Successful Relationships with Borderlines, Narcissists (Compilation)

[@mrbr0skii923]

"They're gorgeous and you drop dead" 😂😂 As someone who has dated a borderline I can attest

[@malapropia]

this kills me

[@smoore8]

Unfortunately there is a positive correlation between hot and crazy, as one increases frequently the other does as well

[@KB-nm1bt]

Prof. Vaknin, you made me feel like a beautiful bpd! Sometimes I know this, but of course sometimes I don’t. Thank you for recognizing we are fun, fascinating, loyal and loving, and a prize worth the price!

[@amanda-ok1ww]

He's a bit sexy when he speaks like that, isn't he? haha

[@Shalikali]

No disrespect but I don't think you have accurately reflected what he is saying at all. Are there wonderfully positive, vibrant, alluring, enchanting aspects to the BPD person? Undeniably. Worth the price? No, that is not what he is asserting and in fact, the opposite is true. His consistent advice to healthy, well adjusted people is to break the shared fantasy and get out.

[@KB-nm1bt]

@ We are not for the faint of heart.

[@markeemarkandtheclusterbs8530]

@@KB-nm1btyou should be in a mental hospital

[@MC_Hammerpants]

Just wanted to say thanks for putting this information out for free. Your expertise and ability to articulate complex ideas surrounding BPD helps better peoples lives

[@thatJESTERjustin]

Being with Serene is something I've wanted since I was 14yo. I am 39 now, and with the woman of my dreams. Some dreams were nightmares but, Serene is loved by me unconditionally. No matter what. Thank you very much for helping us.

[@Brian-v1p]

Serene. God bless you.

[@amanda-ok1ww]

I'm now certain that I'm a borderline. I'd always heard such negative things and never before entirely related to a description of borderline. I'm a bit bummed about that. Even more disappointing to learn that my narcissistic partner and I are a predictably hopeless failure yet to be finalized. The silver lining is the knowledge & the power to come from it. The validation is also nice.

[@MaryMolique-y8c]

Professor Vaknin. You're best yet. Deserving of multiple viewings. Thank you so much. Rewatch many of You're lectures.

[@elodiedupont9672]

Excellent compilation Sam 👏 Thanks 😊 Poor children of borderline parents who must cope as hostages with such monsters 😢

[@bernicegoldham1509]

And when none of these efforts work - don't beat yourself up about it.

[@williamwoody7511]

I did all that …Still got discarded..for the “Just a friend” ex from 7 yrs earlier..

[@MarcoElias344]

Some say the borderline will ALWAYS split and leave, whether they come back or not is 50/50. It hurts losing one though

[@Infinite_Interspection]

This was definitely the best laid out instructional and description of the external and internal video I have ever seen. I thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience in an extremely empathetic manner. I am 44 and diagnosed BPD at 18. My extreme and mostly aggressive lack of control and behavior I managed to gain control over and it was the result of the consistent stability of my kids father being a constant for 17 years. When he suddenly walked away, it was very destabilizing and knowing the gravity of what it really meant when I recognized my symptoms returning, felt like I imagine it was like being tied to a pole watching a person with a torch approaching, about to light me on fire.

[@kirillpavlov920]

This is what I needed to hear. I’m just not that kind of man to whom she can delegate to be “an external control agent”. No, objectively, I can’t be for her what she wants me to be. Part of the time I try my best, but recently I became volatile as she is, left her alone for weeks 2 times and I think this abandonment left a huge scar. I should give up and just leave her. This is just one sad piece of a fact😥

[@danigc4526]

@@kirillpavlov920 they just wear you down until you snap or break… then they get what they want (if they can’t obtain their unrealistic “control agent”)… a reason to sink back into perpetual victimhood

[@jenniferfurlong6961]

I wanted to hear this story for awhile!!!!!!❤❤

[@truebalticamber]

Ask yourself honestly why would anyone "normal" be in such a relationship? Because one is partly narcissistic himself and borderline makes him feel in love with himself like nobody else. From first minute you know its too good to be true yet still playing the loosing game..

[@Atanasisa]

Your opening was amazing 🎉😂❤

[@danigc4526]

Seems impossible to have a healthy relationship with a partner who has this sort of personality structure. How can intimacy grow and trust be secured when you're parentified? Seems to me that any romantic tie is either whittled down due to burnout from becoming an ersatz-psychiatrist who is always on call, or whittled down due to the energy sapping idealization-devaluation dynamic + approach-avoidance compulsion. Who wants to be someone's pseudo-parent-cum-shrink (and thus the target of transference/projective identification) besides a very sick co-dependent? A romantic life-partnership can only be unbalanced for so long before one partner (or both) becomes burnt out and resentful.

[@DanNathan-wz4mu]

‘Tis true, but possible. Awareness is key

[@TimBadger-w7d]

It’s not easy.

[@Lili_ia]

But men expect the women in their life to be like their mothers but if a woman expect a parental figure suddenly is a problem 🤔

[@John-y7b2c]

​@Lili_ia thank you for that perspective

[@John-y7b2c]

@@danigc4526 depends on what degree they have this disorder..

[@alenar853]

Thank you very much❤️

[@autophagi]

Dr. Sam Vaknin, you have the best content on all of psychosis, NPD, BPD, etc, don't know where I would be without your info helping me in my situation. Question: Are crowds narcissistic?? And if so, could you make a new video on the psychology of crowds??

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for "collective".

[@autophagi]

@@samvaknin Thank you

[@meloisthebest6686]

I wish I new this 15 years ago 😢

[@CastawayASMR]

as a borderline i find malignant narcissists very addicting 🥺

[@ykaromarques6383]

get a therapist

[@cheekytitaable]

@@ykaromarques6383at least they are being honest. Be nice!

[@xSnowyOwlx]

Not alone hun😂❤

[@cheekytitaable]

@@ykaromarques6383 be nice! At least she’s being honest

[@iLeviathan]

​@@ICEMANFiclaiming alpha male bs and getting mad that they have a normal psychological response is pretty narcissistic

[@altyrrell3088]

My ex was diagnosed as bipolar but blacks out like bpd.

[@olgakozlova4413]

It's may be all right, but I'm kind off borderline one, who's mother in childhood was an like an Evel, was main scar and horror of whole childhood.... That's make me think I shouldn't share this very good video to my husband.

[@altyrrell3088]

Great video, especially the rules at 1:22:38. Thank you.

[@DilfuzaKHaydarova-e1p]

This information very need for me ❤it’s very useful for life❤Thank you so much Dear Sam❤

[@Raw7edi]

What do you think about fainbairn statements/theory: bordeline rejects good object, can only be attached to the bad object? In order to be attached to the bad object, she creates good object to gain love from the bad object?

[@samvaknin]

Search the BPD playlist.

[@yordan_ivanov_77]

Great lecture, Sam. Thank you ❤

[@milarepetzky6585]

I had borderline tendencies until at least 26y.o. Got much better over past years. Thanks God, because it was Hell.

[@rebeccazesty79]

There is a stark contrast between the advice you provide intimate partners of BPD than in the case of NPD. Potentially they are both very destructive personality disorders. Why are we worth the effort compared to a narcissist?

[@samvaknin]

They are capable of love and possess some empathy.

[@Glassforest]

I have had my thoughts on these things for a few days now and as a recovering BPD and someone who studies personality disorders I have come to a crossroads in my life where I have recognized that all of my closest loved ones suffer from a personslity disorder or traits of one. Walking away completely is just not feasible because sadly no one would be left. We are all in recovery and trying to love one another the best we can. This video helps me understand my own patterns and those of the ones dearest to me. You fully understand PD's. I believe that PD's are all manifestations of trauma and ways if complex PTSD goes untreated that the trauma manifests itself due to the type of childhood trauma and age the trauma occured. I came across this theory in a training for EMDR and it resonated with me. What are your thoughts on this? Do you think EMDR could treat such disorders as Narcissistic or Antisocial Personality Disorder? Granted if you could get someone with that diagnosis into treatment and to stick with it... How does a Narcissist come to the conclusion they may have this disorder and in what instances are they likely to seek help? I'm curious as to what treatment would work for such disorders. I would think that after the trauma was worked through in EMDR there would maybe be a second therapy modality that could then be work through? Thank you for this video and your insights. You truly are the expert on this stuff. And thank you for not demonizing us with BPD like so many would.

[@teresamendoza3098]

Proffesor, thank you for sharing your advanced knowlegde. Will animating my snapshot work on a narcissist if I shattered the fantasy(I started cracking it slightly and indirectly, but the reality was too obvious for him to not see it) and he discarded me for good?

[@samvaknin]

Watch the shared fantasy playlist.

[@brokattv431]

I have borderline and honestly i mostly got into toxic relationships and i would put up with everything they did to me untill they left or phissicaly hurt me. I could be out of control but agin I would mostly hurt myself and not the other person. After years of therapy and quite some medication im in a happy, pretty stable relationship though there are hard times obviously and it takes a shit load of work but it is doable ❤💪

[@myrtletree8575]

How can you turn a narcissist out of devaluation and discard phase? For example he has blocked you everywhere, although says he wants friendship later. How to expedite this phase where he might complete the cycle back to love bomb?

[@ChrisB-ki9ch]

Go cold, look happy on social media, wait.

[@erinbennett1692]

I believe the difference between support and overbearing is, motive. We know.

[@missellz7630]

Narcissists is all I know my partners a narc I’m borderline I ❤him im also co/dependent he’s also co/ dependent he also has anxious attachment I have it too we go together like a house on fire we are together 24/7 I feel like he’s a borderline too tbh maybe a little narcissistic but he may be a borderline we’re very similar 💯our relationship works for us it wouldn’t work for anyone else I can’t explain it we’re like Harley Quinn and joker lool

[@John-y7b2c]

Professor, what happens to the borderliner when her other half dies before her?

[@samvaknin]

S/he perceives this as abandonment and is enraged. S/he then acts out.

[@John-y7b2c]

@samvaknin Thank you. I'm like you, they are worth it. Thank you for your time and answer. Thank you for the education.

[@jonamar3965]

Thank you for this video! I didn't understand that I have been doing things correctly with my gf as she exhibits these traits and I can place scenarios that line up with the anecdotal "her" you use to convey these ideas. It's tough when its someone you grow to love and they reveal this entire side of their self that was hidden so well.

[@destinyjoyy]

Professor, what do you think would happen if a narcissist was brought to a hypnotic state/trancd before the point they broke and find the hidden child. Could they rebuild from there?

[@samvaknin]

Search the therapies playlist.

[@destinyjoyy]

@@samvaknin Ok

[@merzhoykin]

So if you want to die in your 50's instead of 70's, this is how you do that! The good thing is, you don't need a 401k, so you get to keep most of your check's amounts minus the taxes. Don't think too much where that money is going to go later though.

[@jbuntine1255]

Hello Prof you said BPD burns out after 45 yrs ?

[@samvaknin]

Search the BPD playlist.

[@ariela5722]

Thank you, amazing content & so on point. As someone with borderline you always hit the nail on the head even when the truth hurts 🥲🙏

[@frostedbunz7624]

When a borderline has a history of sexual abuse as a child your relationship is pointless. I think there is hope for one that hasn’t had that past. But I’ve experienced this hell on earth first hand with a sexual abuse borderline that may also have npd I can’t tell let me know if you can help me. Hi.

[@SodaLite-k8y]

What do you think is the personality of sprinkle sprinkle girl or sheraseven?

[@radmilasvensson4428]

Are there any videos please that explain the 4 supplies in detail?

[@samvaknin]

Yes. Search the playlists.

[@lauragasoian7503]

Professor, thank you for your videos. You are irreplaceable. Please, tell us why men are afraid of women’s humanity, that is, physiological aspects.They want the woman to look perfect, no extra hair, smell, and so on. Can you explain this point in more detail?

[@samvaknin]

Search the sexuality playlists.

[@Raw7edi]

What do you think about fainbairn statements/theory: bordeline rejects good object, can only be attached to the bad object? In order to be attached to the bad object, she creates good object to gain love from the bad object?

[@Sonics23]

What when u are in a relationship with a narcisistic Person when u are Borderline...how to act

[@SN-jh3bb]

Holy hell, no really..holy hell.

[@luiscaceres-qk4yk]

They very beautiful they worth it … likely they will see you as the enemy.. ohh ok …pass!