Seriously, STOP! 10 Crappy Habits (..and How to Love Yourself Instead)

[@heatherb7565]

I found you years ago through your tarot trainee series, and have loved so much of your work. You are generous and honest and fierce and this video has really just hit so many sweet spots! I don't say it often enough but thank you for all you do and share, for the space you create and hold for us all. I will be listening to this again and then likely again 💕

[@kelly-annmaddox]

🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@doublethedose5]

Kelly rocks

[@HollarMoonMountain]

“A beloved friend”….same,I would never treat others as bad as I’ve treated myself. Thank you.

[@autimarie]

Here for another re-watch. Multiple heartbreaks at once...need to remember my light ✨️

[@andipeters743]

Self-Talk section is really good, helps a lot.

[@palmskrymme]

Leaving into strength rather than focusing on weaknesses!!!>>>> "I am good with people. I can tell stories that stick. I ask the right questions. I gift book of shadows *moments*." Thanks Kelly Ann!!

[@lisanygaard2720]

I recently bought your book and decided to check out your channel. So much of this resonated with me. I recently ended a 50+ year friendship with someone that is a diagnosed covert narcissist (I ignored so many red flags). I have issues with the negative self talk and tend to self harm in the manner of not taking care of myself to the point where I have lost teeth. Turning that around is a long road. I was watching last night at 3AM when you mentioned not sleeping and realized that’s what I was doing. So I turned it off, went to bed, and continued watching today - after finally washing the dishes, lol.

[@aseeyahrhinesmith1413]

There are sooooo many things in this video I need to re visit but the 2 things that stood out for me was talking to myself the way I would comfort/talk to a friend and not allowing the past to dictate how I am now. Thank you for your honesty and I'm still re reading Rebel Witch. I think my next journey with you will be basic tarot. ❤❤😊

[@kit5730]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Every single point resonated … however, what cut the deepest was in #4, it’s ok to really feel your anger, sorrow over the injustices that occur daily (everywhere). Because I don’t see others reacting as I do I always feel “wrong”. As the saying goes … If you’re not angry or frustrated, you’re not paying attention. #5 & #8 After decades, I instinctively came to a point of letting go of my fair weather friends, stopped over giving, did the exercise of seeing how long it would take them to reach out, to find that they didn’t. It’s a very lonely path when who remains is nobody. Ah the joys of being an INFJ-T, master #29/11, Enneagram 4, High Priestess soul. My entire life I’ve given so much of myself to others, I am now in the process of trying to find out who I truly am. #10 Don’t let your past dictate your future. Truly release the narrative that I created (and carried as truth) for survival - or as my therapist so lovingly calls it an SOS, a cry for help. That narrative is not my truth. It never was. There is a long and arduous journey before me, but it is the only way I can travel. Again, Kelly-Ann, thank you for all you do for yourself and for all you share with us. Gratitude.

[@chan8426]

The point abt 'uninteresting things' - that fear of being seen as not knowing or being caught out resonates so much!! Working thru these fears atm~

[@autimarie]

I am so grateful for this video. Every time I watch it I find new treasures. Today I got chills when you were talking about choosing not to honor something that regularly dishonors you. I really needed to hear that bit today and take it to heart. I've been stuck with a particular relationship that keeps hurting me, like deep traumatic hurt, and I've done the begging...what a damaging waste of energy 🤦‍♀️ I trust that your insight is helping me find my way up and out to a more self-loving place 🙏 Thank you 🖤

[@elineeugenie5224]

When you say 'weird wacky poetry' my heart goes boooff💜

[@moonchildspirit5581]

Wake up call. .we need it. Including myself, we knock ourselves down constantly. I see it in myself and I see it in others I know. MY childhood best friend is now dead because of this. It's a danger not to, not for everyone they can re adjust, but some people get so down on themselves they make bad choices. It's really sad...

[@DawnMK2023]

I just had a single card draw tell me to say Yes to a decision I need to make. Then I saw this and it's given me a jolt in the butt. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@academievoortarot]

I'm saving this video in my favorites.

[@le2458]

I've been doing so poorly (in my perfectionist view) at a job that I hate and realized I'd made a big embarrassing mistake that triggered my least favorite corporate condescending emails when this video came up and it really backed me off the edge. Thank you so much!!!

[@JessicaandtheMoon]

So nourishing Kelly-Ann, thank you 🙏🏻 I’m still working on the should-ing all over myself around knowing all the things, and it was helpful to hear you talk about that ❤

[@tricera_tops_]

One of the things that have really helped me with how I see myself and my body is when I started taking croquis classes. Suddenly I got to see so many different body types and realizing that what you might see as a flaw, in the croquis setting is just another unique characteristic of you. Now I'll look at my belly rolls in the mirror and go: "I'll put a line here and a line here..." Recently I've also started modeling and that has brought another level of that self love and confidence to me. There's nothing cooler that to be able to see yourself through someone elses eyes! To see the lines that they choose to draw! It's wonderful!

[@brycek2033]

I have no words to describe how brilliant this is. Thank you!

[@marestellarum7894]

Ready for more learning!!!!

[@robertasparrow1948]

Such food for thought. I really love the last point as I am trying to fall into self-compassion when suffering is unavoidable but I usually opt for avoidance. I would like to share along the vein of over giving. I taught myself to no longer explain myself to an adult. Children I can understand genuinely questioning my actions and thoughts but I no longer get hooked into conversations that seem to defend my values or actions. Now when I respond that different views and opinions should be respected it depersonalizes the situation and I no longer am being interrogated. Just perhaps misunderstood or not appreciated. Love the empowerment you weave through these videos!

[@shaunaraetarot]

I resonated with so much of this. So much! Thank you Kelly-Ann 🙏🏻💚

[@snorlaxgender_deactivated]

When I start to slip back into SH territory, I think of a line from a favorite song: "Love is not like anything, especially a fucking knife." SH is ultimately more punishment than release. That's not love. Not even a little. This video was great, thank you for your thoughts and insights.

[@antwanzhane]

reeeeeeeaaallly resonate with the bit about not finding yourself all that interesting when trying to be perfect - that sings!

[@kelly-annmaddox]

✨️❤️

[@heathersmith5237]

Great video! Yes, the “deathbed perspective” enabled me to transition and live as my true self. I couldn’t agree with you more about it! 🌹❤️

[@og5uh]

Thank you so much for constantly gifting us such beautifully presented wisdom. Love you!

[@TheSarahJodi]

I seriously love your poetry! And trends change all the time anyway

[@kelly-annmaddox]

Thank you for checking my poetry out, doll. 🥰 You're right, tastes and styles switch up like the wind. Always better to stick to what you feel.

[@UnSung_Studio]

thanks for this. best frikin' sell for Rebel Witch (written under circumstances of madness and mental duress). and potent reminder to a bird who cages herself in perfectionism and then cries piteously from behind the bars.

[@saphia6208]

Inspiring! Full of things I needed to hear/remind myself of. Thank you!

[@pinkdaisy5934]

such a beautiful, thoughtful & freeing talk, Kelly-Ann! the most mind & heart - opening for me: #1 - let go of perfectionism & create anyway. Who knew how emotionally harming this is?!? & I love the quote - the more creativity you use - the more you creativity you create! When you spoke about your collage and poetry not being mainstream.... I think of the JOY I have in seeing the arc of artists - of all mediums - and their journey, twists, turns, growth. Create = growth !!! Regarding other "not getting" your work... Look up letters to the editor of Le Monde - 1887. "a scar on the face of Paris!" this was Parisian opinions of the Eiffel Tower. 1977.... the exact words were printed regarding the dynamic & beloved Pompidou Centre. #6 - accepting that you have a beautiful unique perspective, and have valuable things to share -from where your unique / genuine preferences & curiosities lead. YES! YOUR OWN unique & genuine perspective. Why waste time comparing and contrasting ... and possibly mimicking what others have put out - when our unique VOICES are where the charm & growth is. the WORLD craves & loves different perspectives - shared in unique, authentic, beautiful ways. a warmth washed over & through me hearing #6. #10 - where your mom, after apologizing & owning her part - said enough! time for you to own it in whatever way you need to - but move on. POWERFUL. THANK YOU, Kelly-Ann. Seriously important information - for a universally crippling condition. These are serious - Nobel level insights. Thank you, beautiful heart.

[@kaz555]

This has helped me alot, thank you.

[@sofiiii1]

Thank you Kelly-Ann 💜

[@cheshira2646]

I had to quit telling myself that the reason I was lonely was because no one understood me. Of course they fricking didn’t. I didn’t give them a chance. I think giving up loneliness and the story I told myself about why I was lonely was major. Really major. Thank you for this video :)

[@kelly-annmaddox]

Oooh this is deep work. Very nicely done x

[@5Raven]

You should be so proud of all you have achieved. As it’s said Don’t keep looking back your not going that way. I have only just found your channel and I enjoy your content I have only just started on this path but I have known things that would happen most of my life. Inherited on my grandma’s side. But I have negative mind chatter and managed to get bad anxiety because I didn’t know what was a premonition and what was my stupid brain. I ended making myself Sick. Your mind is so very powerful so to turn the corner you have done so well. So keep looking forward and it will get better and better Xx

[@MichelleWade1973]

One of the things I love about you is that in every video you share a concept that changes my perspective. The idea of using the "rebel witch" archetype, in my own mind, to flip the bird to all my internal walls that hold me back - freaking brilliant.

[@klinky20]

This video hit close to home on so many points. Thank you for the perspective and ideas! ❤ Would you consider sometime doing a video about ending friendships, or distancing from friends specifically. Whether they are fair weather friends or energy vampires etc. I know you have talked a lot about this type of thing with family members but I feel like it can bring up different feeling and take different steps for friends.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

Hey doll. I have a couple of videos on friendships ending that you might find useful: Grieving a friendship: kzbin.info/www/bejne/ame0c6OtrdKebq8 Shadowy Friendships with People Who Don't Clap When You Win: kzbin.info/www/bejne/d3eQcp56m6mkiZY

[@urbanehexe]

Your videos are so empowering. Thanks for showing me (again), that I'm on the right path.

[@rachel2880]

Love you Kelly-Ann! Thank you for all you do.♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@teresastorms3774]

This video has been fantastic! I didn't go through a phase of self-harming the way some do. I used food as that crutch, that bandaid to cover whatever deeper wounds I wasn't willing to look at. I have been very conscious about my self talk and I will stop and rephrase with kindness instead of malice. I have set boundaries and limits when I realized how much I was over-giving. I used to worry about being selfish, but I know now that I'm doing what is best for me. Blocking that "friend" who only wanted to see me when they're drunk, who then ghosts me for days or months at a time...nope, I don't accept that treatment from myself or anyone else. It's a process that is ongoing, not a destination. Continuous improvement is my goal. And the next big thing is your last point - not using the past as an excuse to stay stuck. I look back and know I did the best I could at the time and acknowledge what I learned from the situation so as not to repeat it in the future. It's a tough one. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share such intimate parts of yourself. 💜

[@11kindpunk11]

💙💙💙 I'm so grateful to you.

[@calsannepotgieter4200]

Wow! A really impactful video. The thing that resonated with me most was over giving. I'm just starting to realise how much I overgive. I'm just reflecting on how much I've put myself down for others. I would never ask someone to hurt themselves for me and yet I have been prepared to hurt myself for others. I have so many unequal friendships. But I'm starting to speak up for myself a little. It's scary but necessary.

[@moonchildspirit5581]

Ditto. !! I'm exactly like you, it's such an easy trap. In the process of eliminating one sided friendships now.

[@LouValcourt]

Yes to those lists about what is not spiritual. The amount of times I’ve heard I shouldn’t listen to heavy metal. 🙄 And I agree about the news. I think everyone has to do what’s right for them. For me it’s important to stay informed.

[@cosmic.creeper]

Just wanted to leave my appreciation for this. I listened in parts so my brains not bringing together coherent thoughts, but it was a great self love offering as always.

[@kirstin5290]

Thank you so much for pointing out how sneaky self harm can be! I overcame a diet and exercise obsession about four years ago, and I'm doing a lot better in that regard, but now the self harm happens in my head and my tendency is to worry constantly, imagining situations where I am humiliated, cheated on, abandoned. I think it's actually PTSD, but I don't want to keep hurting myself like that, so to see the thoughts as a form of self harm instead of something I'm a victim to and have no control over is helpful. Also, I'm really glad you didn't let perfectionism stop you from making all these videos. You've been like a big sister to me since my late teens when I was going through some dark times. I still am, but I'm more aware and way more self loving. I'm 27 now, and listening to you while doing mundane housework is one of my go-to self-care activities. In fact, I think I'll even post this comment rather than let perfectionism get in the way, as it usually does. Cheers from a fellow Virgo moon!

[@TheRavenLilian]

Not far into the video yet, but I thought I'd add in a little thing about creativity and not being able to run out. The places where it feels like you are running out of creativity are not you running out. That is where you are running into burn out. You're not out of creativity, you're just tired and need rest. This is why, especially as a creative, it is so important to take time off even if you enjoy the work you do. Very well then back to the video with me.

[@Christine-tp5pv]

decided to catch up on your videos today while working and honestly, I think there's something to be said about perfect timing. This week I almost had a SH relapse for the first time in a year, and hearing the genuine compassionate way you talked about your experience has really uplifted and reaffirmed my commitment to not relapsing. Also you're the possibly the only person who I've been able to listen to talk about it without getting at least mildly triggered, so thank you for that

[@kelly-annmaddox]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@bethflynn5342]

This was so helpful!!

[@c.e.m7535]

Thank you for sharing so much !

[@cocoscorner7699]

I resonated with a LOT of what you said and what’s needed to go the way of the Dodo in order to be more self loving, including learning from the past instead of using it as a way to stay stuck. It is so true that self love is a choice to be made daily and not a destination. I do also try to make that choice everyday and sometimes I fail but that’s just part of the journey. Thank you for being exactly who you are. You’re appreciated from across the pond!

[@ViolinViolaMasterclass]

Oh my gooooodness I needed to hear this especially about the perfectionism. I’m getting back into performance and this is a thing I’m dealing with. My last performance went badly due to this psychological battle with perfectionism. THANK YOU my heart needed to hear this.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

I wish you joy and power for your next performance, darling. x

[@hannahemory]

All I can say is, wow. This video hit deep, I took two pages of notes, and will definitely revisit this whenever I need a pep talk. Kick-ass insights as always, Kelly-Ann, and thank you for sharing. 🧡✨🌻

[@oliviayin6363]

I love your interesting and insightful ramblings. I'm curious what you're reading these days, is there a book haul or book recommendation video in the works by chance? I've discovered so many amazing books from you. Looking forward to your next publication too!

[@AGoddamnedHarpy]

Just found you on here and now I'm shamelessly bingeing everything 🙌🏻

[@AGoddamnedHarpy]

And oh my goodness, I so relate to being an overgiver and allowing one sided relationships. I'm also working on tightening those boundaries without losing my sense of generosity too, so I completely understand what a mountainous self love task that is.

[@andrew4635]

“When you self-harm, will you imagine that you’re harming me?” That hit so hard just now. I’ve never once thought about harming another person in the ways I’ve harmed myself-never mind someone I love deeply. I wish someone has asked me that back in the day. I’m as familiar as the next person with the Golden Rule, but I’ve never had it framed to me quite this way. What has helped me and continues to help me is: At the end of every day, I am my own best friend. I will always come home to myself at the end of the day, so we’d better get along with each other and support each other, or we’re going to have a very unhappy home life. I’m not sure why, but personifying myself in a way gives me something to bounce things off of? I wish I had the words to describe what I mean.

[@TheSpiritualWitch1111]

As per usual, the absolute best medicine served up just as I needed it!! The perfectionist bit 🤦🏻‍♀️ ahhh I am that Virgo ♍️ Thank you so much for all that you give to this community 💫

[@ExploringTarot]

Thank you so much Kelly-Ann! ❤ This was so fortifying and important for me to watch.

[@leigh8156]

I remember my mom saying something similar to me: “you got a raw deal, you did… now what? What are you going to make of your life?” It was just what I needed to hear. I decided I didn’t want to live there anymore- and as the years pass I visit that place less and less. Now when I get triggered or something brings my back the trip is short and I am much kinder to myself about it.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

LOVE this. I'm glad you freed yourself. Words can be vital catalysts. x

[@heatherb7565]

Just pausing at the end of the section about body and fitness, I have been going through a real shift recently in how I live in and care for and think about my body and part of the journey has been with the amazing content created by StyleLikeU. If you haven't seen this channel I highly recommend it, beautiful expressions of self love through a whole array of different perspectives 💗

[@kelly-annmaddox]

I have LOVED StyleLikeU for YEARS. Great channel. So thought-provoking.

[@undinespragg855]

thank you for this! i just want to say that as I learn about the craft, I am starting to see how well your creation of self love September is so in line with the fall equinox and Samhain. These videos are sort of a meditation for your viewers as we move into the darker part of the year in the northern hemisphere, which can be a time when many people start to feel down on themselves for various reasons.

[@wildiriswitchery8241]

So useful right now to hear all of these things! I could really relate and feel motivated to face these head on Thank you

[@emmaythegray]

Exactly what I needed to listen to today, thank you. Also, welcome to the world of "unpopular" poetry. Have had to do tons of work in that arena in order not to sit and do nothing in my creative practice. I've got a small book coming out with a small press that does editions of 50 (yes, fifty, I didn't forget a zero) and it's the perfect home for what I do. Oof that first section about scarcity mentality and creativity I need to re-listen to every day on repeat. Thank you.

[@ladysmall9853]

I am an over-giver. In the moment it feels so natural and right to just give. Make the thing, do the task, volunteer when nobody else has because it needs doing. I have begun to see how it permeates my life from work to social to hobbies. I give away the things I make even though people offer to pay me because of self-esteem issues. I have difficulty with compliments about it because I feel like since I did it it can't be that impressive. I didn't even realize it was low self-esteem until a friend called it that. A long way of saying I have a lot of crap around feeling good enough to be accepted and I haven't done the work on dealing with it. Over the last month or 2 The Universe has been poking me progressively harder to just fucking start already.😆

[@alute5532]

Your skin looks healthier and you smile easier You look as a transformed being I am happy for you, please do know that you set an example for us to follow. So, Please leave the way

[@katatarot597]

💜💜beautiful as always 💜💜

[@kraeftwerker]

I sent this video to a couple of friends who also struggle with perfectionism and they really got a lot out of it! Also your earrings are fire, are they meant to be a Mary burning heart?

[@PeachPlastic]

Bookmarking 22:11 to come back after sleep :)

[@Jessica-yi5ln]

You can get 15 years of therapy summed up in this video 💖🧡💖 Seriously- I can relate to everything you said. Love, love love this about you Kelly, so authentic and real ❤ Self hurting can also manifest itself in the weirdest ways, it can keep you from doing the work you love in order for you to fail at it, so you can continue telling yourself how "not good enough" you are, procrastination and avoiding the work. Because you are to afraid to either win or to afraid to affirm yourself that yes, you are a failure (again). It keeps you safe, in a prison of self abuse. And its not easy when your worst enemy is yourself. Because you cant get rid of "you ". Thank you Kelly for this video ❤

[@LavenderHazelwood]

LOL, "Holding onto a shit." I used to do that as a kid. I did get sick.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

🤭💩 Hehe. I used to hold my toilet business in so that I wouldn't miss the cartoons on TV, and when my mum said I should go to the loo (because she could tell I needed to), I would sometimes insist that I didn't need to. Kids can pause everything now - they will never know the struggle.

[@LavenderHazelwood]

@@kelly-annmaddox haha, true

[@HollarMoonMountain]

“Fuck off?” 🤘🏻🤣🤣🤣

[@kelly-annmaddox]

LMAO, why can I only heart react this once? 🤘

[@MyTimelord11]

I'm a little unsure on how I feel about skin picking as being self harm I mean I could see how for some people it might be but I dont view it that way for myself. I bite at the skin around my fingers a lot. More commonly when I'm stressed. I view it more as a self grooming thing even though that isnt the proper way to go about that. It's just something for my mind to focus on that isnt my anxiety and stress. I'm just trying to decipher whether self harm is an act or the attitude you have when carrying it out.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

The attitude is critical to whether or not it's self-harm, I think. I don't think a habit of picking the skin is always self-harm. Ultimately that would be up to the individual to decide. Defo, in my case. I use it in somewhat the same way, although with skin-picking I don't REALISE I am doing it for a while before the penny drops, whereas with the self-harm I used to engage in, I would consciously decide to do it.

[@MyTimelord11]

@@kelly-annmaddox that's good tho know. Thank you so much for sharing you're experience! It's so brave to put yourself out there like that

[@mystictv369]

I love Rebel Witch !!!

[@kelly-annmaddox]

🥰🥰🥰 Thank you doll x

[@carsarthu]

God is a DJ and all that!!! 🔥

[@pamelajackson9302]

Love this video so much I get deep depression alot.and I don't like to look in the mirror or to have someone take my picture all I see is someone fat.even though I have MS and a spine problem I exercise I eat healthy I'm vegan.but I would love to be slim and beautiful I'm biracial and back when I was in school you didn't see alot of mixed couples and biracial kids so I was bullied and called names for that.

[@MayastarOfficial]

😘🥰💖🌈🦄✌

[@wicca.tarot.lenormand]

I am from Russia. I am half Ukrainian myself. You don't know what you are talking about. Really, you don't know anything, and you can't see the whole picture by seeing one half of the equation. Please research both sides of the story, listen to our reasons to fight for our world. Russian world and russian peace. Feel our pain. We can't allow our country to be torn apart by corporations, like they used to do in the 1990s. We fight for our future and peace, and we are hated and bullied by the whole western world world for it. So be it, we were never friends with the west. Always hated. But Ukrainians are our brothers, and we are going to fight for their peace. They brought war to our country. But it is all paid by the western rich people who have nothing else to do. They are paying for this war by giving weap9ns to the ukrainian nationalists. They were Hitler allies and did war crimes in polland and Ukraine during WW2. I am probably going to be blocked, so tnk you for your work and good bye. Please research. Love and light to you, honey, you've helped me a lot.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

How do you justify the massacre in Bucha?

[@kelly-annmaddox]

How do you justify this madness in the village of Andriyivka? kzbin.info/www/bejne/o3Wzc6NjZ6iVn5I Perhaps it's time for YOU to do some research? I love Russia. I lived there in the past. The country is close to my heart. Doesn't mean I condone what the army is going in Ukraine.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

I see you're not up for having this conversation. 👍 Believing that loving Russia has to mean loving the illegal and unjust actions of their army is exactly the thing that is harming Russia irreparably. My friends have gotten out before being mobilised, thank fuck. Countless others will not be so lucky, and they will die unceremoniously in Ukraine, for nothing but the fragile ego of a narcissistic megalomaniac who believes that his country has the right to commit war crimes over the border.

[@ploegette]

I was literally thinking about my bad habits earlier and what I could do to change them. This really hit home and for the first time in a long time I cried because now it's like I can give myself permission to ditch the unhealthy and actually give myself a metaphorical and literal hug 🫂

[@kelly-annmaddox]