r/AITA My Niece Destroyed My $20,000 Coat

[@maddydavidsdottir9862]

Can we just appreciate the fact op is 100% supporting his ex AND the step parent?! We NEVER see that! I'm amazed! OP and the other 2 parents are 100% NTA and op is an amazing father for supporting his co-parents!

[@midnightredditor1991]

As a co-parenting divorced dad I 100% agree. I might not like my ex very much, but what matters is the ability to come together for the benefit of the kid/kids. It's sad how many parents use their kids as a weapon.

[@smartaMartini]

My ex and I had a violent breakup, but when it came to the kid, we were a united front. If the kid was grounded at my house, he was grounded at Dad's. It was really healing actually. 30 years later, and we still celebrate all our holidays together.

[@goblinwisdom]

We tend to hear the big drama on R/slash but it's lovely to hear the normal stuff of ex's getting along and working together with eachother.

[@Ironraven001]

You took the words out of my mouth! So cool to see healthy divorced relationships.

[@maddydavidsdottir9862]

@@ozymandiasultor9480 I'm so sorry to hear that, I really wish it wasnt so normalised for you. It's a harmful word but your mindset is just as harmful. I wish you nothing but health and healing and I hope, one day, you find a community that embraces you and you can put all that anger aside 🖤

[@Enterprise-D666]

Story 3: The niece COMMITTED A HUGE CRIME! If she wasn’t sixteen, she would be in jail regardless, because she committed a felony! Destruction of private property worth over 1,000$ is automatically a felony! Anything under 1,000$ is a misdemeanor.

[@GrandInfernoElite]

Since she is 16, knew the value of the coat, and did it intentially, she would probably be charged as an adult

[@ayee3ee]

depending on the state, some people over a certain age (example: maybe 14 years old in certain states) can be charged as an adult, so this niece can face interest charges

[@lorilancaster5917]

@@GrandInfernoElite which along with any court sentence, she will have this on her record which would limit her college and employment opportunities

[@lorilancaster5917]

Also, this wouldn’t justify niece’s actions, she couldn’t claim she was doing it as a protest in favor of PETA. In other posts OP reports that the jacket is cashmere not fur or leather.

[@aaronabbey2604]

Is "tik tok fame" really worth ruining your life over. The harsh truth is that we will be forgotten once gone and becoming famous doesn't guarantee that you won't.

[@jerryeubanks3177]

The coat story. I can't believe how well the husband and Brother-in-law handled it. I applaud both.

[@guitarbass22]

I swear I’ve heard that EXACT story on RSlash before, minus the update with husband and BIL. So I’m glad we got an update.

[@Nekulturny]

Yeah, I had heard that story before elsewhere but not the update. I was wondering about that, a coat that valuable HAD to be insured, anyone who can afford a coat that expensive would be savvy enough to insure it. Of course, intentional damage to the coat, yeah the insurance company isn't just gonna eat that, they'll pay the claimant and then go after the perpetrator.

[@lorilancaster5917]

Props to OP too. However I don’t think the relationship among OP, sister, nor niece can be mended

[@TheEDFLegacy]

@@lorilancaster5917 Or her partner, for that matter. I suspect that BIL will be getting a divorce over this if sister doesn't seriously apologize.

[@ayee3ee]

is no one going to question like what the fuck was the niece even thinking???

[@MisterNightfish]

That last story made me so mad I got a headache. That poor man. I hope he gets a divorce. Imagine what he's been going through before this if they think this is normal and acceptable.

[@DarkOsprey28]

Honestly if it does end up in divorce, OP has nobody to blame but herself. All this could’ve been avoided easily!

[@maartendetemmerman393]

the thing is, i don't blame the wife. she wasn't home when this happend. altough she could have invited her brother and gf to come to her place to continue talks while she could watch her youngest. its mainly the problem that neither the son nor daughter wanted to watch their brother while op had to go to the hospital. so i completely agree with the husband cancelling the trip since the kids seem to be a bit to entitled anyway. the woman could easely solve this by agreeing with him instead of fighting him over it.

[@jasonwethy8360]

@@maartendetemmerman393 it sounded to me that the son was not home either. So the daughter was the only one there.

[@lorilancaster5917]

@@maartendetemmerman393 I’m sorry but I would have to politely disagree regarding OP. Yeah she wasn’t home but she should’ve left as soon as her husband asked. Her brother would understand and I’m sure the gf would too. Heck! It may earn OP brownie points since she would show that she’s a caring person. But nope

[@shagnasty9028]

Meh. Fuck em people don't have to babysit if they don't want to

[@bel0749]

About the coat story, I wasn’t paying attention at first and thought the niece was like 7, like a literal child (which would make her actions less bad imo, bc kids don’t understand money). And then I heard “sell her car”. Yeah, a 17 year old should absolutely know better.

[@fdm2155]

Agreed. If this was a little kid who didn't understand the value OR the potential damage of paint, that'd be one thing. However, parents are still responsible for their kids actions so the outcome (ie parents have to pay up) would be the same. In this case, OP didn't even realize the coat was worth so much it was the teen who looked it up. I think the teen was jealous and intentionally ruined the coat, tbh.

[@starbird3939]

Story 3 Ah yes… committing crimes on social media for clout. Great for evidence. Screencap and hand it to the judge.

[@sophietremblay3795]

Exactly

[@satsujin4027]

Right? The punishment is rly important,because if she was an adult and did shit like that, she could face a much worse punishment, including jail. But seruously, these people are so fucking stupid!

[@LunetteFox]

Ruining a $20k coat for clout is so anger-inducing, because she did it just for a reaction and nothing else. I sincerely hate how social media has taught kids it's okay to be disrespectful towards people and their property so long as it's for internet fame...

[@fdm2155]

Nah, obviously you have to be steeped in indifference towards others for this to even occur to you. AND why use *paint* !? She could have played the exact same prank with something that very likely wouldn't have ruined the coat but she wanted MAXIMUM damage. I think the niece was jealous of the aunt's coat, wealth and thought she could destroy it while playing this 'it's just a joke' card. Niece fucked around and found out! The sister's response was ridiculous. The niece is WAY too old to be doing shit like this. Let's hope she learned a lesson.

[@Nova-lu3ow]

It sounds like the niece is a tiktok user, and the culture of tiktok is anybody who has something you don't is an awful person who deserves to be bullied by everyone.

[@jackmanleblanc2518]

@@Nova-lu3ow Unfortunately that seems to be online culture in general.

[@thundermothstudio5446]

This is why I don't use almost any form of social media and why I don't want kids. OP's niece is an entitled little turd and her attention-seeking is going to cause a lot of misery for herself and others. I feel bad, I really do, because OP's niece is just one broken rubber away from showing up in an entitled parents story.

[@karaoconnoraliasraidra]

I also wonder if the niece had people egging her on, like she told people online about the coat and some a-holes told her, “She doesn’t deserve it! You should prank her by messing it up! That’ll teach her a lesson!” Of course, that wouldn’t excuse the niece because she could have said, “Hey, that’s not cool. What is wrong with you?” instead of doing what she did. It’s irritating to see so many people claiming that it’s okay for someone’s expensive item to be stolen or ruined because, “They don’t deserve it!” and, “They’re rich, they can just buy a new one!” First off, they don’t have the right to judge who “deserves” an expensive item. Second, how do they know they’re rich? Having an expensive item doesn’t mean someone is wealthy and has money to burn. They may have been given the item as a gift (like the aunt in the story), or won it in a contest, or scrimped and saved and sacrificed for years to buy it. What these people are really saying is, “I’m jealous of other people’s possessions and decided to let my jealousy make me hateful and mean-spirited instead of dealing with it in a healthy way.”

[@awdrifter3394]

I think the case comparison is fair. Imagine if OP was gifted a car, the niece took it for a joy ride and totalled it. Of course she'll have to pay it back.

[@iantan5425]

Looking at the niece's attitude, I guess she won't even care if it's a coat or a car tbh

[@LilDevyl17]

@@iantan5425 I hate to say, but you might be on to something there. Especially when she said at the beginning she did on purpose and knew what it cost and then her Mom just said, "We're not paying for it!" Makes want to think what would have happened if it wasn't a family member she did this too? Would have had to go to court and have that be put on her record!

[@iantan5425]

@@LilDevyl17 well we know who's the enabler

[@rabbit0664]

@@iantan5425 You're not wrong. I could see her "Stealing a car for a joyride." I do agree though that she'd just keep continuing on this path.

[@maieen2665]

*First OP:* Grounding OP's son likely won't let him reflect on the impact of that word, but he'll at least think twice about using the word around Jonathan. OP is NTA; if his mom and brother (?) think otherwise, then I think I know where OP's son got the attitude from. Side note: Shoutouts to OP and his ex and the ex's current husband for working together in this situation. *Second OP:* What's a Thanksgiving dinner with a huge blowout? /j OP's family started the whole thing by making remarks on OP's life choices, and OP finished it by pointing out theirs. OP is NTA. *Third OP:* Wouldn't OP's niece have committed a crime for deliberately ruining a 20k coat? I'm pretty sure OP can (and should) press charges against her niece for vandalism. OP is NTA. Shoutouts to OP's husband and her BIL. Hopefully OP's niece will think twice about hurting people/ ruining their stuff for clout. *Fourth OP:* I can understand OP's daughter not looking after her little brother to study. I can _kind of_ understand OP's son not wanting to cancel his plans. I don't understand why OP couldn't cancel her plans to look after her own son (or was he her stepson?) during an emergency. As someone in the Reddit replies pointed out, why couldn't OP's brother and his girlfriend come to OP's place? I don't blame OP's husband for being upset and cancelling the family's vacation. OP is TA.

[@TonySamedi]

My one complaint is that the punishment should be more than that. There should be an emphasis on teaching the son about the history and harm of racism. Also, anyone who is acting like him calling his stepdad that word, and being all "Well it's true isn't it" isn't worth a month grounding minimum, needs to be dropped from that kids life. "Nope, you're not allowed to defend racism and still be influencing my child, sorry"

[@neinja66469]

Tbh the punishment for the first kid should've been 20 pelts to the bare back then forcing them to lay down for an hour That's what my grandmother started doing like 50 years ago just so racial ignorance had no room to grow

[@Thundarr100]

@@TonySamedi and it’s good that they’re trying to nip this in the bud. If they let it fester, the kid could end up saying that word to the face of the WRONG black guy. Imagine walking up to Mike Tyson or Bobby Lashley and calling one of THEM the N word to their face. The punk ass white kid would end up not HAVING a face after that, I can practically guarantee you that.

[@ozymandiasultor9480]

@@TonySamedi Sure, but add to that history of black racism too. And you are overreacting...That is not something so bad to punish the boy so harshly, that boy will be mad and will use that word even more later in life.

[@ozymandiasultor9480]

@@neinja66469 What? You think physical punishment is OK and that kid will learn something if someone does that to him? That will make him even angrier, and he will use that word even more. That is a recipe for making sociopaths, use such punishment and he will be violent and aggressive because you taught him things can be solved with beating.

[@ajjamsen694]

Last story :if OP's FIL died while her husband was begging any one of them to watch the baby brother, divorce would be the least of OP's worry. Holy shit, wtf is wrong with people...?

[@dx1450]

Fucking selfish. OP and her kids, which I don't think is a coincidence. OP could have cut her dinner short because of a medical emergency, or either of her kids could have watched their brother for a few hours. But no, they all wanted to do what they wanted to do and then got upset with their stepdad cancelled their trip. I think he realized how self-centered his wife & stepkids really are.

[@silverflight01]

Story 4: The husband literally felt abandoned by his family when he had a medical emergency, *OF PECKING COURSE HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE MAD!!* And the irony that OP thinks that the husband is abandoning the family for the holiday. OP needs their priorities straight.

[@markusb.2850]

They did not act as a family in an emergency, so they do not get on a family vacation. Seems fair. I would call the divorce lawyer and cancel everything for the bratty step-children.

[@Twinklethefox9022]

The one who was studying should get a pass. Studying is very important. I'm not sure what grade they are in but it could have been an important exam and that alone decides if they'll move on to the next grade or not. It could have also been a simple test but still. What if this is their only night left to study? What if they fail and can't re-take it again. Will the teacher even care about the family emergency and just tell them it's not an excuse for failing? Again it's just a what if they decided to babysit a toddler. The other 2 have no excuse.

[@locusxe1411]

@@Twinklethefox9022 if this kid is in college then they get a pass but if they’re in high school they don’t get one imo.

[@SoldierSpiderx]

yea I don't blame one bit the husband abandons them and seem they said they are going spend time with their real father, that also mean they don't respect the husband as their father to and Op blame him wow, I would probably divorce OP and cut all tied with her and the kids since none of them are his kids and they don't respect him and cleanly one of the older kids could took care of their brother but choose not to

[@qdllc]

@@locusxe1411 - Agreed. ALL are bad, but the kid already home would not be sacrificing anything to watch the 3-year-old. She was the worst because she could easily stepped up of all of them.

[@PWR_Jesper88Ros]

As someone who lives with my stepdad and mother, if my stepdad asks me to watch my younger siblings because his father has a medical emergency I don't care if I am meeting the royal highness or doing the most fun activity with my best friend.. I am cancelling that before he is even done with the sentence and I'm watching my siblings

[@your_local_questerian]

honestly, you're a better person than the last op is. i applaud you for that.

[@dx1450]

That's probably because you were raised right. OP and her kids are selfish buttholes.

[@C.J2547]

I'm sorry but if my SO chose to have a lunch date with their sibling instead of helping me during a family emergency I'd break up with them. That her kids were also so selfish and she did nothing is just icing on the cake IMO

[@phantomflair5546]

Her kids aren’t responsible for their brother in any way, including morally. He’s not THEIR kid. If they’re AHs, so is the uncle and his gf, because they didn’t help either.

[@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd]

@@phantomflair5546 when family emergencies occur this idea of “they are not the kids parent” goes away. It is a matter of family helping one another out. If the dad asks for help it is not “nah I do not want to do so” it is “how high do I need to jump”. This is not an everyday occurrence of babysitting where your logic usually stands true. So no the kids *ARE* AH’s.

[@dogcat823]

@@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd i disagree the kids have no obligation to babysit even in a family emergency especially a 3 year old that need constant supervision I agree that mom is definitely an AH as she could of gotten the 3 year old and continued to have lunch with her brother and his girlfriend or her brother and his girlfriend could of came with her and they could have had lunch at her house also and at the vary lest she could of asked the dad to drop the 3 year old off and them go to the hospital

[@dogcat823]

@@phantomflair5546 i agree the kids are AH but the mom definitely is an AH as she could of gotten the 3 year old and continued to have lunch with her brother and his girlfriend or her brother and his girlfriend could of came with her and they could have had lunch at her house and at the vary lest she could of ask the dad to drop off the 3 year old and them go to the hospital

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

@@phantomflair5546 If you decide to come together to form a blended family (talking about OP) but have an attitude of "not my problem" you're defeating the purpose. You have also taught your kids that (clearly). If her lunch date and her kids' lives we're more important in an emergency, then just divorce. You're not a family.

[@Lestaticate]

1st Story: NTA -- I actually really admire how OP, his ex and the new step dad have a healthy relationship going on. I agree that the one month grounding isn't enough though. I'm sure there's some sort of volunteer service the kid can do for the black community. (I dunno, I'm not a parent. All I know is, crap like that needs to be nipped in the bud FAST or it would ruin the kid. It's clear that the kid didn't pick that up from his mom or dad.) OP's mother and brother should do the same if they're willing to let horrible behavior like that slide. 2nd Story: NTA -- Heard this one before and it makes me laugh every time. Did OP's family seriously just invite her just to berate her for being single? They insinuated the fight, OP tried to put a stop to it and she simply finished it when they wouldn't respect boundaries. The family owed OP a genuine apology. 3rd Story: NTA -- Doesn't matter how much the coat costs. You don't mess with other people's property. BIL handled the situation perfectly, but I feel he needs to take his wife aside and have a chit chat with her. This isn't something anyone, let alone a spouse/parent should hide. The daughter is DAMN lucky no one pressed charges. Last Story: YTA -- And a MAJOR one at that. Apparently lunch and studying were WAY more important than helping the step dad out during a FAMILY MEDICAL EMERGENCY. The daughter MIGHT get a pass (depends on what she's studying, but if that were me, I would've stepped in anyway) Hell, the kid could've been dropped off at the restaurant with the family. OP especially could have left to watch the kid personally. It's not like her son's girlfriend would be in the restaurant by herself. There were just so many ways this family could've helped and NO ONE lifted a FINGER. I'm glad Step-Dad took his kids to stay with his family. He sounds WAY too good for OP and her family.

[@whywhy8575]

@Hi there I would do something similar but more of a look if you do this. This is whats gonna happen and just give them a run down. Personly tho I would have no clue how to handle this. I'm not a parent and my kids are going to be African due to my DNA.

[@cIappo896]

Nah, community service will just make the kid hate them more. He will just think "I have to do this because of them".

[@BunnyQueen97]

Community service sounds nice, but sending little racist teenagers into the Black community can be really harmful. It kind of puts the responsibility of teaching tolerance on the people being bullied.

[@phantomflair5546]

4th story, the daughter is absolutely fine. He’s her brother, not her son. She’s not obligated to look after him, especially when she’s doing school work.

[@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd]

@@phantomflair5546 I disagree. This is a family emergency. So the “the kid is not their child” ideology does not apply. It is not like the father went out to do something and expected the daughter or son to look after their sibling. This is a real medical emergency. In these situations it is the individual’s job as part of the family to help. Since she did not help and she gets butthole points.

[@romancatholicgameing]

Story 3: No. It's her coat. The coat was ruined by her niece. Niece learned that she has consequences for her actions. 0/5 buttholes for OP

[@mavis4801]

Niece: I'm going to see how my aunt reacts. OP: gets made and wants to be reimbursed Niece: *shocked Pikachu face*

[@robertiams4198]

Memories of my first marriage came flooding back as I listened to the last story. I could feel the mans pain down to my soul. Time to move on brother, this will never be healed, even with apologies.

[@fdm2155]

For real. That was such a stark display of disinterest and lack of care it was painful to hear. To realize your 'family' doesn't give a fuck about you must be devastating.

[@It-is-me...Melsie]

Yes, I really feel in that moment he had his eyes opened to what a bunch of horrible and self-centred people he lived with.

[@salerio61]

It's not the kids' responsibility to look after siblings. Parents need to deal with it

[@akl2k7]

@@salerio61 Maybe not, but it's the mom's responsibility and she didn't bother doing so, even though there was an emergency. She could have just as easily brought the kid to lunch with her or gone home with her brother and his girlfriend to take care of him.

[@salerio61]

@@akl2k7 I think you'll find "mom" is a parent. As I said, it's the parents' responsability to sort it out. So we agree it seems. Not sure why you addressed me in your comment. You could have just said "I agree"

[@AwolCommander]

Story 1: Nono, they’re right, the punishment doesn’t fit the crime, it’s too light. Be harsher OP!

[@shadowthedemonicwolf4410]

Sell the games and game systems. No negative use of nigga ever again

[@deme3n]

When will people realise that just because you're family doesn't give you a free AH pass? I'm furious with all these people in stories doing sucky things and expecting not to pay up for the mess they caused just because they are related to someone.

[@ozymandiasultor9480]

tako je Dimitrije, tako je... :)

[@Nerobyrne]

Yeah let's all remember that one social media couple who got (actually) cancelled over night because they made a skit years ago where they dropped the hard-R n-bomb. They just did it for shock value and had since deleted it, and it still ruined their lives. And he said it maliciously, to a black guy's face. It actually doesn't matter if you think that the reactions aren't proportionate. The reality is, that society has deemed using that word as taboo. And, what is it people love to say? "Parents have to prepare you for the real world." Well, in the real world, there's just some words you don't say.

[@fdm2155]

Yes, that slur in particular has the potential to ruin your life AND using that sort of disrespect to a step parent should also be a zero tolerance situation. Here the step father was treating the teen in exactly the manner his parents had set up so the teen's outrage was ridiculous.

[@magicfish8213]

Ballnut might be one of those words

[@papabear1333]

Story 2: It’s not OPs fault they brought a revolver and she pulled out a machine gun 😂😂😂😂😂

[@TJDious]

Exactly. When you're being constantly harassed with criticism and you drop a nuke on their glass house, you're not an a-hole, you're a legend.

[@sophietremblay3795]

Honestly I agree what’s the problem with that we are in 2023 so what if people don’t want to be married stuff like that it’s ok

[@lorilancaster5917]

Plus if they haven’t already, how much are you willing to bet that her step siblings hit her up for money to fix their mistakes?

[@arrohart8321]

The husband in the last story has every right to end things there. The husband doesn't need to work on that marriage, the wife needs to

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: if the ex agrees with op’s and his wife’s decision, then NTA. Story 2: NTA. If the family can criticize op’s life choices then it’s fair that op criticize their’s. Final story: YTA. Op, your husband’s father had a medical emergency! Op, you could have taken your youngest son with you to meet your brother, bet your brother (your son’s uncle) would have love to his nephew and it would have taken his mind off of, you know, his grandfather.

[@Juju2927]

Story 1 : I don't see how the Ex disagreeing with the decision would make OP the AH. Like, you basically implying that the Ex could say "OP shouldn't punish their son for calling their husband the N word". Disagreeing would make the Ex a mega douche.

[@guitarbass22]

OP is the father of the kid…it’s his ex wife and her new husband that ended up being told off. Lol. The OP just punished accordingly, and consulted his ex and her husband for the “does this fit the crime” look at got the go ahead. I’d listen to that story again, because you’re all mixed up 🤣🤣

[@kaykay8855]

@@guitarbass22 🤣 I just realized that 🤣

[@kaykay8855]

@@Juju2927 I’m not implying that if op’s ex didn’t agree he would be TA. I’m just relieved, for once, an ex is on the op’s side because usually on post like this the ex usually comes to the kid’s defense saying that they shouldn’t be punished.

[@mariafox9226]

And you can also judge how great of an aunt the girlfriend would be if she decides to marry and join the family. Kids are smarter than they get credit for when it comes to judging adults half the time.

[@ajanija1590]

Coat story - I think OP is lucky. She had a chance to see her niece and sister's true faces. Otherwise they would treat her like ATM, expecting expensive gifts and help with holidays or bills, because "OP"s husband can give her money". Some people change when they become rich. Some people change when someone else become rich...

[@lorilancaster5917]

How much are you willing to bet that OPs sister hoped she would contribute to niece’s college?

[@clarky23]

my love is going through that right now with most of her family. I'm American and she is Filipino. We live in the Philippines. I am lower middle class by American standards, but comfortable by Filipino standards. My love's mother respects me and everything I can do, but the rest of the family see me strictly as an ATM, always demanding money and gifts. And they try to make my love feel guilty that she can't convince me to give more, or flat out steal the money (as one aunt suggested). I'm just thankful my love doesnt fall for their BS and let's them know it.

[@AJ-zq8kv]

But you gotta understand, is a coat worth your relationship with your only blood?

[@ajanija1590]

@@AJ-zq8kv @AJ Coat? No. If it was an accident, if niece and sister were really sorry... But it wasn't and they weren't. So... it's not about a coat, it's about direspect, cruelty, lack of empathy and disdain. They treat OP like non-human: her husband is rich so she doesn't have a right to be hurt, offended or angry, she can just get a new coat and that's it! Nobody needs family with this kind of attitude.

[@AJ-zq8kv]

@@ajanija1590 bruh you make it seem like the niece is evil incarnate😭 it’s just a coat dude no more, no less. Idk why ppl like to sensationalize these stories and make them seem like the AHs are like these entities of pure Evil when irl it’s just a teenager doing something stupid

[@nicolekelly2974]

I was one of the people thinking “well it’s just a coat” but then you put it into perspective with it being a car so I totally agree with you now on story 3. Thanks!

[@EpicNoob99]

You needed that perspective for a $20k coat that was gifted to them?

[@fdm2155]

Yeah, it's interesting. If the coat had been $200 I don't think people would have questioned the fact that OP was owed a new coat of equal value. Or if it had been something like a car people likely would be very comfortable with OP demanding to be reimbursed. The fact that it was a luxury item that OP received as a gift seems to have complicated the situation for some people.

[@Nova-lu3ow]

A luxury coat like that should literally last you for life and then some-- I have a vintage coat from my great-grandmother. It's worth the money, and also someone having something more expensive than you is far from justification to destroy it just because you somehow were never taught that the world isn't fair and you wont have everything everyone else has. But I mean the niece clearly either uses tiktok or twitter, and the culture there is anyone who has something you don't deserves to be treated terribly.

[@jackmanleblanc2518]

You really shouldn't have needed that perspective. It doesn't matter if it was a paperweight, it's still worth 20k so if someone destroys it they should be the one to pay it.

[@Avrysatos]

I do think that the punishment doesn't fit the crime in the first story but only because i'm in favor of more harsh punishments. Grounding doesn't solve the problem. OP needs to figure out where this kid got the idea that this behavior was okay asap and remove that source of hate from his life. Then they all need to figure out a way to get the kid to understand just what he did and why it's not okay even a little. Story 2: Oh they couldn't take what they dish? Too bad so sad. Story 3 I've heard this story before and ugggh that niece needs to replace that coat. What a spoiled little brat. Story 4 There's a lot of emotions going on here. OP did wrong but the other kids aren't expected to watch a child. They just better remember that when they need something.

[@madokamiiii]

I agree, i was always told growing up if i said the n word, i better be ready to taste my teeth. The punishment should've been a bit harsher especially given the way he said it, yknow?

[@Falxy]

This is how the soceity should work, you're so freaking spot on!!! Grounding someone for half a year, as Rslash suggest, what does it resolve? NOTHING. Talk through it, make something else of it, so the 16-year-old understands what's so wrong instead.

[@elliejohnson2786]

Harsher punishment for that? I totally disagree. Punishing someone more when they're clearly in a bad mood will ONLY make matters worse. This behaviour clearly stems from somewhere and that source should be treated and taken care of, rather than a blanket punishment or, frankly, any punishment at all that these parents have tried. Why would someone say "You and your sons have ruined my life!" and then throw out slurs, if not that they felt slighted against? Clearly, they're suffering from something in this situation and the parents seem to be ignoring it. That said, it's clear that americans specifically see the n word as substantially more impactful than literally any other country's people I've met, so maybe it makes sense that the reactions from both the commenters and parents are so "amped up".

[@lorilancaster5917]

@@madokamiiii I’m a horrible human being but I was thinking military school. They will kick the entitled BS right out of him.

[@lorilancaster5917]

@@Falxy you’re right because he won’t learn about respect by grounding alone. He will be bitter and stewing in his hate

[@Agent1230]

Story 3: I hope the niece realize this could have been way worse and that she's lucky she's dealing with a family member because someone else wouldn't hesitate to take her to court and ruining her life over this

[@brendanboomhour7606]

And the little shit disturber would deserve it too, kinda reminds me of a certain "prankster" that got shot

[@QuoteCaver]

Last story: They abandoned him first. He's just returning the favor.

[@thalianox2492]

That teen destroying the coat should learn that there are consequences to her actions

[@Mel_Melatonin]

I have a family who many consider heartless since they never really supported me when my grandma was in surgery or when she died and I don’t blame the father

[@LilDevyl17]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[@BVBGirl-3313]

Its expensive...lets ruin it...what can go wrong? Lawsuit 💁🏾‍♀️

[@iPLAYtheSTATION]

Wow, the niece is super intelligent for recording herself vandalizing expensive personal property and posting it online for all to see. /s

[@moosecat]

Heck with being blasted on social media...you say the wrong word, to the wrong person, at the wrong time, and you might find yourself on the receiving end of a Class I beatdown, or get shot or stabbed.

[@Cyberdog22]

First story: It sounds like this behavior is being reinforced by the Uncle and Grandmother. Second story: Shoulda skipped Thanksgiving. Third story: She's on a dangerous path here, like doing a bleach-drinking challenge or something else stupid and lethal for views. Fourth story: I can't imagine why OP's first marriage didn't work out. What a catch. 😒

[@psyrusbonehart4839]

😆 "bleach-drinking challenge" 😆 I shouldn't laugh, it's probably real.

[@ryanbonaparte8878]

On the 3rd story, better she learns now, lest she "pranks" the wrong person.

[@maggielee1870]

Last story: medical emergencies are more important hands down! The fact that their family didn't rally together and do what needs to be done, I feel for the dad! They are heartless and selfish AF! You're supposed to have his back as father and husband. She clearly taught her kids the same behavior. I'd divorce her fast. No loyalty

[@iridescentsolace]

No really cause the way the wife very quickly skipped over the fact that she was also “busy” to watch the kid but THATS HER SON???? SHE COULDNT?? WATCH HER OWN SON??? FOR A FEW HOURS??? I’m disgusted honestly And I get that it’s not the older kids responsibility to take care of their siblings but there is a point where you can help out your parents in an emergency, I hope the husband has fun with his dad and family without his wife and kids bc obviously they don’t care what happens

[@fdm2155]

Oh MY GOD! The incredible lack of caring for this guy and his father? Wow. Tell me you don't give a damn about me without telling me! The woman and her kids are all selfish bastards. Not ONE of them could keep an eye on the kid? REALLY? Even the mom, she couldn't have one of her TWO teenagers watch the kid until she got home NOR could she skip lunch to get home? That should have been an incredibly easy thing to do... 17 year old or 19 year old watches the kid until mom gets home from her lunch. Mom cuts lunch a bit short to get home quicker. Literally everyone's needs could have been met but for the fact that the three of them are all selfish AF.

[@RedK5]

Studying is important.

[@afuzzycreature8387]

@@RedK5 studying is the best excuse of the 3. The wife could have brought along brother and gf

[@ayee3ee]

@@afuzzycreature8387 that's an informal way of meeting someone for the first time tho

[@DarkEinherjar]

In the last story, the only one who MAYBE gets some leeway is the daughter, and that's only if it's something very big that she won't have time to study for later, like final exam is tomorrow, she can't re-take it and she'll fail if she doesn't go well. Other than that, OP and her kids have no excuse. A medical emergency trumps EVERYTHING ELSE. They utterly failed the husband when he needed them the most, showing how little they care about him. Honestly, I don't see how the relationship can recover from that.

[@ZombieSazza]

Story 1: honestly one month isn’t long enough, that’s a horrible thing to say. I’d be angry if someone’s kid called me a homophobic or ableist slur, and even angrier if I knew part of the family had the attitude of “so what”. These slurs are hurtful and come from a place of extreme hate, so it’s not “just a word.” Story 2: if they didn’t want their dirty laundry aired then maybe they should stop harassing OP every chance they get. If they don’t like being on the receiving end then maybe they should rethink their actions. We know they won’t tho.

[@Richard_Nickerson]

Seriously, how many of these stories overall are basically just "am I the one in the wrong for doing exactly what someone did to me back at them?" Like... the answer is an obvious no 99.99% of the time.

[@kirsteinluver]

@Hi there the way you're trying to justify this. just say you're also racist and use the n word on the daily and move on. I get angry all the time, im not black and i have black family members but no way would i ever call them the n word when im angry at them? theres so many things you can call them like, mf, dipsh*t, f**ker, etc, the fact the n word was the first thing that came to his mind and he ALSO didnt see anything wrong with him saying it proves he's racist. there is no justification. stfu.

[@kirsteinluver]

@Hi there it defo is hatred towards race, bro r u hearing urself. the boy even said "well isnt it true" after he said he wont take orders from an n. he obviously sees himself as above his step dad cos hes black...

[@kirsteinluver]

@Hi there u obviously dont know white people, they think calling people racial slur makes them edgy and cool. it doesnt necessarily come from the parents, friends and the internet are probably the factor here.

[@ZombieSazza]

@@kirsteinluver there’s always one ain’t there

[@toning338]

I can't believe that two sets of parents actually worked together in a Reddit story, 2023 might actually be a good year after all.

[@auberginebear]

Story 1: NTA; given how supportive OP is regarding his ex and her new husband shows the divorce was amicable, but their son might not be the only one pissed about it, since his grandmother and uncle are taking his side over the punishment. Due to OP'S response, it's clear his son didn't learn that kind of word from his parents, which only leaves the family supporting him as the culprits. Might be time to cut contact with those family members.

[@nomar5spaulding]

Holy hell first story, NTA... They kid is lucky if he's just grounded. I know a woman whose son was a troublemaker, and she caught him on a similar level of bad situation. She grounded him for the whole summer, ordered a huge dump truck load of gravel and had it dumped at one end of the yard. The son got to spend his summer shoveling gravel into a wheel burrow, wheeling it across the yard, and dumping it into a new pile. When it was all moved to the new pile, he would move it back to the old pile. Every day. All summer was spent on pointless labor. Something like that is fitting for old teenage kid in first story. At the end of it, if he has a job, he can pay for the gravel and the wheelbarrow too.

[@blitzyosrs2104]

oh man i love that.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

For the last story I’m actually surprised that the stepkids were labeled assholes in the post and in this video. Usually AITA is extremist in the belief that kids (especially stepkids) never owe their parents anything and that watching younger siblings for more than 30 seconds is literally child abuse.

[@dylanbeckfest4046]

It was very morally wrong

[@It-is-me...Melsie]

They are her offspring but they're not children.

[@scatterghostblue3]

I’m guessing the first story, the grandma and uncle I wouldn’t be surprised if they are teaching him to be racist… and dropping certain slur.

[@neffyg35]

If said that with his chest an adult taught him how to say it. I don't think kids would say "I'm nit going to take orders from a n word" that sounds like something an adult would say

[@MinusTheCoffee]

The classic guess with 0 evidence or information usually a very effective technique

[@dracko158]

Story 3: That punishment is kinda harsh, but fair. Just because the niece is "faaaaaamily" doesn't mean she didn't have to face the consequences. Even worse, she was doing the prank for online clout and wasn't even apologetic about it. So yeah, the niece got what's coming to her, she ruined her own life over a stupid prank for online clout. NTA.

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 2: I see you're the family punching bag that's not supposed the punch back. Unfortunately for them you're not a punching bag you're a person that can throw what they dish out. You tried to change the subject mom actually incurred that bull crap so none of them get to be mad.

[@lorilancaster5917]

They think because OP is the youngest, not blood, and have no loved ones to back her up that she will cower to their majority. What a bunch of dumbasses! She should go NC including with her “mother” and continue living her best life.

[@lista2308]

My eyes hurt from all the eye-rolling I did during the last story. "Oh on, I can't skip lunch with my brother, that could just as well have been a facetime, to watch my child while my husband potentially sees his father die" BooHoo OP

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

And she ended the post with, "well now my husband ruined Christmas by leaving!". Like, lady, you are so far up your ass that you have methane poisoning.

[@lista2308]

@@ImNotaRussianBot Methane poisoning would explain a few things tbh

[@Pellsk]

The first story: Id like to add a conversation here. The son said that the stepdad and his kids have "ruined his life". If that hasnt already been a conversation,i think it should be. I do agree with the punishment but id also like to talk to him about why he feels that way (like i said, if it hasnt already been discussed).

[@melancolielupine2023]

Yeah! I'm curious about it. Are they bullying OP's son ? Or is it just bad faith... I wonder

[@rentheseer190]

He's 16 years, old. He's not a kid, he's a teenager. He knows saying that is wrong. And he said it anyway thinking his dad will cover him. He said it where thinks he has protection . He needs to know real *^&$ing fast that no one will be on his on this if he's going to live in this modern age. Do it to protect him from himself.

[@GreenBeret1903]

There's nothing wrong with what he said

[@heatherweir8726]

A 20,000 dollar coat is something you pass down through generations. Things like that are made to last.

[@Twinklethefox9022]

I wouldn't call the sibling who is studying an a hole since studying can be hard when you're babysitting since you have to watch them constantly. But they rest of the family I agree with your rating.

[@Yumi_Jay]

I was legit going to say that trying to study, while there are distractions in the background is detrimental, especially if someone cannot study with having to concentrate on taking care of someone, especially a toddler. But I would say that is it possible that the family could have hired a babysitter to take care of the toddler. It could have cost more for a last-minute babysitting request, but would that be better than an entire family having this rift?

[@Twinklethefox9022]

@@Yumi_Jay yeah. It would have been better. But sadly it was really, really the last minute.

[@locusxe1411]

@@Yumi_Jay if his dad is dying, hiring a babysitter when his his child has step siblings is last on my agenda.

[@Yumi_Jay]

I think the better option then is for OP to watch their son until a sitter can be arranged with OP's brother understanding of the matter.

[@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd]

Studying does not supersede family. Take a break and watch the child until the matter is resolved or solutions can be made. The issue is all three participants were too selfish. This matter could of easily of been resolved. Assuming this was a 3 hour matter the studying teen handles the 3 year old for an hour. The son then comes home early and handles the child for another hour. The mother then comes home and handles the matter for the last hour. Everyone gets what is needed. Is it convenient? No. But family emergencies are NOT convenient. These individuals are selfish and are ALL AH’s.

[@silverflight01]

Story 3: Causing $20K of damage is not worth 5 views. It is really is not worth the risk. That was no prank either, it was clout chasing via destruction. The punishment is fair enough

[@fdm2155]

Yeah, I don't even think it was about social media. That was just an excuse. I think the niece was simply jealous of the aunt and thought the 'prank' would give her cover for destroying the coat. If it was just a prank and she just wanted to see a reaction... why not use water or something else that was unlikely to ruin the coat?

[@THEDubbleHelixx]

​@@fdm2155 I think it was all for clout. The more destructive, the higher the shock value, the greater the chances of going viral. The things people do for clout these days are wild. I think the parents should have also restricted social media access until the girl could prove she isn't going to have such an unhealthy relationship with it.

[@neffyg35]

@@THEDubbleHelixx I agree. Girl is dumb because most of those "prank" videos are all fake. When they do things with designer stuff, it's either their own stuff they don't want anymore or most of the time fake. Everyone is in on the prank and all actors. Why the only time you hear of pranksters getting in trouble is just people imitating them and never the actual famous pranksters

[@Dragons4Dummies]

I agree with the mom and brother. 1 month of grounding doesn't match the crime of evoking 1000's of years of slavery. He needs an increase to his chores, he should lose january, and he should lose his christmas presents and have to physically give whatever you already bought to his stepdad, with his own two hands. If he isn't MLK's biggest fan by february, he gets to spend that month learning black history.

[@scxxt3r_]

Said it amazingly he needs a bigger punishment

[@KarmaTube5]

Last story: Husband will find a better woman with kids that actually care about him.

[@LilBluSky0417]

The punishment DOESN'T fit the crime. The punishment is way too light! He'd be grounded and would need to do community service AND would need to research and write an essay on slavery and where that word comes from so that he understands exactly what he did and why it's awful. If MY kid had done that, the consequences would be far FAR more harsh.

[@jorelhunter4991]

Well seeing as slavery was not "started" anywhere specific. The tribes of Africa were killing and enslaving each other well before the Europeans showed up. Or how about the white slaves that were still being bought and sold by the Ottoman Turks? Slavery was still legal in Mauritania until 1981

[@LunaMane]

I've heard the coat story before, and I still believe that selling the niece's car and making her get a job was the most merciful punishment she could gotten out of this situation. That would have been a felony property damage charge on her record for years to come. I get the strong feeling this isn't the first "prank" she's done that the BIL doesn't know about. I'd start doing some investigating and have a divorce/separation lawyer lined up just in case. Also check their joint account to see if any under the table payments were made to cover up similar "pranks" the niece pulled.

[@turkeybear9315]

1st story, isn't that technically hate speach? Cuz like they're right then, the punishment doesn't fit the crime, it should be worse.

[@Raheel_Ishaq]

Depends on the country. Some have hate speech laws and others don't.

[@acronix9565]

First story: NTA. Love how OP is supporting his ex and Johnathan. Also, if you say that word to the wrong person, you're going to get beat up.

[@Hanjil]

That last story made my blood boil My sis is 5yo, and my grandma is not healthy at all, so it's very frequent and common that my parents go to their house and let me with my sister And what I do?? I gladly do it! Because I'm a good daughter and sister! Gosh, my parents are already stressed bc of my grandma, and I can't imagine ADDING up to the burden, specially to go out with friends. The minimum is to take the sibling, go to a shopping mall or something and let the kid in the playground area, simple.

[@Digitalfairy]

Yes, too many people are mistaking older sibling responsibilities for REAL parentifying (such as gambling, drugs, prostitution and other questionable stuff) nowadays, it's pathetic!

[@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd]

@@Digitalfairy Exactly! This idea of “they are not the kid they have no need to take care of the child” is ridiculous. As a sibling, double so for older ones, there are responsibilities placed as such. The fact people ignore this simple rule of life is how entitled pricks like in this story are made.

[@ticole9686]

For the first story: yeah you better deal with that ish now because the next time he’ll get his chest caved in….

[@Lara-hb1yn]

1st story: As a teacher I give minus points for behavior in school when ever I catch a student using that word. It took a few kids testing me on it but they stopped when they learned it was not a cool thing. 1 month grounding is getting let off easy

[@mailmebaby555]

It just shows it's not about quantity but the quality of the punishment. 1 embarrassing moment can be more educational than a month punishment. Maybe he won't learn anything from it

[@rynhart4174]

I would agree that where the n bomb was dropped that the punishment doesn't fit the crime. That kid got off WAY to easy for what he did imo.

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

Story 2: I find it interesting how often people spitting out judgements on others, have quite a lot they don't want brought up. 🤔

[@Sanodi21]

So the family in the first story were amazing for working so well together despite a divorce. But I would definitely suggest looking into the son's friends because it's clear that he didn't get it from his family plus that mindset is an incredibly dangerous one. The one where people can take advantage of him.

[@neffyg35]

I would say he did get from the family just not his parents. Sounds like grandma and uncle are completely OK with this kind of language

[@emilmonias8699]

WHERES STORIES ABOUT KEVIN? I NEED MORE DUMB COMEDY IN MY LIFE PLEASE

[@zThinquinox]

Yes we DO NEED MORE

[@AEHelephant]

Hellfreezer has done some, called Cacophony of Kevins. He's another favorite KZbinr of mine. Of course Rslash is one of my favorites. ^_^

[@missdelaney7340]

Those are my favorite!

[@ficialintelligence1869]

I think r/slash's metrics tell him that the AITA stories get the most views/likes. The vibe that I get from reading many of the posts over years tells me that r/slash's fans are geared more toward "Moral outrage" than "making fun of people's intellectual impairment."

[@emilmonias8699]

@@ficialintelligence1869 lol the fact he's very uh empathic, having someone dumb to giggle at would help mister r slash too xD

[@kimhohlmayer7018]

The medical emergency story made so angry on behalf of the father/husband in this story. The wife and her two kids were awful!

[@dogcat823]

The wife is definitely awful but teenagers aren’t and are in no way AH the 3 year old isn’t theirs so they have no obligation to babysit especially given that a 3 year old needs constant supervision

[@Juju2927]

The Coat Story was really what you would call a true "Gentlemen's agreement" with how OP's Husband and BIL handled it. (Yeah, I know it's not the real definition, but come on, admit it was nice)

[@gudkush420]

If my kid called my exs partner a slur, thered be Hell to pay. The punishment would be as follows: -No electronics (3 months) -No afterschool or weekend plans (4 months) -Required reading of anti racist and black historical literature (6 months) -Additional mandatory chores (6 months) -Allowances suspended (until further notice) -No car privileges beyond school or work (6 months) -Mandatory family and individual therapy (until root issue is found and resolved)

[@bilistooka_go_boom]

The fact that they have a set of rules that the step dad can do and longer-term ones just for the actual parents. That's a super healthy relationship. And yeah, the kid may have some trauma from the break up, but that doesn't mean that he can use slurs

[@RookMeAmadeus]

A $20k coat IS extravagant, sure. That said, the niece is lucky OP and her husband are willing to be that merciful about it. INAL, but I do know destroying something valued at $20k intentionally carries felony charges in some states. Props to the husband and BIL for immediately realizing how badly the niece screwed up and actually getting it fixed.

[@janputz4157]

Just... How can last OP actually ask if she the AH? Hangout with friends and studying as an excuse? Those are deadly cold people. "Sorry couldn't call you an ambulance dad who fell off the roof and is bleedind profusely I was watching the bowl in the microwave spin." That's the kind of mentality they have.

[@supersniffer9632]

I agree with rslash in the last story. However he said the dad might not want the kid there because he would be incredibly emotional. This is common. However it can be a dangerous precedent. Let me speak as the child of a father who was incapable of expressing any negative emotion besides rage. I was left in the dark about feelings my entire childhood. This was damaging in many ways. One day I was told by my parents that my diabetic brother was in the hospital and they needed to leave. I was 15. I asked if he was OK. They wouldn't answer. They left. I thought he might be dead. I sat in my room bawling that night. When they came back they said almost nothing. I didn't get to see him until a week later. Whether or not you discuss emotions your child still has them that being said this story is different from ops story and I'm not faulting the dad here. I just want to spread the message because I think it's important.

[@Blaxjax21]

A 16 yo that knowingly destroy a 20K anything?? Physical punishment would be hard to resist.

[@uniraffesaur]

So much appreciation for OP in the first story; like, I hate to give a gold star for basic decency, but in the AITA sub, decent behavior is kinda rare. There is no situation in which you can be TA for disciplining your child for calling someone a slur, because there’s no good justification to call someone a slur.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 3 I heard this one. The niece did it to herself. Hopefully she learned her lesson.

[@Dragons4Dummies]

*destroys 20k worth of physical value* *expects to not have to replace it* What an asshole this sister is raising

[@ZoidiusPlasmaReaper]

I remember one time as a kid I got into an argument with a black kid at school and out of frustration I called him the N word. Difference is I immediately realised what I said and regretted it. I got off incredibly easy with just a couple days of exclusion with extra homework, which I accepted without protest.

[@hazybubblegum]

story one co-parenting win. when a exs can show the others partner respect is huge for the kid to grow up and see.

[@PardonMe_ImDrunk]

I always love the whole, "thats it! Im cancelling this years vacation!" Meanwhile, I'm over here like, "vahh-kayyy-shion? What is this word? I've never heard of such a thing.".

[@phylliskress2296]

Concerning the last story, I wonder if OP thought of the fact that people sometimes go inpatient due to communicable diseases which the three-year-old could get., How would OP feel if she lost her youngest due to something he caught in the hospital?

[@lorilancaster5917]

But dinner with brother and his girlfriend! Hope her youngest doesn’t take after those monsters

[@richardfabacher3705]

As selfish as OP is? "Fiddle-dee-dee. Easy come, easy go. Hey, sweeeetie, does Jr. have life insurance?"

[@jackmanleblanc2518]

The husband in story 3 really took charge in taking care of his wife. Seriously, great job to him quickly taking care of business like that.

[@TheJege12]

Why in the hell would anyone EVER get a 20k COAT?? And yeah, sue that brat.

[@MyMika2004]

because they can, they earned it

[@nyxspiritsong5557]

I would be terrified to wear it at all. And I agree 100% that niece needs to replace it. She knew how much it was worth... she did it on purpose. In my area, the fact that it's worth that much makes it felony level destruction of property. Niece should be grateful they're willing to handle it in house instead of filing charges.

[@Avrysatos]

It was a gift. And the niece damaged it ON PURPOSE.

[@TheJege12]

@@MyMika2004 I just don't see the point of such unbelievably expensive items, there are just as good ones out there for less than 1k :D

[@Bobplushie666]

Yeah a 20K coat sounds kinda dumb 20K??? What, does the coat also come with a personal butler???

[@MsTemptation]

S2: NTA. Your family doesn't have a problem saying derogatory crap about you while treating you like you have zero feelings. You clapped back and they weren't expecting you to defend yourself or your choice to live your best life, because misery loves company. Do not let your family use you as their personal punching bag. Hell they sound jealous af.

[@KingGuyles]

So many people on Reddit insulted her for having a 20k coat when I read it there as if she was the one that bought it

[@neffyg35]

I don't know why people care so much about how others spend their money. I know people with 20k in dolls because they like it.

[@lorilancaster5917]

And she didn’t know the coat until her niece said something. If she knew beforehand she likely would’ve declined the offer

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

I doesn't even matter. The price and the coat are irrelevant. It's the blatant disrespect. Like Rslash said, if it was a $20k car and the niece did the exact same thing, the response would be different.

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

@@lorilancaster5917 It's not our business to think or act for another human. She can decline or accept a $100,000 pair of gloves for all I care. It's not the value of the object or the type of object; it's that her sister thought that because OP is wealthy she doesn't have any real consequences. That level of disrespect, jealousy, and entitlement is not okay. If the scenario was two middle-class sisters, one niece and a used car worth $20k the consequences would still be the same. The only difference is that some people think it's okay because one has money and an obscenely expensive coat.

[@paranoiarpincess]

My kid, this past year, dropped an Nbomb in an internet chat. His friend called hid dad and I to tell us what happened. We didn't ground him or anything because the kids were saying worse and worse swear words until he droped the worst of the worst. He knew you should never say the word, but we had to reinforce why it is such a terrible thing to say. He apologized to us, apologized to his friends, and promised he would never say it again. This all said, he didn't specifically call anyone the word and it was obviously was just for shock factor. Had either of these things been the case, I would have given him consequences.

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

First Story, NTA: The title alone makes OP NTA but I will edit this. Bro what are they talking about?! "The punishment doesn’t fit the crime" what??? Actually yeah, the punishment don’t fit the crime; OP's son should’ve got way longer than the rest of the month. This kid called his step-dad a racial slur and OP's brother and mom think this is ok?! OP's son is lucky that he didn’t say that to a black man in the streets because there are a lot of videos out there of someone calling a black person a racial slur and it ending very badly for them Second Story, NTA: Like OP said, they started it first. They constantly criticize OP's life choices and OP just defended herself. If they didn’t want their dirty laundry aired out, they should’ve left OP alone Third Story, NTA: Actions have consequences and ruining a $20k coat does warrarnt major consequences. A week of grounding is not enough and I think OP should sue. OP can sue her niece's parents for the coat and will win it easily. What's funny is that OP never bought the coat, it was a gift from her MIL. Ok, BIL is a really good dad and this punishment definitely fits the crime. I’m glad that OP's BIL actually have the common sense to dish out an appropriate punishment for what his daughter did Fourth Story, YTA: OP and the kids ARE selfish. What OP's husband said is true; the son could’ve just skipped the hangout and the daughter could’ve watched the younger kids while studying but chose to lock herself in the room. Everyone here was not "too busy" to help OP's husband out with this emergency. OP, the situation could’ve been avoided if: someone helped ur husband out. I’m pretty sure a medical emergency is more inportant than all these small things everyone was doing. I wonder, why couldn’t OP help her husband then? Wooooow, so OP meeting her brother's new girlfriend was more important that being there for her husband during a possible life or death moment? I agree, I would’ve abandoned my family for Christmas too if they did this to me

[@thatonegothlady]

If that was my kid in the first story, grounding would only be the first step. Community service, and a lot, and I mean a lot, of one on one time talking about racism. Documentaries, essays, projects all aimed at learning about and understanding racism and the historical as well as modern impact of slurs. There is someone in that kids life who is telling him racism is ok, and that other races are beneath him. This issues needs to be tackled head on, and toxic people need to be removed from that kids and your life. Huge respect to the parents handling the situation in a way that was agreeable for them across the board.

[@ficialintelligence1869]

Second Story: If they are going to make you the black sheep, *be it and own it.* Don't _ever_ back down. Let them know that if they don't treat you with respect, they shouldn't expect the same courtesy. A family that black sheep's is toxic behavior -- assuming you aren't doing lines of coke naked on their driveway in full view of the neighbors, of course.

[@DreadEnder]

I thought op’s niece was between the ages of 5 and 15 but she has a car!!! This adult did a stupid prank fully knowing the consequences, op’s sister can’t be a good parent

[@scxxt3r_]

The niece is 16

[@DreadEnder]

@@scxxt3r_ and they have a car?

[@JofurrXCII]

For how is stated in story 1 i think the kid has more issues in between, including the fact that the mom is pregnant with the step dad and no the dad (divorced couple kid issues), grounding him 1 month is reasonable but i think the parents should provide clinic help too, so the kid can cope with all his problems (sometimes anger and other negative emotions in kids have negative impact on their development)

[@izraelburgess937]

Yeah definitely, the kid sounds like he’s lashing out .

[@Digitalfairy]

Still no excuse to behave, he's old enough to know life will not accommodate itself for him and his little tantrums.

[@amycaires8499]

Racism is not a mental illness.

[@izraelburgess937]

@@amycaires8499 yep but it can be cured with therapy

[@nuages8915]

@@Digitalfairy literally who said its an excuse ???

[@MsNoPixel]

*rSlash:* _”If the niece drove a $20,000 car off a cliff everyone would be saying she had to pay back the car.”_ I’m pretty sure that probably wouldn’t have been the reality of the situation, 9/10 you drive a car off a cliff you don’t live to “pay it back”.

[@candacebex4370]

The girl in the coat. People are upset with OP because she owns a $20,000 coat? Absurd. First of all, it was a gift. She did not spend her own money on it so she can't be judged for that. Second of all, if it was anything but a coat it would've been seen quite differently. What if it was a priceless antique? The niece is a spoiled, selfish brat.

[@paj5529]

Anytime someone asks if they'll be the asshole for suing family for ruining an expensive item: It's not always about the money Spidah man

[@dachless]

The final story is just oh my god! How did OP write out that entire post, read it over, and still think "nah, i'm NTA! My husbands father is fine so no harm no foul!" Cmon man, this entire family is selfish, spoiled and bratty, ESPECIALLY OP! I would hate to have a family like that

[@bibianaguadalupeislasherre9880]

First story: NTA, I'm glad that OP and his ex discipline their son and one month of punishment is not enough. Second story: NTA, why people can't understand that some people don't wanna get married or have kids at all? Especially people who are conservative, they freak out when people live other lifestyles than them. Third story: NTA, your niece needs to pay for damaged coat, although $20,000 dollar for a coat in my opinion is very expensive unless it's made with high quality fabric and could last for years. Fourth story: ESH, looks like the wife only cares about meeting his brother's new girlfriend than her husband's emergency.

[@hanspeter1886]

Coat: don't really understand why a 20k coat doesn't ring alarm bells for anyone. Unfortunately OP doesn't clarify on Reddit but there's a strong chance it's a fur coat. If that's the case it's at least an ESH and OP would majorly suck for wearing fur.

[@theickster3008]

Why? Fur is fashionable and warm, so whats the problem with wearing them? Do you also have a problem with down coats or blankets, or anything made of wool?

[@lorilancaster5917]

OP reported in other site that the coat is cashmere

[@hanspeter1886]

@@theickster3008 do some basic google research and you'll find out that the fur industry is probably one of the most abusive industries towards animals you can find.

[@theickster3008]

@@hanspeter1886 to be honest, I couldn't possibly care less. If you want to wear fur, then wear. If you don't, then don't.

[@mariafox9226]

First story: Op the fact that you AND your wife agree on disciplining your son on this shows that you’re BOTH good parents AND that you’re still on the same team when it comes to the kid as well as the fact that you respect and view your wife’s new husband as family and a parent as well. Last story: while I do think that Op should have either taken the kid with her to lunch or hired a babysitter, I wouldn’t really give the teens a butthole score because they have lives as well AND there’s also the fact that this person really isn’t even their grandpa so they may not know him as well.

[@carolinewalker05]

Okay, Where's the poll for the last story!!!! I genuinely hope that she's feeling abandoned considering everyone abandoned the husband in an emergency!!!! Funny how OP's kids fecked off on her too lmao, love that. It's very telling of her and her older children.

[@katrinepedersen9660]

1st story: I didn't agree with you at first about that being the worst slur you could call someone. But in the context it's clearly said with maliciousnes and intention to hurt, so it doesn't even matter what word it was. The son knew what he said, and need to learn that is not the right way to let out his frustrations

[@ldog6748]

Last story: It’s not that you and the kids couldn’t help your husband in an emergency. Y’all didn’t WANT to help him in an emergency. You and the son, completely off your rocker thinking that your own personal meetups are more important than a family emergency. Now with the daughter she might have a pass because since she’s 19 she may have been studying for something very important that could have honestly been the make or break of her life and future so it’s hard to say:

[@infyart9902]

Ok in the first story, IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO BE THE AHOLE,THE SON DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT WTH

[@Wolfie713]

Hospital story (last one). OP and her son are AH's but not the daughter. The daughter was busying studying, likely for an exam or something that she can't put off. If she was the only option available, that would be different, but OP's son could have (and should have) watched the younger son until OP returned home (ASAP) due to the situation. OP's brother could have tagged along, so it's not like meeting at a restaurant was the only option. Her younger son is her responsibility and not her older son's, so the older son should have stepped up to let his stepdad leave right away, with OP returning home to allow her older son to go hang out with his friends.

[@nicholassanabria6493]

Grounding is definitely the right call for the first story because that is awfully and you’ll ruin your relationship with your ex’s husband/stepfather