scary men being more than okay!

[@jeska1995]

In Tesco (in Braintree if you know it) I had to stop to breastfeed my son for the first time alone in public. Sat down, got to it and a big, muscular very tatted guy came over. I was getting ready to say that I had every right to feed my son anywhere, but he only asked if I needed some water or something to eat as his wife was always thirsty and starving while breastfeeding. It was so heartwarming and genuinely helped me be brave just feeding my son in public. Totally unexpected, but so important to me. Also helped me bat away the nasty comments/tuts I received many other times whilst breastfeeding as it gave me confidence.

[@missnaomi613]

I just have to say, go you! ( Back in the day, I nursed my babies everywhere.) 👶❤️

[@Trinabiss97]

I love this so much! Also yes! Feed that baby whenever and wherever! 👏🏼

[@theAxolotlKween]

This reminds me of this story my aunt told me where she found this little lost pug and she called the number on the pug's tag. The pug's owner was a super buff, large biker guy, but he was so happy to see his little baby girl and kept graciously thanking my aunt for finding her. It always makes me very happy to think of that story.

[@aveen49]

I had a very very very bad day as well. This upload really came in handy

[@maycarmel8416]

There's this really tall bulky guy I see around my neighborhood from time to time, and he's always walking the most miniscule Weiner dog I've ever seen, and they make quite a strange duo, but he clearly adores his dog, and it brightens my day when I see them

[@SafetyTree2]

this makes me want to cry bc cis men have caused a good majority of trauma. Then I met my best friend. He loves me unconditionally. I'm disabled and he helps me with the struggles I face. He'll carry me up stair if things come to that. And the first time I meet him, we saw a movie. My alarms were blaring bc it was just me and him. But nothing bad happened. I've known him for 4 years and I'm gonna be friends with him forever. I love him so so so very much.

[@AnneTervoort]

I had a experience like this! I was pregnant and at the beach with my husband, my two oldest kids and a friend. It was quite a warm day, and despite me trying to stay cool and drink a lot of fluids, I noticed the heat was getting to me and we had to leave NOW. Our friend took the two oldest to the car and my husband tried to support me, but I was kind of swaying and ended up just plopping down in the sand and throwing up. Then this huge, muscular, tattooed man in swimtrunks shows up and looks at me, then gives my husband a LOOK and goes "are you alright?" And it looked like he thought my husband might have drugged me / was taking advantage of a drunk woman, so I hurried to tell him I was pregnant and the heat was just getting to me. Then he explains he is a paramedic and hands me a bottle of water and tells my husband to come get him if we need any help getting to the car alright 🥰

[@LoreCatan]

aww, that's so sweet! I'm glad you're ok

[@brendragon]

Hiya there! 44 year old lady here, and my story occurred waaaaay back in 1993. I wasn't in danger of attack by another human, but there was certainly danger; let's see if you think this counts! ;) I was 17, and attending a White Zombie concert. Now I may be 4'11", but as a seasoned metalhead, I could hold my own in a mosh pit. I was wearing my usual 'armor'; band shirt, leather jacket, black stretch jeans, and heavy duty army boots. Everything was going as one might expect, until someone threw up in the crowd. And people... started.... slipping. It was absolute horrid chaos for a minute or two until a group of giant, muscly metalheads realized I was about to fall and get absolutely crushed. All of a sudden I was being helped up, and escorted out of the crowd by an impenetrable circle of leather-clad heroes. They also got management to give me a free club t-shirt because mine got... soiled. I will never forget that, it always makes me grin! I am loving this series, it really helps to hear these stories in this crazy time we're experiencing. Thank you (and Jamie of course) for bringing so much light to the world. Adore you both. 💖🥞🥰

[@AskMia411]

Reminds me of the story of a kid that got lost at a concert, and a group of guys lifted him up and shouted for the kid’s mum so she could find him.

[@HippoPixel]

i know it’s cool to hear those stories and know that some men will react appropriately but it still frustrates me that we deem those reactions as "sweet" or "heroic" when it should just be a basic standard (especially in high-risk situations). we shouldn’t be feeling guilt after being scared of a man

[@inbuttsmeeting]

I do think there's an element of just human goodness to it too - it's less that they're going above and beyond or whatever instead of being scary, but more so that it's heartwarming to see people do good things when not bothering is the easy thing to do. like I stopped to give my number to a driver who struck another vehicle when the other driver turned into the wrong lane, and it was 10 minutes of my life that I was happy to give up (it SUCKS not having a witness) but it was HUGE for her and she texted me later with essentially the same reaction people have to the kinds of stories in the video idk I think these stories are nice BECAUSE we shouldn't feel guilty for being afraid of a man, and men making an effort to help people especially in those high risk situations just reinforces that. like anything else, it's helpful to feel seen and to know that people recognise your discomfort without dismissing it. obviously this is subjective and not everybody feels that way but i don't think any aspect of this video (or of the stories told in it) has anything to do with making people feel guilty for being afraid of men

[@xXKaijiyouXx]

I am a cosplayer (which means that I am in a custume of a fictional character sometimes, so really visible) and me and my friends traveled back after a convention via train. I had a panic attack and started to cry (cause the train was so full and I was szper sad to say bye to my friends), my friends obvioulsly helping me, but me crying made people stare even more than normal which made the attack worse. There was also a group of maybe five or six (scary) punks with us in the train. They noticed that I was crying and the staring of the 'normal' people so one shouted "Gosh I love cosplayers so much!" another shouted: "So cool." and the biggest of them said: "If anyone would be mean to my cosplayer friends, I would be really mad." The starring stopped and I started to laught cause these lovely punks looked over, all with a big grin and thumbs up to cheer me up.

[@MeTalkPrettyOneDay]

I was once clubbing with a friend in Toronto when this trio of guys walked up to us on the dance floor. We both tensed up when one of the guys turned to my friend and said "Hey, we just noticed you look quite young. None of us care whether you're of age or not, but we did want to make sure you're OK and offer our help if you need anything." We assured them we were both legal and they walked away -- even said high when they walked past us a few hours later. It was such a sweet thing to do.

[@leifistired1995]

Not sure if this counts, but today on my bus to school these two idiots were punching Mt seat from behind and yelling really loudly. They kept telling things making fun of mental illnesses. When they mentioned some thing that i was going through i made a retort. The scary guy sitting in front of me asked me if I really went through that. I feared the worst. I replied with a yes and told him not to worry. He reassured me and told me that they were just assholes and my experiences were valid. Damn.

[@rachaelbullmore48]

Another lovely vid. Thanks Shaaba. My bf could be considered as a bit scary as he's 6'2 and a goth with long hair. He gets a bit butt hurt when women are wary around him but I keep explaining to him how it only takes one or two bad experiences to wire us to be overly cautious when on our own. He is slowly getting the hang of it and realising that even if he has no ill intent, we still might be scared because of past experiences with other tall, scary-looking blokes and it's never personal.

[@Rachel-fi4sc]

I knew a guy who reacted similarly to afab people being scared of him. I pointed out to him how many people were afraid of shark attacks. He didn't judge them for being scared, even though there are way less than 100 attacks per year globally (and most attacks are because, 1. sharks explore everything with their mouths, like large toddlers with rows of serrated teeth, and 2. sharks confuse surfers with seals, realize neoprene wetsuits tastes bad, and spit them out), most sharks are pretty harmless to humans, and none of the people who were scared knew anyone who had been attacked by a shark. The stats for attacks by men are far, far scarier and far more intentional - cis men going out of their way to harm others. So, if this guy wasn't going to judge someone for screaming out of the ocean at the possibility of a shark, maybe he could realise that he might know he's a dolphin, but other people are going to see a fin above the waterline and think "SHARK".

[@oli_kate]

@@Rachel-fi4sc that's a really good way to explain it to cis men, thank you. I will be using this 💕

[@Rachel-fi4sc]

@@oli_kate I'm glad I could help!

[@nebulastarz2197]

I would definitely be interested in a video about signs you can give in uncomfy situations! I’m AFAB, trans and queer (often visibly so for the latter two) so I’d really find it useful - especially in the current UK climate

[@SanguinaryBlade]

Absolutely. I'd also like the flip side video, for tips and things a man could do to make sure they're... not a threat I guess? As a cis guy with anxiety, I always overthink how I can make sure I'm not seeming a threat but then start to wonder if me being more concious of it makes me act weirder and thus more likely to be a threat where I maybe didn't before, and it's a whole mess. But regardless a video about signs someone can show when in distress would be great to be able to keep an eye out for that sort of thing.

[@tuanoini]

Both of these came in my mind, too! Would be so helpful! 🙏

[@leo9597]

@@SanguinaryBlade as a trans man who has more recently become masc enough to scare women… i’d say a good method is to make your presence known (don’t walk right behind them/out of their line of sight); if it’s dark, walk on the other side of the street if you can. just making sure you’re visible and leaving a distance between both of you (especially if you can be in front of them rather than behind) can help a lot

[@SanguinaryBlade]

@@leo9597 Thanks! All good advice, most of it I already try to do but having it confirmed as the right things to do is good to hear. The hardest part is making sure I keep distance if they're in front, I'm a naturally fast walker, but I still try to slow down or cross the street so I'm not gaining on anyone.

[@jules8654]

One time, my friend and I were taking a walk and we crossed under an overpass. A man came by and got off his bike while we were standing there. Me and my friend exchanged looks, and I braced my legs to run at a second notice, but he just made a remark about how cute the ducks were on the river beside us and went off on his way. So sweet! Made me think how nice it would be not to assume every man that comes near me could have bad intentions.

[@rachelappleton2682]

My girlfriend and I were cycling in the lakes and we took a break at someone's driveway (there was a place to sit and we were very tired). After a couple of minutes a farmer looking man came towards us and I was convinced he'd be mad we were on his land, instead he asked where we were cycling. He was so interested and nice about it and even gave us some fresh apple juice and refilled our water bottles!

[@xathinabloodstorm]

one of my best friends is probably the scariest looking guy ive ever seen. he also is ridiculously tall (well. to me anyway. hes probably like 6'5 or so) and sooo strong to the point his coworkers call him the human forklift(at the time he worked at a metalworking shop) Hes covered in tats, has gauged lobes, a septum ring, and a huuge beard, like total modern day viking vibes. anyway. he told me straight up that if i was ever in the area of his shop and felt that i was being followed or was unsafe, I could walts right into the shop workroom and hang out with him for as long as needed (and if i was indeed being followed, he and his coworkers would pummel the crap out of whoever it was) ps. at the time i was 5'5 and 17. im also afab and a quarter Chinese, and his shop was roughly two blocks from the walmart i worked at, which made me really happy. He essentially adopted me as his new youngest sister and he's literally a gentle giant... who only happens to be able to bench press 650lbs. yeah. he miiight be my borough's champion weightlifter headed to state. just maybe. perhaps. (totally is)

[@RadioJunkie04]

So, I live with chronic illness and have some mobility issues. On the occasional good day I like to walk. Sometimes I overestimate what I can handle. On one such day I passed a big scary dude with a big scary dog. I was limping really badly and making extremely slow progress. Then the dude has already doubled back and is passing me again 0_0. As he passes he’s cheering me on and telling me I’m nearly there. That’s when I realise we actually live on the same street (I’d moved quite recently). It turns out everyone I meet in our new hometown, pretty much without exception, is absolutely lovely. Best move I’ve ever made!

[@willowleaveystewart1541]

Little story time. I’m an 18 year old trans girl, and a couple months ago I started my first job, as wait staff in a bar, basically I take drink orders, give people drinks, clean and I’ve trained a few people. A lot of the men I work with are big burly looking guys, but they’re super nice. At one point a few weeks ago, my shift was over and I was walking home at about 12:30 or 1am, but pretty soon I stopped, as I heard noises at the top of the hill I was walking up, of a bunch of really scary looking and sounding guys. I just thought “nope” and turned around. I went back to the bar, and after the remaining staff asked me why I was back, I told them, and they said to wait thirty minutes, when they’d be leaving, and I could walk with them. So that’s what I did, walked part of my way home with a group of like 4 big tough looking bartenders I now get to call my friends.

[@chaoticgoodgh0st286]

3:00 bless that little boy and his parents/caretakers. They are raising him to be helpful & kind 💝

[@nd711]

Trigger Warning : Suicidal Thoughts At the beginning of this year I had, had an awful interaction with a male 'mental health professional' that left me suicidal. On the way home I had to remind myself that crashing my car would very likely end up causing another accident for someone else. I drove to a quiet cliff and tried to convince myself not to either drive off it or jump off it. A woman and a man pulled up beside my car and asked me if I was okay, I could barely speak but managed to lie and say I was. They pointed out their house and offered me water saying if I needed anything don't hesitate to knock. I wanted to leave a thank you note in their mailbox for being so kind but was too scared. I try to hold on to the memories of acts of kindess when the other, not-so-good memories of interactions with strangers come up.

[@Justanotherpot]

When I was young I had a flip phone and those didn't have headphone jacks. I was just as much the kind of person that needs music in public to deal with all the people as I am now. I had downloaded like a dozen songs in separate parts in the form of ringtones. I specifically had Bat Country by A7X in like 4 or 5 parts. I was sitting at the bus stop next to a guy with headphones. I was playing that song, of course with breaks in between when the ring tone ended and when I started the next part. The headphone man kept looking around during the breaks. When the one just before the end had stopped he took them off. I played the last part & he goes "OH!" It turned out he was listening to the same song but I started like a minute after his whole version on his iPod had started. It was like an echo and he happened to pause his to listen for where the echo (which was obviously coming from outside his headphones) was coming from. He played it again just as I found the next part to play. It was the strangest coincidence I've ever experienced.

[@norahthyregodegeskov9305]

Some months ago I was at this birthday party. The guy had a lot of tall muscular male cousin. They'd been making sexist jokes all night and it was what it was. But somehow we got into the subject of feminism, where I admitted to being a feminist. That lead to the biggest guy walking up, uncomfortably close to me, and saying with the deepest, most intimidating voice "You know what feminism really means? It means equality and I really like that. I'm a feminist myself" Made my day

[@thequeerrunner5745]

Before I started to transition, I had been out clubbing and was walking home alone, feminine presenting and realised I was being followed by a group of men. They started shouting about r**ing me. At the end of my street, there was a homeless man I regularly spoke to. Upon realising I was in trouble, he told me to run and he would distract the men. He did and I got home safely. I’ll never forget that kindness

[@Rachel-fi4sc]

Oh, my goodness. That sounds so terrifying! I'm really glad you're safe.

[@thequeerrunner5745]

@@Rachel-fi4sc it wasn’t fun…

[@Rachel-fi4sc]

@@thequeerrunner5745 I think you win Understatement of the Year! Thank goodness you're safe and got away. Are you doing okay now? Like, have you spoken to a professional or a close friend?

[@thequeerrunner5745]

I have indeed. Thanks for the concern xx

[@Rachel-fi4sc]

@@thequeerrunner5745 I'm glad. xoxo

[@sarahparrington-smyth5055]

Love this! I’m a scary looking woman (I’m 6ft, heavily tattooed-literally head to toe, an ex weight lifter, I have an alternative look…but still with fabulous nails 😉 haha and very much 🏳️‍🌈 presenting) so I have been both harassed/tested by assholes and have saved others from assholes.

[@danielsykes7558]

This has me on the brink of tears. I am turning 25 come Sunday, and a couple years back I started being treated as I'd long feared would happen. I'm a very gentle person, and I spend more time than is productive thinking about what other people might be thinking. For years, I've been crossing the street away from folks, turning my phone light on so no one thinks I'm sneaking, or if feasible making a phone call or listening to a podcast or video aloud or something. Several years ago, I reckon I was 19, I was walking home at 2 am from hooking up with a friend of mine and I heard presumably a woman scream, I rushed around the corner and I saw a figure outside of a car. I yelled "HEY" in a voice that has only emerged from me a couple different times in my life. I don't even know if this primal bark can truly be called a yell because I don't know where it came from. Basically the figure ran away and the cat drove off. I have no clue what happened. I called the police. I was so shaken up. I called my dad. I curled up with one of my closest friends back at my residence hall, fortunately he'd been gaming, and I just bawled. I think that was my first panic attack. After that happened. I've never learned what was going on that night, nor if anything came of it. I just hate being an adult man. People look at me like I'm that figure attacking the person in the car. I'm crying now. Thank you for trying to show that we can be good.

[@mellie4174]

you're not! we all know that all men are not bad! we don't blame you all, it is just that because of your increased muscle mass and frame size compared to most of us women, we feel vulnerable because we can never know in advance who will be nice and who will harm us. Don't worry we love the good ones and you're doing great at being accommodating of our vulnerability :)

[@beth7935]

People suck SO MUCH sometimes, but I just wanna say, despite being a 5'1" woman who _has_ had a few bad experiences with men, I still don't see adult men as scary & a potential threat, not even unconsciously- I see a person. Maybe I _should_ be more suspicious, but honestly, I've had a woman threaten & try to attack me, & I know sooooo many wonderful men, & I'm just incapable of putting a whole group of people in the "bad" box- for things they can't choose, I mean; bigots & nasty people go STRAIGHT into it. So yeah. I'm an internet random you'd never see irl, but still, I'm a woman who exists who would NOT immediately think you're a scary potential predator just cos you're a man- I'd just go "yep, some random guy" :) You're NOT universally feared by half the adult population- you're a good person (regardless of gender) for calling the police, & I prescribe at least 1 kitten video :)

[@shaaba]

i'm so sorry that happened, but really grateful you felt able to help someone in need. if it helps at all, being in a position of privilege is not something you should feel sorry for, and it's nothing personal if someone feels threatened by that privilege. everyone's right as long as we all treat people with respect! x

[@alexiswagner2379]

One time my sister and I were driving home at night and when we pulled up to a light this guy started waving at us in his car and rolled his window down to talk to us, and since he was intimidating we didn’t really know what to do (we thought we would get catcalled or something). We eventually rolled down our window though and he just told us that our headlights weren’t on (my sister had accidentally taken them off of auto) and that he didn’t want us to drive unsafely. We turned our headlights on and thanked him before driving away :)

[@mirandavatcher9065]

I tend to space out in stores because I'm visualizing a list of items that I need. Usually that I wrote out and promptly left on the table. Anyway, when I come back from my lapse I sometimes realize I'm staring in the direction of a stranger. The looks I get vary from " what's your problem " to "are you actually okay? " it's soooooo embarrassing. One time this happened and the very large guy I was unintentionally staring at smiled and said "welcome back. Did you remember what you came for? " I couldn't help but to laugh. Totally eased the mood.

[@minikipp8549]

This reminds me of that 'bikers against child abuse' guys who essentially do what the title says.

[@mackenziemaybarraclough1207]

This isn't the same but it kind of has the same sentiment. One of the bands I like is a punk band and so at all their gigs, they have a mosh pit at the front. Sometimes, I will go into that mosh pit to have a dance or I will be stood at the front because I'm small. This mosh pit is full of big sweaty shirtless men with tattoos, piercings etc. etc. A few times I have been knocked over or accidentally elbowed when they've been dancing and then these big sweaty men will pick me up off the floor and check I'm okay before going back to dancing. I've even had a few men form a little barrier behind me so that I'm protected from the mosh pit and won't get pushed or shoved. Just shows that you shouldn't judge people by how they look.

[@tinnagigja3723]

I used to go to gigs that featured bands with the sort of names that would get this comment deleted and probably get my name on some watchlist. I learned pretty quickly that just because someone spent half an hour screaming into a mike all the words their mummy said never to use in polite company , with their band named after a pathological bodily function of a long-dead mass murderer, doesn't mean they're not the embodiment of chivalry.

[@FiveFoxesInATrenchcoat]

That’s really sweet! What band?

[@katelynabrol149]

Similar to the pizza toppings thing, you can call the police (in the UK) and if you don't talk for a while then the person on the other end will prompt you to type a number (I think it's 55) and they will assist you without you having to talk

[@beth7935]

THAT IS BRILLIANT! I hope people know about it! It wouldn't really work in reverse, but something like that would've been good when the police rang me when I lived with an abusive boyfriend, cos someone had spoken to them about him- of _course_ he was standing next to me going "who are you talking to?", & it just made things worse. (This was last century tho, & I left after a year.)

[@pippylunalove]

One of the places where I walked my dog as a teenager there was this guy who walked his retriever. This man was like 6ft3, really heavily build man with a bald head and had the potential to do real harm. His male dog Max, kept trying to mount my female dog Poppy. Every time Max tried Poppy would turn around and snap at him, the third time she bit his tail and Max yelped. Max went over to his owner to get sympathy and his owner was like "She said No 2 times, and then you tried again and got bitten. She gave you all the signs that she wasn't interested and you still persisted. This is on you".

[@AskMia411]

Not a guy being a hero, but a very rough looking lady bus driver. I originally wrote out a very detailed account, but it was way too long so you get the abridged version. In my first year of university, A guy boxed me in on a bus late at night, and tried to get as much personal info on me as he could in an hour commute, while mostly maintaining a farce of casual conversation. I was cornered and the tall seats blocked me from the vision of other passengers, and blocked me from getting out without him moving. He pressured me into giving him contact info (I gave him an old email without my name), and I’m honestly not sure he would’ve let me out if I hadn’t. He started to follow me off the bus, when the bus driver- a rough looking older lady- stopped, got out of her seat and stopped me, asking if I had someone waiting for me. This is very unusual for a bus driver to do. I said my mom was coming, but I couldn’t see her car yet. The driver said she’d wait, since it was dark and she “wanted to make sure (I) got home safe”. The guy sat back down, my mom arrived within a minute or so, and I thanked the driver and practically RAN to my mom’s car. I had honestly been afraid the guy would follow me off the bus, and he might’ve if the driver hadn’t stepped in and waited until my mom arrived. The whole thing started pretty innocuous, but I was soon VERY aware that I was basically trapped in place with an unstable guy ( based on our conversation, he admitted to having a ‘temper’ ), and if I strayed from the politeness lane I risked getting attacked. It was honestly terrifying, and I’m forever grateful to that driver for making sure I was okay. I had her as a driver a lot during the rest of my time at that university, and she was such a genuinely nice person , despite being very gruff and having a near constant scowl. Goodness this abridged version is still pretty long. I doubt anyone is going to see this, but I thought I’d share

[@lynnenicholson6968]

I’m neither scary nor a man however I have in the past stepped in when I’ve seen “situations” (before I lost most of my sight 5 years ago). These days I cannot see the body language and sometimes I do get very anxious (especially if I’ve stopped because a blur is coming towards me (or I’m going towards a blur) and I can’t see a safe way around it or even tell if it’s a human or a bin, etc) as in the past I’ve had people angrily shouting at me “Are you blind or something!” because I’ve stopped in their way. Any before my sight loss I’ve checked on arguing couples. Accompanied an elderly lady passed a group of Goths (who were friends with my eldest son but the lady was scared of their makeup etc). My then teenage daughter and youngest son have intervened on the bus when a friend’s daughter and her friends (all adults in their 20s with various intellectual disabilities) were being bullied on the bus they were coming home from college on. My children were coming home from school on the bus and there were various adults on the bus too. Only my children stepped up and looked after my friend’s daughter and her friends and I didn’t learn about it until I saw my friend several weeks later and she told me about it. The bullies were other teenage school children.

[@beth7935]

Yeah, I'm a very UN-intimidating 5'1" woman but I've stepped up a few times... What I want to say tho, is I bloody HATE people who bully people with disabilities! I had that exact situation many times working with adults with intellectual disabilities, & like, how low are you gonna go, people?!?!? I'm a tree-hugging hippie but I'm afraid I want them to burn in hell :( Sadly, you had to be VERY careful about responding, cos that'd often just distress the guys even more- especially when they hadn't noticed or didn't understand/could probably never understand that they were being laughed at, but they WOULD get upset if I made a big scene :( Luckily, bullies are usually cowards, so just being caught out & glared at by someone who didn't have a disability was enough to frighten them. Pathetic. And usually adults sadly, not teenagers :(

[@HerosMuse]

best thing to do when you catch yourself staring at someone who looks really cool is to just pay them a quick compliment, like "hey I really like your sense of style!" or "your hair is really neat!" it explains your behavior and hopefully brightens their day!

[@Karma-jd5ti]

Yess! I’m sure this will make me feel better about humanity again, it was much needed. XD I love your videos!

[@anyrija.]

dude, my classes when i'm second shift usually end at 7.20pm which is basically pitch dark outside. i hate going home at that time, i always make sure to walk on crowded streets and maybe with a male classmate if i can. i live close to my school, like 8ish minutes away, but still not fun. this did make me feel slightly better tho,,

[@melissacoviello2886]

These were awesome stories. I can see my husband who is 6’2” and 300 pounds being intimidating, but he’s more likely to be helpful in these situations.

[@raniwasacyborg]

I went to college in area with plenty of pubs and a bit of a reputation for drunk guys around that part of the city. I was sat outside eating lunch one day, when this one rather big, scary-looking and extremely drunk man came stumbling over to me. I was naturally very nervous, looking around for anyone who could help and figuring out how best to escape whatever he was going to confront me with - turns out he just wanted to ask for a Starburst after seeing me with a pack. Then thanked me when I gave him one and went off on his merry way! To this day, best interaction I've ever had with a drunk person 😂

[@gremlindaddy9280]

Ever since starting my hrt I try to be cognizant of how my masc-passing can make me more threatening to folks, and it's helpful having stories like these to lock away for how I can use it wholesomely if I need to.

[@rage_of_aquarius]

I was waiting to order in the diner at a campground that draws a very mixed crowd, both my faction (chill, hillbilly hippies) and those I don't necessarily feel safe around (hard-partying, conservative-leaning rednecks). I was approached by this kid who was probably 10-13, he was wearing typical tween boy regalia and looked like a mini version of some of the scary dudes who drink too much and let their kids run amok. Being autistic and already uncomfortable in the loud, hot, crowded room, I was a little freaked out when he approached me. For context, I am pretty visibly queer as a heavyset girl with a short blue undercut, wearing rainbow harem pants and an astrology tee, so my guard is always up. Anyway, this little kid comes up to me in line and says, "I really like your hair! Actually, your whole outfit is awesome!" I don't get too many compliments, so that was pretty great. Especially coming from such an unexpected source.

[@thischannelisdead9]

Recently I went to a doctor's appointment with my mum (I'm 14 so I pretty much have to). I have selective mutism so my brain just shut down when it came to explaining my symptoms, so my mum was doing most of the explaining. She also said some things about my Autism that made me visibly uncomfortable (she's less than willing to learn and isn't exactly a great parent, so that just made me even more uncomfy, having my GP listen to that). My GP is an older guy (over 45 I'd say), and given he matched the description of most men I've been told to avoid (by my mum, funnily enough), I completely freaked (internally) when he asked my mum to leave the room while he spoke to me alone. Turns out, he'd noticed my discomfort while my mum was talking, and asked if there was anything I needed to say that I didn't want my mum to find out. I obviously didn't go into too much detail , but he asked me some stuff about my mental health that only required yes/no/sometimes answers (helpful for me not being able to speak), and I left feeling amazing. It restored a ton of my faith in humanity, and that interaction changed my life for the better.

[@nadjadn4267]

A story that may fit into this: I used to work as a seasonal worker, picking apples in Northern Italy during my uni-holidays. There were many male immigrants working there and my mum was worried about me, as a young woman. I liked getting to know the guys and one day I chatted with one dude from Nigeria, who talked about how proud he was that homosexuality is illegal there and that they kill homosexuals in their country. I tried to reason with him gently, as aggression doesn't help, but he only made it worse by saying he hugs his female gay friends to show them what a man feels like, because they need it. At this point I was so shocked, told him I disagreed and tried to work and just not talk to him anymore. Later on he shouted:" YOU LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN!" And I got scared...so I told my bosses, who were farmers, so I didn't know how open they'd be. My boss asked me if I was okay, told me that in case anything happens again, just to get him immediatly. The other foreign guys started protecting me too and made sure the creep understood that he wasn't welcome in our group anymore. Many of them were from countries where homosexuality is illegal, so it only shows that the single person counts, not the countries laws. One day the creep laughed at me (I have no idea why), my boss came up to him, held him by his shirt, screamed at him and then fired him. Our boss offered us some red wine to celebrate after work that night.

[@michaelaberry1276]

I had a group of teenagers approach me at a bus stop once. Yep, I was reading and hadn't noticed my bus pull up

[@mickybast8212]

Someone once tried to mug my grandma at a train station and she told them off and they apologized to her 😂

[@EmotionalMasochist]

I can relate with staring at lgbt people experience. And apparantly I glare when I zone out, so I know it can be quite off putting. Recently was at a fair out in rural Ontario waiting in line for a ride, and saw a cute lesbian couple being adorable. One of them noticed me and I panicked pointed at my rainbow bracelets and yelled you two are adorable 😅

[@miriam3848]

Shaaba, you can have my story if you want ☺️ There used to be an old man in my area. A drunk with a dog. He wasn't homeless, he got some sort of disability and senior citizen's pension, that he'd spend on elite feed, toys and grooming for his doggo, and he'd fund his drinking habit by gathering recyclable bottles with a few other drunks and homeless people. I never kept my dog away from his, because I knew his pup was clean and up to date on all vaccines - the doggos were good play pals and glad to see each other every time. So the story. I once popped into a local convenience store and left my dog to wait outside. I didn't worry, because I could see the street outside from the window and i only needed a couple things, so it'd be really quick. Suddenly I'm hearing my dog barking like crazy and someone yelling angrily 👀 I run outside, and there's a bunch of 12-13 year old boys running away, an angry smelly dirty homless old guy chucking stones at them from a sling and cursing, and my dog barking by his side. The man turns to me and casually explains: - Oh, hi! Those kids over there wanted to scare your dog with fireworks and flashbangers, but I chased the buggers away, don't worry! I know Djera here is Rex's friend, and no one in this town messes with Rex's friends! I mumbled thanks, while checking over my pupper (she was fine), and there were indeed fireworks and flashbangers spilled on the sidewalk, where the kids were running away.

[@chaoticgoodgh0st286]

This video reminds me of something my MIL & bf told me about bf's uncle/MIL's brother... Unfortunately bf's uncle passed away way too soon a few years ago but this story is so heartwarming to me: He'd offer any girl(s) that weren't being picked up by a dad/parent/caretaker to give them a ride home alongside his 3 sons. That may seem like a scary thing to do but he'd always explain to them 'if these 3 had been girls, I'd want them to come home safe too. I'd rather I drive you home & you're safe than some creep doing something terrible to you'. (Context: nightlife, clubbing) Ofcourse not all girls would take him up on the offer, but it's just so kind imho. Bf's uncle sounds like a sweet guy, and I hope that if heaven exists he's chilling & looking down on his wife & 3 sons with a big smile 😊 I never got to meet him, but I'm sure he was a great man

[@arthur622]

i remember about couple of months ago i was walking to college and a tall man in a hoodie (of course) came walking towards me on the street and made direct eye contact with me. i was so scared. im very small and cannot really defend myself should something bad happen. but i was pleasantly surprised when the man warned me that up ahead there was a drunk man throwing beer bottles and that i should probably cross the street. im so grateful for that man. i could have been hurt had he not helped

[@mbr7156]

i want to say something all clever and such, but all i can think of is AHHHHHHH!!!!! Congratualtions on the completion of your thesis !!!!

[@michellerector1332]

Yay! Congratulations on submitting you thesis! What a huge accomplishment!♥️

[@complainielainie]

Please do go over ways people can signal distress to others. The pizza topping thing is a myth, and not related to actually ordering pizza. One specific woman experiencing domestic abuse called 911 pretending to order a pizza. The dispatcher just so happened to figure out that it was a code. That may or may not always work. Do whisper if you have to, cuz that’s enough of a sign that something is wrong. Do try to give your address as soon as possible.

[@RiverJDell]

With the exam part I would prefer to be taking it then I love night classes I am not on in the day 😂

[@queercreaturecedar618]

I consciously drag/scuff my feet a bit so I don't scare people by walking so quiet as I normally do.

[@TheLucyblades]

This is peak Shaaba. Amazing video, can't believe I missed it till now! Thanks Shaaba and all the contributors, and everyone stay safe.

[@BurnWithinQT]

We've been upgraded from sweet peas to luvs, how nice! 💜

[@wiebketoll4717]

I also had this on the train, I often dozed on the way home and actually always woke up in time. Once not, I was also woken up and the woman said she was sorry if it was not true after all, but she thinks that I actually also always have to get off here at this station. She was also totally unsure, but has helped me a lot. This is now seven years ago and I am still grateful to her.

[@amelia1507]

I’ve just had a bit of a rubbish day, and this video just cheered me right up. Thank you so much for your positivity and kindness Shaaba, you are an inspiration to me

[@Lilith-Rose]

I'm a trans woman but still present as a big scary man. I've had multiple situations where I've stepped in and intervened when someone was being creepy but I also regularly forget how I might appear to others.. I absolutely love dogs so if I see a cute pupper I'll generally zone out staring and smiling or something, also I'm definitely the same with tattoos and jewellery (I buy and sell secondhand jewellery for fun so it's something that stands out to me but sometimes people assume I'm looking elsewhere). When I'm walking I zone out completely and don't focus on people around me because of social anxiety but on a few occasions I've noticed people cross the road in a hurry and only later that night realised why. It makes me sad because although "scary man privileges" have been very useful at times I'm really just a soft dumb potato who is pretty oblivious at times

[@walterl322]

I mean, I'm a guy, but I think I'm really not intimidating, but I've also recently realised that my self perception is very different from how other people perceive me, for example, I think of myself as quite effeminate and very short, but that self image is kinda shattered when I realise that I'm as tall or even taller than most guys and when my friends tell me that I'm not actually that effeminate, that's a part of my gender trouble (gonna shove that back in for now because coming out as gay was already hard enough), but anyway, I really hope that I haven't made any fem people uncomfortable, I feel really bad when people are afraid of me...

[@micah5847]

Don't shove your gender troubles away!! Even if you don't come out you should explore all sides of you with no shame and only love!💖💕

[@walterl322]

@@micah5847 thanks❤️

[@mellie4174]

don't blame yourself if you have. The fact is, as women, we are a sort of prey to certain men and because of that, men are in a certain manner a threat to us. So even if you aren't trying to make people uncomfortable, you can be anyway just by being there and that IS NOT your fault. The main thing is to just try to be aware that your presence could be making someone uncomfortable and then do like these other people and say, hey i'm not a threat, just headed to library or work or the grocery store and put distance between you and the uncomfortable person. just remember, it's not your fault that there are bad men out there and it's not your fault that as a man you have a larger skeleton, more muscle strength and therefore can usually easily overpower a woman which leaves us feeling vulnerable. That is nature, it's normal, and you can't control it. So don't blame yourself. However, we can all learn to look out for each other and make room for others openly as I said before :)

[@walterl322]

@@mellie4174 though the more I think about it I do realise that this has happened, but usually when I can tell that someone is definitely uncomfortable I take a different route... sometimes I freak out and rush past them, which is one of the worst things I can do when someone is uncomfortable, but it's also kinda funny, like they are freaking out that I might try to harm them and I'm freaking out that they're afraid... I do try to be mindful about it

[@Bookwormscififan]

Watching this with my mum and she always responds to your intro like you’re good friends! This was a good video!

[@Sicara91]

The thing about the pizza toppings and other signals is that the more well known they are then the more likely that the bad people will know them too, its a double edge sword kind of thing

[@LoraK31]

I have a wholesome story! One time when I was in college, I was walking home from campus and a bunch of guys in a pickup were stopped at the light where I was waiting to cross. One of them yelled "Hey!" at me and I was sure I was about to get catcalled (I was walking near the frat houses and it had definitely happened before). But he just wanted to compliment my Sailor Moon shirt! We talked for a bit about Sailor Moon, then when the light turned green, he told me to have a good day and they drove off!

[@кашасупина]

What the heck, how could a person look so amazing?! The hair, the top, the smile...

[@reginawinter6095]

I love love love this video. The world needs more wholesome scary men.

[@dariamondeik]

Yesss!! Please make a video going over the different signals of how to discretely ask for help

[@mog-gyveroneill2500]

I'm a people watcher, and my resting face is not the best (just think old lady Grinch), I must look like I am judgemental as hell until I smile at them!

[@mellie4174]

ya my resting face gets me in a lot of trouble lol!

[@coasttocoast2011]

I was at the Gare du Nord struggling with my suitcase up the stairs from where we’d got off the train from the hotel to where we had to buy our ticket for the Eurostar to go to London and some bloke just randomly stopped and helped me the whole way

[@westcoastfireafc]

Looks can being very deceptive. I have a friend and a cousin that stand over 6 foot and built like a brick outhouse, you don’t want to meet them in a dark ally but both would give you the shirt off their backs. Being a BBW I am often in situations where people stare, bully or even act sleazy I now just say out loud that I can save a life or take a life without leaving aa mark I just let people decide what person I am that day.

[@amyt3949]

As a wheelchair user I get stared at all the time. For me I don't mind as much if it comes from a kinder place don't ask what's wrong with me but say hi and ask if you can ask me something. Often I will say yes but if I don't want to engage then I'll say no. Likewise if I see someone also queer and I get busted staring own it, make their day and say I love your hair outfit etc most people will love that you noticed and then you both feel good! Curiosity is natural but it's what you do with it that really impacts! ♿️🏳️‍🌈

[@PetterNotPan]

My boyfriend often speaks about of when he started to noticing that women were scared and found him threatening just for being a man, and making the conscious effort for him to be the one to get out of the way, or for him to cross the road, etc.

[@MargoBTS]

At a lot of bars you can order an Angel shot and they will get you out of there

[@jessobrien8257]

if they dont understand, in some bars you can ask for angela x

[@srichander2641]

Loved the video!!! Yes, I do feel very much privileged and also, I do relate to some extent what you said like whenever, I see ladies who I don't know walking down the street, my head reacts so over-consciously that I have to either put my head down and see only the path that I walk and my feet or I need to go across the street, more to make myself comfortable that I'm not making them feel uncomfortable but I do have a complaint please spell 'mantra' properly🙄😁.

[@Prickly_Cactus_1993]

You are valid, amazing and loved

[@HermioneDisapprovesOfJKR]

Hello love! Congratulations on your thesis progress! 💜💜

[@Emlyn1133]

Hate to sorta ruin the wholesome-ness (loved the vid btw!!), but please remember that, especially if you are a more feminine presenting person, that its much better to be safe than sorry, and always be aware of your surroundings!!! Best to all❤

[@Emlyn1133]

Also I would LOVE a video abt signals for cue-ing that your uncomfortable to other ppl!

[@iamjohnlocked2532]

Not a very big one but this guy( 50s and who didn’t look scary but just a bit iffy) shouted across the street. I was immediately worried that he was being a creep until I heard that he was saying that my lace was untied.

[@mariaconnell610]

This is amazing. I wasn't having a very good day today, but this really helps. Thank you so much Shaaba. You're great!

[@lizalou100]

I used to work at a testing center checking people and checking if they were cheating etc. At least 3 times a week I would have to tell people they couldn't take in this booklet or notes or whatever. One day two big men came in to take the test and I checked them both in. I started to tell one of them he couldn't take these notes in bla bla bla, and he got very upset. He slammed his books down on the table and stepped closer so he was standing over me (I was sitting down) he started yelling at me. I was really scared. The other guy didn't even miss a beat he stood up got between me and the other guy put his hands up palms up and said she is just doing her job it's not her fault and you need to calm down or something like that. He walked the guy back to his seat and I was able to finish checking them in. I think about that guy all the time and wish him well.

[@ChristineDenmark]

When I was 5 I was riding my bike around my neighborhood and thought that I saw my best friend and big brother talking by a step down hill so I drove over there. It was strangers and I drove down the hill. The hill was so steep that I couldn't stop it and I just kept going faster and faster on the dirt road with lots of rocks, so I had to turn my bike around to stop it. I landed in a bush of stinging nettles and just laid and cried since it was all very scary and I was only wearing a tanktop, short shorts and I think sandals so over 50% of my body was touched by the nettles. I probably cried (loudly) for about 10 minutes before a lady from my neighborhood came running. My best friend had told me that she ate kids but I was so upset that I didn't care. She pulled me up and probably got hit by the stinging nettles too since I was just laying in them and calmed me down enough to ask me where I lived. I didn't remember the number but knew how it looked even though we all lived in identical terraced houses. She pulled my bike and held my hand for the few minutes to my home and explained how she found me when my dad answered the door.

[@nyxstyx388]

My sister's bike got stolen once and a week later a neighbor kid found it in the backyard of a house a couple blocks away. He got about 8 other kids to come to our house to escort us to the bike, made sure it was my sister's by having her unlock the lock and then we all just stole our bike back. It was awesome that he wanted to make sure we had backup in case anything happened.

[@ogieogie]

Congrats on your progress on your thesis. Almost there!

[@keathekiwi3549]

I’d definitely watch a video about the signs you could give

[@angel-ke9vs]

Loved this topic please do more. Side note that pink hair just keeps getting prettier as time goes by 😍😍😍😍😍

[@carolusrex2407]

This is the kind of guy I'd like to become.

[@NeoSideralis]

I was once at a bus station. It was slightly busy, and a homeless person was sleeping somewhere in a corner. This guy arrived, looking a bit like he’s into the hiphop scene. He looked around and left. He came back a few minutes later and gave a sandwich to the homeless person. (He had walked away to buy food at a shop near the station 😭)

[@MargoBTS]

If you’re at a bar in most places, ordering an Angel shot will get you help and get you out of the situation.

[@theoneandonlydrowlf819]

These stories made my day

[@annagroesbeck9673]

All of these stories remind me of my partner. He is a cis man and is in the military. When I tell people this they're shocked that I am with such a person. He is more than his job. A sweet human who loves makes earnings, reading fantasy books, and always loved a good cuddle. Yes a pansexual, demi-romantic, bigender person is dating someone in military, and I love him with all my heart.

[@katief7535]

This was quite recent but I had had waaaay too much to drink and I was throwing up a little bit. Me and my friends stepped out of the pub and I was being sick in a flower bed and my friend was holding my hair back and suddenly this drunk guy came over and said I needed my hair braiding and the friend proceeded to tell him she didn't know how so he offered to braid my hair while telling me I would be OK and that he had a young daughter that gets her hair done by him. It was easily the most wholesome thing to have this big dude braiding my hair and looking after me

[@pmbluemoon]

MORE PLEASE! I had an instance where I was walking to work, and someone in a very fancy car pulled up to me and stopped. (I have to admit, I don't trust fancy black cars with tinted windows) I chanced a walk to the window of the passenger side and stayed a fair distance if I needed to run. The window rolled down. It was one of my co-workers who recently bought a new car. I was SO RELIEVED! I told him that what went through my mind was that there was some rich person trolling about for someone to kidnap and take away somewhere unknown and I didn't trust the whole situation until I found out it was him. We became good friends at work! He also apologized about the situation, and thanked me for thinking he was a rich guy lol

[@ravenclawfairy3648]

This was so necessary, thank you Shaaba ❤️

[@work-in-progress]

I love this space on the internet so much 💛

[@bernerdtherat5332]

hey shaaba i love yours and jamies videos so much love youuuu xxxx

[@shaaba]

thanks cutie! 🥺

[@nebula1oftheseven488]

Wow love this celebration of positive masculinity ❤

[@zachray2862]

This is so wholesome. ♥

[@louiskat1900s]

This is so wholesome. As someone who came out as non binary last year and has progressively gotten more masc presenting, I worry I’m gonna scare people while out and about (especially since starting hormones)

[@nicolakunz231]

Loving this video. It's so nice to just have a Feel Good vibe. It's bed time so I can go home with warm fuzziness in my brain.

[@alicelight2633]

This is so needed 🙌🏻 Thank youuuuuu(more please)

[@elizabethpink]

I have severe anger issues due to a lot of trauma throughout my life. One evening I was on a bus home from work. I always worked the closing shift, which meant that other than the driver I would generally be the only person on the bus. During the ride some guy got on the bus and, despite all the empty seats, chose to sit right next to me. He then proceeded to put his hand in his pocket and start moving it about. He said, "Do you know what I'm doing?" I learned that night men do not expect a woman to be violent. Without saying a word I balled up my fist and drove it down on his trouser front. He literally fell out of the seat in pain. The driver asked what happened, I told him, he pulled the bus over, grabbed the guy (who was still doubled over in pain) and chucked him off the bus like he was a sack of grain. Instead of kicking me off the bus at the terminal (because it was out of service), the driver took the long way back to the garage just so he could drive me home. I've occasionally wondered since then if the stupid bellend ever sexually harassed another woman on the bus, or if I put a bit of fear in him that night. I hope the latter.

[@ashleyarismendy6119]

I love these videos……it warms my heart

[@acecat5575]

This was just soooo wholesome!!!

[@Sophia-vk5bq]

Is it weird to feel that way about other people around you if you’ve been masculine presenting for most of your life? I get paranoid if I think someone is following me but I also get nervous around women because they usually react negatively to me so I try to avoid getting into any kind of awkward situation but I also feel super anxious at the same time.

[@missnaomi613]

A lot of us get continuous messages about the world being unsafe, so it isn't surprising how many of us feel unsafe. I tell my kids that most people are basically well meaning. (I also usually add, "but stupid.") Good vibes to you from a random, cis, religious Jewish mama. 🙏❤️🏳️‍🌈

[@Sophia-vk5bq]

@@missnaomi613 that’s a good way to teach them and unfortunately that’s true about our world. I appreciate the well wishes and thanks from a gender questioning, potentially trans woman. 🙂

[@beth7935]

Not weird at all- guys can get beaten up or whatever too, sadly. And ofc anxiety makes this stuff worse; you can be anxious even when nothing scary is happening. And I hope you can find the right answer to your gender questions, & live however is right & happy for you :) Best wishes from a random cis crazy cat lady :)

[@Sophia-vk5bq]

@@beth7935 thanks! I’ve got everything set up and I’m set to have a virtual appointment with a gender/trans counselor in a couple weeks. I’m really excited tbh but I’m also a little nervous.

[@beth7935]

@@Sophia-vk5bq That's awesome!! I know it's hard to even get an appointment, & I hope everything turns out well from it :)