Why You Have That Little, Lying Voice in Your Head

[@susanne5803]

(Depression.) I have a postcard beside my bed that says: "Don't believe everything you think!" - That has actually even helped sometimes. At least it makes me smile ...

[@IceMetalPunk]

So hard to remember that sometimes...

[@pranavlimaye]

Hey, that's pretty good. I'll try that out too, thanks!

[@Travissaur]

My wife has this light board that you can put letters on and she put “ You Are Enough” cause I tend to think extremely negative about myself.

[@reginadrake-parguey6726]

I have GAD and have been in therapy for so long it's insane. When I meet people and they tell me they're struggling with this voice, I tell them that sometimes you have to argue with the voice. No screaming or yelling, just telling it "no, you're wrong." For me, I actively have to tell myself "that's not true" or "that's not reasonable." It kinda works some days.

[@jeremybabila5814]

Reminds me of the lyrics “At least god doesn’t judge me by the thoughts that aren’t mine.” -seventeen by youth lagoon

[@IceMetalPunk]

As someone who suffers from an anxiety/depressive disorder, this video touches on one of the most important (and terrifying) aspects of my experience with it: the seeming lack of evidence that anything is good about me. Don't get me wrong, I know *intellectually* that there are things I'm good at, things that are good about me. But when that little voice in my head decides today's one of those days where it's going to remind me how awful and inadequate I am, it's *so hard* not to listen. I consider myself very scientific-minded, and so in general I tend to align my beliefs with the evidence. But that's the thing: when it comes to beliefs about myself, I often don't know what evidence is real and what evidence isn't. For instance, if I'm sitting there remembering all the ways I've screwed up, and I'm having trouble remembering many times I've succeeded, how do I know I'm not a screw-up? The evidence isn't presented to me; in a way, my brain hides the evidence from me. On at least one occasion, I had a pretty bad episode, and I was curled up in a ball barely holding back tears because *all I could think about* was how much of a terrible friend I am and all the reasons my friends should leave me. My best friend (who I couldn't possibly appreciate enough) had to sit there and type out a several-page text to me explaining all the things I've done for her, all the ways I've helped, all the reasons she really does care and that I'm not actually awful. Only then was I able to get a moment of clarity (and relief). My brain couldn't see the evidence, so she had to spell it out for me. Yes, it's awful living like this, especially when (like me) inadequacy is a major trigger. Because then you get into that "anxiety about anxiety" loop where the more anxious you feel about being inadequate, the more inadequate you feel for being anxious. Maybe one day I'll figure out how to actually like myself; I can't remember the last time I did.

[@VeronicaGorositoMusic]

Do whatever makes you feel ''better'' or skilled at. Just do it. Don't listen to me, just DO IT, do it 3 seconds, then, you're on the road and can't stop. When you feel you can't start something, just ''do it for 3 seconds, just 3 seconds, then leave''. It's a mindhack :) Well, when you finally discover what you can make in life that nobody can, you're on the right path, your path. From trillions of options, to do things...you find 1 or 2. What would you like to learn today? what you'd always wanted to learn and be skilled at? Study it! learn it! you know beforehand you LIKE it so you don't have to struggle ''I like this, or not?''. It'd take days or months, or maybe few hours. 3 seconds, then leave ;)

[@Hirvee5]

1. Figure out what is good. 2. Try to help that exist. 3. See that there is at least one part of you that did not aim for evil.

[@PersonalPariah]

Likewise, I often find it nigh impossible to think back on past events and pick out positive memories. There are always negative memories that take precedence, which I'm sure is very helpful from a evolutionary learning from error standpoint, but is not conducive to mental health. Your description does read as worryingly familiar.

[@aitchpea6011]

I understand completely where you're coming from. I too have depressive illness and anxiety disorders out the wazoo, and one thing I've learned about human memory which has helped me to fight against those harmful self-beliefs is this: We tend to remember the bad things more than the good because that's how we evolved to learn from the past. It's how we learn to avoid fire, wolves and actions that will harm our tribe of apes. The problem is, when we have these conditions, that side of our internal monologue becomes more dominant than the positively reinforcing thoughts and behaviours, placing less and less emphasis on them until we are hard pressed to remember anything good about ourselves bat all. Alll we can do is to keep trying not to focus on our negative thoughts and give our positive thoughts more room to grow. I know, it's difficult to the point of impossibility when we're at the bottom of a downswing, and that's why we have medication and talking therapies; not to fix the problems, but to reduce the symptoms enough that we can find the strength to keep trying. Good luck, my friend, and I hope you find your way through. There is hope.

[@JoeNoshow27]

As someone who's more than well-acquainted with severe depression, I've found that people in general have this misconception that the negative thoughts are primarily the problem and that if you fix the thoughts, you can fix the depression. While this is true for some cases, for more individuals than society would like to admit, the fundamental impediment with depression is how it corrupts their emotions. Negative thoughts often aren't the cause, but a symptom that once addressed fails to remediate the actual disease. I wish more people, health care professionals especially, were more accepting of the fact that psychology is not the end all be all to depression. It's a biological disease that effects people differently; some in ways that can't be adequately addressed. Claiming psychology as the panacea to depression puts the blame on the sufferer for an illness that isn't their fault.

[@BriefBrainSnacks]

Clearly, early engagement in postiive child development, and reinforcing realistic perspectives of the self is very important.

[@DonWoschto]

Too late for me.

[@sexybeast7728]

I dont like use of the word realistic in this context (nor in general). The most realistic outcome for a random person is, statistically, being average, but aiming for average is the worst thing you could possibly do because you limit your perspective from the start. It's like shoting yourself in a foot and then start a marathon. Why would you do that? Rather teach a kid how to dream big, as big as s/he can, and how to deal with failures and rejection. Only reason you would use realistic in this context is because you think realistic equals objective. No, it doesnt... Yes, you have to be methodical, look at things from first principles, but that's not what this is about. Dr Phil in his podcast with Joe Rogan said: "We generate the results in life that we think we deserve. If you think you are damaged, you think you are 2nd class, you will generate results that you think 2nd class person deserves." I'll let that speak for itself

[@michaelskinner1368]

Brief Brainstorms 👌

[@Scottx125Productions]

Perhaps a course in people being able to tolerate offensive ideas would be useful in this day and age...😐

[@BriefBrainSnacks]

@@Scottx125Productions Why should anyone tolerate intolerance?

[@brittanygidonable]

Unfortunately, knowing that it is lying doesn't actually take away its power.

[@IceMetalPunk]

Hear hear :( Though I personally do feel it's worse when I can't tell whether it's lying or not.

[@BigDaddyWes]

(Insert joke about American politics here)

[@syxxvralrock5759]

Yes because it actually has to do with your desire to change who you are, and not actually preserve your self-schema.

[@isidorodaviddoro1920]

Exactly

[@whiteninjaplus5]

I bet it does if you practice

[@DramaticFlora]

now I've always been a bit curious about "the voice inside your head" because I've never had what I others described as a voice telling me things, I've just had basically me just talking to myself but without speaking and I can swap between the two as if there was no difference what so ever

[@DaniloGP94]

That's the voice. I think that what changes from person to person is if you perceive it as yourself or as someone else.

[@Antelieris1]

Do you ever hear some sort of news, and then immediately have a negative reaction, but on second thought you hate what you thought the first time?

[@LaineyBug2020]

Self talk is a slightly more clinical term. Or at least a therapy buzz word description.

[@xxXthekevXxx]

Some people perceive the voice as god, but it’s really just people tricking themselves into believing that them talking to themselves is god.

[@IceMetalPunk]

That's what it means. Generally, people don't hear someone else's voice unless they're hallucinating. You just hear your own voice. But in this case, they're more talking about the kinds of things you think about yourself, the ideas you hold about yourself more than any actual vocal thoughts.

[@nicolaiveliki1409]

I think I have a healthy self image, but when someone compliments me, my mind automatically jumps to 'they're trying to manipulate you', because yes, this has happened a lot.

[@DoctorElliottCarthy]

That's human nature I think. Past experience always influences your future behaviour.

[@nicolaiveliki1409]

@@DoctorElliottCarthy it's also canine nature, as Dr. Pavlov established with his experiments in conditioning. I suspect this applies to any sufficiently complex information processing system ;-)

[@FuzzyTrekkie]

As someone who has had regular depressive episodes for over a decade, the reason why I tend to lean more towards people who say negative things about me is because when I'm having an episode and someone says something nice to me, I honestly think that their lying. I view the world in a darker light during depression. So when some says something dark about me, I view it as true.

[@AliceSylph]

Now imagine having a fractured mind so you can't be sure if that voice is yours or another's trying to influence you. It's very difficult to understand these things when you have not known anything different. I'm glad people are investing in this. Brains misbehaving can literally ruin someone's life and end it. Thanks for these videos, to me and an alter of mine, we can better adapt and recognise our symptoms through learning :)

[@CursedAndHauntedMiko]

I understand the feeling....

[@vi4269]

U talking about d.i.d

[@VariantAEC]

@Foxtrot Doesn't sound like what the OP is talking about.

[@VariantAEC]

@@vi4269 Sounds different from dissociative identity disorder. Think about doing something objectively in the real world that everyone sees and knows but you get that memory and a memory of something completely different that occupies the same time slot in your mind. Now think of that happening while the actions are actually going on. You and something else existing in your own mind but nothing outwardly wrong is happening nothing needs to be fought against internally, but something can be very wrong and may interfere with your existence. A fractured mind, completely internal, perfectly hidden, but potentially dangerous. There might be drugs for that.

[@vi4269]

@@VariantAEC well that's something. how interesting tho thanks for that

[@ktvx.94]

After over two decades I finally fixed this. The voice that used to torment me now helps, I see myself better and I get more positive feedback that fuels it more

[@EmonyLP]

A few negative interactions to get it in, years of CBT to get it back out again. :P

[@twigwick]

If you like CBT I'll challenge you to look into DBT, a more advanced, holistic approach to behavioral therapy :)

[@misa105]

CBT...? Closed Beta Testing...?

[@RialuCaos]

@@misa105 Cognitive behavioral therapy.

[@deadmeme8973]

@@misa105 Cock and Balls Torture

[@deadmeme8973]

@@herrschmidt5477 ayy your nightmare is a reality SCHMIDT

[@Luna_Christine]

For years, I believed what others told me about who I am. For years I suppressed the voice telling me the beautiful woman I really am. For years, I believed that I was meant to do what my parents wanted, get married to a beautiful woman, become a father, be the “handsome son” they wanted me to be. It was so powerful, that as soon as I started to let her(the true me) start to have a bigger voice in my head, it nearly killed me. I was feeling so awful about her, that I had resolved to take my own life, because I felt death was more preferable than being me. After my attempt, I began to listen to her more and more, only to have her come to the forefront about a month later. I’ve been her since then, and I am much happier and healthier than ever.

[@spidaxtreme]

I've had almost the exact the same experience.

[@BigDaddyWes]

Someone with body dysphoria would tell you a similar story. I'm of the opinion that those voices, from your parents or in your head, don't get to define who you actually are. But my sense of self is pretty far removed from anything to do with my physical body. I'm glad you're happier. I just personally cannot fathom being so deeply impacted by people's perceptions of who I'm supposed to be.

[@VeronicaGorositoMusic]

@@BigDaddyWes I still have these negatives POV of my parents and family, friends, ex friends, etc.....and still have to deal with these ''lies'' :) And this has nothing to do with I having transsexualism. They are two completely different things. I know people loves to match their romantic ideas about it but are wrong, and these concepts about a medical (or natural) condition, need to stop. One thing is the man who takes his femininity and starts to be loving, caring, empathetic and being ''true self'', etc, but transsexualism is nothing related. What makes me sad is that most peolpe feel ''obligated'' or feel morbosity for the concept of ''sex change''...but I assure you, there is NOT a sex change, no one can change their brain functions, and there is nothing you can do when you have it. Just face it and live life as any other people, you don't want to ''live as a woman'', you already ARE one. Intersexed people have the same issues but they don't want to be associated with ''transsexuals'' because LGBT movement has taken the term (and made it frivolous and stupid) and manipulated to the point it now means, ''transvestite, the men that feels like female'', etc. So we taken another path, and it is to be strong and face the hate of BOTH: LGBT & religious people. If you still don't believe anything I'm saying, I don't care, if it makes you feel better, keep doing it, is not my business, but just wanted to clarify an important medical & scientific point of view, OUT of the correct/incorrect political view.

[@bugjams]

I kinda always assumed I was depressed because people said negative things, I never realized I was subtly pushing people to say negative things about me BECAUSE I had depression. Wow.

[@MySerpentine]

Vicious cycle?

[@Obe4ken]

"It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back It's like a whirlwind inside of my head It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin" RIP Chester Bennington

[@360.Tapestry]

lol nice

[@SuicideBunny6]

*whispers* the face inside is right beneath my skin ...

[@ryanwhalen1533]

@@SuicideBunny6 THE SUUUUUUUUN GOES DOOOWN

[@CheesyFries2468]

I have depression and anxiety, and my little voice (despite good people in my life who tells me I'm loved and good things) tells me I'm such a terrible person. And with the teeniest of mess ups, I'm distraught and I honestly just loathe me. It's so hard sometimes to find good things about me. I regret moments and events and I feel worse. Therapy costs too much and I don't have the time. I wish my mom was here to help me.

[@drizzlingrose]

0:51 thats how bullys work, saying you are worthless for 6 years untill you belive them, even well into adult hood, and even when people you love and know loves you back say other wise, you still dont believe them. oof, thats how i feel, and even being aware of it dosent help that much D:

[@ethanpoole3443]

Sadly, I know precisely what you mean. You end up with an inner critic that is the distilled narcissism of the 80-100 people (mostly peers) that abused you throughout childhood (the entirety of my teens after moving to a rural school at 13 and being universally rejected and ostracized for being different). My physical health collapsed at age 18 from the abuse leaving me disabled and in severe chronic pain for the rest of my life. You then try to seek therapy while in college but the attitude at the time is “just buck up and get over it” or “it’s your own damn fault you were abused, get over it” and so you are further abused by the psychiatrists you had turned to for help and steer well clear of mental health professionals for the next three decades. Then in adult life come the abusive partners until at age 23 the last of your trust is extinguished after an extraordinarily violent partner and you find that you have been alone and isolated from others for more than a quarter century just to escape further abuse and realize you are now 48 years old and extraordinarily lonely and have watched every dream you ever had in life die along the way (I most wanted to be a father and have children, but I’m too old at this point to start a family, and likely years, if not decades, from finding a partner anyhow). Finally, you return to therapy to treat the better part of four decades of C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) because your years of compartmentalizing all the abuse are breaking down and your mind is unraveling and you are struggling with flashbacks, anxiety attacks, dissociation, emotional dysregulation, etc., but you no longer hold out much hope that things will ever get better in the time you have left or that the past trauma will ever stop running your adult life nor can you even fathom the idea of an end to the loneliness because who would want anything to do with someone so utterly broken, disabled with significant limitations and multiple chronic illnesses, and unemployable...not to mention mental illness. I truly wish you all the best and I do hope that one day we might become much more proactive at ending bullying. In my case, even faculty participated in the bullying so there really wasn’t anywhere to turn to for help, and very few of the modern anti-bullying programs even consider that the bullying may also originate with faculty.

[@aceofacez10]

With OCD, oftentimes your inner voice is just an endless stream of doubts, fear, and panic.

[@nixxbi]

I wonder how people with depression lose their pleasure on previously liked activities, and how do we rediscover what we like. Is it biochemical? Is cell communication involved? Is it more environment and training or what?

[@Rasgonras]

What neurons fire together, stays in the brain together. Only once need the derpession flare up while you do a previously joyful activity to be associated with that activity.

[@IceMetalPunk]

Like most mental illnesses and processes, it's a bit of both. As dopamine levels decrease, you lose the pleasurable emotions you once had. But likewise, as other things interrupt your enjoyment -- such as negative thoughts, insecurities, or external factors -- that can "train" your brain to produce less dopamine the next time you do the activity. It's a feedback loop with many factors.

[@DoctorElliottCarthy]

It's mainly chemical. There are several chemicals associated with depression but reduced dopamine is what is associated with reduced motivation and not having that "get up and go" for a better term (the fancy medical terms are called anhedonia and avolition).

[@YourFaceisPretty]

The technical term is "anhedonia" if you want to look up the nitty-gritty on that.

[@layna-heyhey]

Bianca Villavicencio Yeah. I lost a liking for...many things ; acting (liked since age 4), music (to a large extent), movies, writing, Bjj, and so forth. I basically stopped doing all those things, and now go to work to get money. I just want to sleep.

[@jennamedlyn]

This makes a lot of sense for me. I have dyslexia and I think that I'm stupid because that is how I was treated as a child. It really hard for me to not think that so when I get criticized on my reading or writing even of its just a little bit I only focus on the criticism and not the positivity.

[@blobworld4life]

The font comic sans serif is supposed to help people differentiate between similar letters. Does it help you?

[@LaineyBug2020]

There are actually a lot of successful & famously smart people that have dyslexia. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm only slightly dyslexic, but lucked out with a mom that studied early childhood development & psychology. We both have pretty severe A.D.D. as well. I wanted so much to go into the same field before I was sidelined by health issues. I wish there were more people that understood how to nurture kids that just learn differently! I hope you are able to see yourself better in the future!

[@jennamedlyn]

@@LaineyBug2020 thank you I really appreciate it

[@jennamedlyn]

@@blobworld4life I hate comic sans but there is a font called opendyslexic that helps me a lot

[@IceMetalPunk]

My best friend is dyslexic, and sure she misreads or misspells stuff sometimes, but she's also one of the best artists and creative writers I've ever known. When we were in high school, we both entered a literary contest, and I was shocked to learn I'd won first, third, and fourth place in the freeverse poetry category. The only person to compete and get second place? Her. This little dyslexic girl who had written a poem based on her favorite movie. Because you know what? Dyslexia doesn't define you any more than my anxiety/depression define me. They're things we have, not things we are, and we're far more than what they'd make us alone :)

[@emedicao1503]

The Voice in my head is this guy who doesn't really like me, but literally can't live without me, so he makes hell outta my life, basically

[@IceMetalPunk]

I know that feel, bro. I have an anxiety disorder, and when I was in my last relationship, my ex and I used to call it "Freddy". As in, Freddy Kreuger, since it's like another person that lives only in your mind but is still dangerous and won't seem to die. I was a little insecure about doing that until Twenty One Pilots' album Blurryface came out, which is an entire album that does the same thing: personifies anxiety in order to better analyze and discuss it. That helped me realize it's not crazy to do that :)

[@VariantAEC]

@@IceMetalPunk IceMetalPunk Hmm. That sucks. The little things inside my head used to tell me that I'm not allowed to kill the adults that beat me up as a kid and what the future looks like... They tell me about how some people died before it makes the news. Tells me where people I care about are and if they're in danger... They can be quite destructive too, terrible "coincidences" occur to people when they're provoked from small things like heart attacks to unbelievable things like sinkholes, massive fires and weather storms. Of course they can invade my dreams and kill us like they have many others, but they opt to just stare at me. When they contact you if they contact you. You'll begin to understand how their silent omnipresence can deeply affect you. We're in their sandbox. Well anyway, I'm sorry to hear your voices are misleading you and breaking up relationships.

[@emedicao1503]

@@VariantAEC The voice in my head plays some music from time to time. When I think about my family, the AHole plays *They don't really care about us*

[@ginettepagan3387]

That inner voice is a bratty child. Stop listening to it and it’ll scream louder for your attention. But eventually bratty children tire and grow quiet when they realize they can’t get their way.

[@ginettepagan3387]

IceMetalPunk It’s interesting that you called him Freddy since according to his storyline, Freddy was a guy who had died in a fire and who from then on, only had power in dreams by feeding into people’s fears. He was defeated in each movie by people facing up to him in dreams in some way or another. Yet as you know dreams aren’t real. So, Freddy was never real in the first place.

[@miumiumanzo]

I sometimes coin this “gaslighting myself”

[@samanthak9078]

Thank you for this video. Needed it right now.

[@Bellencer]

Why do people like me have their “internal monologue” voices take the form of multiple different voices, or even appear to come from outside our heads, yet don’t have psychosis or any other form of mental illness and lead otherwise entirely normal lives? My experiences and those of others have left most psychologists and psychiatrists scratching their heads trying to understand this phenomenon.

[@jasminelarsonion8400]

Because the human brain is weird! Haha

[@RealRaynedance]

Happens to me too. My internal monologue voice is and always has been some woman, and I've even had someone in multiple dreams sound exactly like it.

[@CursedAndHauntedMiko]

Fascinating is it not? You should meet the Furies as I call them..

[@lindenbree9188]

I have a guess as to why voices in your head appear to come from not-inside your head. But I'm just a random taking a guess, so take this with a grain of salt! As teenagers, our brains go through synaptic pruning, cutting off neural pathways that aren't used or don't need to be connected. Sometimes though, not as many connections are severed compared to the norm. This leads to unique neural pathways that result in the person making associations that don't really seem logical, like describing sounds as colours. They're not crazy or anything, they just have a slightly different perception. I /think/ I had learned that this can also cause people to feel as if their inner-voice is outside their own head. Despite these adults having what are essentially auditory hallucinations though, they're still pretty sane, normal people If you are a teenager or child though, perhaps then this happens because you haven't gone through synaptic pruning yet! Assuming that's even the cause which, I could be totally wrong.

[@J4rj4r81nx]

This used to happen to me. My inner voice took on the familiar sounds of friends of family... of course my inner voice also was extremely critical of me no matter who it sounded like. Took years to realize that the voice was actually my own thoughts... it only stopped around 8 years ago.

[@NathanaelDuke]

Speaking personally as someone with depression, negative evaluations from others feel more genuine, like that person has chosen not to spare my feelings, and is able to level with me to deliver the hard truth. We all have negative aspects about ourselves and things that annoy other people, and I personally have a lot of respect for someone who can be honest even when it isn’t nice or comfortable. That’s probably not healthy to seek out all the time, but it’s as close as I can get to describing my internal process and why those evaluations appeal to me.

[@YourFaceisPretty]

I was just talking to someone who had just uh... how do I describe this... they'd basically incepted themselves with the belief that "not all truths hurt" to help fight off the instinct to seek that out. It was really interesting. Hard to believe things on purpose though.

[@alistairdownie5944]

Depression LIES and is horribly isolating.I try to do at least one random act of kindness each day,it helps put things into perspective.♥️Thank you for uploading this!😘♥️X.

[@GranRey-0]

When I'm in public that voice is always telling me all the ways the things around me could potentially hurt me. When I'm at home it reminds me how bored I am and how I don't have friends..

[@whatsername1180]

I'm not sure why this showed up on my feed, but I really needed this. Thank you

[@KuraiStone]

I actually have hundreds of voices in my head XD (I write; every character I have ever created has a running commentary on me, my life, and everyone I interact with)

[@IceMetalPunk]

Haha xD As a writer, I fully understand! I don't remember who said it, but there's a famous quote that an author is a universe trapped inside a person. Poor writers decide what their characters will do; great writers let their characters live their own lives and just report on their own decisions with flowery language :D

[@pranavlimaye]

Wait what's your brain's clocking speed? I seriously need a hardware upgrade

[@RAFMnBgaming]

I usually don't have hundreds but I have been occasionally summoning up characters and then merging them back into the monologue when I'm done with them. It's relatively useful.

[@PianoGirl091]

That's the thing about "mistaken beliefs." I have social anxiety and depression, both of which can get to be pretty bad at times, but in all my years of trying to treat these disorders, the whole idea that I have "mistaken beliefs" fueling them never sat well with me. Because...well, what if the beliefs aren't mistaken? What if you actually DO have evidence that has led you to believe these negative things about yourself? People seem to forget that just because something is negative doesn't mean it isn't true. And so then I'm back to square one. I believe negative things about myself, some of which undoubtedly are untrue or exaggerated, but some of which are also undeniably accurate. So...what the hell do I do, then? "If you don't like something, then change it," I'm told. Oh, if only it were that simple.

[@ninaredneckdodge8889]

Thanks to this channel I discovered that I suffer from depression, and have for many years. And it was a relief to figure it out because it explains so much about my interactions and feelings. And it makes me feel more confident that the lying voice is actually lying. Thank you, SciShow Psych, for helping me in the right direction. :)

[@gigglysamentz2021]

2:00 Wait the text is BEHIND Hank? I thought it was in front! XD

[@Tylerthety]

Everything we thought we knew about Scishow is a lie!

[@Tylerthety]

Maybe it came from the voices in our heads.

[@kai.moonlight]

I think this video helped me with my depression that was bothering me for weeks now. It really changed my mood and became a "talk therapy" for me even though it was a one way. (me just listening) Thank you!

[@dariuscroxton1039]

Thanks for that sci show that may help me understand my wife a lot better she's been suffering from depression since she was 15 and loads of the stuff you said in the video made soo much sense, thank you.

[@jasminelarsonion8400]

Don't forget to stay awesome! As if you needed the reminder

[@benvado4586]

I needed the reminder, but remember, you are still a bad person.

[@360.Tapestry]

per the video: i want to meet you

[@emilyinfp704]

Last night because I watched "Ingrid Goes West" (shes a sociopath but the way its filmed you understand and can to an extent identify with her) and having a mom with a personality disorder and being able to understand her perspective I started crying and asking my partner if he ever thought i was crazy or impossible to please because i had talked myself into believing I was because of empathising for Ingrid and not feeling like I had my back rubbed long enough earlier (so embarrassing and ridiculous I know). The way you talk to yourself is so powerful, and luckily I felt comfortable and had someone I could talk to to get myself out of that kind of a dialogue. I would love to talk to professionals about my issues with self dialogue but unfortunately it's not very affordable. Therapy should be a universal right just like healthcare! It would save time, space, and money in psych emergency and save individuals so from experiencing a lot of distress! Imagine the quality of life we could have!

[@Nightcoffee365]

My self evaluation is usually between neutral and negative. I absolutely know that this comes from growing up with a narcissist in my house. Whenever I start feeling confident or really going for something, I will buckle and quit at the first sign of resistance. I watched someone use their confidence and lack of conscience victimize everyone around them, and in my formative years it taught me that wickedness is a product of a positive self image. When I feel good I check myself and am immediately afraid of becoming an egotist who hurts people. I’m not perfect, so I keep a mental log of everyone I’ve bothered and return to it whenever I find I’m getting an ego. I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want to make them sad. I don’t want to disappoint, but I must maintain a level of terror over all of these eventualities that they do not come to pass.

[@veta0104]

I have chronic depression and the more it's covered here in an abstract and logics way the more I'm able to look at my diagnosis objectively. It's really helped me get a handle on what's going on and when I'm down I'm better able to talk myself out of it logically

[@KastaRules]

My inner voice says: "I know you can read my thoughts, boy. Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow."

[@Eli-dx2uj]

"13 college students with depression" Because there's so f*cking many

[@petesickerthefeetlicker3121]

"Could it be that im unlikable and a failure? No, its my inner monologue thats wrong..."

[@sarahbrozny4204]

+

[@lynallott3404]

On a different note, this is helpful, not necessarily in teaching me something new but in backing something I already learnt. One's self-schema can get really thrown into disarray without social interaction.

[@denogeanaaa]

You guys get me through my day! Thank you so much Scishow! Thank you, for getting together, and making these knowledge feeding videos. You have helped me learn and grow. So for that you are all awesome.

[@Locut0s]

As someone who has been struggling with depression his entire life and who has been slowly, ever so slowly growing out of what I used to be, let me say that a good deal of the reason we don’t change is that change is terrifying. As hank said coming to realize you don’t know who you are can be one of the most scary things to deal with. And we are never more vulnerable than we are when we don’t know who we are. And, all of this got started for many of us who have that bully in our heads precisely because we were hurt when we were young and oh so vulnerable. So to change means risking putting ourselves back in that place. Because although it may sound stupid and obviously wrong, what you have to understand about those with low self esteem, those who have this strong inner critic, is that a lot of the time we actually fear the possibility of the amazingly good. The possibility that that that girl or guy might really like us, that we can develop close friends, that we can succeed, that we can win, that we can be liked, that we are enough; sometimes it’s easier and safer to believe you are a loser when you are in fact not at all, than to risk getting hurt reaching for these tantalizing possibilities. Never doubt... you are enough.

[@jelicaandric8962]

I just love this channel.

[@BryceNolen]

This is great! I actually work in an Alcohol and Drug rehab facility, and we specifically use “Schema therapy” for this reason! It’s all about changing those self-perceptions. PERCEPTIONS being the key word we all perceive the world around us differently and like wise develop schema based on our perceptions! (Sorry I get really excited about this stuff)

[@blisseybean]

But that’s the only voice in my head 😂😭

[@Ghosteriz]

Your comments makes me feel lonely

[@karlzieh1]

The voice in my head calling me a loser sounds like my therapist.

[@DanielSmith-wq5qe]

Makes me wonder how this ties into those who choose to stay in abusive relationships.

[@r.s.j.creations3943]

The 17-19 year old me could've really used this information. But I'm grateful to hear it now

[@Mtz2604]

Well, this explains A LOT about my diagnoses and how early childhood and personality desorders can relate. Very interesting to come back to this video after a while. Therapy works... But you need to commit with yourself to recover and heal.

[@MephLeo]

I'll let you know you can control, sorta, the voice in your head, but you can definitely say no to it, and say it loud, and you can prove it wrong and say it to take it up in theirs. Stay strong, you are loved and esteemed, sometimes by people who don't come and say it.

[@justinhart2831]

It is also extremely important that a person does not develop too high an option of his or herself. That's the balance that's tricky.

[@DawnDreams]

This is exactly what I needed to see today. Thank you.

[@drivebypoet]

Thanks. This was a really good episode.

[@tamarajessup1398]

This was very helpful. I'm grateful for this channel!

[@mikefelber5129]

I chose at a young age to not allow the influence of others define me (as I did not like the feedback I got about the real world) and have spent plenty of time alone to fully define, for myself who I am. The close people around me do help shape me, but I’m pretty solid on myself via my own definitions thank you very much:)

[@jauxro]

0:43 yeah. I noticed that my sense of self shifted when I went from regular schooling to homeschooling. I began to wonder if I would lose my sense of self altogether.

[@nemoaspieman369]

Life is full of twists and turns and it always influences us in ways we may not realise and often it can even twist who we are or think we are. None of us are perfect, and we each continue to trip and tumble in many areas, this is a constant till the day we die, especially in those areas we may think no issues exist. Sometimes we may even require an external influence to help address our blind spots, and we hope that it is done with compassion. Learning never ceases, it is a relentless journey to the grave but often we adults close ourselves off from having our biases challenged and many of us are completely against having our cognitive dissonances triggered. I believe Character and Personality are defined by the Inner-self and that it takes a lifetime of dedication to mould the Inner-self, especially befitting a Character and Personality of conscience. My hope is that the following will help illuminate my meaning. Character; is for others, a shallow reflection of us, usually to accommodate social interactions like developing first impressions and utilised within a narrative for either positive or negative conscious pragmatic actions. Like a character in a book, we develop ours over the course of our lives, some people are more adept and seem naturals at it and this maybe for many unique reasons, which could be seen as an aspect of nurture vs nature but isn't limited to the formative years but is dramatically impacted by it. Personality; is for the egotistical self, a perspective of what we think we are and usually developed for longer lasting and ongoing impressions and relationships. We can often think that it cannot be changed, at least not so easily, but this is a self-serving lie. Personality is a self perceived narrative that is forever changing, but we often think of it as more of a constant, incrementally changing ever so slightly over the arc of our lives or perhaps others have convinced us by putting us in a box or by giving us labels and perceive it as a constant like the perceived law of gravity which is also perceived as a theory, basically it is relative, either way it isn't set in stone unless you allow it to be or allow others to convince you that it is. Inner self; is for the journey of life, it considers the world around us and our impact on it and is the one thing that requires a lot of work and self-sacrifice, because it is a series of constant self evaluations, the self acceptance that we will make mistakes and self forgiveness so we can practice the openness to learn, change, adapt, evolve, trust and love. The Inner self is where the substance of one's self is developed, where character and personality may derive some depth, for without it, character and personality are often shallow, idiotic, ignorant, derogatory, discriminant and self-serving. Character and Personality can and will lie to others and to ourselves, but the Inner self always knows the truth and it is always wanting to be set free and be recognised, we just have to be brave enough to confront its reality and relinquish the illusion of control. Life is a work in progress a series of introspections and challenges for the accepted paradigms of our inner-self. So may our futures be full of progress.

[@cezariusus7595]

What if you are genuinely a failure or a bad person and your brain isn't lying?

[@IceMetalPunk]

That's the hardest part, isn't it? Not knowing. "Maybe I'm just being anxious and depressed and I'm not really as awful as I seem right now... or maybe I'm just a complete shithole that drags everyone down with me." If you ever figure out a consistent way to tell the difference, please let me know. I could use a technique.

[@SomeOnlinePerson]

If you are genuinely a bad person or failure, then you are either unaware of it, or accept it and don't care. If you care, then you are not a bad person, and in knowing, you can improve.

[@chaosdirge4906]

In a person's own way they are always a bad person. And now that I say that you have to take it with a grain of salt. Failing at something teaches you how to do something right more than succeeding does in a lot of cases. You need to fail at spelling to know how to spell a word correctly for instance and what some people call improper grammar is just in cases brains taking deductive reasoning to cut out things that don't really make sense to them. We all fail, we all do bad, and we've all had bad behaviors and will continue to. That doesn't mean it has to control you, that doesn't mean that you can't change, and it doesn't mean everything about that behavior is bad itself. In the end if your brain isn't lying about one thing its lying to you about something and that's not its fault, there is only so much information people can think of, so many things people don't learn through experience. Sometimes, realizing that is all a person needs.

[@br2891]

*cries in no inner monologue*

[@thstroyur]

It's all that lil' magical cricket's fault - it uninstalled its ad-blocker, and now all I can hear is marketing mush

[@thstroyur]

@Khaffit My personal insanity XD

[@maximusmidnight2591]

I love this analogy

[@chrysalizubeth88]

It’s taken me a long time to begin recognizing anxieties I’ve internalized from my family and work on untangling those ideas from what I believe about myself and the world.

[@anishia]

The accuracy with which you just summarized my pathology is kind of disconcerting but has nevertheless given me a lot to think about. Thanks for the great video.

[@selvahechicera4292]

I am shortening a lengthy rant down to "Bipeds are weird." You are welcome.

[@erinireland7902]

Thank you for this video... It helped me a lot because I have depression

[@chrrmin1979]

Discovering I didn't understand myself is the best thing that ever happened to my depression

[@christopherellis2663]

I cannot imagine how anyone could think that there must be something wrong with them, or that they are going mad or whatever, unless they are very immature. Just like those who do have something wrong with them, yet refuse to accept it.

[@leannasullender154]

I have anxiety and depression but I don't intentionally hang around people that don't like me but it can't always be avoided like if we are in the same class at school same job etc but sometimes I have been too forgiving of people that keep being mean because I want to think they're come around or we used to get along.

[@ChincerDante]

The depressing experiment also explain why we like sad music when being sad. Ppl dont want to be contradicted they want to feel someone understand

[@beberivera7011]

This piece was so impressive! Tyfs!

[@JesusChristDenton_7]

I call my voice the *Dark Passenger* .

[@IceMetalPunk]

I've called mine Freddy in the past, named after Freddy Kreuger: exists only in my mind, but is still dangerous and never seems to die.

[@MySerpentine]

Dexter fan?

[@PaulThronson]

This is an absolutely fantastic sci show!

[@cammy1349]

No one's ever been especially mean to me though. I mean, I've been called names and been made to feel embarrassed/ridiculed, sometimes by teachers, but I've never had anyone directly tell me all the extreme negative thoughts in my head, like I'm a failure etc. Idk

[@zedwms]

So, you mean when my sister told me nearly every single day, "nobody's ever going to like you," it may have had a negative impact on my self-schema?

[@bdr420i]

That was so helpful ❤️♥️ thank you Hank

[@wabisabi3343]

This is a wonderful video! It's such an important message for people to hear. I think that the key to someday putting the extreme contempt of our current culture behind us is by teaching the next generation to understand that their mind is a machine that doesn't always work as well as we think it does.

[@mimziexxhwang]

can you do a video on intrusive thoughts? like, why even people without any disorders can get them? i mean, thoughts like: "what if i just throw my phone out of the car window for no reason?" or "what if i just punch the person right next to me just like that?" or even worse thoughts that are completely against your values & personality?

[@upinskad]

I needed that so much, thank you :)

[@Karyotyping]

...... So then is it weird that I don't have that little voice? It's just me in here. There's no thoughts in my head that tell me who I am or anything like that.

[@aiksi5605]

Nothing is weird, just you being *yourself*

[@JesusChristDenton_7]

:)

[@blobworld4life]

Do you read quietly in your head or out loud even if just a whisper? Legit query.

[@Karyotyping]

@@blobworld4life I read in my head, but I don't have an internal voice when I read, if that's what you're asking.

[@nymiancomplex7336]

It's rare, but it's an actual phenomenon, although I don't remember what causes It. Some people just don't have an internal voice like the rest of us and only think in images and abstractions

[@monterxz]

I hoped this will be a video about our inner voices, but it appears to be another video about depression. I've already watched videos about depression, about the tendency to stick to people with negative views of you and so on. I'd like to know more about inner voice in general - that's why I opened this video

[@mudpie6927]

Yep I can relate to this sometimes you need to argue with yourself even if you really believe what it says.

[@elizabethmcglothlin5406]

There's all sorts of negative feedback: like whenever my mother complimented my appearance, she sounded really surprised. "You know, you might have nice legs, someday." I was 11.

[@lilypict9216]

Not even 50 seconds into the video and I thought to myself : "Congratulations, with quiet BPD, DID, social anxiety and being an introvert I'll never going to find out who I am now.. Oha!" But awesome video, liked and subscribed! 🙂👍

[@HoD999x]

i never heard about this inner voice before. may i assume that it does not happen to everyone?

[@lynallott3404]

Ya know those videos that tell you something that you just learnt painfully. Those ones that come just too late to be of any use. Goddammit.

[@elenagibbons4719]

Wow this is actually incredibly relevant to me today, thanks.

[@Penname25]

This explains EVERYTHING!

[@StanSwan]

The voice in my head is a very rude comedian. Like when Tracie Morgan was in a bus accident my first thought was, "Now he does not need to do his Fat Albert impression, he sounds like him all the time". When princess Dye was killed in a car accident my first though was, "She lived up to her name". I do have a filter but people I know well expect me to say or do outrageous things. Remember there was a magazine in the break room of the Challenger disaster. The photo looked like bugs bunny with two long ears where the booster rockets left trails. So naturally I had to draw in the rest and print, "WHAT'S UP DOC"? On the cover.

[@undeadwilldestroyall]

Thank you for this

[@syxxvralrock5759]

When those with depression seek out negative reviews about themselves they do it in the hopes of knowing what is wrong with them so they can fix it. They aren't looking for stability, they are looking for a way out of their own self-schema. When you feel like there is something wrong with you and everyone else says there is nothing wrong with you, yet you are experiencing difficulties in life, you will definitely tend to not agree with them. If you are perfectly fine, but life feels exceptionally unfair, what is it that you are even able to do about it? Positive reviews therefore are a confirmation that your situation is hopeless because you aren't doing anything wrong. Negative reviews are therefore a hopeful sign because there is room to improve. How is it that you were able to say what you did at 4:45 but not comprehend what I said above. They aren't reinforcing their self-schema for the sake of stability and that basically proved it.

[@UroChesia]

Syxx V Ralrock you did not prove anything beyond your perspective.

[@dantheman40434]

It's worse when the voice is drilled into your head by an abusive spouse who has isolated you and told you that anyone who says differently is "just being nice because they have to be."

[@EvilBMO]

Usually don't experience an inner voice or monologue. Usually i think in pictures, single words, or short phrases, but mostly my mind is completely quiet.

[@leoperez6737]

This reminds me at my high school, where people often called me ugly and it seemed no girl was intrested in me. I truly belived that I was really ugly, although my physic was usally considered good looking. I always belive that was ugly, even though a female friend started to telling me otherwise. I am now trying to become a model, and today a lot of people may tell me that I am handsome I still have issues beliving it. Kind of the same story applies with my inteligence . Depression is an awful thing that I wish no one would have.

[@atomicnectar]

What a great series certainly a very insightful episode

[@Kittsuera]

My inner voice hasn't lied to me in years... given counter arguments for the sake of counter argument sure, but not strait up lies.

[@ASTROPLANET13]

This kinda relates to a question that been nagging me for a while. When you dream and have a conversation with someone, who are you talking to? Yourself? Your subconscious? What if there multiple people involved? I remember having a lucid dream in a town and walking up to people and trying to trick them into admitting they were figments of my imagination. It was pretty fun but I never got a coherent answer from someone.

[@emilys1418]

Thank you.

[@kaninma7237]

If you have a covert narcissist for a parent or a toxic sibling, this can create powerful problems in your self-schema.

[@Future_Pheonix]

I think, as someone with mental disorders, that one of the biggest problems about these researches is that they forget these are humans they are studying. They can interact with them and ask them questions. I know they try to keep it as neutral as possible, but I think that once the study is over, more followup questions are necessary. Because with things like these, what might seem like one thing to an outside observer might signify something else. For example, I think the whole seeking people who think negatively on them/have a similar view on them as themselves thing might be related more to fear and control. At this point I'd like to mention the fact that having depression often goes hand in hand with other disorders and not knowing if these people had any other disorders complicates understanding this. For example, if the person being asked this also had social anxiety as well, they might be fearful of meeting the positive individual because: A. That person might be an extrovert, which can be overwhelming and scary. (More positive thinking can be associated with "normal" and "outgoing"). B. Since it seems like their view on them is different (and they are probably healthy and "normal"), that person might judge or criticize them and not believe them or understand them. C. It might in general mean that they are a very different person from them and they wouldn't know how to deal with them or understand them. This might cause serious anxiety, a feeling of a lack of control and other negative feelings. And this example is just one disorder. They might have a different one or many at once, like me. Even without any other disorder, just having serious depression makes it difficult to be understood and they probably fear not being understood or being in control, so while I doubt they want to be criticized and looked down on, it just might ironically mean(or seem to them) that people who think there's nothing wrong with them might understand even less and they'd feel under "attack", it's a defense mechanism. IDK, that's my opinion as someone with clinical depression and other disorders, but it might be several things at once, or maybe different things for different people. I didn't take a long time to think about it, but the point is that there's an issue if none of the researchers have personal experience with depression or understanding of it, because what you're seeing often means something else completely for these people. However, as someone who fears criticism, I think going for the middle, neutral one would be ideal, I don't think I'd go for the negative, that is strange to me. But it was unclear if this is what subjects with depression chose here or if they were only asked whether or not they'd like to meet the one that thought of them positively. Which make this study less clear. Another thing that bothers me is that we don't know which words or sentences were considered "positive". This too would be different to a person with depression or certain disorders vs "normative" people. What they may consider positive would differ due to their own personal interpretation of it, significantly skewed by their mental state. Honestly, a conversation with these people would have probably lead to better conclusions imo.

[@bass1bone]

I love that the description for this video is a wink and a nod to Cher: "I can feel something inside me sayin', 'I really don't think I'm strong enough, no!'"

[@crisscringle]

The voice in my head feels distinct enough from myself, that I refer to myself as "we" in conversation and people end up understandably confused 😂

[@peterholdridge]

Save yourself the money. Give yourself self-therapy by getting enraged at the negative voice in your head and silently shouting at it that it's wrong and to go away. You do this a few times and the voice goes silent and begins to fade from your life. You are your best therapist and you don't need drugs. This is coming from experience and getting as low as you can get and coming back out of it. Visualizing putting bad memories in a locked box and throwing away they key also helps. Just takes practice.