Yes

oh oh ... das ist ja interessant

Thank you That was right for me 22 years ago

Not wanting to burden others with my troubles.

Makes perfect sense the stored Trauma

True so true

Having asked 100s of times, or, wanting to , hoping to, asking to, share with a supposed friend even, and always being told I'm a bother, even from therapists, who deem me too complex, i now have surrendered to the fact that I'm on my own. Alone, lonely, yes, but, without other options , it is what it is. Trying not to think beyond the next 4 hours is how i try to exist. Family deemed me ' weird" from childhood, and abandoned me. Chronic lyme, mycotoxicity, CFS/ME, all are "weird" challenges, and those who were semi friends didn't understand those challenges, and chose to disconnect, fearing it was all "made up", not real medical issues. There's only so much money, so much energy, so much time, and so many times the door can be slammed in your face, professionals included , until the desire or ability to even imagine trying again, is gone. Best to be alone, silent, and know I'm doing the best i can.... thanks for all you do, Alex 🙏🕊

I think my ex husband has had this during all our marriage and it has been devastating for our relationship.

Trying is never enough!

What gets in the way is being afraid of getting too close to people 🥺

Being a high functioning depressive for years has come from a lack of support and empathy from others who consistently minimise the impact of my feelings and experiences. On the flip side others view me as reliable and dependable when they want something, and is never reciprocated. This has led to complete self dependence and avoidant behaviours. I’ve been taught I can only rely on myself.

Talking to others about my ongoing lack of joy is not going to solve anything and besides they would not know what to do and probably would start to avoid me, because I'm not a good company.

And what will happen if I share here how desperate and hopeless I am. Are you gonna help me! No, not without crazy money for your pocket! I will share Nothing anywhere, because there is Nobody to listen! I have ZERO Friends! And my parents doesn't care and our relations are complicated. And what actually can be done? My mother can send me to therapy again. I'be been to therapies for year - NOTHING! I did the reset program - doing all the exercises, opening to my feelings - and NOTHING again; No feeling; nothing. Who should I share with - God. There is nobody. And I hate you! For your EMPTY little FAKE Hope you give! Helping is with Money. That is how you help. Because all your free videos are useless, and you know it. They are because you want to sell your next product!

I grew up where showing your true feelings is unacceptable. I am afraid to be vulnerable in front of my family of origin for that reason.

I’m all of this 😢how to break this?

I do not want to bother other folk with my problems. I drink to numb the pain. I sold my car, and live in a very rural spot, which I love, but I can go days without seeing or talking to another human being, which is fine at times, but I do miss the company at times. I live alone with my rescue greyhound, and only go out of my home to walk her, and to take the rubbish to the end of the lane. I will not take tablets, yet I drink to calm myself in the short term. I just do not seem to get out of this feeling of anxiety, and have no money to buy a car now anyway. I have never been able to go with other folk in their cars, as I feel I have to be the driver, I have to be in control. xxx

I think: that everyone, who gives out info on human mind ailments - always - have that ailment themselves. And by helping others, you hope to one day see your self, and your own issues - clearly. If and when that ever happens, (if it can happen) - then will no longer see YOUR 'high function depression', in other people.

Having got the impression, imprinted somehow into my mind, that I don't have the right to feel, therefore, even recognising or self-compassion are somehow delayed and, such a delay of to-do for myself action triggers guilt that makes honest sharing to be even more difficult.

People don´t believe I´m depressed. They think I´m just dramatic. That´s why I´ve stopoed asking for help.Healthcare providers have always said to me. your are obviously fine, you don´t have any problem

Yeah this one hurt

That’s so sad 😭

I have mid functioning depression. I struggle to keep going. I feel hope when my friend turns up, I can rely on her like I never could my relatives. When your efforts are met with criticism it's best to move and quickly. Don't hang around people who drag you down, there was enough of that as a child.

For me I don’t ask for help, things get worse and then it feels like I’m too late to ask for help. I feel it comes from being a child and teenager and fearing to ask for help with what was going on at home even though I knew we needed a social worker or some sort of intervention. Thorough therapy I’m leaning to be less numb to what happens around me but it’s fucking difficult. I’ve become so nonchalant to the bad things stay happen in life.

I did all of that. I lost my family by staying with the abuser. I got mad enough to kick him out. I divorced him and moved away. I am still going through some of these.

Omg giving my energy and become subject to environment. New job day 2 and I already feel bad and as if ppl think I'm weird and incapable. Which is strange bc when I was in between jobs I felt overall confident. I said sorry to a colleague for asking another question. She said: you don't have to say sorry ( not in a demeaning way but I feel immediate concern how I'm showing myself) I miss myself. I'm going to look for wfh job I'm used to it and I don't care if it's avoiding It's my life

I love this and I’ve been learning to do things I love. Sauna, swim , call friends I like talking to , I only have 3 real friends but that seems plenty even though I may rarely see them , it’s ok as long as I stay in community with them a couple times a month. Also reading , commenting on posts, listening to good podcasts, finding voices I like and music too . And mostly accepting if I feel lonely and letting tears roll and then reaching or taking other actions to fulfill some of what I need. I do t expect myself to fill every aspect and I do t expect anyone else to either . I also don’t expect to get to complete fulfilment at all times .

Abandonment issues from birth, never feeling 'good enough', shame, guilt, being told I was 'stupid'; however the biggest 'clincher' was being told by a family member 'you're just not one of us'. Tried therapy, but I could never see light at the end of the tunnel (it's a darn loooong tunnel) so I'd give up. Self-defeating I know!

I think that because I’m so tired of feeling this way that I think whoever I share it with may be tired of hearing about it. I also don’t want people who depend on me to think I’m not able to be there for them. I’ve been taking depression medication for maybe 15 years, and I’m questioning whether it’s even helping.

For me it’s fear of dependence. When I have a connection it makes me want more of it.

Yep…a blessing and a curse rolled into one.

I hate it when people say "meet the need for yourself"... We are social creatures and need others. When I told my therapist, that I need a hug sometimes or someone to sit next to me and be there she answered "Well it's even better to hug yourself" 🤦🏻‍♀️ NO IT'S NOT! It saddens me even more when I think about it. It also takes like 100 times longer to relax the nervous system and it's not as effective as beeing hugged by another (trustworthy) human beeing. I truly believe that not beeing touched makes people sick (in a non sexual way of course)! I've also sat with the feeling a lot... But sitting in fawn response (which feels a lot like freeze) has never brought me anywhere. The feeling of beeing stuck and not beeing able to move is the unhealthy coping mechanism in itself and so why do therapists believe that it might help to enforce beeing passive even more? I'm not a professional but I have a lot of experience with trauma and believe that taking action is the only way out of fawn/ freeze. It feels impossible when triggered and that's why I think that it needs to be trained in a safe space with a therapist. People need to learn to bring themselves out of that feeling of powerlessness. It would be nice if experts would include clients expertise when developing solutions and techniques.

Yep, I learnt 1-4. Thanks Alex for your help on my healing journey

We are so similar. I have rescued dogs for decades to feel needed because humans don't like me. My daughter let me know I was a terrible mother. My mom is a narcissist so is my husband. my poor inner child is so sad. I love her so much. Thank you

YES. I actively avoid my roommates and social situations I can feel it when there are problems in the house if they are sad and....I cry a lot. It's really difficult to see others cry, to see someone yelled at or animal being even *slightly* misused. I bow to others wants and needs even if it inconvenience me... because I don't want to hurt anyone.

💯

I learned to become invisible

Nah Empathy is like a bright light on a dark night to those that use, abuse and target resources of others. Steady your own emotions first. Not here to fix the problems of others - save yourself and don't be the one to step up all the time for others.

I keep being insulted as impulsive or aggressive but it's I never scream insult them etc. As I grew up with 2 narcissistic parents, I guess it's toxic ppl who project on me. Another reason is they demand too much, I am willing to help and I give 100% at work, but i live wirh chronical pain daily and i just cant be expected to solve the others problems or to take the responsibility for their lacking actions. That's when it's getting too much and then I defend myself by saying no and again it happens. I think normal ppl would not be energy vampires all the time and the fact they insult... I think actually it's good to have some anger cause otherwise you would never say no and keep getting exploited . I guess I've been living for too long in the freeze response, I feel alive only when I'm angry or do sports Being sad and depressed all the time it's at least progressing from emotional freezing, but it's still too overwhelming, I feel bodily and emotional disconnected from my environment Meditation and prayer don't work with me as I'm too often dissociated then I lose myself entirely in a fantasy world when I have a crush . I think it's about overthinking here, disconnected from body and feelings but the mind creates these inner movies and dreams. I also sometimes project my wishes on men making myself a victim to sex addicts, in reality it's not like I imagine them to be. In Slaa terms, I would say romanticizing. As shutting down is about losing time, I believe wish fantasizing it's kind of related to it

I'm working on the boundaries bit, but really appreciate the fact you mentioned how being an empath can be a gift too ...we just need to know how to wield it!

Chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo really has helped regulate my nervous system…..great video!

I ended up with a reactionary abuser... In recovery now. This is no light matter. My husband married me to do this abuse to me. I am 1.5 years into recovery

I think you missed one which is poor social skills, unless you’d put that under anxiety or self-esteem. I’ve noticed that the people I know who are most socially confident are those with loving and engaged parents. Obviously correlation is not causation though.

Has anyone purchased the book please? if so is the method doable? easy enough? effective for you? I realise we are all different.

never bonded with my mom.

Guys I let go of control again and again do I have less this style. Improvement is possible. Those who struggle with control go to 12 steps meetings

I really loved this video Alex , thankyou . Really helps having it broken down and makes so much sense. Can I ask though How do we allow & process those feelings and emotions that are blocked? I realise that I experience disassociation a lot, or I then go into a highly anxious state which means I experience a lot of anxiety and now Paranoia. I feel numb a lot. How do we feel those feelings but with Safety. Especially when dealing with CPTSD ? Thankyou in advance for your reply, or maybe someone else can comment /reply to this question

I think everyone recovers after menopause

#1 That’s me totally numb and constantly distracting myself to avoid the pain of my seemingly hopeless situation. #2 is my brother who self identifies as batshit crazy and projects his mental health problems on to me. #3 Intellectuals like my father suffer a great deal because they torture themselves trying to make sense of what happened.

Yes there not there emotionally your alone.

From the Tao Te Ching - "Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power." Lao Tzu