9 Random Examples of Shame from PTSD & CPTSD

[@murphy81775]

Shame is feeling like you’re just so flawed that you don’t deserve to exist.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

Good way to put it.

[@michellepratico]

I'm in therapy, right now, dealing with that exact thinking. I was born premature & was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. The CP is considered mild, but a parent blamed me for the diagnosis. At age 14, this parent actually told me that I ruined everything when I was born. "I chose" to have CP. I had CP because I was carrying the family curse. The shame-based self talk I still experience is huge. I am 55 & still dealing with this parents words.

[@GoldenDelicious55]

I always walk around and say things like “sorry for disturbing” or “excuse me” or “I’m sorry” even when there is absolutely no reason for me to say it. And then I get ashamed for my unreasonable shame, and thinking I must come across like the most insecure person in the world😟 I behave like I’m ashamed all the time and have to apologize for even existing. I hate being like that and I don’t want to be that way 😔

[@liteyear0]

Well put. I recently changed my phone wallpaper to say “I am human - wants, needs, desires”. I need to consciously look at it and remind myself that I am “allowed” to have basic human needs.

[@Tass3030]

@@michellepratico😢

[@JahnessatheRealtor]

Shame is running away and hiding yourself so no one can judge you

[@jclyntoledo]

That's how it feels

[@claudiamelisa7]

So true​@@jclyntoledo

[@Chandrika-22]

Maybe that's why I isolate myself!

[@mariebrown5681]

Exactly.

[@CJCreativeJuice]

This is why being alone is so enjoyable for me. I’m not worrying about what anyone thinks of me or the things I’m interested in. Bliss ☺️

[@nicolepasekagrundmeier]

Shame is feeling that you don’t deserve to be loved unless you’re perfect.

[@carlismycat]

Not even perfect. Just at se certain level whatever we feel is “ good enough “ .

[@nathalieduverna6963]

Or competing to be see

[@gyounce1]

Honestly, the idea of being loved is so disgusting to me. It's so foreign and unnatural that I actually avoid the idea. When I've had people tell me they love me, it makes me uncomfortable. It's just so gross. Maybe your thing is better, because at least you seek love from others.

[@CJCreativeJuice]

Yes, this! Learning to love yourself is allowing yourself to not be perfect and knowing that you’re still lovable despite imperfections. ❤

[@Theantinarc]

I feel men expect perfection from women in our society so it's very reasonable for us to feel shame for being human

[@PuffyMuffinman]

Shame is over-analyzing every little detail surrounding oneself in order to appease an invisible presence lying in wait of your next mistake.

[@BlindWatchMakers]

That is a brilliant way to put it.

[@kbs8597]

YES!

[@annag-h6659]

This is so beautifully said.

[@cairosilver2932]

IMO it's trying to do what it takes to maintain attachment.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@cairosilver2932 yes, I believe it contributes to hyper vigilance, which is definitely something I’ve been prone to.

[@thomaslgregoryjr]

Shame is never being able to ask for help, not being able to ask to be treated with respect, and not feeling safe being vulnerable.

[@HannahC14]

same

[@ede2362]

Yes, yes and yes

[@creativeobx8367]

@@thomaslgregoryjr 100%

[@ВаряВетренная]

Exactly how I feel right now... I wish I had someone with whom I could just share some feelings

[@ede2362]

@@ВаряВетренная maybe you can at least share them here a bit 🥺💖

[@vickigodwin8734]

Shame is feeling responsible for the whole situation

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Yes. Responsible for the whole situation

[@anita10674]

...when I had no power or choice in the situation, most of the time, I even there for the situation

[@zanetahulist]

Exactly

[@nathalieduverna6963]

Yes!! And it's not yours to begin with

[@desvalie3990]

yes!!

[@GirfieArt]

Sources of shame -advocating for myself = im unreasonable -saying no or rejecting someone's request = im too difficult -not being able to meet someone's standards = im not good enough -when people are upset/angry/reactive = its my fault even if its clearly not. I should have known and prevented it -when I am upset/angry/cry/ express a negative emotion = these emotions are bad people want to see me happy or not at all -when i fall behind or can't keep up with others (they can do it why can't I? im just lazy, worthless self hate talk) -messy home = im a failure -upset about my childhood = I'm ungrateful

[@Imthaone8888]

Spot on

[@annes.6230]

@@GirfieArt I think we might be related.

[@FoxyUSAx]

And me. I feel relief knowing I’m not alone….😢🤲🏻❤️

[@LePetitNuageGris]

I think one of the biggest sources of shame for me is probably just… having needs. That I have needs and may have to set boundaries to respect them, or ask for things, or say no to things, or that my needs will in any way affect other people. Basically, taking up space in anyone’s life in any way that doesn’t directly coincide not just with everything they need, but also everything they WANT in their lives or want me to be, is a HUGE source of guilt and shame. I always feel guilty when I can’t do things, and often violate my boundaries in order to meet other people’s needs AND wants, because somewhere down the line I learned that they’re just inherently more important than I am. Everyone is.

[@LauraJeanz]

Thank you for putting this into words. This describes what happened inside me, too. I'm so sorry for all that you went through.

[@aletasdreams]

Perfectly said. The struggle is real.

[@purpleperson3870]

I feel this too 🙃 I often feel like I don’t know how to take up space

[@LePetitNuageGris]

Thanks so much everyone. I’m sorry you all identify with this. Though I can hardly be surprised… the struggle is indeed real, as one of you said… at the very least, it’s so nice to know we’re not alone.🩷🫂 I think one of the biggest challenges for me that I’m trying to learn how to overcome is not immediately INTERNALLY shutting down every authentic thought, emotion, or sensation I have with the many parts of me that try to protect me from getting hurt again by being myself (critic comes in to criticize me and shoot me down so I don’t try anything and then get criticized; the part of me that’s afraid I’ll mess up and people will be angry with me comes in to tell me I don’t know what I’m doing so I won’t have confidence to try; apathy comes in to protect me from hope and therefore disappointment; dissociation comes in to protect me from being ridiculed for being “too sensitive” by telling me I don’t really feel my emotions and distracting me with numbness, etc, etc). Even before other people can see me and react, I can’t even take up space as myself within my own body when I’m in a room completely alone… everything is off limits (though I’m sure aspects of my living situation feed greatly into this issue). I’m starting slowly by trying to connect to my body without focusing on the story so much first. Trying to follow biological survival-based impulses; small ones that are inconsequential (needing to pee, needing to eat, needing to stop eating, warming myself when I’m cold, etc). Starting listening to your system in very small ways helps the nervous system start to feel a little bit safer with yourself because someone (you) is finally paying attention to its signals for help. It’s a very gentle way to start trying to honour your body and the space you take up in the world without necessarily feeling like you have to step up to the big interpersonal challenges right away. Creating an internal sense of safety is very important, and I’m sure this is a step in the right direction when it comes to mending such deep seated and all-encompassing shame like this kind we’re all struggling with. It’s so important to learn how to re-regulate the nervous system as much as we can. Just a thought, anyways. Not sure if it’ll resonate with anyone, but I thought I’d share. :)

[@katherinenicholson9752]

What you said here captured some of my experience so deeply. Thank you for sharing. It's really helpful to me to see how one could put these things into words and you have helped me hear/find/feel words for myself.

[@HalfJapMarine]

Seeing the mask that my parents would wear in public versus how they were behind closed doors was a source of shame. Feeling trapped in their lie.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Ye, that deeply shamed me- I knew they could turn it off in public, do therefore somehow had to be about me not being able to prevent it. Psych- education shame of the therapists who don’t bother their hats do a bit of this- nada.

[@ian-online]

Overconfident but incompetent father and emotionally unavailable mom but who always spoke passive aggressively. More I grow up, the more I see how bad of a person they are, tbh... Mean for no reason...

[@toxiczombiewolf5692]

Omg same

[@MrRagnarxx]

@@ian-online identical situation here. only really fully realising it late into my twenties.

[@Proverbs1267]

🕊️

[@martinaliciam]

What makes me feel shame: having any need that I can’t fulfill alone

[@thesensitiveowl]

Me too. A big sourcing of shame to me was health issues. I hid the fact that I was sick or had any health issues (like a tooth cavity, or lice) because growing up being sick was a reason to be shouted at and blamed for You couldn't have a fever, vomit, feel pain, or anything without facing her rage and disgust and being accused of always causing trouble

[@thearough]

thats me all the way

[@kreestahful]

Yes, because I learned quickly that my voice doesn’t matter to them. Emotional neglect was heavy in my house. So I learned to solve problems myself. When I can’t fix something myself it is hard to ask for help from anyone and I feel like a burden, even if the help has been openly offered to me.

[@ashleedecarlo3560]

I feel so loved that the husband I have now just swoops in and takes care of me. Cuz I've never had anyone do that before.

[@somewhereisgone]

Shame is not being able to stand up for yourself and your reality.

[@handddholding]

Shame is avoiding eye contact for fear of the other person seeing what you really are

[@libragal1750]

I constantly avoid eye contact while I'm speaking to someone (I don't even realize I'm doing it in the moment ) but look right into a person's eyes when they're speaking to me.

[@handddholding]

@@libragal1750 I do this too now that you mention it

[@HannahC14]

i always call this "feeling iris" from the goo goo dolls song "and i don't want the world to see me, cus i don't think that they'd understand"

[@handddholding]

@ I love that! It’s good to have a label for it so I might steal that from you. Also that’s so funny bc I am a Hannah C as well lol

[@HannahC14]

@@handddholding do people call you "hennesey" ever?

[@ada.has.feelings]

Shame is believing that every situation would be better without you involved. You will only make things worse for everyone by being there.

[@nathalieduverna6963]

I just stopped showing up. Because we had nothing to talk about.

[@tulip5210]

well sh** I feel called out

[@daisygirl48162]

Yes this is how my shame manifests now as an adult

[@e.458]

I used to be repeatedly told: "The best way you can help us is to get out of our way." It was a kind of s3xist/impatient way of reacting to my offer to help with technichal equipment in our church band. Somehow I took that to heart, and even though I see through these men's attitude now, I still have them in my ear whenever there's a call for volunteers about anything that's new to me or difficult to do. I don't end up offering my help because I couldn't possibly do a good job. And then, of course, I beat myself up for being a slacker or not pulling my weight.

[@myriammoquin2684]

Yes 100 %❤

[@jeankipper6954]

I hate childhood. I hated it then, I hate it now. I'm learning about CPTSD, multigenerational narcissistic abuse, on and on. I "understand" so much more. About time, I'm 74. The endless shaming, physical and emotional abuse, on and on. I refused to pass it on, I refused to have kids, and made that decision as a 10 year old. There's more. Shame is toxic. It was fatal, for my brother.

[@provostpl]

😢

[@joanhirakis8819]

😢

[@joanhirakis8819]

😢

[@Juliaaa_vine]

I’m so sorry you endured that. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray for your remaining years to be peaceful

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

That’s really sad and I’m sorry your childhood was crappy, my heart goes out to you and your brother. My childhood looked good on paper but it was quietly (and in other ways, not so subtly) traumatising. I also refused to have kids (decided that at 3!).

[@mindkindmom]

Shame is the dirty rag we childhood trauma survivors try to hide deep inside our souls. How could our own family not like us, find us repulsive, hate us, not care about us, not want us around, not want to help us when we are struggling, it was like we were worth nothing.

[@CG-wv6zg]

@@mindkindmom Were we neighbors? Cause it sounds like we survived the same shit! 💔

[@yuliyay3612]

Exactly my thoughts. If even my parents abused me, humiliated me, hated me - that must really mean im worthless

[@bewarefalsenonprofits]

As a child I loved the Song of the South, Brer Rabbit stories. I even painted the tar baby in kindergarten, which my family found hilarious. I was their tar baby, punching bag, whipping child, shit bag holder, Patsy, No more, I will keep black sheep. I'm proud to be an outsider.

[@bewarefalsenonprofits]

When I was sous chef in the basement kitchen of an Episcopal church there was a stained glass plaque in our one street level window. It read: Shakespeare's definition of integrity: Love All, Trust few, do the right thing when you are alone." I struggled to understand HOW do you love someone without trusting them? There are many types of love, yet as flawed humans we must trust others to be their imperfect selves.

[@torib8024]

This too is a very intense feeling for me as well, I just believed it to be some sort of abandonment issues though

[@cameronc.2773]

for me shame is that feeling of "I'm failing at being a normal human being".. it kinda doesn't matter what I accomplished or not, it's always there

[@zee1010]

This really resonates with me as an autistic person. Always feel like I'm not "human in the right way" or "doing life/human existence right." I feel tremendous shame about my "other-ness" and disability.

[@jclyntoledo]

That's what I call low grade shame, the one that is constantly there waiting to be triggered but can still be felt in low doses 😭😭

[@zee1010]

@@jclyntoledo I think 'insidious' catches it quite well. Insidious existential shame.

[@Smart_cooky]

Well said.

[@ellie698]

Yep, absolutely this

[@marycatherineyork409]

Shame is feeling overwhelmed in and after social situations.

[@claudiamelisa7]

Questing everything you said or did after the fact

[@somewhereisgone]

The tale of the "Late Bloomer" is just like the story of the tortoise and the hare. Slow and steady wins the race, guys. You got this.

[@FooothillsandFree]

Late bloomers unite❣️

[@dxfifa]

This is cope, CPTSD is a lifelong disability, not starting slow. almost all will never catch the non traumatised people with the same talents

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@dxfifa I agree to an extent, but the fact is C-PTSD can also be alleviated (mileage certainly varies, though) so I’d prefer to be encouraging to others with trauma. I’ve been in therapy for about 4 years (and this isn’t my first therapy rodeo, just the only person I actually stuck with long term as an adult) and will say while I’m a work in progress, I’m a LOT better than when I started. Hopefully next year I’ll be ready to fly solo, because they’re retiring.

[@akacicaa]

​@@ShintogaDeathAngel maybe ask your therapist if you can stay in touch via email aftet retirement. An email every few months for support or simply to vent is not much to ask for, considering how much effort and money you put forth, just an idea.

[@ian-online]

I actually love that term

[@susansourby5234]

I have learned that even a positive experience can turn into a shame inducing event. When I received my graduate degree, they did not show up and celebrate with me. I did not exist. A few months later, my mother gave me a book titled "What to do with a Useless Degree," so even my success was shameful.

[@jrr2045]

Oh my god. She doesn't deserve you. Hope you can find more loving, supportive chosen family

[@LauraJeanz]

It's hard to breathe reading that. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[@ThomasShmurda]

That's devastating. You should be very proud of your graduate degree! You are an expert in your arena, and you have the evidence to prove it. This is a shot in the dark, but I bet your mom doesn't have a graduate degree. If you made me guess, I'd bet she doesn't even have any degree! She's clearly responding to her own feelings about her own shortcomings. Unbelievably immature of your mother to do that. Projection much ma?

[@creativeobx8367]

@@susansourby5234 I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you understand that you are not alone in your experience with this situation of yours as pertaining to not being seen as important enough for others to be apart of your graduation. I experienced this exact situation and I just wanted you to know I understand what it feels like. I see you ❤️ keep moving forward

[@FoxyUSAx]

Ditto

[@Regularblackgirl]

I feel shame around the trauma itself. Shamed that it happened and shamed that I’m having to work through it.

[@raslalique]

I feel shame around this too. Everyone else seems so normal and yet here I am with a life that will quickly fall apart if I didn't journal, read, watch videos, eat right, get enough sleep, be mindful, do shadow work, pay a painful amount of money to a stranger and have to tell them my deepest secrets while cringing when even with their professional training they feel traumatised by the thing I just said. It's a terrifying and exhausting feeling

[@janettemartin4604]

I avoided “nice guys” because I felt extremely shameful about all of IT! A good guy would TOTALLY not be interested in so much garbage! The fact that I NEEDED counseling was used against me as well! “We will get married when YOU’RE NORMAL”! Heard that line!

[@janettemartin4604]

I had a boyfriend tell me he would Marry me after I got my nose fixed! My BULLY BIG SISTER broke it! He was a jackass anyway BUT that sat heavy on me forever! All kinds of messed up personality faults I had from being SO DAMN ABUSED! But I didn’t get “empathy and understanding”! I was SHAMED and blamed and horribly embarrassed!

[@martinakorinkova5746]

I applied for a job recently. I felt ashamed right after I sent the CV. I was picturing the hr manager being disgusted and laughing at me because I dare to apply for the job.

[@tiaharrison2802]

I have always felt ashamed of making mistakes and not being "normal" enough. My third-grade teacher told my Mom that I was alarmingly afraid to make mistakes. Boy, did I get in trouble for that! Thanks for this video, it is helpful!

[@michellepratico]

Aw, geez! Yeah, that will help you not be afraid.

[@jclyntoledo]

That's terrible

[@tiaharrison2802]

@@michellepratico Yeah, it really wasn't about me. Revealing I was not okay got my parents in trouble, which she couldn't handle. I got really good at masking and fawning.

[@michellepratico]

@@tiaharrison2802 yeah, same here! I have cerebral palsy. For most of my life I tried to not have CP. It doesn't work that way. It was never about us.

[@Lena-zo2tl]

Ohhh boy, yeah, that would have been a huge shame trigger for your mom, which she promptly unloaded onto you. So incredibly unfair to you.

[@wizzel101]

Shame is knowing that if anyone actually knew who I was no one would like me

[@pamharrison8348]

Sending love. Xx

[@jackoh991]

Thinking not knowing. ❤

[@jeffstrang3842]

Shame for me tends to keep me from succeeding in all aspects of life. It’s like a stain that you can’t hide, you feel everyone is looking at it and judging you for it.

[@adaccardo7702]

Shame is hiding. Hiding your feelings out of fear for being blamed. Shame is people pleasing because “ you’re only worthy when you do what they want”. Shame is the feeling one goes through when they finally stand up for themselves. Get stronger. No more shame

[@ilikeitlikethat7305]

The way my parents would gush over other children, praise their accomplishments and even parent them at times while ignoring me in all those ways…

[@mindkindmom]

That was simply horrible. Ignoring your own child while being nice to some random kid is a real low-life parent.

[@FoxyUSAx]

I’m with you on that. I had it in my childhood too. xx

[@ilikeitlikethat7305]

@@mindkindmom yep

[@kathyhorvath1471]

All they ever said to me was you’re pretty.

[@Kelly-oe8kr]

My mother did this all the time, gushing over other people of a similar age telling them how pretty they were, how smart, how successful, how they were the best person she had ever met. Everything with that woman was a passive aggressive, bad-handed comments, and constant put downs about how I was 'less than' everyone else and not worthy of the space I take up. Some people should NOT be parents! She's long dead now, and NOT missed, but her hurtful legacy still haunts me

[@susansourby5234]

It is hard for me to accept that people care about me; I have this strict notion that if my family does not care about me, then I do not deserve to be cared about by anyone else. That is a dangerous place to be. Recently, a person called me and expressed kind feelings of appreciation towards me. I struggle to feel worthy and am trying to be open to people outside of the DNA. "family." Sometimes I think DNA really means Do Not Associate.

[@mariesook9141]

DNA = do not associate..... that's a good one!

[@welcomecataclysm]

I've struggled the most with being a late bloomer and comparing myself to others. Then the feeling that I'm always in trouble for some reason. Right now I started a new job and I'm doing really well, the salary is much better, etc. but I feel like I could lose it at any minute, that I'm just waiting for something bad to happen. The constant hypervigiliance is exhausting.

[@soft_machine_]

I have similar experience, only I've been with the company almost 4 years and have had multiple promotions with raises but I still dread every day, feeling like I will be fired any minute. It's hindering my finances since I can only handle working 20 or so hours because there are more opportunities for me to fail if I'm working a lot. In reality we are both probably doing a good job and have nothing to worry about. but I can tell myself all day that I'm okay but it means nothing when every cell in my body tells me I'm in trouble. Exhausting way to live 🥴

[@shaunaheim1088]

Oh my gosh. Thank you for sharing this. Dealing with the same. I got a new job over the summer. I think I'm actually doing really well, but I'm *convinced* my boss is right on the verge of firing me or that she's just wishing I would quit so she can get someone better. It's so exhausting and keeps me constantly on edge.

[@fabulouslife4646]

I have been at my job for almost seven years. I had two promotions and yearly increases that doubled my salary. Every day, I struggle with the idea that my management will fire me tomorrow. My negative headspace really affects my productivity (thankfully, not every day) and ruined a few relationships :-( Like you said, it's exhausting

[@lesliesantos8595]

But sometimes its the other person that set us up to fail said relationships too in some way ..say things out of pocket ...​@fabulouslife4646

[@Nimoletta]

Exactly the same here. It’s torturous

[@user-mj9lr8tj9n]

I have the right to make mistakes I don't have to be perfect to be safe or loved in the present I'm letting go of relationships that require perfection Mistakes don't make me a mistake I commit to myself I'm on my side I refuse to trash myself I will turn shame back into blame and disgust and externalize it to anyone who shames my normal feelings. As long as I'm not hurting anyone I refuse to be shamed for normal emotional responses like anger, sadness, fear, depression. I especially refuse to attack myself for how hard it is to completely eliminate the self hate habit I will not repetitively examine details over and over I will not jump to negative conclusions I will not endlessly second-guess myself I cannot change the past I forgive all past mistakes I cannot make the future perfectly safe I will stop hunting for what could go wrong I will not try to control the uncontrollable I will not micromamage myself or others Feeling guilty does not mean I am guilty I refuse to make my decisions and choices from guilt Sometimes I need to feel the guilt and do it anyway In the inevitable instances where I inadvertently hurt someone, I will apologize, make ammends and let go of my guilt. I will not apologize over and over I will not accept unfair blame. I'm no longer a victim I refuse to attack myself, or abuse others I care for myself ❤️

[@vulnikkura]

It's so hard to get over this. I feel it constantly. I feel like I'm always a failure, so I don't bother trying. Then I feel even worse because I stay stuck in an endless loop.

[@robotaholic]

Ashamed of even telling anyone what you're ashamed of

[@neurospicypisces]

-not being able to live up to who I wanted to be -having bad "seasons" where I am not emotionally regulated, have bad stress management and coping strategies -being over-reactive and hard to be around -knowing better but not doing better -might reaction being fight over freeze, flight, or fawning (none are good, but fight is difficult for everyone) -binge eating junk food even when it makes me feel sick -blowing friendships up instead of figuring out conflicts -being truly much happier alone

[@dawnfunck8928]

I think you're related to me!!!

[@melb1806]

I have shame that I’m not a good mom because I’m still healing from my childhood trauma. I feel shame that I’m repeating the same toxic traits of my parents. I’m a lot better than I was because I’m doing the internal work but I feel shame that I’ve already done damage that can’t be undone and I’ve caused trauma to my child.

[@yadi5808]

What more can a child ask for, a mother that is healing the best she can.

[@ursten4901]

Thank you so so much for sharing this, I feel exactly the same. You can't imagine how much your comment has helped me.

[@Elizabethpepper8]

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. I needed to know I'm not alone. I struggle with this to the point of suicidal ideation. I don't know how to live with myself- It eats me alive. I haven't heard another person admit to experiencing the same feelings. Everyone denies the reality when I mention it and ironically continues to use my child to try and shame me into "functionality" when I'm struggling with the outcome of childhood. Somethings gotta give.

[@forgethehype]

as someone who grew up with toxic parents and as someone whose had to cut off both parents bc no matter how many times I bring up my grievances with them, they refuse to apologize or acknowledge the hurt, you are a far better mom than most. the fact that you can recognize it and want to do better says so much about you. ❤

[@welcomecataclysm]

I 1000% relate to this. I was my worst mentally when my daughter was around 3, and I still can't forgive myself for it. She's 14 now, and we have a really good relationship. I work every day to be the best parent I can be and give her the things I didn't get. She trusts me and I can tell by how open she is with me (especially for a teenager). Not all is lost. Kids really don't need perfection, they just need connection and to feel like their parent at least values them enough to try to be better. I know it would have meant everything to me if my dad were to have just apologized and took accountability.

[@amypondhikes]

Shame is feeling like you constantly fail at everything and you can’t figure out what is wrong with you that makes you incapable of succeeding no matter how hard you try.

[@Lilynite10]

Yes, I am the same and I am 45 now. Tried so hard over the years, never works out. So defeated at this point.

[@joanjones6882]

Late bloomer here. I 100% agree that being a late bloomer has made me so much layered and well rounded. I spent this whole year emptying my pockets and reclaiming my youth 🙃.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

it's really a great thing

[@ashleyshingleton982]

Shame to me is feeling inherently unworthy and not good enough. As if I dont deserve to exist or take up space. I have CPTSD, and it is debilitating for me.

[@edgarbarajas4575]

My biggest source of shame is feeling like I've never really been loved by another person in a deep fundamental way. Whether that be a parent, best friend, or lover. I've always felt like there was something inherently wrong with me and that's why I could never get that experience. And throughout my life I've witnessed so many people around me getting to have that experience and talk about how grateful they are for that. I've had experiences where I thought I was getting close to achieving it and the people in my life then abandoned me. I know my inner radar for choosing healthy people was very wrong and that's a big reason why I would be abandoned. Now I feel a deep sense of trauma with abandonment which really only makes the problem worse. It's hard to grow a happy baseline alone when I yearn so deeply for that kind of human connection that I've missed my entire life. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it, and I wouldn't be surprised if I'm still struggling well into my middle age. It's so disheartening.

[@mattgr4370]

I feel this so much as well 😔 I hate to admit to myself that I’m slowly coming to a realisation that towards me there would be no unconditional and/or deep love that I feel about others often. I hate living with that feeling since for so long it gave me so much hope. That there would be some people that love me for me, that are just happy to be around me just as much as I’m happy to be around them. This hope even gave me tons of additional energy to work on my career, my social skills, my life in general to add external value to my inherent inner one. It even worked and so much things about my life actually improved. And that still didn’t help bro. It’s still as cold and as lonely as it was in childhood and teenage years. You still get abandoned, your hopes still get crushed like it’s nothing, like it’s trash. And you still feel stupid, you still feel this shame, you still feel like an idiot for believing that it’s finally happening

[@BlinkinFirefly]

I feel ya so much here. I share in that hopelessness...It sucks :(

[@raslalique]

I feel this too and am slowly starting to believe that this is how it's going to be. I'm still hopeful that I will be proven wrong

[@torib8024]

❤❤❤ me too❤❤❤

[@cyandlinawebb4582]

I hate to admit it, but I feel this too. I try not to think about it, and I think I'm on the right track finally, but I'm too scared to date or befriend people because of how often I've been discarded once I stopped providing something/once something was taken from me. It's really lonely, but I at least have peace. I just wish I could have peace and good relationships at the same time.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Patrick. I hope therapists all over the world listen to you.

[@kristiangregory4860]

In the wake of undiagnosed ADHD and possibly autism, failing to work in a consistent and daily way is a shame trigger. Well intentioned reminders from others and my past self are doubly triggering.

[@Onlineotakukpop9]

Shame is feeling like you've failed in regards to a goal. Whether that goal be created by someone else or yourself

[@nrknice]

I'm ashamed to use the word "trauma" or say that I went through trauma. I had a little t trauma. (I don't consider myself to have CPTSD but the trauma had intensely impacted me up until this year). The main source was that I was bullied by this one girl in my friend group of girls in a gaslighting and emotionally abusive way for 2 years (ages 12-14). I spent my full days and evenings with them on weekdays. But on top of that my parents are VERY dismissive. My dad's a dismissive avoidant and my mom's a fearful avoidant. They'll have a fight where they'll take things as a personal attack, get defensive, yell and escalate everything, then after a couple of days they'll act like it never happened and say they are happy together. I ask mom sometimes to try something to work on her issues, but she always insists that she has nothing to do with the fights. This weekend she said to me "I just don't get why you're upset about this 24 hours later. It has passed now." But then she also said "I'm still avoiding your dad," which is practically admitting that she's not over HER feelings, she's just over MY feelings. And I find it unbelievable that I hadn't noticed sooner how much of an impact that must have added. Especially because when I found out that I was bullied/abused by that friend 4 years later, after something like 3 months of talking about it with my mom, she said to me "I think you should just move on now." I'm almost 22 now and in the last couple of months for the first time I finally had an experience with 2 people where they did not dismiss me or brush me off when I explained my little t trauma. They were engaged, and they backed me up.

[@cateewyatt]

26:26 I am an artist and my mom put a piece of paper in front of me as a teenager and told me to prove I wasn’t “faking” my artwork because she couldn’t believe that I could do it. Everything was a competition and she always had to be ‘better’ and it drove her crazy. It’s so hard to this day to believe I’m a good enough artist and I always oddly enough believe I’m “faking it”. Your videos are so informative and really open my eyes and believe that there is hope in healing and that I am a real artist - so thank you!

[@TheMrsWarhol]

Oh, friend!! This is heartbreaking!! I wanted to go to art school but was met with a firm no by my mom. “You can go to business school and learn to be a secretary like me. Period.” But, at almost 60, I’m starting art school and really enjoying it. You are a real artist, friend, I assure you!!

[@gracenurse3365]

OMG - what a nightmare. I’m constantly shocked by how awful some parents can be : o It’s one reason I never became a parent. I don’t want the potential to hurt another person that deeply, and derail their life.

[@ashleedecarlo3560]

If she was a real parent, she'd know you weren't faking.

[@Stewrodent]

Thank you for what you said about adults with CPTSD not wanting kids as “noble” because that is never the reaction I get from others. I already got sterilized so it’s off the table and I’m extremely happy with my decision. However, I was always met with, ESPECIALLY by my own nparents, the reaction of me being “selfish” for not wanting kids. Others who I’ve shared a tidbit of my trauma with will tell me to have kids and try better, as if a human life is a social experiment. It’s insane. I’ve know since I was about 5-6 that I never wanted kids, not just bc of trauma but because I just don’t want to. However, my fear of not wanting to ever be responsible for a child feeling as unloved and unwanted as I did is the driving force that put me under the knife. Thank you for your perspective, because I’ve always personally felt my decision was more merciful than anything.

[@Lena-zo2tl]

Your decision was an act of sacrificial love.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

Chapters: 0:00 Intro 2:00 What Is Shame? 2:31 What Is Shame? - Visual 4:13 Recaps About Shame 4:25 Recaps About Shame - Shame Or Guilt? 4:41 Recaps About Shame - Indirect & Direct Shame 5:09 Recaps About Shame - Full of Shame or Shameless? 5:54 Recaps About Shame - Shame as a Fixed Gravity/ Orbital Shame 7:10 Recaps About Shame - Shame Influences Everything 7:40 Recaps About Shame - Shame and Society Rules 8:24 Recaps About Shame - Shame Is a Big Umbrella Term 8:46 Recaps About Shame - Shame-Based Parent 9:20 The Opposite of Shame 9:30 The Opposite of Shame - Integrity 11:13 Everyday Examples of Shame 11:59 #1 "You too!" 13:56 #2 Bomb Jokes 15:48 #3 It's Personal 17:36 #4 Shame Is Contagious 19:36 #5 I Can't Be Like Them! 21:23 #6 Pressured Peers 24:48 #7 Enough Is Enough 27:46 #8 YES, IT'S SERIOUS! 29:41 #9 "I could never do THAT!" 32:31 How to Work on Shame 32:53 Runners Up 33:56 Final Thoughts 36:10 Outro

[@s1nchr03]

@patrickteahanofficial bro, you should pin this comment jaja

[@iv0luti0n]

Shame is what I learned to feel as a child when faced with the choice of blaming myself for a lack of love, protection, and encouragement and blaming the family system. There was so much of it that my younger self wanted to put on himself because he didn't see his parents taking in enough shame. (I'll feel this shame because you aren't going to, you're oblivious, and I'll be a better person if I shame myself enough so I don't turn out like you). Shame is a cold sweat on the lower back, a confusing warmth on the back of the neck, this narrowing of all value of our self directed at a single negative outcome: I am worthless because I do not have what I have been taught I must have to be lovable. I don't have this job, I don't have this grade, I don't have this partner, I don't have this power to be free from my oppressors. I can't find a better place, a better home.

[@ac1646]

But you are great writer. Believe me, you are. 🫶

[@iv0luti0n]

Thanks for your appreciation. My inner kid cherishes being seen for his gifts. ​@@ac1646

[@dtruetheeness]

I find the long-form videos both profound learning experiences, time of deep recognition, and healing validation. I recommend Patrick Teahan to anyone struggling

[@patrickteahanofficial]

Thank you so much!

[@dtruetheeness]

It's all true Patrick.

[@dtruetheeness]

I'd also like to say that what you've said in your videos is important, that it's important to do inner child exercises such as those on your website improve a a sense of self and inner, emotional and functional responses to triggers and conflict. I know this because I haven't done them.

[@comoane]

I’ve been so so so ashamed most of my life. I never even dared to try anything. I reacted out my self hatred and insecurities and wasted my life. Now fifty and doing much better but still without a relationship or a job on a level that would fit me. Getting over the regret of letting myself be so hammered down was and still often is the hardest part of all of this.

[@whitneymarieg8189]

Thank you for sharing. Do not give up! Be so proud of how far you have come ❤

[@jamesbyrne9312]

I think we have so much anger that we press down. Its horrible

[@thescrappay]

Societies standards are NOT benchmarks to our worthiness. I needed to hear that!

[@angelakh4147]

I go over conversations and remember with such shame certain things I said. I think, “That sounded so stupid” or “That sounded awful/selfish/inconsiderate.” I do this less and less, but it’s still there. I am learning to get over it quicker by talking to myself with patience and love. And I sometimes do this wonderful thing that Patrick taught us and I love! I find my inner “Fuck that!”

[@sunsetstormx]

Mel Robbins has a great video called "let them".. about letting people just do what they do instead of taking responsibility for everybody else's actions. It's really good.

[@StJane]

I can see the reason I cried over help getting to the store is because I always wanted to be independent of needing any help. And it was my son that I asked for help, and his response was " of course, let's do it." So loving. Receiving love also makes me cry sometimes cuz I feel so undeserving of it 😢. So glad to finally be getting the help I need. Thanks Patrick ❤

[@SonnenkindJKG]

Feeling good or even "worse" doing something actively, that makes me feel good, activates a lot of shame in me. Sharing a good feeling with another person, talking about it, showing it openly, is still one of the worst shame activating events.

[@ian-online]

Same. when I play a kid's game and I'm doing nothing in my room. I think it's a coling mechanism but once I notice it I feel like quitting really bad... I lose motivation for happy things but also complicated things like artworks or homeworks.

[@uniqueone4434]

1:39 - I feel shame when I make a mistake. I also feel it when I eat in front of others.

[@trdestergmailcom]

The eating in front of others is one for me too - I have not heard another person say that!! Thank you for sharing.

[@MeganVincent-tl4tg]

The not deserving to exist is spot on. You can start going down this road, and it quickly spirals out of control. The voice in your head pretty much torments you day and night…

[@terese3004]

My shame makes me feel like a narcissist for constantly focusing on myself and monitoring my actions and thoughts so I don't come across as unhinged at work or with my friends when any trigger comes along.

[@kayro8853]

My shame is triggered when I feel that someone thinks I am selfish or have behaved selfishly. Not thinking of others emotions, needs, desires. I have a feeling that my adhd presented outwardly as narcissism when i was young, and i know my dad wanted to curb this 'selfishness' in me. It was from a place of love, and i appreciate his guidance. Other family members just assumed i was an overly self centered creature and a few of their comments have stuck with me through the years. Now as an adult i absolutely hate looking thoughtless, callous or not helpful/kind. As far as doing the opposite of 'them' as an adult, I am extremely chill. About everything. Running late? Been there, i get it. Didnt know what to say? Been there too, its all good. I dont care where we eat. I dont care where we go. I am a willow tree and i bend in the breeze. I am determined not to take things personally (not always successfully, and not always to my own benefit). Can anyone else relate?

[@zsoloful]

You have no idea, how much I can relate to your experience, my kryptonite is being perceived self absorbed

[@EngineerMoore]

Shame for me has been crippling in so many aspects of my life and it wasnt until I started watching your channel that I realized how deep the issue goes. Thank you for all your share.

[@molly.d]

one of my biggest sources of shame is my appearance. my mother always criticized how i looked, that i didn’t try hard enough to be feminine, didn’t shave often enough, didn’t wear skirts or dresses, didn’t wear makeup. She would often say i’d be “so pretty, if only i would just try”. to this day, I struggle with what i wear, how i do my hair, if i look put together, etc. and am doing work to define what is feminine to ME, what beautiful is to ME, but wow progress isn’t a straight line.

[@fokkerfilms560]

Do you want to be feminine?

[@kelcamer]

Hello, I think we had the same mom 😅

[@molly.d]

@@fokkerfilms560 when i got to college, i realized that femeinine meant a hundred different things to everyone. i found the kibbe style types to be incredibly helpful in figuring out how i wanted to present myself to the world. i also have texture sensitivities, so function over fashion is how i live, but i still like pretty things xD

[@molly.d]

@@kelcamer i am so sorry lol

[@salwillis3529]

Yeah, for females, we are taught that your appearance is pretty much the 1:1 factor in your acceptability, respectability, and lovability. And unfortunately, even when we know and tell ourselves this is wrong, we still have to live in an ultra-sexist world. Here's to trying to heal regardless ❤️‍🩹

[@KatherineTelford]

Some of the best art, ideas, music, resilient conquests etc.have come from traumatized people.

[@mainlyfine]

The transparent frog. That's me. I can spot another transparent frog at a hundred yards. Transparent frogs have no carapace, no armour to protect them. Their only protection is to hide, to remain unseen

[@ashleyshingleton982]

I would also find it beneficial for a lengthy video on gradual exposure therapy. The triggers are very overwhelming. They are everywhere.

[@StJane]

I am surprised how pervasive it is. Asking for help getting to the grocery store made me cry and feel bad about myself. I'm so thankful I'm learning to identify it.❤

[@kadrei]

Everything bad or wrong is somehow happening because of you

[@huntforbigfloptober1333]

#6 struck a cord in me so hard I actually cried a little. As a kid I remember my grandma saying my sibling and I were ten years underdeveloped, somehow it was our fault our mother neglected us which made us defective? Also my parents made me feel like a freak because I was an introvert instead of easily having friends like my sibling. I still struggle with these thoughts and it doesn’t help when my mom visits and criticizes every choice in my apartment. “What do you mean you don’t want a complete kitchen set?” I live by myself and Im content with my setup? Im more concerned with other things especially financially. :/ A coworker told me my inner voice is mostly my mom’s voice internalized. It really makes sense

[@mikelobrien]

My parents managed us kids through shaming, particularly my Catholic-School-trained-by-nuns mother. Shame was a chief motivator in my life until I started taking medication for an anxiety disorder as well as quitting drinking alcohol. Now, I have the occasional embarrassing moments but go into a "shame spiral" almost never; and that's a HUGE difference from how I spent about fifty years of my life (age 10-60).

[@comoane]

Bedankt

[@linden5165]

I have washed away a lot of the shame I did have. Self-compassion has been the balm to counter it. So much of my shame was actually me internalising things that OTHER people should have had shame about - their cruelty, them taking their stuff out on me, not seeing my needs, not meeting my needs, judging me unfairly, everything that has happened to the generations of my indigenous family through colonisation, social oppression, all the bigotry, phobias and -isms, invisibilisation that was smothering me. I didn't choose any of it. I also didn't choose the impacts it had on me. It's just not my shame to carry. I can choose to heal, be a good person, lift up myself and others. I definitely relate to the experience of healing - it being about integrity, dignity, humanity, owning my flaws and mistakes with humour. For me it's been very much about authenticity and safe connections too. (The specific joke thing really is a neurodivergent thing in my case, but I notice myself wanting to do it but then realising nobody will know what I'm talking about and I keep it to myself. I kind of love when others do it though, as I recognise their thinking and I love autistic deep interests and the joy it brings us. I always appreciate when you acknowledge us in among your audience).

[@cmdrill4853]

Hi, Patrick and community. Background - I was heavily abused in childhood, physical, emotional, psychological. Fast-forward 40 years, I am injured at work following orders, so severely that I have deemed 100% disabled forever. My shame tells me I deserve this, that this is my punishment for trying and failing, failing myself, my family, my daughter. It has been 4 years, I am in counseling and groups, but this shame is so ingrained that I cannot escape it... As if the shame has attached itself to the physical destruction of my body and soul.

[@christineleblond7777]

Mom caused me to feel shame as a child because she came from a family that caused her to feel it too, so I feel it's been passed down for a few generations at least. I tried to not pass it down to my children, but I'm sure I did somewhat.

[@CynthiaHutchinson-c1m]

I spent most of my life feeling like a freak for some of my thoughts and feelings. It really drove me to withdraw. So much shame.

[@MsSimpleMovies]

Shame is feeling I need to hide being unworthy of attention, being deserving of being ignored.

[@HelloTraumaBrain]

Shame about so many things. Including shame that my abusers treated me the way they did.

[@leahchase3699]

Any mistake esp at work makes me spin out.

[@shannonprice2711]

Making any mistake, failing, trusting someone who let me or others down

[@watersoluble5871]

I’m 33 and have never lived apart from my parents. C-ptsd and bipolar disorder have kept me in freeze mode almost my whole life. The few times I’ve managed to get a job and make progress over the years inevitably end within a year or so when I end up totally breaking down. Nothing I do is right, I’ll never be able to live on my own, I can’t drive and can’t function and I’m terrified how I’ll live once my parents inevitably pass and I don’t have a “stable” place to fall back on. Shame rules my life and no matter how much therapy I get it seems to never get better.

[@pidginmac]

1:21 ok; because you do so much hard work making these videos for us and I never comment, I’ll play along: one of my biggest sources of shame is my inability to bring financial income into the household. Thanks for the vids. 💜

[@cherierhynes8514]

Same here .🎉

[@cherierhynes8514]

Shame is weirdness. What i hate @ shame for me is mostly it holds me back from doing things.❤🎉

[@GirlPower342]

Saying “You too!” then instantly thinking “I can’t even pull off trying to SEEM like a normal person!” - Wow, this is a daily (sometimes hourly) experience for me. Related to that, I really struggle with doing things medium well and having balance in my life. It’s a mystery to me how other people do a good enough job at work and still leave on time and have lives outside of work. Or can enjoy creative hobbies without hyper focusing on their imperfections and the inevitable learning curve process. Or do a good enough job with housekeeping that you can have someone over And the house isn’t embarrassingly messy, nor is it perfectly tidy to the point that you’re up till dawn the night before cleaning every nook and cranny and cursing yourself for inviting people over and starting to despise the guests that you did invite over!!

[@DonTheBass22]

I pretty much failed at everything in life: my attempted career didn't work out, I'm unemployed, have no friends or partner, and still live with my father at my mom's taking care of her because of her dementia. I absolutely have an immense amount of shame.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

Wishing you to get to a place where there is so much less of it.

[@m.maclellan7147]

Is there any chance you can "escape" a couple of hours a week !? Maybe go to the library, jump on a computer, and write away some of the worse frustration? A good beginner book about writing is Natalie Goldberg, "Writing down the bones." And as she says, you don't have to show anyone ! It helps clear the air a bit. Wishing you best of luck.

[@retajones5278]

Taking care of parents is an honourable thing. If you weren’t doing it, someone else would be making their “career” out of it. You could claim that honour!

[@kathynicholson103]

Well, you're a success at being a caring, loving son. That's important!

[@Kelsol77]

Shame about not being perfect, or good enough, making a mistake, or not knowing how to do something immediately and well without being taught or having practice or experience. Fair or constructive criticism triggers shame. Way better than it used to be with work and years but still have to actively correct those automatic thoughts and feelings. Thanks for all you do!

[@comoane]

Yes this!

[@CG-wv6zg]

Shame is the stuff I’m to afraid to talk about. I can’t even name one here because I feel so horrible. 💔

[@susandelaney858]

I can hear my mother, yes, shaming me for even listening to this!!

[@nathalieduverna6963]

🫂 keep going for you

[@retajones5278]

I’m not sure I want to know what my mother would say if she knew I was listening to this!!!

[@susandelaney858]

​@@retajones5278I keep telling myself "none of her business" .....

[@DeeLeon7]

I'm autistic & adhd. These two conditions, increase shame in me to a much more substantial degree. Really need society to know & support, it's to much on your own. Being disabled, is being of no value to society.

[@Htahjft6287haj]

Dr. Teahan: Shame is ✨🍲soup🍲✨ Me, new to the self-healing space: 👁️👄👁️ Jokes aside looking forward to learning more!

[@youtubesux-whatnext]

Good soup 😊

[@craiglist483]

I once heard “mistakes require correction” that helped contain me with logic, instead of spiraling in the vortex of shame.

[@zetteandthepets]

I feel shame when I cause unintentional harm with words, but especially with actions, such as accidentally stepping on someone's foot.

[@mariehughey5390]

I feel shame anytime I put myself first, even now I’m old and only have myself. It has gotten better in the second half of my adulthood… since going no contact. It’s still there. I can feel the comments made by so many people here as if I lived it myself. It’s such a lonely place. I started healing when I realized I need to take care of myself first before I can truly care for another.

[@jeankipper6954]

Good work. In my experience, also endless work. As one of my teachers often said, "If you want to heal the world, heal yourself."

[@Traztique]

Shame is the feeling when someone tells you that you aren’t who you believe yourself to be. They challenge your sense of self, suggesting that you see life through a distorted filter-even when you believe you’re being objective. Not only are you not who you think you are, but you’re also incapable of seeing yourself clearly.

[@Tass3030]

Body shame but just breathing shame. I often catch myself holding my breath. Making noise shame

[@sfstucco]

I realized, in my 40s, that I have a habit of holding my breath when I’m around people (that is, when not alone). Actually, I hold it after I exhale. Like making myself smaller by having my lungs unfilled. It’s like I’m waiting for someone to notice that I’m doing something wrong, and I’m bracing against that. But I also feel like I can’t take up space with my breathing when I’m in smaller spaces around people. I have difficulty sleeping in the same bed with my partner, because I don’t want my breathing to bother him. I had a very flat tummy, because it was always in a tensed state! I still do it (age 63), but less intensely after finally noticing my habit & trying to practice breathing around people.

[@Tass3030]

@ hugs to you 🤗 yep, so scared to make noise. I used to get beat up really bad for making noise.

[@Xiporah]

Number one trigger for me is not "getting it" long after everyone has already understood in school. Eventually, you notice The other kids are starting to smile and whisper to each other because you just keep asking questions and you still don't understand. Eventually you just pretend to understand it to save face and then you quietly fail the test later, and move on. Almost all of my trauma is school based. I struggle to learn anything in front of other people without feeling deep shame.

[@niamhmrosullivan]

Great video as always Patrick. I think you're the seminal therapist on dysfunctional family systems. I always feel seen here. Thanks for your great work. 🙏

[@patrickteahanofficial]

Thank you so much!

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

It’s a great description

[@dgvfsa66]

My son died 3 years ago. I'm ashamed I didn't always put his well-being first, due to my neverending quest for love. And now I can't make it up to him.

[@hannahh8696]

I'm so sorry. Please be gentle with yourself. ❤️

[@raslalique]

I hope that you will be able to find peace eventually

[@PotsandPansWhatsPotsandPans]

I feel a lot of shame when I realize everything I've done falling all over myself to not be inconsiderate has in fact caused more of an issue than if I just left it alone

[@MasWilsonl]

I often think that if my own father can’t tolerate me then how can anyone else? That feeling of being defective and broken is so difficult for me.

[@unavoidablycanadian397]

Yes. My parents didn't have the capacity to effectively parents me and that meant no one could, so I was doomed.

[@gracenurse3365]

My (unstable) mom is an adoptee. I suspect some of her problems in life must be from feeling that if her own mother didn’t care enough to keep her, who else would. I get so mad when Pro Life advocates harp on adoption as a solution. Don’t they grasp that the adoption process itself can be traumatic?

[@mariettasmart8104]

Thank you. I have been to therapy many times, I have done counseling courses, and in my 70's I have finally found CPTS on KZbin. I can't believe that no one has ever helped me with these issues. I am still triggered. I have tried working through these issues myself and have had some success and am much better than I used to be. But my solution at this age is to just avoid social events. Quite a lonely place to be in, but it's better than having to cope with my triggers.

[@SebastianJArt]

Thank you Patrick. I was a ritual scapegoat for religious abuse. The worthiness metrics were insane and backwards: giving up yourself instead of becoming yourself, transcending the body instead of living in the present… I’m so proud of myself for withstanding it and reclaiming my goodness. Much gratitude 🙏

[@nhee.s5784]

Shame overwhelmed me so much that I gave up on many opportunities to thrive in school and in relationships...It'd stun me so I always ran away because of even slightest cues of "I'm not enough and don't deserve being here"

[@Tatman1212]

I feel for you my friend. I feel like my life is the same

[@Kirithキリス]

Failure (academic, professional), misplacing an important item (phone, etc)

[@geniuswithaj]

I’m crying at this point I know I feel the way I do all the time is because of my complex ptsd but I’ve never felt so heard and understood Everything. Even the sentences you used to describe the thought processes sounds exactly like my minute by minute inner dialogue It’s haunting

[@amylopez5840]

If there was one thing I could suggest is to talk about how shame and abuse affects people who are neurodivergent, because while this video and others are so helpful for people who aren’t, so many of us are neurodivergent and go thru all the same things ,and it would be so helpful if we could hear how it affects that☺️

[@larachaplauske8818]

Absolutely! I'm Audhd and it makes dealing with trauma more difficult.

[@kimisayo2447]

I'm ashamed of many things, and it's all like some complex mess of wires that I feel with every untangle I make yet another knot. I've been so absent in my own life that I find myself ashamed that I didn't bloom where I felt I should. I want to work towards happiness and balance but I find myself crying and so numb with nothing but shame. Shame for crying, shame for not being at my goals, shame for not working towards my goals but shame for trying and being bad. It's like the walls are closing in on me with every step but falter in crushing me due to what little will I am able to muster. As long as I have a little of this fight left, that means there is a place the shame couldn't reach, I believe. So that in itself is something, I hope.

[@monsterzombun558]

Of all the comments I think I relate to this the most, like I'm in the same boat. As much as I don't always feel it, I still believe there's hope for us. I have no idea the path I'll take to get there but I like the idea of living my life the way I want and growing old

[@PneumaNoose]

I firmly believe that shame is the trash dump of all human emotion, and vulnerability is the key to escaping that landfill. "Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage." -Brené Brown Dr. Brown’s work has changed my life, and my partner and I use her teachings to guide all our relationships. It’s been wildly successful for us.