Oh Lord the Tumblrs

[@JikuAraiguma]

“Shit myself to sleep” has the same but opposite vibes as “Wake up, take a shit, get out of bed”

[@mr.winters4698]

After looking up the North Pole politician (who is actually the deputy mayor, not the mayor proper) isn't just using the name "Santa Claus" as a social media joke. That is his actual name. He was a Christian monk that originally grew his beard out as part of a monastic tradition, and then leaned fully into the image and legally changed his name to Santa Claus in 2005, using it to spread awareness and advocacy for child welfare. It wasn't until 8 years later that he moved to North Pole, AK and joined its city council. He's also expanded his advocacy to include such things as universal health care, marijuana legalization, student loan cancellations, and a wealth tax. All in all, Santa seems like he's actually a really cool guy.

[@phoenyxtaylor5750]

Holy shit we love irl Santa

[@helenanilsson5666]

And now he's also watching invader zim yaoi on his social media feed. Honestly sounds like a great guy.

[@MMothPerson]

All hail irl santa

[@lordfelidae4505]

This is just Santa on his off season.

[@robotbootyhunter6878]

I’ve met Santa before. I was traveling through North Pole on my way to a college campus tour, and stopped by his Workshop. Definitely a chill guy.

[@calnoseworthy1220]

Adulthood is not a game with no tutorial, its a game with a tutorial for a completely different game. Like I am totally prepared for every trivia mini-game ever, but god help us when the tax season boss fight starts.

[@dragoonmk4203]

God? there is no god here, but the IRS. And Nobody dares fuck with that god.

[@robotbootyhunter6878]

Adulthood is the sequel to a game that was relatively easy to understand, but decided to completely change the genre and abandoned the core gimmicks and mechanics.

[@DrZaius3141]

To be fair, that's only on that game server where the pay 2 win accounts bought the company that develops the game. They made them implement that tax system so they could pay to avoid paying. It's weird, though.

[@Firehawk376]

@@DrZaius3141 Professional tax preparer here, can confirm. The weirdest fucking part is that even the bits that look like they're supposed to help FTP players out are actually ALSO beneficial for the P2W players. (The Earned Income Credit gives millions, probably billions, of dollars to low income people every year. Its actual purpose is to swamp the IRS in work so they don't have the ability to audit high income people. I have mixed feelings about it.)

[@jaredkennedy6576]

Hey, I've got this tax thing down. I just pay some online service for the privilege of spending an hour or so figuring everything out, and then wait for the government to either say ok or come arrest me. Nice quick and easy, and only took me to about 40 to really get it sorted.

[@bluelfsuma]

5:55 "Antidepressants alter your brain function unnaturally" Plumbing alters the flow of water unnaturally, but we all like it.

[@marieporter9488]

@@bluelfsuma Exactly! Also, saying "Why do people have depression when there's so much good everywhere?" is the same as saying "Why do people have asthma when there's so much air everywhere?"

[@DazzlingNishi]

it has the same vibes as people saying "oh watch out you can get addicted to adhd meds" because like, i can't function without those meds anyways? i'm gonna be taking them every day anyways??

[@Death2all546]

⁠@@DazzlingNishi “I can’t function without those meds” Sounds exactly like something an addict would say!

[@minanathans6005]

@@Death2all546 Dude, I couldn't function _before_ I started taking them. You try running the dishwasher without soap _3 goddamn times_ so there's no clean plates, and mixing up the measurements of the recipe you were supposed to make so dinner turns out inedible anyway, and discovering that no, you did not actually do laundry, you put the dirty clothes in, walked away and then forgot all about it so if you want to wear something clean to work you're gonna be up half the night, and THEN you can judge me for not wanting to give up my After for Before.

[@Death2all546]

@@minanathans6005 sorry, I was just trying to make a joke.

[@ZephyrValIey]

That Tumblr post does not capture the sheer insanity of the old cosmonaut gun. It's not just a sawed off shotgun, it's a triple barreled combination gun, which holds 2 shotgun shells in its upper barrel and a rifle charge in its single lower barrel. The machete was not a separate item, but was built into a buttstock attachment. That thing is so ridiculous I love it so much

[@codexstudios]

That is some modded Doom shit. Hell, that's probably already in Russian Overkill.

[@mister_lad]

Inspiration for Mack's Shotgun-Axe?

[@th3TwistedLight]

I mean, you gotta have firepower against bears

[@lancer434]

Somehow my brain immediately accepted the idea of someone shitting themselves to sleep

[@thequagiestsire]

omg trans lancer hiiiii

[@gayahhbihh]

trancer

[@mrmissingno10]

lans

[@TrixterTheFemboy]

lancegender

[@chivescat1231]

I also did that but I was laughing the whole time but I had just breathed out so every laugh hurt my stomach a little and I couldn't stop laughing because that's really fucking funny but YEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWW

[@HugoPegler]

"Antidepressants alter your brain function" Yeah, I sure hope so.

[@Snomrade]

Yeah my seizure meds better fucking do that because I don’t want my brain to (for lack of a better term) short circuit.

[@CryoXerxes]

Glasses alter your eye function

[@ClonedGamer001]

For the first one, there's actually a bit more context. The shotgun was actually what's known as a combination gun, featuring two 40-gauge shotgun barrels and then a rifled barrel for firing 5.45x39mm rifle rounds (the same caliber fired by the AK-74), It also wasn't technically sawed off, since it was manufactured to be that short from the start. The weapon adopted to replace the Makarov 9mm pistol because the prototype laser weapon they intended to issue never reached production.

[@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit]

Before reading this comment I did not know that there was also an AK-74

[@jakraziel]

@@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit Can you guess what year its from?

[@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit]

@jakraziel 1974?

[@jakraziel]

@@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit yep. But yes tye whole reason they needed this thing was early space stuff couldnt land predictably and sometimes you would get trapped in the woods in winter fir a few days.

[@synphilia4776]

i'm sorry, laser weapon? what?

[@Pistonrager]

That "Dragging feet" one is another example of why the Oxford Comma is better added than not.

[@someonessecondaltaccount6932]

It took me finishing this video and scrolling through the comment section to realize that the meaning wasn't him dragging his feet and pussy around separately but rather he was pussying around

[@shinyarchen_39]

4:00 We’ve still got “mook” and “lackey,” don’t we? There’s still hope.

[@NotTheLastSoL]

7:46. I said, out loud, "Isn't that just Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games?" and moments later, I was VINDICATED!

[@triacontahedron]

actually that's called a corporate trust

[@LilyKazami]

At least it's not Sony and Sega e2l, that's an entirely different series with way more stereotypes.

[@AgentOracle]

Bro, your polycyle is just the three other people you rent a house with. You don't even like each other."

[@charlie570]

"save me evil middle aged man" oh you mean "MEDIC!"

[@screeno42]

Reply to this with which class you heard when you read the last word. Soldier

[@karal_the_crazy]

Engineer 🛠️

[@mynty5812]

Heavy

[@Lambdrx]

@@screeno42 Spy

[@ahmed43633]

Scout

[@dakotasan8719]

Welp. I am now adopting “Statistical Clusterfuck” into my lexicon

[@hfar_in_the_sky]

5:48 Shit, tell me where this guy gets his croissants because I want one

[@GlitchedRed]

4:54 "until they are suddenly VERY important" They're in The Box(tm) until they're needed. When I *do* need them, suddenly my documents _and_ The Box(tm) aren't even in the same zip code as me.

[@AidenOcelot]

Life has a tutorial, but it's the wrong kind. We spend our formative years, 12-16 years of life studying, strict schedules, in walkable areas. Then we graduate, and poof, it's all gone, you need to make your own schedule, you need to find your own job, you need to do everything yourself. No more deans asking you what classes you want, no more algorithm optimizing your freetime with work, no requesting schedule shifts to have freetime with friends. It's all on you now, and you have no ability to, how could you? You spent all of your life not needing to do so

[@sporemaster9108]

3:06 -_God's famous last words as they confront a typical JRPG party_

[@vo1dlust]

I cannot thank you enough. You have ruined JRPG's for me, in the most humorous way possible.

[@sporemaster9108]

@@vo1dlust Am I wrong though?

[@vo1dlust]

@@sporemaster9108 You are absolutely right, and now I can't play Metaphor without occasionally giggling.

[@leeshajoi]

5:55 - sadly, there are in fact people who will judge you for taking all of those medications instead of "trusting in God" or whatever the hell.

[@LegorocketsAnimation]

Or the debatably worse "I recognize you have a problem, but since _I_ dont have that problem, I refuse to understand that it is actually a problem and i will not let you do what you need to do to fix it"

[@YeahThisIsMe-zs1mx]

God got me into this shit I'm not trusting him to get me out

[@DaiyaDoggo]

The people we should be yelling at are those in the healthcare industry who cares more about making money than solving health problems and those who are against eliminating the costs of healthcare.

[@thefandombard4774]

Life is a side effect of living

[@mildlymarvelous]

As a Christian who takes multiple antidepressants, trust me, I am smdhing my head at these people just as much as the rest of you

[@jjjenwade1120]

8:11 Most vampires, if they seldom choose to turn anyone, will pick their targets semi-randomly as expected. However, Count Georg, who turns an eighth of the world population each century, exclusively targets bi people. Count Georg and his victims are outliers and should not have been included.

[@someguy7114]

Yes but it’s kinda hard to get other vampires’ input due to their reclusive nature plus Count Georg and his Bi body of power are quite open to the survey.

[@FelisImpurrator]

I can't like this, it's at exactly 69.

[@coolgreenbug7551]

@@FelisImpurrator it’s at 83 now so go ahead

[@Novel272]

I'm sorry an EIGHTH?!

[@llmkursk8254]

NO! Don’t shoot Djungelskog!

[@greninji3593]

8:33 the token straight friend doesn’t get to become a vampire though, instead their descendants take up the mantle across the generations

[@taintedirene5925]

The Belmont clan

[@stevenspicer312]

Fun Fact! From where I live, it is a 20 minute drive SOUTHEAST to North Pole, Alaska.

[@EyeOfEld]

Fairbanks? I used to live on Fort Wainwright as a kid.

[@darthplagueis13]

3:54 Them's the words of someone about to try out battery acid spaghetti

[@aricohen5960]

@@darthplagueis13 Dry skin of radioactive candy

[@CaelanWoollums]

Dont do it.

[@WateverWatever04]

1:40 Hey wait a min, the North Pole is located in Canada! Why is Santa in the US city _named_ the North Pole? He's in the wrong place! Somebody get this mam to Ellesmere Island stat!

[@midnight4685]

@@WateverWatever04 Climate change…

[@ishouldprobablychangemyuse5093]

@@WateverWatever04 Geomagnetic reversal

[@Kenai_G]

Fun Fact! It's named North Pole, Alaska because Captain Cook got bored and lazy, and didn't want to find the Actual north pole, so he just named a place so he could claim fame or fortune for finding it first. :) Both Alaskans and Hawaiians hate this guy.

[@weeedster]

Speaking of Space Jam 1996. The original website is still up, and exists more or less as it did at its creation. To this day it's being actively maintained. It's quite a nostalgia trip.

[@visualgagging]

>evil middle aged man Doofenshmirtz?

[@desestscourge6240]

I was thinking Spamton personally, but that works just as well.

[@ahmed43633]

Medic Tf2

[@thescholarsjourney661]

3:20 Oh so just... the Doctor.

[@ralseidemurrer]

Exactly

[@ninjabluefyre3815]

Ten specifically.

[@snoozymac2377]

Doctor Who?

[@thescholarsjourney661]

@snoozymac2377 Yes exactly

[@snoozymac2377]

@@thescholarsjourney661 Wait, Who?

[@emperorarkoos2919]

0:17 truly this is man vs bear.

[@axelprino]

The thing about Nintendo and Sega is that they hooked up the moment they no longer had the need to be enemies, the Mario and Sonic at the Olympics was more or less just formalizing it.

[@Hello-lf1xs]

I’m fairly sure someone could 100% absolutely hyperfixate on food tbh

[@Dabouse2007]

1:53 that original post, that's what it was like to be a horse for most of history

[@Johm_Doe]

The mafia policule post was just jojo part 5

[@IsMgb45]

My take on the vampire bissexuality thing: vampires go to closet queer people, and when the "victim" realises they are "anormal", they simply release all the fruitness and quirckness they've been hiding

[@coolgreenbug7551]

@@IsMgb45 they’ve been charging it all their life

[@eveepic0612]

8:40 Very true, I would probably bite my homies if it was socially acceptable in a public environment to bite your mutuals. Hell I might do that even if it wasn't. It's gay to bite the homies, and I'm proud of that.

[@AxionZetaOne]

6:06 what people who say this are saying, without realizing they're saying it in some cases (but only some), is that they have never considered those who are less than fully normative and capable as worthy of living. They may not understand that they feel that way or have put it into those words but the final result is the same.

[@FreedomTaleTrio]

5:14 No, it’s a video game with a tutorial level that teaches you almost nothing about how to play the game, except basic movement.

[@lilharm]

they don’t teach you basic movement, it’s expected you learn that yourself *before* the tutorial

[@thesquishedelf1301]

“You thin slice of nut loaf” goes unreasonably hard

[@firestormdb]

"Yami is Yugi's Stand" was not a take I was expecting to hear today

[@pokeplazagamer]

"statistical clusterfuck" is now my favorite phrase.

[@Pinheadd]

7:27 Mordecai and Rigby

[@lunatpr5594]

1:04 I wouldn't mind being a cute elf girl.

[@2kkl4wz]

I would love it :D

[@TheKidwBlueGlasses]

Tbh, I feel like it would solve a lot of my problems... ...but also create a whole slew of new ones. But its okay bc at least I'm a cute elf girl!!! :D

[@treywilliams1388]

The tumblrs, they’re tumbling

[@aricohen5960]

Scrumbling.

[@86fifty]

5:00 - I just got thru renewing my passport, so I REALLY feel this. The post-office worker said they're processing em real fast right now, so if you move NOW, my fellow usa peeps, you can in fact get an up to date or even first-time passport before January!!

[@vladimirenlow4388]

3:16 is unexpectedly powerful. All of us start out amazed, enthralled, and overjoyed by the world around us, but 95-99% of us have that beaten out of us by joyless adults, are worn down by the intricacies of adulting, or give it up voluntarily because it's not cool... cringe, even. The ones among us who can still experience novelty and create it for others don't realize how precious that gift is or how lucky they are.

[@derpymule7977]

7:58 I love how it’s clear that PM has no clue who the blueberry whale is or the imminent threat she poses to their adsense

[@PMSeymour]

Oh I know who Bao is

[@derpymule7977]

@ How are you so calm? She’s rapidly approaching and you’re not panicking? I admire your sheer bravery.

[@348joey]

5:07 No, adulthood does have a tutorial. It's called, "school". Unfortunately, it was made for an older patch of reality and doesn't really help much with the actual experience beyond the tutorial.

[@shingshongshamalama]

Most humans are in fact not exclusively heterosexual, we just refuse to acknowledge it. Prove me wrong.

[@datzfatz2368]

If history and science hould have taught us anything, it is that Nature doesnt do rigid, solidly defined categories. Life is fluid in all aspects. Sexuality and romanticism are not exluded from that. Personal example, if you want: i am very heterosexual (trust me, ive tried, i cant get arroused by men) but the feelings i have for my best homies are basically identical to how one would describe someone they are in love with, they just dont feel romantic to me. The content is the same, the categories we made up to fit them in just dont fit it^^

[@ST0AT]

Condolences to the guy on Bao's radar. You will be missed o7

[@Leonidas1210vc]

o7

[@ArbitraryEverything]

6:49 call that politics

[@caijda]

3:59 how dare you??? But also yes, I do main cleric

[@valdonchev7296]

"My power fantasy is being able to help others"

[@Cassiopea525]

I main druid and most of my wonder is for flipping over rocks and checking out salamanders

[@FeenickzVR]

Arguing my point for vampiric bisexuality: it's because non-bi people become ghouls or simply die, while bi people become vampires

[@BasicallyBaconSandvichIV]

Asexuals also have the potential to become vampires, however their love of garlic bread has so far prevented all but one in becoming a vampire.

[@crazyeightball]

7:04 The logical next step for Mark, Bob and Wade

[@skedaddleskidoodle2072]

These posts got some good tumbl today

[@TheOblivionMan]

So wait, does that mean Bisexual Lighting is some sort of anti-sunlight that empowers and rejuvenates vampires? And does this further lead to the possibility of large numbers of Twitch streamers being vampires, taking advantage of the power boost to allow them to appear on camera?

[@isabelleneckel1153]

“A dnd group” yeah there was one point that at least half of our group’s characters were related by either blood or marriage, one guy’s character was my character’s brother, and his character’s wife was another PC’s half sister. The party generally adopted another PC’s daughter so that’s some sort of relation (until she got sick and we abandoned her with a witch who could help, then she hated us for abandoning her). The campaign ended 9 months ago but we still have running jokes that we will never lose because of it.

[@catkittycatc4t]

4:15 but.... can't that be possible??? a hyperfixation is 'a complete obsession with or absorption into a particular task'. cooking with seasonal squash is a particular, specific task. guys am i just stuopid

[@soffissweetcorner4585]

A hyperfixation isn't just "a complete obsession with or absorption into a particular task". It's your brain liking a particular action (or an object/idea) so much that it makes you ruminate over it for hours at a time with no regard for outside influences because it's the only stable source of dopamine in an otherwise dopamine-less world (this is why hyperfixations are associated with ADHD: the dopamine disbalance) In other words, unless all you do is cook with seasonal squash and think of cooking with seasonal squash to the point all other tasks (like eating, sleeping, etc.) and people around are ignored, you are not hyperfixated on cooking with seasonal squash. You just like cooking with it

[@AlixL96]

"hyperfixation" is also supposed to be a term specifically for something people with ADHD experience.

[@soffissweetcorner4585]

@@AlixL96 yes yes yes, it is!!!

[@reesewhittington6778]

7:52 Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games

[@LeivenFrestea]

0:22 The sad, depressed toreador march accompanying the plush bear is absolute comedy

[@Burred11]

I'm grindset hustling this meatloaf in the oven right now.

[@RedFlashdrive]

4:05 ...dude I miss using the word goon. It's funny, derpy, and i would defo call my friends goons....if it didn't have another, less appealing, definition.

[@-Mawce-]

Me and the goons in our goon cave

[@TheFuryKat]

“I’m gaslighting my stove” is a seriously underrated sentence

[@UltimaDoombotMK1]

5:50 Man, the French put some GOOD stuff in those croissants...

[@wildcard5616]

My wonder is childlike couse i have a silly little brain that constantly forgets things constantly told to it, and so i can learn old things agian like its brand new.

[@YuuTheShikigami]

Seymour? Yea, I wanna see more vids from them.

[@Firehawk376]

So that one at 4:30? Yeah... that's my entire life. Bipolar disorder: Not even once.

[@flohjaeger8110]

2:56 The worst part is that I misunderstood it too... And I would just accept it without thinking about it... In my defense, English is not my first language.

[@deuterium_oxide7382]

english is my first language and i misunderstood it too and accepted it completely at first

[@austinthegamest7424]

Wait, there's a space jam book? I was talking about the shoe commercials! Also yay! Finally!

[@megabeedrilltao]

And then to add to the Yugioh part. They also some times have all of that stuff while on Motorcycles

[@CIoudStriker]

Or in Cyberspace, which is still real because reasons?

[@aricohen5960]

Don't smacktalk 5Ds. Those bikes went hard and so did the English dub voices.

[@Leonidas1210vc]

theres also that time where they dueled on top a blimp. not inside, On top. oh and the moving train.

[@timewarpchronos3795]

5:56 that op probably encountered so many “Scientologists” and knew better.

[@Abraham_the_pierra]

The last one is manic lmao

[@astrius22]

the cosmonaut one is basically a precursor to helldivers

[@atomicr4y472]

7:58 Bao jumpscare is inevitable

[@startheperson8610]

3:15 sounds like someone's gonna concieve an idea most ingenious

[@WolvericCatkin]

7:53 Alternatively: _They haven't been exposed to that one Mario & Sonic GIF..._ 😹

[@Kirill-Ivanov2002]

2:28 0 days since a Jojo refrence.

[@aidensings]

the way you read this one ( 0:36 ) sounded like it came out of WTNV. also the post itself sounds like it came out of it

[@Smok_Argus]

A video that long is a true blessing

[@Valorun_the_Bakesmith]

PM 2 things 1. I'll make and post croissants soon and 2. The way you said "Even Better a DnD group" had me staring at the Hallowed bonds finale

[@ExoAether]

You merely adopted wonder. I was born from it. Molded by it.

[@cosmocrow]

6:32 BASIL MENTION BASILBASIL AHAH MY BOY TEHER HE IS OHMYGODBASIL I am very normal about this character as you can clearly see

[@danbrew2487]

I won't take antidepressants because my brain is perfectly capable of producing serotonin, yet refuses to out of pure spite. And honestly, I respect that.

[@notagoat281]

2:15 Don't forget that the ultimate big bad has a dragon for a wiener.

[@smoreboi]

3:16 this post is Lilia Vanrouge I don’t make the rules

[@Joetino]

6:51 Middle aged man Middle aged man Does whatever everyone else his age can He pays a guy To mow his lawn And he doesn’t know how to draw Look out! Here comes the middle aged man.

[@maciejtorbicz9616]

The astronaut with guns is literally the plot of risk of rain

[@SkeletalSpyro]

7:28 oh hey look its me!

[@cryolitegem]

6:53 of course I’d see this while me and some of my friends are going to be starting a campaign soon

[@irohaboat]

PM, this is LOOOOONNNNGGGG. And its not a binge

[@notagoat281]

4:10 Hey, there are still options. Like flunky, peon, or pawn.

[@brickpuncher1429]

2:19 literally just IS also Jjba, not just part 3

[@kidakaze]

Life is an MMO with a tutorial that spans 18-21 levels yet STILL manages not to teach you anything useful

[@feuerling]

0:51 No, I hate nail polish, it makes my fingers feel greasy and too warm.

[@hiwaga7399]

ough it's time to tumble

[@samurexatlas7373]

6:18 It's a bandaid juice. *not ouchie hall*

[@MelancholyRogue]

A lot of wisdom in this episode

[@70Lu07]

My favorite part of Yugioh is that one season has a tournament called the friendship cup If you lose you are arrested and sent to do slave labor in an underground factory

[@manaphy1007]

2:04 i think this was a thing in percy jackson too (mark of athena)

[@2Scarhand]

8:02 ...Does- Does P.M. not know about Blaidd's blueberry whale? Cuz she's a menace.

[@Leonidas1210vc]

i belive he's refering to Byleth in this situation. as now because of the mispelling the name, shes heading for the other guy.

[@PMSeymour]

Yes I know about Bao

[@Kiran-dz6ou]

3:07 Katekyo Hitman Reborn, I will not elaborate.