Shame and Confusion about Childhood Sexual Abuse

[@SP-ml3bs]

I didn't think I was sexually abused as a child because it was done by my female babysitter. I was always told if a man touches me inappropriately then that was abuse. I was told it was a game and that if I ever told anyone about our game, then I would never see my parents again. I wish there was more awareness that CSA isn't always a man abusing a girl. Women can abuse children too and boys can also be victims.

[@drrocketman7794]

This. I am a man who was raped by two teenage girls when I was 5 or 6.

[@RyeLabs]

A lot of boys are often victims to women like this. We just don’t talk about it since society has made it much less of a concern/issue

[@ashlynn2218]

Sir, as a female abused by a male I want you to know- I have your back. I see you. Whenever I talk about this topic with people, I make sure to add this EXACT thing- statistics and more- for example like the fact that it's probably way more common than is reported by males because society has found a way to make men feel an extra level of shame for being a victim somehow. It doesn't get talked about enough. This is why I bring it up every time, because you need to be heard too. We all do. ♥️

[@drrocketman7794]

@ashlynn2218 thanks so much, I appreciate it.

[@ashlynn2218]

Always. ​@@drrocketman7794

[@mostlyvoid.partiallystars]

All my love to those who are healing from this. You didn’t deserve what happened.

[@paulstejskal]

❤❤❤

[@alexandrakalinina3429]

Emma, you're the best! Thank you so much for bringing up this tremendously important topic! I work at community mental health now and half of my teenage clients have experienced sexual abuse! Half!! The world is insane😥 But unfortunately they do blame themselves and feel ashamed of themselves. So it's a long journey of healing to go through((

[@NeonDungeon]

She really is the best. Cos of everything that's happened in my life, especially the last few years I find it extremely hard to listen to people even if they are trying to help and Therapy in a nutshell (also Patrick Teahan and crappy childhood fairy)is one of the only places I can get that sense of security that I've been able to hold onto. I'm so thankful for this channel

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Make sure your therapist is specialized in treating trauma and ideally has background in dealing with CSA. Otherwise, you risk getting retraumatized.

[@recollectionsofinvisiblechild]

My comment isn’t really in line exactly with the angle you are coming from here. And I apologize for the length. But it was just yesterday that I realized while listening to the actor Kevin Smith talking about his CSA experience that I excluded my own experience as part of my multiple non-CSA traumas. I’m a guy, btw. I was about 6 when my 5 year old female friend’s older step sister showed us her adult magazines. She went into graphic explanation of what the people in the magazine were doing. She then told us that we had to do those things. Even though I was confused and horrified by the pictures, we ended up attempting what we saw. It wasn’t like any act was enacted correctly, we were just confused little kids. It was actually gross to me. My mom caught us the one and only time we tried. I was confused because she yelled at me, but was really nice to my friend. I watched her lead my friend home next door. She didn’t know I was watching. My friend was crying. When her mom came to the door, my mom explained what we were doing. Her mom looked angry, yelled at her daughter, and swatted her on the butt as she let her inside. Then, her mom stepped outside and closed the door to talk to my mom. I was so confused because they started laughing really hard. I honestly thought my life was over. I’m not exaggerating. I thought my dad would come home and kill me. My mom certainly made me feel that way. When he came home, I was made to explain everything to him. A few times he would turn his head and try not to laugh. I was so confused because it was the worst thing I had experienced at that time, and I was completely falling apart emotionally. I couldn’t understand why if I did something so horrible that the adults were laughing. It was like a horror movie where you get a glimpse into some hidden aspect of society that is disturbing. When my much older sisters came home from school, they wanted to know why I was in my room being punished. My mom only hinted to them that I had done something “dirty” with a girl, and certainly gave them the impression that I was horrible and basically made me feel that I was irredeemable. I remember sitting on my bed, isolated from the rest of my family, but I could see my sisters across the hall in their room looking at me and they were crying. They were so disgusted by me, and it was obvious to me that they were angry and considered me damaged goods that had brought great shame to the family. And once again, I was SIX, and had this massive guilt and burden laid on me - and the incredible confusion of trying to figure out how something so terrible and unforgivable was causing the adults to laugh in secret. Somehow, I excluded this incident as traumatic.

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Yes... I hear this frequently, that the way the adults responded afterwards was actually much more harmful than the. original abuse. thanks for sharing

[@cocojumbo2323]

Wow, what a horrible experience you had to go through. And what a difficult memory it must have been to carry for all those years. Nothing was your fault, you were just a perfectly fine kid and I am sorry you experienced that.

[@recollectionsofinvisiblechild]

@@cocojumbo2323 thank you

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

Hod that’s so so horrible I’m so sorry you dealt with all of that. It was just layers of awfulness!

[@lolliisabusdriver.4447]

I can empathize so much. What big emotions for you to have to handle alone. I can also understand as a parent not realizing that you are making things worse. I was a very young mom. I cringe at alot of the ways I dealt with big issues.

[@Rivetbear360]

Thank you. I’m old and just learning of the abuse I received wasn’t my fault.

[@thefoolishkat]

I feel that it happening between siblings if often overlooked. My brother was only a few years older (I was 10, he 14) and I always felt guilty because it wasn't forced in a way. There was no violence and I know now that as a child I couldn't consent but it took me a long time to accept that. I've told my parents a few years ago when I had severe depression for the first time. While i understand my parents not wanting to choose a side then that also means they are not on my side. I'm then told it wasn't anyones fault since he was a child too and I shouldn't talk about it to others since it would damage his reputation. And when i finally felt stable enough to have a talk with him and he was always making exuses and avoiding me I was then told I should give Him some time. Im 26 now by the way. It just feels so unfair. Like rationally i understand he was a child too but at the same time I think with 14 one would have an idea that what they are doing may be wrong. Sorry for the rant.

[@mouse9831]

Hey, no. You're right. That is unfair, and you were hung out to dry by people who absolutely did need to know better. You were ten. He was a teenager. "Give him time" is rough to hear because this makes the situation on his timeline. You come to rely on his ability to make ammends to give you closure and you can't be sure it'll ever come. I never SA'd my siblings, but I was a bully at that age (and I was pretty cruel at that). When I grew up I decided that their feelings being acknowledged mattered more than pretending things never happened. I had changed, of course, my baby sister forgave me, but that only happened because I took accountability. His reputation never mattered more than you, by the by. You were ten. Hugs from another part of the world.

[@paulstejskal]

I just read a book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and one thing I learned is that you can’t expect them to respond like an emotionally mature person. They just are not capable of that. I’m so sorry you not only were violated but then haven’t been supported by the people who should protect you.

[@SableRain]

Your story makes me feel so angry at your parents. A parent should always protect and support their children, regardless of who did the harm. That's their job! You deserve better.

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

Thank you for your willingness to share. It was NOT your fault in any shape, way, or form!

[@Kelalasdemonx]

Even between siblings it's still SA. It's not right, it's not fair. Your feelings are valid and you don't need to seek that truth from anyone else.

[@cloudcovercreations]

Thank you so much for bringing up this topic 🙏 I know myself (and many others) try to suppress past abuse because we truly believed that it was a normal experience, but now in adulthood it is absolutely affecting almost every aspect of our lives. I still think about it everyday unintentionally and it’s led to so much anxiety, health anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.

[@rongike]

unfortunately it is a normal thing to experience as a human. society makes us want to see humans in a better light than the reality of humanity, so, I'm not a professional but, I believe it helps to acknowledge humanity for what it really is and then it will be easier to move on from it, because if you try to view humanity in a better light yourself it will severely contrast with your very real experience and that experience will keep trying to remind you of the truth. I hope that was helpful, if not then ignore it.

[@lilove6560]

EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE. FOR DECADES. 😫😭

[@TwylasCouch]

Mad respect for speaking about such a tough subject. You’re amazing, Lady!

[@FooMantis]

I still don't even know what to call what happened to me. I was coerced/bullied into what happened (being vague because youtube doesn't like mentioning certain things), by 2 other boys around my age (i'm also male). I was 5 at the time, and it only happened a few times, but I really think it colored how I view and interact with s*x, love, romance and myself. I really hate even having to face it, but I know intellectually at least, that it wasn't my fault, and I didn't want it to happen. At 42, I still have no clue how to process it.

[@leandrobravo3319]

There might be better ways to put this, but I have not found them in my own language yet, so no chance of finding them in English, meaning I will have to stick to the insufficiant "I am proud of you, because a part of you knows that it is not your fault.". It is not much coming from a stranger on the internet, but for this moment I see you and I wish you the strength and happiness and to one day find the first loose thread for a start.

[@mariachiara4198]

I prefer not to share personal details online. But I want you to know I relate to this and understand you 100%. Big hugs

[@FooMantis]

@@mariachiara4198 Thank you! I don't blame you for not wanting to put those details online. No telling who could see them, and lots of malicious actors out there.

[@FooMantis]

@@leandrobravo3319 I appreciate it. That does mean a lot, even though we are strangers. I got this far, so I know I can keep going. It helps that even those I haven't met have the kindness to reach out. So thank you very much!

[@paulstejskal]

I had memories resurface from the age of 4. My therapist is good with EMDR and that really helped. 11/10 recommend. Also, you need to process it. I heard of it being like your body digests food, your brain digests information. You will come out stronger. It will take time. Please don’t give up. You’re a strong person to even admit on here something happened, and to advocate for yourself is one of the best things you can do. I’m so sorry it happened and hope you can find yourself a healing journey now.

[@Srindal4657]

Because I developed dissociation, no one believes me that I was abused. They pretend they understand. But they don't.

[@DollyBaby81]

I believe you. I’m sorry that you were hurt. 💜 God bless

[@leandrobravo3319]

I believe it. I am sorry you have to clean up a mess, that is not yours. 💜💙💜

[@paulstejskal]

That is a clue something happened. Please do not give up whatever you do. Someone failed at protecting you and isn’t able to cope. It wasn’t your fault. I’m so sorry it happened to you.

[@divinelyguided1144]

Man… this is an outstanding video! Thank you for repeatedly saying the truth that no matter what if you were a child it was ABUSE!!!

[@sammyprivate]

For me this video is literally the start of healing my sexual trauma. It changed my life already. I hope you will make a serie with videos about this topic❤thank you so much for making this videos for us!

[@freekazoid8489]

Thank you for explaining this in depth. I was always in conflict about my opposing feelings. I had confusion and shame. But seeing this shows me that as a victim of CSA my response was completely normal.

[@KristinaCawley-n1f]

Thank you so much for posting this.

[@cield3987]

I’m nearly 70, it took me this long to figure out that being molested by my father or forced to do sexual acts by my fiancé, are both abuse. I discounted being molested because it wasn’t a fully carried out act, I discounted being forced by my fiancé even after I told him of my background, I just thought I was too innocent for the world.

[@leandrobravo3319]

For a lack of better words: I am sorry you had to go through this. No, you were not to innocent for the world, there are just people, who are to shitty for it. None of it is on you, all of it is on them.

[@deletist_]

Wow~the statistics for sexual abuse when I was growing up in the 70s-80s was 1 in 4 girls & 1 in 5 boys (of reported abuse statistics anyway) so it's really uplifting to see that now it's dropped so far to 1/9... And it's been much harder to forgive my mother who knew the abuse was happening with my dad but did nothing about it and they have since disowned me (thank god), saying none of it ever happened. But it's an energy that has been scarring at least 7 generations down both genetic lines so at least this curse has been broken by me choosing not to have children and transmute the trauma.

[@Katja-zn1ri]

With your awareness, I am convinced you would never pass this on to your kids, you already broke the cycles. Wishing you well

[@nopetynopeimonaboat]

TW: CSA; My story. As a victim of ALL types of abuse (most from my own mother), my experience with SA has been the hardest to unpack, and even admit to myself was abuse. For most of my childhood, I prided myself on having a fight/flight response (unknowingly) because I was deemed a “problem.” I felt power, relief, and as much control I could have with that reaction to my circumstances. During my SA, I was hospitalized because of SI. An older teenager preyed on me when I was in there-told me they were going off to college soon, when I was 14, only just started high school. I froze up. I hate that. I wish I had said no. The shame and guilt haunts me to this day. I told myself that it wasn’t assault because the person had to be 18 for it to be considered statutory. I was told that “sometimes it’s just kids being dumb.” I hate that. Thank you for this video. It helps a lot and reminds me it wasn’t my fault.

[@Katja-zn1ri]

You freezing was a survival trauma response and we don’t decide on the type of trauma response consciously. Freezing helped you survive the sexual assault. Nothing was your fault. Best wishes to you

[@nopetynopeimonaboat]

@@Katja-zn1ri Thank you so much :)).

[@mouse9831]

Commenting for the boost! May others find their peace as well.

[@IsidorTheNordicGuy]

Going through treatment for PTSD and it’s rough. This video helps me reminding myself that it wasn’t my fault. Everything you brought up makes sense and I recognize all of it. One day maybe even someone like me can become someone that help others. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@S_S820]

I always felt dirty, defected because of the childhood abuse I faced. Through this video I came to know that it’s actually a trauma response. We do really need more awareness on this issue and thanks to you for making this video. Iam slowly learning to love myself and realising that whatever happened was not my fault. Whoever is reading this, you are perfect and it wasn't your fault. You are worthy of love and appreciation. You are not defected. Together we will find our true selves, with love and patience. Be kind to your self and show yourself some love and be patient with yourself because you deserve it. ❤❤❤ I hope and pray for all those who have faced the abuse and trauma; that we find the inner peace, satisfaction and love for ourselves and come out of the trauma. Ameen

[@MarcoBrinkmann92]

Thank you with all my heart ❤

[@jayapowers]

Thanks! If I could give you all my money for this video, it would be worth it to me, thank you!

[@paulasynjohnson]

Thanks for posting. This is a topic that's on my mind at the moment. I find it difficult now as an adult to blame the child and later on, a teenager for what I have experienced as a kid after all they were both deeply disturbed kids. I can't blame myself either as I was a helpless victim. In first case I was a 6yo with no life experience and in the latter I was too drunk on my assailant's alcoholic mother's thunderbird wine

[@paulasynjohnson]

I still get angry thinking about those times though

[@happinessisstartrek8466]

It wasn't until recently that I discovered this while working with my current therapist. Before now, I rarely if ever talked about my CSA. Because it didn't look "typical" so I've kept it to myself. I'm working on my feelings of both guilt & shame. It's a process that will take time. But I'm grateful to have an awesome therapist. She's the one who told me about your channel. My sessions with her & watching your content have been a game changer! Thank you for this!

[@carmengarciaguillen392]

Thank you for these videos. There is a lot of shame in CSA and shedding light on this definitely helps. Thank you.

[@shelleyroberts5637]

Thank you emma, as both a survivor and a student of psychological safety, i appreciated so much your objective and to the point discussion. I have watched all of your videos and i know that you actually care. and your calm, reassuring voice teamed with your matter of fact direction just helped me get through a very rough morning and grounded me to finish my day. Much love ❤

[@loridyson569]

With all the help you give us in different ways then i can only guess you have a nut shell that takes a bulldozer to move. Thank you so much.

[@Hildred6]

Such an important video, I’m sure it will help many people

[@hiexploring8491]

Thank you, Emma❤

[@katfayegarrett3872]

The poll! So sad. Thank you for making a video about this. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@SashaStreams]

Diane Langburg has some content on this but it's more so aimed at clinicians. You might enjoy listening to her lectures

[@angelageorge7457]

I’m so glad I found this channel. I was a victim but no one believed me and finally I just had to keep it secret so the abusers wouldn’t look bad. Thank you

[@LidyaMorozova]

thank you so so much for talking about this!! Nobody ever talks about it! Thank you so much for your compassion in helping people heal

[@jackiemcdonell1737]

Here to support the algorithm! Thank You

[@Rentheworld]

What if they’re not an adult? Like you’re still a child as a teen but what if the abuser is also a teen - how does the age/developmental stage fit into that?

[@BlessedMorgz]

Hey Emma, thanks. This helped me understand some complicated things about CSA that happened with me. Really appreciate it and thank you for talking about it. God bless you and anyone watching, and everyone needing healing ❤

[@Lusbeyri]

Thank you, Emma! You have no idea how much I appreciate your videos and all the kind support you share through them. I feel so alone at times, but then, people like you remind me that I'm not alone and that there's hope to heal. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Signed up to your Grounding Skills for Anxiety, Stress and PTSD course by the way! Can't wait to start it.

[@candacecrump831]

❤ thank you ❤ at 72 and counting 😊 it’s exciting to hear CSA talked about so plainly and with encouraging instructions for healing those fractured parts. Thank you ☺️

[@mariacelaya6178]

This is so important, thank u so much for this, silence has never helped anyone

[@Lux_md]

Thank you for this video, it is an important topic 🙌

[@Fetsimo]

Thank you for making this video ❤

[@thomaswalters5659]

Thank you so much, Emma! This video deserves to reach anybody who needs it

[@SashaStreams]

Thank you 😢❤

[@oliviarose-b3f]

Thank you so much for talking about this I never knew anyone else experienced this I’ve always felt so shameful and disgusting like I chose it

[@sunshineangelcake]

Thank you ❤

[@nienkegeerts1336]

Thank you Emma for making this video!

[@karynspeight5596]

This is your best video yet-because you are so passionate and committed to your position-

[@BlackSunJamie]

Definitely such important information. Thanks for addressing this ❤

[@nnureenn]

This video has the perfect timing cuase i been getting nightmares lately:))

[@MaryIMedina]

Wow so grateful for this. This is definitely not talked enough. Kinda like a dim of light at the end of the tunnel. 😌

[@ZquntrpYlapcoe]

I think this problem is international 😢

[@kiarahart3114]

Thank you for making this video.

[@DianaStanyon]

Omg you just saved my mental health, so many things you have talked about really resonate with me. ❤

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

I'm happy this is helpful for you, it's such a common situation, but I haven't seen many people talk about it.

[@TheGirlWithTheShavedHead]

Thank you for raising this subject Emma

[@Amastrarrr]

I blamed myself to certain extent till I knew it wasn't my fault tho I was finiding excuses like what if I told somebody what if I said no or cried or anything I saw dialogue on movie it hit me hard like a truck " you were a child a little girl that's what a child looks like,....it's happening to you "

[@Deb_Bee_Thriver]

Thank you very much Emma! xoxo

[@woyblank751]

Thanks for this video Emma; I learned a lot, and understood a lot - and not just about the topic at hand, but about childhood complex trauma in general. I have rarely heard such a sensitive topic addressed so simply and clearly in all its complexity. This is an important video. Thank you for your dedicated work.

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Glad it was helpful :)

[@woyblank751]

Oops, corrected: not *just about the topic at hand 😇🙏❤

[@NancyBeaulieu]

This is a much needed video. Very powerful.

[@yuckmai]

thank you. all these years of shame. thank you

[@zombeaver4853]

Thank you for this video!

[@jrshaffer87]

My assault was by a relative when I was 5. When I was 9, it came out that he had assaulted other girls. I didn’t tell my parents until I was in my 30s. My shame wasn’t around having been abused, but it was in having not spoken up, potentially protecting the other girls.

[@jeanjacobs9965]

Greetings! Thank you so much for posting this video. I can relate to this, and I still get upset at myself for not seeing what was really going on towards me. I mean, I didn't get it for some reason. Love and blessings ♥️🙏

[@ashlynn2218]

I worked at a state ran mental health facility for over a decade. I like your videos because they help me see the healing process better. This is a good video. I would like to expand on this topic though- because as your video states (1in9 1in20 that we know of) - and my experience with hundreds of 'MI&D" peoples- this is far too common place. This video will help those who were victims as children. However, how could i go about helping them understand it's ALSO not fully their fault if they continued the cycle? I say this because many times when the abuse happened they were in single digit age groups. I would also place older children in this category to a point because usually this comes from an environment that doesnt really teach good boundaries and our prefrontal cortex isnt fully developed until mid tweneties. So, if they have no sense of what a healthy environment or relationship is, i theorize they have a higher chance of doing to others what was done to them- especially if its the only affection they have had. My question is, how do i help the ones who became the 'monster' they see and as adults, now they regret it? I try to explain as best I can. With everything I stated to you in this message I state to them as a starting point to try to help them through their shame so they can grow and become a healthier human being and therefore help become a better collective as a whole. I'm not a doctor though so please correct me in any area possible and needed

[@dee5356]

Thank you so much for this video Emma and for all that you do!

[@JTalleda]

Important topic. Thank you for sharing this.

[@drrocketman7794]

Can you address the hypersexuality please? I got the dragon awakened when I was 6, and it left a lifetime of porn addiction, masturbation, a dysfunctional sex life in my marriage, and maladaptive sexual fantasies.

[@MS-pm9fe]

Thanks Emma! Much needed video

[@Dank_Engine]

Thanks for saying this. I’m not sure I believe it yet, but sometimes it just takes time

[@justmyopinion4600]

Thank you for talking about this. As a young child I threatened the life of a family member to protect myself

[@LilySeastars0223]

Thank you, Emma.

[@zamirkazmi5018]

God bless you Emma.

[@elyaequestus1409]

I was the reason why my mom spoke up against her sexual abuser. Why? Because the abuser, her brother and my uncle, had entered my room and sat on my bed while he tried to tell my that my parents were wrong about a family situation. Alledgely, my mom ran into my room the second she realized that I was alone with him and she kicked him off the staircase. She then grabbed me by the shoulders, shook my and screamed whether something had happened. I was confused and nothing HAD happened... Right? RIGHT? And then she told me that something 'very bad' had happened between her and her brothers with a tone that told me the exact severty of the situation. I was 7 and I KNEW. And in a fit of stellar parenting, my mom told me that I was to tell this to NOONE. But something did happen. My uncle, in his fifthies, went after a 7 year old girl and dragged her into a family conflict that spanned generations. Even if he was not planning on SA'ing me, what he did was still abuse. It was still wrong and confusing as all hell. I did not understand what sexual abuse even was, what consent even meant. I did not understand the absolute guilt and shame of being related to rapists. It festered in my mind until it finally snapped. I understand it better now. Today I was flipping through a toy magazine and I saw a picture of a girl who was playing with something. I saw her eyes and I was like. How could someone ever consider harming a child. How could they. Some things are not meant to be understood, I suppose. My adult brain is finally able to accept what happened to me back then. And I am really proud of that.

[@34582wt]

Thank you!!❤❤❤❤😊😊😊😊

[@phoebe2234]

When the me too movement started the memories I had shut out came back and for a long time I was terrified i wasn't the only one and someone would speak up with the police turning up at the door. Thankfully it didn't happen.

[@angie7278]

I feel like something happened when I was a child but I don’t know for sure. My behavior as a child points to the fact that I was abused but I don’t remember anything like that. I want to heal my inner child of this but am wondering if I need to know who/ what (if anything) happened or can I just HEAL?

[@martinoberngruber1893]

In fact that is quite common. From experience I can tell you you can heal without knowing. Love yourself. That is a key.

[@angie7278]

@@martinoberngruber1893 thank you! I’m happy not knowing and just want to heal and move on. ❤️

[@martinoberngruber1893]

@angie7278 you're welcome. Just love yourself, honor yourself, embrace yourself.

[@mir127]

Same. I healed so much once I started using TRE next to talk therapy

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

I’m dealing with something very similar. I’ve flip-flopped between wanting to know and not wanting to know for 17 years but I guess it doesn’t matter where I land because it’s out of my control. I just wish I had a concrete answer for that little girl.

[@Potato-et8ym]

What about when the abuser is a child too? To narrow it down, someone who’s only a little older than yourself. How the hell do you deal with that? Can you even call them perpetrators? Groomers?

[@paulstejskal]

They were victims of someone else doing it to them. I would blame the abuser of them if anything. That’s my guess.

[@RyeLabs]

@@paulstejskal and their abusers were probably abused. It’s an endless cycle. No point blaming because it’ll become worse. It’s just life and more people go through it than you would think. I’d say 60% of the world’s population including both men and women as a whole. Happening to Women is a more mainstream issue

[@Dobermanmomma]

In the early 2000s i was locked up in a psych ward when i told what was happening to me. I wasnt treated well in the hospital. Now i am an adult and its as if i was literally imprionsed and i lost my freedom for what the abuser did to me. I was brainwashed to believe i was mentally ill but i wasnt i was abused. Its sickening and more abusive and damaging what happened to me that was supposed to be help. The abuse is a side note now the real trauma was the mental health system that stole my life, my agency, and my human rights.

[@s.k.2017]

😢😢 I relate unfortunately too much.

[@SashaStreams]

Thanks

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

I don’t know if anyone can help me with this but maybe someone can tell me how to deal with this: When I was 17 and my sister was 21 she told myself & my parents that she had suffered CSA at the hands of our aunt’s ex husband who was out of our lives a decade at that point. She believed I had been too but I had no memories of it and yet I knew immediately who had committed the assault before she revealed who it had been. I hadn’t seen him in a decade or thought about him in almost as long and yet I knew. I have memories of being deeply uncomfortable in his presence, him continue to tickle me when I’d beg him stop, annoying me for the sake of it and apparently when I was small I told my mom that I didn’t like him cos “his hands are all over”. And yet somehow that wasn’t a red flag to maybe stop letting that man touch your children. He was assaulting my sister when she was 6/7 which is the age I was when he & my aunt divorced. I know p-files (thanks KZbin) have a certain age range that they target and I’m wondering if I lucked out at missed it or if I’ve blocked it out. My whole life has been very messy with trauma at every turn that can be linked back to plenty of things outside of CSA, but it tears me up that I’ll never know and I can’t talk to my sister about it because she ended her life 10 years ago. Will I just never know? Are these vague memories I have real or imagined? I have dealt with dissociation my entire life, I work hard to keep it under control so I really don’t know.

[@swekshaagnihotri7723]

Thank you so much ........can connect

[@ArpitMaan-yt]

I would like to watch this video again.

[@ireatherlofton2756]

Yes

[@Crazylegs722]

Love the videos! There is an extra e in themselves in the thumbnail fyi

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Thanks for catching that!

[@Emil-c1w]

Hello! My name is Emil and I'm 30 years old. It is hard for me to confess I am sad and struggling my English is not so good when I was a child I was in a group of 2 girls and 1 boy the year was 2003 and it happened in an old factory. I was 9, the girls 11 and the boy was 13 or 14. I thought they were friends.... we always playing outside and I trusted them..... I it is hard to talk.... I told them a joke and we laugh together after that we were sitting we stand up the girl said let's check how tall are you and she came to me pulled my pants the other started touching my body the boy was holding me against my will I was crying asking them to stop I was fighting as much as I can but the girls continue to assault me I wasn't strong enough to release myself I was weak I was blocked I couldn't move I start feeling ashamed they took a stick and start touching me down it was awful I didn't want to be there crying I was begging them to stop they were laughing they enjoying what were they doing I am in pain hurt I am a broken person this was disgusting behavior against my will I am blaming myself for this I was weak I hold this memory I can't let go I close my eyes and see everything again and again I am under constant pain shame stress anxious I am depressed I see the world as a Grey I have no future there is not happiness there is not joy I was just a kid I lost control I I constant overthink i couldn't protect myself I couldn't stop it the fault is mine I am overwhelmed I started to hate myself 21 and a half year constant hate towards me I have so much excitement when someone needs help I go and I feel well but if I need help there is someone inside me who cannot believe that I am in pain and I need help I give everything for everyone but I need help no one can help me I am a failure I am so unhappy and the thought that girls were including in that act is even more traumatic I am ashamed I constant hesitate I have low self esteem I even don't know what confidence is I am lost nothing gives me consolation I lost control and look at me I have no friends I even don't know how to make friends how to meet people I had been in my room I couldn't go outside with months I couldn't go out on a place where there are a lot of people I was feeling like everyone was pointing at me torturing me but I succeed to overcome this it was so hard but one day when I was reading psychology I saw an article with name social anxiety then I realized that I had this and I overcame it by myself but I still cannot let go and I cannot proceed in my life I have no future all is Grey I am dead from inside because of this trauma happened when I was a child

[@Ash-x9m]

😂😂😂

[@annenymety209]

It’s hard not to hate your own body when it betrayed you by climaxing 😢

[@yertletheturtle5843]

It's still not your fault though. Not trivialising what you went through - SA in any form is horrendous - but climaxing is no more your (or your body's) fault than if you sneeze when you have hayfever.

[@Katja-zn1ri]

@@yertletheturtle5843 Thank you for saying this.

[@katfayegarrett3872]

​@Katja-zn1ri ❤❤❤❤❤

[@katfayegarrett3872]

​@yertletheturtle5843 ❤❤❤❤

[@fetijajasari9522]

KZbin is vety odd, had just two ads running.....

[@setareh9053]

❤perfect as always

[@yei9715]

I shouldn't cry while watching this. But I cry alot...

[@joefried6604]

Do you offer remote therapy ? I live in Florida ? I was sexually abused when I was 8 years old for 1 by my half brother who was 8 years older than me .

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

no, sorry, best thing I can recommend is getting on psychology today's therapist locator and finding someone in your area who specializes in what you need

[@mouse9831]

You will be able to find many, many good therapists here in Florida. It can be scary to open up, but it gets better. Trauma can be healed from. Hugs ❤

[@joefried6604]

@@mouse9831 TY ❤️

[@SaddamHussain-ex6yi]

EMMA, I am one of your paid clients. Please make a video on mental rules and how to crack that rules as soon as possible....

[@supergran1702]

I had to fast forward to when the music stopped. It was loud and distracting, and made it tough to hear you. Thank you for the video

[@rababkhursheed]

Thank you. could you make more videos about csa. More detailed about the long term consequences

[@BlessedMorgz]

So good to know it's common to fawn to appease the groomer just to be safe

[@Theseaisus]

Knowing the amount of people that don’t speak and open up, the number might be considerably higher.

[@bvvvb]

Damn, I cried as fuck at this. I think this is when I truly realised they groomed me. Yes, I experienced hypersexuality in my teens so I thought I had just always been like that. The thing I'm confused about: I know I react strongly to this topic because of what they did to me, but I still don't remember the events as traumatic? Just that I was bored, feeling apathetic about it. When I read about other girls feeling apathetic about sex and their dads being surprised at it, concerned without deep worry, I get so angry because I know That is the impact. But with myself I can't see how I can call it a trauma, I feel like I'm overreacting if I do. Somehow I feel as if I was adult back then even though I know people of that age are children, not even beginning being adults. I understand there was impact because I feel that I got myself into risky situations afterwards with people I knew could hurt me. And that I had a weird image of sex. But I wish it felt more clear, that I didn't feel that I was lying if I called it a trauma. I would never doubt another person calling it that. But I've never had someone near my talk about something like that. How do you even talk about these things with people who might not feel able to handle it? I mentioned that I wanted to go to a meetup for people with experience of CSA, that's how I told my friend group, which are quite close and getting closer. It got so quiet. And no one asked me about it later. The few times I've talked about I've said some "minor" SA happened to me when I was a child. But if that was anyone else that would sound ridiculous to me. CSA is never minor. Right?

[@bvvvb]

I also hesitate at talking about it in groups or at all honestly because someone else might've experienced it even worse and relive the trauma because of the conversation.

[@WynterDragon]

I've been struggling to find resources for victims of incest. Especially parental.

[@christinescompassionatecare]

Wonderful 💛

[@christinescompassionatecare]

Nailed it!