Malignant Covert Narcissist Becomes Primary Psychopath to Compensate for Collapse

The covert narcissist is a collapsed narcissist. Having failed as a narcissist, s/he becomes a primary psychopath (as a self-state). Malignant narcissism compensates for collapsed covert narcissism.
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[@maryvera123]

As Sam mentioned before, with the covert you don't see him coming. People would never dream how horrible he is behind the mask.

[@margiel2180]

My ex everybody thinks he's so nice nice nice nice nice nice but he's never there for me when I was down he didn't show up I didn't see it coming I didn't

[@israelbeard5481]

I’m going through finding out my husband is a covert narcissist after 14 yrs

[@lucyhanks500]

This reminds me of the oddest dream I had last night; I went into a toilet cubicle and found a head wrapped in plastic in the toilet with some other bits of cardboard box packaging, but when I came out I saw him pulling his cement looking mask forward like it was in elastic band mechanism, where it was attached to the remaining back park of his head. The head in the toilet don’t show a face, only the scalp part, yet for some reason the police wanted to arrest me like I’d done something wrong and I had to go on the run from his possey of women looking for a victim and using establishment to mitre out their sadism. It did look quite like a Mormon version of Fred & rose west, or the mansons, in a nightclub/pub like the London dungeon I would think it a rather strange dream which people would tell me not write about; but I’m so used to opportunists looking for a blank canvas to scribble their monstrous fantasies onto until they get a pop like a small volcano, that I’m not that worried how it sounds, because I’m sure most people know the psychologies of domestic psychological abuse to try to transfer. In simplistic terms, minus all gruesomeness, I analyse my own dream as who I think the psychology in the toilet belongs to, based on on specific traits I find irritating and feel don’t belong as a cultural norm and are corrosive and degenerate to the workplace & community… like pomposity, conceit & covert aggression for example; but then when that’s how I see you and you say that’s how you see me, then what then? Is that my head in the toilet wrapped in plastic? Surrounded by branded packaging? I think they write how they want life to be, like a remote control over a zombie and it’s always an awful tale, like saying I’m called Patric Norman Bates and get found floating in swimming pools at Michael Barrymore type parties.

[@israelbeard5481]

@@lucyhanks500damn that is a wild but very significant dream

[@queenofclovers]

​@israelbeard5481 14 years was my ex's limit too. Makes you rethink everything. Hang in there. ❤

[@political_discourse_news6373]

💯 a covert malignant is possibly the worst because they are seen as victims while also behind the scene, hire hit men & work with officials as a “victim” to manipulate criminal charges against innocent people. They are the most entitled criminals on the planet.

[@user-rn1zr7id5z]

Exactly my mil who's seriously twisted in her head but passes off as a victim. The moment she hears of some kind of marriage/ relationship in the extended family, she'll start working overtime to malign their character. This is the way she gains satisfaction out of her life!

[@rubene.3944]

Right on the money. I had to spend 30 years around a family member to realise that they exemplify all the traits of covert narcissism, but that they cover it up with false modesty and pseudo-humility. Its psychopathic. It's so pernicious and undetected that you don't realize the extent of their damaging behaviour and malignancy until it's far too late. These people are truly a great danger to social cohesion within families, relationships and to society as a whole. Thanks a lot for the explanation Sam.

[@meowkity1]

The one I was with was the most quiet calm gentle person I knew. Turns out he was setting booby traps for me and molesting his brothers kids. Kept zip ties and tape in his back seat incase he got the chance to kidnap. Iv been gone over three years and I’m bb still in shock. How do I get over something like this

[@hodders9834]

When they say to you " There is something left inside you and I want it", you know you're dealing with evil.

[@uk7769]

Wow. Dios mio. That is more chilling than a Steven King book. Vigilance always.

[@emmahallard1949]

Yes!

[@PenLu155]

Evil is understatement.

[@timothyhoffmann7005]

That was said to you? Wow

[@onedayatatime746]

I spent 2 years with the malignant covert narcissist. Broke free. Still studying and learning. What a harrowing experience. My eyes are opened

[@mshiker]

Happy for your freedom. It's been over 10 years and it's been a rewarding journey. Finally found my renewed me: free of childhood trauma, feeling balanced in my life. All the best to you. ❤

[@nellythenarcissist]

Harrowing experience is a great term. I went through the same and it takes a long time to heal and unpick all of the layers and levels of abuse.

[@mikecurliss848]

They went out from us because they were not of us. If they were of us they would have remained with us. But they went out to manifest that they did not belong to us

[@mikecurliss848]

1 John 2:19

[@sandraforber7834]

12 yrs with a malignant covert Narcissist..8yrs in recovery.. no explanation needed! ..

[@DavidBarry-kn2uk]

50 years married to one,after 2 babies the silent treatment and complete control started ,My patents wouldnt take me in so I just had a breakdown.In the 70s you had to get on with it.we hate each other and he will not go and I have no where to go.HELL

[@elainemcparland36]

35 yrs with one & discarded brutally 6 months ago… hell on earth😊

[@timothyhoffmann7005]

28 years since the baby trap…. I have only had the playbook for 2 or 3 years. After you have the book and the knowledge they start to rot …. From the outside and inside they age quickly

[@adamroth719]

My ex is a covert malignant narcissist. The things she did, the manipulation, triangulation and thoughts she tried to implant in my mind were from an evil place. I saw things in her childhood that she refused to talk about. 😢

[@hectormunoz7009]

why u think she refused to talk about it?

[@TonyMontana-zl9ug]

Inferiority complex

[@adamroth719]

@@hectormunoz7009 I think the obvious answer would be- because if she actually talked about it then it would mean that she would admit it and would be faced to heal from it… which is what a narcissistic subconscious mind would never allow because it keeps her safe. Basically a narcissist is codependent with their own subconscious mind and it will do anything it needs for its survival. I remember she talked about four entities wanting her to do their dirty deeds here in America. So with that information along with a lot of other signs I believe that she was being controlled by something.

[@PalomaBatanero]

My ex also refused to speak about his childhood, therefore was nothing to speak about because it had been perfect. The fact that his dad's first wife died giving birth to his older brother was not troubling at all...😢 This should have raised a big red flag for me... 😢

[@67kingdedede]

@@hectormunoz7009 shame. the non-desire to key people into that shame. the somehow learned idea that all people cant be trusted.

[@charliefarlie2884]

It was the insidious nature of covert narcissism which was the most frightening thing when I realised what he was up to.

[@johnbraun814]

Bless you Professor! I had one of these in my life. A parasite and lucky to escape with my life.

[@SallySunshine-hs3fg]

Very very true. Was married to one, unfortunately. Get out while you can. They are insane

[@AsheepAtthewheel101]

Thank you very much for this! Why is all this visible and understandable to the intimate spouse and pretty well nobody else? The covert narcissist has extreme rages once a week that nobody else would believe. This person is an extreme Predator towards me but lovely in the outside world.

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for "mask".

[@rubberbiscuit99]

It's terrifying to experience being the bad object for one of these people. Having watched my mother act as my father's bad object, I repeated the pattern and called it love.

[@gins8781]

This is very interesting. It explains a change I witnessed in someone whose behavior seemed to suddenly become malicious and sadistic. Prior to that shift they frequently lied and manipulated people, but never seemed overtly hostile and was actually rather charming. They maintained a facade of humility and decency for nearly a decade, then it seemed as if a switch had been flipped. Do individuals transition back and forth between these states depending on the social context within which they find themselves?

[@noobie64]

​@@gins8781absolutely they do, I have observed this in an employee at my workplace. T

[@SatumainenOlento]

​@@gins8781I think that the answer is yes. My sister's covert narcissist ex had the switch gone off when the son was born. After that he has been very unstable and now is in borderline mind state.

[@Kangaroo211]

It took me 25 years to work out my nasty mother in law was a covert malignant narc. I’ve now cut her out of my life and about to seek therapy with my husband who is in denial that he is an enabler. She has come between us and our marriage due to her enmeshment with him. It makes me feel sick 🤮

[@CPE1704TK5]

Nasty nasty business well done for getting out of it it’s really hard and takes some proper tenacity and love💪💪💪 hope the therapy goes well for you two

[@zekwilt]

Oh there 100% is malignant covert NPD. Flipped my whole world upside down and literary scrambled my brain 2 years ago when i learned more and more about who i fell in love with

[@timothyhoffmann7005]

This lecture should be watched by every student that has a psychology major

[@denizivcic2255]

I suspect my ex was a covert narc. As soon as I found out about her affairs, she flipped a switch and became a cruel demon. She was lovey-dovey even the night before I exposed her.

[@nji7772]

They are the worst. COVERT So subtle and so cold/cruel. NEVER AGAIN! My mistake. Lesson learned. Let him into my life too easily. What an experience! Evil to the core.

[@nji7772]

@@elinaselene Perfectly said. They are predators. So many corrupt people in a very corrupt world.

[@lynnienorris5776]

Monsters!

[@Lisa-ek8sb]

I'm worried that this malignancy will display in a act of extreme, possibly deadly in nature.

[@semperdecorus37]

The father of my child is a malignant narcissist. I have never experience so much evil. I can’t even begin to tell you what he did for decades. I don’t know if me and my son will ever recover from his abuse that got even worse after I left him.

[@Pjayysan]

Whew tell me about it. So much evil. It almost seems fake when you try to tell your story.

[@Pjayysan]

My heart goes out to you ❤

[@user-lb7er7th8t]

Me too my bd has been so evil to me and my child bc we fled for safety

[@JessMariaDwyer]

Brilliant! Professor…you saved my life…you gave me closure…you set me free of the trauma bond. Your knowledge is incredible…the depths like no other…it brings immense healing to your viewers and followers. We appreciate your sharing with us and growing us in wisdom and discernment. God Bless You! 🙏🏼

[@cumdrippers2494]

😊😊

[@helencastle4994]

Holy crap, this is the best descriptive explanation of a recent experience🔥 Respect for the narrative delivery Thank you, you have put so much into perspective for me.

[@HelenaEcheverryCuartas]

SO Many thanks to you Sam for sharing your extensive knowledge. Because of you, I have now been able to identify FULLY my experience married to a malignant covert narcissist 4 yrs. The negativistic attitude, the projections, manipulation, the auto-eroticism ! The sadism ! The transitions! Everything you explain across the menagerie of profoundly informative videos.... Finally I have clarity! It definitely is the most complex and dangerous disorders of them all. So much goes under the radar. I escaped from it yesterday, My body hurts a lot, but I'm taking your advice, and like you say, I need to keep moving forward now.

[@user-ry2yg5yy6k]

Sam, could you speak to the contagion of narcissism, how non-narcissists become infected and then spread that to others...this is something I am seeing daily in my work as a therapist and academic.

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for "contag".

[@amathenderson7318]

When I found this video...the thumbnail/picture of the next video below it read--- "SOUL EATER" & 😅... I thought -- 😮wow ! -- How appropriate is that ! Now that's what they really are !

[@SatumainenOlento]

Wow! 😮 Yes! Accurate!

[@andreatheherbalist]

This is so well done. Covert is hard for most to spot because of the grandiose victimhood, I have witnessed everything spoken about in this video. The son that lives off his mother into his forties. Not attracted to relationships, then becoming sadistic enjoying making others suffer. Can only be in a relationship with a mindless slave that will serve and worship them. They should be worshipped just because they exist and everything that is wrong with him is the world's fault. It's not his. He is so great and smart but the world cant see it so he is the biggest victim in all the world. No one can beat him in suffering even though parents supply him with all needs at all times. Woe is me! No one can grasp his suffering because his is the greatest. That is becoming an epidemic. Incels, japanese have their hermits that the parents support while they read manga s and hate real women. And on and on.

[@GustavoGarcia-hi4yq]

Im one of these people unfortunatelly

[@DoHisProphetsNoHarm]

This!!

[@SatumainenOlento]

​@@GustavoGarcia-hi4yq❤

[@SatumainenOlento]

But they DO suffer greatly...just not for the reasons that they think. But being covert narcissist is PAINFUL, they suffer greatly. Maybe that's why they are so good at making others suffer as well 🙄😬

[@SuzyBee-zs9hb]

This describes my sister exactly. Have been trying to decide if she was a covert malignant narcissist or a sociopath or a psychopath. Now I know the explanation, thank you. They are such heinous, dangerous people.

[@thewhiterabbitrepresentative]

I had multiple experiences with nearly all kind of human predator due to a very particular context of life experience: and must say that out of all, psychopaths and covert malignant narcissists are definitely the most dangerous. Even overt malignant narcissists are pleasant in comparison with these two.

[@ambermorris9623]

Finding this channel has saved my sanity! I knew something was off but I couldn't figure it out. Now I have peace knowing I'm not crazy. I think I came across an extreme case and it has been hell! 😭 I blame myself for allowing myself to be a victim.

[@user-lb7er7th8t]

I am experiencing this exactly 💯 sad

[@user-vp7kn3js4x]

You don't know what you don't know until you know it! Forgive yourself 💛 It's what you do now you do know that matters 🤗🙏✌️

[@c.guinevere]

Something I observed with the covert narcissist (with a lot of psychopathic qualities) that I was with was that he made actions and judgments based on his dreams...he regarded them as being the same as external stimuli. Very bizarre and at times, very scary.

[@SatumainenOlento]

Ooohhh...I know what you mean!

[@Langolin1998]

My Ex, to a T. This video actually triggered emotions I used to feel around him and after him, as I listened, and could immediately recall specific instances, situations, and events that fit every description you give of them! It took almost 4 years to get rid of the constant anxiety I developed while with him those three years. 3 years together….and over 6 years total, of anxiety and other distress from that entanglement. His mask began to really slip after about 6 months in. I was married for 16 years, prior to meeting this clown, and never had the type or length of recovery that was required after that three year relationship. They are horrible people! You can see the big picture of their disorder, clearly, after you’ve away and have time to heal. Wish I’d never met the monster!

[@bessiemcgaughey6717]

There is, I live with one. He's evil

[@CPE1704TK5]

What are you going to do?

[@PracticalPeptides]

I am assuming like everything else the covert does, he is wholly unaware of his autoeroticism ? He believes his confabulation that he is turned on by his partner, but the nature of his libidinal drive is an attraction to himself? He has no perception he’s using his partner as a tool?

[@samvaknin]

True.

[@PracticalPeptides]

@@samvakninthank you. This video is a buoy, a life saver for me today

[@canapreps]

Or that he's ,just a tool!

[@user-lq5pz2tm7u]

Thank you Sam. You described my ex exactly. I was so confused. I'm understanding better

NEW SAM VAKNIN NARCISSIST COLLAPSE/MORTIFICATION VIDEO YAY, you don’t know how helpful you’ve been in helping me understand myself and other personality disorders. Closure you said doesn’t exist but your videos bring me closure haha

[@PracticalPeptides]

More covert narcissist videos please! Any self styled expert out there who makes videos about covert narcissism is doing everyone a disservice. You deliver like no one else

[@KittyLeeMiller]

Brutal experience

[@cristinacri8438]

My ex husband

[@user-wj7lp7ok1l]

Can’t wait to be able to type, “ex”. I feel there must be so much relief in that….. My divorce seems never ending.

[@renatapeters3681]

Goodness. My father described here. And yes I didn’t see it coming. A lifetime, over forty years of believing he was something else. Terrifying psychopath inside. I’ve focused on trying to learn the difference between the two, from covert malignant (and cerebral too) narcissism and psychopathy. But after this video, it can be settled on both.

[@Sither04]

Ahaha! Well done, Prof.Vaknin. This is a brilliant and very well done video you have made, and I applaud you for it! Truly, the malignant covert narcissist is an insidious little creature, capable of burning down everything in its path! I understand if you never see this comment, I imagine it'll blend in with the rest of the comments here praising your presentation of this material (of which praise is due, let's not beat around the bush), but I found it necessary to compliment the work done in making this video! Very well done!

[@Sither04]

I especially found your description of them as "practically insane" and "machavellianistic" to be quite accurate of the covert narcissists I have met.

[@AsheepAtthewheel101]

Glad to finally saying my ex...but this possibly could explain she never would allow org asm with me (only on her own) and after she secured the marriage there was no more physical contact not even kissing or holding hands. There was a point for a year and a half where she was obsessed with photoshopping a picture of herself morphed into somebody else's picture..like a split merg. It was creepy and obsessive. Thank you sooo much for sharing your wisdom Sam!!!!

[@AsheepAtthewheel101]

I dont have any idea. Her magnatism was at a whole other level. Too feel sorry for her. But I believe there is a silver lining to getting out. To awaken and evolve to a higher level of understanding and to help others that are going through this as well. It's like living in the middle of a cyclone

[@CPE1704TK5]

lol the pic I had a good friend who struggled with MH if I went to his house and saw he’d been putting pics of himself as Gandalf on his desktop I was like “see you in a week!”

[@concernedcitizen2076]

My father was a covert narcisist turning malignant in my early childhood (my mother was fysically sick co-dependant) It is very helpfull to know why this condition comes about. I have been very close to dying in the streets with a needle i my arm, but i validate myself for beeing alive although very traumatised.

[@cinamingrl]

I think I know a malignant covert narcissist who is maybe a psychopath. I did not even know who he was, I found out his real name by accident. He was pretending he was my "lawyer". Practicing law after being disbarred and sent to prison twice. He actually has all of the traits, i can list them after knowing him.

[@tristalacour2492]

15:00 - 18:00 is the perfect encapsulation of the Covert Narcissist!!!

[@Born2BeInQc]

Thanks Sam Vaknin, I'm reading and watching video since 3 years over narcissism, I'm more in search of topics about covert narcissism, I rarely find stuff that explains my ex-wife, everyone has their own version of covert narc that resumes itself as "passive-aggressive" , but this video is like the best description I have ever seen, my always victim ex-wife became a psychopath against everyone, even her own family, it is the part that shocked me after her sabotage and discard, even her own pastor couldn't explain why she was staying silent and never wanted to answer his question, why she was not cooperating in the divorce, she has discarded her own parents and siblings, flee to another country with my family name to become a "nanny"... your video even explain why the sex was so strange and so self-centred about her. At the end before the final discard, you begin to see the 2 beings, the little victim cat whom everyone in the world is against her and don't understand her greatness and the lion who even her own family fear and didn't want to wake up...in the psychopathic phase, she has no need anymore to keep her false self, because too many people begin to see through the mask...and accountability cannot exist in her world.

[@ShellieCordell]

Profoundly helpful. Thank you

[@KyuubiivP]

Thank you was great to hear this.

[@Maria_Stancu]

“You can’t see them coming” ~Sam Vaknin You taught me so much. You have been my therapy. Thank you for what you do. I don’t know how I would’ve made it through without your knowledge. ❤️‍🩹

[@barry_g8443]

Thank you, Sam... A truly amazing lecture.

[@vengifeugas9348]

Again another amazing video So amazing at how you can explain the exact things that I have experienced with my ex boyfriend He is a covert narc but he changes his state indeed

[@kristygoodrich7854]

Thank you for this video

[@alejandro_vallejo_calvo]

Fascinating topic and information.

[@souperheromc]

This was good

[@amandalea8156]

Wow! Informative.

[@vandolmatzis8146]

Thanks Prof.

[@DSWH072869]

Mini is back! I was waiting for you to make a video on this topic. This is my Mother. Thank you for all your teachings.

[@housecreeper]

The important distinctions between every comorbid condition is very important. This whole presentation was enlightening. 10/10

[@BL-sd2qw]

My mother.

[@TanjaFichtner]

Thanks a lot ❤ You described that, what I discover of my own. So I am not wrong. Thank you ❤

[@pysq8]

Would they be taken aback by an intimate partner attempting to share in their personal godlike fantasy? It seems like they find it an intrusion, like "how dare you see my false sense of self and stupid of you to indulge such a lie."

[@samvaknin]

Search the shared fantasy channel.

[@annamariagoldschmied2592]

Thank you. I was waiting for this too, please make a video how to handel them if no contact isn't option. ❤

[@samvaknin]

Search the playlists.

[@fightforwhatsright]

Exactly this.

[@keithstewart7514]

These malignant, sadistic,ect of traits define my mothers Covert style of what SADISTICALLY CATHOLIC deep WITHIN

[@rosered9200]

🎉amazing! Genius

[@burcugunan6355]

I listened to your previous KZbin videos in which you mentioned Covert and Collapsed Histrionic Personality disorder. Could you please talk in more detail about these personality disorders and what kind of treatment would be effective for them? That could be very helpful. Thanks.

[@rico-eu2hh]

So many different personality disorders and then covert or not everyone is different how is anyone supposed to be clear on what disorder a person has?

[@CPE1704TK5]

Droopy or cabbage patch I just don’t know 16:13 AHA!

[@TheLifeofRileyinSpain]

Yep my ex boyfriend

[@SejfoBecirbasic]

Covert narcissist is just an ugly narcissist 😂

[@WizardKitty723]

Yup

[@espectroarcoiris]

Now I understand my father´s behaviour, who married an ouvert narcisist. Nice couple. Thanks God I am out of hell now.

[@lrockbr]

This is so exact, it's poetic. Describes my experience with covert narcissists to a T. It's unbelievable how predictable they are. The patterns just repeat themselves; I wonder if it's because of the virus-like imitation that the disease has. In other words, is it's likeness across the board due to the brain's ongoing mimicking of behavior over time? How else to explain the patterning of the attributes among large groups of people hitherto unknown to one another?

[@drnirjasheth]

But never becomes normal

[@hotrodfeguy]

This totally is a female friend of mine

[@VanityPlatesX]

Can you do a video on Winnicott’s theory of the transitional space and play and how it relates to the narcissist’s situation?

[@samvaknin]

Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

[@Theysee1111]

I got the best of both in my partner healing led me down the rabit hole of why i attracted him in the first place which led to some lovley revelation my shitty mother. Thanks mom 😅 in all seriousness no amount of healing will ever change the void in me it was painful revelation to say the least

[@lusherenren4222]

I finally understand what I am. So it seems professor I have no choice but to embrace my dark side or else I'll be failure for the rest of time PS: I'd like to see a video of your take on Nietzsche

[@Lisa-ek8sb]

Stonewalling

[@raven-yt8139]

It would be interesting to listen how they use language to support the sense of self esteem.

[@GuitarMatt]

This is why the Republic of California supports the Self-Esteem Institute. (And many are moving away in droves from that state)

[@nonny6990]

Does a malignant covert narcissist start out as a covert narcissist, then the sadistic elements of the personality develop due to environmental cues that trigger it? 🤔

[@samvaknin]

No. Psychopathy is partly genetically determined.

[@Narcissism-TheDarknessintheWor]

Thank you for talking about the famous guy who's stalking me. You've caught my attention. He doesn't fit narcissism, nor psychopathy, and his sadism is more constant and seems to be a part of his personality. He also seems very paranoid but in a covert way. Having been the survivor of a goal-oriented, occassionally sadistic psychopath, I initially thought professionals were picking at hairs by differentiating malignant narcissism from psychopathy... That is until I met one. Sadism is not a key aspect of psychopathy and even with psychopaths who can be sadistic, it is much less frequent, I've found, they simply don't care. My malignant narcissists sadism is constant. He is worse than the psychopath I met. I only wish he wasn't famous. How have people allowed him to get into power? I tried to follow your advice about offering them narcissistic supply in order to get them to do what you want (in this case to stop stalking me) but he only became more sadistic towards me. Potentially he holds a grudge although I don't know what for, he was posting quotes after he let his workmate assault me about how some African Gods will remove people from your life if they don't deserve to be there or share in your success (technically he is Catholic, he was posting about one god before, and told me himself he was Catholic and that attending Church helped him feel better when he was down, but seems to believe in other gods too now). His stalking has been ongoing since March 2022 and has only recently decreased due to a police warning in July of 2023 (last year). But I think they only took it seriously because they are aware of him handing me over to his workmate for him to assault me. He has said "see you next time" and he said this in a lowered tone after saying fake nice things to me. This has frightened me because I know he never says anything that he doesn't follow through on. Even the hugging came to pass... when he was devaluing me I said I hope we hug one more time... he said me too or some other words with a hidden agenda like 'if we have time I loved' (he's not from the UK and he can speak English very well with a strong accent but isn't very good with grammar. He meant 'if we have time I'd love'....obviously he had devalued me hence the 'if we have time'... the point is, we did hug... 1 year and 6 months later... he hugged me as soon as I arrived at the door, literally stumbling until I got to his... I had turned up to stop the stalking, I forgot to bring my phone charger to charge my phone on the train because I was terrified of seeing him again at his show, and afterwards his workmate who charged my phone was part of a group who started acting weird towards me, so I ran and stumbled in fear of his workmates to malignant narcissists caravan outside the arena just opposite his weird workmates caravan since my family are narcissistic and wouldn't give me a car ride home and there were no trains running... he offered me a safe place to stay but about 10 minutes after he handed me over to his workmates... this is after HE kept hugging me non stop and kissing me on the lips non stop as soon as I arrived at his for safety. It is terrifying that the hugs actually happened because he also said he'd want that too and that we will hug again and I only turned up to stop the stalking. Sam said one way to get a narcissist to do what you want is to offer them narcissistic supply such as attention. But he is a malignant narcissist. I was bordering on panic attacks for a week after the stalking had increased so much and the police and organisations tokd me there was nothing they could do and he was also following a timeline put together by Dr Jane Monckton Smith called 8 stages of domestic homicide. I didn't know what else to do. He also got his friend from a different country to have a word with me and it turned out to be word for word what the malignant narcissist had told him to say. I offered to have an honest conversation with malignant narcissist by leaving a voicemail but after I received silence I didn't know what to do. I was afraid. I can literally feel his contempt for me still and he has not contacted me since the police gave him that warning in July. I can only hope he didn't mean 'see you next time' as a threat even though he paused before he said this and lowered his voice. I've had to deactivate social media due to other abusers, but hopefully that means this famous one can't find me either. He shows all the signs and symptoms of a covert malignant narcissist and he always takes about family, God and love. I am petrified of him and the fact that he has wealth, power and rhe potential that he might find me again... Based on certain things, this may even be a revenge hoover and not a "regular" hoover as Sam Vaknin said. Yet so many people are so ignorant of this. Who do you ask for protection from? They'd all say he was safe and isn't going to contact you or stalk you again. How are the majortiy still this narcissistic and ignorant/unaware?

[@JulieGottman-yh3of]

Professor, what is the difference between covert borderline and covert narcissist, if they both have a switch into primary psychopathy? Is it that the covert Borderline has an internally “good” object?

[@samvaknin]

And is capable of loving. And many additional differences. Watch the covert borderline playlist.

[@LimitlessThinker]

You're right! I was married to one for almost 20 years. It's insanity.

[@basselalkhoury7697]

This is me to a T Is the primary psychopathic phase semi permanent or will I fall back to becoming a covert narcissist again

[@taniaearle4457]

How do we glue the Mask on 😅

[@ladyoy]

Miss you somehow ❤😂🎉

[@anicapella]

@samvaknin you mentioned in previous videos your new suggestion of a new borderline diagnosis the "covert borderline" one that is capable of borderline/secondary psychopatic/narcissistic traits, but has a good internal object that enables him/her to actually experience and give love, would you still classify this as a failed narcissist if the covert borderline has access to narcissistic defenses? Thank you for your content.

[@samvaknin]

Watch the covert borderline playlist.

[@itchyscratchy7167]

I'm getting ready to file for divorce from my 6 months of marraige to my narc. We never lived together and have nothing to divide. Any advice, I am new to this.

[@CH-in8dm]

Be so bloody grateful you only suffered 6 months marriage to one. Use it as a lesson learned.... success is the best revenge, get past thus then go find healthy love and make a great new life for yourself. Best wishes to you

[@clownsyndrom]

fuc*ing hell. its me

[@annanokas7498]

Sam, would a malignant covert narcissist, that only had one relationship with a woman, after years of celibacy, would talk about her as the beloved, beautiful, sexy, intelligent he lost ? It was the only connection he had and she left him. We met last year and he seemed a very sweet guy. But I felt something was off, but I could not put my finger on. After dealing with a covert narcissist, that love bombed, I was rather confused with the nonexistent approach like this. Firts he talked a lot by message, then started to withdraw....and saying not interested in me at all....then when I agreed with disconnect...he came with the idea of we consciously meet together only for sex. After this we met 2 times and I decided to disconnect since I am not interested in connection just for sex. I notice anger lashes and the implicit subtle hate against women in his speech, I can't pretend I did not see. His very inteligent and goes on with extensive descriptions of how humans behave biologicaly, rejecting love between 2 people... He came with this last one, that women need sex to bond, contrary to men, who do not need sex to bond....He can bond without sex, but a woman will not bond with him without sex. ?! I desagreed and presented view, end up in him saying he was open to change his mind. He said: "Proove me that what I belief is wrong..." Is this my new friend, that spends most of his time alone, have anger issues and shame issues that he verbalizes having, only a traumatized boy, or there is a great possibility that I am dealing with something else? I would appreciate your input! Contrary to my last covert narcissist that would block me everywhere in a second when confronted, this person never did this, preferes talking on the phone, than messages. But can say something like: "Lets just finish this talk because I want to go to sleep. Am I beeing trigered still by what happened in my last connection, being overly caustious, because he is a nice guy that was mimic to me by the narcissist, or should I really be wary and disconnect? I am a bit lost here because I reacted in ways very similar to my ex abusive partner, towards him. Hiper vigilant and suspicious. Thank you!

[@inkanafiji3851]

I am looking for the explanation about my mother type of abuse. everywhere, I stumble upon description of covet abuser, or a narcissist as two-faced Persona behaving in a flawless way in public and showing true evil self in private, and it doesn’t match my experience because my mother abuse was very concealed in private as well, I can’t and couldn’t put a finger on it, and I actually can’t recognise her as an abuser, I spent decades putting her on a pedestal She was very righteous, religious and oftentimes childlike, affectionate and clingy. and there was a lot of subtle suggesting or even not so subtle, that she has a special connection to god and also subtle suggestion that I might be possessed by the devil. She would make sure not to show any features that are perceived as openly bad - almost none physical abuse for example. I am not sure if narcissists or some of them need to see themselves as the most perfect source of love, so they are kind of double binded because they need to abuse at the same time so kind of manoeuvring and abuse in a way that makes them feel that they’re not doing anything that could be recognised as evil or wrong? She made sure I internalised all of the bad object and she was this perfect mommy to me, that I didn’t deserve, and i worshipped her for over 30 years. Feels really gross as well for some reason, she policed my sex life till I was 30 and I’m loosing my mind as I don’t know who is she, who have I been facing?

[@kassidyrose8131]

Gross. This sounds like my mom.

[@jaygrambling79]

Gotta pay myself on the back here...ex is a covert narcissist and, as I said all along before seeing this, a primary psychopath. It's good to be on point sometimes.

[@udemgba1]

So was my biggest set back...a woman

[@___JasminaR___________________]

You very cute and helpfull. :) love Jasmina

[@Pjayysan]

I think recently dodged a covert narcissist.

[@uncleasshole3787]

Thank you sam, for differentiating between psychopaths (me) and everyone else...