Codependents and Narcissists: Wooden Puppets and Cruel Puppetmasters

[@Enfpmom]

Unfortunately codependency was meant to be temporary not permanent. We had no choice but to keep an external locus of control and scan the abuser and give him what he wanted so we won’t be abandoned. Sad

[@angelakieler6447]

I have gotten more understanding of my ex narc husband by listening to your videos than being in therapy. Thank you for providing all of us with your expertise. Please don’t ever stop making these videos, you are providing a very needed public service.

[@debbiemillerwalsh2085]

Sam I was raised by narc parents. But I was a fighter. I fought against it since I was 8. I didn’t not accept the abuse but I did end up internalizing the hurtful remarks and had the co dependency most of my life. But I knew something was wrong from a very early age to my advantage I hung out with a family that didn’t act like my parents and spent as much time with them. It was my normalcy thank you for what you do💜

[@saraaaa1986]

I feel for you deeply, I had almost the same child hood as yours except I had no one and no where else to go but kept fighting, untill I married a narcissist and I just gave up, and just started to figure out what was going on all along now

[@tatrofamily1757]

Me too. My mother used to call me her little clone. I wasn’t allowed to choose my own clothes, decide how I got my hair cut or even go to the doctor. Her rule was “Don’t ever ask me for anything. The answer will always be no.”

[@debbiemillerwalsh2085]

Sara Abdalla I married a narcissist as well ugh we are survivors

[@saraaaa1986]

@@debbiemillerwalsh2085 I'm still married to him, so I don't call myself a survivor yet

[@sll110]

my mom.is truly evil. too

[@claudiavictoria3929]

I've always seen Pinocchio as a perfect example of learning through pain, being the pain itself vital. I've never much considered the role of Geppetto. Thank you for the fresh perspective.

[@miriambarco8832]

Thank u for that insight. I had to listen more than once... but I get it.

[@vicky35442]

Wow, I've never thought of Pinocchio this way. Eerie as every fairly tale is. Brilliant!

[@marktalksmoney1956]

Ahhh yes the never ending story. Every few months she will stop following the court order and withold the children. I've learned not to panic over the years. And just call my lawyer.

[@bleuneptune]

I will never see the story of Pinocchio the same.. 😢

[@Canaday291]

My malignant npd alcoholic ex husband has abused infected and corrupted my children beyond recognition to become shells of the empathetic kind hearted life loving sociable humans they used to be

[@runwiththewind3281]

Thank you Professor Vaknin

[@treesarose97]

When a little child she used to see me as a “stupid marionette” as she later wrote. But actually she felt like a marionette inside, empty and wooden. She accepted a life of narcissistic abuse, feeling she had no choice, but also abused and neglected. She literally functioned as a marionette. She never really wanted to be a mother but it was the so called right thing to do, in the name of Jesus. The idea of the shared psychotic disorder seems to fit my parents type of relationship. I ran away from home at 14 and had myself put in foster care to escape and to become real. Can you do a part 2 and talk about what happened to Pinocchio in the belly of the well?

[@debbiemillerwalsh2085]

Teresa Rose wow. They are awful parents. We’ve all suffered at the hands of a disordered person with no idea who they were themselves unless they went for help

[@athinagiannopoulos5505]

Thanatos.... as you said

[@annag7046]

Dr Vaknin, what would be the aim of therapy for codependent then? To get rid of or replace the puppetmaster? Is this possible at all?

[@samvaknin]

Dependent Personality Disorder is treatable successfully.

[@saraaaa1986]

Thank you professor Vaknin, you've established that there's almost no cure for narcissists, is it the same case for codependents? I mean since you included them with narcissists in this videos and seems like they have some fundamental basics in common.

[@samvaknin]

Dependent Personality Disorder is treatable successfully.

[@saraaaa1986]

@@samvaknin Thank you very much for your reply, and for all your helpful insights

[@sasuz1]

so as a codependent, what am i supposed to do if i feel dead inside? how do i overcome this ?

[@4everu984]

Corrective emotional experiences. Do over!

[@ConnieGeldreich22]

I don't like the word codependent. That sounds more like two people who stay together because of the kids. It's trauma bonding in my mind. Your not staying because you want to, you have been terrorized into believing you just can't exist without the creature. Then one day you realize you've been existing just fine, because you have handed over everything you had, bent over backwards to please the evil and if you hadn't done that you would have been just fine on your own. Not to mention, the whole time you were essentially alone anyway. You ate alone, slept alone, cried alone and you walked alone. So the creature was just a ghost long before he actually became one and you only stayed because he convinced you that without him you couldn't fry an egg! If you're hanging on for money, that's long hidden and will always be out of your reach even if it's yours. That's the real trauma bond, the money he dangles in front of you to make you dance like Pinocchio! If you think you'll end up a millionaire, actually your more likely to end up on welfare! Fact!

[@4everu984]

When you write YOU, don’t you mean I? That’s a start... People leak.

[@mostthegames3723]

Fucking brilliant. My father is now dead, and since he owes the Canada revenue agency 3 million, me and my damaged siblings probably wont see a dime. You are right about the proverbial carrot (money) being dangled before our eyes. For decades we thought we would at least get something for our entrapment.

[@todayischange97]

Wow. You literally put into words my mom's situation with my dad.

[@ImDemanding]

YES! I looked over my life & realized I was alone the entire time. I slept alone, vacationed alone, ate alone, suffered alone, etc. How in the hell did he convince me that he was “there for me” when I was doing everything on my own???? Everything!!!

[@ImDemanding]

@@dawnshell4605 xo

[@corinne2721]

...at about 23:00 you said something about people not being able to reach in. I have a invisible wall I cannot reach though. ...like I'm in a bubble... It's like I can watch the whole world in Techno Color...but, I can never play....the nerve impulses to do anything...travel to my elbow, and almost with physical pain...just stop, completely. ...but I can think endlessly all day until I'm so fatigued, I have to go to sleep. I'm in my body backwards, I'm on disability, n I hate everything about me...I want to be a normal person, my lack of ambition is just so stupid to me... Any ideas on what the hell happened to me...I know my mom always told me when I was young...I would never amount to anything, I was a looser...Once when my younger sister came home from going out with friends...she asked my mom something(I couldn't hear what it was)...my mom said NO...my sister asked why, n my mom said...because I don't want you turning out like"her" meaning me. That's the way I get treated...since birth, sorry for going on...it's just so stupid.

[@JsusCrisis]

My question for the best students of this class : Is there an correlation between being a People pleaser and codependency? Are there two related/symbiotic? Or completely separate matters?

[@ledbysoulyoga3]

Yeah both go hand in hand. Co dependents are people pleaser.

[@claudiavictoria3929]

Dr Vaknin, can we consider being passive (doing as you are told without even hinting to answer back) a symptom of Covert BPD? Could it be that a very controlling, yet always forgiving, mother is what a grown-up BDP looks for in a partner? Thank you.

[@samvaknin]

Can we ask you to search my channel for relevant videos before you waste my time?

[@claudiavictoria3929]

@@samvaknin I'm sorry I've bothered you. I'll wait for a new video about covert bpd for more information.

[@samvaknin]

@@claudiavictoria3929 No need. Several EXISTING videos deal with your questions.

[@divineprophecy48]

@@claudiavictoria3929 what a pig dont be sorry this man is a narcissist himself

[@atiron6543]

Reminds me of Andrew Cunanan

[@ryancaribou5546]

What’s the name of the person mentioned about around 29:20?

[@samvaknin]

Concept, not person: Puer Aeternus.

[@huandru]

I have it on good authority that the person who dies with the most toys wins. 😇

[@4everu984]

Ever seen a Hearse pull a Uhaul?! 😉

[@macnchessplz]

@@4everu984 👆🏼👍

[@kamintears]

Hi all, I'm a layman and a schizophrenic with delusions of grandure... I live with 40 other schizophrenics, around half of them also have delusions of grandure, narcissism. If schizophrenia is the confusion of inner objects as outside objects and narcissism is that reversed, should there not be a diagnosis like 'narcisistic schizophrenia' where it is confusion in both directions?

[@samvaknin]

Watch the vids about psychotic grandiosity. You are also confusing grandiosity with narcissism. Grandiosity is just element of many in narcissism, Bipolar disorders (manic phase), Borderline, psychopathy, and other mental health disorders.

[@angelakieler6447]

You described perfectly the relationship, marriage I had.