Narcissism, Abuse: His POV, Her POV (Compilation)

Narcissistic abuse and pathological narcissism from the perspective of a male interviewer (Ruan de Witt) and a female interlocutor (Azam Ali).
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[@anne-marietracey4866]

Sam is so right about the gut instinct. I had that quite early on about several things, but I ignored it, due to the idealisation I got. 4 years later I have ended it. Hideous individuals who leave a trail of destruction. Never again will I ignore my gut instinct.

[@crazyguy99-ly3be]

I noticed the sex getting more and more forced and I was doing it out of self deprecation and fear of what my partner would do if i didnt give it , I believe that was when I started to realize the abusive relaitonship was in, I'd recommend just leaving now if youre in a similar situation, being the ultimate people pleaser eventually gets boring anyway

[@elinaselene]

Have been and still in a situation like that and I really wondered why the sex would ramp up at odd times from normal, then to where he needed it in order to survive. It feels like a trap bubble of Oxytocin, one that keeps you bound to them.

[@smiler1327]

I am going through the process of nothingness. I sat down with myself, completed a time line exercise and worked out where some of my beliefs and behaviours came from and how they were formed. I thought about some of these beliefs and questioned myself: where did they come from, are they mine? I worked out a lot of them weren't, they were my fathers and my mothers,from whom we had never been able to separate. It was not an easy process but was perhaps a little easier because I use psychology in my work (I work with offenders) and I have a degree in sociology and research methodology. These allow me to really think about how I have interacted with the world and it's constructs all these years. I have long said, society is a construct as is everything in it. We design it and we shape it. We therefore have the ability to reshape it if we want. Things did not exist prior to humans (eg the state, religion, education, healrhcare, work...).. They were not "just there", we created them...the world was nothing. Its meaning is only what we have constructed it to be. A religious friend of mine recently said, "look in the bible, it will answer all your questions. I replied" but I'm not asking those questions".... For me, surely the only thing mankind should really concern itself with is it's own survival and preservation... Like any other living species..... I find it odd we spend so much time in destruction - of each other and our world. Perhaps this is why we are investing in AI - to either rescue us or to replace us... Funny that we don't spend more time and effort investing in increasing our own levels of intelligence. I do wonder why education has been reduced to nothing more than pounds and pence - it's seen as a stepping stone to earn money in industry as opposed to being an investment in mankind. Or, perhaps that's the intention of the powers that be 😉

[@user-ek6jn6tg6h]

Just had had to discard NPD brother(was diagnosed after police had him institutionalized) and mom. Good morning to them is abuse. Brother was cut off a long time ago. Mom literally pretends to be nice grandma but is someone that manipulates money and information from you then feeds the information to him. Brother abuses her so bad that anything you say , she is offended. Everyone is abusive besides the person actually abusing her. After all the years of his abuse. She has literally merged with him. Its insane.

[@ronpintx]

My abusive brothers, like-me, were "un-fathered", low-status, un-churched etc. That was 50 years ago. Now they're dying-off -- alone -- having burned alot of bridges. You must love them -- but from a distance. *Respect yourself* enough to remain healthy enough to help others. NPD'ers will leave you as dysfunctional as they are.

[@user-ek6jn6tg6h]

Same here. My mom Parentified me. My dad died at 2. Mom was a gambler and a taker. Co-dependent on welfare. My brothers were abusive to me . Smashing phones so I couldnt call help. My oldest brother tried drowning me and killing me. The other one is a walking form of abuse and uses every form of abuse against anyone in his path. @@ronpintx

[@marciabarry1551]

i would have never thought i was a narcissist, i am a narcissist victim, i have DID, i leave my body around narcissist. i only have 3 people. one protects, one is outgoing and super fun, and then i am the caregiver.

[@pamgodsoe9076]

Malignant optimism, that was me until I gave up. The marriage was our stability, 33 years

[@christianzelinka2071]

me too now 3 years... sam is right! no info about shared fantasy is easy to find but thats so importand to understand ... it is just what happends all day long... thank you sam for finding words to describe that processes...🤝

[@NewSkiwi]

Same here. 35yrs. I wish I knew then what I know now. I did not have the language. Now I do.

[@nfbconnect]

Hearing your breakdown of the shared fantasy phase was outstanding. The entire timeline you spoke of makes an impactful four year relationahip I had so clear, at each and every stage. 1 year of this relationship was spent living off of his mororcycle and travelling 24,000 miles around North America, camping and hiking. I always felt like I was trying to pass new tests and that my life depended on it. I have spent years now exploring my part of that shared fantasy. Thankfully I got out in extreme abuse bc that could have ended up deadly. We were very interesting, that's for sure 😂

[@DianaWhite-io7jt]

The shared fantasy was created by my lodger (Swedish clever multi lingual) He read my core identity by hyper vigilance then targeted me. I lived the fantasy and was enmeshed but distraught all the time. He left at the weekend to go to his fiancée with whom he had lived for 13 years. He was a charming but reckless child. Although he had a good job and had been employed by the same company for 25 years. When I left the fantasy heleft me to hoover his fiancée (a borderline by all accounts(my diagnosis) Of course he discussed her in detail with me! He was a "we" not an "I" Huge abandonment anxiety. I have gone " no contact" but cry every day for him for the dream. The most beautiful engineering in the world is to build a bridge of hope over the river of despair"

[@MrHermanndagerman]

Thank you profesor for your personhood

[@MrHermanndagerman]

Hello profesor! Thank you for reaching to me, i am very Happy for being in touch with you, my name is Germán,

[@lukeoldfield7940]

That's not the real Sam Vaknin that replied to your message..

[@MrHermanndagerman]

Gosh! I thought it was him

[@MrHermanndagerman]

Who is writing? I am very interested in the topic and knowing people alike. Salutations!

[@lukeoldfield7940]

@@MrHermanndagerman Me? Just someone who has also researched the subject after having a number of confusing relationships! Greetings.

[@ash718ley]

Prof. Vaknin my almost ex narccist is demanding that I change as he thinks I want to be with him as I told him I don't want to be with him, and he keeps overstepping boundaries using his key to our home he moved out. I am just trying to understand the motive of him not getting the point, and he keeps avoiding what I am telling him and keeps hovering me. And he told me he won't settle for who I am, and just to get him to confess his motives, I asked him, " Name exactly what changes he needs me to make?" He hadn't answered. Is this because he expects me to continue to hop on this hamster wheel without direction. Without direction, he is expecting me to never hit the goal. This will allow him to justify his continuous abuse by telling me I'm not good enough for however many more years. Am I right?

[@wendyhamilton2826]

Loooove this video, explained a problem I have been struggling with for 50 years, thank you sooooo much

[@christianzelinka2071]

2:07:54 no way to win ...sad but so true genial formuliert 2:15:00 again

[@coquitah]

I'm waiting for 2024 here... cheers Profesor. Have a wonderful year.

[@deloresleia5738]

Would a narcissist come back and seek revenge on you if you mortify him?

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for "mortification".

[@TheDiamondEdge1]

Mine did. He stalked and harassed me, assaulted me. Triangulated me. Revenge for me leaving him and telling the truth about what he did to me. It has really quietened down now but I get the odd communication which I ignore.

[@caroldodd9795]

I'm currently in the discard phase and I'm devastated. What should I focus on to get me through this without becoming the devil himself?

[@samvaknin]

Watch the videos in the healing and recovery playlist.

[@crazyguy99-ly3be]

Focus on yourself, if you feel like there is no self for you to focus on, go to therapy/immerse yourself in all positive and interesting things about life, and of course watch sams videos for education, narcissists are not unique or worthy of your time, theres millions of those clones all around us

[@caroldodd9795]

@@samvaknin thankyou.

[@christianzelinka2071]

great! this is the best video till now that i did see till now from you - better never explained the borderline narcissist and multiple personality situation... did read and see so much stuff - now it is getting much more understandable... thank you for your work!🤝

[@christianzelinka2071]

did write you in whats app

[@JoaquinArguelles]

Thank you infinitely.

[@christianzelinka2071]

did you ever see a case of a woman with pmdd and vulnerable narcissism as symptomes same time? all the 7 phases all 3 1/2 weeks on the day possible to predict what will happen more or less. ... - since 3 years nonstop ... and days with relative normality when the blood comes...

[@Anonymous-oq3gq]

How about a video on the invert nacassist? I always wonder about why one x friend always backed my other x friend. What the dynamic was between them. The invert nacassist comes from a much worse background than the person she backs no matter what. She has a brother that murdered his partner and a young girl who just happened to be living temporarily with the partner. She has a brother that hung himself from loneliness at 35. She couldn't have care less just as long as his goodbye letter didn't blame the family. She later joked in a letter for me to hang myself and gave me two oversized wine glasses and wine for a birthday present when I don't drink. I appreciate what she is trying to suggest! Her cousin is bipolar, used a guy now her ex, ruining kids lives who now hate the father, mother married twice, cold person, half sister won't work. This is versus the other friend whose grandfather was an alcoholic and parents and sister who are convert nacassist. She is hard to pick up big ego, overly interested in neices but has not married or had kids but clearly very interested in them. I would have expected her to be the subservient one of the pair just due to the worse background of the other. Explanation? Love your sense of humour, you make me laugh.

[@samvaknin]

How about you search the channel?