Sexclusivity: Why Women Should Make Men Wait for Sex

[@caroliner2029]

"sleeping with a man without a commitment increases your chances of getting your heart broken..." TRUE.

[@ldphoenix3]

Caroline R not really because a lot of guys in relationships cheat.plus there are guys who wait months before getting sex from a girl. Then they get it and bounce. Because they were getting it from other girls while you kept him waiting therefore getting it from you wasn’t special in his eyes.

[@caroliner2029]

@@ldphoenix3 I see your point, I've been cheated on, and was unwittingly the Other Woman but waiting does decrease your chances of having your heart broken. You're just not going to be as devastated when it doesn't work out. There's a better chance of getting over your attachment/bonding with him if you haven't had sex. Recovering from heartbreak is awful, so anything that decreases that time and pain is good. Anything that preserves our dignity and composure is good too. Plus I can't afford three weeks off work because I can't get out of bed from the depression he's plunged me into. If there's any action that I can reasonably take that will improve outcomes for me, I'll take them. I came across Mark Gungor who made me laugh when he said "sex makes you stupid... it's supposed to, so you can overlook failings and flaws when you're married"; so two people will stay long enough to work it out and build a relationship together. It's like the old adage that says "love is blind", it really is in a person's best interests to keep a clear head, as best they can, when they are assessing the potential of a partner. Evan says we should "ignore the positives, and look at the negatives" to weigh up the size of the managed risk of being involved with the person. We make decisions in a clear-headed way in every other part of our lives, so it's logical to apply it to mate selection too. This is the same dynamic at play when we become friends with a person. I would never lend something precious of mine to a new acquaintance, when I wasn't sure how they'd treat it. Or if I'd ever get it back. Thanks for giving me more food for thought.

[@shutit4024]

LD Phoenix marriage too I know a lot of couples where the man cheats or have outside babies ugh you can’t win

[@angelrace8103]

I agree.

[@tylerdurden3722]

@@ldphoenix3 My wife and her two friends made a pact to keep their virginities until they turned 21. (she was 19 when we started dating...we waited only 4 months😬...she was the one who couldn't wait longer) Anyway, her one friend encountered a 40 year old guy who actually went to all the trouble of getting engaged with her just to get laid by her. He even took her overseas to meet his relatives in Greece and stuff. This guy was playing the long game, and had no intention of actually marrying her. He just wanted to get laid by a virgin. In the end, she found out he was engaged to another girl as well. It was a surprise to no one but her because everyone else already figured it out. To us all it was obvious as daylight that this guy was playing her. And we tried to point it out to her. But she would get upset and pushed us all away. Saying that she's cutting "negative people" out of her life. I've experienced this many times in my life. It requires literally no effort to deceive a woman once she's in that denial state of mind. She does it all by herself. It's almost like Stockholm's syndrome. Guys who play girls, targets girls who who go into that state of mind. It makes things effortless for them. I knew a guy in varsity who convinced multiple girls they're side-chicks. Btw, he had no actual girlfiend. These girls maintained the status quo all on their own. They kept things nonpublic like any voluntary side-chick would. Maintaining this situation required no effort from him. My wife's mom didn't like me at that time, and she didn't feel comfortable with her naive daughter falling that stupidly in love any guy while she was still busy with her studies. (and I come across as a but of a player). She was scared her daughter would get her heart broken or fall pregnant and it would ruin her future. My wife's mom was not wrong. Her concerns were legitimate. Me and my wife were not very responsible or careful either (because we were naive and stupid in love). But my wife did the same thing as her friend. Going into denail and cutting off anyone who was being "negative". Even I was accused of sounding like her mom. Women deceive themselves into these things and will sacrifice too much once they've made up their mind about a guy (who has not even proven himself worth those sacrifes yet). My wife was lucky that she was The One for me. If she wasn't, her mom's worst fears would have been a certainty.

[@Cleiri]

Been dating a guy for a month and I really like him, but he lashed out at me for not having sex with him and said hanging out with me without sex sounded boring. Idc. It’s my body and I don’t owe anything to anyone. 🤍

[@vikki8699]

Run!

[@fairythegreenone7265]

Clearly, he lacks respect for you and is acting immaturely. Take back your power and don't be manipulated by his abusive, emotional blackmail. He has revealed his true nature.(Red flag!) Do not give away your integrity, self worth and esteem just to make him like you or because you fear losing him because that is a sign of unhealthy codependency. He doesn't like or love you. He fell in lust with you. You deserve an honourable, respectful partner who behaves like a gentleman. You decide when you're ready for physical intimacy and not be bullied into it. For women, love and physical intimacy are deeply connected. It is often not the case for men. So when he has made a genuine emotional commitment to you and regards you as his exclusive girlfriend then possibly think about it. In the meantime, do not allow him to mistreat you. Stand your ground. Walk away if he persists. Let him go. He has revealed himself. Remember that past behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour.

[@HiImRheya]

Well if you’ve given it up to other men easily and now are making someone wait that tends to make men feel a certain way

[@celestialmaat9462]

A guy said something similar and I said goodbye

[@sbusisiweshaba1715]

I hope you dumped him. I don't think he's the right guy for you.

[@Houseofpurebeauty]

I have been married for 27 years. My husband was told on our 3rd date that I was not going to have sex with him. That I wanted to wait till I was married and that if he didn’t like that I totally understood. I told him I am looking to be loved and honor God with my body. If he wanted sex to go out with someone else. He actually says that when I told him that he knew he really liked me. We became best friends and I had to stick to my guns. It was not easy. We got married 2 years later. No guilt. He pursued me. He waited. He fell more in love with me. (By the way….he was very promiscuous before he met me. I had come out of a very bad relationship. I was not a virgin, but I was not going to be treated like garbage again.)

[@EphesianRose]

This is so encouraging thanks for sharing.

[@jeccym8715]

❤❤❤❤

[@jfaustin1742]

I love this

[@lambchop6278]

Hopefully he is faithful. Maybe not always, but previous sexual habits can be a good predictor of future ones.

[@brielleanyez7113]

My favorite was a guy on the third date that said he wanted to get sex out of the way to see if we were compatible. I walked away.

[@orubek355]

Because you wanted s*x 🚶‍♀️

[@CoolKhris123]

That happened to me too. He said sex within 1 month and then he'll consider a relationship 3-6 months later 🙄

[@jayclearmen411]

@@CoolKhris123 that’s perfectly normal. WTF!? I’d say that guy was really feeling you…most guys I know it take way longer to commit to a chick then 3-6 months..seems to me the man was serious and had a whole plan…most guys worth anything it takes at least 6 months on the low end..at the most maybe a year or 2 max…

[@Lil-Be]

@@jayclearmen411 So you say, she should give him all the benefits of a relationship without actually being in a committed relationship and than MAYBE maybe maybe he will consider being her “boyfriend” after 6 months or even 2 years! I can’t believe how delusional and selfish some men can be 🤦‍♀️ It is a privilege to sleep with a woman and only man who takes her seriously, has her best interest in his heart, is truly committed and fully respects her deserve it.

[@IchibanOjousama]

​@@jayclearmen411 lol you're a joke

[@yoca78]

Evan this is NOT controversial. You made the reasons crystal clear . This is about protecting women’s hearts not judging them for their sexuality Your message is loud and clear The smart ones will listen

[@anonymoususer3888]

that's the thing, like there are a lot of guys who leave after sex, and it really hurts, so this is a good method to go by to protect your heart a bit

[@lambchop6278]

Absolutely. I am so tired of hearing about mens' needs all the time, whilst women are expected to sacrifice theirs!!!!!!!! Why should we. Let alone when men, even the same men, then turn around and label a woman a slut or not long term relationship material, after they have bullied and pressured women to give sex to them!! Damned if you do. Damned if you don't. I say to women: be selfish. Guard and cater to YOUR emotional needs when it comes to sexual relationships. Why should you NOT?!?!! And as for "high value men": I call Bull Shit. High value to me is a man who is not only a good provider and hard working, but who is also kind and considerate.

[@FairyTheGreenOne]

Sexclusivity is a way for us ladies to keep our power. My self worth, self esteem and integrity are more important than a stranger's feelings. And if he puts pressure or bullies or tries to intimidate me ..if he refuses to accept that no means no and I need him to be patient and wait ".... Then it's goodbye!!!!

[@markoperic5023]

You need to understand that once you say no and he leaves for another woman, he didnt break your heart, and its not his fault that he cheated, or isnt loyal, cause you and him never started, and you rejected him

[@kiraalialeeonfairythegreenone]

@@markoperic5023 No, waiting before physical intimacy is definitely not rejection by a woman. When the man seeks physical gratification elsewhere during the beginning of a relationship, it is rejection by the male of the woman's need for absolute assurity that he is emotionally committed and will respect her and remain loyal and have her back, just as she has been for him during this waiting period when partners learn about each others values , interests and beliefs, similarities and differences and how to accommodate each other and welcome them into each other's lives. She has shown her faithfulness and emotional commitment to him during the waiting period and hopes for the same from him.. She needs to determine if he is serious about a long-term relationship with her, as a person and is interested in more than her physical attributes and sex. If a woman is coerced into physical intimacy because she fears losing the male... that is emotional manipulation and abuse... that is not love... that is not even ...like. That is using the woman with no strings attached and using emotional blackmail. It is dishonourable and cruel behaviour...in fact it is criminal behaviour. Love begins with establishing a friendship based on mutual commitment. It takes time and there's no hurry. Cheating means that he cannot be trusted and he proved that he was not genuinely ready for a long term relationship. It takes maturity, self reflection and self appraisal to determine how serious we are about relationships based on our previous patterns of behaviour. When the physical intimacy is satisfied and satiated and there is no established friendship or shared values and interests to begin with, then emptiness and disappointment will develop and the relationship will dissolve. Infatuation and attraction and physical intimacy do not make a strong foundation for a long-term relationship. Falling in lust is not falling in love.

[@kiraalialeeonfairythegreenone]

Mark Peric- I fear that you are trauma bonded. When a partner is hot and cold and they run and you chase and you feel grief and deep sadness when they continue to hurt you but you choose to stay in the unhealthy, toxic situation, that is not love. You are experiencing trauma bonding. It originates from the way our parents treated us as children and so we keep being attracted to people who are not emotionally available and they continually hurt us, deliberately. The trauma bonding means we stay in unhealthy relationships because we hope the other partner will change and love us the way we need to be loved. But they don't and won't change for us.They can't change because that is who they really are. If you make yourself available and convenient, they will use you and string you along whilst going out with other people. You are being emotionally abused. You are being treated cruelly. You need to let her go. I'm so very very sorry but she does not love you. For your sanity's sake, let her go. Your grief will be hard because you are trauma bonded. Trauma bonding is like an addiction. It feels impossible to let go. But you need to let go. No contact with her at all will help you to grieve and your pain and suffering will slowly ease. Please remember this...We cannot make or force or demand or coerce someone to like or love us...and waiting and hoping they will change won't make them change. We all deserve a partnership where there is equal give and take from the beginning. I'm sorry you are hurting. I understand. I too have suffered from narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding. Again, letting go and no contact will help you heal and recognise future unhealthy people so that you won't let them-into your life or you'll let them go quickly and ...never look back.

[@markoperic5023]

@@kiraalialeeonfairythegreenone oh god, I you read some comment I deleted, that childhood traums you spoke about, I felt like I woke up from one traumatic memory of when I was 4 and at that moment life felt like heaven, after I relived the pain. And while it felt like heaven is when I saw light in that one girl eyes. And seems to me like I wasnt patient enough. But I also feel like I walked away for a good reason, cause she was hot and cold and I didnt want that. And, she blames me for "not beein loyal and cheatin" when she was the one that rejected me with "Im bussy" Honestly, sorry for what Im doing. I ruined many new possible begginings by talking about what happened. I know I need to just move on. But then I run into comments like yours where I look like the bad guy for not beein patient. And idk why I wanna defend my persoective, cause I dont wanna fight anymore. Thank you for taking the time out of your day and, understanding

[@prussiansocietyofamerica]

The fact that you view and associate sex with power, proves that you use sex for nefarious and evil purposes. No Man wants to sleep with a girl who thinks that way. You obviously use sex as a weapon. No thank you.

[@harlowewilcox1608]

It's good to see most of the women responding positively here. It's gotten to the point where I'm the one saying early on, "let's take it slow." Ladies, we want to work for you. Men don't fall in love through sex. If you give it to us too soon, we assume you do with all men. Ergo, we'll question your judgement and self-control, and we won't trust you.

[@schahrzadmorgan]

Love this comment!

[@prussiansocietyofamerica]

People who are genuinely attracted and interested in each other, do not take things slow. It's people who lie to themselves and are not fully interested that want to take things slow. That's why you are the only one saying that! Have fun being last at the finish line when the Marathon is already over :D

[@IchibanOjousama]

​@@prussiansocietyofamerica yes they do take it slow

[@prussiansocietyofamerica]

@@IchibanOjousama Nonsense! Now go back to your anime!

[@trucuriousity]

​@@prussiansocietyofamericayou can never truly know what the other person feels unless you're a mind reader. And you won't know enough about them at that point to even make an accurate judgement of what you want with them long term. You're mistaking lust and infatuation for real interest in something more.

[@JeBaSIINGH23]

I don't know why this is getting do much heat! I've had countless failed relationships because we had sex pretty early on in the dating sequence or didn't set boundaries about being sexually exclusive. I've recently met someone who I actually want to wait to have sex with and get to the relationship part first. Feels amazing!

[@caroliner2029]

Good to hear your happy news. I wish you continued success.

[@adday.]

How is it going? Hope good!

[@LisaGemini]

You go, girl! See the difference? He'll love, respect and trust you more.

[@suichoi8442]

congratulations 👏 you should be proud of yourself

[@sponsponm1]

Be honest whilst waiting for sex where you celibate or you had another guy on the side which you got sex from that wasn't boyfriend material?

[@FreeSpirit47]

All of the women I know who are in a happy, healthy marriage held to their values, their self respect by not having sexual contact until after they were married. These women range in age from 17 - 72. Better to skip the problems, the pain, the drama by getting to know the person as a person before ever even kissing the other person. The right people will wait, the ones who won't respect this are better off to move on from.

[@prussiansocietyofamerica]

Waiting is Bullshit.

[@FreeSpirit47]

@@prussiansocietyofamerica It's attitudes like that which leads to unwanted pregnancy with the man walking away, escaping responsibility for his actions. Then, again, you might believe that taking responsibility for your actions is bullshit, too.

[@prussiansocietyofamerica]

@@FreeSpirit47 Yeah, uh, no... And no thank you. This is why Men are fed up with Women.

[@BigRodd91]

@@FreeSpirit47 You're Bullshit.

[@MSimky]

Condom + IUD + sti testing

[@jessicaknobeloch3717]

Love this and agree with everything you said except... oral sex is still sex, no matter what Mr. Clinton says.

[@jessicaholting2362]

I agree. I would just limit it to kissing, making out and some boob action until he’s a boyfriend. Also it’s very important to keep going on dates and get to know each other…build that mental and emotional connection.

[@gracieallan4124]

Research in biochemistry totally backs this up. If a man has sex before he’s in love, his testosterone levels are still high and the hormones created during sex actually make him lose interest. If he’s in love, his testosterone is lower, and the hormones created during sex have a bonding effect on the relationship. The people who complain about your “opinion,” are at odds with their own biology!

[@ladyofspa]

Thanks for science base facts not guessing. John gray says wait and wait some more.

[@ladyofspa]

Thanks for science base facts not guessing. John gray says wait and wait some more.

[@waverider6133]

Lol ok

[@trucuriousity]

​@@waverider6133it's very true. Women bond through oxytocin which is produced during sex and orgasm. Men bond through vasopressin which is produced more during times of stress, pressure and problem solving. That's why they say to go on dates that get you working together as a team on something active.

[@MSimky]

Source? This sounds like BS

[@analezaa6306]

Props to you for being mature enough to not want to have sex unless you were dating them. Very emotionally mature.

[@stallion2120]

You would be great to teach young women in highschools who feel ridiculed by their friends if they don't have sex right away... that they have a right to choose and emotional safety before sleeping with a guy.

[@nj5023]

It’s kind of sad that this is controversial.

[@anissamarshall4588]

Very

[@LisaGemini]

To me, it's crazy AND sad. Why should we conform ourselves to make a jerk happy with sex? That's on us, not them.

[@lambchop6278]

Abso-f*#@ing-lutely!! Women have a lot against them these days. It's horrid.

[@lambchop6278]

​@@LisaGeminiCouldn't agree more. People have been stupidly warped by internet porn.

[@lavenderbluart]

I'm a 56 year old woman from australia. Been there done that with sex. You just gave the best advice I have ever ever heard from a man. So refreshing to hear. Thank you

[@POPJack1717]

You're single aren't you?

[@LisaGemini]

I totally agree, Evan! I've always made a guy wait just a little bit until I can TRUST him and be sure of my feelings. I don't get the criticism, either. Especially due to STDs as well. I've never slept around. My mother taught me to be in love first, and that's worked for me. I did have one boyfriend whom I slept with too soon and he didn't respect me. So I went back to my standard of getting to know and trust each other and be in exclusive love first. It's not manipulation, it's protecting my heart. Nobody is worth being gullible and letting them hurt me. Then I can't complain if he never calls. Because I took a risk and didn't know him first. That's on ME. Be responsible, girls. Find a good man who'll not be scared away if you don't consent immediately. Introducing sex to the relationship can really screw you up.

[@sunni1823]

This is great and something that I have been doing for about a year and a half. It definitely weeds out men without committal intentions and it keeps me protected 😎

[@coldblooded568]

If I'm not good enough to marry, youre not good enough to sleep with 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@coldblooded568]

@@lizzy6319 you watch his actions always over his words. Regardless, I'm not saying that you have to tell them you're celibate. Just be celibate and start from a point of being a woman who has standards, everything else will fall in line.

[@JM-yf5rt]

Totally agree! And I know couples in which the men respected that and they waited until marriage to have sex.

[@lizpedano1542]

Why does a man have to Marry you ... I would think having a committed relationship would be most important

[@joaosousa6950]

What marriage lol

[@moriahdiggs612]

@@lizzy6319 wait until you both walk down that aisle. Watch his actions u can't watch words

[@Chahlie]

It's about keeping your self esteem intact :)

[@zetazimmer4769]

I've had to learn that SOMETIMES guys who say they want friends with benefits actually just want a one night stand, but know their chances are better if they pretend.

[@prussiansocietyofamerica]

Don't be acting like you're the victim.

[@dearbrave4183]

@@prussiansocietyofamerica ok you are the victim

[@lambchop6278]

​@@prussiansocietyofamericaYou sound like such a player. ...I got very tired of that adversarial approach to relationships in my twenties. Really, it doesn't matter how many people you "get the better of"; as it ends up being that you screw yourself over anyway. The ultimate joke is on the self. Or, put it another way: being a player amounts to cheap and easy tricks. I got very bored with it. And bored also with the lack of integrity I showed to my self in my inability to trust and properly love. Which actually takes a load more strength and self confidence.

[@coldblooded568]

I already make them wait to do EVERYTHING so they know sex is a long way

[@Harlowe79]

Man here. I hate that phrase: "you gotta take the car for a test drive." Yeah, I want to be compared to a hunk of metal. If you need sex to decide if I'm worthy of you, then you don't really value me after all.

[@litkate]

Harlowe79 exactly it’s not all about the sex

[@vikki8699]

Well said :D

[@flyandshy00]

There are men that pretend and say "be my girlfriend", like it happened to me after I refused to go to his home after 1 and second dates, then he asked me that. There are men that have no options, wait for 1, 2 years, get it and disappear too. It's not uncommon.

[@orubek355]

He asked it to get it.

[@tylerdurden3722]

Usually those around you can identify such a guy. Just like you can identify it if someone you know is involved with such a guy. It's almost impossible to open your eyes to it yourself. Most women will push away the people that are looking out for them. E.g. if friends and family try to point out things of concern, they're cut out for being "negative".

[@dearbrave4183]

@@tylerdurden3722 hahaha true! They try to protect the guy from proper scrutiny until they learn the hard way. Unfortunately it's very common behaviour in women

[@nemom7791]

@Fly & Shy just gone through that - he only asked me to be his gf / exclusive so he can sleep with me :( I told him I don’t just sleep with someone without some sort of commitment so he felt ‘pressured’ or his words were ‘manipulated’ into being in a relationship! We only saw each other 4 times that’s too soon for me but nonetheless it hurts & was in tears. I don’t understand why am always meeting such f boys! At 30 / 31 am ready for the real deal marriage & kids in the future & these men always have commitment phobe about it. Am praying I find the right guy very soon.

[@flyandshy00]

@@nemom7791 you're 30, they think you're desperate for a man, lie that you're 25.

[@hormasdeoro]

A primary reason why sexual restraint benefits couples is that it facilitates intentional partner selection.

[@PEACESEATINGDISORDERVLOG]

This is so me! I was raised in very abusive environment; had awful experiences b/c I didn't have a 'no' or personal boundaries. I've been hurt a lot b/c I didn't know many guys who lie & don't let themselves develop feelings. This is great!

[@caroliner2029]

PLR Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. I'm sorry that you have had so much pain and such a struggle. Your trampled on "no" and having all the healthy boundaries of a doormat resonates with me. We grow up without the skills necessary to navigate adult relationships. Lambs to the slaughter. I've found Evan's coaching and support to be priceless too. I wish you continued healing and personal success.

[@cg6594]

Women need to have the self esteem and values that are deep within them. I got “dumped” the only time in my life, in high school, because I wasn’t ready to have sex. I didn’t think we were old enough to do that. I thought we should not be having sex in high school. Everything was wonderful until one night, after a football game, at the dance that followed, he walked up to me and dumped me just like that. Found out soon enough he found an older girl that would put out. It hurt, but I regret nothing. I didn’t change my morals or values and now I’m married over 34 years, with four beautiful children and a gorgeous granddaughter. Hold strong to your sense of self and your self worth. You don’t owe him anything, especially if it’s that important to him at such a young age. Grow up. Be strong. Find another person with values like your own. You won’t be sorry.

[@lambchop6278]

Women absolutely need to develop a thick skin when it comes to men. Men love an "easy" girl one moment and call the chaste one "frigid". And the next moment, they're calling the first woman a "ho" and pursuing the one they called "frigid". To hell with what men want. Women need to be more selfish and look out for themselves when it comes to sex. Wanna act more like a man when it comes to sex?!!! ...Be more selfish, period. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have sex or wait. It's all about going with your emotions about what you need. Including any of your needs for commitment.

[@luulips]

Love it! So on point! I've been practicing this waiting. So many men are easily weeded out this way and it's so interesting and kinda fun seeing what each guy will do and how they behave. I believe I'll find a boyfriend soon.

[@kristinajovanoski1653]

luulips me too! I hope so!!!🤞

[@bass13mary]

Yes I agree.I changed my approach.I don’t meet up, won’t do dinner, waste time dating, accept gifts,makeup cool profiles.I started with my standards and expectations. The lusters, sexually curious, exotic/novelty seekers, sex questioners, guys who want to take a test drive in my car, etc., fell by the wayside and quickly.I let them come to me, seek me out, pursue me as this is how I’ll know he’s interested in ME and men love the hunt.I narrowed it to four,then the phone.Two I dropped before. Spoke with two of them,chose one. No we haven’t had sex but I have a ring and a date.Hes willing to wait because I stated my expectation from the onset.

[@kristinajovanoski1653]

luulips found mine 💕

[@caroliner2029]

@@bass13mary Thank you for sharing your experience and insights with us. I wish you great success and happiness.

[@caroliner2029]

@@kristinajovanoski1653 Congratulations! I wish you much happiness.

[@KatDancingnStretching]

Know where you stand before you lay down. :) Love it! Yes I agree.

[@caroliner2029]

"know where you stand before you lay down..." It should be part of sex-ed in schools, 'Relationships 101'. That's a good idea to have printed on a top to wear to the gym...

[@caroliner2029]

@Gabriella Ross hehehe 😁 I'm seeing a marketing opportunity Gabriella.

[@yvonnegonzalez7726]

Totally makes sense .. wish I would have done this earlier, would have saved myself a lot of heartache

[@Sbannmarie]

We know now...😌

[@akuasalaam490]

Yes, we live and we learn.

[@carrierueden756]

Can't help but think of STDs...😐

[@caroliner2029]

True. A woman needs time to know the man, and to judge if what he's saying is true. It takes time. Men will say anything to get their way, in my experience. I don't mean to offend anyone by saying this. The research findings are based on my life experience only. I'm a magnet for Narcissists.

[@VeteranJudy]

curiouscat1991 LOL where do you get this silly idea. It is sexually related. Skin contact lol. Than you’d get it shaking hands

[@VeteranJudy]

Caroline R LOL sex doesn’t always need to involve a relationship.

[@caroliner2029]

@@VeteranJudy True. I'm not one of those women who can separate sex and love. Good for you if you can though. I wish you happiness. There's a tasty man willing to be had for every night of the week. My body wants to love and adore him, make him happy and be the object of his desire (thoughts and heart) once it has decided it wants to rip said man's clothes off. It wants a relationship, & it needs emotional safety. I can't argue with my body. It's UNBEARABLY miserable when it's been treated as an object for quick gratification. My oxytocin/dopamine pleasure centres are ruled over by a corsetted blonde Mistress with high heels & a whip in her hand and she HATES being thwarted and sent to detox. She does steroid rage on an epic scale when she doesn't get her way, so I give her ALL my respect. When she's happy, she's euphoric. She's prettiest when she's happy.

[@jeccym8715]

Ikr😂

[@coldblooded568]

I feel bad for the girls who sleep with men quick. Yall just need love.

[@orubek355]

They say it's their right 🙄

[@shaney169]

Lol I knew a girl who literally always slept with a guy on the first date and wondered why she'd never hear from them again. She never understood when I'd explain to her why lol

[@thedatingeffect]

Evan I so appreciate you. I am a women's dating coach for the over 40, 50 and up crowd, and I love your direct, upfront, in-your-face truths. As a widow who found true love AGAIN, I totally agree with most of your suggestions. I learned the hard (and painful) way not to sleep with anyone before they were my boyfriend. It was a game-changer. TY for spreading the word.

[@tkohearn5645]

Some people may not like what you have said but I think it is what women need to hear. You have to get to know a person first. I have dated guys for a couple of weeks and they seem great, then they start acting strange. I think women do this too. Why sleep with someone you do not know? Evan has a great strategy here-it is not a game, and it is not safe, honestly to be with a strange person alone unless you know more about him/her first.

[@hopeislandful]

I find it sad so many women think it's a bad idea.

[@arkproject3821]

Personally, I agree that waiting is the proper course. While I personally may be waiting for marriage, that’s not for everyone. Just waiting until some form of exclusivity and commit tends to be very safe and very rewarding. There’s less hurt feelings and regret in the end, it’s honestly a shame that this is such a controversy as everyone should be able to make their own choice. No one’s being forced to wait, all this is is some good advice.

[@shahrazade26]

I agree that making them wait for sex will weed out a lot of bad men, but my concern is, what if I wait a long time and then find out that the sex is awful? I just wasted months of my life.

[@Bodangers]

I asked the same thing to my guy. What if I'm bad in bed? He responded with "sex should be a small part of a relationship compared to the emotional bond. Plus it could be a learning experience to make the sex better. "

[@schahrzadmorgan]

Keep dating other men until you are exclusive!!

[@tylerdurden3722]

@@moonknight4053 when you have genuine feelings for someone, everything's 100 times more intense. Especially sex. When a girl is really in love with you, it's almost as if you can do no wrong (for the first couple of months...then it goes to you can do no right😅...if your relationship survives that depressing confrontation part, there's a second in love that's even better than the first in love.) By that time, you know what the other person likes and she knows what you like, in terms of sex. After that it's hard to go back to sex with a random person. It's boring, empty and meaningless after you've experienced the 100 times intensity.

[@kiraalialeeonfairythegreenone]

@@Bodangers Absolutely right. Rarely if ever is physical intimacy fantastic from the beginning. It takes time and patience, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and lots of experimentation with the person that you love and want to share your life with. Exploring each others very personal needs and wants... and accepting and respecting boundaries and limits, even in bed, is healthy in a loving relationship. Physical intimacy is only one part of a relationship.

[@dearbrave4183]

@@schahrzadmorgan terrible advice to someone who wants to save sex for later after they've established a bond with a person.

[@benjamesv]

Thanks man. Already going down the sexclusivity path. Its hard sometimes, because a lot of women I’ve come across want to have sex quickly

[@Tita-n1z]

Run away from those woman

[@trucuriousity]

Thank you for sticking to your guns on this point. I have spent almost 30 years making the mistake of sex too soon over and over, convinced it was somehow a feminist thing to act like i wasn't affected. But in the end i was really betraying myself and my own safety over and over. And getting hurt so much it took years to get over just being too jaded to try to find love anymore. It doesn't even matter why a guy does or doesn't act a certain way after sex. What matters is how I feel. Time and again i get attached too soon. Then ignore the red flags that come up. And I'm just too tired of that to put my heart at risk anymore. Protecting yourself first IS the feminist thing to do.

[@lambchop6278]

THIS is exactly it for me. My prerogative to wait is all about how emotionally attached I get when it comes to feeling sexual towards someone. I have actually worked on being better able to separate lust from love, as completely aligning the two was also bad for me in that it caused me to fall for men who were commitment phobic and promiscuous. A bad match for me. Ultimately, after all that remodeling I did on my emotions and perception (I actually lowered my sex drive as a result) I still find my need for emotional intimacy to be as strong if not stronger than any lust I feel. And I am unwilling to short change my emotions. Especially not when I value being in love so much more than having sex. Sex is so cheap these days. What mystique even exists with it anymore, anyway??!! Internet porn has taken mystery and for me, temptation, quite out of the equation. But the bottom line for me is all about honouring my emotions. I won't even necessarily set a time frame for when I will consider sleeping with someone. As I want to rely upon my intuition. But I would err on the side of waiting more. And I would hope that I wouldn't be with a player jerk. I really have a distaste for players. Especially when sex is so easy to get these days. I would lose respect for a guy who was a player. Who frankly would by definition be beneath me.

[@Scarlett-tt5ul]

Every woman should watch this video. If every woman behaved the way Evan is telling us to, men would also behave differently.

[@tylerdurden3722]

True, meeting my wife changed me. She was committed to remaining a virgin until she turned 21. She let me know this from the start. I was aware that several other guys tried their luck and gave up eventually. I realized she wasn't like the others and that made me see her as "the one". She was special. Her mom didn't like me, and predicted that I would ruin her daughter's future...and I was determined to prove her mom wrong. And that changed my life.

[@lambchop6278]

Stupid internet porn created the current messed up sexual marketplace

[@lvncsr6166]

love this coming from a man. We are the prize and we do not have to be so 'thristy'

[@m27ny]

I did that, but the guy lied to me, he said I am the only girl, he doesn't play games... then I found out he had a girlfriend and until I exposed him and informed her, he was all over me, calling, asking me out, etc. When I let her know he was dating me for over a month and slept with me, he was upset with me. We both dumped him, but I feel used by him and I feel that you can't find the middle ground!

[@katesun2957]

That's what I was thinking too. I've had guys take me out every weekend, or if they work from home, even more often. They say they love me after two weeks, and they are serious about our relationship. They talk about when we're married, etc., then we finally have sex, and all of a sudden I'm hearing the "no commitment" speech. It's not that the sex is bad, because they'll stay in touch for a year "as a friend" and try to get more of that. So, how do you know when they're lieing?

[@oshunenergy3884]

@@katesun2957 put him in situations where they would make a move hinting sex.

[@katesun2957]

They don't hint at my age for sex, they come right out and say that I'm playing games to not have sex.

[@TaWandaJoyner]

@@katesun2957 Yes, they rush in discussing commitment, the future...that's their game/con. They move too fast so they can have sex. It's called love bombing. They are emotionally immature & emotionally unavailable. I've always hated when someone moves too fast...I see it as a red flag...so I see how long he hangs around. All of my serious relationships started with them wanting to marry me within the first month, I'm Not quick to marry (& never married), yet they were serious. One lasted 9 years, the other one 12 years. I remain celibate in between serious relationships...it keeps my life & mind healthy!❣😄💖

[@24G-p5r]

@@katesun2957 2 weeks is too short, do it for 4 weeks

[@suzettekitselman6914]

Hey Marc! Thank you for this excellent video. I recognize myself here ~ in both situations! Sometimes I wasn't interested in an emotional attachment, and sometimes I was ~ sometimes I got hurt, sometimes the guy got hurt. Love the fact that you're pointing out that the purpose of waiting is to prevent women getting hurt by hoping for more from someone who isn't interested in more than just a hookup. And of course, to give the right guy the job of Boyfriend! This is your best video I've seen so far!

[@evanmarckatz]

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words.

[@christinaFtx]

Coming from a woman, who’s experienced men of all types, waiting for more than a few months is what I recommend. Also he’s wrong about men not lying about being your boyfriend for sex. If a woman is attractive a man will lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and guilt you into sex. Men do not feel shame in any of this. I’ve had men tell me they are divorced, to find out they are married, even had a man tell me his wife was dead, also not true. If you wait long enough the truth comes to fruition.

[@str5295]

This is nothing but common sense. Pure gold.

[@bluevelvet2]

Not being loose as a woman is a huge flex, especially these days. You are like a pristine diamond in a sea of used costume jewelry.

[@annruth7213]

I'm a 34 year old woman... a Black woman. I think this is great and wise

[@evanmarckatz]

AnnRuth appreciate your honest opinion.

[@annruth7213]

@@evanmarckatz Thank you for the video !

[@Greenwitch_Garden]

Love this. So true. It took me a while to shed my “sexual revolution” free spirit skin and come into my womanhood of self respect.

[@BrendaHouston_]

26 thirsty men disliked this

[@Liminalspaces825]

Finally someone who is telling it like it is. I wish I had known what I have learned in the past 22 years or more. I always had commitment problems. I had a great father so it wasn’t “daddy” issues. I would always run away and when they didn’t like me I liked them. Of course because I wanted what I could not have. I had to start loving myself and telling myself positive things instead of paying attention to my flaws. I am single but i am getting to know someone who I am starting to know better. I am happy and the guy that likes me had to keep chasing me because I wasn’t interested. He didn’t give up and I am starting to fall for him because we speak everyday long distance and I am really getting to know him. It is the thing that works for me. I don’t feel pressured because he doesn’t live here but maybe someday we could be together and really be friends. I am a survivor so yes I do have many issues with it. If you throw yourself around you will be so unhappy in the end. At least I was until I believed that I was just as good as anyone else. Keep pushing forward with your dreams. They should never die and a man alone will not make you happy until you are happy with yourself. He is telling the truth. I hope that women listen to him. At least if you are having a hard time finding a relationship. Thank you.

[@artisticagi]

I like this. The not rejecting part is crucial 3:01 The reasons it’s good to avoid until commitment 23:51

[@avalon7024]

After full time dating for 8 years, I absolutely agree with your ideas.

[@VivVal33]

I used to see your articles in Facebook, but just recently i found one of your youtube videos, the interview with Rori Raye, and i was so glad to connect your face to your name. I love your honesty, but most importantly i love that everything you teach is exactly what my mom taught me. To value myself, to wait for sex, to be happy just to be me. Priceless advice from smart and loving humans that have a brain. Thanks Evan for putting it out there in a heartfelt, no nonsense kind of way. Many blessings for this 2019. 🥰🙏🏼

[@shelleypetersen1608]

This makes the most sense out of anything anyone has shared! I wished I had heard this 15 years ago when I got divorced.

[@shaney169]

I've always agreed with this and gone by it. So much better to wait until the feelings are strong and you have a strong connection. Just makes the sex so much better in the end ☺️ I don't even kiss a guy until at least date 2 or 3.

[@dominique7269]

This is actual empowerment.

[@19katsandcounting]

Thank you for your compassion and speaking kindly on the matter!

[@ping7364]

Friendship first to me . I have the boundary and border. Will see if the person respect me as a friend . I don’t care that person can wait or not .

[@susanpayne4225]

I loved it! It reinforces my mind set on this issue. It was great hearing it from your perspective. : )

[@hassannazari576]

great advice, and not only women, I think men need to take this advice as well

[@avr223]

I love how direct you always are with your messages!

[@CoachDeBora]

After watching your entire video, in which you, a man, seeks to teach women how to protect their heart has made me conclude one thing about women: we are STUPID. I was once stupid. Ended up hurt when they ghosted me. Seldom do I call anybody stupid but these women's objections to taking care of your heart by taking your time to have sex with a man are utterly ridiculous. As I dress to go out on a date with a new guy, this video reminded me that it is I who takes care of my heart...because I've learned the heart way that where my parts go, so goes my heart. So I've learned to wait. He can wait with me, or not. Thanks for great videos.

[@mustardseed3624]

Gaurd your heart above all else for it is the well spring of life.

[@TuffLuv1984]

I don’t think it stupidity as much as ego. We all know having a loose booty will pan out when it someone other than us...

[@lambchop6278]

Women are not stupid. We were always at a disadvantage and then internet porn demolished what protection we had culturally. The last thing we need is more denigration. Don't call women stupid, even if your intentions are good.

[@nancybentsen9381]

t used to hook up fast they left so i stopped years ago men asks for dates if i say im not hooking up they never messege me back

[@hawaiigirl8089]

The writer is RIGHT- he is seeing another if after 6 weeks he’s not rewarded with sex. Since men have worn down a woman’s expectations in society it’s a lose lose for women. I just remain celibates because I refuse to let any man ever get the best of me ever again

[@lambchop6278]

I completely agree about the lose lose for women with the current hook-up culture.

[@ettiefeistmann5867]

If he cannot wait he is not for you. Once you have sex your judgment gets cloudy. Thus, first decide if he is boyfriend material.

[@cassondrahunt4509]

I have recently decided to put men in the friendzone before dating them. The good news is the idiots show their true colors real fucking quick. But the bad news is, if they is fucking nuts, he ends reacting in a way that is insane.😒

[@mskay777]

I came across you channel and ❤ it. It’s the “Okay and shoulder shrug” for me 😂😂😂

[@amandamariemullins2954]

I have "the talk" not in the heat of the moment. This is a great episode. Thanks.

[@CelestiumTemple]

Gosh, love your channel! I needed your guidance here

[@Christina_320]

Close up shop til you’re married ladies I’m telling ya . Y’all making it too easy for these men now...

[@annharrison4774]

Some men don't even bother staying the night!

[@Christina_320]

Why would they? The minute they get pussy, they don’t value the woman and they’re out the door. It’s game over for them once they hit it.

[@MTortillaKitt]

I can see the importance of this and this is what I’m doing right now.

[@estherfeistmann7397]

I am so happy to hear that you so strongly feel that way. I’m wholeheartedly agree.

[@Sweeter1ByFar]

Great phrase sexclusivity! The longer the better! Marriage is the best time for me.

[@ligiaharris1475]

Was dating a guy who was constantly on dating site sending naked pics of himself and asking for sex, to other women on dating sites and my own friend. It is hard to find honest genuine trustworthy men .

[@angelrace8103]

I think it is best not to invest in a particular men, if you have to let him wait for sex. His not the right one for you. Follow you intuition like i do.

[@jenniferlorence1950]

I COMPLETELY AGREE with this Man, But it Surprises me that So many men have to tell women how to Behave, it seems that Men have more 'Dignity' than women these days.

[@MsVakong]

Yep, I'm surprised that women are offended by his statements. I'd rather weed out the guys who only wanted sex than get used.

[@daydreamer3]

I really agree with this! As a woman, I'm shocked at how little self control the "average" woman has when it comes to rushing to sleep with a man.

[@Bodangers]

@@daydreamer3 they need to be educated at a young age about it. They think sex will keep a man

[@lambchop6278]

Internet porn has seen women be coerced into lowering the price of sex. Often with the help of men. It's a completely unnatural state that our society has been manipulated into. Technology did it

[@karolinah12]

Coach, this advice is very real and helpful. Thank you for the insight

[@foxywhitetip7387]

Wait till married

[@soulprospers4110]

Yeah. Come out of the current culture’s disgusting ways and actually find a good decent person who also is waiting til marriage then have a real legit relationship

[@ping7364]

Angie Ali I totally agree with you.

[@solidsix6766]

E, your advice has always been spot-on. Really timeless messages.

[@embel20]

Oh my! These ladies 🤦🏻‍♀️... then don’t complain! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@izitzelCC]

I agree on setting the exclusivity before having sex if you are really interested in that person, otherwise having sex with no purpose is always an option if you are not interested in a whole good relationship

[@ladydoc7221]

This is a no brainer....”know thyself...”. That’s what he’s saying....”keep it real....”

[@MsVakong]

Yes, I'm surprised by the comments that people are shocked and offended by his statements. I've always done this and it easily weeded out the guys who only wanted sex. I'd feel really stupid if a guy slept with then I never heard from him again.

[@brielleanyez7113]

Let him go get it somewhere else. No one deserves your body ladies unless there is a ring on your finger and vows are said.

[@nathalie5238]

I get the concept, though I am not so sure about the waiting weeks, months.... it is more about the 'follow up' and the connection. I did sleep with my ex-husband on our 2nd date and remained together for over 10 years. I did sleep with men soon and they vanished, I did wait 6 weeks with men and they still vanished. To me it is about connecting first, sometimes you just connect quickly sometimes you never connect. So for me, no rules of wait X amount of time. Wait to feel like it, a deeper connection. Yes it involves risks of being hurt, life is about risks.

[@lambchop6278]

I tend to agree with this. Though I might also try to have some sort of time frame. Maybe that is because I actually don't have a lot of experience with dating men. But overall, I completely agree with relying on one's intuition as to whether there is genuine connection and chemistry. That my number one priority would actually be how well we clicked with each other, whether we can laugh together and be good friends. And that, beyond that, there is risk just as a part of life.

[@nathalie5238]

I have a question. I am also a women that has been wired with time about: kissing, hugging ... inside the house escalated to sex. Why, I just get turned on. You say: pace the escalation to sex, which makes so much sense and gives so much gratification and an outlook to more. Yet I am wondering: can men do that? I was called a tease in the past. I clearly stated to the man I wanted to take things slow and get to know each other before sex. After some dates we were getting close... ended on the sofa, I reiterated my boundaries, went into forplay. No need to tell it got steamy (I had to make a big effort to stop is, yes my body was sooooo ready) when I stopped him, saying we’d better not go further though I really was into him: big disapointment on his face, big frustration and he called me a tease giving him mixed signals. So now, even if I want to go step by step I am terrified I will give a man mixed signals... So how do you work around that?!? How do you stop 2 aroused bodies without frustrating them. Now I just date, kiss hug outside, not going at a man’s place to avoid those situations, while I do crave to just ‘make out’ to avoid mixed signals... I am 45, most ‘older’ men don’t get that apparently 🥺

[@isabellairaca1669]

It happened to me too. Meet him in public places 🙂

[@FairyTheGreenOne]

Evan, thank you. Excellent advice. Love it!!!!

[@brookebee3614]

6 weeks isn’t long enough for someone you just met eww no.

[@dr.jocelynsantana3624]

This is amazing. Excellent advice. 🙏🙏

[@kathysutton2631]

So many guys say we can b exclusive just to get laid. Then they’re gone. It takes months to know someone.

[@dazzhazz1]

Great advice. Many women need to know this. I wish I heard you 4 years ago.....

[@zeesays726]

This is one of the best youtube videos love it.

[@jenniferjames107]

So any suggestions on how to end a sexual relationship? He is more into me and I am not not into him? Because I jumped into bed to quick. Wish I had found you 3 months ago! I wouldn’t be in this situation now if I had. But now I have and will not get back in this situation again. Any help greatly appreciated.

[@DivaDivine88]

Just end it! You owe him nothing! Tell him you'd like to be platonic and you're not on the same page.. or Ghost him like men do us.. men don't need closure as much as we do.. Or tell him you are getting back with an ex.. idk but never sleep with someone you don't want to! It hurts your self esteem not his!

[@SD-kp6fj]

You crack me up! XD Valid points- thank you for keeping it real

[@elizapellet1598]

Put the RESPONSIBILITY on the woman! Yah !!! Way to be a MAN!!!!!÷!!!!! SLap his hand , slap his hand , all date long, only for him to keep it on and wear you down. Then hey its HER fault . Get real.

[@jorgeandrade783]

Eliza Pellet It’s not about blaming the woman it’s just that women have more to lose from one night stands. They’re usually the ones saying they’ve got pumped and dumped. So it’s about minimising the risk of that

[@katesun2957]

I love reading these again. I know about slapping his hand away all the times you see him. Now if a guy does that continually, and continues when I say stop, I won't see him again.

[@theresastines7664]

I Love you today ! I needed to hear this . What a thought 🤔

[@sept2866]

You are hysterical and very wise Evan!!

[@kathysutton2631]

And boyfriend means they announce you to family and friends. Right?

[@mushihimesarna728]

I'm an attractive man who can get girls no problem. This friend told me she liked me, she advanced me and canceled everything to be with me. She blushes, smiles nervously and has a hard time looking me in the eye. I repeat : she initiated everything, except for the kiss I finally gave her. Now, she came home to sleep literally, because she said she wanted to "wait", even though she clearly is mad about me. What she didn't understand is that a man like me, who can always get any, feels deeply offended by playing this game. Like I'm not hot enough even if she told me that she wanted it and more. Girls, don't do things like that, don't make us work for something you give for free to anyone. Why play with the guy you like? I dumped her and she was crying .... But she totally earned my rejection.

[@lambchop6278]

Nup. Don't agree with your thinking. And I think you are extremely selfish. You sound like you have a fragile ego and only care about yourself!! 🙄 Your method is also not conducive to a long term relationship, if studies are correct. You'd probably jump around from marriage to marriage as soon as it got tough or your woman did something you don't agree with.

[@ericdietrich878]

As a guy, I wouldn’t mind being turned down for sex and asked to wait. Honestly I’d like it. But also as a guy, I do escalate sexually when I want. 2nd dates been my most common. Havnt made it past a 3rd without it.

[@jeccym8715]

How would you reason if you have a gf and still push someone else for sex because you claim you love them and fallen for them? As a guy,do you think it's possible to fall for someone when you are already engaged with someone and still love the other girl you've fallen for or it's just for sex? Am curious

[@DivaDivine88]

What are some things men will say when they want you to be exclusive? Would they say it plainly, or hint at it? Will they hint during foreplay, or will they sit you down for a formal conversation? Will I have to bring it up or will they..?? How to date multiple men until one proposes? How to hint that you are dating multiple people without sounding like "heaux"? Most men don't give women the benefit of the doubt in believing that they aren't sleeping with all the men you're talking to (perhaps like they are)..

[@hawaiigirl8089]

SEX CAN improve with openness & getting to know another