Should you date a man with kids?

[@levanahbatlila859]

I think it is better for someone who has no children to be with some who also has no children.

[@KnowthyCELLF01]

My exact thoughts. Speaking from what I'm currently experiencing right now, you are 100% correct from where I stand.

[@musicgirl999]

At the same time, if you’re in your 30s like I am for instance, most men in their 30s have kids! It honestly never hurts to give a guy a chance at least.

[@TheRealDebbieH]

You are right on. I simply do not like kids.

[@juliathehbic31]

There’s zero benefit to dating a single parent when you’re childfree.

[@MelaniaRose]

Definitely! Some single dads are delusional about the headaches they bring to a relationship 😂

[@sharchannel1836]

Agreed and lots if them are still in love with the mother of their child

[@sharchannel1836]

​@@MelaniaRoseagreed they bring headache and drama and then call the childless woman the problem....

[@mrhernandez8256]

Lmao... single fathers do way better than single mothers we have our shit in order.

[@Nurmi860]

If you have an open heart and enjoy children then the benefit is more love. Women have such closed hearts to any children other than their own sad

[@jorgeanner8577]

Don’t date a man with kid/s!!! It sucks! No matter how much you love him and die for him it’s just not worth staying forever! You can get out and find the ideal man with no baggage! Been there done that! Trust me, I know it’s hard but it’s even harder if you stay. It just hurts forever..

[@tommygun5.3]

It's easier for a woman to find a man with minimal "baggage" because 99% of the time it's the woman (mom) who has custody of the kids.

[@setnomA]

@zadose hell yes. Im a full time dad (mom chose drugs) to my daughter and i dont care if i stay single. My daughter is and always will be my priority. At times it gets lonely... But my child is everything to me and we have such a close bond. Id sacrifice anything for her

[@deelong3687]

Tommy Gun Child support is still enormous baggage. If they get married the stepmom can wind up paying it.

[@CS-pl1re]

@zadose hahaha true. My ex told me nothing can come between me and my kids 😂😂 I was out, and that kid had a big mouth to

[@mileyroe4877]

Thank you.

[@TheSunshinefee]

don't date or marry a man with (small) children. you will always come second and he has lived his life, you get less

[@pitbullizzy]

This is truth!!! You'll never be a priority.

[@anonymoususer450]

As a man I won't date single moms so I think it's smart for a woman to stay away from the single dad. It's better to have your first child together as a family rather than enter someone else's already existing family

[@loulou_nh]

Anonymous User I started dating a divorced man a year ago and after 5 months his ex gave him full custody of the kids and he told me later that he doesn’t want to marry again and he doesn’t wanna have others kids now the life has changed a lot cos for sur his kids are his priority and I do understand however it’s so hard to not be a priority and sometimes I feel lonely 😔 i don’t know what to do ! Because he is very nice with me but if i think with my brain this guy doesn’t want family with me I feel I’m just wasting my time with him

[@anonymoususer450]

@@loulou_nh If you are unhappy in the relationship and really want your own family and your own kids, you probably would be better off in another relationship, even if he is nice. You two may not be compatible with each other if you guys want different things

[@loulou_nh]

Anonymous User agree with you :((

[@deelong3687]

Gorgeous Flower there are other nice guys out there. I know it’s hard to venture into the unknown, but what you know is that this man won’t give you the life you want.

[@jamesbonofffradestin761]

@@loulou_nh how old are you?

[@Zoraya4833]

Childfree women should NOT waste time dating or marrying baby daddies.

[@lovekavita]

I don’t think that’s true. There can be a lot of beauty in being a stepparent.

[@monicag6715]

Like what? Feeling alone, used and disrespected?

[@dbpool]

That's hilarious... single women with kids all over the place all want some poor sap to step "up" and take care of them.. What a dual standard. Men shouldn't touch a woman with kids with a 10 foot pole.

[@vonDrouver3000]

​@@lovekavitaNo , thank you! I felt like a 3rd wheel all of the time and no respect from kids no matter how hard you try! Never again!

[@musicgirl999]

I have one friend who’s been with her guy for years now. She and him have two kiddos together. He has 3 kids from someone else one of them in heaven. She told me her guy has never made her feel like she’s second. He has ALWAYS put her first right there with his kids!

[@kristilee7006]

It’s wonderful to hear there are men out there that can do it right!

[@janethsu7076]

I like older dudes and I'm 36 now, which means I've dated many single dads. From my experiences and what I've seen, the biggest challenge of dating single dads is that when we do understand that their priorities are kids and works. However, they take it for granted from the girls they date and expect them to understand and accept it unconditionally. I mean what we want is just the appreciation and consideration from them when we're being understanding since we already know that they're single dads before we start dating them. I do understand that their schedule is busy and could be crazy sometimes, but what I'm looking for is that they'd like to make the efforts and be considerate to my feelings instead of expecting me to take it or leave it. I think that's the biggest blind spot that they need to learn before they become ready for another serious relationships.

[@jackieruso6493]

Agreed!

[@meini2463]

Wow! you nailed it. I had exactly same feeling. He took it for granted! In addition, they always have financial issues, even they make $200k a year. They pay almost 45% to the EX, while they can't spend even 10% on you as his wife.

[@janethsu7076]

@@meini2463 I'm sorry to hear it.. Yea, if he makes 200k a year, I believe his ex will get as much as possible from him based on the number of children they have and length of marriage. Single dads have dramas everyday either from their exes or kids tbh, that's why most of them only date single moms. It's because they understand each others situation and schedule better just like doctor and nurse. Nevertheless, good luck and be positive, maybe he will change for you one day :).

[@meini2463]

@@janethsu7076 Thank you :). I don't want him to change. I don't want him at all. I am 37 and like older guys but never ever lower my standard to be in love again . Most of single dads take advantage of the childless women. I got my lesson. It won't happen for me again!

[@ImranKhan-tj3dr]

Hi ❤❤😍

[@angelablackthorne3026]

If you want to be really happy, fulfilled, and succeed in a relationship, I can strongly recommend a "NO CHILDREN" policy as the top of your list for dating qualifications wholeheartedly. Children, especially young children who live at home, complicate relationships exponentially even when they're your own. When they're someone else's? It makes it very unlikely the relationship will work out and succeed in the long run. Remarriage statistics aren't good already. This is true even when the bio mother is gone from the picture, has abandoned her children or even died, there are simply huge problems with managing "blended families". If you don't have a child don't buy into more baggage than you're bringing. And oh gosh, if you can't have a child, or have lost a child or miscarried? DEFINITELY DO NOT MARRY someone with children. You'll be constantly callously reminded of your infertile/childless status as though it's a personal failure and a character flaw and how it's "all for the best" because you're so fill-in-the-blank with manufactured cruel and false knife-twisting personal criticisms. There are a lot of people preferentially choosing not to have children these days. If you can't have children or have lost a child find someone who doesn't have them and definitely doesn't want them in preference to becoming a step-parent. Rather than "filling that void", the nearly inevitable rejection will only serve to deepen the pain. Go to grief counseling for yourself and marry a truly single man instead. Choosing someone with no children will smooth the path for any relationship considerably. Kids of divorce or of the "Baby Daddy/he never married my mom" variety are generally angry and wounded and will see you as taking something away from their family, even if you didn't even know their father when their parent's relationship ended. Just don't do that to yourself. It's painful and rarely rewarding. Children will very rarely accept stepmothers. You're in for a lot of undeserved grief as a stepmom. Don't go there unless you enjoy being stomped on like a doormat. Children statistically accept stepfathers much more easily than a stepmother, but even those stats are not good. If you try to come in with a normal, reasonable expectation that you and your feelings are just as important as anyone else in the family, you're in for a rude awakening. You'll be "checked" on that really fast and really hard. If you're sensitive at all, forget it. Kids can be cruel and they will be unfair, judgmental, and cruel to you about everything, every day of your life for the entire time you're married to their father. It will be their goal to get rid of you. Don't be fooled even if they're polite and well-behaved before the wedding. The day you move in with their family they'll be fantasizing about you being gone and gunning to throw in every monkey wrench they can to kill your marriage. Mark my words. You'll have to be fully dressed in your own house day and night until they move out lol and they'll never move out! And sex? Forget about sex. You'll have to go to a hotel. They'll complain bitterly if they hear even the slightest squeak or bump out of your bedroom. It won't matter how good or kind or caring or patient or helpful to them you are, you're always going to be the Evil Stepmonster. Exceptions are too rare to be given meaningful consideration. Your needs will always be placed at the lowest priority for this type of family, even by your spouse, who should champion you and be united with you in setting rules and boundaries and sharing their parental authority with you. They will side against you with their children even when they're totally wrong. It's hurtful and dysfunctional. Don't go there. Why start your life off against the worst possible odds? Find someone who can put you first (because you are their only!) and give you the love and attention you deserve in a marriage. I don't know why so many people think they want kids. It's a strong biological drive and society was formed around "peopling the earth" when there weren't nearly 8 Billion people on our planet-but that's their problem, it doesn't have to become yours. Even adult offspring can be difficult. So tread carefully there as well. For every happy ending "Brady Bunch" story there are hundreds of thousands of blended family disasters. If you think having your own baby together will somehow make the family bond look at Meghan Markle. The way those half-siblings of hers have publicly attacked her is sadly typical of what your child can hope for as the "bonding baby". If you really want a successful, happy marriage avoid the clustercuss of a blended family altogether. Even If you have your own child already the same holds true. Why choose someone who has baggage that will further complicate your and your child's already distressingly complicated life? Trust me. Here there be monsters. I wouldn't make that same mistake again for anything.

[@deepdiver849]

Wow seems you had some deep experience!

[@mz.c.3729]

I agree with you 100%. I am STUCK. I fell in love with a single father snd I made the mistake of moving in. Worst choice of my life! Love makes you do stupid shit!

[@chadmight]

Thank you 😊 I agree with you . I’ve been told before that I’ll have to settle for a single dad because most men have kids .. well I don’t agree with that . Life is all about choices. In this big world I’m sure I’m not the only single person who feels this way . Some kids are ok but they aren’t mine. Being any kind of parent is too stressful. I believe God called me to be child free .

[@karinaz.9182]

I met a man, where we feel so strongly for each other. He’s laid it out that he wants to be with me and is so consistent and generous and kind to me. The problem is the baby momma gets in the way since he supports her since she’s sick, and plus he has his kids on weekends too. It’s put a dent in our time together and it sucks.

[@erikagomez8887]

darn, thank you

[@themandinkafamily]

I look at ppl with kids as having baggage. I just prefer giving someone our first child

[@emmaxu5895]

never believe when a single daddy tells u that u will be as important as my kids to me. U will never be important as the kids to him.

[@missxmarvel]

If you are child free but date a man with kids then you have no self worth. You rather be at the end of the priority list.

[@Solrac1424]

Thr same happens if a man dates a single mother. She'll always put her children first. I dont want to enter as an underdog

[@MelaniaRose]

Child free people should start fresh and build their own families.

[@naomigates30]

This is a dumb ass statement!!! Sometimes you find a great match with a man/ woman with kids. Some single folks will keep your ass at the bottom as well. Just saying...

[@MelaniaRose]

Naomi g great match ? Taking on someone with kids is not easy when you don’t have any yourself. someone whom has the same life experience is better.

[@iamandreinabordas]

Tough pill to swallow but probably true. Just recently ended a relationship with a divorced man with two kids and working on rebuilding my self worth and confidence through therapy to avoid making such choices again in the future. No matter how great and wonderful this man can be with you, his kids will always come first and you second. So glad I realised this before moving in with him or getting married.

[@VitaminVee11]

This was like a free therapy session. Lol, thank you for the good conversation.

[@michellealfred5958]

I agree with her 100%...I sacrificed all of my time, emotional energy, and money for a man who just needed someone to watch his kids and pleasure him. Dealing with a man with no kids is already enough in itself, much less a man and his extended family. It's a no for me...

[@lovekavita]

It’s good to know what you want, and there is a belief in there that you need to take care of your man more than being taken care if by him. It’s important to look at that.

[@inyourdreams444]

I'm 31 and I refuse to date men with kids. They'll match my dating profile that CLEARLY says this then tell me "I know you said you don't date men with kids but I think we have a lot in common" *BLOCKED* No one will guilt trip me into signing up for a negative equity situation full of BM drama, bad a** kids I have 0 say in disciplining and being 2nd to a man who expects me to put him first. Also, if he created 1-2+ single mothers, what makes you think you won't be his next victim? High risk, low reward. Sounds desperate if you ask me.

[@lovekavita]

I don’t think there is only one way to see men with kids. And not all men expect to be treated first. It’s very situational. You get to want what you want for sure. But be careful about closing your heart up. Men can be trustworthy.

[@inyourdreams444]

@@lovekavita Too much drama that comes with it for me. I'm currently watching a childless family member go through the headache of dealing with a man's disrespectful kids & lazy money hungry ex who keeps upping the child support payments which is taking money out of their household & causing her financial strain...when she can literally walk away & deal with none of these problems. LOL No thanks. I found me a partner with no kids like myself and couldn't be happier. Relationships are complicated enough than to want to deal with 3rd & 4th parties (ex's & kids).

[@Zoraya4833]

​@@lovekavitamule & male identified. Gurl bye

[@vscollector]

That will always be the problem with these men. They put their kid first, and put you second. And yet they expect you to put them first. Whaaa???

[@JD-de5mq]

The answer is NO

[@t6gear]

I dated a woman with kids, it was over once her ex brought flowers for her the third time he came over in 1 week. That was time to pack up, everything these women are saying is true.

[@H1GHD3FF]

Remember you arr last but your money is first

[@monicag6715]

Don’t give him more than $2

[@micheleowens698]

Its up to the man to set the boundaries.

[@wisdom.ofthegods]

Why not let it be a discussion.

[@Spokentruths725]

Michele Owens right but they never do. They’re usually passive aggressive and still try to have their way with both women. And for some reason the mother of the child always feels like she’s special just because she has a kid, sometimes its not even his first one. Men hate setting boundaries in situations like that. They want everyone to just get along but that’s hard to do with women.

[@MelaniaRose]

Very rarely in most cases

[@sarahscalpel561]

Ha the baby daddy can set boundaries and a crazy baby momma will stomp all over them...

[@moulikaroy2366]

Some people learn by their own bad experience and some people learn by other people's bad experiences. Be the second one. I have a VERY bad experience dating a single dad. Being a childless women it does NOT feel good to be someone's second. And sometimes when you feel like telling them you want to be the first priority in some cases you feel Guilt. You will always be trapped between these feelings.

[@user-iz7hz3fo1z]

I dated a single dad ...I wasn't second ...I was nothing ...his ex comes first and other women who are in his company ...they cannot truly love ...their hearts are for their kids ...they just try to fill a gap ...especially the sexual part of the relation ...but their mind and emotions will never be your...and the step mom is easily replaceable ...they don't mind ..because you are not the mum ..you don't have that important value to his family .. The worst person to date are parents I'm Arabian from Jordan ..here the step mom is not respected by society ..they consider her evil.... Women deserve love ,respect not pain ...

[@ImranKhan-tj3dr]

I m here ❤❤😍🌷

[@slinkiegirl2001]

CAUTIONARY TALE I DATED A SINGLE MAN WITH 2 KIDS 4 AND 2, HE TOLD ME THE MOM LEFT HIM WHEN THE YOUNGEST WAS 3 MONTHS DUE TO SUBSTANCE ABUSE, HE TOLD ME THE MOM WAS NOT ON THE SCENE AND IF SHE GOT HER ACT TOGETHER AND WANTED TO BE IN HER KIDS LIVES HE WOULD ALLOW THAT, I HAD NO PROBLEM WITH THAT BUT WHAT THE TIME WASTER DID NOT TELL ME IS SHOULD HIS BABY MOMA COME BACK HE WOULD WANT TO GIVE IT ANOTHER GO WITH HER FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS, WELL THE MOM DID COME BACK AFTER 2 YEARS AFTER I WAS LIKE A SURROGATE MOM FOREVER BABYSITTING NOT GOING OUT OR SEEING MY MATES LOOKING AFTER HIS KIDS THEN HE TELL ME THAT THE MOM HAS GONE CLEAN AND HE OWED IT TO HIS KIDS TO MAKE A FRESH START I WAS DUMPED AFTER WASTING 2 PRECIOUS YEARS OF MY LIFE WITH A MAN WHO WAS NOT STRAIGHT WITH ME FROM THE OFF I FELT USED HE ALWAYS KNEW IN HIS HEART HE WOULD WANT TO MAKE A GO OF IT WITH HIS BABY MOM SO NOW I DO NOT DATE SINGLE DADS TOO COMPLICATED

[@killette2]

ease off the capslock cool

[@monicag6715]

She probably fell off the wagon again and will need your complimentary services until she returns again.

[@ReoAvila]

If you don't have the baggage of a child, stay away from single fathers. The baby mom will always try to sabotage your relationship and her child will always serve as a reminder of her and their dysfunctional relationship. You'll be involved in their drama and constantly be reminded that he made a child with someone else. Especially if you want your own healthy family one day where the man's first fatherhood is experience is with you (and trust me, you will).

[@jcqlnr464]

I feel like the girl conducting the interview has never dated a man with children, I feel like she just doesnt get how bad it feels to not be prioritized and to have to put up with the baby mama drama. It sucks feeling like a 3rd wheel and that's been my experience dating a man with children.

[@moulikaroy2366]

I know. I am in a similar position and its getting toxic day by day. I keep asking myself everyday why did i do this to myself.

[@feliciaboston6365]

@@moulikaroy2366are you still with him now?

[@kristilee7006]

Same here, very painful experience.

[@jcqlnr464]

@@kristilee7006 I'm sorry friend. You're not alone.

[@CindyLovesMetal]

I don't want to date no one with kids.

[@CoughinInACoffin19]

It really touched me in a deep way when you both reached the point of understanding that it was the lack of love and attention from the parents that sets you up for going into most life situations feeling secondary or less than! That made so much sense to me, and I think working on that core issue will help me be open to relationships in the future, and they'll be in a much healthier place emotionally. Thank you!

[@lovekavita]

+CoughinInACoffin19 Thank you so much for your comment! What did this help you see for your own life? :)

[@monicag6715]

My parents refused to discipline my brother - I always tried to but they stopped me - and I was biologically related to him. I cannot go through that again as a step mom. The outcome was devastating.

[@tylermatoff9504]

I'm a single man with kids ... I don't want my ex .. I don't want to even exist on the same planet lol ... but I know how hard it must be for women .. I know I have to be a strong man and be understanding of the past of my lover .. but this is to much to ask a woman to understand .. after watching this .. I realise now I am not meant for love ... and I can never be loved ... I suppose it gives me some closure in knowing that I have failed as a "real man" i wish you ladies all the best in findingnthat love and a place that makes you happy

[@Iamsimplyfree]

What you say makes me sad but I am dating a man with young kids and it's hard for me and getting harder. I want his time and he just cannot give me that, I feel like I'm shorthanded and not really that important bc our quality time is minimal. I love that he's a good father but I deserve to be priority to my man so I have internal war in my mind everyday and eventually don't think I can continue it.

[@clairew4829]

This is exactly what happened to me. I fell absolutely head over heels for this man who has a two year old but the more I fell in love, the harder the relationship became. His baby mama was too much and he felt the same way about her as you do but I had to leave. It was too much stress emotionally.

[@vAndres49erz]

@@Iamsimplyfree You should leave. I'm sure you can find another guy.

[@deelong3687]

zadose Men like this ironically don’t even consider single mothers as potential partners. He deserves to be alone.

[@loulou_nh]

Christina Brooks I’m suffering like u it’s so difficult 😢

[@vaniathomas8859]

She is speaking my life... I grew up having to be self sufficient, and the good girl.... So I now get taken for granted by men, because I'm such the good girl..... I didn't cause my parents any issues so they didn't pay me attention. I never got enough attention and affection... I never learnt how to ask for attention or affection because I never received it.

[@noelianoliz3583]

Same

[@Qu33nK98]

Same!!

[@Wildcat-Woman]

This is so spot on for me. I ran across this video randomly, and the timing is so insanely perfect! Thank you for sharing. Such a beautiful message and such beautiful women! ❤️

[@tarawalton6778]

For me as well.

[@jayjoyce6986]

I totally agree. It's the same for us. Single moms are un-datable.

[@Melly16yr10]

Understandable because as a women, child free I wouldn’t date a single dad at all.

[@1OfdaKoldest]

NO NO and NO!!! Run the other way!!!! I refuse to date a man that has small children. Its not for me. I think Id be able to deal with a man that has adult kids but not small ones.

[@mumbenzidinah9511]

I have kids but I want to date a without kids

[@sagittariuslady2846]

@@mumbenzidinah9511 that’s selfish , u need to date someone with kids if u already have them

[@feliciaboston6365]

@@sagittariuslady2846😂😂😂

[@feliciaboston6365]

@@sagittariuslady2846don’t tell people what to do lol

[@zwad3423]

​@@sagittariuslady2846😂😂this made me laugh

[@tommygun5.3]

I'm single w/o kids and have dated women with kids. I grew up with a step dad and am greatful he was there because he taught me so much. When I try to set boundaries with their kids and be a father figure I get shut down because they're her kids and she knows how to raise them. I go in knowing if it doesn't work then I loose that connection with her, her kid(s), and her dog. Heartbreak X3 or more.

[@deelong3687]

Aww

[@resianemaculate.]

Tommy Gun, I lost my hubby.Can you please be a father figure to my two kids?

[@tommygun5.3]

@@resianemaculate. I don't know your circumstances... God speed.

[@resianemaculate.]

@@tommygun5.3 my hubby passed on 6 years a go. My kids keep on asking for him. I really pray God will give them some one who can guide them as a Father would,talk to them and encourage thrm

[@cinnamonthomas3075]

The lost connection with the dog🥲🥲

[@AbundantPossibilities]

This really strikes a chord, and says exactly what I've been feeling. I've been dating the love of my life (I'm 39, and finally know what that looks and feels like) and he has a son. It's been a challenge at times to articulate what comes up for me when his son or ex (girlfriend and mother of his child) is at all times in the picture. I was afraid it was plain jealousy but knew it was something deeper. Our communication has always been good (mainly based on him being a psychologist) but this hasn't been something I've been able to fully articulate with him or with myself. Thank you for sharing

[@deelong3687]

How are things going for you all?

[@ImranKhan-tj3dr]

Hi ❤❤😍

[@missxmarvel]

No never ever go after that trap in human form. Single fathers aren’t there to make you happy or feel loved, be a gentleman in your life, it’s just to keep himself off the leftover category. They want you to make their life interesting again and make you put up with his kids. Don’t ever think he’ll keep his kids out of the relationship because that’s a lie. He will only tell you what you want to hear and when he has you he’ll show his true colours and you will be baby mama nr two.

[@The_torero]

PREACH👏👏👏

[@JenEm08]

Oof 😅 ouch

[@noelianoliz3583]

If the children are grown, yes. If not, no way.

[@111JenA]

Noelia Noliz In my situation and the kids were adults 19 and 23 both still living at home. They were allowed to live at home until they finished college. Not to mention the grandkids come, it never ends. These people never truly move on in their life. You can raise a child without having to talk to your ex.I’m not into this best friends with my ex stuff. It always ends up a disaster.

[@christineboutin4971]

I agree. But in my experience the kids were older but the man continues to walk on egg shells, holding on to the past, not letting go. I know what I have to do, it sucks because the chemistry is great.

[@staceywilliams1863]

christine boutin He’ll always have this undying loyalty to his kids and their mother, especially when he’s the reason the relationship failed.

[@angelaattenbon4788]

Grown children can present problems you could not have imagined when for instance daughters who have never been given boundaries treat the father's house like a hotel while also still living with the mother. So the man fully expects you to be OK dating with her at home with him all weekend with booze and boys in her bedroom or walking in when you think she is out with the boyfriend or calling him up every ten minutes to get him to come home on Sat night. There are men who want to buy their 20 year old daughter her own apartment but still let her have a set of keys to their place or your place and the mother's place. Then there are daughters who move back in with their father and the stepmother after their own divorce and never move out again.

[@abigailsitsha2517]

I learnt that we take our childhood experiences into all our adult relationships

[@rubikscube6722]

My boyfriend is a man who has never been married and doesn’t have kids. I have two kids. He’s amazing and our relationship is very healthy

[@lovekavita]

YES exactly!

[@PS-xb9hc]

The main issue is not working boundaries from the get go. Simple as that. Priority is not really a thing. Everybody is priority just at different times.

[@gamesrfun2725]

Even if the ex wife/BM gives no shit about you being the new girlfriend… that man has trauma that he will never be able to let go of. He will never see YOU. he will see HER.

[@darylltubebg]

Thank you so much for the insight . it is just so timely that i am in this situation, same thing that I could not give my partner any Kids. It is such a self empowerment advice.

[@thanlater]

My boyfried has 3 kids with 2 different women but his kids lives in other countries. He is working hard and all his money goes for rent, children amd he likes expensive things and at the end he doesn't have 1 dollar in his pocket. He asked me to marry him and move with him because he can't pay his rent and i said no. He was angry but i told him that is hard living together and looking to have a future together when we can't do anything together or travel somewhere or even go out coz he is almost always broke. He is a gopd guy but i don't know what to do. I am 39 and he is 35. I am not really happy

[@TheBritfashionista]

You know what to do.You need to break things off with him.But your love for him won't let you.You know exactly what to do.There are soo many red flags I read in your message.If you dont have peace in the situation,then you need to let it go.As a man,he wouldn't allow himself to move in with you knowing financially he doesnt have it. He would take care of his business first before moving in with you.Thats a red flag.You focus on yourself and getting your life together. Tell him your standards.What do you want in a guy?Let him know,I'm looking for a man who has a job and can afford to do things.If he cant do that he can't live with you.A man needs to have his own and not depend ob a women.Say no and move on.You deserve better!

[@mmr6825]

Leave him, there is no justice or equal parts there.it hurt but better know than later!be Strong.

[@tarawalton6778]

I KNOW you DON'T know me, but TRUST me on THIS one-DON'T DO IT!!!!

[@MelaniaRose]

Don’t do it ! Keep your options open. If you Were to marry him down the road his exes will take you to court and you will be financially expected to help your man. You didn’t make these children so then aren’t you’re responsibility. I’m Assuming you earn way more than this guy. So you’re better off with someone in the same financial status as you. If you stay with this man you will never be happy

[@cocosmith12]

ooo 😢am in the same situation

[@mcafeex311]

I think people really under estimate the truly powerful role parents play in setting up their childs outlook, not only on life, but on relationships, family dynamic, and even them-self. I see a lot of myself in Sofia, and I know a lot of my past problems have been because of me seeking things I did not get early in life and still long for but not really knowing how to get them or address what I needed that was lacking.

[@bodhisattva2348]

Unless he's wealthy, don't do it. Most men are average & they make average salary. So if a man makes 70k annually & he have kids, 1/2 of that is alimony & child support. 🙄

[@Olivia_ManifestationDiva]

Single parents should date single parents… Easy!!! And stop having some offensive comments like single parents are a curse!!!

[@MissAllaCinderella]

🤯I need to hire this gal for me! Sounds like an amazing quality therapist! MY GOODNESS!! SUBSCRIBED! (This brought up so much for me... and worried that if I ever shared this with my mother/father, that they’d laugh, because I was always told how much they did for me.)

[@jennifer_hwellness]

I am SO glad I found this video. I have never dated a guy with children but a guy I was chatting to just told me he has one and doesn't get on with his ex. Hmmm, how can I politely run away. haha

[@miminotbovered2857]

Change your number! AVOID AVOID AVOID!!

[@NA-vt6mz]

Why should I share his money with them ? No way

[@tracyd693]

Yes! I have kids (13, 19), so I've gone through that experience with a different man but when I think about my partner going through it with a different woman, my jealous thoughts start knocking on the door. I hate this about me.

[@ladymay7789]

Dating a man with kids can be a touchy situation...especially when he has multiple kids with multiple women that he wasn't serious about. When it comes to dating men with children...TREAD LIGHTLY because depending on that past relationship, there is still a level of volatility between both parties and in some cases both parties AND the child.

[@turquoiseturtle7664]

After listening to the first part of her first paragraph, I think what she wants is not to date a man with children.

[@lovekavita]

Could be true and it can change at any point in her journey.

[@deepdiver849]

Wow this is such a fascinating conversation! I just decided to subscribe after watching this one interview. Sophia is absolutely beautiful... here honesty shines thru her ... kavita you did a fantastic job !

[@robmitchell801]

I wouldn't do it either!

[@nancywanjohi8474]

Thsnk you Madam Kavita for your wonderful channel too. So on point

[@lovekavita]

You're most welcome

[@bodhisattva2348]

NO! Unless you are practicing for 1 day when you have your own kids, You should NOT date a man with kids.

[@lovekavita]

I don’t think it’s that simple.

[@bodhisattva2348]

@@lovekavita the answer is child free people should not be dating people with children

[@mht5875]

If I was not married - absolutely NOT! He would never put me first, he'd be putting his kids first.

[@lovekavita]

There is a space where both relationships can be honored.

[@samaradavis921]

The interviewer is obviously not clear on the lived experience of a built family and being a third party. The unlimited access that the ex wives/baby mother has to the man and his inability to set boundaries is emotional abuse. The children and the mother will ALWAYS come first. Never believe what he says. Trust his actions. If the ex takes priority leave immediately. It is never a good idea to date someone with kids. The interviewer is completely incompetent. You frantically increase your risk for being taken for granted when you date a man with children. You deserve better Queen. Run 😊

[@lovekavita]

Sounds like you’ve been deeply hurt by men. They are not all made equally.

[@Innerbloom33]

Amazing conversation. Thank you ❤🙏

[@lovekavita]

So glad you liked it.

[@davidsims5796]

Good advice, i have a friend, who has been separated for 7 months now, but 6 months ago, she decided to jump into another relationship with a Venezuelan guy, whom she just met, talking how sweet, kind and fun talking about him teaching her his culture. Now, this guy is 44 and has a 9 year old daughter. A month, after they met, he helped her get her stuff out of her ex husbands house, then on Valentine's Day, she said that he gave her a balloon, a card, some chocolate and invited him to her house and they stayed out until o'clock nothing. Now, she does not even know him at all

[@nancywanjohi8474]

Just stumbled on this video. Today! I identify wirh everything Sopha said. I would love to be her friend

[@lovekavita]

Loved that this resonated for you.

[@JennaBagpipes]

This talk is so wonderfully deep and nuanced yet so many of the video's comments are so one-sided and such oversimplifications :(

[@EmsEms81]

No. Never again.

[@johnlastname4982]

If a man won't date a single mother he isn't a "REAL MAN " BUT WHEN A WOMAN won't date a single father that's OK nice double standards

[@austind4301]

Lmao, you’re so delusional it’s not even funny. Look at the number of “don’t date single moms” videos compared to “don’t date single dads” ones. It’s a 100-to-1 ratio

[@johnlastname4982]

@@austind4301 instead look at society and how they would treat a man who chooses not to date a single mom as a matter of fact look at all the double standards set by women on men you the one who is delusional and extremely ill informed

[@austind4301]

@@johnlastname4982 lmao, society hates single moms and praises a single dad for doing the bare minimum. Get out of your red pill bubble and you’ll see reality.

[@gennylee6048]

I agree

[@inyourdreams444]

It's fine both ways. Clearly the only ppl who are upset when men say that is single mothers. Just like all the baby daddies are upset here. No woman/man has to deal with your children & drama. Face reality that it's negative equity in the new person's life to deal with your baggage.

[@lemonspica]

NO !!

[@MWisdomWisdom]

NO IM GOOD . DID THAT IN THE PAST NEVER AGAIN.

[@dama_shares]

Thank you for this dialogue...

[@tonimcgillivray357]

As long as they are legally single.

[@sonofhibbs4425]

So who then should single dads date? Other women with kids? How does this work out either? Not complaining (I’m not a man, nor do I have kids) but I wonder and never see this addressed.

[@PZJBimha]

Deep and insightful

[@TheRealDebbieH]

Kids out of wedlock are just someone else's mistake. Let someone else deal with it.

[@wisdom.ofthegods]

As a man with 2 young children I have real issue with some of the responses here. The presumed "baggage" a man carries due to having kids isn't the issue and is in fact an assumption. People get taken for granted all the time in many situations as Kavita explains. It all comes down to communication. I pride myself on being a dedicated father but if I were to meet a significant other she would certainly be a main priority. The women commenting on this saying never date a man with children are truly closing themselves off and are likely not ready for a healthy relationship with or without kids in the mix. If you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself, are confident in your own skin and can't communicate your needs then ultimately any relationship you move forward in will fail - you will build up resentment and move toward creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, continuing your cycle. There are way more men out there stepping up to help woman with their children from past relationships. I wonder if there's a biological selfishness in such women because joining a family is a noble choice.

[@wisdom.ofthegods]

@@djjradio Based on the level of maturity in the responses I'm reading here and in other locations of similar subject matter, the women involved in many of these relationships are as much to blame. In my situation I see where I was responsible but she was certainly the less communicative between the two of us, rare I know. Women are also the gate keepers and often make quick decisions and end up settling out of fear when up against their biological clock. I've heard that exact sentiment out of a number of women's mouths and I find it appalling. I get it, don't get me wrong. But to whine about who you choose after having kids and the relationship falling apart because you ultimately coerced the man into something they weren't necessarily ready for is gross. Bringing another being into this world without considering all these things is product of upbringing and lack of self awareness, but a lot of hours women knowingly make these decisions, even if just a whisper in the back of your mind. That doesn't mean the men aren't at fault either, but the women in these threads completely disregard their role in the unfolding of the relationship. The comments here make me really question the IQ/EQ levels. And to disrespect good men who take responsibility to rise up and make things happen as a single father is beyond juvenile. Women making such comments against the idea of bringing such a man into their lives will likely end their lives alone unless they address their emotional issues.

[@TheBritfashionista]

I think alot of it has to do with the ex.Alot of women don't want to deal with that.I work in childcare and I have no kids.But as I'm getting older I know I am going to come across a man with kids.To me,I prefer not to but of course if it were to happen.Then sure.Its the drama, not putting the women as a priority,the man not creating boundaries and the unhealthy communication with the ex.Thats the problem.Alot of women dont want to deal with that,which is understandable.

[@wisdom.ofthegods]

@@TheBritfashionista It's understandable if the concerns and decisions are made in a respectable way. Which is far from the case in many of these threads. Many of them are promoting and belittling single fathers and telling other women their crazy to date such men, which is akin to mass brainwashing and women just hating on men because of their specific situations - generalizing. Whining and complaining and eliminating more potential for finding a good responsible man and telling everyone else not to based on your experience is beyond ignorant. I don't think we're talking about the same situation either. I see where you're coming from and get it as I mentioned above. But I think I'm addressing a different issue altogether. Just read these comments. Many of these commentors are the future baby mama dramas you're describing. And you hit on only a fraction of my point. I have zero issue with woman who don't want to be involved in a situation with drama, although you're making an assumption right off the bat. Plus drama is everywhere. Re-read my initial response and tell me that's not an accurate portrayal of the level of intellect in many of these comments. And I'm willing to bet all I'm worth that these women would accept the ex drama of the single father were he worth $2M. These women also aren't accepting their responsibility for their actions and decisions within these relationships. They're pointing fingers and acting high and mighty while struggling to formulate an objective version of reality. If that were simply the case I'd say I'm sorry you went through what you did. But since they're pointing fingers and attempting to bombard KZbin with illogical jibberish I've responded as I have. I hope everyone here I'm describing figures out what they're looking for without showing such disgust in other humans simply for bringing a child into the world. Truly consider the depths, the foundation, of your opinion and ask yourself, is this who I truly want to be.

[@TheBritfashionista]

@@wisdom.ofthegods I agree.I believe some women have made bad pass decisions on who they choose.From their pass experience,the single dad they chose didn't treat them in a good way.I do believe there are single dads who are man enough to step up and create boundaries.I believe just like in any relationship kids or no kids,women have to be emotionally mature in picking the the right guy they settle down with.Alot of women are definitely in a rush to settle down.Then when a women decides to take a chance on a guy with kids and it doesn't work.They say,"single dads are too much."I've definitely have heard people stop me when I say," I'm open to dating a guy with a kid."It's an automatic,"No don't do it!"It's sad.But single dads and moms need to make sure they are cautious, of course.But at the same time, create a positive space were the man or women feels like they are a priority too.Single dads have definitely received a bad rep.You turn on the tv and you don't see good examples of co-parenting nowadays.Its always negative.That's why all these comments are negative.Alot of women have had bad experiences.It could have been them,but from my experience with friends I know who have dated single dads.It was the dad who wasn't all there. There's not enough positive examples of why you should date a single dad on tv,social media,etc.My guy friend is a single dad and he told me,he wouldn't date himself due to the fact that his babymama is not understanding at all.At least he's honest,but that's the box they get put into. Single dads=headaches.Hopefully,our society will see the positive side of single dads.

[@wisdom.ofthegods]

@@TheBritfashionista fair enough. But there are tons of great dads and mom's out there and there's plenty of shitty of both. Stop letting TV and social media dictate your minds. There's a family crisis going on, and beyond that, there's a self awareness crisis that magnifies all of this nonsense and people need to start working on themselves more so they attract the kind of people they truly feel they deserve. Life has a funny way of sending teachings our way, and we often create our reality more than we realize until we start paying attention to our actions and decisions more closely.

[@jaclynh9343]

I feel this so deeply. 😔

[@lovekavita]

What part?

[@cassandralove4682]

God some of these comments are so selfish why are some of us so afraid to sacrifice for the benefit of the child. Maybe the father needs help or good influences. No option is perfect and we’re not actually queens and goddesses were human beings who need to work together and it takes a village to raise a child. He made a mistake help him. Things will pay off someday. Stop looking for instant gratification and make a real difference in someone’s life.

[@cassandralove4682]

I look up content like this to make myself a better support in this scenario not to get a man to shower me with affection if it’s split custody you’ve got a few days a week that he can be all about you. I personally find fathers to be more mature than the fuck boys in hookup culture. Besides not many outside of fathers have picket fence dreams stop being afraid of hard work

[@lovekavita]

I agree. It’s not black and white. An individual choice and a choice to lead with love.

[@TheBryanmauro]

This is why as a single dad with full custody of older sons I don't expect a committed relationship. Just seeking her free time and intimacy.

[@resianemaculate.]

Not unless you dare robots!

[@tonimcgillivray357]

Just know ther could be troubles over kids.

[@lovekavita]

Yes it can be a hard transition.

[@bryanobee1730]

As a man with a child this video and comments just be cutting me up. I wish I could help it but what can I do.

[@lostvayne29]

Same here

[@moulikaroy2366]

You can always date single mothers. Whats the problem.

[@inyourdreams444]

@@moulikaroy2366 They think they're too good. They want access to childless women to "start over". And possible ruin her life by turning her into their next baby mother (that'll transition into a single mother).

[@vonDrouver3000]

I don't get why this relationship coach is trying to say that it's the woman's past insecurities and her "neediness" is the issue here. It's not at all ! Stop digging ! Everyone wants to be a priority and if a man wants a relationship with a woman then it doesn't matter whether he has kids or not he has to prioritise his woman as she needs to get something out of the deal as well otherwise he better be on his own and wait until the kids grow up or get back with their baby mama and all the drama! But guess what men with kids want single women and why do you think that is?! Selfishness at it's best!

[@lovekavita]

That isn’t what I’m trying to say.

[@vonDrouver3000]

@@lovekavita Sorry , I just had a very painful experience and it wasn't through me being insecure or having issues with not being the priority in my family, it wasn't like that at all. The situation was very difficult with 2 unruly kids with a father who doesn't believe in discipline or authority and the ex mother who is trying to do everything against him although herself being in a new committed relationship . To be honest when I got with him the drama was already there and I just clearly didn't know what I was getting myself into but 3 years of my life were wasted on the relationship that had no future for me and full of disappointments as being a third wheel in your relationship is not fun.

[@cleverhonky7186]

If you bring peace into a man’s life and respect his boundaries also having accountability for yourself he will cherish you whether he is a single dad or not. Women want to be the priority in a man’s life and once he puts her on a pedestal she will treat him like a fan.

[@christianaasare602]

Am dating a man with 2 kids and the kids re staying with their mom,he always go there to see his kids and bring them to the house,but am not staying with him. We having a long term relationship, which am scared he will go back to her wife. But he always tells me he will marry me and doesn't care or have feelings for his ex wife. Should I believe him or move on with my life.

[@kadeengrant2469]

He is not going to marry u...they always say that but dont believe it....run when u can

[@Tamietwist]

No 😂

[@chanelledelau2623]

If she’s at an age where a man most likely already has kids. It’s best she should confront her lack of acceptance towards herself. Because to me it sounds like she’s more insecure about not being able to conceive babies. Maybe the baby moms aren’t even that bad, perhaps they co-parent really great! She needs to work on herself smh 💀 as a man it won’t be fun to have to constantly reassure her she’s all he desires.

[@shixskagiawanjikukagia5565]

😣😢😢

[@morpheus6394]

Men, never take dating advice, or any other for that matter, from a woman, don't chase women, STAY AWAY FROM SINGLE MOTHERS, go to gym, seek God and focus all energy on doing qaht God wants.

[@austind4301]

Very good advice! The more cretins out of the dating pool, the better.

[@inyourdreams444]

If he's a father he needs to stick to single mothers. Us women with common sense enough to protect our wombs do NOT want men with kids. So yes, focus on yourselves and leave us alone. Or go date another man if you don't care how women feel in general. Don't take dating advice from women but you're attracted to & date women?...maybe you don't even like women. lmao

[@jans724]

So funny to see this, all these women discuss and complain but what it really comes down to is that they can't stand it if they don't get full total attention and full access to the guys wallet. Women so narcissistic that any man is better off without them. 🤣

[@Sunnigirl07]

Feel heartbroken as I ended it and we had that spark/chemistry but I wasn’t sure if I could go on as he had full custody of his 6 year old daughter, I’m 45 with no kids, we were always relying on babysitters and was difficult having alone time. Me and him got on fab and I miss him dearly and I don’t mean to sound selfish re the daughter but I wasn’t sure I could do it 🥲

[@lovekavita]

It’s not easy. You have to be ready for all of it.