SHOULD I STAY OR LEAVE MY CHEATING HUSBAND???

[@Erica-BakingCutie]

If you don’t trust, there’s no relationship. Period. Good advice, Toni!

[@globalprincess]

When trust is broken it’s time to go! Also, when a man takes care of you it can also be a form of control. It’s awesome that he’s got you…it’s also important to not to be caught off guard financially. I agree with Toni’s take. Stack and plan your escape if you choose to leave. Remember to put yourself first and listen to that small voice. ✌️ ❤️

[@schoolwork232]

So very true on all points - sometimes, someone providing for you means they control you and this can be so crippling to your progress and freedom. Independence is so paramount! 😊

[@kimberly0717]

An emergency escape plan is never a bad idea!

[@donnac.3273]

My mother always told me to have my own regardless because you never know what will happen.

[@marvinandjosh1]

Some men WANT to be the sole provider not necessarily because they ‘got you’. It’s more about control. It allows them to do and say whatever they want because you have no financial means of leaving. As Toni said, it is so important to have your own money because if things go sideways, you have a means of taking care of yourself when you get out of the situation. If you don’t, you’re stuck and at his mercy.

[@youknowyoulikeit1000]

My teacher use to always say “Plan ya work and work ya plan” You have to have a plan whether you leave or stay. I honestly couldn’t stay with a man I didn’t trust. Deep down you know what to do but you have to have a plan a and b with Covid still lingering around. You deserve to be overwhelmed with happiness ❤️

[@besetterobinson7468]

Say it loud for the people in the back 😄

[@tonidaleyofficial]

Love that!

[@findingherflow]

This was more than 2cents, it was a whole buck. Great advice. I wish that sister peace of mind and courage to do what's best for her.

[@m.samuel6350]

“The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.” Hello beautiful Toni, First of all, you look amazing 😍 I’m liking this segment here. Please do more of these. This is my answer to this individual. “ A marriage without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you like but, but it won’t go anywhere.” Enjoyed watching this great vlog. ✌🏽🙏🏽❤️

[@tboykin13tb]

Thank Filled 🙌🏽😇!! 👋🏽

[@tashnik]

Yassss Toni Vanzant!! Straight no chaser to the point. I agree stack your coins first. The poster didn’t mention kids because that can be an added layer that makes it complicated. I love a good sister to sister session. I dont mind these types of videos at all.

[@Skynaturally]

Hey Toni, I love this segment. And I know she will benefit from this advice. As women we need our own sh*t. So if we decide to bounce there’s nothing holding us back. Unfortunately sometime our own families can be a stumbling block. It doesn’t matter how good the person is…if you don’t have trust in your relationship that’s a problem. I know a lot of great providers that are trash partners. 🙏🏽 for her.

[@AngelasTravelAdventures]

Great advice Toni! I've said before, you could write a book. The way you graciously handled everything with your ex was inspiring. You showed so much strength, *THROUGH* your pain which is difficult to do. I am amazed by you honestly, I'd love more content like this from you because you definitely have jewels to share. Good job! 👍

[@selahplace9872]

Good advice Toni. If you can’t trust it’s time to move on. My grandmother told my sister and I to keep. What she called “mad money”. Even if things are going great, it’s a good idea to have a “mad money” account. Having your own money is a powerful feeling. Being single can be great, it all about how you take care of yourself mentally and physically. I love, love being single.

[@sharonjudd7786]

Staying with a cheater blocks your blessings. I left my cheating narc after 20 years. Best decision I ever made.

[@Bubbles-fw2ps]

I agree with your advice Toni, and am proud of you being such a strong woman ! (his loss) What I’d add and advice young women who find themselves in this trust-less situation is to get out of it while you are still young, and not sit and let the years go by! Put away fear, go live your life ,and the right person will hopefully come along. Love yourselves more . Blessings

[@michellem.9061]

1. LOVE this type of content. 2. We definitely need a follow up because this Tonette has questions! Where is HER family?? Has she been isolated from them or has she chosen not to tell them what’s going on? I just find it troubling that she references what HIS family thinks. 3. Great advice!! Sis needs to start researching good therapists (for herself), a good attorney, and the cost to move; calculate how long it will take to save that amount and start working on a plan to either heal and stay or GTFO.

[@heaviestmelo3873]

Independence is absolutely necessary. Great advice Toni. One 💚

[@Tammyjean]

You said all the things I would of said too!! The number 1 thing.. Being alone does not mean lonely!! It’s a absolute blessing to be happily single ❤️✊🏾

[@skybosman7034]

True that and being with someone doesn't mean you are alone or lonely too. You can feel alone or lonely with a house full of people.

[@Tammyjean]

@@skybosman7034 so true!

[@elizabethmorrison5286]

Hello Beautiful, Great Advice, my thoughts exactly…. I’ve been single and loved it, been married 13 years and over the moon, we work hard and sacrifice for each other if need be. But honey, yes you can have it all and be independent. Get a skill and go from there. Never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.love you Toni, as always be Blessed girl ♥️

[@MsLadytray]

I agree wholeheartedly with the advice. Sometimes we need others to point out the red 🚩 for us. If you feel the need to scroll in his phone that's not good. I can pick up hubby's phone and vice versa because we have nothing to hide. Cheating to me is a deal breaker you can not see my value but I see it and i'm doing what I feel is best for me at ALL TIMES!! I won't tell you to leave nor stay however I will tell you to put you first. Yea he got you alright... bound, dependent on him, no finances. Get you a means of income, start saving change, sub at a school I don't care just stop giving him your power. Take it back and take that by force! You got this!

[@jenng5925]

You said it all! I have nothing to add to the advice you gave her.

[@CatAndrina7]

This is brilliant! Love this series. I know you’re going to help so many Tonettes out there! Sending love your way, always 😊

[@godsgiftgrace7739]

Toni. You gave her some GOOD advice 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@kimalexis4545]

First off.. Toni..you are glowing and your makeup is flawless!! 2nd..to your viewer, when the trust is broken there is nothing that can be done to change that bc you will always be playing the what if game and that's no way to live 3rd.. Toni is absolutely right take care of yourself and yourself alone.. start building your foundation (put money away, get a therapist, working out, etc) 4th when you are ready to leave, leave with your head held high and don't look back.. it will he scary but so invigorating!! 5.. YOU GOT THIS!!

[@RenieNostalgic]

Aww this is great, non judgmental advice. Toni has a book on starting an online business too. Something to check out and work on for sure.

[@hollaatthekid1796]

I agree Tony. If she decides to go she first should get her something for herself. A honest way to take care of yourself so that you feel you CAN do it on your own. That will give you more confidence.

[@laniwalks2470]

I enjoyed this!! Your advice was so spot on and relatable, even to those who may not be going thru this situation. I hope she sends an update of how things progressed!

[@haydeejohnson8290]

Please do more of these. Your growth is obviius and amazing❤

[@msvenaacgranzella8010]

It's so awesome that you provide a safe landing space for these kinds of talks! Your advice was spot on with EVERY point of advice that you gave to her. Your response was balanced and left room for grace if she stays while empowering her to move forward through self-empowered plans. It is so vital that as women, we learn to love ourselves and understand that putting ourselves first so that we can be whole, happy, fulfilled individuals is the foundation to all of our relationship success. Coming from that perspective also strengthens our resolve to not settle for any form of abuse (which cheating is), and be able to walk away from foolishness quickly with no regrets about doing so! Stay blessed!

[@peacefreedom4930]

I believe she needs to seriously evaluate what she wants. The housing market is at an all-time high. Rental rates are astronomical. Don’t jump out of the frying pan into the fire without assessing what’s important to you, a plan, and having everything in place. You want a smooth transition not a struggle. If you decide you might want to leave, it’s time to use that “ I got you “ to get a marketable skill or build a lucrative business. There are 2 year degrees that pay six figures. Establish a few streams of income for yourself ( maybe in your mother’s name ), build your savings and investments. Then when you revisit the question of whether to stay or leave concerns about your financial stability will not cloud your judgment. Furthermore, when your husband sees you making a path to potential freedom he might get his sh!t together. Men respond to actions. Don’t tell him what you’re planning. Let him figure out for himself that he could lose you because you’re positioning yourself to be just fine without him.

[@reibierobster7549]

Toni girl you're on point. Words of wisdom

[@mlps11]

Toni you gave her excellent advice! ❤️

[@trakeya51]

not toni hitting us with the 'rob him sis.' lol!! words of wisdom! good luck tonette, u got this! toni i love ur eyes, this look is everything!

[@tonidaleyofficial]

LOL!

[@EmpressNatiLocs]

Wonderful, sage,uplifting advice♥️. Love the new series. You’re a natural at this. ☺️

[@vickie9879]

You are telling the truths. This was a very enlightening chat. I can so that planning for your future is the best advice, be it to stay or go. Never forget about yourself.💯

[@margo33]

Pray and have faith in God..Girl RUN! I've seen this happen too many times. The husband controls everything, Finances, bills, house,cars etc. I worked in in a field where sometimes I would have to contact a client too many times it was a housewife with the answer " I don't know, my husband takes care of that" uh uh! They were in complete darkness. And then I see any other side of after he's left and then they come into the office crying saying they don't know what to do. And even were the husband will come in and try to get on you. Get yourself together. If you have safe deposit box and have the paperwork sent to another address do it. Be smart in how you move. God Bless you

[@josannefrank]

Hey Toni, love the hair and makeup this segment is great and that advice was on point! 💕💕

[@tonidaleyofficial]

Thank you so much 🤗

[@carolynsargent3473]

HAVE YOUR OWN!!!!!! PERIODTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@kerrywhite5253]

Good advice Toni!!! Love the wig and makeup also!!

[@tonidaleyofficial]

Thank you!

[@kimf.4948]

Good advice, Toni. I agree and feel women (and men too) should always have their own.

[@RoscheetaMonique]

I agree with your response. I only want to point out she loves him very much but I want her to love her self more and know she deserves more. I pray that you find your answers and get all the love that’s in the world for you.

[@traceydumase]

When your partner cheats the first time..... LEAVE! Once you let someone believe you're willing to tolerate their bullshit they'll take you for granted and take your love for a ride. Just leave. Don't even let it get to marriage, he/she won't change simply because they took a vow. Cheating is a lack of integrity. No amount of legal documentation will conjure integrity in a person. Just leave and save yourself the heartache.

[@tonidaleyofficial]

No judgment from me

[@nubiantrini3000]

Your advice was on point! I hope the young lady takes you advice.

[@shanelljones7140]

O.M.G! I love you Toni! God has taken you through some storms, and along the way He mad sure there was family and friends close to you. For your ashes and tears God has given you beauty that the world didn't give and the world can't take it away. I love that you are open enough about your experience to help heal others. May God continue to bless you and your family.

[@yazmynscott2917]

Love this! The segment and the advice 💪🏾

[@nncpeters]

That was great advise since single longer then you, I had learn everything you just spoke about, the enjoy of love me and learn me is eye opening, when you embrace yourself it is new world .

[@margiedaniels489]

Good word!!! GREAT TEACHING..And Toni, you are glowing

[@kimberlyarlynda]

We are rooting for you for sure!! I love your advice!!! Thanks for being there for us Toni!!

[@lindasmith9072]

Fantastic video. Queen you need to have your own. I was married to a wonderful BM for 25yrs. He pass 2 years again so I understand loss. But He take care of me and our 6 children. In the 25 yrs I always had my own .I hope this help you in your journey.

[@hildaaybar9042]

You did great by NOT TAKING THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING EX HUSBAND, like my grandmother, used to say you are better off by yourself,

[@JoyAmor]

Looking beautiful Toni 🥰 I was excited to see this upload I typically get nervous when I’m doing these types of videos I don’t know why but I love helping people so I’m excited to see your thoughts and insight ok now let me watch this video

[@Titus2Chic]

A LEWK!!!! Yes, Toni! Come thru with the look! (Ok, now I can watch the video. Had to pause it to make this comment ;-) ).

[@haydeejohnson8290]

Should feel trust, safe, protected as well

[@barbarajernigan1171]

Toni you are really slaying from your hair to your makeup. 😊 God's continued Blessings always ❤️..

[@BelleJ8]

Yes this was great advice always have your own yes we like to be taken care of but when you begin to feel you are so dependent on someone to where if you did need to leave you would have nothing and that make you stay then it's going to be a long draining journey..it feel so good when you have your own and realize your own strength! So yes girl go out and get your own bag!

[@missfirefox42]

Loving that hair colour on you x

[@everythingiseverything9920]

Totally agree with your answer. It sounds like he hasn't done much to restore trust aside from swearing up and down he won't do it again... and yet he's clearing out the Inbox. Yikes!

[@MN-hv5xv]

Loving that look!!😁

[@tonidaleyofficial]

Thank you!!

[@krystalnmitchell]

This was really good!! Great advice Toni!!!🥰

[@jacquiesimpson4331]

Toni, so good! Love this segment.💕

[@SandraDee628]

Great advice!

[@deedivamc]

You look fabulous!

[@tonidaleyofficial]

Thank you!

[@eurkajohnson2740]

TRUTH!! TRUE FACTS!!

[@hotbluflame2933]

I think she has a contract with her husband. She gave him her trust in exchange for his fidelity. He breached that contract but she is still trying to hold up her end of the contract. At this point she can either renegotiate the terms of the contract (ie. I cannot trust you so you need to prove to me that you are being faithful), she can stay in the broken contract as is, or she can leave the contract altogether. It sounds as if her trust in him is gone so I think her only option is to leave. As for the money, Toni is right. ALWAYS have your own.

[@KBlue728]

The perfect answer!

[@yukieahatchett6748]

Okay Yesss...I'm loving this series. Great advice💜💕💜💕

[@ObedienceOrSacrifice]

I completely agree with every suggestion you gave her. Find a job, stack your coins and exit stage left. No trust equal NO relationship worth having in my humblest opinion. TFS!

[@deloris1333]

Great advice Toni. As she said, whether you stay or leave start to build your own nest egg. I am happily married with my independence. Ladies you are not your mate child. So the words "he want let me work" is a no.. no.. for me. Please realize you are a grown independent individual. So take the time to work on you and what do you want out of life💕

[@hotmama298]

Great advice. I pray that God gives the writer of the letter the guidance and courage to do what she needs to do.

[@francine4651]

Perfect advice 💓

[@ValerieWhittington]

Spot on Toni !!!!

[@thriftysimplicity]

Loved this!😍

[@rosewilliams2744]

Right, because when a man is cheated on, he is gone with the wind! Never be dependent solely on a man. Put up some of those coins he gives you for your ' I am done' day! Keep your peace for your soul!!!

[@goodvibes1977]

Good morning new to your channel I have joined loving your channel

[@tonidaleyofficial]

Welcome!!

[@PLG1966]

I wish I could give you 100 thumbs up for this video❣👍🏾

[@tonidaleyofficial]

Thank you!

[@edleemu]

Good advice!

[@Angel-mo5sg]

I loved this the advice was on point and I would love to see more like this ❤️

[@deidreej]

I think it was Judge Lynn Toler who said, "Men should be an option not a definition!" Sis, never allow a man to define you! If you all have joint accounts, go get you an account on your own and stash your coins. Good luck 🤞🤞🙏🙏🙏

[@tonidaleyofficial]

Love that!

[@stonecoldbrickhouse9783]

Great Advice

[@eurkajohnson2740]

🙏🙏🙏💯💯💯 BEAUTIFUL Toni, love the vlog love ❤️ ❤️

[@taylorhall3816]

Very interesting story. I would love to know a little more. Like what made you stay? Was it the love alone or do they have children? Either way, prayerfully I hope she will guard her heart and mind for peace.

[@kathysherman501]

Great advice Toni👍🏾👍🏾

[@aaliyahloraine]

Leave! He left and had his fun but now he is realizing that there ain’t shit out here in these streets! Do you sis!

[@nicoleross9293]

Great advice Toni!!!!! Tfs 😍

[@Giggles50]

I was concerned when she mentioned the man's race as well unless there is a specific racial type of situation going on...doesn't matter. I think she should leave the relationship, but she should save money before leaving to make sure she's financially secure. She needs a job of some sort. She will need alimony. She should consult a divorce lawyer given the fact that her husband doesn't want monogamy. It makes no sense to be faithful to a cheater even if he supports her. He feels like he has a right to cheat because he supports her.

[@donnac.3273]

What if he fights the divorce and holds up alimony? She can't even afford a lawyer.

[@Giggles50]

@@donnac.3273 My comment above mentioned she should save money and have financial security before leaving. Toni's suggestion to save any money he gives her is smart in addition to some type of job. She still has to request support. The grounds for divorce is adultery. She should try counseling to show the court she tried, but he keeps cheating. What is your suggestion Donna?

[@donnac.3273]

@Giggles I really do not understand why women depend on the men and don't have income of their own. What if he gets in a car accident or gets sick? We have to teach our daughters better. My mother is 92 years old and she taught me that as a teen. I am married and have been for 34 years (high school sweetheart). Married is work. I don't tolerate cheating period and that's one thing he knew. I don't see that person the same way I once did, so it is not used to me to continue a relationship with him. He understood that in our relationship early no slip-up period.

[@Giggles50]

@@donnac.3273 He offered financial security nothing wrong with that especially if he is wealthy. If he gets sick or dies, there should be life insurance and a plan of financial security for the wife. Unfortunately, many men commit fidelity even some women. I think in the future when she chooses a man, she needs to test his character. There is no guarantee a person won't be unfaithful, but I agree with guaranteeing them that you will leave in the event of cheating. Tons of women are in the work force. Two incomes are more necessary now due to inflation and the state of the economy.

[@tinabranch9774]

Toni you look beautiful 😍

[@marquetta2017]

Great advice God smiles

[@travikadavidson6644]

Hi🙋🏿‍♀️ Toni u look pretty and a really good word of advice THANK GOD other good nice video girl 🤗👍🏿

[@tboykin13tb]

Cheating in a marriage is a LEAVE for me 💯, but I am not married & have neva been 🤷🏽‍♀️.... Cheating would be my OUT though, especially if we are not getting along. I have stayed with boyfriends after they cheated, but they have not made a covenant with me in the eyes of Yahweh & this is on PeriodT with me & if a child comes along with the cheating, then most definitely I am OuTTa There, FO SHO!!!! 😖😤🤬

[@extremelyblessed67]

U look beautiful!

[@tonidaleyofficial]

Thank you!!

[@Gisellej80]

Her caucausion man dated his co worker red flag. Its not necessary to go through his phone

[@susandejohnette6409]

Inappropriate affect to her dilemma. But It’s believable you would not be not happy or bubbly over someone’s love hardship. During your situation with X, many of us were heartbroken with you.

[@tonidaleyofficial]

You can react however you want on your channel

[@SymonFirst]

👏🏽💯👏🏽💯👏🏽 #ToniDaley 💯👏🏽💯👏🏽💯👏🏽🤩

[@latonyagreathouse7235]

WOW TONI, YOU ARE SOOOOOOO 💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣❤❤❤❤❤❤✌✌✌✌🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@heaviestmelo3873]

✌🏽 ✌🏽

[@churchnazi1]

There's an AH in every race.

[@HerSassyAF]

Great advice Ms Daley! I hope this person finds the courage to move forward in the best way for her. Whether that's apart or together with external support. Build yourselves ladies. Financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Love yourself the way you deserve to be loved. ❤️

[@RadiantRose217]

Great advice!

[@SwtSadieJTV]

I totally agree with Toni. My Mother always told us to never put all your eggs in one basket. 😒 Stay woke Ladies.

[@snowbird9660]

I would just add, if you decide to leave, don’t tell him you’re planning to leave. Start saving money and when you have all your ducks in a row, go. If you tell him you are planning to leave, he will probably scheme to derail your plans. Wish the best for you.

[@reneerasul339]

Great advice Toni! Yes, absolutely do more of this. I would add that more important than trusting "him" is trusting ourselves. We could save ourselves a lot of hurt and pain and time and energy if we just trust our gut!

[@Born2TeachAndGrow]

Excellent advice Toni!!! Especially about building your own nest egg. Ladies, please take heed!!!