Should I Forgive My Fiancee For Accusing Me Of Cheating On Him Then Kicking Me Out? r/Relationships

[@adelaide201]

Why is it that almost every single time we see a case on Reddit where parents end up separating, they don't get child support because "they don't need the money?" The money is the child's right, it's not about the parent's convenience

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Whenever I hear that claim, I chalk it up to them having an IQ of under 100. That's about the stupidest thing a soon-to-be parent (usually a mother), can say and do and it hurts their baby's future. It's one thing if the custodial parent wants the non-interested parent to sign away their parental rights and never have anything to do with the child, but to have an involved parent and not make them pay child support is ridiculous.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Looks like many of the comments are being censored by KZbin again.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

I think so many single parents are short sighted and assume the money is just for stuff right this minute, like food, clothes, diapers, etc., and they think it’s only necessary if they can’t afford to support the kid on their own. They don’t consider stuff for the future like saving it for after-school activities that may be spendy in the future or saving forwards college, or anything else.

[@ajjean2720]

I think because of the whole “baby trapping thing”. You know when someone (usually a woman, in this case) gets pregnant on purpose to get child support from their partners. By rejecting the money he can’t say “oh you’re only using me for money” or something like that. Also like some said before it’s pride. When someone hurts us (especially by abandoning us) we need to show how strong we are by saying that we don’t actually NEED them. If we are going to do it on our own anyways, we might as well commit to it. So yeah out of pride and spite.

[@dream6562]

Because many times those that don't ask for it are the good parents and the ones that ask for it are the ones that use it for themselves

[@Silent_Ghoul]

That twin story, was so ick. He isn't seeing the twin as herself he sees her as his wife. They both need to get therapy.

[@thestranger1475]

When I heard the update I said: “That Motherf*cker”

[@mitchellscheer677]

Fr.

[@marshawargo7238]

I think that sis was the quiet, introverted, wallflower twin. Deceased twin was the outgoing, popular extrovert. Sis thinks she's selflessly helping OP in HIS time of grief, that She's not all that important (maybe the way they were raised?) She needs therapy More than OP. Anyone who finds out will understand Why OP is doing this (as a coping mechanism) I think sis is taking the opportunity to step into her sisters spotlight & come out of her shadow. Just my opinion & I have nothing to go on But I've always tried to see the other side of the story.

[@moodycrab77]

Sex is not discussing and can be healing.

[@thestranger1475]

@@moodycrab77 Yeah, but there are factors that make this a bit weird.

[@wildblue0]

Story 2: I don't understand why no one in the comments mentions what a mindfuck this must be for the 3yo. Mommy left. Mommy died. Then mommy came back but she has a new name. If anyone moved in to help, it should NOT have been the twin. Therapy all around.

[@WolvenDragonZ]

Admittedly at 3 she's probably aware of her aunt but yea, that's probably going to make her grieving harder too

[@wildblue0]

@@WolvenDragonZ I think it depends on how close they were before. I'm making the huge assumption that, if she was local, she wouldn't have had to move in. They might have only met a couple times.

[@jakemarie828]

@@WolvenDragonZ I remember having a hard time telling my mom and aunt apart at 4 and feeling guilt about it. Guarantee this can mess up a kid

[@WolvenDragonZ]

@wildblue0 maybe. I assumed the opposite of she must live and work nearby if she's practically moved in so quickly. But he doesn't really clarify so could be either way. He keeps saying she's so much like his wife too that I took that as he meant personality wise as well as physically, which with how she's just immersed herself as well made me think they were probably close when she was alive and that the daughter would have seen 2 of mommy frequently enough to be used to the idea of two and had it empathize this is aunty, this is mommy. But admittedly this is all my assumptions.

[@wildblue0]

@@WolvenDragonZ Did OP say she "practically" moved in? I thought she literally moved in. That does color things slightly different.

[@megadude967]

Story 2 : Oh this is gonna get super fucked so fucking fast. That poor kids gonna be in the middle of it all

[@CurliFox]

She's going to have a cousin/sister. 🤮

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 2 - After the update, they’re both complete AHs to themselves, each other, but most of all the kid. They’re so grief avoidant they won’t actually get healthy help, just find any way to ignore it and refuse to even consider how wrong this is.

[@Ospyro3em]

The update never confirmed if he publicly apologised and straightened it out with their friends

[@purpledragon2442]

Sometimes your words and actions can’t be taken back. The husband can spend the rest of his life making up for ruining OPs life, but he can never take it back. OPs friend should understand this. There’s no “letting the past be the past”

[@D-Dollie]

What past? This isn’t even a past thing. She is still pregnant with said baby.

[@Zurround]

Even if they get back together the TRUST will never come back. There is PERMANENT DAMAGE to their relationship. They can never be as close as they once were. I say divorce and milk him like a dairy cow for as much alimony and child support as you can get.

[@mbyerly9680]

The past can show you the future. The husband can never be trusted to have a sane reaction to anything after this. Not someone I'd want a future with.

[@Oggystein]

Story 2 - What the absolute fuck? Your wife dies, I feel for you, but jumping in bed with her literal twin a month after is disgusting. Twins are not interchangeable, you cannot simply replace one for the other. They are individual people and like the OP said at the beginning of the post, her twin is so much like her its like having her back. But she's not. She's dead, and I'm sorry for that, but screwing your sister-in-law to ease the pain of loss is a twisted coping mechanism. And worst of all, that child is never going to be all kinds of screwed up. Her mom's twin sister has effectively slid into her life and REPLACED HER MOM in her mind. I'm curious what happens when he starts calling her by his dead wife's name. You don't get over grief by playing house with your wife's twin and pretend the tragedy never happened. This is just so messed up

[@robinronin]

Story 1: This is a valid situation to ask for a paternity test. After all, you don’t get a vasectomy expecting it to fail-but everyone (especially the people literally getting one) should have the very basic knowledge that it can, in fact, fail. Weird that the medical professionals apparently didn’t tell him that beforehand (or he just maliciously forgot that part?). However, kicking her out and going public with zero evidence of cheating, is not a valid action to take. You await the paternity test (and/or other evidence from an affair) and take things from there. I personally wouldn’t be able to forgive this, but that’s up to OP to decide for herself.

[@jakemarie828]

Agreed. His concern was valid but his reaction is extreme.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

The most shocking thing is why he changed his mind, as Mark said. Even if something happened that made him reconsider (understandable), he should have been aware that his behaviour burnt so many bridges

[@red_goddess2145]

my husband had a vasectomy back in 2015, the doctor absolutely told him that its not 100%, the procedure itself can fail, or over time the tubes can reconnect thus reversing the procedure all together.

[@barbthegreat586]

Of course they told him, it's a standard procedure. They probably even tried to schedule a follow-up appointment but I guess he couldn't be bothered.

[@skyelindsey687]

Doctors do tell them. In fact part of the vasectomy process is scheduling a follow-up so many weeks out. Most men just don’t go.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

OP's ex didn't ask for a paternity test because he didn't want to take responsibility for the child. I hope OP sues him for slander and defamation.

[@shadowkissed2370]

Most men dont go to both appointments after a vasectomy, they often go to the first appointment hear all good and skip the very very important year appointment. Then later down the road a baby pops out and they are all Pikachu face, and start raging about she cheated I COULD NOT BE THE DADDY.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

My dad had one in the 80's after I was born. Not only did he not go to the follow-ups, he was also trying to have sex with my mom literally the day after (to make sure 'it' still worked, in my mom's words), both of which are no-nos. Fortunately, no further babies resulted from it.

[@Zurround]

I find it interesting that people keep buying lottery tickets where the chances of winning are about one in a hundred million and then when something happens that is very unlikely but still possible, maybe one in a thousand or something (like a vasectomy failing) they refuse to consider that it happened even though its 100,000 times more likely than winning the lottery and as soon as they dump their wife even though she never cheated on him he goes out and buys another lottery ticket.

[@katie6731]

​@@Zurround People want to believe they could win the lottery; someone has to win, so why not them? But, they don't want to believe that the pregnancy they caused because of the failure of their vasectomy could be their fault. People are generally bad at math. They're terrible at statistics. They're downright _awful_ at biology, especially when it comes to the reproductive system.

[@etzelhochlan7405]

Lol thats how my God-Daughter was born XD It's also why I made sure to go to my second appointment, and also got a new version of the vasectomy. Instead of clipping they attack a large portion of the tubes to a machine and electrify them. Irreversible and way more affective. I only have to get a recount every 7 years instead of 3.

[@jakemarie828]

The twin story is so freaking gross. Your wife was more than just her outer shell. Replacing her with the doppelganger is disrespectful to your late wife and to your entire family

[@Lordofthelosers01]

And like the comments have pointed out they slept together a month after her passing

[@jakemarie828]

@@Lordofthelosers01 yeah! With prep time, what is that, like two weeks after the funeral? Shameful.

[@Lady.B0420]

Imagine how the wife's parents would feel about this.

[@destinystriumph1573]

It’s like… maybe a result of extreme grief. You don’t know how someone will handle this shit until it happens. It is wrong but he’s not being shallow, he’s mentally screwed rn and seriously needs help

[@jakemarie828]

@@destinystriumph1573 it's transference and it is sick. He got lots of msg to get help and is still doing it. My sympathy stops when your grief harms others.

[@lalalachris]

S2: sounds like the starting plot to a horror movie where a grieving man is slowly pushing his new partner to replace his late wife and she slowly feels trapped and in danger and finds herself having to plan an escape before he escalates Or conversely a woman moving in on a grieving man and trying to force him to see her as his late wife until he feels trapped and in danger and he has to plan an escape before she escalates Wait until this man comes back either panicking that he impregnated his wife’s sister or trounces in to proudly announce his new child and that he’s still so caught up in delusion that he’s going to marry his late wife’s twin

[@bubblegum_flavor551]

This man never checked to his if his vasectomy still worked and never tired to get the other side of the story. I’m with Op, I would’ve never forgiven him.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

That's the very first thing that should have been done. I also have to wonder how she broke the news to him about being pregnant as that could have "set the tone" as well. She should have approached him and said, "We need to get you into your Doctor to recheck your vasectomy immediately as I am pregnant". But I am thinking she just said something like, "Surprise, I'm Pregnant" as neither of these two people seemed overly bright. Anytime I hear a soon-to-be mother claim "they don't need child support", I credit that to them having an IQ of under 100.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

If I were the husband and found out my wife was pregnant, my FIRST thought would've been "oh shit, my vasectomy failed." Not "oh shit, she cheated."

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@AngryReptileKeeper I think most people would. I wonder how she broke the news to him though. If it was hey guess what, I'm pregnant, then that is bad. She should have said, "Honey, we need to get you to the Doctor immediately and have them check your Vas as I MIGHT BE pregnant and since I know I didn't cheat, we might have a problem with your Vas".

[@Zurround]

I had one a few years ago and I am seeing my doctor in a few weeks for my annual medical checkup and I need to ask her about this because fatherhood is something I fear more than I fear death. I fear that level of responsibility THAT MUCH. A person with Asperger's Syndrome cannot raise a baby properly.

[@MsJulisa3]

@@thomasjoseph5876why ? She doesn’t need to spell it out for him, take him by the hand and take him to a doctor, he is not her child, he’s a grown man and he should be informed about his own medical procedure.

[@flavialm1]

My friend's father's vasectomy reversed after 6 years, he had done the 6 months and 1 year check. They got divorced and after the baby was born they did a paternity test that proved he was the father. Plus surprise, by the time he got the test done he had already impregnated the new girlfriend. My cousin was declared to be sterile after a cancer treatment, 3 years later his wife felt sick and went to the hospital to discover she was pregnant. He was never suspicious, he just schedule a doctor's appointment, got himself check out and discover he was back in full production. Recently my friend that had passed the 6 months check, didn't pass the 1 year one and had to redone the procedure. So yeah, this is not as uncomom of a thing as people believe to be.

[@skyelindsey687]

Funny thing is, vasectomies fail. You’re supposed to go for a follow-up appointment to make sure you’re shooting blanks after it’s performed. However most men don’t go to that follow-up. Then there are some where the body goes “screw what you want I’m healing this.”

[@mauriceprice3651]

This one is really touchy. An article in MedicalNewsToday comments that an estimated failure rate from a vasectomy ranges from between 0.04 to 0.08%. That is incredibly low. I believe a husband thinking something is amiss is not unexpected. With that said, he approached it wrong. He should have followed up with a Dr. However, the very act of him questioning 'if' the vasectomy had failed would likely have resulted in much the same reaction from his wife. I think the appropriate reaction would have been for him to say something like 'Darn... Obviously, the vasectomy must failed'.

[@skyelindsey687]

@@mauriceprice3651 appropriate reaction would be asking for a paternity test and scheduling a follow up appointment with a clinic to test his sperm count. But he shouldn’t have kicked her out until after at least the sperm test.

[@mauriceprice3651]

@@skyelindsey687 The very act of asking for the paternity test would likely have doomed the marriage as it communicated a question of her fidelity. The same is true for questioning if the vasectomy had failed. I agree.. he shouldn't have kicked her out, but simply saying that a request to test paternity is an appropriate response is naive. I suspect that she would have taken that as an insult and questioning her loyalty.

[@ttjc3696]

Very true. The only 100% sterilization methods are castration and hysterectomy.

[@skyelindsey687]

@@mauriceprice3651 it’s not naive but reality. If someone believes they are unable to have children and the spouse knows that they are under the impression he is unable to have children then the first words out of her pregnant mouth should’ve been offering to do a paternity test. And he should’ve asked for one because again he was under the impression he couldn’t have children. Anyone willing to leave a partner for asking the question when they were under the impression they were infertile for any reason is either cheating and think they’re about to be caught, or insecure and deserve to be a single mother. If you refuse a paternity test then it’s 100000000000% fair to assume you are cheating.

[@SingingMermaid4]

Story 2: I really really try to be an empathetic and sympathetic person, but I just couldn't for the OP. Like, I'm not even against dating a sibling if one has passed, and they've moved on from the grief and can have a healthy relationship outside of that grief. That's also incredibly rare, but consenting adults are consenting adults. But this OP did the deed with his dead wife's twin a month after she died, and admitted to neglecting his kid. Look, you fall apart when someone you love dies. And that first month is the worst. I lost my older brother years ago, and I fell apart for a weekend, and then I picked myself up and carried on. I got help, and made a point to return to normalcy. The OP has just just decided to not do that. He is neglecting his family's needs and well-being under the guise of his grief, to bang his dead wife's twin sister. That is never okay. And while his SIL is on another level of issues, she needs to move out. She's a sex doll to him with his dead wife's face, Christ alive I cannot begin to unravel that. He's destroying multiple lives and doesn't actually care. He'd rather bury his head in the sand and have sex, then act like a civilized human being. Grief is a horrible evil monster, and you need to learn how to live with the monster. He's letting the monster rule his life and its going to ruin him. If the twins' parents knew what was happening, I guarantee the thrill and catharsis would be all dried up. I don't think its about the grief, its a fantasy thing for him. Gotta wash my brain, Christ

[@brandinicole1372]

Getting a paternity test is understandable due to the vasectomy but it’s ridiculous for him to believe that these procedures don’t occasionally fail. He should have asked for the paternity test and went from there not throw her out and badmouth her to everyone without proof of cheating. He needs to make a public apology . She’s definitely NTA.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 1. Nta. I completely understand the boyfriend questioning the paternity however he became an a****** when he immediately kicked her out. To scream it to the world that she was a cheater that was an a****** moved too.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

I agree with you

[@gospelelvis6136]

Sadly, many (most?) people in these channels would have been telling BF to do exactly what he did.

[@Floratic]

​@gospelelvis6136 I can also visualize the comments trying to gaslight the girlfriend/ fiance into forgiving him. 🤦‍♀️

[@velentr]

Role-playing time: Same scenario but in another reality, he was 100% right and she cheated. Thoughts?

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 2. Yta. This is one of the most mentally and emotionally messed up stories that I have seen in a long time. Stevie Wonder Could See This Disaster happening a mile down the road. I think the one that's going to get hurt the most from this is the child

[@Npyne]

In OP's position, I don't think I could forgive that. Vasectomies can reverse. While I can see why his brain went there initially, the fact that he didn't try and get his sperm count checked or really _anything_ until they talked him into a DNA test is where it crosses the line for me.

[@jessicastiles7586]

I'm a twin and when my twin sister was in a coma after a terrible car accident, a few of her closest friends would use visits with me as a way to feel close to her again. (Only family was allowed in her room during this time.) I was in a pretty dark place. I understood them but resented the position this put me in while trying to cope and process everything.

[@momo382844]

It’s totally understandable to ask for a paternity test but the way the Fiancé went about it was so beyond the top. Now that the rabbit is out of the hat, he can’t take back those actions. OP will never forget it, even if she decides to take him back.

[@ComaLies225]

Op in story 1 is a better person than me because I would have read him for the filth

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Story 2: Oh dear. He is so in denial. It will 100% end badly. Specially for the child.

[@tonyblake7569]

Irrelevant after the upgrade, but for story 1 the comments saying his apology should be as vocal as his accusation I disagree. It should be way bigger. People love gossip. For every one person he told, or post he made, it's likely they shared it with at least 5 other people. But when it's not gossip they don't care and won't share it.

[@Doublemonk0506]

And especially since it affects the kid's future. Unless OP moves away, which I doubt, OP's kid will always be seen as the illegitimate kid. OP's kid doesn't deserve that over her birth father's mistake

[@caridadchang7895]

the second story had me rolling my eyes before I made it past the title...

[@WyntheRogue]

The first story is a fine example as to the importance of teaching every detail in sex ed and biology including that these procesures short of a hysterectomy aren't 100% [and make said classes compulsory even if it rustles jimmies and causes pearl clutching] While getting that child support would be ideal, I can understand OP's level of anger after false accusations of infidelity and being slandered by her now ex. Sounds like ex has a vindictive side [even though OP didn't cheat]

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

I will add my vasectomy story, plus more. At 29, my husband and I had a fraternal twins boy/girl. We thought, "Awesome, instant family." I had my tubes tied, and my husband had a vasectomy. Imagine our shock and confusion when, seven years later, I became pregnant. Both of our surgeries failed! Now, obviously my husband didn't question paternity as our situation was rare. But, even if I didn't have the surgery, he still would notnhave questioned me.

[@colleens1107]

It would be one thing if he quietly demanded a DNA test on the kid, which is reasonable as he had a vasectomy. But he decided to tell the whole world his fiancé is a cheater…which turned out not to be the case. He needs to tell EVERYONE he had bad mouthed OP to the truth that the vasectomy failed and he IS the father and how utterly horrible he feels for ruining his loves reputation. And that’s the bare minimum. Frankly i don’t know if I could forgive this either

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

No. What would have been reasonable is having his sperm count checked, and if that comes back fine, THEN ask for a paternity test.

[@LovesGaming37]

Story two: if the sisters were identical, if the sister got pregnant, would that baby be a full sibling and half sibling at the same time?

[@SuperYoshi29]

Genetically speaking, they would be a full sibling. Family tree wise half sibling

[@CurliFox]

Goddamn they're making a family circle.

[@DominosAndHearts]

Story 1 NTA, as others said dude proved he's not to be trusted due to his reaction, huge red flag and well said markee said what I couldn't think how to say/write

[@annem7806]

Parents who do not collect child support payments is outright NEGLECT of your children.

[@Cscha767]

My sisters and two of my close friends are identical twins. I think they would lose their minds if they heard that last story. Saying those two disrespected her memory is an understatement

[@MomoYomyi]

Story 2: as someone who has dealt with family death, I don’t emphasize at all. Op and the sister are so nasty 😭 I bet if the situation was like “oh since my girlfriend died, lemme sleep with her daughter since she reminds me of her”, like wtf?? That’s not normal, op needs some serious help

[@HarryVibes36]

Shut up

[@bryn1063]

@@AzulakayesSo would therapy. He prioritized getting it on with her twin over his own daughter. He wanted to badly to live in this fantasy he basically sees the twin as nobody but his wife. Sure he's "better" But he's not fully moved on, he's hurting his own daughter by doing this and he keeps doing it. In the end he's still not a good person. Grief or not. The twin is a whole another story but this isn't really helping anyone. It's living in delusion.

[@taylorslade961]

Last story: Can't wait for the sisters reddit post "i've been sleeping with my late sisters husband and he called me by her name in the sack. What do?"

[@ianesgrecia8568]

I love this. It's hilarious. I just saw a video with radio people talking a guy into taking back a women that left him IN THE ALTER 12 YEARS AGO because her bff said he was cheating on without any proof. They even had the nerve to say 'but she is your dream girl'. hilarious

[@carlrood4457]

Grief is not an excuse to curl up into a ball and ignore your priorities. I don't care how much it hurts, you're a dad first and a provider second. You're grief comes after your responsibilities. It's great to get help from families, but using your SIL as an emotional and physical crutch is not the way. In the long run you've made things more awkward. If you don't remarry, you'll probably need her help in being the female role model/go to person your daughter will need. If you do, her presence in your and your daughter's life will be full of tension. She already looks like your late wife, but you've also had sex with her. She's also your daughter's aunt. I can't imagine how much reassurance a person would need to live in that crap show.

[@nightdweller6446]

S1 Def take it to court. Especially regarding child support and visitation rights. That money is for your CHILD, put it aside for life emergencies, education etc. Make him put everything in writing with lawyers acting for you. You need the financial assistance despite 'his word" because we've already seen what that's worth

[@travisleeabq]

Story 1: Do NOT stay with the fiancé! I guarantee that at some point something ELSE will pop into his head, “proving” That you are cheating. He knows the baby is his, but no matter how he may have made the apology tour, some People will ALWAYS suspect that original story. Ditch him, NOW. Take him to court for child support and do NOT allow him shared custody. He had his chance and he blew it up.

[@champslim]

The update on the second story: NOOOO WTF

[@ebagentj]

Story 2: I'm reminded of when I went to the birthday party of my cousin's daughter. She has an identical twin sister, and demonstrated how her daughter would totally accept her aunt as a substitute if she left the room (although when both were in the room, the daughter correctly identified her mom every time). I was a little iffy on that (kid is like 10 now, is fine, able to tell her mom from her aunt, and now the other twin has a daughter of her own) and that had far less potential to blow up spectacularly for everyone involved, including OP's 3 year old. Also, I saw this story on r/AmITheDevil yesterday. Conversation kind of got derailed by discussion of Law & Order: SVU for a while. Someone mentioned the plot was similar to an ep from the earlier good seasons only in that case, the guy had enough sense to get angry at the thought of his wife's twin trying to replace his wife and their child's mother.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Story 1: NTA, and he would be forced to do an epic apology tour. I would still choose to end the relationship and refuse to let him be in the delivery room or give the child his name. Take him to court and sue for sole custody. Better yet, ask him to terminate his rights. He doesn't deserve OP or her baby. He isn't safe or stable.

[@jodieg6318]

The people that go from 0 to 100 over something that has an easy explanation are not someone you want raising.your kid!

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story 2 ick this is so gross, Op get therapy., the twin letting herself be used and needs help. Ick!

[@Zurround]

A totally baseless and unwarranted ACCUSATION of infidelity is every bit as big a trust violation and betrayal as ACTUAL infidelity is. That is EVEN IF he is not secretly cheating on you himself.

[@LaviniaKing-hz9ue]

--- He had a vasectomy, so of course he was angry. He ruined her reputation and he needs to make a public apology. It's up to you to decide to reconnect. Will he super react to every stressful situation? Sue this man for child support.

[@maurer3d]

Story 2 (before update): YTA, it would be one thing if you had fallen in love with her and decided to be together after you grieved and where ready to move on, but right now you are just using her as an intimacy doll. This is not healthy for you or her. You both need grief therapy, not meaningless intimacy. Story 2 (update): Wow this guy is crazy, and I am scared for the daughter.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

Right around 10:50 -- "a lady who was shocked as hell to be pregnant in her 40s with 2 teen kids". As a lady in my 40s, I can confirm, being pregnant with 2 teenagers is very shocking. Story 1: Eh...She needs to either take him to court or not name him on the birth certificate. I'll never understand women who don't want to work out child support right away.

[@ariste01]

I had a friend that had 4 kids and her tubes "tied" by the time she was 25. They grew back. She had a 5th kid in her 30s. She told the Dr to cut em, tie em, and burn em this time lol.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

This is why tube removal (bilateral salpingectomy) is the new gold standard in female sterilization. There are only two documented cases of failure in the world, and it comes with a drastically reduced risk of ovarian cancer, most of which starts in the fallopian tubes.

[@ruddiko]

Seeing the title alone I already know he cheated

[@Warbles_]

The line “one thing lead to another” makes me so viscerally ill when it comes to Reddit I simply cannot😭😭

[@Letha-AnnCooper]

Accusing you of cheating is a difficult thing to forgive. Has he publicly admitted he was wrong to all the people that he told you were cheating? It’s more difficult than he thinks. I’d expect a huge line of apologies. He jumped to conclusions and ruined OP’s reputation he should have checked on his fertility.The child support is not about you it’s about the kid get the support and custody There’s a huge need to establish custody of children whose parents are not married

[@sirinayap4669]

Play

[@roelthas]

It's always messed up to get together with a former partner's relative/friend.

[@jessilynallendilla5014]

"I dOnT nEeD hIs MoNeY" it's not your money it's your child's right

[@Because-rt8qs]

And she needs a legal custody order, because the dad isn't capable of having a mature disagreement.

[@Zurround]

Forgiveness and trust are two separate issues. You can forgive a person but that does NOT GUARANTEE that the TRUST will ever come back. I hate the proverb: "Forgive and forget". Forgiving is relatively easy but FORGETTING is not. This is one bell that you cannot unring.

[@suheycrespo8376]

The twin sister broke the twin code . I’m a twin myself I would never do that to my dead sister like that God forbid.😡

[@TheIronwil]

Twin Sister: This is a bed scenario, but I don’t think OP is desecrating his wife’s memory or anything like that. I can see how this might have happened. Especially when someone is taken young, this is a world-altering blow to the surviving spouse. Denial is strong in the beginning. Could you imagine if a perfect copy of your dead spouse was there, grieving with you? It was 100% a mistake to let this happen, but I think it’s due to trauma rather than lack of love for his late wife. Therapy for everyone. Some commenters say they can see how OP might have gotten involved like this, but not the sister. I don’t pretend to understand the twin bond dynamic, but in a weird and unhealthy way, this might have been her way of keeping her sister’s memory alive. Again, a TERRIBLE choice, but I can see how things could get twisted like that.

[@mindyschocolate]

S2: that’s disgusting. Your poor kid likely thinks her mom was replaced.

[@CurliFox]

Because she was.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

it sounds like the twin was manipulated into the relationship after the first sexual encounter. "She came to think that she was helping me" is sus af

[@kaitlynwillard8720]

In story one. I feel like if a guy got a vasectomy at 21 and he’s now in his 30s. Enough time has passed that it’s fair for him to automatically assumed she cheated. But still. I feel like they should’ve done the test before he accused her publicly

[@BusArch42]

He didn’t even go get his count checked either.

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

Story 2: OP may not realize it but he is using the twin as a replacement wife. He isn't moving on, he is replacing her. He is filling in her position with the off brand version so he can pretend she's not gone.

[@andreavanhoof6047]

What he did can not be taken back!

[@YuToobVideos]

I'm probably a sociopath or something, so I don't experience normal grief like a normal person. Once someone is dead or gone, you just simply shut that door and move on. I just don't see the "logic" of grief. That being said, the dude is gross and selfish, the SIL even more so.

[@BusArch42]

You may be on the spectrum

[@michaeldodson2300]

Story 2 maybe i just seen one too many movies where twins switch places to live each others live so maybe the sister died and the wife is still alive but cant tell because then op would know what they had been up too.

[@sovereigncrux]

On Story 1 - Partner of a man with a vasectomy - You are told that you need to come in post-surgery several times for sperm count checks. At the one year check up it will be determined if the operation was a success or not. You are told to practice safe sex until the one year 'all clear.' That is the time frame of healing where the split tubes can potentially heal back together. If he never had these check ups, then he is irresponsible and a fool to assume the procedure worked and jeopardized every partner each time he had sex with them as they could have resulted with a pregnancy is circumstance permitted.

[@rmhartman]

It's not surprising that a man with a vasectomy would suspect cheating. He screwed up, but it's not surprising.

[@lindtplease1693]

Whilst I understand why the guy would have been shocked to discover his fiance was pregnant, the fact his first reaction was not to go to the doctor, but to just kick her out is vile.. I don't think I could trust him ever again in any way.

[@BusArch42]

Totally not. He showed his true self

[@colleens1107]

Story two: y’all need therapy

[@babytone54]

Notification is on and I've never been so early! 😂 Hey Markee!! 👋🏾

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Story 2 is just sad. I can't imagine the twin doesn't notice that she's being used for the memory of her sister, or that OP is "in love" and not passionately in the heat of the moment to avoid grief. I'm a firm believer in being alone by yourself before trying to move on. Grief hurts, but it's a necessary step. Going so fast on nothing but shared pain is going to blow up in both of their faces.

[@LillyianPuppy]

I'm glad at least one person mentioned the last guy actually should be taking care of his daughter. So tired of these stories where when something happens to a man, they think, if no woman, how child cared for?

[@sxatcychan1988]

Him: Let me make it up to you. Me: She's not stopping you from telling everyone you were wrong.

[@NoRegretsHomestuck]

WHY WAS THERE NO ADDRESS OF IF THE DAUGHTER KNOWS THE SISTER ISN'T HER MOTHER? JFC SHE'S 3 SHE BARELY UNDERSTANDS DEATH AND THIS DUDE IS SO DEEP IN DENIAL I FEEL LIKE HE'S JUST GONNA GO WELP MAYBE IT'S BETTER MY CHILD THINKS HER AUNTIE IS HER MOTHER FHGDFGSDFGDG

[@carlrood4457]

What annoyed me most was how he couldn't be a good father until he started sleeping with his SIL. If you're a parent, your get to grieve after your children are fed and put to bed. Your responsibilities come first. I lost a three year old daughter. I didn't stop being a dad to my kids and husband to my wife, who was even more crushed than I was. I had help, but I stepped up and did my job.

[@satansecretary665]

i really feel like hes going to do that, especially once the sister gets accidentally knocked up. then in the future the kid can post to reddit "i found out my moms dead twin is my actual mother"

[@littlegreycat]

Not only is the child support at issue, so is the custody. Without proper custody filing he can take the child and she would have to wait for court filings before getting her child back. A friend of mine made this mistake. His mother insisted he file for custody and take the child. Luckily his filing fee bounced and they rejected his paperwork and her paperwork made it through. Then he got official visitation and the poor kid had to go do chores for Dad and Grandma until he was old enough to fight the mandate.

[@wdowa82]

Story2 is so weird and wild I don't know do I suppose to cry or laugh. 😏😏😏

[@jessicad1583]

My mom didn't go after my brothers dad for 2 reasons: he was abusive and broke. She would always say "you can't get blood out of a turnip." MY mind changed it to rock lol but she said turnip

[@jewlzcraig-leaves597]

Hey Markee from a fellow Aussie. Love your work, dude 🫡

[@Markee]

Cheers 🤠

[@TheSwagger81]

Now that’s effed up. I hope they both get what they deserve

[@rubymeaddle]

Bro requesting a paternity test is 100% valid Him losing his shit amd throwing her out? Not so much. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Reddit needs to actually learn about human history because it's pretty common to marry a spouse's sibling after their passing...

[@D64nz]

Story 1 - the relationship is over. If they want to try again, it has to start from the beginning and rebuild that trust.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 2: those people need therapy, not even yesterday but 7+ months ago. OP's 1000% trying to replace his wife with his twin sister, it'd have been one thing if this was years down the line but the fact they started sleeping together ONE MONTH after after his wife died is so bad, trying to cope in the worst way. It's also very gross that he tries saying he's "in love with her" especially when the update hits and when they tried talking to each other...and ended up in bed together again. This is definitely them coping in the worst way.

[@darthvegaslastnamenotrequi5698]

I suspect the sister is doing this in an effort to live her sisters life for her, if that makes any sense. Like she can become both of them by fulfilling her role and that way she's not entirely gone. Definitely requires the help of professionals.

[@ellorasg4525]

Stiry 2: Oh sweet Alabama!!!!!!

[@hvymax]

Well dude had legit concerns. Yeah absolute public grovelling

[@HunnieSuckle24]

Those who are calling OP stupid for not wanting his money have never dealt with the headache of it all. I have to realize that most of the time these are people who don't have kids or have dealt with bullshit people. My ex moved away and then months later popped up out of nowhere demanding to see our daughter. We were going to an event and our day was busy. He took me to court for visitation, lied about not having a job (I don't know what state he moved to), won visitation (I got full custody) then disappeared until last year because his mother died. He got married and has two other kids. My daughter knows the truth. She has the papers and everything. Even going to court doesn't guarantee anything. Yeah, it's on record but who's running back and forth to court? You'd think common sense says, you know the child exists but you want a 3rd and 4th party to tell you to do what you know damn well you should be doing anyway. Why? It may seem selfish but it's easier to just handle it on your own because that's what it is now. My daughter knows that I didn't want children but she's here and I love her. She's my best friend. We've had a lot of amazing moments together as she's gotten older (she's almost 20). Before anyone asks, she was the result of a condom breaking. I had to come off of birth control because I was actually on it for too long and had an adverse reaction. Plus I suffer from irregular periods so it was hard to track my cycle (before apps).

[@TheScaletIbisNW]

Last story: this is trauma bonding. My situation wasn't as upsetting but I deff fell into a trauma bonding sexual relationship. I still feel torn on if I regret it but it never would have happened if I wasn't in the middle of deep grief.

[@Red2l16v]

I have heard how identical twins have very odd relationships even being OK sharing spouses. If they are both OK with it and he is getting basically the same person again. It would be like getting a clone of a deceased spouse. So I can understand. It is weird but totally understandable.

[@jemase7931]

I understand the guy's suspicion. But he should have waited until the paternity test was done.

[@RobertCampsall]

Fundamentally, there is nothing wrong with developing a relationship like this with a SIL, but because she's a twin AND it started only a month after his wife died it is obviously not something like two people suffering with grief support each other and love grows over time. No, instead she is just a surrogate for his wife and he will likely take much longer to cope with his grief - and SIL will undoubtedly get hurt as a consequence. But those comments calling them down and insulting them are the truly garbage people in this situation.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

There’s a Black Mirror that’s kind of like the second post but instead of identical twins it’s androids.

[@blackrex828]

Which one is that, it's not "I'll Be Back," right?

[@helianabanes4875]

So, second story, I wouldn't even hate on it, if OP looked at the twin like a separate person, that he happened to fall in love with, too. The fact that she us being used, solely for OP to remain in denial, is horrible, and sick, for both of them.

[@natalieg1779]

My husband has an identical twin. He and I get along great since he's like my husband in a lot of ways, and the thought of sleeping with BIL makes me throw up in my mouth.

[@RichardJordan-rt1jo]

Story 2 is more common than ppl think. I know it has happened to two sets of ppl I know. Both times it didn't end well but grief can do something to you. They both need therapy but I don't think it's disgusting or that the OP is a terrible person who didn't love his wife. There's a child involved and I hope for the child's sake they are keeping it from her.

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 2- oh dear god

[@JMac7395]

LAST STORY: the father is using his SIL as a physical replacement for his wife. He knows he's being delusional. This is why he's chosen not to end the sexual relationship, but at some point, he's going to have to acknowledge that the SIL is not his wife. The SIL is sleeping with her BIL because she wanted him. The death of her sister was the perfect opportunity to use as an excuse of "comforting" him. She's probably happy now, but at some point, she's going to realize that he doesn't see her. He sees her sister

[@MoonlightBelladonna]

Even if they waited its still degusting that he slept with his wife's sister and vice versa

[@cindykq8086]

My son's vasectomy failed. It happens.

[@littlestrawberryfaery]

Story 2: He doesn't see the sister as her own person, she's just a replacement shell for op to put his dinger in... A MONTH AFTER HER PASSING!! OP DIDN'T EVEN WAIT A FUCKING YEAR BEFORE PUTTING HIS DINGER IN ANOTHER!!! It gets worse.... Op has a daughter, I missed the part that he has a daughter... The daughter lost her mama and her mama is being replaced with her aunt who looks exactly like her mama...

[@cutietae247]

Why did the guy ask for advice about what he’s doing if he wasn’t gonna listen to literally anyone- people like that are so annoying lol