r/AmITheA**hole My Husband Told Me to Wear a Diaper

[@RNAvirus]

As a nurse I can confirm women commonly have accidents during childbirth. That husband is a jackass, this is a sign of bad things to come.

[@briannadilldine452]

i know, i’m so upset for her & more upset that she sees it as such a traumatic birth. Pooping is totally normal, you’re literally birthing a human being. I’m so sad for her that she’s having to harbor all those negative emotions against something so beautiful due to shitty perspectives like her childish husband

[@KittenUndercover]

Healthcare workers are heroes - thank you for doing what you do Echo!

[@animeotaku307]

I mean, you’re trying to push out a 3-5lb. baby out of your vagina. Holding other bodily functions has got to be near impossible.

[@RNAvirus]

@@KittenUndercover Thank you I appreciate that.

[@matthew9326]

I think scrubs did it best. kzbin.info/www/bejne/q37Geoijm7mNiZY

[@adhithyarajasekar1172]

In the first story, the daughter saying "if daddy doesn't want it, it's ok... i don't need it..." broke my heart man! How could the dad do that???

[@harshkingxli]

That's true so sad 😭.

[@GTSE2005]

I can't imagine how he manipulated his daughter to think that way...

[@dracko158]

He was being a thief, and he has the gall to call OP the thief after what he did? No, that is BS hypocrisy.

[@adityagandhi5040]

we have the same first name but our spelling is pretty different

[@SpartanPrimeDSTY117]

That dad is gaslighting his daughter. Full stop.

[@TheFloraBonBon]

First story, he calls his own wife a thief and a juvenile, yet he took his own daughters bike to get money.. The irony with that guy. I would divorce him.

[@bidipad]

Me too. I would also get the child's rights

[@NYANCATZTHEA]

tbh same

[@bibigamer502]

He’d rather project then take any form of personal responsibility

[@christopherbzowski4346]

Takes a thief to know a thief

[@nanwijanarko1969]

Fourth story: I'm not even married or had children yet but I know pooping is common during childbirth. I mean, c'mon. You're having extreme muscle contractions, some of the stuff in your intestines and colon could be moving. Even if the husband didn't know that, it's beyond me how he could still joked about it to other people when the wife had expressed discomfort. What a jackass.

[@QueenofTaterTots]

if you poop, that means you are pushing correctly too, so it's actually a very good thing to poop!

[@KingIsulgard]

It's extremely odd how noone in OPs story mentions this, and that she is completely unaware of it being normal herself.

[@laurajohnson1342]

We need to normalize shit that happens in the delivery room. Pooping on the table is so super common and I am sad that she didn't know that. Shame on her husband. Watch him be in pain for a hot second and see how he'll cry and whine and damn anybody else for poking fun.

[@akl2k7]

I remember seeing a video of a childbirth in health class. It was not a pleasant experience... The image is still seared into my brain decades later.

[@MyFiddlePlayer]

If you can't handle pain and bodily fluids, you don't belong in a delivery room. He is making fun of normal physiological processes. He also seems unaware that injuries resulting from giving birth can cause permanent incontinence, nothing to laugh about. Try ripping some nerves and muscles that control YOUR sphincters buddy, then see if YOU find that funny! I think RSLASH didn't give this guy nearly the AH score he deserved, he is a full 5 out of 5.

[@shaunalennon3144]

@@MyFiddlePlayer rSlash saves the 5-5 rating for the scummiest of the scum. Yes the husband was a complete jerk for continuing to make jokes about something she doesn't find funny, but there are worse people in the world.

[@st4rpt_603]

@@MyFiddlePlayer RSlash tends to reserve the 5 out of 5 to child abusers/predators/pedos and all that type of scum that has no place on earth. The asshole in that story, although a garbage person, is nowhere near those.

[@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072]

You are so hilarious

[@timbervolk]

"He called me a thief and a juvenile"-he sure doesn't see the irony here, does he? Stealing from a kid is absolutely pathetic; stealing from *your* kid is the lowest of the low.

[@JohnDoe-hn5nl]

Agreed the father his lowest of the low but that is not the question. The question was when she got the money back was that wrong. She became what she hated about him.

[@PokeMultiverse]

@@JohnDoe-hn5nl that's a Lukewarm take. When they go low, taking the high road gets you taken advantage of. fundamentally, the biggest issue though is that you shouldnt be married to someone who will take the low road and then hypocritically get mad at you for doing the same.

[@timbervolk]

@@JohnDoe-hn5nl uhhh no, she righted the wrong for her daughter using the money he SHOULD have used to get whatever the hell it was he wanted in the first place.

[@thekiller7026]

@@timbervolk ?

[@thekiller7026]

@@PokeMultiverse ?

[@shadowman7307]

"How DARE you steal the money I need for myself!" "You stole from your own daughter!" "Yeah, but... but because it was me it's not a bad thing!" Better start preparing to dump that fool.

[@shadowman7307]

@good one Begone, bot.

[@MrJerichoPumpkin]

dump? You mean squeeze the life out of his soulles shell. That man deserves nothing better than one of those divorce where you find yourself living in a broken car and still having to pay thousands in child support.

[@theorangegremlin334]

@@MrJerichoPumpkin sorry you need a black soul gem or the black star to capture a human soul

[@sassyghost_8]

I am LIVID with the husband in the childbirth story. Defecation during childbirth is common but still embarrassing. For him to hold it over her like that is childish to say the least. Getting mad when she called him out for it was a splash of red paint on an already red flag.

[@caicat722]

That was my thought too! Pooping during birth is so common that they plan for it, medical staff see poop basically every day and it's normal. It's one medical oopsie where she normally has full control. The husband is like a child "haha poop!" And is just expecting everyone to laugh and it's not even that funny in the first place. I hope OP at least pays attention for more red flags (hopefully it's the only one) and divorces the sucker if more do pop up

[@sassyghost_8]

@@caicat722 It would have been one thing if he joked about it for a few days but after she asked him to stop and he continued to bring it up in front of other people when she told him how it made her feel is a major warning of things to come and a breach of trust. How can she feel safe to make mistakes when he treats her like that afterwards? I agree; she should divorce him.

[@caicat722]

@@sassyghost_8 I'm just wondering why his family thought it was a good joke too. Maybe if he was 10 and if OP was cool with it. Otherwise, just ew. Nobody really needs to know about it anyways or just have it brushed over. Maybe she should sit him down and say that it's a normal thing and how much it does hurt her when he mocks her like that, your spouse should always respect your boundaries. Imagine if they do get divorced though, that'd be an awful reason, a effing poop joke. Husband needs to grow up

[@sassyghost_8]

@@caicat722 That’s for sure. I’m just concerned that, if his family is like that, he may be too set in his ways to change. And if they’re going to raise a child together, I worry about him treating the child the way he treats his wife and shaming the kid for every mistake or, just as bad, he show the child that it’s okay to treat others and their boundaries poorly.

[@QueenofTaterTots]

it's actually very good if you poop because it means you're pushing correctly and you also have the baby's head pushing on the colon

[@samschellhase8831]

Birth story, “should have sucked it up” no, he should have sucked it up when she told him it wasn’t funny. Also “address it privately,” she already did so, and he didn’t listen! And then telling her she shouldn’t have humiliated him in front of his family?!? Does this guy project everything he does onto her?

[@tovekauppi1616]

Yeah, OP’s husband sounds like a complete a**hole and narcissist. Also, while it is not needed for him to be the one in the wrong here, it is actually very common for women to have that type of accident during birth. Also also, it sounds like the birth was really traumatic and the fact that the husband essentially keeps making fun of her trauma is very telling.

[@dustyrose192]

It is only a joke when EVERYONE is laughing.

[@mwills24]

@@tovekauppi1616 that’s what I came to say. Everyone does it to a degree, the staff usually just swipe it away before anyone notices, including the mom in most cases. How is his family this oblivious?

[@MrGorillafist]

Guys like the husband boil my blood. What a fucking immature jackass. Some people never mentally develop past their teens. Christ.

[@RRW359]

"There's no use for it since it's Winter" Wait until this guy figures out about how seasons work.

[@bibigamer502]

If he can think of anything outside of himself and his small little world

[@taylorfrench6722]

Might've gotten it on sale since it was winter, like how winter coats are often on clearance during summer.

[@silverflight01]

Story 2: Don't be surprised when you show up unexpectedly and not get any cooking. My relatives ALWAYS call when they're on their way to my grandma's house because that's the sensible thing to do.

[@Siegfirebrand]

I wouldn’t be surprised if the husband knew they were coming and just didn’t tell his wife

[@mar6488]

If that's okay with your grandma - that's great, but in general it's better to let people know you're coming *in advance* , not when you're already on your way.

[@robertbennett2796]

I think she need to divorce her husband

[@Nekulturny]

Yeah, I can't believe the audacity of that woman. I wouldn't have sat there arguing with her, I would have told her to get tf out of my house and never come back.

[@richewilson6394]

Idk if this mother in law was a stay at home mom but I throw it in her about how it's 2022 and the price of living requires 2 people to work. And if she's so perfect she should of made the dinner if she wanted it soooo bad.

[@berry_nose]

The story about OP giving birth makes me angry. Accidents like that do happen during labor because you're pushing to deliver the baby with the same muscles you would to defecate with. But, its still adds embarrassment to the already unpleasant and even painful experience. And all OP's husband can do is punch down at her, rather celebrate the birth of their child, he instead wants to constantly embarrass OP to anyone who will listen. And instead of coming to the realization that he's done something wrong and hurt OP's feelings when confronted, he doubles down and even says 'you'll regret embarrassing me like that infront of my family'. Okay, apparently being put in your place and your behavior under review is so much worse than your wife, who brought your child into this world, being reminded and shamed of something that just happens.

[@All_will_be_revealed]

I think she would've been fine if he hadn't laughed at her when it happened and started telling people and making jokes

[@BambiLena666]

Its not even an accident to be honest. When I worked as a flight attendant we had birthing training, in case a woman goes into labor in long flights (it has happened) and one of the basic things they tell you is, try to see if they can try go to the bathroom before it fully starts, expect it will happened during the birth, but if they can go right before it might not and it might be less. Its a very common thing that happens during giving birth. The husband is being super dumb and somehow made being dumb into being an ahole.

[@Celediev]

@@BambiLena666 I am gonna be honest it does not even matter that it is common. Childbirth is a very sensitive and potentially intimate moment. Whatever happens during childbirth - be it the mother pooping, the father passing out for whatever reason or anything else - should not be told to anyone unless the person it happened to consents. That said if I was her I would have reacted a bit differently to him making that stupid comment ... I would have just told people about every time he came too early during the naughties. Because yeah, if you insist on making me known as the pooper, you better deal with being known as the 2-pump-chump.

[@AliceHasenkohl]

if your guy cant understand that you don't want to be reminded of shitting yourself in front of strangers while in the most pain of your life, or at least in great discomfort - then all I want for that man is to experience the exact same level of hurt for himself until he understands what it means.

[@BambiLena666]

@@Celediev oh I agree in the end it doesnt matter if it is or isnt common. The fact that it is just makes it so much more annoying cause the man has no idea and somehow decided to use that to shame her. Love your solution tho :D

[@RumbleDelta]

The level of hypocrisy of the husband in story 1 is beyond maddening.

[@Nekulturny]

Yeah unreal, this guy giving a line about buying stuff for the house, the dude smokes cigarettes. What are cigarettes up to now like 10 bucks a pack? Yeah, what a stand up guy spending money for "the good of the household".

[@walidahmed7428]

Last Story: WORST MOTHER OF THE YEAR!!! The mother seems to not really care about her living children from the the comments she made on her post. Her children were literally babies when Brooke died; they have no memories to remember her by and she continuously forced her dead child's memories down their throat. Her living children have been living with their father from ages 4 to 11 (a year after Brooke's death) because the mother could not stop her feeling of grief from ruining their lives. She only had 1 year of custody of her children after Brooke's death and then the children hated it so much that they went back to live with their father. It has been over 25 years since Brooke's death! The mother is so horrible that she said, if Brooke was the only child she had at that moment, she wouldn't have children; that is such a crushing blow to the her living kids. She even goes to say that if her children cannot honor the memories of Brooke, she will cut contact with them. BRUHHHH!!!!

[@LLandS18]

Yeah that was pretty toxic. Sure she's grieving but that's not an excuse for the way she's behaving. I hope those kids if she issued that ultimatum said find mom don't come. But you're not going to have a relationship ever with your grandkids. 10 Opie can have what she's always wanted she can be alone with the memory of her deceased child while her living children go out and live their lives and have nothing to do with their mother. She said she's in therapy but whatever therapist she's going to is not helping her she sounds like she's placating her.

[@ScooterBond1970]

"Oh, everyone knows she can't cook a decent meal" Then why do you insist on coming over and making her cook for you, luvie?

[@mar6488]

Mom in the first story is the best. I hope she'll divorce his butt, grab the daughter and live happily without this toxicity.

[@darrellkimbro1665]

For the 4th story: Defecation during labor is actually quite common. You use the same muscles to push the baby and fecal matter out. This is generally why they recommend you only consume ice chips during labor, to limit the mothers embarrassment over something that common. Some people even get a bladder balloon because of the cervix expansion cutting off the urethra opening and the person being unable to urinate. The husband is totally the butthole. Guess we know who's rear OP won't be wiping in 30-40 years.

[@dx1450]

Actually, I believe the ice chips only thing is just in case they have to do emergency surgery and the mother won't vomit if they put her under anesthesia. But I agree, the husband was a total A-hole for making fun of her for something she was embarrassed about, and his family were also A-holes for allowing him to joke about it without defending the OP.

[@ZoeNycole]

@@dx1450 yes! And emergency c-section purposes as well

[@child3248]

I had accidents after birthing my son, and during my daughters birth

[@evilsharkey8954]

Hopefully, she won’t be wiping him because she’ll have divorced his contemptuous ass decades before. He’s a terrible person who doesn’t understand how babies come into the world.

[@johanhalvarsson2148]

I’ve been told that since the baby is quite large they’ll just push the feces out of there because there isn’t enough room left. And it’s not considered unhealthy for the child since they’ll have a good chance to work on the immune system right away.

[@DisneyFanatic2364]

Second story: OMG, WHAT???!!! While Christmas feasts are nice, it's not a requirement. Some years, my mom didn't have the time nor energy to cook, so we ordered in our Thanksgiving/Christmas meals. Not that she couldn't cook, she just didn't do it every single year. And whatever the case, we still enjoyed our dinner. Those in-laws are ungrateful and the husband is worse. If he wants a Christmas dinner, why doesn't HE cook, since his wife is so busy? Also reminds me of "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving," when Peppermint Patty invited herself over for Thanksgiving and Charlie Brown didn't have the time (nor skill) to cook a turkey and so had to deal with toast and popcorn. Gosh, Peppermint Patty was a Karen on training wheels.

[@velvety2006]

lol we have been take-out on christmass for the last few years just because it's much easier and less stressful

[@dx1450]

The point that everyone seems to be missing is that the in-laws showed up unannounced and uninvited, then expected to be treated to a big Christmas dinner at last minute. I don't care who you are, you don't invite yourself to someone's house for dinner and then complain because the food wasn't to your liking. But I think it was all a big setup and power move by the MIL, showing up unexpectedly knowing that the OP wouldn't have a meal prepared, just so she could complain about it and belittle the OP. The MIL is a total Karen and the OP's husband is useless for not standing up to her.

[@agentmaryland1239]

Even worse, Peppermint Patty didn't just invite herself over but I think Franklin as well as pretty much half the cast of characters. Promising them a dinner from Charlie Brown who already had other plans.

[@feralmickey]

Totally agree with the fact that feasts are not a requirement, and that peppermint patty was basically a toddler karen lol also, unrelated, but I love ur videos, especially ur daughter of discord story!!

[@wmdkitty]

We did pizza this year, and it was so much easier. Plus, everybody likes pizza.

[@LadyOMyth]

That last story: As someone who has seriously considered and want to have a memorial table at my own wedding when I do marry, even setting aside seats for members who passed who my groom and I would want there, no one should be forced into doing such things. It's her wedding, not her sister's and not OP's. I also agree with the person who commented to the post. If one of my siblings died and my parents did what OP did, I would feel like I don't matter to them either. I would resent my sibling's memory.

[@rylashadow18]

That last one has my blood boiling. You have them competing with a ghost all their lives for your approval. For your love and for your attention. She wants her wedding day to be about her and that's her right. If it were up to me and I heard you say that I'd go full scorched earth of "If I see even one picture of her, hear of one utterance of her name you are done. You are done making everything about her. You are done of stealing every moment for your selfish wants and needs. Most importantly you are done being a part of my life. Consider this the last time I ever want to see and hear from you cause I'm done living in a shadow of a dead sister." In all honesty is sounds like you'd rather have the attention cause "Woe is me I suffered a great lost." Instead of taking up couseling and handling that grief in a healthy way. Again your daughters wedding has nothing to do with her dead sister or your lost. Get over yourself! Get therapy, apologies to your children or be ready for every last one of them to cut you out and for good reason.

[@cyancolorful]

I agree. That one really got my blood boiling too, especially after the loss of one of my loved one recently. Hit a little closer to home for me.

[@ThePuschkin1986]

considering the time that has passed, from the story it seems lie +20years at least. that mom should get therapy

[@tidepodpadthai2633]

how though, all she asked was to put aside a seat, that doesn't effect her other kids, you're acting like she's making the entire day about brooke, what is she supposed to do, just forget that her kid ever died?

[@beatrizcosta8137]

@@tidepodpadthai2633 if she does that every birthday, christmas and family gathering she probably turned every party into a funeral, no kid should grew up like that. OP lost a kid, but she still have 2 that deserves to have a mom that loves them as much as she loves their big sister.

[@Redluna32]

So, as someone who has some unfortunate insight into what it's like to be under circumstances like those with the family in the last story, that OP needs to treat this as a wake up call and get a new therapist ASAP. This isn't even "grieving in her own way" because her actions prove she's never actually processed the loss at all. She's using unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep her lost child alive without having to face things, which is why she's lashing out against people saying, "No, you can't do that." If she keeps this up, she'll be left with no children at all.

[@spadhi7236]

Given her "holier than thou" attitude, OP would actually deserve not having children

[@radhiadeedou8286]

I agree, what she's doing is not only bad for her family it's unhealthy for her. I'm a big believer in therapy but stories like this one make me question it, she's been in therapy for more than 20 years and it didn't help at all, while other people who go through the same tragedy, grieve in a much healthier way on their own

[@dx1450]

The original story is so much worse. The OP sent the children to live with their father for 7 years. She had the children come back to live with her, and they decided to go back to their father because the mother said she'd rather not have a relationship with them if they won't honor their dead sister. Also, the daughter's wedding happened over 20 years after her sister died, so for over 20 years she'd been constantly rubbing her child's noses in their sister's death. I can understand why the daughter didn't want a chair set aside as a memorial to her dead sister, whom she probably didn't even really remember by that time. The girl who died was the oldest child, and died when she was 5, so the brother and sister were probably too young to remember her anyway.

[@agentmaryland1239]

@@radhiadeedou8286 I really hope it's just the fact her own delusion is so strong that the therapist just can't get through to her. Because if it turns out the therapist is just using her to milk out essentially free paychecks, someone will need to do some investigating...

[@NEPAAlchey]

I agree, Brooke isn't dead to her as long as she treats that picture better than her actual kids.

[@hershy1594]

For the last story: You can grieve however your want as long as it doesn't get in the way of other processing/moving on with their own grief. The funeral and maybe annual days of remembrance would've been acceptable but constantly bringing her into unrelated events must have been horrible for the family to endure

[@ashleighsaunders3939]

Not even family. Imagine your kid inviting a friend over to her party, her mum comes and starts pulling out photos of her dead child talking about them. Going over to a friends house and her mum brings up her dead daughter every time. I can’t imagine how many friends OP has alienated from her daughters.

[@catperson6683]

@@ashleighsaunders3939 Not only that but at your own graduation. Imagine the day you have worked so hard for has finally come only to hear your mom not congratulate you but talk about your dead big sister.

[@kateworkman921]

Not to mention, this said that the one who died was the oldest child, but passed at five years old. What are the chances the other two even remember her? I mean, unless one was born within a year of the oldest, there's very little chance they'd actually have memories of her, and instead it's just the expectations of "a life that could have been" from the mother. Then there's the fact that I thought this was something that had *just* happened. Like, within the past one-five years. But hearing that Brooke was the oldest, died at five, and now her other daughter is *getting married???* Like, what??

[@lolli425]

Agreed

[@aleahlrb]

The last story: when OP mentioned that Brooke had died when she was 5, and that she has the habit of commemorating her in events, I was expecting the current event that brought up this AITA post to be something like a 12th, maybe 13th or so birthday of one of her other children, but no. It's a _wedding day_ . OP, yes, you are the asshole. You have basically ignored and neglected your other alive children their whole lives at that point in favor of your dead child. That might have sounded insensitive, but it is the truth. Congratulations, OP. You will have none of your children left in your life soon.

[@iris5678]

It's worse than that. Apparently OP is separated from the father of the living children. The two living children went to live with their father for a while because of the mother's grief. They were there about 7 years and OP has said she will not have a relationship with them if they do not honor their dead sister's memory. OP needs more help than that therapist is giving.

[@evadedenbach1226]

The OP has chosen grief over life. She can't move on from the past, so she lived there.

[@laurencesnee8362]

@@iris5678 She doesn't need therapy, she needs a great big sense whack.

[@MyFiddlePlayer]

If it is so important for OP to symbolically include her deceased daughter at events, she should wear her picture in a locket on a chain. Making others set aside a chair, set up a memorial, etc, is just over the top. We all have people who are gone who we miss terribly...should we make memorials to all of them at all of our current events? And should you be required to make a big deal over whoever I miss the most?

[@evadedenbach1226]

@@MyFiddlePlayer Compared to that, a locket is pretty inexpensive, but a great way to comemmerate someone.

[@stevenneff2939]

For the last story, OP needs to realize that her eldest died at five years old so her younger kids probably didn’t remember her as a huge part of their lives.

[@sarabenaquista4352]

As a nurse, I much appreciate the 4/5 butthole score for the husband and MIL who expected a Xmas feast when that poor nurse worked Xmas day. I can’t imagine dealing with that.

[@sarah-my1xp]

Isn’t pooping during labour more common than people think? I’ve not given birth myself but I’ve heard it’s pretty normal

[@animeotaku307]

I know peeing yourself is common. This doesn’t seem like a stretch. For all that people like to hold up childbirth as something beautiful and miraculous (and it can be that), they forget how messy it can get.

[@LinkHero25]

It's extremely common. There are a lot of terrible things that happen during childbirth, but no one ever brings them up because it would push a lot of people away from having kids. Look up the negative side effects if you're interested. Humans are so terribly built for childbirth that it's amazing we've been able to last this long.

[@destinecassady5576]

Yep! My mom has had 7 kids and pooped with 4 out of 7

[@secondhandrooms507]

Yes! Pooping during labor is extremely common.

[@ThaBeatConductor]

I mean... pretty much all mammal births are disgusting as fuck. The least bad ones are the ones that come out with that placental sack, but still.

[@FallenStar-km7yt]

Who the f*ck steals a bike from their own child? Major red flags

[@Hybrid301]

The poor OP in the first story has been poisoned for so long by her toxic spouse that she can’t even realize that this should not be a question that needs asked. Edit to add for the birth story: That happens quite often during labor. You think that you can spend that long pushing and have something other than a baby slip out?

[@gummyruler7854]

OOOOOF some dads abandon their kids, but that guy is on a different level of selfishness.

[@Hybrid301]

@good one can you frick off with your spam links!?

[@HandleBeTaken]

Never experienced labour yet myself, but I have heard that it is quite common for women to poop or pee during labour. Completely common thing. I wish someone had told OP that, the staff wasn't just being professional for her sake, they were just used to it.

[@izraelburgess937]

@@gummyruler7854 nah a dad choosing to not raise a child he doesn’t want or isn’t ready for isn’t bad. Just depends on how he does it. THIS DAD CHOSE TO STAY WHEN HE SHOULD ABANDON YHEM , that’s bad

[@francescaperron2003]

@@HandleBeTaken It's basically unheard of women not pooping during labour. It's completely natural

[@brianb160]

NTA. My wife had a similar accident with one of our children... she was super embarrassed and started to apologize to everyone in the delivery room. The doctor just smiled at her and it happens very frequently so not to worry. He pointed out that when you're pushing that hard for that long, there's almost no way around it. Oh, and my wife would definitely (rightly so) be pissed at me if I brought that up during a family get-together.

[@DreamwithintheHeart]

The story with the deceased child and the mother grieving, for so many years that she feels the need to interject the lost child into every event is hard, but it honestly makes me reflect within my culture. How we have a few days during the year for Día del los Muertos (Day of the Dead: Nov 1, and 2) where we are able to remember our loved one and "bring them back into our homes" and many other cultures do something similar. It's honestly cathartic. Grief is indeed hard, but if it starts preventing you from living your present, then... How can you continue to tell your story?

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

The hypocrisy in that first story is hella real. Funny how the husband complained about OP being sneaking about stealing his money for the bike but yet he stole the bike while the kid was at school

[@GTSE2005]

Because he is being manipulative.

[@THG_thehumangod]

Some parents don't see their kids as people. This is common with asian families to the point where it is normal, but it's interesting how it happens everywhere.

[@CatNolara]

He had some good ol' karma coming his way

[@5Demona5]

Husband: Im mad at my wife cause she did the same thing I did to my kid, except that my kid can't make her own money yet.

[@Oxios]

"Everything that enters this house belongs to me, even if it was a gift to one of my family members from someone else" is very dangerous thinking. Right now it's only material, but that belief eventually extends to people, and that's when the physical abuse starts. The mother needs to take the hint now and make her exit plans.

[@Chris_Underground]

Last story: "AITA for telling my daughter to get over herself?" Way to bury the leade there, OP...

[@ZombieSazza]

The MIL needs to get a grip, and the husband is utterly useless. Honestly OP would be far, far better being alone and away from such a miserable family where her husband and father in law refuse to stand up for her, where they allow the crazy MIL to post on social media about how a nurse, working during the pandemic, is unable to cook for her, despite the fact her son was at home all day, and could’ve cooked. Good old sexism and toxic families and honestly, OP deserves much, much better.

[@critterwhisperer5821]

Mmmhmmm. Op isn't the butthole and won't be for a divorce either lol

[@MercilessJoey]

OP should reply back saying I’m working as a nurse during Covid and you have the audacity to try blasting me online

[@dx1450]

If I were the OP, I"d have responded to her social media post with, "Well, when you show up unannounced for dinner, you get what you get." Seriously, pandemic or no, overworked or not, you don't just show up at someone's house and expect them to cook you a dinner unless you're invited for such. Show up at my house expecting dinner when I didn't invite you, you might get leftover pizza as well. On a paper plate.

[@MercilessJoey]

@@dx1450 lol leftover pizza taste much better tbh

[@Scarlett.Granger]

That husband in the story about the birth should just test these machines simulating child birth pain for some hours, then we'll see about his oh so funny jokes!

[@heathermunday6878]

As soon as I discovered I was pregnant, I read no fewer than three books on pregnancy and delivery. I hate surprises. Not a single one of them mentioned POOPING during delivery. That said, I'm not particularly bothered by bodily functions, especially in a hospital setting, and everyone was very professional about it. But this husband knew his wife was bothered by it and chose to embarrass her in front of family members, even after being asked not to. Jackass and a whole bouquet of red flags.

[@TheGreyKami]

For the second story, there are two types of hosts. People who refuse to let people leave hungry, or people who only cook if it's mentioned before. Neither one is wrong, but you know that there are four types of guests. The two who show up invited and will eat if it was planned or not, or politely refuse if it wasn't planned. The one who shows up uninvited, but is just there to drop by and talk. The last one shows up uninvited, demands food and is what every host calls "Absolute Trash Mooch"

[@dx1450]

Yeah, I mean, they showed up totally uninvited and unexpected, so why the F did they expect the OP to have a Christmas dinner ready for them? And the OP's husband is totally useless because he's the one who should have pointed that out to his mother.

[@gmun2248]

In Scotland, there's a big rivalry & stereotype between Glasgow & Edinburgh, the two main cities. They're only 40 miles apart, west & east central Scotland. The stereotypes do come with some cultural support (no idea why/ how it's so different). There's an old joke that in Glasgow people say, "You'll have a cup of tea." - not a question (therefore there is no option for "no" as an answer - you HAVE to have something); in Edinburgh, they say, "You'll have had your tea." - also not a question. It's not really the same, it's just a funny anecdote your comment made me think of. I grew up in Glasgow & have lived most of my adult life in Edinburgh (& some time in the US). I love both cities, so I feel it's okay to say the 'joke' is totally representative! Mainly thinking of grannies and aunties, which is a bit stereotyped, but it's an older-generation destiny, apparently. :)

[@Roozyj]

I really don't understand the last type of guest. Like, if you want to eat well on christmas, it's better to go to a place where people will serve you food, right? Why spend christmas in a place where you aren't welcome and will probably not get food? Also, what if OP and her husband had been away. Who knows, maybe they were celebrating with friends. MIL never asked...

[@dx1450]

@@Roozyj I believe it was just a power play by the MIL. She arranged to show up uninvited knowing that the OP wouldn't have a Christmas dinner ready just so she could bitch about it on social media.

[@MyFiddlePlayer]

To invite (or allow) guests over for dinner without consulting or warning your spouse, without planning to cook for them yourself or planning to order out for them, and knowing your spouse will be at work and come home too tired to help out with it...OMG! "thoughtless" is about the best spin you can put on this. And PS, does the family think hospitals close for the holidays?

[@gaxalee7392]

I can’t imagine stealing from my child(I’m currently childless but want children in the future) and then being delusional enough to blame my spouse for “making me look like the bad guy”. Multiple times in my life my dad has taken something from me and either sold or thrown it away without any thought or care about how’d make me feel. I can’t even bring these incidents up with him because he’ll interrupt me to start a barrage of excuses and ‘woe is me’ statements, painting himself as the victim. When you steal from someone(a child especially), the only person whose made you look like a bad guy is yourself.

[@thegrimharvest]

"YoU tUrNEd HeR aGaInSt Me!" "You have done that yourself!"

[@xboxoneyes7734]

And after they are like 18 they act surprised when their kid never wants to look them in the face again

[@lennycuellar]

@@thegrimharvest 😂🤣best comment award 👏 But what an absolute childish, selfish, brat of a father, just like Anakin

[@esmee6308]

My parents used to give away, occasionally sell, my stuff as well and I never got a good reason as to why. (My dad left my mum with a ton of money and she's got use over our share which was more than enough to raise us and pay for our education, which we were discouraged from pursueing.) This story just reminded me I'd really like to know their thoughts behind that, because money was never an issue and I considered clothes, shoes, a new bed etc. as gifts from them, so wasn't like my grandmother giving me a gameboy when I was recovering from surgery as more special. (Hindsight I should have, but all I can think is how I'd love to still have that thoughtful gift to remember her by.)

[@xboxoneyes7734]

@@esmee6308 do you still talk to them or you went No contact?

[@jehold2010ify]

When my baby started to come our my husband saw her hair and thought it was poop. He went to look for something to clean it up so I wouldn't be embarrassed. That's what a real man does.

[@dx1450]

That's what I would have done. However, both our kids were born via C-section so we didn't have to worry about accidental poop. But if it would have happened I might have mentioned it to my wife but definitely wouldn't have made fun of her because of it. That guy was a total A-hole not just for making fun of her, but knowing how embarrassed she was and THEN making fun of her in front of family.

[@jay_vee96]

He's definitely a keeper! I feel terrible for these women with unsupportive husbands when it comes to important life moments like child birth.

[@maplesyrup1223]

The way rslash’s voice gets so condescending and says stuff in a Karen voice when he doesn’t like the person kills me 😭

[@scipioafricanus5871]

I noticed also he did about 12:50-13:00 the Jerk husband voice.

[@PinataFreaks]

That story with the gaming wife gave me major "twisting everything to make myself look better vibes". I don't think he said those things half as nicely as he's claiming.

[@JaneDoe1812]

I don't even get why he's crying about it. He's a big boy he can make his own breakfast. XD Mommy's busy. Lol.

[@linneasandstrom300]

2nd story: So.. MIL is basically saying her own son cant cook despite being an adult... I bet OP didnt sign up to be a mother to her own husband and get disrespect just for working and not being up to someone elses standards? Im feeling like MIL expects her to be a SAHW

[@animeotaku307]

Agreed. MIL seems pretty sexist. And husband seems on board with it. OP deserves better.

[@TheGreyKami]

Don't most kids learn to cook? I learned both from my mom and home ec at school before it was closed. I'm a guy, and can still bake and cook. I mean, it's just following directions, unless you want to be a great cook, then it's all the little touches like which spices you like.

[@mhammer3186]

@@TheGreyKami unfortunately many people don’t know how to take care of themselves.

[@イグニスの眼鏡]

@@TheGreyKami if you are from a very very traditional family boys were barely allowed in the kitchen and probably told this is woman's work by both mom and dad.

[@linneasandstrom300]

@@TheGreyKami Sorry if what I commented came out as "This guy cant cook thus other guys cant!" which is not what I wanted, but hey! Great for you! I bet you cook lots of goodies and yummies :)

[@christiantalbert7460]

OP in the last story also needs to realize that if Brooke past away at 5 as his eldest, the two younger siblings never would have had many memories of their sister to remember her by which may make Brooke not real special to them outside of the fact that she was their sister. But just because Brooke was related to them by blood does not mean that Brooke or any other family member still living gets to take precedent over them especially on big events made to be about them.

[@ondank]

If you haven't red the OPs comments on reddit, its way worse. OP sent the children to their father after her daughters death for 7 years, tried to bring them back home and then the kids chose to go back to living with the father. She said that she would rather not have a relationship with her kids if her kids don't want to commemorate her daughter all the time.

[@lilysong1321]

Oh I read and commented on this one. The mom had 26 years to get over her grief. She talks about how she sent her kids to their dad for 7 years. Like honestly. This woman raised her kids to chase after a ghost. Poor things.

[@BambiLena666]

I was kind of a "ghost baby". My parents had a baby before me that died pretty quickly after birth. I was an accidental pregnancy that they long deliberated on aborting (I have an older brother that was born before all that). My parents werent anywhere near as obsessive like this, but if im honest probably because he died really early. I remember my mom having her week of sadness when I was a teen and a cousin (that was like 4 at the time all of that happened) marked the same date of his death to have her son baptized, my mom kept going on about how rude and unfair she was being (even though my cousin had no idea). They had a lot of small moments, like confusing mine and his birth year etc. My point being, even though they werent as obsessive about it like OP, it was still pretty damaging. I remember for a long time as a kid imagining scenarios of what he would be like, what it would be like if he survived and I was never born etc. It messes you up, I cant imagine going through what these kids did. The only light seems to be that the kids lived with the father and hopefully got to grow up in a much healthier environment, dealing with mom only on special occasions.

[@GamerSisters]

@@BambiLena666 that's really sad and I'm sorry you had to go through that...

[@RandomMackem0069]

Still doesn’t give them the right to tell OP to stop grieving losing anyone soul crushing just because some people stop when ever doesn’t mean others can somebody could grieve forever they shouldn’t be blamed for grief

[@luvondarox]

What is with the partners in this episode? One steals from a little girl, one comes to tears at the thought of having to cook or make themself a bowl of cereal for breakfast, the other does jack-all at home and expects his wife to do Christmas Hosting WHILE being a COVID healthcare worker, the other shames and gaslights his wife about her first childbirth (and is probably going to whine later about wanting more kids / why he isn't allowed in the birthing room), and just.... what are these people?

[@ObtuseMori]

Right? I'm wondering how they all managed to find relationships in the first place, let alone get married and/or have kids.

[@h3in3k3nx3]

There's a balance between moving on and remembering a loved one. This parent has made EVERYTHING about remembering and nothing about moving on.

[@KiiBon]

For OP in the 2nd Story, I'll let you know having Pizza on Christmas isn't bad in the slightest

[@cheeseburgah563]

First story: the dad literally made himself the villain not the other way around. What a hypocrite too, he's the theft.

[@Oxios]

That is not a man to be trusted about anything. Relationships, employment, it doesn't matter. If I knew this guy and I knew that this happened, I would get everyone I knew to start a "get away" fund for the kid and mom in their names. They will need it. And dude would need not pretend to be sociable - we wouldn't be talking anymore.

[@SilverMe2004]

I think Rslash might be right about the drugs. its the only excuse that fits. the only other thing I can think of is that his iq is so low that he should be getting disability support

[@dracko158]

Also, he said she made him the villain. Like WTF? You ARE the villain, "husband"!

[@PokeMultiverse]

@@SilverMe2004 Other option is his ego got hurt by her brother buying the daughter a bike.

[@alezot6141]

In the first four stories, we got, in this order: a thieving husband, a spineless husband, a needy crybaby of a husband, and husband with the emotional intelligence of a grape. The last story is a parent in desperate need of therapy.

[@drolnogardgames4335]

The gamer wife story was not about a needy crybaby. If we assume he's telling the truth, she lashed out with anger at him calmly saying he didn't want takeout for breakfast, and then when he said something that, admittedly, should not have been said, she threw her keys at him. Reverse the roles, make it the man throwing things in anger, and no one hesitates to call that domestic abuse. He just wanted to spend some time with her, after she'd already been playing the game for 6 hours straight, and neither one of them thought "what if we just wait until the dungeon's finished and make breakfast then?" He may not be a perfect husband, but she's far from perfect herself, if this story is anything to go by.

[@velvetdarksoul8741]

@@drolnogardgames4335 your telling me you believe what that guy wrote? Dude it's it's obvious what really happened is that he probably was offended that she didn't make food or pay attention to him so crybaby whined

[@drolnogardgames4335]

​@@velvetdarksoul8741 If the thread is intended to be a wake up call for his wife, then he wouldn't be lying about the events that happened. You have to assume that the entire story is a lie in order to remove any blame from the wife. That's a bit unreasonable, imo. If he's telling the truth, there's literal domestic abuse happening here.

[@SilverMe2004]

@@drolnogardgames4335 There is this thing called perspective. Just because he perceived it as him being perfectly calm and civil and her being angry for no reason doesn't mean that is how she perceived the events. "If we assume he's telling the truth" and why would we do that? He's the one telling the story so it is automatically full of his biases and most likely adjusted to make him look like the good guy. it is full of him being manipulative to the point that he was being a literally crybaby. "already been playing the game for 6 hours straight" so less time then at work? "neither one of them thought "what if we just wait until the dungeon's finished and make breakfast then?" " no she had said that she wanted to spend the entire weekend on it. he was the only one who didn't think 'I'll just wait till she is less busy'. "make it the man throwing things in anger, and no one hesitates to call that domestic abuse" it was the car keys. you don't abuse someone by throwing them your keys "if the thread is intended to be a wake up call for his wife" its not. its too full of 'woe is me' to be a proper wake up call. And besides the only indication that she is obsessed is that she doesn't want to talk to him because she is playing the game. Which if that wasn't the case, if she could hold full conversation without interrupting her play, that would be a bigger indicator that she has a problem. This weekend of video games was a planed event(time off work, already planed dinner) the only one that doesn't seem to understand that is him. "if he's telling the truth, there's literal domestic abuse happening here." I don't think it was bad enough to call what he did emotional abuse. "remove any blame from the wife" a married couple is having an argument and you think one should/could be blameless? how old are you? He is being such a needy crybaby that I question 'his' manhood. I mean we just assumed it was the husband but what if they are both wives? Of cause my own bias is with the one playing online games.

[@sigmahyperion955]

@@drolnogardgames4335 The OP stated that their relationship is otherwise good. And that the thing they wanted to do together (making breakfast), is something that they normally do. And the OP specifically said that "TODAY" she "took [gaming] too far". The wife is clearly not addicted to gaming to an unhealthy degree or this would be a more regular occurrence. And one doesn't go through the trouble of making a post on /IATA after a couple innocent requests to spend some time with the wife -- not to mention the near-certain lack of emotional intelligence required to do that to start with, so everything should be taken with a grain of salt. He clearly was bugging the ever-loving shit out of her with his childish whining because she, by his own admission, took ONE DAY to do something she wanted to do and he couldn't even let her have that. Individuals in a relationship are allowed time to do their own things. And the very POINT of that time was taking is to not have to deal with the wants/needs of someone else for even a brief time. And, for cris'sakes, it was SIX HOURS. And only ONE hour since the OP had woken up and been so woefully "ignored" and was already "IN TEARS". This is clearly not someone who is in a great emotional state. You can see why someone reacts with more than a little exasperation if their planned time for themselves is derailed because of a man-child after AN HOUR.

[@sussylittlemeowmeow6068]

For the 4th story: does OP's husband not realize that its actually pretty common for that to happen during child birth ??? I know its not something people mention in conversation about childbirth but what do you think might happen when your pushing down there.

[@DSoSJohnH]

Because some men just don't understand how childbirth works... It's like, DUDE she's pushing a freaking double size football out of her, no shit she's going to shit herself... I knew this when I was a teenager. It just blows my mind that some males don't understand even the tiniest little bit of childbirth... SMH...

[@ladyvee2090]

I bet he's the kind of guy that either thought or _still_ thinks that girls can "hold it" when they're on their period.

[@darko-man8549]

@@DSoSJohnH welcome to education systems where reproductive biology/sex education are pushed as "inappropriate" and "should be left to the parents"

[@Selena19973]

well I now learned something! this is a good thing to know for both Males AND Females. For Males so this shit (pun not intended) doesn't happen, and for Females so they can be better prepared for deliveries.

[@foxmccloud8960]

That and he's a massive a-hole

[@aidanpia5458]

Story 3: Why was he in tears? She just wanted time to herself, as she said he has two hands, he can do shit by himself.

[@joshthompson7360]

Sounds like he’s being pathetic about this, but also sounds like she games too much.

[@Arylwren1]

@@joshthompson7360 it was launch day for a new expansion that literally took hours to log into because of how popular it is. The comments says she works a full time job, does her half of the chores and leave their place when he has his weekly dnd night. Can't she have 1 day to enjoy something herself? maybe get the full story before jumping on the "they game too much" train.

[@davidpetersen8909]

@@Arylwren1 why was he in tears? Dude asked his gf in a Nice way if she wanted to Cook breakfast with him. Gf answered by throwing keys at him, and yelling at him in a way that struck fear in him to the point where he hid in his car. He never demanded anything, he asked politely. And she chucked car keys at him. Over a video game, if you think that's not messed up, you need therapy.

[@allisoncastle]

@@davidpetersen8909 So you just blindly believe everything you read then? This guy couldn’t POSSIBLY be lying about details to make himself look better? How gullible are you?

[@hiimred1851]

It's unusual for people to NOT have "accidents" during childbirth. It's normal, it's natural, you are literally trying to push a frickin smol human out of your body, of course you can't pay attention to what else may be pushing...

[@RyanZacharko]

I never knew about that until now.

[@Ace_T]

The poop story: she literally did discuss it with him privately already, then he chose to ignore it and make another joke to his family about it

[@kranberry3318]

Why are you calling it the pee story? It’s about the OP pooping during labour.

[@Ace_T]

@@kranberry3318 wait shoot is it really? I half listen to these and just assumed it was peeing

[@Ace_T]

@@kranberry3318 okay I fixed it, thanks for pointing that out

[@MzJoeyRantz]

Story 4- I've pooed myself both times I've given birth, it isn't embarrassing and is incredibly common. I don't know what kind of husband could see the woman he loved risking her life to bring his child into the world, and only focus on the fact that she did a poo. For shame!

[@darththeo]

It is pretty much why the doctors and other people didn't find it funny or odd when it happens. They deal with it near daily. It happens, they move on. You think the guy would have been tipped off by that.

[@jadedflames2809]

I feel like pooping while giving birth isn't discussed as much ad it should be, which sucks. But the fact that the husband is a giant ass about it and finds it funny to embarrass and invalidate OP angers me

[@ChrisAndCats]

It's just a normal occurrence. Embarrassing maybe for the person it happens to but the hospital staff will be used to it and won't bat an eyelid.

[@agentmaryland1239]

@@jadedflames2809 Probably because everyone wants the idea that giving birth is purely a beautiful experience to live on. Telling every couple that plans to pop a kid out that 'yeah, you're gonna soil yourself during the process', might discourage some from having a kid themselves. (Which, let's be honest, I think a few people out of every 'I want a child' group could probably do with just adopting, our birth rate across the world is getting out of control.)

[@Sliverbane]

The gamer story makes me laugh. Me and my husband would be playing together in that scenario. You married a gamer you nugget!

[@Arylwren1]

i hate when people marry someone they know is a hobby gamer then try to get them to stop gaming.

[@davidpetersen8909]

@@Arylwren1 i hate when gamers think violence is okay, because the game is important. She chucked keys at him, after he asked her if she wanted to Cook breakfast with him.

[@hyenaedits3460]

I get the feeling a lot of the people in AITA (if their stories are true) are in abusive relationships and being horribly gaslit and are reaching out to Reddit to try to figure out what's going on. That first story is exactly something my dad would have done and he's done similar things.

[@sapphicgeek24]

I say this as a former smoker: that dad would have more money for "necessities" if he stopped smoking. Just saying.

[@kimberleymcmillan682]

Yikes 1st story: “forbade me from touching” 🚩🚩🚩🚩that’s abuse. Second story: why do these people stay married? Third story: ditto… Fourth story: no OP didn’t overreact. Fifth story: if you’ve been going to therapy all this time, it’s not working.

[@VzDeath]

"forbade me from touching" is abuse to you, huh? Okay then, don't say that I can't touch your money. Don't get me wrong the husband was def a butthole but just saying that sentence is not abuse

[@cassidycrane3581]

@@VzDeath it could be a sign of financial abuse! Basically he has to control finances so his wife will have to depend on him for everything and can't see a way out, so she's forced to stay!! Not saying that's whats happening here, but the husband seems emotionally manipulative considering the fact that he's calling her out for doing basically the same thing he did!!

[@VzDeath]

@@cassidycrane3581 I can see that definitely being the case. I just think that one single sentence that is told in a story cannot be used as a singular source of someone's evidence that abuse is occurring. I was also trying to make the OC understand what exactly their response can do and how some people can take stuff too seriously ( like most Karens)

[@DannyGottawa]

Really? The guy who makes a joke about his wife, that she has told you she does not want you to make, is complaining that she should keep certain things private? Yeah, pull the other one.

[@dx1450]

Guy was a total A-hole. Even if that had happened to my wife, I'd not have told anyone about it, even if we did think it was funny afterwards. I'd just be happy that she gave birth to my child. But knowing she was embarrassed about it and then making fun of her in front of her and his families makes him a total jerk.

[@thunderflare59]

Entitled dad: You made me look like the bad guy. OP: It wasn't to difficult.

[@ArsonistKarra]

honestly he did it himself mostly. OP just sold it!

[@MusketeerGweneth]

The first story reminded me of something. When I and my sister were young, around 5 and 7 years old, me being the younger one, my mom bought two puppies from a neighbor who's dog had a bunch of puppies; They were black labs. We both got one. We were so happy. Just like in the first story, while we were at school, our step-father sold our puppies and bought a bunch of beer. He refused to tell us who he gave the puppies too but suspiciously, a neighbor suddenly had two black lab puppies and their kids were happy while me and my sister were heartbroken. That was our first pet experience.

[@MyFiddlePlayer]

When I was a kid, the neighbors had all their dogs euthanized on the same day while their kids were away at school. They told their kids that scientists had kidnapped the dogs for lab experiments. Those kids spewed vitriol against scientists for the rest of the years that I knew them. Not a harmless lie, and totally gutless of the parents not to explain reality to them.

[@MusketeerGweneth]

@@MyFiddlePlayer As lies go, that one is terrible. I get not wanting to explain reproduction to kids too young but there are better lies to cover up why the dogs were away. Like . . . they could have said something like that the dogs were being auditioned to possibly be in a movie and will be sent back home soon with news whether they got the job or not. Those insane parents have probably made those poor kids hate science!

[@rambofan334]

How did your mom react?

[@SquirrelPotatoes]

3rd story: There is nothing wrong with having different hobbies. He should support her instead of being needy.

[@GTSE2005]

Last OP is the butthole, even though I do sympathise with her. Yes, she has lost a child, and needs to grieve, but she's letting it dominate both her and her other childrens' lives. I'm sure this is not what Brooke would have wanted. She'd have wanted a place in her siblings' heart, but I am certain that OP's other 2 children resent her now.

[@nightrayneraven1323]

Op needs to get into grief counseling because at this point her grief is going to make no one want to invite her or keep in contact with her. Her grief isn't healthy at this point

[@GiordanDiodato]

@@nightrayneraven1323 didn't she do that and it didn't work?

[@Nekulturny]

@@GiordanDiodato Apparently she did, and is either incapable or unwilling to move on. I suspect its a much deeper issue, I'm sure her living children their whole lives have had to live under this shadow. If she doesn't figure something out though, shes going to lose both her living children as well, but honestly I get the feeling that damage has already been done.

[@velvetdarksoul8741]

@@nightrayneraven1323 it's been 26 years that woman is so selfish she said if her kids wouldn't honor her dead daughter she'd rather have no kids that's not a mother anymore that's just a pitiful creature

[@bridi0821]

I don’t have any sympathy for her after reading the extra information she posted in her comments -Brooke died 26 years ago when her children were 3 -She sent both of her children to live with their father for 7 years before bringing them back (but they decided to go back to live with their father) -OP literally said in the comments she is perfectly fine with cutting both her children out of her life if they refuse to honor Brooke’s memory -OP confirmed that she resents her living kids and said that she never would have had them if she knew Brooke was going to get sick and die She doesn’t deserve the 2 living children she still has. She wasn’t fit to be a mother.

[@janputz4157]

Bruh OP did the EXACT SAME thing her husband did to his own daughter but now suddenly it's theft and undermining? No. He's a shithead. Such a sweet daughter how she even didn't want the bike if it meant her dad being mad. I understand wanting the money because my parents did the same thing with me as rslash described. They didn't have cash in them and needed to go shopping so the sometimes took up to 50€ from my purse. Most of the time I didn't even noticed because, like any sane person, they gave that money back as soon as possible.

[@janputz4157]

@good one I did not expect this, but thanks I guess

[@sarah-my1xp]

Second story, I would divorce. I couldn’t be with someone that sexist

[@bbeth4]

i feel like divorce is the answer to a lot of these, if you tell the story a certain way maybe it doesn’t sound too bad. but when you break it down the way r/ does it becomes a much more horrifying picture 😬

[@SaikiKFann]

I wound take him to therapy. I’m not letting that man ruin another girl

[@agentmaryland1239]

@@bbeth4 Yeah at least 3 of the stories I would definitely file for divorce if I was in their shoes.

[@Avrysatos]

Therapy first

[@elbotiger7445]

Last story: I've heard it from the daughters POV on reddit. The mom really needs to find a healthier coping mechanism, and realize that others have moved on in their own way

[@your_local_questerian]

Do you have a link?

[@foxfireinferno197]

"You made me look like the bad guy." Dude, you stole from your own kid. YOU ARE THE BAD GUY.

[@julieann2454]

It makes me so mad that some people still expect a wife to work from home (cook and clean) while working outside the home! You can't expect her to be the traditional 50s housewife if you're not gonna be the traditional husband! If you can't be the sole provider then she can't be the sole homemaker. Yet I'm seeing a pattern in these videos with incompetent husbands😑

[@agentmaryland1239]

Realistically, it should never be that way now a days unless if that's agreed upon by both individuals. It's not fair to demand your wife stay at home and tend to the house, the children (if there are any), and the husband for either food or sexual needs. Especially if you (the man), are not working or are not the breadwinner. This isn't the 50's, we need to stop acting like it is, but because old ways still tend to rub off from those who won't let them go, the cycle continues on. Not as prevalent as it used to be, but old ways, specifically ones that can get toxic, need to die.

[@julieann2454]

@@agentmaryland1239 yeah that's the thing people won't let go of old ways, but only the ones that benefit them! If a couple wants to be traditional, fine, but then they BOTH have to be! Otherwise it's not fair

[@DisneyFanatic2364]

@@agentmaryland1239 My mom's a stay-at-home mom. Did the majority of cooking and cleaning throughout my childhood. But she's always reiterated that it was HER choice to be the stay-at-home mom. This was the 90's, so there was no expectation for her to stay home, and she had tried going back to work after I (the eldest) was born, but found that she missed being away from me all day. And she was able to do it because Dad made enough to provide for all of us, and he agreed with her decision. But it was HER choice, not because of tradition, or because someone else pressured her into it. This story was just unfair. Because not only was OP working overtime, but she mentioned they were struggling financially. Sounds like she couldn't be a stay-at-home mom even if she wanted to. My dad would never treat my mom like that. If she didn't cook that day, he'd fix something for himself, or suggest we order something. We've even had a couple of Christmases of take-out and never complained (food is food, we love to eat). And how dare the in-laws show up uninvited and demand a feast? Are they not aware that things are tight for OP and her husband right now? Is the HUSBAND not aware of this? Are they forgetting they're in the middle of a pandemic and economic crisis? This is just entitled and toxic, even for couples who do adhere to traditional gender roles.

[@agentmaryland1239]

@@DisneyFanatic2364 Exactly, if that's what she wanted and it was agreed upon, then that's great! And yeah, those in laws are awful. Entitled is too tame for some of these people I swear.

[@silverflight01]

Last Story: Yeah, trying to force people to keep the memory of someone is NOT how you get them to move on and remember a dead child forever.

[@Ben31337l]

Trying to preserve the memory of a lost one is a perfectly natural reaction. So because of this, I wouldn't frame it in whether they're a butthole or not, but instead, frame it in way that a person is incapable of moving on, is an incredibly unhealthy mentality to get into. Because they can't move on, they push everyone else away. It only makes things worse! The person needs help and support, not be ridiculed.

[@BallJointedDragon]

@@Ben31337l If you're calling your child selfish/telling them to get over themselves because they refuse to have a whole memorial TABLE for a child they don't even know or remember, then yes, they deserve to be ridiculed. Especially if, as the other children say, ALL their parent does is bring up said death. It's been decades, and she's apparently been bringing it up every single day, every single event? She knows better. She's an adult, and has had plenty of time to figure out that her actions are hurting others.

[@velvetdarksoul8741]

@@Ben31337l she's had 26 years darling, she's out of sympathy

[@Ben31337l]

I understand where you both are coming from. I didn't say who is right and wrong as I can see both perspectives but yeah, preserving the memories of a loved one is unhealthy and it is hurting everyone around her. As for the other family members, I don't blame them at all for how they feel because, at this point, it has become her whole world view, that is entirely how she sees things from her perspective. She needs professional help before she finds herself alone with only the memories of her dead loved one cause I don't think that anyone is a butt hole here. If the family leaves her with her memories because she is inadvertently hurting them, it would be tragic but it would be something that couldn't be helped. And no, I do not think that they would be the butt hole for leaving. It would simply be how things would go.

[@masantahelperkiller7797]

The birthing story - that is completely normal to piss/poop yourself when you give birth!! And sometimes it's not even your poop, sometimes it's your child's first!

[@TheGreyKami]

Wait wait wait. Girls poop? This level of intelligence brought to you by OPs husband.

[@TheSaltRose]

Video game story: I’m going to bet this guy doesn’t even put his socks in the hamper. He needs to get off his ass and let her have some down time.

[@davidpetersen8909]

Does not put spcks in hamper, but wants to Cook with his gf. Nah dude. That girl is crazy, if anyone threw keys at me, for wanting to Cook breakfast with them, i would ask them to seek help too. I get she wanted to game, but yeah it is kinda rude to expect your partner to be okay with you choosing to game, while your partner has to do the chores of two People. He never demanded it had to be right then and there. He asked Nicely, he only started reacting when she became Mean to him. What she did is physical and emotional abuse.

[@ticiale20]

@@davidpetersen8909 girl can't have one day for herself ?

[@Leanmeantigerqueen2000]

That first story. Wow, the sheer AUDACITY of that father. Whenever my mom had to borrow money from me, she’d always tell me immediately like, “Hey, I took this amount of money out of your account; I’ll pay you back once I get paid next week.” And she always kept track of the amount so she knew how much she owed me. She would also regularly say that we needed to get rid of some of my old things (for example, clothes that were too small or old toys), but she never gave them away without my approval first because it was considered my property and it was up to me to decide if I wanted to save it (either for other kids in our extended family or for my own kids one day) or donate it to charity. She never once stole any of my property, much less a BIRTHDAY GIFT from someone else like that asshole did. I feel so sorry for that mom and daughter; if that sort of sick behavior towards his wife and child is a constant thing, then I sincerely hope the wife leaves him and takes her daughter with her so they can live a happy, asshole free life

[@LoveandBonestm]

Now, with my first birthing experience, I pooped myself. My husband has NEVER mentioned it. He doesn’t even joke about it privately. He knows it was uncontrollable because of the contractions. And because he doesn’t make fun of me about it, I can look back and scoff and laugh about it. That was 9 years ago.

[@leviuzumaki3903]

Story 4: okay so definitely not the butthole first off, pooping when delivering a baby is super common actually because you have to push very hard and you use the same muscles to push as you do to go to the bathroom. It’s completely natural to experience that. The husband instead of naturally supporting you telling you “it’s okay and just keep going I’m here for you” and holding your hand, decides to laugh at you and make fun of you? Then continues to do it far after, I’m sorry but he sounds insanely toxic….

[@jay_vee96]

I agree 100% absolutely unsympathetic. That women risk her life to have his baby for him to ridicule her at her most vulnerable moment in life. I would divorce him because you know he will never take important things/moments in life seriously. He is a huge man child and he gets it from his childish family.

[@RivKit84]

He's a narcissist for sure!

[@CyberAceSorrel]

For the gaming story: That worker shortage in a few companies in Japan happened during Monster Hunter World Iceborne's release weekend (the PC release if I remember right, not PS4/Xbox). There might've been another instance of it happening too with another game, but I remember that it was bad enough with Iceborne's release that a few companies preemptively planned for Monster Hunter Rise's release by giving everyone the release day off.

[@mrtommygunwhite]

I know there was the GTA v flu around 2013

[@DSSeraph]

Dragon quest actually was the progenitor of this to my knowledge, when the third game came out in Japan on a weekday so many children and adults skipped school/work that the police got involved and ever since square only releases DQ games on Saturdays, despite nearly everyone else's games usually coming out on Thursdays or Fridays. (There is an urban legend that this was a government law, but actually it's just Squenix keeping up the tradition after the above event on their own)

[@SelecaoOfMidas]

@@DSSeraph Yep, this was the first instance I heard about. Whether it's Dragon Quest, Monster Hunter, or Final Fantasy, gamers of all stripes in Japan turn out for a game release, so Saturday is highly preferred.

[@agentmaryland1239]

Not sure if true or not, but I heard it was also pretty bad around the time of Halo 3's release.

[@glori0usoce]

Also I remember 3/4 of my entire school of 800 people took the week off when Wrath of the Lich King was released.

[@blackrex828]

Lady Gamer story: I knew from the line, "My wife is a huge nerd," that OP was gonna be the butthole. Also I highly doubt that he cried during their little argument.

[@Arcanadragon]

I myself am extremely fond of gaming, but the third story actually raises some concerns for me. The husband mentioned that he was afraid that his wife was addicted to playing video games. If I had more information about this story and could tell if she was actually seriously addicted, then it would help me determine if his concerns were justified. It basically boils down to: "Was the wife seriously addicted to video games and throwing her car keys at her poor husband for no good reason, or was the husband overreacting to one weekend of gaming by accusing his poor wife of being addicted to her hobby?" Based on the limited information we are presented with, I can't be sure if it was 100% accurate to blame the husband here.

[@DestinyObake]

My aunt and uncle lost their first child when she was a year old. They’ve had several children since and none of them have been made to feel second place to her memory. You can’t just make everyone feel the same way as you. You’ll just drive them away.

[@mar6488]

Yeah, that's creepy and insensitive what last OP does.

[@TetraSky]

Fifth story : Honestly OP... I get it, you miss your daughter. But it sounds like you're living in the past and refusing to move on. Let her go. It's been so long that her younger sister is now old enough to get married. You can keep mourning her if you want. But don't push it onto others who have moved on.

[@CazadorSlayer]

"I can't believe you stole my money behind my back, you are a sneaky juvenile thief!" Says the immature thief that went behind OP's back and stole a *child's bike* for 'necessities.' Definitely sounds like drug use. No sane person steals from a freakin' child and thinks its okay.

[@elmermousefan3413]

About the last story, it reminded me of something my grandma does in special occasion. She has a necklace with a picture of her first child who died when he was 4 years old. My grandma uses that necklace on every special event (weddings, birthdays, Christmas, basically everytine the family is together). And my dead uncle who I never isn't stealing the spotlight like OP was doing with Brooke. It's just a small detail and a way to have my uncle included, even if he's no longer with us.

[@MyFiddlePlayer]

I have a friend who had 2 kids die when they were little. She had a ring made to commemorate each kid, and she wears them everywhere. It's subtle, but symbolically they are always with her. And I knew a man who lost a kid, he got a tattoo that included her name and birthday.

[@TheSolidMidgetOfficial]

Third story. Imagine having a gaming girlfriend and complaining about it. Dude is living the dream and he doesn't like it? Shoot I'll take her off his beta hands

[@Arylwren1]

i know really?

[@strikeforce1500]

So, your husband literally stole from his own kid, and why I have the feeling that something "useful" is some trash only HE would use. I seriously hope OP to divorce this guy, if this is only the tip of the iceberg, is bad enough . A stash of money, and tell his wife "Don't touch MY savings".

[@Sanodi21]

In regards to the first story, OP should return the husband. In all seriousness, there's a second and third red flag in this story; the fact that their daughter bowed to her father at the cost of her happiness and it looks like he never specified on what those 'important things' he bought were. There's something else going on there and OP should get on it before it's too late or take her daughter and GTFO.

[@HeilielPrince]

13:09 wtf? Your using the same muscles to push a baby out! Accidents like that happen during childbirth! I am more then positive she isn't the only woman to soil herself during that. Her husband is disgusting.

[@JenniferBuechner]

12:16, this is actually pretty common. It happened to me also. The husband shouldn't be so rude about it. He isn't the one who had to suffer in all that pain to deliver a child. It happens more than one might think. And for the husband to embarrass his wife because of it, no, she needs to run far far away from him while she still can.

[@Re1ardedHoon]

My wife loves to cook so much she will kick me out of the kitchen if I try to help. I'm a great cook myself too. But if my mother talked to her like that I would be so angry with my mom I'd probably kick her out. That's not okay.

[@colleencook382]

As a single mom there were occasions where I borrowed from my kids piggy bank.. I always left an IOU with the date and amount borrowed. So if I borrowed $20 they would be repaid $25.

[@carissamessina1908]

That’s awesome you paid them back with interest. My mom and stepdad made me get a job when I was 16. I would go to work straight from school then get off about 11pm. Didn’t have time to do homework because I had to be up at 5:30 to get ready for school. They said my job was to let me have my own money to buy myself stuff. Nope. They stole my paycheck every week. They made double what my dad did yet they still couldn’t pay bills. My dad could. I hated it. When I got my first credit card my mom would take it out of my purse and max it out. Did they pay it back? No. She actually took one of my first tax refund checks for herself. Didn’t know she stole it until I called the IRS and they said my check had been mailed a month earlier.

[@bluecleo14]

That’s actually pretty cool that you pay them back with interest, it teaches them about loans in a child friendly way, which will help them be more financially responsible and might even help to understand university loans. It’s obviously not ideal to have to borrow money from your kids but I’m glad you give it back, some parents wouldn’t do that on the “you can’t own anything until your 18 logic” which I utterly despise.

[@RowanWarren78]

@@carissamessina1908 oh Jesus, that's financial abuse.

[@MrJerichoPumpkin]

@@carissamessina1908 that's the base for a identity theft lawsuit, you know?

[@gamingcadet9779]

Colleen Cook that's a very good idea they make a little prorate and it teaches your child a responsibility and how money works but I wont have kids because I can't afford any. not even to move out of my parents house.

[@marissa7085]

I honestly felt really sad for the woman that pooped herself giving birth. It's so embarrassing to do that even though you obviously cant control it in that situation. Then the husband laughing just makes it feel so much worse.

[@lotusleaf1365]

I agree, and it's actaully a fact that if a woman poo's (on accident) While giving birth it means she's pushing correctly. So if anything things were going mostly right at the time. I feel bad for the woman though, having been treated like that because of one thing.

[@radrabbit011]

Pooping after childbirth is not uncommon. The body goes through so much during childbirth. Why would you pick on someone about that? OP is definitely NTA. In fact this seems like a red flag.

[@angelicgalaxy4534]

If I was his wife,I would try to make a plan to leave him if he didn't change.

[@ashleighsaunders3939]

3rd story. OP was SO manipulative during that whole thing. Imagine a grown adult being ‘in tears’ because a partner didn’t want to cook breakfast with you and suggested take away. And then going on about ‘neglecting our family’ like they’ve got 3 children clawing at the door for attention that the mother hasn’t spoken to in a week.

[@Arylwren1]

no kidding, Op could cook for himself and open a can of cat food, not like he had 10 broken fingers.

[@ashleighsaunders3939]

@@Arylwren1 if a man ever said to me ‘you’re neglecting your family’ because I wanted to spend a couple of hours on a hobby and that ‘family’ was a grown man and a cat, I’d laugh in his face. He’s being absolutely ridiculous.

[@st4rpt_603]

Right? Let her game in peace..jeez. Husband can wait, the fat loot from that one raid can't :P

[@zombiechicken7114]

Childbirth story is so upsetting. He knew op felt sensitive about it and still made comments then had the gall to say op should have kept things private after he did that to her in public!! Vile man!

[@MarkLLawrence]

The last story, my wife and I DID LOSE OUR OLDEST as well so I can understand. OP is pushing her dead daughter onto everything unfairly, and by doing that is making every event about herself and not her daughter. My wife and I bring our kids to our first child's grave every year but we don't force her into their activities and events. Our long time friends know but only some of our newer friends know once we get close enough. She'd be 14 this October, but you never forget. OP just wants the attention for herself at this point, not her daughter🙄

[@ObtuseMori]

Sorry for the loss of your child.

[@MarkLLawrence]

@@ObtuseMori thanks, it still hurts all these years later but It's no excuse to keep bringing her up into everything my other kids do. That lady needs some counseling so she can see what she's doing from neutral eyes.

[@ObtuseMori]

@@MarkLLawrence I absolutely agree with you. Grieving for a lost loved one (especially a child, I can't imagine what that must be like) is completely normal, no matter how much time has passed, but the lady in that story doesn't seem to realise how much she's effecting her other children or why they're upset about it.

[@Lycan_Jedi]

I'm not entirely sure it's about her. I think there's something seriously mentally wrong with her, where either she hasn't come to terms with what happened or she has an irrational fear that if she's forgotten she's gone forever. There's something more than it's about her in my opinion.

[@PawsOnTheBalcony]

Love how halfway through the video game story, Dabney realized what a twat OP was and switched on the entitlement/choosing beggar voice 😁

[@PrimeCypher]

Add an extra point to the gamer husband.going straight to “needs professional help” for one weekend of gaming that doesn’t involve him is completely messed up.

[@animeotaku307]

Especially because it turns out his wife brings him snacks when he’s playing DnD and leaves him alone. So her respecting his time to enjoy a game is fine, but not hers.

[@devlynandlink]

He went from 0 to 10 real fast

[@QuailRocks]

Fun fact: the muscles you use to poop are the same ones used to give birth, thus why sometimes moms poop themselves pushing. You could say pooping is practice to give birth.

[@scipioafricanus5871]

As I sit and writing this comment to you on my phone I am "crowning" at the moment, if you get my drift.

[@namjoonsoldmyjamsfor3dolla404]

The story about the mother: she should divorce him. He will never know what it’s like giving birth and will never go through the incredible pain. He has no right to joke about something like that. It’s pretty common for a mother to have an accident while giving birth I mean you’re literally pushing a whole ass child out of you

[@emylol5345]

In the 3rd story, I can understand why the wife snapped like that sometimes people need time to themselves especially if they've been put under a lot of stress recently.

[@michaelmiller1124]

I just don't see it. She's been on for 5 hours she can get off for a bit. Even if its online finish it up and spend time with your family then just head back to it.

[@ossia1708]

The story is even worse if you read it on reddit and the comments that give more info. It's literally just him, her, and the cat. He knows she made plans for this game and event changed her vacation time when the game got delay. By his own admission she only plays a couple hours a week and the last time she took a weekend to game was two years ago. He also plays D&D weekly and she makes him food for that. She even tries to be out when he does his D&D session. What does this guy do when she wants a weekend to herself? Whines for her to cook for him and even tries prevent her from playing by blocking the screen. The guy doesn't cook, she cooks for him and he hands her ingredients. He doesn't even know how to feed the cat.

[@Arylwren1]

@@michaelmiller1124 did you even try to play FF14 during launch week? I did. It literally took hours to actually enter the game because of how many people were playing, chances are, she was playing for maybe 2hrs, not 5, yes, the que were lasting up to 3HOURS at times. Even then, there was a bug for the lobby server that would shut own and if people didn't try to relog back in fast, they would lose their spot in que, i frequently saw of 5000+ people waiting in que at times. For the first month there was no "just head back to it". also, she was in the middle of a dungeon, probably one from the new expansion, those take awhile when you don't know how the boss fights are.

[@FluffieXStarshine]

@@michaelmiller1124 if it's FFXIV then no, she really couldn't easily stop and go back on. Because of server issues there was a queue of 6+ hours to log into the game, unless there was an error causing the queue to crash and you had to try again... and then it has a 20/30 min timer so if you are afk too long you get booted for some one else to get the spot. I know I wasn't able to get the time off, as I had just taken Thanksgiving week, so I had to work, but I set it to log in right after a 4 pm, and it was after midnight when I was able to get in. The husband needs to respect that this is her hobby and she took time off to enjoy her game.

[@sigmahyperion955]

@@michaelmiller1124 Her "family" is her husband. And a cat, who doesn't care how long she plays. She'd be online for 5 hours, but he'd only been awake for ONE of those and was already whining about not getting enough attention. THAT is what's not healthy here. She'd been playing less time than people go to work, sleep, hang out with their friends on the weekend, whatever. She was not neglecting anything after a whole HOUR to a degree where she needed to move the husband to the top of the priority list because the man-child can't feed himself or deal with the fact that his wife wanted to do something else than spend time with him for once in her life.

[@GTSE2005]

Third story OP said in a comment that his wife brings him snacks and dinner during his weekly DND game and does not interrupt him. You can see the hypocrisy here.

[@animeotaku307]

That just makes OP look worse. Wow, what a jerk.

[@Nukie144]

He claims he wants them to cook together, but if she won't, that apparently means they have to resort to takeout. I'm betting he can't repay the favor of bringing her meals while she's doing her hobbies.

[@TheSirGoreaxe]

The question is about communication here. I'm willing to bet that the DND games are planned out in advance, and do not take up the entire weekend. I'm guessing he had no idea that she had planned this out. And this is taking up her entire weekend. As far as the cooking she was the one to say to get takeout not the OP. We are missing a lot of context here and everyone just assumes the man is the ass hole...

[@GTSE2005]

@@TheSirGoreaxe true

[@IzzyCoventina]

@@GTSE2005 so some context it was specifically during the Endwalker expansion. It got delayed by 2 weeks a few weeks before it was about to drop so alot of people had to change their vacation time for it. He forgot to mention in his post but explained in the comments she DID get vacation for the original time but was able to move it to the new time (which is super lucky because it was set in mid December). So ya he knew about it but failed of mention it, again, to make him look better. On top of that they don't have kids together, they only have a cat. He explained she takes care of the cat & he tried to make it seem like she was neglecting the cat which more than likely she wasn't because again it's a cat not a child. There's so much context he failed to mention down in his comments, it was easy to find when you go to the profile & scroll through all the comments he made.

[@SMLYTPMovies]

My mental imagery scarred me when it came to this title…

[@berriifrstuff1027]

Same

[@AceMoonshot]

It didn't go where my mind first took it.

[@sarahhunter1114]

A piece of marriage advise from one who's been doing it for...ahem..awhile: When we first got married, it was upsetting when my husband would ditch me for his friends. He would lie to me about it because he knew I would get mad. One weekend, he went to Mexico with them, and said he would be back by a certain day and time. His asshole friends lied to him because they knew that if he couldn't be back , he wouldn't go, so they assured him he would be back. He called from a payphone a few hours after he was supposed to be home, and everyone is partying in the background. I was furious of course. I spent the rest of the weekend pouting. Fast forward a couple of years, and it finally occurs to me, why didn't I just spend the weekend partying without him? What a dumbass I was. Now my thought is, he gets home when he gets home, and if I've had more wine than usual, that's cool, and if I've spent more money than usual that's cool too.

[@quicksilverlacey]

I wish I could be like this but I have insecurities that make it hard to let things go.

[@daredevill6]

Last story: my sister had passed away when she was very young. But my parents never forced their grief on me or my brothers. A great way to not have a loved one be forgotten is having pictures around the house, *not shoving it down your children's throat at every event*