Narcissist: Confabulates, Gaslights, Or Lies?

Confabulation in psychotic disorders, dementia, court (Loftus).
Confabulation is an attempt to bridge memory gaps by constructing scenarios of what is most likely to have happened (possible, plausible, probable).
It is a theory about missing time. But the narcissist believes that the theory (confabulation) is real and true because he is the one who came up with it. Being infallible and omniscient, in his mind, he never makes mistakes.
Confabulation in narcissism:
Covers for narcissistically injurious dissociation (a challenge to omnipotence), trying to make sense of a chaotic, disjointed world.
Bridges gap between immutable internal and mutable external objects to restore object constancy and secure base.
Connects present with maternal object to past with real mother.
Is "disassociation" a word in psychology? dictionary.apa...
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[@bitdevice]

It feels like the confabulation of past events changes based on how the narcissist feels about you in the moment. So if you are all bad now you are also all bad in the confabulation of something that happened 6 months ago. This is where I realized the narcissist is not normal.

[@darrenm997]

Totally correct and we'll put

[@mac3969]

Nie jest. Ponad wszelką możliwość. Nie ma sensu doszukiwać się logiki w jego wypowiedzi, dzialaniu. Natomiast za logicznego i spójnego się uważa on sam

[@gias5356]

❤

[@nikkicheraghipour755]

I woke up today and told my self OKAY SHOSHANNIM😅

[@O8080808O]

"Confabulation" is a term I needed all my long life. It is much easier to deal with something that has a name.

[@777Honeypie]

I think this is an important distinction: whether it's gaslighting or confabulation. Being lied to feels offensive, disrespectful, and callous. If the person has self deception, or swears their memory is different because it is, it's still concerning ... this is very complicated. Instead of feeling disrespected, it feels more like a continuous spectrum of loss. It helps me conceive of the devalue.

[@user-wy4sr7dt2g]

It feels like an abduction...

[@toiletfarm]

I can’t count how many times i was told “You weren’t like this when we met” or some variation of it, and that applied to liking new music, new goals or anything really.

[@claudiae7473]

Yes ..for me "you changed", "you are so cold", "what's wrong with you" ..and so on 😜

[@broaderbeans2997]

I thought my mother was suffering from early onset dementia as she could not remember past events, but she also creates more positive versions of them, making her look like a doting mother while she was even physically absent much of the time. It is very disconcerting. And I can sense she truly believes her version of reality, which makes me the mentally ill child. It is logical, and painful.

[@vallip4254]

Sam could this also be called' reframing ' as a way to make things more palatable, a coping mechanism for when reality is too hurtful...?

[@anabandana666]

I needed this video today

[@valblesse959]

Oh my word! So she really believes her 'confabulations' about me. If that's the case, she IS crazy! It's hard to wrap my mind around how she can succeed in her professional life, yet make a mess of our family with her insistance on dominating and making sure that everyone is on her side by believing her make-believe assertations about some of her family members. Those of us who don't believe her confabulations and can even prove them as non-reality, have been deemed evil by her, deserving of her abuse. Thank you for the clarification... I thought she knew she was telling lies.

[@sharonmcclintock6727]

Sam, to wake up and see that you just put something else out to keep my mind busy and educate me on understanding what happened to me is crucial (so please dont stop)😁 What Im saying is that I"ve truely destroyed my world by making such a life altering mistake to believe what the ex said as true.....and Ive been diagnosed with cptsd, anxiety disorder, Major depressive disorser ongoing now, and waking up needing a way to get through another day, spinning my wheels thinking and ruminatinng and struggling to wrap my mind around it . ..that what just happened is REAL so get HELP before I go mad...and my mind is churning all this BEFORE I open my eyes in the morning and it terrifies me that I could allow that man to nullify my own being to the point where I have no idea who or what I am and have lost my children and husband, friends.....so Sam, I have hope when I can put you on and be comforted by being able to access TRUTH regarding this mess and HOW I CONTRIBUTED BY PUTTING MY TRUST ING PERSON (I listen) THE WRONG PERSON and WHY .... theres another video of yours and listening gives me a sense that Im NOT INSANE...this really happened...it IS that bad, and Ive got to get help with my scrambled mind to make a life for myself and move forward somehow.... even though I feel as though my legs are trapped in tar and I cant move....Im held in place by the dissonance......your voice comforts, quiets my anxiety a bit, and I can get out of bed....I have another day given to me and maybe THIS will be the day I let go of this god aweful and terribly f'd up bond. 25:24 Thank you Sam. 25:24 25:24

[@claudiae7473]

It even makes me feel sick reading our last text messages. Those inconsistencies what he writes is so crazy ..I wonder how he actually believes his own stuff and how his mind works to make any kind of sense in his contradictions. Can a mind work so crazy? If I tell him I dont understand him, he says "I am like a child, you know" ..I go crazy ..but its hard to leave a 2 year old kid 😢 ..any suggestions to overcome this emotion of abandoning a crazy child??

[@veradernovsek2612]

Thank you, this is very illuminating. That narc, she is sure very frustrating with her confabulations. At least now I can understand what she is doing.

[@peatyxxjxxx1494]

Great video Sam. I always learn so much from watching your videos. This one by far helped me the most. It is a bit comforting to know that the narcissist confabulations are their glue to reality and that they truly understand this as truth. It means to me why waste time or effort arguing or trying to convince. Just understand that’s how they remember it and no harm no foul. This info Could’ve saved me from many very heated arguments. I’m thankful I understand this now.

[@pjmrees]

I understand what Sam is saying yet it is hard to accept. So my question is this: my 34 year old daughter claims she didn't take an item from me so I kept searching for it (this went on about 2+ years) she was angry (more than angry) that I even suspected her, how dare I and I had no proof and no right. I was scum for even asking and not taking her word. So about 2 years later I'm in her home and she asked me to get an item from her closet and what did I find but the item..... I didn't say a word. This was not the first time things had gone missing when she was around yet it was never her. About 6 months later my item was on my chair after I had got back from a trip. She tells everyone I gave her the item which I did not and now I'm the problem because I wanted it back.

[@FullCircleTravis]

My brother is like that. He just rewrites his story to suit him. His wife is the same way. Every time my parents visit them, they always ask me questions about the past because of their stories. It's usually just inane things too. Like, she told my mom her hair wasn't dyed blonde when she met my brother. It certainly was. Just pure fantasy. Their stories about why they didn't have to pay back money are the best. Just rewrite history, and they actually believe it's true. I cut them out of my life years ago because I just can't handle their crap.

[@lyndaneely2213]

Absolutely clear and fantastic!!!!!

[@etherialme00]

"I never lie, I never gaslight and never confabulate as your Narcissistic guru tells you" - said the Narcissist once (referring to my most beloved intellectual on the planet earth now) 😂

[@mobwatch8119]

The term "disassociate" is commonly used when discussing cults. In context, it refers to renouncing previously close relationships, such as those with family members or friends. I find it strange that people confuse it with "dissociate".

[@samvaknin]

I find it even stranger that self-styled "experts", including with advanced academic degrees, use "disassociate" when they should be saying "dissociate". Makes you wonder whether their degrees are fake - or whether the education system is bankrupt.

[@mobwatch8119]

@@samvaknin Exactly. "Dis" is such a common prefix (entangle/disentangle, advantage/disadvantage etc). It shouldn't be confusing.

[@broaderbeans2997]

@@samvaknin or they mix up words and cannot accept their mistake, and then double down on being right. Which is rather child like, but I see highly educated people do this when they are used to being an 'authority' in their field. Academia can have strange effects on people.

[@david6544]

Hi Sam CONFABULATION..Thank you so much for this fabulous peice of information. You have shot down so many concepts that people assume what is gaslighting. I love your work and the way you use words..and your logic behind them. You have mastered your vocation in life. I'm so impressed 👏. Peace&Love&Light Namaste 🙏 ♥️

[@Deepintent]

They are innocent victims of their own choices. "Others" are unreliable witnesses to their own experience. Fused and confused with their own fabulous confabulations. "It" is all a 'con' job.

[@charlottebuck6907]

OMG, this explains everything, he told me he had bipolar but apparently he had cured it after listening to Eckhart Tolle...I always found that to be far-fetched, then I realised that he may actually be a narcissist as well 😔

[@debbiemanning3910]

WOW thank you Prof. Sam I'm gonna rethink some things about my narcissist ex.

[@adelobstfelder6309]

Why do they forgot what happened between A and C?

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for "dissociation".

[@adelobstfelder6309]

🙏🏻

[@mccarthyti]

They just don’t care how their actions affect others. They know right from wrong, but if it suits their need. Their actions are justified in their mind. Hedonistic behavior

[@Willowtree53]

Nice job, Sam.

[@user-rm7qh9tc6t]

Мне очень нравится слушать Сэма Вакнина, манера речи конечно непревзойдённая. Очень высокого класса речь, такая речь завораживает и удерживает внимание. Удачная комбинация мозговых центров позволяет ему продуцировать необычную редко встречающуюся речь. Ценю очень как человека умеющего говорить. Так могут немногие.( Среди русскоговорящих например Татьяна Черниговская, Сергей Савельев обладают таким уровнем речи. Профессора восхищают умением владеть словом!).

[@renatapeters3681]

Q: does the confabulation in action look the same as gaslighting, with the same or almost the same result to the victim? Fascinating. Had no idea of these two differences.

[@samvaknin]

Yes. The victim experiences both the same way.

[@burymeinbaldwin5896]

VAKNIN 2024

[@highlandsmokery8421]

Professor of the United States??

[@CalebPendergast]

Do you have videos on victims having internalized (or assumed the role of) the Narc's internal object of them?

[@samvaknin]

Many.

[@noacardelli2994]

My (now) ex partner and I have had several experiences of him telling me I said or did something with extreme conviction, while I am 100% sure that is NOT the case, quite the contrary in fact. I have been diagnosed Borderline with Narcissistic Traits or a couple of years and I am now in therapy, he is looking now into getting a diagnosis that may look similar but on the NPD side. I am not clear - and it drives me crazy - whether he is confabulating (which is what it looks like to me) or am I somehow? It seems like if he was right, I wouldn't just be confabulating, I would have a separate personality I am not aware of. Dr Vaknin, can you please elucidate on a case like this one where both could be having a distorted test for reality?

[@macnchessplz]

I thought this was gaslighting or just plain crazy making. Attempts to make one believe their version of events is factual and 100% correct. While yours,is flawed. The determination to make you believe your remembrance…is so wrong to the point of claiming events you weren’t around to even be involved in ,actually happened. Now,I know better.TY

[@curtmaloney7859]

I remember once when disagreeing with my ex about some past events she said "so what are you saying that I'm crazy?". I'm thinking yes you are crazy but said "no but I think your misremembering things". It was the start of realizing that yes she lies a lot but she is also occupying a separate reality. It also felt like I was often in the presence of a child. Some children have imaginary friends when young but grow out of it. Sam does the narcissists alternate reality have anything to to with the child's brain never growing out of fantasy mode or is it strictly a coping response due to the trauma they experienced while young or maybe both?.

[@th00bond93]

I think both

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel.

[@barry_g8443]

Brilliantly helpful. Thanks professor

[@lisajohnson1627]

Professor Sam, can a narcissist also be a psychopath?

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@lisajohnson1627]

@@samvaknin Thank you so much!!