Should I tell His Wife About Our Affair? Support For the Mistress / Other Woman

[@brightpage1020]

If you’re cheating with your best friend’s husband - you are no friend at all. You have participated in abusing the wife. Don’t delude yourself.

[@christyjohnson5618]

Ive been cheated on, cheated with, and ive cheated. If i had to pick, id prefer to be the other woman.

[@katelondon01]

Thankyou for sharing your experience Christy. I’m curious, how did your emotions differ throughout the 3 experiences? If you are open to sharing, I’m sure people would like to hear.

[@chikamsoodume3601]

Umm I’m curious to hear your rationale here for this

[@lilsamantha1]

Yes

[@parisjej]

@@chikamsoodume3601Well bc the husband stops being attracted to the wife and the mistress gets the gifts and the great passionate sex while the wife is at home cooking, cleaning, and slaving for her cheater husband. Wives have to beg their husband to spend time with them once they get old.

[@ginachucheong7053]

Marriage ain’t all that.

[@npkrn6764]

Often, not always...but often - I don't think wanting to tell the spouse comes from a place of guilt towards the spouse - I think it comes from wanting to get back at the person for hurting you AFTER he/she left the affair. If I'm having an affair with someone, then clearly I'm feeling no guilt during it, or I wouldn't be with a married person to begin with, right?? So why all of a sudden after it's over would I feel guilt?? That's BS. People are killed over affairs. The cheater, the unknowing spouse, or the affair partner. It's on all the true crime shows and any one (or two, or all three) can wind up dead or in jail after an affair is found out. I personally would just walk away as the affair partner and pray hard that the spouse who was cheated on never finds out! People who are betrayed can lose it. Hence why "crimes of passion" are still given consideration. Any psychological professional will tell you that betrayal in any form or relationship make even the most mild-mannered person have a break with reality and do something horrible. This is psych 101 people - meaning its basic and should be common sense. I'd say, for your own safety, DON'T say a word to them, or anyone else. Ever.

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

He said he was single, she asked for the truth because he was denying it happened, i told her everything!!! It felt like closure for both her and me.

[@katelondon01]

The truth is confronting but it does set you free 💕

[@Me-mn4nw]

​@@katelondon01Of course it sets you free if he lied about his marital status!

[@rtklarsfeld]

As the wife who has been betrayed, I thank you for helping women get out of Affairs. What continues to haunt me is how a woman can choose to participate in inflicting this deceit and agony on another woman.

[@katelondon01]

Hey Rhoda, I truly appreciate you sharing that with me. Thankyou 🙏

[@jennifermayer2708]

I feel your pain. I agree with you 100% on the other women.

[@Iwishuwould-uq5gl]

Same way a man takes vowels and inflict on his wife. See this is 3 people problems. I am not for affairs but the husband is just as guilty.

[@jennifermayer2708]

@@Iwishuwould-uq5gl You are right the husband is the first offender and the other woman is the accessory to the offense. The wife and the children are the victims to suffer the consequence of their sinful act.

[@jennifermayer2708]

@@deniseduggins8933 I agree. These 2 people have no conscience!

[@palapalak.8907]

Some women stay in a marriage for money and security. Makes no sense to tell the women. Cheaters don't stop at 1 person. It will all come into the light.

[@graziaprego]

I tried to get out of it for a year and every time I did he coaxed or persuaded me back . In the end telling her stopped him doing that and set me free ..I did it for me in the end .

[@marcewalker5486]

Same here ❤

[@myexpatlife9179]

I just did this today to free myself.

[@basilleavesandhoneybees483]

Bullshit!

[@mommaandthatbabybae6956]

I just did the same thing for the exact same reason. Now I’m just healing trying to make sense of it all. He lied to me when I asked if he had a woman, turns out her had a fiancé in another country. The woman was grateful that I told her. I feel free just healing from my experience ❤

[@maryw3989]

My husband cheated on me, he ended the affair with her and still told me about it. Had he not told me I would want to know even if it came from the other woman bc if he were allowed to get away with cheating on me once what would stop him from cheating on me again and again and again? Nothing!

[@katelondon01]

Thankyou for sharing your perspective with us Mary 🙏

[@matinaki1644]

Wish more women were like you. Most turn that into competition. Most of the times the "other woman" is ignorant or she was lied to (divorce blah blah) or she was at a bad place and he showed interest. Only few times can we say other women go after married men.

[@Do-U-Know-me00]

I've been in one going on 3 years now. We are both in late 60's -late 70's. NOT like typical OLD people in any way!. At about 18-20 months in we had talked and agreed that this love we had, was in fact the best thing to ever happen to each of us. He said he couldn't imagine being without me full time and I felt the same way. Both of us felt that way almost from the beginning. He said he was going to have a "come to jesus" talk with his adult son (they are in business together) and her. He told me that at least 3-4 times, yet never did. I pushed the issue of why not, what is the problem and he admits he doesn't want to loose his HOUSE and belongings. WOW...stuff over me, over us. I can't give him anymore of my life. I want to tell her because, it seems pretty shitty that I lost all these years and he will leave and ruin my life, YET HE gets to KEEP all of his! BS.. I'm not going to allow that to happen, where I get used and he gets everything. I know he will simply continue his cheating as he has for at least 10 years. This HAS TO STOP. HE has to held accountable as a grand thief would be. But he steals years of time from someone, and that is more valuable than money or possessions. I know when I do present her with all the evidence, he will be lost to me forever. At this point, that is fine with me because he's gone anyway...and took some of my life with him.

[@Me-mn4nw]

The Truth WILL set you Free and hopefully his wife! Your reaons for telling are yours alone. Do whatever it takes to set yourself free!

[@sharonwray5498]

Im the long term partner! My partner is a serial addulter i know he is but he dinies and lies that gets you nowhere only round and round in circles it rots you inside !! The hurt and pain from lies and denile kills you inside the wife should always should know the truth 100% let her know the truth cause otherwise he carries it on for years destroying the life of the woman he lives with. And the mental effect it has on you keeping secrets and hiding messing around behind her back .Let her free from the hurt she doesn't need to know all the details only he said this about you ,we met like this ,when it was happening and how long its been going on. please tell the wife no matter what !!!! Set her free if he cheating on her he will cheat on you you are keeping his secrets letting him carry on breaking people's hearts playing his game dont play its manipulation!!!!! Set them both free if he wanted you he would break it with her !! So if you help his wife see reality he should be relieved about the truth coming out and not having to lie anymore cause I'm sure there a certain amount of guilt and upset inside him too !!!! FREEDOM IS THE ANSWER NO MATTER WHAT YES TELL HER !!!! But be nice she's done nothing wrong you and her partner have you have been invited into a relationship that you don't belong used emotionally sexually and he is doing exactly the same with his wife and more than likely even more woman who are being hurt in the process all thinking they have a chance of a happy family life with him THEY DONT !!!! Before you say it he lives in my house I can't just leave and what if that shadow of doubt that little 1 % of your brain saying you might be wrong when he's begging you to let him stay is always there everytime then telling you she was begging him to stay!! Manipulation!!!!

[@katelondon01]

Powerful words 💕Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective @sharonwray5498 🙏

[@sharonwray5498]

@@katelondon01 AFTER 23 YEARS STILL WAITING FOR THE TRUTH THATS WHY !!! No children with him and he could have left at anytime he has chosen not to . ITS NOT THAT I WANT FREEDOM I STILL LOVE HIM . BUT I WANT THE LIES AND THE PAIN TO END 😪

[@littlemissy8356]

You are poisoning her life, when you did not consider her in the first place, or you wouldn't have had the affair with him to begin with. So don't say you think she needs to know for her benefit.

[@hb2862]

I been cheated on and the other woman and a cheater at some point. Honestly, when I got cheated on, I was hurt and upset when i found out and glad to know. He was deceiving me. If the other woman didn't tell me he would of kept on deceiving me. Eventhough it's painful I would rather know the truth. The affair partner isn't the one poisoning anyone's life its the spouse.

[@Yellow_goosegamer]

Exactly the mistress did not care to hurt the wife and all of a sudden they trynna play the Good Samaritan

[@piscesimmortal4351]

You have to tell them.. my sister kept feeling she needed to tell her.when she did she found out he had H.I.V

[@littlemissy8356]

That's nothing but getting back at him, and at her expense. She doesn't deserve that. Also she may come after you. There is a chance she could sue you.

[@katelondon01]

Interesting, thank you for sharing your point of view Little Missy 🙏

[@EButta71]

I agree.

[@hb2862]

​@@katelondon01I don't agree. I think the wife deserves to know otherwise she is living a lie with her husband. There is nothing bad about the truth

[@matinaki1644]

Sue you on what grounds? If you tell her in person she doesn't have proof. If you message, email then yes, she could.

[@Yellow_goosegamer]

Mess around and y’all gonna find out one day Messing with someone husband can be deadly Y’all be playing with your life trust me me some woman would go crazy and possible dangerous

[@lotusmccary9365]

After I listened it is dead on to check one's intentions

[@brightpage1020]

If she asks she knows already. The truth will set you free and it would pull the power from the man in between. Expect anger, madness, and insanity. Expect the unpredictable.

[@g0d5m15t4k3]

Oof, asking what I'd get out of it... I think she deserves to know because I'm not the first person he's cheated with. He's just going to keep hurting her and setting an awful example for their kid. No woman deserves that. And a kid definitely shouldn't have that as a reference for love. She should be able to make her own choice with all the facts. Yes, I knew upfront he was married. I wanted him to tell her right away before anything got physical that we had mutual interest in each other. I feel dumb for falling for him and letting him cross my own boundaries. I let him convince me that he couldn't be open about it, that it would ruin his life if he even asked her. But then I let him walk right over my boundary because I felt different and special with him. I also felt like I could somehow heal or enlighten him - help him fix his marriage by being honest with her for once. I know the only ethical answer is that I need to stop now that I've realized how much emotional damage I've taken and I'm sure their marriage has taken. And telling her would solidify our separation. I can't see how he would like me or trust me if I told her. And that's fine. I'm willing to have it be done. My struggle is that it also doesn't feel like my place to involve myself with his wife. I don't want revenge. I want to live open and ethically. If he's treating her bad, she needs to leave. But maybe she's waiting for absolute evidence? If he's done to her for a decade what he's done to me in a few years, it's possible she thinks she's to blame. And that's just not her full burden to bear. That's just terrible! I agree that telling her in order to dump my bad feelings on to her is just lazy. But I wouldn't want to dump. I imagine saying "Your husband had been cheating on you with me for months. I am here if you want to discuss how you feel about it." and accept any hate she might throw my way. It's a conundrum. Tell her or don't tell her, I'll regret it either way. In the end, I just need my own self respect to uphold my boundaries.

[@lotusmccary9365]

You don't owe her anything. You take care of yourself

[@Nicana68]

You sound a lot like me. I care so much about the betrayed woman and it hurts me to think that she's the last person he considered in his pursuit of me. I resisted and resisted and ultimately walked away, because the dishonesty was more than I could bear.

[@lotusmccary9365]

He was honest with her. And we were never physical. I would have been his third marriage. She physically assaulted him. She emotionally abused everyone including her children in front of me. However I will never speak to him again unless he is divorced

[@lotusmccary9365]

Frankly the agreement is between the married people. He broke it. It is easier for the betrayed spouse to be angry at a third party than the one they loved that actually betrayed them. Fuck them both. Take care of yourself. You are worthy. We both made a mistake and it hurt us both to core. Must heal ourselves and move on.

[@lotusmccary9365]

She chose him. And she is unlikely to believe anything you say. And so in my opinion it is between them. And our job is just to get healed and not make this mistake again

[@ginachucheong7053]

Marriage ain’t all that. Is it. Being a mistress is better. U can leave clean cut easier.

[@littlemissy8356]

In the first place, a woman that makes the decision to have an affair, will have to take the responsibility of that decision. Why take it out on him? Besides, he can retailiate, and that won't be so good for the woman. Why is that the responsibility of the woman? Why hurt her, unless you are vengeful that he didn't pick you in the end?

[@sueryan8320]

I did it because he broke my heart years ago. So, now he can be pissed off AND have to deal with problems in his house

[@brightpage1020]

He’s using you to abuse her. Would you tell?

[@michellemattson5950]

Triangulation, so you are part of the problem. People cant make dissions when your actually deceiving someone so you get what you want. The right thing to do is have self respect and stop being the add to the problem.

[@allychar7316]

I'm not sure if you will read this video is a Lil old now. My situation was different in the fact that he wasn't married and because of legal ( probation) circumstances, he stayed with me between soberlivings he was in and out of for about a year. In that time we got really close like besties, however he was still technically committed to her. I felt this need to never cross that boundary, besides he was fighting alcoholism and I would rather see him do well even if it wasn't with me in the end. I confided in 1 close friend who said I should tell his gf that if it was her she'd want to know. One time he was here he told me that he had told his gf everything and asked if I wanted to meet her. It upset me so I said no! Anyway, he left to go to a rehab and he would call me everyday from there I felt like he and I were actually going to be together, that maybe they broke up I was to scared to ask though. Then he started pulling back and when I brought it up we had a huge fight. I was distant after that. Then he relapsed again showed up at my place said they broke up and he would only stay a few days before going to detox. 🙄 the first 2 days were so fun, but the next 3 were off he was preoccupied with trying to get her back and mentioned she had found some messages and sent me a message, I said I never got one. He asked me please don't reply, I agreed. However, day 4 and 5 he kept trying to pick fights with me became kinda rude would drink and sleep. I felt off the day he left, it seemed odd he was a bit to happy to be going to detox. Later I called him and he dismissed the call twice. I asked the universe, source or spirit " please show me what I need to do? Why do I feel this unease?" 5min later he calls me, but it's her, his gf and I feel the pain in her voice. I didn't say much just that he left some things. That's when I went through my phone and found her message. What upset me is that he lied when he said he told her everything, this poor woman knew nothing but had a hunch something was amiss So I told her everything. His response to me was so appalling, cruel, and gaslighting. I know the alcohol was a huge part of that. His now ex gf was so awesome to me though, she was right on my side and said ' don't worry he won't do a thing to you. Thank you for being real with me. There needs to be more women like you in the world.' I sent her a long uplifting message later. It's a shame for him although his behavior was despicable, he was my bf and I hope he still got help for his drinking.

[@MrWingoTube]

It is none of the side chick’s business.

[@katelondon01]

Thanks for your perspective Mrwingotube

[@Nicana68]

Amazing how the man gets off scott free after playing both women, hey? The audacity of any man making judgemental comments about women here is astounding.

[@lotusmccary9365]

Both women are being used

[@Kakkoii_ne]

No. The other woman didnt tell his wife, when she was in the affair. Why should she tell her now??? The affair is over. Go away.

[@Nicana68]

What if the affair partner had been lied to about being married, and when she finds out she wants to warn the wife because he will likely do it again with another woman. Hasn't the wife got the right to know and possibly protect herself against STDs?

[@brega6286]

Boo Hoo ! No sympathy for those who voluntarily are in an affair. get your own life instead of trying to steal another's ! Instead, just find a really hazardous sport or activity if you need such thrills and drama.

[@777videos7777]

Oh if it were only that simple. As if women only become involved in affairs because they are bored. Ever heard of deception or manipulation by the man? Ever heard of taking advantage of a vulnerable woman and love bombing her while pretending to be single?

[@jodaisy113]

Depends on whether she asks

[@YolandaTrulia]

If she doesnt know or have any clue????

[@YolandaTrulia]

If she doesnt know or have any clue????

[@robleekay6271]

My wife and I have been together for 30 yrs. I found out in Oct 2022 she has been having an affair for the past 3 yrs. Jump to today 01/2023, want to talk his wife and find out how has their marriage been since the affair was discovered and if she thinks their marriage is going to be salvaged,this will help me better understand the current situation of my marriage because my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know what she wants,me or him. VERY FRUSTRATING!!!

[@lotusmccary9365]

Absolutely nothing