Self-love calms the nervous system - Everyday Alex 009

Therapeutic Tuesday - Everyday Alex 009 - Self-love calms the nervous system - Alex Howard works with patient Kotryna to help understand why her nervous system is not calming, and how to cultivate self-love to encourage this process. Want to share a mini-session with Alex with our community? Email [e-mail] with an issue you'd like to explore on your recovery path. Find out more about The Optimum Health Clinic at www.theoptimumhealthclinic.com
Everyday Alex is the daily vlog series from Alex Howard. Subscribe and hit the bell for notifications to make sure you don’t miss a single episode! Explore Alex's website alexhoward.tv to find out more about his projects at The Optimum Health Clinic, Therapeutic Coaching and Conscious Life.

[@lisadennys6045]

“You’ve spent your whole life practicing how to be hard on yourself”. That was pure gold. It’s what I’m trying to unravel slowly for myself. I loved the Yin/ Yang reminder and building a softness approach towards self….one little bit at a time. Working with patterns gently. You touched on a lot of behavioural and attitudinal / conditioned pieces here that I found really valuable to work with. I’ve never seen anyone else tease apart all these nuances, Alex. Thank you.

[@linahogberg1483]

These videos are so incredibly helpful! When you actually see real examples from real people it makes such a huge difference. Superb idea!

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thanks Lina!

[@charlotteinez3160]

This was so helpful, thank you. I definitely relate to stressing about being in a healing state and trying to 'achieve' a healing routine but becoming bored by it. I also find it really hard to think of things that are fun! I don't seem to find anything genuinely fun... but I know the importance of joy for recovery. It's like I know all the things I 'should' be doing for recovery but I don't do them in the right way... I do them in like a regimented way because I know I 'need' to do those things for recovery.

[@pyewacket8003]

Hi Charlotte. This may or may not be appropriate for your circumstances, but if you’re looking for fun, you might consider checking out Marc Rebillet on KZbin. He does improvised music with a comedy twist. I think people love him or hate him, but it has certainly been giving me a lot of joy lately. Hope that helps.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Hi Charlotte... it can be a really tricky one, but the more the system relaxes, the more we are in our body, the easier it becomes to connect to our heart and our fun. Hopefully some of the upcoming content will be useful, thanks!

[@rvbball1]

I relate to this so much.

[@rochellesumeray4213]

I have very similar feelings of that boredom your guest spoke of. I've been thinking there's involvement of the neurotransmitter Dopamine which isn't being produced during the last 18 months since I've had these symptoms which could be called ME/CFS. When I do things that encourage the production of dopamine, such as a feeling of achievement, motivation, listening to music, going for walks, dancing, being around others in order to get on with boring tasks, but WITHOUT medication (cocaine, opioids, and many stimulating drugs produce dopamine) I believe the production of dopamine is what is needed with this stage of ME/CFS. I did the STOP process today, and jumped into Choice only once I had visualised my happy place....I jumped in, experienced the complete transformation, and jumped into Coach, and I'm so impressed with this process...but it was important to visualise my happy place before jumping into Choice....Once in Choice, it was a superb transformation; the reason I did the process was no longer there...literally disappeared. This isn't my achiever pattern so much as my needing to have results ;), and I feel it's so important to keep practicing until the brain is capable of being rewired with intention. Thanks Alex

[@daniw.5481]

Oh wow, this is such a brilliant and mighty helpful reframe - thank you so much Alex! I'm feeling very loving, grateful and protective towards my nervous system right now - almost smitten hehe 🥰

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thank you Dani!

[@truthprevails7085]

Wow, the psychological tug and pull re approaching programs for recovery, etc., finally a good explanation! Thank you SO much!

[@suejoscelyne4874]

A very good session, bringing 15 years of relavent information together

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thank you Sue!

[@katieduncan9091]

Far out, I do the same thing!!!! I get myself so much more stressed the more I try to be calm and relaxed and then I get even more frustrated and stressed!!!! Very helpful and I look forward to watching the next video ☺️

[@monikalowe6498]

Such a helpful video Alex! Thank you. I definitely relate to this. I am working on my inner critic towards my stressed state. I am trapped in an anxiety cycle after the trauma of 18months of unknown nerve pain etc. and misdiagnosis. Without understanding what was going on, I came to fear anxiety symptoms (body pulsating etc.). I also find myself checking and stressed if I am not calm. I know I can’t think myself to be relax so it can be very difficult when the mind has embedded pathways of sensitivity to stress symptoms. Working hard on this and being easier on myself 💪🏻

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Glad you are finding useful, and yes, thinking ourselves into a relaxed state never really works!

[@misscharmaineX]

Really great video and so relatable, I recognise the patterns I am running. I manage to stop them mostly in the day but if I wake in the night my mind can run wild. The more I try to stop it the worse it gets. Like a child my system is probably asking me for some nurturing and kindness in those circumstances. I think practising being in the moment really helps, grounding, watching the breath etc even physically giving yourself a hug and gently patting my arms can help disperse the stress.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thank you, glad you found helpful!

[@a67173]

Very interesting and helpful! Thank you!

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

You are welcome, glad it was helpful :-)

[@miaoeser]

All sounds very familiar! It seems impossible to unlock these patterns that we have created for years....! We can certainly see the patterns but changing them is bloody hard!!

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Hi Mia, Yes, it can be really hard work, but its also certainly worth it!

[@forisma]

23:50 laughing out loud 🤣 I loved this session. Softness is what I need as well. Russian culture can be quite hard on people :( I have the exact same problem with a Stop technique, it seems to wire my nervous system even more. I used a stop technique with great succes in 2015, but it stopped working because I pushed so hard, and eventually I crushed again. Now it does nothing for my body, or it agitates. I think it's a tricky technique for us achievers out there, who actually need nurturing, love and softness.

[@rochellesumeray4213]

Very good advice Alex gives here. I'm interested in something specifically: I wonder what cortisol test your guest had? Baseline, 24 hr urine, or the other one..LDDST, late night cortisol test?; she says she had 3 times the normal level.

[@CheekyMeekyFreeky]

can anyone post a link to the stops process? I tried searching on optimal health clinic's website but couldn't find anything, I'd love to learn more about it

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Thanks for your comment. This is something we only cover in coaching programs because it requires a supervised environment to learn 👍 look out for emails the next few days on a new program launching 😋

[@CheekyMeekyFreeky]

Thank you!