Should men be vulnerable? | Liam Casey | TEDxSouthBank

[@nickbro971]

this speech is so heartfelt and raw. so raw, that after every statement he's on edge of breaking down. nothing but respect for this guy.

[@AstonWave007]

Ahahahahahahahaha. No it isn't.

[@lilmax86]

Yes, it's raw. - It's SO raw that it hasn't matured yet. This guy still has some growing up to do. Immaturity sprouts sanctimonious preachings that don't even shy away from boldfaced lies. Yes, he seriously needs to grow up. Fast.

[@Edbrad]

1. How does he know he's in a loving relationship if he doesn't feel it? What makes him think he's truly loved? Is there really nothing real he can actually point to about his relationship that could make him question whether he's really loved? I've seen feminist men talk about this sort of thing before and they all seem to think it's just their own irrational insecurities, that the fear of appearing weak and vulnerable isn't really seen as unattractive by women. Intimacy is when you know you can both be vulnerable with someone else and let your guard down. Men can be vulnerable with girlfriends and wives more than usual, but only up to a point. Men have to have much lower expectations about the degree they can expect to feel safe about revealing their vulnerabilities. Women often delude themselves into the idea that they not only don't have any problem with men appearing weak, but that they think they experienced weakness in their boyfriends/husbands and that it never made them less attracted to them. I've heard many women say that their partner doesn't have a problem appearing weak with her. The reality is they'll invariably be cherry picking their own experiences as well as being under the illusion that the vulnerabilities they think their partner let them see wasn't restrained as much as possible. Women don't have to worry that they'll be found less attractive if they show weakness, if anything men will feel more connected to them having no negative effect on their attraction. To be clear though, it's not to say that weakness and vulnerability in women is what men find attractive, even though that does play a part, it's that women showing weakness and vulnerability doesn't have any "negative" effect on a mans attraction to women.This doesn't mean a woman risks nothing exposing her vulnerabilities and insecurities. If she exposes her weakness to the wrong person they could use them against her, or if she just reveals herself to a man who just doesn't care enough about her to start with. Men share these same risks, but heartbreakingly they know on some level that who they are at the most intimate level won't be considered attractive. The guy in the video is having trouble wrestling with cognitive dissonance over this. He's struggling to feel "loved" because ultimately he feels like he's a fraud. He thinks he has to shield the most intimate parts of himself from exposure. He feels the person his girlfriend thinks she's in love with is just the role he's playing, because he knows the most intimate part of himself won't be accepted. Therefore her expressions of love don't feel genuine to him, he knows that real intimacy and love would include this aspect of himself. He can't even consider that maybe it's not just in his head. That his vulnerabilities and insecurities really are skeletons in his closets and he better hide them. He certainly can't question whether it's not paranoia that he feels he's expected to be responsible for her feelings, that maybe more really is expected of him. He wants to blame men, or the "patriarchy". He wants to blame "himself" and saying it's just his own irrational fear of weakness. I love how he says he was looking for someone to blame, anyone, but he couldn't and wouldn't let himself consider what was right under his nose.

[@Edbrad]

2. How do these people think these expectations of men will change when the strongest and arguably root of the whole thing is that *_women_* have these expectations of men. It's like the unmasculine male feminist complaining about traditional masculinity. Saying that he's tired of being considered worth less of a man and that he wouldn't be able to cope with or want the traditional expectations of being a man. Even though his whole problem comes from women not being attracted to men like him. The men they'll say mock them for unmanliness wouldn't mock him if he had girls dripping off him all day. It's kind of sad and surreal to watch them describe how harmful the expectation of being a man can be and yet unable to place any responsibility on women for those expectations. It's mens fault, and male society that's to blame not what kind of men women want!

[@Edbrad]

I love how he simultaneously wants to say that men are taught to put women's needs before their own and that's a problem, but at the same time doesn't see a problem with feminist ideology literally saying the opposite, that men have always been taught to put themselves first. If showing weakness for men is an example of how "patriarchy hurts men too" then it means he's just been arguing that patriarchy actually makes men care MORE about women than themselves. So to fix patriarchy where men and male society oppressed women by treating them selves as second class citizens for all this time we need to get men to... stop caring about women more than themselves... The ease at which they can't help but destroy their own argument with this internally inconsistent spaghetti of nonsense just never fails to amaze me.

[@gerardpenna9578]

Great speech Liam. It is our problem and as men we need to take accountability. What's more, we need to understand that by engaging in this, we stand to create a world in richer and more fulfilling lives can be led by both women, men and those who are neither.

[@locoindio]

What about women taking accountability?

[@HoneyBadgerRadio]

Should men be vulnerable? No! They should be ACCOUNTABLE! Do you people even understand what vulnerable means?

[@dy031101]

Screw you, screw your "our problem", screw the world you stand to create, and screw your use of "we" and "our". We are individuals, Gerard, not any part of your BS collective. Who the hell do you think you are, professing to speak on behalf of all men?

[@Jcolinsol]

You're essentially saying that men need to man up, in order words. Not very progressive. In fact, it's a very old fashioned sentiment.

[@emmanottingham6233]

I love this video. Men are thought to be the tough guys which brings a whole host of problems with it.

[@bobmunro888]

It seems there may be a different definition of Vulnerable in Australia that there is in North America: Adjective: susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. (Of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect. Synonyms: Helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, weak, susceptible "He was scared and vulnerable" Is this what we want in the most important relationship we have?

[@samvittighedsfuld7586]

if you are not susceptible to emotional harm in a relationship it's not much of a relationship. if the people you love can't hurt you, you don't actually love them.

[@MrDapotpie]

While I do think this video is feminist garbage, being vulnerable in a relationship can be good. Being vulnerable in a relationship means trusting the person you're with to not take advantage of the private information you divulge to them. What this man and other feminists refuse to admit is that women do not want men who present themselves as vulnerable as women are allowed to be. You should have a wife who will allow you to be more vulnerable around her (without taking advantage of that vulnerability) but in the end our society expects you to be stoic and protect the family. I don't think this expectation is bad, what is bad is the fact that women are being taught to no longer respect this attribute of men and are in fact now taught to demonize it.

[@MrDapotpie]

The Bandog I agree with what you're saying. I didn't want to come across as saying that vulnerability should be idealized. Thanks for your input!

[@lilmax86]

+The Bandog - Yes. You don't need to be susceptible to harm to enter into or be in a loving relationship. In fact, when you put it like that, it actually sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Instead, you need to be susceptible to _love_. And indeed, that intrinsically makes you susceptible to harm. So vulnerability is far from a prerequisite to love. It just comes with the territory. This is why, when listening to this kind of talk, I always get this creeping suspicion that something is WAY off the mark. Maybe also because English isn't my first language. (Dutch is.) From where I'm sitting, this isn't about vulnerability ("kwetsbaarheid") _at all_. This is about what we call "ontvankelijkheid" - which turns out to be surprisingly hard to translate. Closest, most literal, is "receptivity" but that doesn't quite cut it. "Ontvankelijkheid" is in the realm of openness, responsiveness, _sincerity_. So I dare anyone to revisit this thinly veiled narrative on "toxic masculinity" with this concept in mind - and still maintain that men are taught to categorically fail in that department.

[@alannorman1773]

Thank you.

[@gigimarcela7079]

Unfortunately in America it is even worst, men beating women specially Hispanics. Heartfelt partnerships won't have this issue when they both come together and have accountability for their own actions. Too many are taught to be "independent" and " strong"

[@StepMap]

To answer that question at 0:55 - you should play soccer. With the mighty Hellcats :). Good speech man. You need to let us guys know when you give those so we can rock up.

[@satakshianand3533]

Men having feelings won't make them weak or feminine.. infact that's best when you understand your counter gender better..👍🏼

[@chadmagnus5850]

The #1 reason we teach boys to become men, is to take responsibility. For themselves and for all women, even those they never met and do not know of. The more responsibilities someone has, the more vulnerable they will become. This is why women cant tolerate MGTOWs and MRAs, because they are saying that men are vulnerable, and when men give up their responsibilities, certain groups of people lose their crap to the point of doing harassment, assault, or not concidering such men as humans. Dear speaker! Go out into the world and make an organisation called Mens Liberation Group, or Mens Freedom Org. and see how far you will get in a scoceity what is supposed to be "a system made by men, to benefit men".

[@TheDanymartin]

Question everything? I believe your moto was listened and believe.

[@tarico4436]

Sounds like a trickle down theory. Let's keep on doing the "he for she" stuff, and, after women start doing better, these women will happily start handing out concessions like equal child custody rights for both fathers and mothers. Um, I don't think that's gonna work. Why four out of five suicides are males is because we men really do have the business end of that plumber's helper on our faces, and women really are holding onto the wooden handles of those plungers. This video advises men to just lick and lick, because then everything will be just peachy. How is licking the inside of a plumber's helper gonna help? (Trigger warning: veiled golden shower reference, and veiled cunnilingus reference.)

[@skyh00k]

Thank you. I guess you might be a dude, maybe not. But speaking from personal experience in my 25 years of existence, men gotta solve their problems by themselves. It's easy for women to say that men need not act so tough, but in the end you realize it's all talk no action. Those suicide statistics speak for themselves.

[@tarico4436]

@@skyh00k Replying six years later, you are. Hehe. I totes forget everything about this video, and my comment! Oh well.

[@iatl67]

💚

[@Hansprivate]

Where was this enlightenment 20, 30, 40 or 50 years ago?

[@celebrity_rooster7488]

Should men be vulnerable? aka Should men be lazy?

[@sapitron]

NO.

[@Hatoflegends]

this guy contradicted himself so many times I lost count

[@miro-hristov]

"In Australia, the leading cause of death for women, ages 15-44 is men - they are killed by their intimate partners" LOL! I wish he said that earlier in the video so I could stop watching it then... not 8:34 minutes in. He was pretty annoying anyways but that definitely broke my bullshit-meter.

[@miro-hristov]

+Tijmen Brozius No. No need to. yourlogicalfallacyis.com/burden-of-proof . The burden of proof falls on the person making the claim, not the person doubting it.

[@nwoexposer89]

Agree. Sounds like false feminist statistics..

[@Scathsealgaire]

Hey Miro, thought you might like some stats. www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2015/oct/20/what-were-dying-from-the-leading-causes-of-death-in-australia Murder is not even in the top 5, of either sex. For it to be the leading cause of death, it would have to be more common than; Suicide, Accidental poisoning, Road transport accidents, Coronary heart disease and Breast cancer. "In Australia, the leading cause of death for women, ages 15-44 is men" No, it's Suicide. This guy is full of it.

[@miro-hristov]

Exactly my thoughts! lol

[@zarkoff45]

+Tijmen Brozius Murder isn't the leading cause of death for anyone but young black men: www.cdc.gov/women/lcod/2009/index.htm www.politifact.com/punditfact/statements/2014/aug/24/juan-williams/juan-williams-no-1-cause-death-african-americans-1/

[@ishthefish9006]

Lao

[@ansaif1976]

I won't take advice from someone wearing light green pants. MAN UP.

[@drakecliff8378]

Hahaha true that