Shocking Reaction Of A Narcissist When You Cry

Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
Chapters
00:00 Introduction
00:50 5 ways a narcissist reacts when you cry in front of them
01:23 1.They see your crying as a victory
02:50 2.They start treating you like you're ugly
04:17 3.They think you are trying to manipulate them
05:58 4.They see your crying as a form of inconvenience
07:28 5.They're blank and emotionally flat
09:45 The conclusion

[@ChitFromChinola]

Their reaction to crying is coldness and irritation. Your crying is a sign of weakness.

[@ColleenBarlow]

Yes! It's shocking. I just couldn't believe it

[@teresitaekim2565]

​@caroleminke6116 : The narcissist over here doesn't know emotion. He is numbed person. Heartless to be exact. If he complains of something I do the same way but deep inside I'm watching his reaction. I learned to apply the old saying, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

[@joseenoel8093]

Yup, haven't cried in yrs, they're not human!

[@phalynwilliams4119]

My narc ex-husband once accused me of trying to manipulate him after I broke down and cried in frustration. I am not manipulative but he was/is a ______. I lost so much respect for him over the years. SMH. I was gaslit so often. I don’t think that I have ever cried in my mother’s presence except when my father died and she didn’t like it. It has taken me years to see how similar they are to each other. Good grief.

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

I'm not quite convinced of them not feeling emotion. They do feel emotion. They just don't want the victim to express. I also am suspicious that they even *enjoy* the crying but disguise it as disgust and irritation. *However* it depends on the situation and their target and why the target is crying. They *can be sympathetic* if they think they will get something from it! My narcissistic maternal unit is this way. If I cry because odmf something *she did* it is met with gaslighting and blame shifting. If I cry because someone else hurting me, she is sympathetic and will defend me. Their reaction to your crying is exactly like their love. *IT IS CONDITIONAL!!!!!*

[@sallyb470]

This is when I hate him the most. The more distraught I become, the more cold and uncaring he becomes. Like a brick wall.

[@user-vg6mj5eg3n]

3 days of complete silence after I miscarry, giving him a way out of the about to happen marriage. Thank God he left and cheated all of that, because I found my King!

[@geraldinebyrnes3298]

Me too It's like they get a kick out of it I understand so much more thanks to Danish I thought for years it was my fault but I know better now

[@user-ln2sz6iz1y]

Cold like ice not only to me but with his children thanks God i am free and still healing 🙏

[@SharkE747]

"Why are you crying?", "It wasn't that bad!", "I didn't mean it.", "You're overreacting." etc.

[@AliciaGuitar]

The Narcissist's Prayer That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.

[@cjeff3957]

Narcs are the ones overactive!!!

[@ivanaraickovic9743]

You coul write a song with an intense rythm and melody!

[@SharkE747]

@@ivanaraickovic9743 "MY BEAUTIFUL WITCH" You broke my heart and you killed my soul, You left your mark and it took it's toll, You lead me on into a world of pain, And I will never be the same again, Though I still love you it's better off this way, No more lies or the games that you play, You cut me so deep and you've never apologized, You could never see me as anything but a free ride. My beautiful witch, My heartless bride, Your poisonous kiss, Those bewitching eyes, Curves of sin, Filling my mind, The devil's den, Demon in disguise, My beautiful witch, You're as cold as ice, My beautiful witch, You killed me inside. I never said that I was an angel, But I never went astray, I would fix it if I was able, But it's beyond the possibility, Trust was shattered and ground into dust, Boundaries never mattered in your vengeful lust. My beautiful witch, My beautiful bride, The evil you hid, That convincing disguise, Temptress of sin, Cover my eyes, Where have you been, Don't tell me no lies, My beautiful witch, Stop fucking my mind, My beautiful witch, Laugh as I die.

[@shadesofinterests8075]

​@@SharkE747that's talent

[@staceygonzales7782]

I went to bed crying my heart out while he slept so soundly next to me. Cried alot and he bever wrapped his arms around me or comforted me not once. He is disgusting to me. Im happy and have moved forward with my life.

[@PJha-tv7tx]

So true

[@wwilson7034]

I’m so very sorry. I’ve been there. I’m on my way out the door, and your story has very much helped me to do so much faster.

[@01splitpea]

I did cry on more than one occasion during the 12 years while married to Narcissist #1. His reaction, "Stop. You're just trying to manipulate me. It's not working."

[@dsmusicbird]

It’s crazy. Mind blowing. As if it would cross our minds, it’s not the way we think or operate.

[@bih3489]

Exactly!

[@jovanap752]

My husband too!!

[@TanjaVK1968]

"Cry, cry, go ahead and cry some more...you should cry because it is YOU who brought it on yourself!"

[@cynthiarojas2546]

He was projecting because he probably uses crying to manipulate people😐

[@rajnibhatia6581]

They are heartless creatures .no passion no compassion Yes when i cried ,he turn over and sleep immediately with horrible snorings 😢leave me in thousand pieces

[@averycolnite3561]

Joke's on them. Crying strengthens me. After a good cry, I'm charged with new resolve, ready to face whatever comes head on. Crying can be an expression of rage, despair or joy. They'll never know which, neither do they care, and that's not a bad thing at all. However, I truly feel for infants and children who have these creatures as parents and guardians. I truly do.

[@synthiavc1104]

6. They pretend to care, by acting the way they know they should behave. Only to hurt you even more afterwards.

[@AlexisLexLexi]

My grandfather, who I was very close to, died. My narc soon-to-be ex husband never once embraced me, comforted me or said anything kind. When I cried, he rolled his eyes

[@AlexisLexLexi]

Oh, and after the funeral we had a repast where food was served buffet style. He said standing in line for food was beneath him so he left me there to get food for himself.

[@joseenoel8093]

Ya of course! Too much work for them to show human emotions!

[@lucindasavona2278]

AlexisLexLexi Mine ex-husband did the same when a close friend died. He said something really mean & cruel about my friend after I return from the funeral. My ex was violent & I was terrified of him but I lost my cool & slapped him across the face as hard as I could !! We stood there shocked for a few minutes. Then he kicked me, dragged me by the hair & locked me in all weekend - no food, no water, took my phone, my purse & house keys from my handbag & hid them. I broke out. I escaped on Monday when he left for work. He denied ever doing it & said that I was insane when I tried to tell someone in authority.

[@alsolark3029]

My ex husband didn’t try to comfort me either. But then he did all the outward things that others could see. It was so confusing. But I thought he must love me if he’s doing all this work to help put my family member to rest. It was just to look good for everyone else.

[@kikikoko607]

How dare you, cry and mourn for your grandfather? It should be all about your husband. This wonderful and unique person, who deserves all the attention! (irony off)

[@ShawnaMondry]

My narcissist would do this all the time. If i was crying he would roll over to not face me or sleep through it. He would also leave the room if i was crying. Or just stare at his phone. He would get irritated with me and never acknowledged it.

[@angelakeely5859]

I cryed once in front of a Narcissist, never again, they couldn't have cared less, and acted like I was faking it😏🚩🏃‍♀️

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

I'd say *keep crying!* If you continue then you're showing them you're not afraid to get rid of stress and not allowing them to control you. Take it from someone who has an *extremely hard time* holding back tears! Crying was how I survived! Venting the stress will reward you greatly!

[@angelakeely5859]

@@wendi-bnkywuv I know you're so right when you say, you need to let the tears out,as it's part of healing, it's just when your dealing with these uncompassionate bullies, they make it hard to.😏

[@Wasp239]

projection

[@MenAgainstEmotionalAbuse]

So so true 👍

[@averycolnite3561]

@wendi-bnkywuv Exactly. Only an idiot would assume crying is a sign of weakness. Irrationality possibly, but weakness never.

[@Ebeling1026]

I was raised by a narcissistic father and codependent mother. My father would tear me apart with belittling me as well as hitting me. As soon as I began crying he would say "Stop feeling sorry for yourself" and continue verbal abuse. My mom never intervened. I am 72 and have a very difficult time crying!

[@joseenoel8093]

Ya and the memories are as fresh as can be! I'll bet you're a very kind person, I am, I always figure no one needs one more person being mean to them... Mom's still alive but I'll not trouble myself seeing her, she'll be 85 soon, she's been committed, finally!

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

Then *please* practice it. It will be good for you. If it helps see a psychologist about this. I've done some research on cannabinoids and endocannabinoid system. Replenishing expended endocannabinoids could help also.

[@Ginabina76]

I was raised by the flip lol...narcissist mom and codependent, but she saved my life you guys don't understand dad...I feel you!!!!

[@Margottaful]

never forget, never forgive!

[@aqdassyed6572]

​@@Margottafulyes forgetting means you allow the same snake to bite you more and more..

[@sonja7halcyon]

When I cried; blank looks or "oh now you're crying ffs"

[@kathleendavis-wl5uc]

My experience was to be told” turn off the tears, there’s nothing for you to cry about”

[@AliciaGuitar]

In other words, "you are faking crying to manipulate me." Projection just like he said.

[@sfab5039]

Yup same thing my mother always did/does to me

[@joseenoel8093]

They'll just keep never getting it!

[@khadeja378]

Same happened to me

[@shananichols7574]

Same he said crying don’t change nothing

[@maggie6]

My husband’s former wife died. His daughter rang him crying. His response. What are you crying for. That won’t bring her back! That comment was made to his golden child. He never even bothered talking to his sons. Worse on the day of the funeral he sent them dirty jokes via text. He was married to that woman for thirty years. He didn’t bat an eye when she died.

[@spaideman7850]

same with my elder siblings and narc mom, joked and laughed in my dad's funeral. when i'm trying to give a speech in the wake, they giggled, and im not even cracking joke in my speech, they just want to discourage me to speak good stuff about my dad. i know they hated my dad for his stupidity, but he did love them. however, they let their venomous anger covers their heart.

[@maggie6]

@@spaideman7850 they are the sons and daughters of Satan. Evil, soulless people. There’s a place in hell waiting for these people.

[@melindanix7363]

It is viewed by a narcissist as weak & unstable... when in reality ,the narcissist is weak & unstable.. Crying is actually very human & validated just not by narcissist, who are bullies & cowards .

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

They actually *enjoy* making others cry. It makes them feel more in control. I feel almost bad for being so sensitive that I *cannot control my tears!* I always feel bad for those who don't have the ability *of being so sensitive they cannot suppress!*

[@Leesa1303]

My ex narc would say stop crying for attention

[@CRT-PHOENIX]

I've never seen my father look so happy and fulfilled as when I was crying.

[@swiatduchafilmy]

It is very sad

[@Positivevibes6238]

Narcs are abnormal.

[@starryeyednomad3519]

Same here. It's because they still had power over you. They won. How are things now?

[@CRT-PHOENIX]

​@@starryeyednomad3519 Well I made sure I'm the one who's winning and not remain a mental punching bag for absolutely anyone. Went no contact and have been sticking to it. I changed my sorrow into ambition for better things.

[@HomeFrendsten]

Narsus are pleasure seeking and sadistic , they make others suffer and strugle , but are concerned about their pains and problems more

[@MyXIsANarc]

He glared at me like I wasn’t there , then he hugged me but it wasn’t genuine I could feel him not wanting to hug me

[@tamimchoudhury4285]

Even when you explain to them that they hurt you all different ways, they just never get it. Thank you Danish for explaining what they are .

[@joseenoel8093]

A well didn't I marry one, 28 yrs this 28th and on a Friday no less. I finally slapped myself in front of him to show him that his words hurt, a surprised reaction is what I got 😮. He controlled my past and now must keep paying for my future, thems the breaks!

[@tamimchoudhury4285]

@@joseenoel8093Sad to hear, mine has been 34 yrs!

[@lindainphx6515]

They get it, they just don't care

[@shavezaliali11]

@@lindainphx6515they care about themselves only they are super selfish

[@divyapoduval4402]

Yes and u go insane . Why the hell did i waste my and my kids life.They laugh when we cry . Its not narcissist is bad but its ur foolishness that u take that shit

[@Cat-oj4oz]

When i was a child, a motorcyclist ran into a car parked at the curb in front of our house... though he had a helmet on, he was bleeding out of both ears (he later died). I witnessed the accident and burst into tears...my n-mom grabbed me roughly and shoved me back into the house as though I had done something wrong. Both the accident AND her reaction to my pain have haunted me for decades.

[@annsgallery]

I don’t know what era your grandmother was from but older people from the WW2 era had that callus and ruff way about them especially if they were from Europe maybe because they were so traumatized themselves. She probably thought she was being loving and doing you a favor

[@Cat-oj4oz]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply! This was my own parent who treated me this way and after several years of abuse from her, I was kicked out, which is the best thing that could ever have happened... though at the time I was really hurt. Neither parent cared for me and both of them considered me a nuisance. I was the classic "good girl" but it didn't matter. When I was shoved back into the house after the accident, she was ANGRY and never talked to me or comforted me... this behavior was a pattern with both of my parents.

[@Cat-oj4oz]

@@jbrown2908 Thank you for your kind reply. The topic triggered my memory of the horrific event, but I am in the healing process and these videos help so much. Hugs!

[@joseenoel8093]

Yup their weirdness haunts us! Whenever I see something sad (fallen over tree or something which has perished) my mind says "It deserved it" and that's a pain and that's mom's brainwashing, I'll be 62 soon, but it's finally starting to fade!

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

​@@joseenoel8093*Great for you!!!* Feel free to cry. Scream. Get that emotion out. I hope you're doing better each and every day!!! ❤❤❤❤

[@AliciaGuitar]

He just screamed at me and called me a crybaby and acted as if my moment of pain invalidates everything good about me. "See! I KNEW YOU WERE CRAZY!" It just encourages them to increase the abuse.

[@msliberated3899]

Exactly

[@twanabowling980]

I have experienced this and they do not feel nothing . Don’t even acknowledge your crying at all

[@Gilbertineable]

My mother would not console me - she would call me weak and that I had nothing to cry about. When my mother in law died - I phoned my mother and told her. I was crying because I loved my mother in law. My mum asked me nastily 'why are you crying? She wasn't your mother'.

[@evaohmoon]

This was one of the most hurtful parts of being with someone who’s a narcissist. You feel so badly that you’re raw and cry, my narcissist made fun of me. Mocked me by fake crying and acting like a baby. It was one of the most hurtful things that had ever happened to me. I had never had that happen to me before.

[@AliciaGuitar]

Mine did that and HE was the one who looked disgustingly ugly with all that sarcasm and contempt all over his face

[@davidcoppotelli3957]

I have a Funny feeling they are the who is Crying Now. There LOSS Never let them back into your LIFE. DAVID, RI

[@joseenoel8093]

They're bored shitless beings, torturing us gives them good vibes, they're sick!

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

I *wish* my narcissistic parent would be more obvious about her reaction to my crying. Consider yourself fortunate enough to have obvious telltale signs of abuse!

[@shavezaliali11]

same 😢

[@bobjames785]

They laughed at me hysterically

[@ladyloungealot5119]

When I was about seven yrs old, I've heard someone on TV describe a person as young. I asked: "mum, are you young?" she made a cruel joke: "no, I am old and will die soon" I cried, to what she laughed: "what are you crying about, stupid? what's that to you?" and she left me like that.

[@megg.6651]

When I cried in front of my narcissistic father he said, "Nice try." When I told him I loved him when I came home from the hospital, he laughed in my face, then he asked if I was finally going to be able to start losing weight.

[@uyoebyik]

Sometimes they start humming happily to themselves when you are crying

[@SharkE747]

I was basically forced to suppress everything. I still have suppressed emotions from my childhood, I realize it, and I'm doing my best to decompress it all. Little by little. It's not that I don't want to cry, I can't. I keep fighting back because of the abuse and being a man nowadays is like taboo. I'm still a mess but I'm getting there by the Grace of God Almighty.

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

I found that using a 1 to 1 ratio of THC and CBD and also some lions mane and reishi mushrooms effective at letting go of my trauma. It's not like it totally went away over night, but it sure helped getting my feelings straightened out!

[@aqdassyed6572]

Can relate man can relate , doing same

[@Rosielee123]

They were angry & accusing, harsh & dismissive when i cried.....

[@raqueldiaz4504]

I will never forget, I fell on my knees and just cried, no words left to describe the pain… It left me feeling scared: he had a uncanny smile and told me to get up and stop crying. The second time: our daughter was only a few weeks old and after accusing me of not letting him be around (he cheated on me while pregnant and left me on my own, never paid anything during the pregnancy), and I was crying with our daughter crying in my arms, “please don’t leave me, please don’t go. I can’t do this on my own. You said you wanted to be a family. Please don’t leave me!” He closed the door and disappeared for a long time.

[@janedoe5229]

Same here. I was on my knees sobbing, begging him to stay home. He walked right past me and out the door.

[@raqueldiaz4504]

Oh the biggest favor ever! I thank God, that He has never left me nor forsaken me. I’m so glad that narcissist is no longer in our lives!

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

Consider yourself fortunate for having a narcissist who let you know how cruel they were! My "mother" *never* let me know how much she enjoyed watching and hearing me sob my eyes out.

[@mauiskater]

I’ve cried thousands of times in front of my father and my husband. It’s taken be until age 56. I’m upset because I wish I had found this information earlier but it’s never too late. What you say is soooo true. I now know I’m a daughter of a child abuser (emotional) and a wife of one as well. Mahalo from Maui ❤❤Saving my life

[@Natalie82170]

I'm so sorry, hugs.

[@ruthevans9827]

I am 64. Married for 30 years. Just in the past 2 yes have I learned what narcissism is and what codependency is. Still cant wrap my head or heart around a person who takes pleasure from someone else's pain. I certainly don't

[@msliberated3899]

Praying for you all in Maui❤❤

[@AliciaGuitar]

I hope you are ok! 🙏

[@undercoverbird8592]

All I can say is… at this point I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

[@Jolyn888]

Danish, what you said about them being able to peacefully fall asleep after an intense fight was not only spot on, but a very frequent occurrence with my narc. There were times when I was sobbing so hard that our mattress was literally shaking, and I had to wrap my arms around myself to try to self soothe, and even further than that, it was not just only to try to keep myself from becoming completely unglued, but also because I did not want to disturb him and exacerbate, what had already taken place, even to the point where I would have soaked my pillow and have mucus running out of my nose, but wouldn’t dare move an inch to try and reach for a tissue. There were also many occasions, where, at a certain point I’d be so beside myself, that I’d try to gently, slowly move closer to him and ask if he’d let me lay up against his back so we could try to get past what had just happened; that usually didn’t work out [but] only made him angrier; sometimes he’d elbow me away and pull all the blankets onto himself so that I should have to lay there uncovered. I never seemed to learn my lesson with thinking that I might possibly be able to bring calm to the situation. All it did was cause more suffering and to feel the need that I had to apologize even more. That was a vicious cycle if ever there was one. …Two weeks from now I will have successfully been six months with having gone no contact. I’m proud of myself but still struggling something fierce.

[@l.5832]

My now ex husband would start a fight, say some really cruel things to me, then sit down and watch something on TV and be roaring with laughter. I could not understand how he could be so cruel, then laugh his head off watching a comedy 2 seconds later.

[@celiaramclam]

I did not understand how soundly they could sleep after a fight and me in tears. But now I do understand. This is an unbelievable set of individuals

[@Healinglove]

God bless you, no one deserves to be treated that way, IT did the same to me, with God's help, never again 🙏 ❤

[@cjeff3957]

I'm proud of you! You were able to go no contact. What a blessing!!! Now that you have no contact. Start loving on yourself! I'm in nor able to go no contact physically at the moment. I 've learned how to go no contact mentally, emotionally. By the grace of God!! And having no tolerance for nonsense. I went through everything you mentioned so I understand! You will be ok! I pray you find peace!!!🙏

[@ThisIsMe155]

Well Done You!! Keep Going 👍❤!! You have triggered some of my own 'deepest' childhood memories of trying to self-soothe (unfortunately it didn't work as the mental damage was already done) as a result of narcissistic abuse while attempting to fall asleep on a tear-soaked pillow 😢. To treat a human being without even a 'modicum' of decency, respect and civility must be a Stop Sign (regardless of how long that takes) for all 'reasonable' individuals 💔. Begin to Recognise, Appreciate, Validate and Respect the 'wonderful' person that You Are {any person (empath) like you who remains with a narcissist despite ongoing abuse has to have 'awe-inspiring' qualities). Learn To Treasure You ❤!! Give to Yourself (from now on) what You gave to the Narcissist!! See your life shooting forward. Wishing You 'Nothing But The Best'. You Deserve It 💯! Thoughts and Prayers. 💔😢🙏🙏🙏❤️🌹

[@seaweedeater3104]

Only people who’ve survived narcissistic parents can be this insightful. Thank you Danish. This is truly your calling in life🙏

[@msliberated3899]

@@spaideman7850Demons are gorgeous narcissists!

[@01splitpea]

Your insights about narcissist are remarkable, mysterious, and extremely helpful. Thank you, Danish Bashir! You're making this world a much better place!

[@tidycoat]

I totally agree with you about this!!

[@smarternow]

It’s true narc one let me cry on the couch all night. Narc 2 just walked out of the room. No empathy…just evil.

[@alisonstockley9987]

They did nothing to comfort me , they just screamed at me and broke me and told me to “ go on and cry” Only emotion was anger and temper at me 🚩 They were like a robot

[@Natalie82170]

Hugs sweetie, bless you.

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

Ironically, that's something *I wish* my "mother" would have told me! I'd take that with pride! Crying is actually *good for you* which is why they don't want you to cry!!

[@RajuShaikh-uw8ee]

He never acknowedge my crying ,gets angry n goes in other room to complete his sleep disturbed by me ,nowdays threatening of suicide

[@kw3113]

Nobody in our home was allowed to have an emotion except my mother (the ultimate covert.) if we were to cry? Shut or I’ll give you something to cry about or if feeling generous she would send us to our room. Go be emotional behind closed door where nobody has to look at you. Wow! Even writing this brings sadness and pain.

[@amywuester136]

I am SO sorry for what you experienced and endured during childhood. I understand. I had the exact same reaction from my mom while growing up, except she wouldn't allow us any privacy. We were never allowed to close our bedroom doors. My sister and I learned very early in life not to show, or even have, any emotions around her that were negative in any way. She still can't handle anything upsetting or real. So we've never been able to talk to her about what's really going on in our lives as we've raised our children, let alone have any support. We have to live in a Pollyanna world whenever we talk to her.

[@sadderandwiser]

Sending you love and hoping you find healing and prace

[@nasheeheed4756]

famous words shut it or I'll give you something to cry about...I heard this for many years

[@Lyrielonwind]

​@@nasheeheed4756 Me too. She would threat me to stop or she will give a reason to cry (being said after a beating).

[@kw3113]

@@Lyrielonwind shocking how many of us survive and thrive in spite of them!!

[@mine1685]

Whenever I cried, narcissist person belittled me, treated me worthless, never pitied, never showed empathy and I was so shocked to see such a reaction. When somebody cries, I show empathy and I am nice. This person was smiling and kind of making fun of me instead of worrying with me or soothing me.

[@normastewart3868]

During the first six months of being married to a narcissist, he hurt me really badly one night and I cried deeply. (I wasn’t a crier or a whiner.) He told me I needed to get tough skin and said I was just trying to manipulate him, when I said I loved him. When I started crying, he immediately went in the next room, closed the door and went to sleep. I never cried again in front of him. He was like Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde. He could be so charming, friendly, warm and polite around other people, then turn to stone most of the time that we were alone.

[@slashmary]

I did infact break down a couple of times infront of my narcissist mother in law narrating her abuse to someone and to my horror I saw a smile on her face as if she was pleased with herself! These people are MONSTERS! I have since then become absolutely FEARLESS! Infact they fear me now! 😂

[@julieking4304]

43 years of this....too weak now to escape

[@moriahkillgo1499]

"Every single time there is an argument they'll keep going on and on and on, even when you just don't want to argue, until you start crying." This describes every single argument we ever had. Even when I'd beg for us not to argue or ask to wait until we've calmed down. He would continue to instigate until I reacted. Then belittle me and gaslight me until I'd start sobbing and go silent. Then he would harass me even more for shutting down and make me feel like I was the problem for not communicating. He never cared when I cried, he would look at me with disgust or a straight face every single time. Never moving, just watching me cry like I was some kind zoo animal. He has told me on occasion that I was overreacting or it wasn't that serious and that I was too emotional. He never seemed to care when he would make his daughter cry either. I would always have to tell him to go apologize to her and was always so shocked at how unbothered he was by her tears. Truly sickening and I can't believe how long I was blind to it.

[@margolane3361]

My father mocked my crying after he'd beat me. Called Me names and yelled how horrible I was and how lucky I was to have such a hard working dad or a dad around at all.

[@dakoderii4221]

Same thing with my dad. People told me how lucky I am to have a father like him, who spent child support money on booze, gambling, and cocaine whilst raging over the fact I bought food for myself and a mattress to sleep outside. I was told I only need a ham sandwich every other day because I am young. I was told I didn't need sleep because I was young. I was allowed to sleep on the loveseat for about 1-2 hours before I had to go work outside doing physical labor 8-12 hours a day, once he and his friends got through doing blow and watching porn on the big screen. It's like I was stuck in a Twilight Zone episode.

[@loraglick5745]

My guy was emotionally flat. Didn’t connect or care. He waited until I was ready to begin showering him with adulation again. Tragically, I stayed with that for 12 years.

[@user-jj8zi6hp6g]

better than 40 years

[@tamimchoudhury4285]

It's very difficult not to cry in front of them after years of abuse, you say exactly how they behave. It is just a toxic relationship. 😢

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

Then *do cry!* By allowing yourself to cry in front of them you're getting rid of the stress and telling them I may look weak but I'm strong enough to let my feelings out unlike you!

[@zhollamychalis4252]

He smiled when he thought I wasn't looking. Dried the spit in my mouth. I had a flashback. I had seen this stuff before. I did my research and found covert narc. Not only did T go into gray rock immediately but having recognized that smile from my childhood...that's how I found out mommie dearest fit a great number of the covert narc attributes. At age 62.Two for the price of one. Just cant make this stuff up..

[@keithstewart7514]

Narc moms life just to harm til our death occurs

[@zhollamychalis4252]

@@jbrown2908 Groomed? Most certainly!!

[@zhollamychalis4252]

I am grateful to smiley for he helped me put mommie dearest into the proper perspective. Now I know why she never loved me (she was not capable) and now ALL her behaviour is clear as a bell. Especially the parallel smear campaigns. one of which was lifelong.

[@keithstewart7514]

Groomed Fully Brain Washed

[@keithstewart7514]

@@zhollamychalis4252 completely agree

[@annsgallery]

They got angry and started to tell me how much they had to go through and how strong they are in comparison to my weakness. It was very annoying because what I was going through had nothing to do with them. They are complete self-absorbed jerks and shouldn’t be payed attention to

[@ryanunderwood5465]

A narcissist will always say, “ Quit being a baby!” Dead giveaway!

[@ryanunderwood5465]

I am a 39 year survivor, my parents since birth ✌️❤️

[@janedoe5229]

Mine would say that to our toddler when he was crying.

[@AliciaGuitar]

​@@janedoe5229that is a huge red flag... too bad with a child its way late. My ex spoke atrociously about his children when they were tiny and had completely unreasonable expectations. I suggest to anyone dating to pay attention to how thier partner reacts to naughty animals and you will probably have an idea how they will behave with children.

[@celiaramclam]

I felt so alone as they walked away and left me there crying. I could not believe how cold and uncaring they can be. I was so hurt and it meant nothing to them

[@nasheeheed4756]

I have photos of myself crying, one I was very young on the bed. The non-mom I see now is dead inside and possibly a narc. What parent watches their child cry and goes to get her camera and takes a photo? As a child there were no cellphones so she got her camera then went to get the film & pictures developed. She would say see how ugly you look showing me the photos of me crying. As an adult going through relationship issues I found myself trying once again to get emotional support from this emotionally dead parent. When I would cry she would leave the room and I saw she did not know what to do or she was off being happy where I could not see. I also cried in my car and she was there and had a look of disgust. She told me later that she had to put up with my emotional outbursts and she doesn't know why I am the way I am. That I should get my life together. My whole life I have been putting in effort to make our relationship better, I see I am the only one trying so I have now stopped. No contact is the only way I can insure no more emotional abuse.

[@Lyrielonwind]

All the pictures I have from my childhood I either look scared or terribly sad. It was my uncle who took the pictures. He must be in hell now (he died after my poor destroyed aunt passed away).

[@daphne3717]

He gets so irritated and tells me “you don’t have to cry.” I’ve never cried and sobbed so much than in the last two years in this relationship with a narc. They will stomp on your heart and break your mind. He acts in all of these ways explained in the video. I always thought I was so strong until I got in a narc relationship.

[@busynana7917]

Get out asap & you will start to heal 😊

[@judithdesouza7193]

"I always thought I was so strong until I got into a relationship with a narc" hmmmmm same here.

[@user-xc7mc2rg7t]

Have experienced every one of these behaviors by one person over the course of 43 years. I am broken. But, thanks to your videos, and the folks commenting on them, I’m slowly healing and learning that, while I have to stay for many reasons, I don’t have to participate in their sick games anymore. Slowly, so slowly, getting little pieces of myself back. Thank you.

[@nicanamiko76]

When he heard me crying, he came and stood beside me just to watch me crying (15-30 min.) At some point I tried to do it completely silent, so that I don't have to face the consequences. When I got vulnerable and sad (after the death of my grandfather), it was like he had the best and longest sleep of his life (mostly till 3 pm). And after I cried of exhaustion (I had to do all the housework and worked more hours than he did) or frustration/confusion (because of the gaslighting, breadcrumbing, passive aggressiveness) he avoided me, looked at me with disgust and explained his behavior by telling me that he just couldn't handle the emotions I had.

[@leilahmartin2138]

WOW. You nailed it! I once cried so much after one of his emotional attacks on me. As he was sitting on the sofa, reading the New York Times he said "Are you having one of your psychotic episodes?"

[@AuditoryOdditor]

When I cried, I was told "Oh, don't give me that sh*t!" Made to feel like I was trying to get one up on them. "Don't start that crying crap." was another thing said to me.

[@isabellahodge4162]

If you are reduced to crying, they feel pleased because they have won. Yes, that's it. My husband would laugh at me when I started crying, and make blubbing noises to mock me. But he's be pleased, me crying meant I'd go away and stop bothering about whatever I was trying to tell him, and that was a win for him.

[@wendydaniel1110]

As a small child my narcissistic mother told me to "behave myself " when I cried. I have learned to stuff my sadness and as a result I find it hard to cry even in my sixties.

[@annekerotterdam7499]

true!

[@wendi-bnkywuv]

Then *please seek help!* I'm not meaning this as an insult. Get someone who can help you feel good about crying. Crying is actually *good for you!!*

[@Wurdnurdninja]

They utterly ignored me like I wasn't even in the room with them....like I was a nusance taking up their time. They continued to stare into their computer screen completely indifferent to my pain. Talk about a wake up call. After all the duplicity and double standards, and callous neglect, all the gas lighting and extreme stone walling....I clued in that it wasn't all in my head and that this person had everyone fooled including themselves. Their true nature, selfish, cold and callus.

[@Ginabina76]

Yes yes yes and yes!!!

[@Margottaful]

he grinned into my face as if nothing ever happened , blank face. he was happy to leave, out into "sanity", leaving my shattered self like a piece of crap.

[@najmarani9493]

Well said Danish , they are totally cold. I have been living with a narcissist for 19 years. He has no emotions. even though he never put a hand of empathy on his 17 year old daughter when she cries in front of him.

[@noqueq9003]

They will even attack their own little kids for crying. Right after having caused that crying

[@sofisundar2201]

She laughed and told me to stop as she said she hated my tears.

[@anadalomba4985]

This is an incredible truth. And very shameful (on the narcissist part). I have become very emotional in the presents of my own family member and they start with "why are you crying" then I'm completely ignored. I'm 56 years old and I will not be treated this way anymore. I take full responsibility. It's my fault I've allowed myself to be dismissed, but no more. As much as I love this person, and I do so much, I need to love me more.

[@evolution686us]

The first time I cried in front of my ex was after a heated argument and I saw a smirk on her face. I was shocked.

[@camillef2598]

When I listen to you it is like you are speaking about my mother! She completely broke me down emotionally once (and this was when I was in my 30's) and i started crying, really trying to plea with her to be less cruel. She just laughed and said to me to stop faking! I almost died!! 😳 she actually said i can't trick her!! I haven't spoken to my mother since 2019. It took me years to realize that the only way to get control was to ignore her... complete silence!! And i am at peace. No drama in my life.

[@barbaraculpepper5768]

All of what you said is TRUTH! ALL OF IT!

[@foefjepoefje8785]

He looked supprised...and chocked! As if it was the first time he saw someone cry! And he run away...and left me in tears.

[@jeremyjensen3272]

She just sat there, expressionless and for once, not yelling.

[@xyrius]

Basically the drive you (almost) insane, tore you to pieces int the name of "love" and "trust" and then, the lowest point in your entire life you inevitably came to a conclusion that you doesn't matter anything and you're lef for dead.

[@StevieChilds]

I have PTSD from an abusive childhood. When I cry bc of the hateful things my husband says I get told I'm overreacting, dramatic, and that its my mental health issues that are the problem. Also, being ignored is a common punishment I get because I have repeatedly voiced my opinion that ignoring someone you've hurt is a blatant show of not caring, and that its extremely hurtful to me. Basically I made the mistake of telling him what hurt me the most and what abusive behaviors I was subjected to in childhood. These things are used against me almost daily and have been for ten years. I'm proud to say I have NEVER stood silent when subjected to this abuse over the last decade! Not that standing up to a narcissist does any good, but NO ONE should EVER accept that kind of treatment or think its normal. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.

[@sarahwinters1057]

When I was 12 I stopped crying in front of my mother. She then started slapping me… 12 times in a row while screaming at the top of her lungs, “WHY CAN’T I MAKE YOU CRY ANYMORE!!!” I released right then that she couldn’t control that. She was so mad, but I haven’t let her see me cry when she caused it since. She did see me cry a few times when others caused it, but not her. I didn’t give her that power anymore. Also my mother LOVED to slap me and I always counted them. It was always in 3s & never more than 12. I don’t know if her hand started hurting at 12 or what… I haven’t seen her or talked to her in 13 yrs. I was the scapegoat, my brother is her golden child. And seriously, I don’t miss her. I miss the potential she had as a mom, but I do not miss her at all. I refuse to be the victim here though. I’m a survivor, not the victim. I’m strong & I left her. It was hard. She sent her flying monkeys in with force. She stalked me. She did everything, but I won because I didn’t cave & now no one but my brother talks to her & everyone sees her for who she is

[@ivanaraickovic9743]

"I miss the potential..." we put into them. These emotions, love, cherrish, hopes and dreams...Projection is a mighty mechanism. Why not talking about survivors? Their fight, strenght, cry, shame, fear, rage...In a process of healing. We all need understanding and closure, but let's celebrate ourselves. Wounded warriors, angels with cut-off wings, leaves after the storm...that meet the river/sea, the mountain, the breeze, the flower, the animal and the child. Within and among ourselves, the nature, planet and God! We are not alone. Just need to find ourselves again. Thnx, Danish for bringing us together in your channel.

[@sarahwinters1057]

@@ivanaraickovic9743 I love the way you used “wounded warrior” We really are, but still able to stand strong. And I agree 100%, we do have God on our side. It might not always feel like it, but He’s there and He loves us even when our narcissistic parent doesn’t.

[@MauveBlossom]

On every such occasion, he would silently rage and give me an extended narcissistic stare that seemed to say, "how dare you, you worthless object". Rarely, he would mouth, "don't cry" but it was evidently just lip service - never meant, felt or wished for. Thanks Danish.

[@bri_life_an]

When she was in her NPD rage, either yelling at me while belittling me or beating/biting me or doing both option 1 and 2 and I croed... not a fkn thing happened for the better. It either didn't impact that situation or made it worse for me. Saying I was fake crying, wasn't a man, amd a time or 2 you could see her eyes light up as if that were the goal

[@khundkar5662]

I felt he enjoyed that he is capable of making me cry. Not only that, the more I care the more he took advantage of me😂

[@DiannaCarol-el2tp]

That really explains the look of disgust thank you so much. And the blank look

[@haileybut]

When I was a kid, I'd have to wear sunglasses to hide my tears. If my dad saw me crying, I'd get in more trouble.

[@twanabowling980]

This is so so true every word!

[@denisedevoto5703]

My ex used to scream harder at me if I cried. I learned quickly to only cry in my room. Please leave as soon as you can. I wasted 19 years of my life.

[@JenniferMangold-pf8px]

Their reaction was "I never did anything to you and I don't know what you're crying about". Yes, they abuse you, this has even happened to me in a hospital setting! They are so inconsiderate and inhumane and you are right they have no empathy. They are rotten creatures.

[@sherrymurphy855]

Yes, Danish, and thanks for all you do. I've referred others to you.

[@MissJennjenn]

I've cried in front of my mom a million times and she acts like she cares but she doesn't give a shit! I've been trying to figure out why my mom is the way she is and I've watched some of your videos and now it FINALLY makes sense, she's a narcissist! My sister just told me our mom is one and I wasn't sure but now I see it. What a relief it is to know I'm not crazy!

[@mayaseah9678]

Experienced all of that feeling, felt belittle, hatred, scolded, low self confidence etc.. he is sooo cold-hearted!!

[@yttrium220]

You asked about their reaction when we cry: my sperm donor was becoming hot and bothered. He was accusing me of "escalating" the problem (but of course I did not do anything bad so what is your problem? There is no reason to cry! You are making something out of nothing!). He was also accusing me of being crazy and like my "mother" (whom he also destroyed with his abuse). He was outraged that I was not controling my emotions and that was really funny because I grew up in a household and in a whole "familiy" system were no one was talking about their emotions. "Family" system filled with anger, resentment, hatered. No one was talking to me how to manage my emotions when I was a kid and suddenly, beeing a sensitive young adult I was supposed to KNOW these things. But that was typical for my "parents". No one was teaching me any life skills, I was just supposed to know them. Today I am under the impression that he knew that crying means that the person crying feels hurt so by disregarding my hurt he was trying to deny his responsibility that he caused it. Typical blameshifting.

[@agnieszkamakowska1666]

This one I know particularly well. My mother, father and brother all reacted like that very often, having provoked my crying. Each of them had their own style but my mother was the worst. I had cried so many times as a child and teen because of them and always promised myself that I will never ever cry again, that this was the last time and they will never break me again. Now it is no contact.

[@marianalmanza7029]

My mother is the same she's always shown my a lack of love, sympathy and giving me the cold shoulder.

[@juliet8678]

As a child, whenever I broke down in tears I was always just sent to my room! 😥

[@ChileYo]

Everything that I experienced in my marriage. I had the idea he is narcissistic and now you proved that in your videos. Thank you very much!

[@marcycane1793]

Yes I’ve experienced everything you’ve said in this and most of your other videos. One time I was crying in the passenger seat of his car and he played music and danced. I’d never seen him so alive. I started to assume I was ignorant to believe he could’ve seen me crying if he was driving and distracted. Not true. My tears fueled him.

[@genawagoner255]

I learned to cry somewhere he couldn't see me because it would just make everything worse.

[@tehseensaeed5285]

His reaction was a laughter and loud music with a sense of achievement

[@divyanshugoel1943]

After repetitive years of Narcissistic abuse, I confronted my Narc parents about the horrible things they did during my childhood and their utter ignorance of it, despite knowing about it. Not providing me with financial /moral support during my entire academic studies, my sexual abuse from outsiders, sheer apathy to any achievement of mine, which didn't make them look good in the eyes on others etc. During the confrontation, I was weeping profusely, but both my parents were just laughing straight away at me and joined together to bully me. I was so disgusted by their reaction that I left the room altogether, to relieve my pain in seclusion.

[@Margottaful]

he acted like a robot. i knew there was no mercy. it felt like he had stabbed me, i didn´t know how to survive, i also knew i was alone, no answer to be expected.

[@tidycoat]

Wow so many times I’ve been crying and so upset after an argument but in the meantime he’s able to fall asleep np! Sooo much hurt, sooo much pain!!!

[@lorraineolivera24]

Yes! My mom had just passed away and i was crying and definitely acted like it was an inconvenience for him. He told me to do that on my own time. 😮

[@mysticat7652]

Opening comments, "You cry & they think you're trying to insult them." Is exactly right! How dare you say they did something wrong like hurt you! Gheeze! 😱

[@elizabethsahilu8380]

It’s like you were there looking at us through out the years this was my life. Overtime I stopped crying because I knew who he was and I knew that my tears meant win for him and he gets this relief once he sees my tears and leaves me there where I am. Wow they are not human !

[@01splitpea]

Extremely well done, Danish. Thank you.