Roasting My Follower's Dating Profiles (feat. Brittany Broski) | Sarah Schauer

This week we're roasting/helping some of my followers with their dating profiles! Very sorry if some of these are kind of harsh, to be fair, most of the individuals asked us to roast them. So we did. Please enjoy.
Brittany's "Roasting People's Bumble Profile's" video: • Fixing/Roasting My Fol...
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[@juliasimpson9619]

This is a safe space for illiteracy

[@jilliankilburn5377]

Julia Simpson i can’t read this comment

[@kiralangpap461]

Jillian Kilburn wait what did u say

[@etootle2934]

Text to speech time

[@pissapocalypse]

Hello I'm Jared I'm 19 and I never fuckin learned how to read

[@kaym7800]

And Sarah’s.

[@HokeyPokey81300]

My favorite Tinder match was with a guy named Cooper, I messaged him “cooper pooper” and he unmatched me instantly

[@beep8704]

i almost gave myself a hernia laughing at this

[@lexishriner781]

Cooper really showed how much of a pooper he is

[@kippyskippy1872]

Lexi Shriner 😂

[@PBandJuliana]

Hilka Peterkovic if this is from what I think it’s from......”you cut that shit”

[@PBandJuliana]

Hilka Peterkovic of course, sun god. The merciless sun god who stares down upon the park goers with his ambivalent and yet analyzing gaze. Just as humans act around apes, so does the sun God act around mortals. His expressionless features convey a great understanding and wisdom that our mortal minds cannot even hope to understand. It is said that if you gaze into the yawning abyss long enough you may just return with an inkling of his vast knowledge

[@jas2950]

i love how they literally can’t say anything to each other without laughing.

[@TheKatarinaGiselle]

I so wish they were my cousins

[@TheKatarinaGiselle]

I miss laughing that hard with somebody (including pre- quarantine ☹️😂)

[@fabulosobroham]

Literally me with my cousins lmao.

[@TiffanySkylark]

So you know it’s gone suck if they happen to split 🥺

[@pissapocalypse]

Flawless sleepover energy

[@m0derately.g0th]

brittany should make a "types of heterosexuals" video shes an expert and no one in sarah's audience know anything about straight people

[@marialisfabian3695]

I don’t tend to wish for straight people conversations but I actually would like to see it

[@sth5033]

she's an ally

[@summermccarty5145]

I cannot stress enough how confused I am 💀 am I gay? Is this confirmation? Lord

[@kimmyball4961]

I'm not gay and I enjoy this content very much!!

[@ArkadianDream]

Yas please i want to understand them

[@mayygg2151]

Brittany i got full glam picture and i’ll fix the part about not knowing how to read once i find someone who can type it out for me

[@nascitadivenere]

Yaaaas girl

[@espy_alitrix3642]

I got you girl. "I swear that I know how to read."

[@emmadore8376]

Ahaha

[@CheshieD]

🤣🤣🤣

[@dj2ki]

im down to help lmfao

[@jackwack5402]

if i said it once i'll say it again: peepeepoopoo time is my only source of serotonin

[@yolisma9518]

Amen

[@FreakyFreakyBaby]

hear hear

[@mlynnekeeney4324]

jack wack indeedth

[@annalmao309]

cheers i'll drink to that

[@heathergrant3487]

What a fucking mood

[@fuxgrl]

so sweet of sarah to feature her uncle in this video, we love to see wholesome family content

[@Snoogleheimer]

LMAO!

[@xxIluvyouguysxx]

Family time ❤️

[@rainnmoen5937]

Lmao

[@reeces5142]

Omfg

[@j.jmayhem4981]

"Rate that hole" I see this and raise you Extreme Makeover: Hole Edition

[@ellexarden]

Jesse Manchac “SPREAD THOSE CHEEKS!”

[@spookyscaryskelies2187]

michelle brittany I CAANT

[@davishayes1145]

Are you guys ready to see your new hole?

[@Elena-bk4fs]

@@davishayes1145 ok that got me 😹

[@tyroneclark2436]

MOVE THAT BUS!

[@kayahorton2059]

“pansexual means gender doesn’t matter?🤷‍♀️” “yeah” “k” if only the rest of the world could work this efficiently

[@CheshieD]

Right??

[@nina.robbs565]

Fr, just bc you don't understand it at first shouldn't make it less valid🤦

[@user-ou7zk]

@@nina.robbs565 this comment is something everyone needs to understand

[@fearless_cloud]

IsN't tHaT thE sAme aS Bi??

[@Maya-pk4mt]

@@nina.robbs565 UNUS ANNUS UNUS ANNUS

[@amelia-iz9tz]

one hairline said ( the other said [

[@nicksurfs1]

Sarah Schauer you sound like the burned out teacher who can’t get a hold of the class. Never forget we outnumber you Miss. Schauer.

[@SeymourDisapproves]

@@sarahschauer3764 Miss Schauer can I go to the bathroom

[@fart9653]

Sarah Schauer Miss Schauer Timmy threw his shit on the bathroom mirror again

[@indimcs]

LMFAOOO SJDJDKDKD

[@spookyscaryskelies2187]

OMG LOL youre right I caant

[@emilydurkee8664]

Two queens just casually carrying all of us through this trying time

[@bobettabrooks]

why is there no replies?????

[@squiddyft.insecurities3549]

@@bobettabrooks because i deleted them

[@bobettabrooks]

@@squiddyft.insecurities3549 why are you replying to a year old comment

[@Juliana-Bub]

"She's been to Chernobyl." I actually spit my water out.

[@stella7982]

Wait what I'm dumb

[@Juliana-Bub]

​@@stella7982 The Chernobyl disaster was a huge nuclear disaster in Ukraine in the 1980s. The town was evacuated, and people are still suffering from effects from the radiation. The radioactive contamination in some areas is still too dangerous for humans to enter. So radiating green electromagnetic waves sounds like she's radioactive. (I hope that helps. You're not dumb for not getting something, so don't worry!)

[@drew9449]

“Are joggers and vans like the staple?” LMFAO yes they are

[@madisonjones9601]

I love how Sarah always looks mildly concerned and confused all the time lmao

[@dianamunoz4296]

@@sarahschauer3764 honestly.........what's the difference tho?😂

[@shayla9744]

"5w4? she filed her taxes this year" made me snort

[@joe6185]

Wait I've seen 5w4 what's that mean

[@SamuraiShizuo]

Enneagram

[@mel818]

@@madison2785 omggg nooo, the enneagram is very VERY different and you shouldn't take a test to know which one you are. There's whole schools about the enneagram, it's a very complex but helpful tool for self-growth.

[@nina.robbs565]

@@joe6185 pretty sure it's an enneagram thing

[@kimmyball4961]

5 ft 4???

[@simranbaveja3913]

brittany: why would you be like "i'm a libra" NO ONE CARES! *adore delano has left the chat*

[@clolspike]

justice for libras :,(

[@prettygang3956]

I’m a Libra too and I already called the police

[@simranbaveja3913]

@@sarahschauer3764 party

[@formidablejaime]

She’s from Azuza she’ll stab a bitch

[@ChristinaWoodall]

Hell Yeah Libras!!!

[@carmine-ww8te]

Virgin Sarah bun vs chad Brittany bun

[@joyphil4399]

How does this comment only have three likes

[@silasbott]

The inclusivity asterisks that say "bisexual/pansexual" and "assuming her sexuality includes straight men" is giving me LIFE. Inclusive queens 👏

[@kennedy3924]

a nineteen year old bisexual girl... the final boss

[@adrian4314]

Why do I hear boss music?

[@wishingwell_333]

period

[@tayj-like-rayj]

Nobody: My two drunk aunts at the Christmas and thanksgiving family party:

[@mirandabell2069]

I’m making pasta in a pot that is way to small

[@felicialademan3476]

this is the best comment i wish all of them were like this

[@morgan7705]

thanks for sharing ur story, queen

[@CallMeMrStopmotion]

"Well if it doesn't fit, force it in." -_BodaciousBigBoy._

[@lilygreenberg1614]

u are so brave

[@mirandabell2069]

Lily Edita it bubbled over only once

[@qrabettvideo1858]

This won’t make sense but if they were buildings Britanny’s hair style would be Goth and Sarah’s would be Victorian ..

[@Mienshao11]

goth "ic"

[@sophiashokraei2121]

And that’s on GOD

[@moody7470]

Makes perfect sense

[@alyseblend7622]

Thank you for your beautiful mind. This made me snort

[@sophiashokraei2121]

Girl you know what now that I think about it Brittany is a Gibson Girl and Sarah is Queen Victoria.

[@jessica-hf5zy]

these two are literally perfect representation of the duality of man

[@aleanicole]

I thrive on threatening straight men’s masculinity 🤪

[@alydiabevinsgrace80]

You are so pretty bro🥴 hml, snap is @lidbevs

[@Chris-ot9bk]

It's So Easy Lol. Lirerally Just Make That Locker Room Meme Format But Change Up The Format So That The Boys Are Basic And Boring And The Girls Are Doing Whatever. Then You Have So Many Fragile Boys Being Triggered. It's Beautiful.

[@emmawadman7294]

am i the only one who wouldn’t include a pic with friends cause they’re all better looking then me😂😂

[@amyy801]

I couldn't because I don't have any

[@mowganashwey]

Oh man, I feel that in my bones 😅😿

[@Julia-tz7yc]

I always swipe left if someone has more than one friend pic because I cannot tell men apart

[@tinalyzhen]

@@Julia-tz7yc me lookin at a pic of a group of white guys all holding beers

[@mel818]

that's why you cover their faces xD

[@nerdgirl539]

brb changing my tinder bio to "I don't know how to brush my own teeth"

[@schebyjanvier8305]

Learn something new everyday: a unicorn emoji means that a pan or bi person will have sex with a straight couple. I need to change my bio now

[@markwickham7338]

LOL I had that moment a while back 🦄🦄🦄

[@audrasims6744]

Mama Bear lol, is that Bisky in your profile pic??

[@Coolkidudebro]

I can’t tell if this is bc you have the unicorn in your bio or bc you don’t

[@schebyjanvier8305]

Sage Kuhlman I HAD a unicorn in my insta bio. It is removed now

[@schebyjanvier8305]

Audra Sims Yes. I love Hunter x Hunter

[@jamesbuckingham7765]

Why is Britney's impersonation of a five-year-old so good?

[@Sketcha_Line]

Brittany being an ally for 20 mins straight

[@kirate96]

Okay this is legit like sitting with friends and judging people’s dating profiles. I love you guys 😂

[@lolbutt124]

I love how the pee pee poo poo time sign is fully in focus while Brittney and Sarah aren't

[@MK-mt8fx]

Best results I ever had were with the bio, "Make me laugh and you can stick it anywhere." Literally every guy I matched with messaged me, and most of the conversations were really solid.

[@ahumanaperson]

This is all written in past tense.. so what happened? did anything ever work out? Why/ when did you change your bio? :)

[@MK-mt8fx]

@@ahumanaperson I ended up getting into a relationship with a guy I already knew and just ghosted on all the Tinder boys whoops

[@MK-mt8fx]

Me and that guy have been together for almost 3 years so account deleted ;)

[@ahumanaperson]

No Name aww, congrats :)

[@annakepes8050]

Is it cool if I steal that?

[@sethroy4318]

their complete lack of knowledge of the personality typologies that people are referencing is actually sending me

[@lovemesomemoss4260]

sarahs makeup is POPPING holy shit what a queen

[@daniela6132]

I got really high before watching this and started wondering what you guys would look like if you photoshopped your faces into one face. I would like to see this in a video 😂🥺

[@DiMagnolia]

Daniela or if they switched lmao

[@poopycarrot]

I have mediocre Photoshop skills but I’m also really lazy so

[@sarahbearah6297]

Brittany's excitement/confusion whenever someone was lgbtq+ was so adorable. She's an ally.

[@abigailrose]

is it annoying any one else that brittany’s straw is upside down

[@ontarianitch]

Abigail Rose it’s so she knows how far into her mouth it can go before she’ll be forced to feel something

[@user-eb2lk1fc1x]

I was just about to comment about this. I can't unsee it.

[@Dice.cryptid]

Now I can't unsee it

[@jakeb6703]

This is srsly one of the funniest duos on KZbin I have trouble thinking of anyone else that makes me laugh every 7 seconds

[@kvf710]

“He’s 19 and he drinks.” “Can someone say ‘going to hell?’” I CACKLED! 🤣

[@hannahmessier4930]

There are only 3 genders: ladies, guys, and "The Live Studio Audience Behind Us."

[@BethOBeauty]

Hey queens! You’ve done it again. Constantly raising the bar for us all and doing it flawlessly.

[@lovemesomemoss4260]

when princess brittany broski was born the kind and queen hosted a party, an evil witch who was not invited showed up, when presented with the baby the evil witch said "the princess can never drink from a cup other than the one i gift her" legend has it that she is still drinking from the same white and orange striped cup to this day.

[@marigoldsunflower]

That's a Whataburger cup Babey. She's a Texas girl

[@abigigigail]

Is that Shane Madej as your pfp lol

[@lovemesomemoss4260]

@@abigigigail yes omg

[@abigigigail]

@@lovemesomemoss4260 love it.

[@elizabethcsample]

14:57 ˢᴴᴱ ᵂᴼᴿᴷˢ ᶠᴼᴿ ᵀᴴᴱ ᵛᴵᴿᵁˢ

[@PandasInMoscow]

Wait but can y'all make this a series? I thoroughly enjoyed watching this and also want you to roast my tinder/bumble profile in the future!

[@emptychair1136]

I got one for best travel story when I was 10 my family went to Texas for vacation and little did we know there was a furry convention going on but no one in my family knew what they were so there is a picture somewhere of me and a glow in the dark fury and we kept calling them fluffys and I thought it was a video game thing

[@xxgreendayxxxD]

sarah’s highlight be like : ⚡️👁👄👁⚡️ luv u 💕💕💕

[@oliviamanning2344]

“natalie portman in… pirates of the caribbean” “that was kiera knightly, good try” TELL ME WHY I THOUGHT THAT WAS NATALIE PORTMAN UNTIL JUST NOW

[@camillajefferson386]

"my 3rd grade teacher would describe me as a 3rd grade student" "meta" "she broke the fourth wall" it is 4am and this knocked me right off kilter lmao

[@stupidloserbigidiotbrain8677]

I like the way Brittany just screams"YAAaAAAAaaAAASSSssSS"lol holy shit this has so many likes ah thank you:) I appreciate ur kindness lol

[@beamers0995]

They’re cousins who first met through their mom’s dad’s brother’s ex girlfriend’s daughter’s pet’s dog walker who is also their dad’s brother’s mom’s husband’s uncle’s son’s sibling.

[@mnk3452]

“She’s been to Chernobyl” 😂😂

[@kp3t3z78]

this just reminded me of two weeks ago when i started talking to this man on hinge and thought i had met a normal man with potential, and then he casually mentioned he was moving across the country in two months and was only hoping to get quarantine nudes. very cool and dope.

[@SaysThisCat]

Real friendship is putting aside your pride and walking across the room to fart

[@katcasas33]

I really thought Brittany was sitting in some sort of wooden throne and then I realized it’s just a mirror in the background

[@graceputnam2417]

I matched with a weather man, and when he asked how my day was going, i said, "Wouldn't you like to know Weather boy", then unmatched

[@aireepeterson5311]

“Are you the type of straight that jumps off of roofs when you’re drunk onto foldable tables”💀

[@lizroszel265]

this is eternally my favorite duo tbh just the chaos is EVERYTHING

[@AnnaBethWood]

I love how Brittany is always willing to ask questions if she doesn't understand something about someone's sexuality.

[@SeLiii122]

“That’s so funny girly girl” IM WHEEZING

[@andrewabbate9917]

6:04 “whispers :she’s a leprechaun” IM WHEEZING

[@donnachaffee9211]

These queens are really feeding us through this quarantine huh

[@zachsku]

There was a best travel story I saw on hinge that was exact quote "I accidentally got a hooker for the night in South America" how do you accidentally get a sex worker????? Hello?!?!?

[@annakepes8050]

language barrier?

[@katelynk3835]

Can confirm.... I do, in fact, work for the virus

[@katelynk3835]

Fingers never moved faster than editing my profile while watching this vid

[@nakylaaquarles8166]

The i am tall guy needs an i am short girl so they can have a convo and realize that its not a personality trait

[@brileigh6099]

Please make this into a series!!

[@brileigh6099]

Sarah Schauer Specifically where you guys roast people’s dating profiles! It’s great!

[@sudesallabas1735]

you two together are what’s getting me through quarantine

[@marcimercer1960]

Brittney having her straw in her cup upside down feels chaotic to me

[@prettyfarfromOK]

I think good tip is to not discribe who you are looking for, like : sens of humor and interesting conversations, but to write something to attract those kinds of people. Write something funny, and something that can open not boring convo, and who gets it gets it

[@destinifebus7197]

Lmfaoooo waitttttt “immediately my masculinity is threatened”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@SarahOrionMarie]

sarah solidarity of only choosing sarahs that spell it right

[@livbazuzi]

Was this video funny and a mood; yes. Was the unfinished puzzle that they didn't move a bigger mood, precisely

[@dylanfeuling9048]

“Life path 5” -Brittany: now what is that? -Sarah *in a scared tone:* I don’t know

[@captivecat5858]

4:46 okay but if a date brought me macaroni jewelry? I’d simp immediately.

[@malpal1806]

brittany’s straw is upside down and it’s causing me pain

[@nathaliegonzalez6139]

Wait, “I’ll steal your clothes and your heart and sell them both on the black market” is my new tinder bio

[@TheB14HB14H]

The way bottom men put “bottom” on dating profiles is hilarious. You don’t have to tell people, we already know. 🙄 EDIT: people seem to be under the impression I’m talking about stereotypes. Nope. Just the ratio. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@joe6185]

Disagree I'm like a 95% top but I'm a short man and very comfortable with dressing vibrant and stylish So people bottomize me and it stresses me out when people tell me to... Hhh. Do things i wouldnt like

[@TheB14HB14H]

Joel Reyes I don’t know what you’re disagreeing with.

[@Hazeydaze92]

@@TheB14HB14H The fact that you can't always tell who is top/bottom. There are stereotypes, sure but there are many exceptions and sometimes it's good to know in advance. It's similar for women, with me and my girlfriend everyone thinks I'm the top because I'm taller and more confident, when it's my shorter, quieter girlfriend who is by far more dominant.

[@TheB14HB14H]

Hazeydaze22 That’s not what I’m saying, or ever said. People can leave their profiles blank and it’s very, very safe to assume they’re bottoms, haha. This is regardless of stereotypes, appearances, or your perception (in fact, stereotypes are often wrong). My point is the phrase “bottom until proven top”. Putting “Top” in a profile is a lot more like “oh! Well that’s good to know”, whereas if someone puts “strictly bottom”, it’s more of a “well, obviously”. I never spoke on stereotypes, because I know a lot of gay men who are very femme tops. In fact, 90% of the drag queens I know are tops. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@jaredkrause3332]

@@joe6185 Bottomize me cap'n!

[@katelynwilcox5881]

Idk why but “she filed her taxes this year” has me silent cry laughing 😂

[@miam4455]

the way you’ve both morphed into having the same laugh

[@keil1332]

i DIED when their laughs synced 13:11

[@glamourfilled]

ahhhh that's me!! i live in the fan!! thank you for your advice my absolute QUEENS

[@MrMeow1234321]

Unless you're Amanda Knox, I don't want to hear your travel stories.

[@hugitkissitloveit8640]

Omg! 🤣🤭

[@lollybear2703]

Please just make this a series on both your channels!!! It's giving me lifeeeeeee

[@palymartinez5663]

“Aaand clairvoyance. You have to predict my future.” BRITTANY SHSHDHSJSJSJDHD

[@mariahpokedawg7124]

Omg when you made the dentist joke about not being able to talk 😂😂 Brittany was like "yeah.." She looked too distracted to fully appreciate the joke, maybe try it again😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@joeyeristhee9497]

While Kevin's still 19, he NEEDS an illiteracy joke.

[@audryklein]

I know I’m a little slow but I was watching vine compilations the other day and I realized Sarah literally made so many good ones

[@jaylajohnson3467]

"she's been to Kyiv, Ukraine"..... ironic foreshadowing Brittany

[@toxicmff626]

last video i watched it was “bird people are a different breed” then go to this one and within ten seconds of the video “let’s get a parrot” 🤣

[@lauraanderson9672]

"She's been to Chernobyl" OMG lolol

[@graciewhite3000]

sarah knowing what the fan is in richmond is my everything. i also live in the fan

[@pineappleboidraws]

Ok, to explain at 15:17 INFJ is a personality type, the advocate personality type in the Myer Briggs Personality spectrum. In this one, the person is highly intelligent and a free thinker, always looking at both sides and creating better solutions using both inputs. 5w4 is also a personality type, but for your enneagram. 5 is the type, particularly a smart and deep thinking kind of personality, and the w4 is the Wing of that personality, basically the second half of your personality, in this case it’s type 4, which is creative and kind, but closed off. The only reason I know either of these is cause I’m both. Edit: I HAVE NOW REALIZED IM MORE OF A TYPE 4w5 than I am a type 5w4!

[@FriendlyKat]

Britney: *whispering* “She works for the virus.” I’m in TEARRRRRRSSSS!!!! I CANNOT handle y’all! LMAOOO

[@clairehiggins9685]

I feel liek Sarah’s laugh sounds like she’s in pain and I love it

[@Caitehh]

This video popping up with my notifications made me so happy! Love the cousin content !

[@addy1188]

i love how when sarah laughs it looks like it’s a fake laugh but she’s really laughing LOL

[@TheKatarinaGiselle]

Soooo I maaay be a 🦄. Like if I wasn’t already with somebody, I’d be down. “God those girls were nasty...I wanted to be them so bad.” Lol Same, Sarah. Same.

[@kikibummie]

“She filed her taxes this year.” LOL my favourite line this whole video. xD

[@juliap8616]

You guys are the perfect duo! This made me laugh way to much

[@ratk1ng.0]

"entertain me but don't talk but be funny" girl you're looking for mr bean

[@Notquitekris]

PLEASE THIS IS KILLING ME HOW ARE YOU SO FUNNY 😭

[@nuggz4lyfe]

“She goes to West Virginia University too!” Me: “BITCH ME TOOOO. COUNTRY ROADSSSSSS TAKE ME HOOOOOMMMEEEEE” 🤠😩🤠😩😩🤠🤠