grandmother who refused to help her daughter (op) who was struggling horribly both mentally amd physically and r/slash stated she wasn't the asshole because she had the right to say no to a child that isn't her own 😭 like bruh how is this different?! She was never even consulted about this so why is it that if HER HUSBAND accepts a responsibility, then it's suddenly hers?!

[@jamieg2427]

@@PlaguedMelody i agree: r slash got it wrong this time.

[@RedrumZombies]

@@Janjones7735 He as in the OP's husband, and rSlash.

[@RedrumZombies]

@@jamieg2427 Like 20-25% of the time.

[@marissaworsham3062]

Husband walking the sister: It might be jealousy mixed with an insane obsession with tradition that she won't admit to. That's the only thing that I can think of because I can have a obsessive reaction to people going against tradition but I'm also grown up enough to keep it to myself.

[@thevoidismyhome7242]

Story 1: YTA Story 2: YTA Story 3: NTA Story 4: NTA (I'll summarize another comment that does it better) The three rules preached on AITA are 1) Set and Keep Your Boundarires. 2) Don't make unilateral decisions about your relationship or household. 3) Poor Planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. All 3 are in Story 4's OP's favor, and yet Dabney is like "Oh you're a horrible person, I hope your husband divorces you, you're heartless and cruel". Rule 1: OP made a clear boundary that she would not be taking care of the child, and the husband *agreed* she wouldn't have to step up in any way. Rule 2: The husband chose to bring the kid in unilaterally instead of talking with his wife about it and, potentially, finding another solution like the kid staying with a close friend's parents (if willing) and covering expenses or upholding his agreement that OP wouldn't have to get involved. Rule 3: Husband's Poor Planning does *not* constitute an emergency on OP's part. Could OP have helped? Yes, but that would have meant sacrificing her boundaries. And considering Hubby got home *before* OP, he clearly wasn't as stuck in that meeting as he had led her to believe. Plus, are there no other siblings of Hubby, or maybe again a close friend of the kid's parents? Hubby had unilaterally decided to take on a kid, and when his wife's BoUnDaRiEs got in the way of his plans, he tried to manipulate her. Hubby is the AH, OP is NTA, and Dabney needs to not be a hypocrite on these three rules. Either they are to be applied equally or they aren't to be applied at all ever. Stop wishy-washying just because a kid is involved or cancer is involved. Yes, it's tragic that Hubby's brother has cancer, and that the kid is in the mess, but OP is not to blame for the situation she was put into. *Hubby* brought the kid into their home, *Hubby* promised he'd respect her boundary and keep her out of childcare, and *Hubby* is the one who tried to force OP to break her boundary because he (probably) thought she wasn't serious about the boundary and/or thought he could manipulate her into breaking the boundary and taking on childcare like the woman she is (his thoughts IMO not mine) Dabney, you get an *easy* 3/5 Buttholes for Story 4. Story 5: NTA

[@thetruth1816]

Thaaaaaank you.. I was starting to think people on this channel were insane..

[@artemismoonhaven5308]

Yeah thank you @rslash wtf? He disrespected her boundaries time and time again but since a kid is involved you get all aggressive like, “what about the children?” Boundaries and respect are the pillars of this post, not her responsibility, not her problem.

[@betoromano2620]

for the wedding story my theory is that OP's father died because she does say "[the bride's] father is alive and they're on speaking terms" so this makes me think that her father died and that she is confused and trying to push her desires of having her father walk her down the isle at her wedding.

[@trevorsullivan3706]

She made it clear that she didn't want to have anything to do with the kid and her husband agreed so she's in her rights about it

[@dultaging]

Yup

[@MindRamble]

She said she was discussing family issues with her mum ... How are her family issues not as important as his. I don't feel like she is an ahole

[@smequestrianart-qj2ee]

First story op should love having a camera pointed at her door, best security ever 😁

[@cm7721]

Not if hes running a drug cartel

[@jordan_cagle]

If your wondering why r/ is late, today was daylight savings in America.

[@juliaboskamp9666]

he had posted three days in a row early we can give him a break

[@Elethia1213]

The 2nd story: at first I thought she was jealous that op's dad is dead and couldn't do that for op. But then the more op talked the more she sounded like the people who say " but they are your parents" to child abuse survivors, becuase they can't comprehend that parents sometimes can and do horrible things to their children. I do not know if this is the case here but sorta sounds like it.

[@LaineMann]

EXACTLY. OP isn’t jealous, she’s a “BuT FaMiLy” asshole.

[@Dan-et2gj]

First one OP is not the butt hole. In most states you would have the right to privacy in your apartment complex’s hallway. In Oregon the law is that if it’s not accessible/ viewable from the street then you have a right to privacy in it. If you’re that worried about packages being stolen, you can have them delivered to the post office where an ID and signature will be needed to get your package. You don’t have a right to invade someone else’s privacy by pointing a camera directly at their dwelling.

[@phelanmartin6118]

You’re wrong on the 4th story. Noble intentions don’t absolve dropping a child on someone without discussion before hand. OPs husband made a decision without her input and he should have to lay in that bed if she doesn’t want to deal with it. Is it cold, yes. Would I make the same choice she did? No. Is anyone a butthole here? No. As you so often say, marriage is a partnership, ALL decisions are share and OPs husband violated that, she has no responsibility for someone else’s child, nephew or not.

[@RedrumZombies]

Not really cold. If anything the Husband is cold in their relationship. If rSlash wants to go digging into the wording... The husband called the kid "HIS NEPHEW". Not OUR. Also that's the 5th story.

[@TJDious]

OP3: There's being sex positive and there's bring an a-hole who doesn't respect the boundaries of others. NTA, OP. You should have pushed them out of the car while it was moving. And no, Zara doesn't "need to loosen up." She has the right to her feelings.

[@itsOasus]

My only criticism about Ring doorbells is that Amazon sends footage to the police WITHOUT your permission. That's not cool. But like, outside of that, first OP is absolutely an asshole for demanding it be removed. Its like...why? Concerns about being peeked on has been allayed. There's literally no other valid reason.

[@TJDious]

It may not be cool but you consent to it when you get one.

[@Tantejay]

Wedding story: OPs Dad either is dead before her wedding and couldn't gave her away or another Daddy issue she is projecting on the wedding of her SIL. She needs to realize that her issues are not her sister-in-laws and that ultimately it is her decision. She also needs to understand that sge is destroying her own marriage if she doesn't stop to stick her nose in other people's business.

[@NerdsTravels]

Her husband took on a pre-teen without asking her, and then she agreed despite obviously being very uncomfortable with the situation, they made an agreement that he would take care of the kid that he immediately flaked on, and you think she’s the bad guy? Nope.

[@lukascrood]

I was hoping I’d find someone who agreed! She is NOT the asshole.

[@Mewse1203]

Thank you! I hate the reaction to this story. Reddit has three things that it likes to preach to everybody that are really good and yet everyone completely throws then out here where they are most warranted. 1)set and keep your boundaries, 2)don't make a unilateral decisions about your relationship or household, 3)poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. Literally every element is in OP's favor and yet she's still called the asshole. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter why he did what he did. He still was a major asshole for bringing a CHILD into a relationship without consulting her. Then despite her righteous anger, she agrees as long as he does all the work. His excuse was a BS manipulation. He AGREED to do all the work but then tried to coerce her into helping. He wasn't THAT "stuck in a meeting" since he was able to leave so easily. And the whole "his" vs "our" nephew thing is stupid. We don't know their relationship. We don't know how old/new it is or how close she is to the in laws. Not everyone considers in laws the same type of family and saying "his nephew" is not only OK, but technically correct. What she said was super normal and harping on it says more about the commenters/Rslash than it does about her.

[@12XFixer]

This is the comment I'd been searching for. She wasn't ready for a kid in her life. He made that decision without her. That's fucked up. Thank God, some people are thinking clearly.

[@abiean222]

a child is not a pet. grow a heart

[@NerdsTravels]

@@abiean222 You’re absolutely right, a child is not a pet. Which means that someone deciding without consulting their partner to take on caring for a child is absolutely abhorrent. It has nothing to do with “growing a heart”. Bringing a child into an atmosphere where they aren’t wanted is how kids end up abused. I’m a little concerned that you don’t seem to think pets are worthy of decent treatment though.

[@matthewmiller6068]

I can see not wanting a ring doorbell, we have issues with their policies on data sharing and removed the one that was on our house when we bought it. When I put up my own (not Amazon owned) security cameras I also made sure as much as possible that it didn't cover anyone else's property, just mine and the state road in front of my driveway.

[@DeepSlumber]

I don't think OP in the first story is unjustified to be uncomfortable. I had a similar talk to my neighbour because a bit of our property was on their camera, they moved it and it was done but some people just really don't like having their stuff, friends, family, themselves on someone elses footage for various reasons. It doesn't always have to be bc theyre doing something sketchy. The way they handled it though was .... questionable.

[@TJDious]

No one is owed comfort in this world. If he doesn't like it he can move. Also it's different when it's your property and not an apartment you're renting.

[@DeepSlumber]

@@TJDious not being owed comfort doesn't mean OP wouldn't be allowed to request it. Hence me saying the way they went about it was shit - the request itself is not.

[@patriciaoconnor402]

Sounds like OP is jealous of Mike and Beth's sibling relationship. The sentence,"They spend all week together", says it all. It's none of her business who walks Beth down the aisle.

[@BeeWhistler]

The question is, whether it’s her opinion that they spend all week together or whether in fact her husband hangs out with his sister more than his wife. If the latter is true I can’t say that I blame her for being upset. But whether he walks his sister down the aisle is none of her business. She would still need to get some marriage counseling though.

[@BunnyQueen97]

Story 5: if he’d consulted her, she would have told him she didn’t want to interact with a child. “One lunch” quickly becomes an entire life of stay-at-home motherhood that she DIDN’T sign up for. It sounds like OP’s husband sees his wife as a non-sentient utility in his life, rather than a partner. They clearly have different values, and OP’s husband can’t shove his onto her just because it’s, “the right thing to do”.

[@EdBurke37]

It's story 4, chapter 5. The fourth chapter of the video is further discussion of the third story.

[@Ikajo]

You are making a mountain out of a molehill. It was one favour in picking up a preteen. Not a toddler. Not an eight year old. A preteen. That's an age when kids are pretty independent.

[@spicydiarrhea5662]

@@Ikajo you do it if it's not much, what's the problem?

[@neffyg35]

@@Ikajo one favor turns into a 100. Many people are great for taking a mile when given an inch

[@Ikajo]

@@neffyg35 Why would OP be married to such a person then?

[@dutchvanderbilt9969]

Story 1: The only reason you'd have an issue with your neighbor having security cameras is if you're doing something you don't want to get busted for.

[@gonun69]

I totally understand the first OP, I also wouldn't like it if my neighbour had a camera pointed at my door. But I think that's a bit of a cultural thing. From what I've heard, privacy outside your home is much more valued where I live than in the USA. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Ring doorbell would be against the law here as we have pretty strict privacy laws.

[@gonun69]

I just looked it up, that ring doorbell would only be legal here if all the people living in the building would agree and there was a sign that the area is under video surveillance. I think it would be ok if it only turns on when someone presses the doorbell and you use it like a remote peephole. But if you use the motion activated recording functionality, it would definitely be breaking our privacy laws.

[@threecheeseburrito]

Story 2: I don't understand why OP thinks she has any say at all? It's not even her wedding. Maybe OP doesn't have a dad and she's jealous that Mike's sister is reconciling with her own. Grief is extremely weird and people can definitely act weird because of it, but that doesn't excuse it.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Because she’s one of those women who believe they own their husbands

[@MamaWheelz]

I actually have a good compromise for the first story. Offer to help her attach it to the ceiling area above her door so it's only her space being filmed. Most folks don't look straight up for cameras and anyone nefarious at her door would be surprised if they thought they could just hide by ducking down.

[@starfreakinwars2076]

It’s not just a camera though. Are you able to reach up to a ceiling and ring a doorbell? If it were just a camera your compromise makes sense.

[@MamaWheelz]

@@starfreakinwars2076 darn, I thought that it was motion activated since they can pull footage when no one even touches it. 🤷

[@akl2k7]

@@starfreakinwars2076 It sounds almost like they need to have a way to separate the doorbell part and the camera part. My idea for a compromise was putting it high enough and at an angle so that all it would pick up of people going into OP's apartment was from the neck down, if that.

[@gavinzillagaming5445]

For the first one, it is literally looking onto someone else’s property and they have the right to ask them to take it down/move where it shows.

[@xXCode9Xx]

Yea they have the right to ask but it doesn’t mean they have to take it down

[@gavinzillagaming5445]

They could get it forced down as an invasion of privacy.

[@xXCode9Xx]

@@gavinzillagaming5445 depends on the state, my state is a one party consent state

[@gavinzillagaming5445]

Oh

[@Nikita_Akashya]

About story 4: I am not sure on this, but I suspect that OP is childfree and doesn't want to the kid in her home because she can't stand kids. Which i understand, because I also hate kids. The husband took in his nephew without asking his wife if she was ok with it, so she made sure that he knew that she wouldn't take care of the kid at all. The woman married her husband and they are supposed to be on the same page. But I have read many stories about women who are in relationships with men who are pretending to be childfree until their partners change their mind or get sterilized. There are also people who are scraed of children. OP didn't mention her stance, so we sadly don't know. But I believe it is a really asshole stance to take that people who hate children are unfeeling monsters. We are not monsters, our feelings are valid too. I am on the emotional level of a child myself and am in no way capable of caring for a child for any amount of time. Not every adult knows how to deal with kids and some also feel really awkward around them. OP is not the asshole and should probably find a better husband.

[@cm7721]

Agreed i want children when im older and im on the same page as u that dusnt make u a monster

[@j_castle9893]

I'm sure op would have been more understanding if she had a voice in taking in the kid. But the husband was like congratulations you have kid now deal with it.

[@ninagee4511]

I can relate to the last story, only its the other way around. I still have no clue why my mother treated my son like a reject just because I didn't conceive a girl

[@cathylanders6377]

😔

[@ajjamsen694]

Picking up my husband's nephew story : why is it on OP to take care of the nephew when she was A) the husband never even talked to OP about it at all. B) She made it clear she was NOT equipped to handle/deal with a kid. If someone tells me they don't think they can take care of a kid, I'm not gonna make them watch a kid. C) were there no other family that could take the kid? the husband took the kid expecting OP to just dive into Mama mode and I have no doubt, if OP picked up the nephew, OP's husband would start expecting more and more. OP was blatantly clear on her boundaries and her husband is an asshole. Yes, it's unfortunate about the kid but OP set boundaries and if she broke that then he would continue, with more and more expectations regarding the kid.

[@maieen2665]

That’s why I didn’t want to call OP TA in this story. I also don’t want to call her husband TA because he’s helping his brother, and I’m assuming there’s no other family members who could take the nephew in.

[@shawnshock8651]

While I do feel the husband is definitely in the wrong for not communicating, I don't think it justifies OP not helping in the slightest. Especially when she has full capability to do so.

[@MidknytOwl]

Thank you! Really didn't like the take on this one.

[@shykorustotora]

A kid is a colossal responsibility. Imagine your husband randomly coming home with not just a dog without your knowledge or consent, but an elephant. WTF are you supposed to do other than freak out and say "Your job, not mine!" Though I agree, she should be helping out more. Kid and husband are going through a lot and she can afford to be more empathetic. Both are AH

[@OwoeAcrossTheBoard]

I agree, the husband didn't even ask her before hand, and even tho she said "hey this isn't my responsibility" he still tried to get her to have responsibility. In my opinion the husband isn't necessary an AH, who wouldn't want to help their nephew, but this woman didn't sign up to do all this. And when it comes to picking the kids up, she told him "this is all your job" so that means having plans in place, having someone to pick up the kids or watch them.