Why Narcissist Must Win, Be Right (Psychopath, too!)

Narcissist/psychopath interact with the game, not with other players. There is no intimacy, trust, or the honing of social skills.
Narcissists must win by eradicating the competitor, so not competitive
Will use any means, including underhanded or even criminal
Preemptive winning to avoid being dominated or shamed
Narcissists must be right (not argumentative or opinionated, but eristic: lecturing, hectoring, and censoring)
Will lie, confabulate, invent: like AI hallucinations
Regardless of costs, benefits, alternatives
Dirty fighting: betrayal dynamic
Fragility of inflated, fantastic, counterfactual self-image: defense of the fantasy
Bounded rationality (satisfice, not optimize, minimum investment for minimally accepted outcomes)
Impaired reality testing
Catastrophizing and false dichotomous view of the power matrix (from exploiting superior to forever exploited inferior)
Reframing: self-supply via self-deception (I had won, been proven right or vindicated)
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[@bgrovian774]

I remember my narcissist w/pt husband cheating at the first (and only) go-fish card game he played with our 5-yr. old son. I watched him do this and win nine times in a row before I pulled him aside and asked him what he was trying to prove. With a quite contemptuous air, he replied "Prove? I wasn't trying to prove anything, but I suppose if I were, it would be that a 5-yr. old doesn't stand a chance at cards with anybody but another 5-yr. old". Needless to say, my son never showed much interest in playing cards with Dad after that. It was quite unpleasant dealing with this spirit 30 years later during our divorce, but it is ohhh sooo pleasant not living with that every day. It is literally like getting out of prison.

[@oreo4607]

What a man-child typical narcissist

[@barbaramazur9829]

My ex narcissist, even cheated when he was playing with himself at golf.

[@valalishev]

great insight on a narcissist willing to kill the opponent rather than win the game, or competition. makes sense to me now

[@PaulClipMaster]

Narcissists are a pathetic disgrace.

[@kaylaaicher3902]

That’s exactly what I called mine, a disgrace. For shame!

[@davvydivine]

I attempt to parallel parent with a him. He said recently "You have no clue what you're up against!"

[@WouldRecommend]

Thank you Sam for validating something I had written in my journal a month ago. Basically that when I processed and distilled what the narcissistic relationship was all about, i realised that it was an unseen, unrelenting, war and battle. A battle of wills, a battle of wits, a battle of dominance over me. A battle to consume and annihilate me. Hence why I feel so exhausted from it.

[@nancyhawkins3401]

Did you get out? I am in one now.

[@WouldRecommend]

@@nancyhawkins3401 I did get out, thankfully. NEVER looking back. I have finally found peace of mind. I’d be a fool to go back to him after all the things he did.

[@bernicegoldham1509]

​@@nancyhawkins3401🍀 you can get out too, Nancy.

[@daphenernorwood]

Thank you Professor. I have been dealing with a narcissistic daughter for 15 years. She’s 30 now. I raised her oldest child for 7 years. I paid all her bills for 3 years so she could keep her children ( she couldn’t get a job - criminal record). I spent over 6 figures supporting her. Once I came to the realization that there would be no end to my assistance, I told her no more support. She got evicted. She moved in with a man I used to date! She has a car that’s in my name that I’m still paying for but she won’t even let me talk to my grandchildren. I’m hurt and angry but I’m done walking on eggshells. My only concern now is my grandchildren, especially the oldest. She is dangerous and abusive - covertly. What can I do to help the kids? The legal system is really ignorant to the games these folks play.

[@Brendy222]

I remember my ex husband arguing with me that he sleeps less then me because we go to bed at the same time and he gets up earlier then me. I said, you go to bed at 9 and I go to bed at midnight… he then proceeded to stay up every night until midnight for a week. He then said, now admit I go to bed at the same time as you, which I did, cause he had… he then went back to going to bed at 9!😂He was such a child. I just let it go! I was so done with the marriage by then!

[@wherescasey]

You're brilliant, I wish I found you sooner. It's not just the information you give, it's the way you teach it. Thank you SO much.

[@samvaknin]

KZbin made sure that you couldn't find me ugetube.com/watch/social-media-sinister-rebel-orphaned-adolescents_VHKLtcOizzUIF2o.html

[@Kris81815]

My ex girlfriend even denied her own words in chats and lied about it. Also when it came to memories about our days or intimacy she always played it down and when she was Idealized me again i was her soulmate and her everything and was her best lover ever then i was nothing again after one "wrong" word.....it was a hell of a ride

[@Azrael__]

Those AI chatbots are so fascinating, disturbingly human. I tried Bard, it was completely wrong on a topic, I presented it with sources proving it wrong, it admitted to being wrong but started to split hairs and move the goalpost, when I showed it how it was still wrong it kept creating even more ways to "win", it even got to the point of contradicting its own previous statements. When I quoted those contradictions back to it, it still gave "Okay, I'm wrong but..." responses.

[@eight-ball3625]

So many times in my life, I’ve had the best will towards someone ( narcissistic) only to find them found something shitty to me to undermine me. Because, they’ve decided that this is a competition. Have to win what? The asshole award? Where no one is competing with them or giving a rats ass about it, and is cooperative and kind towards them it’s just an attack.

[@JakeFallis75]

I have been on the receiving end of preemptive winning so many times I can’t even count. Every cop I have dealt with did this to me to the point that me and my bf have had planted drugs on us 3 separate times. People don’t understand why I end up treated so poorly by law enforcement. This is why.

[@dennishopper1410]

10:35 this is so true and so disconcerting to others. Took us five years to realise we’d been competing since we met.

[@8bitgamerC64]

Narcissism, ultimately seems to be a betrayal of their (some may say non-existent) and especially others Humanity.

[@bethmendoza1847]

Listening to this , I see my mom telling us outright how she knows everything and we know nothing. She was talking to a car full of family members. One of whom is her sister who’s 5 years older and knows quite a bit more about the family history than she does. ( we were going to cemeteries to visit family graves). She told us all to be hold our comments because we know nothing about the family and she knows it all. She did this before we even pulled out of the driveway. I was so embarrassed I wanted to get out of the car and run. I’m 67 years old, by the way and she’s 86. Preemptively “winning “. Just revisiting this in my mind makes me want to vomit.

[@jane5821]

Satisfied with nothing. So relaxing.

[@ChildofGod2890]

And you nailed it again 👏 . You are saving lives. May you forever be blessed.

[@bkpalos]

In my case? Why must narcissist win every argument? Have the upper hand? Because everything she does is illegal: prostitution, drug use, blackmail, lies and slander.

[@PaigeSquared]

Sometimes i wonder if maybe i shouldnt have asked my ex husband to leave when i did, when our son was 18mos. I had picked up on this sense in him, against his own infant. He revealed that he was very willing to dish out physical and psychological abuse, which wasnt something i picked up on at all the prior 15 years. This reminds me why. I couldnt imagine him playing with his son now. I am still in shock that a grown man can be legitimately jealous of an infant, though.

[@superespiritual1553]

The video about victims really was insightful and refreshing.❤

[@The_Cadaver]

These videos always come out right when I need 'em most.

[@howarddavies782]

14.50 mins, amazing this is exactly like it is. Great to hear someone who fully understand this. Good video.

[@dilfuzakhaydarova2859]

Dear Professor Sam Vaknin Thank you so much for the interesting knowledge.

[@92359hg]

I watched your most recent interview last night - thank you for being you!!!!

[@barbarascoggins5239]

😂I had a meeting with ex narc and he told me we competing was the main reason he had an affair, move out of home, took what he wantedwhile I was out of town with sm child. Your talk has opened my eyes as to why he said that. I was a homemaker, and he was an attorney. Now I know

[@barbarascoggins5239]

So forgot to Thank you so much!!!! for your insightful videos

[@classicmicroscopy9398]

There are so many quotable statements in here. Just amazing. 😮

[@skulpzilla2051]

Thanks Sam.

[@martyblu8968]

Thank you Sam for your insight into how some narcissist minds work these past few years on your KZbin speeches and collabs. It's like my x traveled from the 80s into the future and back with a play book from you on how to be an exact worst person via whatever it takes to control and destroy his supply.

[@bethmendoza1847]

That’s it? I just have to accept that if my mom ever stopped being this way she would cease to exist? Self destruct? No point in confronting her? I see right through her shit, I can’t let it go. But she can’t behave any differently? Is this why no contact is offered as a solution.

[@domagojvaci4723]

Because, as Thucydides put it, the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must. Or as Mell Brooks phrased it, "It's good to be the king". It's not very confortable to suffer what you must.

[@domagojvaci4723]

@@EchoBlack311 The strong is strong regardles what illness he suffers from or lack thereof. Since narcistists and psychopaths seek power it only means they are more in tune with how reality stripped from wishful thinking works. It appears to me that a narcisist has an edge over psychopaths since they're better at pretending to be sociable, thus avoiding to be destroyed by the horizontal power of society.

[@domagojvaci4723]

@@EchoBlack311 If by morality you mean one set of rules for everyone about how to get by in life than there is no such set of rules but rather two separate set of rules: one for those who are deprived (slave morality) and another one for those who thrive (master morality). The rule no1. of slave morality is "remain a slave", do nothing to improve your position. It's a passive morality saying "I'm good just because I suffer and endure." Or "I'm good just because I'm timid." As if that's a virtue or as if being virtuous is a reward in itself. It's not though. Millions of virtuous slaves are there to suffer and their fate is no better from those who are socially shunned or punished. At least they have tried.

[@polyjb1]

Fascinating. Thank you. Look it up..

[@raulcanadir6407]

Thank you for advice …. So nice cause not to be bride and became narcissist.

[@regularjoe8925]

How do you deal with a narcissist who sees you as a threat?

[@ginafarley6190]

Pretend you’re dumb, tell them how you made a big mistake, ask for their advice. But make it all up and be a good actor. It will distract them and you can see their game unfold. Have fun with it though … don’t tell them anything remotely factual or true.

[@lavintella]

@@ginafarley6190 Excellent advice!

[@robertneil536]

This describes 98% of all the doctors I've ever known, of all types.

[@cleansoapmind]

I wonder if this also applies to oppositional defiant disorder. Someone I know with ODD always had tobe right in any situation.

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel.

[@CHNL.s]

Insufferable people. Eyebfor an eye until we both ho blind lol.

[@AlexSanchez-cs9fq]

INSECURITY

[@daverobbe6560]

Aren't we all just complicated chatbots?

[@Oliversamuels60]

Hi Sam Any advice for former victims going through dissociative states where others seem like internal objects and not real so theres no point reaching out

[@aliyazarvelibozar3144]

Wij metzen allen Iemand iets in praten(laten geloven) Ieder die dit onderwerp praat Is zelf er een van.Dat heb ik begrepen Want,iedereen kent ego

[@Krymatom]

Are you familiar with the concept of libido dominandi (lust for domination) by Augustinus? Sounds very similar to this lecture

[@samvaknin]

You haven't been paying attention. Psychopaths seek domination, not narcissists.

[@samvaknin]

@@seahorseist Egotist. Egomaniac. Megalomaniac. A-hole.

[@user-nk2ub1hd2p]

Please make video on psychopath women and what it looks like is netas of men

[@kaijdm34040]

Question: is it possible to "use" the narcissist?

[@samvaknin]

Yes. Search the channel for "gullible".

[@stefanc4873]

Professor, is this valid for sociopaths too?

[@samvaknin]

Sociopathy is not s clinical entity.

[@simchagrieve1712]

The link does not work. It says, “the person sharing it has exceeded their sharing limit. Please try again later.” Is there another source for it? Thanks

[@samvaknin]

Please try again tomorrow and let me know.

[@frankdavf4599]

Be cause they are psychos... thibis a no brainer.

[@Doidao-xx5vf]

Why must the narcissist always in. Because they are annoying lol

[@stephc6608]

But what does is mean when the narcissist or psychopath does tell you "yes, you are right." Is that a trick for something or?

[@samvaknin]

It is.

[@stephc6608]

​@@samvakninok good to know that it's not genuine

[@illumin2485]

Is stonewalling a form of Annihilation?

[@samvaknin]

No. Search the channel for "silent treatment".

[@illumin2485]

@@samvaknin thank you!