Sci Fi Storytime 1428 - Negotiations by Glitchkey | Best r/HFY | Humans Are War Criminals

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{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:23 Negotiations by Glitchkey
#ScienceFiction #RedditStories #Human
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Podcast is Called : ASN Humans Are Space Orcs , HFY and other stories
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This Story is Classified as HFY or Humanity Feck, Yea , but what does the Mean?
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HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture. In These stories Humans are often referred to as Human, Humanity, Deathworlder, Hellwolder in reference to the human planet of origin , Earth. This planet is seen by most of the universe as a place where only death and chaos can survive.
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Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.
Humans Are Space Orcs (HASO) or Humans Are (Fantasy Race) Are used as a guide when writing.
In these Stories we normally View humans like the other races view orcs in a Fantasy Novel. We (Humans) share the same characteristics and personalities as orcs. Humans are normally treated as the outsiders and barbarians. Humans tend to be underestimated as well in these stories. Unlike Humanity Feck Yea , these don't always put a positive spin on humans\humanity sometimes looking at the darker side of human and humanity from the perspective of aliens.
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Please watch: "Best SciFi Storytime 1492 - An Insignificant Ball Of Dirt & Humans Are Perceptive | HFY |"
• Best SciFi Storytime 1...
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[@ceilyurie856]

Xenos in this scenario: *Declare war on a human faction* Human Streamer and on Twitch: "I am sponsored by our military and today I got an opportunity to try out some great new drones. Now admittedly the enemy isn't very hard, more of an easy mode, but should be fun. I'll even let chat determine random events to make things more interesting!" *Xenos wonder how they are losing badly even when sometimes one of the human drone capital ships randomly explodes or switches sides.*

[@DemiNek0]

Lmao im crying

[@hanneskarlbom6644]

Hmm, GGG maybe?

[@NcrXnbi]

If this was made a movie. I would unironically watch it. IT also sends a chill down my spine, because I am also sure this will happen in some distant future.

[@brianlance8263]

@@hanneskarlbom6644 pacifist only run anyone?

[@torunsmok5890]

@@NcrXnbi I mean... It's not as comedic but Enders Game

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

The irony here is that the human's war montage is exactly the kind of "threat display" that the xenos regularly partake in to settle their conflicts. It's just that millennia of ACTUAL warfare has given humanity one hell of a display to put up.

[@spudgamer6049]

Ah, Fair point, and something I hadn't thought of before.

[@I3igI3adW0lf]

What makes it even more impressive is our history of war is only against ourselves.

[@cgi2002]

Our threat display is more effective because its backed by the fact that we are more than capable of following through. They are all paper tigers, we on the other hand are chimps with a rock.

[@nuru666]

Everyone else's threat displays are about as intimidating as a toddler having a temper tantrum. Human threat displays are equivalent to a dude walking out of his front door, soaked in blood with an axe in his hands staring you dead in the eyes.

[@takayamuramoto4490]

@@nuru666 That is a threat display? I would have thought that this was a way of flirting.

[@legionxiv6670]

My favourite line “It’s not a war crime the first time” Some soldier

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@ThunderChief666]

Quackbangs for the win!

[@deathdooddieimmortal.therian]

True

[@vrcommandoata5403]

Geneva didn't ban it, but they didn't know that was an option.

[@chrisdufresne9359]

To be fair, said soldier has a shocking employment history.

[@matthewklestinski7030]

"You really should consider what you can offer us at the bargaining table.. because then, at least, you're at the table. We have a saying from our history: If you're not at the table.. you're on the menu."

[@NearlyH3adlessNick]

**sweats in "civilized" carnivore**

[@ravenmoon5111]

Did we mention we are omnivores? We eat plants but we enjoy fried chicken as well

[@halukan9728]

@@ravenmoon5111 "and we are interested in knowing if you might taste like chicken as well, but we'll find that out soon enough since we are going to eat you for breakfast"

[@zohan90210]

Human: huh, so you dont know what conquest is? Xeno: no we dont, what is it? Human: it is really something we have to show you, so lets get started

[@gasmaskman1354]

DOOM music begins playing

[@robertcross9863]

@@gasmaskman1354 yes so much yes

[@iaaf_nw2367]

Fear not the xeno, for the xeno fears me

[@ravenouself4181]

@@robertcross9863 rip and tear

[@emmetcoyne6436]

So, the secret for surviving long enough to achieve intergalactic travel is the occasional steak. I guess that makes vegans the heralds of the apocalypse.

[@LordGertz]

Definitely a twist on all the stories that have humans as the lone meat eater.

[@user-zv6th8fh8v]

Well, medicine believes that the full development of the brain is impossible without protein rich food, so it may be true.

[@TarsonTalon]

Carnivores have to make sure their food source doesn't die. Herbivores have to take and hold land. Fun fact: Hitler was vegetarian. But omnivores are the best and worst of both worlds...

[@RevokFarthis]

Which would you rather meet and interact with; A wild wolf or a wild Hippo? A wolf, hungry or not, can be negotiated with. You can come to an understanding with a wolf, a partnership, and eventually if done properly over enough generations; you end up with household dogs. A hippo is a relentless murder machine with no off switch.

[@skoshman1]

@@RevokFarthis The hippo is also reasonably resistant to anything short of an anti-material cartridge. Mag dumping an AK into one will guarantee to make it... aggravated. Badass soldiers whose favourite form of entertainment is basically 'War Crime O'Clock' will travel through crocodile infested waters just to go around hippos. And the people hunting them do the same. At least, the smart ones do.

[@Garmin21111]

Ahh yes humanity realizes the galaxy doesn't know how to fight wars so we black mail with war until they give up everything. Classic human move.

[@wolfoffenris9951]

It worked with our selfes the Last 80 jears, it was called "the cold war"😅 *Error analogy Not found*

[@rheinbewachen1211]

@@wolfoffenris9951 shut it computer!

[@gillsmoke]

When hooking the datapad to the ship's network. I was sure there was going to be malware uploaded. Speaking of which, since when are mp4's galactic standard video? h.24 can screen share with holo terminals?

[@PiccoTerra]

@@gillsmoke Honestly I am sure that some nice and sneaky virus is currently eating thru all thair data and sending the juicy bits to earth

[@lancethewisp1097]

It’s a threat display they said they did it as well

[@number3766]

Ah humanity, capable for rational and logical thought....but we have a severe case of the terminal "fuck it's". Where we look at all the logical data, realize there is a 1 in a million chance of winning, and respond with "so your telling me there's a chance?!" We look at the data, understand and process the data....and ignore it. Humans always do all the necessary calculations for every action. Unfortunately, we are bad at math.

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

Nah, it's game theory. You only have a 1 in a million chance of winning if you try. But if you don't try, your chances of winning are zero. The consequences of trying and failing are the same as not trying at all. So the only logical choice is to try for that one in a million chance and hope you nail it. The only reason to give up and not try under those conditions is if you're a short term thinker who would prefer to conserve your energy now despite there being no later where the energy might be used. Or you equate low probability with impossible. IOW, you're lazy.

[@RaderizDorret]

Actually, human calculus is this: "I don't fight I die. I fight,I make you remember me, maybe take you with me, or even beat you." Some odds are better than no odds.

[@slowfudgeballs9517]

@@noppornwongrassamee8941 You've just described Jordan B Peterson's debate over the Bible's significance. That's pretty neat.

[@tix2260]

Fuck it, we ball

[@CrazyDutchguys]

Cant calculate for the human superpower that is spite

[@bearstarpresents2264]

Guy should have pulled out something that was clearly a plant to eat towards the end of it. Just to add nighttime fuel. So herbivores are so violent they never make it into space? *munch munch* That is very interesting. Would you be interested in a carrot?

[@maxmccullough8548]

It should be beets "At first the red juice staining it's lips and teeth looked like wholesome lifeblood, until the graveyard stench of freshly turned dirt assaulted my nostrils. I then realized, to my horror, this monster was consuming the root of a plant! It's foul digestive system breaking down the very fibers of the vegetable!"

[@ScheelAngel]

Even better if he follows it up by consuming meat as well

[@SerunaXI]

A bugs bunny reference would just sell it.

[@SerunaXI]

@@ScheelAngel Bacon wrapped jalapeno, corned beef and hash browns? Chili with beans?

[@platinumchromee3191]

@@SerunaXI my recommendations is to put cheese top,potato fries+mayonaisie middle,chicken bottom into an oven ,very tasty if done right,adding ketchup later is optional

[@TheLastGarou]

Ahh, yes. A rare example of an HFY that takes into account the actual behavioral dynamics of carnivores as opposed to herbivores. Carnivores almost never kill anything unless it's to eat. Herbivores, large ones anyway, will kill anything that even *resembles* a threat if it (the "threat") can't run fast enough to escape.

[@TheAngryXenite]

What about internal squabbles and population control? Carnivores still have vicious fights with each other for various reasons. Lions will kill male pack leaders and then every other male lion cub to ensure that the new male and his children aren't competing for resources. Hyenas and lions will viciously maim and torture each other on sight because of a generational hatred over food squabbles so strong it's become ingrained into their instincts, and hyena young often kill each other. Tiger shark pups literally *eat each other* in the womb. Etc. While I agree that primarily carnivorous animals are paradoxically less aggressive than prey animals, they still spill blood for reasons other than hunting all the time.

[@torunsmok5890]

@@TheAngryXenite all those have a survival need behind em fundamentally

[@TheAchilles26]

Lions and hyenas are practically in a species-cide contest with each other. Not to mention lions kill each other over mates all the time.

[@alganhar1]

@@torunsmok5890 While human psychology is very, very complex, much of it is very much based at least in part on instincts and behaviours very much related to survival. Competition for resources for example is extremely common among organisms of all Kingdoms. Be those resources mates, territory, food or any other resource. What differs is the scale and how humans compete rather than the fact they compete. You are not entirely wrong, after all our complex behaviours are not wholly based on instinct any more. I will point out however that you are not entirely right, at least in that aspect.

[@jameson1239]

@@TheAngryXenite most of those aren’t to the death though they are until one of the parties backs down

[@kurtismiller9544]

The Omnivores from HELL.... The xenos play at minor battles and skirmishes and then meet the true Lords of War!

[@errorabortretry3694]

Hm. So I guess that adjusts the old adage. Novices talk tactics. Masters talk logistics. The losers talk threat displays?

[@reduande]

I wouldn't be proud to be the Devils/Demons of the galaxy. To wage war so cruel and barbaric it scares them... Fear is a tactic to avoid fight. It can evolve in tyranny. But ultimately. You can be fearsome. But there are braves and without fear. Than it's back to strength and intelligence.

[@Sl4wt3r]

This story is probably the only time I can remember herbivorus species being portrayed as anything but space hippies

[@samboyd1828]

I mean, look at herbivores on earth, several of them are the most dangerous creatures on their continents, the Moose, the Hippo, the Elephant, they're more dangerous and hostile than the predators because they simply don't care about the expenditure of calories as long as they're safe

[@Ryvaken]

When your brain is just big enough to successfully hunt grass, getting stoned on weeds is easy.

[@shadowlord1418]

A herbavore thats makes it to the top of their worlds ecology would be scary

[@cortholiopezorama8879]

Pierson puppeteers from ringworld. “ Biologically, Puppeteers are highly intelligent herbivores; a herd animal, Puppeteers prefer the company (and smell) of their own kind. Their cycle of reproduction is similar to that of Earth's digger wasps: the Puppeteers consider themselves to have three genders (two male, one female): the two "male" genders are the equivalent of human female and male (one has an ovipositor, the other produces sperm) and the "female" is a (non-sentient) parasitized host into which the ovum and spermatozoon are deposited.”

[@robertschumacher2707]

At the end, I wish the human diplo could have said. 'We're making you an offer you can't refuse.'

[@prestonjones1653]

And then bites into some celery.

[@WiredTurkey316]

It's like the author just discovered similes and then nailed it like the varsity lacrosse team nailed their mom. Magnificent

[@ja-vishaara]

Honestly, a lot of these stories are a bit clunky in their telling, such as repeating word clusters that could have been replaced with pronouns or reduplicating adverbs

[@WallNutBreaker524]

Interesting simile.

[@user-zu3kf7ue1k]

His voice is good, isn't it.

[@gundam2jimmy]

Espionage, Reverse Engineering, Spycraft, Overwhelming Force, Scorched Earth, Kamikaze, Blitzkrieg, Stealth, Mutually Assured Destruction, Acceptable Losses, Pyrrhic Victory, Guerilla Warfare, Encirclement, Entrenchment, Siege. Xenocide.

[@freedomloverusa3030]

Beautiful.

[@skepticalmagos_101]

@@freedomloverusa3030 name checks out. 😂

[@johncochran8497]

Minor mistake there. The xeno's translator could handle xenocide. The errors were for those other concepts.

[@calvingreene90]

"Nearly. We occasionally find a race with one or two concepts that it has trouble with, but that’s easily smoothed over.” (We know when to surrender.)

[@dontquestionme5179]

Not all of us, only some

[@calvingreene90]

@@dontquestionme5179 I quoted the alien.

[@gary0044187]

interesting that they went with "aliens don't know how to war" honestly I would be more interested in "aliens confused to learn humans invented a word for warcrimes, as if claiming one form of war was crimeless, while another wasn't"

[@carbonbeaker409]

Classic negotiation tactics, would love to see what the impact of the humn expansion is.

[@jlokison]

The weird thing about omnivores, is that most of the most dangerous and intelligent land animals on this wet rock fall into that catagory, not just the humans which are kind of unique in that regard amongst the apes.

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

It's a lot easier for a herbivorous to evolve to be able to digest meat, than it is for a carnivore to evolve to eat plants. Basically, the reason for your statement is that most omnivorous started out as herbivorous, developed a taste for meat, and then got a lot smarter from the extra protein and fat, whilst being able to subsist off of plant matter, therefore not needing to conserve energy for the hunt, unlike obligate carnivores.

[@Snipergoat1]

@@kiritotheabridgedgod4178 Look no further than the unfortunate panda for when a mostly carnivorous animal attempts to go back to being herbivorous. Digestive tract is not nearly sufficient to break down cellulose. Now they are so weak that they can't even be bothered to screw their way out of extinction.

[@taitano12]

I like to imagine Humans are way past ever really going through with visiting the horrors of our past on such helpless creatures. But they won't know that till we tell them... We'll get around to that eventually. 😈 It's like a massively intimidating, somewhat reformed criminal taking all your stuff, including your house. Only to give it all back, completely renovated and improved. But still taking a bunch of your money as payment for the unsolicited "help". Help you never asked for, and they didn't tell you what they were doing while you were shacking with a friend, thinking you'd lost everything. And, every now and then, they barge in, raid your fridge and make you and them something to eat and plop down in your favorite chair and change the channel. Even though they'd comply if you put your foot down, you don't think you can do anything about it you're too scared to try. So, yeah. Humans are the retired Mafia Don of the Galaxy in this story. No longer outright murderers and con artists, and actually really (sort of) nice, but still more than a little pushy and rude. Yes, the Don knows he scares you, but he rolls with it with some mild extortion. He may be reformed, and genuinely feels bad about his former life, but he's still a sociopath - a mental disability and not something that can simply be reformed - and finds the whole thing... Amusing.

[@VadulTharys]

Nice federation you got here be a shame if something happened to it.

[@shadow23452233]

Well, the first part aged poorly considering the current war.

[@samboyd1828]

we're absolute monsters when it comes to endurance, both physical and mental, but we've reformed and keep the demon just barely bottled, ya don't want us shaking that bottle

[@carlfromtheoc1788]

Human to xeno, "I am going to make you an offer you can't refuse. You go along and no one will get hurt. You don't..........and it might get ugly. Moose! Rocko! Help the ambassador find his pen." And the negotiator did not even bring up Genghis Khan or Tamerlane.

[@qwefg3]

Max energy! Learning your neighbor while less advanced is far more dangerous. Sort of like learning you neighbor who doesn't own a car has his "car" get pulled by a trained grizzly bear.

[@Chris-jw8vm]

It's not a crime against humanity if they ain't human.

[@spudgamer6049]

Earth predators are no stranger to life and death fights against other predators, even those of the same species, over territory and/or mates. Perhaps the most (in)famous example is lions vs hyenas. Both would gladly commit species-cide if they could, and both will go out of their way to kill the other if opportunity presents to do so without too much risk, even if it does cost them extra calories.

[@bendover9813]

Late Australopithecines had a similar relationship with a now-extinct species of giant baboon, the difference between lions and humans is that, only half as smart as we are now, around 2 million years ago, we were able to do it better than they ever could.

[@maxmccullough8548]

That's why they had a word for xenocide.

[@AnD1262]

@@maxmccullough8548 it's a concept translater, they were shocked that the humans had a word for the concept of killing all of something the alien does not have a word for it otherwise the “Why do you have a word for…what was all that just now?” part does not make sense.

[@brianlance8263]

@@AnD1262 I thought differently, in that they had a word for xenocide, but didn't understand all of the "herbavorus" concepts we use and was asking why we have those.

[@AnD1262]

@@brianlance8263 I mean I guess it's technically up for interpretation but the way the alien reacts it's more like the alien heard the human say one word and the translator gave a description of what he said and then realised that the other words are the same type of thing

[@Aman123ace]

what I learned, omnivory is the secret to galactic success

[@MrGoesBoom]

To be fair 'Kamikaze' wouldn't make sense without a lot of context, so I'll give the aliens that one.

[@AnD1262]

my understanding is with the context the translator doesn't understand the concept at all, that's why it doesn't see "scorched earth" as just burnt ground in another language or "acceptable losses" as ingredients allowed to be wasted in creating something

[@brianlance8263]

@@AnD1262 except "scorched earth" is exactly that, burning the ground to deny the enemy those resources. And if you consider s battle a recipe, then acceptable losses means exactly that as well because men and material are the ingredients.

[@AnD1262]

@@brianlance8263 in scorched earth's case we are using a known example to name a broad tactic, for example, salting fields and poisoning wells as part of an anti logistics tactic or defenders doing it as a defence in depth strategy, this is "scorched earth" despite not using fire and very different reasons for using the strategy. The translator has not been programmed with the concept of denying ground to an enemy as doing so to everyone's detriment is unthinkable to the federation. With acceptable losses, no one in the federation has ever viewed their soldiers and material as ingredients rather they view them as a show of might, all of their wars have been one side showing up with overwhelming force other side surrenders or dies soon after

[@prestonjones1653]

"What does Divine Wind have to do with this? Are your people particularly religious about air currents?"

[@johncochran8497]

Suspect the translator would have had problems with suicide bomber.

[@cnlbenmc]

Oh that Agent Smith thumbnail was perfect.

[@tonyreaver2627]

To be on the side that just found out your war tactics can be turned to scribbles by a child playing a game you would just be like. Well we offer what ever you want.

[@platinumchromee3191]

Human: you call this war simulation,i call this real time strategy game. Xeno: YOU CONSIDER THIS A GAME? Human: we have lots of those.

[@sirjmo]

For the RTS of history

[@doctorbright1065]

This story is still great the second time around. And it is a lot better narrated than the last time I heard it. I think I heard it from NetNarrator last time, I'm unsure.

[@chrisdufresne9359]

It was NetNarrator

[@Zedyne]

The only space faring races are carnivores? That's such a cool, and dare I say, unique idea! I really like this!

[@NcrXnbi]

Also a shame, they will never know the pleasures of a good fruit.

[@frankgelder8519]

I think that actually was supposed to be a twist that the author just forgot about. The translator switched carnivore and herbivores meanings. The alien describes carnivores as the beings that dont get off their worlds. And it realizes towards the end.

[@Zedyne]

@@frankgelder8519 The description of the carnivores and herbivores does not match your idea. But it's an interesting thought nonetheless.

[@frankgelder8519]

@@Zedyne the herbivores in the story are described as extremely aggressive and wasteful. thats stereotypical carnivore behaviour far more than herbivore behavior

[@Zedyne]

@@frankgelder8519 Herbivores are described to have more young that can possibly survive. Which is correct to herbivores and not to carnivores.

[@radioactiveassassin5218]

"The negotiations were short."

[@cuyohistoriador2858]

Did he just scare a alien federation with videogames and history lessons?

[@halukan9728]

i mean to be honest you can scare a person with a good history lesson

[@sordakthemobile1777]

Interesting to see an edited and rewritten form of this story. I think I like it.

[@stoneomountain2390]

I thought I recognised the translator premise, then the the rest seemed a bit too familiar.

[@robertcross9863]

And that's how a federation turned into an empire with one ruling species

[@venerablebrothergoriate5844]

Had a happy little accident in my life support casket when you said “xenocide.”

[@greekgeekman]

That was fun, this ambassador is a sociopath for real

[@prestonjones1653]

He got into politics for a living, that's a basic job requirement.

[@WallNutBreaker524]

"Welcome back, General." "PREPARE TO COMMAND AND CONQUER."

[@jacobstewart1950]

It's only a war crime if you lose

[@RealArcalian]

Greetings, Mentlgent! For the Rhythm that is Algo Now THAT'S how you negotiate.

[@ClokworkGremlin]

I love Glitchkey's stories. Always so wonderfully imaginative and easily digestible. It's a bit of a shame they aren't more interconnected, though there are a few linked ones (Sample Size of One explains what prompted the draconian quarantine protocols in Humanthink, for example, and the Post Incident reports are expansions on You Need A Human On Board)

[@Animefan1803]

Ah yes Warcrimes. My favorite crimes. I mean is there something more beautiful than the smell of napalm and burning xenos in the morning?

[@inquisitorthornside3p494]

Warhammer 40k universe: You've seen nothing yet filthy xeno!

[@stepans20]

Better idea. Show that alien SOME of the warhammer 40k. Not all of it thou, otherwise they might just quarantine the galaxy.

[@prestonjones1653]

@@stepans20 The human threat display is just "WAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!"

[@stepans20]

@@prestonjones1653 I mean yes, but also show them the latest trailer for Horus Herecy and say its a documentary. :DDD

[@crayonchomper1180]

so the only reason humanity made it to space is because we are omnivores

[@kaisokusekkendou1498]

What I love about this story is that the aliens only think in terms of carnivores (high efficiency) and herbivores (low efficiency). And then along comes Humans... the omnivores. We eat everything! All the unending consuming nature of the herbivore, but utterly capable of deadly efficiency.

[@SiegeTF]

And I sang death, death, devil, devil, devil, devil, evil, evil, evil, evil songs, Yeah you know that's how I get along, The stars are full of aliens, so how can it be wrong, Singing my death, death, devil. devil, evil, evil, songs?

[@thomastruant8837]

i heard this comment lol

[@wolfoffenris9951]

* " lets be xenophobic" getting louder in the distance*

[@inquisitorthornside3p494]

@@wolfoffenris9951 *IT 'S REALLY IN THIS YEAR!*

[@rivelemerald44]

Love me some voltaire!

[@k0rf3on6]

@@inquisitorthornside3p494 Lets find a nasty slimey ugly alien to fear

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Squerril Bless the Author

[@GusCraft460]

It should be able to translate kamikaze as it means “divine wind” in Japanese. It is somewhat interesting that in English the word, taken straight from Japanese, has a completely different meaning than it does in its original language.

[@omargoodman2999]

It must have some way to interpret intended context. If using _kamikaze_ to refer to suicide strikes, it can't process the context, but if using _kamikaze_ in the historic/mythological sense of sudden weather patterns that protected Japan (eg. Typhoon that rekt Mongol invasion), that would translate just fine.

[@chrisdufresne9359]

I enjoy this story anytime I hear it. I'm just imagining the reactions of the annoyed troops who are released on these poor ignorant fools. They'd create an entirely new form of the Geneva Convention that would be essentially human centric for millenia.

[@LadyRavenEyes]

Mostly I agree that herbivores would be more aggressive then carnivores, but I don't agree with the idea that carnivores would not have spy craft I feel like that would be a natural extension of stocking pray

[@AnD1262]

it would make sense if to get to be a space-faring carnivore you need a food source that needs to live with the carnivore symbiotically so that the carnivores don't develop predatory qualities and the food develops no prey instincts, this would stop the carnivores from preying on each other (therefore no warcraft at all)

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

@@AnD1262 I imagine that in order to build a civilization as we know it, a pure carnivore species would likely have to invent ranching. No need to stalk and hunt prey animals when you have them right there in the pen. And that's assuming the carnivore species are hunters that prefer fresh meat and not scavengers that like their meat "well aged".

[@AnD1262]

@@noppornwongrassamee8941 while I agree that ranching would likely be one of the milestones of every carnivore civilisation (even one for a scavenger species), I'm going to have to disagree on the lack of need for a survival instinct bringing about the loss of that survival instinct, unless between ranching and metalworking there was a very long time or having that survival instinct caused certain death. In my example, however, the aliens develop the brainpower and idea of ranching at least millions of years after they last hunted if they ever did.

[@kennethhummel4409]

Weebles wobble but don’t fall down!

[@brianlance8263]

I thought bobble-heads

[@prestonjones1653]

@@brianlance8263 Probably called different things in different regions.

[@mdsx01]

The Lost Fleet series explored a bit of this. The human fleet ran into a race that looked like a mix of a cow and a teddy bear, that was not friendly at all.

[@xanmontes8715]

Blasphemy! Why friendshaped if not friend?

[@MymMars]

I imagine Mickey popping out saying it's a useful tool that will help us later for each one of those words that wouldn't translate

[@charlesesseltine7054]

Sadly, paying tribute to barbarians never keeps them away. It only finances their next raid.

[@Calaban619]

When they were discussing predator/herbivore tropes, I was waiting for the part where we admitted "oh we hunt the apex predators, ourselves. Mostly for fun." Part

[@Floodbait_117]

Lol humans are omnivores so we have the best of both worlds and a hell of a threat display

[@NerdyWordyMatt]

Poor old xeno, it never stood a chance.

[@seanrobert9661]

[first documented contact ]

[@ivanelias3916]

War Crimes???? there is no War crimes if the entire xenos planet is destroy :)

[@blutracer2037]

i love the fact this implies that hiring a homeworld player or something similar could probably work in a war between humanity and the federation.

[@andrearaimondi882]

Does anyone remember the one with "Here comes the Sun, doo doo doo"??

[@stanbarnes7284]

This is why they and I mean our own aliens won’t allow us off of this planet or out of our solar system. We war too good.

[@james35124]

For the lunch break!

[@DemiDeus314]

Jesus that 2nd story. What are we? The space mafia?

[@joosyjulie]

I think the writer should have said, "Those are what our juveniles start with".

[@bignasty4874]

Weeble wobbles! They weren't inflatable. They were about half the size of an egg. I do know he was talking about the inflatable punching bag. His mention of weeblas or whatever he said made me think of the weeble wobbles i played with as a young child.

[@evegrim8780]

I've been trying to find this story for a couple months. Most stories I read have herbivores as a peaceful race that reach the stars because they don't eat meat and carnivores rarely reach the stars because of the inate desire for meat leads them to violence. The I got into a discussion with a vegan that boiled down to if there were no meat eaters the world would be a better place with less violence. And I wad reminded of this story, nature makes herbivores violent against anything that may take there food or if stressed, startled, if your in the wrong place. When they don't have a skilled predator and abundant resources they breed till the resources are depleted where predators what they and their family can eat in a couple of sittings. Now there are many animals that do the opposite but generally this is how nature works herbivores are more aggressive for less reason because of "weakness" and predators are aggressive when hungry.

[@Ryu_D]

Thank you for the video.

[@ashardalondragnipurake]

probably my favorite story so far

[@yomogami4561]

wow...hard core but deserved thanks for the story and narration

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank You for the reading

[@joshfloyd7755]

I enjoy your work squirrel!

[@richardorta8960]

"If that was advanced now and out of date as a game to us... what do you think we have now as games for us and theory for you?"

[@merlinathrawes746]

And this is why you simply don't want to play dirty with us. NO ONE plays dirtier than us.

[@defective6811]

This remains one of the best of these stories, imho

[@AnikaJarlsdottr]

Alien: *sees all the horror that mankind has commited against itself* just who are you people??? Human: *kicks back and smiles* hush little baby, dont say a word...

[@macpurdy]

For the algorithm and the narrator.

[@mattbrown5511]

When you run into your "Boogeyman", time to negotiate is over. Capitulation will be your only chance of survival.

[@Ajc-ni3xn]

nnnot sure i like how the writer wrote sherman's march to the sea...

[@andrewmartin2321]

why do they have a word for xenocide? has it happened before? or is it just by chance, since the word is made of two easily interpreted phonemes? from the lack of other terms related to mass killing, i kinda thought they’d be unable to conceptualize the commission of such an act.

[@prestonjones1653]

Some carnivores would gladly do it to one another, hyenas and lions, austalopithecus and a now-extinct species of baboon, chimpanzeess and other chimpanzees, it just usually involves such an overwhelming force that it doesn't require any special tactics other than "bite neck"

[@johncochran8497]

I could see the aliens understanding xenocide if they had war(s) in the past with other aliens. Suspect the alien's shock at the human saying xenocide is along the lines of "how in hell do you have that concept when first contact was so recent?"

[@rosebloodwater13]

😂 Can i do a "What's up Doc" when we meet the Xenos while munching on a carrot.🥕🐇

[@jasonbull6560]

Weebles wobble but they don't fall down😂 Ya gotta be over 50 too get it 😊

[@Eboreg2]

If I were animating this story, the final frames would be zoomed in on the human representative's teeth Hellsing style.

[@cassandrabelyeu2419]

His flattest teeth showing.

[@Kanamesamasqueen]

THEY BANNED MEN IN BLACK!?!?!?

[@Treforce]

something that kinda annoyed me in this video... the text scrolling did not match the speed it was spoken. So most of the time the audio was WAY ahead of the text on the screen.

[@Ken-hn6yl]

this one brings me a solid lol... I know that sounds imperious in the face of humans are awesome, but that is the point... hahaha

[@ravenmoon5111]

Oh, that last line was creepy as hell. I wonder if the translator captured the implied nuance if it

[@turbopokey]

Well this is the first time I've seen an author go with every other space faring race be carnivores and humans are odd because they also eat plants... usually it's other way round.

[@davidrutherford6311]

What was the term used by Vikings (I think) for money paid to not go and raid another country?

[@mcarrowtime7095]

Idk about the Vikings, but to most cultures it’s some form of tribute

[@KnightlyChaotic]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's why no xenos have come to Sol. When we are civilized it's facade.

[@kdmbigpig]

It's not a war crime unless you lose

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

poor alien.... be like coming to a meeting expecting to cheek a cute kitten in for a place in ther house.... and as you talk with it , the things 'camouflage' goess poff and exposes its a dam overgrown steriods pumped smilodon Tiger your talking with XD

[@XTheCronosX]

You know, I like to read along... But some of your videos have text that is to slow or fast. Like this one... I don't know how much work is it to get the speed right and its not a big problem or anything. I just cant think of anything bette to write :P Just a randome comment for youtube to count~

[@genericuser984]

neat

[@jimmycoyote74]

For the algorithm

[@rieshishgarmee5046]

I think i listened to this some time ago back in the 700 to 800 or 900 maybe earlier idk

[@AgroSquerril]

This was from the other pov

[@AnD1262]

It's 921, the author stated "I posted a pure-dialogue version of this story about two and a half months ago" in the link, so this is technically an updated version.

[@CrazyFlyingMonk]

Sonas i see it the reason they knew xenocide is they merked the herbavore species who almost got to space and humans as omnivores were like damn to late to get rid of the danger of us but now that we know what you would have done and that theres nothing you can do now, how about we talk about how you can benifit us

[@TheyCalledMeT]

i find it higly unrealistic interstellar may intergalactiv alien races would not be well versed in all kinds of destructive if not highly immoral tactics to win. since all of history only those who defeated / outsmarted their opponents and where well prepared for the worst things both done by and to them, gathered power to eventually rule their tribe/country/world/species many of the stories i've listened to leave an impression of SOME kind of superiority of humans, altough leaving a smirk in my face .. it starts leaving an aftertaste of human superiority complex (understandable bias, but i think a more humble approach is more realistic)

[@prestonjones1653]

It makes sense when thinking about carnivore vs herbivore thought processes when it comes to the dumb animals here on Earth, but I'm not sure how it would translate when given sufficient intelligence. Although my favorites are the ones where we get our asses kicked at first, but simply refuse to die.

[@rexmann1984]

But we are carnivores?...

[@kingkaiz720]

It's not a war crime if there's no evidence