Sex ed in the Hasidic community | A Hasidic groom receives the birds and the bees talk

[@ashextraordinaire]

"You'll be crazy nice to her, then she'll be crazy nice to you, and everything will work out." Life should be so simple! I love it. Thanks for sharing this transcript, Frieda. It really is special.

[@kathya8760]

All grooms, regardless of their religious beliefs should have such a beautiful lesson. How to show caring, love and pride is so often overlooked. I found this very moving. Thanks for saving it Frieda.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes i was thinking the same for my son. lovely lessons in treating a woman with care for her feelings and wellbeing.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

I think the repeated reminders to compliment your wife's outfit, remember that a lot of time and effort went into it, try to take good care to protect it (such as helping keep the dress off the ground), and notice and remark when she changes outfits is very sweet and great advice for anyone to try to follow throughout the whole marriage! Noticing and being grateful for the effort our partners put in for us is a lovely part of maintaining lifelong love. Thank you for sharing 🙂

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes lots here to learn, I’d hope to teach those lovely things to my son about being good to a woman and the in laws!

[@beans4853]

​@FriedaVizelBrooklyn I have 3 little boys and 1 girl. I'm already teaching them how to treat their future wife by practicing on their sister. And she gets used to being treated well by males which is great, too!

[@kathleens.laroche754]

@@beans4853That's wonderful!

[@Dev_KG]

@@beans4853 I have a friend who always taught her son (only son with multiple sisters) that he was a HIT - Husband in Training!

[@HelloYiddy]

@@beans4853good plan!

[@nathanrosen]

Frieda, you have a way of presenting all topics, even the most delicate ones, with style, grace, class, and dignity. I always learn something from your lectures. Thank you!

[@shamaishamai1438]

Tears in my eyes at the respect given to the woman. My Muslim husband was told by his family to beat me into submission. He came from an educated, cultured family. He didn't beat me, and we talked about it.

[@leenam.4578]

PS: Your current hairstyle is the perfect shape and length for your face.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you so much!

[@joannamugliston9853]

True! Frieda looks so nice.

[@wendi2819]

​@@FriedaVizelBrooklynIt is just striking on you ❤

[@wendi2819]

Picturing how precious and sacred it is in the Orthodox community brings tears to my eyes! The very fast, immoral secular world could learn alot from historic sacred rituals from this community. ✡️🕎

[@CH-bb3zh]

With a sheitel you could look the same always…. Almost….😜

[@R.S.s.-ty7mm]

Hey Freida! Thank you for always approaching topics like these with an open mind, and a non-driven, non biased point of view. Although you speak of personal experience, I appreciate how you present it in a way that does not sum it up to black or white. That must be work on your end! It would be worth mentioning that the bride and groom teachers of today's generation, even within the Satmar sect, are advancing and becoming much better. Many people who I've spoken to agree that today's mentors (for bride and groom) are more proffessional and openminded, and young couples are given a lot more information to help the development of their relationship.

[@cestmarrant1]

Hi Frieda - I'm so happy you put out a video today. I needed to hear a soothing, caring voice - and there you were! Thanks you for your videos!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

aww I am so moved that people like my voice, I’ve always wanted to be a storyteller!

[@loriloristuff]

This is so sweet and precious!!!! It takes the groom by the hand and basically teaches him not to be a cretin. Does it deal with much of the sexual process? No. But it concentrates on behaving as a caring man. That's worth a lot.

[@pmarcum7146]

If a man is taught to not be a cretin in one setting by words from a Rabbi ... I suspect the man was not a cretin to begin with. Honestly, I found the instruction absurd ... two people who are so in love that they have decided to marry, are the only ones in the whole world who know what to say to each other and how to treat each other in a way that the other would feel most appreciated. This scripted conversation is just plain odd, and carries an underlying assumption that the woman will be easily flattered with scripted praise and too gullible to realize she is hearing a scripted line.

[@DorisTheChicken3013]

Wow! Thank you for sharing that! The manner in which you read/narrated the words…made me feel like I was right there with them!!

[@mailill]

I don't belong to any of the theist religions, but I wish we could all (men and women) learn to be "crazy nice" to each other and talk kindly and respectfully, and especially with our spouse and family. That's very good advice indeed! PS: And you read the trancript beautifully!

[@latinagringa]

I found the way the Groom Teacher explained the whole process particularly moving, you can tell he himself has a very happy life with his wife and is not only teaching the groom about the intimacies of married life but above all to RESPECT his wife. Very touching indeed ❤

[@RK67655y]

Great video! As an "insider" I found this so interesting. I saw some similarities to how my husband and I were taught. I was happy to hear that this chassan teacher was direct and not "beating around the bush" on this topic as I heard some like to do (was not my experience). I think it's a good thing that this entire subject is taboo to discuss in society in general as it's personal and can cause unnecessary comparisons between couples, and is also totally inappropriate for children and even teens to talk or engage about it. With that being said, I think it's very important that the chassan/kallah teachers be as direct and open as possible when teaching about this as many of us have little to no knowledge on sex Ed which is crucial to know before you get married. With that messaging, should also come a deep education on what our Torah teaches us about it, including that it's not "bad / impure / unjewish" to want and enjoy marital relations when done in the right way with the halachacally married husband/ wife. It is actually the contrary! For me personally everything worked out perfectly in the end and I have a beautiful, respectful and close intimate marriage b"h but I can understand the challenges (as well as the great benefits!) many of my fellow community members have to go through in order to achieve that. Side note! Hope Yossi and Libby are living happily ever after!

[@zakiaelboutahiri5105]

sex isn't a topic discussed in our society as well, but only after the new couple got engaged. I knew the concept of sex when I was 12 years old, because my parents took me to a public high school where the topic of "sex" was normal, but discussing it at home with my parents would be seen as shameless. a lot of the topics that were discussed in your video is something I can relate to. THANK YOU FRIEDA!!☺💗

[@cyncyn7481]

So sweet. I can see how he was being instructed to make her feel loved and adored.

[@julieneumann7006]

Love this as well as all your videos. I am a Christian believer in Jesus and am learning so much about your life and other Jewish groups by listening to your testimonies and interviews. May you be forever blessed.

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

Frieda: this is brilliant and perhaps your very best work to date. Thank you for creating understanding! This is priceless. I’ve been involved with the Chabad community for years now, but have never been to an Orthodox wedding. WOW! Is all I can say about the wedding part. They really know how to do weddings. I ❤️ it! I’m in! I think you put your finger right on the problem: “If you get married to someone you don’t know….” I loved the teachings. Like you said, they were a bit like literature. It was lovely and charming. If only we all had (& grew up with) community and teachings like this!

[@underdogrescueofflorida2313]

Frankly I was horrified by the Coach. She tore a hole in the concept of "intimacy" which I'm struggling to unsee. This video of your reading is tasteful.

[@katieduffy593]

I was wondering how I could say this and I'm relieved you said it so well. Normally I find everyone Frieda interviews really interesting but that one just doesn't hit the mark.

[@underdogrescueofflorida2313]

@katieduffy593 it's taken me since the vlog with the coach aired to find words to express my rage at the chutzpah of an attractive young woman who has left the very private community and throws out specific acts of sexual behavior as if people who are sheltered and have issues are to be exposed to the glaring spotlight of social media

[@sabineottala3588]

Thank you Frieda, I loved hearing this. The emphasis on caring and making your spouse happy and at ease shows such a generous view of marriage. When I was growing up we were told the mechanics of sex, but not how to treat someone we have sex with.

[@DondraJensen]

I find this so interesting , teaching the young man to care for his wife first then himself ,thank you for sharing . 17:40

[@jimmccullough934]

Thank you Frieda, a sensitive subject explained in an understandable manner 😊

[@TaliaGreenland-dv5qe]

Frieda, this is incredibly eye opening and sweet. What a kiddush Hashem. 👏

[@erbearthgarden3658]

Such a beautiful lesson. I appreciate you sharing this. Thank you to the generous groom that was willing to share his experience with us.

[@YaelSharon3410]

Good video. I haven't watched the previous one you mentioned. This groom teacher is very wise, indeed complimenting his wife and mother in law are key aspects of a good marriage at any point in life, the first day or the 50th year. Thank you for this video, i really enjoyed it.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you, agreed!

[@Zelde-M]

An intimate glimpse into a real-life chusen’s (groom’s) sex/intimacy education prior to marriage with a sensitive and informative commentary by our guide Frieda. I see great value and insight in the continued conversation on this delicate topic. Shkoyakh!

[@mariegro09]

Honestly this rebbe has really gotten what consent is about. I love the part where he tells the groom that his wife must insert the male organ. I know not all marriages will be perfect but he is doing his absolutely best to teach a good way to be a husband and a lover in a loving and respectful marriage.

[@ffvvaacc]

You are as good as any academic with a PhD in socio-anthropology and I can see you lecturing at Yeshiva University or the Jewish Studies dept at Hunter College or another CUNY school. Very well done. -Eugenia M.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I’ll take the job! I’ll leave this video making business behind and settle down with decent salary and good benefits! 😊 thanks so much for the kind words!

[@lawrencemielnicki5643]

I totally agree. I hope Frieda gets the credential.

[@ffvvaacc]

I know colleges usually only hire people with masters or doctorate degrees and that’s a shame because Frieda is already there in knowledge and delivery style, just not with the credential. I wish her videos could be used (with financial compensation) in university curriculums for Jewish Studies departments and cultural anthropology departments. The quality of her long form interviews are also so good. So impressive.

[@MichaelDunetz]

When you step on the glass make sure that you are not barefoot.

[@donnahibbard1774]

Thank you. Your presentation and reading was lovely. With the variables of people, personalities, time, money, children, feelings, values, families, friends, faith etc. all this blending together there’s a miracle when it works. ❤

[@UnwindingPain-t1m]

Thank you for sharing this transcript. You did a beautiful job reading it. I loved hearing how the instructor suggested his student caress the face of his bride and emphasizing the importance of compliments. I thought the transcript was from many years ago until I heard reference to the cell phone. I also listened to your previous show with the sex therapist and was impressed with her insights and empathy for her clients’ cultural sensitivity around the issue of human sexuality. Your scope of topics covers an amazing range of topics and I always look forward to watching new episodes.

[@KatieRae_AmidCrisis]

Thank you, Frieda. I value your content. This took me to you blog, where I read several entries. I appreciate and value what you have written.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you so much! most of my journey had been accompanied by writing…

[@audreyvann5336]

I felt this was beautiful. I grew up Christian, but in the very secular world and both private and public schools. I may have been thoroughly instructed in biology, but neither of my parents gave me one bit of advice for marriage or even finding a suitable husband. I feel that I got very lucky in my marriage, but we have both grown a lot in 20 years. How much difficulty could be saved with loving advice about how to speak to one another and treat one another? (Which really informs how you think about the other person.) To give each other respectful space. To say, "You have my number? Call for anything." The idea apparently was that everyone has to make their own mistakes, but I would much rather arm my children with wisdom. Not every mistake needs to be made by everyone, and a great many mistakes are avoidable.

[@haleywilliams3025]

Sheer entertainment.. so thoughtfully read. I learn so much about the piety of marriage from all of your videos and I am without a religion. Thank you so much, frieda!!!

[@captain_starblossom]

This was so lovely. Thank you so much for sharing it with us

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you! 🥰

[@carolp.7471]

Thank you, Frieda! This is very lovely, and thank you for sharing it. There is so much to learn regarding marriage, what wonderful words of wisdom and advice. XO,

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

it’s fascinating and so so sweet

[@DorisTheChicken3013]

Wow! Thank you for sharing that! The manner in which you read/narrated the words…made me feel like I was right there with them!! Also, can you get ahold of a transcript of the ladies class?? That would be great!

[@HelloYiddy]

Thank you for sharing this, and the way you did, too, by way of transcript, and changing names. I love your channel, and admire you so much.

[@rashowie1]

I agree with you that this is a lovely slice of life look into a young couple starting out. It's really sweet. Thanks for sharing!

[@nancyberry5144]

This is so beautiful, I loved it :) Thanks Frieda

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I love it too!

[@billsmarysam1238]

This was beautiful! Being a Catholic my husband and I went to Pre Canon classes before we got married. We had some of it like mostly how to make a budget setting up our home. My husband knew all that because he had his own apartment. I knew all about I had a mom who taught me about money. My priest was worried more about us making our confromation together worrying we did not know the world. I was 27 and my husband was almost 30 I think we dated and did things to prepare for marriage.

[@vcrouch6041]

Thank you for sharing. Very tastefully presented.

[@hannahaguirre2972]

This was a very sweet chassan (groom) lesson. Thanks for sharing . You brought me back sweet memories of 2 decades ago.

[@eugeniaq8875]

This is so beautiful and sweet - such a lovely introduction. I would like to think that "Yossi" and "Libbi" figured it out quickly. After all, they have a lifetime together!!🙂❤️🙏🏼

[@rashaadgreene]

I think many cultures should adopt! 💯

[@heatherwilson9717]

It is lovely. If only things stay as lovely this start, they would never end.

[@shalvahmbmacdonald8487]

I loved this. Thank you for sharing this zeesy account of what a groom should expect & strive for. 😊

[@janetsnyder4368]

This Lutheran friend wishes that was done on our wedding night…how sweet…

[@benyaakov6453]

I knew already my friend Sruly who was OTD was experienced & told me everything I needed to know & a few things that the choson teacher did not tell me but I went anyway to learn all the halachos

[@ariplatt8192]

Sigh. I can only imagine how stressful this must be for the couple. God bless ‘em

[@juliaagnes7]

What an interesting custom. Thanks for sharing; as always, it was done with respect and great character. Thanks!

[@aracelivazquez996]

I liked it so much. Thanks for sharing ❤

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you for watching!!

[@cookeechoc8824]

Interesting and full of good intentions towards the bride 🙂 One thing I noted is that, even married, a husband is not allowed to see his wife's naked body and I just wonder why. God's creation is so well thought through and desire is part of the process of becoming intimate with the person we love. Moreover, men are very visual beings so once the couple has tied the knot, it's strange that there should still be this embarrassment/shame about a woman's body and it creates distance instead of strenthening the marital bond. Pheromones, smells, touching, keeps a couple together through thick and thin (God created this with a purpose).

[@1BestCookie]

That is because they have not spent much time together before the marriage and don't know each other very well. The woman are used to always being dressed modesty even at home. It would be very uncomfortable to suddenly have to put all those learned barriers aside because you are married

[@Ashmo613]

It's not about embarrasment. It's about maintaining some sense of modesty and respect for the individual and is intended to elevated the act into a spiritual experience. Men are very aroused visually. Complete nakedness lends itself to the wife being just a body that he is enjoying to fulfill his desires rather than the person he is sharing intimacy with and seeking to satisfy. He is more likely to focus on that aspect of her instead of her face to make sure he is bonding with her on an emotional level as well during the act. Also, you have to understand that outside of marriage, Orthodox males and females are never alone together and never touch the opposite gender other than immediate family (that one wouldn't normally be interested in sexually anyway). Any physical contact (especially intercourse while completely undressed, as Judaism requires) then is an incredible and stimulating amount of intimacy that is shared with no one else. It fulfills the goal of creating intimacy while keeping the atmosphere of holiness and reverence instead of being only about lust and the fullfillment of desire.

[@RK67655y]

@@cookeechoc8824 that only lasts for a short period of time after the wedding. They are allowed to see each other undressed even on the night of the wedding, but out of respect and sensitivity to the woman who was taught to be modest and covered her entire life, the men are advised to give them that space until the woman is ready and comfortable to be undressed and seen with the light in the room open as well.

[@amberatartimec2564]

This was lovely. It felt supportive and encouraging

[@SLICK-GLN]

Very interesting the worship of the Mother in law is a good strategy for some guys.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I think it’s a nice thing often!

[@Dev_KG]

Respect should be considered a "good strategy" for everyone. Unfortunately it's pretty alien in the modern world.

[@SLICK-GLN]

@Dev_KG that's true I was being a little sarcastic in my post .

[@Audioobscure]

If i had a husband that was taught to say such sweet things and care like that, i wouldn't be alone now

[@HaroldKatcher-w4t]

I once taught at a Hassidic junior high school, and was fired for teaching the fundamentals of sex, as how can you teach biology without reproduction, and what 14 year-old boy doesn't wonder about sex.

[@dyanalayng5507]

Thank you, Frieda. ❤️💕🇨🇦

[@Derf56]

Very sweet story - thanks for sharing!

[@lauramason5667]

An orthodox Jewish man I met said he and his wife didn’t have sex until the third night. The marriage did not go well. It’s very sweet the way there’s so much consideration for the brides feelings. ❤

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

did he say why?

[@lauramason5667]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn he seemed uncomfortable talking about it and it obviously was not a happy memory. I think it was awkward and nervous for both of them? They were divorced and they only had two children which is probably unusual in the orthodox community. Would that be unusual?

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

probably the marriage didn’t take 🥲

[@lauramason5667]

@ Definitely. His mother had jumped off a building to commit suicide so there was a lot of sadness. Please correct me if I’m wrong but I believe in the orthodox community when somebody commits suicide, they are cast off or something like that. I’m sure that was very sad for him. Maybe you can explain more about those incidences when they happen. He was not interested in getting married again.

[@lauramason5667]

@ they only had two children. That’s a sign.

[@lindaversil1121]

Even though I’m not Chabad I’ve been around them for a long time and worked in their schools and go to their shuls. I’ve seen hundreds of engaged couples over forty years and they see a lot of each other during the three months before marriage and are very affectionate towards each other and do a lot of activities together and learn a lot about each other and seem truly in love before the marriage. Therefore they are not usually nervous about sex and when you see them after the wedding they are affectionate and happy and have senses of humor. Chabad is different from how you grew up. That’s all I know. I’ve never been around satmar or other chassidim.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes, Chabad is very different from my perspective

[@lindaversil1121]

During the kiddish after Shabbos services I’ve seen engaged Chabad couples sitting together and talking and kidding around and already looking so much in love so by the time of the wedding they know a lot about each other and can’t wait to be intimate. That’s what I see. They see a lot of each other before the wedding

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

so sweet!

[@rivkagurevitz9019]

Chabad is definitely different. However, as a Chabadnik, there are definitely variations with how much contact a couple has before getting married. There is what we call Chasidishkeit, and often many of those couples will have a lot less contact with each other during their engagement. Yes, there will be weekly phone calls, and sometimes meeting with each other, and yet how often will depend on the couple. Of course it is nothing like the Hasidic world which has zero contact. I am just here to say that "too much" contact can be deemed something to avoid depending on the couple.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes there are so many variations to the stories I hear about Chabad

[@frangordon2790]

You do such a great job of educating people. How do I become a member to support you and your channel? Thank you.

[@willsmom93]

That was such a sweet message.

[@lisakingsley6515]

From the ffb people I know being in love at marriage is not the goal. They say that comes eventually. They all seem to have loving marriages

[@Theodor_Herzl]

Simply beautiful and caring!

[@JJ-iu6jp]

Since English is not my first language would you do this video or any future video in yiddish? The topic seems interesting but I don't understand everything you say.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

you’re saying you speak Yiddish and want to see Yiddish content?

[@JJ-iu6jp]

​@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn יא אידיש

[@beans4853]

Or you can use this interesting content to get more fluent in English

[@JohnHarvey_UK]

I'd be interested to know to what extent women had a role in this guidance. It's very considerate of the women's side of things. I also think this video is great for those people who have two-dimensional view of gender roles in the Hasidic world. Thanks!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes! I would bet the groom teacher works on his program with his wife but I don’t know anything for sure.

[@Faigyfeig]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklynthere are initiatives in KJ where chosson teachers and kallah teachers meet to align their lessons with each other

[@Dev_KG]

@@Faigyfeig in Chabad we have done this for many years.

[@ananojman2568]

He is really trying to teach him that giving good and being nice will lead to successful relationship which is beautiful and true. The part that is strange is that one with the meaning of the lights on - she is not ready yet to be seen or touched (except on her face). If this is so, how can it proceed to the sexual intercourse anyway? Is it typical that there is nothing about consent, eg. if she is still not ready postpone it until she is?

[@rivkagurevitz9019]

I wonder if in the community there are different families that also teach about the topics differently. I will explain what I mean. While Lubavitch/Chabad is definitely different, in certain things it isn't necessarily so different. I can say having been a teenager in the 00's, that my experience about what I or my classmates knew varied. I know that some of us accidentally educated our classmates as we were making discoveries of our own. I did have friends that found Kallah class so disturbing (because Kallah class didn't necessarily leave everything to the last class), and then there were those that already knew things. I also discovered that there were other Chaseedish (I am writing like that to make it clear) that might have also had more knowledge than some of their peers. I don't negate that many have most definitely had the shock of their lives, especially if you come from the Chaseedish communities where girls don't learn much Chumash and Navi (or anything inside). I can't imagine that boys don't know more. I mean the Gemara addresses a lot of things. I can imagine that boys in the Chaseedish communities know less that their contemporary peers in US society. I would love to see what teens in the communities know today, and there is a way to study that.

[@pernille8071]

That was very touching - lots of good intentions, even if perhaps not everything happens so smoothly and as desired for all couples. A question about bleeding on the wedding night: are there any consequences if the red spot is missing? The whole procedure is basically a check on the bride's virginity and if it is so important that it is checked, wouldn't there be consequences if it is missing?

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

it’s not a problem at all if the bride doesn’t bleed. it’s very common, and the groom teacher even makes it clear that 40% of brides don’t bleed. so as long as the marriage was consummated, blood or no blood doesn’t matter, it’s not like a prized social value to prove virginity in my experience.

[@Dev_KG]

It's not a "check on the bride's virginity" as that is not only assumed, but is literally stated in the Kesubah, the marital contract that the groom presents to the bride under the chuppah, that she is a virgin. The blood is evidence, as Frieda said, that the consummation actually happened (remember neither the groom nor bride has direct experience to know if they "did it correctly.") The teacher points out to the groom that if there's no blood, he and the groom should chat the next day, just to go over what happened and make sure they did what was necessary.

[@hpyrkh3]

There is another consideration. If they consummated that makes her a niddah and they have to wait several days and she needs to go to mikvah. If they didn’t DO IT then they can (should) try next day. So, it’s a religious law question, not a virginity question.

[@bethharvey7149]

this sounds pretty wonderful

[@pattycoe7435]

Am not Jewish, but was a very virginal Catholic girl with a clumsy Baptist boy who love each other but it took three times to actually see the evidence of the job being done. I think if they would have just left us on our own to sort it out!

[@kathybottrell7159]

You did a wonderful job with this video. I am curious, is the groom prepared for the fact when he returns home the morning after the wedding his new bride's head will be shaved? I like the way the teacher was telling the groom to treat his wife kindly and with compliments.

[@SanvarHaftobi]

Фрида, спасибо. Очень интересно.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Spasiba to you!

[@avalonkerr8332]

You play a perfect Rabbi!

[@annehersey9895]

Love your hair Frida and I think you got new glasses which look great! Thanks for sharing another peek into a little understood community! It’s so unfortunate that if she bleeds he has to jump right out of bed. I remember my very first experience and the talking and embracing AFTERWARDS was as important for me as the sex. I think most women would want to cuddle after and be told she did good and for her to assure the groom that he did good and was gentle etc. To have to wait a week to have that seems unproductive for building intimacy. Can they lie together on top of the covers in their nightclothes and cuddle in the week before the Mikva?

[@Cindy-lt2cm]

Thank you for this beautiful story that teaches the importance of appreciation and kindness as a foundation of relationship.

[@danielleteitelbaum1054]

Hi Frieda. U dont need to apologize for ur interview with Peggy. I know u got some pushback. But Judaism is not an authoritarian religion. If there are problems in our community, we need to have the honesty to face them, and the humility to make the necessary adjustments. I don't think u did anything wrong in acknowledging that these problems exist. Always remember: a lot of people that judaism celebrates today (Rambam, Rus, Yosef) were controversial in their times. ❤

[@PatchesEsq]

If so many large Hasidic families are poor (according to another video you published), who pays for these elaborate, seven day wedding celebrations? Is it common to reuse/recycle the wedding regalia?

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

oftentimes the celebrations are very cookie cutter like they do the same parties for all couples so it can be fairly affordable. nothing like fancy party planned secular weddings but more like template ceremonies that look the same for each couple

[@beans4853]

Friends and more extended family traditionally take part in hosting the 7 day celebrations. Every side of the family often take 1 night that they host together (brides father siblings one night, bride's mothers siblings the next. Groom's mother's siblings the night after... often the grandparent's do some as well depending on ability. It's an elaborate scheme arranged soon after the wedding date is confirmed to make sure it fits everyone's schedule

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes yours is a much better answer

[@Dev_KG]

Picture it as a dinner party every night for a week after the wedding. The bride will wear a nice dress (these dresses end up being part of what we would consider a trousseau) for each night, but some of the parties themselves will be more casual than others. In my crowd, if there are several friends who are already married, the newlyweds group might host one of the parties, with the young wives dividing up the cooking. A nice part of it is that you're supposed to have a "panim chaddasha," literally a "new face," someone who wasn't able to make it to the wedding for whatever reason, so they can also share in the celebration of the new couple.

[@MessiahYHWH]

Yafe meod. Todah rabba 👏👏👏

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

💕

[@sammishbenseid4385]

Another good report on marriage ritual within Satmar Hasidism, specially coming from a narrative of a groom learning the ins and outs of the wedding night and more crucial, the verbatim utterances that the groom has to abide with. I am sure the same role playing is prescribed to the wife. All of this is well intended and fits perfectly well with the insular culture, given the fact of the outmost and diligent care the elders take to keep their children away of any information regarding love, intimacy and sex. Who would be against these rituals, albeit scripted and thus not genuine. All the good for the haredim. However, there is one thing that makes me cringe in sadness and bewilderment. It is the ritual of shaving the young bride hair. I just cannot believe that such ritual is necessary, and to what benefit? I am saying this, because as a young man and student at the university, I used to watch and screen many holocaust documentaries as part of my studies. What strikes me as inhumane, if not to say humiliating, was the shaving of the hair of our young women at arrival in the concentration camps. This sad image of beautiful young women balled headed innocent souls stuck in my memory forever. But to see it practiced with sheer joy and complacency on a newly wedded bride is simply too much for me to bear. I know, I know, it is not the same, one may suggest. But why, why? this humiliating (in my humble opinion) practice. A head hair covering is not enough? to protect women against evil eyes? I have and extensively read about this practice during the middle ages, and the reasons were valid, given the facts that pogroms and invasions were common in order for the pagans Christians marauders to take away anything valuable including young children and young beautiful women. But that's the distant past. Now is now. And this practice is simply humiliating for the young bride. But who am I to say this, when the young brides themselves, do not perceive it that way. It is sad. That's all I can say. An old moroccan jew living in Michigan 36:30 .

[@Dev_KG]

I shave my head, and I feel so bad for all the women who have to continue to maintain their hair, touch up the gray (which is what mine mainly is from what I can telll lol), dry it, put it up under a wig..... this way, for me, is so much easier. But I never had such beautiful hair (I come from frizzy-haired Russian peasants) so I didn't mind AT ALL parting with it. But there are plenty of girls who don't like it at all, and I totally sympathize (if not empathize) with that. It's a big change amongst a zillion other big changes that come with a new marriage. As to where it comes from, it's not the custom in every chassidic community, and it changes with the generations as well. I have friends who started out shaving and stopped, while others have continued, like me. Frieda might be able to comment on the specifics in Satmar (I'm part of a different chassidic community), but I have heard it is related to making sure there is no chafifah (something coming between the full body and the mikvah water - nail polish would also count for example), and knotted hair (you have to fully comb it first) counts under that. Long hair might (a) get knotted or (b) float to the top of the pool even when you dunk under the water, if your hair is long enough (we can all picture that). Thus, at least short hair, if not shaved.

[@k.k.5046]

Quite interesting story . Now I know why some grooms are so stressed , they have to learn so much INFO and try not to f... up . I would be stressed too .

[@donstor1]

This bed is called a California king and those little beds that used to be in here are gone.

[@meirahfischer3036]

Nowadays the Chussen does NOT go into the ladies side of the hall (unless very with it/modern). Most Chassanim take the kallah till the door of the womans side and then waves bye bye. Most time the fathers or a brother is waiting to take the Chussen to the mens side.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes I’ve seen that! why do you think that is? in paradise I think you must walk through the women’s section to get to the men’s if you’re coming from the yichud room.

[@beans4853]

It depends on the layout of the hall , I believe. We had some weddings in our class where the couple went through the arches we held TOGETHER! How modern!! 😂😂😂😂

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

how fun lol 😂 party goes wild!

[@Dev_KG]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn if you don't clarify you mean Paradise Hall, people will think this is a description of the afterlife!

[@lindaversil1121]

That’s a lot for the chassan to remember

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes but he’s seen this play out at weddings so a lot of it is not new to him

[@buddypvaz124]

I spent 20 minutes trying to find the words to tell you how wonderful, special, and beautiful you are, but it was always too public and such things should only be said in private conversation with someone you have actually met in person. Not as just one hopeless non religious man with a wolf dog. A man with a chicken wing and a impossible petition to Hashem. So I didn't write it after all. Frieda this was a very nice video. As always.💌

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you for the very sweet words.

[@rabeksmom]

This is very interesting. I have a question - what happens if a girl has her period when she gets married? Then I would assume some of these rituals have to be altered.

[@Dev_KG]

If a girl has her period or it has just finished and is too soon for her to have gone to the mikvah, they have what is called a "chuppahs niddah" which just means she is niddah (not having completed the mikvah ritual) prior to the wedding. They do not hold hands or have any other direct contact yet. In my community, a child (like a young brother of the kallah) will stay overnight at their apartment with them for the night(s) until the mikvah night. They are encouraged to use the time to get to know each other better, and even feel more comfortable on their mikvah night than they would have if they had been together on the wedding night, actually. :) @friedavizelbrooklyn - This is one area where Satmar and Chabad differ. We (Chabad) do not do the public handholding after the chuppah at all, because if the kallah is niddah, we don't want to publicize it to the world, whereas Satmar does it as a symbol of their new union.

[@Ashmo613]

There is a procedure for that. The couple still does the yichud room and goes home to talk and start married life all the same while avoiding physical contact or sleeping in the same bed. Everything except for physical touch and of course consummation are the same in terms of the wedding, living together, and showing respect.. They're still married. The physical parts are put off until the mikvah night once her period is done. Usually, it doesn't happen, though. As soon as a woman is engaged, she meets with a bride teacher who helps her to map out the pattern of her periods in order to choose a wedding date it is unlikely to fall on. A time is chosen around a week before the next expected period so that the separation after the wedding night runs right into the normal separation due to the period. This is to avoid a long, double separation time right at the beginning of marriage.

[@hannahwes4309]

Am I losing my marbles or did you post this recently in a slightly different format, with the text on the screen?

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

ha ha you’re not losing any marbles! I posted a version for members only and after the Peggy interview decided to redo it more formally because the first reading was intended for my second channe. ha ha, sorry!!

[@rakellcolotta3675]

I like crazy nice. This sounds nice and sweet. I like the respect for each other.

[@szeevster5767]

Wonderful. May we men all take care to observe such consideration to our wives! The shvigger? Well.....😎

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes… shviggers are hard, we will settle for being good to wives!

[@TheIndividualChannel]

I felt this was a very nice and idealistic introduction to how to honor your wife. I like the idea of how to express these things to your children. Wife and I had "the talk" with my eldest daughter in October before her wedding and it was not as good as this.

[@SignalHillHiker]

Haven't listened to your transcription yet (paused at 3:30 to comment, ha!) but the interview with the coach was great. Your caveats at the beginning, especially. They did come across to a large extent in the actual interview, but not as completely or clearly as you stated them at the beginning. Fascinating stuff. This is one of the areas where I watch more than just our of curiosity or interest or longing to learn/understand another culture, but where I kind of suspect between the two extremes, the culture you come from might be closer to what I wish I'd been exposed to growing up. It would've been nice to have been ignorant and innocent a little longer than I was, I think.

[@lisakingsley6515]

Does your ex husband have any contact w your son?

[@user-ld5qu4jj5w]

This is the husband of my dreams

[@jimdeane3667]

9 minutes in the “Yichud Room”. This corresponds to the maturation of the woman, from immature female (ט) ילדה, נערה, בת to physically mature female (צ) בוגרת capable of reproduction, approximately age 12, צלמו , to an actual mother of children and advocate for her husband אשה (ץ) מלץ ישר. And this is the the deeper, historical context for the Jewish people.

[@SixHundredandThirteen]

What's the chances of a gentile joining the hasidim community. I know its not easy and its a full time job being part of the faith , the Tribe. I've been trying to join for a long time. But i get discouraged and then the fire reignites in me again. Im from Ridgewood Queens

[@k.k.5046]

H-shem won't allow you joinin" Hasidim - you don" t wear a black hat with a black suit.don't have payos. Hopefuly you have been circumcised but not on the 8 day. So its not for you.Enjoy the videos.

[@k.k.5046]

Forgot.. Know for the fact that Chinese and an African American became Hasidim.. You still have a chance becoming Yiddishy Jewish .

[@DaveSmith-pm2yq]

These videos talk about people who took that journey. kzbin.info/www/bejne/aYfNdqBmi5uAetk&pp=ygUSbGF2aSBsaXZpbmcgbGNoYWlt kzbin.info/www/bejne/hKDTkomKjJyemJo&pp=ygUKbWVpciB3ZWlzcw%3D%3D

[@MichaelDunetz]

This is amazing I was born Jewish but I never heard of such a thing Judaism is complicated and I don't mean any disrespect.

[@mushkyzajac8356]

Nidda is about uterine bleeding. Bleeding from other parts are not an issue.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes you are right! I’m sorry I wasn’t clear about that!

[@hershyfishman2929]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn except for "virginity blood" as you alluded to

[@אסנתאל]

תוסיפו בבקשה כתוביות בעברית לכול סרטון תודה רבה רבה לך פרידה

[@hannahsarah60]

So cute❤

[@elizaf-hr5ky]

I think Pearl is a better advisor than Peggy. Just sayin’

[@Dev_KG]

Just agreein'

[@Arkadiy961]

Excuse me if this is the wrong place to ask this, but can anyone tell me the rules of sex in an ultra Orthodox marriage, for example can a man have sex with a woman without the intention of making a child? If you cannot spill semen to the side, then how do the women not get pregnant every year? Or the fact that sex is allowed two weeks of the month, one week of which is after her period and around the time of ovulation, which means each sex session a hasidic couple raises the chance of having a child, so each family probably must have 20 children by then lol very confusing. 3. Is sex allowed without planning a child or fulfilling the mitzvah of procreation? Is there a thing as casual sex , but that means spilling of the semen, right ?

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

you can have sex without intention of having a child but women might get pregnant. so sex while breast feeding, pregnant or birth control are all okay, as well as after menopause: but the sex schedule does lead to a lot of pregnancies

[@mo5ago1]

yes they have sxx while pregnant 9 months, while breastfeeding, or while she's on birth control

[@gilastein8060]

Some women do get pregnant every year, the woman is allowed to use birth control. Pill, IUD, spermacide. The prohibition is on the man.

[@Ashmo613]

In Judaism, sex isn't just for procreation. It's considered a vital part of the marriage relationship in and of itself. Spilling seed only refers to a man ejaculating outside of or interrupting normal intercourse.

[@Arkadiy961]

@@Ashmo613 very interesting how the whole "spilling of seed" became a problem/sin. I don't know why everyone trusts someone else to interpret the bible for them when they can do it themselves.

[@gabrielcoss5573]

En la tradicion judia Sefaradi hay muchas diferencias respecto a la educacion sexual en la relacion de pareja, y como se estudia y aplican las halajot que se enseñan a los jatanim...

[@Dev_KG]

And to the kallahs as well. I have a friend who teaches a lot of Persian and other Sephardi kallahs.

[@hfriedman5413]

So curious to learn how the Sefardi approach this!