Should You Apply Marriage Rules In Dating?

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[@sandyloosesit]

Marriage rules should apply once ya’ll make the decision that marriage is the goal of the relationship -Signed a happily married woman

[@mahlatsemorapedi9076]

Well put

[@kndli67]

If you aren’t trying to marry the person you’re going to date you shouldn’t be dating them just smash and leave don’t the way Yall talking it’s like there’s no emotion

[@itsruffoutchea6636]

​@@kndli67 very true, dating is just entertainment to people nowadays.

[@dustinnunes]

Agreed 👌🏾

[@afrothundar]

Agreed. My wife and I dated for a long time, but once we decided marriage was the goal our “rules” adjusted accordingly.

[@princetonis2real]

You should do whatever you and your partner agree with. And keep other people out of your business. That’s the best advice.

[@nik-at-nite]

And the only true advice. People love projecting their standards and rules onto others. Do what works best for you and yours.

[@princetonis2real]

@@nik-at-nite big freaking facts. You can Say that again

[@DMZ-251]

Definitely 💯 agree ..keep people out your relationships/business I learned the hard way

[@texasflower1212]

Not DJ Envy hanging up on the author while he was still talking!😂

[@kiddallstar25]

the biggest problem im noticing is no one is having those grown conversations about what they want early. Can you imagine going on a first date with someone and going over terms and conditions as to what they want in a relationship? You will save so much time and effort if you're not on the same page, but no one wants to do that.

[@R.Yvette.X.]

That only works if both parties are honest. In hit it culture, people will say anything to hit it. Long gone are the days where a Man sent a Woman away if she was marriage minded and he just wanted to hit.

[@cyna866]

So true

[@MsSwankie10]

I let dudes know off the bat what type of time I'm on.

[@ascribecalledtess7439]

Real talk! Putting all your cards on the table would save a lot of time and heartache. 💯💯💯

[@veebee8990]

This is how I think, but cannot find like minded men...

[@yochacole6704]

I think if you are dating to get married, it should be spoken about at the beginning so you won’t be wasting your time.. I agree with SJ Envy

[@251HELLCAT]

I just started dating someone and marriage is our goal. I don't think it's rushing, more so preparation. Learn together, grow together and become one

[@bigelowkaryn]

It's definitely a process of moving towards becoming one at a pace that makes sense for the couple

[@251HELLCAT]

@@bigelowkaryn agreed

[@ceokingjones7]

@@bigelowkaryn dry up heyo bnb

[@ceokingjones7]

@@bigelowkaryn see

[@antjones7019]

There's a huge difference between "Courting and Dating". Courting is the process of seriously and singularly getting to know a woman and her family--to make a decision on whether this person is marriage worthy for you. Dating is a lesser form of courting--it's more about having fun and exploring your options. You court the one you're committed to knowing better, and you date the ones you want to have fun with.

[@VerleanHurd]

I disagree, courting is letting the woman know you're interested. Dating is finding out if things can go further.

[@antjones7019]

@@VerleanHurd Yes, but dating doesn't equate to commitment. It's not always intentional, because you can "date" more than one person at a time. That's the difference.

[@user-sv8st5md9n]

its definitely NOT the norm in our society to date multiple people AT ONCE@@antjones7019

[@user-sv8st5md9n]

the "exploring options" feature is available if you're single, in open relationships or special situations where that's openly communicated

[@VerleanHurd]

@@antjones7019 You said the same thing I said. Just reworded it. Thank you for proving my point.

[@jstylez.z]

The woman I’m dating now did that on our first date. She brought up what she wanted which was kids and marriage. Not gonna lie at first my thoughts were that she was crazy and this is way too early to be discussing anything like this, but after giving it some thought. I respected it. It’s up to me to decide if I want to continue to date her or not and see if we share the same interests, values , and planned accordingly. All I’m saying, especially to my men…is don’t be afraid of commitment and of a woman who knows what she wants. You never know, it might be good for you. Or just communicate and let her know you’re not ready for those conversations and that’s okay too. All about communication.

[@jstylez.z]

Update.. she was just love bombing me lol

[@615JOHNLEE]

This is my perspective. Don’t fuckin waste my time. I intentionally date to marry and I let it be known up front. Having said that, I exhibit the qualities and actions of a married man, and if we establish that we are looking to grow as a union, I expect that in return. I’m not gambling on a woman who thinks that transitioning from dating to a married life is like a light switch. You don’t just up and change your normal behavior because of the license.

[@reproman695]

The separation of courting vs dating was the best clarification of the topic. The pig vs chicken was hilarious!

[@bonafidemc]

Dating is a new concept: we used to "court" a woman; we didn't date to have fun, we found a woman that we wanting to marry. Period. Full stop.

[@chillywillie6283]

You shouldn’t have kids together while you are dating. That’s the biggest mistake couples make.

[@ascribecalledtess7439]

Thee biggest mistake!! 💯💯💯💯

[@kutfromdifferentkloth]

I think the baby momma/daddy epidemic is confusing a lot of people about marriage rules in dating. Like having a child should be for marriage but we see so many people just having children willy nilly and with multiple people, I remember my granny said something about why buy the cow when you got the milk for free🎯

[@MsSwankie10]

Some people are widowed and remarry, hence more children. Some people divorce and remarry, hence more children. Then there are people who marry first, and have fertility issues so they found out until after they say I do that their woman can't even conceive or carry a child. There are levels to this and whether a person has a child or is childless, based on your cow milk statement, people are out here f*cking regardless of if they're a baby daddy or mommy.

[@jdubbersw777]

If people were honest about what they want from the relationship in the beginning; time wouldn't be wasted. Either you want to mess around, date or marry. It's simple. Folks make things too difficult these days. Make your intentions known from the beginning, so there is no confusion.

[@lastnamehurt]

Super married people giving super single people relationship advice is wild. It’s def not the same as it was when y’all was single 😂

[@lastnamehurt]

@@cacia-mcal a little loudeerrrrrr 🗣️🔊

[@rapcat1271]

​@@cacia-mcalwhat's the difference?

[@jinthehouse3210]

People lie, it's best to take your time to get to know who you're dating.

[@pmarcusb]

It's pretty sad that envy is the most reasonable one here. Your dating to get married. If not, your not dating, you just hanging out

[@Cooliescoo]

6:27 He was still talking Envy 😂 rude AF for that 1

[@marielowndes3442]

As a therapist working with domestic violence. Clear communication is the key identifying the behaviors that say trust or love. It is amazing how hard it is for the individual to identify behaviors that you feel love or trust.

[@seensay2132]

I agree. But since you’re the professional, what behaviors specifically say trust and love in your expert opinion?

[@sheilawyatt898]

Envy just be cutting people clean off. Especially if he don't agree with you.

[@SeekoGT]

Author failed the elevator pitch 😆

[@jiggleenutz]

Y'all didn't have to hang up on that man 😂

[@bharris3441]

People have different meanings of dating... For some people,dating is experimenting with different people, for others dating is an actual monogamous relationship where rules apply more... The issue is the people should be honest about intentions upfront, not after the fact

[@Taisha12001]

This is what happens when people confuse dating with courtship

[@mozzyl88]

Thats the problem.... TOO many folks out here playing house! Entirely no self control through the process of dating; folks want to get right to it with the benefits of marriage and totally shake the "covenant" with Father God

[@rooseveltwilliams1073]

All of this

[@wharris123184]

5:26 Q is TK Kirkland. Not fooling me. 😂

[@ArmandyLaPearl]

👏🏽👏🏽 yes DJ Envy

[@jbraggsthajoker]

Y’all just don’t know I needed to here this, this morning fr. 💯 Glad I tune in and listened.

[@Gotinks]

Sharing your location indefinitely in marriage is kind to permanent house arrest 😂 safe to say that's not going up last

[@KasanovaKee325]

Do what works for you. Idk why people try to make relationships harder than they already are.

[@Team90sBABE]

I like that men are calling in to discuss this topic! 🥰🥰

[@kazmir_]

Isnt the whole point of dating to see if it can be taken seriously? Forget the word "marriage" and just say "commitment" or "accountability", either way yall should be trying to grow together or why you wasting time.. so the rules should apply as time goes by. People mind as well say dating = hoeing with there logic.

[@kevindavis4585]

How is this marriage rules? This is just vetting which you should be doing with all relationships

[@R1278-rm7tw]

If I’m dating and can’t picture what a marriage would be like with a woman; I’m not proposing. Women will promise you everything that you want, but AFRER y’all get married …

[@corrineharper1050]

If you been with someone for more then 5yrs yes Marriage rules should be applied cuz sometimes ppl can't legally marry because of certain circumstances

[@ashlynnaldridge7228]

Sharing my location indefinitely 😂😂😂

[@maskedman5657]

Obvious question. Obvious answer. No.

[@_Tree]

On the first date.....No! If you want to be exclusive.....depends on if you want a future together

[@marielowndes3442]

What said I could trust my husband was that he was always where he said he would be. He said the money was in the bank and it was. He liked to hunt and I never asked him how much his dogs cost. I liked horses he never asked me how much the horse cost. Money tends to be equated with power which is a universal problem in relationships. Also demeaning the work of keeping a house presentable. Both of you live in the space, both of you are responsible for the space, or the two of you have identified another solution. Keeping first in your mind that a person always want respect from another. What behaviors say respect to you.

[@mfoot2012]

Got to disagree with Charla and agree with the first caller. Anyone who wants a long-term relationship is effectively "interviewing" for the FTE position of spouse in someone else's life. This is because nothing should change once you're married. And I mean absolutely nothing. Who your spouse was BEFORE you married them is who they should be after. That is why its important to know if they CAN follow marriage rules. Not approaching it with this mindset makes you an independent contractor, which is fine if that's your goal. But your contract WILL eventually end and the chances of you being hired on full-time will be based on how well you performed in the "interview". If you follow Charla's logic, you're not going to perform well and everyone's time will have been wasted.

[@pfunk1992]

Envy at 10:40 😂

[@cannonflacko6214]

The way they hung up on the nigga that wrote the book is funny as hell 🤣🤣🤣🫡

[@wharris123184]

Envy needs to sit this one out LMAO

[@allenwinters8103]

You should. I'm not saying out the gate but 6 months after dating u should be preparing for marriage it dont take long

[@jas1565]

😳

[@THAFLIGHT]

PIG AND CHICKEN COMPARISON 😂 DA CAMERAMAN

[@sneakykamon]

I will say one of my biggest annoyances is finding out when a couple moves in together too fast. I'm in my mid-30s now so maybe it was just my generation but I knew a lot of people during my 20s who would get into a new relationship then about 1-3 months in, they would move in together -- whether that's moving into one party's house (or their parents house tbh) or getting a place together. Then they would complain nonstop about the person they chose to live with. I never understood rushing into the living together stage when the whole point of dating is getting to know each other beforehand🤷🏾‍♂️ Edit: I should be fair and say that some of those couples that I met are still together today but its because they put in the work so I salute them🫡

[@lastnamehurt]

They “fell in love” for the wrong reasons

[@kimberlyglover86]

I actually am old school and do not believe in living with somebody before marriage. I believe that you still need your space and absolutely no keys 🔑 to my house until after we’re engaged.

[@acestar4891]

Because you never truly know a person u til you start to live with them

[@sneakykamon]

@@lastnamehurtOh absolutely! I got a cousin that when he met his first girlfriend online 10 yrs ago, he moved her into his mom's house within 2 weeks! He asked me to lend him some dvds so they could watch a movie together and since I was heading his way, I told him I'd drop them off. Dude practically twisted my arm just to get me to meet her and her overall vibe was weird. Soon as she went home, my cousin called me telling me he loved her. 2 weeks later when I went to pick up my dvds, she had moved in, and even though he never said she moved in, it was obvious because everything in his room had changed. 1 month later, she was pregnant with their first kid, she even cheated on him during the pregnancy and he still had a second kid with her. 10 years later and now its "I hate that b*tch!🤬" and he has no problem saying it in front of his kids now that they live with him smdh...

[@sneakykamon]

@@kimberlyglover86I have more respect for the women who think like you tbh. I had a female best friend who was def guilty of this issue. I saw her in 3 straight relationships where all three of the men moved into her place within a month or two and what pissed me off about it was the fact that she was a mother to two young boys and their father was still in the kids' lives while she was doing that. The last boyfriend I saw her live with stole money from her safe before taking a trip and she tried to blame it on her baby daddy. Once I saw a pattern, I just told her that idgaf about her relationship problems and left it at that🤷🏾‍♂️

[@QueXopa79]

I don’t want to get to know anyone at this point in my life. I feel like most ppl do not have good intentions. Im good.. leave me alone!

[@KingFlexington51]

What are these rules that’s exclusively for marriage? Because most of the time when someone in a relationship brings up not being married it’s usually in relation to them cheating or doing something they partner would approve of.

[@Solorflare99]

If you move you move into together and/or have kids then you have to start taking things serious like a marriage.

[@DMZ-251]

Never make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings

[@mtownboi4ya]

Whhhhaaaaaa! Come thru K97 💯💯💯

[@TheAlkebulanTrust]

Rules???...end of the day parents are supposed to guide their children and prepare them for adulthood which include marriage life. All these rules are what's make your dating and marriage unsuccessful. Will keep it all the way 100. If you are a provider that's just who you are and how you was raised. Same way if you are a nurturer that is who you are and how you was raised. You can't just switch it on and off. So when you are your natural authentic self if a marriage life is what you want and your "dating" then it would feel like marriage.

[@igotthemunchies7292]

If y’all have been together for a while and live together yes but my generation isn’t mature enough for all that

[@eastbayant7606]

The last caller sound like TK Kirkland

[@tamikemitchell4788]

Yes rules to respect your mate

[@PaulJeremyphent]

I don’t have any need to date or court ever. I’m not controlling, and will not be controlled. I’m free.

[@HITTHEHAZARD]

I think we should first ask and learn what are the rules of marriage and what are the rules of dating. And separate these two by what you define each to be. Also the rules of one couple may not be the rules of another. That’s the beauty of relationship, you make it what you want it.

[@geezjunior]

Nah hanging up on Q while you’re on his topic is crazy 😂😂 Danm envy

[@dupree380]

The divorce rate too high to care foreal. So marriage rules don't even work for marriages

[@soninsolenceallsaint1511]

Dating = Practice ... Marriage = Game time.

[@robertmcphaul1807]

we need to stop putting a Microwave results on marriage, it takes time, it's a journey.

[@roycekrispie]

No……. dating is dating. Married is married.

[@princetonis2real]

Simple. I agree with you

[@terrenceedmonds1890]

When the "I like you" morph into "I love you" into "your the one"...when you into that late 2nd trimester that's when the startup of marriage rules should be birth

[@jonsmith3218]

Some things, like trauma, people may not be comfortable sharing in the first couple dates. You should let the person know if you’re dating with intent or nah.

[@gilbertaguilar4597]

There shouldn't be any rules. Rules are for kids in school not for grown folks.

[@marielowndes3442]

It is an individual response. Requires soul searching and talking to each other. Also talking to yourself, you have to know what says love and trust to yourself. The person has to identify 3 or 4 behaviors that says I love you, or I can trust you.

[@andrerivera1941]

Still confusing but I appreciate how they acknowledge dating as 2 people. Because in this era dating somehow became date 6 people at once and pick the best one

[@jas1565]

If someone is dating 6 different people, it's likely because they aren't exclusive with any of them. There's nothing wrong with exploring your options until you feel a connection with someone and making it exclusive.

[@lamontsatterwhite3244]

That pig metaphor was crazy 😂😂

[@maijorfilmstv4656]

Tht dnt make sense. Y would i treat u like my wife n u a gf

[@globalwarning8716]

Black community topics be the most repeated bland , bottomless topics

[@coryhunter2486]

That's my homie Quaran Wages book.

[@welchless]

Last caller was absolutely correct and Envy's opinions is moot because he was with his wife since they were in their late teens/early adulthood. He never actually dated. Just cheated.

[@kristanpettiford7743]

If you're dating with the marriage being the ultimate goal, then marriage mindset is a must during dating... marriage benefits reserved for marriage (& that goes both ways... ) I treat all men that I date with respect knowing that they are someone's husband whether my future husband or another woman's husband and I expect the same in return. Marriage mindset during dating helps ensure that you're asking the right questions and engaging in activities that will assist you in determining if the person is someone you can do life with (is this your purpose partner?)

[@hjones46320]

Charlamagne, how you let that fly & one of yo favorite places is Chick-fil-A. A chicken gotta give its life for u to enjoy Chick-fil-A, Popeyes, KFC or any other thing with chicken in it.😂

[@dustinnunes]

Envy off on this one. He not wrong! You just can't give marriage energy in a fresh relationship before really knowing them

[@milleezy]

All these callers are people who aren’t married and probably won’t be married. Everything they’ve discussed aren’t marriage rule and it doesn’t seem like they understand what marriage is. A better question woulda been “what do you consider marriage rules and when do you start adding them to your relationship?”

[@already5912]

This a funny topic because a lot of women come in with marriage expectations and then flips the script when every single standard is not met. Women want it all without meeting you half way with their all....

[@cortion730]

The lines between dating, courting, relationship, marriage are blurred for a lot of people. It’s all about communication and compatibility with a person.

[@Amdidry]

you give what you get and get what you give

[@samoxford5268]

I don't like wasting my time, so I was always very clear very early in dating.

[@maryfields877]

No, no, and hell no!!! No ring, no commitment. That's all, the end.

[@leiutley4083]

DON'T HAVE SEX 😊

[@breaseonbuy]

Marriage rules should apply don't get in a relationship if your not ready .. be friends first before committing so you both know what you want

[@robertmcphaul1807]

asking questions vice treating each other like husband and wife is totally two different things.....

[@jamikaperrin9555]

When your dating with a purpose and know what you want. Then date accordingly!

[@michaelmore2luv]

I agree with Charlemagne

[@akeem2752]

You have to look at many factors. What would be the reason for getting married? What does ot mean to be married? Marriage traditionally is for religious purposes and to join powerful families. Does the other person have a religion or do they want children? There are millions of couples that still form unions thru arranged marriages. So is it truly necessary to date to find the person you're compatible with? Do you have to legally get married to be "married"? And what benefits will you get from being married especially to this person.

[@MJFlairs]

The difference in people's preferences are too complex to have one definite answer for everyone. The right or wrong answer depends on the ones dating each other, and I touch on this in my self-help ebook. If they both want to date with marriage rules, then its okay. If they both don't want to date with marriage rules, then it's okay. If one wants to date with marriage rules, but the other doesn't, then both should compromise or one fully change if they deem the other person valuable enough for it.

[@MJFlairs]

Go get my ebook A Guide to Balance, Fulfillment, and Happiness for Yourself and a Healthy Long-Term Relationship to possibly help with dilemmas like these.

[@big1709_]

No marriage rules in dating… we just gonna let the relationship grow

[@janedough6410]

I think it depends upon your intentions. Just going out on dates, the flow or casual; marriage rules shouldn't apply. However if marriage is your goal, then apply the rules. Ex: I date with the intent of marriage. I won't overtly state anything about it (a guy will run for the hills. 😆). But subconsciously I'm observing to see if you're marriage material and possess like qualities. On the other end, If I want to be married, I conduct myself like a wife.... not a fool 🤨.

[@ronnyt2242]

Marriage rules?? What about commitment and couple rules. Creating a set of rules and expectations that best suits your relationship as a couple. Marriage and just adding government and judicial paper work should not be the only reason you treat the person you love a certain way. I know of long term relationships (20+ years) with no marriage licenses that have outlasted those with them.

[@BeLovedDyNasty]

🤔

[@kay_oshun-fitgoddess0813]

Marriage rules should kick in once marriage is discussed. This is the reason so many women end up heartbroken & angry. Giving wifey, when they should be giving GF. The man usually leaves them & marries the next woman to come along. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@AyyuBX7]

No. If you're not married then no marriage rules should apply. The plane ole respect one another is good enough. Also, no one is dating until they both speak on it officially.

[@yochacole6704]

It they not ready move on early

[@CC-si3cr]

Why are Envy's values about marriage based on a woman's finances? How is someone's bad credit or low credit score a deal breaker? I understand if someone has filed bankruptcy 2x is not ideal, but you can always help someone clean up their credit. It's a lot harder to find a nice person. > > I definitely don't agree w/CTG. In his world you don't behave as a married man or woman until you are actually married seems a bit late to me. > > I am not talking to anybody if marriage isn't on the table otherwise it is a waste of my time! Periodt.

[@dmoney2310]

Big Sue did a job . Sue Rep Memphis Good ❤💪🏿💯

[@adamrivera2499]

No lie my boyfriend and i moved fast in the early stages of are relationship but are love is greater then ever

[@MrPahoward09]

This conversation is for single people only ,not married individuals

[@rapcat1271]

I only take dating advice from people who have been married for over 30 years

[@lamarcoupe]

No.. thats why marriage and dating are two separate things.