Why Childfree People Thrive in Old Age: Reddit Explains Why Kids Aren’t Your Retirement Plan

[@sharhenley]

Please like, subscribe, and leave a comment! I’d love to hear from women who never had kids and other people on the front lines.

[@briana14333]

Not the front lines lol🤭

[@Childfree_Jerra]

@@sharhenley 🙋🏽‍♀️Childfree by choice since age 15 & a new subscriber! Great content!

[@stickman787]

I hear alot from women who regret not having children. They are miserable because they never made memories and no one comes to see them. I know one right now who texts me when she's bored, which is alot. Lots of times she talks about how she wishes she had people I her life

[@ViraL_FootprinT.ex.e]

Many parents overestimate how decent of parents they actually were. Their kids don't however ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[@catwalkster]

Exactly.

[@navideology]

🎯🎯🎯

[@mindingmybusiness6309]

True

[@HarrietWanjau]

Oooop this one is gonna be a zinger when they see it😂😂😂😂

[@88QueenOfHearts]

Mine are definitely in that club! 😬 Also love the creativite character! 😍

[@yahainHotPink]

I'm unmarried, childfree and not dating. Happy lady❤

[@paid2talk298]

Same. The peace is addictive

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🥰

[@dxterwolf]

Your such a girl boss

[@Cauldron6]

I love your doll collection! All of those things you listed, PLUS collecting such beautiful figures…. You are what I aspire to be!!!! All the best to you💙

[@Childfree_Jerra]

Relatable!! The peace is unmatched!!🙌🏾

[@Libertydream7]

I've heard countless women say they regret having kids. I never hear men say it since they don't ruin their bodies and don't even take care of them. And nowadays they're not even willing to provide. So the choice is easy.

[@bournegod_kiy]

I keep telling people it’s not the economy. It’s men and I hate that I am “placing blame” on men but let’s be honest, men have been terrible to women. Women don’t feel like any of it is worth it anymore.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

​@bournegod_kiy - It never was worth it. Most women just didn't have the choice in life

[@bournegod_kiy]

@@ecclairmayo4153 That is true but my point is, even when people are poor. When they really desire a family and want one, even poor they will have one! The family will be loving. I know a couple families that was like that who raised smart, loving loyal people! Their kids became good earners and help their parents whenever they can. I know kids that went to the military, took over the house payments and some more because they grew up poor and wanted to help their family. So when, I say men aren’t worth it. Even to the women who want to do the family thing, they don’t want to do it and is unwilling to do it with the current selection of men.

[@Honey-Bee-25]

​​​​@@bournegod_kiy I get what you're saying. It's scary to think about, but if a woman wants a child or family, it's "seems" more feasible, and safer, to have a donor or to adopt, than to risk trying to create a family with a partner these days. It's a gamble and like playing roulette, and then you hear of the stories how people just up and change, 2, 5 or even 15 years later, and they just snap or have like decade long affairs with secret families etc. People also just have way too many traumas and are selfish or self indulgent, and that imprints on the innocent children brought into this world too. Not to mention the other factors against women just to bring a child INTO this world, and the dangers surrounding children & women as well with hiw they are dismissed or preyed upon in society, minus the man.

[@stickman787]

​​​@@bournegod_kiyit is definitely not men's fault. This is all victimhood nonsense. Women make remarkably terrible decisions when it comes to men now and only care about things like money and height, so yeah if you only care about super physical nonsense, you aren't going to get a good partner. Then they ignore red flags and claim the men changed suddenly, which is simply not true. Not only that but statiscally men are way more likely to be a victim of violent crime. We used to work 20 hour days in factories so you could stay at home with the children instead of being nearly torn apart everyday. Women have MORE rights than men! Are you kidding me with this statement? I dont think you live on earth.😂

[@firandcurly84]

As a hospice nurse I can say that the children aggressively protest against how much money is spent on care for the last few years they are counting that money really hard. Especially when they need 24 hour care it's a problem. Aslo kids are busy raising their own family nobody genuinely has time.

[@ccannon1]

I was a physical therapist and I know a lot of people who say “I’ll take care of my parents, I don’t care.” Without realizing what goes into caring for an elderly parent in terms of money and time. Some people could but didn’t have the resources to move their parents closer, most don’t have the money, a lot are busy with their own kids, and a lot don’t like their parents and don’t care. Some half ass take care of their parents too, like they’ll take them to doctor’s appointments but they won’t take the grocery shopping or come visit.

[@phoebeel]

Yeah my ex always bragged about how he would take care of his parents, how retirement homes were evil. Meanwhile, he's an addict who can't get a decent job because he effed up his whole education doing drugs. So maybe he can take care of them but that would be the first thing in his life he's ever achieved/promise kept​@@ccannon1

[@StefanTaf]

interesting perspective, saw the same where kids didn't want the parents to go abroad for better treatment cause it would eat into their inheritance

[@nancya9402]

@@firandcurly84 god bless you. I tried on case and it broke me as an HHA. So thank you seriously for what you do💖🙏

[@karenholmes6565]

It costs a lot for end of life care. Many people are paying for college for their kids, and end of life care for their parents. I helped my mom buy donut hole insurance so that helped limit the costs towards the end, but I didn't work the last couple of years. I stayed home with her. I will never regret that time I had with her. She was very sharp. I would have missed so much of who she was, the stories she told me that I would never have known. It was a gift.

[@wernstberger]

People always assume children will be born healthy. I've seen many cases, sadly, when they are not. Some of these children will require care for the rest of their lives. So, if you're having kids expecting them to take care of you in your old age, please think of this.

[@Kotifilosofi]

A lot of disabled children will also be especially vulnerable to blackmailing. I'm disabled myself, and my mum always pushed me to do things independently, no matter if I had to do things differently than others long as I could do it. I'm childfree and voluntarily single. And so astoundingly many people have had hard time processing that, and equally many have told me "I should find a nice man (+ obviously have children after that) so my life wasn't that difficult". But I feel like if I let myself become on any level dependent on someone, that would gradually make me so vulnerable and helpless, if I let myself think I couldn't live without the person. I'll never let that situation happen, whether we're talking about a spouse or children. Freedom is way too valuable.

[@a.r.tavares1322]

Exactly! Not to mention other problems, like kids being chronically depressed, addicts, schizophrenic, or even being mean human-beings.

[@auntiecc7060]

I’m 49, single with no kids. My life is great!

[@comosellama5287]

Also, long-term care insurance is a thing for a reason.

[@sharhenley]

Yep. Looked into it.

[@Nwakaego_]

A lot of people forget that this exists.

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

It’s selfish to have children solely for the expectation of children being responsible to care for their parents in their old age. Especially when girls and women are expected to do it only. My parents didn’t raise me with that expectation. I’m so glad and I’ve seen other parents that expected their children to be a retirement plan with their own children. People need to respect those that choose not to have children. I have planned for my retirement and any care I may need when I get old someday.

[@karenholmes6565]

No one actually has kids for that reason. When you are young and having kids you think you're immortal. You aren't thinking about when you get too old to wipe yourself.

[@lv67890]

Have you ever heard of people having kids for that reason?

[@karenholmes6565]

@@lv67890 I asked that question respectfully and they erased my comment

[@Salty-French-fry]

True. I always say if I ever have kids they will always come second place. It’s not worth being torn apart in the name of motherhood. I had a bitter mombie say that I shouldn’t complain if kids will put me second place. But most kids are already doing it. There is an old folks home for that.

[@josephang9927]

So you agree that taxes are selfish, right?

[@audrablue515]

What people don't understand is that sometimes families park their old parents in care homes and never visit because those parents were abusive when the child was growing up. My mother and stepdad were like that. Stepdad is visited by my half sisters (his actual kids) but I refuse to go because we are not blood related and he was a shocking abuser to all of us growing up. My sisters have guilt and shame issues associated with both parents, so I don't scold them for going to see him. Mum is still mobile and able bodied and living an apartment on her own and I never see her or talk to her because I don't care. I told my youngest sister that when mum becomes feeble and needs care, I will contribute financially but that's it. You can't be so quick to judge why oldies don't get visitors when you don't know what they are really like. Most boomers who were awful to their families are the same when they are in nursing homes as well. Being old doesn't change your personality.

[@FMD70757]

Wow! The phrase: “being dumped by the love of your life after 20 years” , is heartbreaking

[@coolchameleon21]

that’s why i doubt i’ll ever bother with serious relationships. i know so many people who have endured that trauma (mostly women being left in the dust for a shiny new thing)

[@Saraht4]

I'm an atheist, but God bless this channel and all channels like it. I want more and more women to put themselves first, in a world that has always told us to never dare to care about ourselves more than a husband, child, parent, etc. I love that more women are waking up.

[@TheShamuraja]

I hope also that women step down from professions like social worker. Plenty of positions then for men to save the world. Just drop that. Just because you see problematic things happening in the world, does not mean you are the one to resolve it. Women still do things like that in their private lives, at work, etc. But officially the mother Theresa title - I hope not. Only if she is well taken care of, maybe then pour into others. Or an alright position in the admin department or government overseeing those things.

[@Cauldron6]

Completely and 100% co-sign your comment 💙

[@Blondie77128]

Yes! And we are taking back our power.

[@stickman787]

Well most women who are over 40 and childless are reporting epic levels of unhappiness and they are the largest group of people on ssris in this country. It doesn't look like they are happy at all.

[@so.many.obstacles]

@@stickman787Please share the empirical evidence.

[@lizzydreamer6940]

I currently live with my family due to financial reasons. My dad is a domineering, cranky, stubborn, alcoholic of a man who rules the house, rarely giving my siblings, my mom or me much freedom. Anything we do gets ridiculed or made fun of, and whenever something goes wrong he's always quick to point the finger away from him. My friend is in a similar situation. Both our dads are aging and getting sickly. Her dad sabotages his own healing on purpose so that others can pity him, and is in general difficult to care for, which she currently has to do since his leg got amputated. We both care for our dads, despite all of this. But I have decided I am never getting married or having kids. I long for the freedom of living on my own, and I'll be damned if I ruin it by letting some man dictate my life again. Currently I am helping my parents and my siblings around the house, as well as financially. If it weren't for that reason, I would've gone already (also, I can't afford to live on my own right now). I am also saving up what little I can to hopefully better prepare me for the future. But yeah... having gone through all of that, I know for a fact that once I can, I'm getting myself a small house and living my life in peace, however the f I want.

[@cherylT321]

Maybe you and the other person you mentioned who is in the same situation, could save up together to get a place you could share. It would get you both out of the toxic situations you’re both stuck in!

[@lizzydreamer6940]

@@cherylT321 We do want to, and we plan to do so 😊 But at the moment she's stuck with her dad and can't leave while he's as vulnerable as he is, and because I'm supporting my siblings financially I also can't leave just yet.

[@cherylT321]

@@lizzydreamer6940 Okay. Hope both your situations change for the better really soon!

[@pincopallino8176]

Lol, similar situation. I had to let go of my future and my career because my father died, and my mother couldn't live alone. She always expected her children to "give back", since she worked hard to raise us well. Yeah, it still sucks. I'm stuck in that miserable village, have to pay for a big house that I don't even own, have to care for my mother who gets older by the day. I also dream of a time, where I can finally be free. I make good money, though. No issues living alone. But I can't leave her. She has no one who cares for her. She also is emotional dependent on others, in this case me. Not everyone can live alone.

[@careottjuice]

My dad is like this and he's ALWAYS SOBER 😭😭😭

[@artbygilik]

I’m the only child free woman in my family now and I have no regrets. I’ve always had more reasons not to want having children than to have them. And I’m also much happier since I made the decision to opt out of relationships, all the years that I was married or dating were some of my most miserable times.

[@quirkyblackenby]

My dad got really sick while I was living with him and he genuinely expected me to drop my entire life and take care of him for the rest of his life. He’s in his early 50s. He’s also an abusive prick. A lotta parents suck so that’s why their kids don’t wanna care for them or go see them.

[@cherylT321]

So, what happened; did you take care of him?

[@PinkTaurus93]

But there you were, living in HIS house. 😩😂 This isn’t for you lmao.

[@wisefoolwillow]

​@@PinkTaurus93 And who are you to define what oppression is? You sound like you support these abusive parents. What a victim blamer you are.

[@corimoon3360]

@@PinkTaurus93 Girl stfu she didn’t ASK to be born! Of course she has to live in his house M0R0N!!! Who do you think this is for?!?!

[@briannaobrien4419]

Its also this "I'm exceptional" idea. "My kids will take care of me because I'm a great parent ", but are you? Are you really? I saw this a lot with old men, like yeah you worked for 60 years to financially provide, but when you were home all you did was drink and yell. Or not engage. Can your adult kids even take care of themselves? Did you teach them how to? I'm not saying everyone who says they're a good parent isn't, but not enough parents actually sit down and think about how they parent.

[@maam-yj8ph]

This.

[@stickman787]

People don't typically have kids so they will take care of them later.

[@josephang9927]

You are not exception by being childfree and expecting miraculously the state and other people Kid's to take care of You.

[@briannaobrien4419]

@@josephang9927 I'm sorry, what?

[@athousandandonenights11]

@@josephang9927You don’t expect the state to take care of you. You expect the taxes you’ve paid to be used for you through paying other people to provide that care.

[@ST-rj8iu]

My mother shoved her mother in a nursing home. She is shocked as to why I don't think of her living with me in old age.

[@sharhenley]

💀

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

I get it.❤

[@peachesandpoets]

😂

[@Maderlololohio]

But maybe her mother was abusive and she was not? Doesn't that make a difference. I am going the same route because my mom has mental issues (audhd/cptsd-me as well) btw. I am just curious and nosy.

[@88QueenOfHearts]

🤦😂

[@Tim85-y2q]

I do think that if you're childfree it's especially important to do end of life planning well in advance but realistically you should be doing that regardless.

[@sasasavage5047]

FOMO is real because I always wonder what if I have regrets when I am too old to have children. Honestly, giving birth is half the problem for me. I do not want to go through that. I can also acknowledge I am selfish and like having alone time.

[@prettyqueen573]

Why is it considered selfish because to not have children because you like your alone time and you don't want to give birth? There are people who don't like pizza but no one considers them selfish because they don't want to eat something they don't like. Use that same narrative.

[@sasasavage5047]

@@prettyqueen573 True. I meant that I can acknowledge I have selfish tendencies. I like to put myself first and do what I want to do when I want to do it. So, having to put another person before myself all the time and give up things I love like sleeping in, extra money, etc. sounds terrible.

[@Maderlololohio]

There is your answer. Words have power though. I would use other words such as I value my alone time over... we r all selfish. Having kids is also selfish imo. Mom of three and I warn my kids kids won't make you happy. Why because imo they would not be able to handle being parents.

[@TheCc064]

We’re on a rapidly decaying planet, it’s ok to not have kids

[@acwilliams1343]

Not having children isn’t selfish. Having them with the expectation that they are supposed to pay your bills and change your diaper when you are older is the MOST selfish thing a person can do.

[@FireSilver25]

I’ve known CF single older women and they did fine. One would’ve been 95 ish now and she was full of piss n vinegar up to the end. She was insufferable TBH but she’d had a crazy full life. She wrote books and hung out with Andy Warhol. Her church community really came through for her, and I prayed over her while she was fading. Another friend is a Boomer and she seems much younger. She travels and actually takes care of other people her age. I’m so glad I’m CF!!!! I’d rather build community than have kids to try and have a retirement plan. That’s really narcissistic I think. I hope to have a paid off house and retirement in a few decades. I want to enjoy life and pursue my dreams still. And I went NC with both abusive Boomer parents a while ago so I washed my hands of them for the foreseeable future. I’m pretty freed up! ❤

[@Maderlololohio]

Words have power. We all have some narcissism, self love which is fine. You r not narcissistic in the clinical pathological way. Your goals r grand and bold. And all of us should contribute. I applaud You! ❤

[@beaulieuc8910]

Well said

[@ritaanderson819]

I love hearing these stories 💓💓💓 37 and childfree and very happy with this decision, and these stories helped me realize I wanted to be CF

[@waitwhat1029]

Not doing that to my kids. Got my plan and it doesn't include their wallets or time. Their inheritance is a joke but it won't include my bills. Best I could do. They didn't ask to be born so they owe me NOTHING. Kids are not obligated for their existence.

[@deddeeee409]

Can I ask you what kind of plan it is? I am thinking of setting myself up financially for retirement/elder care as soon as I possibly can but there is not much information around it in my country so i'm kind of stumped 😅 I am 25 fyi

[@waitwhat1029]

@@deddeeee409 ...20% of each paycheck split between high yield savings and rolling over short c.o.ds. (I don't do risk. Imma chicken XD) I'd check with a financial advisor though because my experience is the gen x experience and you guys have it so much worse. I'm not sure that would be enough nowadays, even with a higher paying job. Eta...and budget. I had to use an labeled envelope system to train myself. XD This much a week for food, this much for what the kids need, this much for gas. You make a budget and stick to it and it helps a lot.

[@juliannos]

I was very lucky growing up because I had an aunt who is child free and so I knew from a very young age that it was something people did. She loved all of her nieces and nephews (and still does!) and was very honest about why she didn't have her own kids: she didn't want them. I also had good parents who never forced that narrative on me (tho the small town I grew up in certainly tried to lol). Now, as an adult woman who is child free and unmarried, I am planning to make sure I am there to help care for both my mom and my aunt as they move into old age (sadly my father passed away, or I'd be caring for him too) - not because they assume I will, but because I love them and I *want* to take care of them and support them. They also have plans in place to help cover their costs and insurance when something comes up, which means I can focus on being emotional support and fill in when there's a gap. They didn't assume I'd be there, but instead asked me and then we worked together to make a plan, which makes the whole thing less overwhelming for all of us. I think more people would be open to help caring for their family if they didn't feel like it was an unspoken expectation. But I also got stupid lucky to have a family of good people, which is more rare than it should be.

[@wisefoolwillow]

Your situation is how it should be though---children who choose to care for their parents instead of having it be an obligation through some ancient parental filial piety idea.

[@Budrica]

Watching a parent get sick, old, and die is one of the most painful experiences you will ever have. It's awful to create another human solely with the expectation that that's what they are for. Weird urge imo

[@seapeajones]

I think it's obviously not the only reason.

[@scarletwitch7198]

It’s the natural order of things. YOU will get old, sick and die. There are many valid points in not bringing children in to be your crutch, but are you telling me you would rather see parents die young or get to bury their own child?

[@corimoon3360]

@@scarletwitch7198you sound dumb, thanks for missing the entire fucking point.

[@corimoon3360]

@@seapeajonesI think it’s obviously a big reason and still sh!tty no matter the other reasons…

[@phoebeel]

If you have kids, you put all money into them, their education, their hobbies, their fun. And that's ok. But if you don't have kids, you can put all that surplus into retirement plans. So, it's just logical to say that kids will make you poorer in your late life.

[@JL-ow5hp]

In the middle of my workout today I was thinking I’m so proud of myself for building myself to be strong just so that when I’m old enough to be in a nursing home I’ll be strong to not be a burden on the person taking care of me. (I’m 21 and am 99 percent sure I don’t want kids so hearing this feels like synchronicity lol)

[@sharhenley]

What a wonderful mindset!

[@Childfree_Jerra]

I love this for you! Keep it up!💜

[@Little_Lepus]

I'm working my butt off to do well in college, and trying to save as much as I can. I love my parents, and I really want to spoil them when they get old. I'm worried that, even though I'm being as responsible as I can, I might not be able to afford it. That hurts SO much. 😰

[@abetterlivedlife]

That's nice of you. Put your oxygen mask on first. Frontload your retirement. As much money as you can stash when you start working, do so. NEVER tell them you are trying to make sure you have money for them too. It will influence them unconsciously if nothing else. It's best they never think of you as a source of income or a way for them to quit working a bit earlier. If and when the time comes, you can surprise them, but as someone who's been there, never let them know in advance. That way leads to problems.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

They can save money themselves. Get tverapy for your superiosity complex

[@nancya9402]

Sorry but I had very angry, distant passive aggressive parents. Left me with nothing and gave to their god kids. Now I have me son, I am doing what I can to make sure he has what he needs now. Also saving for what he might want, and need and setting up the future for him and my retirement plan separate.

[@Elusive.magick]

I have a child. She will never have to take care of me in my old age. My retirement plans are pretty well set up. The most important thing to do, kids or no kids, is work on your health. The amount of people who aren’t on a medication and metabolically healthy is shockingly low. I’m 55 and I’m one of them. I’m in a club that’s only like 8% of the population. Keep your brain and body healthy. That should be about 50% of your retirement plan. Good health is one of the best investments you can have.

[@mobutter2879]

❤

[@AliseIam]

I’m 45 and child free by choice… definitely staying that way.

[@missmusic2k]

I NEEDED this!!!! Thank you!

[@sharhenley]

You're so welcome!

[@Ms_Introvert_4_Life]

Kids definitely aren't your retirement plan and many are finding out!!!! Now if i can just find another childfree woman to form a bond with. #childfree

[@Kim-vw4nx]

My great aunts, despite having all those kids still ended up in a home . The boys and girls children with husbands were not much help either .

[@ib272]

To make someone new to take care of me is as ridiculous at it gets. I take care of me then thats it. No need to create some loop of backwards focus.

[@forestfox1111]

I've known since i was around 7 that I was not going to have kids, but wanted marriage. At 14, i asked my doctor if they could just take the repro-system out...he was horrified 😅 "You should probably wait until you're in your 30's to make that decision"... Well here I am, in my 40's, with my husband ( who also didn't desire parenthood) and 3 cats. We don't have debt, and can pretty much travel and play. I've been a realist my entire life, and have always known that kids aren't going to be around as much as one may want at the end. I wouldn't want to be a burden to my children anyway. I'm happy to be a lone wolf with no illusions of how lonely it might be. ❤

[@athousandandonenights11]

CF here and I’ve been working with the elderly population for years, in different capacities. I promise that kids are a horrible retirement plan for so many reasons. The most obvious one is that you don’t know just how good a parent you’ll be and if your child/ren will maintain contact in adulthood. There are so many more though. People are overall having children later in life so by the time you’re elderly and need help, chances are your children will be dealing with their young kids/teenagers/paying for their kids college. They could have a sick spouse/child or be sick themselves. Maybe they have to live in a different continent/state for work. For whatever reason, they could be broke. I’ve dealt with plenty of families where elders had to be out in crappy nursing homes because their children simply could not manage their care despite wanting to. Even rich people have put their parents in nursing home of assisted living facilities because caring for someone directly, every day, it’s too much work. Have kids if you want to but not as a retirement plan. For that, consider having one less child and putting the money towards retirement.

[@Childfree_Jerra]

This was a great video!!! I’m SO glad I’m childfree & I don’t/WON’T regret it at all!!!!💯💯💯💯💯 (Btw, I’m 41 & I knew at age 15 I didn’t want to have children.)

[@jeaninebowdry2045]

I’m 57 and I always knew, even as a child. When my sisters and I would play house, they always had kids. I was the world traveling business woman.

[@NurseNessey]

Honestly, you shouldn’t make your burdens your children’s burdens. The individual who chose to have those kids should know what it’s like to have those burdens so why would you make that your children’s burden?!?

[@Blondie77128]

Listen up parents, your children are not your retirement plan. They are fully realized individuals who are worthy of and deserve their own life. You don’t own them, they are not an extension of yourself or a possession of yours. Back of the enmeshment and plan and prepare for your retirement accordingly.

[@Mimi24177]

It ain't got nothing to do with having kids or not, it is how you take good care of yourself.

[@Ceilingkatwatchesus]

My great aunt lives in a retirement community. But my great uncle made sure b4 he passed to leave enough money for my great aunt so she will never have to worry about money. Now my great cousin, her son, is retired and lives close by his mother. Whenever any of the family is in town always goes to visit my great aunt. Both her and my great uncle really poured into the family and it’s a no brainer and I get excited to see my great aunt. Her retirement community is amazing. The employees all know who we are. ❤😂😂😂😂 this is the response you get when you pour and invest in your family. If you choose to have one.

[@audreyquinn73]

I am 51 single,and nevrr had children, but I'd hardly describe my life as "child free." I work at a primary school and I have so many lovely children in my life. In fairness, I probably have more joy with these children because I have enough energy to invest in my own interests. I don't harbour resentment due to loosing myself. I have the best of both worlds, so to speak. ❤

[@misspriss2482]

Kids are definitely not your retirement plan. I used to be a property manager and a third of my residents were older adults. Pretty much all of them had children, but most of them used to come to the office for me to help them with their finances, doctor's appts., etc. Why? Their kids were either dead, in jail, or busy with their own lives. Few rarely heard from their kids. Ironically, one of my residents who had the most visitors and never needed my help was a woman who had never married or had children. She was a retired teacher who had a nephew, former students, and their families who checked on her. She was in excellent health and stayed busy. Build relationships. Do not count on children to take care of you. If you do, you are going to be sorely disappointed when you realize that the people that you poured so much into will not return the favor.

[@kmsmail489]

Yep! My childfree friends of my age have it easy in retirement, compared to me, as a parent.

[@fairy7101]

It’s very hard for me to talk to my mother on the phone. I’ve always felt she never had any real interest in who I am, only in who she wanted me to be. This is a hard thing to get past but I try my best since she wants to talk often.

[@5hanti]

Having my child didn't even cross my mind as being a retirement plan. I just hope and trust that she won't just toss me aside when she's older, so I do my best as a parent to give her as much support and love that I can, and that support extends to the rest of my immediate family too. I also make an active effort to nurture my friendships to avoid that "empty nest" feeling when I get older... maybe it was harder back then, or for some people now to create that balance in their lives, but I do believe that if we take care of our individual selves just as much, it'll all work out and reduce that co-dependency we see in older age.

[@BlackBombshell_]

My mom literally said the only reason she had me was so that she could one day have someone take care of her not because she wanted to be a mom. Her lack of interest in me growing up caused me to develop depression and now that she’s older, all of her problems become my problems. Because of her I don’t think I want to have children.

[@TheMichelex20]

We all need a living will/advance directive. It is so important that we all have one of these

[@darcy5761]

Every hospital asks you if you have one but if you say no they move on and never offer .

[@oblivionslight1346]

This channel is a godsend ❤

[@candygirl1990]

Im a single mum, and it's so hard. Don't do it. I have an estranged son, and a daughter. I would not do it again, it's too hard 😂

[@vlogo4371]

I love my mom. I want to help her in old age. I can not afford to do in home care, and I work so damn much that I couldn't begin to do daily visits to a nursing home. Before that stage even starts, she can not live with my wife and I because we live in a 4th floor walk up due to it being where we can afford to live. Maybe this will improve, but I am skeptical

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

All elder people in my family have enough money for a nursery home. And I am very thankfull for that. My oldest grandgrandmother is 102, she has a maid live with her but she is super healthy and very fit for her age. She doesn't cook and no household work but goes for long hikes with her hiking group and she travels a lot. She has children but she rarely has time for her family, she is to busy living her life. My grandgrandfather was very fit and healthy too and worked as a lawyer till he was 98. One day he just didn't wake up. My grandgrandmother is still VERY angry. But has lots of fun spending his money. I life a super healthy Lifestyle and I am sure I won't need assience when I'm old, nobody in my family does.

[@angelinacamacho8575]

¨who will take care of you when you are old?¨ My grandpa who has a large family and had my mom and aunt: your 2nd spouse and their family?

[@Salty-French-fry]

It’s taboo to put your kid second place. Thats why most mothers fall apart. I would never want another human to come before me.

[@AndreaHarris-m4l]

I chose not to have children in order to take care of my parents when its time. My sister always wanted kids and a family. I have lived a good life traveled well and loved and am loved.

[@DoveAlexa]

I'm child free but still broke AF 😭. No retirement for me.

[@TheVeggiekat]

Sperm and egg donors feel entitled to the love and care they never provided

[@mariyahanson]

Thank you so much ❤ what you do is so so necessary for me and for many women 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 God bless you

[@CowgirlSamurai]

omg I want to shout that from the roof tops! DO NOT HAVE CHILDERN JUST CAUSE YOU ARE LONELY!! Chances are that it will not turn out the way you want and you still be lonely, the best thing anyone can do is learn to be alone or at least like yourself enough to be able to be by yourself. There is always a chance that you will end up alone in life anyways so get to know yourself

[@1dfulbenjamin434]

I really enjoyed this content. It served as confirmation of my view on being happily divorced and childless. 😊 I have always felt, at least since the divorce, that I am responsible for my happiness and that I would live a joyful life, no matter what. No matter if I remarried or had children. Further, as a single person who lives alone and away from family members, I must build a network of friends who share similar values and interests AND stand ready to assist them when family cannot. Easy for me to do, by nature I tend to be open minded and care about other people's well-being. I am sociable and friendly but I do enjoy spending time alone. I exercise daily and generally have a positive outlook on life 😊 Thank you for the information.

[@starrysuu]

My mom was pressured to give birth to me when she did She really wanted to just hold off and wait longer but the societal pressure and culture caused her to give birth to me, her oldest child She also abused the living hell out of me 🫠 I have cut her off, she spent my entire life telling me that “if you run away from your parents, you’re spoiled”, not realizing I was waiting this entire time to cut her off as I grew I have a little brother and protect him as much as I can but I’m 3000 miles away from home and my long best friend one time went to my house and just heard how much my parents were trying to indoctrinate their choices of how life should be and how they have to take care of them and that he can’t move out to another state like I did, it’s heart breaking but not surprising Idk if I’ll be child free my entire life but what I do know is no matter what weird things people my age and younger tell me, i know I’m making the right decision at least waiting~

[@pequena_ninera]

I'm single white childless cat lady and I'm glad I never got married or had kids. I'd rather have fur babies then have kids or married. Don't want it and don't need it.

[@lv67890]

Never become a parent for any reason outside of wanting to have a child. It’s that simple. Your children are not a means to your ends. I say this as a mother. Our children owe us the respect we earn.

[@aMissAdventure]

My husband and I were retirement plans for our parents, we found out. We are trying our best to put together a Trust for any future children, but only after we have 'our end of life expenses' all set up and taken care of. Because we definitely won't be using our children as retirement plans. They won't owe us their working years. & They will be here because we wanted them here.

[@ladyluck144]

Great advice

[@missjoe4664]

I don’t expect my kids to pay a dime for me when I get old… I have them because I love them. It’s what I get out of it, love. They’re not an investment. Maybe they will visit me, maybe not… Maybe I will be a grandma maybe not… It’s the same with a a circle of friends: you could outlive them, grow apart, move away… And having a strong social network is very doable when you have kids !

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

Its typically the woman who ends up being the caregiver of the parents, while tending to her own kids. Too much

[@StonedHunter]

See I don't understand the idea that putting your parents into a care home is inherently bad. Like if you take the time to make sure they're in a good one and visit where you can...I personally feel it shows more love that you want someone who's trained and actually knows what to do to take care of your loved ones.

[@C12341]

I am happily child free but I don't think it's a good thing we're so individualistic we expect mothers (with the caveat of me not talking about abusive parents) to risk death having children with no expectation of reciprocity, to sacrifice on an altar themselves fully and accept the children will never visit them in old age. This is diabolical, horrific, and shows how much the disrespect and devaluing of women has affected our society. Yes I do think if your parents kept you alive and treated you the best they could, you should look out for them. I don't think we recognize how tremendously, horrifically individual-oriented our nation/general western society has become. I am THRILLED women aren't having children because men have also not held up their end of the bargain/are not en masse changing their behavior. But I don't think it's something I want to accept that people are so selfish they can't carve out some time for their parents. And believe me, I understand if you have relatives you are estranged from and make an exception for that as I have a criminal father I'm not in contact with and don't interact with most siblings due to being the family scapegoat. But our society is horrifically selfish, and I, especially as a woman, suffered from that and these unilateral expectations that I would give and give and give without ever getting anything back. We should care for others. Manifestelle just did a very powerful video on this.

[@VictorianRabbit3456]

I think once a larger group of women realize being child free is better for their situation it’ll make room for the women who actually want to do the child rearing which is by nature a very selfless act. You give and give to a small creature for no reason other than a love for teaching and nurturing and if you do it right then that kid wants to hang around you in old age. But if we force women who know they’d be bad or selfish mothers into being them then we’ll just get more stories of kids walking away from parents as soon as they stop being useful.

[@C12341]

@@VictorianRabbit3456 This is a brilliant point. I think you're absolutely right! The best thing ever for society is for women who don't want children to not have them. Statistically many of us were not wanted and/or our parents were pressured to have us. That only creates resentment.

[@Maderlololohio]

Thank you both for wonderful and bold insights ❤

[@quirkyblackenby]

I think yore’s underestimating how many parents are shitty. I know so many people whose parents treated them terribly and still expect them to care for them when they’re old or talk to them all the time.

[@darcy5761]

Unfortunately most couples nowadays need two incomes so if the parents need full time care it's impossible.

[@chadguindon6909]

It is always assumed that children are automatically there for their parents at the end of their lives. Ugghh, you don’t have children for that reason because that is selfish AF.

[@niller8p]

I don't regret having kids at all as they gave me focus that I didn't have before. That said, I can totally understand why someone cooses to not have kids and support that choice.

[@fairy7101]

This video is brilliant, thank you

[@a.r.tavares1322]

People also think if you don't have kids, no one will remember you when you die. Honestly, who remembers (or even knows the name of) their great-grand father/mother? Almost nobody. And, sadly, children can also die before you.

[@karenholmes6565]

Does anyone really think that children are a "retirement plan"? I am in my mid 50s. I have one son. When I had him the last thing on my mind was "I am having a child because I need someone to take care of me in my old age". I am sure there are a few people that think like this, but the reason why people are having less and less children is because children are a liability and not an asset. The times when children were seen as an economic asset has long since passed. We do not have family farms. We do not have family businesses. With the money spent on kids you could hire a nurse. Having a child and paying for them through college costs half a million dollars. Kids are a luxury status symbol now. If you're having kids you are providing a lifestyle for them and yourself. You have a retirement plan, and it does not include relying on your kids. But all of the above aside, I would not rely on the data provided by nursing home caregivers to give you a complete picture of the relationship between adults and their parents into old age. I took care of my mom for the last decade of her life. For the last 5 yrs I was doing more and more and more for her. I cared for her through hospice. She passed at home. The fact of the matter is fewer and fewer people are going to convalescent hospitals. More and more people are like my mom, they are dying at home with their family. We have assisted living, at home care services, adult daycare facilities to help people stay out of homes. The people who are most likely to end up in a home and forgotten are those that did not invest in their kids. If you do not believe what I am saying, look it up for yourself. I found this data out because of my own life situation. It is becoming very common for people to die at home with end of life care being provided by their kids. I am not judging people for putting their parents into homes, for parents that have dementia there are few options. And I can't blame people for avoiding visiting parents with dementia. It is called "the long goodbye" for a reason, and it shreds people to see their parents alive but no longer themselves. I just thought you might want more balance in your perspective.

[@jonb2911]

Judging by the comments. Everyone here who don't want kids had terrible horrific abusive parents. So Bad parenting leads to no grandkids. Their childhood was terrible and that leads to never wanting kids. how many people had great happy loving family homes as a child and want to stay single and childfree forever?

[@sillybillymcdilly]

Me, I've had an amazing family, was never abused and when I decided to not have kids my parents supoorted my decision 🙃

[@jonb2911]

@@sillybillymcdilly You are the very first comment I have seen where you had good parents and just didnt want kids. There is hope.

[@sillybillymcdilly]

@@jonb2911 Yes, it's sad how so many people choose to not have kids out of hate towards their abusive parents, that should never be a reason to not want kids

[@kimkats]

@@sillybillymcdilly same here. Having a happy family in childhood does NOT equal wanting to reproduce yourself. Jeezus - what an idiotic assumption.

[@WillowPiffle]

Love you vids! ❤

[@marilynmonheaux]

People children can’t afford to stop working to take care of their parents.

[@Taylor-e2g]

Kids are not a blessing and parents think they are god gif to the world for being a mother or father. Parents want gratitude for doing the bare minimum as if they are doing something special or elite. 280 parent out there you don't get a reward for doing what you are supposed to do

[@speaktruth9989]

Yup

[@bobmarker6812]

A lot of older people are financially bailing out their adult kids or raising grand kids.

[@blazingstar9638]

That’s interesting to hear! Since my whole life I’ve only ever heard the opposite Also, I’ve NEVER heard of anyone depending on their kids for retirement?? Like what? Why? It doesn’t even make sense lol

[@darcy5761]

Especially nowadays when both couples have to work. Plus children move away and have their own families. When elderly parents need full time care there's no one home to care for them.

[@josephang9927]

I doubt we will have a comfortable retirement as population does down we will be seen as a menace and they will resent us unless we work to death. Most childfree people are also liberal, which policies requires new taxpayers to pay, so they will be resented and seen as taking advantage of other people's kids.

[@visigoda]

Before I had my son I was already doing _end of life and estate planning._ Thus, I managed to come up with a few possible options: none involving my son. Ie: I am assuming he _ghosts_ me. Then again, I was still on active duty when I was pregnant: which worked great because I made E-5 a few months before he was born.

[@HansHorst-fu2il]

my dad pays both his adult kids rent from his retirement so we don't have to hassle too much towards the end of global industrial civilization. I'm truly grateful for this parent who isn't the average clueless moron boomer expecting grandchildren, legacy, or assets. We're on the phone and seeing each other frequently, always a good time!

[@jdmmg4904]

👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

[@misspat7555]

Mmm. Maybe at 60, 70, when they can still take care of themselves. Dying alone at 80? Not so much. Of course, having kids give a darn about you when you’re old is a nice side-effect, not the main reason to have kids, and can’t be assumed, but acting like dying alone is cool isn’t very honest.

[@scottandrews947]

This video strikes me as cope. I'm also a healthcare worker and this is not what I've seen at all. It's a mixed bag. You have some people who take good care of their parents and others who don't. If you're talking about long-term care, you won't be dealing with the people who have chosen to take care of their parents at home. So there's major selection bias there. From what I've seen among my peers, most help out with their parents in older age. But my peer group contains highly-educated, upper middle class folks.

[@mansanayanaranjado]

I feel bad for all the moms that didn't choose abortion when they got pregnant and now they get accused of looking to use their kids for labor in old age.

[@arii1987]

End of the West

[@emkato21]

Thank God for that😊

[@kcx2678]

Having children is not about retirement. They are not your retirement plan. If that is your mindset, then definitely don’t have children. Children are a joy in one’s life. They bring so much meaning. They bring wonders. They are like magic or miracles. The time you spend with them while they’re still young, protecting them and discipling (teaching and instructing them to become independent someday) them will be the best days of your life. Don’t expect them to take care of you at old age nor give you money. That is not the point. Also, if you have been a good parent, the love of your children for you at old age will be automatic.

[@BrightElk]

I know I don’t know why all these folks are talking like all us parents were just like “I want to birth and raise a human being so I can retire comfortably.” as a mother thinking of my child caring for all of my physical needs makes me very uncomfortable. I’m taking care of my own mother though and I don’t really mind. It’s hard watching her be sick though. Of course I hope my daughter will look out for us but I also understand she might not have the means. But also I’m not going to deny myself the right to live my life just because a bunch of immature redditors are mad at their parents. lol!

[@Missy35249]

My gay coworker told me today that him and his partner wants to adopt .. I asked him why and he literally said “so he can have someone take care him when he is old” yall want kids for retirement insurance.. extremely common and selfish

[@gerardo9052]

Keep deluding

[@jgalt5002]

Lol ok